Jet's Universe

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Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Sep 09, 2017 7:20 pm

Oh boy, have I missed doing this. Since the fall of Project AFTER, I've been stumbling about trying to get a semblance of things, but now I'm forcing myself back to the keyboard and doing what I enjoy. So here I debut on this fine forum with Jet's Universe, a crappy Steven Universe fanfic. I may or may not also have cobbled together a WordPress page recently where I'm going to store all the mocks I've ever made, but that's not important, besides the fact that its where anyone curious enough will find the first 7 chapters I mocked of Jet's Universe during my time at Project AFTER. As I still want to mock this still ongoing 19 chapter beast but not flood this forum starting out here, I'll have to refer new people to that page, although it shouldn't prevent anyone from jumping on here at Chapter 8. Let me explain.

This fanfic is utterly riddled with the plague I prefer to call 'canon railroading', where no matter what the author adds, the plot stays the same as in the stolen material. This story even features a wish-fulfillment, self-insert gem/human hybrid by the name of Jet. He's annoying, has an afro, and so far has managed to get a manipulated pity-fuck out of Amethyst. That's just about the important parts that I haven't elaborated on in revitalizing this thing. As a final notice, I have a preferred forum posting length in my mocking, and split chapters up into two parts when I feel it necessary.

Here's Chapter 8, Mirror Gem, Part 1.

Hey, I hope that you folks are enjoying rthe story thus far.

Like a shitty bootleg rerun of a show you like but dubbed in a language you only know tourist level vocabulary of.

Write me a review and tell me how I'm doing,

So you can ignore them like the half dozen requests for originality that you’ve already gotten?

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy the last chapter as it was a little awkward for me to do but I enjoyed writing it.

Yes, we get it, you wrote it with one hand.

Reminder that the characters in this story (besides Jet) do not belong to me and belong to its respected creator, Rebecca Sugar

Jet doesn’t belong to you, either, author. The Marty Stu belongs to all.

Chapter 8

Mirror Gem

Jet woke up feeling great. Amethyst "appreciation" was amazing and he would ask for an encore if he wasn't sore from his bout.

At least charge Pearl an entry fee next time, since you can’t separate the word that’s having me think you wrestled the Purple Puma.

He kinda overdid it with his lovemaking session with her because he was trying to show off.

Show off? Why, that’s so unlike you, Mr. Bare Abbs Dual Katana Gem Hybrid McTrenchcoat.

He groaned as he got up, earning a moan of protest from the lady that was sleeping beside him. Even though she didn't need it, Amethyst preferred to sleep.

Do you have to repeat everything or do you think the written word allows nothing of substance to transfer between chapters?

Jet stretched and started to put on his clothes. He wanted to start his regular morning regime.

Having deposed Mayor Dewey, the citizens suffers under Jet’s smug and indifferent iron fist rule.

He started to head towards the door that lead out and it surprisely opened. Jet looked around and noticed that Steven was sleeping soundly in his bed. Jet let out a sigh of relief as no one else was around at the moment. Jet decided to go to his house to get some breakfast before starting his training.

Can you ever actually do anything besides training outside of the canon or does the author think it’s a triple layered character trait?

He started to make his way towards the door until he heard the gems' room door activate. He looked to notice that Pearl was stepping out. He couldn't face her, not after what happened last night.

Stop trying to pretend you’re now a dainty wallflower in an effort to make these events seem like anything but wish fulfilment catalysts, as your last exchange was openly inviting her to a repeat of the sex you had consciously put on display for her.

He remained quite until Pearl started to speak.

"Good morning... Jet." Pearl said.

"Morning..." Jet said, not looking her way. He was blushing a bit. Regretting a little of what he did. It wasn't his fault though. Pearl just happened to spying on Amethyst and Jet's little love session last night.

And while the author keeps reminding us about Amethyst’s pretend sleep, he expected us to know about the portal puddles, which doesn’t work the way he portrayed them either.

"Umm..." She started to speak. Jet turned around to look at her.

"I'll just forget that you were spying, if you do..."

Don’t flatter yourself, Jet. Even this entire fanfic is rather forgettable.

Jet said. "But, next time do join us."

The self-insert decrees, so it must be under his regime.

Jet saw a huge blush appear on her face. He headed out the door, with a smirk on his face. He liked to tease people, especially in embarrassing situations.

Or when you emotionally toy with them like an antisocialite.

He quickly went down the steps of the temple and noticed that Garnet was already training by herself. Her attention focus to him when he was within her sight.

"Morning, Garnet." Jet said, as he started to head towards his house.

"Good Morning." She said. "Will you be joining me for training?"

Is training the only actual character trait you could imagine for Garnet in this story, in order to excuse your self-insert as much as appearing next to her?

"Um, Yeah." Jet said.

"Oh?" Garnet said, her voice showing a little surprise. "I figured you'd be tired after you and Amethyst had s-"

"How do you know that?" Jet said, cutting her off. He had a huge blush on his face.

"Future vision..."

Big deal, I predicted this turn of event back in Chapter 1, because that's how unoriginal this fanfic is.

She said, pushing up her visor. "I'm able to see possible outcomes to most situations."

"That's both neat and disturbing." Jet said, sweat-dropping.

Not only do you not understand emotions, author, you are openly throwing in the towel when it comes to attempting their depiction.

"Anyway, I'll be back to train. I just need to eat something and get out of these clothes."

What, are they not black enough?

Jet started to ponder the so-called future vision that Garnet possessed. He sorta wish he had a power like that himself, but wth power like that there had to be risks.

And since the author has already forced upon us the excuse of giving you any super power via convenient yet unrelated injury, you’ll probably end up with something better and without perceived flaws, you blowhard.

He shook the thought from his head as he opened the door to his home and shut it behind him. He headed towards the restroom to wash off and get ready for the day.

Oh boy, I can’t wait for yet another chapter where I question where from this dweep even gets the money to maintain his wish-fulfilment lifestyle.

Fifteen minutes later, Jet was all showered up and was feeling pretty good. His stomach growled angrily and he headed to the kitchen to shut it up. He wanted to eat something light, he learned the hard way that if you fill up then train, you'll puke your brains out.

Well, since you admit your lacking faculties, I’ll not object as to your excuse.

He decided to go with toast, an orange and water, something light to start the day with. He can really pig out comes lunch time, which he was already looking forward to.

Author, when the show you’re currently leeching off of had half as much a focus on breakfast, it was the actual plot of an episode. No one fucking cares about your imagined dietary choices.

Jet took a bite out of his toast and headed to his room. He decided to wear his usual get up which included his trench coat, black slacks and black tennis shoes.

It’s almost cute that he thinks we would have forgotten by now.

After about about another 10 minutes, Jet was fed and ready to train. He stepped outside where Garnet was and approached her.

"You ready to spar?" Jet asked, taking off his trench coat to draw his weapon.

You just consciously put that coat on only to wander out the door and instantly drop it, you vane dipshit!

"Only if you are." Garnet said, summoning her gauntlets. Jet took a stance and waited for Garnet to attack. She didn't so he charged at her. She barely manage to dodge a swipe from Jet's sword. He was aiming right for her head. She shot him at look that said 'Be careful, you idiot'

Which was quite similar to her ‘I think it’s going to rain’ look, but they’re quite easy to tell apart with that visor on her face, I’m sure we can all relate.

and Jet nodded as he understood that he shouldn't take it too seriously.

So, what you’re saying is that he should regard it like he did his college education? What the heck are they even training for?

He let out a sigh to calm his nerves. He was tense for some reason or another.

Fanfic writing tip #35: To excuse whatever one of your character’s dumb motives or moods at the moment, rephrase the following explanation; just because.

Garnet decided to attack this time, as she took a swing at Jet. Jet manage to block her punch with his sword but the impact made him slid back a little. Jet smiled and leaped into the air, with Garnet glaring up at him.

Yeah, he deserves three stink eyes for making the blatant mistake of making himself an open, flying target unable to change his easily predictable and plummeting trajectory midflight.

Jet charged at her and he saw her gather electricity from her gauntlets. Jet tried to do the same but he was too slow as Garnet leaped in the air and slammed her fist into his stomach. The electricity and the impact of the punch made him cough up spit.

This guy spat blood at a headbutt earlier in this story. Did the author switch his anime provider to 4Kids?

He was sent flowing towards the ocean.

'Damn.' Jet thought, trying to regain himself. 'Since, when can Garnet do that?' He landed in the ocean with a hard splash. Garnet rushed towards the sea, feeling bad that she might have over done it this time. All her worrying was cast aside as Jet emerged from the ocean, making his way towards shore.

You know, you are really starting to downplay the pity-points from the no-sell you did on that broken arm from your last launch out to sea, jackass.

"Your punches are no joke." Jet said, as he was kneeling on the ground. "Even if you're holding back."

"And you're not bad yourself."

What has he done to impress?! He can never go one fight with more than one single exchanged attack.

She said, as she held out her hand. Jet took it and helped himself up. "That last attack would've killed a normal human." Jet cracked his neck and slammed his fists together.

Maybe because normal humans don’t do anime poses like a dork every ten seconds.

"I've had my share of fights. I'm tough." He said, as he started to summon his weapon again. Garnet cracked her neck as well and slammed her gauntlets together.

"Let's test that." She said. The two was about to go at it again until Steven was running up to where they were. He was outta breath and he was holding something that looked like a mirror.

Careful, guys, it’s the plot. Maybe Jet will lean lightly up against it and pretend to take all the credit, again.

Jet and Garnet looked at each other and nodded, signaling that their training was over for the time being. They knew that Steven didn't like to see them train because he think that they are trying to kill one other. It's not true but it's Steven.

Fuck you. Steven is not a toddler. You’ve been wrecking the beach for months, he can watch Pearl train in his house, and by now he is coming along on missions to fight actual gem monsters. Stop making him a lost, clueless pet meant to praise and be in awe of you as you gluttonously steal all the limelight of this show that you fail to convey that you love.

"Hey, Steven." Jet greeted, making his sword disperse.

"Hi, Jet. Hey Garnet." Steven greeted.

"Hello, Steven." Garnet said, patting Steven on the head. Steven chuckled a little but then his attention shifted to Jet once more.

"Jet..." Steven said. "Did something happen to Amethyst and Pearl? They're acting kinda funny."

”Pearl keeps telling Amethyst she should have used protection for something, but that she at least had some of my old baby toys in her room.”

Jet eyes widen a little and he was blushing a bit.

"Umm, what do you mean?" Jet asked, his eyes shifting over to Garnet. She was looking else where as if to say, 'you know what he means.'

What Steven means could be anything until we actually get it explained, since this author thinks Steven is a lost puppy ignorant of even basic concepts of play pretend.

"Well..." Steven said. "Amethyst came out of her room humming and twirling around. She was also smiling way more than usual. I tried to ask Pearl what was wrong and she avoided the question.

Amethyst having a nice day? Yeah, something must be wrong.

Also, I asked what happened to you last night and neither of them had an answer... it was awkward so I changed the subject and wanted Pearl to teach me about school...

Oh, that Steven. Too dumb to grasp the concepts of training, but still sharp enough to know when someone’s holding out on him. And of course he won't actually ask Jet for being the source of his curiousity, because the author has now gotten enough boosting satisfaction for his sexual ego.

which she ended up showing me this mirror and then I ran out here..." Jet raised an eyebrow but decide to let it go.

Let what go? The forced exposition as the author is getting ready to unpause the episode he’s watching?

"Yo, Steven." Jet said. "You wanna hang out today?"

"Sure!" Steven said. "I was headed to the big donut... you wanna go there?"

"Sure." Jet said, shrugging his shoulders.

Would you even set foot in the town if not for the plot, Jet? Can you actually exists by your own will alone without these characters as plot crutches?

Steven started to run backwards toward the Big Donut with Jet not that far behind. Steven still had the mirror with him as he was looking into it. Steven was so into his running that he bumped into Lars, who was setting up tables. Sadie was also there as well.

"Watch where your going, you little..." Lars started. Sadie shot him a look. "Steven."

Jet is a big Steven, in case anyone was wondering.

"Sorry." Steven said, as Jet caught up to him.

"Hey." Jet said, waving to Lars and Sadie. Sadie waved back and Lars nodded.

I’m simply blown away at how you establish your presence, get these characters to briefly acknowledge that, and then carry on like you’re not even there. You are being ignored as deserved, Jet.

"I'm just happy it's summer." Steven said. "Are you guys happy it's summer? I'm so excited it's summer." Sadie giggled at Steven's over excitement.

Subtle, reasonless dialogue changes and crappy retelling of the plot, expect nothing better from this author.

"I think I'm just excited as I can get setting up extra seating for the summer rush." Sadie said. "But, Lars has big plans..." She took a glance at Lars, who was talking to Jet. He stopped when his name was mentioned.

Careful there, author, any more detailed interaction and you’ll have the fandoms clamoring for a Jet/Lars shipping.

"You bet I do!" Lars started, leaning back against a chair. "Me and Jet was just talking about all those out of town summer chicks, traveling away from home, without their boyfriends... if you know what I mean..."

"Nope." Steven said.

"Well, I do." Jet said, giving Lars a high five. Sadie rolled her eyes.

Well, congrats, you’ve nailed down the perfect conversation topic for your self-insert to indulge in after how far he has gotten with Amethyst, author. Too bad for you that Lars actually got his character arc well past this scene.

"Maybe, I'll get a few numbers." Lars said. "Maybe I'll even call one." Jet had to hold back laughter when he said that.

An insecure, nervous laugh, I bet, since Jet should currently be getting flashbacks to how his girlfriend was stolen under similar circumstances.

"Ha!" Sadie said. "Well, maybe I'll meet a new friend."

"That's a great idea!" Steven said, getting both Sadie and Lars attention. "

Jet had mentally checked out at the word ‘friend’.

Maybe, if I kept using the mirror, will find someone new to tag along with us." Steven started to walk off.

Steven may have Jet as his possible Beach Summer Fun Buddy, but who the fuck cares about how the plot got established, the canon railroad cannot be derailed under any circumstances!

"If you say so." Jet said, as he started to follow.

"Next time you see me, I'll be on the arm of a hot woman!" Lars said. Jet gave him a thumbs up.

"OK." Sadie said. "You can stop talking now."

"They’ve already left, we are free from the self-insert’s tyranny until our next canon screen appearance."

And here is where the first part ends. I just pray the author restrains himself in how many gem waifus he'll grab for himself. I'm fairly inexperienced when it comes to Steven Universe fanfic tropes, but I see the patterns all too well.

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Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Wed Sep 20, 2017 7:06 am

I’ve had a minor delay on this due to unforeseen circumstances. Who knew ending an education would cause you to only have more shit to do, am I right? Anyway, Jet is still infringing on the canon by doing absolutely nothing sensible that could change it. Here’s Chapter 8, Part 2.

Jet and Steven continued their walk down the boardwalk. Steven being more focused on the mirror then anything. He was having a blast with it.

Oh, please don’t tell me Steven’s moon walking Michael Jackson impression was lost on your detail-empty focus, author.

Jet and Steven turn around the corner when they saw a van heading towards them. The driver of the van honked the horn as it continue to head towards them.

"Is that thing gonna stop?" Jet said, as it continued to head towards them. "I guess not!" Rather than jump out of the way, like a normal person would, Jet stood his ground.

Because he’s stupid and we have to emphasize how Jet is so removed from reality that this is literally his universe to toy with without logical guidance.

"Jet, what are you doing?" Steven said, as he stepped out of the way. "You're gonna get crushed!" Jet ignored him and braced himself.

Because why would Jet not need to worry his supposed friend, who’d more than likely jump in front of him with a bubble, author, you dumbass?

The van seemed to effortlessly hit Jet, making Steven scream out: "Noooooo!" In reality, Jet stopped the van with his hands, the impact making him slide back a little.

"Kid, what is your problem?" A man with a suit said. He was the major of Beach City and he was holding a microphone.


You’ve gotten it confused with a siren, too, previously, author. Those are hand-microphone assisted megaphones. Have you literally seen neither of those before in your life?

"I should be asking you that!" Jet said. "Why didn't you stop?" The major scratched his head.

Careful, Jet, Dewey will make you drop and do twenty if you keep this up. Do you even consider yourself proficient with your native tongue, author?

"The brakes on this thing is shot." He said. Jet rubbed his temples out of frustration.

Not canon, but we can then conclude that would be why Dewey was honking well in advance, yet this utterly egotistical moron needed some drama in his life by being a willing traffic accident to show off his plot armor.

"Why were you driving this thing down the boardwalk?" Steven asked.

"I'm the major, I don't have to walk anywhere." The major said, shouting into the siren.

"Now, you kids try to get run over by something else, I'm late for a speech." A vain appeared on Jet's forehead.

"I don't like that guy..."

Oh, really? I could honestly not tell, what with the author feeling the need to inject this useless bit, proving that he is too inept to even spell 'mayor', and thinking anyone reading this gets entertained by how much exercise Jet’s forehead is getting!

Jet said, as he stepped out of the way to let the van pass. "And he should go and get those stupid brakes fixed."

Why? The author wrote them to be different that way, what makes you know better than him?

Steven started to laugh and soon after another voice joined in.

Vehicular accidents are now hilarious because the author can’t string together some other way for the mirror to give away its sentience, rather than the concern of warning against being run over. Man, this author just can’t grasp the concept and role of empathy in this show, can he?

Both Jet and Steven looked around, wondering where did that voice come from. The voice started to laugh again and Steven and Jet both looked at the mirror. It showed Steven laughing and Jet's eyes widen at the site.

"Wow!" Steven said, looking at the mirror. "So it was you laughing? This is so cool!"

'You mean so creepy, right?' Jet thought,

But never speak, Jet. Keep those unreasonably, canon-altering thoughts to yourself.

as he eyed the mirror a little more. He didn't get it, he thought it was an ordinary mirror but it appear that's not the case. Steven started to run off with the mirror.

"Hey, Steven." Jet said, following him. "Where are you going?"

Away from you, that’s all I need to know.

"I'm going to walk around with the mirror some more." Steven said. "I'll catch you later, okay?" Jet stood there with a look of confusion on his face.

"Umm, ok..." He said. "I thought we were suppose to hang out but that's cool. I'll go see what the gems are up to... even though it's still gonna be a little awkward."

Not as awkward as you being confused why you are alone after your one single plan of hanging out by going to the Big Donut, and you didn’t even get anything.

Night time fell over Beach City and Jet was at the temple with the crystal gems. Garnet, Amethyst and Jet was sitting on the couch, with Pearl standing up stacking objects on top of one another.

Oh, I’m sure she’s probably just in a Jenga mood, so I can see why you found no reason to elaborate further, author.

Amethyst snuggled closer to Jet, which he didn't mind but the constant glares from Garnet and Pearl was making him sweat a little.

Jet’s presence just brings too much asymmetry to the group, apparently.

Amethyst didn't mind showing Jet her affection since the two of them have become intimate. It was a night that she would never forget.

Guys, I think there’s a silver lining to corruption after all.

"Guys!" Steven said, suddenly pushing the door open. "What to you see..." He suddenly stopped when he noticed that Amethyst was snuggling with Jet. They looked at him and Amethyst backed off a little.

I don’t get it. Is intimacy really such a no-no in this household, or is the author under the impression that any half-assed description of interactions convey the full picture? Is this just how his real life operates with prudishness? Give me a fucking sign.

"Yo, Steven!" Amethyst said, a small blush on her face. She saw Steven shake his head, apparently clearly his thoughts from his mind.

"Hello, Steven." Pearl said, looking at him.

"Howdy." Garnet said, waving at him a little.

"You had fun with the mirror?" Jet asked.

More fun than you would have been, I think we can all agree.

"Yeah!" He said, then his attention shifted towards Pearl. "You didn't tell me it was like a person!"

"Wait, what?" Pearl said, with a look of confusion on her face. Garnet and Amethyst looked a little confused as well. Suddenly, the mirror started to communicate with Steven and then it started to laugh.

Did it go for an off-color racial joke or do you think guessing entire chunks of dialogue is a reader’s favorite pastime, author? Even when you could inject inconsequential lines to freshen up your rip-off, you don’t.

"It's talking to him?" Pearl said, looking at the others. "It shouldn't be able to do that, it should only be following orders."

"Following orders?" Jet asked, a little confused at the situation that was going on. Garnet and Amethyst stood up, looking at the mirror in disbelief.

You have to admire the patience of Stevens mothers here, fearing he might be holding a sentient Homeworld minion who would want Rose Quartz shattered at all costs.

"Garnet, do something." Amethyst said. Garnet started to walk towards Steven, with Steven still interacting with the mirror. The mirror screamed causing Steven to turn around to face Garnet.

"Steven." She said, kneeling down. "You should just give us back the mirror. It'll be safer were we can watch it." The mirror started to scream again and Garnet started to reach for the mirror.

"Steven, don't make me have to take it from you." She said, her voice in a more serious manner. Steven started to back a little from Garnet.

Do you feel like pitching in, Jet, or did the author forget to let you roll initiative?

"Don't you hear it screaming?" Steven asked. "It doesn't want to go with you."

"Steven!" Garnet said. "It's just a mirror. A tool. It can't want anything." She started to reach for the mirror once more.

"It want to be with me!" Steven said, swatting at Garnet. His swat made her visor come off, 3 angry eyes glared at him. Amethyst and Pearl gasped at his reaction.

Jet, of course, having this be the first time he’s even seeing Garnet’s three eyes, have no reaction.

Steven, realizing what he's done, ran out of the temple screaming 'I'm sorry' over and over. Garnet picked her visor off the floor and placed it back on her face.

"That little boy is in big trouble." Garnet said, her fist slightly clenched. She started to walk out of the front door. Jet noticed her fist and darted after her, he didn't want her to do something she might regret (even though it wouldn't come to that).

Is it just me, or is this author honest to fuck insinuating a disgusting interpretation? Eh, or maybe he’s just playing off the horror of getting a spanking from a gem-encrusted palm.

"Garnet, wait!" Pearl said in the distance, with Amethyst behind her. "I'm sure he didn't understand what he was doing."

Don’t you try and make excuses for the author, Pearl.

Steven was running as fast as he could down the coastline. He knew he was in big trouble for what he did. He looked behind him and noticed that Jet was on his tail. His eyes widen and he started to increase his pace.

'The kid can run...' Jet said, mere feet behind Steven. 'But he's not as fast as me!' Jet caught Steven from behind his shirt. Steven was struggling to break free from Jet's grip.

"Let me go!" He said, nearly out of breath.

"Relax." Jet said, letting him go. "I just want to catch you before Garnet did."

Yeah, whatever Jet, Steven is already too busy with the plot to notice how you keep being present and yet change nothing whatsoever.

"What should I do?" Steven asked, looking at the mirror. "What the problem with you? Are you trying to say something?" The mirror showed an image of Steven pulling a gem from the back of it.

"Should I do as it ask?" Steven asked, looking at Jet.

"Sure, why not?"

Bitch, you were introduced with the awareness of the war your mom supposedly fled from. You should know what dangers a gem, even uncorrupted, could pose when not on your side!!

Jet said, as he noticed as Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl was catching up to them pretty quickly. "But, if you're gonna do something, you'd better do it now!" Steven flipped the mirror over and a blue gemstone was shining dimly in the night.

The Gems had better dump your ass after this, Jet. Steven is ignorant and naïve and can be allowed to make his mistakes and learn from them. You are simply a bad and irresponsible influence on him, earning only blame when the author tries to steal you praise.

The stone was cracked but Jet still thought it was a beautiful gemstone that was shaped like a tear. Steven grabbed the gem and struggled to pull it apart. After a few moments, the gem came out with a pop and the mirror shattered in Steven's hand.

What is seven years of bad luck to a Gem, anyway?

Suddenly a bright light formed, blinding Steven and Jet temporarily. When the light faded, a girl with short, dark blue hair, wearing a blue dress appeared. Her skin was a light blue and her cracked gemstone was located on her back. She kneel down, apparently weak from her reforming herself. Jet and Steven went over to see if she was OK. She looked at them, her eyes seemed to be void of any color.

They are mirrors, you blind shitlord! The art design is neither random nor this unnoticeable. I wish you’d stick to writing original stuff to not show incompetence on par with something like titling Harry Potter as ‘The Boy Who Is Alive’!!

"Thank you." She said. She tried to stand but she lost her balance. Jet was closer so he helped her stand.

"You're still weak so take it easy." He said. She looked at him blankly.

”Uh, who the hell are you?”

Seriously, author, you moron, Lapis is only trusting of Steven for bonding through the day and should only regard Jet as another Crystal Gem. Bile just rose to my throat in having you force me to acknowledge this tenth or so plot-proofing idiocy of yours.

"I understand." She said, then her attention shifted to Steven. "You talked to me. You helped me. It's Steven, right?" Steven was dumbfounded and Jet poked him in the stomach with his elbow, knocking him out of his daze.

Kindly stop portraying Steven as a silly dolt just to pretend your self-insert has relevance, author. Also tell said wish-fulfilment beggar to stand back up from kneeling his nearly six foot frame down to elbow the three foot child.

"Yeah." Steven said.

"I'm Lapis, Lapis Lazuli." Lapis said. "Are you really a crystal gem?"

”I mean, you could sort of look the part, but that black-clad eyesore next to you just seems out of place.”

Steven nodded his head.

"But, you set me free..." She continued, smiling a little. Steven shot her a confused look.

"Steven!" Garnet shouted, making Steven wince. Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl showed up right behind them. They took no time in drawing out their weapons.

"Hold up!" Jet said, walking towards them. "She's not dangerous."

You neither know that as a fact and will get proof of the opposite in a moment. Is incompetency just a default state for you, oh mysterious Gem Hunter?

Garnet glared at him, making him sweat a little.

"You..." Jet heard Lapis say. "You 3 knew I was in that mirror..." A water hand started to form from the ocean, making Jet eyes widen in surprise. "And you didn't do anything... did you even wonder who I use to be?"

”I’ll have you know I graduated top of my facet on Homeworld, and I’ve been involved in numerous attacks against this planet and I have over 300 confirmed shatterings. I am trained in fart jokes and I’m the top informant in the entire Diamond Authority. You are nothing to me but just another rebel.”

The hand started to fall towards them at a fast rate. Everyone, but Garnet, was able to dodge the incoming attack.

"What are you doing?" Steven asked, walking up to Lapis.

"I'm Lapis Lazuli and you can't keep me trapped here anymore!" Lapis shouted, making a statement.

The author wrote, making a sentence.

Steven looked at his follow gems and noticed that all, but Jet, was on the verge of attacking.

"They're not gonna let us leave." Lapis said.

"Leave?" Steven said, confused. Lapis parted the ocean with her power.

"Steven, come with me." Lapis said.

Say yes, Steven! Escape the self-insert at any cost!!

"Where?" Steven asked.

"Home." Lapis said. "And he's welcomed to come along." She pointed to Jet, who was out of their earshot so he didn't know what they were saying.


Jet has had literally nill interactions with her before he invaded her personal bubble and told her the obvious about her condition. What does this dumbass author even think he’s basing his next boner-bait on?

Steven didn't know what to say so he remained silent.

"Fine." Lapis said, getting the hint. Garnet was tired of waiting so she was the first to react. She started to rush towards Lapis.

"Don't trust them, Steven." Lapis said, walking towards the ocean. "Good-bye." Garnet was about to throw a punch until a gaint wave threw her and Steven a couple of feet back.

And here I had almost thought we escaped this author’s already by the reviews corrected unceasing misspelling tick. How can I even hope for improvement from this author, when his brain forgets a reminder that is below even ‘i before e’?

Lapis was nowhere to be seen.

"Steven!" Pearl said, running up to him and hugging him from behind. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine!" Steven said, looking at her. "So... that was another gem?"

"Yes." Pearl responded. They all looked towards the ocean that shimmered beautifully along with the night sky.

"Steven." Garnet said, getting his attention. "You're grounded."

And Jet uses Steven as his fall guy, letting the kid shoulder all the blame for his goading encouragements, no surprise there.

And that was Chapter 8. Pretty much the standard set by this fanfic, whenever Jet isn't trying to harvest pity points or flexing new super powers. Or that time he fucking bowed to a statue of Rose for no reason. This show that the author is basing this catastrophe off of has more realism in it than what he brings to the table.

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Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Wed Sep 27, 2017 11:13 am

I would be delighted if I could get this mocking done any more expediently, but delays happen due to circumstances much boring, dreary and repetitive. Which reminds me. Here’s Chapter 9, Part 1.

Sorry it's been about a month since I've updated this story but life tends to get in the way.

Sounds like you need life taken care of, you know what I’m saying?

Anyway, I hope that you folks enjoy the story and I'll try to update this story sooner next time. In the upcoming chapters, I'll try to post some facts about Jet at the end of the story so you can get to know him a little better.

Oh, yes, the epitome of every author’s seal of quality; info dumps in author notes. It truly shows that they are so incredibly skilled at conveying anything through a narrative, that they simply opt to not do it, so as to not show off too much.

Enjoy the read.

I’ll enjoy doing something because of it, alright.

Chapter 9

Ocean Gem

"I'm grounded?" Steven said, as he was faced looking at an angry Pearl and Amethyst. If he could see through her visor, Garnet would probably be scolding at him too.

I’m scolding at you too, author. I’m scolding - So. Fucking. Much.

It was early morning over Beach City and Jet decided to crash on the couch, he was too exhausted to head home.

Yeah, I can see how he got exhausted by doing all those strenuous things yesterday, such as cuddling with Amethyst, catching up to a small child, jumping out of the way of the water, and nothing else!

He awoke at the sound of Steven's whining and he headed to where the others were.

You mean the edge of the kitchen, two steps away from the couch, Magellan?

"Yes, you're grounded." Pearl stated, with her arms folded.

"You disobeyed an order." Garnet said.

"Now, we're gonna bury you till you've learned your lesson." Amethyst said, holding a shove. Steven started to sweat and backed away a little. Amethyst felt the shove lower and she looked to see who did it. Jet smiled at her and she smiled back.

Shove off. You’re supposed to be Steven’s accomplish here, Jet. The Gems might not understand proper disciplinary actions, but they would sure as hell recognize treason.

"That's not how grounded works." He said, startling the others a bit.

"Morning, Jet." He heard Garnet say.

"Good morning, Jet." Pearl said, still unable to look him in the eyes.

Oh yeah, let us not forget that Pearl was hugged by this dickwad a couple of chapters ago, so she can’t possibly have recovered from that single actual interaction initiated by him of a physical display of affection, which she’d recoil away from under other circumstances.

"Good morning, you two." He said. Suddenly, the door burst open and Greg (Steven's dad) was breathing really hard.

Greg had stood in a corner, holding his breath ever since Amethyst cut the cheese, waiting for the author to let the door crack for no reason.

"Dad?" Steven said, looking towards him.

"You guys might wanna come see this..." He stated as he went back outside. The others looked at one another and followed Greg.

As soon as they walked outside, they noticed that the ocean was gone.

You know, once they didn’t have Jet’s modest mansion blocking their line of sight.

The citizens of Beach City were also on the deserted beach, wondering what happened. Connie looked and noticed that Steven was making his way over.

"Whoa!" He said. "The's gone!" The major of Beach City was holding a mircophone trying to calm down the concerning citizens. He noticed that Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl was among the crowd and he made his way over to them.

Dewey is still top of his game in spotting the tall one, the purple one, and the hot one, and thankfully Jet has still remained such a bland backdrop that he hasn’t reached the status of ‘the black one’ quite yet.

"What's going on here!" He yelled into the mircophone, pretty close to Garnet's personal space. She looked down at him.

"The ocean is gone, obviously" She said, blankly.

Yeah, but can you really blame the guy for lacking sight of the obvious, when you actually need water to exist to tell that its wet?

"That's right!" The major yelled. "Now, it's just a desert. No one wants to take a vacation to Desert City! We're gonna lose all our summer business." A vain appeared on Jet's forehead, this major was really get to him for some reason.

Vein. Mayor. And now the misused word microphone is being consistently misspelled. Calm breaths. Okay.

While there are bigger issues, Beach City is currently dying from a crippled economy it depends on, Jet. Remove your ego-laden head from your canon-leeching ass and try just for once to understand what the stakes are in this realm you pretend to be a part of.

The citizens started to complain about various businesses that would be out of luck if this problem isn't solved.

"As major, I demand that you fix this immediat-" Before he could finished, Garnet slapped the mircophone away from him.

"Thanks." Jet said, as Garnet nodded.

Never let it be forgotten that Jet the Jackass happened to be here and approved of these actions in this very moment. Even Lars wasn’t as cringey as Jet with pandering back-patting attempts, as the author pretends his self-insert is “in” with the Gems at the most insignificant instances.

"It was Lapis Lazuli that did this." Garnet said, her attention on the major.

"Lapis Lazuli?" Steven asked.

"You mean that pretty girl did this...oof." Jet said, as Amethyst elbowed him in the ribs. She wasn't too keened on him addressing other girls in front of her.

Amethyst’s surprising behavior was of such a fucking novel concept that the author felt it had to be spelled out to us and himself, apparently.

"She was the gems that you released from the mirror, remember?" Pearl said, looking at Steven. She then projected an image of her for the citizens to see. They were whispering amongst themselves at this.

"But, she a gem just like us." Steven said, looking at the hologram.

"There's a lot you don't know about gems Steven." Pearl said.

"She's right, you know." Jet said, chiming in.


Unless the author wants to suddenly justify you knowingly cheering Steven on to release an obviously rogue Gem, by having you be a sabotaging mole sent by the Diamonds themselves, that should mean you too, buttmunch!!

About an hour later, the gang was inside the temple going over the details about Lapis and how they were going to get the Earth's ocean back. They had a few ideas, but most of them were either crazy or too over the top.

But they were never elaborated or even alluded to in the show, so what makes you think they would be here?

Connie decided to join them inside the temple because she wanted to hang out with Steven.

Eh, it’s just a day like any other after all, the loss of the ocean has totally no effect on where her concerns are currently.

Greg was there as well joined by Steven's lion.

"How could I have known that the gem contained inside that mirror would be so powerful?" Pearl asked.

"And how could I have not sense her?" Jet asked, as he folded his arms.

A question that will probably never be answered or even become relevant, since your so-called Gem Hunter title-waxing hasn’t even been apparent, ever! And is this fucking jackass honestly attempting to dodge his blunder by pretending that it isn’t obvious that a gem-powered mirror happen to be powered by a gem, of which he even acknowledged for its existence before it was extracted?!

He was usually good as sensing other gems. Jet noticed that Steven was packing his cheeseburger backpack and was heading out the door with it.

"Where are you going, Steven?" Connie asked, noticing him leave as well. Steven turned around to face everyone else.

Look, kid, I know your fandom can be a bit toxic at times, but you still have, like, four seasons left to finish before you can just up and quit.

"I'm leaving to fix what I did to our home." Steven said, looking down at the floor. "I was the one who set Lapis free from the mirror. Now, it's my fault that the ocean's gone. I'm gonna bring the ocean back or get really thirsty trying."

”Oh, and Jet had something to do with it too, but he never does anything, so you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

Steven turned around once more but his dad placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Wait up, kiddo." Greg said. "I'm coming with you." Steven felt another hand on his other shoulder.

"I wanna help, too." Connie said, looking at him. "Besides, I'll feel really wierd being in your house and you're not here."

”That Jet loser already walks around like he owns the place, I’d dread to see what he’d do if you weren’t around.”

Steven smiled and he felt a paw on his head. Lion let out a small roar to let Steven know that he was onboard as well.

"Clearly, we're coming too." Pearl said, smiling with her arms folded.

"Yeah!" Jet said, clenching his fist.

Do I also have to presume the undescribed anime pose he’s striking, author, or is all these clenching fists so meaningful and noticeable down by his hips?

"You're ungrounded by the way." Garnet said, letting a small smile form on her face.

"Woohoo!" Amethyst said, standing on the counter. "Road trip!"

The group raced down stairs in order to find where the Earth's ocean went. Amethyst, Greg, Pearl and Garnet squeezed into Greg's van. Jet looked and noticed that there wasn't much room for him.

Oh, Jet, you pathetic, ignorant, little fool. There was never any room for you.

"We can try to squeeze you in." Greg said, but Jet shook his head.

"I missed training today so I'll run it." Jet said.

At which you’ll likely blame your next ‘at-less-than-full-power’ excuse, if you hadn’t already thought your recent passing out on the couch as justification.

"You sure, kid?" Greg said, looking at Jet in disbelief. "Who knows how far we're going to go?"

"I'll be alright." Jet said, stretching his limbs. "This wouldn't be the first time I did something similar to this. I have a lot of stamina." Amethyst heard that and blush, she was a witness to that.

Yeah, I was there too, when this fucker glorified said trait and then needed to sit down before you tried to fuse with Pearl.

Steven and Connie got on Lion and with that, Greg took off. Jet and Lion took off as well with Jet matching Lion's speed.

The group went down the coastline of Beach City and Jet noticed that the major was sobbing with a water hose. He was trying to fill the ocean back on his own. Jet let out a sigh and kept going.

It’s called desperation. It’s called a comedic interlude. It’s called an annoyance by you, and you seem to find it so important to annoy us with what annoys you. It serves only to make your story more annoying than usual, author!

The crew was going to the outer-skirts of Beach City with Greg's van as the pack leader. Jet figured that someone had a general direction of where they were going. Jet was admiring the view of the outskirt

Outskirt of what, exactly? The author hasn’t even bothered to tell us this little troupe is driving specifically out into the dried-out ocean floor.

until he seen Garnet roll out of Greg's van. Jet stopped in his tracks to help her out.

"What was that about?" Jet said, helping her up.

"Nothing important." Garnet said. "Greg was playing something I didn't like."

Playing hard to get, or the exact opposite, I wonder.

"Umm, Okay?" Jet said, as he noticed the van coming to a stop. "I think they're waiting on you." Garnet nodded and headed towards the van. Jet raised an eyebrow and resumed running again.


What is even the point of all of this. No, only having half of the joke will not make it funny. No, raising an eyebrow does not make for a good substitution. No, using 95% of the canon as part of your fanfic does not make you an author.

It was night time and the group was still traveling. Jet was on top of Greg's van along with Garnet. His legs started to ache around sunset. Connie and Steven were still traveling via Lion with Connie holding on to Steven. She appeared to have dose off from the traveling.

Are you sure that’s the only reason, because I’m having trouble staying awake myself.

Pearl was driving the van with Greg and Amethyst in the backseat fast asleep.

"I can't believe Lapis would do this." Steven said, as the van and Lion were side by side. "Gems shouldn't be fighting."

"We're always fighting gems actually." Pearl said.

Yeah, and from Opal’s debut, we can deduce that Jet has been shattering them all along, and the author thinks you do so, too!

"What?" Steven said, looking towards her.

"Oh, how should I put this? Not all gems are good." Pearl stated.

#NotAllGems? Hey, I couldn’t go for the obvious joke and nominate Jet for the tenth time, right?

"All those monsters we fight, used to be just like us...right Pearl?" Amethsyt said, startling Pearl a bit.

Do I honestly need a ‘misspelled name’ counter for your gem waifu, author?

"Yes." Pearl said. "But they become corrupted and broken. We have to take care of them, subdue them, contain them. It's the best what we can do for them, for now."

"Corruption..." Jet whispered, with his head lowered. Garnet looked at him but said nothing.

Because for this author to give any depth, elaboration, or even an attempt at expanding the canon with his own original ideas needs a divine intervention for that to ever happen.

Part 1 done. I predict ridiculous and infuriating contrivances in the battle to come. Jet saving the Gems for the first half, nearly banging Lapis for the second half. And none of it will have any effect in the long or even the short run.

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Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Wed Oct 04, 2017 3:13 pm

I wish I could churn these out faster, but I have a job now. Adult life is such a bore. But not as much as this author's imagination. Here’s Chapter 9, Part 2.

"If we don't then..." Before Pearl could finish, she heard Steven and Connie gasped. She looked ahead and noticed that it was a huge tower of water ahead of them.

Shit, they’ve entered the Water Temple, I’m out.

The van and Lion edged closer to the water tower and Jet and Garnet got off the roof of the van. The others followed suited and got out of the van. Steven and Connie got off of Lion.

"This is it." Garnet said. "Lapis Lazuli is here."

Now, now, let’s not jump to any hasty conclusions, it's only a giant column of the entire ocean, I mean, she could be anywhere but here, right?

"I don't understand." Pearl said, appearing on the right side on Garnet. "What does she want with the Earth's ocean?"

"You shouldn't be here!" A thunderous voice boomed.

Pssst, Jet, she’s talking to you.

"She sensed us." Garnet said.

"Lapis Lazuli! It's me, Steven!" Steven yelled towards the water tower. Suddenly a face formed within the water. It was Lapis.

"Go away! Before I make you!" Lapis threatened.

I had hoped for a few more water puns, to be honest, that sendoff was kind of dry.

"But we're suppose to be buddies!" Steven said. Suddenly face of Lapis got closer to Steven, startling him a bit.

"You're one of them! One of the crystal gems!" Lapis said. Amethyst slammed her fist together and both her and Pearl was getting ready to attack.

Stop the endless fist-slamming, author, you shonen weaboo. Amethyst uses a whip, let her fucking present it already!

Garnet held them by the shoulders.

"Easy." She stated, not letting her own anger get to her.

Anger? Does this author not even realize that there are more complex depth to this than a basic, intense and hostile emotional response?

"What do you mean?" Steven asked. "We're all gems, right? Just let us help you!"

"You don't understand. Just...leave me alone." Lapis said, her face disappeared into the water. Steven got closer to the water.

Meanwhile, Jet had evaporated.

"We're not leaving Lapis!" Steven said, slapping the water tower with his hands. "Not until you give us back our ocean!" After he said that, a hand grabbed him by the collar, it was a water clone of Steven.

It was a tower of water. It was Lapis. It was a water clone. Is there supposed to be a dramatic sting underscoring these reveals or are you making a homage to the Dio meme?

"I said... leave me alone!" The clone had the voice of Lapis. The clone proceeded to punch Steven making him fly back from the impact. Garnet caught him before anything serious happened.

Because a punch that sends you flying is nothing serious, of course.

The others looked at the tower and noticed that there were water clones of themselves stepping out of the tower. Their eyes glowed in anger.

No, that’s just phosphor pollution, you embellishing hack.

"Interesting." Jet said. The others looked at him in bewinderment.

Had they forgotten he was even there, or is it because the author has made them create clones of themselves nonstop already to make this an entirely dull yet actually trained-for moment?

"Greg, kids, you stay behind us! We'll handle this!" Pearl said.

"Sounds good to me!" Greg said as he went to hide behind a boulder. Steven, Connie and Lion backed off a little as well. The crystal gems summoned their weapons and the clones did the same.

"Uh oh." Amethyst said, looking a bit worried. Pearl looked a little shocked.

Yeah, I don’t think this is what the fandom meant by her being “thirsty”.

"Stand together." Garnet said. "Don't let them seperate..." Before she could finish her sentence, her clone hit her, making her fly backwards. She tried to stop herself by planting her feet on the ground but that didn't help. She slammed into a boulder, making smoke appear around her.

"Garnet!" Steven shouted, worried about her. He was relieved when the smoke cleared and Garnet stood up. She cracked her neck as if nothing happened.

That is what you think a neck crack is meant to indicate, author? It’s a variation of cracking your knuckles, to display you are about to throw down by warming up your joints or for intimidation. Have you ever conversed with someone else about the things you like?

The clone rushed towards her and she towards it. The two clashed, trading a barrage of fists that created a crater beneath them. The clone threw a fist at Garnet, which she ducked and counter with her own punch. The punch went right through her clone's head. Garnet looked shocked at this and the clone grabbed her and kicked her towards another boulder.

It’s the clone reforming its head that is shocking, author, because destroying that head without this happening would make Garnet happy, you aimless transcriber.

Amethyst was having her own problems with her clone as well. She hurled boulders at it, which it dodge effortlessly. Amethyst was getting fed up by the second.

No wonder, since the author is on an endless repeat of the canon scene, yet can’t even describe how her clone is dodging via morphing, instead making it come across like a ballerina.

"Aww, Come on!" She yelled in fustration. She felt a whip wrap around her leg and before she could respond, she was in the air. The clone made her hit the ground hard, causing a crater to form upon her impact. The smoke cleared and Amethyst was in her "wrestler" form.

Amethyst, no, there are children present!! Oh, wait, the author doesn’t know how quotation marks work, nevermind.

"Well, as long as we're playing fair!" She said, as she leapt in the air. She yelled as she darted towards her water clone.

Pearl dodged a strike from her clone and countered with her own. The clone dodged and before it could strike, Pearl cut it down the middle. Pearl smiled as the clone seemed defeated until, it created two more copies of itself. Pearl frowned and drew another spear from her gem.

Aside from meticulously transcribing the show, what effort is there even in this trash? It’s getting painful to read when you know the author could have done anything else. Extended the scenes, changed it up, something, anything!

"I hate fighting me." She said, as she spun her spears around. The clones charged at her and she was able to block their attacks.

Jet, on the other hand, was having a blast. His clone throw a barrage of swords at him.

Typical, even the introduction of Jet’s clone was as absent from this fanfic as he is. And neither of them knows the proper use of a sword.

This was a new attack and he took on a stance. His eyes turned blue and he was able to deflect every one of the swords that was heading towards him.

"What else you got?" He asked, as the clone drew out a katana. "Ah, finally realized me as a threat? Let's go then!"

A barrage of water swords that demanded you to be in Marty Stu ascended mode to deflect, is somehow below a single fucking katana now? Which brain half did you get installed backwards at birth?

He rushed towards the clone and the clone towards him. Their swords collided and created a massive shockwave that disturbed the others' clones for a brief second.

And that was it, one paragraph. Either this author is nearly as bored of Jet as I am, or everything cool he thinks is happening with Jet is going on inside his head.

Lion was trying his best to take out the Steven clone that was trying to do harm to it. He throw out roars that transmitted into powerful soundwaves but the clone effortlessly dodged them.

Can you guess what else was done effortlessly, author? Your entire fanfic.

"C'mon, Lion!" Connie cheered.

"You can take me!" Steven said cheering as well. Unfortunately, as soon as he said that, Lion was sent back flying towards the van. The van buckled from the impact.

"Oh no!" Greg said, running towards it. "Not the van!"

"Revenge!" Both Steven and Connie said as the ran towards the clone. Connie throw a rock at it, which phrased through it and the clone stood there, as if waiting for them to finish doing what they were doing.

Well, it’s probably waiting for Steven’s cue to use a water gun against it, but this author can’t even describe how the clones are using water either.

Apparently, the clone waited as long as it could before stretching it's limbs out towards the kids. It surronding their heads in water, causing Connie to nearly pass out. Steven, since he was half gem, was fine but had more concern for Connie.

Fine? Steven needs to breathe too, dumbass. How the fuck can you even be siphoning out the stakes with your piss poor interpretations of these episode?

Jet noticed the ordeal the kids were in and shot a quick blast of electricity towards the clone of Steven.


Water. Electricity. I’ve felt it for a long while that you were every bit the high school dropout you advertise your self-insert as, author, but is the enigma of the bathtub and the toaster really that incomprehensible to you?!

Since it didn't notice, it exploded upon impact. Jet let out a sigh of relief before dodging his clone's next attack. Steven cough up water and checked to make sure Connie was ok, which she was. Steven looked around to see that the other were still fighting their clones and then he looked back towards the water tower. Steven's clone had returned, ready to strike once more. Steven's started to get a little angry, as the clone of himself formed a sphere of water in its hand.

A stern face has more behind it than your kindergarten level basics on emotional interpretation, author.

"Lapis, I don't want to fight anymore." Steven said. The clone got ready to throw the sphere of water at Steven. "I said I don't want to fight!" The clone threw the sphere and at the moment Steven was able to summon a shield, the vibration from the sphere hitting it caused the clone of himself and the other clones to disperse.

And do you know why this hold no importance whatsoever? Because the author has never brought up this ability, ever, and skipped its first appearance of episode one. Every important moment has had half its soul removed in this imperfect retreading.

"Whoa." Jet said, surprised and amazed at what Steven just did. The other gems had a similar response. Steven shield slowly vanished and he walked up to the water tower.

"Lapis, I'm coming up to see you." Steven said, looking up. "So, please don't drown me."

"Wait, Steven!" Connie said, as Steven jumped into the tower and the force of the water sent him flying up. Jet set down, his breathing a little hard as he noticed Connie looking up at the tower.

"He'll be fine." Jet said, startling her a little. "He probably went to go talk to her..."

No shit, Sherlock. Was it expected of the pacifistic child demanding no more fighting to go up there to finally thrown down? You are not even just stating the obvious, Jet, you are reiterating it!

Connie smiled and continued to look up.

"Of course, if it was me, I'll be doing a little more than talking..." He whispered. "I'd...ouch" He felt someone slap his head and turned around to see who it was. It was Amethyst, sporting a light blush on her face.

Author, not that I’m surprised your knowledge of relationships aren’t up to par, but this is neither how jealousy nor any response to unfaithfulness works in one.

"You'd what?" She said, looking at him with one eye open.

"Nothing." Jet said quickly. Jet mentioned for Amethyst to sit next to him. She did and rested her head on his shoulder. Jet blushed at this and looked up. the water tower still intacted.

Your English skills are flawed, author. I mean this sincerely. Something is wrong with your ability to convey your own language and this platform is not doing you any good. Seek help.

'What are you doing up there Steven?' Jet thought, as he continued to look at the tower. Suddenly, chucks of water started to come down. 'What the hell?'

"The whole tower's coming down." Garnet said, as chunks of water continue to splash around them.

"What about Steven?" Greg asked, looking up. Connie and Lion looked at one another then Connie jumped on Lion's back. Lion created a warp and the two were gone. The emerged a second later with Steven with them. The water started to surround them but Steven and the other gathered around the van and Steven created a bubble to protect them.

Gotta love that hive mind everyone must have to let this author breeze through all these intricate interactions.

It took some time for them to float back to Beach City, but at least the mission was successful: they had returned the Earth's ocean back. When the van landed on shore, it completely broke down. Lion slamming into it must've done a number on it.

Yes, or the author can never imagine the alternative, even when he prevented clone Steven from trashing it entirely. What next, is Greg going to break his leg accidentally?

Jet and the others hopped off of it (as they were riding on top of it with Greg in Pearl inside)

I’ll expect Steven’s new sibling in nine months, then.

and Jet patted Steven on the back.

"I gotta know, Steven." Jet said. "What did you say or do to make her return the ocean."

Something you’d never have thought of doing, seeing how you were only concerned about tapping her blue ass crack.

"I healed her." Steven said.

"You healed her?" Jet repeated.

Funny how the Gems knew, what with Steven’s first instinct being to run off from healing Connie to tell them, yet you were never informed, Jet. Had a little falling out with your close-like-family friends, or do I need to beat the dead horse about the author’s unoriginality again?

"Healing powers, eh? You're getting stronger dude." He high-fived Steven, who was happy that Jet was giving him praise.

"She was just using the ocean as a means to get back to her home." Steven said.

Her only option, since Jet’s salivating libido clearly wouldn’t even be phased by a restraining order.

"That shield you did was awesome! How did you-" Jet started.

"Look!" Connie said, interrupting Jet. The citizens of Beach City started to head towards them. Jet's guard was raised as he didn't know what they were going to do.

”Look! They’ve returned the ocean! Kill them!”

Go get your edgelord points from actual genuine conflicts, you fucking simpleton.

His worries was cast aside as the major lifted up Steven and the citizens started to cheer.

"So, Lapis made it off planet." Garnet said, as Pearl walked next to her.

"What does it mean for us?" Pearl said, looking a bit concern.

Well, according to the author, you should probably be angry.

"We wait and see." Garnet said, looking up a the sky. As Steven was high-fiving some of the citizens, he took a break to look up at the sky as well.

"See you Lapis... whatever you are..." Steven said.

Whatever? Whatever she is?! Are you deaf, stupid, or entirely brain-dead, author? ‘Wherever’, you ignoramus. To have Steven state your randomly chosen ‘totez not same story, u guiz’ rewording removes all context and resets Steven's comprehension of everything that's going on. He knows what she is, you moron! A Gem. And she sure as fuck isn't something else. Oh, you might say, she's a Homeworld Gem. No difference, Steven should know nothing of it, not even care, and even so with Jet spouting war tidbits thus far would leave Steven with exactly enough knowledge to not leave him guessing or lamenting allegiances. He could just as well have said “See you Lapis, I guess.”, you two-bit story-counterfeiter!!

Well, at least Lapis dodged the self-insert, just barely. How long will her luck last, I wonder? I know mine ended at Chapter 1.

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Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Oct 14, 2017 4:26 pm

Well, I have some bad news and some good news. With me getting a full-time job, I probably won't get to update my mocks outside of the weekends, though possibly with exceptions made for group mocks where I have to deliver on expected time. But, due to nearly an hour long public commute to and from work, I have time to mock full length chapters, if not more than one mock in the days leading up to my update window. As such, from here on, no more part-dividing will be done. Likewise, updating my WordPress for my previous mocks will also be solely happening on weekends.
Which reminds me, I've recently uploaded the group mock, League of Angels: The Devils Gambit, one of the last big mocks completed at the last days of Project A.F.T.E.R., shared by myself, GorillaGamer and other fine mockers of fanfics. Check if out if you've gotten tired of my rambling complaints on this fanfic. Speaking of which. Here's Chapter 10, Warp Tour.

Here's the next chapter of Jet's Universe and I hope that you do enjoy it.

Sounds like you are desperately maintaining that denial about your readers’ enthusiasm, author.

After the chapter, (if you're interested) there will be some facts about Jet if you would like to get to know him a little more.

Long shot, I know, but is there any chance that I could get to know him less?

It's optional and will not impact the story at all so if you don't read it, it's not going to impact your overall enjoyment of the story.

It won’t even if I do, because that’s the nature of everything you write!!

As usual, the characters in this story do not belong to me, that honor goes to Rebecca Sugar.

You don’t even want to admit to your own crime of inventing Jet, do you?

Chapter 10

Warp Tour

Jet and the gems just finished their current mission and was making their way back to the warp pad. Amethyst and Pearl was going over the play-by-play of what they did in order to bring success to the mission.

”I must say, Amethyst, these human greetings are weird but fitting. I do so enjoy it when you offer someone to clean their clocks for them.”

”And it was awesome how you went “I’m here to kick ass and fuse with Rose Quartz”, Pearl. I just wish you’d stop tearing up at the punch line.”

The mission was another capture mission, by the way.

Pray tell, when have they ever been anything else, not counting Jet’s alluded kill missions?

Steven was trailing slowly behind, as he was currently sick.

"Wait up." Steven said, dragging behind the group. Steven let out a sneeze with some of it landing on Garnet. "Sorry, Garnet."

"I'll live." Garnet said, wiping the area Steven sneezed on.

"Why did you agree to come on the mission if you weren't feeling good?" Jet asked.

It’s hay fever, a reaction to pollen which Pearl points out in the episode. The kid has healing saliva in his gob, twenty-four-seven, and you think he can even get remotely ill, author?!

"Because I wanted to help..." Steven said, before letting out another sneeze. Steven slowly made his way over. The others were already on the pad, waiting for him. When he got on the pad, they took off towards home. In the middle of the warping process, Steven was getting ready to sneeze again.

"Do it at Pearl!" Amethyst said, pointing a finger at her. Pearl looked a little concern at the suggestion.

"Steven, don't!" Pearl said.

No wonder you are so adverse to high schools if ‘phosa’ is such a complicated word for you to repeat, author. Stop treading away every joke that could distract me from your mess already.

Steven sneezed and it sent him flying further up. His head struck the outside of the warp stream, allowing him to see the outer part of the warp itself.

"Whoa!" He said, as he looked outward. He was gazing at what looked like outer space and the area was extremely cold as his snot from his nose was frozen solid. There were clouds that shot lighting out every one in a while and he could see what looked like other warp points. He saw something that caught his attention, but the author couldn’t describe it even remotely, so before he could truly see what it was he was pulled in by Garnet.

"Be careful." Pearl said. "It's dangerous to stick your head out of the stream."

"Why?" Jet said, opening one eye because he didn't like the warping process.

Connie seemed to enjoy warping immensely. I guess Jet is just allergic to fun.

"What's out there?"

"There isn't much air outside of the stream and it's very cold." Garnet said, flicking the frozen snot from Steven's nose.

"You guys! I've seen something out there, something warping!" Steven said, getting everyone attention.

"Steven, that's not possible." Pearl said, looking at him. "Your vision must be blurry."

"I can see perfectly." Steven said.

Every joke, gone, empty, wrong! I swear, this author just finds a way to miss the point of everything and rehashes a subpar version of the source material, thinking it’ll carry him just as good as had his fanfic been the show itself!

"I know there's something out there."

"There's nothing out there, Steven." Garnet said. "There hasn't been anything for a long time." By the time she finished that statement, the group was back in the temple. Jet opened his eyes and stretched his limbs. He was tired and decided to turn in for the night.

"Alright, my fellow gems." He said, as he headed for the door. "I'm headed home for the evening. I'll be back here in the morning. Have a good night." Before he got a chance to open the door, Amethyst rushed over and kissed him on the cheek, Jet smiled and headed home.

What intimacy. I still question every moment they interact where Amethyst needs to either shapeshift or use a foot stool to accomplish these glanced over interactions.

Morning seem to come rather quickly to Jet as he woke up with a start. He had a dream where he was fighting a giant monster and lost.

Sounds like a memory of Chapter 5 where Sugilite made you her bitch, and you have actually never won against a monster in this fanfic without the Gems’ help, now that I think about it.

He hoped it wasn't a vision of what was to come.

Who wants to bet money against this rigged chance that the self-insert got that unreasonable super power for no reason?

He stretched his limbs and got ready for the day. The first place he headed was to the restroom to take a shower and to brush his teeth. After spending about 20 minutes there, he went to his room and put on his usual garments and headed out.

Hold the fucking phone. A repeat of morning ritual pandering and you don’t bother mentioning the bland black hue of your wardrobe? Are you feeling alright, author?

When he got to the temple he could hear the faint voices of Pearl and Garnet. He rushed up the stairs and knocked on the door. Steven opened the door and blast him in the face with water.

"What the hay?" Jet said, getting a face full of water from Steven's water gun. Steven, realizing what he's done, started to apologize.

"Sorry, Jet." Steven said. Jet looked at Steven and Steven looked like he didn't get any sleep at all. He seemed to recover from his sickness though.

Spare me your micro-AU retcons, author.

"It's okay." Jet said, as Pearl handed him a towel to dry himself of with. "Thanks."

"Just for that, now you're not getting any cookies." Garnet said, holding a tray of fresh baked cookies.

How the ever-loving fuck does the author even want us to accept this non-sequitur sequence of events now?!

"Can I have one?" Jet asked, walking to get one. Garnet nodded and before he could grab one, the door leading to the gems' room opened.

"Cookies?" Amethyst said, rushing over. "I'll take 'em!" She quickly grabbed the tray from Garnet and started to devour as much as she could.

No nookie, no cookie, I guess.

"Hey!" Jet said, trying to grab one. "At least, save me one!" Amethyst ignored him and continue to munch down on them. "Okay, have it your way then..." Jet walked over to her and placed his mouth on hers, surprising her and the others. He parted her mouth apart and started to scoop out bits of cookie from her mouth. Amethyst was startled at first but then started to enjoy what Jet was doing. She had to hold back a moan as his tongue explored her mouth. After a few more seconds, Jet parted from her, licking his lips in the process.


I was just about to follow up on my joke on how long it had been since the lemon, but I’d rather know what possessed you to decide to eat out your girlfriend, right in front of everybody who you so far made respond less than favorable to any intimate act between the two of you.

"Great cookies, Garnet." Jet sad, holding a thumbs up. He noticed that Steven was staring blanking at him, Pearl had a huge blush on her face and Garnet just give Jet a thumbs up as well. Amethyst had a huge blush on her face.

Is there a fetish I haven’t heard of here? Is this new? I’m starting to see other reasons for why your first girlfriend left you, Jet, as the author just mind-controlled everyone to simply approve and pass this off as business as usual!

"So..." Jet said, looking to get attention away from him. "Why'd you spray me with water? And why are you by the door and not in bed?" He was talking to Steven, of course.

What did I just say? Okay, people. Back to the scene, like you rehearsed it. From the top!

"Sorry... I just...I didn't..." Steven started to mumble.

"Didn't sleep." Garnet said.

"Maybe." Steven said.

"Oh, Steven. This isn't about the thing you think you saw outside the warp stream yesterday, is it?" Pearl asked, folding her arms.

"But it was real!" Steven said, clenching on to the water gun he had in his hands. "Something was warping somewhere in the warp." Pearl kneeled to where she was facing eye level with him.

"Listen," She started. "Nothing on Earth can use the warp but us. Do you understand?"

You sound rather certain of that despite the rogue half-gem out of nowhere, Pearl. Yes, we all know why.

Steven's eyes started to wonder elsewhere and Pearl noticed.

"Steven." Pearl said, getting his attention. "Nod in agreement if you understand..."

"I kinda believe him." Jet said, folding his arms. "But, then again, I don't know... should we check?"

"If it'll make him feel better, then let's." Garnet said. Steven smiled and headed upstairs to his room to get ready. After about 10 minutes the group headed towards the warp pad to an unknown destination. Jet closed his eyes, he didn't think that he'll ever get use to the feeling he gets from when he warps, it's an odd one.

The author is just pretending this is a character flaw that’s somehow going to balance out the Marty Stu litmus test, right?

The group warped to various locations from their past missions and each time, they didn't find anything suspicious at all. The last stop that they made was the location of the sky spiral. Jet smiled as he remembered this was the place where he met Opal.

I swear, if he actually ends up banging that fusion, it will at least amount to more attempted focus than that of my previously mocked Steven Universe fanfic authors’ combined sexual fantasies.

"Whoa!" Amethyst said, catching his attention. "Now that's something..." She pointed to the location of a goat, surrounded by little baby goats. "Steven Jr's been busy!" Jet groaned at this.

Yes, Jet, someone is allowed to have more sex than you do, so suck it up.

"This makes you a grandpa." She said to Steven, who didn't look all that excited.

"Congratulations." Garnet said, placing a hand on Steven's head.

"Hey!" Steven said. "We're getting off task here."

No, you are painfully on track, despite the author’s inane attempts to pretend otherwise. While I’ve been fond of the term, I think I’ll abandon the ‘canon railroad’ in favor of the more apt alliteration of canon cruise control. The author goes the pace and alters at his own convenience before returning to the standard as if nothing happened.

"We've looked all over, there's nothing out here to find." Pearl said.

"But you're wrong." Steven said, a bit annoyed. Pearl looked offended by his response.

"Excuse me?" Pearl said, one of her eyebrows raised.

"I... I mean..." Steven said, backing up a bit.

"Nothing on Earth can use these warps but us."

”Not even Jet, pathetic as he is.

She said, folding her arms.

"Well, what if it came from space?" Steven said.

Speaking of which, did Pearl’s space meltdown happen in this continuity. Well, of course, with this author it did, I just want to know if Jet stood and watched as the rocket blew up, on the off chance debris could have hit him.

"That sounds like a possibility." Jet said, placing his hands inside the pockets of his trench coat. Pearl didn't say anything and the group once again warped to another location. This time, the location was unfamiliar to Jet as he, himself, never seen it before. It was a huge area, with several warp pads around it. There was one warp pad that seemed to stand out, as it was the biggest one there. It also had several cracks around it and looked as though it was out of order.

"What is this place?" Jet said, looking around.

"We've been here that one time when you didn't want to come on a mission." Amethyst said, stepping off of the warp pad.

Yeah, and it is called the Galaxy Warp, author, and these characters know this. Why don’t you?

"These are the warps that once connected us to other planets." Pearl said, headed towards the biggest one. Steven was right behind her, with an angry expression on his face.

How about exhausted, annoyed, frustrated? Anger is such a narrow, limiting, excluding one-note key on a piano in the grand spectrum of the descriptions the English language provides, and yet you’ve chosen to hit it and it alone, non-stop!

The others followed Pearl as well.

"If something tried to come from space, it would be through here." Pearl sad, pointing at the big warp. "But wait... this warp pad is broken. Marked inactive by the very depressed cartoon breakfast sticker you placed here yourself." Jet leaned closer to see what she was talking about and he groaned. It was a sticker from that stupid cartoon show that he hated.

It also happens to be Steven’s favorite show. My, it’s a wonder how I keep remaining unconvinced that you belong here, Jet.

"Look, Pearl's right like usual" Amethyst said, walking up to Steven. "You get use to it."

"We're safe." Garnet said.

"Well... I guess so." Steven said, not really buying it. He placed his hand on the sticker and the others let out a sigh of relief.

"Aw, man. Finally!" Amethyst groaned. "That took all day."

"I enjoyed myself." Jet said.

Liar. You dislike warping and you’ve frowned at anything you've responded to. And we didn’t even see the geode.

"Well, this was important to make Steven feel secured." Garnet said, placing a hand on her hip.

"Yes." Pearl said, folding her arms. "Steven feels much better now."

"I'm a little tired of you guys telling me how I feel."

Steven, may I please quote you on that for every bad fanfic you are in?

Steven said, turning to face them. "I know I saw something outside the stream."

"And I know you didn't." Pearl said. From that point, the two started to argue with one another. Garnet, Amethyst and Jet looked at each other.

"Umm, this is new." Amethyst said, as the two continued to argue. "I kinda like it."

This is old. I don’t like it.

"Steven, you just don't know what you're talking about." Pearl said, turning her head to the side.

"It sounds like... maybe..." Steven said. "you don't know what I'm talking about!"

Every Internet argument in a nutshell, am I right?

He shouted that last part, making everyone look at him in surprise.

"Okay, Steven. That's enough!" Garnet said, holding her hand up. "Let it go." Steven remained silent after that. The group made their way to the warp pad and headed home. Jet said his usual good-nights and headed home. He had a weird feeling that something was gonna happen but he shook the thought from his head and headed home. He opened the door to his house and decided to watch some T.V. before heading off to bed and headed home.

It was sometime later and Jet had dosed off watching some random show. There was a knock on the door and Jet slowly got up to answer it. It was Amethyst and she looked as though she was bored.

She’s here to tell the author to pick up the pace already!

"Hey, Amethyst." Jet said, yawning a bit. "What's up?"

"Nothing." She said. "Did I come at a bad time?"

"No." Jet said, as he started to step outside. Something didn't feel right to him and he didn't know what it was. "I've got a bad feeling that something's crazy is about to happen."

You’ve been living next door to the Crystal Gems for months and first now your bullshit, author-endowed plot sense starts tingling?

Amethyst raised an eyebrow at him.

"Like what?" Amethyst asked. As soon as she asked that, there was a flash of light from the temple.

"Like that!" Jet said, pointing towards the temple. The two took off in the temple's direction and quickly made their way up the temple's stairs. Jet looked around and noticed that Steven was nowhere to be found.

Yeah, you kind of get used to that a lot in this fanfic.

"Was Steven here before you left?" Jet asked.

"Yeah, he was bummed about the earlier situation." Amethyst said. Jet didn't say anything, instead he made his way to the gems' door.

"Garnet! Pearl!" Jet said, knocking on the door. "We have a little situation that's happening."

”For the last time, Jet. You and Amethyst should have used protection!”

Suddenly, the door opened to reveal Garnet, then soon after Pearl. They looked at Jet, wondering what was going on.

"I think Steven may be in trouble." Jet said, making his way to the warp pad. "I had a feeling of dread since this morning and I didn't know why. This must be the reason."

Stop boasting about your recent excuse for being part of the plot, and tell them what both you and Amethyst saw. Steven is in danger, you jackass!

Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl looked at each other for a moment then made their way to the warp pad. As soon as they stepped on, the pad activated and they took off.

During the streaming process, not counting buffering time and adds, Garnet stick her head out every once in a while to check on the location of Steven.

Motherfucker, do you just not grasp what future vision is and its application?! Garnet likely used it in canon to tell which warp to take when and where to grab Steven, through exploration and a fair share of trial and error, where from an outside perspective it would be one single unfaltering sequence of successful events. I couldn’t act as dumb as you about this even if I tried!!

Jet had his eyes closed so he couldn't be of much help at this point.

As we have to dismiss spotlight-stealing canon-hijacks by default, when has he ever been, author?

After sometime though, Garnet was able to locate Steven and pulled him into the stream with the rest of the crew. He was trying to catch his breath, as Garnet held onto him.

"Take deep breathes." Garnet said, as she held up an object that looked like a sphere. "So, this is what you saw." Jet opened one eye to take a peek at what Garnet was holding.

Come on, author, you can do it. Give one more description of it beyond its shape. Color, perhaps? No? No wonder black is your favorite color, everything is a silhouette to you.

"I don't care about that." Steven said, still holding onto Garnet.

"I do." Garnet said, lifting up her visor to wipe a tear from her eye. "I should've listen to you. You're a Crystal Gem too."

"Steven, are you OK?" Pearl said. "Jet seen the warp pad activated

Kind of an assumption on that since he never said anything of the sort. Do you even know you are off your own script, author?

and Garnet seen you floating outside the stream and...umm... what is that?" She was looking at the object Garnet had in her hand.

"Whoa!" Amethyst said. "That thing's far out!"

"It's some kind of space robot." Steven explained. "There were tons of them and they looked like they were all going to the same place." The crew landed at the destination that the warp to them and it was the same location that they had been to earlier.

What would the robonoids want with Steven Jr.?

The place with several warp pads around it.

Oh, well excuse my grammar.

The sphere shook free from Garnet's grasped and started to walk towards the huge warp pad. Jet looked and noticed that there were several other sphere-like robots that were swarming the pad.

"What are they doing to the home world warp?" Pearl asked, as she took a closer look.

Well, with Jet’s existence causing a constant lack of context, this might as well be one of those ‘ET phone home’ situations. Hole in roof and dent in the floor, you say? Oh, right, you and everyone else are relying on a memory twice the capacity of the author’s.

They started to shoot liquid from a compartment that was located on the front of them. The others followed and took a closer look as well.

"There's like a million of them." Jet said, looking in amazement. The robot stopped spewing their liquid and the huge pad (that was badly damaged) was fixed like new.

Quick, spray some of that gunk on this fanfic!

The crystal gems looked at it, slightly surprised.

"They fixed it?" Amethyst said, raising an eyebrow.

"What does that mean?" Jet asked, curious as to what was going on.


What does that mean?! I can’t tell if the author fucked up in Chapter 1 or is serving me shit now. You know what this means. Pearl sorta does too, but on a grander scale of “no hopes left” kind of “don’t know what it means”. You know the war happened, and now you are acting as ignorant as Steven, because the author can’t be assed to write original dialogue and instead have you grab the lines like a desperate improv actor having rehearsed a script!

"I...don't know." Pearl said, sweating a little. "I-" Before she could finish, a bright light casted from the home warp and Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst and Steven quickly hid behind one of the towers that were there. Jet followed her, drawing his weapon just in case. When the light cleared, a short figure could be seen looking around the area.



What the fuck are you going to call her once her limb enhancers come off?

"Who is that?" Pearl whispered.

"No idea." Garnet whispered back. The figure had green-like skin and she has light green, almost yellow, triangle shaped hair. She was wearing what looked like a clear visor over her face and she had a gem that was located on her forehead. She was wearing garments that constant of a dark green. Her fingers looked as though they were floating in mid-air.

Maybe they look like that for a reason, Jet. Maybe because it happens to be an obvious fact, you English-deficient clod.

Four of her "fingers" formed to make a screen and she looked as though she was checking data.

"Log date 3 1 2." She started to say. "This is Peridot, performing Earth hub maintenance check." Steven was peeking a little more than the rest of the group.

"Peridot." He said, looking back at them. "Her name is a Peridot... mmm..." Amethyst and Pearl covered his mouth before he could say anything else.

You better cover Jet’s mouth too, before he starts to lament on how he wants to tap that green ass.

"All 79 robots deployed and accounted for."

What are these ‘robots’ you speak of? Apart from me being a stickler about addressing robonoids, those are the very words spoken by Peridot herself later in the show, author, you incompetent dimwit. Whenever you try to disguise your copy-paste botch-job, you prove how little mimicking the show actually matters to you. You are copying to cover for your lack of writing abilities, and nothing else!!

Peridot continued. "Preparing to locate and manually reactivate kindnergar-" She stopped as one of the sphere-like robot, attempted to crew up her leg. She looked at it blankly, as it fell on its back. She stepped on it lightly before crushing it with her feet.

No reason, of course, not like it was damaged, because when would the author forget to mention that? A carbon copy from him would be made out of fool’s gold.

Steven gasped and covered his own mouth.

"Now, to activate the domestic warp." She said, walking down the steps of the warp. She looked around until she noticed the sticker on the side of the warp.

"Huh?" She said, picking up the sticker. "Hmm... this site may have been compromised..."

And the perpetrator’s name is InsaneGuy2010.

She looked around once more. She stepped on the warp pad and placed a green object on the pad. She warped away and the green object went off, causing the robots to deactivate. The group peeked out from the around the were hiding to check out if Peridot had done any damage.

Don’t bother, the grammar can’t be more broken than it already is.

"They're coming back..." Pearl said in a panic. "I can't do this... not again." Jet raised an eyebrow at her.

"Who's coming back?" Jet asked.

Allow me to remind you, Jet.
“My mother fled homeworld before the Gem Wars started and she meet my father thousands of years later. In short, I’m half human, half gem.”
That’s you, boasting forth with knowledge about the war for Earth lead by Rose Quartz which your mother somehow evaded and dodged corruption from while she was at it. How the holy heck have I not addressed that cascade of flogging-deserving plot holes already, I must be losing my touch!

"We're dead." Amethyst said. "We are so dead."

At least I can be satisfied in the knowledge that Jet will die a virgin. What, you thought rock holograms somehow count? I’m sorry, but neither would a fleshlight, even if it was sentient.

"Was that another gem?" Steven asked. "Where did she come from? What was she trying to do?" Garnet walked towards the home pad and summoned her gauntlets.

"It doesn't matter,"

I wasn’t ready for that sort of existential truth bomb, but being stuck in this fanfic, who can blame her?

Garnet said, enlarging them to a massive side. She lifted them above her head and smash down hard on the home pad, destroying most of it. "She's not coming back."

Some fun facts about Jet

Ha ha funny, or ha ha you think this is funny?

Species: Half human, half gem (a hybrid)

Unlike those half one thing, half something else, non-hybrids, of course.

Age: 17 (currently)

Just to avoid confusing those poor saps thinking he’s 17 in 1964.

Gem Type: Jet Stone

With the author’s marvelous originality, Stone is probably his family name, too.

Gem Location: Back (upper torso)

Alignment: The Crystal Gems

This is just a gemsona character sheet you filled out and copied off from, as you do, isn’t it?

Weapon: Katana (can summon two if he wishes. he's been trained to do so.)

It’s odd that it’s this late that I invoke “Show, don’t tell”, but I think we needed to justify the ‘tell’ in the first place.

Powers in associated with his gem: Electricity. He has the ability to use and manipulate electricity at will.

Oh, are we somehow already trying to forget the ‘random new power as the author demands upon recovery’ shtick? And how come he keeps getting downed by electric attacks himself, then?

Strength: Has a strong will and sense of justice. Determined and confident. Plot armor.

Weakness: Has trust issues. His anger sometimes. His pride. The author’s ego.

Oh my fucking stars, no one cares. You haven’t even told anything new, worthwhile or remotely interesting. Next, you’ll probably tell me what his favorite color is, or what he eats for breakfast. What are you even doing? Tell a story, make your characters come to life. Don’t bore me or anyone else with something you are going to make more wrong than right, where anyone can spot the reason for its flaws by mentally repeating back each scene, several paragraphs ahead of your detail-ducking ass. I’d call this wasted effort, but you’ve never spent an ounce on it!
Last edited by ConcernedGamer on Sat Oct 21, 2017 4:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Oct 21, 2017 4:31 am

So, quick food for thought. Regardless of your view of the show, this author, or just mocking in general, what would you say if someone showed you how they just hitched a ride on a fictional tale, and let none of its traits unfold and leave you to experience none of it, due to deliberate intent of self-serving wish-fulfillment? I was pretty ticked off myself. Here's Chapter 11.

Chapter 11

Marble Madness

The author lost his, so he's here to "borrow" some.

Jet hissed as he lowered himself in his spacious bathtub. These past few weeks, since their encounter with the mysterious gem Peridot, have been a little rough on him. He sighed as the memories of his past adventures flowed into his head. He remembered witnessing the fused version of Steven and Connie, which left him feeling slightly confused.

Sexually confused, or the ordinary raised eyebrow that the author thinks amounts to purposely conveyed thoughts?

They called themselves Stevonnie because Amethyst gave them that name. Stevonnie was slightly taller than he was, about an inch or so, and she (because Stevonnie had the appearance of a female)

Traps and art-styles aside, you’ve already used the pronoun people would prefer, author. They. With you being this deep into ripping off Steven Universe, I’d have thought this was common knowledge to you. Or is this you trying to justify some awkward boner of yours?

had the combined clothes of Steven and Connie. Her clothing consisted of a blue muscle t-shirt with a pink shirt underneath it. She also wore short blue jeans and has hair that flowed past her back.

A needless description as that will possibly change with every new appearance. Still, what about this is confusing to you?

He remembered the gem's reaction to Stevonnie with Pearl questioning the possibilities of the fusion happening and Garnet standing there, smiling and looking overly excited. Jet didn't understand why she was so excited over a fusion, but he decided to let it pass.

That’s literally the act of questioning a parent’s rejoicing at their kid having found someone to get along with. You even praised Opal in how Amethyst and Pearl unite. Stop stroking your author-foresight, it makes you come across as dumber than you should be.

Amethyst was excited for them as well, as she examined Stevonnie. When Stevonnie asked Jet of what he thought, he didn't have an answer.

This had been Josh and what’s her face all over again, leaving Jet to run off in tears, calling them evil,

He leaned his head back, as his memories flooded to the time where Steven and Amethyst left the temple and went on an adventure on their own. Jet secretly followed them to make sure that they safe and that their little "adventure" didn't get too dangerous.

Oh, there Jet goes again, pretending like he’s not attached to this world, viewing everything like it was beyond a television screen. And stalking his girlfriend so he knows how to manipulate her better.

Their adventure ended up in a deserted, isolated place called The Kindergarten and it was the place were Amethyst was made. Pearl also showed up and she wasn't too keen on Amethyst showing Steven such a bizarre place. Amethyst wasn't too keen on Pearl calling the place bizarre and the two ended up fighting.

Timeout! You were being serious in that being the word she used, author? For fuck sake, for once can’t you even engage a single brain cell to figure out what the context of everything is?! I was fine thinking Jet just interpreted distant words, but for you to have Pearl address this kindergarten as ‘bizarre’ is asinine. She called it ‘horrible’ because that's what it is and it’s the word association what makes Amethyst snap, you moron. You can't just keep altering the canon dialogue all willy-nilly when it’s lore and exposition of gems, of Amethyst, of the war itself, and we are getting none of it uttered, meaning it was never told now or later, unacknowledged up until the point where the author rips off the show where it has to be known, if even!! How much would Lord of the Rings have caught on if Boromir had said; “One does not simply walk into Mordor. That place is bizarre.” I could go on forever, but that will only leave me stranded in this mess. Moving on.

Jet thought that it was a way for them to blow off some steam, but when it got to the point of being too serious, he intervened.

Steven, of course, was cowering in a corner, triggered by his training-phobia.

That was mistake on his part, as both gems shifted their anger on him. He managed to block their attacks and reframed from countering with his own. He wanted to stop them, not hurt them. Only by him taking some damage (because he intentionally dropped his guard) they were able to stop their fight to see if he was OK. He was but he told them to talk it out instead of fighting. They did and they were all able to go home together.

Fuck you, and fuck you making this all about you, you egotistical dickwad. Author, you have lost all credibility with me in actually understanding any issue the show puts forth. This is just about you and having your dick readying its appointments for any opening it can get. Neither of them have any reason to turn on Jet, you loon. Pearl was defending and not wanting to fight in the first place. As pathetic as that is, you have to let Jet take intentional damage, because of course these now thoughtless combatants will go back to normal once they realize that attacking someone can hurt them. You are scum, author. I can’t put it any more gently, when you waste one of the show’s intense and exposition-heavy turning points of character development, as no more than an ignored stepping stone to unjustifiably satisfy your self-absorbed, pity-fuck harvesting ego. You are rubbing your ass on gold and throwing it in the trash afterwards. Can you stop giving me reasons to rant at every paragraph?!

His eyes started to close until he heard a knock at his door. He got out of the tub and stretched his limbs. He told the person at the door to wait a moment until he grabbed something to wear. He threw on his usual getup minus the trench coat. He went to the door and was surprise to see Pearl there. He raised an eyebrow at her.

Hey, I’m surprised too, Jet, but could you try and be likable for two seconds and not seem like you expected her to never actually visit?

"Hi, Jet." Pearl greeted, as Jet smiled and folded his arms. "I hope you weren't busy."

"How come?" Jet asked.

"Because of that." Pearl said, as Jet peeked his head out to see what she was talking about. It was a giant robot, like the one Steven encounter before and it was causing mayhem on the beach.

I had sort of expected him to notice it’s arrival, hopefully by crashing through his nebulously placed home, if but for him to pretend to care about the reality he inhabits.

Steven and Connie was there, but out of the robot's way. Garnet manage to hold it of a little but even she was slung back by one of the robot's legs.

"Awesome!" Jet said, with stars in his eyes. "Let me grab my coat." Jet hurried to grab his coat, which took him no time at all,

A call to action and your first concern is to grab the one thing that has the single purpose of coming off for you to pull out a weapon from your gem. Please, have some of the Gems’ birthdays, author, and grow up.

and raced towards the location of the robot. He grabbed his sword from his back and leapt in the air.

And now you can’t even be consistent about it. Why the fuck do I bother?!

He yelled before impaling the robot, causing it to explode in a glorious fashion. Bits of robot parts and goo from it went flying everywhere. Steven had his bubble shield up to protect himself and Connie.

"Aww." Jet said, brushing himself off. "Fun's over. Hey, Pearl is this-"

"One of Peridot's machines, then yes I think so." Pearl said, walking over to him. "Except we've never encountered one this big before."

"Or this gooey." Amethyst said, covering in the robot's goo.

Where the hell did you come from, Amethyst? The author didn’t even establish you to be here before now. Did you hide in the robonoid that Jet somehow got no gunk on him from?

Amethyst took a few steps towards Pearl.

"Amethyst, we need to be careful. We don't know what that stuff is." Pearl said. Amethyst started to snicker as she slowly made her way closer to Pearl.

"Oh, no." Pearl said, slowly backing away from here. "Don't you dare get that stuff on me!" Amethyst ignored her and inched closer.

Better get used to the feeling of it, Pearl. The author has to excuse a future money shot somehow for a future lemon, I suppose.

"Goo hug! Come here Pearl!" She shouted, as she tried to hug Pearl. Pearl took off running with Amethyst not that far behind her. Jet smiled, as it was nice to see those two back to their normal relationship.


Author, their normal relationship thus far was arguing over Amethyst's childish behavior and bemoaning Pearl’s prudishness. This moment here is a sign of their relationship having improved and developed, but its cause was squashed to leave this undeserved just so you could imagine you are that much closer to a threesome!

Garnet brushed some robot parts off of her and picked up on of the robot piece. Jet walked over to where she was.

"So." Jet started. "What do you think that thing was here to do, beside wreck things?"

"It's destroyed and that all that matters." Garnet said.

"Hopefully, it's the last one." Jet said. "Because it interrupted my bath time."

Jet face-palmed himself, he should really learn to shut his mouth sometimes.

Yes, you should, seeing as the author keep stealing you the dialogue made for Steven, leaving him and Connie seem uncaring of it all, interchangeably vanished into the void that Jet otherwise occupies.
Unfortunately, it wasn't the last one as the gang been fight them for almost a whole week. Jet was currently at the temple, sitting on the couch while Steven was talking on his cellphone. Jet assumed that he was talking to Connie and was about to tease him about it but he left the kid alone.

Original dialogue? Perish the thought.

Suddenly, the temple shook causing Jet to stand up. The gems came running out of their rooms, looking around. They knew it was another giant robot making a crash landing somewhere close by.

"What is with these things?" Amethyst said, a bit annoyed. "This is like the sixth one this week." Garnet looked as though she was concentrating. Jet figured she was trying to located it.

"We'll find it in the desert." She said.

Oh yeah, author, that’s totally nearby, and likely to shake the temple by landing in sand that demands a warp-tour half-way across the globe. They noticed their arrivals by the sound of them entering the atmosphere, and then located them via future-vision, you attention-lacking epitome of incompetence.

Jet walked over to the warp pad with the others, he was ready to fight once more.

He always is, unless the author pusses out, and that annoys me. Life for the Crystal Gems are more than being combatants. Fuck, you don’t even need to bring out Bismuth later, author, you’ve got that base entirely covered.

Steven had finished his conversation and was rushing over to join the crew.

"Wait for me, guys." He said making his way over. The others took over before he had a chance to get on the pad, but they didn't worry they knew that he'd joined them soon. Jet looked around and there was nothing but sand as far as the eye could see. Before he had a chance to say or doing anything, he saw 3 shadows rush pass him. Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst were already attacking the giant robot.

'That was fast.' Jet said, as he drew his weapon.

And now Jet’s faster-than-the-gems-have-ever-seen trait is forfeited, because the author got ahead of himself and realized he had left behind the secure and safe descriptions that only the show gives by using Steven as the point-of-view character.

He noticed that Amethyst had her whip wrapped around the robot and Pearl was on top of it, trying to pierce it with her spear to no avail. Garnet started punching it, but her punches just bounced off it.

" ball..." Pearl muttered, as she tried to stab through the sphere.

And now you are cheating me out of dirty joke setups with your wanton dialogue alterations, author. Must you disappoint me at every turn?

"Yeah!" Amethyst said, pulling on her whip. "Let it out! Get crazy!"

I don’t think one robonoid is enough for the pent up issues Jet has caused everyone.

Jet started to take a swing at the robot himself, until he heard Steven say something.

"Guys, cut it out! How many more of these things do you have to fight?" Steven said, making his way behind Jet.

"We don't know." Pearl whined a little. "They just keep coming and coming and coming and we don't even know what they are. We don't know anything."

”It’s just like those gangs that go bang that Rose told me about.

"That's OK." Steven said, making the pause from his words. "I don't know anything all the time.

Oh, you didn’t feel like stealing this line, Jet? Certainly fits you, and by extension, your author.

It's like my whole life, but I've got you guys to tell me about gem stuff and dad tells me about weird dad stuff."

”Jet tries to tell me about some war, but I can’t seem to pay attention to him, like, ever.”

"But nobody knows what these things are here to do." Pearl said, clenching her spear.

"Well, it probably does." Steven said, pointing at the robot.

"What?" Pearl said, raising an eyebrow.

"We can follow it and see where it goes." Steven said.

"Are you nuts?" Amethyst asked.

"Who knows what could go wrong!" Pearl said.

She’s right. Jet could say more inane things to pretend he’s part of the scene, or the author could misrepresent the show even further. Better to just forget about it, Steven.

"We can't fight these things forever." Garnet said. "Well...we can, but I don't want to. let's do it Steven's way."

"Yeah! Let's follow the funky flow!" Steven said, making a wave motion with his arm. Jet raised an eyebrow at that.

Being animate is just such an alien behavior to him.

"We're dead." Amethyst said. The gems stopped their attack on the giant marble and all five of them was able to squeeze on top of it, with Steven in the front and Jet in the back. The other gems were in between the two.

Fine, lets get this pre-‘Rosa Parks’ bus on the road.

"Alright big guy! Mush!" Steven said, giving the robot a hard slap on its surface. The robot started to move in an eerie fashion at first, but then corrected itself as it headed towards the warp pad. The robot warped the crew to the Kindergarten area.

"Kindergarten." Garnet muttered.

The first among you to even mention the word ‘bizarre’ will be dead to me.

"Oh... why here?" Pearl asked, looking around the deserted area. "This site has been damage enough by the gems that were incubated here 6,000 years ago..."

Oh, now you want to talk lore, do you, author? You couldn’t even offhandedly mention in your veiled flashback that other gems besides Amethyst were made here, holes and all. You’re the type of such abysmal skills that you’d fail at the challenge of describing a piece of cheese!

"That's it! This thing is up to no good!" Pearl continued, as she started to draw her weapon from her forehead.

"Hold up, Pearl!" Jet said, making Pearl stop for a moment. "We don't even know what it's doing here yet. Wouldn't you like to see at least?"

"Garnet?" Pearl said, looking at her.

"Hmm." Garnet said. "Let's follow Jet's idea."

Oh yeah, of course, because it certainly is Jet’s idea. Steven had no hand in it this far, no siree. Are you just this dysfunctional that you don't grasp concepts demanding immediate retention of the previous scene that establishes the plot?

Pearl groaned, as she let her weapon dissipate from view. The robot started to move again, taking the crew the quite Kindergarten.

This fanfic reads like a ransom letter for the English language, containing cut off pieces to punctuate its demands.

"What does it want here?" Amethyst asked, looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Maybe it wants to see where Amethyst was made?" Steven suggested. Amethyst crossed her arms.

"Maybe it should mind its own business..." She retorted.

"I don't like this at all." Pearl said, looking around once more.

"But..." Steven started.

"I'm with Pearl on this one." Amethyst said, looking at Steven.

And Jet is just being a silent creep, poking them in their backs, knowing he won’t be called out.

"Aww, C'mon. Can't you feel this guy's funky flow?" Steven said, patting the surface. "He's a funk master."

"I can't believe we're doing this." Pearl said. The giant robot suddenly stopped in its tracks.

"Why'd stop little buddy?" Steven asked, patting the surface once more. Garnet looked at Jet and he nodded.

"You sense it too huh?" Jet asked her. She nodded as a response.

"Sense what?" Steven asked.

Fuck you and your sixth sense bullshit. Garnet is using future vision, if even that in the face of the obvious, you dolt. Your pointless back and forth acknowledgements for your self-insert is some of the most cringey ego-waxing I’ve ever mocked.

"Something's about to happen." Garnet said, grabbing Steven and jumping off. The other's followed and jumped off as well. The robot's legs that it used to carry them, suddenly disappeared. The robot shot a beam into the ground and it created a green-shaped square into the surface. The robot then morphed into a shape of the same designed and landed itself with the square. The area glowed a bright green as a passage was opened to them.

The robot created a hole in the ground, hovered and reshaped into a pyramid, then lowered itself into the ground, and became an inclined elevator. I could use a fourth of your word count to do a more genuine retelling of this show. And that’s if I let Jet stay.

"Well, that's convenient." Jet said, as he walked closer to the passage. The other's followed behind him.

"See?" Steven said, looking down the hole the robot created. "I knew we'd find some cool! Let's go!" As soon as he said that, he slid down the hole. The gems let out a gasp of surprise and followed Steven. Jet was right behind them, as he was enjoying this adventure so far.

Oh, how wonderful, I could not bare continuing without pausing for the author's explicit status update.

They landed on a pad that was leading further down.’

It’s the robonoid that reshaped itself to slide down a moment ago. Do you have an issue with object permanence or something?

"Hey guys!" Steven said, smirking at them. "Going down? Are you OK?" He asked when the gems didn't respond to his joke.

Yeah, because the author can’t describe an elevator worth a damn.

The area that they were in was dark, surrounded by green-like crystals on the walls.

"What is this place?" Pearl asked, as they continued to descend downwards. No one had an answer for her, as they continued to their unknown destination.

The pad made a sudden stop in an area that looked like a small auditorium with a podium in the middle of it.

Are you sure you’ve even seen the inside of a high school, author?

The others heard a noise that made them wonder what it was, until they seen a smaller robot make its way toward the misshaped podium. Once the robot was on the podium, it activated what look like a giant screen and on that giant screen was Peridot. The crystal gems let out a gasp of surprise and looked for a place to hid.

"Established gem projection link with control room." She said, using her finger screen to document herself. "Robot has successfully landed on planet Earth and enter prime Kindergarten control room in sector 5. Will proceed to perform status check of Kindergarten..." The screen of Peridot disappeared and the gems had a look of worry on their faces.

The screen is still there, it moves and turns out of view and the scene you are ripping off does simply not depict it, author. This careless, unthoughtful authorship leaves every line wrong. Bad grammar, wrong sentence structure, skipped words, and while repeating the source material it's riddled with plot-crippling oversimplifications, nonsensical reworded dialogue, rehashed events lacking their setups, character misrepresenting turns, and Jet stealing any moment he can to attempt to fool readers and himself that he has relevance and impact. I won't say I hate this fanfic. You can't hate something this horrendously misguided. I'm however disgusted and confused, because I have to convince myself that the author is not aware of these flaws, yet this thing is about as obvious and appealing as shit on toast.

"It's Peridot." Amethyst said.

"Is she trying to reactivate the Kindergarten?" Pearl asked, looking at Garnet. "Does she know that it'll destroy all life on Earth?"

”I mean, in case she does, that's so not fine with me, at all, we’d have to stop her, Greg and other filthy, primitive lives like his could be in the balance, better give it at least 20 for this one.“[/color]

"What?" Jet said, eyes widened at this.

"Well..." Steven said. "Why don't we just ask her?"

”That’s so thoughtful, Steven. Wait here, I’ll ask her if she knows what button to push.”

"Steven..." Garnet started. "We're facing an enemy we don't know with technology we don't understand. This isn't the time to be asking questions."

"Well, it sounds like it is..." Steven muttered.

But do you learn your lesson and start asking about other stuff at any other time, Steven? Nooooo.

"Ok, here's the plan." Garnet said, looking at the others. "We can't let her see us, so we wait for an opening. When she's distracted, we destroy the power source on the far wall. Steven stays here..."

"That's gonna be a problem." Jet stated.

"Why's that?" Pearl asked.

"Because he's currently making his way up there."

You must have enjoyed watching and scratching your ass too much to bother stopping him, I guess.

Jet pointed to the location of Steven. He was making his way toward the center of the platform." The others looked where Jet pointed and Jet was right. Steven was making his way towards the center.

Since the Geneva convention would prohibit you a beta reader, can't you at least try to reread your own fanfic, author? Can you read?

"Steven!" The others whispered in frustration.

"Now accounting for all operational injectors..." They heard a voice say.

A voice? It’s Peridot’s. You do lack object permanence, author!

They peeked and noticed that Steven was in the center of the auditorium-like platform and that two giant hands had emerged from the surface. The screen that held the image of Peridot was back as well.

"Checking for details of the perimeter." The voice continued,

Did you do a shitty rewrite of an earlier draft? I feel like we switched episodes, that’s how off your ordinarily bad writing is.

as the hands were bringing up what looked like detailed information. "This gem tech is simply arcadic..."

Damn Arcadians, haven’t Greece suffered enough? Wait, what?

"I don't know, I think it looks cool." Steven said, getting the attention of Peridot. She was on the screen now, looking at Steven in wonder.

"Hi, I'm Steven." Steven said, waving at her.

It’s amazing what the show’s main character has to do to get some attention in this fanfic.

'You little idiot.' Jet thought, looking at Steven in disbelief. 'You're gonna get killed.'

Oh, do you suddenly know something about Homeworld Gems and their intent that you didn’t before Mr. What-does-that-mean?

The screen zoned in on Steven with Peridot still looking at him.

"There's appears to be an infestation of Stevens in the Kindergarten." Peridot said, talking into her finger screen.

"Aww, I'm not so bad once you get to know me." Steven said.

Unlike certain other half-gems I could possibly care to mention.

"And how many more Stevens are present in this area?" Peridot asked, looking around.

"Oh..." Steven said, placing his hands in his pockets. "Just me."

"Well, that's a relief." Peridot said, looking away from him.

”I mean, me, fumigating an entire six millennia old kindergarten? Hah, I’d rather be shattered.

"So, tell me, have Stevens replaced humans as the dominate species on Earth?"

"Well, no." Steven said. "There's lots of humans."

"Hmm." Peridot hummed.

Well, that canon rip-off came short. Who wants to bet Topaz and Aquamarine will still collect humans without the list, or dare we hope the author loses interest before then?

"Now I get to ask you a question." Steven stated. "What are you doing?"

"Just picking up where we left off." Peridot said, as one of the giant hands hovered above Steven. It balled itself into a fist and before it had a chance to slam down on Steven, Garnet intervened and held it up and threw it to the side.

"A gem?!"

Or ‘whatever they are’, as the author made Steven so aptly put it. No, there is not a lot I can forgive this author.

Peridot said, looking at Garnet. Pearl, Jet and Amethyst hopped on the stage as well. Their weapons drawn, ready to attack.

"Ahh... more?" Peridot said, looking at them. "But the Red Eye didn't report the presences of any gems on this planet."

"That's because we destroyed it." Jet said, with a smirk on his face.

I’m guessing you want to take full credit with that smirk, you no good at-half-power, ineffective super-attack tooting loser.

"You what?" Peridot said, looking a bit worried. "But the records say that gems have been wiped out on Earth...wait a minute, you're the ones that have been destroying my robots. Are you the reason that the home world warp is down again? Why do you keep destroying my things?"

"Because we are the crystal gems."

Destroying things that are not theirs is pretty much in their job description.

Pearl said, point her spear towards the screen. "We're still alive and we're still the guardians of this planet and all its living creatures."

"The crystal gems?" Peridot said, with a raised eyebrow.

"Ah, right, I totally know who the Crystal Gems – you – are, uhh, you...make crystals? That’s what the name means, right?"

This apparently set the gems off, as they started to attack Peridot's giant hands and the equipment that was surrounding them.

"Hey! Stop!" Peridot yelled, as the crystal gems continued. "How dare you! I'm doing this one way or another! You're...just...making this really...difficult."

My exact words to everything the author put in this fanfic.

While this was gonna on, Jet and Steven stood there and watch the gems go at it.

"Why aren't you helping Jet?" Steven asked.

"They don't need my help with this. "Jet answered, putting his weapon back into his gems. "Besides, this hardly counts as an opponent." Jet folded his arms and continued to watch.

You don't know jack shit, Jet. Stop constantly operating under your author-given knowledge of the show and episode, and instead for once try to imagine how it is to be a part of this world where uncertainty is a given. The room could blow up if not stopped in time for all you should know. Lasers and cannons could be next. Pearl told you that if this place turned back on it could mean the death of all life on the planet. I know overkill is not satisfactory unless it's done solely by yourself, but this moment could be do our die!
And I’m torn between sticking with that tirade, or accuse you of forcibly excusing a non-violent introduction, so you can ease your way to fucking the green gremlin without needing actual character development.

"Amethyst, now!" Garnet yelled. Amethyst grabbed one of the giant hands with her whip and smash it into the power source (that was located near the far wall).

What is it with crap authors and their affliction of parenthesis-it is. A comma was all you needed, you ungrammatical deadbeat.

"I'm reporting this!" Peridot said. And with that, the screen vanished from site.

"Is it over?" Amethyst said, putting her whip back into her gem. The gems looked at each other then walked over to Steven.

'They look pissed.' Jet thought noticing the expression on their faces.

Or maybe disappointed, displeased, even all the other emotions I have for this fic, perhaps? Why is every non-blushing face you see in your mind one of anger, author?!

"OK." Steven said, noticing their look as well. "I might have gone a little too far this time."

"Well, Steven, you weren't completely wrong." Garnet said, placing a hand on her hip. "We learned something new because of your decision."

”We learned that Jet won't join in on a fight for Earth if he can ogle at our asses instead.”

"Cool!" Steven said, excitedly.

"But, yeah, this was a pretty bad idea." Garnet said.

"Rats." Steven said.

I invite anyone to play devil’s advocate and explain to me how this fanfic has ever tried to convey its content any better than a kid thinking out loud his day dreams while narrating the episodes he’s watching on TV. This fanfic is like the literary equivalent of a tapeworm, I want to invent a new word to describe its offending existence as a travesty every time I mock a new chapter.

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Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Fri Oct 27, 2017 1:24 pm

I might have mentioned this already, but I enjoy Steven Universe. I find it both highly exaggeratedly praised and criticized, but that's fandoms and tumblr for you. And I know it through and through. On one hand I have a sticky memory when it comes to anything visual, but I've also rewatched the show by sharing it with friends. And that makes this fanfic even worse to me. From a narrative standpoint, the show draws strength in its foreshadowing elements, gradual world building, and permanent character development. And this author cares for none of that, thinking he can merely default to the canon with no drawbacks. I knew this would happen. Here’s Chapter 12 – Power Outage.

Greeting folks, InsaneGuy here! Sorry for the lack of an update on this story, I honestly forgot about it.

Maybe you should try and write something memorable for a change, then. In other news, you seemingly also forgot to put more Jet tidbits after your chapters, or did you think that single one in Chapter 10 that repeated everything already known about him was all you needed?

Anyway, I realized on my other chapters that the grammar is not so good, so I'll be revising those soon enough (now that I have Microsoft Word on my computer)

Fine, you ninny, let me waste the quarter of an hour and see if you can get some praise, at least. Nope. Every chapter except Chapter 1 and Chapter 5 are identical to what I mocked, ‘gaint’ and everything. At least I hope he learnt that ‘agaited’ isn’t even a real word.

Thanks to those that reviewed (even though some were deemed as negative).

Why am I giving myself more homework than when I was having my education? Whatever, let’s see. A total of 6 reviews existed before this chapter, two by Weeb that’s a Sheep and the others being guest reviews that likely all came from the same person. Most of them are of constructive criticism, pointing out most of my own gripes, and an occasional encouragement to carry on so as to improve. My stance, in spirit. But that’s not funny, so I’ll stick with my method.

Jet will be receiving a back-story to make him a little more of a relatable character soon enough to those who care. Enough of me babbling, enjoy the story.

For crying out loud, even this show you leech off of knows backstories are not what makes a character relatable, author. Even you would realize you operate as if under that notion, what with how you threw the opener for amethyst's backstory under the bus. What makes a character relatable is their traits, how they act, and why. Pearl has thousands of unknown years behind her, and I barely care as that is not the basis of her character. Jet is undesirable, has nothing good to him, and no amount of additional backstory could fix what you've already given him of Gem Hunter title, dead parents, and cuckold breakups.

Chapter 12

Power Outage

The title is original, but the plot clearly isn’t. Was a Dewey episode too difficult for you, author?

Ever since the 2nd encounter with Peridot, things have been a little off putting for the gems and Jet.

Their world was dissolving at a rapid pace, scenery, backstory, lore, and song numbers being absent everywhere.

Lapis managed to contact them, via soundwaves, to give them a warning.

She must have yelled really hard for them to hear her across space. They used a device for communication, author, why are you constantly this inept?

She told them that there were a group of gems that were on their way to Earth. She also told them that home world wasn't what it used to be and that everything was so advanced. That last thing she told them was to not put up a fight and that it'll only lead to their doom. Even Jet, who is ¤ab&normally cocky, felt a sense of dread when he'd heard this.

Well, what are you waiting for, Jet? Damage yourself and recover a dozen times already, so you can exploit the most obviously blatant power endowment in this fanfic to date.

It was currently night time and Jet was on the beach with Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst. Pearl wanted to try out a machine of hers, which looked like a small generator to Jet.

It’s an upside-down box with two attached hairdryers and a smiley-topped antenna. What sort of generators do you know of?

"Amethyst, do you have the robot?" Pearl asked, as she messed with her machine. Amethyst was kicking the robot towards Pearl's way.

What is wrong with the word robonoid, author? Did your new Word autocorrect dependency trigger and you panicked?

"Yeah, don't worry about." Amethyst said, giving it a hard kick towards Pearl, which landed at her feet.

"Amethyst, I just repaired that one." Pearl said, as Amethyst rested her foot on it.

Quite the accomplishment, seeing as it must be the equivalent of a caveman repairing a watch. I’ll bet Steven happened to sneeze near it while she was poking it with a screwdriver.

"Yeah, Yeah." Amethyst said, placing her arms behind her head. "It's fine." Pearl groaned and rolled her eyes.

"OK, we have everything we need for the experiment and Steven is home fast asleep." Pearl said, kneeling to facing her machine.

"No, he's not, but he should be." Jet said, pointing behind him. There Steven was, smiling behind the group the whole time, while they were distracted with the machine.

Look at this little master of stealth. I'm surprised they even thought the three of them could sneak through his room and out the door with that contraption unnoticed.

"Hey, guys." Steven said.

"Steven!" Pearl shouted a little. "It's way past your bedtime. You should really go back to the house."

”If you have trouble falling asleep, I know this TV channel Rose always seemed to get exhausted from watching. The name is adorable, too, since it encourages boys to play.”

"What? I don't wanna miss... whatever, this is." Steven said. "Umm... what is this?"

"Pearl got lonely, so she made herself a robot friend." Amethyst said, making Jet crack up a little. Pearl glared at them.

No, I'm pretty sure she would have gotten herself a robot friend shortly after losing Rose. We are talking about the same thing here, right?

"It's not a robot friend, it a robot disrupter." Pearl said standing up and walking towards the robot. "It should produce a localize energy blast, so when Peridot shows up to meet with us, we'll have something to knock out her robots." She grabbed the robot and placed it almost in front of her machine. "Now, stand back everyone." She pressed a button and the front end of the machine started to glow a little. Unfortunately, the power must've been a little too much, as the front end of the machine exploded causing a mini shock wave that threw them back.


The machine functioned as intended, author, no explosions involved, because that would be a effectless malfunction. You and your puppet Jet should recognized an invisible shockwave of energy, like the one you used to attempt to kill Steven with.

"Uh-Oh." Jet said, as he noticed that the power was going out all over Beach City. The other groaned a little as they got up.

"We did it!" Steven said. That would be true if the robot wasn't moving around as it was now.

And if only the author couldn’t fuck up his own timing in telling us the robonoid wasn’t moving when Steven said it, he wouldn’t be reduced to Spongebob Squarepants levels of stupid.

"Well, you knocked out all the lights in town."

"Steven, that wasn't the point of the..." Pearl took a deep breath. "Alright, that was a start. Now, I'm going to need to take some parts out of the washing machine. Steven, you might have to were the same shirt for a while."

"Rats." Steven said.

What? At every line you write, I learn how little you understand what you are tarnishing, author. Steven had no issue with this, and you know why? Because he has nothing but that type of shirt. That's the joke and even - and I know I'm harping here - lore related.

Jet let out a yawn and started to head home. Pearl was right, it was late and he was still half human, so he still needed rest.

Oh, you don’t want to sweat drop at her like in Chapter 1, doofus?

The rest of the gems headed home, with Amethyst following Jet.

"Amethyst." Jet said, yawning a little. "Why aren't you going back with the others?"

"Well..." Amethyst said. "I thought you might need some company for tonight." Jet let a sly smirk form in his face.

Oh no, this is a lemon, isn’t it?! I should have known from the off title choice. I didn’t come prepared! Code Purple, I repeat, we’ve got a Code Purple!!

"OK." He said, walking to his house. "But, we're just sleeping for the night. It'll get too hot if we do anything else." Amethyst had a faint blush on her face as she followed behind.

"I know that." Amethyst said, a little flustered.

Huh? What? I don't know what to question the most. That you of all peoples are turning down sex, or the author is this focused on air-conditioning issues.

Jet groaned as the morning sun rose above Beach City. He heard light snoring beside him, almost forgetting that Amethyst had decided to spend the night. He started to get up, when he felt an arm pull him back.

"Where are you going?" Amethyst said, rubbing her eyes.

Last I checked, training or complaining about Crying Breakfast Friends was all he has on his schedule, so now he can do one of the things that's actually worthwhile and excusable as granted by what they know is coming.

Jet thought about it for a second, it was early morning with no power. Training would be a drag because he would be sweating a lot and because of no power, he would have a hard time cooling off.

If you have a faucet, it should work regardless of power, you sloth. Also, open one of the windows you must have, you’ll see an entire ocean. Pearl was right, humans deserve only sticking to hunter-gathering with this dweeb’s first world problems.

He was already sweating a little because of it. He shrugged his shoulders and laid back down.

"Well, I guess training is out of the question." Jet said, as Amethyst snuggled closer to him. "This power outage is going to cause some problems for the citizens of Beach City."

And you've shown such a deep connection to them thus far, haven't you? You’ve conversed with Lars, and I guess buying a donut from Sadie and forcing your backstory down her throat in Chapter 1 sort of counts as having interacted with her.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it." Amethyst said. "It'll come back on eventually."

"Yeah, I guess." Jet said. "So, what should we do in the meantime?" Amethyst smiled and got on top of Jet.

"I know what we can do." Amethyst said, with a smirk on her face.

Worry about the impending doom, which you somehow think is on hold because you are having a less than perfect day?

"Usually, I'll be down for this, but how bout we just make-out for the time being?" Jet said.

Why do I have the feeling you won’t admit Pearl’s device made more than just the electricity malfunction, Jet? Or is the author just not feeling up to the task of writing an entire lemon?

Amethyst smiled and nodded her head. She brought her head down and locked lips with Jet. She moaned into the kiss, as she inserted her tongue into Jet's mouth. She moaned a little louder when his tongue entangled hers, gently stroking and twirling around it.

Even the deepest tonsil boxing must be so boring for people who can shapeshift. Come on, author, get freaky, give me your worst, this vanilla shit is too tame.

This continued for a few moments, until the need for air was too great. Amethyst and Jet broke apart, gasping for air.

The trick is to breathe through your nose, you inexperienced idiot. And Amethyst doesn’t even need to breathe.

Amethyst had a deep blush on her face, as she leaned down once more. Jet had to stop her because he felt him get too aroused.

"I knew this would happen." Jet said, trying to calm himself down. Amethyst laughed and laid back down, she had to calm down herself because she too, was excited. Jet scowled at her when she laughed and got on top of her this time.

"I thought we weren't going do it?" She asked, looking at him in anticipation.

Would you stop being the boy who cried fuse and just get it over with already, author? I can't keep bracing and then letting my guard down like this.

"We're not." Jet said, smiling to himself. "At least, not in this heat. But I do wanna have some fun with these a little." Amethyst raised an eyebrow until she felt a pair of strong hands cupping her breasts.

"Ohh... I see what you mean..." Amethyst said, before letting a small moan escape from her. Jet was enjoying himself as he massaged Amethyst breasts.

Boys and their toys, I guess. You do realize she could transform them into a full model trainset and landscape, with sound effects and everything, just for kicks, right?

Every now and then he would tug on her nipples through her shirt, earning lustful moans from her. Jet did this for a few more second then stopped as he didn't want Amethyst to climax from his actions.

Oh, crisis convincingly averted there, Jet. Careful not to breathe too hard on her, too, she might go off spontaneously.

"I think that's enough for now." Jet said, laying on his back.

"Agreed..." Amethyst could barely say. Jet's actions really did a number on her. The two decided to go back to sleep for a few more hours, to pass some time.

What a riveting chapter. If the author wants to move on from fondling his balls and actually produce a meaningful narrative, he can reboot and start over, because this fanfic blew that chance long ago.

There was a knock on Jet's door and Jet was reluctant to get up. After a few more knocks, Jet got up and made his way to his front door. He didn't bother to ask who it was, he opened the door without hesitation. It was Garnet and Pearl and they looked restless.

"May we talk with you and Amethyst?" Pearl asked.

This is an intervention, Jet. The trenchcoats have got to stop.

"Sure." Jet said, still half sleep.

"Good." Garnet said. "Meet us at the temple in 10 minutes."

"OK." Jet said, as Pearl and Garnet took their leave. Jet didn't know what they wanted to talk about but it seemed serious. Jet walked back to his room to wake up Amethyst. They did sleep longer than intended, as the sun was now setting.

Longer than intended? Did you go into a coma from another snog session? You slept through the entire day!!

Amethyst woke up after Jet entered the room.

"Good you're up." Jet said, putting on his trench coat as he didn't bother to change last night.

And you’ve gone that long without even changing clothes? Is Amethyst just attracted to your body odor?

"Garnet wants us to meet her at the temple. Sounds serious." Amethyst got out of the bed and stretched. Jet walked to the front and waited for Amethyst to walk out. She did and they made their way towards the temple.

Thanks, I might have thought they warped from a teleporter the gems installed in his home, if you hadn’t specified.

When they got there, Pearl and Garnet was standing outside.

"Yo." Jet greeted. "What's up?"

"We wanted to talk to you two about the Peridot situation." Pearl said.

"Another challenger for Best Gem is stepping in on our turf, so we need to do a Lapis and have you be a creep and scare her off for us, Jet."

"OK?" Jet said, folding his arms.

"This is serious, Jet." Garnet said, placing her hand on her hips.

If you’re asking him to finally lose the clown afro given to him by his father, it’s a bit late, Garnet.

"I know." Jet said. "I've been a little uneasy, myself. I never had to fight any home world gems before... well, besides you two..." He paused to look at Garnet and Pearl. "Peridot didn't really feel like a threat even though she is."

You just affiliated them with the faction they oppose right to their face, you don’t know where the Gems were made even if the author had written Amethyst to actually exposit the fact they are from off-planet, and Peridot is a threat at the current time, despite the canon-turnout. Fuck your feels and fuck you for proving me right on the shit I called last chapter. Acting as if everything you’ve not only skipped, but also actively established to never have come to pass, has been laid out for your self-insert. It’s like building a house without a proper foundation and pretending it can exist, and oops there goes another dollar into the “Jet’s house” jar.

"That may be so, but I need to fix my machine in case she show's up with more of her robots." Pearl said.

"So what if she shows up with more, we'll just smash them all." Amethyst chimed in.

"It's not just the robots." Garnet said, pushing her visor up to her face. "According to Lapis, she's going to have back up."

"Who know what she going to have?" Pearl said, looking a little concern. "We won't stand a chance against their weapons. But if we can just knock them out..."

"It's not about the robots, Pearl." Garnet said. "She's coming with other gems."

And I'm begging on hands and knees that the author does something - anything original with that. He has an entirely up-to-interpretation mass of alien rocks he can pull down from a yet-to-be fully described, multi-planet spanning empire. Even if Jasper has to be replaced by another Jet, it'll be anything but this dull, predictable, and pointless rehash.

"Says who?" Amethyst said. "Who cares? What does Lapis even know?"

"Calm down, Amethyst." Garnet said,

"You calm down, You-" She stopped and noticed that Steven was standing right behind them.

"Hey, look who it is..." She said as she walked towards him. "It's Steven. Our best friend Steven. What are you doing here, buddy?" She placed an arm around him.

He’s following the script, and so are you. Does Jet even have a single thought here? Did the Gems just want a silent spectator? No lament about protecting Steven, or even how he shouldn’t be this shielded from it all? I’ve said it already, but Steven is a completely neglected afterthought in this fanfic, in spite of the author pretending how well his gemsona gets along with him.

"I... umm... live here." Steven said, as Amethyst shot a deadpan look. "Is everything Ok?"

"Of course." Pearl said, with her arms folded.

"In fact, we were just about to" Garnet said.

Now all I can think of is how Garnet could cover all expenses for Steven by going into a casino. No, on second thought, she’d just indulge the first person at the poker table saying “hit me”.

"Yes, cards." Pearl said, nodding in agreement.

"Wanna play war?" Amethyst asked, earning a grunt from Pearl. "I mean, peace?"

"Yeah... but, how are we gonna play cards in the dark?" Steven asked.

"We can light a fire in the fire place." Garnet said.

"Yes, like early man." Pearl said, causing Jet to raise an eyebrow at her statement.

Fuck your eyebrows. Convey a thought you imbecile. I don't even know if you understand that they are all scrambling to distract Steven with what they are saying.

"Come on, early man." Amethyst said, as she rustled Steven's hair. They others went inside and when they noticed that Steven didn't followed, they continued their conversation a little bit.

Steven was stuck in sleeper mode with Jet, listening to the distant angry mob lynching major Dewey.

Are you even trying to cover your shitty canon-stealing, author, you shithead?

Steven followed soon after and he noticed that the fire place was lit and that Pearl was working on her machine once more. Amethyst, Jet and Garnet was sitting on the couch.

"Umm... do you guys wanna talk?" Steven asked after noticing the lack of atmosphere.

"And why would we need to do that?" Pearl said, trying to play it off.

"Hey, Steven." Amethyst said, trying to change the mood. "You still owe us a game of cards."

If Jet could exist for more than once in this scene, he'd likely corrupt that offer into strip-poker, disregarding Steven's presence like he did with the cookies scene.

"Yeah, get in on this." Garnet said, as she grabbed the deck of cards that was resting on the table.

"N-no." Steven said. "I don't wanna play cards, I wanna talk about Peridot."

"Oh, well...yes. Everything is fine." Pearl said, sweating a little.

"No, it is not." Steven said. "I know it's not. I know you just don't want me to be scared but, just tell me the truth."

Oh, Steven, you’ve come so far in such a short time. I mean that literally, you transformed from a goof playing with a mirror into this, in an instant.

All of them looked at each other, then took a deep breath.

"As you know, Peridot is coming." Garnet said, placing the cards on the table. "We don't know who or what she'll be coming with.

Yes, we do. Jasper, Lapis, gem destabilizers, a laser-shooting hand-ship that has to be destroyed form the inside, Peridot herself, and nothing else. Does that sum up your bulletpoint checklist, author?

She's a modern gem with modern gem technology that's bound to overpower us.

The Crystal Gems; alien hipsters.

Steven, the truth is... we're scared..." Jet looked off to the side, she was partially right as far as to say that.

She wasn’t including you, Jet, go back to playing with Amethyst’s tits.

He was a little worried but at the same time, something in him wanting to see what a modern gem could do in a fight. His thoughts were cut off when Steven started to talk.

”Ha, ha, Homeworld is coming, but I'm not scared.” You fucking piece of shit, the world could literally be ending, and guess what, it is! The Gems are concerned because the world and everything in it that they want to protect is in danger. They don't even know if they can defend their home, and all you have to go on about is 'muh challenge'. You are a self-centered, ignorant, oblivious douchebag, who is unable to even pretend to be worried about what stakes there are, because the author want’s to jerk it to script-bound minerals!!

"But we've been scared before, right?" Steven said, getting their attention. "None of us is going to know what'll happen but that's OK, we can figure things out together." They all nodded in agreement and a moment later, the lights came back on.

The town's blood sacrifice has appeased the God of Lightbulbs.

'We're in for one heck of a fight though.' Jet thought, loosening his hand then clenching it. 'We're just have to wait and see what happens.'

All you think amount to character traits are wardrobes and anime poses. Even anime knows it needs more than that.

Almost at the Season 1 finale at this point. And the author sought to fill it out into two chapters, one for each episode, why am I not surprised? What is there even for Jet to do? What can he do? What will he bring to this obvious episode transcript that will make me want to stab myself in the arm to not be bored to death?

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Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Nov 04, 2017 4:07 pm

Wouldn't you know it, my predictions, as they always seem to do, turned out correct and even worse than expected. Here's Chapter 13 - The Return.

Chapter 13

The Return

Jet woken up with a start, his sense of dread has increased lately and he found himself unable to sleep properly because of it. He glanced out the window to noticed that it was around mid-afternoon. He had completely missed his chance to do some early morning training.

And like a slacker folding at crippling exam anxiety, you can't even attempt to prepare yourself for what is coming. There is no point to your danger sense besides the author trying to make you seem as if actually existing in the same universe these events are talking place in, by having you wake up whenever the plot of the show takes place.

He decided to get up for the day, lying in bed would do him no good. He got up and went to the bathroom to take care of business. Fifteen minutes later, Jet emerged from the bathroom and decided to get ready for the day.

I’m starting to assume Jet is the type who shits in the shower to save time.

He dressed himself in his usual attire and headed out the door. The first thing he noticed was that Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl was on the beach (close to his house)

Or so the rumors will have you believe. Are you just trying to remind yourself, author?

and they were looking up at the sky. Jet raised an eyebrow and looked up as well.

"What the hell is that?" Jet said, looking up. It was faint but it looked like a giant, green hand heading towards them. Jet rushed over to the gems, hoping to get an explanation from them.

Sorry, but even they couldn’t explain how your lazy ass slept through the glass-shattering entry the space ship made into the atmosphere.

"Ah, Jet! Perfect timing." Pearl said, looking through the telescope that they had out. "We were just about to come and get you."

"According to some earth customs, we need a shield made out of meat, and you are the perfect candidate."

"Guys!" Steven said rushing over to them. "Do you see that thing in the sky?"

"It's a ship. We have to assume it's Peridot." Pearl said, looking up at the sky.

Either that, or your Uber has arrived five thousand years late, Pearl.

"Lapis told us that she'd be coming with advance weapons and reinforcements." Garnet said. "We should get the light cannons ready."

"I want to see." Steven said, walking over to where to the telescope is. Steven looked through it and noticed that the ship was inching slowly closer.

We all know that timid roll-up when looking for the perfect parking spot.

"Whoa!" Garnet walked up to Steven and handed him a walkie-talkie.

"What's this for?" He asked.

"We've placed another one of those by the light cannons." Garnet said, looking at Pearl. ""Get them ready." Pearl nodded her head and flipped a switch she had in her hand. That switch brought the cannons into view and positioned them towards the ship.

I guess they were mounted on Jet’s roof, since all this is taking place in one scene.

"OK, Steven light 'em up." Garnet said.

"If every pork chop was perfect, then we wouldn't have hotdogs." Steven said, speaking into the walkie-talkie.

But given that the author had injected a random word into the memorable and iconic catchphrase, the cannons self-destructed, disintegrating the entire beach, the end.

Suddenly, the cannons started to glow and it shot a barrage of beams towards the ship. The ship extended its hand and the beams struck it. Unfortunately, this had no effect on the ship as it continued to make its descent towards Beach City.

"No effect." Garnet said, glancing through the telescope.

Yeah, I've been saying that about Jet every chapter, Garnet. On the other hand, the cannons at least made the hand shift its posture.

"What now?" Jet said, folding his arms.

"We'll have to take them head on." Garnet said. "The whole town might be in danger."

"I better make a call." Steven said, pulling out his phone and dialing a number. "Major Dewey, it's me!


The show really didn't make it easy for you to figure out how to spell that man's title, did it, author?

Yeah, Steven Universe... Major Dewey, the whole town's in danger. Yes... We have to evacuate the city. Yeah... okay. Bye, then."

"The major has agreed to tell the citizens to evacuate." Steven said.

”He said it might be difficult, since he had half of them put in jail for physically assaulting him and his van.”

The sky was getting darker as the ship was edging closer to the city. The citizens were preparing to evacuate as the major instructed them to. Greg had his van on the beach (close to Jet's house), packing it with luggage.

Does Jet have luggage? I never touched on this, I think, but he essentially blew into town with nothing but the clothes he keeps taking off his back.

Both Greg and Steven had on a jacket as it was getting chilly outside.

"That a great idea, dad. You should leave with the rest of-" Steven said, noticing his dad packing up the van. He stopped when he noticed that his cheeseburger backpack was on the ground. "Is that my luggage?"

"Umm... Who wants to tell him?" Greg said, sweat a little. Pearl looked at Amethyst, who blushed out of embarrassment.

Why do I always get stuck with authors who thinks emotions have less settings than a gear shift? You honestly think this is embarrassment going on, author? Do you even understand the emotional weight going on as the Gems are trying to both prepare themselves and Steven for what they believe will be their last stand? That they can't bear to say goodbye, nor wish to let the realization of their likely demise enter into the mind of their adopted son? Take your stock blush trope comprehension, shove it, and try to talk to a human being for longer than thirty seconds at a time!

"Hey!" Amethyst said, blush still intact. "I'm not good with this stuff!" She turned her head, still embarrassed. Pearl patted her head. Garnet sighed and walked over to were Steven was.

"Steven." Garnet said, handing Steven a microphone.

Challenge the invaders to a rap battle for the Earth. It will be less stupid than this fanfic.

"I know you think that we don't trust you. I know more often than not that we treat you like a human child, but the truth is that we rely on you. Your voice inspires us, binds us, remind us why we protect the planet. You must now be that voice... for them." She pointed at the city itself. "If anything happens, you need to be there to protect them... like your mother once did. It's your destiny."

At least you seem to hope Jet will perish alongside you. An honorable sacrifice.

"I won't disappoint you." Steven said with a stern look on his face.

"I know." Garnet said. Steven waved and got in the van. Garnet turned her attention to Jet. "It's not too late for you to leave either. You're half human, you still have your life to live."

Oh, come on, give him a destiny talk telling him it’s to cower and hide from the war like his mother did. He's already doing a half-decent job of that.

"Nah." Jet said, putting his hands behind his head. Jet watched as the van took off. "If I'm gonna die, I rather die in battle. Since both my mother and father are gone, what else do I have to live for?"

"You can live for us." Amethyst said.

"Nah, that'll be too painful." Jet said.

Fuck you, Jet. The words ‘shallow’ and ‘simpleminded’ doesn't even cover you. You never had your mother to know, you literal rock bastard. You've gotten this far being parentless, only to use the excuse of your father's death to now be a demotivator, not caring for the planet and the inhabitants upon it, and not caring about your supposed best friend Steven who will be without anyone to guide his development, which you would be the prime candidate of. This is only your last battle by choice, and you’ll leave the world undefended just because you would feel a little hurt. You are a selfish, motivation-shifting idiot, caring for nothing but your own empty existence. You couldn't even shed a thought on protecting Amethyst, not that you so far have treated her any more than a side-bitch, just giving a “Nah, I need a reason to be in this fight because the author didn't know what motivations are”. I'm sorry, but life and doing good and being a hero is more than what you do and do not find painful, Jet, you egotistical moron.

There was a moment of silence between the four of them before Garnet spoke up.

"Alright. Pull it together." She said, noticing the mood. "We have a planet to protect."

"So." Jet said. "Do anyone have a plan on how to bring that ship down?" Garnet looked as though she had something in mind.

Throw Jet at it, it's not like he has a spine left to hurt.

"I do." Garnet said, looking a Pearl and Amethyst. "You two should fuse... and Jet..." Garnet paused, getting his attention. "Do you remember that charged attack you used on the Red Eye?"

The author can’t remember how many times he has told us where Jet’s house is, aren’t you asking a bit much of him?

"Yeah?" Jet said, wondering where she was going with this.

"Can you get that ready?" Garnet asked.

"I'll do even better!" Jet said, adjusting his coat to draw out 2 katanas. "I usually don't prefer using more than one but this is an emergency."

And the Red Eye crushing Beach City wasn't? You are a constant joke, where the punchline is that every time you pretend to be more powerful, the only way you weren’t before is because you don’t give a shit.

He slammed both katanas on the ground and closed his eyes. He had to concentrate to draw power from the Earth itself.

He knew this from practicing with it so much, that he changes how he performs this super move every time we get to see it.

While he was doing this, Pearl and Amethyst fused into Opal. Opal drew out her weapon, aiming it at the ship. She charged her arrow, gathering energy around her. Her doing so, caused the wind to stir. After about 5 minutes, Jet felt his attack was ready.

Meanwhile, Opal had started to consider a modelling career after standing still for so long.

He looked at Garnet and nodded his head, signaling to her that he was all done.

"Fire!" Garnet said, as both Opal and Jet fire their attacks. Opal shot out a stream of arrows and Jet shot out 2 waves of purple energy in the X formation. Opal's attack reached the ship first, bombarding it with a stream of arrows. This seemed to have done nothing as the ship edged closer to them. Jet's attack hit the ship next, causing the ship to wobble, but nevertheless, maintained its course. Both Jet and Opal looked at each other in disbelief then back at the ship.

Plan B, two words; Smash Tournament. I hear those deal with this shit far too often.

"Well, at least Steven is safe." Garnet said, looking at the both of them.

"Hey, guys!" Steven said, running up to the three of them. They looked at him in shock, wondering why was he back here with them.

If only they knew the ‘why’, this whole situation would be perfectly fine.

This shock apparently caused Opal to lose concentration and split her form, throwing Pearl and Amethyst apart.

"You came back!" Amethyst said.

"What are you doing?" Pearl asked, looking worried. "Get out of here!"

Maybe he’s here for his last chance for you to unground him from TV before you are all shattered. The kid would have stuck to that even after your deaths.

"But..." Steven started.

"Too late! Just stay behind us." Garnet said, as the ship was mere feet away from them. The hand hovered over the shoreline when it opened its palm, revealing a bubble-like orb. The gems held their guard, not knowing what to expect. The bubble made its way down to the index finger of the ship and when it did, it opened to reveal four figures.

Excuse me, four? Have my prayers been answered? Will the author break the mold? Will something original finally happen? Can I pretend to not await how the author's own additions will inevitably infuriate me more than the fucking canon rip-off, despite it being all that I wished for in the previous chapter?

"That's them alright." Peridot said, as she was the first figure to be seen. "They're the ones that keep breaking my machines." The other figures made their way into view. One of them was a woman with broad shoulders and long, white hair. Her gem was visible, as it was located where her nose should be. She was also wearing a cape and an outfit like Peridot's.

You know, that outfit we only got described to us to be ‘constant’ of the color green.

She has orange-like skin and yellow eyes with markings over them.

The other figure was a man


I think you are kind of off script, author, the episode introducing the drag queen voice talent’s character hasn’t even aired yet.

that was a little taller than the female, but he was also more built than what she was. He also was wearing a cape like she was. His garments were like the rest, except that he was wearing fingerless gloves and his color consisted of orange and red. He had spikey, white hair and he looked uninterested at what was going on at the moment, as he was looking around and digging in his ear.


Gee, I wonder what imagination you get your inspiration from, author. Does he happen to be a swordfighter, too?

His gem was nowhere to be seen at the moment. He has bright-red like skin and his eyes are a bright orange.

For fuck sake, I can already tell this is our Villain Sue, because the author knows of no other way to write ‘original’ characters. I could tell from the moment fingerless gloves were mentioned because this dweeb of an author doesn't understand gems primarily don't wear clothes that aren't part of their body. There are less than a handful of probable reasons for this male gem’s existence, and I hope they stop short of just being to occupy Jet from interrupting the canon, because the other reasons I’d dread with a passion!

"This is it?" The woman spoke, her voice showing no interest.

No interest? It's disappointment, author, I would have thought you'd have familiarized yourself with that response.

"Jasper, they kept interfering with my work!" Peridot said. Jasper let out a sigh and walked closer to get a better look at who she was dealing with.

"Looks like another waste of my time." Jasper said. "Hey, get over here!" She pulled on the four figure, which was Lapis. Lapis looked down at them and let out a silent gasp.

"Lapis!" Both Steven and Jet said at the same time.

Quick, author, now’s the time for them to ask her whatever she is.

"This is their base?" Jasper asked.

"Yes." Lapis said, turning her head to the side.

"You need to leave immediately." Garnet said, drawing her weapon out. The others followed suit.

"Yeah! Step off!" Amethyst shouted.

"This is not a gem controlled planet." Pearl said.

”We’ve tried for millennia, but humans keep yapping on about their ‘independence’ and ‘free will’, so it didn’t take.”

The four of the jumped down from the finger and landed on the beach.

"Are either of these Rose Quartz?" Jasper asked, folding her arms.

Motherfucker, do you aim to insult everyone who watched the show with your dialogue changes, author?! I could rant you into the grave at this point with this entire scene, but I'll be brief with you and restrict myself to as if you only watched the show this far, with the knowledge you should have been able to gauge. Rose Quartz was the leader of the rebellion fighting for Earth against Homeworld. Not only did you just now misrepresent Jasper’s telling dialogue by not make her know how her desired target looks like, you just had this scene play out like a WW2 soldier pointing and asking if any of the random people in front of her happened to be Hitler!!

"Oh, what a shame. I was looking forward to beating her into the ground." Steven twitched at this. "But this is all that left of her army?" She looked at each of them. "Some lost defective Pearl, a puny overcooked runt, and this shameless display... who and what are those?" She pointed to Steven then Jet.

"Well, the small one call itself the Steven." Peridot said.

"Steven's just a human. He isn't a threat at all, he's not one of them." Lapis said.

”The other one you can kill, by all means, I’ll go first, yay for Team Homeworld!”

"I know what a human is." Jasper said, then her attention shifted to Jet. "What about him?" Jet's eyes shifted from black to a fierce red.

Because that inquiry was so invasive, it needed a telling, color-coded display to force more of the author’s gemsona upon us.

The man walked closer to where Jasper was.

"Interesting." He said.

"Topaz." Jasper said.

Topaz? Oh, this chapter was written a month before she was introduced. This is why I find fan-creations in a still on-going show an invitation for people’s own self-defeat, when the canon can inevitably overrule their fantasies.

"You know what he is?"

"I might have an idea." Topaz said. "Judging by his appearance and that fact that his eyes are changing color, he must be a Jett gemstone.

Judging by his appearance? Is that racist? I’m sorry, but did his mother happen to have an afro, trenchcoat, and brown skin, too, or has the author lost track of his character sheet?

His kind is rare on home world, don't cha know? His gem kind was almost wiped out."

Well, make more, then. Wait - fuck - hold on, what am I saying, no, I take that back. There’s only so much shit I want to take, on either side of this damn tipping point of details. One thing is to be this type of self-entitled snowflake on Earth, another is to be that in the universe, too.

"Whatever." Jasper said, turning around. "You don't need me for this. Just blast them with the ship."

"Fine." Peridot said, bringing up her finger screen. Topaz took a good look at Jet then turned around as well. Jet grunted at that gesture. The ship lifted off the Beach shores and pointed a finger at them.

This is one version of ‘Eeny, meeny, miny, moe’ they won’t forget anytime soon.

Peridot made a circle on the monitor and pressed it, which started the ship to charge power.

"Steven, get out of here!" Garnet said, looking back at him.

"No!" Steven said.

"This isn't up for debate!" Garnet shouted. "I won't let you risk your life!"

I’m afraid Garnet only accepts ‘Nah’ as the only valid reply from suicidal nut-jobs, Steven.

"But this is my home and you're all my family." Steven said, as his gem started to glow. Jet and the gems looked at him in surprise.

"Fire!" They heard Peridot say. The ship shout a powerful beam towards them.


"I'm... a crystal gem, too!" Steven said, jumping in front of the beam. There was an explosion and Jasper turned around to noticed that Steven had his shield up, he protected them from the blast.

"That shield!" Jasper said, her eyes widen. "That symbol! You... you have the power of Rose Quartz!" She was referring to Steven, as he collapsed on the ground.

Oh, color me surprised, author, I had expected her to be referring to a blue crab that suddenly made its way into your fanfic, or fuck, Jet’s next unexplained super power. You do transcripts like a dullard and you narrate like people draw conclusions with crayons!!

"Now, you believe I need an escort?" Peridot asked.

"Peridot, fire a barrage... wide spread." Topaz said. Peridot did just that, making the ship shoot a continuous beam of energy towards the group. They dodge it, with Garnet grabbing Steven. The beam traveled and eventually reached and destroyed Jet's house.

If only it had been built slight more vaguely to the right. Or would that have made Sugilite step on it?

"You bastards! That was my house!" Jet shouted in anger.

Who cares if you live or die, nah, but if they dare eliminate your bathroom and infinite black wardrobe privileges, then it becomes an issue. Maybe the Gems should have asked you to live for your house instead since it’s such a big fucking deal. It’s not even that it was a gift from the Gems to you, but that it was yours.

"Rose." Jasper said, walking up to Steven. "Why do you look like that? Why are you so weak?"

"Don't hurt him!" Lapis said, running up to Jasper.

"You knew about this?" Jasper asked.

"It didn't relate to the mission!" Lapis said with a worried look on her face.

As if Jasper would have believed her arch nemesis, the infamous leader of the rebellion, had turned into a harmless, fluffy marshmallow.

"Forget about the mission..." Jasper said, ignoring her.

"What?" Peridot asked.

"Yellow Diamond needs to see this... thing." Jasper said.

”I mean, a Human-Jet hybrid made of a male gender we can somehow recognize on sight, but this is completely different.”

It's like you aren't even writing your chapters after having watched the episode, but rather alongside your first viewing, author!

"The Jett boy goes too." Topaz said. "I'm sure he'll be either killed or sold off at a high price."

Hah, I wish, and I wouldn't even buy him for a wooden nickel. Also – WHAT? Not only is Jet back in the spot-light for no reason than the villains turning and glancing at him again, I have to mock this trash while ignoring the elephant in the room; Jet's race. With an afro, discrediting connotations and implications from the author, and now a slave reference. And this is added entirely by the author's own intent, through likely the fanfic staple, go-to drama bin, because this topic should be Pearl’s issue! This author is clearly not realizing he has no reason to inject slavery here in this way, because it is practically already in the show, not even in subtext.

"Deal." Jasper said, smiling at him. Before she could approach Steven, Garnet made her way towards Jasper, ready to strike.

"Good." Jasper said, equipping her weapon (which looked like some sort of war helmet).

What the fuck is your parenthesis fetish all about? Comma, you illiterate ingrate, comma!

The two of their weapons collided, causing a mini shock wave that threw Steven back a little. Garnet slid back a little to where Steven was a little.

"Steven, run!" She said as she rushed back to Jasper.

"Gem Destabilizer!" Jasper said, pulling out a weapon that looked like a very long Taser.

It’s a fictional, two-pronged implement designed much like a tuning fork, you blithering buffoon. Long tasers exists!

She charged at Garnet and struck her with it, causing a bolt of energy to surround Garnet's entire body. Garnet's body split in half before poofing into a pile of smoke.

A ten second long scene reduced to factual statements. Either the author is bored or scrambling to shift the focus to his self-insert who was entirely unaffected by these events at they happened! I guess that threat-o-meter of his takes up too much head space.

Two gemstones hit the ground by Steven's feet. Pearl and Amethyst let out a cry of shock and Jet gritted his teeth, his anger rising at an unbelievable rate. Steven looked at the stones then back at Jasper, as she made her way towards him once more.

"I was there, you know." Jasper said. "At the first war for this garbage planet. I fought against your armies, I respected your tactics, and I’m completely incapable of telling if anyone is Rose Quartz. But, this..." She paused to grab Steven by the collar and lifted him into the air. "This is sick. I don't get what your planning, Rose but look... your base is taken, your armies are ruined, you have failed." And with that, she head-butted Steven, knocking him out cold. This was all that Jet could take, as he saw Pearl and Amethyst run towards Jasper.

All he could take, huh? Pathetic. And now we have to sit through the author's imaginings on how the ensuing fight went down, with a Villain Sue present, too, with all of it inevitably resulting in the heroes defeated and put on the ship, because no mold was even chipped by this author’s bullshit.

"Stop!" He yelled, making them stop in their tracks. "She's mine! And Amethyst..." Jet looked at her. "I'm sorry for what you're about to see..."

Oh for fuck sake, stop making shit personal when this is everyone's fight, Jet. And fuck off with whatever asspull super-ascension you are about to make. They are the bane on any story when you've supposedly been able to pull it all along, marking your previous efforts as uncaringly half-assed, and that would be the second time this chapter, because now the author is unshackled from the canon.

Amethyst raised an eyebrow but then gasped when she saw Jet's pupils disappear. Jet turned around and his teeth got sharper as well. He held on to his 2 kantanas and charged at Jasper.

"What?" Jasper said, as Jet was in her face. He struck down to see that Topaz was blocking his strike with his own weapon. Topaz looked back at Jasper.

"It's not wise to anger the Jett stone."

Does this author realize his autocorrect adds to many t's, or that a Gem being called a stone would be an insult?

Topaz said, holding Jet off with his weapon (which was a broad sword that looked like Cloud's buster sword, only slightly bigger).

Wow. Such original. Much character. Not steal.

"Take care of the other two, I got this one." Jasper smiled and headed to where Amethyst and Pearl were.

"Stop!" Jet said, struggling to maintain what little sense he had left. His voice was deeper and sounded darker. "Your quarrels with me!"

"Actually," Topaz said. "It's with me now." Jet broke his sword's contact with Topaz and backed off a little.

Sure, let's just play hot potato with the combatants, you bait and switch chest pounder. After all, only the two of you can do a dick-measuring competition, for obvious reasons.

"You're strong." Jet said, twitching a little. "But are you strong enough?"

"Oh, I am." Topaz said. "Much stronger than what she is. Oh, she finished with them already?" Jet turned his head to see that Pearl and Amethyst had been reduced to their gem forms and that Jasper was picking them up.

Now you’re just not even giving a fuck, author. You couldn’t even allow a single thought to that moment, reducing it to a silent blink of an eye. Did you just not know any anime fight scene you could rip off for it?!

"Grrr..." Jet growled, losing all sense he had at the moment. He summoned electricity around his body and charged at Topaz. Topaz dodged Jet's incoming attack and kicked Jet so hard that he went airborne. Jet shook it off and charged at Topaz once more.

These are useless, basic rookie mistakes, no doubt performed in a power-ascension he never trained with, which had never had a reason to be used by him ever before. It’s just a fake, self-crippling power that he will either never use again or will overcome just because he feels like it next time, just to end up even more overpowered later.

'He's being reckless.' Topaz thought, blocking Jet's attack again.

"What is Topaz doing?" Peridot asking.

"He's having fun." Jasper said, watching the fight.

A stark contrast to everything Jet ever did. I’m starting to like this new guy already.

"I hate to admit it, but I wouldn't want to be that thing right now. Topaz is stronger than me. He was even offer a position within Yellow Diamond's court, because she’s all about inefficiency and putting the least qualified frontline warriors into positions of leadership. He refused, saying that he'd rather be in battle than to be sitting around ordering others. He's lucky he's on her good side, no one talks to her like that and lives. This thing that he's fighting has no chance of winning..."

Are you done sucking the Villain Sue’s cock? That question was aimed at you, author, and even then, I’m still waiting to see how far you intend to go down on Topaz’s junk in this story.

Topaz swung his massive sword at Jet, who dodged it. Jet dispersed both of his katanas and gathered electricity around him once more. Topaz smiled and started to do the same with Topaz dispersing his weapon as well.

What, unique and diverse powers that could have interesting effects and opposing strengths, weaknesses, or fight dynamics and fight choreography? Get out of here, everyone knows it just electricity and holograms for everyone.

Jet yelled charging at him and the two clashed fists, one not getting the advantage over the other. Jet was getting tired and he felt his left arm go numb.

Well, I guess he’s not a hundred percent any longer, time for him to be gracefully defeated while proclaiming he could have won under other circumstances.

"Tch." Jet muttered and Topaz noticed his distress.

"You can't keep your anger going like that." Topaz said, causing Jet to look at him. "It's eating you alive. While that form you're in is powerful, it has consequences of using it for long periods of time. Just give up, we won't completely destroy you if you do." He gave a twisted smiled after saying that.

Oh, I’m sure you’re the expert in all this, human biology involved and everything. A wonder you haven’t mentioned the powers-on-demand quirk, but then again, you wouldn’t sound nearly as pretentious when you explain the beyond clear-as-day facts of why Jet’s powers suck.

"You don't know me!" Jet yelled. Topaz sighed and charged his fist with fire.

Sure, just give them all ten different elements to control all at once, too, while you are at it.

"I'm doing toying with you. This ends now!" Topaz said, his patience wearing out. Topaz charged at Jet and Jet tried to summon his weapon. Topaz got to him before he had the chance to do so.

I told you a thousand times, lose the trench coat.

"Game over, Jett stone." Topaz struck Jet in the face with his fire fist. Jet was sent flying back a few feet in the air and then hit the ground hard.

"That it! He's finished!" Topaz said, turning away and started to head back towards the ship. "Someone gather him up and let's leave this shell of a plan-" Topaz turn around for no obvious reason and widen his eyes, Jet was still conscious, though barely standing. He was able to summon his weapon and use it to keep his balance.

"Oh? Still got some fight in ya? Though barely." Topaz said, folding his arms and walking slowly towards Jet.

"Told don't...know me." Jet said, his eyes turning back to normal, as well as his voice.

You must think that's some badass boasting catchphrase you got there, you self-entitled prick. He doesn't need to know you in order to kick your ass, you little bitch.

"That maybe so." Topaz said, right in front of Jet. "But you don't have the energy to fight back." He lifted Jet by the neck. "Learn how to wield that power without eating yourself up and you might stand a chance. Until then, enjoy this defeat."

But I can't even enjoy it because it's so fucking forced and pointless. It's not even there. It happened, yeah, and so did the events of Steven Universe, but these two events could be unfolding in separate realities, and they sort of did.

When he said that, he lifted Jet higher into the air then proceeded to slam Jet's head hard into the ground, knocking him out.

"Harsh." Jasper said, before she started to laugh. Topaz dragged Jet's unconscious body towards the ship.

"Say whatever you want. I know you enjoyed the show. Now that the so called "threats" are eliminated, let's leave this stupid forsaken planet."

I know you wrote the words spoken by Jasper to change actions from the mission, author. I read them minutes ago. Did Topaz not catch on because he was too busy going over his villain monologue and planning on how to be the perfect opposing force to Jet’s bullshit, so as to let the canon go undisturbed?

Topaz said, throwing Jet's body on the ship. "Alright, let's set a course for home world."

Another chapter done, and while the author’s insulting additions keep spiraling out of control, the author’s stranglehold on the canon is ever unseasing, even as he now has shifted the entire sexual spectrum of Gemkind.

I just don’t get the ‘male gem’ creations in the estranged subcategories of this fandom. Even the damn Steven Universe Wiki can tell you that gems are sexless. It’s pretty simple. Even superficially so, a mono-gendered species is not that foreign a concept in fiction, either. Do we need Commander Shepard to fuck one of these alien rocks before it sinks in?

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Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Nov 11, 2017 1:57 pm

I’ve mulled over Topaz for a week now, and I find myself placing my bets. I will take the high road, give the author the benefit of the doubt, and assume that the odd ‘male gem’ addition won’t have a ‘damsel rapist’ motif later on. The author just doesn’t know what he’s doing with Topaz is all. With everything taken into account about my impressions of this author and what he fails to attempt with this fanfic, Topaz has a purpose limited to whatever can make Jet come off as an improving character. By forging circumstances around the canon, Jet doesn’t need to improve via learning and experiencing things with the Gems, he just has to try a bit better on the second go with the papier-mâché wall the author pretended he couldn’t breach the first time around. Here’s Chapter 14.

Chapter 14

Jail Break

Inside of Jet's Mind

As black as his wardrobe and as pointless as his trenchcoat?

Jet was looking into infinite darkness, it was how he was feeling at the moment. He knew he failed his friends and now his mind was tormenting him for it.

Well, that’s kind of unfair, since you were deliberately written to fail.

"Leave me alone!" He yelled into the abyss. "I know I failed. Just stop!" He kneeled on the ground and punched it.

"Stop yer whining." He heard a voice say. "It'll do you no good." Jet looked around to see who it was.

Here comes a thought. This is bullshit.

"How about you show yourself and say that to my face?" Jet said, getting ticked off. Suddenly, a woman with long jet black hair showed up. She was about a foot taller than Jet, her red eyes piercing at him. She had on garments that consisted of the color red. She was a beautiful woman and Jet instantly knew who she was.

You can really tell how Topaz could recognize Jet was this kind of Gem by his looks, of course. Am I supposed to assume she’s named Jet, too?

"Mom?" He asked, standing there confused.

"Yeah, the one and only." she said, folding her arms. "Now, are you gonna standing there looking as dumb as yer father or are ya gonna gimme a hug?"

That might depend on how else he’s ‘standing’ like his father, Hagrid.

Jet know that his mind was projecting this image to him but he didn't care. He went over and hugged his mother, almost crying in the process.

"You've been through a lot." his mother said, stroking his afro. "I've seen it."

"You've seen it?" Jet said, pulling back from his mother. "What do you mean by that?"

It means we have another motherly voyeur to the protagonist’s sexual activities via embedded gem-consciousness being alive inside of them. This ain’t my first rodeo.

"Well," His mother started. "When I gave birth to ya, my physical form disappeared along with my gem. It doesn't mean that I've died, it just means that my consciousness was implanted within yours along with my gem."

Who wants to bet Jet never mentions this particular fact to Steven, ever?

"Umm..." Jet said, twiddling his fingers with a blush intact. "When you said you've seen it, does that mean you've seen everything else that I've been doing?" His mother started to laugh.

Yes, she has seen ‘it’ and everything you’ve been doing with it, and found it laughable. I’m talking about his penis.

"No." She said.

Well, there goes half my prepared jokes for this chapter.

"But I do know that you're a little bit of a womanizer."

Never mind. And I must say, such an endearing trait it must be for him, slobbering and hounding any ass he notices isn’t already mounted on his crotch.

Jet turned his head to the side and folded his arms. "The reasons that I'm talking to ya now is that you're severely unconscious.

Yes, the state that the Marty Stu will only subject themselves to in order to have another power endowment excuse via a Yoda figure, and you’ve already got a speech impediment to go with that role.

That brute yer were fighting almost killed ya. He was right about one thing though..."

Ha, I told you Jet would be worthless on the slave market.

She paused, making Jet look in her direction.

"That so-called form that you go into, the one were your rage rules out all logic, is called Berserker Mode." She explained.

"Berserker Mode?" Jet asked.

"Yes." She said. "It's a rare trait amongst the Jett gemstones and its power is something that many desired. Although, it increases the user strength, it's nothing without proper control. You'll need training for that."

I am frankly disappointed. Here's why. After the oh so stellar description of Jet’s transformation and behavior in his ascended state, including his nonsense apology to Amethyst who neither got to see shit and Jet apparently not even knowing what the hell he’s doing, I had this in mind; Jet could have been suffering from corruption. And that could have been in the author’s favor. In struggling with his powers and his otherwise backdrop-level existence, having his gem-half risk to succumb to corruption that his human side is otherwise holding at bay, this would lend an immense amount of possible character depth, development and exploration of a known topic in-universe, with something Jet would be the first to examine and understand. What it means to be human, what it means to be gem, what it means to be both, and what corruption actually is. He could have had a genuine flaw and garner sympathy by the reasoned self-doubt and tangible inner struggle. But nope, it's just a frenzy mode that’s so ordinary to his mother's kind that any off-planet buffoon can know about, which from Jet's own idiotic use renders him less of a threat than before, because this jackass couldn't even start out fighting the invaders with his regular powers first in order to test the waters, and the author sucks immensely at power comparisons. It's not that I expected this story to go a better direction, but is this author really so enamored with a power concept that's just nothing but ‘conquering your own anger’, where the anger itself isn’t even justified?

Jet looked at the ground. "But..." She paused, causing Jet to look up. "There's a way to beat that Topaz character without relying on it."

"And that is?" Jet asked.

"Fight him without it." She said, causing Jet to look at her blankly.

So the great problem of obstacles for the defeated Marty Stu this time was that he was simply trying too hard? Do I really need to dig back up your highschool dropout status again?

"Riiiight." Jet said, rolling his eyes.

"Look, you were already stressed before even going into battle."

Topaz got lucky. The sun was in your eyes! Your trenchcoat wasn’t on right!! You weren't at a hundred percent!!! Every fucking excuse the author throws at this pathetic power fantasy is meant to let his own pleasure at his default ego-stroking stay buoyant, because he has to avoid the least bit of emasculation via the narration going “your princess is in another castle” and delay Jet’s victory, rather than put his abilities into actual question. Fuck this shit.

His mother said. "The site of seeing your friend defeated, just added to it. You went into that mode with just pure rage, you need more than that. Listen, if you just fight him with a clear head I'm sure that you'll surprise him and you might even surprise yourself. Try tapping into the power little by little if you can."

Oh, you mean this little concept called ‘practice’, or ‘training’ which Jet so far has only made into an excuse for flexing his muscles and do a half-assed attempt at something which he’s fully capable of, but won’t even attempt when shit goes down?

"I'll try my best." Jet said, pounding his fist together.

"Mom?" He asked, getting her attention. "I've always wanted to know... what's your name?

Is this author kidding me?! Now he’s even plucking away the stark contrast of Homeworld’s society of individuality being unacknowledged. Did he not even grasp a single thought when Jasper addressed Pearl as ‘a Pearl’? Topaz even prattled on about how he recognized Jet as a ‘Jet stone’. Does the author just think gems are separately embedded in the bodies like traits, despite reforming from them as well, even evidently being mass produced, and the show itself hardly disguising the fact that Amethyst’s gem is an amethyst, and that Pearl’s gem is a pearl? I'm trying my best and every way I can to assume this author have some semblance of rationality in his being, but he can’t even make sense out of his own nonsense!

Dad never told me. He always referred to you as 'mom' so..."

"It's Jetta." Jetta said. "Like yours, of course.

Jet, Jett, Jetta, it’s all the same, of course. Is this author on crystal meth?!

Now wake up, you've got to get off this ship. And one more thing before you wake up...I love you."

Jet eyes shot opened and he groaned.

His eyes were out of bullets again, and reloading them is a bitch.

He felt as though his head was laying on something rather soft and sat up. He noticed that he was laying on Lapis lap. He blushed and started to apologize to her. She smiled and shrugged it off.

"It was my fault." Lapis said. "You looked so injured that I attended to you a little."

”Well, I don’t know much about how flesh recovers, but I assumed your body would start to reform faster if I put more holes in you.

"Thanks." Jet said, looking around. The room he was in was small and he looked to his left and noticed that it was a yellow force field keeping them in. "We're on the ship, right?"

"Yes." Lapis said. "We're in a cell."

Since the lesser of the two is a rather unreasonable sentencing in a Gem society, I’m perfectly fine with Jet expecting execution.

"Wait... why are you in this cell? Weren't you with them." Jet asked, sitting close to her.

"No." She said, looking down. "I was only an informant. My usefulness is gone."

"Don't say that." Jet said, causing her to gasp to herself. "Everyone's useful. I know you are too.

Yeah, I'm sure you can reassure Lapis that she could have served the villains drinks or something. Do you even know what you are trying to accomplish with this conversation, Jet?

Now, to find a way to get out of this cell."

"You can't." Lapis said. "It's for keeping gems locked up. You'll hurt yourself if you touch the force field." Jet started to laugh at this. "What's so funny?"

It’s almost like he’s straight up assuming that keeping Gems imprisoned means using something that’s harmless to humans by default. These forced laughs only cement how the author has rigged the story already, with Jet being aware of it.

"Well, I'm not a full gem." Jet said. "I'm like Steven, I'm only half." He touched the force field, which only stung him a little but his hand was able to go through it. "You coming?"

"No." Lapis said.

”Are you joking? I had accepted being stuck with one author gemsona, whether I stayed or escaped, but with two of you out there? No thanks, I’m staying here!”

"I don't want your help. Things are bad enough as it is."

"I'll come back for you," Jet said, slipping through the force field. "Rather you like it or not."

I’d rather you didn’t get addicted to your autocorrect, to the point where you close your eyes while using it, author. And even so, Jet sounds kind of rapey.

Lapis sat there with a look of shock on her face. Jet waved and ran off.

'Where are you, guys?' Jet thought, running into a massive hall. 'Oh, shit!' Jet looked around and noticed he must've ran into the control room because Jasper, Topaz and Peridot was sitting down, messing with controls. They stopped when they seen him, staring at him as if they seen a ghost.

Well, look at Mr. Magoo, here, isn’t bumbling around just the sneakiest way of escaping your captors? I don’t know what offends me more. That stupid excuses for a chase scene starting, the fact that the author thinks all three of them are piloting the ship at once, or that gems know what ghosts are.

"How did you get out?" Jasper asked.

"Gotta go!" Jet said, running out of the control room.

"After him!" He heard Topaz say. Jet kept running until he bumped into Steven.

And the canon returns, while everyone knows the prisoners are escaping. I guess convenience will happen and leave everything up to Ruby and Sapphire fusing entirely undisturbed, and no one preparing to engage them differently in the slightest.

"Steven!" Jet said.

"Jet!" Steven said. "You're OK!"

"Same to you." Jet said, until he noticed that Steven had a black eye. "Except for that... I'll make that woman pay tenfold..." He felt his anger rising, that's when he took a deep breath. He remembered what his mother said, that his anger is his weakness.

What? No, she fucking didn’t. Now the author is just bullshitting us about his own mentor plot device. She said he needed training, control, and to not just use pure rage with it. And that was only about his power transformation, and this anger bullshit is only relevant when using his powers, not this pretentious Zen shit. The author is just floundering, attempting to smudge our monitors by saying “See, Jet has become better now, he’s more awesome now, he’s flawed but is growing into his powers, he’s smart and in control now, can’t you see?”, when it just comes down to ego-boosting excuses, plain and simple.

He looked and noticed that there was someone with Steven.

Are we sure Topaz didn’t give you three black eyes, what with your ADD behavior thus far?

She looked like a little girl and she was holding the side of her head, as if searching for someone. She had a headband on her and she looked annoyed.

"Steven, who's that?" Jet asked. Steven was about to answer until he heard the sound of feet edging closer to them. "Never mind, just go." Steven nodded and him and the girl took off. Jet adjusted his coat and summoned a single katana blade from his gem.

The trenchcoat is eternal, persisting through time and space for the author to mention whenever he thinks it’s cool.

'Focus.' He thought, taking a mental breath and closing his eyes. 'Do not let your anger get the best of you. Fight who's ever coming with a clear head and you will not lose.'

You know, I was about to comment on how you've never needed this stupid mantra before, but I think I have even documented in detail how they were never actual fights, merely you taking a beating and proclaiming it to be over.

"Ah, look who we have here." Jet eyes shot opened at the voice that was speaking. It was no other than Topaz, who was still wearing his cape. "You should've kept running, Jett stone.

Sorry, but I think he goes by Jetta, now.

But if you like punishment, I'd be glad to pound your face into the dirt some more." Jet started to laugh, causing Topaz to raise an eyebrow.

"So, is that how you knocked me out? Good one, dude!" Jet said, still snickering a bit.

What is so funny? That there is no beach sand around?

Topaz smiled and summoned his buster sword from his gem, which was located somewhere behind his back.

"Well, I'm glad you found your defeat to be so funny." He said, frowning a bit. "Now, let this be your final battle."

Oh, trust me, with this author’s track record, it probably will be.

Jet held up his hand, causing Topaz to freeze up.

"Before that happens..." Jet said. "Can we fight somewhere with more room?" Topaz looked around and noticed that they were in a small corridor. He couldn't fight with his full strength in an area like this.

How about the giant hall which was also the control room, which Jasper and Peridot also left to pursue you and not banter near Sapphire and everything else will still progress as normal and I'm done! This dead horse is getting really old.

"Very well." Topaz said, "Follow me, Jett stone."

Is every Jet called that? Are all their names starting with Jett? Did the Diamonds just go genocidal on them for the mockery they made of their phone books?

"Lead the way." Jet said. He followed Topaz until they were inside a huge room, with two green circles on the floor. Jet wonder what the circles were until Topaz spoke up.

"This is the ship's training room." Topaz said. "We can fight until your heart desire, but we both know the outcome of this fight, Jett stone." Jet started to laugh, once more. "Tell me, what's so funny?"

The author is desperate to make Jet come across as cool by having every plain statement from a villain be answered with laughter, in order to think he’s as meaningful as Garnet's justified chuckle at Jasper not understanding what fusion is. It’s like every new paragraph has a similar punchline, to be honest.

"Last time, I wasn't fighting with a clear head." Jet said, holding his katana with two hands. "You knew that and took full advantage of it. I can't be mad with your tactics, I am your enemy after all..." Jet started to gather electricity around himself. "Now, that I'm not blinded by rage...let's do this!" Jet eyes started to change from black to a bright orange. Topaz widen his eyes at this.

'What's going on?' Topaz said, shielding his eyes from the bright light that the electricity was causing. 'Don't tell me that this stone has mastery over the Berserker Mode? No, that's not it. His eyes would be golden if he did...'

This dumbass has supposedly had such lacking mental discipline, that he never had a clear head in his fights, and now after being told to not use his ascension form with rage, he has on the fly invented for himself an in-between, because he now believes he has told himself he needs to be without rage at all times. And the kicker is that this could have been excused as a new power upon recovery as already established, instead of the pretentious dick-stroking at some off-the-mark word salad.

Topaz couldn't finish his thought as Jet was right in his face. Topaz tried to block but he wasn't fast enough as Jet kicked him in the stomach, causing Topaz to cough up spit. Topaz went flying through the wall from the impact and Jet walked over, hoping to cause the same amount of pain Topaz caused him.

What was that about rage and a clear head again, Jet?

When he walked over to were Topaz was, he looked around and noticed that Garnet and Jasper were fighting. They paused to look at what happened.

"What the?" Jasper said, noticing Topaz was on the ground. He was still coughing up spit. She noticed that Jet's eyes seemed to glow as he made his way to Topaz. "No way! Topaz is on the ground? What is that thing?" Garnet stared at Jet, she never seen this side of him.

Oh, I’m sure he must have turned his two-dimensional ass around once or twice in her presence to let her catch a glimpse of it.

"Hey, Garnet." Jet said, noticing her. "Where's Steven and that girl that was following him?"

”I’m asking so the author can let me know you are a fusion with the lamest reveal since my new super power two paragraphs ago.”

"He's freeing the others." Garnet said. "As for the girl that was following him, she's me. Well, half of me anyways." Jet raised an eyebrow. "I'll explain it another time... look out behind you!" Jet remained looking at her as he lifted his sword behind him, blocking Topaz sword strike. All of them looked at Jet with shock on their faces.

Oh, how impressive, he blocked a strike that was told was coming at him, from a sword that’s the size of a barn, while other Gems in this reality can dodge whips and retaliate with their eyes closed, or fluidly interchange and combine their various powers. I mean, Jet must be so special because Topaz is so convincingly and justifiably powerful, you guys, so this is not at all an author-rigged masturbatory power fantasy, what gave you that idea?

"How is this possible?" Topaz asked, his sword shaking in the progress. "Is it possible that you were holding back on me?" Jet turned his head to look at him.

"Nah. I was fighting you with everything I had." Jet said. "But, just because I had all that power didn't mean anything if I couldn't control it. It was eating me alive, like you said. Right now, in order to hold you off, I'm tapping into it in small bursts. I know it's not the right way to do it and I would need training to fully master it but if it's working, I'm not complaining."

”Since I can dictate how my powers are now suddenly supposed to work, because the author pulled everything out of his ass, who cares that there is no actual similarity to how I previously failed like a loser and now are better than you in fractions of a second rather than all the time. I’m a clever boy and you are the dummy dumb.”

"Jet..." Garnet said.

"Alrighty, then." Jet said, elbowing Topaz in the stomach. The impact made Topaz slid back into the room where they originally were. "Garnet, she's not all that tough. Finish her off so that we can go home."

"What did you say, brat?" Jasper said. Jet gathered electricity and started to walk toward Jasper. Jasper took a step back.

"Tch." Jet grunted, turning around. "Cautious of me, now? I was gonna pay you back for hurting my friends, but I'll pass that torch to Garnet..."

Oh, how gracious of you, your highness. How would the canon ever survive without your wise guidance?

Jasper gritted her teeth, as Jet walk back into the training room. Jet walked into the room and noticed that Topaz was kneeling on the ground.

"That's twice, you've strike me." Topaz said, getting up. "Consider those your last." Jet took a stance and Topaz charged at him. They collided swords, the impact caused a mini explosion around them.

The fabric of the universe struggles to support two Marty Stu characters when within an inch of each other.

"Are you trying to take down everyone on the ship?" Jet asked.

"If it means taking you down, then yes." Topaz said, eyes showing rage.

"Man, you are nuts!" Jet said, breaking sword contact from Topaz. "Let's go!" The two clashed again, causing another mini explosion.

What deep character motivations, author. A windbag swearing bloody self-destructive vengeance at being lightly outmatched. Jet’s afro has better depth than this.

As Jet was having his battle with Topaz, Steven managed to set Pearl and Amethyst free from their cell. They were making their way to the control room. They did and Peridot was there, trying to set a course for home world.

She had forgotten about chasing Jet after going to the little gem’s room, I guess.

She noticed them and grab the gem destabilizer, swinging it towards Steven. He grabbed it and threw it to the side. Amethyst saw this as her opportunity to draw out her weapon and wrap Peridot around it, subduing her for the moment.

I would be subdued too, if I was wrapped around a whip.

Pearl took a seat in the main control chair to try to re-route their course.

"Don't touch that!" Peridot said, trying to free herself from Amethyst's whip. "You clods don't know what you're doing!"

And neither does the author as we are now treated to none of the fight scenes. He can't even write Jet to ever swing his katana at something else than his training waifu, insert phallus symbol joke here!

"You got this, Pearl!" Amethyst said, as Pearl worked the controls.

"OK, ship! Turn us around!" She said, pulling on a switch.

There were many explosions around the ship, causing the gems to lose their footing. Peridot managed to wiggle herself from Amethyst's whip and she pressed a switch on the floor.

The safe-word is ‘escape pod’.

This switch allowed her to be encased in an escape pod and she vanished from site. Amethyst tried to stop her before she disappeared but to no avail. Garnet suddenly appeared in the room, as she appeared to be in bad shape.

"Garnet!" The others said in surprise.

"This ship is going down!" Garnet said.

”Totally not my fault, by the way. I’m sure the author would have mentioned it otherwise.”

"What about Jet and Lapis?" Steven asked.

"There's no time!"

”That dope blew up a wall and interrupted my song number. Fuck him!”

Garnet yelled, as the ship's system was telling them to evacuate immediately. The ship was reentering the Earth atmosphere at an incredible rate. Steven encased himself and everyone around him in his bubble. The ship exploded as it landed near the temple, with Steven and his fellow crystal gems safely inside his bubble. Pieces of the ship's debris landed in the water and there were bits of the main ship in front of them.

Topped by bits of Jet, I hope.

"Nice work!" Garnet said, as Steven let down his bubble shield. A hand from the rubble emerged and it was no other than Jasper, severely injured from her fight with Garnet. She yelled as she scattered the debris from her. The others looked at her in shock as she kneeled to the ground, coughing up spit.

You know, for magical rock holograms, they sure clog up a lot of useless fluids.

"Don't think you've won!" She said, glaring at Garnet. "You only beat me because of what you are... a fusion! If I had someone to fuse with I'd-" She stop to see another hand emerge from the rubble. It was no other than Lapis Lazuli.

Stop with this blatant kindergarten-level storytelling, author. None other than you have been this grating to me with this.

Jasper went over and pulled Lapis out of the ship wreckage.

"Lapis!" Steven yelled, trying to reach her but Pearl and Amethyst held him back.

"Lapis, listen." Jasper said, holding her by the arm. "Fuse with me!"

"What?" Lapis said, looking at her.

She’s asking to do the tango with you. Literally.

"How long did they keep you trapped here on this miserable hunk of rock?" Jasper asked, letting Lapis fall to the ground. "These gems are traitors to their home world. They kept you prisoner, they used you. This is your chance to take revenge. Come on, just say yes."

”Or, you can wait around for that Jet jerk to arrive and drool at you some more.”

“Bitch, I know, I’m halfway through the Macarena already, try to keep up!”

"Lapis, don't do it!" Steven said, pleading with her. Lapis stood there for a moment then she turned to Jasper, with her hand stretched out. Jasper let a twisted smile form on her face as she pulled Lapis close to her.

"Noooo!" Steven shouted, as the two begun to do their own take on the fusion dance.

It involved choreographing their moves to end up standing slightly apart and their index fingers touching.

Wait, ‘their own own take’? What do you think the dance actually is, author?

Jasper let out one more twisted smiled before she was covered in a bright light. The group had no choice but to watch as a giant figure started to form before them. The gems took a few steps back as the giant figure glared down at them. She sported white hair and she had four eyes piercing down at them. Her skin was a bluish color and she had making over her face. She had a gem that was visible were her nose should be and she was also sporting four legs.

The wrong color and no mention of her hand feet. You are obviously not here for the fusions, author. Or Steven. Maybe Amethyst’s nether region, but you’ve only written one lemon. Why are you writing this?

She laughed as she gathered a water hand from the ocean. She let out a gasp with the water hand locked on to her forming a chain.

"Huh?" She said, as more water landed on her to form more chains. "What?" She was trying to free herself, but to no avail as the chains were slowly dragging her into the ocean.

"What are you doing?" She asked herself in Jasper's voice. Lapis voice could be heard next. "I'm done being everyone's prisoner, now you're mine prisoner and I'm never letting you go!"

Words of advice; don’t drop the soap when your fusion partner has water powers.

More water clinged on to her, dragging her faster into the ocean.

"Lapis!" Steven shouted.

"Now, let's stay on this miserable rock together!" She shouted, as she plunged themselves into the depths of the sea.

They’ll be back either by Jet bullshitting himself to Steven’s mental powers, or by the author retro-actively making the Watermelon Stevens having been a thing, if not both, I’m sure.

"Yikes." Garnet said, as the fusion disappeared from site. "They are really bad for each other." The group remained silent until they seen an object float down towards them.

"That must be Jet." Steven said, looking up.

A floating ‘object’? Apparently I’m not the only one thinking of him as a tool.

"Well, he just missed the party." Amethyst said.

"Umm, I don't think that's him." Pearl said, as the object came into view. It was Jet's trench coat,

The true protagonist of this story, I’m sure the author meant to imply as such.

as it landed on the beach right next to them. Amethyst went to pick it up.

"What this doing here without Jet?" Amethyst said. "Garnet, you don't think Jet's..."

Okay geniuses, the coat didn't blow up in the ship, and while for Jet’s health I'd hope it was made of pure asbestos to let it remain from him burning up on reentry, he obviously lost it outside of the ship, unless the author is at his regular shell-game of spot the stupid. Lamest, most reasonless cliffhanger, ever.

"I don't know." Garnet said, adjusting her visor. "Let's hope not." Amethyst hugged the trench coat tighter to her and the group remained quiet, that is, until Steven's phone started to ring. Steven let the phone ring, at a loss of words at what just happened.

I'm betting Jet is off to excuse training his yet again unjustified powers, pretentiously leaving his ‘friends’ and ‘loved ones’ unaware of this, so he can return heroically when he is needed the most, while the author skips the canon that he doesn't find worth writing about. Kind of a blessing in disguise, but when it is used as nothing but a cover for brooding and power endowment, it will be a hollow delay of a time skip, allowing the next chapter to dive straight into the inevitable.
Last edited by ConcernedGamer on Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2017 3:31 pm

Re: Jet's Universe

Post by Paragon » Sun Nov 12, 2017 6:17 pm

I'm guessing Peridot's escape pod landed right in front of Ronaldo's basement.

Also, thank you for the amazing mental image of Lapis frantically doing the Macarena in a desperate attempt to get away from the Gary Stu OC.

Nice work so far.

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