New Spy

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ConcernedGamer
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New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Dec 30, 2017 11:30 am

New Spy, A Totally Spies! multi-crossover harem fanfic. I’ll come right out and say this, I am not as well versed in Totally Spies as I could be. Far more seasons exist than when I watched it while an innocent kid without my currently lovable snarky attitude and observational skills able to spot all the fetish fuel bait every episode snuck in. But I doubt that will matter much, seeing what author made the fic we are dealing with here. Dragonlord0. Oh boy. I have not personally mocked anything by him before, but my fellow fanfic mocker GorillaGamer has had the pleasure, with one such mock already being present on this forum.

Let me start by telling you about Sean Ashburn Krueger. He’s your typical flavor of self-insert author avatar wish-fulfilment delux double dick special, sloppily copy-pasted across various fanfics by Dragonlord0, existing in hypothetical iterations that can only be told apart by reading the title of whichever fanfic the demons happened to curse you to read unfiltered. He has two settings; smug or violent, mostly because the author can’t describe him when he’s neither. GorillaGamer, who I must compliment on the trust he has put in my mocking abilities in recommending this atrocity laid before me, deconstructed Sean rather well, calling him an unhumorous Chad meme, but I feel a need for a short summary of my observations of everything I know his iterations have in common.

Sean is a 20ish, cool-scarred, orphan Spartan. A greek with a capital 'G' if the author could spell, inferred to always be at peek physical performance to excuse any physical act ever attempted by him to succeed, no questions asked. The only struggle or opposition he’ll ever face and succeed against, outside of a veiled and troubled past, is ‘torture-porn’ heroic struggles when they are not in the forms of low-life thugs the author always - and I mean always - wants to portray as rapists, if only the author had the balls to let them get as far as even touch a woman in Sean’s presence. If not dispensing undeserved deaths, Sean is content with physical assault and school yard cussing levels of word play to resolve any conflict before him, or haughtily dismissing whatever pussy isn’t written to be slobbering at him as he walks by, which is probably meant to impress his arm candy in some way. Speaking of the blowup dolls, if still limiting himself to or below his mega-harem list of 452, Dragonlord0 have any woman he wants Sean to fuck have three states, making them somehow less shallow than Sean. These states are giggling, blushing, or painfully and specifically bleeding as Sean claims their virginity before expediently granting them a blissful orgasm. Said interaction is typically bookended by the mention of whatever law excuse the author finds appropriate to wedge in the possibility of Sean to have more than one wife, big surprise. On top of that, the author’s strong desire to inject names and references to random shit, blatant or otherwise, makes one wonder if he has any self-awareness at all. You have one guess where he got the last name from. In one story iteration, Sean's brother was named Freddy. Added with everything else on your Bingo card, expect Sean to have one or two more unknown or hidden special traits and abilities – like that one example of him being the Nicholas Cage Ghost Rider – despite his already pinnacle beginnings, and we’ve got a Marty Stu cocktail that’ll make you regret any and all life choices, including learning about this one. Overpowered, unopposed, and unflappable, Sean piggybacks on any canon plotline like they were two-dollar whores, being a white-knight fantasizing sadist’s wet dream, thinly disguised as a protagonist.

And now, having prematurely blown as much of my gripe and complaint material in one go as I could, let’s see how far my comedic talent can carry me through this 33 chapters long low-budget, low-talented fap-fic. Here’s Chapter 1, saving the kings son.

Chapter 1 freeing the kings son

Come on, you couldn't even stick the landing of your own chapter title from the story's drop-down menu, author? This had better not be a trend.

Three girls were in their home enjoying their day. One had blonde hair and blue eyes. One had red hair and green eyes and the last had black hair and brown eyes. These girls were known as Sam Clover and Alex they were spies.

Retirement would probably be for the better when you accidentally fuse two of them into one person, author.

"Ugh I hate Mandy I wish someone would put her in her place." Clover said in annoyance.

"Calm down Clover sure she's annoying but its nothing we cant handle." Sam said before the floor beneath them sucked them in a vent.

Why don’t these girls invite Mandy over for their man-eating house decor, since that’s all the author can define them by?

"Oh come on not now!" Alex yelled as the fell down on the landing.

"Good day spies." A man named jerry said smiling at them.

"Jerry is it to much for you to just call us like normal people?" Sam asked.

And have his calls be intercepted by other spy organizations? Come on, Sam, get with the program.

"Sorry but yes anyway your new mission is to rescue the king of Sparta's son." Jerry said brining up an image of a man with black hair and a black beard.

"Sparta the home of earths greatest warriors cool." Sam said.

Totally Spies! 480 BC.

I swear, if the author could have sex with Sparta itself, he’d do it, as far as I can tell. The jerkoff includes it’s in his fanfics whichever way he pleases, even as a planet a billion year into the future after America and its citizens as a whole was responsible for destroying the Earth.

"Yes indeed but this is serious the kings son has gone missing for the past 3 days who was responsible for a peace treaty about to be signed with Persia.

The rest of Greece can fuck off, though. Why would they matter in a war with Persia?

Without him the king is afraid a war could occur." Jerry said brining an image of the kings son. The man looked to be a year older then them 17 years old. He had brown hair green eyes dressed in a grey hoodie grey jeans and black boots.

"Talk about handsome." Alex whispered to the girls who blush.

Yeah, I know, people are so hot when their bodily features have been less described than the listing of three articles of clothing.

"Whats his name?" Sam asked.

"His name is Sean Ashburn Kruger the king adopted him since he was friends with his real parents when they were alive and wanted to make sure their son was taken care of." Jerry said

Apparently being both an orphan and a prince was needed this time. I’d call you a Disney Princess, Sean, but going by his extensive yet limiting harem lists, I don’t think the author knows what that is.

"Wow do we have any suspects or clues?" Sam asked.

Good question, but I don't even know if you have four walls around you and whether Jerry is wearing pants.

"Well council man Theron is the biggest suspect since he's hated the king and his family for unknown reasons. Now your gadgets you may choose since this is a very serious matter." Jerry said giving them what they needed.

This is code for ‘the author can’t be bothered and you won’t be using anything anyway’, isn’t it? Come on, author, the spy gimmick items were the best parts of the show. Oh right, I forgot for a moment why you were writing this story.

"We won't let you down Jerry." Sam said as they took off.

Sparta

I knew commas were a vain hope, but is font formatting a myth to this author?

The king known as Leonidas was in his home waiting for some news of his son to be heard.

"Sir some girls from the organization are here to see you." A solder said.

With this being Sparta, are we sure he didn’t send for men? Oh, you meant the highly secret spy organization WOOHP, why of course, show them right in, announce them to the world while you are at it.

"Very well solder let them in." Leonidas said.

The girls walked in and admired the room.

"Im glade you could come please you must help find my son he is the only one who can help ensure this peace treaty." The king said.

”The fact that he’s my adopted son is just kind of a trivial detail, really.”

"What happened before he kidnaped?" Alex asked.

"A few of the council were not exactly happy with the peace treaty since Sparta and Persia have always been at each others throats for centuries but my son managed to convince them to stop the blood shed." The king said.

Yes, I’m sure that’s something that happened ‘before he kidnaped’ and when grammar was in a better place, but how about briefing them about how he disappeared?

"Is there anyone you think would do this?" Sam asked.

"Theron is the most likely since he's one who believes in letting only blood lines take place as king." Leonidas said.

”As king, I’m utterly powerless to look into this matter myself, of course.”

"We'll look into him. Alex you look around to see what you can find." Sam said as they left.

Later

Alex was looking though various places to find the kings son. She turned on a heat scan and found there was an underground lair beneath her.

This was very significant as she was currently in who the fuck knows where.

"Well lets have a look." Alex said to herself finding an access door and found it was abandoned.

"Well look what we have here." A voice said that she heard before she was knocked.

Is the author just scrambling for the harem to start? I’m starting to suspect entire sentences were discarded from this story, at this point.

With Sam and Clover

They were looking through Theron's office. They found all sorts of proof that he was behind this.

A signed confession, surveillance photos, and documented finger prints, I’m sure. Do we need Yu-Gi-Oh! cards before this author’s attention can be fastened enough on this plot?

"So he's the one behind all this but why?" Clover asked.

"Because he wants a war to happen. This was he can overthrow the king and take his place instead of his family." Sam said as the files she found listed all sorts of plans he made.

Because there are all sorts of reasons why prolonging centuries of no peace will result in dethroning the king, you see.

"We better warn him." Clover said as they left not knowing what was about to happen to Alex.

With Alex

Alex opened her eyes and found herself being dragged to a cell.

Oh my, how surprising, who could have guessed this richly detailed and carefully crafted rescue scenario would be flipped on its head?

"Look she's waking up time to see what she's like." A man said about to strip her but as they opened the door she was pulled in making her nearly scream but a hand clamped over her mouth.

"Do as I say and you live. I'm not going to hurt you but they will do horrible things to you unless you do as I say ok?" The man whispered making her see he was trying to protect her.

"What do I need to do?" Alex asked shaking.

"Take off your suit its what they want trust me I won't do anything."

And next, when he tells you to spread your legs, just go along with it, Alex, he knows what he’s talking about. Is he even any better than the thugs he’s pretending to save her from?

The man said holding her close making her sigh and with shaking hands took off her suit revealing her nude but happy and relieved he kept his eyes on her face as she handed him her suit and he threw it at the guards who took it away laughing.

I guess the rapists were just too stupid to realize that they hadn’t actually raped her, after they stood with her clothes in their hands.

"Sorry about this but I knew what they were going to do to you so I had to act for your safety." The man said giving her a large jacket to cover herself.

"Thank you." Alex said covering her body. She then looked at the man dressed in grey jeans and black boots. His chest was very muscled and had a six pack. She looked at his face and gasped.

"Your the kings son." Alex said.

It was the cleft chin, lazy eye, and Hitler mustache that gave him away, wasn’t it?

"Yup. I assume my dad asked for help to find me?" Sean asked making her nod.

Or she could be a random citizen who knows how you look, beef-brains.

"Yeah. How do we get out of here?" Alex asked shivering but found a blanket over her body and saw he gave it to her. She could see he had a very kind heart since he not once looked at her nude body but just her face which made her smile.

Stop with the waxing of your author avatar virtue signaling already. The fact that you tell us this makes anyone believe the opposite, author. Or your self-insert could be gay, just saying.

"Well I had a plan to get out when they came back but now because of you we can get out faster just stay close to me." Sean said kicking the door down and crashed it into a guard who was in front of it killed in the process.

Remind me, how were you a prisoner for three days up until this point?

Sean found her suit with him and threw it to her.

"Thanks." Alex said getting dressed again. They soon ran down the halls.

And thus, the author jerking it to the subplot of his self-insert not jerking it has ended.

"Hang on." Sean said picking her up bridal style making her blush but squealed as he jumped very high and out of the prison.

Was not being a horn dog such a demanding effort that you forgot about the supposed underground lair, author?

"Whoa how'd you do that?" Alex asked in excitement.

"Spartan training now come on my dad needs to hear this." Sean said picking her up and ran to the meeting.

Apparently he can channel muscle blood flow only when denying himself an erection, since Alex being there somehow made this easier for him.

With he council

"This is absurd why should we listen to these outsiders?" Theron yelled trying to cover his actions.

"We have proof you've been plotting to overthrow the king and his family for months this just made you act faster." Clover said.

Now you just make it sound like these events weren’t even part of his plans.

"Lies you tramp!" A man said before a shield was thrown at him. They all turned and saw the kings son and Alex enter.

"Alex!" Clover and Sam yelled happy she was ok.

From their perspective they’ve never even imagined she was in any trouble, author, you brainless buffoon. How about you got inspired by the shows that you watch, on a deeper level than just fan service?

"What they say is true Theron tired to overthrow my father so he could gain control."

”And I know this from squatting in a prison for a few days.”

Sean said shocking the whole council and glared at Theron who tried to run away but Sean threw a Speer at his leg making him yell in pain. "Your going to pay for your crimes." Sean said punching him in the face.

Later

"You were forced to do what!" Clover asked Alex as she told them her story.

She was forced to avoid being raped by willingly stripping in front of her would-be rapists. Yeah, I wouldn’t believe that one either, Clover.

"Yeah it was really embarrassing but he said it was for my protection since he said they do terrible things I knew what he was talking about so I stripped

Such terrible things as saying the suit looked so last season or that she looked fat in it.

but he never looked at my body just my face and when I was naked he gave me his jacket and a blanket to cover me."

He would have pulled out a couch, too, but the warden had momentarily taken away his luxury privileges.

Alex said blushing remembering how close they were together as he covered her from her attackers.

"Aw thats so sweet." Sam said.

"I wish he could come with us though." Alex said as they had to leave in an hour.

Oh, I just can’t wait for thirty more chapters of the author’s imaginary flesh lights being decently treated like human beings for short lengths of time, only to fawn over the fact for even longer lengths of time, in lieu of romance. Shit.

Later

Alex sighed in sadness as she Sam and Clover walking into their school.

"Whats wrong Alex?" Sam asked already guessing what she was sad about.

"I miss him." Alex said but saw the shocked looks on their faces before smiling. "What are you smiling about?" Alex asked before a finger tapped her shoulder. She turned around and saw Sean smiling at her.

I’m completely surprised by this turn of events, in the fact that the author unintentionally introduced Sean like another of the girls’ 'crush of the week' backdrop hunks.

"Wha?" Alex tried to say but just pulled him into a hug. "What are you doing here?" Alex asked happy to see him.

”I’m here to fuck your redheaded friend. Did I ever learn your name?

"Well my dad and that Jerry guy talked me to coming here and so surprise." Sean said making her and the girls giggle happy to see him.

”I was supposed to prevent a war with Persia, of course, but who gives a shit?”

"Hello handsome." A woman said with an annoying laugh and voice. He turns and sees a girl with black hair and purple eyes.

"Mandy leave him alone." Sam said.

I guess this is where that brilliant setup in the opening of the chapter comes full circle jerk or however that metaphor goes.

"Come on handsome lets leave these little whores." Mandy said and shrieked as he punched a locker right next to her head and shakes as it went right through it and glared at her.

"Get lost little whore now."

You kiss your own biceps with that mouth?

Sean said in a dangerous tone making her nod and ran away in fear. "What a bitch." Sean said while the girls snickered before bursting out laughing.

I’d laugh at this strutting Neanderthal, too.

"Oh I'm so happy your here more then ever now." Alex said hugging his arm.

Later back at the house

The girls had no problem with him staying with them at all.

Charging him rent would of course make them feel like whores in the end.

Sean was on the couch about to fall asleep till he felt something on top of him. He opened his left eye slightly and saw Alex in her nightgown showing him she was in a bra and thong. Sean smiled holding her close which made her smile happy he was here with her and the girls.

I have rarely seen a fanfic crash and burn on the first chapter like this one did. Every instance that wasn't about the author's dick graciously hovering near a girl without looking at them with lust, was an excuse to make the situation itself happen. This chapter only served to establish why and for how long Sean will be staying with the girls, and both answers are ‘available pussy’!

Authors note: Friend of mine asked me to make this so here it is.

Well, shit, you must hate your friend with this dumpster fire of a fanfic to show for it. What do you mean this is what amounts to effort from you?

This will be a harem like all my stories and have girl on girl action. No Mandy isn't in it.

As I am still somewhat willing and able to give you credit, author, I’ll at least say you have either better integrity, or a picky enough palette to not simply convert the pussy you don’t like into something more suitable. I’ve seen bimbofication at its worst in fanfics, this one had better not go there.

List of girls are.

Alex

Sam

Clover

?

?

?

Three unannounced victims? I’m guessing MILF alert of the girls’ mothers, but then again, random nameless background characters are not even immune to this author’s appetite.

See ya

Not if I see you first.

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GorillaGamer
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Re: New Spy

Post by GorillaGamer » Sat Dec 30, 2017 8:01 pm

Mock's looking great so far. I can't wait to see your reaction to the crazy shit that goes on in the later chapters.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
An old quote from Project PATREON.

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ConcernedGamer
Posts: 51
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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:21 pm

GorillaGamer wrote:
Sat Dec 30, 2017 8:01 pm
Mock's looking great so far. I can't wait to see your reaction to the crazy shit that goes on in the later chapters.
See, now you have me worried, seeing as that sounds beyond a typical 'introduce slut, fuck her, move on' expediency I had sort of hoped for from this author. I guess I better brace myself, then.

Anyway, people may have checked out the link I put up on Chapter 1 to an image of 452 individual fictional women, addressing it as Dragonlord0's harem list. That wasn't a joke. I feel I need to emphasize this. The list was first provided to me by GorillaGamer back in the time of Project AFTER, in order to let it dawn on me and others as to what type of guy Dragonlord0 presented himself as through his work. Drooling pussy glutton comes to mind, but feel free to substitute your own ideal phrasing to summarize this catastrophe. 452! I counted them. I am only emphasizing this to make you understand my intimacy with this list. GorillaGamer provided it, I was then the guy who decided to count them while making sure there were no repeat offenders, no misspelled mistaken identities, and no original characters smuggled in. While the author did mess one or two names up, all 452 were individual characters, and he wants them in one single harem. StabbyKobold, another fellow mocker, then took the time to graphically represent the list by concocting the aforementioned image, so as to help in letting the number properly sink in.

Now, onto why I am prattling on about this again, elaborating like I was tooting my own horn and overly waxing my minor contribution to this whole debacle for the sake of senseless self-gratification over half an hour's workload. I forgot the origin of this list. This very fanfic, I have finally recalled, is the origin of that list. It appears in Chapter 18, written by Dragonlord0's very own - for his unappreciated sake - hopefully carpal tunnel syndrome immune hands. And it deserves mocking whether he fails or succeeds, as he is seeking some boon in fulfilling this lose-lose scenario carve out of pure puberty hormones and romance-underperformance anxiety. And as such I'll keep this author to his utterly laughable, self-ridiculing ambitions by branding it and this fanfic for what it is. The author's personal, glorified grocery list printed onto a jizz-napkin. To do so, I will provide the image after each chapter, crossing out each achieved commemorative blowup-doll the author has accomplished to imaginarily pork with his ego-manifested, desperately-wished-for dream persona, so I can personally laugh at the goal he has set for himself, and of how little or how much he has managed to go through with it.

Wow, I've gotten rather mean-spirited as of late, I realize. Better put it to good use then. Here's Chapter 2, first mission.

Chapter 2 first mission

Sean yawned as he opened his eyes and found Alex still on his chest. Smiling he ran his hand through her hair making her smile and opened her eyes. She enjoyed her night with him feeling safe in his arms happy her mom wasn't home for another week otherwise she would have freaked.

Clover’s cougar mother demands she has the first turn with any new boy toy that gets brought home.

"Aww how cute." Clover said startling them. Alex hid her face in his chest while he simply shakes his head in amusement.

"Can you please give me some privacy so I can get dressed?" Sean asked getting up showing them he only had his green camouflage boxers on making them blush seeing his muscled body.

These trollops are impure as sin for not looking at your self-insert’s face with only kind hearts, author, you fucking hypocrite.

"Yeah sure bathroom is over there." Alex blushing. Once he was gone Sam and Clover huddled around Alex.

"So what happened last night?" Sam said smirking.

"Nothing we just slept together no sex at all. Besides I'm not ready for that."

”I mean, if we fucked on Chapter 1, what reason would anyone have to keep reading this story?

Alex said blushing up a storm as she got her regular cloths on.

"We're just teasing you Alex." Clover said smiling.

"You know I overheard some of the solders saying he was allowed more then one lover. Care to share?" Sam asked making Alex blush.

What is even this crypto-law harem-apologetics business the author dabbles in all the time? What’s more shallow, a guy needing to use a law to excuse multiple lovers, or desperate bimbos who assume that by default that because he can he therefore he will claim them all?

"We're not even dating." Alex said.

"Oh really so you don't mind if we try our luck?" Clover asked grinning.

"Hey I saw him first he's mine."

Can anyone tell me why does the author insist on his skin-suit being treated like a coveted handbag on sale?

Alex said but covered her mouth while the girls giggled. She felt a pair of hands on her shoulders and saw Sean dressed in his regular cloths smiling at her making her smile back.

"Heres the deal since I'm grateful you girls rescued me

And when did that rescue happen, Mr. One-Jump Man? You couldn’t be more belittling of these heroines, than had you patted their heads and called them adorable for trying to do the spy missions you’ll now steal all credit for in the future.

how about I take each of you on a date. Alex first since she's the one who found me and because I kinda owe her for stripping her."

The author knows that sort of service demands an exchange of money, fair is fair.

Sean said making her blush but smiled at him. "Sam will be next and then Clover." Sean said.

"Well if your ok with it." Alex said poking her fingers together.

"Hey who wouldn't want to date three hot girls who kick ass?"

Apparently not the author, since he doesn’t want them to demonstrate that particular trait in this story.

Sean said making them all laugh before the door opened and Alex's mom walked in.

"Alex I...Oh hello girls and who's this?" Carmen asked with a kind smile.

"Oh uh this is Sean an exchange student from Sparta." Alex said glad she got dressed before her mother came home. "I offered him a place to stay since he didn't want to stay with Mandy and since he helped me against some thugs."

I think ‘helped’ is a stretch, considering you being naked apparently factored into his escape plan, Alex.

Alex said hopping her mother wouldn't freak but sighed in relief when she smiled.

"Well since he was protecting you I have no problem with him staying at all." Carmen said hugging.

”Heroism is rewarded with pussy, it’s the law of fanfiction.”

"Thanks I really appreciate it." Sean said smiling.

"Just so long as two don't do anything inappropriate I don't want to be a grandmother so soon." Carmen said making Alex blush up so bad Santa would use her for his sled and not Rudolf.

Why bother? Sean can probably drag the sleigh with his Super Spartan ass all by himself.

"MOM!" Alex yelled making everyone burst out laughing.

Later

Alex and the others walked to school but she was still blushing from what her mother said. Images of her holding a baby in her arms kept popping up.

Moments before Sean snatches it and smashes the weakling against some rocks?

"Alex what is wrong with you?" Sean asked snapping his fingers in front of her.

"Huh? Oh sorry my mind is all over the place." Alex said.

"Are you that freaked out by what your mom said?" Sean knowing the answer as she blushed.

Well, you try and envision the nightmare of teen pregnancy and no longer being able to fit into your spy suit, Sean, see how you’d feel.

"Well I..." She tried to say.

"We'll if our relationship does go that far its something to look forward to for me." Sean said making her blush more but smiled.

Could you try to sound like less of a baby factory fetishist than the author is, you creep?

Just then the trash can sucked them in it.

"What the hell is this!" Sean yelled. They soon landed on a mattress. "What the hell?" Sean asked.

"Good day spies glad you could drop in." Jerry asked making them sweat drop.

"Seriously?" Sean asked in annoyance.

Yes, seriously, the author is really that inferior at describing secret agent gathering mechanisms to any unaware reader, that they will now assume you’re in the trash, where you belong.

"Welcome to our world." Sam said dryly.

Just the a picture of some guy appeared.

"Ricky Mathis? Who's that?" Sean asked.

What, didn't the author tell you when he implanted the man's name into your brain?

"Singer who recently released one album. But recently theres something going on and he's related somehow." Jerry said.

Thank you for that precise and detailed mission briefing, Jerry, the girls and Captain Plot-Diluter will be right on it to deliver an equally vague solution to that issue, like a something-something on a whatever!

"Great so you want us to observe and report not my style but I can try." Sean said before he was put in an outfit similar to the girls but his was colored grey also had a cool pair of shades on his eyes that could actually scan an area. "Nice." Sean said flexing his muscles.

You should try your hand at making actual product placements for a living, author, since you certainly seem to whore out your personal fantasy to yourself a lot.

"Well better get you geared up. Oh since this is your first mission you'll be following their orders." Jerry said making the girls have some rather amusing thoughts.

"Don't even think about it." Sean said.

”I’m take no any grammar lesson and that are finals.”

Later in the air

"The Spies wow how original." Sean said dryly.

It disgusts me that you are rubbing yourself up against the canon so much, that you think anyone reading this is just as intimate with it, author. I know your illiterate ass must never have touched a book, but can you not read better fanfics than this?

"Anyway heres your gadgets and Sean you'll be using your more preferred method of fighting but they won't kill." Jerry said before pressing the eject button. "Oh I love doing that." Jerry said grinning.

"Mother fucker!" Sean yelled as the landed on his back. It didn't hurt but it annoyed him.

The invulnerable übermench is untarnished, but his frail ego’s wrath is endless all the same. I dislike you further with every line, you primitive cockpuppet.

"Sorry!" The girls yelled getting off him.

"OW!" Sean yelled as he stood up. "I'm going to kill him next time." Sean said.

"Come on we have a job to do." Sam said leading them inside a limo.

Oh, but I so wanted to be entertained by Sean moping around and bitching some more, in order for the author to vent his authority issues like the butthurt thirteen-year-old that he is.

Later

They arrived at some fancy hotel room and meets Ricky's tour manager Phill who leads them to Ricky.

"Nice to see you guys." Ricky said before he had to leave with his manager.

You know, an ‘abridged series’ would at least manage to invest some characterization in their works, so as to establish they are pretending to be a band on tour, author. You come across like you could forget the rules of a game of Mad Libs.


Sean noticed something strange and used his shades to scan the room and picked up a CD that was glowing.

Courtesy only of the glasses, of course, the phosphorous effect was rather mundane to look at without them.

"What the hell?" Sean said scanning the disk.

"So besides the fact that Ricky has crazy fans and glowing CD's he looks normal to me." Alex said.

"I don't think he's behind all the craziness thats happened as of late." Sean said.

You know, all that craziness that the author thinks anyone would remember in detail from him farting out some names from the episode he’s ripping off.

"What makes you say that?" Clover asked.

"Its possible he doesn't even know whats happening but his manager well I don't like him he's hiding something." Sean said standing up

Yeah, I guess Phil seemed suspicious with, you know, that thing that he did? Which was to exist, I suppose.

Later

Sean was right after heading up to the manger as the people in the crowd listened to his music he was in a room with soundproof glass.

"The music gives me a headache at night so I stay up here and enjoy the quite." Phill said not seeing Sean narrow his eyes.

Has he seen Sean, though? Not that the author cares or could describe it, but what about a bodybuilder-type, high-profile Spartan prince says covert spy operative to you?

"Well that was weird." Alex said as they went up an elevator.

"He was playing that glowing CD somethings up." Sean said using his special phone to call Jerry.

Oh, it must be such a special phone that its disguised as one, so as to throw off anyone being suspicious about him communicating with someone remotely, you know, just like the disguised pocket mirror communicators. What do you think a spy is, author?

"Hello spies." Jerry said.

"Jerry what can you tell us about Sebastian?" Clover asked.

You know, that guy whose name hasn’t come up before now, and what is even the point of last names anyhow?

"Well it says here he was a great performer till an accident cost him his arm."

Jerry said showing them a video of his arm being burnt off that scared the girls.

Yeah, sure, just call their intent at not looking directly at a guy burning half his body being scared, so you can pretend they are made of cum-stainable glass, author.

"So now he's somehow using this guys to control the people." Sean said guessing.

"Possibly but not certain." Jerry said

Later

They soon arrived at an island that was on the tour. Sean snuck around and found out that Sebastian was trying to control people using the music from the glowing CD's.

"Hey your not supposed to be here!" A guard yelled.

”This is a private beach, asshole!”

One word. Just one word of a specific location is all I ask, author, and you are struggling even connecting your scenes to be taking place on planet Earth!

"Oh fuck." Sean said running away but got caught.

"So the son of the king of Sparta how unexpected." Sebastian said.

”Especially after Sparta was destroyed in that war with Persia that escalated in your absence.”

"Yeah well life is full of surprises." Sean said before pulling out his new guns and fired at the guards but it didn't kill them rather just stun them.

Sebastian tried to run away but got blasted in the back before he could get far. "Hmm not bad." Sean said twirling the gun in his hand for a second.

Yes, author, the only reason any and all heroes fail to win against the bad guys that they are brought before, is simply because they forgot to bring a weapon, and not because henchmen don’t know how to frisk whomever they’ve captured.

Later

Sean and the girls back at Alex's house were relaxing since her mother would be gone for a few days.

"Man that mission was annoying who tries to take over the world with music of all things?" Sean asked in annoyance.

Because the author somehow thinks it’s silly, Sean must be his constantly annoyed mouth piece, this time to call out what was actually a successful and subtle means of controlling people against their will. Do you even know what a Super Villain is, dumbass?!

"Apparently him." Alex said eating some chips.

"Still at least he failed before he could even start." Sam said.

"No kidding I almost feel bad for Ricky since he didn't even know he was being used." Clover said.

I’ll just assume the girls were ruling him out of being connected while off-screen, since the author can’t even have his chosen cock-sockets play a part in their own mission.

"So when are you two going on that date?" Sam asked making Alex blush.

"Actually while you two were busy enjoying the real concert Sean and I snuck off to go to the movies." Alex said scratching her head in embarrassment for not telling them.

Relationship development with Dragonlord0: Step 1, say it happened. Step 2, move on.

"What why didn't you say anything?" Clover asked.

"Sorry I forgot." Alex said sheepishly.

"Alex!" Sam and Clover yelled tackling her.

Sean simply smirked in amusement.

Thoughts of being squabbled over like a toy shared by siblings pleases the author’s frail and lonely ego.

"Oh boy I swear mom was right women in america are crazy." Sean said before they tackled him.

"Crazy are we?"

Well, at least the author knows women have to lack some sanity to bother dating his self-insert.

Sam asked in amusement but they all squealed in laughter as he lifted them all up with ease.

"Yes you all are." Sean said laughing. Alex giggled happy to see this relation ship was going ok.

But just like the Titanic, I doubt this ship realizes how few could possibly survive it sinking, despite the author's offhanded ‘harem maintenance’.

Authors note: Yay another chapter. I need a list of the girls from the show so if anyone is willing to do that I'd appreciate the help.

Are you honestly petitioning others to provide your spank material inspiration, author? Do you even watch the show or do you rely on plot synopses like you are forcing me to do?

Current harem

Alex

Sam

Clover

Britney

and Donna

While Britney is no surprise, Donna is a single-episode character. As long as it breathes and has a vagina, this author will put it in his harem, and I’m not even certain about that first part.

Also yeah for now the girls live with their parents but in time they will have that big house. I forgot about the fact that the live with their moms since I haven't seen the show in years.

Yeah, it was probably very difficult to do research before starting to write this with only one hand.

I might add the girls mothers and make them younger but I don't know.

Classy, author, you slobbering idiot. Why even bother pretend you pick your targets because of personality. They are fictional, you might as well fudge their traits while you are fudging yourself over this fudged fanfic. Oh, sorry, I apologize for my language, the grammar had me default to consider this author to still be in third grade – Fuck!!

And, as promised - or threatened depending on your point of view - here is the starting status of the harem, entirely without a single notch in Sean's belt. I expect it to soon change.

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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Jan 14, 2018 7:40 am

It didn't have to be this way. It never had to be this way. This 'fanfic' doesn't deserve to be called as such, but I mock it all the same because it pretends to be one. Just like other sleaze fests I've come across, the author in question is utilizing the medium as an outlet for his personal fantasies, to revel in sharing them, while anyone actually desiring a story, a plot, or some minute fucking credible adherence to the source material, are left disgusted instead. Enough banter. Here's Chapter 3, New Jerry.

Chapter 3 New Jerry

Sean sighed as he and the girls tested a new weapon.

"This is so annoying why do we have to do this?" Alex asked in her spy gear.

Because this author is a dime a dozen, your typical tunnel-vision-style plagiarist, who is writing while fresh off of watching the episode of the show that he has decided to rip off, while writing as if his readers just did the same.

"I don't know but this putting a dent in me planing for my date." Clover said growling.

"Clam down girls." Sam said as they left the area not seeing a man watching them.

Later

Sean chuckled in amusement as he took Sam to a restaurant of roman design.

Isn’t that’s this cultural appropriation I hear people bitch about? How about a Greek design from that era the author somehow thinks never died out?

"Wow this place is expensive how did you afford?" Sam asked in awe.

"Hello kings son." Sean said making her giggle. Just the his phone went off. "What is it Jerry I'm in the middle of something?" Sean said.

"Sorry just letting you know I've seen your falling behind in history so I've taken the time to hire a tutor for you to catch up no need to thank me just happy to help." Jerry said before ending the call.

Did you even make the effort to scratch your ass while lazily copy-pasting Alex’s ‘Jerry issue’ onto Sean, author? Though, it’s not surprising, seeing as Spartan Prince Sean should be about a few thousand years behind on that subject.

"GRRRR!" Sean growled in annoyance. "How did you stand him for so long?" Sean asked glowing red in anger. Sam chuckled in embarrassment.

"Lets not think about him and just focus on our date ok?" Sam said calming him down.

They had been enjoying their food till Mandy came in and started criticizing the place.

What’s a date without a loudly announced yet wordless, one-star Yelp review?

"Great." Sam said dryly. Sean saw one of the waiters with some food in hand and smirked pretending to stretch his legs he tried the waiter and he hit Mandy with all sorts of food making her scream in horror of her cloths being ruined and stormed off. Sam snickered before bursting out into a fit of giggles. "Nice job." Sam said.

Author, is this just going to be your go-to dead horse you beat, in order to pretend your self-insert is romantically bonding with girls through someone else’s misery, you shallow little ingrate?

They soon finished their food and he walked her home.

You know, that specifically roman themed food, that I’m sure we all know what was.

"Thanks for the diner and walking me back home." Sam said before she pulled him into a deep kiss and moaned as she held him close and giggled as his hands explored her back.

Author, right now I’m convinced I could set you up for the most exquisite date with a Tickle Me Elmo doll.

Sean ended the kiss and smiled at her before she went inside while he walked back to Alex's home. Sam sighed in happiness holding her heart.

"Oh I am so going to make the next date even better." Sam said seductively heading to her room and undressed in the nude before getting in her bed.

Ah, true love, if you reduced the requirements down to superficially implied affection derived from literally zero traits, coming down to a ‘I like him because I am meant to’. You couldn’t even have one of them say they like him for his cock, author, that’s just incompetence on a different level altogether.

Next day

The girls all got calls from Jerry at the worst times.

"I swear he nearly scared the hell out of me at the arcade when his face appeared." Clover said trying desperately not to pull her hair.

"I hate when he buts into our personal lives I don't need some tutor." Alex said steaming.

"And he almost ruined our date last night." Sam said.

Yeah, he interrupted you two gazing lovingly at each other’s crotches, that’s about as far as I guess the author wants me to think how your date went.

"I honestly feel better fighting some criminal over dealing with him." Sean said before the TV started glowing and sucked them in.

Are we already diving into the crossovers? I never though ‘Captain N: The Game Master’ would sound like an appealing alternative.

"Oh you got to be fucking kidding me!" Sean yelled. The landed on the couch and thankfully Sean caught Alex before her butt hit the hard ground.

"Jerry enough is enough!" Clover yelled.

"We're tired of you invading our personal lives." Sam said before the chair turned and some other guy is seen making them all blink.

"What the? Who are you?" Sean asked.

"I'm Mac Smit your new boss." Mac said.

"Wheres Jerry?" Sam asked.

"He decided to retire after 35 years of working here." Mac said.

”He said something about employing self-entitled, South European royalty who casually makes death threats at him while on duty being the last straw, or something like that.”

"Wow and here I was going to give him an earful for invading our personal time." Sean said chuckling.

"Well fortunately for all of you I won't be like that since I'm more respectable for peoples personal lives." Mac said.

They’ll have no personal lives to butt in on if they aren’t alive, you see.

"Finally." Sean said.

Later

Mac had given them credit cards to shop in Paris for all the trouble Jerry gave them. Sean rolled his eyes in amusement seeing the girls star struck. But something didn't sit well with him.

Why would Jerry retire without so much as a word? Did he fell sorry for annoying them or was something else going on?

One could suspect the mysterious and unwarned disappearance of Jerry to be some sort of kidnapping, but since you seem to be failing history, Sean, you are bound to repeat it.

"Hey Sean whats with the look?" Alex asked.

"Something isn't right about Jerry retiring why would he leave without saying a single word to us?" Sean asked making her blink.

"You know come to think of it." Alex said before Sam and Clover screamed as their credit cards attacked them.

Limited credit, fraud protection, and overdue payments. Now, these cards are not the only ones to expire. This summer’s horror blockbuster: Overdrawn!

"Huh!?" Sean said in confusion but ducked fast just as it almost hit him and jumped and smashed it with his foot.

Dude, just say ‘kick’.

"Ok what the hell was that?" Sean asked.

"I have no idea just all of a sudden the credit cards attacked us." Sam said as they left. They failed to see a man looking at them with a controller in his hands.

And the author fails at about everything that has to do with a narrative.

Later

Mac had said he'd look into the incident but told them they could relax for now in a new car and the girls took it but Sean was suspicious of something.

And he was right the car blew up.

How nice that Sean’s plot-guided suspicion prevented the car from even existing before that happened. Is there a history of Alzheimer’s in your family, author?

"Ok this is getting out of hand first the card now this?" Sean asked in annoyance. Just then a stick of explosives landed near them. Sean scanned for fingerprints and found they belonged to some guy named Tim Scam. "Oh boy." Sean said.

"What is it?" Sam asked not seeing what was wrong.

"Spell the name backwards." Sean said. Sam did and gasped.

Well, that doesn’t spell ‘Goblin’ at all.

"What is it?" Clover asked.

"Backwards it spells Mac Stim."

Image

I’m sorry to be the one to say this to you, but I think you are failing more than History, Sean.

Sean said making their eyes widen.

"But that means Jerry didn't retire then and was kidnaped." Alex said.

Quick, find him and strip down, so he can bust from his cell and jump out a prison.

"My thoughts exactly look we need to head back." Sean said getting their gear and flew off.

They soon arrived back at headquarters.

"Lets see here." Sean said accessing the data bass for intel on Tim Scam. "Ah here it says here he was a weapons designer here but was fired for illegal use of WHOOP's technology. My guess is he kidnaped Jerry and took his place using his name backwards. Not really original though." Sean said dryly.

Look who’s talking, Krueger, you multi-fanfic universe menace.

"So any guesses as to where he might be?" Alex asked.

"Hang on." Sean said typing something in. "What the he's in space I guess if your going to keep someone captive thats the best place to do it." Sean said.

A penal colony on Alpha Centauri doesn’t sound half bad, but for Jerry’s sake would you mind narrowing down ‘space’ for me?

"Hey what are you guys doing?" Mac said not knowing they knew the truth.

He either popped into existence or hid in a corner with his fingers in his ears. Seriously, author, is this a draft you scribbled down when you were seven?

"Oh nothing Tim." Sean said pulling him into a headlock.

”I beg your pardon, my name is Mit, Tim is my evil twin brother.

"What but how did you?" Tim said trying to get free.

"Your fingerprints were left behind on the explosives and your name popped up just spelled backwards so I knew it was you." Sean said hitting his pressure points making him unconscious.

"Wow that was fast."

Whiplash fast, in fact. The author writes plot to develop faster than relationships, and that’s saying something.

Alex said just as Sam and Clover came down with real agents to secure him and a video of Jerry came up.

"Hello spies." Jerry said happy they were alright. "Well done on capturing Tim Scam I honestly never thought he'd come up again." Jerry said.

"I hope this gives us some free time and you'll stop butting into our personal lives." Sean said in annoyance making Jerry chuckle in embarrassment.

Are you sure you want that, Sean? The only way you can even pretend to have a personal life is because the author was forced to present you to have one that he could butt into.

"Right of course." Jerry said scratching his head.

Later

Sean was on the couch in Alex's home when he's phone rang and saw it was Clover.

"Hey Clover whats up?" Sean asked.

"Oh nothing I was just hoping you would like to go to the movies for a date since you've gone out with Sam and Alex now." Clover said.

Sloppy thirds, order now by dialing 555-DOUCHE-BAG.

"Sure give me a second." Sean said getting up.

At the movies

What a riveting scene, the narrative would have completely collapsed without it, I’m sure.

Clover actually picked out an action adventure movie.

The two things direly missing from this fanfic.

"Wow nice." Sean said hanging his arm around her shoulders making her giggle.

"Ugh so stupid." Said the voice of Mandy who was ruining the movie for everyone.

"Aw man not her." Clover said in annoyance. Sean saw the cup holder above her and smirked.

You don't understand Mandy’s purpose in the show, author. She is the karmic punchline to the moral of an episode, helping to show development and insight in the girls, only getting an unfortunate or fitting outcome dealt on her as a secondary byproduct. You’re merely using her to sate your fetish for punishing someone, doing it with the tact of a sweaty neckbeard hoping to have the act favor with the opposite sex marveling at your petty revenge fantasy.

"Hey hand my your lesser lip stick."

But, your highness, why would you wear makeup meant for lesser people?

Sean said getting her to blink but did so anyway and had to suppress a giggle as it shoots the cup above her and hit Mandy on the head with everything in it making her yell.

Hey, mongrel, care to remind yourself why Tim Scam was fired from WOOHP again?

"What the!" Mandy yelled before the usher came in and dragged her away.

"My hero." Clover said kissing him on the lips making him chuckle in amusement

After the movie was over Sean walked her back home.

"I cant believe you actually did that to Mandy I wish I thought of that." Clover said,

And I can’t believe you girls walk around with spy gear while off duty.

"I'm a man who takes in his surroundings and acts on instinct." Sean said making her giggle.

Then why haven’t you clubbed these chicks over the head and dragged them back to your cave?

"So does this mean you'll accept the harem idea?" Clover asked making him chuckle.

You are so addled on anime fantasies that you actually don’t know what an open relationship is, author?

"I guess so whats the harm just promise me you girls won't fight over who's in charge."

That honor belongs to the top bitch himself, Dragonlord0, since its his job to ensure that Sean gets off and who joins the harem, after all.

Sean said getting her to nod and kissed him before going inside her house. As she closed the door she got hearts in her eye.

"Best date ever now just need to plan some more adult dates."

Yeah, it’s been rather immature so far, I’m glad we can agree on that.

Clover said stripping out of her cloths and slept in the nude.

Back at Alex's house

Alex sighed as she slept on the couch with Sean in only her bra and thong while he was in his boxers making out with each other.

Was that three sentences smashed together, or did you not just have Alex sleep through the scene of Sean wearing her underwear and frenching himself, author?

"Alex let me ask you something are you really ok with this harem idea?" Sean asked.

I’m alright with it, as long as you get to be the eunuch, Sean.

"Hey I've known Sam and Clover for years and I don't want them to miss out on this so yeah I'm ok with it." Alex said smiling kissing his chest making him smirk holding her close as they went to sleep.

Are you done pretending these nametag-wearing stick figures are a-okay with your fetish now, author? This fanfic is spinning its tires in the mud, waiting for you to have everyone sign a verbal contract, as if you feared anyone reading this could get a heart-attack at suspecting you were setting yourself up for drama or conflict in case jerking off was somehow not enough for you. Perish the thought, am I right?

Authors note: FUCK I really need to catch up on the show since I screwed up on the girls ages during the first season so I had to change the age of my character from 15 to 17. So this is going to be put on hold till I catch up again.

While I appreciate you edited that part before I got a hold of this story, is the canon really the only reason why I’m currently not suffering through underage sex issues in this fanfic? Do you even have a preference specific enough to limit yourself had that not been the case?!

Image

Edit: After feedback, I've come to the decision that the list will have two types of indicators for this fap-composition. Green highlights for women having been confirmed to be put into the harem, and further indication once the author has bothered the effort of sticking his imaginary dick in them. It's about to happen, too.
Last edited by ConcernedGamer on Sat Jan 20, 2018 12:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: New Spy

Post by GorillaGamer » Sun Jan 14, 2018 7:39 pm

I thought that the three spies would be listed off as being in the harem, given that they're the ones that helped Sean start it to begin with. Asides from that, great job on mocking this chapter.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
An old quote from Project PATREON.

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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Jan 20, 2018 12:33 pm

GorillaGamer wrote:
Sun Jan 14, 2018 7:39 pm
I thought that the three spies would be listed off as being in the harem, given that they're the ones that helped Sean start it to begin with. Asides from that, great job on mocking this chapter.
Well, my initial thought was to first give the author the credit of even acknowledging a change on the list once he had bothered to write a sex scene involving them, but your input changed my mind. I've gone back and altered the previous image and I'll henceforth highlight the women as they appear, with additonal indication put onto them once the sex scene has passed and they are considered officially 'initiated' into the harem.

Whether you like the show or not, Totally Spies! knows what it has to roll with in order to make a teen spy comedy flick. Cool gimmicks, some banter, action, and crazy yet fleshed out villains. So, can you guess what we are in store for with this author, then? Here's Chapter 4, fugitives.

Chapter 4 fugitives

(Just to let others know I'm skipping a few episodes since they don't interest me that much)

Because who still reading this would even pretend to do so for the purpose of the adventures of Sam, Alex, and Clover?

Alex moaned in her sleep as she opened her eyes and smiled at Sean who was still asleep. She got a small grin deciding to tease him. Alex took off her bra and her small thong from under the covers and threw it over the couch.

Sean opened his eyes and found Alex on his chest making him smile but he felt something was up and blushed as she moved up showing her nude body to him.

Are you sure you wouldn't rather want to write a James Bond fanfic instead author? At least there you’d have an excuse for sleaze rather than a cartoon targeting young girls.

"Like what you see big boy?" Alex said teasingly circling her fingers on his chest.

Good question, since the author can’t even describe a single boob. Actually, that’s a saving grace, considering there will be over 900 of them if this fanfic keeps going.

"Whoa what brought this on?" Sean said trying to keep his eyes on her face but since last time he did it to protect her this time it wasn't the same and had some trouble but was managing.

"Thought I'd give you a peek of what you'll be seeing when we go that far." Alex said kissing him. Truth being she was ok if they had sex now but wanted it to be special for the both of them.

Well, it had better still be fucking mind-blowing after the fiftieth or so lay, author, you pussy-starved hack.

"Alex please stop I'm trying to be a respectful since we're in your mothers house."

That sure explains where you sleep and your modest lack of clothing, too, doesn’t it?

Sean stuttered out making her giggle grabbing his hand and placed it on her left breast making him squeeze getting a moan out from her.

"Are you saying you don't want to touch my nude body?" Alex asked in a tempting voice. "I wouldn't mind you taking me on the couch now. Imagine me just screaming your name out as you pound into me."

Remember deep breaths, Alex. I’m pretty convinced the author already strokes himself to his imagined first, middle, and last name in full.

Alex said in a seductive voice making him nearly lose all restraint but kept it up for her. Alex smirked and decided to press his last button. She slowly kissed her way down to his boxers and smirked as she removed it and licked her lips seeing his long big and hard cock. "Wow you Spartans really are well equipped." Alex said. Just then the doors opened and Sam and Clover walked in.

It’s sad when by this author’s drivel, I don’t know if this turn of events is a positive or a negative.

"Hey Alex do you...?" Was as far as Sam got as she and Clover froze seeing the act.

"AHHHHH!" Alex yelled in embarrassment and hid her face in his chest while Sean internally sighed in relief since he wanted to make this special for her.

Listen, I need a frame of reference here. Are we talking party hats or enemas?

"Oh my god we are so sorry!" Clover said holding her face.

"Get out!" Alex yelled as they went outside. "Man they ruined the moment!" Alex yelled but sighed as he held her close rubbing her back.

Boy, for not living together, these girls certainly don’t know how to knock before breaking and entering.

"Look not that I don't want to do this with you but I want it to be special for you and the girls." Sean said making her blink and smiled kissing him.

"Aw so whats your idea of special?" Alex asked.

The author repeating that fact more than three times in the span of a page certainly make me get an idea of how special he is.

"I'm not telling things are better when your surprised." Sean said making her giggle and kissed him again. "But if it makes you feel better I don't mind waking up to you like this." Sean said rubbing her belly making her giggle.

"Good because honestly I'm a nude sleeper." Alex said leaving for the shower swaying her hips. "Care to join me?" Alex said spanking her ass. Sean simply chuckled in amusement. "I'm not talking about sex till your surprise is ready but that doesn't mean we can explore each others body."

If you do, could you bother relaying any discoveries to me, since the author has left Sean indistinguishable from a mannequin?

Alex said and giggled as he lifted her up.

Later

"We are so sorry for barging in Alex we didn't know." Sam said.

Well, that should teach her to not lock the living room when desiring privacy.

"It's alright you didn't know besides Sean said he wanted our first times to be special but he's ok with exploring a little." Alex said grinning making them blush but giggled.

Do you constantly need to remind yourself of the base positions of your imaginary relationship status, author, or do you just know no one will care until you hammer it in?

"What are you girls laughing about?" Sean asked brining them their drinks.

"Oh nothing mister explorer." Clover said making him chuckle. Just then they were sucked into a vent.

The grating-sliced human paste would be recombined upon arrival momentarily.

"Aw come on is it so hard to just call?" Sean yelled in anger before they landed but not on the couch just the hard floor. "What now!" Sean yelled but saw the stern look in Jerry's eyes. "Whats with the look?" Sean asked before the girls were caught in some kind of sphere.

Oh, thank you, Jerry, I knew your protectiveness of the girls would eventually have you get them out of reach of that fake Spartan creep.

"Whats this about?" Sam asked as Jerry showed the girls a video of them stealing from a bank.

"Is this supposed to be some joke?" Sean asked.

"No I'm afraid not so as of now the girls will be given micro chips into their brains to make sure this doesn't happen again." Jerry said.

Well that's awfully dark. How about some fashionable ankle bracelet from Gucci instead?

"Wait a minute that cant be them look at the time and date I can prove thats not them." Sean said pulling out his phone and showed a video of them pranking Mandy being attacked by bees. Jerry blinked in confusion as he saw the time and date were the same. "This proves they didn't do that and come on you've known them for years you really think they'd do that?" Sean asked in disappointment.

Congratulations, you’ve somehow convinced yourself that you can disprove a video with another video. Either could be a fake, moron.

"I see your point let them go." Jerry said making the girls sigh in relief. "Sorry about that but it was rather convincing you must understand that." Jerry said.

”I mean, they even copied your tacky hair styles.”

"Well just don't do it again." Clover said in annoyance.

"Let me see something." Sean said accessing the video again and saw something come off the fake clover. "Since I'm not in the video I'm good to get that piece of evidence. Stay here till then." Sean said running off.

Good luck finding the ‘a bank’ with the clues within spitting distance, plot-polluter.


An hour later

Sean came back and gave the sample to Jerry who showed it was human DNA that matched Clover.

With this fanfic’s dreadful authorship, I did kind of need the confirmation that one of these characters were humans.

"This is getting out of hand something isn't right how can the DNA match hers when she was with me the whole time." Sean said till something clicked in his head. "Hmm Jerry is there anyone you've encountered or the girls that could clone others?" Sean asked.

”Because if so, I have this harem that I want to get rolling.”

"Well yes a year ago they encountered a man who could do that named Macker the safecracker he suffered a fall when they caught him though. Its possible he may be behind this." Jerry said

Later

You know, that vague point of reference in time, halfway through the plot of the episode.

Sean and the girls went to an island where they believe the man who cloned them is at.

"I remember this guy it took us a year to grow our hair back." Alex said rubbing her hair.

"And now because of his injuries he blames all of you so this is his way of revenge." Sean said as they entered a facility and saw green tubes that had clones of the girls inside.

Does every evil lair come with a revolving door, or do the characters teleport whenever the author does what he thinks amounts to exposition?

"Ew freaky." Sam said in disgust.

Other authors have ambition, you know. Rather than being shackled to the source material, they actually have a point in dragging themselves through it. What could you do with the multitudes of vibrant issues stemming from actual cloning? Having characters come face to face with their copied likeness. The moral-, the ethical-, the all around weird implications of having had their DNA handled by a villain, physical identical copies of one self being put into the world without your knowledge or consent. And what do you do with it?! I don’t know who disappoint me most. The show, the author, Macker, or Sean, for essentially throwing cloning as a topic in the trash after this.

"Well look who is it." A man said above them. He had blond hair and half his body was robotic. "And the king of Sparta's son how unexpected." Macker said narrowing his one non robotic eye at him.

Is every villain going to spout “Hello Prince Self Insert, I didn’t expect you here” to indicate their impending and author-excused defeat, as Sean then immediately does something a single, unannounced shot to the head should have prevented?

"So your the one who cloned the girls. I'm going to enjoy beating you to death for that."

Why, because he stole your idea?

Sean said jumping up to him and tackled him. The girls fought with their clones and managed to do a pretty good job.

"They may look like us but they don't have our skills." Sam said kicking away a cloned Clover.

You finally had one of the girls do something, author. Did you plan for that or was it an accident?

Sean kicked Macker in the chest making him groan in pain. He tried to shot him but Sean kicked away his gut before giving him an uppercut that sent him flying up and on the ground making a loud thud and dent in the floor.

"Man these guys are real pushovers compared to the enemies I've faced back in Sparta." Sean said in disappointment.

You are as sad a fake as you could possibly be, Sean, almost seeming to inherently know so by this need to propagate the notion of your heritage every single chapter. Let me tell you about the word ‘laconic’. The very word is derived from Spartan history, with its people being known for their efficiently short rebuttals, commentary, and wit. You think being a Spartan is all about having muscles and a title, Dragonlord0? Even if we were equal in either, I’d still be more of a Spartan than you.

Later

As Sean promised Alex he had brought her to a place she would love. It was a special waterfall that was isolated from others so no one would disturb them and made sure Jerry wouldn't interrupt them.

But I will. You couldn’t even go to the common denominator of clone fight sub-plots to develop your faked relationships with these characters, author? To have Sean be able to tell the real from the clone because of how he has supposedly bonded with them? This shitty fanfic is going to be nothing but fedora-tipping level fancies demanding panties become wet, isn’t it?

"Wow this place is beautiful how'd you find it?" Alex asked in awe.

"Little something I found on my spar time." Sean said kissing her forehead making her giggle.

"Now this is perfect." Alex said removing her cloths till she was completely naked and pulled him into another kiss moaning as his hands rubbed her back.

Okay, this is the purpose for the fanfic. Pure, third-rate spank material. Everything has failed up until this point. Plots, descriptions, characterizations, grammar, taste. This is supposedly the author’s investment needing him at 100%. I await disappointment all the same.

Alex ended the kiss and removed his cloths till they were both naked. Alex giggled as she dived into the water making him chuckled as he got in and searched for her. Alex emerged in front of him and pulled him into another kiss wrapping her legs around his waist as she did. She giggled when she felt something poking her.

"Is someone excited now?" Alex asking teasingly.

About as excited as I could be at someone undressing a pair of Ken and Barbie dolls, but thank you for reminding me what you were going for, author.

"Hey I got a hot naked girl in my arms how can I not be?" Sean asked making her giggle more before pulling him to the shallows and pushed him on his back.

"Now let me show you what I can do."

If you think ‘show – don’t tell’ will finally be adhered to, you have another thing beyond the author’s masturbation session coming, Alex.

Alex said getting on her knees and licked her lips seeing his hard cock again. She licked the tip making him groan out. Alex smirked before opening her mouth and brought him inside moaning like crazy from his taste. Alex moved her head up and down enjoying his taste licking the tip with her soft tongue and played with his balls.

Newton style.

She moved in deeper and almost gaged from her gag reflex but moved it aside.

'Thats it big boy give me what you got.' Alex thought in her head. Sean placed a hand on her head playing with her hair. Alex moved faster on his cock slurping sounds escaped her mouth every few seconds but she just wanted her prize.

Royal alimony?

'Almost there come to Momma.' Alex thought in her head before she moved faster and her eyes widen as he came inside her mouth moaning from his taste and made sure she didn't miss any of it. She pulled off his cock and smiled at him before she squealed in excitement as he pulled her legs up to his shoulders and had her pussy over his face.

"My turn."

Oh, you were planning on participating in this beyond acting like a squirt bottle?

Sean said licking her pussy making her gasp and moan. Alex was moaning like crazy as her lover pleased her pussy.

"Oh yes yes yes more." Alex moaned out playing with her breasts. She gasped as his hands went to her ass cheeks and played with them.

Play with this, play with that, do you intentionally limit your own vocabulary or is this an actual playdate, author?

She whimpered in pleasure before screaming as he shoved his tongue into her pussy making her cry out his name repeatedly. "Ah ah ah yes keep going."

Okay, who changed Sean’s name to ‘Ah’?

Alex moaned out as she was pleasured to new heights.

Alex gasped as he bite down on her pussy. "Oh god yes fuck me! Fuck me!" Alex yelled out in bliss feeling his teeth on her pussy lips before she screamed out in sexual bliss as she came in his mouth.

What an amazing master of pleasuring the female sexual organ, author. Why don’t you suggest that Sean punches it next?!

"Mmm tasty." Sean said licking her one last time before pulling her to a hug.

"Oh this feels amazing." Alex said in a dreamy voice.

”Screw Barney the Dinosaur, this is the good shit!”

"Time for the main act."

A trapeze then spontaneously appeared.

Sean said placing her on her back and she smiled as he lined up with her entrance. She moaned as he rubbed himself to get wet so she wouldn't be in as much pain when her virginity was taken.

Oh, you don’t want to rig her nervous system to translate that into immediate pleasure like when you chewed on her vagina?!

"Do it make me yours." Alex said lovingly and gasped as he slowly entered her entrance and kept herself from screaming in pain but tears came out of her eyes. Sean kissed her making her moan and wrapped her legs around his waist. Blood came out of her pussy but she was more focused on the pleasure replacing the pain.

It was a proverbial faucet of life fluids down there, but the author was too busy getting himself off to genital mutilation to care.

"You can move now. Fuck me till I cant stand." Alex said kissing his neck moaning as he thrusted inside her pussy hearing slapping sounds as well.

"Damn your tight." Sean said feeling her grip on him.

"Yes! Yes! YES! Fuck me like a whore!"

He is. You are. Did you think the author wrote you to be anything else?

Alex yelled letting the pleasure cloud her mind since she never really cursed before. "I belong to you and only you!" Alex yelled out as her pussy was pounded by the man she loved so much she didn't care what she said about herself.

"Who does this body belong to?"

But Sean probably cares a great deal, seeing as he’s seeking total submission, already. I don’t mean to kink-shame sex-talk, but what is this if not author-engaged bimbofication at work?

Sean said trying to make her submit to him as he changed positions having her on her hands and knees.

"You! I'm your bitch fuck me till I cant move!" Alex yelled out as he thrusted into her again twice as fast. She gasped as he slapped her ass. She moaned from the pain before she started feeling her orgasm coming fast. "Fuck me faster I'm close." Alex said before screaming in lust as she came squeezing his member tightly and moaned out as she felt him come inside her happy she was on birth control.

Oh, nice save there, author. Intense orgasm, check. Thought erasing pleasure, check. Dick in vagina, check. Oh, wait, that causes babies, better make the mind-numbed slut randomly think about that to keep my boner from getting confused, check.

"Oh yes so good." Alex moaned out before he pulled out and rubbed his cock between her ass cheeks.

"Theres one more hole that needs to be filled."

I believe it’s located between the author’s ears.

Sean said making her grin and spanked herself.

"Well then do it." Alex said gasping as he thrusted inside her ass. "Oh boy yes." Alex said.

"Now this is even tighter."

If you’re done rating your lay, how about you even announced some of this pleasure you yourself should be having? This is typical of everything happening with Sean in this fanfic. The author doesn’t bother to describe shit, because he thinks his own thoughts, pleasures, and even looks are self-explanatory, while he writes this for his own entertainment.

Sean said thrusting into her faster before he grabbed her legs and holds them up making her stay up on her hands.

"Oh Fuck! Fuck my ass like the bitch I am." Alex yelled out feeling her mind shut down from the great pleasure.

But the author pushed the on-button immediately afterwards, so as to not get that necrophilia vibe.

"Spank me." Alex said submissively. Sean smirked striking her ass making her cry out in pleasure and felt her walls beginning to squeeze him till she came again as did he.

"I think you've hit your limit here." Sean said pulling out of her. "And who knew you'd swear so much and actually insult yourself during sex." Sean said making her blink and blush.

Yeah, who knew, what an intriguing development that was. I mean, this is not at all a nod and shake from the author as he’s done diddling his bits to satisfy his fantasy by putting a bow on it. Who knew that a girl would turn herself inside-out for a wooden nickle – whenever you decide to write her to do so, dumbass!

"I guess I got carried away my bad." Alex said as they got dressed of course he had to help her since she was exhausted.

"Oh its not a bad thing at all. I found it actually pretty cute." Sean said picking her up bridal style making her giggle.

Self-degradation during sex is ‘cute’ to you? What prescription drug did you forget to bring with you when arriving to this dimension, author?

"Just imagine what Sam and Clover might do when its their turn." Alex said making him chuckle as he carried her back home.

Yes, come one, come all, to the author’s degradation emporium. Where stick figure sluts with cardboard faces will utter naughty words and pretend this padded lemon is even worthy of being called a fanfic.

Authors note: Wow I didn't exactly plan that it just happened in my head.

Could you perhaps have written it so that it wasn’t also evident it was where it took place?

Anyway some episodes will be skipped and others will take place later as flashbacks. till then see ya

Pretending to care would be only half the insult of you doing the bare minimum each chapter, to excuse episode plots to happen while you rev up for unrelated sex scenes. Even your sex scenes are as plain and slapdash as the window dressing before it.

Image

And that marks Alex as the first fully indicted bimbo impaled on the perch the author calls his Spartan-sona’s cock.

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Re: New Spy

Post by GorillaGamer » Sun Jan 21, 2018 12:36 am

ConcernedGamer wrote:
Sat Jan 20, 2018 12:33 pm
You are as sad a fake as you could possibly be, Sean, almost seeming to inherently know so by this need to propagate the notion of your heritage every single chapter. Let me tell you about the word ‘laconic’. The very word is derived from Spartan history, with its people being known for their efficiently short rebuttals, commentary, and wit. You think being a Spartan is all about having muscles and a title, Dragonlord0? Even if we were equal in either, I’d still be more of a Spartan than you.
Not gonna lie, that's one of the sickest burns I've ever read.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
An old quote from Project PATREON.

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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Jan 27, 2018 10:06 am

GorillaGamer wrote:
Sun Jan 21, 2018 12:36 am
Not gonna lie, that's one of the sickest burns I've ever read.
I'm glad to know my trash-talking was well received. A great deal of what makes Dragonlord0's wish-fulfillment so insufferable, is that it is entirely superficial to the point of betraying what he pretends to know and like about it. I tried my best to let that fact and my annoyance of it be known that way.

Anyway, we are about to enter into a realm of more schlock, boring, and shoddily crafted IKEA-erotica. It's not that I expected the author to have first-hand experience with the topic, but what is contained herein makes me wonder if he even has second-hand experience. Here’s Chapter 5 - Sam's sex chapter.

Chapter 5 Sam's sex chapter

Apparently the author couldn’t even pretend he was writing anything else this time around.

Alex sighed dreamily as she couldn't get the memory of her greatest moment out of her head.

Winning your first game of Tic Tac Toe is such a rush.

"Alex whats with the look on your face?" Clover asked in curiosity.

"Huh? Oh sorry guess I got lost in memory lane." Alex said giggling.

"Wait a minute hold on did you two?" Sam asked blushing and blushed more when Alex giggled nodding her head.

”Hand-holding is so naughty.”

"It was the most romantic night of my life." Alex said.

"Who would be interested in you loser?" Mandy said not hearing the whole thing.

"For your information Sean treated me like a queen last night." Alex said glaring.

Did the author not read the same sex scene that he himself wrote, or did we not specifically see you submit and allow yourself to be treated like a slave in the previous chapter?

"Oh please you just made all that up who would date some slut like you?" Mandy said not seeing Sean behind her.

Oh, look, it’s this scene again. You know, that one we haven’t already seen half a dozen times already. Also, WHERE ARE WE?!

"FUCKING EXCUSE ME!" Sean yelled making Mandy shriek in fear.

You are excused. Leave.

"Listen to me real carful you dumb bitch I have had with your attitude if you think I'm going to let you insult the people I care about your dead wrong this is your second strike you get a third and I'll show you what happens to your kind back in my country GOT IT!"

While both you and Sean are sounding like disliked propaganda caricatures, author, the only reason you are not besmirching any nationality and/or religion right now, is because your übermench-fantasy wannabe-birthplace doesn’t exist.

Sean yelled making Mandy nod quickly and ran away screaming in fear.

"Finally you've put her in her place." Clover said smiling.

"Honestly that bitch is getting on my last nerves." Sean said sitting next to them.

The fact that said bitch isn’t calling the police or reporting a voiced, harsh threat against her, is because the author’s ego is too frail to even imagine authority that supersedes his dick’s stunt double.

"So Alex said you two had fun last night." Sam said grinning while Alex still had her dreamy smile on her face.

"Yes although she probably neglected to tell you a few things about the night."

Such as if your special waterfall pocket dimension hide-away even was located in America, no doubt.

Sean said grinning making Alex blush and scratched her head sheepishly.

"Like what?" Clover asked.

"That she has a dirty mouth when it comes to sex." Sean said making them burst out laughing and fell down from their seats while Alex blushed.

Could you care to elaborate to her benefit, or do you count on these bimbos to share a hivemind and know that she simply isn’t just saying the word ‘shit’ a whole lot?

"Hey in my defense I got caught in the moment and its not like any of you won't do the same." Alex said pouting making them laugh harder.

It’s funny when not even the fourth wall can hide the fact that Dragonlord0 can only write one type of woman.

"Alex your just making it worse for yourself." Sean said making her pout but smiled when he kissed her.

"So what are you going to do for them?" Alex whispered to him as they were still laughing.

"I don't know only one way to find out." Sean said.

Way to make it sound like the next hotdog stand and public fountain will be just as likely place of a repeat, Prince Charming.

Later

Sam was in her room looking through various outfits but wasn't finding what she wanted.

"Grrr I need to find a very sexy outfit that shows a lot of skin."

I dunno, use your dignity to make half a micro bikini, how does that sound?

Sam growled out. She then has an idea pop into her head. "Hmm mom won't be back for a couple of weeks so maybe." Sam said giggling to herself putting a plan into action.

She invited Sean over to help her with some school work or at least thats what she told him. Sean knocked on the door and heard her voice to come in and opened the door and chuckled seeing she was completely naked running her fingers on her breasts.

Wow, author, that must have taken you, what, ten seconds looking through your search history on PornHub to get this brilliant idea?

"Like what you see big boy?" Sam said sexually as another hand went to her butt and smacked it making him chuckle in amusement.

"I would have to be stupid to say no." Sean said making her giggle before she walked over to him and took off his cloths.

How many more lemons do I have to keep reading wherein these self-insert man-children are entirely incapable of undressing themselves?

"Oh wow Alex wasn't kidding when she described your night."

”A whole two inches! That’s way more than I was expecting with how you overcompensate.”

Sam said rubbing his cock making him groan before swinging her over his shoulder making her burst out giggling as he carried her to her room and threw her on the bed making her grin.

You sure you don’t want to add a fourth case of 'something making someone do something', author, why stop your streak with a period now?

"Im all yours big boy." Sam said spanking herself.

"Oh I know." Sean said placing his cock between her breasts making her moan and giggle as she moved her breasts up and down on his cock and licked the tip with her tongue when she could. Sam moaned in enjoyment as Sean thrusted his cock between her breasts.

Dick in tits makes chick moan - in case you didn’t catch it the first two times the author wrote that.

"Oh yeah thats it more." Sam said moaning in pleasure. Sean deciding to see what her kink was pinched her nipples making her cry out in enjoyment.

"I guess your kink is pain. Lets see how far it goes after this."

Wow, what a spontaneous and expert master of deduction. How far would you have gone to discover it had she been into feet instead, Poirot?

Sean said thrusting faster into her breasts and groaned out as he came on her face making her whimper and moan in bliss licking his essence off her face.

Essence of Sean, Faux Spartan flavor. I should make a list of these.

"Mmm yummy." Sam said in a sex filled tone. She gasped as he pulled her nipples but enjoyed the sensation.

I can’t even pretend that anyone could possibly invest anything but their own fap-fever thoughts to substitute this piss-poor shit, because the author’s stunted vocabulary can’t even invoke eroticism beyond simply claiming that it’s there!

"Oh yeah more it feels so good." Sam said enjoying the pain before she gasped as he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her up not that she was really fighting back. "Ow! OW! OW! OW!" Sam yelled out but was enjoying it before she was forced on her stomach and felt her arms and legs being tied up. "Where did you get the rope?" Sam asked.

From the author’s very own personal kink; ass-pulling.

"Who said this was rope?" Sean said making her look at her arms and gasped seeing it was her panties he was using to tie her.

"Hey those are expensive!" Sam yelled out in protest.

Now, that would probably be in-character, if not for the fact that she somehow bought a pair of panties that feels like rope to her skin.

"Deal with it besides now you'll have to go commando in public which to me means an easier way to have fun with you." Sean said making her shiver in excitement. "Now then." Sean said pulling something out of a bag he brought with him. Sam turned and gasped seeing a wooden paddle.

No wonder Sean’s grades suck, seeing he thought this bag of his would be relevant when invited over to do school work.

"Oh boy this is a little embarrassing." Sam said having flashbacks of when her mother spanked her for being bad. Sean smirked before tapping her butt softly making her moan a little.

You have about three different flavors of kink in here, but I don’t think you even know how to separate any of them from each other, author.

"Oh you'll enjoy this very much." Sean said before he raised the paddle and struck her ass making her nearly scream out but found her mouth was gagged by something and looked and widen her eyes when she saw it was her own panties making her moan into them.

Must be difficult, what with her wrists now being lodged in there, still tied up by them.

Sean struck her ass repeatedly making her ass cheeks bright red while tears poured out of her eyes but you could tell she was enjoying it if her lust filled gaze wasn't enough to go on. Sean struck her ass one more time before he put down the paddle and un gagged her letting her let out a few sobs of bliss and pain as her ass was in pain but enjoyed it.

Author, dude, your constant appending ‘pain-but-the-good-kind’ mentions is an unnecessary game of Red Light, Green Light, where everyone knows you won’t switch it up. These scenes might as well have been rehearsed and scripted in-universe, because no boundaries that aren’t your own will be overstepped, ever!

"Ouch I don't think I can sit again for a month." Sam said but moaned as her rubbed her red cheeks lovingly.

"I think the color goes good with you. Red hair and now a red ass."

Allow me to suggest how a black eye would suit you just as much, Sean.

Sean said making her grin before moaning as he pulled her into a loving kiss.

"Now for the best part."

Ointment?

Sam said laying on her back and winced from the pain in of her ass but endured it for him. "Take me now my virginity is for your taking."

Okay, author, you have got to tell me which badly dubbed hentai you got that one from.

Sam said making him smirk before lining himself up at her core and kissed her softly before thrusting into her pussy taking away her virginity making her cry out in pain and held on to him tightly. "Oh god it hurts!" Sam cried out trembling in pain as it hurt way worse then the spanking she got.

Wait, I’m getting mixed signals here. Is this torturous virginity pain no longer part of her kink, since the author seems to get off on this particular thing, EVERY. SINGLE! TIME!!

"Bare with it I won't move till your ready." Sean said holding her. Sam sobbed in pain but her pain was soon replaced by pleasure and moaned into his neck as he held her.

"Mmm you can move now but slow." Sam said making him nod and thrusted softly into her making her whimper and groan in pleasure before he started moving faster into her sex. "Mmm oh yes more." Sam moaned out as he still held her close and thrusted into her sex.

Do you intentionally pad out these scenes, or do you actually get off on reiterating the previous sentence you wrote, author?

Sam moaned in happiness as he licked and kissed her neck lovingly as if he was marking her body as his property which she had no problem with as she would be happy if she belonged to him forever.

Which was all completely unrelated and random, as the author clearly isn’t already figuratively licking things to claim them for himself.

"Bite me mark me as yours." Sam moaned out lovingly making him smirk.

"Whatever you wish Sam." Sean said opening his mouth and bit down on her neck making her nearly cry out in pain again but held it in while tears came out of her eyes but not of pain but tears of joy as she was marked as his.

A branding iron would have been more permanent. And honest.

"Yes I'm yours forever." Sam whimpered out in joy as she cried into his neck. Sean smiled as he used a cloth to cover his mark on her neck and sucked on her neck making her moan. "I love you." Sam whimpered out as she could feel her orgasm approaching.

Up until now it had kept its distance, wondering where the fuck the author wanted to justify it.

"I love you to Sam." Sean said making her cry more in joy and yelled out as they both came at the same time. She was thankful she was on the pill otherwise she would be pregnant from this. Not that she would mind but she wanted to finish high school first then have his baby.

And another baby-block addendum after the fact of it being relevant. Do you even know enough about biology that conception isn’t an assured thing, author?

"Oh yes it feels so good." Sam whimpered out as he held her close. "Mmm I wish we had our own place so this could be a regular thing." Sam said picturing Herself and the girls all naked walking around a house they owned taking turns with him.

"Maybe we might you never know."

Your foreshadowing has a subtlety on par with Sean’s spy abilities, author.

Sean said kissing her forehead making her smile and placed her head on his chest and fell asleep with a content smile on her face.

Authors note: Finally I've got this done. Next chapter Clover shows Sean her public sex kink. See ya

As if the ‘no underwear’ exhibition tease earlier in this chapter hadn’t already hinted at where we’d end up. Do you just have a kink for each girl to pretend they are separate characters that way, author?

Image

A small but still important change to the harem status. Slow and steady, I suppose. You know, I never understood something about your list of 452, author. Why you chose so many is one, sure, but why did you chose to stop there of all numbers?

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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Feb 04, 2018 6:46 am

You can probably guess by the title what happens. Why the author simply didn’t reread his own story to get off is anyone’s guess. Here’s Chapter 6, Clovers kink.

Chapter 6 Clovers kink

Sam had a dreamy smile on her face as she sat in her favorite spot in the mall.

Something that isn’t Sean’s lap? Preposterous.

"Oh I know that look." Alex said making Sam snap out of her trance and blushed seeing she was caught.

"Um yeah." Sam said sheepishly.

"No fair how come I'm last?" Clover asked.

Because the groin-meat facsimile you call a boyfriend is entirely guided by the author, who is entirely guided by his reviewers, one such having requested Sam to be next back when Chapter 4 was posted. As if that wasn’t inane enough, one reviewer of Chapter 5 warned for you guys to not have public sex and merely roleplay it, because otherwise you could go to jail. I weep for all these naïve and regressed deviants prowling Fanfiction.net.

"Last in what?" Sean asked appearing behind them making them jump.

"Don't scare us like that!" Alex said slapping his arm.

"What?" Sean asked confused.

It’s a thing called ‘boundaries’, Sean, you’ve probably never heard about them.

"So what happened last night?" Clover whispered to Sam who blushed.

"Lets just say I've found my sexual kink which apparently is pain."

You make it sound like you’ve been tested for magical super powers and never experimented on yourself, ever. Since you have written this far, why do you still think virginity is a sex-sealant, author?

Sam said blessing as she made sure she hid her little bit mark he left on her neck covered by a bandage till it was healed enough that no one would notice.

Oh, so the point of that was that it would have no point? Glad we cleared that up.

"Oh wow for some reason I actually expected that." Clover said and blushed from her own sexual kink from a wet dream she had once involving them in public and got wet from he thought of getting caught.

Who wants to tell the author that the ‘wet’ part of a wet dream, as per actual definition, is semen? One would think he knew that by now.

"So whats with the mark on your neck?" Alex asked sam making Sean chuckle.

Excuse me, I think you meant what’s up with that bandage the author meticulously told us covered her neck from showing anything like that, right?

"Oh she's just as bad as you were asking for me to mark her." Sean said making Alex blink before she burst out laughing.

Since you all are taking turns, when can I kink-shame you lot?

"Yeah whatever laugh it up your just jealous you didn't think of it." Sam said making Alex pout.

Clover was thinking of a plan to get her turn and smirked getting a kinky idea.

Later

Sean and Clover walked down to the park and no one was around.

Want a sex scene? Well, just start writing it, of course. Transitions like these are even made fun of in actual porn, author!

Sean also noticed that Clover was wearing a long trench coat for some reason.

"So you mind explaining why we're out here? Not that I don't mind spending time with you just curious."

You’re a complete idiot if you can’t play Connect the Cunts within your own harem by now, Sean.

Sean said making her giggle as they walked under a small bridge.

"Oh your about to see why big boy." Clover said opening her trench coat and revealed she was butt naked waving her breasts at him.

"Whoa now this is unexpected." Sean said smiling.

You know, if you ignore that it was announced by the author well in advance. Blowing your load too early and can’t tease for shit; you really do make it too easy for me to insult you on every level, author.

Clover giggles and throws her trench coat on the ground and pulls up his shirt and unzips his pants and frees his cock making her lick her lips in excitement.

Geez, just jump at the bit, why don’t you? Do you actually think that all there is to exhibition is just the mere act of doing it in public, author?

"Oh wow and to think I've been missing this." Clover said getting on her knees and opened her mouth brining him inside moaning from his taste. Sean groaned out and moves his hands in her hair and made her move faster. Clover moaned as she licked ever spot on his cock in her mouth especially the tip wanting to make sure she good a good load when he came in her mouth.

Color me surprised. It’s not like every girl in this fanfic thus far has had that as their entire MO! Every foreplay and follow up is the same, no matter the kink.

Clover moaned as she fingered herself having some of her wetness drop on the ground. She widen her eyes when she felt him twitch inside her mouth and moved even faster as he held her head close and groaned as he came in her mouth making her moan in bliss enjoying his taste. She gulped down all of his cum not wasting a single drop.

And here I had hoped this exhibitionism angle would pay off with Mandy slipping in the stains, before the author did more than just figuratively tea-bagging her.

"Mmmm delicious now why don't I give these girls a spin."

I’ll withdraw every ridicule I’ve used on you with the topic, author, if you just please watch some actual porn to learn better dialogue than this!

Clover said encasing her large breasts around his member moaning from feeling his wet cock between her breasts. Sean groaned from feeling her breasts on his member and played with her hair some more much to her enjoyment.

"You really have the strangest kink of the three of you girls." Sean said making her giggle.

Oh, you mean that thing which neither of you or the author have even remarked on since the establishment shot? You act about as concerned as you did back in the living room- hey, wait a minute.

"What can I say the thought of getting caught makes me excited just think if the girls walk here and see us under this bridge." Clover said sexually and placed his cock back in her mouth licking the tip wanting to taste another load again. Sean groaned out thrusting into her breasts and held her head as he came again into her mouth making her moan in ecstasy. She swallowed every drop again and smiled at him as she got up and bends down spanking herself.

"Now for the best part big boy." Clover said placing her hands on the wall and shakes her ass at him.

It’s not that I feel like I’ve already read this sex scene in any other bad fanfic lemon I’ve mocked already, it’s that I feel like I’ve mocked this sex scene twice already in this very fanfic, thoroughly cementing my impression of the author desperately wanting for someone to call him a ‘big boy’.

Sean grinned and lined himself at her pussy rubbing it on her sex to get it nice and wet making her blush and moan before she gasped as he pushed forward slowly making her groan in discomfort before gasping in pain as he pushed all the way through. She nearly screamed in pain before his hand covered her mouth and thrusted slowly into her making her moan in both pleasure and pain as blood leaked out of her.

Should I take this as another case of a fist being violently forced inside a girl’s mouth, or do I look past the grammar and wonder if the author thinks this blood spurting is an inevitable part of sex?

'Ow oh fucking hell it hurts!' Clover yelled in her head as tears poured down her eyes. She felt the pain stop and moaned in joy as he thrusted faster into her.

Sex pain? Just add more dick, of course.

Clover's mind was clouded by lust as she felt her hips slam against his waist.

"And I thought Sam's kink to pain was amazing but this is something I never expected from you clover you must really want attention if your willing to whore yourself in public."

I appreciate your honesty in what you want from what kind of woman, author, I’m just afraid you’ll someday learn the hard way that whores has to get paid.

Sean said making her shudder in bliss as his words made her so wet inside.

"Yes I'm nothing but a whore for you please punish me."

#MandySaidNothingWrong. Fucking hypocrites, pun intended.

Clover whimpered out in a sexual voice as her body shook in pleasure as the thought of getting caught turned her on so bad.

But not as bad as the author’s excitement of writing out a simultaneous climax and a hurried afterthought of being on birth control, I bet.

"Oh I will but lets keep this up." Sean said thrusting into her sex fast making her gasp and whimper in anticipation as her ass jiggled from each thrust and her breasts moved back and fourth.

"Yes yes yes yes." Clover whimpered out and silently screamed as she came hard and squeezed his cock very hard making him cum inside her making her sigh in relief in her head that she took the pill otherwise she would be having a kid now. Not that she was against it she just like Sam wanted to finish high school first then have his kids.

We know! This is getting ridiculously boring, if not eerie, at how you have a single type template for your sex scenes, author.

"Mmmm so warm." Clover moaned out as she felt his cum in her womb.

Oh great, another biology dropout addled by hentai physics that transcend reality. I fear it will get worse over the course of 30+ chapters.

She whimpered as he pulled out but shuddered as he thrusted between her ass cheeks.

"We're not done yet Clover not by a long shot. You still need to be punished." Sean said lining himself at her back door making her shiver in excitement as he pushed himself in. She groaned and whimpered as he pushed himself in her ass and moaned as her hips slammed against his thrusts continuously.

Do you even think you’re writing something different right now, author? You are in loose verbatim writing the same thing but getting your jollies by merely stating ‘but this time it’s in her pooper’.

"Oh god yes this feels so amazing." Clover whimpered out and squeaked in surprise and shock as he slapped her ass hard. He did so again and again making her nearly scream as her ass was turn red from his constant spanking.

"Now this is something all three of you like apparently." Sean said in amusement. Clover moaned out more as he continued to thrust into her ass and used her spare hand to finger her pussy while he thrusted into her ass.

All three enjoy being spanked, yet somehow pain is supposed to be Sam’s kink. Clover is the one with exhibition as a drive, yet the thought of going commando in public for easy access is not off limits to someone else’s mind. Alex is a dirty talker during sex, but no more unique than what else the author writes to get himself off, though. Even when intending to write them differently, the author just plain fails.

"Oh god I'm so close again." Clover whimpered out. She gasped as he thrusted into her with incredible speed that her ass was hurting from the speed and had to cover her mouth as she screamed when her orgasm exploded and hit the ground and as he came inside her ass making her shudder in sexual bliss.

I think my favorite part of that run-on sentence was when her orgasm hit the ground.

"Oh wow now that was amazing." Sean said pulling out of her and got fixed up putting his shirt back on and readjusting his pants while she laid against the wall trying to catch her breath.

"Oh wow that was incredible."

Oh wow, the dialogue quality keeps plummeting.

Clover said as she slowly put her trench coat back on and moaned as he picked her up bridal style.

"Who knew you had a public sex kink wait till the girls here about this."

Who knew the author got off on making ‘who knew’ announcements about every random fetish addition he thinks has set these girls apart.

Sean said making her giggle and laid her head on his chest as he carried her back home.

<strong>Authors note: Tadah clovers sex chapter is done. Now as some of you have asked about the original spies Pam, Alice and Crimson I am going to add them along with the girls mothers since yeah MILF action is the best. See ya.</strong>

Nevermind the fact that you didn’t start out with this ‘best’ you now proclaim it as, those are also all the character requests you’ve gotten up to this point of writing this trash, and you seemingly never stopped. You are not an author, you are a smut peddler.

Image

And thus the first three targeted victims have been claimed by the dawning hunger of the author. Like a spreading cancer, I expect the upcoming chapters to afflict more changes to this image.

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ConcernedGamer
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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Feb 11, 2018 2:48 pm

Well, we've seen how the author dealt with his alter super-ego plowing the main characters of Totally Spies. Now he's branching out. Be afraid. Here's Chapter 7, gladiators.

Chapter 7 gladiators

Sean sighed in content as Alex bounced on his cock moaning out in bliss before she squealed as they both came at the same time.

And that warrants a sigh, apparently. Already bored, Sean?

"Ah I can defiantly get used to this." Alex said laying on his chest.

"Alex you awake sweetie?" Carmen asked her daughter just as she walked into her house making Alex's eyes widen.

"Oh crap I need to get into the shower without her seeing you." Alex said.

"Chill out I just need to get out through the window." Sean said getting dressed and jumped out to head to the living room without being spotted. Sean entered though the door and got on the couch without being spotted.

Yeah, and Carmen must have held the front door open for your convoluted plot of escaping the living room sex scene on the couch, in order to get back to the living room couch.

"Well look who's here and ahhh you smell." Carmen said holding her nose.

"What I do not smell that bad." Sean said sniffing himself and grimaced. "Oh its the shirt." Sean said.

The no doubt endless hours of sex the author imagines for you is of course odor free. What a fantasy.

"Here give me that and I'll wash it." Carmen said as he took off his shirt and slightly blushed from his muscled chest.

Oh, what purpose could this possibly serve after the announced intent to include Carmen in the harem? This entirely reasonable flow of unforced events can only be a curveball meant to confuse us.

"Here." Sean said handing her his shirt just as Alex came down in a black sports bra and shorts.

Does Alex’s shower come with a warp drive, or did Sean take fifteen minutes to remove his shirt?

"Wow nice view." Alex said and her mother bonked her on the head. "What?" Alex said in confusion.

"Manners young lady." Carmen said making Alex groan while Sean simply chuckled in amusement.

Should I prepare my ‘fuck you’ in advance, for when you repeat a similar process for the other two mothers, author, or will they be more cliché than this?

Later

Sam drove them to school and Alex got dressed in her more appropriate clothes. Just then some girl on a motorcycle drove in and took off her helmet showing her red hair and purple eyes. Sean whistled in awe.

"Whoa who's the hottie?" Sean asked.

"That most be Donna Ramone I heard she just got out of Juvie." Sam said.

Miss Episode Ten, seeing as this one-off character had nothing to her credit than being a physically threatening bully, likely to mix up the episode’s moral counterpart that Mandy’s gaudy pomp couldn’t compete with. Sean should get along just perfect with this one.

"More like she escaped from Juvie." Clover said.

"Aw come on guys she cant be that bad." Alex said getting out of the car to greet her.

Needless to say she kinda messed up when she accidentally kicked a can on her bike and made her pissed off and ran off in fear.

Needles to say, this author can’t grammar for shit.

"Oh boy." Sean said.

Later

"Man I hope I never see that thug again its been a stressful day. At least they're serving my favorite lunch today soy cheese Pizza." Alex said about to take a bite but Donna snatched it from her.

"Hey what do you think your doing?" Sean asked.

She's clearly protesting Alex's vegan ways, Sean, don't be fooled.

"The way I figure it she owes me lunch money for a year for whats she's done today."

But fuck me if the author could dedicate a single sentence to mention what any of that is, which he skipped out of boredom, am I right?

Donna said about to take a bite but Sean grabbed her hand tightly making her wince slightly and glared at him and he glared at her even worse.

"If theres one thing I cant stand its bullies that pick on others for their own amusement now fuck off."

I don’t think the author could even start to fathom his particular brand of hypocrisy, even if he saw Superman skull-fuck Lex Luthor.

Sean said making Donna growl and tried to punch him in the stomach but he didn't even flinch which made her nervous and gulped when he looked down and cracked his neck and was about to punch her in the face which made her shriek till.

You’d think this directly stated intent of animosity, where Sean is willing to physically harm this person - whom we all know he is superior to, merely because he can and feels like it, would deem her as disliked and therefore undesired by the author. Nope. She’s on the harem list. The author can’t even pretend to be civilized before his targets have nustled his junk. Sean is a brainless creature that only knows two methods of communication; through violence or through his dick. I haven’t seen a more unintentionally genuine attempt at creating an edgelord version of Dave the Barbarian.

"Whoa easy." Alex said stopping him and whispered something into his ear Sean blinked before grinning.

"Heres the deal bitch you come to this place tomorrow night alone and we're even if not I'll beat you into the ground got it?" Sean said handing her a slip of paper making her nod quickly and bolted out of there.

I also always carry slips of paper with random locations on them to give to random people who cross my path, don’t you?

Later

"Thanks for stepping in but was hitting her like you almost did really needed?" Alex asked Sean as they put their food trays away.

"Hey her kind is not exactly liked in Sparta so yeah it was."

Her kind? Now you are just insulting me by pretending to hide behind your own debase culture, you abominable ego-stroker! Why not just tell the truth by stating ‘because the author wanted it so’!

Sean said before they were sucked into the tray cleaner. (At least thats What I think it is)

Even when in a vice lock, when forced to admit you don't have the ability to gauge what's happening on screen of the episode you watch, you flop and fold, not even using the one thing that could give you credibility as an author; Originality!!

"Why am I not surprised!" Sean yelled as they traveled down to Jerry's office where he was eating.

"Hello spies care for some Lunch?" Jerry asked.

"No thanks what is the mission now?" Sean asked as a tv screen appeared.

"Have any of you heard of the tv show called fight?" Jerry asked.

Has the author heard about proper capitalization?

"Yeah about every person in my country watches that show why?" Sean said.

Author, you do know that Sparta was a city-state in a single province of a country, right?

"Well is seems that whats up is one of the contestants an Olympic decathlete named Reggie Willis hasn't been heard from since losing on the show last week." Jerry said.

"Reggie Willis? I know him he came to Sparta to train for some big event a year ago he's an old friend of mine." Sean said.

Oh, so you must have done traditionally naked sparring and wrestling with him, then? Must I say it?

"Yes well in addition to being your friend he's also supposed to represent the United States in the Olympics next month. I want all four of you to go undercover as contestants." Jerry said.

"I was afraid he was going to say that." Alex said.

Later

The spies soon arrived at the island.

I vote Sean off immediately.

"This is fear island? I don't see anything scary about it." Sam said just a vehicle approached and stopped next to them.

"You were saying?" Sean said making Sam grumble.

"Vince kings the name promoting human combat is my game. You must be our new contestants." Vince said.

"Yup." Sean said getting in the back.

Vince explained about the show while he drove them to the studio. Sean had asked about Reggie Willis but he seemed to change the subject about it.

I’m sure all this exposition can be just glossed over, it’s not going to become relevant in any way in the next few paragraphs or something.

"Show starts in an hour get your gear on." Vince said.

an hour later

"What is this a wedge suit?" Alex asked as they got in their gear.(Just look up the episode to see what their wearing since I'm not good at descriptions and just picture Sean in the same gear as Reggie but all grey)

Yes, author, I know you are not good at descriptions, but you won’t be any better if you never practice, you masturbation champ.

"Now lets meet the contestants!" Vince yelled as all four of them appeared. "Not only do we have four this time but one of them is a Spartan one of the worlds greatest warriors on our show today!"

"He's supposedly the King of Sparta's son, he was very specific about his honorifics being addressed as such."

Vince yelled having everyone cheer more.

"Great now I've got fan girls here." Sean said dryly making the girls snicker.

"Now release the wolfs!" Vince yelled as Wolfs came down in a cage and chased them.

Every sentence racks up more literary flaws than I could care to spend time addressing. Either the education system failed the author, or he failed it, hard.

"Fucking hell why am I not surprised?" Sean said as they ran and climbed a Cliff. Once they got up the gladiators were there waiting with weapons. Sean just simply smirked cracking his neck. "This should be fun and a good challenge." Sean said as one of gladiators tried to hit him with a large weapon but Sean grabbed him and thew him into a wall knocked out.

Holy shit, the author can’t even name let alone look up a single weapon name out of a flail, a sword, an axe, a mace, or a quarterstaff. No wonder he doesn’t even bother mentioning the spy gadgets, the guy is willfully ignorant of objects in general.

The next one tried to jump kick him but Sean grabbed him before he could even land a blow and head butted him making him dizzy till Sean kicked him in the face making him fall down unconscious.

And again, the girls aren’t described to do anything, because the author’s boner for his self-insert takes center stage.

"Is this the best you guys can do?" Sean asked making many of them growl and tried to attack him at once which made things worse since he picked one of them up and threw him at the rest and knocked them out. "Ha you call these warriors I'm embarrassed here." Sean said as he and the girls ran off.

But where to, you may wonder, if you don’t have the memory of an elephant or sensibly refuse to let this author make you do homework for the sake of his story. The championship is won by getting to a championship belt. I don’t even think the author even cares what episode he uses as a backdrop, as long as he gets to cook up a sex scene with the peripheral characters in it.

Vince growled in anger seeing his gladiators beaten so easy by this punk.

The spies decided to split up to cover more ground.

"Man this island is so annoying with all these different areas."

And what’s annoying is that you sound like a jackass able to decipher an island has areas on it, while the author can’t even mention you are referring to stark alternating scenery of jungles, icescapes, and deserts.

Sean said just as two gladiators appeared and tried to hit him but like the last group he clobbered them with ease. "Man and here I thought this would be a challenge." Sean said before spotting spotting something on their necks and pulled them off. "What the?" Sean said in confusion before spotting some satellite. "Ok somethings up." Sean said.

Yeah, the fact that they even in the show ignorantly called a droid a satellite.

Later

Alex walking through the jungle sees Sam and Clover.

"Hey guys find anything?" Alex said before they hear rustling in the bush next to him and tackle whoever it was.

"This better not be some sexual fantasy of yours." Sean said as they sat on him.

Well, shit, should I scratch off ‘orgy’ on the expected list of scenes, even in a harem of 452? Or are we just speaking 'femdom'? Yawn.

"Oops sorry." Sam said as they got off him.

"Did you find anything because I have." Sean said pulling out the collars. "I found these on two of the gladiators." Sean said.

"So did I." Clover said showing the one she took off from a man she helped from drowning.

And even though that means there are now three people released from the mind-control collars, we’ll ever only see one after this point.

"I also found some prisoners down in the sewers." Sam said.

"I found some strange satellite a while ago then it disappeared." Alex said.

"Ok I say we go find those prisoners to get some answers." Sean said as they left.

Later

The spies soon went into the sewers and found the prisoners Sam told them about.

"Hey wait these guys were on the show before why are they still here?" Alex said.

Because they are being held as prisoners, duh.

"Probably forced to stay here and become King's gladiators." Sean said and before they could move they were corned by the gladiators and restrained.

I guess Sean’s unparalleled fighting abilities have a weakness for plot railroading.

Minutes later

"I've got to hand it to you four you've got the moves the skill you've made it further then any other contestant and most importantly the audience loves you." King said impressed.

"Piss off! This whole time you've been forcing anyone who competes on your show to be your gladiators." Sean said glaring at him.

You even have to blow off praise in order to spout how the author has endowed you with knowledge of what the villain’s plans are, Sean? Isn’t that just a one-to-one tradeoff?

"Well where else am I supposed to get warriors for my show your people wouldn't even lift a finger to help me." King said glaring at him back.

Wait, what? What does that have to do with anything? Are you seriously injecting a different complex into the villain bent on being undefeatable, to simply be envious of your imaginary Spartans, author?

"I can control all my gladiators with the collars on and make them calm or vicious depending on what I want. Now then you'll be joining them put the collars on I've got to look at our ratings." King said leaving. Just as they were about to put the collars on one of the gladiators attacked them and knocked them out. He removed his mask and reveled to be Reggie Willis.

I have to ask this, though I know the answer already from the author’s clearly inept, uncaring way of writing his stories. Why wasn’t this Sean’s entry into this universe? He could have been kidnapped like Reggie – just like in Chapter 1 – to participate in this show and be rescued by the girls like Reggie – just like in Chapter 1 – and be grateful to them like Reggie – just like in Chapter 1. He would even have an excuse and believable credit to his physical abilities, by being an undisputed gladiator in this show the now Spartan-desiring King is hosting. Every new chapter only gives another reason why this story should start over.

"Reggie?" Sean said surprised.

"Long time no sea Sean never thought I'd run into you like this." Reggie said.

"Likewise. We need to find the satellite that controls the others so King wont have any control over the others." Sean said pulling off the knocked out Gladiators collars off.

Later

Soon all five of them managed to find the belt and had to battle all the gladiators.

And only half a paragraph left to let us get in on the exciting action. You spoil us, author.

"You think just because your a Spartan your better then me!"

Yes. I don’t even feel like there’s a joke to be made, that’s literally all Sean is about across any story he appears in.

King yelled as he tried to slash him with the blade of the helicopter he pulled off from crashing when Reggie threw a rock at the blades.

"Oh no I'm not better then you because of my heritage I'm better then you because I can actually fight with honor."

Honor?! The word used for respect or moral righteousness?! Are we working with the same definitions here, author? And you want to claim that for your outrageously laughable wish-fulfillment self-insert. The guy who issues death threats to anyone rubbing him the wrong way, the guy who needed to be told to specifically use non-lethal force on the job after having remorselessly already done so, the guy who catches villains off guard to rub it in their faces, and the guy who can only further any argument he has by resorting to physical violence while swearing like a twelve-year¬old playing Call of Duty?! Honor is to Sean what your talent is to this fanfic; non-existent!!

Sean said making King roar in rage and tried to slash him again but Sean dodged and King accidentally destroyed the satellite that controlled his warriors.

"NOOOO!" King yelled just before Sean gave him an uppercut and knocked his sorry ass out.

"And that ends that." Sean said

Spoken like a witless tool. I mean, that’s not even a quip. How about saying he was ‘dethroned’ or maybe hold out a downwards thumb as per gladiatorial judgement. Heck, just saying ‘long live the king’ would at least make you seem cultured for once, author.

as Reggie took the belt since none of the spies really wanted it.

Later

Sean and Alex were at a warehouse and waited for Donna.

I’m about to be horribly disgusted, aren’t I? Malignant boners like the one the author has for Donna typically results in slavery in other fanfics.

Soon Donna walked through the doors and slightly gulped when she saw Sean mostly out of lust since he only had his black jeans on and no shirt.

Just what every girl wants to see in an empty warehouse that she showed up to due to threats of bodily harm. Is rape such a bland, non-problematic concept to you, author?

"Um so what do I need to do to let this thing slide?" Donn asked rather shyly which was out of character for her.

You don't have to waste your time telling us you don’t know how to write any of these people ‘in character’, author.

"Simple just follow me." Alex said leading her away.

"So what is it?" Donna asked nervously.

"Simple you tell me the truth did him dominating you turn you on?" Alex asked making Donna blush and looked at her with wide eyes.

You call loomingly fantasizing about giving someone a broken nose the same as invoking a sense of ‘domination’, author? Sadism is your one and only companion, I only wish you’d acknowledge it.

"What in the hell are you talking about?" Donna asked trying to change the subject.

I mean, sure, if one can change a subject by directly asking someone about it, of course.

"You think I didn't see you rubbing your legs together when he was about to punch you? You wanted him to didn't you? You love being dominated in anyway don't you?"

Oh, well then, that just makes it okay for Sean to wander about like a domestic abuse case about to happen, as long as he beats up those who wants it before he even knows it? What even happened to the author-piloted fetish-mech? Sean’s name isn’t appearing again until the last line left in this story.

Alex said making her blush more and tried to stutter out an excuse but failed miserably making Alex giggled and slowly moved behind her and put her hands on the zipper of Donna's suit making her blush and moaned as Alex moved her hands around her feeling she was completely naked under her suit.

Slacking on the commas, or do you intend to not stain your entire keyboard while you masturbate, author?

"Mmmm so you only wear this all day thats pretty naughty you know. How many times have you done this are you trying to get laid by some big strong man?" Alex said moving her hands down to her neither regions and felt her wet pussy.

It’s not like I haven’t noticed you can only puppeteer one of these characters at a time, author, but since when did Alex become relatively better at seduction than Sean?

"Please stop I..." Donna tried to say but moaned louder as Alex moved her fingers inside her pussy.

"Tell me the truth or I'll stop and wont give you the chance to experience what I am with him." Alex said.

Unless my domestic abuse concern hit the mark, I thought the pathetic kink excuse would have her ask to be something else than what you are, Alex.

Donna didn't say anything for a minute.

The author is watching one of those cheap, repeatedly frame-reusing hentais, I guess.

"Ok I guess all you can do is imagine it yourself." Alex said about to pull her hand out making Donna's eyes widen.

"No wait!" Donna yelled making Alex stop halfway.

Halfway? Geez, how far up in there is she?

Donna pulled off the rest of her suit and with shaking hands she pulled Alex into a kiss. "Ok its true I want to be dominated by him please just don't stop I'll do anything just please." Donna begged not wanting to sensation to go away.

So, she’s asking for a hotdog by ordering the clam chowder? As if focus could exist in this story.

"Good girl now let me get more conformable." Alex said removing her skirt showing she had no panties on and took off her sports bra and made Donna get to her knees. "Play with me first then I'll finish you off." Alex said and shuddered as Donna clamped her mouth over Alex's pussy and licked every spot in excitement. "Oh yeah thats right you bitch eat me out." Alex moaned out bucking her hips into her mouth.

I have this nagging suspicion, that the only reason Sean isn’t mentioned for this scene, is that it would force the author to acknowledge he wasn’t participating in his fantasy. You know, his real life.

Donna moaned from the taste of Alex's pussy and sucked on it trying to get her to orgasm. 'Oh god this feels so good to do this.' Donna thought.

"Smack me around a little." Donna begged making Alex grin and smacked her face leaving a red hand print on her face making Donna moan into her pussy.

And should she happen to bite down in pain, that would only be a bonus.

Donna moved her hands to her hips and enjoyed the soft flesh her ass had and squished them in her hands. Alex moaned louder and bucked her hips faster into her mouth and gasped as she came making Donna moan in pleasure as she gulped down every drop.

Even in context, I'm still looking sideways, squinting, and giving the benefit of the doubt on the author's lacking literary skills, in order to not deem Alex to have a dick.

"Wow you really wanted it." Alex said pulling her up for a kiss making her moan as their tongues moved around. "Now like I promised your turn."

Oh, great, the author is going to do a repeat of the previous scene with his mask-wearing mannequins switching names. This is why I endorse sixty-nine for any lemon; time efficiency.

Alex said pushing her on her back and Donna gulped when Alex went down to her pussy and licked it slowly to tease her.

"Please don't tease me." Donna begged trying to make her go in deeper.

"Mmm ok since you said please." Alex said clamping her mouth over her pussy making Donna shriek out in bliss as Alex sucked on her pussy.

No, seriously, author, what do you think a pussy is shaped like, such that you have to suck on it. Do you think plungers are household sex-toys or something?

"OH god yes more." Donna begged as she bucked her hips into her mouth making Alex giggle as she sucked on her hard making Donna scream in lust as she came fast due to all the teasing Alex gave her before and passed out.

"Mmm need some work on your endurance but I'm sure I can get you into shape." Alex said getting dressed and redressed her as well. Sean came in and picked her up bridal style and carried her to their house.

I’m sure trekking through downtown from a warehouse in Beverly Hills at night – shirtless and carrying an unconscious girl - is not going to draw any attention whatsoever.

Authors note: Sorry I haven't updated in a while been busy and needed to get back into the story like all my others ones since I cant really write if I'm not into it.

I beg to differ, this chapter clearly shows you can’t write even when ‘into it’.

Anyway as you've seen in the beginning of the chapter Camren got a little good view of Sean's muscles how long can she hold out till she gives herself to him you'll find out. See ya.

Holy shit, you are honest to fuck the most self-admitted, drain-circling, bottom-tier trash writer I’ve seen. You are wedging into this fictional universe a plot-absorbing caricaturist stereotype, based on the concept that the mere display of muscles is the only single thing in the entire universe, that’s going to make you be permanently and instantly sexually desired by any member of the opposite gender and envied by anyone else. I have to drag myself through yet more inner circles of this Dante’s Fanfic Inferno, because I am now set to read how you keep imagining 452 fictional women with forged personalities fake enthusiasm as they fawn over your imaginary gains. Not only is the way you write your juvenile fantasies pathetic, they are pathetic in and of themselves.

Oh and before I forget yes most of the chapters are not going to go exactly in order as the episodes in the season.

The fact that anyone reading this could think themselves to have a valid reason to even bother commenting on that, is borderline adorable.

Image

And Donna gets her introductory versioned stamp on the list, the full one delayed by a cheaply excused, out-of-nowhere lesbian sex scene. Who is willing to bet this will happen more than once?

This story lacks even fundamental cohesion, which is lost in the crippled grammar. With pronoun mistakes, run-on sentences, comma absence, capitalization errors, and just around willful disinterest towards the actual elements of the show this author is placing his fantasy within, anyone reading this knows the author is only trying to do one thing; get himself off, no matter what.

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