The guide - Pokémon interspecies mating tips. A collaborate mock by ConcernedGamer & StabbyKobold

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The guide - Pokémon interspecies mating tips. A collaborate mock by ConcernedGamer & StabbyKobold

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Jun 07, 2020 4:30 pm

Welcome to another mock by yours truly. And this time I'm not alone, as I am joined by StabbyKobold, a fellow mocker from the times of Project AFTER, who like myself host his mocks on a Wordpress webpage, that you can take a look at here whenever. He and I will be mocking this latest mess of fiction from the fan-realm of Pokémon. This is our first genuinely shared mock that hasn't been part of a larger group project, and there are potentially more shared mocks like this one in the future. But let's not beat around the bush. As you might guess, my regular font is maintained, and StabbyKobold is bold green.

Thank you for having me, ConcernedGamer. So, what do we have here?

I'll try to formulate what this is, since by some standards it is not a fanfic. So far, it's existence and distribution is something of a topic in and of itself, so let me just provide this image to explain how I came to acquire it.

Image

I regularly peruse the various venues of the Internet for perfectly legal and free files provided by complete strangers to other complete strangers, and lo and behold, this time a pdf-document got caught in the net.

It contains what I would describe as 'immersive world building', being a 16 page long document attempting to justify and instruct people on the ways of male Human on female Lopunny inter-species mating. The title 'The guide' is merely the filename itself. I have had no luck Googling my way to the content, and have found no sources. Someone wrote this, however, and someone also read it recreationally, so mocking it is perfectly viable in my opinion. I doubt for instance that it is satire, as anyone willing to read it would find no point in that were it so.

In other words, this is someone's painstaking attempt at rationalizing Pokémon trainers bumping uglies with their four-foot tall anthropomorphic pets. Why don't we just jump right into it then?

I couldn't have said it better myself. This will be posted in two parts, both for fairness of posting this shared mock, but also for it taking too long to mock the whole thing in one sitting. Here's Part 1.

IMPORTANT WARNING! PLEASE READ THIS FIRST

People can’t even jerk off to Pokémon in this day and age without submitting themselves to a full page disclaimer.

For the safety of the members of our community, and the users hereby reading, we must stress ABSOLUTE DISCRETION IN THE DISTRIBUTION OF THIS DOCUMENT.

Well, someone already fucked up, didn’t they?

While you personally might live in a region with leniency on Human-Pokémon interspecies mating we must remind you that many regions enforce strong bans against this practice, and in some regions it’s even considered a legal felony punished by law with permanent revocation of right to property of captured Pokémon or even prolonged sentences in jail.

What was that word for captured property that you fuck?

A sex slave?

Yeah, that’s the one.

Likewise we will not hold any responsibility, legal or moral, for any actions you may take with the information in this document.

Dude, calm down, this is a manifesto on how to justify putting your dick inside a Lopunny, it’s not the Anarchist Cookbook.

No kidding. That one at least had a table of contents.

The purpose of this document is merely informative, and is in no way propaganda. Once again we must advise personal discretion in order to avoid social or legal repercussions. If you find it necessary we encourage you to delete this document from your files.

With that said…

Let’s get to the propaganda!

Be discreet, because, you know, you’ll be breaking the law.

Introduction

Welcome to our comprehensive guide on the subject of Female Lopunny and Male Human interspecies mating.

I’ve mocked a fanfic that reduces this conundrum to ‘dick into vagina’, do we really need a 6k+ word count for this no-brainer?

We could have gone with an IKEA drawing, but I guess some people need more than that.

The purpose of this text is to guide and inform trainers who wish to inform themselves about the often taboo subject of interspecies intimacy, or who desire to become lovers to one of their Pokémon.

Does it come as a surprise to anyone that the word ‘bestiality’ doesn’t occur once throughout this entire thing?

In this document you will find a compilation of information of the known biological behavior of the adult female Lopunny species in regards of courtship rituals and intercourse regarding male humans, and social impact surrounding the act. We detail the subject of female Human and male Lopunny in a separate document that you may acquire from us as well (assuming you properly obtained this from us in the first place).

Oh yeah, I’m sure that totally exists from how equally popular the male Lopunny is, of course, I'm completely convinced.

The sources of this document stem from the little available existing research on the subject of Human and Pokémon interspecies breeding, as well as the conjoined knowledge of the members of our community and several certified and professional researchers who support our cause. Our professional collaborators have asked us to remain anonymous, and at their personal request we will refrain from providing our references and sources, for they could potentially risk revealing their identity.

Boy, I wish I could have used this novel citation method when I wrote my term papers.

Fucking your pets now qualify you as a scientist, apparently.

For these various reasons this document will also attempt to be brief and concise as it neither provides valid scientific reference nor do we desire to confuse or over saturate our readers with off-topic information.

Sure, throw out your supportive arguments and skip straight to the good stuff.

If the information was off-topic, why would it have been included in the first place?

We would like to remind you that despite our best efforts not all the information presented will be objective or scientifically accurate, and much stems from empirical experience and anecdotal evidence. This is mostly due the strong bans and social stigma regarding this particular subject that prevents proper large-scale controlled clinical studies to be performed.

This ‘comprehensive guide’ just turned into ‘a bunch of loosely connected hearsay’.

Scientific progress in this world hinges on every individual trainer filling out their own blank Pokédex, so I think we have bigger issues at hand.

With that said please know that we will attempt to be as objective as possible as we make statements, and keep into consideration that not every Person, Pokémon, or relationship is the same. Your own experiences could differ greatly from what we present and that doesn’t necessarily invalidate any of the information we provide.

Meaning that it’s the direct opposite of ‘objective’, then?

Hey, when ten out of ten Poké-fuckers agree on something, how can we dispute that?

With common sense.

That said, should you disagree with the information provided in this document you’re free to disregard it, however you must also know that this activity is potentially harmful to a Pokémon and/or their trainer if performed without adequate care.

What if I disagree with the premise of having sex with Pokémon?

As a final disclaimer, and a reminder to all trainers, is that every Pokémon is an individual. Everyone has their own experiences, habits, and idiosyncrasies that can cause their behavior to wildly differ from any other members of their species, both Pokémon and Human included.

When does consent enter this picture, exactly? Thus far it’s only ever been “So, you want to fuck your Pokémon…”

It is therefore wrong expect every individual to adhere to the stereotypical behavior of their species, particularly between Pokémon born into human caretakers and those born in the wild. It is always necessary to consider the upbringing of your partner before attempting intimacy.

Consider whether your pet was raised as a sex toy or you have to train it to be one first.

Well, Pokémon grooming just took a dark turn.

Rumors and Misconceptions

It’s important for us to first and foremost clear up common misconceptions and rumors surrounding the Lopunny species as an intimate sexual partner. Misinformation is a critical issue among people who desire intimate relationships with their Pokémon, and perhaps the most common issue we face with new people who first approach us.

“Don’t trust the words of random strangers, instead trust the words of anonymous strangers that we’ve compiled into this document.”

The controversial nature of the subject limits greatly the opportunities to accurately inform enthusiasts, as such please read carefully, even if you do not believe or share any of these rumors.

“Lopunny are promiscuous Pokémon”

Whoever wrote this document probably has a ‘homework’ folder that begs to differ.

This is one of the biggest misconceptions when regarding Lopunny because there is some truth behind it. Wild Lopunny are known to be detached partners, often having different partners with each mating seasons and being detached parents to their young shortly after birth.

Wild animals don’t conform to nuclear family dynamics, more news at eleven.

Let me just as a trainer go and fuck a wild Lopunny, then – I thought we weren’t going to read any off-topic information.

This is because in the wilderness Lopunny live in forests abundant with predator and compete with several other species for food.

That’s literally why social animals live in groups!

As a survival measure they compensate the frequent loss of their population by overbreeding. Lopunny who are born in captivity are a different case altogether. When individuals of these species hatch in captivity as Buneary and grow in abundance of food and absence of predators their behavior changes drastically.

I must have missed the point where we started getting training advice.

I have to starve and endanger my Lopunny so it becomes promiscuous, got it!

Lopunny that are born in captivity are highly timid individuals, even when as Buneary they grew up surrounded by other Pokémon and humans. They tend to be attached to their trainers and rarely interact with other humans without their presence. Even Lopunny who were caught from the wilderness as Buneary develop a reserved behavior and selectiveness towards reproductive partners within few years after being caught.

“But, remember, every Pokémon is an individual with wildly different behaviors. We aren’t wrong, you are just not right!”

This is an important misconception, because more perverse trainers often attempt to force their Lopunny into orgies or “night trades” that can cause severe stress in their Lopunny and distrust in their trainer.

I feel like whoever wrote this has a real big problem projecting his own vices onto others.

The real misconception here is the one the author has about the daycare system.

Most Lopunny who live outside of the wilderness develop powerful emotional bonds with their mating partners, be they human lovers or other members in their egg group. Lopunny have a very high emotional intelligence, and as a result are very susceptible to depression and it’s known to cause severe eating disorders that lead to malnourishment, immunosuppression, and even subsequent death as a result.

Nurse Joy has failed us all.

“My Lopunny wants me to have sex with her”

Ah yes, the misconception about receiving consent from an animal. Excellent choice.

In the following section of this document we will detail in depth the reproductive behavior of the species and how to recognize whether your Lopunny is willing to develop intimacy with you. However, as a general overview, Lopunny tend to be for the most part platonically affectionate towards humans and Pokémon she develops friendship with.

Trainer-zoned. She only thinks of you as her owner.

Lopunny are well known to have more tactile displays of affection towards their human trainer and playmate Pokémon such as hugs or snuggles. Because they are pray, when sleep in the wild or outside of their poke ball they tend to seek comfort by sleeping next to or curling up against their trainer or other Pokémon.

For these reasons it’s easy for trainers who already have the intent to develop sexual intimacy with their Lopunny to misinterpret these habits and attempt to start, or outright force themselves on their Lopunny.

Remember, she can’t verbally refuse your advances if ‘no’ isn’t part of her name.

“You misunderstand, Officer Jenny. My pet was just lying next to me, so clearly that means she wants me to fuck her.”

To attempt to have sex with a non-receptive Lopunny is harmful to both the human trainer and the Pokémon as even untrained Lopunny are strong enough to seriously injure a humans. Abused Lopunny develop severe psychological damage resulting in severe distrust of their trainer, and humans in general.

Oh, you mean like normal rape victims? You don’t say.

For this reason we recommend that you read carefully our section about recognizing a sexually receptive Lopunny.

I highly doubt it will even approach the vicinity of the Harkness Test.

“If you reject a Lopunny they’ll fall into severe depression”

Another common misconception is that a trainer partner Lopunny starts to display unwanted sexual behavior towards them must respond positively, otherwise their Lopunny will be emotionally wounded. Lopunny will only get hurt if their sexual advances are initially acknowledged as such by their trainer, and are subsequently actively rejected. This will cause them to feel unloved, undesirable, or unwanted triggering a depression. If a human male ignores their courting without acknowledging them as such, a Lopunny will understand that their trainer does not view them as a viable reproductive partner and will stop attempting to court.

There are only so many times you can play dumb about a bunny humping your leg.

I’m surprised the concept of rejecting sexual advances actually made its way into this thing.

“You can’t get a Lopunny pregnant”

Another misconception particularly found in regions where human and Pokémon relationships are commonly unheard of. Lopunny belong to the human-like egg group, and therefore Humans are a potential candidate for breeding.

I know this is the franchise that gave Darwin the middle finger, but speciation is still a thing even in this universe.

We share ninety-nine percent of our DNA with chimpanzees. ‘Human-like’ means ‘not human enough to be human’!

As such it is necessary to take contraceptive measures in order to avoid pregnancy. The biology of the ovoviviparous pregnancy of the Lopunny species will not be covered in this guide as there are more professional textbooks on the subject.

I don’t recall the Pokémart selling a morning-after pill, or condoms for that matter.

I guess they’ll just have to use Escape Rope to pull out.

“Buneary born from a human male are half-human and superior”

Unlike those inferior mating methods that result in it learning moves like Thunder Punch.

A misconception that’s the complete opposite of the idea above, found on regions with higher leniency for interspecies mating. Female Lopunny will follow the same process of Selective Chromosomal Incorporation with human mates as they do with any other member of their egg group. For this reason the resulting Buneary that hatch from the egg are 100% Buneary and share no genetic likeness to a human and are no different from Buneary from other fathers within the same egg group.

And no court-mandated paternity test can say otherwise, if she starts demanding child support.

For the most part it is not well documented what type of egg moves or traits humans may pass, however members of our community have reported the moves Fake Out and Switcheroo in the past.

Are humans Normal/Dark types now?

If they consider fucking their pets, they probably are.

That would explain a lot, yes.

Due to the controversial nature of the subject, no concrete evidence exists, so it remains anecdotal.

“Lopunny has mating seasons/heat cycles”

While wild Lopunny are known for stereotyped mating seasons, often peaking in springtime during March when feed is abundant for the young, biologically speaking this isn’t the case. Lopunny’s ovulation is induced by intercourse, which explains their high reproduction rate, and do not undergo proper estrus.

Okay, I might be a bit late to the party in bringing up the thought, but have you considered just recommending anal?

Lopunny who were born outside of the wild do not show signs of increased sexual behavior during springtime or any particular season.

“If you trade away a Lopunny who has mated with a human she will easily mate with any other human”

A misconception that involves very unfortunate implications, born from a common belief that traded Pokémon instantly forget about their previous owner.

Don’t even get me started on people disconnecting their link cable before the transfer is complete.

Lopunny who develop bonds with their trainers, especially those powerful enough to allow for intimacy, are the most susceptible to depression if traded away. Some Lopunny are known to openly reject or attempt to escape their new trainer when traded. We as a community highly discourage the “pump and dump” attitude several trainers take when approaching interspecies mating, especially since it’s extremely harmful to emotionally intelligent Pokémon such as Lopunny, even if they’re not as intellectually intelligent as humans or other species.

Image

How about having the basic human decency to not treat these ‘intellectually intelligent’ creatures, which you find sexually attractive, as if they were trading cards?

For any other questions and doubts, or if you wish to inform us of any common rumor regarding this particular species you may come across, feel free to contact us through our usual platforms. Accurate knowledge is the most valuable tool at your disposal.

Here’s a rumor; some trainers actually don’t want to fuck any of their Pokémon.

No no, they wrote ‘common’ rumors, not something they’ve never heard about before.

Reproductive Behavior

The common behavior of the species towards platonic friendship is highly tactile and can be confused with sexual advances. Even Pokémon within the same egg group tend to confuse their behavior, resulting firm kick in the gut while attempting to mount. For this reason it is important for us to first detail what is NOT reproductive behavior and avoid misunderstandings.

Since the author started setting the bar at ‘sleeping next to you at night’ to be an easy misunderstanding, what can we expect now?

Common displays of affection, probably.

It’s like these people don’t even interact with humans!

It is not a sign of courting when a Lopunny under your care hugs you with her open arms or when she presses her head on your chest or back. Neither is it when they insist sleeping with you in the same bed, nor when they snuggle against you. Nuzzles (not the move), kisses on the cheeks, or are also normal. Even peckers in the mouth can be part of non-sexual signs of affection if they are conditioned as such. The most important sign, however, is the absence of change in their disposition. If Lopunny shows the same body language and expressions she shows prior, the most likely case is for it to be simple play or familial affection

Let me get this straight. When a Pokémon is not displaying any sort of sexual interest in someone, that means they are not sexually interested in that person?

That said, Lopunny definitely can view their trainers as a viable mate. It’s uncommon on trainers whose Lopunny were capture as wild Buneary, and among trainers who breed large amounts of eggs for eugenics. However, trainers who raise an individual specimen from birth are seen by Lopunny as a member of a community or a patriarch once they reach adulthood, rather than as captors or a separate entity from their community.

As if the master-slave aspect wasn’t enough, now they are starting to sneak in some incest vibes into this bestiality piece.

For this reason it is not uncommon for adult male trainers who raise a female Lopunny since it hatched from its egg unevolved to receive sexual advances by their Pokémon in one or more occasion through its lifespan.

Yeah, and what part of putting your dick in something that hatched only half a month ago is supposed to be a-okay because it really, really wants it, while you have to ignore its advances so as to not make it depressed?

When a female Lopunny attempts to court the first sign is an increase in grooming. While the species is known for careful grooming, in this case Lopunny will groom outside of view of their trainer, and grow angry or embarrassed should they be spotted. Their intent is to prevent their potential mate to observe them unkempt, and to look the most attractive in his presence.

So the first sign of them taking sexual interest in someone is something that they do in secret?

The author can probably relate.

Another is an increased desire to spend time with their trainers alone, without the presence of other Pokémon or humans regular to their community circle. During this time Lopunny will attempt to court her trainer in various ways, among them showing off her groomed hair, inviting him to caress her. Contrasting their timid nature a Lopunny attempting to “flirt”, Lopunny are known to be aware of their features and they will confidently invite their trainer to touch not only her hair and fluffier spots, but also the more voluptuous areas of her body such as thighs, hips, or buttocks.

So in order to avoid these advances without causing a depression, you have to stand with a hand full of bunny-boobies and act dumb?

If this guide needed to spell out that this behavior is a sign of courtship, there’s probably a lot of Lopunny being let down easy already.

A key aspect of this ritual is that Lopunny will attempt to maintain eye level, be it by methods such as resting on her trainer’s lap or finding higher ground, in order to observe their partner’s face and expressions in search of approval or dismissal.

A bit naïve of you to assume it’ll not be assertive or aggressive either, author. Let’s just scratch out femdom from the kink-list then.

The way a trainer responds to this courtship is crucial in deciding how the relationship will continue. Should a trainer dismiss, show ignorance (be it genuine or fake), or reprimand these advances Lopunny will understand their trainer does not view them as a viable candidate for mating. Lopunny will not feel offended by this, in most cases understanding this is due a difference in species and it’s well understood by Pokémon that breeding compatibility does not warrant sexual interest.

Where did the depression dangers go all of a sudden?!

In the trash bin with the used tissue from when the author equated trades with swinger parties.

Should a trainer, however respond their courtship positively by praising, caressing, and reciprocating Lopunny will understand this as approval for mating. Despite common belief, Lopunny are selective with their partner, for this reason a first encounter rarely ever results in breeding. The female will often repeat these rituals multiples times, sometimes as few as only one more attempt later in the same day, others as many as ten across a week, before engaging in intercourse.

The impatient trainer can get around this by having the Lopunny hold a Soothe Bell, so she’ll fuck on the first date.

During each new encounter Lopunny will have a more assertive disposition, often using motions that mimic intercourse, and will be receptive to human advances such as deep mouth-to-mouth kissing and various forms of groping. Should a human male attempt to take control of these flirtations or take an initiative for intercourse most Lopunny will get scared and flee. The female Lopunny is to dictate the pace and take initiative, whereas the male is expected to be patient and appease her.

Seems a bit picky to me to play Red Light Green Light with two entire egg groups that already can’t turn you down without giving you depression.

Awfully convenient that all of this involve no effort on the male’s part aside from not shouting, “Rape!”

Should a female be allowed to explore and get used to the male her courting will be quick and mating will begin. It is important to note that if a Lopunny is rejected by her trainer once the mating rituals have been initiated they will be emotionally wounded, as they will believe them to be undesirable to a once receprocating partner.

Bestiality through emotional blackmail. Fuck the bunny or you break the poor thing’s heart. You don’t want to be a bad guy, right?!

We cannot stress enough how emotionally sensitive this particular species of Pokémon is, and how deep of an emotional scar this can leave, most often an irreparably fractured relationship with her trainer. For this reason trainers who aren’t sure whether they wish to proceed with a long term relationship with a Pokémon, and every risk and implication that represents, are not to engage in courting rituals with any Lopunny.

And a regular Male-Female Lopunny detached partnership in the wild somehow warps into the female being a long term committal-dependent wreck needing the approval of a human partner, how?

The author gets off on it, what else?

Part 1 ends here. Part 2 will be coming around in the near future.

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Re: The guide - Pokémon interspecies mating tips. A collaborate mock by ConcernedGamer & StabbyKobold

Post by ConcernedGamer » Fri Jul 24, 2020 12:20 pm

And now for Part 2 of this faux academic bestiality piece.

The Relationship and Social Standing

Before discussing the intricacies of interspecies intercourse, it's important for trainers to know what happens AFTER they have successfully become a lover to a Lopunny.

Well, the mono-syllabic pillow talk is going to be a bit repetitive, for one.

Intricacies? Is a trapeze going to be involved?

It's important for trainers to know whether they truly are ready to commit to the demanding, and at times unrewarding, lifestyle of one who has mated with Lopunny. Should a trainer reading this finds any of the following circumstances problematic or disturbing they are to forget any fleeting thought of mating with a Pokémon of this species.

Are we sure we are still reading a poképhilia guide, or just a pamphlet on relationships in general here?

I suppose some people like their sexual fantasies with a touch of "realism".

Firstly a Lopunny's behavior towards a trainer who is their mate will change radically. Seeing themselves as an equal to their trainer they will refuse to enter their poke ball again often regardless of inconvenience. Another notable change in behavior will be a more constant desire in physical contact, often refusing to be further than arm reach, particularly on a "newlywed" individual.

So, having engaged in an activity with another being, for which both partners should be considered equal, will henceforth make that being want to be considered an equal? Perish the thought.

Attempts to force her into a poke ball or to repeatedly break physical contact will be seen as rejection, and suffer of separation as a result. Lopunny is emotionally frail, so signs of rejection or abandonment will be met with depression.

Geez, next you'll tell me that once she wants to step on my balls, I still just have to take it or break her frail little heart.

Communicating with a Pokémon lover can be very difficult. Lopunny is fortunately a species that can be taught, with heavy limitations, the meaning of human words. However they lack proper vocal chords to talk in human language so trainers need extensive knowledge of their partner in order to communicate properly.

However, simple terms such as "not tonight", "I have a headache", or "we are not the same species", will always result in instant depression no matter what stage the relationship is in.

Considering the versatility that the word "fuck" has already, I think the author is overestimating the difficulty of this matter.

Miscommunication is known to be a serious issue at first, however it also know that the depth of the bond of a human and a Lopunny who are both properly invested in each other quickly gain understanding each other. Some of our confidants assert that, after a few years of "marriage", they can communicate as effortlessly as with any human.

The author notwithstanding.

One must remember that Lopunny's method to combat high infant mortality in the wild is through overproduction, so Lopunny are biologically very sexually active. More perverse trainers might find this trait alluring at first but "newlywed" Lopunny can request for intercourse at least twice every day and as many as 10 times in a single day, often exceeding the physical capabilities of inexperienced trainers.

Ah, yes, because high sexual activity despite achieving impregnation lets her pump out more eggs that way, of course.

The "honeymoon" period of a Lopunny lasts until one or several litters worth of eggs are produced, often lasting for one or two weeks, but can last upwards to one or two whole months. These "honeymoons" will relapse at least once or twice every year after the litters begin to mature.

'Honeymoon', 'newlywed', 'marriage', why are we throwing around these romanticizing terms when it is basically an adherence to animal mating instincts?

Probably a conscious attempt to legitimize bestiality without using the words "twu luv, uwu".

Lopunny has more limited rational intelligence

Hence the 'humans are viable mates' rationale.

so they often engage in intimate behavior, if not outright attempt to intercourse, during socially inappropriate moments at any time during the day in public.

Just train your pet - girlfriend, whatever!

And so the ethical depression nymphomania dilemma continues.

These changes in behavior will be highly visible, so attempting to keep a relationship with a Lopunny clandestine is often futile. Trainers must understand that it will be known rapidly across the rest of their community, their family, other pokemon, and other people they commonly socialize with.

I dunno man, Josef Fritzl kind of got around that issue, and in the Lopunny's case, that's not even illegal.

Bold of you to assume anyone using this guide socializes.

Socially speaking, there are very few regions with positive reception of interspecies relationships with Pokémon. The Shinnoh region is the only known region to have actual laws that protect Pokémon and Human relationship; however this is known to be a political strategy to increase foreign income and it's not widely accepted by most of the locals.

This guide on bestiality has it all - animal documentary, psychological analysis, political commentary - how elaborate can the author's sexual fantasy get?

He just implicitly reinvented sex tourism, so I'd say highly elaborate indeed.

It is to note that legally speaking the Pokémon "bride" is legally protected as a spouse and the offspring are also legally treated as legitimate children and both are eligible for social security. However foreigners must pay hefty fees to the government each member of the family registered, as well as the trainer must apply for naturalization and pay heavier taxes than regular citizens.

And the daily lawsuits following from someone catching a random Pokémon turning out to be kidnapping probably does wonders for the government resources.

In most regions such as Alola, Kalos, Johto, or Hoenn there does not explicitly exist a proper outlaw on interspecies breeding between human and Pokémon, however no laws protect it or recognize it as an actual relationship either. Therefore the offspring will be legally treat as any other Pokémon and the "spouse" will be treated as property, and can be revoked if a trainer engages in "inappropriate" behavior, which a sexually active Lopunny is prone of.

The intro kind of said that many regions considered the very acts detailed in this guide to be illegal, but as it turns out they actually don't care? Okay.

Hold up! You mean to tell me that Sinnoh, as the only region, considers these sex pets as citizens under the law? And that's portrayed as a bad thing?

Lastly there is the Galar region and Kanto region, which are both very strict in the natural preservation of their ecosystem, actively refusing the introduction of foreign species and neither of them accepts Lopunny into the region in the first place.

You might want to tell Kanto authorities about all the wild Buneary on Route 25 after the release of HeartGold and SoulSilver then.

And let's not forget informing whoever patrols the Soothing Wetlands in Sword & Shield after the Isle of Armor DLC came out.

On top of that interspecies mating between human and Pokémon is strictly outlawed, and is harshly sanctioned. The Kanto region permanently revokes the right to possession of Pokémon within the region and any Kantonian species will be released in the wild or "redistributed" (i.e. some politician will keep any shiny) along with harsh fines.

And then the Lopunny will go into depression and die as a consequence. I'm not sure you have thought out your little conspiracy theory.

Galar is far more severe as not only is the right to possession of any Pokémon is permanently revoked within the region, but also anywhere from 6 months to 30 years in prison, depending on the volume and if intentional grooming is involved and fines can reach upwards of hundreds of millions.

We caught you fucking a dog, so let's incarcerate you like you committed manslaughter and fine you like you were a corporate oil spill. At this rate the Galar justice system probably just executes Team Rocket members without appeal!

A loophole around this for foreigners is that intercourse must be performed within the region in order for it to be sanction, so foreigners who have had intercourse, previously but do not have any within the region, cannot be tried.

Ah, yes, the very efficient loophole of not committing the crime where it is illegal.

You'd think in a world with psychic Pokémon, thought crime would be up for debate.

Should a trainer desire to become a proper lover to their Pokémon they must accept that theirs will be a life of seclusion, as most families will most likely distance themselves from the trainer, and they will struggle to find a place where they may comfortably reside. Trainers who choose this lifestyle must take solace knowing that Lopunny who commit themselves to human lovers are caring, loyal and loving partners who offer cheerful and bright disposition, as well as undying support to their lovers and their offspring. Children will be abundant in number as such there will be nowhere close to solitude or boredom for the couple.

Hmm, let me think. On one hand, I'll be enjoying the benefits of society, the company of family and friends, and have a normal life. On the other, I could become a social pariah, live in isolation, and have my sex-life be dictated by the whims of a woodland creature. Am I missing some kind of bright spot here?

I fear what the author is going for is "loving your pet will make it all worth it", meaning one of the kinks disingenuously propelling this shit is supposedly the term "wholesome".

On the brighter side, Lopunny are known as the prototype for the "Pokémon bride" in Shinnoh for a reason. They're clean and instinctively adopt nesting behavior, they well behaved towards their husband, they can eat the same food as human (even meat), and can even be taught how to cook human recipes.

Lopunny, I choose you! Make me a sandwich!

And for all of you Slowpoke lovers out there, we ask you to be very, very patient.

As housewives they tend to make good caretakers and housekeepers, and their emotional intelligence allows them to comfort and support their spouse even through moments of crises.

Is it me, or has the author simply taken the Ideal Girlfriend meme and slapped a Lopunny theme on top of it?

Lopunny lovers are said not to make for good combat Pokémon as they will no longer see their trainer as a master and will be prone to disobedience and refuse to fight if their concerns are within her household, their children, or their spouse. On a more anecdotal account it has been stated that bridal Lopunny who do participate in battle develop a much more fierce aggressive disposition, and they desire to "show off" to their lover, or protect their children from danger, in particular those with the ability to mega evolve.

In other words, they don't make for good combat Pokémon, unless they do combat, in which case the unsubstantiated hearsay just stated prior somehow becomes less valid than the now applied anecdote.

Our community offers support across several regions. Do not be afraid to contact us for help and we will gladly point you to known "safe havens" where you and your lover may live in peace together. Likewise, please contact us if you desire to support other trainers in a similar situation. Our community is built upon the goodwill and the mutual understanding of our members.

You won't find solace and support anywhere else, trust us, so welcome to the cult.

Interspecies Mating

We suspect more perverse readers skipped directly into this section, ignoring the above ones.

And I suspect this is the first section the author wrote, so who is the real pervert?!

If you did we will kindly ask of you to read carefully the above section as you should know at least superficially the social implications and consequences of having sex with Pokémon before proceeding.

You could just as easily sum it up here with a "throw your life away", if you did more than pretending to be considerate.

Once courtship has been successful the female Lopunny becomes receptive to intercourse. At this point Lopunny has accepted either the human trainer or whatever candidate as her mate and she will begin to signal her desire to breed. During the first encounter the female Lopunny will be the one initiating and this can occur in various ways, the two most common being presenting and mounting, although less stereotypical behavior can be present itself depending on the upbringing and environmental circumstances such as the available furniture, flooring or weather if she has opted for an outdoors location.

An umbrella might become involved, how kinky.

It could happen at any time, anywhere, in any way. How many words do you really need to spell that out?

The reason why this varies so much is because Lopunny belongs in both the Field and Human-like egg groups. Field egg group is comprised mostly quadruped Pokémon and human-like is comprised mostly of bipedal Pokémon and as such shares Lopunny reproductive habits with both.

Let's qualify reproductive habits by how many legs they have, so we can say that this one Pokémon with just two legs must have the same habits as those with four.

Presenting is the most common form, during this Lopunny will simply assume an "all fours" position, lowering her torso to the surface, and raising her bottom, curving her spine upwards, and spreading her legs to reveal her aroused genitals. This will signal her desire for the male to take the lead. On the other hand more assertive females will instead instruct her mate to lay supine or sitting on a surface and conduct intercourse herself.

And the author goes: "Look, man, whatever you're into, this or the opposite, this fantasy is yours, imagine whatever, if I made the choices for you I would be writing an actual smut fic".

A "missionary" position is rare on first encounters, usually because this renders Lopunny unable to use her legs in order to flee, reciprocate, or conduct intercourse. Once a Lopunny becomes well used to her lover she will be much more receptive towards more human positions.

Afterwards, feel free to move on to the inhuman positions. You think the Kamasutra is exotic? Ha! Wait until they get into the Monster and Bug egg groups inspired shit.

Intercourse itself with a female Lopunny is for the most part the same principle as with female human, in regards of repeatedly thrusting the phallus into the vaginal canal. The biggest difference comes in the phenotypical aspects of Lopunny, such as their fur, which remarkably remain soft even with the moistness of sweat, or their small frames and weight compared to the average adult human male.

You are fucking a bunny, is what the author felt you needed to be reminded of, in case you hadn't noticed.

Some confused soul could potentially think this was about oddly named midgets in overcoats still. Maybe if the author could point out one more time how intellectually different Lopunny are and how it's illegal to fuck them, then they'd get the picture.

During intercourse Lopunny use their legs to embrace partner, to conduct faster or slower hip movements from their partners, and to prevent an accidental external ejaculation. The cries of Lopunny tend to become quieter and soft, avoiding loud noises, since in the wild it could attract predators while they're vulnerable.

Never mind that wild animals got around this part by making intercourse only last for a couple of seconds. I guess it would ruin the whole "intimacy" and "marital" aspects of the author's fantasy.

Raw animal instincts and human libido are two of the cornerstones of furry porn, after all.

The strong build of Lopunny's lower body, particularly the muscles in their thighs and legs, comes into full play during intercourse. Once Lopunny becomes more experience, in both sex and with her partner, they often gain a more assertive disposition. In particular experienced female Lopunny are known to prefer to mount human males in a "cowgirl" position.

Come on, be a bit campy and call it the 'Miltank-girl' position, you immersion-breaking hack.

Even when they're on passive positions, they still apply proactive hip movements that sometimes can be strong enough to bruise the body of her mate. The strong muscles of their legs also provide a strong grip to the male's reproductive member which can at times prove slightly painful for human partners.

Don't worry, the bruises just means that she loves you even more.

A fully mature Lopunny's external genitalia is nearly identical to that of a human, and is the closest one among the Human-Like egg group followed by Jynx and Gothitelle, and it visibly shows the same external organs albeit to a smaller scale. The muscles that hide the genitals underneath fur when Lopunny is not aroused and a proportionally large clitoris relative to humans are the only external differences one may find.

I feel like I didn't need to know how to properly triangulate the author's preferred Rule34 anatomy preferences, how about you?

Personally, I could have done without the words "Jynx" and "genitalia" in the same sentence.

The vaginal canal, however, is marginally different from humans, due to the smaller body size of male Lopunny. A female usually "bottoms out" at 13 cm, or about 5 inches, making initial intercourse difficult and explains their higher preference for human-like breeding partners over field types who provide tighter fits.

Sure, because there would be absolutely no difference between a male Lopunny and a Machamp. I don't think egg group classification works this way, to be frank.

Five inches is close to the average measured length of a human vagina, what are you actually comparing with, author?

To compensate the vaginal canal is able to produce abundant lubrication very quickly with ease, sometimes fully prepared within less than a minute from the start of the arousal. After repeated breeding sessions with the same partner the canal is known to adapt accordingly to their partner during intercourse, while still remaining retaining is smaller size while resting.

Because extra lubrication magically adjusts the available depth, of course.

Rubber-band vaginas, one size fits all, unless if they don't. How many times is the author going to state one thing and then make it superfluous in the next breath?

Lopunny is one of the few species of Pokémon known to incorporate sexual pleasure during intercourse as a reproductive mechanism, and therefore they also able to reach climax during intercourse. Aroused Lopunny are believed to be several times more sensitive to sex than human female, as such Lopunny female tend to initiate sex, often leading them to instigate even an undisposed mate.

Wow, I sure am glad I didn't skip the previous parts, otherwise I would be getting that whole "not promiscuous" thing confused right now.

For this reason "frigid" Lopunny are highly rare and mostly occur due to traumatic experiences or attempting intercourse without proper arousal. Lopunny receive pain poorly so more violent sexual practices such as slaps or ear pulling are met with not only negative reception, but also violent reactions from a female even amongst experienced or trusted partners.

In other words, no still means no, and animal abuse is still a no-no. I'm glad we had this talk.

It is advised to stay away from sadomasochistic practices for the physical safety of the trainer.

Not at all for the creature that can barely even hope to be taught a safe-word.

Singular mating "sessions" with a Lopunny tend to end quickly due to their orgasmic nature;

I didn't know 'orgasmic' was added as a nature. This is totally going to upset the meta.

as such they rely on honing their movements to ensure their partner climaxes as quick as them. Sessions can last as short as a few minutes and rarely any longer than 30-45 minutes. Lopunny make up with their energetic dispositions and stamina, providing for several sessions in a single day, averaging in 3-5 consecutive sessions during "honeymoon" periods once they're well accustomed to their initial partner. Lopunny also frequently request one or several sessions sparingly within the day even without any form of reproductive stimulus.

At the possibility of up to ten sessions a day, lasting up to forty five minutes, meaning a near total of seven and a half hours, this isn't as much lovemaking as it a fulltime job without pay or health benefits.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

The normal body temperature of a healthy Lopunny is higher than humans, at 38-39 C°, as such intercourse with them may feel "feverish" and warm. To a Lopunny however, the body of a human feels cold, so they are prone to embrace tightly their lovers during and after intercourse to share body heat with their furry coating.

As such we suggest having a threesome with an Ice-type in order to balance it out.

Nah, it's fine, people get used to the rug burn after the first two hours.

Lopunny are also sentimental Pokémon, and thus respond very positively to caresses, praise, kisses at all times. It's very important to remember that Lopunny raised under the necessary conditions to mate with a human will view their trainer not only as a mate for breeding, but also as a romantic lifelong partner, as such they expect to be treated accordingly.

Lopunny seem more high maintenance than an actual clingy human girlfriend.

In regards of the human partner, it is important that during the very first session of intercourse a human partner must allow the female Lopunny to decide who the dominant party will be and follow suit, otherwise she may feel stressed or dejected.

Anyone else noticing how the human male has no choice in any of this sexually charged, emotionally manipulative relationship?

Those wanting to use this guide seem to require it out necessity rather than interest.

Due to their smaller size it's also imperative that a human makes gentle motions in the first few sessions, otherwise they may risk overstretching or bruising the vaginal channel resulting in pain that could result mentally traumatic.

Sure, she can take a Mega Punch from a Tyranitar and keep standing, but your rock-hard cock does double the damage.

Once a proper relationship has been established, the female Lopunny's body will adapt to the human and permit a lot more leniency with intercourse. Lopunny are known to be curious proactive during sex, especially so when the first "honeymoon" begins.

It'll be difficult for her to utilize Hyper Beam during intercourse, but I'm sure she will find a way.

After the initial intercourse and once a sexual relationship with her mate has been established, be it human, a male Lopunny, or other Pokémon, Lopunny's previous disposition will rapidly change.

Into that of the author's preferred sexual partner.

Convenient, isn't it?

Quickly their desire to mate will increase drastically, adding on to their already energetic and playful natural behavior. These nymphomaniac episodes, are what's known as "honeymoons", are frequent in early couples and end when the first litter of eggs has been laid within 3-5 weeks. These honeymoons tend to relapse when the young begin to mature and grow independent of their parents, usually within 10 to 15 months.

Soon they will enter a rebellious phase, wanting to not fuck a human like their mom did.

The author started using the word "honeymoon" six pages ago, but only now we get the definition. I told you he wrote this section first.

Intercourse itself is the only stimulus necessary to induce ovulation, however once available eggs have been fertilized Lopunny will briefly cease to be fertile. Nurturing their young inhibits ovulation, even during persistent stimulus of intercourse, so a Lopunny that's preoccupied with a litter is less likely (but still possible) to carry another egg.

They lay eggs yet they nurse? Just fuck a platypus and get it out of your system, author.

Lopunny who still carry eggs within her body are safe to have sexual relationships until the moment to lay them arrives, and due to the hormonal stimulus necessary to carry them, Lopunny may briefly relapse nymphomaniac episodes while still carrying eggs within her.

I see the author is leaving the door open for all the pregnancy fetishists out there. How inclusive.

A human trainer must be in good physical condition in order to sustain consistent sexual relationships with Lopunny. We must make good emphasis on the heightened physical resilience that breeding with this particular species requires. Members of our community refer that mating with a newlywed Lopunny during her first honeymoon equates to about running 8 kilometers, or 5 miles, every single day for about a month. Healthy eating and exercise necessary habits beforehand and plentiful rest is necessary during these honeymoon periods.

This is a wish-fulfilment sex fantasy, and you assume I'm not already imagining myself ripped as all hell?

Hey, if a fantasy about fucking fragile yet physically stronger and sexually abusive rabbits can get someone to go to the gym, I'm not going to object to it.

Contraceptive measures are imperative, as neglecting their use can result in an unbearable of eggs due to the high genetic and sexual compatibility between human and Lopunny, and the overall tendency of the species to overproduce offspring. It's not unrealistic to assert that over the course of a decade a single couple could accumulate well over a hundred offspring.

And not a single one of them a shiny.

Parental expectations in a nutshell.

That said it is also imperative that any proper relationship with a Lopunny must result in at least one full litter every two or three years, and it is best to start with the "newlywed" period. It is also no exaggeration that to state that a Lopunny who believes they themselves are infertile will fall under a depression so severe that it results in death, regardless of gender.

Your hands are tied, you have no choice, you have no chance in hell to even experience anything else but forced, hollow wholesomeness if you want to tap a furry ass.

There are major religions that use less emotional blackmail in order to prevent divorces. Welcome to your new life, sperm donor!

Lopunny are not known to engage in non-reproductive sexual acts, as such it's difficult to perform on or request from them alternative forms of sex such as oral or anal, and attempting the later commonly results in very injured partners.

How can these 'night trades' and other made-up sex jargon even work then? And for that matter, why would anyone actually want to fuck a Lopunny at this point?

On the contrary Lopunny are highly receptive to vaginal intercourse and will quickly get aroused if insisted. Lopunny get aroused quickly to their male partner's advances even through simple acts such as kisses, caress, or groping regardless of their previous disposition.

Because it's not like she doesn't want to fuck, ever, at any point, despite any possible reason to the contrary, regardless of location, present company, or time of day. How many of those rumors and misconception defenses have been rendered utterly invalid by now?

Lopunny may not be smart intellectually, but they are very smart emotionally, as such even without a direct means of communication they will understand approval, disapproval, lust, and will respond to careless lust with Frustration, and will Return genuine love affectionately.

That's a rather convoluted way to describe the word 'Bimbo'.

Treat your bride Lopunny in bed as you should treat a human bride: with love, respect and consent.

And the author's preferred bride is an intellectually stunted nymphomaniac, who will not respect your own boundaries, nor ask for your consent, and is entirely incapable of understanding the consequences and ramifications of your relationship. But you'll love each other, so it's all good, or whatever.

Conclusion

In conclusion we would like to confirm that Lopunny as a candidate for interspecies breeding with humans is indeed very compatible from a biological standpoint, but the circumstances needed to make it work are strict and uncommon from a social perspective.

This entire guide considers a subject that you, in your obtuse adherence to realism in a sexual fantasy, has decreed to be illegal in most of the Pokémon world. No shit, Sherlock.

Lopunny resides among the Pokémon species that have the greatest compatibility with humans when it comes to bearing offspring among the human-like egg group, for the better or worse. It's, however, not viable to keep the relationship secret for a prolonged time, and one must be upfront about it with friends and family should you have to sustain it. Social ostracization is to be expected and you must be fully prepared for it head on, should you remain adamant in starting a relationship with a Pokémon of any kind.

What if I fucked god or any of the legendaries, for that matter? I'm fairly certain no one could confiscate my Rayquaza, if they tried.

We apologize if this brief summary resulted inconclusive or incomplete for some interested enthusiasts who desired more in depth information; however it was our intent to summarize the information as much as possible. If you obtained proper possession of this document, then you must know how and where to contact us. We will be glad to assess you directly and resolve any further doubts you may have.

No thanks, you've thoroughly convinced me that fucking a Lopunny is a bad idea already. Wasn't going to in the first place, but now I have even less of a reason to.

We must also apologize if this document had a discouraging or cynical approach when to the subject and when it came to directing the reader. It is our primary intention to be truthful and blunt when relaying our information, and to discourage anyone who merely desires to sate a fleeting fetish.

Or maybe you are just trying to trick everyone, so you can keep all the horny bunny girls for yourself!!

We cannot stress enough the level of commitment necessary for this particular type of relationship in every aspect possible. Many are the unfortunate cases of unsuspecting trainers who initiate or outright groom a Lopunny into a sexual relationship only to result in drastic or painful measures attempting to end it.

That's because there are other things in life than sex. There are other things in a relationship than sex. There are other things in sex than what you think is in sex!

Likewise there are also many cases of trainers who have genuine love for their partner and end up either harshly ostracized or tragically forced to separate with their lover. It's much better for us to know that after reading this you made your choices knowing well about the consequences, and then finding a more rewarding experience afterwards.

I'm fairly sure you made it sound less rewarding than putting your dick in a Weepinbell, but fine, have your little 'true but forbidden love' nonsense.

Sugarcoating the reality for the sake of encouragement, pity, or to increase the number of our sympathizers would be disingenuous to the reader and a disservice to the sacrifices made by many of our members.

Sacrifices? What sacrifices?

Time. Dignity. Enough brokenhearted Lopunny to provide a statistical inference for cause of death.

Due to their appearance Lopunny is a species prone to attract trainers with more nefarious interest, and those notorious cases often eclipse the trainers who develop a genuine and powerful bond with their Pokémon.

Projecting much, author? Your argument is basically, "Bad people will want to fuck Lopunny, because how could they not? They look so fuckable!"

Our community was founded with the specific reason of aiding the latter type of trainer in living a plentiful and satisfying life along with their lovers. Many of us wished we could have had support or aid, even if it came from strangers rather than family, and as such we wish to provide whatever assistance we can.

"But fuck all those politicians in Sinnoh that are catering to our wants and needs, they are just in it for themselves!"

Should you yourself have only lustful and perverse interests, and demand us to legally cover for you, or help you in illicit activities such as prostitution we will not only ignore you, but also report you to necessary authorities.

This is the rough equivalent to a drug dealer threatening to rat out a counterfeiter, but I'm not sure which is which here.

"That's him, Officer! That's the guy who wanted to sexually abuse Pokémon, because we told him how to do it!"

Finally we would like to thank all our collaborators who shall remain anonymous for their protection. We will state once more that our professional assessors requested that sources are to be kept hidden because they could reveal their identity, or involve unwitting 3rd parties, that would cause problem in their professional status in the inevitable case of the unofficial distribution of this document to wider masses.

An actual profession in Pokémon is literally named 'Breeder', I think we can draw our own connections.

Our readers should know that this document is only a brief summary, and that our sources range from known official academic textbooks in Pokémon Biology, to the anecdotal experience of our members, to the accumulated knowledge of professors and researchers who empathize with our cause.

And I imagine the Professor Oak and Professor Elm are just thrilled to have their academic work be attached to the guide on how to clap bunny cheeks.

-The Human-Pokémon Marital Society

Has a better ring to it than Loners That Fuck Pets.

I dunno, the Sex Slave Advisory Council just rolls off the tongue.

Well, that was the end of this bizarre piece of worldbuilding literature. I have mocked worse, and for the most part this was rather benign in its nature compared to what the subject matter was, though its thematic emphasis on kowtowing to the every whim of the focal point of one's desires left me nauseated. I hope the mock was an enjoyable and entertaining read. I also want to thank StabbyKobold for joining me in mocking it and I am looking forward to other potentially shared endeavors in the future, once either one of us find something worthy of a team-up.

It's fascinating what people will do to titillate themselves. I'm used to self-indulgent attempts at constructing narratives that delve into all kinds of wish fulfillment. This was different. It almost felt self-defeating. Why, if you have to basically throw your whole life away, would anyone want to fuck a Lopunny? Is it meant to appeal to people, to whom a sexually abusive relationship with an animal would be preferable? I don't get it, but I don't really care to know.

The entirety of either of our other separate works can be found via the following links:

ConcernedGamer

StabbyKobold

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