Galaxy Angel Variance

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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Fri Aug 31, 2018 4:22 pm

The funny thing is, the distrust from the crew made sense in the game because Tact was still a new guy who, beyond Luft vouching for him, had to prove his worth in the eyes of everybody aboard the Elsior. Howie, on the other hand, is supposed to be a feared and respected “legendary” figure who is buddies with the Royal Family and other important figures, yet the author still expects us to think the Angels vouching for his innocence is somehow endearing or something.

Once I finished explaining the whole mess from start to finish to Shiva, she immediately shot a dirty look at the Angel wing. She then demanded all of them to apologize for accusing me of peeping on Ranpha. I interjected, letting her know that Milfeulle had already apologized, so she was excused from that decree.

The angel wing apologized one after the other (despite some argument from Ranpha), to which I accepted. From there, I escorted Shiva back to her audience chamber while the rest of the girls went about their ways.

You are not only a massive asshole, Howie, but also a petty, paper thin-skinned faggot. You could have easily been the “better man” and let the whole thing slide as a simple misunderstanding exacerbated by the stress of being in the middle of a freaking war, but instead you went ahead and “accused” Ranpha in front of Shiva, much like a bratty kid trying to get a classmate in trouble. Except, of course, for the girl you want to bang.

As we traversed the corridors, Shiva looked at me and said, "Howard, why didn't you come to me to begin with? I could have put that whole thing to rest a lot sooner if you did."

I sighed before responding, "I had to find out who was the one that was running around posing as me. For all I knew, it was an assassin sent to kill you. I was not about to let that happen. Considering it was an optical camouflage probe, I wasn't too far off. Thankfully, we're in Chrono Drive, so it couldn't transmit it's report off the ship. However, the fact it took on my image would have meant it could have gained access to you without question."

“It could have been an assassin after your life, that’s why I couldn’t stay at your side to keep you safe like a decent bodyguard would do.”

Shiva looked down solemnly as I continued, "Besides, there's only enough room on this ship for one Demon. I wasn't about to get replaced by a two bit cheap imitation that couldn't even fill my boots." This caused Shiva to laugh, which was something that I enjoyed seeing. Despite the fact I've guarded her family over the course of a century, I still consider her like a daughter to me, so of course I want to make sure she's happy.

I would be more inclined to believe that if you didn’t take every single damn opportunity to leave her side.

As we boarded the elevator to head down to B Deck, Shiva looked at me and said, "So, there have been whispers among the crew of you flirting with one of the Angel wing members. Is it true?"

My eyebrows shot up as I looked at her in surprise. Great, my reputation is now of a flirt instead of a fearsome monster. Wait….that's actually an improvement.

“Now I can intimidate them all over again! Awesome!”

"Well, I never could hide much from you. Yes, I have been. Do you wish for me to stop?"

"NO! No, It's nice to see you stepping out and trying to find your own happiness. I've heard all kinds of stories, but never involving anyone you consider special in your life. I would like to be able to see that happen. You, of all people, deserve to be happy to, you know."

Oh, so he wasn’t actually happy when he humillated Tact by crushing his hand or Ranpha by beating her with minimal effort? Good to know, I guess.

I couldn't help but chuckle as the elevator doors opened and we continued our way to the audience chamber. As we entered the chamber, one of the maids that had been embarked came up to us and said, "Your majesty, I humbly apologize. There appears to be a shortage of water on board, so we weren't able to properly clean your linens. I assure you that you do have clean linens and we will do our utmost best to improvise around this small setback."

Shiva dismissed her, then turned to me and said, "You've been around the ship a lot more than I have. Could you inform Myers of this and have him see to it that it is corrected?"

I bowed lightly and said, "Of course Shiva. I'll make my way to the bridge immediately." With that, I left the audience chamber, and made my way back to the bridge.

And here we go again…

Upon entering the bridge, I walked up to Tact and Lester, who were already in the middle of a conversation about the supply situation. Guess I didn't have to say anything after all.

I only wish the rest of the story was like this one paragraph.

"As Commander, it's your responsibility to ensure our supplies are maintained above a set minimum endurance. So, you need to go around and find out what needs to be requested and purchased."

"Alright, alright, I'm going. But first, I'm going to go get some lunch from the cafeteria. I haven't had anything to eat yet today. Then I'll handle the supply situation."

That was when Lester noticed me standing by the doorway. "Ahh, my lord. What brings you to the bridge?"

Seeing the normally cool and professional Lester suck this guy’s dick by constantly addressing him as “my lord” in that pathetically subservient manner has to be one of the most infuriating aspects of this story.

"Actually, I was going to relay a message about a water shortage from the Prince. However, it sounds like that isn't the only shortage we're having problems with. Anything I can do to assist?"

Tact walked over to me and said, "Let's head to the cafeteria, I'll fill you in on what I have in mind."

Entering the cafeteria, we found a large portion of the crew almost fighting each other at the lunch line as Tact commented, "Wow, it's unusually busy today. I guess people must know about the shortage."

Before I could say anything, Milfeulle called out to us. "Tact! Demon! Over here, come join us!" Mint then chimed in, "Yes, please join us."

We walked over and sat down with the two girls. I sat next to Milfeulle and Tact sat next to Mint. I noticed Mint throwing me a coy look as she looked back and forth between me and Milfeulle as I thought, 'Come on, are you ever going to take the hint and get off my back about her?'

"I'm afraid not. After all, I'm looking out for the well-being of my friends."

I simply glared at her as she wore one of her oh-so-innocent smiles as Milfeulle and Tact just looked at her in confusion before Tact said, "What's going on?"

"Nothing, just a certain little rabbit acting like a pest, that's all."

"Now, now, Demon, is that anyway to treat your friends? Besides, if anyone is acting like a pest, it most certainly isn't me, now is it? I've been nothing but courteous to you since you came on board."

"Oh, is that what they're calling it these days? Back in my day we had another word for that kind of thing."

I have a feeling if we looked for its definition in the dictionary we would find your picture next to it.

"Times do change, perhaps it's time for the old dog to learn a new trick?"

Come on, Mint. You know you can’t ask a dog to stop licking his own balls. It would be against its nature.

"Woooow, and here I was thinking of actually doing something nice for you. But, after that jab, you can forget it. After all, I am an old dog. Really hard for me to play nice with these new kids, you know?"

For an “old dog” you sure know how to talk like an edgy fifteen years-old douchebag.

Mint's rabbit ears twitched before we both started laughing, leaving Tact and Milfeulle in complete confusion about what just happened. I looked at Milfeulle, who had a pouty look on her face before I tapped her nose and said, "That's not to say I can't play nice with some people." This caused her to yelp a bit and blush profusely as Tact laughed, as did Mint.




After a few seconds of laughing, Mint said, "If you want to get something to eat, I suggest you get up there now, there isn't much of a selection left." I looked at Tact and shrugged my shoulders as we went over to the lunch line. True to her word, there wasn't much left except for a few assorted desserts. Shaking my head, I walked back over to the table as Tact spoke with the lady in charge of the kitchen.

Sitting down, I saw Mint take a bite of what looked like assorted jelly cubes. Milfeulle looked at me and said, "You're not eating anything?" I smiled and said, "There wasn't much except desserts left. Besides, I can go up to three weeks without food, so I'll be fine." Milfeulle looked at me in shock as she said, "Three weeks? You shouldn't have to go that long without a meal!"

I swear everything is an excuse for this guy to brag. Guns? Bullets tickle me. Pierced by splinters? The wounds will heal in a couple of hours. Sneaking on me? Not with my super sense of smell.

As Tact sat back down, Mint looked at me and said, "Would you like to try this rainbow jelly? It's quite exquisite." I looked at Tact and noticed that he hadn't gotten any food either, so I shrugged and said, "Ehh, sure I'm up for trying new things." I picked up an extra spoon and took an orange cube from her bowl and popped it into my mouth.

As Mint was offering Tact the same thing, I was experiencing the flavor of the jelly. The first thought that popped into my mind. 'Wow, this is actually pretty good, I'm glad I did…'

Then it hit me.

The overwhelming sensation of sweeteners started to overpower my sense of taste. It felt like I literally poured half a bag of liquid sugar into my mouth as I had to stand up from how sweet it was as I was groaning lightly.

First Ranpha's food is overpoweringly hot; then Mint's is overpoweringly sweet. Did these girls seriously not have any taste buds?

Remember how funny this joke was the first time? No…?

Milfeulle looked at me with worry and said, "Demon, are you alright?" I quickly said, "Yeah, just a bit overpowering. Damn, feels like I poured liquid sugar into my mouth. What is this?"

No sooner had I said that did Tact start crying for water. Mint couldn't help but giggle at our reactions before saying, "It's a combination of several artificial sweeteners and colors that produce a mysterious exquisite harmony together."

I just looked at Milfeulle with puzzled look, only to be met with a shoulder shrug before I looked back at Mint and shook my head as I thought, 'Keep eating things that sweet and you won't have a tongue left by the time you're 20.'

Mint giggled as she said, "Oh, I highly doubt that. Besides, it's absolutely amazing and perfectly safe for eating. I would be happy beyond my dreams if I could eat sweets like this forever."

I shook my head as I sat back down, having managed to get most of that sweet sensation out of my mouth as I looked at Tact and said, "Well, so much for lunch. I think I'd be better off just waiting for the resupply."

Tact looked at me and said, "I don't know, I think a stomach full of candy is a lot better than an empty stomach, don't you think?" I looked at him sarcastically as I replied, "You can have that. I'll be perfectly content with my empty stomach. Like I was telling the girls, I can go up to three weeks without food. Besides, I'm confident we'll be fully resupplied long before that happens." Tact looked at me in shock as he said, "Three weeks? Why would you go that long without food? That had to be torture!" I leaned back in my chair as I said, "I had to deal with a lot of things while I was in isolation before I joined the royal family. Food shortages were one of them. Sure, I would go out and hunt, but it got to the point where the animals started to figure out to stay away from my part of the world. Plus, people were terrified of me back then, so I couldn't just casually walk into town to get food. I had to be careful how I went about it so as not to cause a panic."

It’s like having to listen to a senile old man complaining. “Food shortage? In my times we had to walk three hundred miles each day to the nearest desert to drink from the cacti and then back to the forest dig some bugs to roast!”

Milfeulle looked at me with a sad look and said, "Shortages in food and supplies tend to make people more irritable. I couldn't imagine what that was like for you. This situation is hard as it is."

Yeah, it must have been difficult having all those powers while being so utterly fucking dumb as not to try to get food by other means beyond hunting and pestering people.

Mint then chimed in, "By the way, I heard Ranpha shouting from the showers earlier. Do you know what that was about?" I chuckled as they all looked at me and said, "Probably about the water shortage that's going on if she was in the shower."

Then, as if she heard her que, guess who came to lunch?

"Aww, this really sucks," was the first thing out of her mouth to us.

Tact looked at Ranpha and said, "Yo, Ranpha, we were just talking about you."

She gave him a dirty look as she said, "I wanted to talk to you too. Tact, the showers are out of water."

Tact placed his hand behind his head sheepishly as he said, "Yeah, you're not the first person to notice we were short on water." I simply smirked as I looked at Milfeulle and cocked my eyebrow twice as Ranpha continued, "I had just put in shampoo, so it was awful timing. Thanks to that, I had to rush. And we're out of shampoo, so I was washing my hair with body soap…my important cuticles are in danger! You're supposed to be the commander. Do something. A girl's in trouble here!"

Milfeulle looked at her and said, "Ranpha, does it look like he has time for small things like that?" Ranpha looked at her and said, "What are you talking about? Taking care of the troops is the Commander's job."

I couldn't help myself but to say, "I think I might have a quick solution to your problem there Ranpha." They all looked at me as she said, "Really? What is it? Tell me!"

"May I recommend a haircut?"

If looks could kill…

"This is serious! Why should I cut off my beautiful hair just because Tact isn't doing his job as Commander?"

Milfeulle and Mint both giggled between themselves. At least they got the joke.

Is this what happens to your sense of humor when you spend hundreds of years isolated and talking to rocks with smiley faces carved on them?

Tact then said, "How did the water supply on the ship get so low?" You know, I was thinking that exact same question myself. You would think, being in deep space for months at a time that there would be a water treatment system in place to extend the useful life of what water we do have. But that makes too much sense. "In that case, the computer needs to limit the water supply without any input."

This caused Milfeulle to groan a bit, "Ehhh, it limits the water supply? We've got a time limit to wash our faces or take a shower?" Ranpha jumped in, "Why's that? After exercising or fighting, how are we supposed to wash off our sweat?" Milfeulle continued, "How am I supposed to cook? I can't wash my plates or my vegetables." Then Ranpha, "And I haven't had the chance to try my new clay pack treatment yet." I was rolling my eyes at the back and forth. Normally, this would be funny. However, given the current situation…

Imagine trying to enjoy your favorite game while having some fat, ugly neckbeard sitting next to you and making snide comments and unfunny jokes about every single aspect of the game. From characters and artwork to gameplay and mechanics, everything is worth of an exhasperated sigh or an exaggerated eyeroll followed by some dumb shit.

Mint the came to Tact's rescue, "Now now, both of you please settle down. A restriction has not been enacted on the water supply yet, correct?" Tact stammered, "Y-yeah, I mean I haven't made a decision yet. However, if water is limited, you girls might have it rough." I couldn't help but laugh at that. This? Rough? Please. If this was their idea of rough, they probably wouldn't survive the first week in the isolation I put myself in.


But, that's neither here nor there as I got strange looks from everyone before saying, "Alright, we get it, you're unhappy with the situation. Let Tact do his job and I'm sure he'll get this sorted out in no time, right?"

“But just in case, I’m going to keep following him and overshadowing him at every instance.”

Ranpha then said, "Obviously, it takes a lot of effort to maintain my beautiful face!" Oh, do I want to go for two for two?
Yes, yes I do.

"I have a solution for that problem too." Everyone looked at me as Milfeulle and Mint both had a really big smile of their faces like they already knew where I was going with this. I grabbed an extra brown paper bag someone had left lying on the table behind us as I said, "Here you go, just cut out a couple of holes for the eyes and you're good to go."

Clearly Howie compensated all those years of isolation by binge watching Nickelodeon sitcoms.

Milfeulle and Mint were both laughing as Tact groaned lightly, probably restraining himself so as not to get hit by Ranpha as she threw me another dirty look and said, "How dare you! I'll have you know my face is the prettiest face on board. Putting that piece of garbage on my head would only ruin it even more than the current situation." 'Personally, I have to disagree with that, I think Milfeulle's is prettier, but I'll be nice and keep that to mys…..MINT!'

I saw the coy look Mint was giving me as she smiled and said, "Don't blame me for your carelessness with your thoughts."

Everyone looked at her, then at me as Ranpha said, "What did she mean by that?"

I rolled my eyes as I said, "A difference of opinion. One that I was going to be nice and keep to myself." Shooting Mint a dirty look, she merely giggled as Milfeulle looked at me and said, "What was your opinion?"

Before I could answer, however, a loud stomach growl broke the silence, causing me to smile and look at Ranpha as I said, "Well, looks like someone has some input of their own. Are you hungry?" Ranpha quickly said, "Of…of course I am. Why do you think I'm here! Is there a good selection left?"

Both Tact and I just looked at each other with hesitant looks before Tact said, "Uh…Ranpha…?" Before she could finish, however, she ran over to the lunch line as I said, "Well, looks like she'll find out here in about 4…3…2…1…"

Right on time, Ranpha came walking back with a worried look on her face. Probably because she realized she got there too late. Milfeulle asked, "You're back Ranpha. How was it?"

Ranpha glumly said, "I can't believe this, they're all sold out. Braised scallops in cilantro oyster sauce, southern style curry, even the lunch special, absolutely nothing is left!" Tact sheepishly said, "I know, that's why I'm not eating either."

Then Ranpha looked at the plate in front of Milfeulle as she said, "…Milfie, what's that clean plate in front of you? Was that the braised scallops in cilantro oyster sauce?" Uh oh, I had a bad feeling I knew where this was going.

Milfeulle happily said, "Yeah, it was delicious. I got an extra large portion since it was the last one left."

Ranpha looked down sadly as she said, "So…the last one…extra large…How nice for you and your luck. You always steal what I want away from me."

My eyebrows shot up in surprise at that statement. Milfeulle's smile turned into a sad look as she said, "…Ranpha, what are you talking about?"

That was when the floodgates completely let loose. "This isn't the first time! Ever since I met you, it's always been like this. Like that time you got lost and made me late to the entrance ceremony at the pilot academy! There's no way you could have gotten lost at such an opportune time!"

Milfeulle smiled and said, "I remember that. How nostalgic."

Ranpha snapped at her, "It is not nostalgic!"

Tact looked at them and said, "I thought you two were friends. Didn't you go through pilot school together?"

Milfeulle started, "Yes, that's right. Ranpha and I have always been…"

Once again, Ranpha snapped at her in mid-sentence. "It seems to Milfie that we've always been together, because she always comes to me! Always being stuck with you does nothing but piss me off!"

Milfeulle had a hurt look as she said, "Ranpha…" I, on the other hand, was starting to get mad with how she was yelling at Milfeulle. "Ranpha, I highly encourage you to be very careful with what you say next if you don't want to be eating the bulkhead for lunch."

Chicks love when you threaten their friends, right?

Mint then stepped in, "Is hunger making you irritated? How about trying some Rainbow Jelly?"

Ranpha said, "No, I think I'd rather not…"

My glare towards Ranpha started to ease up as Tact said, "Can't you just wait for dinner? Skipping one meal isn't going to kill you."

"That's not the problem! I'm sure Milfie will get the last meal then too and leave me with nothing!"

I looked at her as I said, "Then I guess you'd better get here a bit early to get a good spot in the line, now shouldn't you?" I made no effort to hide the poison in my words. I'd about had it with her attacking Milfeulle unchecked. Milfeulle put a hand on my pauldron with a soft look as she just smiled at me. I swear, that smile…

There are few things as cringy as a horny asscrab who is so thirsty for the opposite sex that he refuses to see the flaws of the chick he wants to bang, namely that she can be a ditz and an airhead.

Tact then said, "Ranpha, calm down, you don't really mean that, do you?"

Ranpha looked like she'd been hit in the gut before she said, "Ah…I'm leaving!" Then she ran out of the cafeteria shortly thereafter.

Both Milfeulle and Tact called after Ranpha, but she was already gone. Milfeulle looked down as she said, "Ranpha…really hates me." She started to sniffle, as if she was trying to hold back from crying.

Tact stood up as he said, "I'm going after Ranpha. She needs to apologize to Milfie. Ah, but I can't leave Milfie either."

Both Mint and I looked at each other as Mint said, "Go after her, we'll take care of Milfie. She was probably just caught up in the heat of the moment."

Tact nodded as he ran out of the cafeteria, leaving me with the two girls as I placed a hand on Milfeulle's shoulder and said, "Hey, don't cry. She didn't mean any of that. She's just stressed out between the lack of water and being hungry. Give her a little bit of time and probably some food, and she'll be back to normal in no time."

“She’s just stressed and didn’t mean it, which is why I threatened to smash her face against the wall.”

Milfeulle looked over at me, tears welling up as she said, "But, you heard her, she's resented me since pilot school." At that point, I looked at Mint, who silently waved her hands forward, as if nudging me. Without a second thought, I pulled Milfeulle close to me and hugged her, causing her to squeak in surprise for a moment before I whispered in her ear. "Just because she has a few bad memories that she wants to blame you for doesn't mean that she hates you. Think about it, if she hated you, would she spend as much time as she does with you? She said that you kept going back to her in school, but from what I've noticed here, she keeps going back to you. As much as she may not want to admit it, you're probably one of the best friends that she has. Take comfort in that thought, even if it's just a little."

I just want you to know Tact did not had to suddenly hug Milfeulle and whisper into her ear to comfort her in the game.

After a few moments, Milfeulle placed her arms around the back of my fur tails and softly cried into my tunic. I looked at Mint as I placed a hand on Milfeulle's head. She smiled and nodded, letting me know I did the right thing as I let Milfeulle get it out of her system. In a few minutes, she pulled her head back and said, "You're right. She didn't mean those things. I want to make it up to her, but I'm not sure how." Before I could say something, Mint said, "What about that cinnamon pie that she's been wanting you to make."

That perked her right up as her face lit up. "That's right! That would be perfect! Though, I need cinnamon. I have everything else in my room." I smiled and looked at the both of them and said, "Sounds like we need to take a trip to the convenience store." Mint stood up, followed my Milfeulle, who seemed hesitant to let go of me, or rather take her hands off my tails. I stood up afterwards as Milfeulle looked at us and said, "Thank you guys. I am really lucky to have you as friends."

We started to walk out of the cafeteria before Milfeulle said, "Your tails are really soft Demon." I only chuckled at this as we made our way into the hallway. Great, she was copping a feel on my fur while she was crying.

Clever girl.

A five hundred years-old guy who can kill people with ease falls in love at first sight with a seventeen years-old girl. He growls and threatens at those he feels make her uncomfortable and oversteps his boundaries, hugging her and whispering into her ear.

Holy shit! It’s Twilight! No wonder I felt so creeped out!

As we entered the convenience store, the girls walked in ahead of me, the clerk looked at them and said, "Ah, Ms. Milfie, Ms. Mint, wel….." The color drained out of his face when I walked in behind them as he finished, "My…my lord, we-welcome. Is there some….I could help you with?" Milfeulle went straight towards the seasonings as Mint looked at the shopkeeper with a worried look before looking at me. That's right, she hasn't been here with me yet. Well, may as well explain it.

I leaned down and whispered to her, "He's terrified that I'll eat him if he says the wrong thing. While I have thought of trying to put his mind at ease, having that fear does make some things easier to deal with." She only giggled as we noticed Tact and Ranpha come into the store.

“Having that fear does make some things easier to deal with.” Like what? No, seriously, like what? How does having a clerk from a convenience store be terrified of you makes things easier for you? Are you afraid he’s gonna offer you a rewards card or give you with some coupons?

"Oh, Tact! Fancy meeting you here."

Tact looked at us in surprise. "Eh? You guys came here too?"

Milfeulle quickly chimed in from one of the aisles, "Ranpha, I came here to buy ingredients to bake something for you. Before, you said you really wanted a cinnamon pie."

Ranpha perked up at that. "Ah, that pie? You're going to make it? Sounds good."

As Tact stood by Mint and I, she quietly said, "Hmm, it looks like it went well Tact."

Tact smiled and replied, "Thanks to you two. Thank you both."

As Mint continued to talk to Tact, I looked over at Milfeulle before hearing Ranpha's voice cut in, "What are you two talking about?"

Milfeulle cried out as she said, "Aww! Cinnaomn's sold out! I can't make a cinnamon pie with just this." Of course there would be a hitch to the plan. Either that, or her luck struck again.

Ranpha groaned as she said, "What? After you got me excited and looking forward to eating that delicious pie…"

Tact chimed in next, "Whoa, All the bread and box lunches are sold out. While we were talking, the rest of the crew must have bought everything." Gee, didn't see that coming.

Ranpha sadly said, "Aww, there's no food no matter where I look. I can't go on…" Oh give me a break, now she's a drama queen? Is there no end to her list of job titles?

Self-awareness? Hello? Where are you?

The clerk spoke up saying, "I'm very sorry. I've ordered new supplies from the warehouse, but it'll be two to three hours." I glared over at him, causing him to shrink back behind the counter as everyone looked at him, then looked at the look I was giving him. As the girls continued their conversation with Tact, I decided I would leave them to the task at hand.

"Well, if you folks will excuse me, I will go ahead and leave you to your work. As for you…" Pointing at the clerk, who yelped lightly as I finished, "it better not take two or three hours to restock your store. Especially if you don't want to deal with me." He nodded his head profusely as I began to walk out of the store.

I have a feeling Guardian Hawk intended this whole “clerk is afraid of Howie” thing to be some kind of running gag. Unfortunately, he understands humor on the level of an angry, screaming chimp, so his self-insert just ends up looking like a particularly petty bully.

As I turned left out of the door, Milfeulle called after me, "Demon, wait up. I just had a thought. Maybe the vending machines in the hall still had something left. Want to come with me? I'd like the chance to talk with you for a bit too." I smiled and motioned my head for her to come along. To which she happily caught up to me while Tact, Mint and Ranpha went towards Mint's room to have some of her candy.

Making our way down the passageway towards the elevator, Milfeulle started, "So, we never really finished our conversation from earlier, before that missile hit us." Damn, she remembered that? I was kinda hoping she'd forgotten. "Ahh, I see. Let me see, as I recall you asked me if I'd ever been in love before, to which, I said no. Then you said I'd done some things that I haven't done for everyone else. So, by all means, please continue."

Milfeulle blushed lightly as she started twiddling her fingers around. "Well, you've been…well…playful, every time you come to my room to talk to me. You've winked at me on a lot of occasions, and there were even a couple of times that you flirted with me. Then, there was the picnic. After the sprinklers had gone off, you not only saved my food at the cost of getting soaked, but you also defended me from the rest of the angel wing when they blamed me for it. You also hugged and comforted me after Ranpha got upset with me too."

At this point, she was blushing profusely as we stepped onto the elevator and began to head to Deck C. I chuckled as I said, "Well, those are very valid points, and I can't really argue against them. You know, now that I think about it. I haven't done any of that with anyone before. Not sure what it is, but you're definitely having an effect on me. So, I'd be completely oblivious if I didn't ask what you were trying to say."

She perked up, still blushing as she looked at me and said, "Well, I was wondering…"

“Are you trying to become my gay friend?”

As the doors opened, we were greeted by Forte and Vanilla standing by the vending machines just outside of the doors. "Good timing….oi, what's going on here?" Forte just could help but have a coy smirk on her face when she saw how much Milfeulle was blushing as I rolled my eyes and said, "Just having a conversation to pass the time in the elevator. Any luck with the vending machines?"

The overhead announcement system chimed on as Almo's voice came over, "All hands, prepare for Drive out." The ship noticeably shifted, indicating we were back in normal space as Forte continued, "No, all the vending machines are empty. Looks like the crew raided them when word got out about the supply situation. Now, what were you two talking about that has Milfeulle redder than a tomato?"

I looked at Milfeulle as she quickly said, "I was asking what it was like to be a Demon and I was caught off guard by some of the things he's done over the years." Wait a second. Did Milfeulle just flat out lie to them? Wow, I didn't know she could do that. Not letting my guard down around her.

Vanilla then said, "Your body temperature and heart rate are elevated. Are you ill, Milfie?" I chuckled as I answered for her, "No, she's not sick. Excited maybe, surprised even, but not sick. You can relax there Vanilla." Milfeulle's blush started to creep away as Forte said, "Alright, if you say so. Though, there's nothing wrong with flirting with her, just so you know Demon."

Forte laughed as I rolled my eyes and said, "Oi, are you kidding me? It was just a regular conversation. Sheesh, you're almost as bad as the little rabbit." Forte raised an eyebrow, as did Milfeulle before Vanilla said, "You are referring to Mint?" I laughed and said, "Yes, I am. I'm surprised you're the only one that picked up on that. I've called her a rabbit before."

Get it? Because she’s got rabbit ears! Huehuehuehue!

But leaving the dumb shit aside, it’s fascinating how much this guy loves to talk about himself and his experiences, but doesn’t ask Milfeulle anything about her life.

Before Forte could respond, an alarm went off, causing all of us to look up as Almo came over, "We are in receipt of an S.O.S. Angel Wing, prepare to sortie."

Forte and Vanilla took off towards the hanger as Milfeulle looked at me. That's twice now that conversation has been interrupted. I smirked and motioned my head towards the hanger, causing her to start running with me just behind her.

“Should I go with Shiva in case the enemy tries to ambush us again or we get hit with another missile? Nah, she’s got her maids with her.”

As we entered the hanger, Ranpha and Mint were already in their frames and Forte and Vanilla were climbing into theirs. I followed Milfeulle onto the catwalk leading to her frame. As she reached the door into the cockpit, she looked at me and said, "Can we talk afterwards? I really want to finish talking about this." I chuckled and winked at her as I said, "Sure, now go get 'em Tiger." She smiled as she climbed into her frame and the catwalk began to retract while I was standing on it, bringing me back to the main pathway.

Tigress. The word you’re looking for is tigress. Unless you’re expecting to find something else under her skirt.

Once the emblem frames deployed, I made my way to the bridge. I figured I may as well find out what's going on since I don't have anything better to do.

Like bodyguarding the last surviving member of the Royal Family?

Upon arriving at the bridge, Lester was going over the tactical picture with Tact. Apparently, they managed to get in touch with a merchant fleet nearby and they fell under attack as they were moving to meet up with us. I stepped forward and looked at the screen as Tact ordered the frames to protect the merchant vessels while the Elsior moved to rendezvous with them.

Before I could say anything, however, the image of a male with light blue hair popped up next to the images of the angel wing as he said, "Ahh, my honey, I have returned. It is I, Camus O. Laphoraig, how my name flows like a breeze through space."

I rolled my eyes as I said, "More like a 3 day old stagnant fart. Who is this joke? He can't seriously be the reason behind the SOS."

In the games, a confused Milfeulle asks “doesn’t wind not blow in space?” in response to Camus line, but I guess that’s nowhere near as funny as a fart joke.

Lester and Tact both had serious expressions as Milfeulle chimed in over the com. "Ahhh, you again? What do you want this time?"

Camus continued, "We are here to ensure the Elsior is properly delivered to my lord Eonia. I'm also here to rescue you from the one who is playing with your heart with fabricated flirting. Your love is blinded from your hearts true desire by this beast of a being." Ok, either more than one person was flirting with Milfeulle or…

Milfeulle quickly blurted, "I don't need rescuing, and what are you even talking about?"

Camus then said, "He knows what I'm talking about. The Demon of the West. He openly admitted to Prince Shiva, who we know is on your ship, that humans and demons are like oil and water, they don't mix. This is a very true statement, thus why I've come to rescue you from his defiled grasp."

I love this guy. Do you love this guy? I love this guy.

At this point, I'd had enough. I walked over to the com screens and opened a channel. "So you're the weasel that freaked her out last time around. I was wondering when I'd get to meet you. Though, let me ask one question before I continue, your last name. Where did you get that? A can of alphabet soup? Did you decide one day that your last name wasn't cool enough and said, 'You know what, whatever this soup spells out, I'll use as my last name. Lap ho raig, you know what, that's good, let's roll with that. I can't even pronounce it; it's that far-fetched of a combination of letters. I don't know what you're smoking, but you need to pass that shit around and quit being greedy." Milfeulle was laughing hysterically by the time I was done.

First a fart joke and now “your surname is stupid and you’re like on drugs”? Did a fifteen years-old co-write this crap? How can anybody think this shit is remotely funny or clever?

And while we’re on it, “Laphroaig” is a brand of Scotch whisky. You see, all of the Hell Hounds are named after alcoholic drinks.

Camus chimed back in and said, "This coming from a being who can't even comprehend what love is truly like, let alone even begin to dream of how to reciprocate it. I will deliver to my honey a most beautiful grave to save her from this nightmare."

I raised an eyebrow as I looked back at Tact, then back at him before saying, "Awful strong talk for someone who apparently has to stalk someone just to get noticed. Contrary to popular belief, that stalker gig doesn't actually work. You need to stop watching those bad thriller movies that you are obviously copying just to get Milfeulle's attention.

Calls Camus a stalker when he ditches Shiva at every single opportunity to go after Milfeulle.

Tells Camus to stop trying to copy movies when his whole persona is modeled after some character from a show he watched years ago.

He’s so fucking dense, I bet that’s why bullets don’t work on him.

Furthermore, you don't know the first thing about what I do and don't know, but here's a free lesson. I have more than enough strength to rip you apart, so don't even think you'll go near her so long as I draw breath."

This threat would work better if it wasn’t for the fact she’s the one who has to get out there to fight.

He only laughed at this as he said, "Then it looks like we're in agreement for where your next stop shall be." With that, he closed the channel. I really wanted to rip his throat out, but, sadly, nothing I can do from here as Tact ordered the Angel wing to deal with Camus and his rag-tag band of rejects while I stepped back and took a breath to calm down.

I love how Camus just laughs at Howie while he has to take breaths to calm down. Makes you wonder who’s the hundred years-old martial arts instructor here, eh?

Now, this is around the chapter in the game where we are introduced to the remaining three members of the Hell Hounds. Guess since Guardian Hawk only jerks off to Milfeulle he deemed the rest of them unnecessary, but not me. So here you have them.


Riserva Chianti. Third member of the team. A self-described noble who looks down on others as peasants and inferiors. Serves as counterpart to Mint. And I bet you’re wondering, “sword or sheat”? The game treats Riserva as a girl, while the manga goes for guy. Personally, I prefer the latter since it goes with the whole “male counterparts” thing, plus being feminine looking and having a female VA hardly means your character is a girl in Japan.


Red-Eye. The fourth member. He’s cold and stoic, but speaks with killing intent. He’s Forte’s counterpart.


Vermouth Matin. The fifth member. Bratty, immature and a gadgeeter genius, at least in the manga. He’s the counterpart to Vanilla.

Once the battle was over and the attacking vessels were in full retreat, Camus came back over the com channel.

"As expected of the Angel wing, it was a beautiful fight. You truly are worthy of us. Aside from that, there is something you must see. We carry a message from his majesty, Eonia."

Tact spoke up in response, "A message from Eonia? Do you mean one to pass to Prince Shiva?"

"You should be careful how you address him. Being Eonia's follower is a graceful path. Ask the Demon of the West, he was the first before he fell from his majesties grace and sided with the old empire. With that said, I'll play it."

I gritted my teeth in anger at that jab, but kept silent as the message played.

Tell him his name sounds gay, Howie! That’ll teach him!

"Those on the Elsior, I greet you." That was him alright, I still remember his voice from before his exile as he continued. "I am Eonia Transbaal, Emperor of the Legitimate Transbaal Empire. I know you are escorting my cousin, Shiva, to the Rhome system. But you are making a fatal mistake. The remnants of the old regime wishing to protect their own interests support Shiva. However, he will just be a puppet. To know that my beloved cousin would be used for such a plot pains me. Moreover, that would bring ruin to our subjects. Additionally, if Shiva becomes the puppet of the old regime, the chaos will just be prolonged. None of us wants that. You are simply confused by the corruption the old regime left. However, there is still time to hand Shiva over. You are victims too. I hope that you will have the courage to correct your mistake. My heart can accept your feelings. Of course, I promise that no harm will come to Shiva, because he is my only relative left. With Shiva's help, I want to build the Legitimate Transbaal Empire's future. I believe in your wise judgement..."

Just when I begin to think it's over. "Howard, I know you're responsible for saving my dear cousin from the palace. You were always my most reliable guardian and I'm glad to see that Shiva is receiving the same dedication you gave to me over the years. It's not too late to join me at my side. Please, consider my words, deep in your heart, you know it's the best course of action for the Empire, and for Shiva. I know you'll make the right decision. You always did for me in my youth."

Lovely. Not only this paragraph does clash badly with the original one in terms of Eonia’s characterization, but also addresses the self-insert as if he was the most important factor in this war.

The message ended as everyone was staring at me as Camus came over, "How's that? Weren't his majesty's words beautiful? Don't they just soak into your heart?"

The conversation continued as I started to tune it out. My arm was beginning to shake with how much rage I was feeling right now. I don't what made me angrier. The fact that it sounded like Eonia was truly beyond redemption, or that this jackass seriously didn't know when to stop talking.

“Nobody talks more than me! Nobody!”

Lester looked at Tact as he said, "How should we respond to them? Answer them with a warning shot?" I liked the way he was thinking.
"No, we should give them a proper response." You can't be serious.

“Why aren’t you shooting them!? Don’t you see how angry I am!?”

Coco looked at Tact in shock as she said, "…eh? Commander, you can't possibly be seriously considering surrendering to Eonia's fleet?"

Lester then said, "No, open a channel, when this guy's got a face like that, everything will be ok."

Once the channel was open, Tact began, "Listen up Hell hounds, take this message back to Eonia. Your army may be mighty. But let me tell you three things. First, we are not so stupid as to listen to your lies and hand over Prince Shiva. Second, you have an army, but we have a demon." I cracked my knuckles as I smirked while he finished, "And lastly, no matter what, we will never yield to you!"

In the games, Tact simply answered they didn’t believe Eonia and they would never surrender to him, period. Here, of course, he adds they have Howie with them, despite the fact the Angels are the ones who do all the fighting.

You know, I’ve come across several discussions about what makes a character a Mary Sue/Gary Stu, complete with a lot of people saying the term does not have any meaning anymore. I disagree, it does. The problem is that people focus too much on the superficial aspects, such as powers and looks, when the true reason is far simpler. A Mary Sue/Gary Stu makes the entire world and its inhabitants revolve around her/him.

Howie is in the middle of fucking everything and makes everybody gravitate towards him. The bad guy Eonia? I raised him like a son and he wants me on his side. The veteran Luft? He served under me and I taught him most of what he knows. The future leader of the empire Shiva? She’s like a daughter and I know the secret of her gender.

Everybody knows, fears and respects him, constantly calling him “my lord”, even when the only notable things he did were slaughtering a crowd hundreds of years ago and participating in some nebulous war. He virtually shits on the chain of comand in this ship. He threatens, belittles and disparages others yet nobody ever complains or tries to talk back. He’s constantly butting in and overshadowing not only Tact, the protagonists, but also the Angels, the friggin faces of the franchise.

While the bridge crew complimented Tact on his firm stance, Camus came back on, "Apparently, negotiations have broken down. It seems the only choice is to fight my beautiful angels. Ahh…what a sad fate."

Milfeulle jumped in, "It's not sad at all! I haven't forgotten my grudge against you for exposing my secret!" Oh yeah, I'd forgotten to ask about that earlier. You tell him Milfeulle.

“You tell him for revealing your secret! Oh, and can you tell me your secret later? I want to know!”

As each of the hell hounds chimed in and jabbed at each member of the angel wing, I shook my head at the gall that Eonia had to demand us to hand over Shiva. What I wasn't expecting was for Tact to snap me out of my thoughts with a question that everyone, including the angel wing over their monitors, was staring at me about.

"Is your name Howard?"


Guardian Hawk: Evening folks, been a few chapters since I chimed in.

And we were doing so well…

I hope you're enjoying the story so far.

As much as I would enjoy being buried up to the neck in sand and having a bulldog in heat furiously humping my face.

Fast disclaimer reminder, I don't own the Galaxy Angel series, or the character Inu-no-Taisho that Howard is modeled after.
Howard: …
Guardian Hawk: Something wrong Howard?
Howard: You're an asshole.

You know you’ve gone too far when even your self-insert calls you on your shit.

Guardian Hawk: …ok, I'll bite, what did I do?
Howard: Page 3 on your notes on me.

Guess he found the stick drawing of Milfeulle giving Howie a blowjob with the pointed arrows indicating “Milfie” and “Me” respectively.

Guardian Hawk: What? You weren't supposed to read those. How did you get through my password?
Howard: You really shouldn't put 'Password' as your password.

Easy, guys. My knee can’t take that much slapping.

Guardian Hawk: …ok, so, back to my main point. I hope you are enjoying the story so far. Big shout out to WillGM and Steviebond for their reviews so far.

Spoilers: their reviews are mindless praise. And while we’re at it, I checked their profiles. Both of them have written stories with self-inserts abord the Elsior on the first game. Guess “great minds” do think alike after all.

If you have any questions about something that doesn't quite add up, by all means, let me know in the reviews section!

I feel like looking at a massive train wreck while a guy asks me if I see anything wrong.

I'll see you folks in the next chapter. Now, as for you…

Please, stop.
Last edited by Dashguy on Wed Sep 05, 2018 10:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by GorillaGamer » Fri Aug 31, 2018 11:39 pm

Quick question: Was Ranpha this bitchy in the games, or has she become over exaggerated for the sake of the author bashing her? That aside, the mock's looking great so far.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Wed Sep 05, 2018 11:03 am

GorillaGamer wrote:
Fri Aug 31, 2018 11:39 pm
Quick question: Was Ranpha this bitchy in the games, or has she become over exaggerated for the sake of the author bashing her? That aside, the mock's looking great so far.
Thank you. And the answer is the latter. Ranpha does have one or two moments here and there, yes, but Guardian Hawk inserts shit, like her lashing at Milfeulle for the picnic incident, that did not happen in the games and skips all her development, like her talking about her family, making her look far worse than she really is.

I sighed heavily as I glared at Tact and began, "The use of my name is reserved for those within the royal family, as well as those I deem have earned the right to use it. Seeing as you are not aware, I will let that one time slide. However…" I began to walk toward him as I flexed my claws, "…if you dare use it again without my permission, I will kill you where you stand, and the Prince will place a new commander in charge of the ship. Am I clear?"

He doesn’t have a family or relatives that can be threatened, a past that can be exploited or a weakness that can be revealed by knowing his real name. In short, there is zero reason for it to remain hidden beyond safeguarding his own monumental ego.

Tact was sweating bullets at this point as he quickly said, "Ye-yes my lord. I sincerely apologize. I was only trying to…"

"Trying to ascertain if Eonia was speaking to me at the end of that message. Well, you can put that question to rest. Seeing as he was part of the royal family, not to mention my charge, of course he used my name. Luft is one of the few people outside of the royal family that I've given permission to use my name. However, he still calls me by Demon out of respect. You should learn from his example. The first lesson I teach to my charges is that Patience always pays it dues. Be patient, and you may earn the right to use my name."

Holy shit. “Be patient and you may earn the right to use my name” Who the fuck do you think you are, son? The members of the Angel Team all hold the rank of 1st Lieutenant yet at no point demand to be addressed as such. Tact himself is the freaking commander of this ship and is constantly telling everybody else to call him by his name. What does it say when the people fighting this war don’t bother with such things while you--a glorified bodyguard—insists on making threats to drive his point?

Everyone looked slightly sad at that declaration before Almo chimed in, "Commander, the merchant ship is requesting permission to come along side and transfer their executive salesman on board to complete contract negotiations."

Not horrified or bewildered, but “slightly sad”. Right. Because they were all dying to use his real name, you see.

Tact looked over at her and said, "Once we retrieve the Angel wing, permission granted. Mint, could you come to my office once you're docked? I'll need your help with the contract."

Mint smiled as she said, "Of course Tact. I'll be there as soon as I can."

As the com line closed to all of the emblem frames, Lester looked at me and said, "My lord, while I understand the sensitivity of the subject, what's wrong with allowing people to use your name?" I simply glared at him as I said, "Despite my laid back attitude, I still have a reputation to protect. Plus, seeing as I'm the personal guardian of his majesty, it was decided that his majesties guardian should be referred to by his title, so as to maintain appearances. Besides, I actually like the idea of restricting the use of my name. That way, when I say someone can use it, they know they've earned my respect."

My sides are officially in orbit. Where do I even start? This guy uses his real name like some kind of motherfucking badge of honor.

I held up my right hand and said, “It’s okay, Tact. You can call me Howard.”

Tact’s eyes widened. His mouth began opening and closing like a fish gasping for air. “M-My lord,” he stammered in bewilderment. “A-Are you sure?”

I nodded sagely. “Yes. You have earned my respect.”

Tact let out a girlish squeal and began joyfully jumping around me while singing “I did it”.

Moon sized ego aside, notice the sheer idiocy of the first two statements. He has a “reputation to maintain” and thinks “the bodyguard of the Prince should be referred by its title to keep appearances”. Do you remember how he got his title of “Demon of the West”? People started calling him that after he slaughtered a crowd in a fit of primal rage and moved into the western part of the continent. It’s a nickname born of fear and loathing, not awe and admiration.

Lester nodded in understanding as Tact said, "Lester, Demon, would you please come with me to my office. I'd like you both there while this executive is on board."

Lester replied positively while I remained silent, wondering why I was being dragged into this.

I wonder what are the chances Guardian Hawk thought himself clever for this? “My OC is not a Mary Sue poorly jammed into the plot of the game because Tact is the one telling him to come!”

However, after a moment, I decided I may as well represent the Prince's interests for this case.

Because it’s not like everybody aboard this ship is directly or indirectly working for Shiva’s interests, after all.

Before we left the bridge, I looked at Almo and said, "Almo, have all available hands conduct a deck by deck sweep for bugs. Spare no space, spare no body. Report to Tact when it's complete with your results." Almo acknowledged my order and we departed the bridge.

Whoa, aren’t you a smart cookie? Guess Guardian Hawk must have watched one of the Bourne films when writing this.

As we waited in his office, I began to think about my combat capabilities. 'While I am unmatched in hand to hand combat, and my claws can tear through bulkheads, I still couldn't help but wonder. Any idiot can use a gun, but I've always had a soft spot for melee weapons. Swords, in particular, were my specialty. Would it be possible to have a weapon made that can act as an extension of my power as well as add to the image people see when they see me protecting the prince? Maybe I can ask around later to see if there were any ideas floating around.'

Just say you want to complete your cosplay, you pretentious dickweed.

"I am sure there are, but I wouldn't say that around Forte if I were you."

I didn't notice Mint had entered the room as she snapped me from my train of thought. Lester and Tact just looked at her in confusion as I said, "Really? I can't even have a few moments to think about something for myself for a change? Oi, I swear, little rabbit, I wonder if you are trying on purpose to drive this old dog batty."

"Now why would you say that? I merely commented that saying such a thing around Forte would not be a wise idea. If anything, I was being courteous and watching out for your safety."

"Safety? Aww, you do care. Even though bullets don't cause me any harm, I'm touched by your concern."

Ah, there it is: the gratuitous bragging. It never fails. By the way, do you know why Forte loves guns? This is something the manga elaborates on. You see, Forte grew up in a war zone. Orphans like her had no choice but to steal to survive. One day, she was caught, shot and left for dead. She would have died if it wasn’t for a passing soldier who carried her back home and nursed her wounds. Her friend wasn’t so lucky; they found her remains dumped inside a well. Forte asked the soldier to give her a gun and teach her how to use it, because she wanted to become stronger to protect those she loved.

Quite different from the guy who had already made himself a name and only sought power because he was afraid of getting old, eh?

Either way, by saying any idiot can use a gun you’re insulting Forte’s beliefs, resolution and the memory of her loved ones.

"Sarcasm is quite unbecoming of you Demon. I was sincere in my intent."

"I believe you, really, I do. There's just one small thing that kinda puts me off. Just a little."

"Oh? May I ask what that is?"

"I didn't never actually said it. And as far as I know, you're the only telepath on board. So realistically, what you did to me just now would be the equivalent of me waltzing into your room unannounced and interrupting whatever you do privately."

Mint's expression went right into shock as she quickly said, "I wouldn't quite pair those two things together Demon."

I laughed at the look on her face as I said, "Finally, I'm not in the corner anymore. Life is good today."

The interactions between these two are so repetitive. Howie thinks something stupid, Mint makes a comment implying she heard his thoughts and they begin trading sarcastic comments with all the wit of a ten years-old. Rinse and repeat.

Both Tact and Lester were completely lost at what just happened when a middle aged man in a purple suit came into the office.

"Ahhh, Commander Mayers, my name is Vincent. I cannot begin to thank you enough for choosing the Blancmanche Corporation." Wait, what?

Before I could say anything, Vincent exclaimed, "Ahhh, Miss Mint, you're safe! I told the entire Tormina district office that our lady was safe and they cried in joy." I looked over at Mint in surprise. 'You're related to the Blancmanche Corporation? I thought that was just a coincidence.' She looked at me and silently nodded as I exhaled,'Whew…..damn. You and I need to work on our communication skills little rabbit.'

Yeah, “how dare you not tell me everything about your family even when we’ve known each other for less than a week!”

Vincent continued, "Now we'll have to celebrate the anniversary of today every year!" Ok, this guy was starting to get on my nerves and he hasn't been here for two minutes.


Tact started to say, "Listen, I'm trying to talk…"

Mint had a worried look on her face as she said, "Congratulations…"

Lester leaned over to Tact, saying, "Hey, Tact. Can we trust this guy? He seems suspicious." While I am inclined to agree, that's probably not the best thing to say with the guy standing less than 10 feet in front of us, Lester.

Tact quickly retorted quietly, "Shh, not so loud. Please wait until after we finish to say things like that." Hmm, must have read my mind. Good call Tact.

Shut up, for Pete’s Sake. Nobody cares about what you have so say, Guardian Hawk. Especially not when it adds fucking nothing to the plot.

Vincent continued, "Sir Mayers, let me express my deep gratitude! I'm honored to serve such a wonderful customer!"

Tact smiled and said, "That's kind of you to say."

"Sir Mayers, our sales department has prepared a wonderful gift for you. Please accept it. A celebrity executive first class space yacht. Please enjoy your leisurely space sailing."

I had a look of surprise on my face as I raised an eyebrow at that. A space yacht? What in the hell was he trying to do, bribe Tact? I patiently kept my mouth shut as I listened to Tact tell him over and over again that he couldn't accept it. Then the guy offered a membership to a golf course on Rakuein. Seriously? A golf membership? As Tact refused that as well, he tried offering a painting. I rolled my eyes as Tact once again refused that gift, if you could call it that, as well. Next was a 36 volume set on how to make money in no time.

I was really starting to get aggravated by how pushy this guy was.

Much like the hunting for the intruder two chapters ago, this is a sequence that works for the game since you, the player, are the one picking the options and refusing, or accepting, Vincent’s offers. Depending on how you do, Mint’s affection for Tact will increase or decrease.

"Vincent, Commander Mayers is hoping for a smooth and adequate replenishment of supplies." Mint swooped in for the save as Tact began to give under the pressure. 'Good save Rabbit. You just earned a drink in the tea lounge for that.'

Awesome. Keep it up, Mint, and you will be able to use his real name soon.

Mint smiled at me as Vincent continued, "Ooh! Just as expected of Miss Mint! Thank you for the profitable advice. Then, let's talk business at once." Finally.

Mint stepped forward with a multi-page list as she said, "Here is a list of everything we'd like to purchase. How much will it be for all of this?" 'A list? Nobody asked me if there was anything I'd like to order. Somehow, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.'

Mint quietly mouthed, "I'm sorry" towards me. I looked at her with a snarky look as I thought, 'That's fine. No drink for you at the tea lounge. There, we're even.' I smirked as she slightly smiled at my joke.

“You didn’t let me finish. I’m sorry for thinking you were too busy mocking Ranpha and boasting about being able to survive three weeks without food to ask for anything.”

Vincent accepted the list as he said, "Yes, yes, let me see here. Of course, I'll look over it carefully." As he placed the list on the desk, I walked over and read the list from the side. Most of the items I saw were understandable and I could probably guess who asked for what until…

1 Outdoor hot spring kit.

'Outdoor hot spring kit? Seriously?' I looked at Mint with a sarcastic look, knowing she could hear me. 'I know for a fact you didn't ask to put THAT on there.' She gave me a silent pleading look, as if telling me to be quiet. I shook my head as I thought, 'Fine, but you owe me BIG time for this one, rabbit.'

Why? Why the fuck would anybody need to ask for your opinion, especially the heir of the fucking company who is delivering the supplies and arranged for the whole damn operation?

After a moment, he punched in a few numbers on a calculator on the desk and said, "Okay, I've formed an estimate. How does this price look to you?" We looked at the price and everyone except Mint had a look of shock on their faces at how low it was.

Tact asked, "Are your calculations wrong? Should everything we're buying be so cheap?"

Vincent responded, "This time it's a super extra special service. 70% or 80% is only natural for the ultimate final best price in space."

At this point, I'd had enough.


I looked at him and said, "Alright, I've been quiet long enough. I know how much most of this normally costs, and that price you quoted would even begin to cover half of the cost to stock these goods. I've been around for a few centuries, and I know if you work for the same Blancmanche Corporation that I am familiar with, the president would hang you by that cheap purple suit on the highest yardarm he could find with how much money you're costing him."

He had a worried look on his face as I continued, "And another thing, a space yacht? A golf membership? A painting from some backwater artist? Are you kidding me? What part of this whole thing doesn't scream bribery? So, here's how this is going to work." I stepped forward, causing him to step back as everyone began to look at me with worry.

"You're going to put the proper price on that contract with whatever discount you give everyone else for buying in bulk, and you're going to sign it. No ultimate final space prices, no over the top gifts or gimmicks. And if I catch so much as a whiff of you trying to weasel your way into something else…" I flexed my claws in front of him as I finished, "Then your boss will be the least of your concerns. Now GET ON WITH IT!"

I walked back towards one of the walls as I listened to him stammer slightly before Tact calmly explained what I just told him. After a few more minutes of debate, and another save by Mint, the contract was signed.


"The resupply should take about 30 minutes to complete. Thank you very much for choosing the Blancmanche Corporation for your supply needs." As he walked out of the office, we all sighed, "Finally, I was beginning to think he was never going to shut up."

I don’t think I need to tell you nobody needed to threaten Vicent in the games, whom by the way was trying to curry’s Mint favor, not bribe anybody.

Mint giggled a bit as she said, "I must be going as well. The transportation of the supplies has to be organized."

Tact thanked her, which she politely waved off before making her way towards the door. I looked at the two men and said, "I have to go as well. I have a few bits of unfinished business to attend to." They nodded as I walked out behind Mint into the passageway.

As we stepped on the elevator, I looked at her and said, "Ok, I'm going to ask since I didn't even bother to think about it before. How are you related to the corporation?"

Her expression looked a little distraught as she said, "My father is the President of the company." I whistled as the doors closed and we began to head down. "I am so sorry."

Mint looked at me in confusion before saying, "Why are you sorry?"

I looked at her and said, "I've met Darno Blancmanche on quite a few occasions when it came to supply needs for the palace, as well as when I would try to get a gift for the birthdays of the royal family. Whether it was Prince Shiva, King Gerard, or…" I trailed off, thinking about Eonia again before I finished, "However, his attitude was always…..blunt. I would never have pictured you as his daughter. If anything, I would swear you two are polar opposites."

Of course he’s familiar with the president of the Blancmanche Corp. I bet he also gave him tips on how to start his business and lend him money, earning his eternal gratitude.

Mint's expression shifted as she said, "My father isn't a bad person, just very devoted to his work. You of all people can understand this." I smirked at that, knowing she was dead on before she continued, "He taught me a lot of valuable lessons growing up. But when I went to pilot school, he wasn't quite thrilled about the idea. Then when it was discovered I could fly an emblem frame and I was transferred to the white moon, he wanted me to establish business contacts with the white moon to help the company grow."

I thought about what she said before answering, "So, you applied to the military to leave home because your father's reach doesn't quite stretch this far?" She nodded as she said, "As a telepath, I'm expected to use my power." I laughed as I said, "Well, you've reinforced that point quite thoroughly over the last few weeks." She chuckled as she said, "My father was quite….overbearing. Always interfering without my permission." 'Now why, oh why, does that sound shockingly familiar, I say sarcastically.' Mint just shot me a dirty look as I laughed at my own joke. "Ahh little rabbit, you're always good for an entertaining conversation, no matter the place. Which reminds me, you don't mind me calling you little rabbit, do you? If it makes you uncomfortable, please let me know. I don't wish to be disrespectful."

In the game, each one of the Angels get a chapter dedicated to her, allowing you to get to know them better. From two to six, the order is Milfeulle, Ranpha, Mint, Forte and Vanilla, with the seventh being the one you choose which girl to end up paired with. After that, the attention is mostly focused on the Angel you chose.

Guardian Hawk fucks up the order of the events in the games, therefore doing the same to the development of the Angels, as I pointed up with Milfeulle and her supernatural luck. The result is that everything feels very rushed. What’s more, the fagot can’t even be consistent with his writing. Mint gets to elaborate about her issues while Ranpha’s backstory with her family is glossed over in a couple of lines.

She smiled as she said, "Well, I don't know, there was that time where you promised to buy me some tea in the lounge that you quickly backed out of."

I looked at her with a snarky look as I said; "Only because I got left out of the supply request that everyone else got to put in for. Hell, even Forte got to put in a request for more bullets, and she doesn't even use them for anything other than target practice."

“Ask for the stuff I need? That’s for peasants! I should have been asked what I needed!”

Mint's ears flapped as she said, "Ok, ok, fair point. I'll make it up to you." The doors opened on Deck B, which I decided to get off at. Once I was off the elevator, I looked back at Mint as the doors began to close and said, "Before I forget, come see me later. I've got something for you." The doors shut before she had a chance to reply as I made my way down the hallway towards the lounge.

As I drew closer to the lounge, I could hear something playing faintly in the distance. Traversing through the corridor, it grew louder and louder until I realized it was coming from the lounge. "Now what is going on here?" I was originally coming to the lounge for a nice quiet drink.

Yeah, that wasn't going to happen.

I opened the doors to see a karaoke party going on with an upbeat song playing that Ranpha and Milfeulle were singing as a duet. Milfeulle was a bit off on the higher parts, but Ranpha was messing up the lyrics. Once they finished, they stepped off the stage and were reveling in the applause they were receiving. I walked up to them, clapping as I said, "You two sing quite well together."

Milfeulle looked at me in surprise as she said, "Demon you're here! Was my singing that good?" Before I could answer, Ranpha chimed in, "You were off on the high parts, I was much better." I stifled a laugh as Milfeulle retorted, "What? But you're the one who messed up the lyrics. You weren't even looking at the screen." I dropped my head as the back and forth continued until…

"Demon, who do you think was better? Well, I shouldn't even need to ask."

I personally thought about saying Milfeulle was better, just to mess with Ranpha, but I had a better idea.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Neither of you can hold a candle to me."

Milfeulle looked at me in shock as she said, "Wait, Demon, are you a good singer?"

Ranpha replied, "With confidence like that, you've got to show your skills now. I may not be able to beat you in a fight, but I can most certainly say that I can sing better than you." Oh, we'll see about that. What? Even though I'm a Demon, I have my fair share of songs I like to sing with too. Prince Shiva even has a few favorites she enjoys listening to me do.

"Alright, Yo! The Demon of the West will sing next."

Everyone just stared in shock as I walked up to the stage, tails flowing behind me as I looked through the list until I found what I was looking for. Ranpha, I hope you're ready to eat your heart out.

"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. Darlin' you give loo-oove a bad name!"

After I finished on the stage, everyone was in shock at how good I was. Apparently, being a Demon and being a good singer were mutually exclusive. Think it's safe to say I put that belief to bed.

In the games, this is one of several optional sequences in which the player can increase the affection of a certain Angel at the cost of another’s. The third option (“you’re no match for me”) is simply a joke one with no rewards or penalties. In fact, the screen fades to black before Tact starts singing and you’re sent back to the navigation menu.

For Guardian Hawk this was an excellent opportunity to jerk off. Although I suppose I should be thankful he didn’t decide to copy-paste the entire lyrics of his song of choice.

After I left the lounge I wandered around the ship for a few minutes before deciding to make my way to the elevator hall to head to my room and relax for a bit. When I got there, however, it was even more crowded than the lounge was. I swear I'm having to worst luck right now just trying to find some peace and quiet.

Next thing I heard made me want to rip the door off its hinges.

"Yes, welcome! Groceries, clothing, music, videos, and more. Everything's on sale!"

Vincent had apparently set up an open market in the main hall for the crew to buy what they wanted. While I can understand what Tact might have been thinking from a morale point of view, could he seriously not have asked for someone else, anyone else really, to run this show?

“Hello? Is this the Customer Service line of the Blancmanche Corporation? Yes, I would like to make a complaint about the vendor you sent to the Elsior. He’s irritating me. What? Look, I don’t care if you lost the lives of a hundred people, half a dozen ships and millions in bringing us those supplies, I want him fired now!”

Pushing my way through the crowd, I came across a very startling surprise.

"Howard! Over here!"

I looked over to the source of that call to find Prince Shiva and Forte standing by one of the far sections of the market. I quickly leapt up and over the ground with my enhanced strength and landed in an open corner near the end of the hall as I made my way towards the duo.

Attention whore.

"Your majesty, Forte. I'm surprised to see you here. Did you try to summon me, your highness? I never received a call from you."
Shiva raised her hand as she said, "No Howard, I didn't want to disturb you, and Forte had come by my chambers anyway, so I took advantage of that to come out and be close to my subject's lives."

I shook my head as I said, "Your majesty, you don't need to worry about disturbing me. You're the only reason I'm on board. My job is to ensure your safety and to carry out your decree. No offense Forte, I'm not saying you can't do the job."

Oh? So now you suddenly remember being a bodyguard means staying close to the person you were assigned to protect?

Forte waved me off saying, "No, I completely understand. You have a very valid point. But, I wasn't busy, so I figured I'd fill in for you."
Then, as if things weren't already strained on my nerves as it were, Tact suddenly shows up.

Fucking Tact, man. I hate him and his stupid face. Wouldn’t Galaxy Angel be much better if the main character was a badass, immortal martial arts master with all the powers of Inuyasha’s father?

"Forte, Demon, and…Prince Shiva? What are you doing here?"

I shook my head, chuckling at the fact that I just asked that same question before Tact said, "With all due respect, shouldn't he be going out in a more dignified manner?"

I shot Tact a dirty look as Shiva asked with a worried look, "I'm not allowed this?"

Tact continued, "It's strictly confidential that you're on board the Elsior. But when you attract so much public attention…"

I cut in. "Tact, at this point, I think half the galaxy knows that his majesty is on board, so you can cut the whole confidential bit out. Secondly, who do you think you are to be coming off like that to my charge? If his majesty wishes to take a look at what is going on around the ship, he has every right to look. He's not a prisoner on his own ship."

This is Tact’s ship, you assclown. The one Commander Luft Weizen left him in charge of and the safety of Shiva is as much of his concern as is yours. And you have the gall to play the bodyguard card now? When was the last time you spent more than five minutes at her side in her quarters, you fucking cunt?

Tact quickly waved his hands, trying to defend himself by saying, "It's not that, it's just…"

Shiva then chimed in, "If you would like, I'll return to my room. Would that be okay, Mayers?"

I immediately looked at Shiva and said, "That won't be necessary, your highness. You have every right to enjoy this opportunity as everyone else on board. Right Tact?" I added a sharp tone to those last words as a hint to him.

I hate this cocksucker so, so much.

Tact gave a sheepish look as he said, "Yes, of course. By all means…"

With that, we began to browse our way through the selection; Forte would chime in every now and again. "How about you try the salted dried space squid? The more you chew it, the more the taste comes out." I've tried salted space squid before, and it took three days to get anything to taste right again. I stood behind Forte and signaled Shiva with a gagging motion as she smiled and said, "No, I think I'll pass. Thank you for the input though." I sighed a breath of relief. One disaster averted.

Good old Howie. Safeguarding Shiva from all the stuff he personally doesn’t like.

Tact pointed out something else. "Ahh, here's a 3D chess board. How about this?"

Shiva looked at it as she asked, "Chess? Is that some kind of tool, Mayers?" Damn, I wasn't planning on teaching her chess for at least another year. Oh well, too late now.

Tact continued, "It's a game where you arrange the pieces on the board and fight. You advance them and win by capturing your opponent's king."

Forte quickly whispered to Tact in a scolding manner as I walked over to Shiva and knelt down, "I wasn't planning on teaching you to play chess for at least another year. I didn't think you would find it very entertaining since it requires strategy and patience to win."

“So you’re implying I do not possess those qualities?”

Shiva smiled as she looked at me and said, "This seems interesting. Okay, I'll get this 3D chess game."

As she grabbed the box carrying the game, Vincent came over and said, "Um, excuse me, could I ask you to pay for that…?"

Shiva looked at him, confused as she asked, "Pay? Is money required to shop?"

I stood up and glared at him, releasing a guttural growl towards him. He didn't realize I was right there until I stood up. He quickly waved his hands and said, "On second thought, never mind. Consider it a gift from the Blancmanche Corporation."

As I turned back towards Shiva, she said, "Howard, if we need to pay for this, it's not an issue." I knelt down and whispered to her, "Frankly, I've been wanting to tear this annoying little man's head off for the last hour. So, if anything, this is the least he owes me for not killing him with how pushy he was earlier. Don't worry about it. That said, let's keep looking. If there's anything else you'd like, as long as that jackass doesn't show up, I'll pay for it. Fair?" Shiva smiled and nodded as she took the game in one hand and began walking down the stalls with me close behind her.

In the games, Shiva expresses interest in the chess set and Tact offers to pay for it after she tries to take it without paying, another example of her sheltered upbringing. Forte expresses doubt since chess is a two player game, but Tact volunteers to play with Shiva. This is the start of the Shiva “sub-route” of the game in which you get to learn more about her, including the reveal of her true gender.

Here, on the other hand, we have Guardian Hawk venting about the evils of retail again, probably after the fifth time he failed to get a job on the local drugstore and got chewed out by his mother for being a lazy fuck.

Once we left the elevator hall, Forte quickly chimed in and said, "Alright, if it's ok with you Demon, I can escort his majesty from here." I looked at Shiva, who nodded as I said, "Very well, I leave him in your care. I'll be by your chambers later to teach you how to play, your majesty." She smiled and the two of them departed as I started walking down the hall before realizing that I wanted to get on the elevator to begin with.

As I made my way through the stalls, there was one stall that caught my interest. It was a display stall advertising a blacksmith from Transbaal. I took an interest in this since my armor has taken a beating over the years and I haven't really been able to get it properly repaired since I went into my isolation. There have been a few blacksmiths here and there, but their work was more for the novelty instead of practicality.

Guardian Hawk: “Should I have Howard go with Shiva and teach her to play chess to show everybody their bond? Nah, I better work on his outfit!”

So, I picked up a pamphlet and read it as the man who was sitting at that stall said, "I couldn't help but notice your armor, sir. May I ask who forged it?"

I looked at him and said, "I actually did. Though, it's not quite the greatest armor, it does the job, and it's held up over the centuries, so I'm happy with that."

It’s like looking at a character sheet written by a ten years-old. “He’s a martial arts master, super strong, super fast, immortal and bulletproof and a scientist and a blacksmith and can use firearms and pilot ships and he’s an awesome singer and and and”

He stood up and walked around me before lifting his hands and asked, "May I?"

I nodded as he examined my pauldrons and breast plate. He knocked on it a couple of times before saying, "Oh, forgive me, I'm Heskel, I'm an apprentice for the Master Blacksmith Joseph Yoshinaka back on Transbaal."

This is crap made up by the author, just in case.

I smiled as I said, "A pleasure, the Demon of the West."

His expression lit up as he said, "The Demon of the West? An honor my lord. Uh…may I request permission to speak freely?"

I replied, "Of course, I couldn't begin to tell you how to do your job. So, if there's something wrong, I want to hear it."

He continued, "I definitely like the design. Very practical at keeping opponents from trying to grapple you without injuring themselves.


You’re kidding me, right? Those horns might as well scream “hold here”.

Though, the metal is worn and it looks as though it might not hold up very long in a fight. How old is this armor, my lord?"

I had to think about it for a minute before I said, "Oh, I forged this back around TCY 114, so I'd say about 300 years old, give or take a couple of years. So, I completely agree with you. The metal is worn. Though, I haven't been able to find a blacksmith that can do what I want. All of the one's I've found were mainly for novelty."

Who would have thought in an era with super advanced technology not many people would give a damn about medieval armor beyond the novelty factor?

Heskel looked at me and said, "Oh, then today is your lucky day, my lord. My master has been complaining of never having a good challenge these days for a commission. Most of what he makes are for novelty since that's what people keep asking for. I'm almost positive that he would gladly take up a commission for you. Granted, the only problem would be the price since…"

I cut him off there, saying, "Tell you what, once this coup is done, I'll come to your shop and speak with your master personally. I'm not worried about the price. I'm sure I can convince his majesty that it's in the best interests of his safety, which it would since it's my armor."

Man, isn’t he precious? He’s bulletproof, has superhuman regenerative capabilities and speed but totally needs that ridiculously impractical armor made of basic materials that wouldn’t probably resist a laser shot and forged with greatly outdated techniques to better protect himself.

With that, Heskel quickly took out a pen and wrote down the address of the forge, as well as his and his master's names as he said, "Thank you very much for the pleasure my lord. We look forward to seeing you soon." I bowed my head lightly and made my way onto the elevator.

Upon exiting the elevator, I decided to head to the viewing park. That's probably the only place on the ship that's got to be quiet and peaceful right now.

Boy, was I wrong yet again…

I opened the door and was blasted in the face with a wall of steam as I waved my hands in front of me saying, "What the hell? Seriously? Is there nowhere on this ship that there isn't something going on?"

Have you tried Shiva’s quarters? I’m pretty sure she’s the only one there right now.

I made my way inside, trying to figure out what was causing the steam before I heard a splash, followed by Milfeulle's voice.

"Kyaa! Your chest looks so big Forte."

What the hell did I just walk into?

"Really? But your skin is so smooth, Milfie."

I was really beginning to question why I was still in here at this point. I couldn't see anything, thanks to the steam. And I definitely couldn't smell anything, again thanks to the steam.

Vanilla's voice came next, "The water in this hot spring is effective for bruises, cuts, poor circulation, rashes, and chapped skin."

Oh right, the hot spring kit. I completely forgot about that. Smooth Mint, smooth.

The longer I tried meandering my way through the thick steam, the harder it was for me to see where I was going. I tried to find my way back to the door, but that wasn't happening either. The girls kept conversing amongst themselves while I silently tried to find my way out with no luck.

Finally, after a few minutes, I figured enough was enough. "You know, I didn't think you were going to get this set up that fast rabbit. I figured I would have had at least a day before having to worry about this."

“How dare you take an opportunity to relax and unwind after all the fighting!? Now if you excuse me, I’m going to make some drawings of my armor to give the blacksmith as reference.”

Milfeulle chimed in saying, "Demon? Is that you? Want to join us?"

"As nice as I'm sure that would be, I've been lost in this steam for the last few minutes trying to find my way oooOOUUTT!"

I tripped over a rock and fell face first into the hot spring.

Sitting up on my side, the steam had parted, revealing the girls in their swimsuits as I laid in the water, on my side, with my fist propped under my head staring at them with a snarky look as Milfeulle slid into the water and said, "Demon, are you ok?"

"Yeah…found the spring." I splashed the water twice lightly, making all of the girls, minus Vanilla, laugh at my comment. Milfeulle and Mint placed their hands under each of my arms and helped me sit up against a rock as I said, "Thanks."

Milfeulle looked at me and said, "Aren't you going to get out of the water? Your armor will get soaked."

I chuckled as I said, "You know what, at this point, I don't care anymore. My armors soaked, my tails are soaked, I'm soaked. No matter what I do, I'm dragging half this spring through the ship back to my room…..again. Twice in a week, I just can't catch a break." I started laughing as I finished that sentence.

At the risk of sounding repetitive, this scene worked in the game because it toyed with the player’s expectations and was ultimately accompained by a CG of the girls in their bathing suits. Here…it’s fucking nothing.

After making my way back to my room and changing my clothes, I spent the better part of a couple of hours drying my tails and armor. Once I was satisfied I finally got it all dry, I began to put it all back on. Before I could get very far, I heard a knock on my door. Looking over with a raised eyebrow, I said, "Come in, it's open."

The door opened and in strolled Milfeulle. She really wants to finish this conversation.

Yeah, it’s not like you’re the one who has been acting like a thirsty fuck towards her.

"Hey Demon, do you mind if we finish our conversation here? Where we won't be interrupted?"

I smirked and offered her a spot on my bed, where she happily sat down and said, "So, about earlier…"

I sat down across from her in a chair I pulled up, smirked and replied, "My question from earlier still stands. What are you trying to say?"
She looked down a bit sadly as she said, "Before I ask that question, there's something else I've been meaning to ask you. About what Camus said earlier that you said to Prince Shiva, about humans and Demons."

Oh right, that.

I sighed as I said, "You're wondering if I actually said that. The answer is yes, I did." She looked to the ground sadly as I continued, "However, Camus took that out of context. The whole conversation was about my interactions with humans over the course of the 200 years prior to becoming the guardian of the royal family. Back then, humans really, and I mean REALLY, did not like me. I can't begin to tell you how bad it got for me.



Milfeulle cut me off as she sniffled and said, "No, I understand. You don't like me that way because I'm a human."

I perked up and quickly said, "No, that's not what I said. I said…"

She quickly stood up and said, "I'm sorry for bothering you, excuse me my lord." She ran out of my room and began crying. Well, damn, that could have gone better. The least she could have done was let me finish. So much for progress…

Open wide for a big spoonful of cheap, forced drama!

It’s laughable how Guardian Hawk has gone for the “I’m a demon and you’re human” approach when, one, Howie is a mutant and not a demon, and two, he’s got the perfectly serviceable “I’m immortal and I’ll outlive you” excuse. But it wouldn’t surprise me if he forgot about it after the very first chapter.

I made my way to Prince Shiva's chambers and upon entering, she was reading a book on the History of War. She noticed me enter and said, "Howard. Wait, I know that look. What's wrong?" I sighed heavily, sat down next to her and explained what had just happened.

After I finished my explanation, she sighed and said, "Ok, I'll summon her down here and we'll get this sorted out." I shook my head as I said, "No, unfortunately this is something I have to clear up on my own, otherwise it'll just seem like I'm using you as a cop out as it were. Though, I do greatly appreciate it."

You didn’t had any problems using her to make the whole Angel Team apologize for the mess with the shapeshifting probe, though.

Before I could continue, the overhead system came on as Almo's voice said, "Demon of the West, your presence is respectfully requested on the bridge." I dropped my head as Shiva patted my pauldron and said, "Go on, I'm sure you'll figure out how to solve that problem on your way there. I have yet to see an issue that can beat you."

So, I guess being a massive egomaniacal cunt is seen as positive in this universe.

I chuckled as I stood up and proceeded to head to the bridge.

As I entered the bridge, I walked up to Tact and Lester and said, "Ok, why am I up here?"

Tact looked at me and said, "I figured you'd want to be up here when we rendezvous with the 3rd fleet." We're there already? Time must have went by faster than I thought.

I looked over at Almo and said, "Anything on radar yet Almo?"

She shook her head, "Negative, no sign of 3rd fleet."

I placed my hand under my chin as I said, "Huh….odd. You did say we arrived at the rendezvous, correct?" Tact nodded his head as I looked over at Coco and said, "Conduct an area scan. Report anything out of the ordinary." Coco acknowledged as Lester looked at me and said, "Are you looking for something specific my lord?"

I looked back at him and said, "If we're in the right place and we're on time, I'm wondering if someone beat us here."

Tact looked at me with a grave look as he said, "That's what I'm afraid of. I've had this bad feeling ever since we received that communication to rendezvous here. So, I have the angel wing on standby, just in case things go south."

No sooner had he finished, Forte came on, "Tact, you got a minute?"

Tact perked up and said, "Sure, what's up?"

Forte continued, "We have a problem. There was an incident earlier between Milfeulle and the Demon and now her frame is showing a 30% drop in efficiency. Can you try to track him down and find out what happened?" All of the girls starting voicing irritation towards me as Tact said, "Roger, standby."

He looked at me, as did Lester as I said, "Ok, here's what happened. Milfeulle came to my room earlier and we had a discussion. She asked if what Camus said earlier about the conversation between me and Prince Shiva was true and I told her yes. I tried to explain to her that it was taken out of context, but somewhere along the way, she got the impression that I didn't like her that way and she ran out of my room before I could correct her."

Ranpha came over as soon as I finished and said, "Do you have ANY idea how unforgivable it is to break a girl's heart?! When we get relieved, I'm going to find you and…"

"Oh what are you going to do? Get that person that can stop me. What was his name….Michael McDoesn't Exist?"

His ability to turn every single issue into a metaphorical dick measuring contest which he, invariably, comes out on top of could almost be a superpower on its own. Extra points for assuming there isn’t anybody in the whole damn galaxy that could stand up to him.

Before she could respond, Mint came over next, "Milfeulle, is this true?"

Milfeulle sniffled as she said, "Yes."

Mint sighed as Ranpha said, "You better count yourself lucky that we're stuck on standby." I rolled my eyes as Coco said, "Sir, I'm detecting a small disturbance ahead." I looked over and said, "Visual please." A digital zoomed in view popped up in front of us showing a debris field as I felt my blood run cold.

Lester chimed in and said, "That is probably an old field of debris from a mock battle." I raised my eyebrow as he continued, "It's probably why the 3rd fleet wanted to meet us here. Nothing really suspicious of an old debris field, so they could probably blend in and not be noticed."

My stomach was turning looking at the debris. Something was telling me that wasn't the case here.

Those Let’s Play videos of the first game are so useful, aren’t they?

"Coco, are you detecting any residual gases or energy discharge to indicate recent weapons fire?"

Coco was staring at her screen intently as she said, "No…..wait…yes. I'm reading several pockets of ionized gases around the debris."

That could only mean one thing.

I looked at Tact with a grave look as he said, "Elsior, hard about, get us out of here now!"

I stood back as I turned and looked at the two of them, saying, "I think that order is too late Tact."

Thanks for your input, champ.

No sooner did I finish my sentence, did several proximity alarms go off.

"Enemy fleet directly astern."

Tact immediately said, "Angel wing, deploy!" The angel wing acknowledged as Tact began giving orders on the combat situation. As he was giving orders, I heard a faint whisper. Almost at the edge of hearing, "Eonia…Bristol...pursuit…shield…death…"

Gym Leader…tackle…vine whip…bubblebeam…Elite Four…

I could feel a slight surging pulsating through my arm. Almost as if I'd been hooked up to an electrical conduit as it began to hurt. I did my best to ignore it as I listened to Tact before a com line opened up.

"You are the Commander of the Elsior? I've been waiting." A female voice came over.

I raised an eyebrow as Lester asked, "Who was that?"

Almo responded, "It came from the enemy fleet! They've tapped into our communications." Well, that explains how they knew 3rd fleet would be here. They probably got the same message we did.

I looked at Tact as he said, "This is for Eonia's fleet. Do not interrupt our communications without permission."

In response, the image of a female with lavender colored hair came up as she said, "That was impolite of me. My name is Sherry. Sherry Bristol." Bristol…that whisper mentioned that a second ago. I'll have to dig into that later as she continued. "I am the Commander of the Elsior Pursuit Force belonging to the Legitimate Transbaal Empire. You have my regards." Hmm, oddly polite for an enemy.

“When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.”


This lovely lady here is Eonia’s right hand (wo)man. She’s very capable and extremely loyal to him.

Tact then said, "Hmm. I thought all of Eonia's subordinates were men, but you look rather beautiful to me." I shot him a dirty look. Seriously? Flirting with the enemy?

Sherry responded, "Oh? Thank you. Have you already discerned the reason that I'm here?" Hmm, Elsior pursuit force, recent debris field. Nope, not a clue.

Tact replied, "Yeah, about 10 minutes ago. Please send my regards to Mr. Eonia and we'll be on our way." I really wanted to face palm, but that surging sensation in my arm was really beginning to bug me.

"…What a peculiar man. Then allow me to tell you this in no uncertain terms. Be a good little bee and return to the fold. Unless you want the same fate as the ones who were here, hand over the Prince."

Tact chimed in, "Ms. Sherry, right? You had bad grades in science, didn't you?"


"Oh? Why?"

"There are no Princes in a beehive." Oh, for the sake of damnation.

Nothing makes a visual novel more enjoyable like the gratuitous comments of a cretin that believes himself witty and funny.

"…That's not the point. Speaking with you was a waste of time."

"Then perhaps you'd like to speak with me." I stepped forward, which drew her attention.

"The Demon of the West. It truly is an honor to meet the legendary guardian who trained Eonia. He speaks very highly of you. I was asked to relay a message if I found you. It's not too late to come back."

I started, "Right, then if…" I stopped as that surging sensation grew to the point where I couldn't ignore it anymore, causing me to visibly flinch. Everyone looked at me as I regained my composure and finished, "…if that's the case, then you should already know my answer."

Sherry lightly shook her head as she said, "Very well. I'm sure you'll change your mind here shortly. Farewell Demon." With that, the com line closed.

It’s conversations like this one that make you realize Guardian Hawk didn’t put the slightest bit of thought behind the relationship between Eonia and his self-insert beyond making the latter look better.

Sherry has always been at Eonia’s side, to the point she accompained him into exile. Hell, in the manga she declares she will not let the scar on her cheek heal until she sees Eonia ascend as emperor.

If Howie was so close to Eonia, as he often likes to remind us, you would think he would be aware of Sherry’s indentity and have a much longer conversation with her, maybe even trying to appeal to her to convince Eonia to mend his ways. But nope! This is the kind of subtlety that gets lost when you’re writing with the explicit purpose of satisfying your ego.

As I turned, Tact looked at me and said, "Demon, are you alright? You looked like you flinched while you were talking to her." I shook my head and said, "I'm fine, just deal with her." With that, I left the bridge and began to make my way towards the medical bay.

I love how they are in the middle of an ambush, with one of the Angels underperforming thanks to him and he just tells Tact to “deal with her” like a lazy manager would tell a cashier.

As I entered the elevator, the surging in my arm began to pulsate and emit light blue energy waves across my arm. I don't know what was causing it, but it was hurting like hell. I tried to ignore it to the best of my ability, but the longer I waited, the worse it grew.

Stepping off the elevator onto Deck D, I made it about three steps before I had to lean against the wall and hold my arm. The pain was becoming unbearable as the energy waves grew brighter.

Aren’t chromosomes awesome?

Next thing I heard was Almo's voice over the announcement circuit. "Incoming missile, all hands brace for shock, Starboard side!"
At that point, almost as if my arm had a will of its own, it shot up and sent out a stream of energy into the bulkhead above me. The resulting discharge caused me to scream in agony. The pain literally felt like I was dipping my arm straight into a lava pit inside of a volcano.

What a shit analogy. I mean, how many people do you know have dipped their arms inside a fucking lava pit? Say it felt like dunking your arm inside a pot filled with boiling water. Wanting to be dramatic is fine, but you need to apply familiarity to your metaphors for them to work.

I felt a light push against my arm. Not strong, it was almost as if a toddler was pushing it. Once the push faded away, the energy discharge shot back into my arm, causing me to drop onto the deck and pass out.

Uh-oh! Looks like Howie is in a pickle! How he will get out of this one? Find out next time in "The Adventures of the Awesome Howie and Friends!"

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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Tue Sep 11, 2018 2:16 pm

Previously, the Elsior was ambushed by Sherry Bristol, Eonia’s most trusted subordinate, Milfeulle’s ship was under performing and Howie, who was to blame for that shit, fucked off towards the medical bay because his arm was hurting or something before passing out because scene transitions are, like, so hard you guys.

The first thing I felt was my head pounding as I came too. I opened my eyes and found everything was in a haze gray fog. At first, I figured it was because my eyes were still adjusting. So, I forced myself up and took a look around, but as my vision came into focus, it became more apparent that I wasn't on the Elsior anymore.

Great. I was getting tired of that ship with its dumb retail workers and that dumb Tact and that dumb Ranpha. Why couldn’t the whole story be about Howie and Milfeulle?

I saw several images that seemed like they were part of the fog. I recognized each one of them as I looked around. Most of them were playbacks of events that have occurred throughout my lifetime. As I began to walk towards one of them that showed Milfeulle, I was caught off guard.

"Took you long enough to get up."

I turned sharply as I reared my claws back to defend myself. However, what I saw completely confused the hell out of me.

I was staring at myself.

Whoa there, I don’t think this galaxy is big enough to contain twice your ego, son.

"Yeah, you took a bit of a shock to your system, but you should be fine. Let me guess, you're wondering who I am, right?"

I nodded my head as he said, "I'm you. Well, the subconscious part of you that retained your humanity. Even after administering that chromosome solution to yourself all those years ago, it still wasn't quite enough to get rid of your humanity. So, you subconsciously tucked it away and I came to be. I've been rattling around in here keeping track of memories; fiddling around with the power you….we….unlocked, diverted the necessary energy to assist in your recovery time when you were wounded."

What? I’m sorry, but…what? Since when was this guy trying to get rid of his “humanity”? Wasn’t the whole point of the chromosome bullshit to slow down or downright stop the aging process of his body?

I raised an eyebrow as I looked around and said, "Well, that answers my next question." Where was I was going to be my question, however, from the sound of his…my…explanation, we're inside my mind. Man, this is going to be weird.

It’s bad enough this crap has been all about him, but now we’re inside of his mind.

It’s like an inception of wankery.

He gave me an apologetic look as he said, "So, since I know what your next question is going to be, follow me, I need to catch you up on what I've learned."

As we traversed through the mist, I couldn't help but look at several of the images that were mixed in as they floated by. "You like the system I've been using for our memories? I found it pretty useful in retention as well as refreshing the information every now and again."

I saw another playback with Milfeulle in it. It was the conversation we had in my room. He looked at it as he said, "Yeah, that particular one started quite a mess. And I'm not just referring to out there; it made one in here too."

I looked back at him and said, "In here? What's going on in here?"

No sooner did I finish my question did he stop and point in front of him as he said, "That is going on." I stepped forward and what I saw surprised the hell out of me.

There was a giant pattern in the ground with several blue orbs slowly pulsating, circling around the confines of the pattern as he said, "I came across that a few days ago. I've been running around in here for 370 years and this is the first time I've seen that."

As I walked around the edges of the pattern to get a better look at it, he continued, "So, I tried to experiment with it a bit to find out what it was. Turns out that chromosome solution unlocked something that was already in our DNA. What specifically, I'm not sure yet. But from the look of it, it's almost as if it was put in there on purpose. I tried to tap into it, but when your emotions started going haywire after that incident with Milfeulle, I had to split my attention and it went out of control."

I glared at him and said, "So you're the reason I went through that living hell of a muscle spasm. That hurt like hell, just so you know." He quickly raised his hand as he said, "I know, I felt it too. The difference between you and me though, is I don't have blood, so I lopped my arm off in order to pay close attention to what happened when that discharge occurred."

I looked at his arm as he said, "Of course I put it back once I was done. Like I said, difference between you and me." I chuckled as I said, "So, what happened?"

He looked at the orbs as he said, "When I found this, it was like an endless column of energy. When I lost control of it and it discharged, it basically drained itself and left itself in this state. Though, the rate of recovery is phenomenal. If my math is right, it'll be back to the way it was when I found it in about 7 hours."

I snapped my fingers as he shook his head and said, "Right, sorry. What it did was the discharge fused into the bulkhead of the ship. What it did specifically, I'm not sure. But I'm almost positive that it created a barrier or a shield around the Elsior when it did. I remember hearing Almo say there was an incoming missile. I'm not sure if you felt it, but I felt a slight nudge. Really weak, but just at the edge of being noticed. I'm guessing that was the missile that she called out making contact with the barrier."

I placed a claw inside of the pattern and one of the orbs was draw to it and hovered at the tip of my claw. It didn't have that same painful surging sensation as before. This felt cooler, almost as if I dipped my hand into a pool of room temperature water. I could see the electrical impulses dancing around the confines of its shape, which fascinated me.

As I placed the orb back inside of the pattern, he said, "I think I've got a good idea of how to manipulate it now. I've been tinkering with the small scale orbs there to see if I could figure it out before it completely regenerated so we don't have another…incident with it."

I turned back to him and said, "So, if it can form a barrier around something as big as the ship, think we can tap into it to create a more localized barrier?"

He shrugged his shoulders as he said, "Well, I don't see why not. By all accounts, if it can cover a large area, it should also be able to cover a small area as well. Though, you'll have to be careful, I can only help you so much in here when your emotions go into a train wreck like they are now."

I gave him a snarky look as I said, "A train wreck? It can't be that bad." He laughed as he said, "Dude, I have literally spent the last few hours getting them back in order. That also said I won't be able to do much outside of maintaining that control until you sort this mess out with Milfeulle. We both know you care for her a great deal. Me, well, I personally couldn't care less, but you're the one who's living life, so I'm all for it. Besides, that's one of the parts of your humanity that will enhance your power even greater than before."

My expression changed to confusion as I said, "Ok, I'll bite. How do you figure that?" He chuckled as he said, "Humans have a greater drive when they have someone to protect. You've benefited from it over the last century, you just didn't notice it. If you can bring that small spark between you and Milfeulle and turn it into a tempest, the power that you would have to protect her would be beyond anything you ever used before."


Let me try to get this shit straight. Howie passed out and is now inside his own mind, talking with the “subconscious part of him that retained his humanity” who is infodumping him in the most dense and mind-numblingly boring way about a power that, honestly, it’s nothing impressive in a setting where spaceships have their own shielding system.

Moreover, it turns out Howie was special even before transforming and tinkering with his chromosomes unlocked something that was already present into his DNA, giving him the power to generate energy and project it in the shape of barriers. A power that increases to even greater heights if he thinks about this chick he wants to bang.

Now, the first question that comes to my mind is: where in the everloving fuck does this energy come from? It wouldn’t surprise me if Guardian Hawk came up with this shit to make his self-insert be less fucking useless during battles, but you just can’t expect me to accept this crap when, one, it has absolutely fucking nothing to do with the set of powers shown beforehand and, two, in a setting where there is no such thing as “chi”, “spiritual energy”, “demonic energy” or any other kind of shonen anime bullcrap.

For comparison, in the games, Emblem Frames (a.k.a. spaceships) are equipped with Chrono String Engines that draw power from Chrono Strings, fragments of the universe that contain seemingly infinite energy. The Emblem Frames piloted by the Angels are special since they are equipped with a unique system (aptly named H.A.L.O.) which allows them to draw far more energy than other ships if the pilot is in the right state of mind. Conversely, if the pilot is distressed, they will stop functioning. The whole thing is basically an excuse for the dating sim elements, having the girls like you and stuff, but it works and, most importantly, it doesn’t smash your willing suspension of disbelief into bits like this shit.

That worried me a bit. I already have a great deal of power. At what point would it become too much power? I looked back at the orbs and said, "If that's the case, then wouldn't it be better if I just let it fizzle out? If it's to the scale you're describing, then I don't know if even I can be trusted with that much power."

He walked over to me and patted my back as he said, "If there is anyone in the galaxy that I would trust with that kind of power. It would be you. I have never seen you put your own needs above someone else's, and I've been watching over the last three and a half centuries. Plus, I think it'll come in handy down the road. I've been getting glimpses of images that I've never seen before mixing in with our memories. One of which was that Sherry Bristol ambush earlier. I tried to figure out a way to relay it to you, but I'm not sure if it quite got out."
I have never seen you put your own needs above someone else's, and I've been watching over the last three and a half centuries.
Oh, really?
I sighed heavily as I glared at Tact and began, "The use of my name is reserved for those within the royal family, as well as those I deem have earned the right to use it. Seeing as you are not aware, I will let that one time slide. However…" I began to walk toward him as I flexed my claws, "…if you dare use it again without my permission, I will kill you where you stand, and the Prince will place a new commander in charge of the ship. Am I clear?"
Honestly, I can’t tell if this is a parody and I fully fell for it or if Guardian Hawk is so fucking dense he can undergo surgery without anesthesia.

I looked at him and said, "You know, funny you mention that. I heard a faint whispering before that whole thing. I remember four words. Eonia, Bristol, pursuit, shield, and death. Any of that sound familiar?"

His expression lit up as he said, "So part of it got out, I'll be damned. Man I'm so good I scare myself, Ha ha!" I furrowed my brow as he said, "Ok, so, I did manage to snag one of the images long enough to piece together what was going on. I'm not sure if it's due to that…" Pointing at the pattern before continuing, "…or something else. But I think you're starting to gain the ability to see into the future as well. That, I can't really tell you much about because it's sporadic, and it's the equivalent to looking inside of the keyhole of a door."

More like reading from the plot walkthrough from the Galaxy Angel Wikia.

I raised my eyebrows at the idea before I said, "Alright, so, then back to this guy then. You have an idea of how to control it?"

He nodded as he said, "Yeah, I can go ahead and merge that information with your memories so you'll know what to do when you wake up. Though, word of advice, start working on practicing using it as soon as you can. The sooner you get the hang of it, the more useful it will be down the road. However…"

I gave him a suspicious look as he finished, "…if you try to use it with conflicting emotions, than it's just going to go haywire again. We got lucky that last time that I managed to force it into the bulkhead of the ship at the last second. I would rather not tempt the fates twice with that. So, first thing is first, you need to sort things out with Milfeulle."

He walked over to the side before he looked up and said, "What? How the hell did THAT happen and I didn't notice it sooner?"

I looked at him in confusion as he said, "Well, it looks like our time is up. You need to wake up now." He began to form an orange globe in his hand as I said, "Why, what's going on?" As the globe solidified, he said, "The ship's been boarded, you need to help them repel them before anyone gets hurt." That surprised the hell out of me as he shot the orb into my chest, shocking the hell out of me and blinding me in a white light.

How fucking convenient this part of his subconscious can update him on his newest powers and brief him about his current situation despite him being passed out.

As I came too, I felt clamps being put around my wrists. I immediately shot up and knocked the guy by my other hand away as I pried the clamps off my legs and rolled onto my feet. I noticed I was in the med bay and surrounded by several soldiers who had weapons leveled at me. They weren't part of the crew on the Elsior, so I can only guess these were the boarders that my subconscious mentioned. One of them shouted at me, "Get on your knees now Demon!"

I replied, "I'm not your mother last night."

Yeah, they didn't like that answer.

Guess they don’t have the sense of humor of twelve years-old.

As they opened fire, I shot forward and ripped the head off of one of the soldiers before swinging my claws around and impaling another. I tossed the corpse across the bay into three soldiers as I charged towards the one who shouted at me. I grabbed his head and rammed it into the bulkhead, crushing his skull under my strength. I dropped his body to the ground as the three soldiers got to their feet and started firing at me again. I quickly eviscerated two of them, and decapitated the third one.

Because if there’s something this space opera needed was a good dose of edge written with all the intensity of a grocery store list.

Looking around at the carnage in the med bay, I looked down and noticed I was only dressed in a medical gown, which now had several holes in it as blood slowly began to run down my body. I didn't feel any pain, mainly because I'd learned how to will away that kind of pain years ago.

Look, son, I’m pretty sure suspense died, like, seven chapters ago and you’re beating a corpse now.

However, I couldn't go running around the ship in a medical gown. A demon has to maintain some of his dignity.

Let’s hope the enemy doesn’t mind waiting until you clean yourself, put on your kimono, pants and boots, adjust your sash, then your armor and your fluffy tails…

As I walked out of the med bay, I heard several more weapons charge up as I looked at the battalion of soldiers that were staggered in the corridor. I lifted my bloody claw and flexed my hand, causing several cracks to pop as they opened fire and I charged into them.


As three more crewmen stumbled into the audience chambers of Prince Shiva, Forte fired two more shots towards the enemy soldiers that were firing towards the doors. She managed to hit one, but another stepped forward and took his place as she ducked behind cover again. She reloaded her revolver as she said, "Was that the last of the crew?"

Tact shouted back, "Yeah, that was the last of them, all hands are accounted for. So, with that said…" He ran forward and took cover behind the opposite wall with an energy pistol as he finished, "…got any ideas for how to retake the ship?" Forte glared at him as Ranpha shouted, "You're the Commander, you're the one who's supposed to come up with the plans, so start thinking!" She took a shot towards the enemy barricade, but only hit the wall.

Mint was busy with working on one of the computer panels in the room while Vanilla and Milfeulle were working on treating injuries amongst the crew. Mint opened a separate display as she said, "There! I've tapped into the enemies communications. Now we can keep track of where they're at." Prince Shiva ran over to Mint as she listened with everyone else to the enemy's comms.

All they heard was overlapping chatter and several screams with weapons fire.

Mint shook her head as she said, "For having just effectively taken over the ship, their comms are quite disorganized. I'm a bit embarrassed that we got pushed into a corner by such unprofessional antics." Forte looked back and said, "Well, it doesn't seem very unprofessional from where I'm standing." As she fired several more shots down the corridor. "Man, how many soldiers did they bring?" Before Shiva could say anything, one of the reports over the com was quite clear.

"Bravo squad to Gold actual, we've lost contact with Delta squad. Last reported position was on Deck D. The ship remains under our control, request to send scouts to investigate."

Tact looked back at Mint and said, "Deck D? What's on Deck D that would cause one of their boarding parties to…" The look on his face lit up, as did everyone else's as Milfeulle smiled and exclaimed, "He's awake?" Mint typed in several commands into the panel, bringing up a security feed from one of the cameras on Deck D. All they saw were dozens of bloodied and ripped apart bodies just lining the corridor.

Prince Shiva smiled and looked at Tact as she said, "This is where they're going to realize that they messed up."

Back to main POV…

Thanks for that little interlude, Guardian Hawk. Nothing like seeing the characters that marked a point in my life being completely outclassed until they find out your self-insert is coming to save them and their faces light up like children on Christmas eve.

I had managed to fight my way back to my quarters on Deck B. They certainly brought enough soldiers, that's for sure. There were way more soldiers than there were crew on board the ship. Odds are they brought the extra numbers for me.

Bad idea.

You know what’s funny? There are a grand total of two times where we see Eonia’s soldiers in the game.


Here’s the first time. This is the CGI of Eonia’s speech, the one the author skipped so his self-insert could brood.


And here’s the second, later in the game. Spoilers: both Eonia and the soldiers are all holograms in this scene.

Needless to say, in both cases, those guys do absolutely nothing. Not just that, Eonia’s fleet is fully automated. Beyond him, Sherry, the Hell Hounds and Lezom, there isn’t a single other human in his army. All in all, there’s a high chance these soldiers are just holograms put there for intimidation factor.

But of course, I don’t expect something as simple as logic to stop Guardian Hawk to stroke himself with enough force to start a small fire.

I ripped off the tattered medical gown that was barely clinging to my blood soaked body and quickly stepped into the shower and rinsed off all the blood so I could see my wounds. One by one, I bandaged each of them, if only to keep them from getting on my clothes after I got dressed. Once I bandaged the last of the wounds, I quickly dried off and got dressed and donned my armor. I couldn't begin to tell you how good it felt to have my armor and tails back on after running around in that damn gown.

This cocksucker really stopped to take a shower and get changed. Yeah, “never put his own needs above someone else’s”, alright.

So, first order of business, I needed to find a way to make sure Prince Shiva was safe. However, several of the on board security defense measures that were designed for boarders were off line. Probably disabled when this whole thing started. I walked over to my panel and hacked my way into the security feed for the ship.

Let’s see…

- Martial Arts expert.
- Scientist.
- Forger.
- Firearms expert.
- Pilot.
- Singer.
- Hacker.

Guess taking the “massive cunt” trait must have given him a sizeable amount of extra skill points to distribute.

After about a minute, I pulled up the feed for his chambers, and thankfully, she was safe. From the look of it, the entire crew was holed up and barricaded in his throne room. Good call whoever came up with that. With the crew safely out of the way, I don't have to worry about watching my targets and I can teach these guys why it's a bad idea to back a dog into a corner. With that, I left my room and made my way through the corridors, tearing through the enemy forces even faster than before as I made my way to the bridge.

How convenient the crew is all safe and sound, leaving him to focus on the mindless slaughter.

In the audience chambers…

Forte took three more shots as Mint started flapping her rabbit ears wildly and exclaimed, "I found him! He's tearing through the enemy on Deck B heading towards the elevator. I'll see if I can't patch into his communicator." She began typing commands into the panel as Tact said, "Does he know that we're down here? If he can get the anti-personnel defense system back online, they'd make short work of these guys…WHOA!" He ducked down as a bolt hit the corner of the wall he was standing behind, narrowly missing him.

Forte fired another shot, killing another soldier as she said, "Hopefully, he knows and is already on his way to the bridge."
Ranpha fired four shots, hitting one of the soldiers as she said, "Well, it's the least he can do for all that time he spent sleeping while the rest of us were busy working."

Mint smiled and said, "Agreed, we'll have to make sure that he makes up for all that lost time." After another few seconds, a stray energy bolt ricocheted off the frame of the door and hit the panel Mint was working at, causing it to explode and sent Mint flying backwards, landing on Milfeulle and knocking her down as well.

Vanilla ran over to the two girls as Forte fired another shot, taking out the soldier that fired that shot. Milfeulle was only bruised from being hit by Mint. However, Mint's neck and part of her uniform were scorched from the explosion. Vanilla treated Mint's burns as she opened her eyes and said, "What happened? Why am I on the floor?"

She sat up and looked at the panel she was working on to find it had been destroyed. She gasped as she checked herself and found her uniform partially scorched, but no wounds on her person. She looked at Vanilla and said, "Did you treat my wounds?" Vanilla nodded as Mint thanked her and stood up, picking up an energy pistol and taking cover with Ranpha behind a barricade.

As Vanilla ran to another crewman, Milfeulle looked at the console and thought, 'Please hurry Demon.'

Breaking news: the protagonists are still fucking useless without the self-insert. Also, water is wet.

Main POV

Clawing my way through the boarders on Deck B, I was seriously beginning to wonder if they filled this ship with all these men just to see if they could do it. As I drew closer to the elevator, the forward blast door in front of me came down and cut me off from the elevator. I turned around only to find the blast door about 20 feet behind me had also come down.

I was effectively trapped.

Granted, I could tear my way through the doors, but it would take a few minutes. When I heard the sound of hissing above me, I chuckled thinking if they were going to try to gas me out, that wasn't going to work. That was when I noticed it was getting harder to breathe.

They were pulling the air out of the space.

As I took a deep breath and reared back my claws, I heard myself whisper at the edge of my hearing. 'Close your eyes and focus your strength into your chest.'

Not like I was in a position to argue.

So, I closed my eyes and began to focus my strength into my chest. As I did, I felt it become easier to breathe again. When the hissing stopped, I opened my eyes and began to breathe normally again. I tried smelling the air, but there was no scent to be picked up, not even my own. I was in a vacuum inside the ship and I was breathing perfectly fine. I'm beginning to wonder when I'm going to stop surprising myself when I heard another whisper. 'Use that power to lift the door.'

So, I stood firmly and extended my right arm towards the door. At first, nothing happened, then that surging sensation flared up and shot from my hand into the door, connecting me with the door. As I slowly lifted my hand, it felt like I was lifting that pillar back in the hanger bay again, but with one hand. The door slowly began to move upwards as the air from the elevator hall rushed in through the gap to fill the room. The initial gust forced me to shift my balance a little, but I continued to lift the door until it was fully lifted and locked in place.

I dropped my arm, feeling a slight strain in my muscles, but nowhere near any kind of pain like last time. I sprinted forward and boarded the elevator and made my way to Deck A.


It’s like playing make believe with the most stubborn ten years-old in the world.

“You’re now trapped!”

“Nope! I can break steel walls with my claws! And you can’t gas me!”

“I drain all the air from the room then!”

“Nope because with my new power I can breathe in space! And I’ve got even more super strenght! And I can see the future too!”

As the elevator doors opened on Deck A, I was greeted by a dozen and a half soldiers standing in the elevator hall, weapons pointing towards me. I merely smirked as I charged forward and tore through them like a walking meat blender. As they shot at me and retreated, I chased them down the corridor and killed them just short of the bridge.

I grabbed two of their bodies and dragged them behind me, leaving a bloody trail behind me, as I walked onto the bridge. As the doors opened, I hurled the bodies onto the bridge, hitting two of the soldiers across the room and knocking them down.

As the rest of the squad leveled their weapons, I could hear their team leader yelling, "Gold Actual, this is Bravo team, the Demon is on the bridge, request immediate…" I tore through two soldiers and grabbed him by the throat.

I didn't let him finish his sentence.

I hurled him into the bulkhead by the port side operator's station as 5 more soldiers ran up the opposite side and began firing at me. I turned and weaved through their weapons fire and closed to melee distance.

As I reached them, I grabbed one rifle and dismembered the soldiers arm from it before throwing it into the guy behind me, knocking him off balance. I charged forward and impaled him and ripped part of his spine out through his chest. I whipped the spine around and knocked one of the soldiers in the head, knocking him to the ground as he struggled to get up.

I hurled the spine at two more soldiers before charging forward and sliced one soldier's carotid artery with my claws before rearing my hand back and sliced the air, sending out several bright red blades that diced those two soldiers into mince-meat. As I turned and saw four more soldiers rush to cover and help their squad leader, I closed my hand and held up my first two fingers as my claws began to glow. They opened fire and started pelting me with energy bolts as I whipped my hand around, sending out an energy whip that ricocheted between all four of them and sliced them into several pieces. As the energy whip retracted back into my claws, I walked forward through the carnage towards the squad leader, who was only alive because I wanted him alive, and punched him in the temple, knocking him clean out.

“I killed this guy, decapitated this other guy, impaled that guy, etc.” I feel like I’m listening to the same ten years-old, having just discovered Mortal Kombat, telling me how awesome and gory it is.

I proceeded over to the operator's console and found there were several boarding craft preparing to attach onto the Elsior's hull. Guess they managed to call for those reinforcements. So, to keep them from getting on, I polarized the hull of the ship using the Chrono string engines, preventing the boarding craft from attaching onto the hull. I then punched in several commands, since a security lockout had been initiated, to try and gain access to the security subroutines.

As I was hacking into the system, I heard several footsteps behind me. The scent was still identical to the soldiers that I've been running into thus far. So I reared my right hand back with my first two fingers and threw out another energy whip, killing them as soon as they crossed the threshold of the door.

This shit is not a story. This is watching a kid playing Doom on his computer.

After what felt like forever, I finally gained access to the security subroutines and found the anti-personnel defense turrets access. Of course, they'd been disabled. So, I smiled and said, "Alright boys, time for the ship to have some fun." I re-enabled the security protocol and set the targeting parameters to all targets that didn't match the DNA profile of all embarked crew and passengers. After that, I engaged the system.

Let the games begin.

I heard several bursts of fire from the auto turrets in the hallway behind me as I walked over to take a quick peek. I leaned out of the doorway to find several soldiers get mowed down by the security system. I couldn't help but smile as I said, "Good girl."

I suspect Guardian Hawk does not know the meaning of “ceremonial flagship”.

I walked back over to the operator's console and pulled up the security feed from all decks. I watched as the boarders were cut down by the ships own defense turrets. A lot of them tried to return fire or take cover, but the ship was too fast for them. As I moved to open a comm channel with the audience chambers, I received an incoming comm request from outside of the ship. I groaned as I realized I forgot to check what the surrounding situation looked like. I opened the channel as I heard Eonia's voice com over from the display that popped up at the center of the bridge.

"Bravo team, report. Why is the hull to the Elsior polarized?"

I casually strolled over to the center of the bridge and said as I came into view, "Because I don't like uninvited guests barging in like they own the place. Long time no see Eonia."

Eonia's face had a look of shock as he said, "Howard. I…I didn't think you were…"

"Awake? Yeah, I had only just come too when I found a few of your boys trying to put clamps on me. Of course when I knocked them back and got up, they yelled at me to get on my knees. To which, I replied, 'I'm not your mother last night.' They took exception to that. Buuut, you know how that song and dance goes, and I killed all but one of them."

You know, setting aside the edgy tryhard shit, this guy’s sheer disregard for human life is downright disturbing. Especially considering he’s been guarding and teaching Shiva since she was born.

In the games, as I’ve mentioned before, Shiva was distressed when you first meet her, ordering you to turn around, defeat the rebels and go save her subjects. Here, she was smiling and joking with Howie, even when she was inside the Royal Palace when the bombardment began.

And now, after seeing a dozen of mutilated bodies lining up a corridor, her first reaction is to smile and comment how the remaining soldiers will now realize that they messed up. Does that read like a normal reaction for a ten years-old to you? What are the chances Howie had been “regaling” her with stories about his “feats”? Or, God forbids, finding some por asshole to demonstrate?

Eonia raised an eyebrow as he said, "What happened to the last one?"

I smirked and said, "I've got something….special in mind for him. But I digress. How've you been doing? Last I heard, you came back, blew up the place I was living in, killed most of the royal family which were my friends, I might add, and forced us to retreat while you declared yourself king. Gotta say, a lot of that goes against what I taught you growing up bud. I don't get a lot of this.”

Guess the very first lesson was “do as I say, not as I do”. Except I haven’t got the slightest freaking idea of what he could have said.

Eonia chuckled as he said, "What's not to understand, I took what was rightfully mine and I'm working towards ushering in a new age for the empire. One that will be even greater than before."

I waved my hand as I said, "That's not what I mean. I mean, one, where in the literal hell did you get ALL these ships? I mean seriously, I've never seen that big of a fleet put together in such a short span of time, and I've been around for a few centuries. Two, I was under the impression most of your commanders were men until we ran into Ms. Bristol. Gotta say, you still have good taste bro. My boy." Throwing up my hands in the shape of guns as I continued.

You would think the guy who “raised Eonia like a son” would know about the lady who stood by Eonia’s side even after he was banished to the asshole of the galaxy. The very woman who Eonia explicitly told to not do anything rash and come back to his side in one of the game’s interludes.

But, you know, small details.

"Three, why did you have to blow up the palace? I mean, honestly, you couldn't send in a team of assassins, or a couple of elite strike teams to kill the royal family? That palace was actually nice, I can't believe you blew it to hell. Overkill much? The first thing I taught you was Patience always pays its dues. However, in this case, you did the exact opposite of patience and as a result, here we are."

Do you remember that Simpsons’ episode, “Lisa’s First Word”, where Marge wonders when Maggie will start talking and Lisa tells her to not push her, “for it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt”? Remember how Homer thought “what does that mean? Better say something or they’ll think you’re stupid” followed by saying “takes one to know one” and then mentally praising himself? Every time I see Guardian Hawk trying to make his self-insert appear wise or intelligent that scene comes to my mind.

Eonia’s plan suceeded because he struck hard, fast and without warning. Had Shiva not been inside the White Moon at that time, his victory would have been a complete one.

Eonia was completely confused at this point as he said, "Soooo….you're joining me? Is that what I'm getting from this?" I face palmed as I said, "No, Eonia, I'm not joining you. I'm trying to get you to understand each of the lessons I taught you over the years has a purpose. You were like a son to me. What you're doing right now is going against every single thing I taught you. Why do you think I'm not dead, despite your best efforts so far?"

Because the Angel Team had been protecting the Elsior? And I’m still waiting for all those lessons he taught Eonia all over the years. Nope, “patience” does not count; fuck you.

It was at that point he said, "Enough, I will not stand and be scolded by you. I offer you one last chance to join me at my side. You will not receive any more chances after this if you refuse."

Eonia had no qualms about killing his family and God knows how many innocent people, but makes an exception for this furry faggot.

I sighed and shook my head as I said, "You already know my answer. That doesn't mean I'm going to give up on you yet, Eonia." I closed the comm channel and ran over to the operator's console. I punched in several commands, engaging the Chrono drive as the ships opened fire on the Elsior. Before any of the weapons could make contact with the ship's hull, we shot off into Chrono space, causing them all to fly past harmlessly.

I shook my head again as I looked back at the security feed to find the Angel wing slowly peeking out from the throne room. I looked at the security system status and it showed green across the board. I opened a comm channel to the audience chambers and said, "The ship has been cleared of boarders and we have engaged Chrono drive. All hands, conduct deck by deck clean up and repairs. Medical team, standby to receive wounded in the med bay. Commander Mayers, Subcommander Coolduras, report to the medical bay for prisoner interrogation."

With that, I walked over and picked up the squad leader, who was still unconscious, and carried him down to the medical bay, as I left a trail of my own blood behind me from my wounds.

So once again, the day is saved thanks to the Amazing Howie!

Now seriously, fuck this shit in the ass with a stick covered in fire ants. The first third of this chapter was a horribly boring clusterfuck of an infodump, a pitiful attempt from Guardian Hawk to justify his self-insert getting even more powers to compensate for the fact Inuyasha’s dad would be fucking useless in a futuristic setting.

The rest was…like the Bonestorm joke from the Simpsons played straight. With the occasional reminder the characters from the game are still there. And it was so, so poorly written.

As they opened fire, I shot forward and ripped the head off of one of the soldiers before swinging my claws around and impaling another. I tossed the corpse across the bay into three soldiers as I charged towards the one who shouted at me. I grabbed his head and rammed it into the bulkhead, crushing his skull under my strength. I dropped his body to the ground as the three soldiers got to their feet and started firing at me again. I quickly eviscerated two of them, and decapitated the third one.
Look at it. It’s just so dull, so lacking of emotion. Even if your OC was a killing machine who dispatched enemies in the same casual manner I arrange my Yu-Gi-Oh! trading cards, there should be more to the narrative than a freaking laundry list. Here, let me give you an example:

My claws teared through their bodies like they were made of air, and in the blink of an eye the whole room was filled with the stench of blood. I had become death, swift and unavoidable, dancing to the beat of their screams.

Not to toot my own horn, but I think I managed more in a single paragraph than Guardian Hawk in the whole sequence. The saddest part is, I’m pretty sure he, much like others like him, had the whole sequence pictured in his mind, but he doesn’t understand the readers are going to need more than barebones description to visualize things in the same way.

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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Thu Sep 13, 2018 3:12 pm

I forgot to comment on this in the previous chapter, but I find laughable how Howie tried to lecture Eonia on the virtues of being patient when he threatened a member of the maintenance crew and nearly killed everybody after losing control because he couldn’t wait for them to finish their job.

Upon arriving at the med bay, I tossed the squad leader on a table and pulled his side arm from his belt. I checked him for any further weapons before strapping him down with several restraints. Shortly after I fastened the last restraint, Tact, Lester, as well as the Angel wing with Dr. Cera all came into the med bay. Their first reaction was of happiness as they looked at me. Next thing I knew, I felt something land against my side. I looked down, and Milfeulle was clinging onto me for dear life.

And here it is, the obligatory “everybody sucks the self-insert’s dick after he saved us all because the author made us fucking useless” scene.

I chuckled as I said, "Nice to see you too Milfeulle. Is everyone alright?" They all nodded as Tact and Lester walked over with Dr. Cera to the squad leader I had strapped down. I placed one arm around Milfeulle so she wouldn't think her hug was pointless as I said, "So, first question I have to ask. How long was I out?"

Not long enough, if you ask me.

Mint spoke up, "You were found unconscious in the corridor of this deck by the elevator. A few of the crewmen carried you here and you were unconscious for almost 2 days." My eyebrows shot up as Milfeulle started crying into my armor. I looked down at her and said, "Why are you crying?" She sniffled and looked up at me as she said, "I was terrified that I wouldn't get the chance to apologize to you for running out of your room like I did."

I knelt down a bit as I said, "Hey, you have nothing to apologize for. I should have phrased that explanation better so you understood where I was coming from more clearly. If anything, I owe you an apology. So, with that said, can you forgive me?"

She smiled as she wiped her tears away and said, "Of course, how could I stay mad at you?" I see what she did there.

Yeah, it’s very considerate of Guardian Hawk to point out she’s using the same words Howie did like we have the reading comprehension of squirrels.

Vanilla stepped forward and said, "You are wounded, please have a seat so that I may treat you." I looked down and forgotten that I'd been riddled with holes during my little escapade. I walked over to a table and sat down as I looked at the angel wing and said, "Ok, so, what happened with that battle from Sherry? Last thing I remember was Almo calling out an inbound missile."

Lester was the one who answered. "A barrier had been erected around the Elsior that stopped the missile without touching the ship. From what we saw on security footage, you shot like a beam of energy out of your hand and it was the source of the barrier. After that stunt, we managed to fight our way through and engaged the Chrono drive. We dropped out of Chrono drive to navigate around an asteroid belt, but there was an enemy fleet hiding behind a few of them. Before we could react, we'd been boarded. We tried to fight them off at first, but they hacked into our systems and disabled the security subroutines. After that, they just kept coming, so we rallied in the Prince's chambers and we were getting ready to launch a counter offensive to retake the ship. However, we tapped into enemy comms and received word that you'd woken up. At which point, the Prince decided to let you do what you do best while we held our position."

This is so freaking lazy I can feel my legs going numb. Let’s start with something simple: they fell into exactly the same “ambush behind asteroids” tactic the Hell Hounds used previously to hit them with a missile. Except at that point there were only two small fighters while here there was en entire goddamn fleet hiding behind those asteroids. From there, they were somehow hacked, boarded and driven into a corner.

Now, the manga, as I’ve mentioned before, takes several liberties to the plot, but also makes changes to better adapt the story to a different medium. In one chapter in particular, the Elsior answers a distress call from a wrecked ship. Milfeulle and Ranpha board it, only to find it’s empty and they get captured by one of Eonia’s subordinates. The rescue does not involve the Emble Frames at all.

It’s obvious to anybody Guardian Hawk wanted an excuse for his self-insert to go around slaughtering everybody to show how “badass” he is, but he’s so lazy and uncreative the best he can come up is some “off-screen” bullcrap.

I lifted up my arm as Vanilla was treating my wounds. "Yeah, as it turns out there's more to my power than I originally thought." I made my hand glow a light blue, causing the girls to gasp in surprise before I dispelled the glow and said, "Hopefully, with some practice, I'll be able to apply this in a much more controlled fashion as opposed to last time. That way I don't end up like swiss cheese again." The girls chuckled at my joke as Vanilla said, "Treatment complete."

“Bullets don’t even faze me, but it would be nice if they couldn’t touch me at all. I would save a lot in dry cleaning. Oh wait, the Royal Family pays for all of that! Ha, ha! I’m so funny!”

No sooner did she say that, I could hear the squad leader groan a bit. Looks like he was finally waking up. I stood up and walked over to him and stood by Tact and Lester when he opened his eyes. He immediately tried to sit up, but was stopped by the restraints. He reached for his side to realize that his sidearm was also missing as I said, "Good, now that you're awake, I've got a few questions for you." All he did was glare at me as Tact looked at me and said, "Somehow, I don't think he is in a talking mood."

I stood over him as I pressed a claw against his cheek, causing him to flinch as I drew blood and said, "Oh, trust me, he'll soon change his mind."

Within a matter of minutes, and a few pints of blood later, we managed to find out that the allied fleet from the Gimson system had been ambushed and wiped out, which caused a bit of worry amongst the angel wing. Before we threw him in the brig, we also found out that Eonia has a secret weapon at his disposal. However, despite how much I….encouraged…him, the squad leader had no idea what that was.

Of course he doesn’t. Eonia does have a secret weapon, yes, but if they found out now then there would be no excuse for them to be taken by surprise later, as it happens in the game.

Upon returning to the bridge, Tact looked at me and said, "Well, I'm sure you're already aware of this, but the entire ship owes a very big debt to you. Thank you for bailing us out of that sticky situation." I chuckled as I said, "Trust me Tact, I've dealt with way worse than that over the years. It was nothing. Besides, it falls under my duty to ensure his majesties safety. So, frankly, I was doing my job."

Tact smiled as he insisted, "Still though, to repel that many boarders by yourself. That's no small task. Once this is over, I'm going to make sure that you get properly rewarded. You single-handedly saved us from total disaster." I rolled my eyes as I looked at Lester and said, "I'm not going to get him to change his mind, am I?"

Poor Tact is so desperate to use Howie’s name.

He chuckled and said, "Unfortunately, no, my lord. Once Tact sets his mind to something, he's like a dog with a bone." I threw him a dirty look before he realized what he said and apologized for the jab.

Why? It was a common metaphor, and directed at somebody else at it. Are they forbidden to use dog metaphors in front of Howie now? Does he have a monopoly on the fucking word now?

As I looked over at Tact, I asked, "So where are we off too next?"

Tact's expression dropped instantly and turned into one of worry as he said, "Well…we're going to try to head to one of the backup meeting places to see if maybe the fleet managed to escape to meet up with us there. Though, I'll be honest. I can't help but have a bad feeling about it. I don't know how, but they've been able to figure out where we've completed drive out the last few times. So, I'm worried we might run into trouble again."

I dropped my head as I said, "Great. All that work clearing out the ship might have been a complete waste. Of course there would be a catch with escaping that mess. Though, there is one good thing to come out of that."

“Now I’ve got a recording of me slaughtering all those soldiers I can show to everybody around!”

Lester and Tact both looked at me in confusion as I finished, "We have Eonia's attention. He was on board one of the battleship's out there leading this whole boarding mess. Somehow, he knew I was indisposed because when I came too, his men were in the process of shackling me. Not that it would have done much good, but still. The fact that he knew has me worried. Did you sweep the ship for bugs like I ordered?"

“Like I ordered”.

Funny, I had no idea a member of the Secret Service could go around bossing high ranked members of the Army.

Lester nodded, "Yes, we found several dozen across the ship and destroyed them all." I placed a hand under my chin as I said, "Then how could he possibly have known I was out?" Of course, I already had a theory, but I wasn't too big of a fan of it. We either missed a bug, or we had a traitor on board. Seeing as I don't want to cause a bigger mess than we already have to deal with, I'll just keep that to myself for the time being.

Psst, Guardian Hawk. Inserting all this “Jason Bourne” bullcrap does not make your story better or you clever. Quite the opposite, in fact.

I shook my head as I said, "I'm going to have a word with Prince Shiva. He'll want a full report of what I had to do in order to reclaim the ship. I'll be back later." They both nodded as I left the bridge and headed towards the elevator. I began to think about what else could have transpired that led to him finding out when I heard a whisper. 'Don't forget….Milfeulle…' Oh right, still had to clear that up too. Well, no time like the present.

As I stepped off the elevator, I heard Tact come over the loudspeaker. "Angel Wing, report to the hanger. You're on standby." Well…damn, so much for dealing with that problem now. No sooner had I thought that, Ranpha came around the corner from her room, shooting me a dirty look almost instantly.

"Don't think I forgot about what you did to Milfie, Demon."

I rolled my eyes and said, "You know, I was actually down here to try to clear that up with her when Tact passed that standby order. So, I'm going to see if I can't nab her and ask to talk to her after that gets sorted out. So, relax. I really don't want to have to kick your butt for a seventh time in a row." She glared at me at first, then shifted it into a smile as she chuckled and said, "Yeah, we'll see about that. You've been lucky these last few rounds. Don't go counting me out yet. But, seriously, don't hurt Milfie. Otherwise I'll…" I shooed her off, saying, "Yeah, yeah, I get it, now go on before someone comes looking for you." She then ran past me towards the hanger as I made my way towards Milfeulle's room.

As I approached her door, it came open and she ran out, almost running into me. She stopped as she said, "Demon! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" I stopped her midsentence as I said, "It's alright, I was actually hoping to snag you to try and actually finish our conversation. Unfortunately, Tact had other plans. So, after you get back, can I talk to you?" She looked at me with a smile and said, "Sure. Actually, could you do me a favor?" I smiled and said, "Sure, what's up?" She pointed in her room and said, "I was kneading dough to make bread when we got called to standby. Could you do me a favor and finish kneading it and put it into the oven at 375 degrees for me? It should take about 30 minutes to bake, so, it shouldn't take very long." My eye twitched a bit as she explained what she needed. I was never very good when it came to cooking anything beyond simple dishes.

"Ehhh… hell with it. It sounds easy enough. Sure."

"Yay! Thank you so much Demon! Gotta go!" With that, she took off as I looked at her room and sighed. "I hate cooking…."
Before I could get to work, however, my communicator chirped. I opened a comline and said, "Demon here, go ahead."
It was Forte. "Demon, could you go check Mint's room? We can't get a hold of her and we were just placed on standby."

"Good timing, I'm right by her room anyway, I'll give it a bang. Demon out."

I walked the ten feet to her door, and put my ear against it. I could hear what sounded like cute little snores coming from inside. Was she sleeping? I had a big grin on my face as I decided to get some payback for leaving me out of that supply request list. I balled up my fist and twisted around to get a good amount of momentum going, and then…


I heard a tiny scream inside, followed by a loud thud. I think I made her leap out of bed and hit the deck. I was trying so hard not to laugh as I heard her footsteps coming towards the door. When the door opened, she had an exhausted look of irritation on her face as she glared at me while I was smiling at her.

"What in the world Demon? What was that for? Can't a girl get some beauty sleep?"

"Well, normally, I'd be all for it. However, a certain someone is missing from her assigned post and I was the one that got sent to go find her. Oh, by the way, you're on standby, you might want to put some clothes on before getting in your frame." I snickered a bit as I pointed out her sleepwear, causing her to blush profusely and twitch her rabbit ears wildly as she said, "I don't go to bed in my uniform, what did you expect? Besides, I never heard anything about being called to standby."

Cue Forte.

"Yo, Demon, you find her yet?"

"Yeah, she was passed out in her bed. I just got done knocking her door down. Once she gets dressed, she'll be down." I heard several audible gasps as I quickly said, "Oh, get your minds out of the gutter, she was in her sleeping attire when she answered the door. Geez, you girls really have no respect for me, I swear."

As soon as I closed the comline, Mint said, "I'll get down there….wait. This was payback for earlier, wasn't it?" Tossing me an evil glare as I happily said, "Oh, this is only the beginning of that, my dear Mint. You can count on that." I laughed maniacally as I walked over to Milfeulle's room and walked in to come face to face with the dough she was kneading on the counter by the stove. Ok, let's hope I don't burn the ship down.

After a little over half an hour, the bread was done, and it wasn't burnt, surprisingly. I placed it on top of the stove and turned the oven off as I walked out of her room. No trace of any of the girls' scents in the air. They must still be in the hanger. So, I decided to head to the bridge to see what made Tact so jumpy before I gave my report to Prince Shiva.


I would like to remind you that, less than a chapter ago, Howie slaughtered about a hundred men aboard the Elsior, littering the hallways with their corpses and painting the walls red with their blood, yet everybody is back to their usual routines as if nothing happened.

Upon entering the bridge, we exited Chrono drive and the proximity alarms went crazy as Coco said, "Hostile fleet…directly ahead…" So they knew where we were going. I'm beginning to wonder if they really did get the same message we did and they managed to break the encryption we had. Lester ordered, "What's in front of us? Give us a proper report." She stammered as she said, "I…I can't count! Anyway, it's a huge fleet! I've never seen this many!" Almo chimed in as she said, "I've got an image. Displaying on the main screen!"

The image that was displayed showed the better part of what appeared to be hundreds of ships in front of us. Yup….we pissed someone off. As Lester and Tact were conversing about what to do, Coco called out, "Chrono drive reaction behind us!" Lester asked, "Allied forces?" Odds are it was part of that boarding fleet that we managed to ditch earlier.

Coco said, "No…it's the fleet we fought back at the asteroid belt." I chuckled as I said, "Oh, back for more, are they? They're persistent, I'll give them that." A separate image popped up as Sherry opened a comline with the Elsior. "Heh heh heh, I've got you now, little bee. Our game is at an end. Even if you run from me, you cannot escape Lord Eonia's grasp." Funny, I managed to break it just fine the first time by myself. Guess he wants best two out of three.

Almo then said, "We're being hailed by the flagship of the enemy fleet in front of us." Tact said, "Open a channel." Another image popped up with Eonia's face on it as he said, "This will be the first time we've spoken face to face. Do I need to introduce myself?" I rolled my eyes as he addressed Tact.

And now both, Sherry and Eonia act too as if the whole boarding incident did not happen.

If I were a cynic, I would say Guardian Hawk is an wanker and a hack who can’t get his free hand from his dick for less than half a minute to even consider the idea that the actions of his self-insert could have far more repercussions than everybody sucking his furry dick.

I stepped over to Coco's station and read her readout as she yelped at me standing over her. I shushed her as I read the radar readout. A pincer tactic, huh? Well, two can play that game. I overviewed the map and noticed the star that was at the far corner. The magnetic fields that star gave off could provide the perfect cover for a getaway. As I stood up, the comlines from Eonia and Sherry closed and Almo said, "Sir, we're receiving another communication. It's from our allies!"

I raised an eyebrow as she continued, "I've decoded the message. It says, 'Come to point YJn631 as quickly as you can." Funny, that's where the star I was just looking at on the map was. Someone beat me to the punch. I'll have to shake the hand of whoever that commander is. As Lester began to argue, I came up with an idea that might buy us time to get there relatively unscathed.

"Tact, set a course through the enemies left flank to get to that point. The Angel wing can provide covering fire and I can reinforce the ship with a barrier to repel any hits." Lester looked at me and said, "My lord, the last time you did that, you were knocked unconscious for two days. We don't need to risk your well-being again for something we can…" I stopped him as I said, "It's part of my job to ensure his majesties safety. Now, Tact?" He nodded and said, "Angel Wing, your orders are to escort the Elsior to this point here. Do not pursue the enemy, this is strictly a blow through op. If any ships get too close, engage with discretion."

The angel wing rogered up as we began making our way forward and I stepped down onto the deck in front of the command platform. I began to focus my power, causing my arms to glow a light blue. As we closed in on the enemy's left flank, I shot my arms outward to each of my sides and two energy discharges shot into the bulkhead and formed a barrier around the Elsior. At first, it felt uncomfortable, but after a few seconds of adjustment, it felt solid.

Then it began.

As we turned towards the star, several alarms went off as Almo shouted, "Incoming enemy fire. Several missiles and energy blasts! All hands, brace for shock!" I stood my ground as I heard that whisper again. 'Maintain your focus. Ignore the distractions.' I held the barrier up as I felt several small pushes against my hands. I glanced at one of the monitors to my left and saw the incoming fire Almo called out hitting my barrier and burning out. I could feel the strain on my arms as we made our way across the field. The enemy didn't let up on the bombardment, however, my barrier held true as we began to pull away from the ships.

Imagine you’re watching a new re-masterization of the Return of the Jedi. Everything seems to be fine until you reach the climax where the Emperor is zapping Luke with Force Lightning under the gaze of Darth Vader. Suddenly, this little kid character who looks suspiciously like one of George Lucas’ grandkids comes out of nowhere and pushes the Emperor, making him stumble and stop torturing Luke. It’s at that point that Vader grabs the Emperor and throws him over the rail, suffering mortal wounds in the proccess…

After about ten minutes of sprinting towards the point we were called too, the ships were no longer in firing range. Tact said, "Alright, we're here, now where are our allies?" I dropped my arms and cut off the barrier, forcing the energy to shoot back into my arms. I cringed for a minute with the sudden shock that I felt, but managed to stay on my feet as I walked over towards him, shaking my arms out. Next thing I heard was Coco shouting out.

"Chrono drive reaction in front of us!"

Lester looked at her and said, "More enemy reinforcements?"

Tact shook his head as Almo brought up the image in front of us, showing several Imperial ships driving out in front of us. I couldn't help but smile at our change of luck. Almo then called, "We're being hailed. It's from the allied fleet."

I nodded to Almo, who opened a channel. The image that popped up in front of us had me grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh? So our message reached you. I was worried about that."

I began laughing, causing everyone to look at me with worry as I said, "Luft, you son of a bitch! Am I damn glad to see you! Lock weapons on the enemy behind us and let 'em have it!" Luft looked to the side and nodded. The Imperial ships opened fire as we passed into the line of ships, clearing the way for Luft's ships. The enemy fleet that was chasing us was forced to retreat. Let me tell you, it felt damn good to no longer be the mouse in this game of cat and mouse.

After we fell into formation with the allied fleet, Luft took a shuttle over to the Elsior and met us on the bridge. Upon entering the bridge, I was the first to greet him. "Ha ha! Swooping in to the rescue, you always did have the gift for dramatic timing. Glad to see somethings never change." I shook Luft's hand firmly before letting him address Tact, Lester and the Angel wing. As they conversed, I quietly listened to him explain what happened after we split up. Apparently, without the Elsior, they lost interest in his fleet. Wow, they must really not like us.

…Imagine the kid helps Luke carry the dying Vader and is the one to have the last exchange with him, while Luke says nothing.

What do you think people’s reaction would be after watching that? Possibly something along the lines of “this is the stupidest shit ever, added fucking nothing and only served to give Lucas’ grandkid attention” I imagine.

Then why in the everloving fuck there exist people who think this shit is acceptable?

Despite the lack of imperial presence anywhere else, as it turns out, the 3rd fleet had rallied to Rhome well ahead of us. Not only that, but most of the imperial forces also rallied with them. Luft took tactical command of the Elsior and took us to rendezvous with them. The man at the center of it, however, left a lingering taste in my mouth…

"…And the man at the center of it is the commander of the 3rd Fleet, Admiral Sigurd Sidmeier."


The commander in charge of the Rhome fleet. He, along with a nameless, “Smithers-esque” Admiral, comes off as self-serving, arrogant and coward. Only deciding to fight back against Eonia after Tact could break through his fleet.

I groaned as I said, "Fucking hell, seriously? There was nobody else that managed to make here that could lead this other than THAT jack ass? I mean seriously, anybody else would do."

It’s no surprise Howie cannot stand him, since these kinds of self-insert ALWAYS have to be on the right side of the story.

The Angel wing and Tact just looked at me with a confused look as Luft said, "Now, now Demon, I know you've had your differences…"

"The guy trash talked me at the royal gala four years ago to the point where I punched him in the nose.

Son, I’ve seen you humillate Tact during your first encounter with him, threaten a member of the maintenance crew for trying to do his job and scare a retail worker for absolutely no reason beyond the fact you could. In short, you could be dealing with the freaking Unabomber and I would immediately asume you were the asshole in the argument.

Then he tried having me arrested for it. Though, it was funny when the cops showed up and they realized who they were there for."

Nothing like letting a guy do as he pleases because he could kill you all with a finger.

Luft shook his head, sighing before finishing, "…but he's still the best person to lead our fleet against Eonia."

I threw him a dirty look, saying, "Luft, I know for a fact that you would do a way better job than that blowhard could even begin to dream to do. You were one of my best soldiers in the schism wars and you learned the most from me. I'm quite confident that Prince Shiva would agree with me when I bring it up." Luft quickly said, "No, we can't afford division in the ranks at a time like this. He stepped up, and he is my superior officer, so I'll follow his lead as he commands." I shook my head as I walked off the bridge and said, "I'm going to go clear my head. I'm going to need it if I run into that idiot while we're there."

Nothing about this guy’s influence makes any sense. He opened a martial arts school and got plenty of students even when his only qualifications were “won a couple of street fights”. He got the job of bodyguard of the Royal Family even when he became famous for slaughtering a crowd in a blind rage. He was sent to take part in a war and commanded troops even when he had zero military experience. And now everybody heeds his advice in space warfare when he admitted in the second chapter that he never left planet Transbaal.

Walking through the hall, as I was making my way to the audience chambers on Deck C, my comline chirped. Opening a line, I said, "Demon here, go ahead." It was Milfeulle. "Demon, there's trouble!" I stopped in my tracks as I glanced to the side and said, "Are you alright Milfeulle?" She quickly said, "Come to the viewing park quickly." The comline closed as I grew worried. I quickly made my way into the elevator, Mint ran into the elevator behind me as she said, "Milfie called you too?" I nodded as I said, "Did she tell you what the trouble was?" She shook her head as the elevator began to head up. I began to pace while waiting for the elevator since I was worried that she might have been hurt, or worse. Mint sighed as she said, "I understand that you're worried, but pacing won't help the elevator go faster." I quickly retorted, "The fact that she's in trouble and I have no clue why gets under my skin. I don't like feeling useless." As the elevator approached Deck A, I knelt in front of Mint, saying, "Hop on my back. I don't want to leave you to catch up." She blushed lightly before she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around my neck. Standing up, I grabbed each of her legs and prepared to run as she said, "Milfie was right, your fur is soft." What is with these girls and my fur? Next thing I know, Ranpha will be saying that…actually, I'm going to shut up before I jinx myself.

Would it fucking kill you to learn some paragraphing, Guardian Hawk? It’s hard enough to mock this shit as it is.

Once the elevator opened on Deck A, I said, "Hang on tightly." I bolted forward with my demonic speed, causing Mint's grip around my neck to tighten tenfold as we flew through the corridors towards the park.

Jesus Christ, this is so tiresome. Everything is a fucking excuse to show off or brag. “You’re hungry? I can spend up to three weeks without food! Is that Shiva I see there? Better use my demonic strenght to jump over the whole crowd around her!”

Within seconds, we were in front of the park door, where everyone else was just running up as Forte said, "Milfie called you guys too?" I knelt down and let Mint off as I nodded andmoved towards the door. As the door opened, I bolted inside ahead of everyone else and found Milfeulle standing by the tree, which was in full bloom. Odd, that tree hasn't bloomed since I got on board. I looked at Milfeulle and said, "Are you alright? Where's the trouble?"

She looked at us and said, "Look at this! Isn't it beautiful?" My expression immediately shot to confusion as I said, "…..what?" She continued, "See? All these flowers! I was walking around and I found this." Tact came running in as Milfeulle was talking and asked, "What's going on? Where's the trouble?" I dropped my head a bit as she kept talking about the flowers. Man, I was terrified that she'd been hurt. Sometimes I can't help but wonder about her. Maybe that was what was drawing me towards her was her innocence.

That’s not how you spell “mental retardation”. And yeah, I suppose only a mongoloid could watch an ill-tempered freak hit her friend in the face and not give a damn.

However, before I could continue with my train of thought, in came Ranpha's voice.

"…uh, what?"


"You can't mean that this was the "trouble" can you?"


"Don't call it trouble unless it is! This isn't how I want to spend my time off!"

"But it's so beautiful. See? They're all blooming."

"If only the one in your brain would bloom already!"

Mint and I chuckled as she said, "I never get tired of their comedy, no matter how often I hear it."

"We're not doing comedy!"

I was trying so hard to keep quiet at this point. 'So many choices at snappy comebacks, can't even begin to decide where to begin.'

How about you threaten Ranpha to smash her head against the wall? Oh wait, you already did that. Nuts

Mint smiled and said, "I don't think they need any help. Their comedy is quite entertaining by itself."

'Really? Walking in on my thoughts again? Do you want a repeat performance of earlier, or would you like to get a full night of sleep this time?'

Mint's expression dipped a bit as she said, "Point taken."

'Good girl.'

So, your idea of getting back at her is to loudly knock at her door when she’s sleeping. Was the flaming poo bag too complex for you?

Unbeknownst to us, the conversation had continued without us realizing it as Milfeulle explained it was a Kafukafu tree from a planet that disappeared after the Chrono quake. Mint jumped back into the conversation as she said, "So it is an endangered species. I was not aware that it was such a valuable tree."

Milfeulle continued to explain the tree only bloomed every 100 years. Sounds like the perfect tree for me since I don't know if I'll ever actually die. But that's another story. The mention of an outdoor party snapped me out of my thoughts.

Yeah, let’s not dwell or muse about the whole immortality thing. We don’t want Guardian Hawk to hurt his poor squirrel brain coming up with something mildly interesting.

After about an hour, the entire crew was gathered in the park to enjoy the festivities that Milfeulle mentioned. I felt extremely uncomfortable as everyone crowded together when Milfeulle called for everyone's attention while Tact spoke to the crew. I stood near the back, so as not to have anyone press against my armor, nor have anyone step on my tails. Tact began to talk, then Forte hurried him along, at which point he said, "Let's skip the boring stuff. Everyone cut loose and have fun. Cheers!" The park reverberated with the crew responding with Cheers in kind. As the girls gathered around the base of the tree with Tact, I decided to excuse myself from the festivities, I figured I could come back and enjoy the flower blossoms alone later.

I was never a fan of big parties. The only reason I went to a lot of the royal balls and gala's and the such was because I had to provide protection for my charge. Whether it was Shiva, Eonia, Gerard when he was growing up, or someone else from the royal family, I was always there as a guardian. Never as an actual attendee.

Does anybody have a fuck to spare? Anybody?

I decided to make my way to the audience chambers so I could finally give my report to Prince Shiva.

Upon arriving, Shiva was overlooking the Chess set messing with the pieces and their movements. She noticed me come in and said, "Howard! Glad to see you up and about. I never properly thanked you for clearing out the ship." As I walked over to her, she stood up and looked at me.

"As I told Tact before, it's part of my duty as your guardian. Besides, I wasn't about to let my reputation fall into ruins. I am the Demon of the West after all." She chuckled as I continued, "I also wanted to let you know that Eonia was leading the fleet that was working on boarding the Elsior. He tried to get me to turn over to his side again. I let him have an earful until he decided he'd had enough." I took a seat by the Chess set as did she before she said, "I can't say I'm surprised. You were his guardian for most of his life, so I can understand why he doesn't hold much ill will towards you. Though, at the same time, I think he's worried about your abilities."

I raised an eyebrow before she continued, "Well, think about it. You cleared out hundreds of armed, heavily armored men by yourself with nothing but your claws and your blood abilities. You also single-handedly turned the tide of the Schism wars and took a war that had dragged on for almost ten years and ended it within three months of my grandfather ordering you to step in and settle it. Plus, from what I've been told, you recently uncovered a new ability that allows you to form a barrier around the ship. Eonia may have numbers on his side, but numbers don't win wars. I think that was one lesson you taught him that might have actually stuck. I know I'm keeping it to heart after this." I chuckled as I set up the pieces on the board. She then looked at me and said, "Fancy a match?" I smiled and said, "Your move, your highness."

After our game, which lasted about an hour, and filling her in on everything that happened, I decided to take my leave to see if the party in the park had finally died down.

Calling this crap a “conversation” would be an insult to anybody with a modicum of standards, writing skills and taste. This was Shiva sucking Howie’s dick.

Speaking about Shiva, have you noticed how she practically never causes Howie any kind of “trouble”? Sure, we had that scene in the second chapter where she asks him if he’s a spy and he quickly convinces her by getting offended, then comforts her, but beyond that?

He loses control and nearly goes on a rampage around the ship? She doesn’t mind. He slaughters a fuckton of soldiers? Again, nothing. Two very important scenes that could have changed the dynamic between the two of them and nothing comes out of it. Not just that, he can stay away from her for long periods of time and she won’t mind, and she’ll always have his back in every single situation.

In short, Shiva continues to be a medal for Howie to carry around and make him look better without having to put any effort.

Upon leaving the audience chambers, I was greeted by Mint, who was sniffing a lot from a runny nose.

"Demon? I was wondering where you disappeared too. You missed a really fun party. Though, I don't know why, but a lot of us started having problems near the end. Ranpha and Forte's eyes were itchy, my nose is running." I began to smile as she said, "What are you smiling about?"

"You guys are allergic to the Kafukafu tree? Oh this is rich. Ha ha ha."

“By the way, did you know I’m immune to all kind of diseases and allergies?”

She gave me a dirty look before sneezing, causing me to laugh more as I grabbed her hand and said, "Come on, you're going to the medical bay. Let's go." She tried fighting me, hitting my gauntlet as she said, "What? No! I don't want to go to the medical bay, it's just a runny nose. I'll be fine after having some nice herbal tea, noooo!" This lasted a few minutes before I turned and looked at her with a devious smile. Realizing what I was thinking, her ears flapped wildly as she said, "You wouldn't dare!"

Wrong answer.

I grabbed her and tossed her over my shoulder and continued to make my way to the medical bay as she pounded around at my back and pauldrons, albeit not very strongly, trying to wiggle free.

As we arrived in the med bay, there was a line going out the door of crew members sniffing and complaining about one thing or the other. Apparently, everyone on the ship was allergic to this damn tree. Guess I'll have to go check it out to see if I'm allergic as well or not. Upon walking in, I set Mint down on an empty bed as Dr. Cera said, "You two as well? This hay fever is really getting out of hand." I waved my hand, saying, "I'm perfectly fine Doc, Mint, however…" She gave me a pouty look as Vanilla came over and began to treat her symptoms.

Now, I'm no doctor, but Vanilla was looking extremely pale compared to the last time I saw her in the park a few hours ago. I looked at Dr. Cera and said, "Why is Vanilla pale? Is she affected by this as well?" She looked at her and said, "No, she was one of the few that was unaffected. Though, she has been working nonstop for the last 45 minutes treating everyone on the crew." I looked at Vanilla, then at Doc and said, "Five more people, then she is to take a 15 minute break. Understood?" Dr. Cera nodded as I walked out of the med bay with Mint shouting, "Don't think I'm going to forget about this!" I laughed maniacally as I walked out the door, causing everyone to look at me with a worried and confused combination.

“What was his problem?”

“He’s a chronical asshole.”

Since everyone was lined up outside of the medical bay because of hay fever, it's probably a pretty safe bet that nobody was left at the park. So, I made my way up to the park, and sure enough, nobody was there. So, I walked up to the Kafukafu tree, which was still in blossom and decided to hop into the tree and lean amongst the branches, taking in the scent of its flowers while I could. The scent was a sweet smell, like a combination of honey and vanilla. I can understand why Milfeulle suggested a party to watch them bloom. As I enjoyed the scent and look of the flowers, I decided to let my mind wander and get lost in the euphoria of the flowers. I wasn't feeling any of the effects of hay fever, but I definitely felt extremely relaxed.

After a few hours, I decided I'd go ahead and head back to my room. Though, one thing I will do before I forget is to get a few samples of the flower. For a plant that blooms everyone 100 years, there may be alchemical uses for the flower. However, I will do some research into that after the coup. The most I can do now is take as many samples as I can and seal them away for later use.

I went back to the medical bay to pick up a storage unit that could hold the flowers and preserve them. The line had shrunk a bit since then however, it was still noticeably long. As I made my way over to the laboratory, Dr. Cera noticed me and said, "Demon, is there something I can help you with?" I started looking through storage containers as I said, "Yeah, do you have any storage units that can suspend animation of samples for extended periods of time?" At first, she looked at me in shock before she said, "Y…yes, over here. Why?" I grabbed the largest one and said, "I'm going to take as many samples of those Kafukafu flowers as I can and conduct a few alchemical experiments with them after this Coup is put down. I don't get opportunities like this very often, so I'm going to make the most of it." She glared at me as she said, "Now hold on a minute, you can't carry those flowers through the ship, what if you drop the container and the pollen gets into the air circulation system? The outbreak could start all over again." I glared at her as I said, "If you want to insult me, just call me a douchebag, at least it's polite." She stood silent in shock as I left and made my way back to the park to get my samples.


Once I put the samples away in the medical lab away from everything else, I made my way back towards the elevator. I decided to get a drink from one of the vending machines in the hallway. After I chugged down a nice warm milk tea, I tossed it over toward the recyclable bin. However, I missed and it landed in the garbage can. Whoops. I started to make my way over to the can to pick it out when I heard Mint's voice.

"Demon…I saw that."

I turned and looked at her before saying, "Yeah, my aim isn't quite as good as it used to be."

Mint then continued, "Our revered Guardian of the Royal Family doesn't follow the rules for sorting garbage. How disappointing…" Wait a minute, what?

"Uhhhh, Mint? It's just a can…I was just about to put it in it's rightful bin."

"Hmph! Aren't you just trying to smooth things over since I caught you?"

"Why do I get the distinct impression that you're after something?"

"How did you end up such an unprincipled man? What if everybody else knew…" Yup, she's trying to get payback for earlier.
"What? That I can't hit the right bin from ten feet away? Oh yeah, that'll get everyone doubting my abilities all right."

"One thing can show everything. The everyday actions can show a man's true character. Like water leaking from a small hole in a huge dam, eventually the entire thing collapses…This small crime will destroy all our faith in you. It's only a matter of time."


"And when that happens, the Elsior and all of the Angel wing will be finished."

"I think you've been hanging around Ranpha too long. Her melodramatic tendencies appear to be rubbing off on you."

"Demon…the final days of a man who is trusted by nobody are miserable…"

"Ok, I'm going to stop you right there young lady. I spent 250 years alone with people trying to kill me on a day to day basis. Not to mention people would cower and run in fear whenever I did decide to come out of my isolation for just basic things. Do you know how bad it is when people run in fear when you come into town just to buy a snack? Seriously? Unbelievable. That was in bad taste, Mint."
I spent 250 years alone with people trying to kill me on a day to day basis.
Oh, really?
I decided to settle on the western most edge of one of the larger continents on Transbaal and set myself up quite comfortably in my isolated little corner of the world. I would have to drive away the occasional trespasser, or kill a group of zealots every now and again, but for the most part, the people of Transbaal left me be.
The funnies thing is, this story would have been more tolerable, easier to follow for the readers and easier to write for Guardian Hawk if he had not dumped his self-insert’s entire backstory in a single fucking chapter. Alas, the moron shoot himself in the foot, and I’m not gonna let it go easily.

I stormed off, leaving Mint calling after me by the vending machines as I made my way back to my room. That started out as a teasing joke, but that ended ripping open an old wound. Thanks for the firm reminder of my past Mint. Real Classy.

Shut your asshole, you fucking faggot. I’m tired of you and your “want to have my cake and eat it too” attitude. You can’t whine about drawing attention when you go around dressed like a clown cosplaying as a medieval warlord. And you can’t whine about people trying to kill you when you act like a cunt and constantly brag about being able to kill anybody with a finger.

Hello everyone, just a quick disclaimer reminder, I don't own the Galaxy Angel series, or the character Inu-no-Taisho, from the Inuyasha series that my OC is styled after.

Fuck me, this shit again?

Howard: Did you really have to go that far?


Howard: With Mint there at the end?

Gotta end the chapter with some juicy material to keep people coming back.

Nothing interests me like some overpowered asshole brooding because a sixteen years-old girl lightly mocked him.

Besides, nobody is perfect, you're bound to have fights with your friends at one point or another. So, you shouldn't be surprised at this point.

Of course, by fight he means “the other characters will do something wrong, Howard will be offended and they will have to apologize”.

Howard: That's still screwed up.

When you’re right for the wrong reasons.

You'll live. Anyway, please leave a review and let me know your thoughts on the story so far and we'll see you in the next chapter.

You want a review? Okay!

You, Guardian Hawk, are trapped in a dichotomy. On one hand, you are a wanker who wants to live his little power fantasy in the Galaxy Angel universe, which is why your self-insert, Howie, is unstoppable, great at everything he does and connected to some of the most important individuals in the Galaxy. On the other you are a hack, who has all the creativity of an expired bag of animal crackers, which is why you copy-paste the plot of the game almost word-for word.

The result is practically a transcript of the game with every single “variance”, as you like to call them, put there to shill your self-insert and this chapter is the perfect example. Howie massacred an army, leaving their corpses all around the Elsior and nobody, absolutely nobody says a single word about it. Nobody is shocked, repulsed or scared, even when they witnessed the action via the security cameras. Hell, there isn’t even a comment about disposing of the bodies or wiping the blood. For all intents and purposes, it’s like the whole incident did not even happen. And it’s all because you made it all up and clumsily jammed it in the middle of the game’s plot with the sole purpose of jerking your self-insert. Because you don’t have the writing skill or the creativity to write about the repercussions of such incident.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, you also keep leeching from the original plot of the game. Nobody needed some overpowered furry to shield the Elsior in the game, yet you decided it was the perfect opportunity to show-off your self-insert. In the games, Luft sends the Elsior instructions on how to procceed, but here you have Howie coming up with the plan and then you try to pathetically disguise it by pretending he just happened to have the same idea as Luft.

I could keep going, but I feel I’m gonna need my energy for the upcoming chapters.

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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Tue Oct 02, 2018 2:08 pm

Last time, Howie effortlessly and mercilessly annihilated a whole freaking army aboard the Elsior in the goriest way possible only to get offended and fuck off to his room after a sixteen years-old girl made some comment he didn’t like.

Oh, and Mint’s lines? Copy pasted from the game, where the whole sequence was fully played for laughs.

Once I got to my room, I decided to get some sleep and try to sleep some of this irritation off. I do like Mint, she's probably one of the best friends I have on the ship.

She’s still a long way to being allowed to use his real name, though.

At least I'd like to think so, but that was below the belt. I'm all for teasing and joking around, but still, that part of my life was an absolute misery.

Your past is pure misery when you need to brood or pathetically attempt to gain sympathy, but becomes practically an anecdote when you want to boast about how much of a badass you are.

I spent a lot of time trying to get past the anger I held towards people because of that. To rip that wound open again, even if it wasn't intentional was still painful.


A few hours passed and I was lying in my bed in a pair of gym shorts when I heard a knock on my door. I opened my eyes and said groggily, "Who is it?"

"It's Mint, can I come in? I'd like to apologize for earlier."

I sighed, sat up and grabbed my red under tunic and tossed it on as I said, "Sure, come on in Mint." The door opened and in she walked. I was sitting on my bed, still blinking the sand out of my eyes as she jumped and said, "Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't know you were sleeping, I can come back later."

I waved her over saying, "No, come on in. I decided to get some shut eye to try and calm down after earlier."

She sat down in one of the chairs in my room facing me as she sat nervously, saying, "I sincerely apologize, Demon. I was only teasing you, but I sometimes go a bit too far with it. I didn't mean to offend you at all."

“I didn’t expect a five hundred years-old man who prides himself in his strenght to have paper-thin skin.”

I sighed as I looked at her and said, "Mint, don't get me wrong. I'm all for a good joke and I have nothing against teasing. That alone has pretty much helped to solidify you as my best friend on the ship. I don't get to joke around with many people like that. However, there are some lines that even I don't cross.

“I may have ripped a guy’s spine and used it to club another one to death, but did I hurt their feelings? No, because that would have been wrong.”

I spent the last century working to get past all the feelings of anger and hatred that I had towards people for all the years I had to deal with people trying to kill me just because of what I am.
I decided to settle on the western most edge of one of the larger continents on Transbaal and set myself up quite comfortably in my isolated little corner of the world. I would have to drive away the occasional trespasser, or kill a group of zealots every now and again, but for the most part, the people of Transbaal left me be.
All I ask is that you be more mindful in the future about touchy subjects like that, ok?"

You threatened a member of the maintenance crew for trying to do his job and Tact for using your name but we should all be mindful of your feelings.

How come when you purposely try to write an “asshole character” it never comes out as infuriating as when a shit author tries to write a “kind character”?

Mint blushed lightly at the mention of her being my best friend as she said, "I…I understand completely. Do you really consider me your best friend on board? What about Milfie? I thought you had…"

I lifted a finger and said, "There's a difference between romantic affection and friendly affection. While that's not to say I don't care about you any less than I do her. What I have towards her is on a different scale. That also said, it's the first time in 400 years that I've felt something like that towards anyone, so I'm still kinda feeling my way through it, albeit rather clumsily. That said, not a word to anyone about this, and I'll forgive you, deal?"

She had a pouty look on her face as she said, "Aww, not even a little bit? That's no fun at all." I rolled my eyes as I said, "Alright, fine, but only a little bit, you're the only other person apart from Prince Shiva that knows about that, so I am placing a great deal of trust in you, fair?"

I like how we’re expected to see this guy’s attraction to Milfeulle as something subtle and unique when he practically barks at anybody who looks at her in any way he doesn’t like, without mentioning he doesn’t have any qualms about hugging and whispering into her ear when trying to “comfort” her.

She flapped her ears once as she smiled and said, "Fair! I cannot begin to express how happy I am to know that you really do like Milfeulle like that. I had my suspicions, but to have confirmation…"

I could already see the gears in her head spinning as I groaned lightly. What have I unleashed?

Guardian Hawk’s ebola ridden sense of humor, evidently.

"Ok, Mint, try not to lose your mind there. I'd hate to have to carry you back to medical again." She threw me a dirty look as I started to laugh before saying, "Well, now that I'm up. I suppose I'll have a walk around and see what all is going on around the ship. So, unless you want to stay for the show…"

She just sat there, staring at me with a really big smile before laughed, put my hands together and said, "I like you Mint, but not that much, get out. Love you, mean it, bye."

She giggled as she stood up and said, "And here I was thinking dog's had no shame."

And she's back.

Yeah. This was definitely a very necessary interlude in the development of these two characters.

After Mint left and I got dressed in my normal attire, I left my room and decided to go have a look in on Tact. While I'm sure he's doing a lot better now that he's not worried about getting jumped every five minutes by one thing or another. So, I made my way up to his office and walked in to find him sitting at his desk reading over a report as he looked up and said, "Ahh, Demon, how are you doing this evening?"

I sat in a chair in front of his desk as I said, "A few hiccups here and there, but nothing major. How are you doing now that you don't have to worry about getting ambushed every ten seconds?"

“I would like to know since my super sense of smell makes it impossible to sneak upon me. Then again, I’m bulletproof and I can create shields to block missiles and…”

Tact laughed as he put the report down and said, "I can't begin to tell you how nice it is to be able to kick back and relax for a change. From what General Luft was telling me, once we arrive at Rhome, there's going to be a ball at Fargo to celebrate the safety and arrival of Prince Shiva."

I chuckled as I said, "Even in the middle of a war, people still find time to throw a party. Well, do you have a date to the ball then Tact?" He smiled as he said, "Well, to tell you the truth, I was thinking about asking Milfie to go with me." Oh no…well, so much for having romance. "What do you think, do I have a shot? I mean, between the two of us, of course."

I smirked a bit and said, "Absolutely, if you want to go with Milfeulle, you have your goal, just charge after it like you would one of your battle plans. I'm sure she'd be thrilled to go with you."

He laughed and said, "Really? I don't know about that. Though, I'd like to think that may be the case when the time comes. I've been spending a bit of time with her and, well…I'd like to think there's something there worth chasing after. Granted, I wanted to ask you since I've heard rumors around the ship, and then there was the whole Camus mess…"

I stopped him by lifting a hand and saying, "Tact, don't worry about me. If you want to take Milfeulle to the ball, go for it. You don't need my permission. Besides, you've known her longer than I have, so if anything, I think it's quite fitting that you want to take her out."


You know when you play hide-and-seek with a little boy and he goes and hides behind a curtain and you smile because you can still see his feet and hear his soft gigglings?

It’s like that but with all the innocence and charm replaced with pure, undiluted idiocy.

Just then, the comline on Tact's desk chirped for his attention. I looked at the clock on his desk and it read 2230. Who the hell was calling at this hour at night? Much to my surprise, Vanilla's voice came over the line. "Tact, I would like to discuss something with you."

He looked at me, to which I nodded as I kept quiet and let him say, "What is it?"

"May I have permission to access the Rhome system databank from my room?" Sheesh, I've heard of being dedicated to your work, but this is a bit excessive. Tact responded, "Rhome's databank? What are you trying to look up?" "The kafukafu tree hay fever." Somehow, I really doubt they'll have anything about a nearly extinct tree that only blossoms every one hundred years in their databanks.

As their conversation continued, I listened with curiosity. I haven't interacted much with Vanilla. Maybe I should spend a bit of time and get to know her as well. From what little I've gathered, she's a very hard worker and she places others above herself, but still, I can't help but wonder if she understands what too much work is. Tact decided to take a drink and a sandwich to Vanilla. I, on the other hand, decided to head my own way with my thoughts.

Huh, I see Guardian Hawk skipped the chapter of the game focused on Forte and went straight to Vanilla. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised since said chapter has Tact messing things up and Forte teaching him a lesson about trusting his comrades.

Tact wants to take Milfeulle to the ball as his date. Well, as attracted to her as I am, if Tact has the same affection for her as I do, it would probably be better if I stayed out of the way. Besides, once this coup is over, it's right back to being the royal guardian for me, so I wouldn't have the time or privilege of trying to maintain a relationship. Maybe it's better that he let me know his intentions. At least I can get that out of the way now as opposed to later.

First it was “I’m a demon and she’s a human” and now it’s “I’m the royal guardian”. I wonder how long Guardian Hawk will take before he reaches the “I’m immortal and I will outlive you” excuse.

Before I knew it, I had made my way to the whale room. Odds are Kuromie was already in bed for the night, so I could enjoy the beach under the moonlight alone. I decided to take advantage of having the room to myself and transformed into my dog demon form. Walking along the beach, I could feel the sand slightly part under the weight of my paws. Once I found a good spot by the beach with a good view of the moonlight, I laid down, crossed my paws and placed my head on top of them, letting the sounds of the tide fill my ears while the scent of sea salt filled my nose.

The next morning, I felt something poking me from the side, I opened my eyes and looked wearily over to my right to find Kuromie with the baby whale on his shoulder both staring at me. Kuromie was terrified, but the baby whale had a smile on his face. 'Hello Demon, it's not very often you come down here. Enjoying the beach?'

'Yes, thank you.' I looked down at Kuromie and said, "Relax Kuromie, you have nothing to worry about from me. I simply took to my demon form to enjoy the beach at night. I wasn't expecting to fall asleep here though."

What the--are you telling me he can communicate telephatically with the Space Whale Jr. too now?

He blinked for a moment before glancing at the whale, who probably was telling him it was me before he said, "It's not a problem. I was wondering where a giant dog came from without us noticing it before." I transformed back into my human form as he said, "Would you like to see the baby animals? Miss Vanilla is here feeding them if you'd like to help." She's here? Now that's interesting, there might be more to this girl than I originally thought.

There was more to Ranpha too, but I guess you were too busy brooding to hear her story with her family.

"Sure, but quietly please. I'd like to see what she's up to." Kuromie nodded as he silently led me to where Vanilla was kneeling, feeding several baby space rabbits. I couldn't help but smile, seeing the curiosity and affection that she held in her eyes as she watched the baby rabbits eat happily. She perked up when she noticed Kuromie and I watching her.


"Don't mind me, I didn't mean to interrupt you feeding the rabbits."

"No, it's alright."

"Do those space rabbits like carrots?" I had a feeling I already knew the answer, but still, I may as well try to bond with her.
"…Yes, they do."

I reached down and began to pet one, causing it to nuzzle up against my hand. Their fur was even softer than mine was. I felt a bit intimidated at the fact I got out furred by an animal a fraction of my size, causing me to chuckle to myself.

Kuromie chimed in, "Lately, we've had a bit too many to care for. Vanilla comes down to help me take care of them."
I looked at Vanilla and said, "Would you like to hold one?" I held out my hand, causing the rabbit to hop into it. "They're really warm and soft." I lifted it up and nuzzled its nose with mine as I smiled, causing it to nuzzle happily in my hand.

Not only Space Whale Jr. but also these small, scaredy animals have no problem with being in the presence of a mutant predator. At this point there isn't a single job on board this ship he cannot perform better than the people assigned to it. Except maybe cooking, but it wouldn't surprise me to find otherwise.

"N-no, it's enough just to look."

"Are you sure? I mean if they're this friendly towards a demon like me, they'd absolutely love…"

"…did you have business with me?"

So much for bonding, though, I figured now would be a good time to flex some of my authority. She was still pale from yesterday and that had me a bit worried.

"I do, actually."

"What is it?"

"You don't look too good. You seem unsteady."

"…no, I am fine."

"I don't agree. So, as guardian of the royal family, by extension of Prince Shiva, you are hereby ordered to take a day off from work. I will fill Tact in on the order later, but somehow, I think he'll have no objections."

“As the driver of First Lady Melania Trump, by extension President Donald Trump, I order you to take the day,” said Howard to the First Lieutenant.

See how fucking stupid it sounds?

And I’m sure Tact will have no objections seeing as how he was the one who was worried about Vanilla’s health in the game.

"Even the hardest of workers need to rest. Why not stay with the space rabbits today…" I set the space rabbit back down with the rest of them before I looked back at her and finished, "…or do something else you enjoy?"

"There is work left to do. Re-examination of the crew still remains." Sheesh, there is no getting through to her, is there?

"Look, I understand that you're devoted to your work, and I have every respect for that. However, at the rate you're going, you're more likely to end up in one of those beds as opposed to next to it. Your body can only take so much punishment before it gives out."

"Do not worry. This much is of no concern. I am…still inexperienced. I must try harder so that I can become mature." That's what this is about? Oh boy…

"Vanilla, driving yourself into the ground isn't going to give you experience or make you more mature. Why is that so important to you anyway?"

"…Long ago, Sister…I made an oath to Sister Beryl."

"Sister Beryl?"

"…I must be going…"

She began to walk off as I called after her, however, she didn't stop. Next thing I saw, she began to fall forward. Using my demonic speed, I sprinted forward in time to catch her before she hit the ground. Sure enough, she collapsed from exhaustion. Kuromie ran over, asking if she was alright. I picked her up and told him to call the medical bay to stand by to receive a patient. From there, I carried her out and to the medical bay.

A few hours later, she finally began to wake up. I was sitting in a chair next to the bed as I said, "Morning Sleeping beauty. Enjoy your cat nap?"

"Demon? I…why…?" She was at a loss for words, probably doesn't remember what happened.

"You fainted. Like I was telling you before, your body will only take so much before it shuts itself down. You're lucky I was right there to catch you before you hit the ground."

Not like that moron Tact who let you fall in the game. Honestly, I have no idea why would anybody prefer that dipshit instead of a total badass with awesome demonic speed.

"…" She was in complete disbelief at what happened. No…that look resembled more like disappointment. Was she upset with herself at collapsing?

"The angel wing all visited you while you were out. They were really worried about you."

"…This is inexcusable…because of my inexperience…"

"Would Sister Beryl have said that?" That caused her to stop and look at me in shock. "I read your record while you were passed out. She was your foster mother but, unfortunately passed away."


"From what's in there, Sister Beryl seemed like an extremely nice person. She wouldn't accuse you of being inexperienced. That said, allow me to impart a bit of wisdom to you from an old dog."

Here comes the part where we throw our heads back and laugh loudly.

She looked at me in surprise as I continued, "While it is admirable that you want to gain experience and be more mature, it's not one of those things that you can force. The number one lesson I teach to each of my charges in the royal family is Patience always pays its dues. It takes time to gain experience and that in combination with time is what allows you to mature. You can't rush it, no matter how hard you try. So, take the advice of an old dog and ease off the work load. Take the time to enjoy your youth like everyone else while you can. I know for a fact there isn't a single person on board that would object to that idea."

Again with the “patience” crap. Your first solution to fucking everything is the threat and/or use of violence. You threatened a member of the maintenance crew and later risked slaughtering the whole crew because you couldn’t wait for them to finish the job they had been trained for. And you constantly butt in, shitting on the chain of command and Tact’s authority, not letting him grow and learn at all.

It’s like Guardian Hawk searched for a list of virtues, threw a dice and picked the one with a matching number.

She bowed her head and said, "Forgive me…I never meant to be a nuisance to you."

I chuckled as I said, "You're not a nuisance. You're young and curious about life. It's one of the reasons everyone likes you. Now, with that said, you're an important person to everyone on board. The Angel Wing, Tact, Dr. Cera, even Prince Shiva and myself. Just because you don't have the experience that you want, or are as mature as you think you need to be, doesn't mean that you're not perfect. If that was the case, then the galaxy would have billions of perfect beings running around. My point to you is nobody is perfect. You can only enjoy what you have and thrive off of your strengths while nursing your weaknesses."

"…I still don't quite understand…why…"

"Vanilla, it's not one of those things that you can…" I snapped my fingers as I continued, "understand the definition of instantly. That's where that whole time thing comes into play. So, just relax and live in the moment. Don't think about gaining experience, don't worry about becoming more mature, just enjoy what you have around you now. Alright?"

This is fucking rich coming from the guy who tampered with his body because he didn’t like the idea of aging, turned into a mutant Superman and unlocked some ridiculous new power just two chapters ago.

She looked at me for a moment before she smiled and said, "Ok….thank you Demon." I smiled and stood up as I said, "Now, my order stands; no work for the day for you. Get some rest and I'll see you later." I patted her head lightly before I left the medical bay and contacted Tact, informing him of my order and that Vanilla was awake. He had no arguments and said he'd go see her as well.

The next day, I was in the lounge with the Angel wing and Tact discussing what had happened to Vanilla. Well, I would call it less of a discussion and more of an interrogation really. The girls kept pelting out questions which either Tact or myself would answer. After the questions finally subsided, Ranpha was the first to say something as opposed to asking something. "You shouldn't have been inconsiderate. You should have told us the second she woke up."

Before I could open my mouth to reply, Mint came to my defense, "Now, now, you can't fault either of them. They took care of Vanilla as opposed to creating a crowd that would have distracted her from recovering." Milfeulle chimed in, "It's a relief to hear she's doing better, I couldn't sleep because I was so worried about her."

Ranpha then spoke up again, "But, she's kind of late. She's always the first of us up." Mint added, "Maybe she hasn't recovered enough and she's going to sleep through today too." Ranpha perked up at that. "That's serious! We need to check up on her right away!"

As I took a sip of my milk tea, I heard her footsteps down the corridor. That should put everyone at ease here within the next few seconds.

"Good Morning."

Everyone jumped at her suddenly speaking up before they all started pelting her with questions, asking if she was alright and the such. I merely smiled as I looked at her and said, "So, did what I told you sink in at all?"

Vanilla nodded as she said, "Yes, from now on I will not push myself too hard. May I join you all for a drink?"

I looked at her with a snarky look as I said, "No you may not join us for a drink." All of the girls were just staring at me, though Mint knew immediately, probably from reading my thoughts that I was joking with her. However, before anyone could say anything, Vanilla said, "You are teasing me, correct?"

I smiled and tapped my nose twice, then pointed at her, letting her know she guessed correctly as I pulled up a chair from the table behind me and allowed her to have a seat.

In the games, Vanilla had trouble handling her emotions thanks to her age, upbringing and the fact she has to supress them to better use her healing nanomachines. As a result, she simply didn’t understand why she wasn’t a nuissance and Tact explained that, just like she likes her teammates and the bunnies, everybody likes her back. No pseudo-wise bullcrap needed. And yet here she somehow understands Howie is teasing her.

Milfeulle smiled and said, "I made a tea chiffon cake just for you." Mint then chimed in, "I'll get the drinks. Is chamomile okay with you?"

Vanilla responded, "Yes, thank you very much. By the way…"

Mint looked at her curiously as she said, "Yes? What is it?"

Vanilla finished, "Do all of you…like me?"

I damn near choked on my drink when I heard her ask that. Apparently not all of what I said to her sank in last night. Each of the girls quickly began reassuring her that they all liked her. I decided to excuse myself from the discussion and threw my can away, walking towards the exit of the lounge before Vanilla called after me. "Demon…have I offended you?"

I smiled, looked back at her and said, "Absolutely not. This is one of those moments that I mentioned you should enjoy with your friends, the angel wing. My time has come and gone. I'll be around if you need me." With that I walked out of the lounge and made my way towards the bridge.

It’s like watching a thriller where the protagonist enters the house of the stalker and finds a picture of his family but with the stalker’s face poorly cropped and pasted over his.

A few hours had passed since the reunion in the lounge and I was on the bridge with Tact and Lester discussing what the current plan was for our counter-offensive.

What? Don’t tell me you didn’t know the White House chef often assists and participates in the meeting between the POTUS and the high officers of the army.

As we drew closer to the enemy fleet, Almo called out, "Incoming communication from Admiral Sidmeier to all ships." I groaned as I said, "Do we really need to listen to that blow hard? He doesn't ever say anything useful, and his voice is like nails on a chalkboard."

Hey, how about you—get this—go back to your room and lock yourself inside the closet? That way you wouldn’t have to listen to him and we wouldn’t have to deal with you. Everybody wins!

Tact looked at me with a look of empathy as he said, "Sorry, we don't have a choice. Open the channel Almo." She acknowledged and on came the deep, gruff yelling of Admiral Sidmeier. "Our time has finally come! In the name of his majesty King Gerard, we can repay the traitor who threw the empire into chaos. We have Prince Shiva at our sides. Justice will lead us to Eonia's inevitable defeat. The future of the empire is on our shoulders! Fight valiantly!"

I groaned as the channel closed, saying, "And I still hate him."

As the tactical map was pulled up, I looked at the situation and my jaw almost hit the floor. There was the Elsior and the Emblem frames, plus the allied fleet….which had only 3 ships.

"Are you serious? That's what we were given? Three cruisers against 30? I am so going to punch him square in the mouth if I see him again. Who does he think he's kidding? Damn it." Seeing how badly we were outnumbered had me pissed beyond belief. Odds are if we left them alone, they'd probably slow the enemy down, however they wouldn't survive the onslaught, even if the ships weren't automated.


I don’t care we’re not supposed to like Sigurd and I don’t like if you don’t particularly like him, Guardian Hawk, but the minute you start twisting facts or downright making shit up to make him look bad and your self-insert good that’s the point I lose my shit.


"Tact, hail the allied cruisers and have them come around the asteroid and form a perimeter around us. Send the Lucky star and the Kung fu fighter to cover their flank. Trick master, Sharp shooter, and Harvester will engage the initial force that is ahead of us. Once Lucky star and Kung fu fighter have destroyed their targets, they'll come back around and rejoin the rest of the angel wing to engage all remaining ships until reinforcements arrive. Any objections?"

“Uh, yes. I was thinking since there are only three allied ships we should adopt a defensive approach and prioritize the safety of the Elsior.”

In the game, choosing an aggressive approach will net you points with Milfeulle and Ranpha, while the opposite will do for Mint, Forte and Vanilla. It also alters the mission gamplay.

Tact blinked blankly for a minute as he said, "Actually, I had a similar plan. So, no, we're on the same page. Angel wing deploy."

I will never get tired of Guardian Hawk trying to cover up the fact he’s using his knowledge of the game to give his self-insert an edge by having the canon characters say they were thinking the same thing.


After our portion of the battle came to an end, word came that the enemy was in full retreat. All of us were surprised at this. As Tact and Lester conversed amongst themselves, I placed a hand under my chin. Eonia has superior numbers as well as a tactical advantage. Why would he pull his ships back? Granted, one of the lessons I taught him was if the enemy is stronger than your forces can handle, there is no shame in a tactical retreat to draw them into a better opportunity to level the playing field.

First “patience” and now “know when to fold”. Clearly living for nearly five hundred years has paid well. I wonder what’s next? “Remember to put the milk inside the fridge or it will go sour”?

Was that what he was doing? If that was the case, what was the trump card that he was saving to use? However, my thoughts were immediately broken when I heard that damned voice come over the comline.

"Wahahaha! Victory is ours! They're all fleeing in total panic! There's no need to fear Eonia! If this keeps up, the day we will regain our home is closer than we thought. Well done everybody! Now we can return to Rhome in triumph. Wahahaha!" I would pay real money if he would just shut up already.

Lester chimed in as he said, "Return in triumph, huh? That commander's pretty carefree." I snorted as I said, "Trust me, you don't know the half of it. Don't listen to a word of it. I taught Eonia, and this is not over. If anything, I'm worried that he might step it up with something new next time we see him."

Which is why you’re going to voice your concerns to Luft and explain about the intelligence you got from torturing that enemy soldier (whom I suspect fell into a plothole) then go to Shiva and together have a talk with Sigurd to convince him to—oh, who the hell I’m trying to kid?

Lester nodded as Tact said, "Well, a win is a win, but I don't feel too good about it. There's entirely something wrong with this whole situation and too many questions with hardly any answers."

Before I could respond, the angel wing walked onto the bridge, all praising Tact for his command abilities on the field. As I stood listening to them, I began to think again about what Eonia could be planning next when a communication came in from Luft. We were now heading to Rhome, more specifically to the satellite city Fargo, where the emergency military HQ was at. While it was unofficial, it sounded like we were finally going to have a break to relax. Well, they were anyway. Odds are I'll be back on full time royal guard duty since Prince Shiva is the only surviving member of the royal family and I'm willing to bet Eonia will be gunning even harder than before to try to kill or abduct Shiva.

"How will you be spending your vacation Demon?"

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Milfeulle. I looked at her with a slightly sad look as I said, "I don't quite get the same vacation perks you guys get. Once we arrive…" I looked at Tact briefly before I looked back at the angel wing and said, "It'll be back to full time royal guard duty for me. That is after all the main reason I'm here, after all."

You mean you’re not here to completely undermine Tact’s role while spending a minimum of time with Shiva? Damn, son, you got me there for a whole minute.

All the girls looked a bit sad as Forte said, "We'll all request for Prince Shiva to give you a bit of down time. You've more than earned it, after all with all the close calls we've had lately."

We’re in the middle of a war with our victory hinging on keeping the last surviving member of the Royal Family alive, but yeah sure, let’s give the superpowered bodyguard a couple of days. I mean, it’s not like the enemy has successfully managed to infiltrate two freaking times already.

I chuckled as I walked off the bridge and said, "Don't worry much about it. I'll have other chances to relax after this mess is over."

Making my way down to the audience chambers, I honestly began to think about what would happen with my friendship with these girls after the coup was over and Shiva was no longer on board. Odds are I'd probably lose touch with them and I'd fall back into the routine that I spent the last 120 years doing.

I haven’t got the slightest fucking idea of what this guy’s daily routine could possibly be like. I mean, ninety-five percent of what you see him doing here, on the Elsior, his interactions with the Angels, giving out orders, etc. are copy-pasted from what Tact does in the game.

The little original content Guardian Hawk gives us shows Howie is an egomaniacal, entitled ill-tempered asshole. Anytime he opens his mouth is to talk about topics pertaining to himself. Be it boasting about his skills, telling stories about himself and his experiences, barking orders, complaining, etc. If he talks about somebody else it will be about the role he had in that person’s life. And when those persons speak is to metaphorically fellate him.

The closest thing we saw to a hobby was when he talked with that blacksmith guy, and even then it wasn’t a conversation, but Howie talking about how he forged his armor by himself and wanted a new one.

In short, take the Angels and Shiva out of the equation and this guy exists in a limbo.

Upon arriving at the audience chambers, Shiva looked over at me and said, "Howard! I heard from Mayers that you sounded off with a sound strategy that he had also come up with that helped protect our allies."

I walked over to her and sat in a chair as I said, "The only reason I said anything was because that blowhard of an admiral gave us three cruisers to deal with 30 of Eonia's ships. They would have been about as useful as cannon fodder if we'd left them alone. So, I stepped in. Granted, Tact came up with the exact same plan that I did, so it was a bit…overzealous on my part."

Guardian Hawk: “See, guys? Howie is not my self-insert because Tact thought of the same plan!”

Shiva scooted her chair closer as I said, "Howard, there is nothing wrong with voicing your opinion on a situation. You have had hundreds of years of experience under your belt in all kinds of battle situations. If anything, even if Tact gave me a solid battle plan, I would still ask for your thoughts." I smiled as I patted her on the shoulder and said, "I'm beginning to wonder which of us is the wiser one, ha ha ha."

You’re far too young to be sucking cocks, Shiva.

We arrived in orbit around Rhome several hours later. I spent the time during our transit playing chess with Shiva and teaching her different strategies and how they can be applied on the battlefield.

I love how Guardian Hawk has no problem writing dialogue when it comes to shilling his self-insert, but just makes a quick summary for scenes that would have been genuinely interesting and require actual writing skills.

However, between all those hours playing chess, as well as getting a full night of sleep, I was beginning to wonder what was going on with our docking clearance. After receiving permission to act in her name, I made my way to the bridge, only to find the angel wing pestering Tact about the same thing I was. Without bothering to stop, I walked over to Almo and said, "Open a channel with Fargo dock control please."

Almo started to argue, "My lord, we've been instructed to…"

"Open. A. Channel."

My tone was sharp as she complied and opened the channel. "Elsior, this is Fargo dock control, we read you."

"Fargo Dock control, this is the Demon of the West, escorting Prince Shiva on board the Imperial Carrier Elsior, requesting status on our docking clearance, over."

"Elsior, copy all, standby please."

“Open fire, soldier.”

“Sir? We have been ordered to wait for--”

“Listen here, boy, I was serving the POTUS breakfast while you were still sucking your thumb, now shut up and do as I say!”

After about a minute of waiting, Luft came over. "Captain Tact Mayers, your orders are to dock the Elsior at 1200 standard time. Imperial delegates will greet Prince Shiva and he will be transported to an Imperial Villa inside Fargo under guarded escort. Afterwards, you are to join the 1400 emergency task force meeting."

I looked back at Tact as he said, "Tact Mayers acknowledges."

Luft continued, "I'm going on ahead to report on the progress of the battle. I'll see you later."

After Tact bid his farewell, I chimed in, "Have fun Luft, be sure to save some for me after we get done here." Luft chuckled as he bid me farewell and we began making preparations to dock. The girls were all excited about getting their vacations. I decided to head to the audience chambers and inform Prince Shiva of our plans.

Once I finished explaining what was planned for us after we docked, she looked at me and said, "You know, with everything that's happened, I don't believe you've had a proper vacation. Why don't you take some time to yourself and relax for a while with everyone else?"

I raised an eyebrow as I said, "A vacation? Your highness, the only reason I'm even on board is as your personal guardian. I'm perfectly fine, besides, I can relax later when this whole mess is cleaned up."

She chuckled as she said, "I'm sure you will, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take advantage of every opportunity to relax when you can. You have more than earned it with everything that's happened over the last several weeks."

There isn’t a single person on this galaxy who knows what being a “bodyguard” means, is there?

I looked at her with a sarcastic look as I asked, "Why do I get the feeling the angel wing has been down here recently?" She smiled and said, "Well…I'm pretty sure you already know the answer, but I did receive a visit from them, yes." Of course they did.

She placed a hand on my pauldron as she said, "Howard, even though you're a Demon and you're a lot stronger and faster, and more durable than humans are, even you need to rest. Nobody is indestructible. I'd much rather you have you rested and ready to go when the time comes as opposed to worn down with the possibility of faltering."

I rolled my eyes as I said, "If you want to insult me…"


"Thank you."

A five hundred years-old mutant with a body count numbering in the hundreds and an ansti-social ten years-old heir to a empire everybody.

We both just burst out laughing before she looked at me and said, "Alright, since it's obviously going to take nothing less than this. Demon of the West, you are hereby ordered to take time for a vacation off while we are docked at Fargo."

I stopped laughing instantly as I realized what she said.


Oh boy! I can smell the incoming wacky hijinks!

Disclaimer reminder, I don't own the Galaxy Angel series or the character Inu-no-Taisho that my OC was styled after,

Howard: …

What's wrong now? I would have figured you'd be happy at this point now that things have settled down for a bit.

Howard: Really? A conflict of interest between Tact and me for Milfeulle's affection? That's messed up.

Oh…that. Well, I figured I'd mix things up a bit. Besides, you don't know how it's going to end.

Howard: If the last 400 years are any indication…

They're not. So, relax, and don't count yourself out yet. In the meantime, be sure to review and favorite the story and we'll see you in the next chapter.

This is a story written in first-person from the perspective of an overpowered cunt who not once has to apologize for being a massive prick and receives a constant ass-kissing from ninety-nine percent of the cast, but I'm sure there's a high chance he will not end up with the girl.

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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Fri Oct 05, 2018 4:32 pm

As I was escorting Prince Shiva towards the starboard side loading ramp to meet with the delegates, my head was in complete chaos. A vacation? On a planet I've never been to? While part of me liked the idea of checking out something new, the other part of me was worried that I'd get reactions similar to how things were back in my isolation.

And? Let’s assume everybody is going to effectively shit their pants at the sight of your furry ass, groveling and stuttering like you were some kind of ancient Babylonian deity; so what? You threatened a member of the maintenance crew (I’m not going to let go of that, ever) in front of his co-workers and nobody said a thing. You threatened Tact in the middle of the freaking command bridge and, again, nobody complained. You massacred an entire army, painting the Elsior red with their blood, and everybody acts as it never happened.

In short, why the fuck should I care people fear and loathe you when the fact has absolutely zero real repercussions on your life?

I'm almost positive that my reputation took the stars years before I did, but there was the small possibility that I could actually enjoy going out on a vacation.

Your reputation as a mass murderer. Which you have been doing a superb job in keeping alive, by the way.

When we arrived at the loading ramp, there were several delegates, all with armed guards waiting to take Prince Shiva to an Imperial villa. As we reached the doors, I looked at her and said, "You're absolutely sure that you don't want me to come with you? If anything happens, I won't be able to defend you and you'll have to rely on what I taught you to survive."

I like the implication he’s the only one who can protect her and she’ll end up all by herself if something happens.

She merely chuckled as she said, "You're not getting out of that vacation. Besides, I'll be fine. Now, go have some fun. I expect a full report of what you did when I see you after the ball."

Day 1: Sniffed Milfeulle’s hair from behind. She smells like strawberries and jasmines. Threatened to break Tact’s ribs after he accidentally used my real name. Let out my frustrations by scaring a store clerk to death.

I rolled my eyes as the delegates stepped forward and said, "Thank you my lord, we'll make sure his majesty is very well taken care of." I glared at him as I said, "You better. If I hear so much as a whisper that something happened to him, no amount of stars will stop me from tearing you apart." He gulped a bit as Prince Shiva walked to the rest of the entourage and said, "Well, shall we go? There is much to be done, I'm sure."

In a well-written story the fact Shiva acts in a completely nonchalant way towards this guy’s constant displays of aggression and violence would be a subtle way to show there’s something very, very wrong with her.

Watching her board the shuttle with the rest of the delegates, I couldn't help but sigh. This was going to be the first time that she's gone anywhere without me nearby, so of course I was going to worry. However, I took a small amount of comfort in knowing that the lessons I taught her over the last few years will no doubt be of great benefit to her.

I find it laughable that Howie apparently taught Shiva about survival tactics yet on chapter seven she didn’t know she needed money to go shopping.

In the meantime, now onto my task. A vacation….

I took a quick walk around the ship to see if I could find anyone from the angel wing, but unfortunately, they all had already gone to the station for their down time. Guess I shouldn't be surprised. Well, looks like I'm on my own. Let's see what there is to do.

I disembarked from the ship and made my way out of the security dock and into the nearby town and started looking at what each of the shops were advertising. However, no sooner did I pass the first window, did I start hearing gasps and whispers. Doors began closing and locking down the street, shops that were open suddenly closed. Restaurants moved their guests inside and locked their doors as I drew closer. Before I knew it, all I could see in front of me was an empty street devoid of people with closed up shops. Yeah, this 'vacation' was off to a winning start.

I sighed as I rounded the third street corner and was met with the exact same reaction as the previous two streets. I was seriously beginning to wonder why I even bothered coming out here. Oh right, I was ordered to by Shiva. She and I were going to have a very long talk after this.

And maybe you two could come up with a law that punishes any store that refuses to serve you with closure and demolition.

However, as I was making my way down the street…

"DEMON! Over here!"

The sound of MIlfeulle's voice rang out from a nearby restaurant. She was sitting with the rest of the angel wing at a table underneath a parasol. The waiter that was standing by them was staring at her in disbelief before looking at me. The color from her face drained as I walked in their direction. Crossing into the threshold of the outdoor tables, I said, "Hey girls. Funny to see you all out here. I would have figured you'd be running around checking out the shops. Well…" Looking behind me as I finished, "…the shops that didn't close when I came close to them." I pulled up a chair and sat between Milfeulle and Mint.

Yeah, you would think they would be running around, looking around the shops to prepare themselves for the upcoming ball considering that, in the game, the military offered to pay for all their expenses. Instead, they’re all gathered here, almost as if they had lost all their agency and were turned into satellites for the self-insert.

I looked up at the waitress, who was petrified and couldn't move, causing me to raise an eyebrow. Before any of the girls could say anything, I began to laugh, "Sweetheart, you can relax, I'm not going to eat you. I'm on a vacation just like them. So, with that said, I'll take a warm milk tea please." She stood confused for a moment before snapping out of her fear and wrote it down, saying, "Right, warm milk tea, right away my lord."

I’m still wondering why the hell people keep calling him “my lord”, by the way.

As she hurried back inside, Ranpha looked at me and said, "What was that about?" I shook my head as I looked at her and replied, "It would appear that my reputation has preceded me here. Prince Shiva ordered me to take a vacation, against my will I might add." We all chuckled at my joke before I continued, "…ever since I left the dock and started walking through the streets, the reactions have been the same. People running inside, locking their doors, closing up their shops. In all honesty, it's reminding me entirely too much of my isolation. They did the exact same thing when I went into town back in those days too." Mint's expression dropped instantly as I mentioned that, probably because of the recent incident we just had. "I thought I finally managed to get on a more positive note since I began my guardianship of the royal family. It would appear that I was mistaken."

I swear this plot point has become a freaking joke. He slaughtered a whole crowd in a fit of rage, keep killing people over the years, killed who knows how many in some war and slaughtered an army aboard the Elsior not too long ago. He goes around wearing an old, spiky armor and the first thing he does upon arriving to a place he’s never been before is threatening a guard. Yet he still acts as if this shit wasn’t its fault. He’s got his head so far up his ass he could rocket himself into space.

Wait a minute. No need to breathe…rocket himself into space…oh, clever foreshadowing!

As the waitress came back out with my drink, she looked at me and said, "Ha…have you had the chance to review our menu, my lord?" I looked at the girls and said, "You girls know what you want?" They all nodded and gave their orders, allowing me a quick chance to review the menu before giving mine. Once the waitress ran back inside, people began looking out of the curtains of the restaurant at me to see what I was doing. I took a sip of my tea and continued talking with the angel wing.

About what you ask? I dunno, but it’s obviously not about him since Guardian Hawk didn’t even bother to write the dialogue.

After about half an hour, people began to inch their way back outside. I looked over at the first couple that was leaving the restaurant, causing them to jump back a bit before I said, "You can relax. I'm here to have a good time with my friends, as I'm sure you're here to relax too." I smiled as they began smile back and nodded before walking off. Granted, it was a speed walk, but I suppose it was better than a dead sprint. As more and more people left, the reactions became less and less apparent before people started talking with other people to spread the word that I wasn't as vicious as my reputation made me out to be.

Uh-oh! Better find some low level employee to growl at and fast!

While we were at lunch, Forte decided to take a shot in the dark. "Sooo, what's going on with you two? Been a little while since I've heard anything." I raised an eyebrow at her. I knew that she was referring to me at the least before Ranpha chimed in, "That's right, so, what is going on between our Milfie and you?" Milfeulle instantly turned a bright shade of red as I said, "Well, funny you mention that. Because Tact happened to ask me that exact same question before we pulled in." Everyone looked at me in surprise, including Milfeulle before I continued, "He basically asked for my permission to ask her to the ball here in a few days." Everyone looked at Milfeulle with a coy look as she blushed even redder.

Mint looked at her with one of her oh-so-innocent smiles as she said, "My, my, Milfie. You have not one but two men fighting for your affections? You shouldn't be so greedy and let the rest of us have a chance to have one."

I chuckled at that before Milfeulle responded, "That's not fair, it's not like I asked them to flirt with me. I mean, I like the attention and all, but still, to make it sound like I'm doing it on purpose…"

Ranpha chimed in from there. "As I recall, you had a similar thing happen to you back in flight school. All of the boys in the class were constantly trying to impress you and were fighting for the opportunity to take you out on a date. A few of them were actually pretty cute too. I'm surprised you didn't take at least one."

Forte began to laugh as she said, "Oi, Ranpha, you're sounding a bit envious over there. Feeling a bit neglected are we?"

Ranpha jumped a bit as she said, "What? No! None of them had what I was looking for in a guy for me to even remotely take an interest."

I rolled my eyes and said, "Yeah, because men with cast iron stomachs and boxing gloves are so common these days." Everyone laughed at my joke as Mint added, "There is also your taste in movies, Ranpha. I'm sure you'll find a man that is as much of a romantic at heart as you are. Of course, not many people can watch 'Your name is Cinderella' thirty times in a row and not get tired of it. So, at least you'll know him when you find him."

I damn near spit out my drink trying not to laugh as Ranpha shot me a dirty look. "What? It's an amazing movie. What girl wouldn't want to be like her and get her happily ever after with the prince of their dreams? And I did not watch it thirty times in a row, Mint."

Mint's ears flapped as she said, "Oh, my apologies. I was trying to give a general number so as not to sound impolite. 57 times is much more accurate and respectful to your character."

I couldn't help myself anymore. "By the stars, 57 times? Ranpha, here I thought you spent all your spare time in the gym beating up those poor punching bags. But now I completely get it. You're taking out your frustrations of a fruitless search on those bags. Though, if I may make a suggestion…"

I was beginning to miss the shit humor at the expense of Ranpha.

"You may not! Besides, this coming from the dog that's competing with a ship commander for the chance to date Milfeulle. You have no room to talk."

I smiled as I said, "Competing? Who ever said I was competing. I flat out told Tact if he wants to ask her out to the ball, he doesn't need my permission." Everyone just stared at me as Milfeulle said, "So, then, you really don't like me like that…"

I turned my chair and brought my head next to hers in a hug as I whispered in her ear, "Milfeulle, that couldn't be any further from the truth. I care a very great deal for you. So much so that I would tear this galaxy asunder to keep you safe." Milfeulle was blushing brightly as I continued, "On that same note, however, if you truly care about someone, then you'll know when it's time to step out of the way. Tact has shown and expressed his interest in you, and out of respect for the both of you, I'm going to step aside and let him take that chance. So, please, don't take it as I don't like you like that. Give him a chance, you never know, he might be everything you could have ever asked for."

Yeah, no wonder he’s not “competing”, he’s practically got her eating from the palm of his furry hand. And “I’ll tear the galaxy asunder to keep you safe”? You sound like a fifteen years-old kid who just hooked up with some girl for the first time and has his insecurity levels over the roof.

Milfeulle whispered back in my ear, "Alright. Thank you Demon. I will." As she returned the hug, I could hear several protests from the other girls, wanting to know what was going on.

"What are you two saying? I can't hear anything over here."

"What? No hug for us? That's incredibly selfish of you."

"Oi, leave the two lovebirds alone. Besides, I'm confident we'll find out soon enough anyway."

When I sat back in my chair, I took a sip of my drink as I said, "First of all…" When we finished at the restaurant, we each went our separate ways to enjoy the rest of the day. During the course of lunch, everyone had finally taken the hint and come out of hiding, and all of the shops along with many restaurants opened back up. I decided to go with Mint for a bit since Milfeulle wanted to go find Tact back at the Elsior to talk to him about the ball.

And politely reject his invitati—ha! As if! We need to stretch this pitiful attempt of a love triangle as much as possible.

As we walked past a few brand name clothing stores, Mint looked at me and said, "Have you ever considered wearing something….I don't know, less intimidating? I think people would receive you much better if they saw you in regular clothes as opposed to all that armor."

Whoa, what’s this? “Common sense”? In my story!?

I looked down at my armor, which had been beaten to hell during the boarding incident and said, "Ehhh, while that does sound nice, I still have a job, and part of that job is practicality. I don't know very many clothing stores that can stop gunfire or deflect blades. Besides, carrying all of this around helps keep me in good shape. Just ask Ranpha."

“Just because bullets don’t affect me, I can move at superhuman speeds and tear people apart like they were made of wet tissue paper doesn’t mean I don’t think about protection. Which is why I wear the same armor as a cartoon character made with basic materials employing medieval forging techniques.”

The saddest thing is, this stuff would be much better if he just admitted he’s basically cosplaying. Think about it. “This armor, this outfit…yeah, I know it’s far from practical, but that character is the only memory I have of my previous life.” Instead of trying to sound smart and coming up like a total moron, just straight admit the decision is an emotionally based one.

She chuckled lightly as she said, "While I don't doubt the benefits of wearing all of that, I still think you'd look nice in regular clothes too. Plus, I'm sure Milfie would appreciate that change as well. It's a bit of a wrestling match to try to hug you, as I'm sure you've noticed." I rolled my eyes as she giggled at her joke before I said, "Alright, fine. I'll give it a tr-AAIIEEE!" Before I knew it, Mint had grabbed my hand and dragged me into the first clothing store she saw, completely catching me off guard.

We spent the better part of the next couple of hours having her put together different out fits for me to try on. Each more embarrassing than the last.



"Forget it."

"Not happening."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Ok, now I know you're screwing with me."

"I feel like I'm being choked here. Egh, egh!"

"Oh come on, I look like I work at male strip club with this."

"Great, nothing screams tourist like having a shirt that says I was here. Next thing I know, you're going to put me in a tropical shirt with shorts and sandals."

"Oh come on Rabbit, I wasn't ACTUALLY serious when I said that."


At the end of the fashion show, which was torture for the record, we ended up getting a dozen solid color button up shirts and blue and black jeans. That could have gone A LOT worse than it did. Mint, however, was laughing the whole time.

"That is why I don't wear normal clothes."

"Oh come now, you didn't look THAT bad in some of those outfits, especially…"

"Rabbit, I may as well have just taken the shirt off, put on a fedora and wore a pair of shades with a dollar in my mouth with how bad that was. I still think you more messing with me than actually helping me."
I placed my hand under my chin for a moment and tried to think how someone could copy my look exactly. It took me the better part of ten years to get this all put together.
Son, you spent nearly ten years trying to cosplay a cartoon character. Let’s not pretend you haven’t hit the bottom of the barrel already.

"Oh my, how your words wound me so. Here I was being so generous as to offer my expertise in fashion designs, and I even paid for your clothes. Which, by the way, you owe me for now. So, how will you repay me for such a generous act on my behalf?"

I glared at her and said, "How about I forget how you left me out of that resupply request that you went to everyone else for, as well as keeping my mouth shut about the hot spring kit and we'll call it even."

Her rabbit ears twitched as she said, "Your terms are acceptable. See? We can handle things in a civilized manner without the use of claws."

Sure, as long as he ends up on top.

I rolled my eyes as we walked back onto the security dock that the Elsior was docked at. When we boarded the ship, we parted ways and went to each of our rooms. I decided to pack the new clothes we bought into one of my bags since I was confident that Prince Shiva and I were going to remain here at the conclusion of the port visit.

Later that evening, we found out from Tact that after the ball, he was going to be relieved as the commanding officer of the Elsior and reassigned to another ship for the rest of the war. As it turns out, the Elsior and the Angel wing were being reassigned to guard Prince Shiva here on Fargo. Well, on one hand, looks like I won't be saying goodbye to them after all. On the other hand, though, Tact and Lester would be leaving. Not going to lie, even with the hiccups along the way, I actually was starting to like them.

“I’m really going to miss overshadowing them, humillating them and ocassionally threatening them…”

Of course, the girls all had something to say, however, the order had apparently come from Admiral Sidmeier. My blood burned a bit at hearing he stuck his nose in on the matter.

Yeah! Who the fuck does he think he is? The Supreme Commander of the Imperial Fleet of this system? Wait…

However, since I haven't had to deal with him yet, I was happy with that. I decided to excuse myself and take a walk around the ship to clear my head.

As I made my way through the hanger looking at the emblem frames, I noticed a child standing by one of them. How the hell did a child get on board? So, naturally, I did what anyone in my position would have done.

"Excuse me, but what are you doing here?"

The girl, who stood about three foot five inches tall and had long blonde hair and violet colored eyes. I don't what it was about this kid, but my blood ran cold just looking at her as she said, "What? You mean Noah?" I smiled and knelt down as I said, "Hi Noah, may I ask your last name?" She looked at me with a puzzled look and said, "Noah is Noah. That's all there is." I tried to see if I could pick up any other scents in the air to find her parents, but I couldn't find any as I continued, "Do you live here in Fargo? How come you aren't here with your parents?"

She perked up a bit and said, "I have an older brother. He's coming here now."


Ignore the ominous red eyes for the time being, this is Noah. She’s an ally of Eonia, who she afectionatelly refers to as “onii-sama” (Japanese for big brother). A term the fan translation somehow decided to adapt as “mister”.

Needless to say, the one who encounters her here in the games is Tact.

"That's good, we can get in touch with him and have him come and pick you up." That was when I caught myself staring at her left hand. Or rather, whatever was on her left hand. It resembled something akin to a tentacle, but had a more solid look to it. Part of me wanted to ask about it, but I restrained myself given the situation. "What about you? My brother said its proper manners to introduce yourself after giving someone your name."

I smirked and said, "You're correct, my apologies. I am the Demon of the West."

I can practically hear the smugness in his voice.

"The Demon of the West, the same man that helped defeat hundreds of men that tried to invade the Elsior." This had me a bit worried. I don't recall that being public knowledge.

"That's right, I'm surprised that you heard about that. Am I really that famous?"

"Absolutely, my brother has heard all about you, and Tact Mayers and the Angel Wing." Ok, this was really getting weird.

"Oh? Is your brother a soldier?"

"A soldier?"

"Someone who serves on board ships and fights with the military."

"Oh! Then yes, he commands lots of ships and has fought lots of battles."

She was staring intently at the Emblem frames as I said, "They're really cool, aren't they?"

"Yes they are. They're absolutely beautiful. I want them. Demon of the West, please give them to me."

I chuckled as I said, "As nice as they are, I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because we need them to protect Prince Shiva as well as the people here at Fargo."

"Boring. How about just one? I can make my own from there."

"Ahh, I gotcha, you want to make models of them."

"No, I can build the real thing and only I can do it!"

Before I could ask what she meant by that, she ran off. I tried chasing after her, but even with my demonic speed, she vanished. No trace of her scent, no sight of her, she was just gone. There was no way she was a ghost because she had a scent. Though, the odd thing about it was it smelled more….mechanical than organic. After I searched the hanger to no avail, I decided to continue my walk through the ship.

Don’t you love how he’s got all these clues something is wrong here yet chooses to do nothing about it? Speaking about nothing, what happened to the enemy soldier he captured and interrogated on chapter nine? What about all those bugs they found scattered around the ship on that same chapter and the possibility of a traitor among the crew? Or what about the samples of the kafukafu flowers he spent several paragraphs collecting for experimentation?

As I made my way back towards my room, I began to think about what I should wear to the ball. Of course, I would be on escort duty and I'll need my armor. The tails were a given, seeing as I'm a dog demon. Though, my white tunic and red under tunic were comfortable, I probably should have something made for the occasion. However, I had no clue where I could begin to look for a place that could do it. I do, however, know someone that does. Albeit, I probably will regret this later after earlier…

*Knock Knock Knock*

The door opened and Mint stood staring at me as she twitched her rabbit ears in surprise as she said, "Oh! Demon, what a surprise. What can I do for you?" I placed my hand behind my neck as I said, "Well, I got to thinking about having a new tunic and under tunic made for the ball to mix things up a bit and figured I'd ask if you knew anywhere I could go to look." Her eyes lit up as I finished my request. Somehow, I had a bad feeling about this…

*The night of the ball*

As I entered into the ballroom at the Imperial Villa, I began to look for Prince Shiva. I knew she'd be here, and while I'm sure security here would do its job, I'd feel a lot better knowing I could keep an eye on her. I had taken Mint's advice on a tailor and had a custom outfit made. My under tunic was a bright shade of pink while my outer tunic was solid black with the signature blue patch with a strip on my left shoulder that was on my normal white tunic. My pants were also similar to my normal pants except they were black to match my outer tunic. My armor and tails remained the same, so, while I still had part of my usual look, the change in my clothing was still enough to signify that I took the setting into consideration for tonight.

Solid black with bright pink and some blue plus a spiky metal armor. I've seen better dressed gay pride paraders.

As I wandered through the hall, I came across the Angel wing as they were talking to Tact. Each of the girls were wearing a dress that, in my opinion, reflected their personal styles very nicely. When I saw Milfeulle's dress, part of me internally gasped in shock. She had very good taste.

Yes, I can tell from your total and complete lack of descriptions.

When they saw me, Milfeulle called out to me, "Demon!" I walked over to them and said, "Well, I think it's safe to say you girls clean up very nicely. Definitely love the dresses, I'll have to remember tonight." Mint giggled as she said, "I see you took my advice. I certainly approve of your tunic style. Though, I'm not sure I would have gone with pink for the under tunic."

I smiled and said, "I picked pink so Milfeulle would know that I meant what I said to her." This caused Milfeulle to blush as Ranpha said, "Oi! That reminds me, you never actually told us what you said to her. Now you have to spill it, otherwise, we won't understand what you mean by that."


Before I could continue, a deep gruff voice boomed out from behind us, "Hey hey hey hey, Mayers! We've been waiting for the arrival of the hero of the empire!" I turned to look at him as Tact tried playing it off before he noticed me, "Ahhh, my lord. A pleasure to see that you also managed to make it to Fargo as well. I'm sure Prince Shiva will be pleased to see you." I raised an eyebrow as I looked at the angel wing before looking back at him and said, "Admiral, who do you think got his majesty off of Transbaal to begin with?"

Before he could respond, his aide came forward and interjected, "His majesty was swiftly taken from Transbaal right under the nose of Eonia's forces by the hero of the empire. From there he shook off the pursuit of Eonia and protected his majesty from several ambushes and a boarding invasion." I was beginning to get irritated as I glared at Tact. He immediate jumped and said, "Hold on a minute sir, I can't take credit for all of that…" Sidmeier cut him off as he said, "Oh ho ho, your modesty is admirable." Milfeulle chimed in there. "Um, Tact. Who are these people?"

As Tact introduced the angel wing to the admirals, Sidmeier wanted to get a picture with the angel wing. I rolled my eyes as his aide started to set up a camera and said, "Alright angel wing, line up with his excellency. Leave a spot for me." Milfeulle looked at Sidmeier and said, "We're not superheroes from a kids show, what pose should we strike?" The aide chimed in, "Don't worry about it then, please line up with his excellency." Mint decided to vent a bit of her frustration, "Unfortunately, we're not here to be your companions for display." I smirked a bit as Sidmeier began to get irritated at their lack of cooperation. After a few minutes of back and forth, a bugle sounded, signaling Prince Shiva's arrival.

I wish that moron of Guardian Hawk understood that just because you’re writing a story from a first-person point of view doesn’t mean you don’t have to separate paragraphs for each new speaker.

And while we’re at it, doesn’t Milfeulle’s line “we’re not superheroes from a kid’s show” look out of place there? In the game, Sidmeyer’s aide told them to strike a pose. So yeah, Guardian Hawk sucks at even copy-pasting shit.

As the admirals went to fall in line, I looked back at the angel wing as Tact apologized to them. I smiled as each of them made their way towards the lineup. Tact complimented Milfeulle on her dress as we made our way to the entrance. I decided to let the two have their moment as I made my way over to the lineup. I went straight to the end of the lineup and stood in the center facing the doors, waiting for her to arrive. A few people threw me dirty looks, however, they quickly averted their gaze when I glared at them. Within moments, Prince Shiva arrived and proceeded through the lineup, where she caught sight of me, smiled and stopped in front of me.

I bowed lightly as I said, "Your majesty, you're looking nice this evening. I trust the last few days have been better than the last few weeks have been?"

She chuckled as she walked next to me and replied, "Solved a few disputes and dealt with a bunch of bureaucrats. I honestly think you got the better deal out of the two of us. Speaking of which, I see you made good use of your vacation. Have to say, I love the new look. So, tell me, how was your vacation?" I sighed a bit before starting, "Well…."

After I finished telling her everything that happened, she couldn't stop smiling. Granted, she practically died laughing when I told her about the fashion show Mint put me through, so that was probably still making her smile. Regardless, she was pleased that I had a relatively good vacation. As she began snacking on some of the hors d'oeuvres, she told me to go and check on the angel wing to make sure they were enjoying themselves. I smiled and bowed lightly before I began to make my way through the ballroom.

In the game, Shiva has a conversation with Tact where she expresses dislike for the fact he’s going to be relieved from his duties as commander the Elsior and offers to use her authority to overturn the order. Tact, for his part, advises her not to do it, for she will earn the resentment of the higher ups of the army which, needless to say, won’t help her in the future. Shiva praises Tact’s noble decision, but he says it’s just common sense acquired from his time in the army.

See, this is one of the reasons I like Tact as a main character, his humility. He tells others to address him informally, always makes sure everybody else gets their due when somebody praises him and never attempts to use his position to force others. He’s the complete opposite of Howard.

No sooner did I make my way into the table area did Mint come rushing up to me. "Demon. I was looking for you." I raised an eyebrow as I replied, "Really? I just got finished with Prince Shiva and he asked me to check in with how you girls are doing." She looked at me with a happy look as she said, "Will you spend the next dance with me? You didn't come and get me, so I had to find you." I was a bit confused as I began, "What are you…?" She shushed me and whispered, "Shh…Please just do it. He's already coming over here." I couldn't help but smirk a bit, my how the tables have turned. This was the PERFECT opportunity to get payback for that fashion show bit from earlier.

With a snarky grin, I looked at her and thought. 'So, tell me, why should I lie to this gentleman to cover for you? After all, I still owe you a bit of payback for that fashion show you put me through.'

She flapped her rabbit ears wildly as she whispered, "Please help me! I promise, I'll make it up to you." I merely grinned as I thought, 'I don't know…that doesn't sound very convincing.' She gave me the saddest puppy dog eye look that made it look like she was about to cry. Man, I swear, this girl is a master manipulator.

Within a couple of seconds a man in a dress uniform walked up and said, "Here's where you were, Miss Mint. I was looking for you. That was cruel of you to leave while I was getting a drink. Now, let's dance." She quickly put on a smile and said, "Please forgive me. Actually, I promised the next dance to this man. Right, Demon? Didn't I make that promise?"

'Just so you know, I've got you in a corner. I hope you realize this.'

Her eyebrow twitched lightly as I smirked and looked at him before saying, "That is right. She did promise me this dance. I trust that you don't have a problem with that?" He took a step back and said, "N-no, my lord, of course not. If you will excuse me…" He quickly rushed off as Mint sighed in relief.

"Thanks for stepping in. You saved me. Thank you very much. For a moment there, I was terrified that you were going to sell me out."

I chuckled as I said, "Now you owe me for that. Who was he anyway?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "Who knows. Some soldier from somewhere. He kept following me around and was giving me trouble."

I smirked as I said teasingly, "Awww, does he have a crush on you?"

She was not amused. "Please stop that. When somebody's thrown into a place like this, they lose their proper bearing."

I rolled my eyes as I said, "I've never had much of a problem with that. Granted, most people are usually terrified that I'm going to turn them into dinner if they look at me the wrong way, so that might be the reason why."

She giggled a bit as she said, "I should be going. Thank you again."


Oh look, it’s yet another scene that belonged to Tact, drained of all its charm and humor and injected with an extra heavy dose of asshole-ishness.

I bowed to her lightly as she curtsied to me and we went our separate ways. Continuing through the ballroom, I caught sight of Ranpha. However, she had several guys around her. Even though I was across the room and there was a lot of chatter, I could still hear some of what they were saying. Most of it was a mixture of requests for a dance with a couple of date requests. Yeah, I decided not to go over to her. I could clearly see she was enjoying herself and I didn't want to scare them away and upset her here.

It says something when seeing Howie not like a cunt for once feels like a noteworthy event.

As I walked across the ballroom, I saw Tact and Milfeulle talking. I figured Tact was probably making his move on her when her dress suddenly began to spew out smoke from the bottom. People began to gather to watch and the two of them were trying to smother whatever was burning the dress. I quickly ran over and pushed my way through the crowd as I said, "Tact, what happened?"

Looks like Guardian Hawk forgot to use lube.

He was trying to smother the bottom of her dress with his mantle as he said, "I don't know. There's nothing on fire, but with this much smoke." Milfeulle was crying, "Nooo! I'm going to be burnt to death like that man in…" I rolled my eyes as I knelt down and took a whiff of the smoke, catching the smell of burnt plastic. Was she wearing something electronic?

I looked up at her and asked, "Milfeulle, are you wearing something electronic? The smoke stinks of burnt plastic."

"The space petticoat!"

I raised an eyebrow, confused by that as Tact said, "It must have short circuited, can't you turn it off."

She pressed a button on her side that immediately stopped the smoke. At least that disaster was averted, though, her dress was still partially scorched. As the onlookers were still staring, I stepped forward and said, "Back to your conversations, there's nothing to see here." With that, the crowd broke apart as Milfeulle said, "I'm sorry. It's my fault. It's all my fault."
I looked back at her as Tact asked, "Why would you say that?"

She continued, "Because strange things are always happening around me. My petticoat heated up and burnt my dress. But I wasn't burned by it…It's all my fault. I'm sorry. I caused you trouble again. I'm sorry…"

Tact looked at her sadly as she a dry laugh then said, "…It looks like I'm not going to be able to keep my promise and share the last dance with you. It'd be too embarrassing to dance with a girl wearing a burnt skirt and ruined sleeves."

Tact tried to say something, "…That's not…"

Milfeulle cut him off. "I'm sorry, Tact. Please ask somebody else. I'm going home."

She started to run off as Tact called after her. I groaned lightly and said to him quickly, "You owe me big time for this, Tact." I then raised my voice, "Hang on there, Milfeulle." She stopped and looked at me as she said, "Demon, I'm sorry but I can't…"

I cut her off as I said, "That's not entirely true. Give me two minutes and I can fix that." Tact smiled as I pulled her over to the side and knelt down looking at her dress.

"Uhh, Demon, hold on, what are you…?"

I took my claws and cut the lower part of her dress below her knees off and carefully flared the end out to give it a more exciting look. I then carefully cut her sleeves off from the collar frilling. Once I was finished, I walked her over to a mirror and said, "Voila, what do you think? The dress is a bit shorter, but I think it looks good."

She looked in the mirror in surprise as she said, "It really is…or rather, it almost looks like it was meant to be like this from the start." I chuckled as I said, "You're not the first girl I've come across to have their dress catch on fire. So, I've had a little bit of practice at this. Granted, there's a lot less ornamentation compared to the royal gowns, so it was easier to work with. But still…"

She jumped in joy as she said, "Oh Demon, thank you! Thank you so much."

I bowed lightly as I said, "Of course, now, go have that dance with Tact there, Tiger."



She smiled and ran over to Tact, just in time too. The orchestra began playing the final number, allowing the two of them to dance. I smiled and decided to make my way back up to Prince Shiva. As I walked up to the seat of honor, Shiva looked at me and said, "So, how are they?" I smiled and said, "From what I could see, they were enjoying themselves. I couldn't find Vanilla or Forte, but I did find the other three and Tact. There was a minor incident with Milfeulle, but nothing to be concerned about."

At this point I’m almost convinced he’s having his fun with Tact, metaphorically dangling Milfeulle in front of him like a carrot while being 100% sure she’s coming for his furry dick.

As the last number ended, I looked over at Shiva and said, "So, where to now your highness?" Before she could answer, the building shook violently with the sound of an explosion clearly being heard as all of the guests screamed. I immediately shot up and stood by Shiva as she said, "What was that?" I quickly said, "From the sound of it, it sounded like someone took a pot shot at the station. We need to get you out of here." There were several screams saying there were people outside. I looked at Shiva and she motioned me to kneel, to which I did. She hopped onto my back, wrapped her arms around my neck and, grabbing her legs, I leapt off of the balcony and down to the ballroom below, using my demonic speed and strength to leap over the crowd and glide through the air to the main door. When we exited the door, we were shocked by what we saw.

It was Eonia with several armed guards as he said, "Attention all you ladies and gentlemen. First of all, let me apologize for the chaos of intruding uninvited." I knelt down, allowing Shiva to drop off of my back. Once I stood back up, I took a step forward as Sidmeier pushed his way through the crowd with his aide and stopped behind me as he said, "What's going on here…..Eonia! Bastard, what are you doing here?" The aide quickly said, "Guards, what are you waiting for, arrest this man at once!" Sidmeier cut him off and said, "No, wait. I want to know why he has burst in here. Let's hear what you have to say." I rolled my eyes. Man, did I seriously want to punch him right now.

Eonia chuckled as he said, "Heheh…I cannot hate a sensible man. Then I'll accept your kind invitation. I bring good news to all of you this day. I will give you the chance of a lifetime." Odd, I couldn't pick up the scents of the guards or find his scent. How was that possible….unless…

Sidmeier responded, "Oh? Let's hear it then." I glared at him and said, "Will you shut the hell up? Do I have to punch you in the mouth again? Did you not learn your lesson from last time?" Shiva placed a hand on my arm, signaling me to calm down as I shifted my attention back to Eonia as he continued, "I'm glad that everyone's here. Now, if you bring me my cousin Shiva, everything will be fine."

He gets angry at Sidmeyer for wanting to talk with Eonia when he just set Shiva on the ground and is standing there in front of a team of armed guards.


"Eonia, you know I can't allow that." I stepped forward and stared him down as he said, "Howard, I admire your loyalty. I truly do, which is why I cannot bring myself to hate you, despite how many times you've stepped into my affairs. It's not too late to join me. You were always my best friend and guardian. None have even come close to your ferocity and loyalty."

At least other stories have the villain hate the self-insert. This has to be the very first one I’ve read where the self-insert gets actively fellated by both sides of the conflict.

I shook my head as I said, "How many times are we going to go over this?" He sighed as he said, "If you bring me Shiva within a minute, I'll spare everyone's lives."

Before I could respond, Shiva shouted from behind me, "I'm right here. So you're Eonia?" I quickly bent next to her and said, "Something's off here, Shiva, be ready to leap behind me." Eonia then said, "Indeed. I am Eonia. It's good to meet you, cousin. I didn't expect you to come out on your own." Shiva bravely cut him off and stated, "I am Shiva Transbaal! Due to certain reasons, I am the only heir to the Empire. You know those reasons best of all. Traitor Eonia! In the name of Transbaal, you will face justice!" Eonia simply looked at her and said, "Aren't we brave? You're going to punish me, but who's holding the guns? You still have a lot to learn." Shiva then said, "Care to try me?" That was my cue.

I stepped forward and cracked my knuckles as I said, "Apparently, you didn't learn from the last time you tried sending men with guns after me, so I believe a refresher is in order."

He calmly looked at us and said, "We met once before I was banished to the frontier…do you remember?" Why was he so calm? There was something seriously wrong here.

“But just in case I’m going to keep standing here and doing nothing.”

Shiva answered, "I don't know you! Did you come all this way just to say that?"

Eonia grinned as he said, "Then let's get down to business. Come with me Shiva."

She quickly retorted, "Do not say my name! A bastard traitor like you is not…"

Eonia cut her off, "You are being deceived by the men sitting next to you. They are the ones who have betrayed the Empire." While I have no love for Sidmeier or his aide, somehow, I found that a bit difficult to believe.

Shiva firmly said, "I won't believe anything you have to say!" This conversation was seriously going nowhere, and I really wanted to just kill his guards already.

Not him, mind you, just those faceless guys around him.

Eonia replied, "You still have time, but this will be your last chance. Think about it Shiva!"

She glared at him before saying defiantly, "My mind will not change no matter how many times you ask. I will never surrender to you!" That's my girl.

Eonia scoffed before saying, "Is that so…Then you leave me no choice. I'm glad to have seen you again, Shiva."

Shiva yelled at him, "Silence!"

One of the guards lifted his weapon, and I immediately leapt in front of Shiva and threw out my energy whip from my claws. The whip flew through the guards and Eonia without so much as fazing them. I knew there was something wrong here.

"Holograms." My whip retracted back into my claws as Tact said, "He was never here to start with."

In the games, this was an important scene for Shiva, as she emerged from the crowd to confront Eonia of her own volition. The sequence culminates with Shiva grabbing a gun and fucking shooting Eonia to kill. It doesn’t work, of course. Here? Guardian Hawk can't even let her have her single freaking moment.

The station shook violently again as another explosion rang out. Shiva grabbed onto my tails as she asked, "Wh-what's that!?" Another explosion rang out as Tact yelled, "We're being bombarded!" I turned and looked at Sidmeier and said, "Order all ships to commence emergency deployment. Get as many of them out as you can now!" Sidmeier and his aide were in shock as I growled and said, "On my back your highness, we've got to go." She climbed onto my back as Lester came running up to warn Tact of what was going on. One of Shiva's attendants came running up behind him, asking if she was alright. Once Lester made mention of a shuttle he came with, that was our ticket out of here. We made a break for the shuttle. Using my demonic speed, I sprinted ahead of everyone and reached the shuttle long before they did. I fired up the shuttles engines as Shiva strapped herself in. Once everyone reached the shuttle, I took off and made a run for the Elsior.

At this point I feel like I’m reading a parody. I mean, look at this shit. Not only Howie orders everybody about what to do, but also gets everybody on board the escape shuttle and pilots it to safety himself in a sequence that undoubtely will be a repeat of the escape scene from the very first chapter where he masterfully maneuvered around a rain of fire despite not having left the damn planet in his whole life.

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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by GorillaGamer » Sat Oct 06, 2018 6:29 am

Having checked the reviews for the story, I noticed that most of them come from some guy known as StevieBond. Curious about what they're fics are like, I checked their profile and it was something to say the least. Notable mentions include...

A Galaxy Angel fic where his OC is paired up with Milfeulle, jut like our favorite demon dog "hero".

Three Galaxy Angel crossovers, one with Persona, on with Call of Duty, and the other with DOOM.

A Hyperdimension Neptunia Harem fic.

Some Huniepop fic where the self-insert hates love because MUH HEARTBREAK!!1!

Needless to say, I started laughing so hard my sides were shot into orbit.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
A quote from Project AFTER
Gorillagram only gets sexual stimulation from playing Pokemon Reborn and its derivatives.
A quote from Andrew himself

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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Wed Oct 10, 2018 11:12 am

Would you believe me if I told you I prefer StevieBond's story to this, GorillaGamer? Sure, they're both poorly written, juvenile power fantasies, but the fact StevieBond's self-insert is not a gigantic asshole makes things far, far more bearable.

As we cleared the starboard side of the station and made our way towards the docking bays on the opposite side, I had to weave my way through the crossfire. Each turn being sharper than the last, it wasn't long before the angel wing began to complain about my ability to fly. I'm sorry, maybe they'd be happier as space dust, they would certainly have nothing to complain about at that point.

The sarcasm doesn’t work if the complainers could genuinely do a better job, Guardian Hawk, you moron.

When we pulled around the southern half of the station and caught sight of the Elsior, an energy burst blew past the bow of the shuttle, narrowly missing us by what felt like inches. Within seconds of the blast subsiding, we received a hail. Part of me had a bad feeling about answering it, but I decided to anyway. Man, did I instantly regret that…

"Unidentified space craft, this is Camus O. Laphoraig of his majesties squadron, the Hell Hounds. You are hereby ordered to stand down and prepare to be boarded. Any resistance and we will give you a most beautiful grave."

By damnation, this guy again? I have the worst luck.

Nothing says “suspense” like the main character reacting to every single threat in the same way I react to find my shoelaces are untied.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Well, if it isn't alphabet soup.

“Also your hair is stupid.”

Here for another ass kicking?

You may want to give the controls to Milfeulle for that, champ.

Unfortunately, you caught me at a bit of a bad time, so why don't you be a good little pup and just scoot on out of the way and I'll be on my way."

Another energy blast flew by us; thankfully I was already in the middle of a maneuver, so I was able to avoid it as he said, "Oh, if it isn't the beast who is trying to steal my honey's heart away from me. This shall be a pleasure. Once I deliver you a lovely death, then my honey will see that she was blinded from true love and nothing will stand in our way." Part of me wanted to throw up with all that honey talk.

I wonder what are the chances Guardian Hawk thinks himself clever for having his self-insert think like this about Camus? It reminds me of all those Pokémon stories where the self-inserts call Team Rocket dumb or gay even when anybody with half a brain would realize neither those nor the Hell Hounds are meant to be taken seriously.

Milfeulle yelled from behind me, "I am not blinded by anything. Demon is a thousand times the man you'll ever be!"

He had to inject himself with a special solution because he couldn’t stand the idea of growing old, but yeah sure.

My eyebrows shot up in surprise as I looked back at her in shock, as did everyone else, making her blush as Camus replied, "Ahhh, so my honey is on that shuttle as well. Oh, this is too perfect of an opportunity to pass up on knocking out two birds with one…" I cut the com line before he could finish. I looked at Tact and said, "Tact, take the helm." He got up and took my spot at the helm as I walked towards the back of the shuttle.

Everyone was looking at me with a confused look as I said, "Get everyone back to the Elsior." I activated the emergency bulkhead, sealing off the aft section of the shuttle and isolating myself from everyone else. Milfeulle immediately shot out of her seat, followed shortly by Shiva as I began typing in several commands into the bulkhead mounted control panel by the rear door. Tact was telling Lester to override the bulkhead, but I locked it out so he couldn't mess with it. I then began to vent all of the oxygen out of the compartment. Time to see if that breathing ability was a fluke or not.

As the air grew thinner, I focused my power into my chest and within seconds, the difficulty I began to have breathing was gone. I opened an inter-shuttle com line and said, "Do me a favor, when we fly by the first fighter, do a sharp roll to port. I'll need a push. I'll keep them busy as long as I can, but you need to get everyone to the Elsior and get the Angel wing out to deal with those ships."

Milfeulle was banging on the bulkhead glass, yelling at me. I could barely hear her, but it definitely sounded like she said, "Don't do it." I figured I had a few seconds before my cue, so I walked back over to the bulkhead and placed my hand on the glass, to which she put hers against the glass in front of mine. I smiled at her and winked before I took a step back and opened the port side door, exposing the compartment to space. Since I vented all of the air, there was no burst of differential pressure, so I was able to look out of the shuttle and wait for my cue.

I didn't have to wait long.

As the first fight flew by the port side, the ship rolled hard, allowing me to push off and leap into the vacuum of space. Even though I could breathe just fine, I could still feel my heart pounding in my ears. Hearing nothing but dead silence as I flew through space, watching the fighter come right at me and the shuttle zip away towards the Elsior in the distance. Looking at it, I got a good view of the fighter. That looked more like an emblem frame than it did a fighter. Going to have to figure out where they got those from. I reached out my right hand and caught one of the dorsal fins of the frame as it flew by me. I leveled myself out and crawled along the hull using my claws until I came within view of the cockpit.

I had landed on Guiness Stout's frame.

As he turned, I looked around the outer hull and tried to see if I could find an access panel to the inner machinery of the frame. It didn't take me long to find it. I carefully crawled over to it, rammed my hand into it and ripped it out with my strength. No sooner did I do that, did I make eye contact with Guiness, who was surprised, to say the least, at what he was seeing.


I’m done.

I’m fucking done.

Nothing is enough.

Super strenght and speed? Not enough. Heightened senses? Not enough. Super regeneration? Not enough. Sharp claws and the power to project energy whips? Not enough. Sharp tactical mind? Not enough. Expert martial artist? Not enough. Pilot? Not enough. Scientist? Not enough. Forger? Not enough. Singer? Not enough. Hacker? Not enough. Breathing in space? Not enough. Being able to project energy shields large enough to cover a whole ship? Not enough.

Nothing is ever fucking enough.

So what’s going to be next, Guardian Hawk? What other shit are you going to give your medieval Japanese Yokai of a self-insert so he’s not completely fucking useless in a futuristic setting? A couple of swords maybe? That way he could go flying around with a jetpack and slicing the enemy ships a la Rocket Knight Adventures while everybody else cheers from the command bridge of the Elsior.

That was when he began to start doing erratic maneuvers, probably trying to shake me off, though, since there was no gravity in space, and my claws were firmly embedded into his hull, I wasn't going anywhere. I began ripping out parts from the access panel with the one free hand I had, while clinging to his hull with the other. Let me tell you, if I was ever happy to have my demonic strength, now was that moment.

However, I didn't have long to do the damage, another frame came at us from the port bow and began firing it's machine guns into the hull where I was at. Several of the rounds pierced my armor and went right through me, causing me to stop and erect a barrier with my free hand to prevent further damage. The frame flew by and began to circle around. So, on top of trying to deal with this guy, now I'm bleeding into space.

B-But your super amazing armor made by folding steel a trillion times!

So, I reached in and pulled out several more parts as quickly as I could, causing his engines to start fluctuating before the frame completed its turn and came in for another pass. So, I stood up as the frame closed to commence another strafing run on me and waited until it was close enough for me to push off of Guiness' frame and onto the new frame. Upon hitting the cockpit and digging into the hull of the frame, I caught sight of my attacker.


The lack of gravity and his strenght prevented Guiness from shaking him off with sharp maneuvers but not him from jumping into another ship like freaking Sonic the Hedgehog.

Oh, how I grinned as I watched the color drain from his face. Then he proceeded to do erratic turns, trying to shake me off. I crawled my way up his frame and found another access panel closer to his engines. Since I was bleeding, may as well make use of my blood ability. I ripped the panel off with my free hand, and then dipped my claws into one of the wounds in my chest, soaking my claws in blood. I raised them behind me and swiped in front of me, sending several red blades flying into the compartment and shearing parts left and right.

Thanks, I’ll make sure to add it to your list of powers.

I did this three more times before I caught sight of another frame turning towards us.

Then two.

Then three.

Looks like I had their attention. Good, better me than the angel wing.

An excellent summary of this story as a whole.

As Camus leveled himself out, probably to give them a good line of fire, I eased my way back towards the rear of the fighter behind the port fin as I raised my claws up, then swiped in front of me, sending more blood blades flying towards them. They broke formation, but my blades hand caught Guiness' frame (I only knew that because he was trailing smoke from the damage I did earlier). His frame began to spark from the damage he sustained, forcing him to break off.

I looked over and saw that two frames had banked right and one banked left. Looks like they were going for a pincer tactic. Ok, I can work with that. I pulled my way forward to the front of the fin I was holding onto and held up my right hand, causing my first two claws to glow. As I waited until they were within their weapons range, I began to feel the pressure being put onto my chest. Using my power to breath, combined with using my blood ability and bleeding from several very large wounds was beginning to take its toll. Normally, my blood would have clotted by now, but I think the vacuum of space was hindering that part of my abilities.

How convenient these harsh conditions only hinder you in a way you can take advantage from it.

As soon as one of the frames on the port side began firing at me, I swung my hand around and sent my energy whip flying, nailing his bow and knocking him off course, as well as making him lose control of his frame. I turned and whipped it around towards the other frame on the starboard side, and combined with the momentum from hitting the first frame, I scored another direct hit. As the second frame spun off struggling for control, I began to whip my arm around, but Camus got wise and began rolling. He caught me off balance, forcing me to retract my whip and hang on to the dorsal fin to keep from flying off.

He banked a hard left and started weaving around erratically again as I held on. At this point, I was really beginning to feel lightheaded. Whether from the blood loss, the rolling, or the combination therein, I don't know. But, what I did know was I couldn't keep this up much longer. As he straightened out, I saw the frames line up again to commence a strafing run. I was going to be in really big trouble if this didn't end soon. No sooner did I raise my hand to send another wave of blood blades at them, did a hail of gunfire come flying in from their starboard side, forcing them to scatter. I looked over and I couldn't help but smile at the sight.

The Angel wing came zipping past and began firing at them.

Oy, the Angels. I almost forgot they were here.

As Camus began to turn again, I saw the Lucky Star line up behind him and began shooting at him. This would have been fine….if it wasn't for the fact I was in the line of fire. I quickly dropped down and slowly clawed my way towards the access panel I was messing with earlier and grabbed onto the edge of it. Swiping my claws in front of me, I sent out five sets of blood blades into the exposed machinery and wiring. Once the fifth set cut its way through the fin, the ship started to short circuit and several systems blew out from all over the ship. That was my cue to get out of there. I turned to find the Lucky Star had actually caught up to Camus and was keeping right on his tail.

That was my ride out of here.

Nothing like seeing the girl who is practically the face of the team and the franchise reduced to a fucking cab driver.

I stood up and made a hard push off, but Camus banked a hard left, and knocked me off balance with his port dorsal fin. Leaving me spinning helplessly in the vacuum of space. Within seconds, however, I saw the Lucky Star close on me and I grabbed onto the main cannon. Pulling myself up and laying on the cannon, I looked over into the cockpit to see Milfeulle smiling. I looked back and saw the frame Camus was flying continue to burn as he struggled to retreat. The other frames the hell hounds were flying fell into formation and they all retreated.

The Lucky Star turned gently to starboard and began making its way back towards the Elsior at a steady speed. I slowly crawled my way down the barrel of the main cannon until I came to the cockpit, where I placed my bloody hand on the glass and looked at Milfeulle. She had a look of worry as she saw the blood, but I couldn't stop smiling. This angel had pulled the demon from the jaws of hell. I could see her lips moving as she was talking to someone, probably the angel wing and Tact as we made our way back to the Elsior. My vision was beginning to fade in and out and it became difficult to breathe. I shook my head and redoubled my focus on my chest, buying me another minute or so. Thankfully, we made it to the Elsior and the emblem frames were docked quickly. Once the hanger bay doors were sealed, I dropped my focus and allowed fresh air to flow into my chest.

Within less than a minute of docking, I could feel several pairs of hands lifting me up off of the Lucky Star and onto a stretcher. I couldn't quite make out who was around me, but I felt a warm sensation flow through my body and within seconds my vision cleared up and I could see the Angel wing and some of the hanger crew hovering above me. I lifted my head a bit to see Vanilla treating my wounds with her nano-machines. After what felt like fifteen to twenty seconds, the glow from the nano-machines faded and my wounds were completely sealed.

As I sat up, I looked down and saw that my armor was completely ruined. There were so many holes in the breastplate and pauldrons; there was no point in wearing it all at this point. My clothes, however, had been mended, so at least I had a layer of clothing as opposed to just exposed skin. I sighed a bit before saying, "Thanks Vanilla, I owe you one." I cracked my neck before I was knocked down by Milfeulle, who was hugging me really tightly. Granted I could still breathe, but I can't say I've ever been hugged like this before. The next thing I hear is her crying. Why was she crying? Then came the rest of the angel wing.

"That was incredibly reckless, idiot! What were you thinking?"

"I have to agree with Ranpha, that was reckless, and since when can you breathe in space?"

"While I'm sure everyone is grateful for your daring stunt, you had us all extremely worried when you jumped out of the shuttle."

I chuckled as I looked at them all, while wrapping an arm around Milfeulle, saying, "What can I say? It seemed like a good idea at the time. Besides, it worked, didn't it?"

Milfeulle sat up and looked at me with tear soaked eyes before she said, "You're so mean…" I looked at her with a snarky look before I said, "Hold on, how am I mean? I just leapt out of a perfectly good shuttle into space to save all of you." Before she could answer that, Almo came over the loudspeaker. "Attention, Angel Wing, redeploy! Enemy ships still detected in the area!" Everyone helped the both of us up and within a second of getting to my feet, Ranpha punched me square through one of the gaping holes in my armor and into my chest. I groaned lightly since that area was still sensitive before she said, "That was for scaring us half to death, ya dumb dog." I couldn't help but chuckle as I said, "Fair enough." With that, I made my way to the bridge as quick as I could move, which was not very given how exhausted I was. The girls got back into their frames and launched before I reached the door to the hanger.


Can we please change the name of this story to “Galaxy Demon” and be fucking done with it? At this point Howie can do a better job than most of the fucking crew save maybe for the kitchen staff and the guys in charge of the toilets.

As I stepped onto the bridge, Tact and Lester were both relieved to see me alive and well. Prince Shiva was also on the bridge and was smiling as she looked at me. She walked over to me, to which I bowed my head lightly. After everyone on the bridge expressed their happiness at my survival, I asked, "So, how many ships got out?"

Tact put his hands on his ships and said, "About a dozen. We managed to force them back, but I don't get why they pulled back. They had numbers on their side."

Lester crossed his arms as he said, "Maybe they gave up when they didn't get the civilian ships? No, that doesn't make sense either." I raised an eyebrow as I began to think about it. Then Almo spoke up, "Commander, communication from the enemy fighters…" Man, these guys just don't know when to quit do they?

Tact stepped forward and said, "Open a channel."

Camus came on. "Hmph…it seems like our time limit is up. We must be going now." Time limit? What the hell did he mean by that? Of course, Tact asked him that question, which I already knew he wouldn't answer. What he said next got under my skin.

"Ahh…My honey and I, fate must be cruel once more and tear our love apart…"

Tact cut him off, "Knock it off. Stay in the real world for once." Somehow, I doubt he could even function as a person if he did. However, that didn't stop him from continuing.

The best part is that, in the game, Tact said it in a comically frustrated way. But, as we already know, humor is not allowed here unless it’s Howie’s third-grader jokes and insults.

"Milfie, I captured your beautiful fighting with my own eyes. I look forward to seeing you again…Adieu." What Milfeulle said in response caught me completely off guard.

"Are you still saying things like that? I wouldn't care if you died. Seriously."

My eyebrows shot up in shock at that. I looked at the monitor that had her face as I said, "What in the…? Milfeulle! That was dark. Like, I thought I was bad…damn."

Whoa, be careful where you swing that edge, Milfie, you could hurt somebody.

I shook my head as Guiness chimed in "This was a good fight, my rival! I won't forget that hot moment when we exchanged blows!" I rolled my eyes as I cut in again, "Considering the fact that you've probably never seen a demon fight in space and whip your sorry tail despite having superior numbers and firepower that I can believe. Go get some skills before you come back, scrub."

It’s never really necessary since their writing often says more than enough, but I do appreciate when authors unwittingly confirm the fact they’re fourteen years-old idiot fans of Call of Duty.

By the way, in the game, Guinness was addressing Ranpha.

All of the girls laughed at my rebuttal, which caused Guiness to stammer for a moment before the other fighters started with their verbal jabs at the angels. I decided to sit it out for the remainder of the fight as I got to thinking about what Camus meant by a time limit. Were reinforcements on their way and not far off? If that was the case, then why would they fall back altogether, shouldn't they just regroup with their allies?

As the hell hounds closed the channel, Tact asked for a situation report on Fargo. Apparently, only the ports were attacked, so no ships could get in or out, but the rest of the damage was negligible. Shiva decided to speak up at that point. "What were they trying to do? It's like they're just trying to trap the people of Fargo in the city." So, if they were doing that, then that tells me that they must be planning something with the city.

Lester spoke up, "I'm worried about what those guys were saying as they left. If they stayed, we could have lost." Which rotates us back to what I was asking, which is, why the hell did they fall back? As Tact had finished answering Lester, I got my answer from Coco.

"Powerful energy signature approaching us from the front!"

Tact and Lester looked at her and both shouted, "What?" I stepped forward to the front of the commander's seat to get a look at what she was talking about. In the distance, there was a bright red glow that was growing brighter. My blood ran cold as I immediately shot my hand forward and erected a barrier around the Elsior with my power. I barely got it up in time too.

A powerful energy beam shot past our starboard side, grazing the barrier I erected, and clipped the side of the Fargo station before blowing over a third of the planet of Rhome apart. As the beam grazed the barrier, I felt a nasty burning sensation as the energy was transferred from the barrier to my arm. Everything that hit the barrier up until now just felt like being pushed by children. This felt like a red hot poker being stabbed into my arm. I roared out in pain as I struggled to keep the barrier up, causing everyone to look at me. When the beam subsided, the energy shot back into my arm and I wheeled around and dropped onto one knee holding my arm.

As Shiva, Tact, and Lester ran over to me, I held up my arm and saw part of the sleeve smoldering and my arm from the middle of my forearm down covered in a mixture of first and second degree burns that were smoking. The smell of seared flesh caused everyone to flinch; myself included as I stood up and groaned in pain. Shiva looked at me and said, "Howard, we need to get you to the medical bay!" I shook my head as I said, "I'll be fine, Coco, report, what the hell was that?"

This is one of the most important sequences in the entire first game, as evidenced by the fact it has its own cutscene. The revelation of Eonia’s trump card, which makes its appearance firing a beam so powerful it destroys not only the satellite city of Fargo, where the ball had just taken place, but also carved the surface of the planet behind it, Rhome.

You would think that Guardian Hawk would take the opportunity and advantage of the first person narration to describe in detail the effects of such devastating attack. Maybe even have Howie experience an overwhelming fear at witnessing something that completely dwarfs everything he saw in his hundred of years of life.

Instead, the narration once again focuses on HIM.

HIM creating a barrier to shield the Elsior.

HIS terrible pain.

Tact, Lester and Shiva, who were shocked in the games, immediately rush to check on HIM.

HE has to ask Coco to give a report of the situation.

She stammered for a moment before she said, "I…I don't know. Radar and the display are severely impaired from the attack." I glanced at my smoking arm, which still hurt like hell, before Almo said, "I think…that huge black sphere attacked Rhome…and it grazed Fargo too…" My eyes shot up as terror began to run through my body. As Coco and Almo continued to converse and pass information to Lester and Tact, I took a couple of steps over to the railing by the command chair and sat on it, holding my shoulder and focusing my breathing.

'I will do what I can to numb the pain. See if the angel wing is alright.'

I could faintly hear my subconscious over the sound of my ears pounding. Within a few seconds, the pain dulled a bit. Not a lot, but enough that I didn't need to hold my shoulder anymore.

Thanks, subconscious part of him that retained his humanity and serves as a separate entity of him for no adequately explained reason.

I stood back up as Almo said, "Communications are back online!" Before I could ask if the girls were alright, Milfeulle spoke up.

"Tact! Fargo! The entire city is on fire!"

Tact replied, "What? Our visuals aren't back online yet. Please give us the situation!" I'm not sure I really wanted to hear what she had to say for once.

"Fargo's outer barrier broke…and then fire ran through it!"

Ranpha quietly added, "Hey…what about what happened to the planet? What happened to Rhome…?" I began to shake my head as the picture just got clearer and clearer. Vanilla spoke up next.

"The port's airlock has opened. There's a ship there…" Were they able to fix it to enable people to escape? Almost as if she heard me, Mint said, "No…it's not leaving. It's being swept away! The airlock is broken." Oh no…

As they continued, I had to shake my head. I never enjoyed hearing about innocents dying horrible deaths like that.

I imagine you’re a fan of the more visceral methods.

I knew Eonia. I raised him, taught him, bonded with him.

Wouldn’t have been nice to see some of that? Alas, Guardian Hawk was too busy writing about Howie jumping from ship to ship a la Megaman X.

But this…this was beyond the man that I knew. The level of destruction…the death…the chaos…all caused by him. Was he truly that far gone? The man that I raised like a son has caused even more damage than before. I could hear Tact cursing him for this act, and I honestly couldn't blame him. I don't know what had happened to him, but this pushed any doubt that I had left in my mind.

Eonia was truly beyond redemption.

Well, I had my suspicions back when I saw him smiling triumpanthly at his fleet bombarding the capital of Transbaal in the opening cutscene, but now that you’ve explicitly told me so, I can rest assured.

As the radar and monitor came back online, we got a good look at what caused the damage as Eonia's fleet began pouring out of it. Looking at it from first glance, it was round and black with a red core that glowed like a star. Upon closer inspection, however, it bore several similarities to the white moon, which had me wondering was there another version of it that Eonia happened to find? Surprisingly, it was Shiva that answered that question.

"…That is…That is…Maybe…" I looked at her as both Tact and Lester looked at her, asking her to finish. "Could that be…The Black Moon?" Huh, so my theory was a clean bullseye. Great. So, what the hell was it exactly?

A better question would be, “why in the everloving fuck can’t you keep your fucking brain shut when these moronic musings of yours won’t advance the plot at all and you still need other characters to explain shit to you?”

Anyway, this is the Black Moon.


You’re not going to find a thermal exhaust port to fire inside on this one.

I spoke up and said, "The Black Moon? Your majesty, if you know something about that, we would greatly appreciate your insight." I was fighting to maintain my composure with how much pain I was in as she continued, "I don't know the details. However, I've heard about it from Lady Shatoyarn."

Shatoyarn….where have I heard that name before…

Lady Shatoyarn is the priestess in charge of administering the White Moon. You know, the planetoid that appeared above Transbaal in the darkest times after the Chrono Quake disaster and gifted humanity with the Lost Technology that ushered a new era of prosperity and allowed us to sail into space again? No, it’s okay, I can’t blame you for not knowing about such obscure individual.

"The Black Moon is Lost Technology for bringing harm. An automated machine for mass production…she told me." Seriously? Like we needed more problems? Though, that did explain how Eonia amassed such a large fleet in a short amount of time. Lester spoke up after she finished, "The Black Moon, huh? I'm not sure I can believe in something that far-fetched…" And with that, I lost it…

"You can't believe? Take a good solid look at the fleet that's in front of us, not to mention the giant blasted hole in the planet behind us and tell me again that you don't believe in that. If you seriously can't believe in that, then you can sure as hell believe in this…" Holding up my burnt arm, he took a step back as Shiva said, "Howard, please, take a deep breath. It's not his fault that he doesn't know."

In the game, Lester’s immediate following line was “In one blow…with just a graze, it was able to destroy Fargo” clearly indicating his disbelief was at the sheer destructive power of the Black Moon and not its mere existence. But hey, since when Guardian Hawk has let something as trivial as the canonical dialogue stop him?

As everyone began to let the realization of what just happened to Rhome and Fargo sink in, Almo said, "We're being hailed! It's from Fargo!" I looked at Tact with a raised eyebrow as he said, "Open a channel." I couldn't help but be curious as to who was able to hail us.

"This is the Fargo's 2nd port's control room. Who is commanding the Elsior and the Angel Wing?" Luft, you stubborn son of a bitch. Looks like I did a better job training him than I thought as Tact replied, "General Luft! It's me, Tact!"

“Good thing you survived, Luft! That means I'm awesome! Har har!”

Luft was surprised as he said, "Oh, Tact! So you made it on board the Elsior during the chaos." Tact asked what was going on over there, just to find out the ports were damaged and central port control was unresponsive. Surprisingly, most of the ships docked there were relatively okay, the city district, however, was completely obliterated. My stomach twisted at the sound of that. All those people who had nothing to do with this damn war.

Luft continued, "Allied fleets are coming from the nearby planets now. That aside Tact, do you know where Prince Shiva is?" I stepped forward and said, "Seriously Luft, after all these years, you really still have doubts about me?" Shiva took a step forward as she said, "Worry not. I am right here." Luft jumped as he said, "What!? Thank the stars your safe! My apologies, Demon. I should have known better since he is in your care."

“I’m sorry I doubted you after witnessing a massive superweapon destroying a whole city and carving a planet.”

I added, "I took him with Tact and the Angel wing as we escaped from the ball." Luft began praising us over the com before he noticed my arm. His expression immediately dropped from joy to concern as he asked, "Demon, your arm…" I waved him off saying, "I'm fine.

Several alarms went off as Coco shouted, "Commander! Eonia's fleet has begun to move!" Huh, took them long enough. Nice of them to let us have this whole conversation before coming to finish us off. As Tact asked how many, I could clearly see there were way too many to even begin to count before she added there was a new type mixed in the lot. Just had to have that cherry on top to nicely finish that off, didn't we?

Lester looked at Tact and said, "We can't allow them near Fargo. What now, Tact?" Was that question even necessary? We fight. If I had to go out there again and start ripping ships apart, I'll do it until my arms fall off. Tact was in agreement with me. Luft, however, had a different idea. "You can't do that! Hurry up and escape!" Now, while on one hand, I can understand his reasoning behind saying that, on the other, more crispy hand, I wanted to hit him for even considering saying that. Tact, however took on that job for me as he started to argue with Luft.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I think it’s worth repeating. The people who write these kind of stories are wankers who want to live their little power fantasies in their works of choice, but lack the creativity to alter them in any significant way. This results in “changes” that only serve to shill their self-inserts and nothing else.

For example, in the game, the attack of the Black Moon merely passed near the Elsior and did not cause any significant damage. Here, Howie throws up a barrier to protect the ship. The result is the same: no significant damage, but the change does make Howie look powerful and heroic.

Going on, it’s also common for these hacks to have their self-inserts to always take the “right” side of the story. For example, Character A suspects the newest addition to the team is up to no good, but everybody else thinks everything is fine, until the climax where Character A is proven right and the new member is outed as a spy. Expect the self-insert to support and be on Character A’s side.

Before long, Shiva had had enough and said, "Luft! Are you telling me to abandon the people of Fargo!?" I glared at Luft as he replied, "That's not what I'm saying. It may be difficult, but we'll find a way to evacuate…" Shiva wasn't having it though. "You're telling us to abandon them! Mayers, fight to protect and support Fargo! That is an order!" Now that's more like it. Luft began to protest, but before he could finish, I cut him off and said, "Shut up, we're rescuing you!" He sighed and said, "Don't do anything above and beyond the call of duty, Tact!"

With that, the comline closed and I said, "Give me a minute to get my arm patched up, and I'll hitch a ride over to Fargo and start working on getting those ships out of there."

The worst part is that there was a tactical reason for this decision in the game. Basically, Tact and Lester reasoned that if the Elsior retreated, it would alert Eonia’s forces Shiva was on board, while the opposite would give them the impression she was somewhere else. In other words, hide the three in the forest.

Shiva looked at me and said, "No! You're going to the medical bay and having your arm properly fixed. You've done enough for now, Howard. That's an order." I shot her a dirty look as I said, "Seriously? You really expect me to sit back and do NOTHING while we're outnumbered and outgunned, on top of the fact that Fargo is still burning?" Shiva's expression dropped as she said, "Howard, please. I've already lost enough people because of my cousin. I don't want to lose you too. Please, you'll get your chance to help, but for now, go get your arm fixed. Besides, you'll want to be at your peak for what I have in mind for you."

Is anybody here going to check on the Angels to see if they are in condition to keep fighting? No? Okay…

Before I could say anything, however, a bright blinding light erupted from the black moon, and all of the systems on the bridge went dead. As Almo continued her report, all of the systems hooked into the Chrono String engines were the ones most affected. All the secondary systems that had separate power supplies were alright, for the most part, but that probably wouldn't last long. Then the angel wing established a com link. Milfeulle was the first on the line.

"Tact! The Emblem Frames suddenly stopped moving! What happened!?"

Next was Ranpha. "The engine stalled suddenly! I'm trying to restart it, but it won't do anything!"

As Tact was wondering what was going on, Vanilla spoke up, "…The Elsior cannot move either?"

Mint quickly added, "It's not just us. All of our allied ships have stopped moving too!"

Forte then came on. "What's going on!? In any case, it doesn't look like it's a random breakdown."

I looked around at everyone as I began thinking. From the effects, it reminds me of an electromagnetic pulse. However, the only things affected were Chrono String Engines. Could it have been a modified variant of an EMP designed for Chrono String engines? Before I could go further in my thoughts, the alarms went off as Coco shouted, "The attack satellites have begun to move along with the automated fleet! They're coming this way!" So, whatever that pulse was didn't affect their ships. So much for that theory.

Once again, thanks for fucking nothing, Howie.

Yeah, that was an attack from the Black Moon. Again, another sequence with its own cutscene in the game.

As Tact began barking orders for the angel wing to fall back, I couldn't help but groan. Did you not just hear them say their engines were dead? Then Coco shouted again, "Incoming enemy fire!"

I ran forward and erected a barrier around the Elsior with my good arm. As the enemy fire began to make contact with the barrier, I could feel the pushing growing more and more difficult to hold back. The pain in my arm was making it extremely difficult to keep my focus. It wasn't long before I couldn't hold it any longer and the barrier dropped, causing several enemy missiles to hit the hull, knocking everyone off balance and causing several hull breaches throughout the ship. As I was struggling to catch my breath and get control over the pain I was feeling, the damage reports kept getting worse and worse. Tact called over to the angel wing to ask them if they were alright.

Thankfully, they were all alright. At least for the moment. We, however, were sitting ducks. Then came the next volley. As they hit, an explosion set the elevator hall on fire. I was picking myself off the floor as I regained my footing. Lester and Tact began to discuss about ordering abandon ship, as well as getting Prince Shiva off the ship. As the angel wing were beginning to voice their despair, I looked at Tact as he said, "Is there really nothing left we can do?" I walked over to him and slapped him, causing everyone to gasp as I said, "Don't you dare even begin to think about giving up! We clawed our way through the jaws of hell to get this far, and I will be damned if I let you consider giving up now! SO GET A HOLD OF YOURSELVES! ALL OF YOU!" The rage I was feeling at the idea of giving up just poured through my veins. But before I could say anything else, a blinding light erupted. At first, I thought it was another blast from the black moon, until Tact said, "The emblem frames…have wings?" I looked at the tactical display, and, sure enough, they had wings. I was in complete shock.

"Wings? What in the hell…where did those come from?"

Then Lester chimed in, "It's not just the Emblem Frames! The Elsior is behaving strangely too!" The rage I was feeling at this point was being oddly soothed, almost like a mother consoling a child. Next thing I notice was the pain in my arm had completely vanished. I looked down and my arm had been fully healed. As Coco and Almo were continuing to feed information on what was going on with the Elsior, I looked out at the Emblem frames. I could practically feel their strength surging through space from here. Whether it was due to what was causing those wings, my demonic power, or the combination of the two, I don't know, but I felt like I could take on the galaxy.


Imagine you’re watching The Lord of the Rings. Frodo and Sam are approaching Mordor when, suddenly, Frodo collapses, exhausted. “I can’t do this, Sam,” he tells his best friend. But just as Sam is about to encourage Frodo, this elf dressed in all black and carrying a pair of katanas on his back appears out of nowhere, kicks Sam away and picks up Frodo by the scruff of his neck. “Quit whinning and keep walking, you little faggot!” He growls at Frodo. The poor Hobbit, white as a paper sheet, nods and does as he’s told.

In the game, Tact encourages the Angels to not give up and believe in their power until the very end. The girls all each realize they need to fight back, for their sake and the sake of everybody else in the galaxy. In response to their renewed resolve, the Emblem Frames reactivate, sprouting pure white, feathery wings of light. This is another sequence with a cutscene to show its importance.

Here? Howie throws a temper tantrum and suddenly everything is fine. Tact doesn’t get to say a word, the Angels don’t get to say a word and, of course, most of the narration focuses on how Howie somehow got healed despite the fact only the ships were affected in the game.

Almo then called out, "All systems have been restored!" Lester replied, "They're back!? Ah, geez, I don't get this!" I looked at my arm and said, "Who cares!? We'll figure this out later. In the meantime, there's an enemy fleet in front of us, and I don't know about you, but I'm a bit pissed from being used as target practice for these ships."

The Angel wing then called us to let us know the frames had been fully restored as well. As if it wasn't already obvious from the new wings they were sporting. I looked at Tact and said, "Are you going to give the order, or should I?" Tact smiled and said, "Angel wing, begin the counterattack!" With that, they shot off and tore through the enemy with renewed vigor.

The counterattack went swiftly and it was gorgeous to watch the girls tear through the ships. I don't know where those wings came from, but I could get used to watching them in action. It added a very nice flair to the battle, like watching vengeful angels striking back at those who stuck at them.

Right. Because it’s not like Shiva wanted to fight to protect the people of Fargo and everybody else agreed. Nah, son, that shit is gay! Better have vengeful angels punishing those who dared to stand in their way with fiery death while Seek and Destroy blares in the background! Fuck yeah!

However, it didn't last long. As we prepared to launch an attack on the black moon, the angel wings disappeared. The reports from Coco also indicated a drop in output lower than normal. That had me thinking, from what it sounded like, assuming the frames were people in this case, they had a burst of adrenaline and once the adrenaline wore off, the strain caught up with them. However, given that the frames were lost technology, that wasn't quite possible. Though, maybe the halo system had that reaction from their pilots and transferred the effects to the frame. I could speculate about it for hours, but, that would have to wait as the angel wing was recalled back to the Elsior.

The constant influx of this guy’s thoughts and theories is the worst thing about this story, narrative-wise. It’s completely superfluous, as the explaination for all these events will eventualy come from another character, and horribly dense, dragging to no end. In-between conversations it makes things difficult to follow and creates gigantic messes of paragraphs. In-between actions sequences it drags the flow of the story down to the ground, basically interrupting everything so we can hear this guy think.

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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by GorillaGamer » Mon Oct 15, 2018 2:13 am

Sorry for the late comment, but I got caught up with a few other things. Having read a bit of StevieBond's story, I can understand why you prefer his fic over Guardian Hawk's fic. There was also a statement you made in one of the previous chapters that I wanted to put in my two cents at.
Now know how I feel about Seehan from Another Journey.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
A quote from Project AFTER
Gorillagram only gets sexual stimulation from playing Pokemon Reborn and its derivatives.
A quote from Andrew himself

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