Galaxy Angel Variance

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Dashguy
Posts: 37
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:33 pm
Location: Argentina

Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Fri Jul 06, 2018 5:08 pm

I have a confession to make. Back in my younger days I had something of a “weeaboo phase” and the source was a visual novel called “Galaxy Angel”. A space opera & dating simulator where you take the role of the commander of a team of five beautiful female elite pilots known as the “Angel Troupe” and lead them to fight against threats while having the possibility of romancing one of them. Battles are conducted in a point-and-click system where you order the ships to attack certain targets, retreat or unleash their special attacks. Oh, and there’s zero sexual content in these games, by the way.

It was successful enough to get two sequels, a manga adaptation and an anime series. The manga follows the route of one of the girls and, while mostly faithful to the game, takes several interesting liberties. The anime, on the other hand, is a wacky comedy that ditches every other character save for the girls and greatly exaggerates their personalities. The Angel Team now works as retrievers of “Lost Technology”, gadgets that do all sorts of crazy shit, such as an electric oven that turns everything it absorbs into rice, and if you eat it your body fuses with whatever the oven absorbed.

My “weeaboo phase” started with the anime, peaked with the discovery of the visual novels and involved all the usual stuff. My computer filled with pictures, desperately trying to find scans of the manga in english, downloading the OST, downloading and burning the games into CDs to play them even when I didn’t understand a damn word of Japanese, looking for fanfiction, etc. I even considered taking Japanese lessons to play them. Fortunately, english patches were made by a translator team for the whole trilogy. Unfortunately, my computer refused to run the second and third games, leaving me only with the fully completed first.

I've outgrowth that "phase" long ago, but I’m still very fond of the series, which is why I decided to take a peek at the FF.net page to remember the old times. Imagine my surprise when I found “Galaxy Angel Variance”, written by “Guardian Hawk”. A rewrite of the first game with the author’s shit of a self-insert jammed in the middle with all the subtlety of a rhinoceros inside a pottery store.

I was…peeved, to say the least.

Now, I don't expect my dear readers to be intimately knowledgeable of a sixteen years-old visual novel that was big in Japan, but not so much everywhere else. So I'll be providing the necessary exposition while mocking this abomination, starting with the intro of the game.


A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

No, wait—scratch that.

Much time has passed since the human race began its journey into the great ocean of stars…
Civilization bloomed in every corner of the galaxy and all enjoyed great prosperity.

However, before long, ruin befell all of humanity.
It was the Chrono Quake, and unprecedented disaster that tore through space and time.
The galactic network failed and interstellar travel collapsed, leaving every system isolated.
In the chaos, advanced technologies were lost and civilization began to fall.


One day, a huge planetoid appeared over the Transbaal Empire, the White Moon.
Inside the White Moon slept the secrets of interstellar travel and many other Lost Technologies.
Using them, humanity regained its footing and took to space once more.
Transbaal used the Lost Technology to expand and foster peace and prosperity for hundreds of years, ushering in a new era of harmony.


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She’s like the younger, prettier sister of the Death Star you want to woo but cannot because her older sister keeps giving you the stink eye. Or a planet busting laser shot. You get the idea.

However…
In Transbaal’s 412th calendar year, its peace was brought to a sudden end.
Out of nowhere, a mysterious armed fleet appeared and revolted against the empire.
With their powerful armada, the rebels surged effortlessly through the Transbaal forces until they surrounded the seat of the empire.


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You are not going to find any princesses or funny-looking droids among these rebels, champ.

And now for the--uh--let's say "story".

----

One hell of a day…that's the best way I can summarize the events of late. An empire in turmoil, the royal family ravaged, the galaxy at war, and here I am escorting the sole survivor of the Transbaal royal family on board what is, for lack of better words, the Flagship of the Transbaal Imperial Navy. I suppose that doesn't make much sense at first glance, but let me take you back to before this whole mess began.

How about no?

The first game begins with a cutscene of the mysterious armed fleet bombarding the capital of planet Transbaal and the Angel Troupe escaping with the last survivor of the Royal Family. It follows with a the small summary I just gave you and immediately cuts to your character meeting the Angel Troupe. Other information is later given in briefings and conversations. Because you see, there’s this little thing called “proper pacing” which ensures, among other things, that your readers are not bored to death.

And while we’re at it, that first paragraph already tells me practically everything I need to know about the character. The information he gives makes it obvious he's going to be in the middle of everything and the “jaded badass” tone of narration he uses makes it clear he’s going to stick out like a dog turd on top of a candy bowl.


My name is Howard. Though, if you ask any of the locals, they'll refer to me as the Demon of the West.

With a snicker and an eye roll I imagine.

I'll get to that in a moment. I first came to this galaxy centuries ago. Roughly 372 years to be exact. The planet had apparently been the victim of a natural catastrophe a couple of centuries prior that left its infrastructure all but in pieces. I was a human back when I first arrived. How I got here, your guess is as good as mine. My memory before that moment is almost complete blank with a few tidbits remaining, but every single moment leading up to now is clear as day. I was 28 years old when I was brought here. Technologically, the planet was centuries ahead of anything I had ever known or seen.

So, this guy arrived at some planet, which judging from the narration had just suffered the effects of the Chrono Quake, for no adequately explained reason and with no memory of his previous life. Right. My money is on Twilight Sparkle botchering a spell.

As the planet rebuilt and time began to pass, I made a name for myself in the capital city as a master in hand to hand and melee combat after getting into several fights (none of which I started, for the record).

Of course you didn’t, champ. And I’m sure they were all to protect a pregnant woman driving a bus filled with elderly nuns, orphans and kittens.

So, I opened a school in the capital city and began to teach others what I knew.

“And what did you say your qualifications were?”

“I beat the crap out of people in street fights. None of which I started, mind you.”


However, when I hit my mid 40's, I began to feel the effects of my age. I began to wonder if it was possible to slow my aging, or maybe even stop it altogether. You would think after all the movies and books I'd read over the years, I'd know better than to look into that. Nevertheless, I grew curious at the prospect. That was when I stepped into the realm of Genetic Engineering. There were fundamental theories and laws that had established the field, but it had fallen to the wayside in favor of rebuilding the planet's economy. So, I studied, learned and began to dabble into the long abandoned field, to see if I could make any use of it.

Because that’s how genetic engineering works, right? Just watch a couple of YouTube videos, buy a box of test tubes and you can go straight to working on achieving eternal youth.

The 4th month of TCY 64 on the 18th day. I will never forget that day because everything changed for me.

It had been 24 years since I arrived and I was 52 when I finally had a breakthrough. I had managed to create a chromosome that would enhance my metabolism and reverse the effects of aging. At least, that's what I witnessed in several of the animals I had used to test this solution on. All that was left was to test it on human DNA. I was hesitant to directly introduce it into my system without know what effects it would have on humans. So, I took about 12 oz of blood from myself and mixed the solution into my blood in a beaker. Recording the interaction on a computer I had purchased several years prior, the results looked almost identical to the results from my previous experiments. So, feeling confident, I decided to close my school for the week to conduct my test.

Nice to see his martial arts school leaves him with enough time and money to conduct his experiments.

What I didn't know was that decision had a much bigger impact than I thought.

Upon injecting the solution into myself, I immediately felt my arm just light on fire. The burning sensation spread throughout my body as I writhed and yelled in pain. I tried my best to contain my screams and bear with it, telling myself over and over again that it would be worth it in the end. But after about 15 seconds, that plan went to hell and I succumbed to the pain.

Maybe you should have tried going to college instead of binge watching Beakman’s World.

When I awoke, I felt…..well, amazing. I felt extremely light, though a bit dizzy to begin with. Once I got to my feet and waited for the blood to level itself out in my body, I walked to the bathroom to take a look in the mirror at my results. Upon gazing into the mirror, I was shocked at what I saw. I had regenerated my body to back when I was in my 20's. That, however, was not the only result. Apparently, there were several other changes that I had failed to take into account when conducting my experiments.

My hair color was a solid white color, the gray that had been present with the brown of my natural hair color was gone. My eye color, which had been brown, was now a golden color, similar to the precious metal itself. I also had two purple jagged stripes on my face. I tried to rub them off, thinking I had smeared something on my face, but it was of no use. It was almost as if they had been tattooed onto my face. My teeth were also straightened and my canines had become sharper. My nails had also grew an inch and formed themselves into sharpened claws as well. Gazing at my new look, I immediately recognized who I looked like. I bore a strong resemblance of an anime character I loved as a kid from before I arrived. It was one of the only memories that I retained upon my arrival here.

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It would have been tolerable if he had managed to achieve immortality or eternal youth, but the author had to go one step ahead and turn him into a freaking anime character.

And notice how this “anime series” is one of the few things he remembers of his past life and the very first one we find out about. Because who cares if he used to be a medical college student or a martial arts master, what we need to know what kind of cartoons he liked.


Oh, and have you guessed in which character he transformed into? No? That’s okay, here you have it.

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This fella here is the father of Inu Yasha, the titular character from manga created by Rumiko Takahashi. I haven’t watched the movies in which he appears, but what from the Wiki says, he’s totes strong, honorable and all that shit.

After the shock had settled in and I recovered from the ordeal, I reopened my school. Part of me was worried that I would be accused of being an imposter since I had only a handful of students that were still with me from when I first opened my school. But, another part was optimistic that they would recognize me and accept the new change. When my students began arriving, I was in the middle of warming up for the first class. At first, the newer students mistook me as a new student and wondered where I was at. I tried explaining that it was me, but it wasn't going very well. Once my senior students arrived, they almost immediately recognized me and asked how I managed to look almost 30 years younger.

“And why are you cosplaying as a drag queen?”

I told them about some of the things I had been dabbling in during my off time, which fascinated them to no end. When I went to bring out some of my records to show them firsthand, I was in shock at what I found.

In my excitement at my success, I failed to notice that the back rooms where I kept most of my records and notes had been completely trashed. There were a few scattered notes left here and there, but the majority of my work had been destroyed. I don't quite remember if it was my flailing around in pain that did it, or if something happened while I was unconscious. However, the damage was done. I showed my students what I had left and explained what happened. They were very respectful and understanding of it all and they asked if I was alright. I assured them I was, though at the same time, a bit disappointed at the fact that everything I had worked for was pretty much gone. I couldn't remember exactly how I came up with the chromosome solution that changed me, so I was literally the embodiment of what was left of my work.

Of course. There can be only one speshul snowflake after all.

As the years went on, I watched my students come and go. Several of them I had made friends with and spent time with them out in town, making new friends while I was at it. Something else that I noticed was how they aged, and yet, I didn't. My hair continued to grow out and my claws would grow, but apart from that, my body wasn't physically aging. I decided to grow my hair out to the lower part of my back and tie it up in a high ponytail, that way it would make cutting it easier. I also noticed I had become much stronger and faster, unintentionally hurting several of my students during class. I had to learn how to restrain myself quickly as a result of my unintentional incidents. As I watched my friends and students start dying, I began to realize how….I don't know. Sad, I guess would be a good word, it was to live without aging but watching people I cared about grow and die. I decided to give my school to my senior most student, who worked for me as a senior instructor, and left to travel.

I’m absolutely amazed by the way the author can masterfully convey the feelings of anxiety and fear that come with experiencing physical changes beyond human understanding. And don’t get me started on how he can make you appreciate every second you spend with your loved ones by writing about the plight of a man doomed to watch all those around him wither and die while secure on the knowledge he will keep on living.

Fucking riveting I tell you.


As time went on, word of my physical change spread since there were none on Transbaal that looked even close to how I did.

Oh, so this is all taking place on planet Transbaal, eh? How considerate of you to finally inform us about this itty-bitty fact.

Several people claimed I was an abomination that needed to be cleansed from the planet, attempting to kill me. When I defended myself during the first incident, however, I felt something new. Something that felt both right and wrong at the same time. Bloodthirst. I tried to simply disarm them and intimidate them into running away, but they were extremely persistent. One of them tried to impale me with a knife, and he had succeeded in wounding me, but what I didn't realize was that unleashed something inside of me.

Rage consumed me and I became a killing machine.

With driving power, big fat tires and everything?

The first one fell to my claws within seconds of wounding me. There were eight of them in that particular incident. Three of them tried to charge and overwhelm me, but between my strength, speed, and claws, I slaughtered them within seconds. The rest tried to flee, but at that point, it was too late. I charged them and killed them, ripping them apart in the process. After they were all dead, my rage faded and I had regained my composure. What I witnessed left me wondering what happened. It was surreal, almost like watching someone else control your body while you watched with your own eyes. The blood still dripping from my claws, I felt satisfaction at what I did, but at the same time, I also felt sorrow. The conflict between the two feelings left me in turmoil and I decided to limit my interactions with people to as little as possible. If I couldn't control this beast, this demon, inside of me, then what would be the point of trying to interact with people.

After that incident, word somehow spread across the planet that I had ravaged those men like a wild animal, which prompted people to start referring to me as 'Demon' whenever I would go into a town. How word of that had spread, I have no clue. As far as I remember, I didn't leave any survivors. But, the damage had been done, and people went from respecting me to fearing me almost overnight. I decided to settle on the western most edge of one of the larger continents on Transbaal and set myself up quite comfortably in my isolated little corner of the world. I would have to drive away the occasional trespasser, or kill a group of zealots every now and again, but for the most part, the people of Transbaal left me be.

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I just want to remind you that, at this point, Howard has gone from “somehow arriving to an unknown planet with no memories”, “opening a martial arts school” and “spending twelve years of your life researching eternal youth” to “transforming into an anime character”, “watching your friends die of old age” and “slaughtering a crowd and going into exile” all while the narrative maintains the exact same jaded tone of an office worker who spends all day alternating between stamping documents, making coffee and checking his e-mail.

After about a decade, The Transbaal Empire formed and a new standard for tracking time had been established. I decided to not impose myself upon the Empire and remained in my isolation, where I continued to learn how to use the power I had created. I also made a very startling discovery after my first few years in isolation. I could transform into a giant dog that was easily the size of a multistory building. After a century, the power I had initially learned to use continued to grow and it became more and more apparent that I was more than just a man or just a demon. I was a walking weapon. Word of me continued to spread over the years, and it came to the point where people would invent stories about the Demon of the West. How he would come to take bad children away from their families if they didn't learn to behave, or how he would slaughter the occasional town, just to maintain the fear the people had for him.

On one hand, it was entertaining, since none of it was true. However, on the other hand…

I imagine having all that power and nobody to give you a metaphorical dick sucking must be getting pretty boring.

It was the year TCY 284. I had travelled into town to buy more food and supplies for myself. My look and attire had evolved quite a bit since I first walked on the planet. I decided to wear the look of that character I loved as a child, since it was both imposing, as well as fitting for what I had become. I wore a red undertunic with a white overtunic with a large blue patch across my left shoulder and a thin blue stripe below that patch across the left part of my chest. My pants flared out near the bottom, where they wrapped around the ankles of my boots, which were white with two sets of black stripes on each boot. I also wore a breastplate on top of the tunics, since I had to wear something to protect myself from bladed weapons over the years. The breastplate was black from the middle down, but the upper half was silver with two horns forged into the metal, one on each side of my chest, with a bright red gem in the center. I also wore a pair of pauldrons that were lined with horns as they layered themselves down to my elbows. Below my elbow, I wore a pair of gauntlets to protect my forearms and the back of my hands. Around my waist, I wore a sash that was a crimson red that had purple striping near the ends, mainly for decorative purposes. Down my back, I wore a bright white fur cape that I had made using fur from my demonic form. The cape was a single piece until it reached my lower back, where it split into two separate tails that trailed behind me about a foot.

He exiled himself to an isolated corner of the world, but not so isolated as to prevent him from getting the materials for cosplaying.

I considered having some weapons made or purchasing some weapons to protect myself, but my claws were more than sufficient, especially with some of the abilities I learned to use with my claws over the centuries as well. But, I digress…

This is all very nice, but the battles in Galaxy Angel take place in space, with highly advanced ships. So unless this buffon doesn’t need to breathe and can somehow move in zero gravity, all this crap is going to be as useful as an ashtray for a motorbike.

As I traversed the town, people took notice of me almost immediately and began to run for cover. Whether it was because of the stories that had grown over the centuries or out of fear of what I might do, I can only guess. But, I made my way to the store that I had grown accustomed to going to in order to get what I needed and go back to my home. When I entered the door into the shop, however, I wasn't greeted by the shopkeeper that was normally there.

I came face to face with a detachment of the Imperial guard.

As I was about to walk out of the door, so as not to cause trouble, I turned and found that the entire front of the building had been surrounded by what could easily have been a battalion of men, all part of the Imperial Guard. Now, at this point, I'm thinking to myself, 'Great, just what I need, something to ruin my day and make me look worse than I did before.' I flexed my right hand, cracking several of the smaller bones and got ready to fight my way out. However, something I wasn't expecting happened. The Captain of the guard came forward and said, "Demon of the West, your presence has been requested by his Majesty, Emperor Retando the 3rd. We are under strict orders to bring you to him unharmed, but we will defend these people and ourselves should you choose to fight."

I'm standing there, thinking to myself if I should take the courtesy that has been extended to me, or if I should just go back to my little corner of the planet away from everyone. Granted, even if I did that, if I have the Emperor's attention, then odds are he'll just send another battalion after me. Killing them would do me no good whatsoever, so…

"Very well, lead on Captain."

I thought to correct him about my name, but I decided to just keep quiet since I didn't want to aggravate him. Especially with the better part of a thousand or more men with power weapons all trained on me from behind me. Sure, I could get away and probably slaughter the better part of the battalion in the process, but at the same time, that would also probably throw away the only chance I'll probably have to clear the air about who I am, and maybe start living a normal life…ok, somewhat normal life, again.

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Because nothing says “I want to live a normal life” like going into town dressed like a circus clown and having murder as your number one option for conflict solving, you insufferable cockmongler.

Between this shit and the fact he revealed himself to his students right after he transformed, I have no doubt he slaughtered those people right in the middle of a city, practices his skills and transformations where others can see him and makes zero attempts to keep a low profile. In short, he’s nothing more than a gigantic attention-whore asshole that delights in the fear he causes.


We boarded a transport craft and flew to the Imperial Palace in just under an hour. This was the first time I'd ridden in an aircraft in the better part of 200 years. So, safe to say, I was uncomfortable during the whole ride. The Captain cast me glances every now and again, and the soldiers were all eyeing me for the better part of the ride. With some of the stories that had been spread about me, can't say I blame them for being paranoid. Odds are they figured I would snap and kill them all in an instant if they even so much as glanced away from me.

We get it, son. You’re an unstoppable murder machine that could kill us all five times before we hit the ground. Can you please stop waving your dick in my face?

After that agonizingly slow hour, we arrived at the Imperial Palace, where I was escorted from the craft, still under heavy guard, into the palace and through its halls until we arrived at the throne room. Upon entering the throne room, I couldn't help but whistle to myself. The designs that had gone into its construction were gorgeous to look at, not to mention the throne room alone was easily large enough to house at least 3 of those transport craft that I rode in on. At the end of the throne room was, of course, the throne, where a man that could be described as being in his late 30's, sat conversing with a woman on his left, who I can only assume was the Empress. Being in isolation, I kinda fell out of track with the times, so you'll have to forgive me for not knowing who they are at first look.

I guess the isolation also deprived him of the ability to describe places and people above the level of a seven years-old.

Upon reaching the throne, the Captain of the Guard stepped ahead of me and said, "Your highness, as you requested, the Demon of the West." I couldn't help but roll my eyes a bit at the reference to the title. But, I maintained my composure and looked the Emperor in the eye as he chuckled said, "Welcome to the Imperial Palace, sir. I couldn't help but notice you roll your eyes a bit at my Guard captain introducing you. So, if I may be so bold, may I ask your name?" I couldn't help but smile and bow my head lightly in respect as I said, "My name is Howard. As I'm sure you've already heard, I'm referred to by a very different name amongst your people. While I like the title, I can't really say I'm a big fan of the…..effect it has on people when I come out of my isolation just to get simple things."

Have you tried not dressing like the mascot for a gay pride parade?

The Emperor looked at me solemnly and said, "I've heard several stories from some of my children's teachers about you. However, I can't help but be curious as to how much truth is in those stories, so I summoned you here so I could ask you myself. I've never heard of anyone similar to you on the planet, so I'm sure you could understand my curiosity."

I glanced over to the Empress who sat to his left as she shifted uneasily upon falling under my gaze before I looked back to him. "I've heard some of those stories as well, and I can assure you, a lot of them are exactly that…stories. There was an incident a few centuries ago when I was forced to defend myself against several people that intended on killing me. The fact I lost control and killed them in a very….brutal manner was what sparked the beginning of a lot of these stories. So, I decided until I had better control of my power, I would keep myself isolated in the western most part of the continent I was on. Thus, Demon of the West."

Apparently there’s no such thing as “excess of self-defense” in Transbaal.

The Emperor shifted forward in his seat as I finished and said, "Centuries? If I may ask, how old are you?" I couldn't help but laugh at his question. The guard captain threw me a dirty look, which, I can't really blame him. I just laughed at an Emperor, not exactly the brightest of ideas, but given my situation, I figured I'd get away with it.

I can’t wait to see how much you will be getting away with in the future.

After I finished laughing, I answered him, "I'm 272 years old. I discovered a way to reverse the effect aging had on me when I was in my 50's. However, the resulting aftermath of using that solution on myself left my work in ruins, and left me like this," spreading my arms out to emphasis my point. The Emperor's eyebrows shot up at my explanation, to which, he silently sat in thought for a moment.

As he was thinking, the Empress, who'd been silent up to this point, spoke up and asked, "Do you enjoy living in isolation away from Transbaal's people?" I looked over at her, surprised by her question. I actually had to stop and think for a minute on that, did I?

"Truthfully, milady, no. I don't. I used to run a combat training school before this whole thing happened to me. I enjoyed making friends and showing people how to defend themselves. Now, well, all of my friends and former students are long since dead, and everyone is terrified of me."

It would have been nice to have a couple of paragraphs showing his relationship with his students and maybe two or three with him visiting the funeral of one of them and crying under the rain, but I guess the author had to make some cuts in order to include the description of the costume.

The Emperor then sat up as if he had a sudden idea, "In that case, would you be willing to act as a personal guard of the Royal Family? It would allow you to come out of your isolation, and it would allow you to use your abilities to keep my family safe."

I couldn't help but groan a bit before looking back at him and saying, "As generous as your offer is, I don't think I would work very well with your royal guard. Most of them are intimidated by me just being in the same room as them."

“Intimidated”. Not “vigilant”, “observant” or “ready to strike at the slightest hint of menacing behavior”. Nope. Because he’s the most murderous machine ever and everybody has to be scared shitless of him.

The Emperor answered almost immediately, "That's not what I meant. They're part of the Royal Guard, yes, but you would work and act as a personal guardian separate from the Guard. You would answer directly to me, and your responsibility would be to help keep my family safe as well as teach them a bit of what you've learned over the centuries. Being as long lived as you are, I'm sure you could help impart several important life lessons to my children to help better prepare them for the day they take the throne."

Like what? How to make a bitching cosplay?

I was practically in shock. I was being offered a position in the Royal palace, as a guardian for the Royal family no less. Talk about the ultimate redemption from the rumors and stories that drove me into isolation to begin with. There was only one answer I had for that proposal, as if there was any doubt…

"In that case, how could I say no?"

Now, fast forward another 128 years to present day.

Thank God the author decided to dump the entire hundred-years backstory of Howard in a single fucking chapter so we could appreciate his depth and nuance right from the beginning.

I was walking down the passage way alongside Prince Shiva, as we made our way towards the dining room for dinner. The conversation for the better part of the way had been…..interesting, to say the least.

"So, if that's the case, why didn't you just conquer the planet and take control of it for yourself?"

"Because I didn't want to rule a planet, I just wanted to be left alone. If I conquered the planet, that would be the complete opposite of what I wanted. Plus, people feared me enough as it was, I didn't need to make it worse."

Hey, author? Can I call you Howard? Because—let’s be honest here—between your profile picture begin a Sesshomaru cosplay, mentioning you practice martial arts and that name sticking out like a sore thumb among the others, it’s pretty obvious it is your real name.

Now, I understand you like Inu Yasha’s dad. He’s cool and super strong and blah, blah, blah, but—hear me out—this is not taking place in the Japanese middle ages, okay? This is a futuristic setting with futuristic weapons and where the initial conflict comes from a fleet of ships bombarding the capital from orbit, reducing the palace to rubble and killing everybody inside.

So, unless your self-insert can jam a rocket down his rectum and fly into space while avoiding a rain of fire to scratch the enemy ships, he’s kinda out of his league here.


Shiva had a constant curiosity about me ever since I was introduced to her following the exile of her older cousin Eonia, several years prior. Ahhh, that brings up a separate point. So, Prince Shiva was portrayed and passed off as a boy, so as to imply the current Emperor, King Gerard, had an heir to the throne. However, being a demon, I have sharper senses than the typical human, so I picked up on the female pheromones that came off of her almost instantly. If there was one thing I've learned how to do over the years, it's how to tell the difference between a man and a woman using only certain senses.

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Good job ruining the biggest plot-twist in the whole damn game, you absolute cretin! One you have to pick multiple specific choices to see and even changes part of the ending at that! Fuck this shit!

Anyway…here’s a picture of Shiva.

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Sword or sheat? Oh, wait—we already know.

She’s anti-social, due to having been raised in a secluded envirovment, and ocasionally belligerent, but also dedicated to her duties and concerned with the well-being of her subjects.

As I mentioned above, if you choose your options properly, you can get her to open up to you and even reveal her true gender, but I guess we can kiss that part of the plot goodbye thanks to a certain furry imbecile.


"If you had just wanted to be left alone, why did you let stories circulate, making you out to be a monster? If anything, I would figure leaving that to happen would just draw more people to try to kill you."

"What was I going to say? 'Hi, I'm Howard, the friendly demon, oh by the way, all those stories about me stealing bad children and slaughtering villages? Don't pay any attention to them.' Yeah, that would have gone over REAL well back then."

We haven’t even finished the first chapter and I’m already fed up with this bullshit. “I want everybody to stop coming up with stories about me being evil! Oh, but don’t expect me to try to blend in or make or other attempt at looking less intimidating please.”

Before Prince Shiva could respond, the palace shook, causing several parts of the structure to collapse around us. One of the support beams for the passage way broke off the wall and began to fall in our direction. Shiva looked at the pillar, frozen in fear. I immediate sprung into action and caught the pillar before it had landed on us. Holding the massive pillar above me, Shiva stood in surprise at my display of strength before I tossed the pillar to the side and looked back at her, "Are you alright, Shiva?"

She nodded her head as I opened up my communicator and called the Captain of the guard. "Captain, what's going on? Part of the passage leading to the dinning room almost collapsed on myself and Prince Shiva." The response he received was from a younger soldier who was in half a panic, "My lord, the captain is dead. The palace is being bombarded from orbit by an unknown enemy fleet. The King has ordered an evacuation of the palace." I growled a bit before I said, "Very Well, I'll take the Prince to the Starboard side hanger. Have the rest of the royal family rendezvous with me there." The soldier acknowledged and closed the channel before I looked at Shiva and said, "We don't have a lot of time, get on my back." I knelt down, allowing her to climb onto my fur-lined back. Wrapping her arms around my neck, I grabbed each of her legs and sprinted down the passageway with my demonic speed.

For somebody who doesn’t like being called a “demon” this guy surely likes to use the “demonic” adjective, eh? His “demonic form”, his “demonic speed”…

Within minutes, we arrived at the hanger, where we were met with several smoldering wrecks and ruins that were once the mainstay of the Imperial Families personal spacecraft. Luckily, there was a shuttle nearby that had been only lightly damaged from the bombardment. I carried Shiva over to the shuttle and motioned for her to get on board as I looked around, searching for any sign of the rest of the royal family. From one of the doors on the side of the hanger, I saw that same young soldier hobble his way towards the shuttle. He'd been badly wounded, probably from something exploding. I ran over to him and caught him as he collapsed. He looked at me and coughed out, "My lord, the….*gasp*…royal family is gone. Get the Prince to safety…..please….." With those words, his body fell limp, succumbing to the wounds he had sustained. I set his body on the ground and ran back over to the shuttle.

Upon boarding the shuttle, I started up the shuttles systems and engines. Shiva looked to me and said, "Where is everyone else?" I glanced back at her and said, "That soldier came down here to tell us they're all gone. My job is to get you out of here now." Shiva sat in shock at what I had just told her. Yeah, it was a cold, if not completely screwed up way, to tell her that her family is dead, but given the circumstances, I didn't have time on my side to break it to her gently.

Hearing the shuttles engines roar to life, I piloted the shuttle out of the hanger and weaved my way through the bombardment as the Imperial Palace collapsed behind us. Part of me was hurting, because I had grown so used to living on Transbaal for the last three and a half centuries, and this is the first time I'm leaving the planet. Another part of me was beyond furious. I don't know who was commanding that fleet, or where they came from, but I wanted nothing more than to rip their heart out and ram it down their throat. However, I maintained my composure for the sake of the young prince behind me, who was the sole survivor of a family that offered me a generosity that nobody else would have afforded me all those years ago.

I’m going to close my eyes for a bit. Can you wake me up when we’re done with the retarded, inbred child of Die Hard and Star Wars?

As we exited the atmosphere, we came face to face with the fleet of warships that were bombarding the planet. Unfortunately, we didn't go unnoticed. Within a minute, they began firing on us. Whoever they were did NOT want anyone escaping. Luckily, I had learned how to pilot fighter craft over the years, mainly out of boredom, so I was able to weave the shuttle through the crossfire. It was a bit sluggish in responding to my commands, but considering that it wasn't designed for this kind of thing, it was holding up pretty good.

After what felt like an eternity of weaving through the enemy fleet, we caught a glimpse of the White Moon off the starboard bow. Surprisingly, it had been untouched during this whole thing, though, I didn't know a lot about it since I never really put much thought into it before now. But my curiosity came crashing back to reality as the shields registered a hit from one of the ships. I pulled off to port and prepared the Chrono drive to for a jump into Chrono space when I caught sight of a large white carrier in the distance.

"That's the Elsior, if we can make it there, we'll be safe."

Image

The Elsior, also known as “Elle Ciel” in some translations, is the ceremonial ship of the White Moon. Comes with 24/7 convenience store and an indoor beach housing a space whale. No, really.

I almost reeled my claws around when Shiva chimed in. She scared the hell out of me from how quiet she had been. "Understood, opening a channel with them." I pressed a couple of buttons on the panel and opened a com-line with the ship, where I was greeted with the face of an older man in a military uniform. "General Luft, been a while. Are you commanding that white carrier we're seeing?"

The General looked a bit surprised before he responded, "The Demon? I was under the impression that nobody made it out of the palace before it was destroyed."

"As you can see, that report is a bit exaggerated. I managed to get Prince Shiva out of the Palace, but the rest of the Royal Family is gone. Requesting cover fire and clearance to dock. We brought a few friends with us to play."

No sooner had I said that, 4 cruisers had broken off and chased after us, causing me to weave through crossfire even more.

"Granted, we're scrambling the Angel wing to give you cover. Luft out."

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Brigadier General Luft Weizen, the guy in charge of defending the White Moon, former mentor of your character and a cool old guy who saves your bacon more than once in the game. He’s the very first victim of the author’s masturbatory fantasy.

Upon closing the com line, I looked back at Shiva and said, "I suggest you sit down and strap in, this is going to get really bumpy really fast." She nodded and quickly sat down in one of the seats, strapping herself in as I continued to weave through the constant crossfire coming from the cruisers behind us.

After about a minute, while we were racing towards the Elsior, 3 frames raced past us towards the cruisers that were firing on us. They were moving extremely fast, so all I caught were a few glimpses of color. One pink, one red, and one purple. I figured that was the Angel wing that Luft had mentioned.

The Angel Wings/Emblem Frames are the unique ships the members of the Angel Troupe pilot. I'll be talking more about them in due time, but for now I'm wondering why a guy who has been in service of the royal family for over a hundred years does not know the identity of the guardians of the White Moon.

The crossfire towards us ceased within seconds of those frames flying past us. Looks like they were just what we needed. The hanger doors on the Elsior opened up as we drew close and I proceeded to land the shuttle in the hanger. Once I set the shuttle down, the Angel wing had docked in their respective spots behind us as the hanger doors closed and the ship proceeded to Chrono drive.

You probably guessed it, but the "Chrono Drive" is the G.A. equivalent of the Hyperdrive.

The only thing I could say as I slumped back into my seat:

"Talk about one hell of a day."

I’m having flashbacks to Neon Exodus Evangelion and DJ Croft. You won’t like me when I having those.

Now, you may be wondering why I said Luft was the very first victim of this written mountain of septic waste. You see, remember how I said Shiva was raised in a secluded envirovment? Said envirovment was the White Moon. In other words, she was never inside the royal palace in first place and that was the only reason she survived the attack. Luft took Shiva and retreated together with the Angel Troupe just as the bombardment began. In short, this furry fucker stole’s Luft’s role as Shiva’s savior, protector and confidant.

Guardian Hawk: So, quick disclaimer, I do not own the Galaxy Angel Series or the character, Inu-No-Taisho, that I styled Howard from during the course of this chapter.

Howard: You think you made my back story long enough?

Fuck me. I can’t believe there are still people out there who think having conversations with their characters is funny and witty and not a complete eye-rolling idiocy.

Guardian Hawk: Well, I didn't want people to be lost trying to make heads or tails of who and/or what you were, sooooooooo, no, not really. Would you like it longer?

Howard: Seriously? After all of what your just put me through, really?

Guardian Hawk: Really. But, in the meantime, by all means review and leave your thoughts and comments and we'll see you in the next chapter!


You want a review? Sure!

This chapter is pure shit. The backstory of your self-insert is an horrendous, convoluted mess that breaks the readers' willing suspension of disbelief like Bane breaking the back of Batman. It manages to be both, horribly rushed, leaving a ton of unanswered questions, and painfully slow, with the biggest paragraph being the one dedicated to describe the clothing of the self-insert.

Speaking about the self-insert, he's an unlikeable asshole. We're supposed to pity him for watching his friends die and having to exile himself, except he never displays sorrow, pain or regret about his actions. In fact, the only emotions he shows are anger, fascination with his powers and smug superiority.

In a game where characters literally draw power from their feelings of love and friendship, I simply cannot imagine how would such an amoral character work. Guess we'll have to wait and see.

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ConcernedGamer
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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Jul 07, 2018 5:13 pm

I'm typically fascinated by the 'ascended' visual novels. I haven't experienced any, but learning that a universe or story can breach it's medium through popularity leads me to believe it might be worth a glance.
This fanfic, however, hardly even tries to do anything any justice. If not for any of your elaborations, Dashguy, I'd be clueless as to what anything even meant in the first place.

And that main character is just fucking ridiculous, being a self-admitted self-insert in anything but outright stating it, by repeatedly reminding us he's a self-imposed carbon copy of an anime character the author is fond of, as if anyone would ever chose to do such a thing in seriousness!

And this demon power bullshit, through such incredibly conveniently attained and forgotten means it might as well have been magic. At least heroes like The Flash had a freak accident of high improbability and likelihood of death through lightning strike, but this guy had to be the complete badass package of having earned his string of still unjustified endowments. Chromosomes! That's all he fiddled with. Kind of funny that the author spoils a gender-reveal, when his self-insert would have been more likely to have turned into Ranma, for all he has justified it.

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StabbyKobold
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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by StabbyKobold » Sat Jul 07, 2018 5:47 pm

My exact thoughts while reading: "Prince Shiva, huh? With a feminine name like that, and with the immortal self-insert somehow magnetizing to him through painful contrivance, I wonder if he's actually a gir-- oh wow, I've been at this for too long, haven't I?"

I don't know which is worse. That I could predict a tomboy reveal for a character in a series I know nothing about – merely from the only possible motivation the author could have for having their self-insert be tied to them – or that the author thought it was necessary to have Howard discover this by turning him into a figurative panty sniffer, rather than not having their relationship be predicated upon the meshing of their reproductive organs.

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GorillaGamer
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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by GorillaGamer » Sat Jul 07, 2018 9:23 pm

This is going to be interesting, especially since I have no prior knowledge of Galaxy Angel. Mock's looking great.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
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Gorillagram only gets sexual stimulation from playing Pokemon Reborn and its derivatives.
A quote from Andrew himself

Dashguy
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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:08 pm

Thank you for your comments, everybody.

I suppose in hindsight the revelation Shiva is a girl is not-so-surprising, but to be fair, it does put certain events in a new light and, like I said before, it does change part of the ending. Not that you end up with her, mind you. She’s only ten.

Anyway, on the previous chapter, we had some amnesiac asshole appearing out of nowhere on planet Transbaal, somehow transforming into Inuyasha’s dad by tampering with his chromosomes and getting a job as the guardian of the royal family. Because a guy who can go berserk and slaughter a whole crowd is definitely the kind of person I want protecting my loved ones.

Going on, he saves the life of Shiva, the last surviving member of the royal family after a rebel attack, and hitches a ride on the Elsior, the imperial flagship.

How will this nobody turned into a medieval Japan mythological monster will adjust to his life inside a super advanced ship in the middle of a space war?

Let’s find out.


---

After taking a deep breath and allowing myself to relax from that mess, I looked back at Shiva and said, "Well, we're here. I hope you know what you're doing." Shiva unstrapped herself as she looked at me with a smile and said, "Is the great Demon of the West worried? Huh, who'd have thought." I couldn't help but chuckle as I got up and said, "Now, now, no need to be insulting. I've never left the planet before, so you could say I feel like a fish out of water, so to speak." Shiva raised her eyebrows as she got out of her seat as well before saying, "You're almost 400 years old and you've NEVER been in space before? Really?" All I did was glare at Shiva as I opened the door leading into the hanger bay.

Image

In the game, the first thing Shiva does upon meeting you is order you to turn the damn ship around and go kick the shit out of the rebel army, since she’s worried sick about her subjects and unaware the Transbaal army is in disarray.

Here, despite the fact she had a front row seat to the carnage, she’s joking with this buffon like they just had finished skiing down a mountain in some resort and not barely survived an attack that claimed the lives of God-knows how many civilians, members of the army, etc.

I also find it funny this moron never left the planet considering the Transbaal empire comprises several of them and it would stand to reason for the royal family to travel to one or another at some point.


I stepped out of the shuttle and offered a hand to Shiva as she stepped out of the shuttle as well. I looked around and took in the sight of the massive hanger as three men made their way from the entrance over to us. I looked at Shiva and said, "I recognize Luft, but I don't know who the other two are, so give me a sec and I'll find out." Shiva nodded as I walked forward towards the trio, meeting them about 20 feet from the shuttle.

“You stay here quietly and don’t worry your pretty little head while I handle the grown-up stuff, okay?”

As if I needed more evidence Shiva has been reduced to a mere accessory to make this flea-ridden assclown look better.


"General, looking good since the last time we met. How long's it been? 2, 3 years?"

Luft laughed as he said, "You're a terrible liar, Demon. Ha ha! It's been about that long. Though, I wish we were meeting under better circumstances."

I smirked and replied, "Agreed. That said, who are these two? Can't say I've seen them before."

Luft turned towards the two and said, "May I present the new commanding officer of the Elsior, Takuto Myers. Tact, this is the Demon of the West, guardian of the royal family." A young man with spiky, dark blue hair, wearing a simple white uniform that had trims of gold, red, and navy blue with an accompanying blue mantle, stepped forward, extending his hand and said, "A pleasure to meet you sir. I hope your stay with us will be more enjoyable than what you just went through."

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Tact Mayer (on the right) is the hero of our story. Contrary to other Dating-Sims, you’re not piloting a faceless, blank-slate but a guy with his own personality. An empathic, kind and carefree dude, but also worthy of commanding his own patrol fleet at the border of the empire.

I couldn't help but smirk at his rather upbeat outlook on the situation. I took his hand and shook it with a loose grip saying, "Thankfully, it won't take much to be better than that nightmare." He looked at my hand with a slightly worried look before I added, "I'm shaking your hand loosely on purpose. I'd rather not unintentionally hurt you." Tact laughed a bit and said, "It's perfectly alright, I can handle a good handshake, so by all means, let me have it."

Poor choice of words.

I tilted my head lightly before glancing at Luft, who already knew what was coming, and said, "Ok, you asked for it." I squeezed his hand slightly, and while it didn't feel like anything to me, he immediately dropped down and yelled, "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ok, ok, please don't break my hand." I released his hand and you could practically see the outline of where I squeezed into his hand.

Good job baiting him just to rub your ballsack all over his face, asshole. Guess the chromosome tampering had the side effect of shrinking his already small penis even further.

As Tact stood back up and nursed his hand, Luft shifted his attention to the other man who had neck length white hair and a distinct eyepatch covering his left eye. "This is vice commander Lester Coolduras, he will be Tact's executive officer on board the Elsior."

The guy on the left of the previous picture. Lester is far more serious and business-like than Tact, but the two of them remain best buddies since their days at the military academy. Both, Tact and him are former students of Luft.

Lester extended his hand to me and said, "An honor to meet you, my lord. I've heard a lot of stories about you." I took his hand and shook it with a loose grip as well as I said, "The pleasure is mine Mr. Coolduras. I trust you don't have any problems with my handshake." Lester shook his head and said, "That was a stupid move on Tact's part. Though, he probably knows better now than to question how you do things, at least I can only hope he does." I stiffed a chuckle before saying, "Well, he'll have plenty of opportunities to learn. That said, if you three will follow me please, so that I may introduce you to my charge."

Oh, are you finally done showing the newcomers who the coolest kid on the ship is, Howie? Great.

But I’m still at a loss here. See, in the game, as soon as Luft escapes with the Angels and Shiva, he heads towards the border of the empire to seek aid of Tact and his fleet. After briefing Tact and Lester about the events and current situation, he asks the former to take command of the Elsior and the Angel Team, seeing as how he’s got his hands full commanding the remnants of the imperial army and believes Tact will be more fitting to lead a team of young, pretty girls. To summarize, Luft turned to a pair of familiar faces in a desperate situation.

Here, both Tact and Lester are already aboard the Elsior for no adequately explained reason…other than the author having difficulty writing too much with a single hand.


The four of us walked over to the shuttle, where Shiva had been patiently waiting as I turned to the three men and said, "Gentlemen, may I introduce to you, Prince Shiva Transbaal of the Royal Family." Shiva stepped forward to which all three men bowed deeply. Once Shiva had given them permission to rise, Luft said, "Your majesty, I cannot begin to express how relieved I am to see you safe and unharmed. You also have my as well as the entire ship's sincerest condolences for the loss of your family. We will strive to ensure that whoever is behind this attack is brought to justice." I cracked my knuckles before adding in, "I'll personally ensure that."

Image

Luft looked to Tact and Lester and said, "Gentlemen, I have to discuss our next move with his majesty. Carry on with your duties, I'll fill you in on what we plan next later." Shiva quickly added in, "Also, please arrange for quarters for myself as well as for my guardian."

These guys are going to be in charge of leading the Angel Team to protect your ass and fight the rebels, you little shit. If anything, your so called "guardian" should be dealing with that.

They both saluted and left the hanger as I looked to Luft and said, "Interesting choice for a commanding officer. Don't you think he's a little…young for that, Luft?"

Tact is twenty-two and, like I said before, commands his own patrol fleet at the border of the empire. That’s far more impressive than the guy who spent a couple hundreds of years living in the asshole of the world because he was too stupid to wear a hat and a pair of glasses to better blend with the crowd.

He laughed and said, "Tact is one of my finest students, what he lacks in age, he greatly makes up for in tactical brilliance and quick thinking. I think he'll fit in just fine." All I did was flex my eyebrows before I looked to Shiva, who then said, "The General does have a point, we need to discuss what we need to do next. I'll be alright with him. Go ahead and take a bit of time and relax, you've more than earned it Howard." I bowed my head lightly as Luft said, "Don't worry, his majesty couldn't be any safer on board the Elsior. I think you'll enjoy what this ship has to offer, Demon." With that, they left the hanger, and after a few moments, I decided to leave the hanger as well to explore the ship.

I cannot get over how utterly ridiculous, edgy and tryhard the title “Demon of the West” is. What’s more, the author insists on using it all the time, but the damn thing is so long he had to shorten it to “demon”, which is even fucking dumber.

Within minutes of leaving the hanger, I found myself lost in the maze of corridors that comprised the Elsior. After about 10 minutes, I stumbled across a convenience store. "A store? On a Military vessel? Odd, wonder who's idea THAT was."

The Elsior is a ceremonial vessel, you wanker.

I said to myself as I walked in the front door into the store. Once I cleared the door, I noticed it was a fairly decent size. Definitely larger than a lot of the stores I've been to over the years. There was a young man behind the counter restocking some of the products on the wall with his back to me. As I took a step forward to take a look around, he said, "Welcome to the store, is there any…" He stopped midsentence as he looked at me and realized who I was. Watching the color drain out of his face was a bit funny as he tried to compose himself. However, seeing as it was going to take him a minute from the look of it, I decided to answer the question he was going to ask.

"No, that's quite alright, I'm mainly just browsing around killing time. If I need anything, I'll be sure to let you know." With that, I walked towards the back of the store and began looking through a lot of the shelves and fridges.

“It’s so funny to use my looks and strenght to intimidate others, but why does everybody keep making those stories about me being evil?”

Once I finished walking through the last aisle, I decided to grab a drink from the fridge and proceeded to walk up to the register, where the young man, who was still nervous, was waiting. "Did you find everything alright sir?" He managed to get out before I looked at him. I smirked and said, "Yes I did." I set the drink on the counter when I realized I had no money on me. The royal family paid for everything I needed over the years, so I never really had a need to carry money.

Really now? Not money or debit cards or even checks? Did you just waltz into stores and said put everything on the tab of the emperor?

Upon realizing this, I then said, "You know, I was going to buy this drink, however, I just realized, I don't have any money on me. So, I'll put this back and I'll be back later after I fix that." I went to grab the drink when he quickly said, "No charge. It's on the house for the Prince's personal guard."

I raised an eyebrow at him before I said, "You're sure?" He nodded quickly before continuing, "With each purchase, you receive a free draw in our lottery drawing. Care to try your luck….my lord?" He stammered out that last part as he realized how he phrased his question to me. Not going to lie, having people afraid of me was seriously getting annoying, however, nothing I could really do about it at this point.

I swear I feel like I’m reading the script for a Simpsons joke.

“I really don’t like how people are afraid of me. Oh well, there’s no helping it.”

“Have you tried not dressing like a middle-ages Japanese warlord?”

“Like I said, there’s no helping it.”


"Sure, what's the prize?" The clerk put a large spinning wheel on the counter and said, "The Grand prize is a 1000 credit shopping spree for the store." Looking at the wheel, I stood and waited as the clerk began to spin the wheel. In the wheel, was a small hole for the marble draw to pop out into the tray underneath it.

As I stood watching him spin the wheel, someone came into the store behind me, I immediately caught the scent of a female, though I didn't recognize it. I didn't turn to look, since I had no desire to know who came in, and I was waiting to see how my draw came out. No sooner had the door closed, a small golden marble popped out of the wheel and into the tray. The clerk looked at the marble with complete shock as a bent over and looked at it, asking, "So, did I win?"

The clerk dropped his head and nodded it sadly as I picked up the marble and looked at it closer with a smirk on my face.

That was when I saw her.

Standing behind me was a young girl, about 18 years old with bright pink, shoulder length hair that was parted with a hairband that resembled a garland with two large flowers as hairpins. She also had the most beautiful cerulean blue eyes I'd ever seen. She stood about 5'1, which was about the middle of his chest and wore the standard military jacket, but had a pink skirt with it.

Image

Milfeulle Sakuraba. The first designated member of the Angel Troupe and the unofficial “heroine”, to the point the manga follows her route. Cheerful and optimistic, but also clumsy and somewhat immature. She’s an excellent pastry chef and pilots the Angel Frame codename “Lucky Star”.

Image

The “Ryu” of the Angel Frames. That is to say, the most balanced one. Its special attack “Hyper Cannon” can pierce through multiple ships if timed properly.

Gazing at her, I found myself in shock. For the first time in almost 400 years, I had a crush on a girl at first sight. Though, I quickly banished that thought, reminding myself that I'm a demon, I'm not allowed that privilege in life.

And here I was thinking it was because she’s seventeen and you’re nearly five hundred years-old and with all the social skills of a rabid chimp. But yeah, sure, let’s go with the “demon” excuse.

After locking her eyes with mine, she was the first to speak, "Congratulations on winning the store lottery!" I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came. Silently cursing myself, I closed my mouth, smiled and bowed lightly to her as I looked back at the store clerk and placed the marble back into the tray. "Go ahead and take the price of the drink out of that and give the rest to her."

As subtle as a tar covered steamroller…

She immediately jumped back in shock and quickly said, "WHAT!? No! I can't accept that, it's your prize! You should enjoy it!" The clerk looked at her and quickly looked back at me as I said, "I don't have much use for it, I'm only on board to escort Prince Shiva to wherever he decides to go from here. Besides…" I looked at her with a teasing smirk as I said, "…something tells me you'd have much better use for it than I would."

…and just as charming. Seriously, what the fuck does that even mean?

From that, I glared at the clerk as he said, "Understood, the winnings will go to Ms. Sakuraba, my lord." With that, I began to leave the store when she then said, "You're here with Prince Shiva? Does that mean you're the Demon of the West?" I stopped and chuckled as I looked back and said, "Guilty as charged."

She clapped her hands together and quickly said, "Wow! I've never met a demon before! Nice to meet you! Have you had a tour of the ship yet?"
I turned around, still holding my drink that I have yet to open, and said, "No, the Prince gave me free reign to go as I please, so I've been wandering around and this was the first place I came across. Why? Are you offering one?" She immediately leapt forward and said, "I'd love to show you around the ship!" With that, she grabbed my hand and proceeded to drag me out of the store, leaving the clerk in utter confusion on what just happened.
Once we reached the elevator, she let go of my hand and said, "We'll start with the engine room and work our way up!" I couldn't help but smile at her positive personality. She had a smile that you just couldn't help but smile back at. Plus, seeing as she wasn't afraid of me in the slightest, made me even more curious about her.

I’m not an expert at human psychology, but I suspect the fact you did not act like an asshole towards her, glaring or crushing her hand, may have something to do with it.

Making our way to the engine room, she briefly explained how the engine worked. Granted, I already knew how a Chrono string engine worked, since I had to learn about them before learning how to fly, but I let her explain since I enjoyed listening to her.

Chrono Strings are fragments of energy from the creation of the universe. It is possible to draw a lot of energy from a single one, but since it’s quite difficult, Chrono String Engines have a bunch of these and drain a bit of energy from each.

As she was finishing up her explanation, the overhead speakers came on.

"Attention, Angel Wing, Demon of the West, your presence is respectfully requested on the bridge."

I looked over at Milfeulle who groaned a bit as she said, "Awww, but we just got started. Oh well, looks like the bridge is our next stop. This way Mr….actually, we never introduced each other, did we? I'm 2nd Lieutenant Milfeulle Sakuraba, but everyone calls me Milfie. What's your name?" She extended her hand as I smiled and shook it gently. "Pretty name, I'm the Demon of the West, though, you already knew that. I prefer to keep my name within a closed circle, so, for the time being, feel free to call me Demon. One day, I might tell you." I added a wink to the end of that, causing her to blush a bit before she said, "Aww, now I really want to know. Couldn't I get a hint, please?" I chuckled before saying, "Maybe later. For the moment, however, we're wanted on the bridge. Soooo…" This caused Milfeulle to jump a bit as she yelped, "Oh right! This way."

Image

Holy shit. It’s like reading the personal diary of a sixteen years-old who goes to school wearing a trenchcoat and fedora combo, glares at the guys and smiles at the girls thinking he’s both, intimidating and charming, when he’s actually a laughingstock for both sexes.

After making our way through what felt like a rats maze, we finally arrived on the bridge to find Tact, Lester and Luft standing with 4 other girls in different variations of the Imperial military uniform. Milfeulle walked over to the girls as I made my way towards Luft.

"Way to be late Milfie, honestly, don't you have any sense of priority?" The girl in the red dress snapped.

"I'm sorry, I was in the engine room giving Demon a tour of the ship when the call came over." Milfeulle meekly replied, causing everyone to give her a sharp look before glancing at me.

I approached Luft and said, "Alright Luft, them, I can understand being up here. Why am I up here?"

Funny. I was wondering the same thing.

Luft had a grave look on his face as he answered, "We've managed to find out who is leading this coup. Prince Shiva said that you deserve to know when I brief everyone else. So, with that said, operator, begin playback."

The Operator had short purple hair and wore the standard imperial military uniform responded, "Yes sir, beginning playback on the main screen." We all looked at the main screen and when the image came on, damn near all the color drained out of my face.

The leader of the coup was Eonia Transbaal.

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Our bad guy. A former prince who was stripped of his status and exiled years before the start of the game due to his extremist views on how Lost Technology should be used. He’s intelligent and charismatic, but ruthless, as if killing his whole family wasn’t enough clue.

He had been my primary charge before his exile and I was given a new primary, which was now Shiva. Listening to the words of his speech, part of me was in shock. I had trained and taught him a great deal of what he knows. He'd been one of the more gifted students he'd ever taught. When his ideals for conquest became too extreme, he'd been exiled. I still remember the conversation I had with him before he left.

"Eonia, come on, you know better than this. This goes against a lot of what I taught you. I'm telling you, it's not too late to apologize. I can speak with the King and smooth things over and we can go on like this whole thing never happened."

"I'm sorry old friend, but we have to look towards the future of the empire. Between the white moon holding its lost technology back, as well as our limited influence in the galaxy, we need to start looking at the bigger picture. You've been around for hundreds of years, I know you'll see that I'm right one day."


All those memories came flooding back as Eonia declared himself the new king of the empire and went on asking for the white moons blessing of his ascension. I lost track of half of his speech and just felt numb. I raised and taught him from the time when he could barely walk until he went into exile. Now, here he stands, after having butchered his own blood and destroyed part of his home, claiming to be the rightful ruler of the Transbaal empire.

This cannot be happening.

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Let’s…begin with the obvious, yes? The author completely cut out Eonia’s "new era" speech; the first insight we had to the character’s personality, manners and objective, replacing it with the self-insert’s thoughts about how he taught Eonia everything he knows.

And what could this guy who spent half of his life living alone in the asshole of the world have possibly taught Eonia? Who knows? Not only the author tells instead of showing, but he also tells us absolutely nothing beyond the most clichéd “he was really gifted until he went to the dark side”. Hell, even their conversation is incredibly bland and vague.

Back to the writing, notice how this change not only serves to jerk-off the self-insert (“I taught the guy who put the empire’s army in check everything he knows”), but also gives him an excuse to brood (“I taught him everything he knows! It’s all my fault!”) which will make the other characters jump in to console him (“It’s not your fault, Howie! Eonia choose his own path!”).


"Uhh, Demon, are you alright?"

I looked at Luft, noticing everyone giving me an extremely worried look before I said, "I'll…manage. What's our next move?"

Luft glanced at Tact before continuing, "We were going to make our way to Criom, but the imperial forces there were completely destroyed. So, now we don't have a choice but to make our way to Rhome."

The Transbaal Empire is divided regions. Transbaal, where the initial attack took place, is where the 1st fleet was stationed and where our heroes, plus a furry, escaped from. Then there’s Criom, where Tact was stationed. Aside of recruiting him, Luft was hoping to meet with the 2nd fleet, but turns out they were wiped out. Finally, there’s Rhome where the 3rd fleet is stationed.

The only thing I could say was, "How long will that take?"

Luft quickly responded, "About 2 weeks if we don't run into any trouble."

I nodded and said, "Understood, I'll need to speak with the Prince about this. Milfeulle, I sincerely apologize, we'll have to finish that tour later." She looked at me with a sad look and nodded. Somehow, I think she already knew what I was feeling. I turned to leave the bridge before Luft stopped me.
"Wait a moment Demon, don't you want to meet the rest of the angel wing?"

I looked at him, then at the girls that were across from the men before I said, "Very well. Odds are they're already familiar with who I am, so we can skip that part."

Because everybody has to be familiar with the asshole who killed a bunch of people hundreds of years ago, but he doesn’t need to be acquaitanced with the girls who protect the place where the technology that saved the planet he mysteriously appeared in is stored.

The girl in the red dress from earlier was the first to step forward. She hand long blonde hair, with a pair of hairpins to keep her hair back. She looked around the same age as Milfeulle, if not a bit older. She was also in great physical shape, judging from the toned muscle structure throughout her body. She rendered a salute and said, "Ranpha Franboise, a pleasure." She took a step backwards, stepping on Milfeulle's foot, causing her to yelp out in pain and start nursing her foot, causing me to smirk a bit.

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Ranpha Franboise. The second designated member of the Angel Troupe. Energetic, passionate and a romantic at heart, but also hot tempered and hasty. She’s a talented martial artist, chef and pilots the Angel Frame codename “Kung Fu Fighter”.

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The fastest ship and with matching attack power. However, it’s also the most fragile one and you can easily lose it if you’re not careful.

Next was a younger girl. She looked younger than Milfeulle and Ranpha, though, not by much. She was also one of the shorter members of the group. She had short blue hair and wore a modified imperial uniform that flared into a skirt. The most curious thing I couldn't help but notice was the second set of ears on her head. They resembled rabbit ears, but I couldn't tell if they enhanced her hearing, or if it was just a useless genetic mutation. At that same token, however, I got the distinct feeling like someone was trying to worm their way into my head when she looked at me. She lightly curtsied and said, "Mint Blancmanche. It's very nice to meet you." I bowed my head lightly in silent response.

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I love how this asscrab calls her ears “useless genetic mutation”, as if the purple stripes on his face and one third of the shit he wears fulfilled some kind of important function. And she doesn’t “worm her way” into anybody’s mind, she simply hears surface thoughts. Honestly, this is one of the things I hate the most about rewrites: authors using their knowledge of the original work to give their self-inserts an edge, not matter how ridiculous or implausible it is.

Anyway, Mint Blancmanche is the third designated member and heiress to a business empire. Intelligent, calm and rational, with a touch of cynism due to her mind-reading ability. She carries herself with grace and nobility, but hides a streak of childish hobbies, all product of an upbringing that forced her to grow up prematurely. Her ears are real and they make a delightful squeaky sound when they move. She pilots the Angel Frame codename “Trick Master”.

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A rather slow and sturdy ship. It’s unique in which it’s equipped with three drones, allowing it to attack in every direction, even when retreating.

An older girl then raised her hand and placed it on the tip of the cap she was wearing. She stood about the same height as Ranpha, though not nearly as physically toned. That wasn't to say she was out of shape, but she also held a more withdrawn stance. As if she was more like the older sister of the group than anything. She wore a modified uniform that had a purple undershirt and wore a pistol on the right side of her waist, which I couldn't help but notice. "I'm Forte Stollen, a pleasure and an honor."

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Forte Stollen. Fourth designated member and leader of the Angel Troupe. Mature, experienced and responsible, althought with a penchant to solve problems by means of brute force. A skilled marksman and collector of firearms. She pilots the Angel Frame codename “Happy Trigger”.

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The slowest ship, but also the one with the greatest firepower.

Lastly, was the girl standing beside Mint. She hadn't said a word up until this point, which immediately made me think that she was more introverted than the rest of the group. She stood maybe an inch shorter than Mint, but judging from her look, I would venture to say she was easily the youngest member of the group. She had green hair that was tied back into a ponytail and wore the standard imperial uniform. What really caught my attention was the animal that was on her shoulder. It resembled something akin to a lemur, but at the same time, the scent it gave off wasn't one that should match an animal like that, it felt more…artificial. She rendered a salute and said, "Vanilla H, an honor."

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Vanilla H. The fifth designated member. Her stoic exterior hides a dutiful and kind soul. The small animal (not pictured) she carries with her is a colony of nanomachines she can use to heal others. Vanilla pilots the Angel Frame codename “Harvester”.

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The ship with the highest defense, but pitiful firepower. Still, it’s the most important one since it can repair the others in the middle of battle. Its special attack, “Repair Wave”, can fully repair the other four ships regardless of their position in the map.

I bowed my head to the ladies and looked to Luft before saying, "Anything else, or can I go ahead and go now?" I had nothing against those ladies, but at the same time, I seriously did not want to be around anyone at the moment, given the circumstances.

“Look, girls, I know you’re carrying the future of the empire on your shoulders and all, but I need to brood, okay?”

Luft had an apologetic look on his face before he said, "No, that was all." With that, I turned heel and began to leave the bridge, but stopped shortly before reaching the door and asked, "Where is the Prince?" Milfeulle leapt forward and said, "I can show you! We can consider it part of the tour." Tact looked at her and said, "While you're at it Milfie, could you show him his quarters? They're the guest quarters on B deck." She nodded happily and walked up to me and said, "This way." I followed her off the bridge, once the door closed behind me, I could faintly hear some of the comments that were said.

"Talk about rude, you'd have thought he'd at least have a bit of courtesy."

"Ease up Ranpha, he's taking Eonia's involvement a lot harder than anyone for a good reason."

"All that means is that he could…"

By that point, I was out of earshot. Milfeulle looked back at me as we boarded the elevator and said, "Demon, I couldn't help but notice your reaction to Eonia's speech. Are you ok?"

I was touched. She showed concern where others would have just left it alone.

Which I’m sure it's because they're meanies and not because you’re an antisocial asshole.

Part of me wanted to tell her I was fine but another part wanted to tell that this whole thing was quite possibly my fault, since I basically raised him. After a split second, I made a decision…..fuck it.

"Not really, Eonia was my previous charge before Prince Shiva. I raised and taught him from when he was a toddler until the day he went into exile. Somehow, I don't know how, but what I taught him got twisted up along the way, which led to him getting exiled. I tried to get him to come back from that line of thinking, but it just wasn't happening. Now, we have a coup led by him. This whole damn thing is my fault. He used what I taught him to bring ruin and destruction to the empire."

Honestly, it says something about the quality of the writing when you read a paragraph like this one and your first thought is “it’s fucking nothing”.

Let’s start with something simple: the whole thing is pure dialogue. There are zero descriptions of the guy’s face, expressions or gestures. Not a “heavy sigh” or “massaged the bridge of his nose” or even “looked down sorrowfully”. He’s basically reading from a cue card.

Next, and forgive me for repeating myself, it tells us nothing. I can’t even imagine what could Howard have taught Eonia because everything about Captain Furry here begins and ends with his powers. The “martial artist” aspect is non existant. The “genetic research” thing immediately faded as soon as he transformed, just as you would expect from a cheap excuse to give him superpowers. Anytime he figures out something is thanks to his super sense of smell. Anytime he overpowers a foe is thanks to his super strenght. He has zero social skills, but doesn’t need them because everybody knows about him and respects/fears him thanks to his powers. In short, the idea this guy taught Eonia everything he knows is a bad joke.


Milfeulle placed a consoling hand on my pauldron as she said, "It's not your fault. You couldn't have known this would happen. You did your best to try and teach him how to be good, I'm sure of it. Don't blame yourself for this." I looked at her and saw sincerity in her eyes. She meant every word. The only thing I could do was pat her hand before the elevator doors opened up. She stepped forward and I followed.

Oh hey, she consoled him. Bet you didn’t see it coming, eh?

Upon arriving at the throne room, I asked Milfeulle if she would be willing to wait for a few minutes. She smiled and nodded before I entered the throne room. It wasn't nearly as large as the one in the Imperial palace, but it was large in its own right. Shiva was over by the throne, staring at it when I entered. As the door closed behind me, I walked forward, causing her to turn and look at me.

"You know?"

"Yeah, of all the things I was expecting him to do, this was definitely not one of them." I placed my hands on my hips in slight frustration at the idea.

You sound more like a disappointed father after finding out his son tried to forge his signature on a report card.

"My cousin is a traitor to the empire. I know you have a very long history with him, since you were his guardian before becoming mine and you spent years raising him. I have to know…"

My gaze shot immediately to her as I already knew where this was going. "Are you serious? I spent over 120 years with your family, guarding and raising generation after generation. Do you really think that little of me? I get we have a history and that, for lack of better phrasing, this whole damn coup is my fault, but to be accused of having questionable loyalties? Really? I tried my best to get him to change his line of thinking. The fact that it didn't work is the reason we're in this mess. I pulled you out of the jaws of hell because I still remember how your great grandfather took me in where the rest of the planet feared me."

Honestly? I see no reason why you could not be a spy. Obviously, the complete lack of “show don’t tell” does not help, but even the whole “I pulled you out of the jaws of hell” won’t mean anything if it turns out Eonia wants Shiva alive.

And guess what? He does.


Shiva stood in shock. This was the first time I'd taken a harsh tone of voice with her. She looked down a bit before finishing, "I'm sorry. I should have known better. This coup isn't your fault, it's his. Will you accept my apology Howard?"

I softened my look as I said, "Of course. The last thing I want is to lose you too. It's bad enough that Eonia was almost like a son to me, and now he's running amok. I don't want to lose the closest thing I have to a daughter to me as well."

To see two of the most important characters in the whole game reduced to medals to make the self-insert look better is quite impressive…in a “I burned the oatmeal” kind of way.

She walked to me and hugged me, to which I chuckled kneeled down to allow her to do so easier.

When she broke the hug, she then said, "I want to go back. We need to rally the imperial guard and take back our home."

I sighed a bit before saying, "Shiva, the imperial guard is in pieces and scattered. The only thing we can do at the moment is to fall back and regroup. I can fight your battles, but even I can't fight a war for you."

She was slightly hurt at the reality of the situation, but nodded as she said, "Right, this whole mess is just…"

"I know better than anyone."

Of course you do, champ. We’re barely the second chapter in and it’s painfully obvious the entire universe revolves around your furry ass.

Shiva just looked at me before saying, "I'm going to go ahead and get some rest. We've had a long day and it's going to be a long trip. I suggest you do the same."

I merely chuckled as I said, "Sounds like someone needs to take a nap. Ha ha ha." Shiva just glared at me before saying, "Alright, you can have that one." To that, I bowed and left the throne room, where Milfeulle was standing and waiting for me.

She looked at me as the door closed and said, "Ready?"

I don’t think I need to tell you but, in the games, Milfeulle gives the tour to Tact. So that makes two characters this guy has stolen the role from. As incensed as I am, I’m kind of curious to see how far will this shit go.

Dashguy
Posts: 37
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:33 pm
Location: Argentina

Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Tue Jul 31, 2018 12:34 pm

On the previous chapter, we found out our furry “hero”, Howie, taught the bad guy, Eonia Transbaal, everything he knows. He also reduced Tact, the protagonist, to a second banana and fell in love with Milfeulle at first sight because “creepy fuck” are just words, you know.

We made our way to the elevator and then proceeded to the ship's gym. Upon entering the gym, we found Ranpha dressed in workout attire beating up a punching bag with an extreme amount of force. Watching the force behind each of her blows made me wonder if she'd be able to stand toe to toe with me in a sparring match.

She'd be the first if she could.

Great. We’re barely the first paragraph in and he’s already jerking off in our faces.

After throwing a kick that almost knocked the bag off its chain, she turned to us and said, "You guys were in here? I didn't hear you come in."

As I mentioned in the previous chapter, Milfeulle gives this tour to Tact in the games and it serves to introduce the members of the Angel Team individually, giving us the first view of their skills and the basics of their personalities.

Milfeulle had a big smile on her face and said, "We're back on our tour of the ship and figured he'd like to see the gym. Ranpha walked over to us and said, "When do you plan on coming down here to work out with me? You said you would, and it looks like you put on a few centimeters since then."

Milfeulle yelped out and said, "What!? No, I can't be putting on weight. I won't let that happen!" She then hopped on a bike and started pedaling, leaving me with Ranpha as she looked me and said, "What about you? Is all that armor just for show, or are you going to work out too?"

I laughed at the comment before I said, "Ranpha, you couldn't even begin to imagine the amount of strength I have, let alone the rest of what goes behind it. If anything, I'm pretty sure if there's one person in the galaxy that could actually get in a ring with me and not get hurt in the first 5 seconds, it's probably you."

Ranpha just threw me a glare before saying, "Well, if you're so confident…"

She threw a kick towards my head, but given my enhanced reflexes, it seemed like it was moving at the pace of a farm animal. I immediately brought up my left arm and stopped the kick about 6 inches from my head as it made contact with the padded gauntlet I was wearing.

Imagine, if you will, a little boy playing with a small, cheap toy car. An older boy approaches, smiling, and compliments the younger boy’s toy. “Thanks,” he replies. “My dad bought it for me.”

The older boy smirks. “Really?” he says as he unslings his backpack and pulls out a toy car three times bigger, complete with a remote control, from the inside. “Well, my dad bought me this one!”

The older boy then begins driving his car in circles around the younger one, his smile widening as he sees the crestfallen look on the face of the younger boy.

That’s what reading about this guy feels like.


"Not bad, but how about…"

She then dropped her leg and brought the other one up using a hop step technique. Now, let's keep in mind here. I was doing hand to hand combat the better part of 350 years before she was born. So you really have to ask yourself, is this really going to go anywhere?

That question is an excellent summary of this story as a whole.

In the hands of a competent writer, Howie would lower himself to her level and rely on technique and skill to show us his expertise, but I guess the author can’t get a boner from that.


I ducked down, allowing the leg to fly past where my head had been as she brought it back to the ground. At this point, Milfeulle saw what was going on and jumped off the bike and ran over, yelling, "Ranpha! Stop it!"

Ranpha, however, didn't pay her any mind and continued to press the attack.

With each successive strike she threw, I blocked each one with the same amount of force that was put into it. Surprisingly, she was stronger than even I had originally thought, and I actually had to use some of my strength to hold her back. Granted, I still had to hold back to keep from hurting her unintentionally, but I don't think she noticed.

Every single minor compliment he gives is immediately followed by a stroke to his ego. At this point I imagine it must be almost instinctive.

After about a minute of almost constant back and forth and hearing Milfeulle yelling for her to stop, I decided enough was enough. Ranpha threw out another kick which gave me the opportunity to end this. I caught her leg, which surprised her and I shot forward with a punch of my own. The force of my punch knocked her off her feet and into one the punching bags across the room, leaving her sprawled on the floor.

I quickly ran over to her with Milfeulle because I thought I accidentally hurt her. When both of us hovered over her looking at her, she had the funniest look of surprise on her face. I had to restrain myself from laughing as I asked, "Are you ok?" Ranpha huffed and said, "I'm perfectly fine, I just wanted to lie here for a minute, you got lucky with that punch." All I did was cock an eyebrow at her response before offering her a hand up, which she accepted.

I’m tempted to start a “jerking-off” count, but I fear I would lose track of the number very, very quickly.

As we walked through the hallway, Milfeulle repeatedly kept asking me if I was alright. That little scrap with Ranpha didn't hurt me, but there was no convincing this girl. "Milfeulle, for the 18th time, I'm perfectly fine. Between my strength and these gauntlets, Ranpha didn't hurt me at all. I'm more worried if I actually hurt her putting a stop to that. Though, I do appreciate the thought. I don't get that kind of concern very often." Adding a smile onto the end of that made her blush and shut right up as we made our way to the firing range onboard.

I’m sure the lack of concern has nothing to do with your constant, smug assurance that you’re practically invincible and unstoppable.

As we entered the firing range, we found Forte staring at a target down range with a gold revolver in her holster. After about 10 seconds of silence, she drew the holster and fired all six rounds downrange, hitting the target. As soon as she finished, she stood for a moment and spun around to bring the gun to bear on us. I instinctively leapt in front of Milfeulle and held my claws up before Forte lifted the revolver and said, "Good reflexes, though, you would have been shot if I didn't already know better."

In the games, Milfeulle remained totally cool when Forte pointed her guy at them and only Tact got briefly scared. Here, of course, we have to turn a minor joke into an opportunity for Howie to play the “white knight” role.

I looked at her with a sheepish look and said, "Bullets would not help you against me, even if I wasn't wearing all this armor. One of the perks of being me." Both of the girls looked at me in surprise at that statement before Milfeulle asked, "Are you bulletproof?" I smirked and looked at her as I replied, "I wouldn't say bulletproof, I'd still bleed if I was shot, but it won't do any real harm or kill me. If anything, it'll just get me irritated. I would heal from the wounds within a day or two."

It’s like playing make superhero make-believe with a ten years-old who absolutely refuses to lose.

Milfeulle just looked at me with the same kind of look that you would see a toddler give after getting a new toy. Forte, on the other hand, wasn't nearly as entertained.

"Oh really? Can't say I've ever met a man that can take a bullet and not cry about it."

"You're assuming I'm a typical human. That is your first mistake. Ranpha just made that same mistake a few minutes ago."

Careful where you swing that edge, Howie, you could cut somebody.

Forte's eyebrows shot up as she looked at us and asked, "What happened?"

Milfeulle explained how Ranpha started attacking me for no reason and how I held her off before ending the fight with one punch that sent her across the room. Forte looked at me for a minute before she started laughing. "You managed to best Ranpha? Oh boy, you know she's going to be gunning after you for payback now. Ha ha ha!"

I laughed as I said, "I believe gunning would be your shtick." Motioning towards the revolver, which made them both laugh as Forte said, "Alright, fair enough. Speaking of which, how good would you say your aim is?"

Considering I've spent the last 120 years learning how to use energy firearms as per the request of the King, gee, I wonder.

Wouldn’t the fact you spent over a hundred years “learning” how to use guns mean that you suck a monumental amount of dick at it?

"I would say fairly decent. Though, I prefer to get…up close with my targets. "I lifted and flexed my right set of claws, causing several small cracks to pop from my hand as she said, "I don't doubt those are useful, but I think you could benefit from some firearms training."

I had to laugh at this. I've spent the last 130 years (well, 128 technically) pretty much trying everything between claws to rockets, and she thinks she can train me?

This ought to be good.

We know, son, you have the best toys in the whole world; please don’t start crying again.

"You know what, just for my curiosity, I'll take you up on that. I want to see what makes you so confident with that. Though, it'll have to wait for another time, seeing as I promised Milfeulle that we would finish the tour of the ship."

And here I was hoping to see him fire bullets of raw edge from the tips of his fingers.

Forte looked over at her, then had a coy look on her face before she said, "Alright, have fun, be sure to stay out of trouble." I raised an eyebrow before we turned and left the firing range. Once we were clear of the firing range, I couldn't help but wonder what that look was for.

Nothing like joking about the five hundred years-old guy who became famous for slaughtering people banging your seventeen years-old teammate.

Our next stop was the tea lounge, yes, they ACTUALLY had a tea lounge. I was surprised at this fact alone, but we found Mint sitting at a table by herself sipping on a cup of tea. The rabbit like ears on her head twitched a bit as she lowered the cup. Upon setting the cup down, she grabbed a cherry and ate it, causing her face to light up with joy and making her rabbit like ears twitch again. While I didn't say anything, those ears were seriously bugging me. Honestly, what were they there for?

I dunno, what the fuck are those “purple jagged stripes” on your face for?

"Hi Mint! Mind if we join you for a little bit? I'm showing Demon around the ship." Milfeulle happily chimed to the girl.

Wait, let me guess. This is the part where we find out Howie can block Mint’s mind reading. No—scratch that, he’s got his own psychic powers! And I bet he helped her family amass their fortune!

Mint stood up and said, "Absolutely, I'd love the company!" She motioned for us to sit in a fair of fancy looking chairs. I hesitated as Milfeulle sat down looking at the chair and said, "I don't want to seem disrespectful, but I think I'll stand. I don't want to break the chair." The two girls looked at me, looking at my armor and tails before Mint said, "I'm confident the chair will hold you perfectly fine, though, it may feel a bit awkward with those tails behind you."

So, Mint’s ears are mind boggling but this buffon dressing in the most outstandish yet outdated and impractical way it’s perfectly fine.

I sighed as I thought, 'Ok, if you insist.'

Mint spoke up with her oh-so-innocent smile and replied, "I do."

My look immediately shot to her as I tilted my head, thinking, 'Did she just read my thoughts?'

She then answered, "It's rather rude to not use your mouth, especially in present company."

As I slowly sat down in the chair, I could feel the wood straining under my weight, but it held up as I asked, "Are you a telepath?" Mint smiled and replied, "Yes, it's one of the unique things about my family. It can be quite handy at times." Milfeulle was lost at this point wondering what just happened before I said, "Don't you think it's a bit…I don't know, rude to probe someone's thoughts without permission?"

Mint simply smiled and said, "I can't help if someone's thoughts are loud enough for me to overhear."

'Smooth.'

"Thank you."

'Stop that!'

"May I say no?"

'What!? No, you can't say no. Wait…god damn it.'

"It's rude to use such vulgar language."

I simply leered at her while she wore one of her 'oh-so-innocent' smiles. Milfeulle, the poor girl, was completely lost at this point as she kept looking back and forth between us. The look on her face was actually kinda cute.

"So, Mint, what's it like…"

No sooner did I get the word like out, the chair broke apart under me, causing me to fall to the ground. I sighed as I laid on the ground in the pile of wood while the two girls shot up out of their seats and ran over to me.

Milfeulle was the first to ask. "Demon! Are you alright?"

Next came Mint within seconds after that. "You're not hurt are you?"

I felt the wood sticking me, I wouldn't say it hurt, per se. More like felt really uncomfortable, like how your should would feel cramped if you slept on it wrong. I slowly sat up and stood up, with the two girls placing their arms under each of mine (not that it did any good, but it was the thought that counted) to help me up.

"I'm fine, though, I can't quite say the same thing about the chair." Looking back at the pile of wood, I shook my head, then looked back at the girls, who were both horrified. I raised an eyebrow and said, "That's why I didn't want to sit down. I'll get the chair replaced as soon as possible."

Milfeulle was the first to say something.

"You're bleeding!"

I looked around, until I looked at my legs, seeing wooden spikes sticking out of my legs and out of my butt.

"Oh, would you look at that?"

The girls quickly stepped forward to grab napkins off the table, to which I said, "That won't be necessary. Once I get these out, my blood will clot the wounds within seconds and they'll be gone within a day." What I did next completely left the two girls in utter horror.

One by one, I ripped out the wooden spikes from my legs, spattering blood onto the pile of wood next to me as I dropped each of the spikes.

"NO! Don't do that, you'll make it worse!" I heard Milfeulle cry out.

I pulled the last spike out of my butt cheek (I will admit that one did not feel pleasant at all) and tossed it to the side as well. True to my word, the wounds were clotted within seconds and I wasn't bleeding anymore. However, now my pants, which were pure white, were now coated red from the blood.

"I told you, Milfeulle, it's fine. Though, now I'm going to have to get these bleached if I want to get all the blood out."

I love how, even when Mint doesn’t have any particular skills this guy can immediately prove himself superior in, the narrative still finds a way to give him a metaphorical blowjob. I’m specially fond of this paragraph:

I felt the wood sticking me, I wouldn't say it hurt, per se. More like felt really uncomfortable, like how your should would feel cramped if you slept on it wrong. I slowly sat up and stood up, with the two girls placing their arms under each of mine (not that it did any good, but it was the thought that counted) to help me up.

Gotta make sure everybody knows having multiple wood splinters lodged into his legs and ass don’t hurt, and that he could have stood up all by himself and with the tip of his pinkie finger if he wanted.

Both of the girls were uncomfortable at the sight of blood before Milfeulle spoke up, "We'll head to the medical bay! Vanilla can help you!" She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the hallway. I barely had time to say bye and sorry to Mint before we were gone.

I honestly felt so bad for Mint right now. I basically just broke one of her chairs (well, the lounge's chair, technically), bled onto the pile of splinters, then ran out, leaving her to clean up the mess.

Guess the cleaning crew had to be left out of the Elsior in order to make space for Howie and his massive ego.

I looked at Milfeulle as she ran through the hallways, pulling me along and not letting go for a moment until we reached the medical bay. Upon arriving at the medical bay, I looked around and noticed it looked almost exactly like a fully equipped hospital.

Granted, being in deep space with no access to one, it probably was.

The Doctor that was there was standing by Vanilla, she noticed us come blazing in as she said, "Hello Milfeulle, and…oh! My lord, welcome to medical bay. I'm Doctor Cera, how may I…?

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Cera Hazel, the resident doctor and counselor aboard the Elsior. Likes coffee and has a caring and kind disposition.

"Demon accidentally broke one of the chairs in the lounge and was stabbed by some of the pieces!" Pointing to my blood stained pants.

I put a couple of clawed fingers to my head as I said, "You know, you're making this out to be way worse than it actually is. I already told you, I'll be fully healed from this within the day."

“Actually, I would probably take me about five minutes, but I didn’t want to make her feel bad.”

Not believing me, or not listening, she gave Vanilla a sad puppy dog eyed look as Vanilla calmly said, "Very well, I will fix it. Please step forward."
Raising an eyebrow, I couldn't help but wonder what was going on. If she was going the route of stitches, I couldn't begin to tell you how fast out that door I would be. Not a very big fan of needles after the whole, uh, chromosome incident.

Thank you for reminding me about the clusterfuck that you subjected yourself to and by all means should have left you sterile or turned into a mongoloid.

She kneeled down in front of me and examined the bloodstains on my pants, which prompted me to say, "Seriously, I'm going to be fine. I've handled and survived WAY worse wounds than this. It was just…"

Vanilla held up her hand over the pant leg, and the lemur-like animal on her shoulder lit up, turned into a stream of light and flowed down her arm and onto my pant leg. Within seconds, the blood on my pants was gone, and, much to my surprise, so were the wounds.

She stood back up and said, "Treatment complete." I blinked blankly a few times looking back and forth between the Doctor, Milfeulle, and Vanilla before I finally said, "What the hell was that?"

I probably could have phrased that a bit better, but I was in shock at what I just saw since I had no explanation for it.

Doctor Cera was the one who answered this time. "Vanilla has the unique ability to use nano-machines to treat wounds on people, and apparently she can also do dry-cleaning. I learned something new today." I couldn't help but laugh at her joke, as did Milfeulle. Vanilla, on the other hand, maintained a calm and collected look on her face while I calmed down.

Even though that kind of unsettled me a bit, I couldn't help but smile as I said, "Thank you Vanilla. Hopefully, next time, I can actually convince Milfeulle to let my body do the work as opposed to dragging me down here again. Though, I can't complain with the results, you can clean a mean set of pants, let me tell you." I laughed a bit at my own joke, as did Milfeulle and the Doctor. Though, again, Vanilla didn't even so much as twitch before she responded, "You're welcome."

Whoa, what’s this? No inner monologue about how he knows everything about nanomachines because he invented them but never had any reason to use them because nothing short of a nuclear bomb could hurt him? Did the author go into refractory period or something?

As we said our farewells, Milfeulle and I made our way through the corridors and went into the park next. It was much larger than I expected and I was in surprise that something that looked so natural was maintained so well on a space vessel.

"This is the park. It's a great place to come and relax during down time and also a great place to have a picnic. Oh, that reminds me, I want to hold a picnic to welcome Tact aboard. Since you're new on board as well, we can also welcome you on board as well. What do you think?"

How considerate of the author to remember Tact exists.

"A picnic? God, I haven't been to a picnic in….two, no, three hundred…..actually, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever been to a picnic before."

Too busy “winning” street fights, managing a martial arts school, experimenting with yourself and overall being an edgy badass, I guess.

Milfeulle clapped her hands together and said happily, "Then it's settled, we'll have a picnic here at 1430. Would you mind going to everyone and inviting them to come?"

"Wait, what? Hold on a sec there, why me?"

"Because I'll need to get started cooking now if I'm going to get everything ready in time, good luck!" To that she ran out of the park before I could answer her.

"Well….shit."

It was 1300, so I had an hour and a half to figure out where everyone was at, invite them, and find Milfeulle. And let's not forget to mention I barely had a handle on where a couple of things were at.

Perfect.

Right. I’m going on a tangent for a bit here. In the game, Tact and Milfeulle first find Vanilla inside the “Whale Room”, an indoor beach housing a variety of plants and critters, the most important of the latter being a “space whale”, a mysterious creature that can read people’s emotions.

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This is Kuromie Quark, the soft-spoken caretaker of the plants and animals, with a baby space whale, aptly named “Space Whale Jr.”, on his shoulder. He’s got a psychic link with the adult space whale, allowing him to communicate with it and serve as a translator of sorts. In the game, his role is basically to tell you how much the girls like you by means of a chart.

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Since the performance of the girls’ ships depends on their emotional state, it stands to reason that they will fight better if they like the person giving out the orders. I guess the author decided this whole section was unnecessary since he already paired his self-insert with Milfeulle, but it annoys me he cut out a whole character because of that, especially since the manga did not.

Anyway, it’s here that Tact gets his hand cut by some plant and Vanilla heals him back at the infirmary. By the way, her powers do not clean clothes.


So, since I knew the bridge wasn't far, I made my way down the hall to the bridge. There, I found Tact and Lester talking about the coup. Tact was the first to notice me walk onto the bridge and quickly said, "My lord! Welcome to the bridge, is there something we can help you with?"

It just ocurred to me, why does everybody call this buffon “my lord”? He’s just a glorified bodyguard.

I looked at him and said, "Actually, funny story. So check this out…"

After explaining the whole situation to him, he nodded his head and said, "A picnic is a great idea to get everyone's spirits up after the last couple of days. Count me in!"

"Great, sooooo, can I get your help inviting people? I have no clue where half of everything is yet. I remember where the bridge is and where Prince Shiva's audience chamber is as well as a couple of other places, but remembering which decks they're on is what's screwing me up."

Tact looked to Lester and said, "You mind covering for me while I sort this out. I know you still have half an hour…"

Lester waved him off, "Go on, I was going to relieve you early anyway. Try not to get into too much trouble." Tact looked at him with worry and said, "What's that supposed to mean?" Lester just shook his head and shooed him off. To that, we left the bridge.

As we hopped onto the elevator, I said, "So, how do you want to do this? I get one deck, you get another and we meet back up on the last deck?"

Tact looked at me and said, "Sounds like a good plan. I'll take Deck B. You want to get Deck C?"

In the games, the whole "go around inviting everybody" is simply an opportunity for the player to gain affection points with Milfeulle. Invite everybody in the limited number of turns you have to go around the ship and her affection will increase. Fail and it will go down. It's the kind of thing you could easily skip, but it would seem the author thinks it's more important than the bad guy's speech explaining his motivations.

I nodded as the doors opened up to Deck B and Tact stepped off and said, "See you on Deck D." The doors closed and I made my way to Deck C. I stepped off the elevator and began to make my way down the corridor. As I made my way around the corner, I remembered Milfeulle explaining these were where their quarters were. 'Well, let's see if anyone is home.'

Each of the quarters had name plates on them and as I read each name plate, I knocked on each door. Forte, nobody home. Ranpha, also empty. As I knocked on Mint's door, I heard a slight shuffle as I thought, 'Huh, looks like I caught someone at home.' As soon as the door opened, I was greeted by the telepath standing before me.

"Oh, Demon, this is a pleasant surprise. What can I help you with?"

I smiled and said, "First, allow me to apologize for leaving you in the lounge with that mess. I tried to explain to Milfeulle that I was fine, but she dragged me all the way to the Medical bay."

She casually waved her hand as she said, "It's quite alright, I was more worried for your well-being as opposed to a chair. Besides, the crew had the mess cleaned within minutes of you leaving, so it's perfectly alright."

'Still, I felt bad for breaking a chair, bleeding over the splinters then leaving you to clean the mess up.'

"Trust me, if I was that worried about it, you would know."

'Bweh, again? Stop that!'

"May I say no?"

“I feel bad for leaving you there to calmly push a button on your uniform to call the crew to clean up my mess.”

It says something about the author’s writing skill when his self-insert comes up as terribly fake when he tries to be nice.


I simply leered at her as she wore one of her now signature oh-so-innocent looks as I then said, "Ok, the other reason I'm down here is Milfeulle is setting up a picnic at 1430 in the viewing park and would like to invite you to attend with the rest of the Angel wing, as well as Tact and myself."
She placed a hand on her chin in thought before she responded, "I'd love to! I'll be sure to bring the tea and some sweets to go with them. Thank you for letting me know and I'll see you there."

I bowed lightly as she stepped back into her room and I made my way down the hall. Milfeulle's room, I could hear her cooking away through the door, so I figured best not to disturb her yet. Vanilla's room, unfortunately, not there either. "Great, only one person on this deck? I hope Tact had better luck than I did."

As I made my way back to the elevator, I tried to take note of where the rooms were, in case I needed to track them down again later. Once the doors to the elevator opened, I was greeted by Tact, who was making his way down to Deck D. "Ahh, good timing, I was just on my way to meet up with you. Did you find anyone here?" He asked.

"I found Mint and let her know. I heard Milfeulle running around in her room, so I figured I wouldn't disturb her until we were all done."

Tact smiled and said, "Great, I managed to find Vanilla and Forte in the tea lounge on Deck B. All that leaves is Ranpha."

"Great, round 2."

"Huh?"

"Nothing."

I have this feeling Ranpha is the author’s least favorite character.

Once the doors opened up to Deck D, we made our way to the gym, where, surprise surprise, we found Ranpha going to town on a punching bag. I held up a hand and said, "You might want to stand over here for the moment. I think she might still be irked from earlier."

"What happened earlier?"

"You'll find out soon enough" was all I said as I walked over to Ranpha. "Hi Ran…"

I quickly threw up my arm and blocked the punch that got redirected towards my head as I finished, "…pha."

She just glared at me, pulling her hand back and said, "What do you want? Come to gloat?"

I raised an eyebrow and said, "Gloat? Why would I…you know what, never mind. Anyway, Milfeulle is setting up a picnic and wanted to invite you to come with the…"

"No. Now beat it."

Did she just tell me, ME, of all people, to beat it? Wrong answer.

"Ranpha, I'm not taking no for an answer. And if I have to drag you there kicking and screaming the whole way, you better believe I'll do it in a heartbeat. I'm not going to go through the whole song and dance just to have one person not show up. So, unless you want another demonstration of my strength, I strongly…encourage…" adding a smile to that before I finished, "…that you come to the picnic."

Ranpha just glared at me before looking over at Tact, who was standing quietly over at the side, probably for fear of getting hit if he said something, as she said, "Give me one good reason why I should go."

Seriously? Oy…

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Milfeulle's cooking the food for it. All your friends will be there, it's a nice setting in the park right now. Uhhh, not really sure what you're looking for here."

Ranpha looked back at me before saying, "Alright, I'll go."

"Awesome, 1430 in the viewing park."

"Got it."

I like how Howie’s first reaction to begin told “no” is to immediately threaten her. Then again, it makes perfect sense an insufferable, smug asshole who delights on using his powers to intimidate and boss others would have grown entitled from getting accustomed to getting everything he wants by the same means.

As I turned to leave, she then added, "Oh, by the way…"

I turned to look at her and narrowly managed to sidestep out of the way of a punch she threw at me. To which, I patted her head, said, "Good try" and walked over to Tact, leaving her standing there with a mixed look of frustration and surprise.

Yep. Guess she makes the author feel inadequate or something.

While Tact and I were riding the elevator, he said, "I'll go ahead and meet you in the park. I want to see if I can find a good spot for the picnic."
The door opened to Deck C, but I stopped and said, "Hey Tact, what are your thoughts on the angel wing?"

“It’s hard to say since you basically stole every single opportunity I had to better know them.”

He looked surprised at my question for a moment before he said, "They're dedicated and they're also reliable. I'm still fairly new onboard, so I couldn't go much further than that. Why?"

I shook my head and said, "No reason, just curious." To which I left him in the elevator and made my way back to Milfeulle's room.

“What do you think about these group of people you’re supposed to lead but you haven’t exchanged more than two words with them because I keep butting in?”

Even before I reached her room, I caught the smell of eggs cooking along with several other scents. Having a heightened sense of smell has its perks. It smelled amazing just from here. Once I reached her room, I knocked on the door, to hear, "Who is it?"

I decided to be a bit playful, "Just a stray dog looking for a good meal." Wait, since when am I playful? Oh well…

“Might as well go ahead and hump her leg!”

"Ahh, Demon, come on in, I'm almost done cooking."

I opened the door and was blasted in the face with the scent of what felt like a flood gate worth of food. It was so good, but also extremely overpowering. I walked over to the kitchen, to find Milfeulle running around like a chicken with its head cut off. The way she was bouncing around, you would think she was a superball.

"I'm almost done getting everything ready. Did you invite everyone?"

I leaned against the wall as I replied, "Yeah, Tact helped me out since I'm still working to remember where everything is at. Ranpha is still a bit…angry about earlier. Any ideas on how to cheer her up?"

Well, this is going to sound crazy, but—hear me out—why don’t you try not being an arrogant asshole for once?

She smiled and looked at me before saying, "I've got just the thing. The Ranpha special. Want to try it?" Sliding a carton over to me with a fork as I looked at it with curiosity, the scent that was coming from it was overpowering and stank strongly of pepper and chili powder.

"The Ranpha special? You sure she'd be ok with me picking at her food?"

"One bite won't hurt, plus, she won't know." Tossing me a wink.

"Oooo, look at you, dancing on the other side of the fence. Alright, why not?"

Little did I know.

I took the fork and scooped up a small bit of meat and a couple of noodles and took the bite. I tossed the fork into the sink, saying, "This is actually pretty…"

Then it hit me.

It started out small, making me say, "Whew, bit of spice there." But it didn't stop. It grew, and grew, and grew until I was walking around swearing up and down at the fire that had erupted in my mouth. Milfeulle offered me a glass of water, but I said, "No, I'll just wait for this to burn itself out. Damn, what the hell woman? What did you do, reach into the depths of hell, pull a fire out and threw it in her food. Fucking hell!" I walked around for a few more minutes while she finished up her cooking, but gave me a worried look as I gave in to my own suffering.

"Just so you know that is the last time I try anything you make that has the word 'special' in it."

I have this feeling the author is the kind of person who thinks dropping the word “fuck” mid-sentence is funny.

Milfeulle giggled a bit as she said, "Yeah, she likes really spicy foods, so I learned how to make that for her. She really enjoys it. I haven't met anyone that can handle that heat. I know I can't. Are you sure you don't want a glass of water or something?"

I shook my head as the heat began to fade away. "No, water will only make it reflash and then I'd be in even bigger trouble. I'll be fine in a minute." God, how I was dreading later now that I thought about it. My life is going to suck here in a few hours.

After we finished packing everything up and my mouth had gone out, we made our way carrying everything to the elevator. Once we stepped into the elevator, Milfeulle jumped and said, "Oh, I forgot blankets. We'll have to swing by the convenience store to pick a few up." I smiled and nodded, remembering that grand prize I gave her earlier, so I knew that was covered.

Ah yes, your magnanimous gesture from the previous chapter, motivated solely by the kindness of your heart and not because you want to desperately bang her.

Making our way into the park, we found everyone waiting by the tree conversing amongst each other as we drew closer carrying everything up the hill. Ranpha was the first to notice us as she said, "You told us to be here at 1430 and you can't even be on time to your own gig?"

I quickly said, "Sorry, we had to make a stop on our way here to pick up blankets. Luckily, the store was having a sale on them, so we were able to cover what we needed."

As soon as I finished my sentence, Forte's expression took a noticeable dip, Mint's smile looked like she was struggling to keep it pasted on, and the color from Ranpha's face completely drained. I was completely lost at their reactions as they quickly started talking.

"Is that right? Well, that's good, let's get going and start eating."

"I agree, let's enjoy Milfie's wonderful cooking."

I was so lost, and looking at Milfeulle, her expression dipped as well. Something about their reactions hurt her, though, truthfully, I have no idea why. I'll have to ask about that later.

Poor Milfie must be ashamed her friends dared to doubt the organizational skills of the famed Demon of the West.

Within a few minutes, we had the blankets laid out and Milfeulle started pulling out small plates and different foods. She passed Ranpha a carton, which I immediately knew what it was and dubbed 'Demon's bane', making me slide a bit to towards Milfeulle. As she pulled out an omelet, I looked at her and said, "You managed to pull all of this off in an hour and a half? I'm impressed."

Milfeulle blushed slightly as she said, "It was nothing. Here, try this omelet. It has ham, cheese and mushrooms in it with a hint of bell peppers."
She took a fork and cut a small piece off and fed it to me. I sat there, enjoying the taste before I came to a realization. She just fed me. What is going on with me, that's also something I don't do.

"That's really good. I haven't had anything this good in a few centuries. You're an amazing chef Milfeulle."

As you probably guessed at this point, in the games, it’s Tact the one who Milfie asks to invite everybody. He later helps her cook the feast in her room and she feds him some of her cake during the picnic.

This caused her to blush a bit as we heard Forte chime in, "Oi, what do we have here, the big bad Demon of the West is flirting with our Milfeulle? This is priceless."

WHAT?!

I looked over at her and said, "All I said was she was a great cook. I really haven't had anything this good in a few hundred years. What, I'm not allowed to compliment someone without it being seen as flirting?"

This would probably work better if you hadn’t “fell in love with her at first sight”.

Forte and Ranpha both had coy looks as Mint chimed in, "I believe your wording was that she was an amazing chef, not great. So, you tell us."

'Keep this up, and I promise you, I will make your life miserable. I'm a Demon, I'm very good at that.'

You’re not a demon, you’re a half-dog mutant. On second thought, that probably means he has no qualms about taking a dump on your lawn, so maybe it’s best to heed his warnings.

Mint simply put on her oh-so-innocent smile and said, "Now now, Demon, no need to get testy simply because we noticed that you were flirting with Milfie."

Everyone's gaze shot to Mint before I gave her a 'don't you dare' look. That, however, didn't detract her from her smile. She had me in a corner and she knew it.

Before anyone could ask, we heard a separate voice, "Hey! You guys are having a picnic today too?"

It was Dr. Cera and some of the operations crew. Apparently, they decided to have their own picnic today as well and set up their spot a little ways away from ours. I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the timing. Did Tact say something to them about it?

I dunno, I’m pretty sure he fell into a plothole a dozen paragraphs ago.

Before I could ask that question however, I was cut off by yet another voice. "Hey, what are the odds? You decided to eat here too?"

It was the maintenance crew from the hanger I saw when we first arrived. I guess they got some down time and decided to have a barbeque. Only reason I say that is I saw two of them carrying a grill over to the other side of the hill. Part of me kinda had a feeling where that was going to go.

Not waiting for things to get more crowded, I stood up and yelled over to the maintenance crew, "Don't even think about lighting that grill. We all know what will happen if you do." They yelled back, "It's all good, it's a smokeless grill, so we should be fine."

I shook my head and grumbled a bit before Milfeulle looked at me and said, "Demon, we're here to relax and enjoy ourselves. Please sit with us." I looked over at her, then back at them, then turned and sat back down with everyone.

After a few minutes of talking and eating, I heard Milfeulle yelp. I looked over at her and there was a drop of water on the back of her hand. Then I felt a couple drops hit my head, causing me to look up.

Of…course…

And of course you know, even when this is the very first time you set a foot on this place and aboard this ship.

Within seconds, it was pouring down water. Everyone got up and scrambled towards the exit, except for Mint, who took out an umbrella and calmly walked towards the exit. Why she had an umbrella, not going to lie, had me thinking did she know that was going to happen. As soon as the water started coming down, I scrambled to get all of the food back into the basket and quickly grabbed it and hid it under my tails as I made my way towards the exit as well.

The food was mostly dry, as was the basket. However, I was completely drenched and I could feel it in my armor. Upon exiting the park, my hair was dripping with water onto my face while everyone was shaking off the water. I walked towards Milfeulle and before I could do anything, I heard Tact say, "What happened?"

"The fire suppression system went off from the heat the grill was giving off." Forte answered.

Milfeulle sadly said, "I'm sorry."

This made me look at her with a raised eyebrow. Both Tact and I said, "Why are you apologizing?" We looked at each other before chuckling a bit, then back to Milfeulle, but it was Mint who answered the question.

"Milfeulle has an extremely large amount of luck. Either it's good, or it's bad. In this case, this was caused by her bad luck."

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Alright. This…requires some elaboration. Milfeulle possesses supernatural luck. It periodically swings from extremely good to extremely bad. The first time you meet her in the game she has just finished winning all the first prizes at the lottery (as opposed to Lord Furfag). During the picnic, Forte elaborates more about this ability of Milfie and how nobody can tell if it’s some kind of superpower or what. As more and more crewmembers arrive, the girls become suspicious that something bad is going to happen and, as expected, the barbecue griller is left unatended for a moment and the smoke activates the sprinklers.

I apologize if I come out as wordy, but I want you to understand, if only superficially, how much the moron that wrote this crap utterly fucked up things. By completely cutting her introductory scene and focusing everything on the self-insert, he’s basically reduced one of Milfie’s key traits to an afterthought.


Ranpha then chimed in, "Of course this would happen. Should have already known that after all these years, but no, I completely ignored it in favor of trying to be a team player. Thanks Milfie."

Hearing them blame her for this was getting on my nerves. I could physically feel the rage building up before I said, "Don't you dare blame her for this!"

Great. Here comes the “white knight” again. Nevermind you’re the main reason she’s in a bad mood.

Everyone looked at me in shock, including Milfeulle, as I continued, "Let me tell you something, I have a pretty large amount of luck myself, thus why I'm the only known demon in existence.

You’re a half-dog mutant and the only reason you’re one-of-a-kind is because you’re too fucking stupid to make a backup of your research.

By all accounts I should be dead several times over. So, how do you know it was her luck that did it?

Because Ranpha has known Milfeulle since the days at the military academy? Because they have all been working together for years? Because her luck is the main reason she can pilot the Lucky Star?

For all you know, it was mine that did it and hers offset it to only be the sprinklers as opposed to burning down the whole damn space. Or better yet, the maintenance crew, who II specifically told not to light that damn thing, completely ignoring me and doing it anyway."

Ah, the dichotmy of these authors. They want to live their little power fantasies in the work of their choice, hence their self-inserts are so “awesome”, but they’re too stupid and uncreative to make any significant changes to the plot. In the games, the grill is left unatended and the smoke turns the sprinkles on, period. Here, the heat of the grill somehow reaches several meters upwards and does the same, despite this guy’s warnings.

Everyone just looked at me in silent shock as I continued, "For a team, you guys royally suck at watching each other's backs.

“This small bickering is all I need to fully judge you all as a team despite the fact I have known you all for less than two hours!”

By the way, nobody lashed at Milfie in the game.


My god. I'm the only demon in existence and I get along better with teams than you lot do."

If by “getting along” you mean “intimidate them into doing things my way” then yes, you’re a top team player.

Milfeulle was the first to say something, "Demon…"

I turned and walked towards her, pulling the basket from under my tails as I said, "I saved as much of it as I could." I gave her the basket, causing her to blush profusely, patted her shoulder and walked down the passageway towards the guest room I had been given. Milfeulle showed me where it was during our tour, so I made sure it was one of the first places I remembered how to get to.

Nobody said another word as I walked away. Whether it was shock or surprise, I don't know, but hopefully…

I got my point across.

That you want to bang her? Oh yeah.

Well, this chapter was a doozy. Just when you think it couldn’t get any worse, the author asks you to hold his beer. The self-insert has oficially stolen Tact’s spot as the protagonist and the narrative has taken the dick sucking to whole new levels, with every single angel introductory scene serving to shill Howie in some way or another.

Ranpha is a martial artist? She’s like a fly compared to him. Forte is proficient with guns? He’s been training with them for over a hundred years. Vanilla can heal others? He’s got a Wolverine-esque healing factor.

Personality wise, Howie continues to be an insufferable, smug asshole who loves to intimidate and put down others to make himself feel better. And we can add entitled to that list too.

But the worst part is how the author keeps cutting important shit to give the focus to his self-insert. Milfie’s luck is completely ditched so Howie can play the fucking hero, just like Eonia’s speech was cut so Howie could brood about teaching him everything he knows.

On the bright side, no moronic conversation between the author and his OC this time.

Dashguy
Posts: 37
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:33 pm
Location: Argentina

Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Thu Aug 09, 2018 3:44 pm

Previously on Galaxy Angel Variance—Jesus Christ, I hate that fucking name. As if we were being offered something new and refreshing about a work we are familiar with and not the juvenile power fantasies of some random buffon.

Anyway, Milfeulle gave Lord Furfag Howie a the tour around the Elsior, which she should have given to Tact, and introduced him to the remaining members of the Angel Team in a sequence that basically served as yet another reminder that he’s the biggest badass in the whole damn galaxy.

After that, Milfie decided to organize a picnic and we find out she’s got “supernatural luck”. Sort of. The author not only cut out Milfie’s first display of good luck, but also skipped all the conversations about the topic so he could have his self-insert play the role of a white knight and jump on her defense against Ranpha, who I still suspect makes the author feel inadequate about his male parts.


I had spent the last half an hour in my room drying my tails, as well as the rest of my clothes. It was the only thing I could focus on while trying to calm down. I came dangerously close to losing control of myself, over something stupid, no less. I haven't lost control in 300 years and I wasn't about to break that streak.

You’re telling me you were this close to turn into the same bloodthirsty beast that slaughtered a crowd that supposedly tried to kill you a hundreds of years ago again? Because you got worked up in some petty argument? Are you stupid, author? No, really, are you dumb? How can you be so fucking dense as to not realize this shit makes your self-insert come out as a dangerous lunatic?

Within seconds of getting the last of my armor back on, the alarms went off through the main speakers. I immediately ran out of my room and made my way to the bridge.

Upon entering the bridge, I found Luft with Tact and Lester and the Angel wing standing by as Luft was looking over the situation on a radar screen. I walked past the Angels, all of them looking at me in surprise, directly up to Luft and said, "What's going on?"

Why do you care? You’re supposed to be Shiva’s bodyguard, why aren’t you there with her? This shit is the equivalent of a member of the USA Secret Service running away from the POTUS to talk with the police instead of escorting the guy to a safe place.

Luft turned to me and said, "Demon, good timing. We dropped out of chrono drive to do some maintenance on the main engines when we got a hit of radar contact not too far from us. An enemy fleet is moving to intercept us, and our engines are still down. We have an allied fleet running escort for us, but we won't be able to get the engines back up before the enemy reaches us."

Tact placed a hand under his chin as he said, "Hmmm, could we use the emblem frames to fight our way out?"

Luft shook his head and said, "No, there are too many ships. We're easily outnumbered and would just be throwing ourselves at their feet."
Before I could ask anything, the operator with purple hair from before quickly said, "Sir, we're being hailed!"

Luft raised an eyebrow as he said, "Hailed? Hmm, that's odd. Normally we deal with unmanned ships. Open a channel, Almo."

Almo responded, "Yes Sir!"

Image

Almo (left) and Coco (right) are the communications officers working on the command bridge of the Elsior. Almo in particular has the hots for Lester, but he’s too busy being cool to return her feelings.

Upon opening the channel, an older man with a grizzled look and a full beard came over and declared, "Ahem, this is the Legitimate Transbaal Imperial Fleet. I am Lt. Cmdr. Rezom Mea Zomu! This is a warning to the dogs chasing the tail of the old regime. You will surrender the Elsior and the Emblem Frames at once! I will leave you with your lives if you comply. It is a generous offer."

Image

Rezom is a minor commander in charge of a small fleet of Eonia’s forces. He’s loud, boisterous and a fool. He doesn’t even have a character sprite in the first game, only a dialogue portrait, and the picture you see here is from the sequel, where he returns leading his own, vast invading fleet.

Tact looked at the screen and said, "May I ask a question?"

Rezom responded, "I will allow it. You are magnanimous."

Tact then continued, "So, if you're from the Legitimate Transbaal Empire, that means you were dispatched by the Legitimate Transbaal Empire." I looked at him with a sarcastic look as Rezom stammered at his response. Tact then finished, "If you're part of the Legitimate Transbaal Empire's fleet, then could you direct us to Transbaals main store?"

I facepalmed at his response. Of all the times to be a smartass, he had to pick now.

Clearly he didn’t get the memo you’re the only one here to be allowed to be calm and confident in the face of adversity. And while we’re at it, “facepalm” is a visual convention that has no place in a written medium. Same as “sweatdrop”. Read a fucking book.

Of course, Rezom was not happy at the question and continued to hurl insults over the com line as Tact continued to provoke him. I looked at Luft and said, "Seriously, where the hell did you find this guy?" "The academy." I almost slapped Luft when he said that. "The academy? Seriously? Why don't you just lop my head off and put me down already because at this point…"

Can you shut up, you insufferable cockmongler? Tact was Luft’s best student at the military academy and, as I’ve explained before, he commanded his own patrol fleet before the start of the game. The fact that Luft, the very guy in charge of defending the White Moon, has absolute confidence in him should tell you everything you need to know. Or it would, if you only could see beyond that minuscule penis of yours.

That was when Rezom noticed me, "It is rude to interrupt your superiors when they are talking insolent dog." I couldn't help but smirk before I answered him.

Lovely. We can’t go more than two paragraphs without the focus going back to Lord Furfag. They could be talking about disarming a nuclear bomb with breadsticks and somebody would still turn around and ask for his opinion.

"Demon."

"What?"

"You called me Insolent dog, I corrected you and added Demon to the end of it. Insolent Dog Demon. If you're going to insult me, you're going to insult me properly. Especially seeing as I'm a Dog demon, so, you're not really wrong there. Now, you are correct in that it is rude to interrupt your superiors when they're talking, so do us a favor already and shut up so I can finish talking."

Yeah, sorry for interrupting you when you were bitching at Luft for his choice of a commander.

Rezom began to visibly shake at that with rage before he continued, "Are you going to take our offer for you to surrender or not?"

I walked up to the panel that Almo was sitting at and said, "Fuck off." Pressing the button on her panel to close the channel, everyone was staring at me like I just kicked their puppy. "Geez, sure does like to hear himself talk, doesn't he?"

Self-Aware.exe has stopped working.

Luft simply chuckled as he said, "Well, it saves us the trouble of dealing with him ourselves. Almo, bring up the radar layout of the situation."

"Yes sir!"

An image of the area with the Elsior and allied fleets, as well as the enemy fleet popped up on the main viewer as I walked back over to Luft and we began looking over the situation. I pressed another button, opening a channel to the engine room.

"Engine room, bridge, how long will it take to get the engines back online?"

"About 10 minutes sir."

The enemy fleet would be on top of us in 7. So, we needed 3 extra minutes somewhere. As Tact and Luft were conversing different ideas, I had one of my own.

"Hey Luft."

"Hmm?"

"You remember that maneuver we pulled back at Angelus falls during the Schism wars about 20 some odd years ago?"

Luft placed a hand under his chin for a moment, then said, "Yes, why?"

I looked at him and finished, "It worked on the ground. Think it would work in space too?"

Luft's face lit up like a new lightbulb as he said, "Yes, I think it would. I'll take the allied fleet."

I nodded and looked at Tact as he asked, "What is going on?" Luft looked to him and said, "Tact, its part of a maneuver that we ran years ago. The idea behind it is to take a portion of the main force and force the enemy to come after us, leaving the rest of the force or the high value unit, free to escape."

Tact caught on to what he was saying and immediately objected, "You can't go sir! This is your ship, let me lead the forces. I'll keep them off of you long enough to escape."

Luft walked past him towards the door as he said, "You're wrong Tact. This is your ship now. Take good care of her and she'll get you home every time."

Upon departing the bridge, I looked back to Almo and said, "Inform the hanger to prepare for a shuttle launch. Then secure for Chrono drive once the shuttle is clear."

Tact was just staring at me. I was wondering why when I realized what had happened. I completely superseded him and was running the show. I walked back over to him and said, "Any issues with the plan Tact?"

Tact simply shook his head as I heard Lester whisper to him, "Good answer."

Fuck you.

No, really.

FUCK YOU! GUARDIAN HAWK YOU DAMN WANKER! YOU’RE NOT A WRITER, YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A CHILD SMEARING HIS SHIT COVERED HANDS ALL OVER A PAINTING THEN LOOKING AT HIS PARENTS WITH AN EXPECTANT SMILE! GOD!

I’m okay—I’m okay…I just need a minute.

Right.

This requires some elaboration. You see, this story not only alters the events of the game for the sake of Guardian Hawk’s boner, but also changes the order in which they happen, making things especially complicated for me to explain. Anyway, I’ll try to summarize the events up to now following the timeline of the game, so please bear it with me.

Eonia Transbaal, exiled prince, launches a coup’d etat, bombarding planet Traansbaal with his fleet and killing the Royal Family. Prince(ss) Shiva survives because she was inside the White Moon. Luft Weizen, guy in charge of guarding the White Moon with the Angel Troupe, takes her away aboard the ceremonial flagship Elsior and escapes towards the Criom system with Eonia’s forces in pursuit.

Thanks to Milfeulle’s luck, they stumble upon Tact and Lester, former students of Luft, whom help them fight off their pursuers. Luft welcomes them aboard, briefs them about the situation and appoints Tact as the new commander of the Elsior and the Angel Team. The plan is to head to the Rhome system, gather allies and launch a counterattack. It’s at this point that Rezom attacks and has the above small, comedic exchange with Tact, culminating with Tact rejecting Rezom’s offer of surrender.

This is an important sequence that shows that, despite his carefree nature, Tact is a brave and reliable dude. Needless to say, Guardian Hawk completely shits on it to make his self-insert the center of attention.

Going on, Luft introduces Tact and Lester to Prince(ss) Shiva. After that, he shows Tact, Lester and the Angel Troupe a recording of Eonia’s ascencion speech explaining his motives and plans for the future.

Now free to explore the Elsior, Tact meets Milfeulle in the convenience store and she takes him for a tour to meet the rest of the Angel Troupe.
After the tour is over, Tact returns to the bridge to see Eonia’s forces are closing in. Things are complicated since the engine of the Elsior got damaged in the initial escape and Luft comes up with the idea of taking the rest of the fleet to serve as a decoy.

I don’t think I need to tell you he comes up with this plan by himself and without imput from some furry asshole with some bullshit war story.

Anyway, this is another important sequence for Tact, as Luft fully leaves him in charge and with some important advice.

“The commander must always prioritize his mision, do not think of what to do for yourself. You are not in this fight alone. Trust the people around you and use their power, that is the mark of an excellent commander. And then, when there is a decision to be made, make it. No hesitation. The hesitation of the leader causes the entire force to hesitate. Understand?”

Here Luft comes more as a disinterested uncle throwing Tact the keys of the car and telling him to fill up the tank once he’s done. There’s no advice and no words of encouragement, nothing. The cherry on top has to be Lord Furfag Howie practically telling Tact to suck it up and Lester kissing his ass.

Last but not least, it’s precisely after this part that Milfie decided to organize the picnic so everybody can get better acquaintanced with Tact, which later gets ruined in the sprinkler incident caused by her luck.


I then turned to face the radar image and watched as the shuttle launched from us and docked with one of the cruisers in the allied fleet. Within a minute, the allied fleet broke off and turned towards the enemy fleet. After another suspenseful minute, we were met with the image of the fleet taking the bait.

Tact then ordered Almo to open a shipwide com channel. "Attention all hands. Suspend your current duties and render hand salute to General Luft. May the white moon watch over you sir." Everyone rendered a salute except for me. Not that I was trying to be disrespectful, but I knew it was going to take way more than that jackass of a ship commander to take Luft down.

I’m sure everybody knows that too, but they still choose to do so because they’re not disrespectful, ungrateful pricks.

Upon dropping the salute, another few minutes passed as the two fleets had battled to a standstill. The engine room reported that the engines were back online and we were ready to engage Chrono drive. So, we immediately engaged the engine and escaped the battlefield, leaving my old friend to fend for himself.

Everyone was a bit depressed at what had just happened. Granted a lot of them…alright, all of them, were young and didn't know better. I'd known Luft for the better part of 27 years at this point. Back when I was ordered by the King to put an end to the Schism wars, Luft was one of the few soldiers to listen to my every order and was also one of the few that survived with me through the entire war. He learned a great deal from me back then, so I had confidence that he'd be just fine.

He’s like that uncle of yours that goes on to tells ridiculous stories after the fifth glass of wine while everybody else just smiles and nods, half in amusement and half in embarrassement.

Now, it was convincing everyone else that was the problem.

And here I was thinking the whole saluting thing meant they could function without your interference. Silly me.

I figured my first bet should be Milfeulle, she's usually the happy go lucky one from what I've seen, so if I can get her back on track, the rest of the team should be able to fall right into place.

How convenient the only girl you really need to cheer up just so happens to be the one you want to bang.

I decided to head to her room first, since it only makes sense to start from the bottom and work your way up. I knocked on her door, and, amazingly enough, she was actually there.

"Who is it?"

"A stray dog looking for a good meal." I'm beginning to think I'll just use that as my typical door greeting.

Sounds good. That way people will have enough time to roll their eyes and sigh in exhasperation before forcing a smile and opening the door.

"Oh Demon, come in."

I opened the door and walked into her room to see her sitting on her bed with a sad look that would make even the hardest of souls cry. I walked over, kneeled down in front of her and said, "Worried about Luft?"

She meekly nodded her head as I said, "Let me tell you a bit about my history with Luft." She perked up a bit as she listened to me tell her about my time in the Schism wars and how Luft was one of the few soldiers under my command to survive every battle I participated in.

"…I taught him a great deal back then. A lot of those same tactics are what he's been teaching at the academy. So, I know, for a fact, it's going to take more than a narcissistic jackass like Rezom to take Luft down. I'd stake both your and my luck on it."

“He’s gonna be fine because I taught him a lot and I’m awesome. Did I tell you how awesome I am? I’m awesome.”

She wiped away a tear as she smiled and said, "You're right. He'll be back with us in no time. It's nice to hear that he had a great teacher. Thank you Demon." I bowed my head lightly as I stood back up and said, "I'm going to make my way around and try to cheer everyone up, would you like to come with me?" She leapt up off her bed and said, "Absolutely! Let's go!"

Within a minute of leaving her room, we ran into Tact, who apparently had the same idea I did and was going around cheering the girls up himself.

A commander? Concerned about the mental well-being of the people under his command? What kind of sorcery is this!?

He told us he'd already seen Vanilla and Mint and was going to see Milfeulle next. But, I told him I already covered that base. Though, Ranpha and Forte were still unaccounted for. So, Tact voted to get Forte while I got Ranpha.

"Perfect, Round 3."

"Hmm?"

"Nothing, thinking out loud."

Be honest, Guardian Hawk. Does Ranpha remind you of the girl that rejected your invitation to the prom?

We made our way to the gym next, and, sure enough, Ranpha was hammering away at a punching bag when we came in. She looked over at us and said, "I'm not in the mood to deal with you at the moment. Go away." Is she still mad about earlier? Man, can she hold a grudge.

"Ranpha, if I get in the ring with you and go full one on one with you, will you hear me out?"

Ranpha stopped beating up the bag and looked at me with a look of surprise as she said, "You know what, sure. Let's see what you've got."

I began to take my armor off as Ranpha got into a boxing ring. Milfeulle looked at her, then to me and asked, "Demon, are you sure about this? You remember what happened last time."

“Yeah, I got the biggest boner in my life. Next to the one I got after meeting you, of course!”

As I set my breastplate on the ground by my pauldrons, I looked at her with a smile and said, "I know, and I'm willing to bet, she does too." I then took off my tails and placed them by my armor and removed the gauntlets as well. I then stepped into the ring and put on a pair of sparring gloves as Ranpha said, "Alright, let's see how you handle yourself in a real fight. I'm not holding back, just to let you know."

"Suit yourself."

We faced off against each other and within half a second, Ranpha charged forward. I immediately sidestepped and ducked down as she brought a kick to bear. As I stood back up, she threw out several lightning fast punches. I was able to block each of them, but the speed she was throwing them out, I would have thought she was a demon as well.

We traded blows back and forth, she landed a few pretty good hits in that I didn't react fast enough too, and I landed a lot more hits. Though, to be fair, I had genetically enhanced strength and speed on my side, so this was kind of an unfair set up. But, given the matchup, she was doing exceptionally well at keeping up.

And Guardian Hawk is doing exceptionally well at fighting the evils of insomnia.

After another 2 minutes of back and forth, we both stood at opposite sides of the ring, staring each other down. She was breathing heavily, whereas I wasn't. Just when I thought she was going to charge me again, she stood up and said, "Alright, you win."

I looked at Milfeulle with a puzzled look, and all she did was shrug her shoulders before I looked back at Ranpha and said, "So, are we good now?"

Ranpha took off her gloves and stepped out of the ring, saying, "Yeah, we're good. You're the first person I've gone up against that not only kept up with me blow for blow, but actually wore me out and you haven't even broken a sweat. I wanted to see if the stories were true about you being a master in hand to hand combat. So, I'm satisfied. So, what did you guys come down here for?"

I like how Ranpha just held her own against a mutant with superhuman physical prowess yet nobody praises her. And while Howie does spare her a couple of compliments, most of his narration is dedicated to how superior he is.

I took off my gloves and sat next to her on the bench. "Are you worried about Luft?" Ranpha looked at me with a confused look, before softening it and responding, "Yeah. I came down here to work out and take my mind off of it. Working your body physically will help to strengthen the mind at the same time. At least, I always thought so." I looked at her with a smirk and said, "Everyone has a different way of dealing with stress. I personally believe there is no such thing as a wrong way to deal with it. So, with that said, let me tell you about my history with Luft…"

After about 15 minutes of telling her the same thing I told Milfeulle, I finished, "…so it's going to take way more than that jackass to take Luft down. I guarantee it."

And here I was hoping for some creatively written anecdote to show us a different side of Luft, but just like with Eonia, he’s nothing more than another medal for Howie to boast about.

After thinking about it for a minute, Ranpha smiled and said, "Well, I already knew that. General Luft is a great leader, so it's good to know that he's even better than we originally thought before. Now I'm fired up and ready to go! Thanks for getting me out of that rut. Up for another round?"

I chuckled as I said, "You asked for it."

4 more rounds with Ranpha later, she decided she'd finally had enough and went to take a shower. As Milfeulle and I made our way out of the gym and headed towards the lounge, we heard the overhead speakers come on. "Prepare for drive out." Within a few seconds, we felt the ship noticeably shift, indicating we were no longer in Chrono drive. With that, we continued on our way toward the lounge.

Upon arriving at the lounge, Milfeulle and I got a couple of drinks and sat down at a table. I sat in a heavy metal chair (apparently, Mint warned them about me and they came prepared), while Milfeulle sat in a much more elegant looking chair. As we sipped our drinks, Milfeulle looked to me and said, "Hey Demon?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever….been in love?"

“Well, I’m in love with myself, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Uh oh, now why, oh why, would she be asking me THAT question? Well, here we go.

"No, I can't say I have. Granted, I spent like 250 years in isolation because people were afraid of me, then another century and some change working as the personal guardian and caretaker for the royal family, so I never really thought about it. Why?"

She quickly blushed and said, "No reason. I was curious to know if you'd ever experienced something like that before. There have been a few things you've done that I noticed you don't do for everyone."

I raised an eyebrow as I looked at her and said, "Such as?"

Not being a GIGANTIC ASSHOLE for starters.

Before she could answer, however, the main speaker system came on as Almo shouted, "Incoming missile, all hands brace for shock!"

I looked up and wondered what was going on. Within a few seconds, my question was answered as the ship lurched, causing Milfeulle to be knocked out of her chair. I quickly leapt up and caught her before she hit the ground. As I helped her stand back up, Almo came back on over the speakers, "Direct hit to the hanger bay. Angel Wing, report to the hanger for sortie!" Milfeulle looked at me with a solemn look before I said, "Go, we'll finish this conversation another time." She nodded and ran out of the lounge. Curiosity getting the better of me, I ran to the hanger behind her to see the damage first hand.

Upon arriving at the hanger, a large pillar was pinning three of the frames down. Leaving only Ranpha's and MIlfeulle's deployable. Upon hopping into hers, she saw me walking down the causeway towards the maintenance crew, who were working on a way to move the pillar.

I walked up and said, "What's being done to move this pillar?" One of the techs looked at me and said, "Sir, I need you to step back, you're in our way." I quickly grabbed him by the throat and said, "You address me like that again and they'll be peeling you off the deck with a spatula, am I clear?" He quickly nodded as he struggled in my grip for air.

“How dare you respectfully ask me to stand aside so you can do the job you were trained for, you lowly peasant! I should execute right here and now despite the fact we’re on a middle of a war and we need all the help we can get!”

Congratulations, Howie. You have graduated from GIGANTIC ASSHOLE to MASSIVE CUNT.

I hope an angry chihuahua bites your dick off.


As I dropped him, another tech came up to me and said, "Sir, we're trying to jury-rig a pulley system to try and move the pillar enough for us to roll it out of the hanger door." I walked past him and said, "Have the hanger door ready to open when I tell you."

All of them just watched me in confusion as Forte, Mint and Vanilla arrived in the hanger to see their frames pinned down. By this point, Milfeulle and Ranpha had already left and time was ticking. I made my way onto one of the beams near the center of where the pillar was lying. As I got behind the pillar, Forte shouted after me, "Oi! Demon, what are you doing?" No sooner had she said that, however, was her question answered.

I placed my hands under the pillar and began to lift it up off of the frames. It was a lot heavier than it looked, so it took a great deal of my strength to get it up. As I lifted it past my chest, I shouted after the tech I spoke with not long ago. "Open that hanger door!"

Fuck all the years you spent getting your Rescue Engineering degrees, guys. And while we’re at it, fuck your experience and knowledge about psychics, material science, mechanics, electric and measurement engineering, disaster management, organization and communication—damn, I’m glad I’m not an engineer or I would’ve blow up a fuse by this point.

I could hear the hydraulics of the hanger door opening as I finished lifting the pillar above my head. It wasn't too draining, but that didn't mean I could hold it up forever. I took a couple of steps forward, struggling to keep the pillar balanced with each step as I shouted, "Clear the catwalk!"

They wasted no time getting out of my way. I was satisfied that everyone was clear, I used a burst of my strength and shouted as I threw the pillar over the catwalk, and out the hanger door into open space. Once the pillar was out of my grip, I stumbled forward and grabbed onto the railing to catch my balance. That was a lot harder than the pillar I caught back at the palace. What the hell was that thing made of?

An experimental alloy synthetized from your ego and insecurity, I imagine.

Now seriously, that was a missile. So yeah, this guy just put everybody at risk to play the hero.


Everyone sprinted back onto the catwalk as I watched the girls hop into their frames and fire up the engines. One of the techs offered to help me up, but I waved him off, saying, "I'm fine, get them out of here." I stood by as I watched the mechanical arms holding their frames in place begin to move and lower their frames down. Upon locking in place, I waited for the frames to drop and fly off.

10 seconds passed…

20 seconds…

It was almost 30 seconds when I looked over and saw the techs trying to punch in several commands into their consoles. Apparently, the arms malfunctioned and the frames were pinned in place.

Like hell they were.

Oh, for Pete’s Sake, we’re not done yet?

I rolled my eyes, ran down the catwalk, and leapt over the railing, landing on the glass cockpit of the Frame Mint was in. I noticed her jump in her seat upon seeing me hit her frame, but that didn't slow me down, I climbed my way to the top of the frame and stood on top of the mechanical clamp holding her frame in place.

I grabbed each side of the clamp and began to pull on them. At first, they weren't moving, but the more strength I put into it, I could hear the creaking of the metal as they began to move. Within seconds, I forced them apart, freeing Mint's frame and allowing her to zoom off to help Milfeulle and Ranpha. As I stood up, I could feel my rage rising. These arms were making me angry and if I wasn't careful, I could have a problem on my hands.
I took a breath, shook out my arms and hopped over to Forte's frame next. The engineering staff was staring at me in shock as I pried the clamps apart on Forte's frame and allowed her to zoom off as well. Finally was Vanilla, I hopped over to her frame and started to work on pulling the clamps apart on her frame. As they pulled apart though, I could feel the rage begin to reach a boiling point. I figured I might have a minute or so of useful control before I lost it at the rate this was going. Upon freeing Vanilla's frame, I didn't wait for her to fly off; I leapt back onto the catwalk and ran past the techs. They tried calling after me, but I ignored them, focusing on getting to the one place on board that could probably hold me back.

The brig.

I barely got to the brig in time as I felt my control slipping. I ran past the guard and into a cell, shouting, "Activate the forcefield! NOW!" He jumped a bit, but followed my order, activating the field and sealing me in. That was when the last of my control was gone. My eyes turned blood red with blue iris', my claws and fangs sharpened and grew half an inch as I released an ear piercing roar.

Apparently Guardian Hawk believes that a team of five beautiful girls piloting super advanced space ships with unique combat capabilites is not as interesting as an edgy furry cosplayer lifting heavy stuff.

And while we’re at it, the further I read into this crap the more I wonder about the true circumstances regarding Howie’s first slaughter. After all, we have gone from “they attacked me”, to “I got upset” and to “I over extended myself”.


I woke up on the floor, placing a hand on my head as I groaned lightly, slowly pushing myself off the floor. I looked around and noticed I was still in the cell I barely made it too, but it looked like a wild animal had gone insane in here. There were tears all across the steel bulkheads, as if something had torn through them and exposed a lot of the wiring and piping behind them. There were a few metal plates on the ground that had been ripped from the walls as well. Judging from the amount of damage in here, it was a damn good thing I wasn't out there when I lost control.

I looked out of the forcefield to find Tact and Prince Shiva standing there.

I stood up and walked over to the forcefield, where Shiva waved to the guard to lower it. I stepped out of the cell and asked, "Did we win that battle?"
Tact and Shiva both smiled at me as Tact replied, "Yes. The attackers were driven back. From what the hanger crew told me, you pretty much single-handedly cleared the debris off of the frames as well as freed them from the malfunctioning arms that held them in place. You have my thanks."

“Thank you for risking slaughtering everybody on board and letting Transbaal fall because you’re too arrogant to let the crew perform their assigned tasks. I suggest you get comfortable, you’re not getting out of there until the war is over.”

I looked at Shiva with a raised eyebrow as I looked back at the torn apart cell before saying, "I'm not sure you should be thanking me. Pushing myself to get those frames out ended up making me lose control of my demonic blood. I barely had time to get down here and seal myself in that cell before I lost complete control. Which reminds me, how long was I out?"

Shiva stepped forward and said, "Only an hour. When Commander Myers informed me of what happened, I came down here immediately. I've been here ever since."

I bowed lightly to her as I said, "I apologize for my actions, your majesty. I should have exercised better control over the situation."

Shiva lifted a hand as she said, "Don't apologize, if it wasn't for you, the odds in that battle may very well have tipped out of our favor. By taking that risk, you helped ensure the safety of the ship, its crew, and in turn, myself."

He couldn’t risk Milfeulle and Ranpha holding their own until the maintenance crew finished their work so he risked killing everybody on board instead. Sounds reasonable to me.

Extending her hand outward, she then said, "Shall we head back to my audience chamber? I asked Commander Myers to wait to conduct the debrief until you were fully recovered."

I smirked a bit as I walked forward and escorted her back to her chambers. Tact told me that he'd be in the hanger when I was ready and left the two of us alone to traverse the corridors.

Shiva looked to me as we walked and said, "Howard, Are you alright? I've heard stories from some of my relatives about the last time you lost control like that. They said that it bothered you for a long time afterwards because of what you did to those men."

Really? I didn’t notice. It seemed to me he was more bothered about people spreading the word he was a monster.

I shook my head and quickly answered, "I'll be fine. Thankfully, I was able to lock myself somewhere that could actually hold me. Plus, since nobody got hurt, I should consider myself lucky."

She couldn't help but smile as she said, "Perhaps Milfeulle's luck is starting to rub off on you." I rolled my eyes at the quip before I said, "Oh come on, you too? I'm telling you, despite the fact that I do like her; I can't have anything with her. I'm a demon, remember? Humans and Demons are like oil and water, we don't mix very well."

I love the way he says it, as if the whole thing was a matter of religion or societal expectations and not because he’s a dangerous, socially inept mutant.

Shiva gave me a sheepish look before saying, "There's nothing saying that you can't try. Even though you're a demon, you're still entitled to falling in love too, you know."

“Just make sure you don’t get into arguments or lift heavy stuff so we don’t have to end up cleaning her remains from the walls.”

I shook my head lightly as we arrived at the audience chambers and walked inside. Shiva turned to me and said, "Go on, they're waiting for you. We can continue this discussion later. Please, consider what I've said."

Now it was my turn to smile as I said, "The young prince trying to teach an old dog a new trick? Now I have seen everything." This made us both laugh before I bid her farewell and made my way back to the hanger.

Upon arriving at the hanger, I found Tact standing with the Angel wing, probably praising their performance. As I made my way over to them, they noticed me and the first person to say something was Milfeulle.

"Hey Demon! Over here!"

Everyone looked over at me with smiles as Tact said, "Ahh, good, now that you're here, we can begin. So, Milfie, Ranpha, do you have any idea who those two were? They seemed to know an awful lot about you."

Milfeulle shook her head as I walked up and stood next to her while Ranpha said, "I have no clue, but odds are they're just a pair of creepy stalkers."

Tact looked to her and said, "Information on the Angel wing is highly classified and not public knowledge. So, however they got that information, they have deep connections."

Milfeulle groaned lightly and said, "Everyone, please forget what you heard out there. That was so embarrassing." I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at that, wondering what happened.

Almost as if hearing my question, Tact said, "What she means by that is there were two pilots out there that seemed to know a lot about them. Right down to their personal lives. It was a bit unnerving, if you ask me."

Looks like Guardian Hawk once again skipped the introduction of important characters. But don’t worry, for I am here to elaborate.

*ahem*

After the picnic fiasco, Rezom attacks again. Since Milfeulle’s luck is in “shit mode” she cannot start her ship, so the other four Angels take on the enemy fleet. However, Rezom had a plan: he had sent a portion of his fleet to attack the Elsior from behind to create a pincer maneuver. Just then, Milfie manages to start her ship and defend the Elsior from behind. Rezom loses, retreats and doesn’t appear again until the sequel.

This is another example of Milfeulle’s unpredictable luck. Had she launched with her teammates to answer the initial attack, the Elsior would have been left vulnerable from the rear. Guardian Hawk clearly deemed this sequence to be less important than his damn self-insert boasting about being a “demon dog”.

Now, during chapter three of the game, the Elsior is ambushed by a pair of fighters hidding behind some asteroid and hit with a missile that didn’t explode.

Forte, Mint and Vanilla are unable to deploy, making this a two against two battle between Milfeulle and Ranpha against the two mysterious attackers, who introduce themselves as members of the Hell Hounds, a team of pilots working for Eonia.


Image

Camus O. Laphroaig. The leader and first member to be introduced. Quirky and flamboyant, with a penchant for the dramatic. He’s got the hots for Milfeulle and constantly tries to flirt with her, even during battle.

Image

Guiness Stout. Yeah, that’s his name. He’s a hotblooded loudmouth seeking a challenge. He’s Ranpha’s “counterpart”.

And if you’re wondering about the kind of information they possessed about the Angels, that was Camus reading a school essay Milfeulle wrote as a child were she explained she wanted to become a spaceship when she grew up. Yeah, these guys are not to be taken too seriously.


Forte then chimed in, "Let's not forget the MVP for today's battle. That goes to this Demon right here. You can imagine my surprise when you not only man-handled that pillar that fell on our frames, but single-handedly prying each of us loose from the docking clamps. It was awesome to see the Demon of the West in action. Nice job!"

Nice job putting everybody on board at risk for two guys Milfeulle and Ranpha easily dealt with by themselves on the game, you fucking nutjob.

Mint then smiled and said, "You did startle me when you leapt onto my frame, but when I found myself flying thanks to you, I was extremely happy and surprised. You've more than earned my respect today."

'So, no more teasing?'

"Well, I didn't QUITE say that, now did I?" Wearing one of her oh-so-innocent smiles as she said that.

'Figures.'

Mint only giggled as Vanilla said, "Thank you for your assistance today. It was very helpful."

Figuring that was as close to a compliment as I was going to get from her, I bowed lightly and said, "Thank you ladies. I was only doing my duty. Keeping his majesty safe is my main duty, so, ensuring you can fly to his defense happened to fall under that category."

YOU LOST CONTROL AND WOULD HAVE KILLED EVERYBODY IF YOU HADN’T LOCKED YOURSELF ON TIME, YOU FUCKING CUNT!

No sooner had I finished, Ranpha said, "Well, I need a shower after this. That was a workout in itself. See you guys later." As she walked off, Forte looked to Milfeulle and said, "Have you done your post flight checks?" She groaned lightly and said, "Noooo." Forte then said, "Better get started."

Milfeulle pleaded, "But they take forever, can't I get some help?"

"Already finished mine."

"Mine as well."

"My checks are complete as well."

You could practically see the tears coming from Milfeulle's eyes as I watched the other girls start to walk away. She went over to her frame to start her checks, leaving me and Tact to walk out of the hanger.

"Seriously though, thank you for helping us out. We really needed it."

As much as I need a second asshole in my forehead.

"It wasn't a problem. If you think that was helpful, you should see me in ground combat."

I imagine seeing you ripping people apart with your claws must be a riveting experience.

"Well, hopefully, we can end this coup before it comes to that."

When we reached a fork in the corridor, I looked at him and said, "I'll catch you later Tact. I need to clear my head a bit after that fiasco." He waved at me and proceeded down the opposite corridor. I could have sworn I thought I heard some clicking shortly before we parted, but I dismissed it as part of the circuitry on the ship.

Not even two minutes after we parted ways, I heard an ear piercing scream. I immediately turned heel and bolted down the corridor with my Demonic speed towards the source. After rounding a corner, I almost ran into Tact running from the showers as I looked at him, then the showers, then chuckled and said, "Tact, you weren't peeping on Ranpha now, were you?"

Tact shot his hands up and said, "No, no, no, nothing like that. I heard her scream and I came down here to see if she was alright." The rest of the angel wing rounded the corner behind me to see what had happened. All of them were leering at Tact, except for Milfeulle, who looked disappointed as Forte asked what was going on.

As Tact was explaining, Ranpha shot out of the shower, wearing a towel around her body and one around her hair, she looked around until she found us standing down the hallway and screamed, "YOU PERVERT! I'LL KILL YOU!" She charged after us as I looked at Tact and said, "Tact, seriously?" I stepped forward as everyone else stepped backwards. What I didn't know was she wasn't charging after Tact.

She was after me.

Of course she is. At this point I’m genuinely wondering why Tact is still here.

She shot a leg up towards my head, which I blocked, but I could feel the strength behind it. She hadn't tried to hit me this hard before. Something seriously had her pissed. She then threw punch after punch, which I blocked easily enough, but she was not letting up. Somehow, she managed to slip a kick through my defense and nailed me square in the chest. It didn't hurt, but it did knock the wind out of me. When I stumbled back to catch my breath, she launched another attack, but at this point, I had had enough.

I used my demonic speed and kneed her in the gut, sending her flying backwards and hitting the bulkhead. When she tried to pick herself up off the ground, the girls had jumped in and dogpiled her to try and hold her back. As she struggled, she screamed, "YOU'RE DEFENDING THAT PERVERT!? YOU'RE A SICK PIECE OF FILTH! YOU SHOULDN'T BE ANYWHERE NEAR THE PRINCE!"

I raised an eyebrow and looked at Tact, realizing she was talking about me before I ran over to her and knocked her out. At this point, now everyone was staring at me with anger, except Milfeulle who had another look of disappointment on her face as I said, "What the hell was that about? You know what, let's get her to the med bay first, then we'll ask what that was about."

“What? Why are you looking me like that? She attacked me first! Yeah, of course I could have subdued her with minimal strength, but I’m a demon, remember? Oh, but don’t go around telling stories about me being a monster or something, I’ve got enough troubles with people making up those for no reason.”

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ConcernedGamer
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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Aug 11, 2018 8:55 am

This self-insert is such a grating egomaniac that it borders on amazing.

He can't accept people not obeying his every word, is amazed when people don't recognize him and treat him like a lord, and he has to show off how he is superior to everyone in all they do, making the thought of a team pointless as he displays no need to rely on anyone.

He utters every grievance the author has had with character designs, muddles about establishing dominance at all times, and alters canon events only for it to have no effect later that he did so. It's a standard self-insert fanfic, it's just a matter of what lengths the author will go to please himself.

What I still think back to is the escape to space with this guy piloting a vessel to perfection, despite never having left the planet before, and on top of that he seems to believe himself the only "demon" in existence, as if he has already checked, instead of the truth being that the author won't allow the existence of another like his skin-suit.

Dashguy
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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Mon Aug 27, 2018 5:29 pm

As always, ConcernedGamer manages to perfectly summarize the awfulness of the author’s self-insert in just a few paragraphs.

On the previous chapter, Howie surpassed the limits of the normal asshole and transformed into a super asshole after threatening a member of the maintenance crew for trying to do his job. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he lost control and turned into a bloodthirsty beast after exerting himself and would have slaughtered everybody around him had he not locked himself with less than seconds to spare.

Needless to say, nobody was bothered by this.

The chapter ended with a cliffhanger, as Ranpha attacked Howie for seemingly no apparent reason and he demonstrated all the technique and discipline of a hundred years old martial arts master by punching her while she was being restrained by her friends.


Ten minutes later, we had Ranpha in the medical bay, dressed in a medical gown and held down with several restraints. Everyone glared at me while Milfeulle seemed sad. Like I don't have enough problems getting along with people these days.

This guy’s lack of self-awareness is almost surreal.

Forte then asked, "Ok, so what happened before we got there?"

I looked at her and said, "I left the hanger with Tact shortly after you girls did. We chatted for a minute, then split up in the corridor. He went one way, I went towards the elevator. I heard a scream, used my demonic speed to bolt down the corridor and found Tact outside of the locker room. At first, I was joking with him about peeping on Ranpha, then she came flying out and, well, you know the rest."

Tact spoke up once I was done, "It's true. He came from the opposite direction, and I didn't see anyone leave the locker room when I got there. Though, I suppose if you take his speed into account, it might be possible to have left the locker room, circled around, and…"

I threw Tact a dark look as I said, "Seriously? You honestly believe I would do that?"

Tact haste fully threw his hands up and said, "No, no! Absolutely not! I was just commenting that it could have been possible for you to be in two places at once."

He may be a dangerous, raging egomaniacal asshole but he’s no pervert.

Two places at once. Where have I heard that before?

Forte then continued, "Well, Ranpha seemed convinced it was you, Demon. If I were you, I would just apologize and get past it."

"Apologize for someone else's actions? Are you kidding me? Forget it! The only thing I plan on doing is finding out who's running around posing as me and rip their throat out. That's just insulting."

Find a way to solve a conflict without the threat and/or immediate use of violence? Are you aware of how crazy does that sound?

Forte shook her head as Ranpha moaned lightly, signaling us that she was waking up. When she opened her eyes and saw me, she tried to sit up, but was held down by the restraints.

"You! When I get out of this, I'm going to kick your ass up and down this ship so much that it'll…"

I waved my hand, "Yeah, yeah, sure you will. Now, explain to me what you saw in the shower. I want exact details."

She glared at me as she said, "I saw you. It's hard to mistake that armor and those tails with anyone else on the ship."

I placed my hand under my chin for a moment and tried to think how someone could copy my look exactly. It took me the better part of ten years to get this all put together.

A white kimono, some colorful sash, boots and some pieces of armor? That shit speaks less of your dedication and more of your freaking idiocy, son.

Unless…

I walked over to the com panel across the room and called the bridge. "Bridge, Demon."

The voice of Almo came on, "Bridge here, how can I help you my lord?"

"That hit we took in the hanger. How extensive was the damage?"

"It wasn't severe. We suffered a minor hull breach where the missile impacted that caused one of the support pillars for the hanger to fall on top of half the emblem frames. We believe it was because the warhead on the missile failed to detonate."

Or it didn't have a warhead on it.

"Thank you Almo, Demon out."

I guess now that he’s figured out they have been infiltrated thanks to the author reading from the script--*ahem**--his vast combat and military experience, Howie is going to inform everybody about his suspicions and together formulate a plan to find out--

I closed the com-link and walked past the girls as Ranpha called out, "Hey! Where do you think you're going?"

Without looking back, I said, "To put this problem down like a dog."

Or he could fuck off by himself with just a dumbass “one liner”.

Making my way from the med bay, I proceeded back to the locker room. Best place to start my search would be the scene of the crime. I knocked on the door, shouting inside, "Anyone here?" When I received no response, I walked inside.

The room was still damp and humid from the hot water Ranpha had used to shower with. Picking up a scent in here would be next to impossible with all the moisture in the air. I walked around, looking around to see if I could find anything that might have been dropped or snagged. I found that Ranpha's clothes were still here, which told me that someone would be by to pick them up soon.

Top notch observational and deductive skills. I wouldn’t be surprised if the experiment also increased his intelligence to superhuman levels.

Sadly, my search came up empty otherwise. So, I left the locker room, where I ran into Milfeulle as she was coming down the corridor to the locker room. "Hey Demon, can I ask you something?"

I looked at her and saw that same sad look on her face as I said, "Of course Milfeulle. How can I help you?"

Milfeulle slowly twiddled her fingers around as she looked down and said, "Did you really peep on Ranpha?"

I love how it’s the peeping that bothers her and not the fact he punched Ranpha in the face when she was defenseless.

That hurt. Even she believed I did it. So much for being different.

I sighed and said, "No Milfeulle. I did not. The fact that you had to ask me that hurts. I thought you were different from the rest. Apparently not. I intend to find out who did, and I intend to kill them."

“I can’t believe this! After all the effort I made to behave like a normal, civilized being towards you, the very least you can do is give me your total and complete trust!”

As I walked away, she gasped slightly before saying, "Demon, please, it's not like that. I believe you. Ranpha is so convinced, and we've been friends since flight school. Please don't take this the wrong way." I stopped and looked into her eyes as she looked into mine. After a few moments, I continued walking and made my way towards the whale room.

“Bitch, in my league it’s one strike and you’re out!”

Upon entering the whale room, I was almost blinded by how bright the sun was. Even though it was artificial, you would have thought you were actually at a beach. The caretaker here, a young boy by the name of Kuromie, noticed me and said, "The Demon of the West, a pleasure. I see Ms. Milfie isn't here with you this time. What can I do for you?"

I looked at the whale on his shoulder and said, "He knows why I'm here."

The whale kwooned, shortly afterwards, Kuromie said, "He said he knows of your current predicament and is unfortunately unable to help you."

Uh-huh. Guess Howie met Kuromie and learned about the Space Whale “off-screen”. Because why waste time and page space with proper character introductions when you can go straight to describe your self-insert’s clothes?

"This may sound like an odd question, but have you seen me at all today?"

Kuromie glanced at the space whale before responding, "No, this is the first time we've seen you today. Why?"

I looked at him with a serious look. "There is an imposter aboard that looks like me. If I come back in here at all today without someone with me, call me." He nodded and with that I departed the whale room and proceeded down the corridor towards the cafeteria.

“Hmm, let’s see…there’s a possibly non-human infiltrator going around the Elsior disguised as me, which would give it access to practically every corner of the ship, including Shiva’s quarters. Should I leave the search to Tact and the Angels while I rush to her side seeing as how I’m her bodyguard? Nah, that intruder made me look bad, so I better go search for it myself without alerting anybody else!”

As I walked down the hall, I picked up Ranpha's scent not far behind me. Up side of having a sharper sense of smell, it's almost impossible to sneak up on me.

“It also makes it impossible to slip poison in my meal. Then again, my body is immune to all poisons and venoms in the galaxy. What can I say? I’m awesome like that.”

When I approached the next corner, Lester stepped out, taking notice of me. "Ahh, my lord, How are you doing?"

I shook my head and said, "It's a long story, and it's just leaving one strange mess behind it." He placed his hands on his hips as he said, "Is that why you're playing hide and seek with the girls?"

I raised an eyebrow before saying, "What?"

"Ranpha is staring at you from behind that corner over there."

"Oh that, yeah, I know, I picked up her scent a few minutes ago. Probably wondering what I'm up to."

I could hear her take a couple sniffs, almost like she was checking to see if she had a smell before I shouted out, "That doesn't imply that you stink. Gotta remember, sharper sense of smell."

You would think that sharper sense of smell of his would make it impossible for him to eat certain foods or access certain places, but that’s for lesser characters.

Lester chuckled a bit before he said, "Actually, funny thing, I just walked past you not long ago, but when I tried to greet you, you didn't say anything to me. You just kept on walking."

My eyebrows shot up as I said, "Where did you see me?" He pointed behind him and said, "The cafeteria. I thought you were going to get something to eat." I didn't wait for him to finish before I said, "Thank you very much. I'll see you around Mr. Coolduras."

I made my way to the cafeteria with Ranpha in trail still hiding, where I found Mint, sitting at a table by herself sipping on some tea. I walked over to her and she perked up saying, "You're back? Decided to talk to me this time?"

I looked at her with a raised eyebrow and said, "I just got here. Why? Did you think you saw me?"

She twitched her rabbit ears as she said, "I looked right at you about five minutes ago. You were looking around for something. I tried to call out to you, but you were ignoring me. Then you left without a word." This gave Ranpha pause. I think she was beginning to realize I was telling the truth.

The only question I had. "Did you see which way I went after I left?"

"You turned to the right after walking out the door. After that though, I thought you came back for something. Why? Was that not you?"

I looked at her, "I've got a theory about who my doppelganger is, but I want to be sure. Thank you Mint, I'll see you later." With that I ran out of the cafeteria, with Ranpha chasing after me and Mint being left in confusion."

Jesus Christ, this is so boring. And not just because Guardian Hawk’s writing skills suck donkey ass.

This is a sequence that works in the game by virtue of having the player be the one moving around the Elsior and picking the places to visit. That’s why the manga had Mint be the one searching for the intruder while using her mind-reading powers instead.

But of course, I don’t expect a copy-pasting moron like Guardian Hawk to understand this kind of narrative subtlety.


As Ranpha chased after me, I picked up a new scent. It stank strongly of hydraulic fluid and oil. I followed the scent as I heard Ranpha's steps behind me. I chose not to look, but instead, followed the scent to its source and get my answers.

Going on, after Mint found out the intruder was masquerading as Tact, she simply made an announcement to the whole ship asking all the personnel to find and stop Tact. Since the real one as already with her, it didn’t took long for the intruder to be found out and disposed of.

As I got close the elevator, I slowed down and looked around. The trail ended here. 'Must have boarded the elevator.' What I failed to notice was Milfeulle standing by the wall, waiting for the elevator. "Hey Demon, I'm heading up, want to join me?"

“Don’t talk to me, you traitorous wench!”

I looked over at her before thinking this might be a good way to lose Ranpha. "Sure, I'll go up with you." It was the next place to look anyway. When the elevator opened up, both of us got onto it, leaving Ranpha in shock as the doors closed, leaving the two of us alone.
As the elevator made its way up, Milfeulle looked to me and said, "Hey Demon?"

I looked over to her. "Yes?"

Before she could say anything, the lights went out and the elevator came to a halt. This caused Milfeulle to yelp out.

I opened a com-line to the bridge using a portable communicator I had. "Bridge, Demon, Milfeulle and I are stuck in the elevator. Can you send someone to get us out?"

Tact came over and said, "Roger, we'll get someone down there ASAP."

We stood there in the dark for a minute before I said, "What were you going to say?"

"Oh…I…wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier. If you say you didn't peep on Ranpha, I should have believed you. Will you forgive me?"

I couldn't help but smirk a bit in the dark as I said, "How could I stay mad at you?"

Am I the only one who finds these lines to be kind of…creepy? The fact she’s seventeen and he’s five hundred years-old only makes it worse.

Even though I couldn't see it, I was pretty sure she was smiling. Next thing I know, I hear someone grunting. Milfeulle spoke up, "Is someone here?" I looked towards the door, and faintly saw light start flickering through the seam as I said, "That was fast. Talk about service."

Only the best for the Demon of the West.

The door came wide open revealing Ranpha standing in the doorway. She pried the door open. Probably trying to see if I was still in here. "Well come on, don't just stand there!"

Both Milfeulle and I stepped out of the elevator as I looked at her and said, "I suppose having my own stalker has its benefits. Thanks for getting us out of there." Ranpha looked at us before saying, "I wasn't trying to help you. I made it here first and when I saw you didn't come off, I had to do something. You were in there with Milfeulle and I couldn't leave her alone with you. Who knows what you might have tried after you peeped on me."

Before I could say something, Milfeulle came to my defense. "He says he didn't peep on you, and I believe him. He's not the kind of person to do that."

Threaten? Assault? Belittle? Yes to all, but to peep? Never!

At which point, I chimed in, "Let's not forget that you're stalking me around the ship. Isn't that suspicious in itself there, Ranpha? Are you up to something?"

Ranpha looked at us with shock as she said, "What? Me, no, I…I have to go take care of something." With that she ran off around the corner. She didn't leave though, I could still smell her from here.

“I can smell your cunt!”

Milfeulle smiled and said, "Don't mind her. You'll get used to her. That said, I have to get going, I'll see you later Demon." With that, she walked off, leaving me semi-alone. I lost track of that scent from earlier, so now I'm back to square one. Think I'll go to the convenience store and get a drink. All this running around has me parched.

I walked into the store and when the clerk looked at me, the color visibly drained from his face as he said, "My lord…..wel….welcome back…..can I help….you?" I walked over to the counter as he shrank back and said, "Have you seen me in here at all today?" The clerk shook his head vigorously as I thought for a moment before continuing. "Good, there's someone running around posing as me, and I'm in the middle of tracking them down."

He gulped as he said, "How thrilling and suspenseful."

I glared at him, making him duck under the counter before he finished, "…of course, whoever made that mistake wasn't too bright. Maybe you'd like a donut and some coffee to help refresh yourself?"

I raised an eyebrow before saying, "Coffee and a donut?"

He stood up a little, straightening his glasses as he said, "Yes, they're a good investigative snack. Helps revitalize and refresh the mind."

I thought for a moment before I said, "You know what; sure, I needed a drink anyway." Before he could say anything, I took out some money I got earlier and paid for the coffee and donut and began munching away while thinking.

“Coffee, donuts and the fear of a lowly clerk make for the best snack!”

Once I finished the snack, I tossed the cup in the garbage can, when I noticed a glint underneath one of the stands. I carefully knelt down and picked up a coin. Huh, someone must have lost some money here. Well, finders…

"HEY! That's mine! Give it back!"

Out of nowhere, Ranpha pops up and starts yelling at me. I swear this stalker bit is getting old. "Alright, geez, no need to yell like I was stealing it. Here." I gave her the coin and when she took her wallet out, she freaked out.

Great, now what?

I raised an eyebrow and asked, "What's the problem now?"

"My wallet!"

"Yeah, I can see you're holding it, what about it?"

"I had a charm on it, it's gone!" The color in her face completely paled as I said, "Is that charm really that important to you?" She nodded her head quickly before she looked at me and said, "You'll help me find it, right?"

Seriously? After all the crap you were just giving me about peeping on you, now all of a sudden you want my help? I should tell you to buzz off…..but…

But then Guardian Hawk would have to deviate from the game’s script and that would require using both hands to write.

"Sure, not like the imposter is going anywhere anyway. Where do you normally go?"

She thought for a moment before she said, Well, I normally go to the gym, then the locker room…and then my room."

"Alright, guess we'll make our way back to the locker room."

I decided to take a quick pit stop to the med bay next to see if maybe the Doctor and Vanilla might have any insight on the imposter or maybe Ranpha's charm.

Upon arriving at the med bay, the Doctor threw me a dirty look and said, "You! How dare you walk back in here so casually?" Uh oh.
I sighed and said, "Ok, I'll bite. What happened?"

Vanilla answered, "Doctor Cera was knitting a sweater. We stepped out for a moment and saw you walk in. When we returned, you walked out with a spool of wool wrapped around your arm."

Ranpha looked at me with a worried look, knowing that I hadn't been here. Dr. Cera continued, "I noticed it was still attached to the sweater, so I panicked and went to cut it, but by then, it was too late." I shook my head as I put my hands on my hips and said, "This is the first time I've been down here today. I've been chasing an imposter around the ship. From what you're telling me, you're another victim of his."

Dr. Cera just glared at me as she said, "Don't lie! There was no mistaking that it was you." I gritted my teeth as I looked at Vanilla and said, "Do I really look like the kind of person that would lie?"

Vanilla stared at me for a moment before saying, "No. I believe that you are telling the truth." Dr. Cera sighed a bit as she said, "Well, if Vanilla believes you, then I do as well. But then who was the one that came in here then?"

I turned heel and began to walk out as I said, "I don't know, but I intend to find out."

From there, we made our way to the locker room, upon arriving, I looked at Ranpha and said, "Ok, we're here, go on in and look, I'll wait right here." I was not going to get blamed for the same thing twice today. Once was problematic enough. Ranpha looked at me and said, "Awful thoughtful for a peeping tom, aren't you? He he he." I glared at her as I said, "Once again, didn't do it." Ranpha waved me off saying, "I'm kidding, I'll be right back." She went into the locker room, then came back out after about five minutes and said, "It's not here." Shrugging my shoulders, we made our way towards her room next.

Upon entering the hallway to the girls' rooms, we found Forte standing in the hallway looking around. When she turned and saw us, she said, "There you are!" I rolled my eyes thinking, 'This guy definitely gets around, that's for damn sure.'

As she stormed over to us, she held out her hand and said, "Alright, the jokes over, give me back my screw." I looked at Ranpha with a confused look before I sighed and said, "I have no clue what you're talking about, but something tells me it's going to sound pretty similar to what I've been hearing all day. Alright, let's hear it, what happened?"

"I was at the gun range, putting together one of my guns when I felt a strange presence come in. I turned to look and I saw you come down, you seemed out of it. I turned to pick something off of the table nearby and saw you take one of the screws to my gun. I went chasing after you and lost track of you here. Now, give me back my screw."

I put my hands on my hips in frustration as she finished. Whoever this imposter was, was seriously getting on my bad side. "I don't have your screw. Whoever peeped on Ranpha has been causing problems left and right and probably took your screw."

Forte glared at me saying, "Oi, if you're going to lie about it, at least come up with a better lie."

This time, it was Ranpha who came to my defense. "I've been following him around ever since he peeped on me, so I can definitely say we haven't been to the gun range today. It couldn't have been him."

I shot her a dirty look as Forte said, "Well, if she says it wasn't you, then I believe her. Then who could have taken my screw?" I looked to Ranpha as I said, I don't know, but I'm going to find out."

Image

Ranpha and I made our way to her room and upon arriving, I stopped at the door as she walked in.

Noticing I didn't go with her, she came back out and said, "What's wrong? Aren't you going to help me look?"

I looked at her and said, "You're convinced I peeped on you in the shower, now you're all of a sudden ok with me coming into your room?"

Ranpha grabbed me by the arm and said, "It's not like that, just get in here and help me look." With that, I was pulled into her room.
It had an exotic feel to it as she said, "You check the floor over there."

I started looking around and within a few minutes of looking, I found her charm underneath her table. I picked it up and said, "Is this it?"

She looked over at me and jumped up saying, "Yes! Thank goodness!"

She went on to explain how her brothers gave her the charm when she left for the military, and she told me about growing up with her family. At this point, I was starting to feel a bit depressed. 372 years and I still have no memory of who my family was, let alone growing up before I came to Transbaal. Noticing I'd grown quiet, she said, "Hey, are you ok?"

I don’t think I need to tell you Tact is the one who goes around chasing for the intruder and helping Ranpha find her charm in the game. This is an important part in the development between the two of them, as Ranpha finally acknowledges him as worthy of being their commander.

What’s more, we see another aspect of Ranpha’s personality. Namely, she’s very devoted to her family and sends them part of her salary every month without fail.

Here it’s all summarized and brushed aside so Howie can brood about his own family, which would’ve worked better had Guardian Hawk bothered to mention it on the very first chapter. But I guess he was too busy gushing about his self-insert opening a martial arts school after winning a couple of street fights to remember that small detail.


I shook my head and quickly said, "I'm fine. Now that we found your charm, I'm getting back to work tracking down that imposter."

As I stood up, she said, "Thank you very much for helping me find this. I'll help you look for the imposter, if there really is one." I rolled my eyes as I walked out of her room.

As we traversed the passageway, I got a call on my com-link. "Demon here, go ahead."

"My lord, bridge here, we caught a shadow of what appears to be you on the security cameras."

I looked at Ranpha as she said, "You mean with him standing here by me, right?"

"Negative, it appears to be alone and is moving towards the park."

"Understood, thank you very much bridge, I'm on my way."

With that I closed the com and began running down the corridor towards the park. As we rounded the corner before the elevator, we ran into Milfeulle, who said, "Hey, did you have any luck yet with the imposter?"

I looked at her and said, "He's in the park, you're welcome to come along." With that she started running along with us.

As we entered the park, I contacted the bridge and confirmed that the shadow hadn't left the part since the previous call. So, whoever this guy was, we had him cornered.

"Eyes open, we're not alone in here." As we walked forward, the lights suddenly shut off, causing both of the girls to scream and grab my arms. I rolled my eyes in the dark as I said, "Calm down, it's just the lights." Milfeulle was whimpering, as was Ranpha before she said, "I'm perfectly calm. The lights just startled me, that's all."

"Then why are you clinging to my arm for dear life?"

Do you really want another joke about the author’s boner?

"Because I don't want to lose track of you in the dark. You might try something with Milfeulle."

"Seriously? You're still…"

The lights snapped back on and we were staring at…Prince Shiva. Of all the people I was expecting to see, I was not expecting her.

Guess nobody told him being aware of your client’s location was part of the bodyguard job.

"What's going on here? Demon? Ranpha? Milfeulle? Am I interrupting something?"

Both of the girls let go of me in a hurry and stammered to explain that nothing was going on. Behind us, however, I heard a mechanical whirring followed by rustling in the bushes. Within a few seconds of turning around, we came face to face with me.

The smell of hydraulic fluid and oil was overpowering at this point. This was my imposter, like there was a question about it.

As I stared at the imposter, I said without breaking my stare, "Orders?"

Milfeulle and Ranpha were confused, but Shiva replied, "Do as you will."

"Your highness, please get them to a safe distance."

Shiva grabbed Milfeulle by the arm and stepped backwards, but Ranpha stepped forward with me. I glared at the imposter and said, "Alright, you want to copy me. Let's see how you do with the real thing."

I channeled my power, causing a gale force wind to push Ranpha back and I was enveloped by a twister. Within seconds, I transformed into my dog demon form, which stood over eight feet tall with snow white fur, and razor sharp claws and fangs. My eyes were red with blue iris' and the fur tails I normally walked around with could be seen on my back. I stared at the doppelganger for a moment before I unleashed a roar that reverberated throughout the ship. Both Milfeulle and Ranpha were in shock at what they were seeing, Shiva stood calm and watched intently, whereas the imposter sprinted away from the door, leading me to give chase.

The more I read the more I suspect Guardian Hawk doesn’t have the slightest fucking idea what being a bodyguard means. Not only this guy is constantly leaving Shiva’s side to go butt into shit that has absolutely nothing to do with him, but now is choosing to transform into a giant monster to fight some enemy. It’s the equivalent of the members of the secret service carrying rocket launchers when escorting the POTUS.

The imposter was fast, but my enhanced speed was faster as I quickly closed the distance from him and leapt into the air to try and crush him under my claws. However, he turned sharply to the right and completely dodged my attack. Though, that didn't discourage me, I continued to chase after him all across the park, leaving torn earth and craters in my wake.

What I didn't notice was the rest of the angel wing, as well as Tact and Lester had arrived at the park to see what caused that sound. When they caught sight of me, or rather, me running from a giant white dog, they were in shock for a moment. Forte was the first to react, she drew her revolver and pointed it at me, the real me, not the imposter. Before she could fire though, Milfeulle quickly leapt on her arm and said, "No! You'll hurt him!"

Forte gave her a look of disbelief as she said, "I think it's obvious which one is the Demon and which one isn't." Milfeulle quickly answered, "So you know that giant dog is the Demon?" Forte's jaw dropped as she looked back at us, watching as I continued to chase after my imposter.

On one hand, he’s making untold amounts of damage and unnecessary conmotion. On the other, this was a perfect opportunity to show everybody his super awesome badass monster dog form.

At this point, I was seriously getting tired of this cat and mouse crap. So, I sprinted forward and leapt in the air again, expecting him to turn to the left away from the tree and towards the entrance.

Right on cue.

He turned towards the angel wing and Tact and began sprinting for them. I had given myself a bit of extra room to glide to the left, so I could cut him off before he could react. I reached down and bit down across half his body. As I picked him up, I could feel him struggling between my fangs. I was tempted to ask who he was, but I had a better idea.

I crushed him and ripped him in half.

Mechanical parts sprayed out and oil filled my mouth as I spit out what was left of the imposter, which had turned into a probe. Well, that confirmed my theory. It was an optical camouflage probe. I haven't seen one of these since the schism wars, but, can't say I'm surprised at this point. They were useful back then.

I swear every time I read one of these “ultra badass edgy” scenes I fear my eyes are going to get stuck on the back of my head. In the game, the probe turned into Tact and Ranpha hit them both, fake and original, making the former revert to its original form. Tact immediately identified it as an “optical camouflage probe using 3-D imaging to mimic human faces and go on recon missions”, after which Ranpha broke it with a single kick.

I looked at the angel wing and roared out again, making all of them jump back before I turned back to normal. I spit out a couple of globs of oil as I walked through the debris before stopping in front of them.

"That is why I'm called the Demon of the West. There's your imposter, and you…" pointing at Ranpha as I finished, "…owe me a big damn apology."

Everyone just stood in shock before Ranpha said, "Well, that's one crises averted."

Shiva looked at me with a raised eyebrow, saying, "What do you mean she owes you an apology?"

I looked at her and said, "Well your highness, here's what happened…"

We have destroyed a probe that infiltrated the ship. Do we take the VIP back to her quarters? Increase the security? Comb the whole ship in case there could be a second probe around? Check the remains of the first for information? Nah, first of all we make everybody apologize for being mean to the thin-skinned, five hundred years old furry faggot.

Anyway, this chapter was a massive chore and an excellent example of what works in a video game, or any other visual medium, often does not translate well to a written one.

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ConcernedGamer
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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by ConcernedGamer » Wed Aug 29, 2018 3:07 pm

"Do I really look like the kind of person that would lie?" - Demon.

Is this author fucking serious?!

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