Anime Outsiders

Not content with mocking just one fanfic from this particular author, I decided to grab another one for the road before considering other ventures. This is Harry Potter: Heir Of Shinobi and Wizard by Crimson-Esper-Of-Ruin-Instinct. Much like my previous mock of Ashura Satoshi Aura God of Kanto, this is another unashamed power fantasy, where the story’s protagonist is granted omnipotence for little to not logical reason, catering solely to the lowest common denominator in fanfiction. Yet it manages to be worse than expected. The first chapter is a long one, so be prepared that you might be here a while. Enjoy.

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Chapter 1

Summary:Harry Potter was a young boy who had everything taken from him. Barely a year and a half old his parents murdered in cold blood by a twisted Dark Lord. Then a manipulative old man binds his power and takes him to the Dursley's where he is neglected and beaten.

How fortunate that child abuse leads to super powers in these kinds of fanfics.

But at the age of 4 after a particularly harsh beating, in his mindscape he is visited by his ancestors, the strongest warriors and magic users the world has ever known or forgotten - Myrdin Emrys, Morgain Le Fay, Uzumaki Naruto, Senju Hashirama, Uchiha Madara, and the Sage of Six Paths himself.

You’ve got to wonder if all the weak ancestors feel left out when shit like this happens.

Together they will teach Harry and he will show the world the power of a forgotten era and bring all his enemies to their knees. while getting much attention from some lovely ladies. Watch as Harry Potter-Emrys-Le Fay-Uzumaki-senju-Uchiha Takes the world by storm! Godlike/Cold/Dark/Independent/Sadistic/Cool Harry! Harry Massive Harem! Extreme Dumbledore, Ron, Molley, Umbridge, Vernon, and Dudley bashin!, Genderbend, Incest!

Genderbedning? Oh, joy. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a decent thought experiment of considering how established characters would appear or act if they were of a different gender. Too bad that for horny fanfic authors, the reason is usually, “there’s not enough vaginas in this story, let me slap one on a dude – no homo!”

I don't own Harry Potter or Naruto

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'Just fucking great!' Harry thought in mock joy as he walked around in a dark endless void, Harry Potter was by no means normal deep down he was intelligent, cold, cool, and Independent to anyone he considered an enemy.

Because if there’s anyone who’s independent, it’s a four-year-old.

He always wondered who his parent's were but, the fat slobs Vernon and Dudders as he called his bitch-boy of a cousin send sniding remarks at him about his mother being a whore which he retaliated by saying at least his mother didn't birth a lard ass like them which made his aunt Petunia giggle quietly whenever he shot down their insults like nothing.

Even though she’s the butt of the joke? That seems oddly out of character as well as making no sense.

He also felt something else within him, he was very fit despite being starved by his uncle and cousin, while his aunt fed him what she could and always comforted him in secret telling nice things about his mom and father which amazed him at being able to do 'magic' but, Vernon did not like his freakishness around the house and went out of their way to beat him physically when he accidentally levitated or tossed a glass bottle at their faces with his mind.

Author, you are aware that this still makes Petunia complicit in child abuse, since she’s not calling the cops, right?

He was suddenly attacked by both cousin and uncle landing blow after blow on him but, he managed to kick them in the balls knocking them nearly out from the pain but, he fainted from his injuries while hearing his aunt screaming in sorrow and pain.

Right now he is following a blue, black, green, and gold trail leading to a forestry area and entered but, instantly was on alert feeling several people watching him.

Hopefully it’s the paramedics trying to revive his paranoid, blacked out and critically injured ass.

"Whoever you are come out!" Harry said coldly eyeing the surroundings analytically getting several amused chuckles from behind him and turned quickly as he back flipped away from his stalkers in a rare show of acrobatics and had to keep his look of shock on his face seeing three men wearing what he could guess ninja would wear from what he watched on the TV and the other two looked old, yet wise and strong from what he could sense from their auras.



You need to slow the fuck down, author. Seriously, you’re having your protagonist use powers before he has gotten any. The kid is still fucking four years old, and on top of everything else he’s done up until this point, now you’re having him scan his environment like Jason Bourne, do backflips like a gymnast, recognize ninjas that doesn’t look like any ninjas outside of Naruto, and have him sense auras. Could you at least pretend this post-toddler übermensch needs to have powers bestowed upon him?

"Who are you?" He questioned cautiously making the one wearing a red cloak with the kanji for Rokudaime frown in sadness and sympathy while the black haired one wearing crimson armor patted him on the head sympathetically.

"You remind me of myself, my descendant." He spoke in a sad tone that made Harry feel he found a kindred spirit.

Well, they are supposed to be related, and he’s certainly a ghost, so this is technically correct.

"What do you mean?" He asked still careful the blond haired man introduced himself as Naruto Uzumaki Senju Namikaze and began telling the young boy about his life, and hardships at the end Harry was leaking so much killing intent he had a black aura shimmering around him getting wide eye's from Madara, Naruto, Hashirama, Merlin, and Morgana at the power he is putting out.

"4 tails of chakra at the age of 4." Naruto muttered at this feeling a sense of deja vu getting nods from the other four nodding in amazement.

I agree, it sounds just as ridiculous as whatever fanfic the author is pulling your background story from.

"When I get out of here I'm going to show those two pieces of shit who they are fucking with!" He swore making hsi ancestors giving him looks of disbelief as they listened to a 4 year old use so much colorful words it made Naruto, Hashirama, Morgana, and even Madara blush while Merlin was looking downright amused.

Ahem. Fuck! Do I have you blushing yet, author? No? Then don’t pretend these people would do so, at hearing the words come out of a boy growing up in an abusive household. Only children grant this sort of power to words of vulgarity, the rest of us have the maturity to count them as impolite words meant to accentuate a point, you fucking fuckwit!

"So are you here to train me great-ancestors?" Harry asked raising an eyebrow getting three set's of raised eyebrows at this kids intellect while a blond kage smirks as he reminds him of his lazy Nara friend except the laziness.

It’s been replaced with entitlement. Would it kill him to say “please”?

"yes, Harry me, Hashirama, and Naruto will be teaching you everything about being a Shinobi and unlocking your heritage while Merlin and Morgana will train you to master everything in magic to be the strongest!" Madara declared fiercely.

Why though? Oh, I know why – wish fulfillment, of course – but I mean, what is his motivation? Harry was only told Naruto’s backstory, not anything about his own family or even Voldemort. To this author, the plot is literally an afterthought.

"First let's get rid of these bindings on your core-" Merlin was cut off as a pissed off Harry blasted his whole mind saturating it with his chakra and magic till he felt something break on him and his blocked power instantly flowed forward and freely bending to Harry's will shocking the hell out of them.

Who needs help unlocking and mastering their latent and completely unexplained powers anyway? Certainly not the Marty Stu. Why are these people even here?!

"His chakra is at 6 Tails!" Naruto shouted in absolute disbelief with Madara and Hashirama having jaw drops wondering if he has anymore surprises and frowned noticing a green orb floating in front of Harry who crushed it with a cold gaze and watched him clutch his head a bit feeling knowledge fill his being along with knowing many other things about magic and spells general.

Because fuck making any kind of sense, the author wants his power fantasy now – plot holes be damned!

"I'll meet you guys tomorrow for training." He said with them nodding but, not before his eye's flashed crimson with 3 tomoe's leaving a gaping Madara with Naruto and Hashirama snickering at him

(Outside Mindscape)

Harry's eye's snapped open showing them to be the 3 tomoed sharingan and noticed he could see things in slow motion and have high perception and looked up to see Petunia caressing his now spiky hair that he noticed was like his ancestor Madara's and had red streaks in them which he smiled at the badass look.

Why even pretend this is Harry Potter anymore? His character is already shot to hell, and now he’s getting a makeover, because just like his personality, the way he looks is in conflict with the author’s preferences for his self-insert Marty Stu. Why write a fanfic, when no characters, even the author’s favorite, aren’t allowed to be who they are?

"Aunt Petunia, I'm alright I just managed to get rid of the blocks that bearded idiot put on me and unlocked my Shinobi heritage it also turns out im a descendant to Myrdin Emry's, and Morgana Le Fay!" Petunia's eyebrow went almost past her hairline in shock and smiled knowing Lily's boy is going to do great things.

Oh yeah, the child raised on beatings and starvation, whose next twelve formative years will be with the power to do whatever he wants. Surely, he’s going to do great things – if by ‘do’, the author means having sex, and by ‘things’, he’s objectifying women.

"Why are your eye's like that?" She asked pointing to his Sharingan, he explained to her what the sharingan was and it's many abilities. She was completely shocked at him having slower time perception, sharper eyesight, and the ability to figure out someone's next movement to take them down truly amazing.

He’s going to rule at the preschool’s underground rock-paper-scissors tournaments.

"I also seem to have Madara-jiji's hair style though I like it." He shrugged and almost laughed hearing roaring laughter from Madara while Hashirama and Naruto whined about their hair being dissed.

Harry looked toward Vernon and Dudley who are just waking up and suddenly felt Madara implant the knowledge of the Uchiha Interceptor Fist and figured out the stances already and just needed to practice them but, walked forward menacingly toward the two who tried to beat him to death cracking his knuckles making Petunia look away knowing it isn't going to be pretty and covered her ears hearing their screams of agony as he unleashed his fury on them.

I’m starting to think everyone the author favors just gets turned into a sociopath.

Harry Emry Le Fay Uzumaki Senju Uchiha isn't going to be someone's fucking punching bag and weapon for some fake prophecy. 'You're next on my shit list dumbledork!' He thought menacingly as his sharingan glowed in the night with many manipulative people sneezing and shivering wondering why do they feel a sense of foreboding.

Seventy two stories of this, people. That’s how many the author has written. All. Like. This.

(5 weeks later)

After 5 weeks on that changing day, Harry threw himself into training after finding out his body was granted godlike reserves of magic and chakra along with godlike physical attributes, he attested to this when he punched a tree causing it to snap in half with no bruises whatsoever. Naruto taught him the Kage Bunshin and explained how it worked and he was floored by it's many uses for training and shocked the others when he told them he didn't feel any mental backlash from dispersing near 500 clones at the same time which Madara ordered him to create thousands of clones for their teachings, he was taught Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, Genjutsu, Fuuinjutsu, and how to use every weapon bladed or non-bladed by spamming and training with his clones or sparring with his shinobi ancestors with no signs of stopping.

But of course, with cheat codes enabled, anything is possible.

With Morgana and Merlin he learned to control his magic to the point where he can lift objects with just a mental thought and it took no effort which Merlin and Morgana congratulated him for doing that and had him learn the History Of Magic and other event's that took place, He also learned Transfiguration, Charms, Potions, Herbology, Runes, Arithmancy, Defense Against The Dark Arts, Divination, Muggle Studies, Magical Creatures Study,Goblin Magic, Foreign Languages, Dueling, Curse Breaking, Dark Magic, Light Magic, Curse's, Grey Magic, Occlumency, Legilimency , Dueling, and Spell Chaining and even Alchemy, Wandless Magic, and how to sense different magic signatures.

Thus making Hogwarts irrelevant seven years before he would even get his acceptance letter. What will even be the point of going?

He soaked up there lessons like a sponge with him being able to duel Auror-Level enemies which was a feat in it's self due to him having a IQ of 900 along with the sharingan he mastered after being forced to fight at speeds beyond human to read even the slightest twitch of muscle allowing him to determine the movement.

An ability which his advanced state of sharingan should already have afforded him to begin with, but who bothers with details? Certainly not the author. Take Harry’s abnormally high IQ, for example. Today’s IQ tests only calculate up to a 160, and is based upon the average intelligence score of a population; thus it cannot have been used to calculate Harry’s IQ. However, the old way of calculating child IQ, taking mental age (the age group achieving same scores on average as the child) divided by chronological age, multiplied by one hundred – this can in fact be used. At age four, a child with an IQ of 900 would have the mental age of thirty-six. Underwhelming, but at least it’s thrice that of the author.

He also found out he had godlike affinity's to all element's which stumped him except a quiet Madara, Hashirama, and Naruto who had knowing smirks on their faces and continued to train him harder in their traditional styles, he didn't want to be lazy so he continued doing his physical exercises outside his mindscape which he can say is near unbreakable due to him having it fortified with thousand's of Sannin and Kage-Level Uzumaki's Uchiha's and Senju's along with his memories being mixed and guarded by a titanium barrier hidden in a underground passage with the Bijuu guarding it and even if he doe's somehow make it past the guards he'llhave to figure out the correct pattern of runes to get to the memories.



He also mentally concluded he's Anbu-Level right now in everything Shinobi which Hashirama, Naruto, and Madara applauded him for his accurate answer, he learned and mastered hundreds of jutsu for each element he possessed even non-elemental jutsu and Fuuinjutsu he had to gawk at Naruto's description of the Hiraishin No Jutsu and vowed to learn it.

Wow, yay, can we just put him and Voldemort in the same room and get it over with?

He was also given the talk by Morgana which ended up with him not looking Petunia or Morgana or any other girl in the eye for that matter which ended up with him on the end of relentless teasing form his other ancestors making him restrain from launching Katon Jutsu's at them.

Sexual education given to a four year old, how classy. I know I’m sounding like a broken record by now, but can you blame me?

He also read all the material for all years at Hogwarts but, isn't going to go there to be all chummy, forgiving and nice to any who try to manipulate him for their own benefit and decided to head to the Goblin Bank to get more freedom from Dumbledorks reach.

(Gringotts)

As opposed to the other goblin bank in Harry Potter – we wouldn’t want to have the readers be confused.

Harry opens the grand doors to the Goblin Bank wearing a pair of black jeans with a belt with a Uchiha Symbol as the buckle, black sneakers, a tight shirt that showed his toned six pack causing many women to drool nearby and blush with lust in their eye's, while others wondered how a young man like him could have such a muscled body, and wears a black leather jacket with the Uchiha Symbol on the back and on the sleeves and high collar while his hair flowed behind him and the red tips gave him that handsome appearance along with the killer curse green eye's and walked up to a Goblin who gave him a curious look.

The kid can count his age on one hand while picking his nose, and you’re having him strut around like a male centerfold in edgy bad boy attire. My god, author! What is wrong with you?!

"Sir may I please speak to the director." He whispered to the goblin lifting his hair out of the way showing his scar thanks to the Henge Jutsu shocking the Goblin who showed him to the Directors Office and saw that this wing was decorated with gold decor and jewels which made Harry whistle knowing this goblin must be pretty rich and nodded seeing the Goblin Guards at the door.

The seemingly sole bank, that caters to an entire country of clandestine, medieval culture people who still use precious metals as currency, rich? You must be pulling on my leg, good sir.

Griphook knocked on the door. "Enter!" A older voice yelled behind the door and allowed Griphook to push it open showing a big office with another older goblin signing some paperwork behind the desk and took a moment to look up at Harry and had to tense feeling the godly power flowing from 4 year old.

I would find it hard not to laugh as well.

Griphook and surprisingly Harry bowed in respect shocking the goblins at a human showing them respect but were secretly happy he wasn't like other purebloods. "What can I do for you young man?" Ragnarok asked professionally only for his shock to increase seeing the lightning bolt scar on his forehead marking him as the Boy-Who-Lived.

"Harry Potter." He whispered in shock.

“Harry Potter was my slave name. Now I will be called Author Avatar, because I’m used as a blank slate for wish fulfillment.”

"Good Evening High Chief Ragnarok." Harry smiled at him respectfully with kindness that touched the old goblins heart.

"I expected to meet you when you reached the age of 13." The elder goblin watched a dark scowl cross Harry's face impressing him immensely seeing the power behind those killer curse green eye's of his and pitied the poor bastard who met him in a dark alley.

Do you get it yet, readers? Harry is totally awesome, powerful, intelligent, a physical god, all the ladies want him, probably got a dick the size of a baseball bat, no one can even compare to him! DO YOU GET IT YET?!

"I wish to take a Heritage Test, along with seeing the will my parent's left me and I would also like to visit the Vault of Emry's Morgana, Uchiha, Uzumaki, and Senju?" He asked Ragnarok who nodded at Griphook who walked out and later came back with a dagger and a large parchment.

"Just cut your finger and squeeze a few drops of blood into the bowl."

What bowl? Did Griphook practice his origami with the parchment he brought?

Harry did what he asked and squeezed hsi finger dropping three drops of blood into the bowl and watched it glow as his finger healed in a second with a hiss something Griphook raised an eyebrow at.

"By Morgana." Ragnarok whispered confusing Harry who looked at the results and had to drop hsi jaw cracking the floor along with his other tenants who had one thought on their minds.

'Dammmmnnnnn!'

Fine, we all knew this was coming. Let’s go through this word count filler, inheritance bullshit.

Heritage Test

Age: 4

Status: Pureblood, Unknown Primary Status (?)

Heir Of House Gryffindoor

Heir Of House Hufflepuff

Heir Of House Ravenclaw

Magical Heir Of Slytherin (By Conquest)

Because if I kill someone, that means I’m entitled to their parents’ money.

Magical Heir Of Merlin Emry's

Heir Of House Black

Heir Of House Peverell

Heir Of Le Fay

Heir Of Uzumaki

Heir Of Senju

Heir Of Uchiha

Heir Of House Potter

Heir Of House Evans

Heir Of Drakul

Sure, let’s throw Dracula into this mess while we’re at it. It totally distracts from how Harry’s mother was somehow from a magical family now.

Harry smirked along with Ragnok and Griphook who was shaking his head in pure amusement while inwardly is laughing his ass off knowing Harry is going to be nigh unstoppable. "I believe I have money correct." They nodded. "Well, Chief Ragnok I'd like for Griphook to manage the Potter, Black, and Le Fay Vaults, while you manage the others." Both nodded grinning like loons before looking at the properties and finances only for everyone's eye's to nearly bulge out their sockets.

Because they were all incapable of expecting the obvious.

'I gotta say again Damn!' Naruto thought not even his family had that much cash.

House Of Drakul

Vault number 230, Very High Security.

Vault contains 82,984,349 galleons

Vault also contains several ancient scrolls on warding and blood magic, along with many priceless artifacts and heirlooms.

Pawn shops will give you twenty bucks for them, tops.

Properties and Other assets

Castle Drakul and several smaller properties in Romania

Ollivander's 25%

Madam Malkin's 30%

Marriage Contract to the House Of Black for Andromeda and Tonk's Black

Harry raised an eyebrow at that. 'Somehow I knew this was coming.' He deadpanned at his tenants who were snickering at him.

I knew this was coming the moment I picked up this story. As bat-shit insane as the author is, the last thing he could be is original. This whole marriage contracts thing is a tasteless trope, a cheap and effortless way for lazy authors to abuse supposedly archaic, misogynistic law and tradition to force women into a relationship with the protagonist – regardless of their own free will or even marriage status. It’s abused over and over in these stories, to the point where authors are injecting it without even considering who the women are. Case in point, Tonks is a last name – as in Nymphadora Tonks, daughter of Andromeda Black and Ted Tonks. They’re all just pussy on legs to the author.

House Peverell

Vault number 412, very high security

Vault contains 4,450,600 galleons

Vault also contains a vast supply of potions texts and materials, along with many priceless artifacts and heirlooms.

Properties and Other Assets

Peverell Manor

Godric Hollow 30%

Ollivander's 12 %

Flourish and Blott's 26%

Slug & Jiggers Apothecary 54%

Carrow's Finest Cauldrons 89%

Isn’t it nice how all these ancient wizard families decided to invest in small companies?

Marriage contact to the House Of Li for the first born daughter born.

Marriage contract to the House Of Clearwater for first daughter born

Overall value of the House of Peverell stands at 20,458,988 galleons.

House Potter

Vault number 651. Trust fund vault 1241 cosed and added to main.
High Security.

This would go much quicker if they just did this for all the vaults.

Vault contains 980,546,213 galleons.

Vault contains a large library containing many ancient books and scrolls, on warding, curses, and on many various subjects, many of them the only copies in existence. Vault also contains a vast amount of priceless gem's, portraits, ward stones, and other priceless artifacts and heirloom.

None of which will ever be important, because why would the Marty Stu need it?

Properties and Other Assets

Potter Mansion and several other properties scattered throughout
Scotland, Ireland, and the UK.

Godric's Hollow 29%

Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour 28%

Flourish & Blotss 32%

Dell 59%

What the fuck is this? Dell, as in the computer company? Author, this, more so than the Tonks bit, proves that you show no consideration or thought toward anything you’re writing. Not only was Dell founded in Texas, it happened in February of 1984; four years after Harry’s birth. In this story, it literally just happened!

Gambol & Japes 25%

Zonko's 34%

Grunnings Drills 98%

Marriage contract for Miss Ginerva Molly Weasley to Mr. Harry Potter signed and dated by the father's of both children on October 9, 1981.

Double marriage contract for a Miss Padma and Miss Parvati patil to Mr. Harry Potter, signed and dated by mother's of both children on October 3, 1981

Throw more girls on the marriage pile, it’s not like they won’t fall in love with the Marty Stu. Otherwise they’d be villains.

Overall value of the House Of Potter stands at 2,340,897,234 galleons.

House Black

Vault number 711. High security.

Vault contains 621,521,982 galleons.

Vault also contains a large library on the dark arts, blood magic, and necromancy, many believed to be the only copies in existence. Vault also contains many dark objects, precious gems, and other priceless artifacts and heirlooms.

Porn. It’s all porn magazines. Convince me otherwise.

Properties and Other Assets

Black Manor and several smaller houses scattered in the UK and along the Japanese and Puerto Rican islands.

#12 Grimmauld Place

Borgin & Burkes 97%

Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour 36%

Slug & Jiggers Apothecary 17%

Flourish & Blotts 54%

Gambol & Japes 25%

Zonko's 25%

Eeylops Owl Emporium 38%

The Shrieking Shack 100%

Hold on, that’s a building, not a company. Who the fuck owns shares of an abandoned house?!

Marriage contract to the House of Abbot for the first daughter born.

Double marriage contract for a Miss Daphne Greengrass and a Miss Astoria Greengrass, to the next son born to the House of Black, signed and dated by the Heads of both Houses on July 23, 1982.

Overall value for the House of Black stands at 1,163,583,967 galleons.

House Gryffindor

Vault number 7. Maximum security.

Vault contains 3,167,835,298 galleons.

It’s a wonder the wizarding world has money at all, with how all of Harry’s family lines hoard it.

Vault also contains many precious gems and a large armory full of various armors and weapons. Vault also contains ancient tomes of long forgotten magic, all of which are the last in existence, along with many other priceless artifacts and heirlooms.

Properties and Other Assets

Gryffindor Castle

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 25%

Ollivander's 65%

Just a heads up, I’m keeping track of all these percentages the author is sprinkling across Harry’s family lines. I’ll display the results later, but the current prognosis – the author needs to work on his math.

Marriage contract to the House of Bones for the first daughter born.

Overall value for the House of Gryffindor stands at 4,918,437,275 galleons.

House Hufflepuff

Vault number 11. Maximum security.

Vault contains 2,316,756,354 galleons.

Vault also contains several other priceless artifacts and heirlooms.

Did you run out of ideas, author? Or is Hufflepuff still the least interesting house, even during inheritance rituals?

Properties and Other Assets

Hufflepuff Mansion

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 25%

Marriage contract to the House of Bell for the first daughter born.

Overall value for the House of Hufflepuff stands at 3,525,473,905 galleons.

House Ravenclaw

Vault number 9. Maximum security.

Vault contains 2,864,972,768 galleons.

But no sickles or knuts, because who wants to bother with small change?

Vault also contains several other priceless artifacts and heirlooms.

Properties and Other Assets

Ravenclaw Manor

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 25%

Marriage contract to the House of Lovegood for the first daughter born.

Overall value for the House of Ravenclaw stands at 4,167,834,753 galleons.

House Slytherin

Vault number 13. Maximum security.

Vault contains 6,397,732,964 galleons.

Vault also contains several other priceless artifacts and heirlooms.

Really? That’s all for Slytherin? You sure you don’t want to throw in something special, maybe Voldemort related? Are you suffering from wish fulfillment fatigue, author?

Properties and Other Assets

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 25%

Marriage contract to the House of Davis for the first daughter born.

Overall value for the House of Slytherin stands at 7,358,710,019 galleons.

House of the Sorcerers

Vault number 512. High security.

Vault contains 340,257,093 galleons.

Vault also contains several other priceless artifacts and heirlooms.

Properties and Other Assets

Sorcerer's Tower

Overall for the House of Sorcerers stands at 870,273,918 galleons.

I have very little faith in this author, but I don’t think even he would be so stupid as to mistake the Sorcerer’s Stone as a family name indicator – so can anyone tell me who the fuck the House of the Sorcerers is?! Hang on, let me Google it...

Oh.

Oh no.

Okay, I’m putting that aside for a bit, just know that I just learned something unexpected. It’s not the House of the Sorcerers themselves, but rather what popped up when I searched it.

House Emrys

Vault 1. Top secret. Triple Maximum security. Evacuation necessary to access vault.

Vault contains 23,753,294,847 galleons.

Vault contains several ancient, mythical artifacts, tomes, scrolls, and other objects, each believed to be the only copies to ever be created.

Vault also contains several other priceless artifacts and heirlooms.

Properties and Other Assets

Stonehenge

He owns a bunch of old rocks, I’m so happy for him.

The Isle of Avalon

Gringotts 55%

Overall value for the House of Emrys stands at 29,348,981,718 galleons.

The summary and overall total value of Lord Harry Potter, including all of his gold, properties, and other assets comes out to 52,768,018,059 galleons.

By my math, the author comes up about a billion short. And that’s before adding the overall value of House Drakul, which he forgot to add from the list that he stole this inheritance ritual from. Yes, stole, from Harry Potter and the Heir of Magic by Lordd BladeDSF, written three years before his own fanfic. This entire inheritance ritual is plagiary.

What the author did, as far as I can tell, was to copy the entire listing of assets into his own fanfic, and then edited miniscule parts of it. He left the listing order mostly unchanged, vault numbers and descriptions are entirely the same, but he was much more generous with the values – inflating galleon amounts and shareholdings by random numbers. Then, as he reached House Black, he just stopped giving a shit, because everything afterwards is unchanged. Which was how, by him forgetting to remove House of the Sorcerers, and not at all including anything from Harry’s ninja lineages, that this can now be seen as obvious plagiary. Worse yet, because of his uncaring additions of shareholdings, Harry now owns 102% of Ollivanders and 112% of Flourish and Blotts. I knew the author was lazy and unoriginal, but this behavior is just scummy and makes it even more deserving of ridicule.

"Just wow." Harry breathed out with the goblins looking amazed as well, he wasn't wealthy, he was bloody fucking rich!, oh he was so going to enjoy taking away Dumbledork's and the Death Munchers ammunitions while rubbing it in the face of the Dark Tossier.

I don’t think you know how money or fighting domestic terrorists works, author.

Harry narrowed his eye's seeing the marriage contracts he never seen so many even Naruto agreed he never had that many marriage contracts when he was alive. "I am guessing these contracts are magically binding?" He asked in a deadpan voice getting nods making him rub his face in exasperation realizing he's going to have a harem, no a big family.

Given his age, he should be more concerned about cooties. I’d buy his exasperation much easier, if he provided a reason for being annoyed, rather than just failing to appear as a virtuous and unwilling winner of the pussy lottery.

"Can I take the ability's test now?" He asked annoyed getting a nod as Ragnok cut his finger and squeezed five drops of blood and watched it glow white and had to raise an eyebrow at the results.

Harry James Potter

Multiple Animagus-Potter

Metamorphmagus-Peverell

Enhanced Speed, Strength, and Senses-Drakul

Enhanced Healing and Regeneration-Drakul

Shadow Magus-Sorcerers

Aura Reading-Gryffindor

Mage Sight-Ravenclaw

Parseltongue-Slytherin

Druidic Elven and Elemental Magus-Emrys

Beast Master-Emrys

Yes, all of the above is plagiarized too. The majority of them will never even be mentioned again, you would think the author would be a bit more aware of his own bullshit.

Godlike Stamina, chakra, and Regeneration-Uzumaki

Physical Energy and Enhanced Body-Senju

Spiritual Energy, Enhanced Reflexes, and Rinnegan-Uchiha

Master Occlumens

Master Legilimens

Master of all trades, jack of none.

'Guy's shouldn't my Rinnegan be unlocked?' He asked Hashirama, Naruto, and Madara.

'We've been tweaking it a bit, we managed to add the abilities of the Eternal Mangekyo to it and enhancing the Rinnegan's special ability's to your liking, you'll have metallic blue eye's with several circles around the pupil and a black background in your eye you might want to hold your eye's it'll sting a bit.' Madara warned him getting a nod as he clenched his eye's shut feeling like he had been poked in the eye worrying Ragnok and Griphook only to gasp seeing Harry's eye's change.

"I already knew i was powerful but, this just takes the cake literally."

I literally can’t literally express how I literally hate you right now, literally.

He said amused before opening the Will Of His Parent's and after reading it his eye's glowed with fury and malice causing the armrest's to shatter stunning the goblins who suddenly gulped seeing the fury behind those glowing Rinnegan eye's.

At least he throws temper tantrums like the child he is.

'Dumbledore you are in big trouble now!' Ragnok thought before Harry calmed down closing his eye's till they were just half-lidded but, what made them shiver was the dark, cruel, sadistic look in the 4 year old's eye's that would make even the Juubi whimper in fear.

Do you ever get tired of trying to one-up every exaggeration you make, author?

"Ragnok, I want Dumbledork removed as my Magical Guardian since I never asked him to be my guardian and inform my godmother Amelia Bone's that I'll be seeing her in the future." He spoke in a calm voice that made him look like the perfect picture of royalty.

The four-year-old dressed in so much black that he would stand out against the void of space? I don’t know how you can take what you write seriously, yet I know that you do!

"Harry here's your money pouch it can be filled with any amount that you choose from any of your vaults have fun shopping." Ragnok explained cheerfully and watched Harry form multiple Shadow Clones.

"Griphook, Ragnok escort these clones to my vaults so they can seal the things I need while I go get the things needed for when I go to Hogwarts." He waved over his shoulder leaving Ragnok an Griphook with the clones and smirked.

'Many good things will come for you Harry that I can tell.' Thought the Chief Goblin as he and Griphook took the clones to the specified vaults by the end of the day Harry is now fully prepared for his years at Hogwarts.

Motherfucker, you could tell me the tyrant toddler was ready for fatherhood, and I’d have to nod my head and mouth the words, “because you say so,” since that’s all that is carrying this story!

Both Light Side and Dark better stay on their toes!

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Splitting the chapter in two here, since its too big to be contained in one post.

And we're back.

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9 years later

Harry stared at the sad smiling visages of his mentor's and family as they faded away. "Good luck kid, show the world the power of a Shinobi and Wizard and get yourself a girl gaki!" Naruto shouted before they completely faded away leaving a sad, yet amused Harry who now stood at 5'5, with slightly pale skin, a solid 6 pack abs and the build of a athletic runner built like it was carved from marble and his hair now covered one of his eye's.

In other words, essentially nothing has changed. Also, did Naruto just tell the kid with FOURTEEN marriage contracts to find himself a girlfriend?!

He finally mastered everything they taught him and can say he is the strongest man in the entire world, He has surpassed his teachers in Magic and Shinobi Arts. He mastered his family sword styles the Hiten Mitsurugi and Santoryu along with mastering the sentient Mist Swords that Naruto collected on his journeys and have mastered them beyond their predecessors level's and could honestly say he is a literal Fuuinjutsu Sage it was so useful and easy to adapt in battle with what people thought flashy moves were better were just idiots.

Said idiots don’t exists, because the flashy moves you’re talking about are used by no one. You’re the only one who can do all these things. You’re the embodiment of bringing a gun to a knife fight in Knife City on Knife Planet, Population: People who have never even seen a gun before.

He looked at the letter and scoffed in a amused manner as he had already got everything for all his years at Hogwarts and plans to be in Hufflepuff because he treasures loyalty to friends not some arrogant old arse who thought he could control his life.

Wait, hold on. It’s nine years later, so Harry is thirteen now. He should have been enrolled two years ago. Why are you like this, author?

He had also mastered his Rinnegan and along with the path's gravity techniques, Yin and Yang elements, and the Mangekyo techniques with Kamui and Tsukuyomi being his favorite since he can go into his own space to train for however long he wants with time being the same outside.

He quickly showers shampooing his hair and rinsed it out before walking out into his room that made a mansion bedroom look cute in comparison. He had to thank his conjuration skills along with the expanding charms to make the room bigger and quickly got dressed in his anbu outfit he made using acromantula silk and dragonhide along with charming and enchanting it to fit his frame, and provide speed, strength, flexibility and protection from High-Level jinxes, curses, and dark magic and weapons.

Because why wouldn’t you dress for life or death combat just for heading out the door? Somebody fucking shoot me.

He sealed the Mist swords into his arm in kanji for number 7 and the kiri symbol, he strapped Yamato and Ryujin Jakka to his hip while sealing Tensa Zangetsu into the seal ecthed on his glove in a white moon for easy access and made sure his fingerless gloves fitted nicely while putting his black cloak on that had the Uchiha Symbol on the back and the high collar that made him look like his ancestor Madara.

He’s trying to adopt the clothing style of his great-something-grandparent? He’s an anime ninja hipster?

"Hebi-chan, Hedwig it's time to go to the reading!" He yelled to his familiars who he found out had female human forms and he had to say they'd put that Tsunade woman to shame and they were quite flirty and possessive.

I think you forgot the bestiality tag in your warning notice, author.

He also has go to gringotts for the will reading of his godfather Sirius Black since Dumbledork pissed him off again by leaving him to rot in Azakaban but, he managed to use his Phoenix form to teleport into his cell and give him food and a special compartment with a personal mansion inside it allowing him to have a bed to sleep in and bath since the prison doesn't allow that for prisoners.



I had really hoped you would have had your fill of inheritance endowment by now, author. But no. You had to have a will reading added on top. The reading of the last will and testament of a man, who isn’t dead yet!

"Already here, Harry-kun." Hedwig whispered into his ear huskily making him growl before smacking her on the ass for that teasing making her moan at his hard smack and turned to her owl form along with Lamia who slithered up to his neck and wrapped around it slightly and laid her head on his shoulder to rest on and licked his cheek affectionately.

Because we really needed to know, that before cashing in all the free pussy contracts, Harry has had plenty of time to score some ready and willing cloaca.

"Kamui." He instantly vanished in a swirling vortex to the bank where he is sure confrontation is possible not like anyone can defeat him thanks to his abilities and training.

Suspense? Dead. Tension? Dead. Investment? Take a fucking guess.

(Gringotts Lobby)

"Where is Harry, he was supposed to meet us here?" Daphne Greengrass sighed as her cold blue eye's betrayed the love for her black red haired streak shinobi wizard. She and her family met him when he was just 8 and were shocked about the marriage contract but, allowed him to explain that he never knew about it and wanted to talk to her and her little sister Astoria about it.

He never knew about if for four years before meeting them. For fuck’s sake, does anyone in this world think at all?

He confessed he was enthralled by their beauty and told them about his shinobi clan titles and the CRA and told them he will treat them equally which got him two massive glomps and smooches from the greengrass sisters which sealed their relationship, almost every day of the week Astoria and Daphne were taking him shopping for almost everything and meeted up with her other friends Pansy Parkinson who literally fell in love with him seeing the devotion and care he had for the two Greengrass's and jumped for joy when she heard about him being allowed to have more than one girl.

Because that’s what kids ages seven to nine do together, right?!

Tracey Davis was smitten with him just by meeting him due to his laidback and cool nature that made Daphne seem like a saint. She did swear loudly at her idiot of a father for doing that without her permission. She had black long silky hair and had the most beautiful brown eye's he ever saw and creamy smooth skin.

Every time I see a fanfic writer describing women by skin texture, when touching isn’t involved, it’s because they want to put their dick in them. Alternately, they are pining for an armchair made from human leather, but I’ve managed to avoid those types so far.

He also met Katie Bell, Penelope Clearwater, Hannah Abbot, Susan Bones, Parvati, Padma, Lavender, Ginny, Luna, Andromeda, Hermione, Tonks, Angelina, Cho Chang, Su Li, Naga Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Marietta, and Narcissa Malfoy who all declared their love for him when they were alone, Narcissa saw not a boy in Harry but, a powerful loving man who would go to hell and back for his loved ones and was always checking him out when Lucius and Draco weren't looking.

The prepubescent Adonis’ charms has now attracted the attention of nine other female cardboard cutouts beyond the mandates of his marriage contracts. Including another married woman, and her daughter that the author made up. I doubt it’s to dazzle the readers with an interesting and original character, so I’m going to guess the author is just a horny idiot without restraint.

Naga wasn't very Malfoy she was mischievous like Pansy, and flirty like Hedwig and had admitted to thinking he was hot when they first met and kept hanging out with each other and the other harem sisters as she called it and got along with everyone until it morphed into love and blushed red when he maked out with her in a alley of Knockturn alley.

It’s amusing how the author turns Harry into this impossibly attractive ladies’ man, yet the girls’ standards are so fucking low, that all that’s needed to woo them is to spend time in their presence, and bringing them to dingy back streets.

Blaise was a dark skinned bombshell beauty like mother, she was a pureblood unlike those who spouted pureblood supremacy and was interested in him when she visited him with Pansy and Daphne and was a bit skeptical at his fierceness but, changed when he promised to let her hex him into next weekend if he was unfaithful which touched her heart and became even more attracted to him even more and was quite literally a fangirl in a sense but, she was by no means weak in magic and hand to hand combat along with the other girls since he taught them Taijutsu and after 1 week of unlockign their chakra he taught them ninjutsu and genjutsu since females specialized in that area along with Kenjutsu and basic Fuuinjutsu to store their weapons and swords just in case and were undetectable to anyone else except the holder and maker.

Since females specialized in that area? I guess he might as well make the underage blowup dolls be useful, by turning them into ninjas before they begin to learn magic.

"Girl's calm down, he probably slept in late you know how much stamina he has to burn off." Hermione cut in causing the girls to blush immensely with Luna having the biggest with a trickle of blood from her nose.

Worse yet, he has turned them all into weebs.

"I so wish i was a teenager right now." Naga grumbled with the girls nodding agreement and saw a swirling vortex appear in the lobby and to their joy Harry appeared in all his glory with his ladykiller smirk that made them blush.

"Miss me girls." He chuckled before getting glomped by Astoria and Tracey as they snuggled into his muscled frames with lustful growls. "Oh Harry-kun, you have the most delicious muscles I've seen." Tracey said nibbling his neck with the others nodding since that was a very hard image to get rid of.

Author, whatever harem anime you watch in your spare time, please stop. It’s either parody, or a horrible, tasteless, and unconscionable fan service series. The superficial and vapid bimbos you’re currently hanging off of Harry’s arms aren’t so much characters as they are anthropomorphized versions of the word ‘whore’.

He greeted the others with kisses and smooches. "Wotcher Harry!" Tonks voice rang out as the spunky rock girl glomped him like a clingy pet and had to moan feeling his muscles barely holding herself back from taking him to her place and shagging him to exhaustion. "Nymphy, you know I can read minds right." He deadpanned at her horniness making her blush sheepishly and kissed Andromeda on her lips she might hav ebeen a few years older than him but, he was a man in her eye's.

A man with no concept of invasion of privacy. Why do mind readers always feel entitled to use their powers on people around them?

"Let's go in girls, Luna, Blaise, Pansy you'll be my guards during the reading but, first put these masks on." Harry said pulling out a Wolf, Bird, and Snake Anbu masks he made using the Creation Of All Things jutsu and gave them to the grinning girls who put them on and could still see giving him nods behind the masks and walked into the will reading room to wait for the others.

You make them put masks on? Inside of a bank? Did you even stop to consider this?!

"Lord Uchiha good to see you." Griphook grinned at his favorite wizard shinobi and instantly felt intimidated at the masked Luna, Blaise, and Pansy who giggled behind the masks getting amused snorts from Daphne, Astoria, Tracey, and Hermione.

They’re literally a bunch of schoolgirls in masks, author. This cannot be intimidating, even if you say so.

"You just love having your girls intimidate people don't you Harry?" Ragnok asked in an amused tone making Harry grin cheekily a trait he got from Naruto.

"We decided to come early and wait for others to arrive I can tell Dumbles will try and say I shouldn't be here but, I'm going to put the arse in his place he had the nerve to bind near 55% of my magical core!" Harry said in a very insulted manner making Pansy and Luna growl behind their masks making a mental note to hex the old bastard's ass into next week.



Fifty-five percent?! Only that much? Before Harry sprung his metaphorical chains, he was living under the thumb and fist of his uncle and cousin. Afterwards, he was a living god incapable of weakness and with the power of continent destroying demons. If Dumbledore had only cut off half of Harry’s power, he’d be virtually no different from what he has been shown to be now – that’s how fucking overpowered he is.

"Let's find our seats Harry-kun." Su Li said soothingly before pulling him toward the top row where the Uchiha Symbol was displayed proudly between the the Le Fay, Emry, Senju, and Uzumaki Symbols and sat in his lap making out with him till the other families arrived with Pansy, Luna, and Blaise standing beside him with their swords strapped to their hips while the other girls were playing with Harry's hair due to wanting to find out how it got so long and how cute his red streaks look.

Buy some goddamn hairspray and get it out of your system, author.

After a few more minutes Amelia Bones entered and saw Harry before rushing to him and hugged him tightly with joy. "It's good to see you Godmother Amelia, Susan is quite the prankster." He grinned at Susan pouting at him cutely for pointing her out, Amelia gave her niece a look that meant they were going to talk later.

Are you even aware of how normal people greet, talk, or communicate with one another?

"How's your life been so far?" She asked warmly with Harry telling her everything from the attack to his training with his ancestors, and his time with the girls with Amelia giving them a shrewd look which they poked fun at making Amelia look in indignant.

If this is the first time Harry is meeting his godmother, what the hell has he been doing for the last nine years?

"I can say Dumbledore will get his ass handed to him if he messed with you lot." She said shaking her head before talking about Harry about Sirius's trial. "I want him out by the time we get on the train." Harry replied professionally with Amelia nodding and informed Shacklebolt about it getting a nod before he used the floo call to head to the Ministry to contact Azakaban to bring Sirius Black.

Is there something I’m not getting here? Sirius is alive, yet they’re getting ready to split his property in accordance to how he would like it divided upon his death. Does the author think a will reading is just some gift giveaway thing?

Harry let Amelia walk to her seat with Susan who gave him a kiss before catching up with her aunt who gave him an approving nod which he smiled at and nodded back before seeing the other families arrive along with the Malfoy's, Weasley's many other light and dark families and teachers from Hogwarts including Dumbledore.

"Hebi could you ask to come up to me please." He ordered Pansy and nodded before vanishing in a swirl of fire making him smile seeing their skills growing and watched Hebi come back with Snape who looked surprised and gasped seeing Harry.

I’m surprised too, since you forgot to mention his name and had him abducted on the spot.

"Hello, Uncle Snape." Harry greeted the potions master who gasped seeing Lily's eye's and quickly bowed his head.

"Snape you don't have to apologize you had no choice but, to follow your orders so stop acting depressed and hug your nephew." Harry growled at Snape who smirked before hugging the 13 year old powerhouse smiling tearfully.

Is Harry still reading the minds of everyone around him, or has he been served this knowledge by his ancestors for no particular reason?

"So, already got your heritage huh?" Snape asked jokingly showing his cool side which Harry chuckled at before talking to Snape for a while on his life and boy was he shocked his nephew heir to the five most powerful people back in ancient times.

What is this nephew shit? Snape was in love with Harry’s mother, author. Do you even know the source material you’re writing from?

"You say you've read all the material for all years, dear lord help us we got a Mini-Lily on the loose." Snape said in mock horror causing the girls to giggle at him.

"Keep special watch on Dumbledore, he'll try to have your status revoked and kept away till he deems you ready." Harry rolled his eye's and told Snape about his training and how many spells he knew making Snape go wide eyed for a second before he shook his head. 'Dumbledore, Tom you guys are how should they say fucked sideways!' He cackled inwardly before walking down to the other teachers with Dumbledore narrowing his eye's at Harry who gave him a bored glance.

This author couldn’t reflect an established character’s personality if he used a mirror.

"Ragnok why is Harry here?" Dumbledore asked in a grandfatherly tone that did not fool Griphook, Harry, Snape or any of the other teachers and familie's who glared at him blasting him with murderous intent he ignored it.

"Lord Uchiha, is Emancipated thus allowed to claim his positions he claimed them when he came to visit us at 4 years old and he was how should I say he put a Malfoy's stoicness to shame." Ragnok deadpanned seeing Lucius raise a eyebrow with Draco before giving Harry an amused look which he snorted at seeing his surrogate Uncle and Brother's faces. He met them when he was walking with Hedwig and thought they would be arrogant and demand who he was only to talk to him about Narcissa and the family which he accepted and were on good terms with the Malfoy's.

The blithering nonsense that you call a narrative is starting to topple over from all these retcon-style additions, author. Could you please stop explaining the current madness by injecting crazy into the past?!

"That was supposed to be a decision made by his Magical Guardian." Dumbledore chided only for Harry to smile sweetly with his eye's closed makign Lucius and Draco pale and back away into the wall confusing the others till the Hanya Mask manifested making them shiver at the feeling of dread even Voldemort never had this effect.

I could respond to every single paragraph of this shit story with a groan, author. It’s only because of my desire to actually make this an entertaining read that I don’t.

"Are you saying I'm not mature enough to have what was supposed to be mine in the first place." He asked sweetly making Lily's voice seem meek in comparison.

"B-but Harry it'll paint a huge target on you." Dumbledore sputtered only for Harry to raise an eyebrow only for Hebi, Wolf and Bird to appear at his side shocking everyone even Dumbledore seeing them.

Snake! Hebi means snake! Just fucking write it, you absolute weeb!

"These are my bodyguards and not even Bellatrix can handle fighting a shinobi who can hide their prescence completely even from the most experienced aurors." Harry said in calm voice as the Hanya mask disappeared allowing them to breath and move back to their seats.

Though Harry had one more warning for them.

You mean threat, don’t you?

"Also if i find out anyone has been leeching funds from any of my vaults I am going to take my sword and stab in the arse all the way up to the hilt." He said darkly turning his head looking at Molly, and Dumbledore who shivered in their seats and Ron planning on getting Harry under control.

Author, I’m just about convinced that you haven’t read a single book or seen any movie of the series, and you’re simply cobbling together this story from every bad Harry Potter fanfic cliché out there. Because the incoherent nonsense that you’re writing makes no more sense than tropes on scrambled fridge magnets, and yet I recognize each and every one of them. You’re essentially building this power-revenge-sex fantasy on cliff notes from other works, without anything to justify or tie them together. It’s simply just happening, logic be damned.

"Carry on Ragnok." Harry said smiling happily making McGonogall give him a weird look at his mood change before seeing a black orb on the pedestal and a astral version of Sirius Black pop up with a pranking grin on his face.

"Good to see everyone live and well, here we go, I Sirius Orion Black in sound mind and Sexy body hush Remus am here to give out gifts to those I included in my will." Sirius grinned mischievously.

I could probably call out the author for plagiary again, but I wouldn’t be able to find the source, since EVERY fanfic I know of starts it out this way. This is just the first time I see it happening, when Sirius is still alive.

"To Amelia and Susano Bone's I give you 100,000 galleons and please take care of Harry Lily and Jame's stated you were one of the people he was supposed to go to." He said sadly with Harry's eye's going wide before they glowed killer curse green as he glared daggers at Dumbledore.

"YOU OLD BASTARD HOW DARE YOU SEND ME TO THE DURSLEY'S TO BE THEIR DAMN PUNCHING BAG!" He roared in rage and began to stomp toward a cowering Dumbledore only for Remus and Tonk's to hold him back along with Lucius.

You would think this would be old news by now, between Harry getting knowledge directly injected into his head, being informed that Dumbledore was his magical guardian, having read his parents’ will, being a mind reader, and overall omniscient when it fits the fucking plot.

"Harry calm down, he is not worth it right now." He whispered to Harry with Harry who growled at Dumbledore before calming down and closing his eye's and dusted dirt off his clothing slowly making those who tried to manipulate Harry feel scared at his present calmness.

"Congratulations for making yourself an enemy to the Uchiha, Uzumaki, and Senju clan's stinking Tossier." He spoke to Dumbledore coldly as his eye's glowed crimson red making nearly everyone gasp.

Are we stuck in some kind of smug feedback loop? It’s like every other paragraph I read, it’s all chest pounding and glowering at Dumbledore. You could put the words, “Harry is so powerful, he’s totally going to rip Dumbledore a new one,” on repeat, and it would hardly be any different.

"Y-y-you're a Drakul Heir!" Molly shrieked with Ginny giving him drooling looks which he chuckled at.

"Yes, and if you think that I feed on blood you are mistaken I don't have that flaw in my genetics." He said amused before sitting down with Su Li in his lap stroking his hair softly.

Far be it for the Marty Stu to have a flaw or weakness. Or something merely resembling one, I guess.

"To Andromeda Black I give you 200,000 Galleons to fufill whatever needs youhave and get yourself a man already!" He barked at her playfully getting a raised eyebrow before she kissed Harry getting jaw drops from the teachers and other families while some gave wolf whistles and cat calls which she glared at making them whistle innocently.

Wolf whistles and catcalls directed at a married woman, who is two-timing her husband at a bank meeting. Yeah, I don’t think the author has the first idea of who she actually is.

"To Nymphadora Tonk's, ha! can't hex me now!, I reinstate you back into the black family when you get to the manor blast my bitch of a mother's portrait off the wall her screeching is loud enough to wake the dead!" He said dramatically making everyone even Draco snort in laughter.

"To Bellatrix I annul the marriage between you and Rudolphus Lestrange you're free now!" He shouted to no one as a pulse of magic erupted causing someone to hear a faint scream of joy but, Harry did and smirked seeing that the Dark Tossier has lost one of his best fighters.

Because she couldn’t possibly be content with her marriage or be a voluntary accomplice in Voldemort’s crimes. I get the vibe that the author just doesn’t do female antagonists – prevents them from being attracted to the protagonist’s crotch.

"To Lucius Malfoy, I give you 55,000 galleons and a word of advice find yourself a woman who will love you for who you are not your name or power." Sirius said sadly with Lucius nodding in respect for his cousin's wishes with Draco looking sad but, nodded.

Because his current wife is contractually obligated to marry Harry, lest we forget. What the hell is up with this shit?!

"To Draco Malfoy, I give you 355,000 galleons to spend on things you need, and also make the Malfoy family proud!" He said to Draco fiercely who nodded with fire in his eye's getting smirk from Naga seeing her brother's determination.

Sirius's astral projection turned to Harry with a loving caring smile that made him shed a few tears trailing down his cheek.

The man is alive and well! You know this! You have no reason to open the waterworks!

"To My Godson Harry Emry, Le Fay, Uzumaki Uchiha Senju Potter! I name you the new Lord Black and leave Grimmauld Place in your hands maybe you could make it look alive again, and I leave you 2,255,000 galleons to spend to your heart's content and give me some grandpups for me to spoil one day!" Harry blushed lightly at that remark while his girls giggled at him.

As if Harry’s future testing of bedsprings hadn’t been implied enough already. Attention, everyone! This boy is going to have sex! It will be good! The ladies will totally love it! He’s going to be drowning in pussy! No condoms will be needed or wanted! Can we move on now?

Sirius turned to SNape. "To Tobias Snape, I leave you my personal potion ingredients, along with 2,000,000 galleons, as an apology for what me and Jame's did to you during our years in school." Sirius said sadly with Snape smiling at him and nodded making Dumbledore frown.



Author, you really have no idea what you’re writing, do you? Tobias Snape? Really?! Tobias was Serverus’ father, you pea-brained mouth breather! It’s fucking amazing, but I’m actually mocking a fanfic, written by a person who obviously only ever read fanfics of the source material he’s writing for. It explains everything. How characters barely appear as themselves, the confusion of names, how anyone acts moment to moment, how absolutely nothing provides a coherent narrative. The author has not read a single line or viewed a single movie scene in its entirety, presumably because Harry Potter is neither animated nor reads from right to left. The author has actually managed to make fanfiction bootleg. I am amazed.

"As for Dumb-as-a-door." Everyone fell to the ground laughing their asses off at Sirius's name for Dumbledore even Lucius was cackling like a hyena remembering his cousin had the ability to get under anyone's skin no matter how cool you were and could see Dumbledore twitching badly.

Because the century old wizard is somehow bothered by schoolyard level name play. You need to grow up, author.

"I leave you 25 pieces of silver and a guide on how to not manipulate people you're no better than the dark tossier that is all chow!" He barked before the astral projection went back into the orb with Harry standing up before motioning Ginny to follow him and quickly greeted all the professors except a frowning Dumbledore.

Sirius gave away just short of five million galleons of his own money. At his will reading. While still alive and capable of spending said money. For no other reason, than I guess the author thinks that’s what happens in Harry Potter, because that’s what every fanfic does. I know I keep going over this, but this monumental screw-up cannot be pointed out enough.

"I'll have to get him to befriend Young Ronald to make sure he stays on the right path." He plotted not seeing Harry's dark scowl before heading toward the train.

"Professors we'll see you at school, let's head to the train in style girls." He spoke getting excited grins before to everyone's shock and awe did they jump 15 feet into the air onto the rooftops before jumping from rooftop to rooftop toward platform Nine and three quarters waving at the applauding crowd.

The applauding crowd that came out of nowhere, and which will soon become a crowd of very surprised muggles, as they make their way to the train station. Yeah, the author doesn’t have the faintest clue.

"I guess he really is a ninja, he even had his wand on him, 14 inches, hungarian horntail core, basilisk venom and birchtree wood perfect for all kinds of magic and more powerful than the elder wand and doesn't even have a tracer on it that boy is going to go far that's for sure." Ollivander grinned in anticipation before heaidng bakc to his shop.

Seriously?! Even when he’s not present, we still get dumped with how amazingly awesome his toys are? I feel like fucking screaming. When will this shit stop?!

/Scene Break/

"Everyone got your things?" He asked his girls since Penelope had to escort the first years onto the train so he and his girls were first years and were sitting in an enlarged compartment with the girls either chatting or snuggling into Harry's chest the seats were large enough to look like beds.

I hope all these snuggle-happy girls won’t get withdrawals when they are sorted into different houses. Fuck it, I bet the author forces in a loophole.

"So what do you think we're going to have to do to get sorted?" Tracey asked curiously.

"Sorting Hat, I'm hoping to get sorted into Hufflepuff." Harry shrugged with Susan and Hannah doing a victory cheer as the other girls scowled at them in jealousy at those two getting Harry to themselves.

"Wait isn't Tonk's in that house?" Hermione said in realization making the girls more incensed at the punk rock girl getting Harry too and she's a 6th year!

Actually, she should already have graduated, what with how the author is messing up the timeline.

Harry suddenly sensed Ron Weasley heading toward their compartment making him narrow his eye's realizing Dumbledore told Ron where he was and was hoping to be friends with him.

'Fat chance of that happening I saw the greed in that brat's eye's!'

And yet you can’t see the mountain of apostrophe mistakes you’ve made.

He growled inwardly before changing his hair color to silverish blond like Naga's who gave him a saucy smirk before the door was opened rudely by Ronald who was looking around in the compartment. "Where's Harry Potter you seen him?" He demanded.

"He's not here." Naga said coldly not wanting to look at the dirty filth in the door.

You told us she wasn’t very Malfoy, author. I should have known you’d manage to contradict yourself.

"Slimey snake!" Ron sneered only for three swords to get pointed at his groin, neck, and chest making him gulp seeing every girl pointing blades at very vital spots. "Harry-kun doe's not want anything to do with leeches like you now leave!" Pansy said coldly daring him to try and attack so they can slice him into pieces.

First year students, everyone! Just your average thirteen-year-old, anachronistically misplaced, magical schoolkids! Nothing fucking wrong about any of this!

Ron growled before backing off and slammed the door rudely stomping down the hallway his ears pink with anger and rage making them sigh in irritation before Harry turned his hair back to it's original color. "Are you sending me a sign Harry-kun." Naga smiled seductively her hips swaying seductively as she moved closer to him parting her cloak out of the way showing black leggings.

"Save that for the bedroom, Naga-hime." Harry said quickly making her pout in mock disappointment before grinning mischievously.

The seats of your compartment already look like beds, so what’s the difference?

"How about I sneak into your room and have some raunchy action with me, Hermione, and Daphne, Tonk's, and Susan." She whispered quietly into his ear but, the other girls heard her and rubbed their legs feeling themselves grow aroused.

Harry sighed. 'Naga is worser than Tonk's i swear.' He thought exasperated wondering what it will be like at Hogwarts.

Probably no different than anywhere else, only there’ll be a certain background noise called “the plot”.

(Timeskip - Hogwart's Main Hallway)

"I hear we have to wrestle a troll." Ron whispered to the other nervous student's making Harry shake his head at the red-head's low intellect, Trolls have magically resistant hides that only high level spells or sharp weapons can cut them or damage them. He feel's Pansy run her tongue up and down his neck while her hands were rubbing hsi muscles in his cloak which made him sigh at Pansy's perverted actions.

You’re not the only one sighing, Harry. In fact, I’ve been doing it for so long I’ve forgotten when I started.

"Pansy didn't I say wait till we're teen's." He whispered to Pansy who pouted but, still rubbed his muscles till the Headmistress came back and h quickly handed them one tri-prong kunai each getting confused looks from them. "That's a jutsu my ancestor taught me and I mastered it better than he did if you're in trouble pulse your chakra to the seal on the handle and I'll be there in a flash ok." He whispered to them getting nods before he each gave them kisses.

Of course they need emergency beacons! After all, Hogwarts is a veritable hive of scum and villainy!

"What are you doing kissing those whores." Ron sneered only to freeze with everyone else as Harry had a sheathed Yamato pointing at his neck. "Keep your opinions to yourself because I can see jealousy, and bitterness in your eye's and thinking being friends with me will make you feel superior you have another thing coming." Harry spoke coldly before walking away after pulling his hand under his cloak as Hedwig and Lamia appeared on his shoulder much to their shock and saw to their amazement an enchanted ceiling in the dining hall.

Author, honestly everything you write is so fucking ridiculous, I cannot be asked to comment on all of it. But really, if Ron was sent by Dumbledore to become Harry’s friend, he sucks at following basic instructions.

Harry saw the professors he met at the reading and then his gaze stopped on Dumbledore who's eye's were twinkling and felt a protrusion at his mental defenses before knocking it away fiercely with annoyance making Dumbledore jerk in shock before he narrowed his eye's, not counting Harry knowing Occlumency or having such strong barriers already but, plans on changing that hopefully he'll be back under his control after today.

"Quiet, please," Professor McGonagall said sternly to the first years as she placed a four-legged stool in front of them. On top of the stool she put a pointed wizard's hat. The Sorting Hat was patched, frayed and extremely dirty. Several of the first years stole confused glances towards it.

It frequently puts on mud masks to help with its wrinkles.

For a few seconds, the was complete silence in the Great Hall, as everyone in the hall, Gabby and Harry included, stared intently at the hat.

Gabby?! That’s the usual fanfic nickname for Gabrielle Delacour – a girl that hasn’t even appeared in this fanfic yet. Hang on a moment…

Oh no.



From McGonagall quieting down the hall, to the end of the Sorting Hat’s song – plagiary! Once more ripped from Harry Potter and the Heir of Magic. It’s a short bit this time, but that makes this author’s laziness even more petty. How fucking half-assed can you get?

Then the Sorting Hat twitched. A rip near the brim opened wide like a mouth, and the hat began to sing:

"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,

But don't judge on what you see,

I'll eat myself if you can find

A smarter hat than me.

I do believe Cappy from Super Mario Odyssey has you beat. Start eating.

You can keep your bowlers black,

Your top hats sleek and tall,

For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat

And I can cap them all.

“All the bitches on the block, know about my magic glock, so don’t diss me and pretend, magic can save your ass, my friend.”

There's nothing hidden in your head

The Sorting Hat can't see,

So try me on and I will tell you

Where you ought to be.

I wonder if the hat has ever told a first-year to just pack their bags and go home.

You might belong in Gryffindor,

Where dwell the brave at heart,

Their daring, nerve, and chivalry set Gryffindors apart;

You know, all the things that Ron definitely doesn’t have in this fanfic.

You might belong in Hufflepuff,

Where they are just and loyal,

Those patient Hufflepuffis are true And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,

What does age have to do with this? It’s just as old as every other house.

If you've a ready mind,

Where those of wit and learning,

Will always find their kind;

Or perhaps in Slytherin

You'll make your real friends,

I imagine the entire Slytherin table is snorting at the thought.

Those cunning folk use any means

To achieve their ends.

For those of you who stand above the rest,

Just Put Me On and Be Sorted!

“But truthfully, a certain one of you should have been aborted.”

Everyone except Harry who looked bored leaning back against the wall with his eye's closed listened to student's get sorted.

Because showing interest in anything around you is for lesser people.

"Hermione Granger." Hermione walked up to the stool in anticipation as the hat was set on her head and watched it hum.

"Hufflepuff!" Hermione's friends and those at the Hufflepuff table cheered with the other houses while Harry smiled softly seeing the cheerful and happy face on the muggle ninja girl he trained.

Daphne Greengrass!" Daphne walked up to the stool and sat down.

"SLYTHERIN!" The Slytherin table cheered loudly and watched as Tracey Davis get sorted into Slytherin with Draco, Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle and Naga get sorted into the same house with happy smiles on their faces.

With names like Draco and Naga, it would be pretty weird if their house mascot wasn’t wearing scales.

He saw Hannah, and Susan sorted into Hufflepuff. "Ronald Weasely!" A green faced Ron ran up to the stool and before the hat touched his head.

"GRYFFINDOOR!" Seamus, and Thomas cheered patting their friend on the back as he joined them at the Lion's table and watched as a confident Neville Longbottom walks up to the sorting hat.

Harry watched his friend with a grin since he and the other girls helped Neville get out of his shy shell and trained him as a shinobi but, he took to Taijutsu, Ninjutsu, and Kenjutsu! and combined it with his impressive reflexes from fencing making him about Mid-Anbu which is a feat in itself.

Author, please! Stop retconning everything to be your fucking perfect little reality. Your writing caters only to yourself and the knucklehead buffoons slobbering at your intoxicatingly powerful and disgustingly suggestive portrayal of underage children. Get some goddamn restraint before the men in white coats put you in them.

"HUFFLEPUFF!" Hermione, Hannah, Susan, and Tonk's cheered with the other puffs as Neville ran and flipped into his seat landing lightly getting fangirlish squeals from the Ravenclaw tables and Hufflepuff making him chuckle sheepishly making Harry snort in amusement seeing alot of Naruto in Neville.

Yet I can only see a certain part of him in your mouth.

"Harry Uzumaki Senju Uchiha Potter!" The hall grew quiet before Harry walked from the shadows his Uchiha cloak displayed proudly and walked forward radiating power, and grace belonging only to those of royalty, and confidence of the brave.

Complete with the narcissism of a bad fanfic author.

Nearly all the Slytherins gulped when they saw the cold, calm, cool, and calculating look in his eye's as his hair framed his face and chisled features making a lot of girls blush while the Professors leaned forward looking at him expectantly while Dumbledore is hoping for him to lower his shields enough for him to slip in unopposed.

We get it! Harry rules, everyone else sucks! We don’t need to be told this every fucking time he so much as lifts a finger!

Harry allowed the sorting hat to set down on the head and the hat seemed to give him an approving nod. "Amazing You value Knowledge, Love, Power, Loyalty, and Friendship, You are brave but, not reckless like the Lions, You are smart yet you don't crave knowledge like the Ravenclaws, You are ambitious and cunning but, not like those arrogant idiots in Slytherin." The hat mused inwardly.

I’m starting to think the hat doesn’t like kids much.

"Put me in Hufflepuff no way am I going to be his fucking puppet!" He muttered quietly with the hat chuckling.

"HUFFLEPUFF!" Pomona Sprout and her entire table cheered loudly with excitement and glee including lust coming from Hermione, Tonk's, Hannah, and Susan and including a sorted Lavender Brown who immediately glomped him calling him her 'Karasu-sama' which he blushed at slightly.

Ron could not take this arrogant git taking all the women it should be his not some. "REDUCTO!" Everyone except Harry screamed as Ron and a bunch of other Slytherin's Threw Blasting Hex's at Harry and his girlfriends only for Harry to jump up and slice and bat every one away with his sheath and sword protecting everyone from getting hit.



The sorting ceremony isn’t even over yet, and already Harry is under attack from a jealous strawman character with a Ronald Weasley nametag. Again, the author is far from original, but I will admit, he takes the already dumb premises and clichés and somehow makes them worse.

"You have some nerve Ronald to attack me when my back is turned isn't very Lion-like that is the making of a snake waiting to bite someone."

Which makes it really fucking weird that he would be put in Gryffindor immediately, doesn’t it?!

Harry sneered coldly with his wives doing the same. Mcgonagall was about to reprimand the arrogant red-head but, Pansy shook her head negatively. "Professor McGonagall doesn't anyone who attacks a Lord Of Many ancient houses unprovoked allow the lord to retaliate?" Pansy asked sweetly getting a sweet smile from the strict scottish woman who nodded gleefully.

"Someone's gonna need a stretcher." Hermione said in a singsong voice making the attackers shudder at the voice matching Belltrix. Snape looked amused at a Muggleborn being able to emulate Bellatrix's voice.

With how many times you’re mentioning her, I’m surprised you don’t just dump her into Harry’s lap already, author.

"Now, now Lord Potter this won't be necessary." Albus said grandfatherly only to yelp in surprise as a tri-prong kunai embedded itself on the professors dinner table. "Ronald Bilius Weasley had the nerve to attack Lord for no reason at all along with nearly ending up with other's injured or worse dead." He spoke coldly allowing the word to sink into their brains and started getting up to get revenge on the attackers only for Pansy to hold her arm up telling them to stop.

I’m not surprised Harry acts like he owns the place, because the inheritance ritual from early pretty much states that he does.

"Lord Uchiha, wants to teach them a lesson himself he's doing this for your sake now allow him to do it." She said softly getting nods before they sat down.

"House Diggory gives their support to Lord Uchiha." Cedric declared.

Because Cedric is his friend too, why the fuck not?

"House Malfoy does as well!" Malfoy shouted with Naga nodding.

"House Of Bone's supports Lord Uchiha." Susan sneered at Ron who glares at her.

"House Of Parkinson supports Lord Uchiha!" Pansy announced smiling at Harry.

"House Of Ravenclaw supports Lord Uchiha as well!" Flitwick announced getting roars of agreement from Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and most of the Gryffindoor student's making the attackers realized they are about to get their asses handed to them.

I’m all for an outright attack against fellow students to be punished with more than simple house point deductions – I’m just surprised that it hasn’t happened yet.

Harry swipes his hand telling them to move from the tables causing them to line up against the walls as the tables moved further back into bleachers allowng them to sit down eager to see Lord Uchiha get revenge on the arrogant bastards.

"STUPEFY!" Ron and the others shouted as they fired red stunners at him only to their shock did he bat all of them way before grabbing the last one in his hand shocking even his girlfriends. "How did you do that!" Ron demanded only to get a cruel cold chuckle that made even Mcgonagall shiver.

Because when having previously compared his intimidation prowess to the likes of demons, an elderly witch is certainly an apt way to measure it.

"Magic is basically pure spiritual energy and one of my abilities is to harness spirit energy in it's raw form and bend it to my will basically speaking spells are ineffective against me!" He shouted before launching the red stunner back at Seamus Finnegan making Ron mad before charging at Harry only for his target to vanish using pure speed shocked and awed looks even Quirrel was shocked and watched as cracks appeared on the ground and walls.

Just so you know, Harry, you own the school, so you’re paying for damages either way.

"He's literally using such fast speed's he's moving at the speed of sound!" Flitwick shouted in disbelief getting gasps again.

"Up here!' They looked up only for their jaws to drop seeing Harry standing on the wall looking t them with a smirk before flipping through handseals. "Katon: Tajuu Housenka!" He exhaled a barrage of basket ball sized fireballs at them causing Ron and his partners to dodge pitifully as the projectiles smashed into the floor causing big explsions and craters shocking them at what he did.

Harry is attacking a bunch of children. I repeat. The super powered, invincible, and infallible demi-god of an author avatar is attacking children. Horribly misrepresented and stupid children, but children nonetheless.

"This is what my clan specialized in high speed combat and the Ninja Art's basiclly if wizards wer eot ever meet them on the battlefield you would be slaughtered like lambs in only a few minutes." He smirked darkly seeing Dumbledore pale and sweat.

Can we then just skip to the part where Voldemort shows up?

Harry swiped his hand firing a chain of disarming, silencing and paralysis spells at Ron and his group and were using everything they had to dodge only two were caught Cormac McLaggen, and Dean Thomas.

"BOMBARDA MAXIMA!" Everyone gasped at how desperate Ron is who now is grinning tiredly like he already won only for Harry to hold his hand out and make their jaws drop s he absorbed the high level spell. "I can also absorb Magic Spells refilling my reserves." He deadpanned pissing them off so much they were firing dark curses t him non stop making the professors narrow their eye's at the students trying to kill Harry.

First-years. Kids who has likely never learned a proper spell. All firing dark curses. Because fuck anything resembling common sense.

"My great grandfather Minato Namikaze was one of the strongest warriors during the Ninja Era and it wasn't due to his looks, it was due to him being able to use Time Space Ninjutsu to decimate an army of a thousand strong in one second flat." Everyone had to look at him in disbelief before seeing multiple Tri-Prong Kunai embedded themselves into the floor in the form of a circle around them.

"Ha!, you missed Bastard!" Ron sneered only for Harry to smirk darkly making them feel very nervous at that smirk.

The continued evidence towards his inferior battle prowess wasn’t doing that, you see.

"Minato Namikaze was called the Yellow Flash due to him being able to move t the speed of light and how did you think he was able to move at that speed?" He asked smiling sweetly making their heads snaps toward the kunai with alarmed looks.

'That means their markers aloowing him to instantly teleport to their location!' Snape thought in shock at how deadly the technique is and applauds Minato for making such a complex attack.

Why is this a Harry Potter fanfic at all, author? Why?!

"Hiraishin No Jutsu!" Harry vanished multiple times in a black flash launching bone breaking blows against them making them scream in pain while other's were mesmerized at how graceful he was.

"Shishi Rendan!" Harry and his created clones slammed their heels into their guts cracking the ground underneath while the targets cough up blood before going unconscious from the pain.

"Lord Uchiha wins!" Pansy announced with the others roaring in approval except frowning Dumbledore sinc ehe expected him to not go that far and quickly left to his office.

Who knew that kids ages eleven to eighteen had this much bloodlust in them. At least none of this can be blamed on videogames.

'This cannot go on like this he must be meek, and easy to manipulate and die for the Greater Good!' He plotted manipulatively as he looked to Fawkes for help only to feel his bond disappear and the female Phoenix to sneer at him before vanishing in a swirl of fire to her new master leaving a angered Dumbledore who started cursing in many colorful words.

Was it really necessary to send more cloaca Harry’s way, author? Also, as much as I hate the “evil manipulator Dumbledore” trope, I could at least accept it if his plans weren’t some vague nonsense. Whatever the Great Good is, Harry could achieve it in five seconds, if only he bothered.

End

Pretty good if I do say so myself.

You mean your piss-poor work and plagiary lives up to your own sub-par standards? Makes sense.

Hope you like the way the storie did

Katon (Fire)

Rinnegan (Transmigration Eye)

Sharingan (Copy-Wheel Eye)

If you have an harem addition requests PM me

How about something that isn’t subject to a bird or reptilian brain – and yes, that includes the bimbos, too.

------------------------

The thing I hate most about the plagiary in this fanfic, is that I wouldn’t outright notice it, if it wasn’t for the author’s blatant mistakes of not editing it correctly. Dishonesty infuriates me, but when the author can’t even be bothered to put effort into ripping other people off, I’m almost more offended at their laziness. Unfortunately, the author wasn’t lazy enough to leave the story at one chapter, so there’s still some stupid to come.

I'm somewhat amazed that Mr. Crimson-Esper of Masturbation Instinct managed to "write" something that was worse than his Pokemon 'Daddy Issues' edition story. Not only is the bashing ridiculous to the point of absurdity, but the fact that he has written over 70 fics with the exact same premise is utter lunacy. I dare say that his self-inserts could give Ol'Dragonlord0 a run for his money in the Gary Stu department.

Mock's looking good so far.

Thank you, GG. You're quite right in your assessment. Crimson-Blah-Blah-Blah-Instinct really goes out of his way to make his sock puppet protagonist completely impervious to any sort of conflict. And his antagonists the most incompetent and debase people imaginable, as is evident in this chapter.

Now that Harry has been made the richest and most powerful sex machine in the world, here comes the author’s hate letter to Ron Weasley. Because the end of the previous chapter was only the beginning of it. Enjoy.

------------------------

Chapter 2

Harry groaned as he opened his eyes and noticed it was morning and that there was a Phoenix staring at him with adoring eyes and raised an eyebrow seeing that this was the old coots partner and wondered what she wanted.

This is the first time Harry has laid eyes on the bird. I mean, unless you want to throw in yet another retcon, author.

"Did you need anything Fawkes?" He asked politely. Fawkes just pecked his head showing the images in Dumbledore's office making him sigh in irritation at the old man's persistent manipulative ways and almost busted out laughing realizing Fawkes severed their bond.

"So you want to bond with me don't you Fawkes-hime?" Fawkes's feathers turned a deeper shade of red at the suffix confirming his thoughts on her being a girl and saw her nod.

That couldn’t have been any less charming, than had he tipped his wizard fedora and called her “m’phoenix”. Why must every creature in possession of female genitals be instantly smitten with this vile cretin?

"Yes, Harry-kun, I wasn't even supposed to bond with Dumbledore he forced the bond and I thought he was a good person till I saw what life he forced you into a bond and when I saw you I felt like I found the one for me I offer you my servitude, Harry-kun." she spoke to him telepathically with Harry smiling before nodding.

Because why would anyone be forgiving of mistakes, ever? Dumbledore may be a scheming villain in this story, but all Fawkes is breaking up with him over is what can be excused as a misjudgment of character.

Fawkes thrilled a song that soothed his heart and felt her magic connect with his and suddenly she turned into a beautiful red-haired woman the same height as him with a very hot body and blazing orange eyes. "Why thanks for the compliment Harry-kun." Fawkes purred as she walked away her hips swaying with His eyes following them and watched her vanish with a burst of Phoenix fire.

Well, that was pointless. So pointless in fact, that Fawkes is never mentioned again in this story. Forgotten like a spoiled brat’s toy.

"Damn teasing women." He muttered before getting up and headed to the shower, he made sure he washed his entire body along with his hair since he liked it all the while dodging bars of soap as his house mates threw them at each other in the shower which made him laugh a bit before walking out with only a towel on him his godlike body on display in the common room causing everyone to stop in their tracks and looked at him with owlish eyes well the guys did, the girls were blushing and looking at him with lust especially Lavender who was staring right between his legs.

I know you own the school, Harry, but have some fucking decency. I don’t even think the bathrooms connect to the common room without going through the dorms.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "See something you like ladies?" He said sultrily making them shiver in barely restrained lust before flashing into his private quarters and quickly got dressed and armed himself to the teeth while wondering which classes will be on his schedule.

Unless one of those classes is “How to kill Voldemort 101”, I don’t think that’s the correct uniform. Also, he could teleport to his room, yet walked into the common room in only a towel? He’s not starved for attention, he’s goddamn addicted to it!

He suddenly stopped when he activated his Rinnegan's x-ray vision and saw Ron standing in front of the entrance to the Hufflepuff dorm and informed everyone causing them to narrow their eyes in anger at Weasely bothering Harry again. "How the hell did he find out where our common room was?" Tonks asked the question on everyone's mind before narrowing it down to Dumbledore.

Ron is there, and not bedridden in the medical wing after that fight last chapter?! Okay, let’s assume that makes sense. So, Harry randomly activates his x-ray vision, and he randomly looks at the common room entrance, and he sees Ron standing there? Fine. Why is Ron standing there? To try befriending Harry again? He’d have plenty of opportunity to do that in the Great Hall or in classes, where he knows Harry will show up. Now he’s just once more doing everything to piss Harry off. Could you not have your annoyance antagonist act like a brainless buffoon, author?

"Dumbledore obviously." Harry rolled his eyes in exasperation at another one of this man's idiotic ideas before leaving in his Kamui while his girls and Neville did the same with a Shunshin just as the others left to go eat breakfast.

(Dining Hall)

Harry was chatting at breakfast with his girls and friends all at one table even some of the other houses sat with them but, something caused Harry to go green in the face and that was Ron literally stuffing his face with food causing pieces of bacon, meat, eggs, pie, and fruit to fly everywhere causing many to gag at how the red-head was acting like a pig.



It’s always one of three things when authors bash Ron in these fanfics. He’s either stupid, evil, or both – spiced with jealousy, greed, and every other sin that would make him less of a human being. It really shows how petty the author is, when they have to make up flaws for the character they don’t like, instead of using the ones the character already has.

Harry pushed his plate away. "I just lost my appetite right now." He said in disgust with the others copying his actions, feeling the same damn way who knew a pureblood could act like a freaking waste dispenser!

A statement like that betrays your opinion, that pureblood is a trait that should somehow be important.

Harry looked at his class schedule and groaned seeing had Double Potions with Gryffindoor, and Slytherin along with Double Transfiguration but, was glad he didn't have Divination with that nut Sybil Trawnley. "Harry-kun what's on your schedule?" Pansy asked nibbling on a piece of apple only for him to show the whole table getting winces of sympathy from everyone including Draco and Snape who saw it.

Such insight he has about the experience of having classes; on this, his first day of having them.

"Dumbledore must be trying to get you under control huh?" Terrence Higgs mused getting a nod from Harry who explained about the fake prophecy causing them to look angered at this old coot trying to control him like some weapon and told him the Snakes have his back making Harry smirk at him gaining more friends and noticed Snape send a wink in his direction which he grinned at.

I should probably question how the prophecy is fake, what the entails, and how Dumbledore can hold office if everyone and their mother knows he’s a scheming geezer. But that would require that I care about the answers.

Lavender sat above Harry running her fingers through his hair while noting how soft it is and leaned into it with a content face getting cooing sounds from other females at how cute it looked while Dumbledore frowned and tried to read his mind again only to jerk back as if someone slapped him in the face, Harry's passive defense knocked his mental probe away violently and shivered noticing the narrowed killer curse green eyes looking at him sending a warning.

Don't fuck with me Dumbledore!

Dumbledore bid everyone a good day and returned to his office grumbling like a child being denied his toy, he had to get Harry back under his control so Voldemort won't get him and hoped he would go after the stone to see his other abilities and bind them after seeing if they were Dark or not and also about sending him to the Weasely's this summer to form a bond with them.



Harry has been built up to be impossibly powerful, impervious to any harm, incapable of being outwitted, and instantly successful in anything he does. We know all of this, because the author cannot stop telling us. His enemies, on the other hand, are a bunch of incompetent fools with nonsensical motivations and even more obtuse sense of logic. They attack that which cannot be harmed, see that they fail, and yet they continue in the endeavor. This story has all the narrative substance of swatting flies.

(With Harry - Transfiguration Class)

Harry looked at his watch and saw he had 35 minutes to get to Transfiguration class and looked at Hermione and Naga nodding at them, they vanished into a Kamui appearing right outside the classroom. Entering they saw everyone wave at them with smiles which they returned and noticed a cat on the desk looking at them with amusement and fondness.

Everyone and the teacher is in class already? More than half an hour before it starts? Did you ever go to school, author?!

"Aunt Minnie that you?" The cat looked shocked before nodding making him smile before he continued their Telepathic conversation about what they'll be doing in class.

"So Dumbledore, is trying to control your life all because of some prophecy!?" She hissed in outrage with Harry nodding mentally at her assumption Sybil wasn't even a Real Seer so the prophecy is completely fake and therefore moot point and narrowed his eyes at how She explained as to how he knew about the attack on Godric's Hollow yet, did nothing to stop it and even gave the secret word to the Fidelius Charm on their home allowing Voldemort to enter and murder his parents.

Are you retconning Dumbledore to be Lily and James’ secret keeper instead of Peter Pettigrew, or are you once again too stupid to look up basic facts about the series, author? Because one is more likely than the other, and neither counts in your favor.

He was cut from his musing when he saw Ron enter the classroom looking smug, only for McGonagall to revert from her Cat form and landed in front of him with a very displeased expression on the Scottish woman's face. "10 points from Gryffindoor for arriving to class late."

I’m starting to think the author doesn’t know the difference between minutes and seconds.

She said sternly much to Ron's embarrassment and outrage and stomped toward his seat and sat down while scowling at Harry who was shaking his head in amusement before turning back to McGonagall as she explained what they will be learning in her class and found himself paying rapt attention.

Transfiguration was a bit complex yet quite simple all It required was Magic, Will, Intent, and Mental imaging that was child's play to harry as he has knowledge surpassing Merlin and Morgana in everything Magic meaning, even Dumbledore couldn't outmatch him.

We know this already, Harry has studied all of the school material, and he’s been trained by those exact people. Why is he at Hogwarts at all?!

Harry saw what they had to do. Changing a match to a needle the silver one was 5 points, gold 10, and platinum was 20 points. So far out of everyone only Harry, Hermoine, and Lavender along with Blaise, Pansy, Draco and some unmentioned others were able to turn them Platinum.

"Splendid job! 30 points to those who turned their match into a platinum needle would you be kind enough as to help the others with theirs , and ?" Both nodded and got up and helped several students including Seamus, Thomas Dean, Cormac Mclaggen though he did it with reluctance, Millicent Bullstrode, Crabbe, Goyle and even the other students like Terry Boot and some others.

But Ron is going to be an ass, because we haven’t had enough bashing. Even though this will be like the fourth time this chapter.

Hermoine hit one roadblock and that was Ronald Bilius Weasley who wasn't even doing the correct steps and it was irritating her slightly. "Ron... just picture it in your head." She said exasperated while noting the angered fury behind his greedy eyes at being talked down by stinking Mud-blood!

"Oh sod off ya stinkin mudblood!" Ron sneered causing everyone to go quiet while McGonagall was fuming and was going to give him detention only for Harry to tap her shoulder and point at Ron making her look to see something that shocked her, Ron was being held in the air by the scruff of his robe by Hermoine using one hand!

Because of course McGonagall would be looking anywhere else than the student she was about to give detention. I swear the only thing more fucked up than Ron’s character is just general logic.

"What was that Weasley you call me a mudblood huh?" Hermoine's lips curled into a sneer that would make Salazar Slytherin proud. "I am Hermoine Dagworth-Granger! I descend from a long line of powerful wizards and sorceresse's who were master duelists and also Potion Master's on a level even Slughorn couldn't match so if you think I am actually a muggleborn my father is secretly a Wizard he just tutored himself to become a very experienced wizard along with my mother!" Her words took on a cold tone emulating Harry's Uncle Itachi Uchiha that she used based on his description and had to say he was very impressed.

Is there no limit to how much retcon you’ll fill into this, just so you can have contrived, karmic justice at the expense of strawman characters, author? Will there be anything else in this chapter than you beating the same dead horse, which Harry should by all accounts have killed in the previous chapter?

"If you insult the Dagworth-Granger house I will declare a Feud between my house and yours but, only your father, Ginny, Fred, and George will be spared my wrath, I have a very accurate inkling as to who is putting you up to this." She smirked darkly causing several to shiver in fear remembering the demented visage of Bellatrix Lestrange and noted Hermoine was much more scarier than the Female Black Mistress.

Why must I feel like screaming at every fucking paragraph? Not only has the author run this comparison into the ground a long time ago, I don’t even know if Hermione knows the people she’s talking about!

"Thank you for disciplining him Ms. Granger im glad Harry has taught you and the others and I award 10 points for excellent control of your emotions and 30 points away from Gryffindor and 5 weeks of detention for using that forbidden word Mister Weasley and I will be notifying your parents about it as well." She took a little dark pleasure in seeing his paling look while Harry's grin looked like a shark smelling blood waters.

Are you quite done kicking sand castles and crushing ants, author? Can we read an actual story?

'Good job on digging your own grave already Weasley.' He thought in amusement before class resumed while making sure everyone was helped on Transfiguration while absorbing the memories from his clones scouting the entire castle under a Genjutsu hiding their chakra and magic and now held knowledge of the entire castle of Hogwarts and had to raise an eyebrow when he found a chamber deeper in the school but, decided to check it later.

Could you not? Seriously, could you not?! We haven’t even had the Philosopher’s Stone tumble into your pocket yet, because of course it will, we don’t need you to sequence break your way to the Chamber of Secrets with your goddamn cheat code powers.

Harry heard the bell ring and got his books together walking out holding hands with Hermoine who had a satisfied look on her face after putting the red haired arse in his place and had to smirk at the look of fury in his eyes and returned it with a cold smile that made Bella's look meek in comparison. "Harry, which class do we have next?" Harry snapped his finger causing his schedule and hers to appear in front of them and saw their second class was in Potions.

"We've got Potions next, after that is Charms with Professor Flitwick, Herbology with Professor Sprout then go's onto Flying Lesson's, and Runes with Professor Vector and Defense Against The Dark Arts with Professor Quirrel."

Because of course the students would have all of their school subjects in one day!

Hermoine's brow furrowed in distaste at having the same class as the trash-bin. "Great we have to share classes with the stupid Trash-bin you would think a pureblood like him would have manners." Harry's mouth curled in disgust at that particular memory and wondered if his family was descended from a pig before heading off to Potions.

In the Dungeons...

(Potions Class)

Harry was not in a good mood currently...

Join the fucking club!

Ron was at it again trying to act chummy with him during class and when that didn't work he tried to make distractions when he answered Snape's questions correctly as he had read the material for all 7 years five times, like what was Living Draught Of Death made from, where can you find the ingredients for it in the Bozart stomach of a goat earning his House a round of points while Ron kept sending him jealous looks the entire time!

Reading this chapter is like listening to the same annoying song stuck on repeat, played off a broken record on Groundhog day. For crying out loud, let something new happen already!

He was paired with Hermoine and got the ingredients while she did the stirring and checking the status of the Potion while keeping an eye on his surroundings. He took a minute to survey his other friends, Draco and Naga were paired together and were doing it in perfect sync making him smile, Neville was doing an excellent Job though his smile dropped into a frown when he got paired with Ron and saw the prat just tossing them into the cauldron while Neville used his honed reflexes to catch them and place them in the correct order while his shadow clone stirred all without missing a beat.

It’s a wonder normal students can even pass the class with their lack of super powers.

He had to bite his cheek from laughing when he saw his Uncle Snape give Neville a pat on the back with a smile discreetly while Ron flushed angry red at the Longbottom getting praise and not him and what made Harry curse was the fact that Ron tossed a very deadly ingredient into the cauldron causing it to shake rapidly signaling it was going to explode.

Dramatic buildup explosives, my favorite.

Snape, Harry, and the others saw it and yelled out. "Everyone take cover!" They did so and watched them wandlessly conjure a wall of steel just as the cauldron exploded hitting several students making them scream in pain and agony as Boils popped on their skin while Pansy, Naga, Hermoine, Blaise, and Lavender healed their wounds with medical chakra making him sigh in relief before turning his murderous eyes along with Snapes to a hiding Ron who darted toward the door.

Can we just have this gremlin wearing Ron’s skin expelled already and save everyone a headache?

Harry moved quicker than most could manage and punched him in the gut making him fold inwardly on his arm falling to the ground coughing in pain, while Harry grabbed him with two hands and lifted the red-head into the air with narrowed eyes. "Going somewhere Weasley?" He asked with a very deadly smirk on his face resembling fangs while his eyes glowed blood red showing his Drakul heritage making Ron whimper.

Intimidating a school boy. Truly a worthy use of the powers of Dracula.

"Yes, Weasley going somewhere?" Ron paled further as Snape came up beside Harry with a very cold look in his eye showing them why he's the Head Of The House of Slytherin and he was not pleased in the slightest.

Snape inclined his head toward Harry who nodded and placed a full body bind on Ron allowing Snape to levitate him to in the air and moved to McGonagall's office and a few minutes later her loud screeching voice erupted all over the school causing a mini earthquake making Harry raise an eyebrow in disbelief. "She must have a powerful voice." He mused and saw Naga wagging her eyebrows in a perverse manner.

Because nothing gets a girl in the mood like an old woman screaming?

"Naga you will stop that train of thought right now." He said sternly getting a pout from the silver-blond vixen before making sure everyone was healed and went back to their lessons after cleaning up the mess from the cauldron and gained a perfect O in Potions before heading to Herbology and had to shake his head knowing the Lion's are going to give the prat a hard ass-kicking for losing them so many points at the start of the year.

Maybe the teachers should give Snape an ass-kicking, for giving a passing grade meant for a fifth year exam to one of his students on the first day of class. Read the fucking books, author!

(Timeskip 1 hour and 25 minutes - School Grounds)

Again Harry's mood was getting worser...

Along with the author’s grammar.

He had to deal with Ron bothering him during Herbology, DADA, and even History class but, hoped he could get some form of space during Flying Lessons.

He had to admit Madam Hooch looked very beautiful as her golden eyes were slit like a Hawk's making some shiver as her gaze roamed over them making him smirk already liking her already and he likes women who have the power of intimidation.

He likes women. Period. Don’t pretend their personalities have anything to do with it, when he’s collecting them like trading cards.

"All right!, pay attention this is your first flying lesson and I expect my orders to be followed to the letter, I won't tolerate insubordination." Her eyes locked onto Ron who felt like a mouse in front of a very hungry bird causing Harry to laugh his ass off internally along with the others.

Madam Hooch had a smirk seeing her warning on the troublemaker had an effect, she heard of his behavior from McGonagall and is planning on showing she won't be so merciful. "Place your hands over your broom." They did what she told. "Now say UP!"

“Or you could say, “Alexa, start the broom,” but I prefer the shorthand.”

"UP!" Harry, Hermoine, Neville, Blaise, Pansy, and Lavender caught theres along with Draco, Crabbe, Goyle and some other students while others like Ron and his friends had trouble doing it the first 6 times and barely got it right on their 7th try by then everyone had their broom in their hands.

"Now I want you to practice flying on the count of 3." Everyone mounted their brooms and waited for the signal.

I imagine if Hooch was a swimming instructor, she’d just toss the kids into a pool and see who can stay afloat.

"1...2...3...GO!" Neville got a bit too excited and almost crashed into a gargoyle statue causing his remembrall to fall out of his pocket but, managed to stick to the wall using chakra shocking the others except those who could do the same feats.

" are you ok!" Neville nodded before jumping down and apologized to Madam Hooch who accepted it before taking him to to get him checked for any injuries.

I guess they were all out of healing chakra this time.

Ron's hand was reaching for Neville's remembrall only for someone's foot to step in front of making him growl angrily at who it was and when he saw who it was he paled seeing the glowing Rinnegan eyes of Harry Potter glaring down at him. "Hands away from Neville-otouto's remembrall or lose your fingers Bilius Weasley." Ron growled and tried to punch him only for Harry to kick him away and pick up the small glass sphere and handed it to Hermoine who left to go give it to Neville while Ron was helped up by a few upperclassmen.

Upperclassmen during the first years’ flying lesson? Are you entirely aware of anything that goes on at a school, author?

"Don't know why you hang out with a mudblood and a squib Potter they are below us Purebloods." Ron growled threateningly only to get a scoff from Harry.

"You are just a jealous asshole who is envious of those who can do magic better than you can." Ron's ears turned red pink and growled with rage before dashing at Harry fist raised and swung at his head and when it connected he expected it to knock his opponents block off.

Because the first thing a wizard would use to attack someone would of course be his fists.

SNAP!

Ron roared in pain and agony as his arm snapped in several places after his fists impacted Harry's head while said person didn't even feel a thing and dusted his robes off. "You really are a baka Weasley greedy, arrogant, pompous just like your brother Percy, and most of all disrespectful you attacked me in front of several political figures, also losing several hundred points for your House at the very start of the year and frankly you are the type that makes enemy's out of the wrong people." He shook his head seeing the arrogance and greed clear as day in the red-heads eyes and walked away with pity shining in his eyes.



I’m sick and tired of this. I’m sick of blithering moron antagonists with single-minded attack strategies, attempting to win fights that they’ve already lost. I’m tired of smug, self-righteous, omnipotent protagonists, who steals the moral high ground by virtue of their enemies being unrecognizable caricatures of themselves. But more so, I’m appalled that this is someone’s fantasy; someone’s selfish wish to mercilessly abuse their power for petty reasons. For all the super powered, revenge driven, influence granted and intelligence boosted protagonists I’ve seen in fanfics, all of them can pretty much be boiled down to tantrum throwing children – because none of them chooses to be the bigger man. Instead of attempting to solve the issue through dialog, understanding, or any form of sensible means, we get farcical renditions of the authors’ bully revenge fantasies, and foils meant to act in the most offensive and insulting way possible, just so they can be stuffed and mounted by the protagonist as a virtue trophy. Fuck this shitty, sanctimonious storytelling.

He took 3 steps before sidestepping four organ-liquefying curses aimed at him making Harry narrow his eyes seeing the blatant use of dark curses and wonders if Dumbledork put these baka's up to this and blurred in front of his assailants and began running around them rapidly before becoming an unseen blur making them look around confused before a multitude of punches were launched at them causing their ribs to fracture, heads and faces to bleed along with being kicked int he face repeatedly.

You’ve gotten your torture porn fix, author. Now can we have a story?!

"Expelliarmus!, Silencio!, Levicorpus!" Harry casted the effective chain spell disarming, silencing, and restraining them in the air by their feet all in the time of 3 seconds making everyone gape at his Mage-Class dueling skills and mastery of chain spells and wonder what else is there to Harry Potter?

Did everyone fucking forget what happened at the sorting ceremony; you included, author?!

-----

Next Chapter - Ch.3 : Godfather's, Dragons, Professor, Arguments, Flamel's Stone?

This go's out to all Weasley bashing lovers in the universe, I personally never liked the asshole he's greedy, selfish, arrogant, pompous, and an outright coward trying to ride on someone else's coattails like he's some kind of big shot, stinkin Tossier (Shadow growled under his breath)

What the hell are you going on about, you inept, illiterate TOSSER?!

For the Poll on the next godlike Naruto crossover the winner is cue drumroll!

WiNNER: LOVE HINA!

That's right you get to see Naruto Uzumaki fucking Namikaze Uchiha! show that bitch Motoko and her followers their place and that goes for Naru as well!

I’ve never seen or read Love Hina, but I get the gist. Having a super powered ninja in a romantic comedy anime seems rather overkill, dude.

Thank you for reading plz review I really appreciate the support on my first Harry potter x Naruto crossover

Also this is to the readers should I have the Rookies somehow find a way to Harry's world under orders of the council and other nations to capture Harry to turn into a weapon?

You mean the rookies of Konoha? As in the village that Naruto, Harry’s current ancestor, is from? Do you understand how time and family generations work?!

Bye have a good time!

Anything that isn’t this shlock is sure to be.

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Stories like this one makes me wonder what aberrant hatred people have towards characters like Ron. Demonizing characters they dislike is understandable, but the consistent vitriol surrounding Ronald Weasley in fanfics has been so massive, that it’s the namesake trope for making good characters evil; Ron the Death Eater. I see it in other fandoms too, and the reasons can be anything from disliking the character’s flaws or quirks, to simply eliminating what they view as dead weight to the protagonist. How is the Marty Stu supposed to shine in the spotlight, if he has to share it, right? Whatever the case, the author saw it necessary to have this chapter be about nothing else. It’s fucking ridiculous.

After Ron’s pit stop of pain in the previous chapter, the author is putting focus solely back onto his bastardization of a protagonist. It includes a sex scene and song lyrics, luckily not at the same time. It’s a long chapter too, so let’s not waste time. Enjoy.

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Chapter 3 Never Mess With Family

Well this is a surprise, i forgot i had this kind of story in my folder and found it looking at most of my other updated stories, i realized i was being too lazy and i decided to update my fics then do some new fic ideas.

And then you decided to tell everyone, in a manner that makes my spellchecker hiccup.

Sorry for the delay readers been stuck with a bad case of writers block sense i had trouble on how the next chapter of this installation should go.

What i am frustrated about is my laptop's internet speed on SWTOR it keeps randomly freezing and lagging the entire time even after i clear out my CPU and hard drive multiple times along with adjusting the settings so i've been forced to put off on playing my fav MMO for a while.

Gaming woes of the asynchronous server communication kind. How nice of you to share this vitally important inconvenience with us.

Ok so without further ado i present the 3rd chapter of my Harry Potter x Naruto crossover Harry Potter: Heir Of Shinobi and Wizard!

Shinku: Do the disclaimers Harry!

Better yet, why don’t you just shoot me now, since you’re already firing shots at the fourth wall?

Harry: Shinku Kami No Arashi doesn't own Naruto or Harry Potter and i hope you rot in hell you pink haired slut Sakura Haruno



The fact that the author has Harry spout these words about a character, who neither appears in Harry Potter or this fanfic, makes this waste-of-words tantrum all the more pathetic.


<hr>
(Hogwarts Lakeside)

"Unbelievable..." Athena Weasely muttered in bafflement and awe, her twin Aphrodite Weasely nodding in agreement along with some other female 3rd, 4th and 2nd years as they gazed at Harry Uzumaki Senju Uchiha Potter and Neville Longbottom punching and kicking at sound breaking speeds on the lake zipping from one spot on the water surface to another and both had bloodthirsty grins on their faces of enjoyment and entertainment.

Since I don’t assume the Weasley family suddenly became bigger than it is, Athena and Aphrodite must be the Weasley twins subjected to the genderbending the author warned about in the first chapter. It’s nothing new, and honestly not worth much complaint. So instead, I’ll point out that Hermione referred to Fred and George by name in the previous chapter when chewing out Ron. Effort, author! There is none here!

"Looks like their enjoying their daily spar." Hermoine commented with a smirk stroking the scales on Lamia's body getting a content hiss of pleasure from the treatment and got weird looks from the others.

She’s apparently doing heavy petting on a snake, weird looks should be the least of it.

"They actually do this daily?" Millicent Bullstrode asked with pink cheeks upon her beautiful face at the stretching and twitching of the muscles on Harry's body and that 12 pack made her mouth go dry especially at how his hair seemed to whip and wave around from the shockwaves and breaking of the air with their Taijutsu.

The mind of the female animal, by Crimson-Esper-Of-Ruin-Instinct.

Athena winced at the punch to the jaw, nose, face, chest, arms, joints and legs and saw the wounds and bruises rapidly healing while Neville's healed a bit slower. "I see you noticed Harry's healing that's actually his bodies natural healing ability, you see Harry worked his body to perfection and even studied on the human body countless times and concluded, that, they have the ability to gain better performance by breaking their bodies natural limits through intense training and conditioning and well you see the result of that training."

Thirteen thousand words into this story, and we’re still doing casual establishment of super powers. As for the actual biology of this, bones eventually attain the same sturdiness after healing from fractures with no improvements. In the case of soft tissue, what the fuck does he think scars are? This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone but you, author; anime is full of lies!

She grinned a shit eating grin at the blushes and nosebleed from the females hearing her especially a walking by McGonagall who put the image of her former student's son's muscular body to the back of her mind and walked off.

Said former student’s son happens to be her current student. Why add the extra link?

Both shinobi wizards jumped back sweating slightly, Neville moreso than Harry their muscular chests moving in rhythm with their breathing both had grins and slightly bleeding mouths from their Taijutsu spar, they had this every hour that they had free time, though both started theirs earlier due to wanting to work off some anger and frustration from a certain DMW Ron Weasely the object of their annoyance and ire in Hogwarts right next to some of the Slytherins, Gryffindoors, and even Ravenclaws and a certain manipulative Headmaster.

Dead man walking Ron Weasley, a petulant, incompetent, aggressive child, who achieves ‘annoyance’ status to these demigods, solely because the author did not grant him the most basic instincts of self-preservation. Once burned, twice shy. He should be deathly afraid of being in the same room as Harry, but that would prevent his use as a dead horse punching bag.

"How about a jutsu clash for the finish Neville-otouto?" Neville grinned with a glint in his eye flipping through a few handseals gripping his left hand that instantly sparked with blue whitish lightning much to the interest of those watching. "RAIKIRI!" Harry smirked wider and they watched as chakra swirled in his hand forming into basketball sized blue sphere that hummed with power. "RASENGAN!" Both fighters had chakra swirling around them in shrouds causing the water to shake and vibrate from the sheer power and will produced from them, the jutsus became more brighter radiating power.

At this point, this story isn’t a Naruto crossover so much as Naruto with a thin coat of Harry Potter paint.

A single drop of water splashed upon the surface, Their eyes widened and dashed across the water causing it to split from the sheer force exerted by their legs and everyone watched in slow motion.

Every spectator has fantastical cinematography powers, right?

Harry and Neville approached each other with both high ranked jutsu's and some of the passing by students shouted out for them to stop. Neville noticed the smirk on Harry's face making his eyes widen in alarm. 'Aw shit!' Harry vanished in a black crimson colored flash and Neville had to stop his charging motion and heard Harry's voice behind him but froze feeling metal against his neck, turning his head slightly and sees his older brother figure (Harry is 1 year older than Neville and the other HP cast) behind him with his Hiraishin kunai against his neck with a kind brotherly smirk. "I concede." Neville chuckled deactivating the assassination jutsu holding his hands up in mock surrender grinning the entire time.

Raikiri is an assassination justu? Punching people with lightning? That’s like using a sniper rifle for a club.

"You're improving little bro, you should be at Sannin level by the end of this summer, good job keeping up with me Neville." Harry pulled him close with an arm around his neck giving him a mock punch to the arm like an older brother would. Neville just laughed with Harry as they walked off the lake and reached land soon.

Whatever they walked on between the lake and land, we’ll never know.

"Nice spar Harry, Neville." Millicent said shyly offering a towel for both him and Neville getting grateful smiles that caused her cheeks to darken. "We thank you Milli-hime, we tend to get carried away sometimes." Neville chuckled at Harry's sheepish face much to Millicent's giggling joined in by Daphne, Tracy, Hermoine and Blaise.

Author, please tell me you’ve actually talked to a girl in real life. Please.

"Transfiguration was my last class for the day so i'm going to enjoy myself for a bit ja ne." Harry walked off to his dorm unaware of the lustful eyes of Lavender following him but Neville sure did and shuddered. 'Harry you better watch out for that hungry puff has found her target* He laughed inwardly.

The guy has I don’t know how many eye upgrades from Naruto, including x-ray vision, but the only things he’s not seeing are the looks of abominable desire from his underage admirers. Go fuck yourself.

(Hufflepuff Dorm Room)

Harry sighed rubbing his eyes as he studied for his morning classes for tomorrow wearing only a tanktop and a pair of red sweatpants, mentally he was going over the information he got from his clones on the school's rooms and floors.

While doing the one thing he doesn’t need to do, since he already read and learnt everything he’s going to learn at Hogwarts. Fucking hell, can something logical happen for once?

But mainly he was thinking of his class with Professor Quirrell the man had his face toward the board the entire time and with that turban on his head, he felt like someone was trying to break through his mind it was similar to a small itch before he could even find it class was over and the cowardly Professor retreated to his office.

You have x-ray vision. Fucking use it!

Come to think of it why was that shady professor wearing a turban indoors...and that scent of snakes reminded him of something that he couldn't put his finger on and it made him even more suspicious of Dumbledork's motives and reason's for hiring a teacher for DADA with a stuttering disorder and the way he kept whispering to someone.

Aside from a probably legit problem about casting spells with a stutter, exactly why should that make him a poor teacher?

He decided to do recon "Kage Bunshin..." A clone popped into place at the whisper looking toward Harry for orders.

"Henge into a fly and tail that Quirrell person something about his aura has me on edge also make another one of you to spy on Dumbledork to see what he's planning." The clone nodded at the order and quickly made another copy of himself before muttering. "Henge." Both clones shrank into the size of a fly before flying out of the window toward their locations keeping their energy signatures to nonexistent.

As if anyone would try to detect them through energy signatures and not by fucking magic. What story are you writing, you bottom rung pleb?!

He then blinked hearing a knock on his door, he knew only one person besides Hermoine, Cho, Susan, Lamia and Hedwig was able to find his private dorm. He stood up stretching out with a yawn and walked toward the door before opening it only to see Lavender wearing a black and yellow trimmed see through nightgown and can clearly see the lacy satin black and yellow panty and bra set and her O sized breasts.



I want this ride to end. Right now. The author just propped up a horrid facsimile of twelve-year-old femininity wearing see-through negligee with tits bigger than human heads! I repeat, tatas the size of actual basketballs! Good thing she’s a witch, because she’s going to need fucking magic to avoid back pains, much less snapping her spine from the weight equivalent to strapping two gallons of water to her chest! Fucking hell, this story took a deprived dive into an already abysmal wish fulfillment decline.

But what got him excited were the leaking pheromones that wafted up his nose radiating from her soaked panties and the lustful look in her eyes hidden behind her wet light blond hair was testing his self-control.

Able to block mind reading on a whim, his mindscape guarded by thousands of ninja clones and reinforced with titanium, but a girl queefs in his general direction, and it’s suddenly a test of his will. This has certainly become a test of mine.

"Yea Lave-chan can i help you with...something." He eye'd her up and down getting a smirk/grin of lust and seduction from the blond and he raised an eyebrow but shuddered feeling her nails rake over his chest and abs slowly. 'Ok this is so turning me on it is not even funny.' He said inwardly.

Then why am I laughing?

"May i come in?" She asked innocently and Harry nodded moving aside allowing the sexy succubus in human form walk in and Lavender took in the room's appearance and noticed it was styled after a japanese mansion and saw weapon racks, scrolls, books and even training dummy's. However her smile was directed toward the bed that was big enough to hold more than 10 people due to its wideness and size.

In other words, a bed twenty-five feet wide, if going by standard bed size to person measurements. How nice of him to plan ahead for all the women who are going to get into it with him.

"so what brings you to my room, Lave?" Harry inquired pouring a cup of tea for Lavender and him only to still feeling the same soft silky hands come from behind him raking over his torso and heard her moan in obvious approval and arousal at his physique and its perfection. He then idly noticed her left hand was hovering dangerously closer over his sweatpants waistband.

And the sex scene is initiated with mild indifference from the protagonist, while his partner acts like a cat that found a catnip scented scratching post. What amazing talent this author has.

(Lemon Scene)

She spoke this time in a tone tinged with lustful hunger "We may not be teenagers Karasu-sama but i and the girls have waited years and i am tired of being denied what i want."

I am tired of the author being a constant weeb. Karasu is Japanese for crow, how the fuck does that apply to Harry?

She slipped her hand grabbing something long, thick and hard. Her eyes nearly popped out of her skull at the 12 in long 3 in thick cock in her hand and had to mentally reboot her mental faculty's at the discovering of her mates size. 'I am so going to love this.' She stroked it subconsciously sending shocks of pleasure up Harry's spine who had to bite his lip to keep from moaning at the sensation.

Because the last thing Harry would want, would be to make Lavender aware of his approval or, pffft, consent.

She was obviously not satisfied and stroked him faster while a shadow clone of her initiated a make-out session and nearly dispelled from the immense pleasure. This provided the distraction Lavender needed and slipped out of her gown and unclipped her bra tossing it to the side leaving her dark brown nipples on display poking out like nubs.

Harry pulled the clone close and began fondling it's ass cheeks one by one making it whimper at the pleasure while thanking the heavens her creator pushed more chakra into her body because it was sure it would have dispelled from the pleasure of Harry's skilled hands in seconds.

Sounds more like Harry’s skilled hands can casually destroy anything he touches, as should frankly be expected.

As the pleasuring of it's body continued the clone got irritable and let its impatience get the better of it before albeit ripping Harry's sweatpants off of his muscled legs and showed the thick piece of meat between his legs on view, the clone had wide eyes and had a watering mouth of hungry seeing the twitching appendage in front of it.

You’re describing the behavior of a starved animal, author – not the sexual desires of a woman. It’s fine if that's your fetish, but not everyone is aroused by cannibalism.

Harry blushed at it's gaze before his eyes flew wide open and groaned in pleasure feeling the wet warm cavern of it's mouth sucking his cock with gusto, it made him nearly cum already. Her mouth was like a vacuum trying to swallow his dick whole and watched in amazement as the clone slowly took him inch by inch down it's throat.

The second Harry’s dick gets wet, a single female pronoun is offered to the Lavender clone, and then it’s back to referring to them as an object. I know the clone isn’t really a person, I just prefer that a sex scene has a greater appeal than the author manhandling a masturbatory aid.

Lavender was fingering herself watching the show, using her other hand to pinch and squeeze her breasts moaning lewdly at her perverted clone's pleasuring Harry orally. She watched in perverted lust when Harry began fucking the clone's face hard and noticed the copy didn't attempt to stop it in fact it was pleasuring herself from the abusement to it's throat.

She moaned lowly as she cummed soaking her panties and hand in her juices and slowly licked the juices off noting she tasted very good.

Because the author’s kinks does not include the option for anything less than over the top sexual satisfaction. I bet you, if Lavender started eating out Harry’s ass, it would be described like goddamn ambrosia.

Harry grunted thrusting at almost sonic speeds in the clone's throat who's eyes were rolled to back of its head in mindblowing pleasure at the skullfucking session, before the cock lodged in its throat began to slowly bulge and noted the almost frantic wild thrusts. It figured Harry was coming to his release and pulled him out licking the tip rapidly wanting to get it's treat and saw its creator appear by her side eagerly waiting.

"Girls...i'm going to cum!" Lavender's grinned lustfully and joined in the licking, something in Harry snapped and he groaned.

Blowjob-induced hernia. Going at the speeds he did, not a fucking surprise.

"I'M CUMMING!" Lavender and her clone moaned as ropes and globs of cum splashed on their chests, face and toned stomach.

Harry then found himself hard again watching as the clone and Lavender licked his cum off of each other and it dispelled and Lavender orgasmed again to the point where she was completely wet and looked toward Harry with hunger.

She may also be a vampire, we haven’t really ruled that out yet.

She jumped on top of him grinding her naked pussy against his length that was now atleast 14 inches erect. "You don't have to worry about the pain, i tore it during training one day but i might feel some discomfort." Harry nodded at her answer and placed the tip against her entrance prodding it and pushed in, much to her gasping.

He looked up at her with worry but she reassured him with a nod, he continued pushing in and almost came from the soft velvet tight pussy of one of his girls and she was completely wet and lubed up.

Such passion! Such eroticism! Such scintillating mechanical detail of exciting Person A does X to Person B action!

She was panting in pleasure feeling the male organ stretch her pussy out even more as it passed through her insides and her eyes popped open her mouth in an 'O' like shape feeling her womb pierced. She took a moment to adjust to his side and gave him a nod.

I think she needs more than a moment. In fact, I think she needs medical attention.

Harry thrusted sending her chest jiggling and head back eyes closed in ecstasy at the sharp strong thrust and growled. "Faster you mongrel!" He narrowed his at the command and knew he made a rule with his girls that stuck with them.

Harry Uzumaki Senju Uchiha Potter was no one's bitch!

And yet he’s so thin-skinned, that he takes encouraging dirty talk as a stab at his ego. Sounds like a bitch to me.

Lavender yelped feeling herself tossed onto her side on the bed and moved to get up but felt Harry pulled her arms behind her back and pulled to her feet legs spread wide facing the wall. "H-harry!" She yelped louder at the soft calloused hand striking her left butt cheek making it jiggle. She moaned feeling the hand slap her right one feeling herself getting more hornier than before.

There’s a scale? I thought Harry’s presence was just an on-switch for these lust emulating automatons.

"I'll have you know Lave i may love you girls with my heart and soul but in the bedroom Harry Uzumaki Senju Uchiha Potter is nobody's bitch got you got that you little slut!" Lavender hissed in pleasure at the command in his voice enjoying the dirty name given to her and shook her ass enticingly at him. "Then show me what a Drakul heir can do." She goaded him getting a fanged smirk.

'Hadrian Drakul Potter i like it.'

It’s better than Harry “Daddy” Potter, I suppose. If anyone’s wondering, ‘Hadrian’ is a prevalent name exchange for Harry in fanfics, alongside ‘Harold’, because apparently Harry isn’t a name that’s macho enough for these cretins to match with their wish fulfillment. It’s the hallmark of a bad fanfic, so much so that I use it as a search query when looking for things to mock.

He used his metamorph power to lengthen his hair more and turned his aristocratic looks to a level where even High classed veela and vampires would drool at him and thrusted fiercely back into her hungry pussy making her gasp and repeated slowly picking up speed.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck that feels so fucking good fuck me harder Master Drakul!" She howled not caring if anyone heard her and Harry had a shit eating grin sensing the shocked emotions of the now awake dormmates and channeled chakra to his cock making her eyes pop open widely to the size of dinner plates in shock before her world exploded in white.

Is he ever going to use magic himself, or is Harry “Taser-Dick” Potter going to use chakra for everything?

Harry growled gripping her hips as he proceeded to smash his cock into her hungry womb nearly piercing her cervix and was getting more turned on by her vulgar language till the whole room was shaking. He felt his cock twitching and pulled out jacking himself off spraying cum on her back and grinned darkly seeing her almost exhausted face but he wasn't done and threw her on the bed spreading her legs spread eagle style placing her feet behind her head and thrusted once more adding in raiton chakra while squeezing her breasts and nipples making her scream louder almost breaking the windows and Harry felt sweat dripping down his chest and forehead and roared with one final thrust cumming causing her stomach to bloat slightly before spilling out cum onto the floor.



Fuck, I was joking, but ‘raiton’ is actually lightning chakra! He just electrocuted her reproductive organs! I am absolutely abhorred, and I can’t fucking breathe!

(Lemon End)

Both panted but had smiles of happiness and love in their eyes as they looked at each other. "I love you Hadrian." She dozed off sleeping in his arms as he mentally banished the fluids off of them and the bed going to sleep with one last sentence.

"Ashiteru Lave-hime." Harry said before allowing morpheous to take him.

And here I thought he was nobody’s bitch.

(Next Day - Herbology)

Hadrian listened with rabid attention while mentally keeping Ron in his vision using his Rinnegan's Byakugan power noting how he seemed to keep glancing at him then Susan and Lavender every few seconds.

"Now you must remember to extract the pus-"

"The what!?" Dean Thomas asked revolted gaining amused looks from Draco, Hadrian, Neville, Lavender, Cho, and Susan knowing he misinterpreted Professor Sprout's words.

I think the only one misinterpreting those words is you, author. Pus is a single definition word, and is certainly not pronounced in any way that would make this an effective joke.

Sprout rolled her eyes humorously "Pus, pus and be sure not to get any on your skin or eyes as it can have very dire side effects." She said the last part ominously causing some to turn a few shades whiter and Hadrian grinned at the amused twinkle in her eyes.

'Dad you must have spread your pranking even from beyond the grave.'

What are you implying? That the warning comes from James Potter harvesting the pus of plants and smearing it on people, rather than it being a fucking common occurrence of hands-on herbology? My god, how far do you have your head up Harry’s ass, author?

He chuckled while following the instructions even though he knew all of this it felt good to actually do good in class instead of doing it in private and soon got the correct measurements from the Bulbous plant who seemed to lean in to his hand even the plantlife around him seem to enjoy his company judging by how some seemed to want to hug him and simply whistled a slow humming tune.

I hate this story. Anything not male wants him and his body, and anyone not turned laughably evil by the author are token friends at best. Now we’re at plants. Harry could fuck a hole in the ground, and the planet would thank him for it.

The class watched in amazement and some had serene looks in their eyes at the almost warm motherly aura Hadrian had and even the ghosts seemed lulled in by it.

(Linking Park - Leave Out All The Rest)

Maybe you should leave out this song all together, author. There’s enough problems with the story already.

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

Susan felt herself tearing up hearing the sadness and loneliness in his beautiful voice, Hermoine, Pansy, Naga, Draco, Cho, Athena and Aphrodite felt it too.

What?! Harry is actually SINGING this?!

Hadrian pulled out a guitar and began playing the notes singing once again this time in a voice magnified by magic.

Do you want your readers to die from cringing, author?! Harry is in class right now, and he’s serenading a plant with a Linkin Park song! What fucking drugs are you on?!

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Translation: So what if I was a shitty person, just remember me like a saint. I would find it more convincing if this was sung by Adolf Hitler than Harry right now.

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I've made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

Harry “Thundercock” Potter, not perfect? That fucking word has been used to describe him three times already!

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are

What the hell is the author trying to communicated with this song anyway? I don’t know if it’s advocating self-delusion or a twelve-step program.

'Oh Harry did your parent's dieing hurt you this much you would hide the pain in your heart, even though you show yourself to be a kind, cold emotionless person, inside of you you wanted the love of your mother back.' Hermoine sniffled wiping away her tears and so did the others.



Of all the disjointed, illogical, and monumentally confused interpretations possible, this is what we’re supposed to get from this? The song, in its direct reading, is about the singer wanting others to remember him, as he was at his best. And what does the author want it to communicate? Mommy issues! Dear lord, when does it end?!

Hadrian had tears flowing from his eyes yet he continued to sing unknowingly his soul and chakra reached out to those deceased of the pure heart.

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me

I think that ship has thoroughly sailed.

And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

(End Song)

Don’t mind if you fucking do, you pretentious asshat. Song lyrics are right up there with pointless quotes when it comes to writer shortcuts to impart meaning into their works. Not understanding what they mean, and then displaying said lack of understanding, just makes it twice as terrible.

------------------------

Word count too high again, continuing in next post.

Continuing...

------------------------

Hadrian finished getting rounds of claps and applause making him smile weakly wiping away his tears before the class was dismissed for break, Hadrian walked away turning in his work and headed for the library to calm his nerves not knowing what is happening outside Hogwart's walls.

What’s this? We’re actually leaving this attention leech’s presence. What’s the catch?

(Graves in Godrics Hollow)

In the gravesite of the former home of the potter family two gravestones began to shake one reading Ariana Dumbledore and the other Lily Evans nee Potter.

This means one of two things. Either the zombie apocalypse is starting, and this story will suddenly become awesome, or that line about Harry’s chakra reaching out to dead people wasn’t the author being poetic.

The music from Hadrian's voice and instrument echoed through the graveyard and the shaking became louder till two slender, manicured hands burst from the ground and the graves slowly began to bulge outwardly and suddenly a blond haired buxom woman and a red-head woman with killer curse green eyes breathed out and in deeply for air before looking around in shock.

"I-i'm alive..." Ariana Dumbledore whispered in happiness, Lily was shedding tears of happiness for being alive and sadness at her husband still being dead and heard two other voices.

Let’s reiterate. Harry, in the middle of herbology class, sings Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park, because a plant got touchy-feely with him. Unbeknownst to him, this makes him resurrect his own dead mother as well as Dumbledore’s sister. This hilarity of a logic dumbster fire is only further compounded by the obvious reason for their inclusion in the story. They’re female. They look good. And that’s all the author needs to get his rocks off.

"It seem's we've been revived as well." A wise, melodic tone answered in equal awe and happiness and the two revived witches looked behind them only to see a woman wearing ravenclaw colors and another Hufflepuff colors both stood at 5'13 respectively.

And let’s throw in two Hogwarts founders for the fun of it! It’s not like Harry will stop at fucking, let me do a quick headcount, twenty-five women, anyway. I hope they all like to get their innards struck by lightning. Also, how many inches to a foot, author?

The one wearing ravenclaw attire had kind stoic brown eyes with a hint of playfullness in them and knowledge beyond years and flowing black locks and FF-cup breasts and curvy hips and supple plump lips.

The woman beside her had reddish orange hair in a hime bun, she had the bigger ass and hips along with a DD-cup rack stretching against her cloak and had kind hazel brown warm eyes but a danger behind them showing she wasn't all pretty looks.

Funny, because I doubt the author had any other intentions with pulling them from the grave.

Lily spoke up "W-who are you two?" She asked cautiously not wanting to die right after she was revived by that strange music and got mirthful twinkles in return.

"My name is Rowena Ravenclaw." Lily gaped at her idol and quickly collected the pieces of the identity of the other woman who grinned good naturedly.

"Helga Hufflepuff to think my older brother Albus buried me here with the two founders of Hogwarts and the mother of the prophecy child." Ariana mused outloud before freezing along with the other women.

To think Harry’s song would revive only people he could stick his dick in. Contrivance doesn’t magically disappear when you call attention to it, author. Quite the opposite.

"A-ariana that prophecy was a fake i checked it with my connections in the ministry before i was killed it was merely a ploy Dumbledore pulled to gain even more power as the Light Lord and i fell right into his trap!" Lily growled punching the ground beside her.

Ariana snapped her head up hearing the music and so did the others and recognized it was Harry's, Lily teared up and blushed hearing her son's beautiful voice.

A voice none of them have heard before, and it’s coming from the opposite end of the fucking country. Makes total sense!

"My word your son's voice puts a vampire and a veela's to shame Lily." Helga teased getting an indignant pout from the female Potter who just chuckled and got up dusting her clothes off.

"Let's go we have my son to meet and a certain manipulative headmaster to teach a lesson to." Lily said darkly with malice shining in her eyes getting shivers from the three women.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

You don’t have the first clue about the meaning of that phrase, do you, author?

(With Harry/Hadrian)

Hadrian was now walking down the stairs to get to the library for some studying time and idly noticed with annoyance Ron and his flunkies were following him and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

Better get used to it, Harry. Evidently, the author doesn’t want Ron to have a life outside of pestering you.

He entered the library and raised an eyebrow seeing the beautiful Madam Pince still looking young and hot even after the years gone by. 'Magic does many unknown things i suppose' He mused with a smile and walked by and was met with a catcall and just chuckled turning a sly look toward an innocent looking Madam Pince.

"Checking me out already Madam Pince, Professor McGonagall might get jealous." Madam Pince raised a well manicured eyebrow.

Anything not possessing Y-chromosomes is a potential sex partner, it would seem. And by the grace of the author, they are naturally wedged into the mold of his ideal masturbatory fantasy. Can any woman exist without having to spread her legs for your sock puppet avatar, author?

"Really and that cat lady doesn't see the hot god in human form right in front of me?" She smiled at him sultrily and thus began their game of flirting unknowingly attracting some watchers who had wide blushes and some scowls at the scarhead flirting with the hot Madam Pince and many wanted to get in her knickers still to this day, yet this first year comes in and has her blushing and giving him bedroom eyes!

And can any man exists without lusting after said women, just so they can be made a cuck by your penis surrogate?

"Well Pince-chan would you know where i could find books on Battle Healing?" The librarian blushed at the suffix and pointed him toward the correct section discreetly giving him a slip of paper with her number on it getting more jaw drops.



I can’t fucking believe this. With every interaction Harry has with the tit-stapled mannequins surrounding him, it’s only further evident how little knowledge the author has about the canon. Harry Potter just received a phone number. From a witch. On fucking paper. I hope his next fire-call gets spiked with gasoline.

Ron couldn't believe the arrogance of his best mate and knew it had to do with being a puff, they were always goody two-shoes all the time and their ways must have infected his best mate's mind and nodded at Cormac and his other flunkies.

Best mate? Not only has Ron been a fourth rate stand in for Draco Malfoy since his introduction, but Harry critically injured him during two fights, both in which Ron was the aggressor. I don’t know who is more delusional; him or the author.

Hadrian was just reading his book on Battle Healing searching for other ways to improve it to being able to heal major wounds in just a few seconds, if he could achieve that it would be a great boon to his repertoire of skills.

As much as a drop of water will benefit the ocean.

"Is this seat taken?" Hadrian lowered his book to see a stunning tan skinned girl who stood atleast at his height, her eyes. She had crimson blood red hair tied into a ponytail flowing past her butt and sea foam green eyes with a vertical slit that seemed to entice him and looked her over with a raised eyebrow liking what he saw.

She had wide curvy hips with a round supple ass, her chest looked to be atleast a C-cup borderline Mid D-cup that looked round and perky. He analyzed her further noticing the metal plated gloves on her hands and narrowed his eyes seeing the Drakul symbol on the metal in red and noticed the Hufflepuff attire and smiled.

Because the author wasn’t content with Harry bedding every woman and genderbent man in the universe, he had to make more. With whom he shares a tagged on last name. Oh joy.

"No it's open Miss." The girl smiled widely with a hint of lust in her eyes something that made his lips quirk up slightly and continued his reading but saw the girl was staring at him with a dust of pink in her cheeks. "My name's Elane Drakul, it's an honour to meet you Milord." Hadrian smirked showing his fangs along with his blood red eyes evidence of his Drakul heritage.

"And it's an honour to meet one of my beautiful fiances Elane-chan." He purred huskily in her ear making her skin and spine tingle with arousal.

Is this Harry’s way of flirting, or did you forget to add a marriage contract for house Drakul, author? Because this fiancé thing is certainly news to me.

"So what brings you to the library Elane-hime?" Hadrian conjured a cup of tea for both of them, Elane sipped the tea with a sigh at the calming herbs in it and looked at Hadrian with an annoyed expression. "Some stupid redhead ningen and his buddies kept trying to make a pass at me, i told them multiple times i wasn't interested and he quoted 'A dark creature like you should feel honoured for an Elite Pureblood like myself to give you such attention' after that i just put his head through five bathroom stalls on the 1st floor and now he's tailing you to the library hoping to change his best mates views on who his true friends are." Hadrian rolled his eyes rubbing his temples tiredly in annoyance and irritation for the 13th time of the day and he was not in a very good mood.

Neither am I, because Elane is clearly reading off the script.

"You don't say." A vein pulsed on his temple signaling he was losing his cool and Elane was giddy on the inside and it grew spotting the redhead bastard walking in sight and saw Lavender, Cho with Alicia, Katie and Angelina, Aphrodite and Athena reaching him first.

"Hey Harry or should we call you Hadrian?" Angelina smiled and Hadrian just chuckled.

Lavender has so far been the only one to speak that name out loud, and that was in post-coital bliss for no discernable reason. So, sure, keep speaking the lines the author feeds you.

"Just call me Hadrian, Tenshi-hime." Angelina flushed pink at the suffix having studied multiple languages to figure out the meanings and sat beside him along with Katie and Alicia.

"So what brings the Demons of Gryffindoor and the Chaser Trio to my little spot?" Katie smiled.

The general lack of logic from moment to moment, case in point what you just fucking said.

"We just wanted to get to know the real Hadrian Uzumaki Senju Uchiha Potter not Harry Potter that these two's little arrogant prat of a brother keeps spouting about being best friends with the boy-who-lived." Hadrian's eye twitched. "You don't say." Cho grinned picking up on the dangerous tint in his voice.

Athena jumped in "We would like to talk about who in your dorm was making that huge racket the other night, i could barely get any sleep!" She hissed quietly getting a lecherous giggle from Lavender and Cho while Hadrian just had a sly grin amusing Elane.

I’m just going to go ahead and assume, that this has nothing to do with a well-deserved deduction of house points for causing the disturbance.

"Oh nothing.."Hadrian shrugged nonchalantly with a smirk "Just had a little chat with Lave-hime the other night." He hinted to what they were doing and those who pieced it togethere looked at him with pink wide blushes and dropped jaws especially Elane.

"You and Lavender were Shagging last night!" Cho said slightly louder under her breath feeling arousal and rubbed her thighs to stave off the feeling in her loins.

The fact that sex is a thing is mentioned, and suddenly every woman within earshot is aroused. Author, are you so unaware of women’s behavior that you have to project your own habits onto them?

Lavender had glazed over eyes and drool leaking from her mouth remembering their activities the other night and felt her panties grow damp not seeing Hadrian's eyes slightly dilate before turning back to normal.

Aphrodite leaned in whispering in her ear "How was it...?" Lavender gave her a searching look and shuddered in bliss.

"He was so rough, yet gentle at the same time i thought i could dominate him but he showed me how wrong i was..." She breathed out slightly with a nosebleed.

You barely attempted to direct him, and in fact remained a passive participant throughout as Harry used you as a crotch thrust speed tester. You weren’t just wrong, you could never have been right.

"He was atleast 12 inches long and he was only limp and when he was fully erect he was..." The crowd of girls blushed heavier and Hadrian just watched with no expression except amusement.

"Well don't leave us hanging Lave." Cho urged her on and she sighed.

"14 inches long...and he still has room to grow as well." The girls were shellshocked especially Elane who licked her lips discreetly along with the chaster trio and the two demons of Gryffindoor.

Right, and I’m sure you still have room to grow as well, Miss O-cup.

Katie spoke up pulling out a slip of paper much to Hadrian's quirking eyebrow in interest. "Hadrian your head of house asked us to pass this along to you." Hadrian nodded in thanks and opened it skimming over the letter's contents with a slightly widened eye before grinning.

Katie and the other two grinned back. "Well do you accept?" Hadrian smirked.

"Tell Professor Sprout i accept, i always wnated to soar through the skies like the others." He said cryptically and Cho and Lavender and Elane's eyes bulged before squealing glomping Hadrian much to Madam Pince's playful warning.

Do you want to know how pointless this is? Quidditch isn’t even mentioned in this story.

"Oi! Get away from my best mate ya bloody slags!" Ron's voice shouted walking into view with some upper years of his house along with Slytherin narrowing their eyes at the women around Hadrian who only narrowed his eyes at the insult dilating into the Sharingan causing everyone to freeze.

Did he just wait for the most opportune time to stick out his bashing inviting neck and shout, “Please, sir! Can I have some more?!”

"Watch your words Weasely i have made killed others for committing insults against my house and these eyes aren't just for show."Ron gaped at the killing part and was about to accuse Hadrian of going dark to play on his nonexistent fears of rejection.

Three things. One, Harry hasn’t killed anyone in this story yet, not for a lack of trying. Two, why would Ron have any idea what Harry’s eyes symbolize? Three, if you think such accusations are meant to induce fear of rejection, then you have a very weird understanding of the severity of murder.

Hadrian spoke up again coldly already reading the redhead's thoughts. "If you accuse me of being a dark wizard Ronald Bilus Weasely i will make an example out of you like the others who had the nerve to question my morality with their naive views." Ron shut up with his ears flushed red.

In other words, the people who questioned his morality were proven right!

"Either it be light magic, dark magic, rituals, enchantry or potions it doesn't matter to me. There is only power and those to weak to seek it you thinking being an auror means being a good law abiding citizen in our society that is sorely lacking in advancement of technology and the era of the real world." Hadrian just drawled silkily with a monotone.

How is Harry not supposed to be the villain of this story?!

He leaned forward hands folded under his chin. "You're wrong being an auror means you will have to use lethal spells to kill and disable the threat but apparently there aren't that many high level aurors and hit wizards thanks to the incompetency of the ministry that your older brother

Percy works for and he is no worse than a death eater in the making, haven't you seen the power hungry looks in his eyes when he came home from gaining a position at the ministry?" Athena and Aphrodite nodded and Ron shook his head.

How did Harry? Just my luck, not only is he omnipotent, he’s also omnipresent.

"Percy only see's his own family as tools to further his own ends and tools are only useful till they aren't needed anymore i wonder if that's the reason why Miss Molly doesn't see eye to eye with him but i digress and i am going to make it clear to you sheep." Hadrian's eyes glowed with coldness and raw magic and chakra with a black crimson tinted aura around him causing the table to groan and the bookshelves to quiver. "If you insult my mates in front of me i will drain you till you are a dryless husk." Ron paled seeing the fangs extend from their sheathes and pulled out his wand along with the other lackeys causing several to narrow their eyes.

Oh, sure, threaten the guy with death, then take offense when he gets frightened and want to defend himself. If a dog snarls at you, it’s just asking to get kicked; trust me!

"Then I will be the one to change you back to the one you should be Harry."

It all happened too fast for Ron to see it, Cho, Lavender vanished like ghosts smashing their fists into Ron's company with brutality and inhuman speed equal to that of a vampire attacking their neck muscles paralyzing them all in the span of 4 seconds.

Unless Ron spends four seconds blinking, I’m pretty sure he’d still see that happening.

Ron however got the worst of it when Hadrian appeared even more faster than the other two and appeared in front of him smashing an elbow into his stomach hard enough to send him in the air suspended slightly. 'T-too fast!' Hadrian grabbed his throat and simply held him dangling by his feet in the air fearful for his life.

Hadrian brought Ron eye level to him and spoke in such a voice his grandfather Madara Uchiha would swell with tears of pride. "Listen and listen well Weasely i am not the so called golden boy the world can try and manipulate, i am not some kind of meal ticket that the ministry can call on at their beck and whim. I am not a dark or a light wizard i am a Grey wizard neither good nor evil just looking out for those in need and is not afraid to put down those who threaten my loved ones and family. And also my kaa-san and tou-chan would be proud of me that i swear and as for you Ronald Bilus Weasely consider yourself an enemy of the House Of Uzumaki, Senju, Uchiha, Potter, Emrys and House Drakul" Hadrian declared coldly much to the paling of several who wanted Hadrian under their thumb.



Yes, of course there were several who wanted Harry under their thumb. Right here, in this library, filled with girls who wants to fuck him, and dumb boys with a desperate need commit suicide by Marty Stu – all of them being school children. It’s so obvious, I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.

"Y-you're a light wizard Harry and i won't stand for you being Grey and not in the light like the Gryffindoor you should be!" Ron swung out with his fist only for Hadrian to catch it with simple ease with a bored look. "That the best you got Little ronnekins guess you're all bark and no bite after all." Ron screamed feeling his wrist snap from the crushing pressure from Harry's grip before making a clone who nodded grabbing Ron and his buddies and shunshined with a flicker of black fire to the hospital wing but not before McGonagall who saw what Ron did spoke up barely holding her rage back at the threat against her crush. "55 points from Gryffindoor, and Slytherin and a weeks detention with me Mr. Weasely ." Ron protested but the clone shut him up leaving a smirking Hadrian and the girls.

The guy insulted some girls, and his punishment is pain, maiming, house point deduction, and detention. If Ron bounces back from this with another friendship delusion, I’ll have to add brain damage to that list.

Hadrian heard a hoot and looked up to see Hedwig in her phoenix form holding a letter for him. Curious as to what the letter was he gave her a piece of bacon getting a thankful hoot as he read the letter.

Dear Lord Hadrian Drakul Black

Hadrian i would like to inform you that your godfather Sirius Orion Black's trial will be starting in the next 25 minutes

And as we all know, mail arrives anywhere instantly, right? I mean, why would you want to know about this ahead of time?

He is surprisingly docile and cooperative as well as excellent company to chat with if you don't mind saying however it seems Fudge and Dumbledore have been notified and are doing everything in their power to prevent the trial from going on.

Why?! What do they stand to gain?! Can you at least make them have a point, author?!

Get here pronto spells look about ready to fly any second in this hearing chamber, the court is being very skeptical on the re-trial and are rejecting it hastily as if they have some ulterior motive.

P.S. I may need some help in the office and i think your assistance can be required...

Amelia Bones

Hadrian smirked with glee and happiness but raised an eyebrow at the last part knowing what that meant and shook his head knowing Susan is gonna gape like a blowfish and pocketed the letter turning to the others.

Harry was solicited for sex. What a shock.

"Girl's sorry to cut this short but i have a meeting to get to at the ministry my godfather Sirius Orion Black is meeting resistance at getting a fair trial, it seems Dumb-as-a-dodo and Fudge are trying to keep what they call a dangerous individual from being free and killing the last potter." Hadrian scoffed at the sheer arrogance from the ministry and Dumbledore, he's going to show them why he's a shinobi and a wizard.

The author gave him a permission slip, that’s why.

"Go then love we'll catch up later." Cho nodded with a smile and pink cheeks getting a wink before Hadrian vanished in a black flash.

"You know no matter how many times i see that i have to admit that's an awesome jutsu." Neville commented walking by getting agreeing nods from Cho and Lavender.

(Ministry - Court Room)

Everyone in the room was arguing with Fudge, Dumbledore and some toad faced woman in pink clothing being the absolute loudest, like take nails raking on a chalkboard for example and multiply it by 5 times and you get a lot of nasty headaches and deaf ears.

Take My Immortal, multiply it by whatever number you want, and it’s still going to be more interesting than this absolute trash.

Amelia thought she might start bleeding from the ears and if she did heads were so going to roll, she couldn't believe how thick headed Fudge and Dumbledore are they want to prevent Hadrian from having any family just so he won't be out of their reach it disgusted her and was so planning on sacking the bastard after this.

Every paragraph of this shitshow is utter nonsense. How is she suppose to sack the minister?!

A black flash entered everyone's vision and the aurors moved to combat the threat only for Hadrian's cold tone to ring out. "What's this i hear about my godfather's trial being challenged Fudge?" He walked out of the smoke with his cloak open showing he wore blood red crimson samurai battle armor like his ancestors with a black and white Gunbai on his back and a katana at his hip along with Godric Gryffindoor's sword strapped to his other side while his ancestor Naruto's headband was tied around his forehead.

He was told to rush there with all urgency, so of course he had time to play dress up.

"Welcome Lord Hadrian Drakul, Lord Black has been waiting for you." Sirius who was sitting in the chair looked happy to see his pup and had a wide eye'd look feeling the inhuman power rolling off of him and the experience to back it it. 'Dear merlin's beard Lily, James your son's power makes even Voldemort's pale in comparison!' He was having a field day knowing his godson was strong and his mind blanked out at one word.

Drakul...

'Well shit he's also a descendant of the very first true vampire Eu Sunt Dracul otherwise known as Gabriel Belmont.'

Oh, fuck me sideway. Gabriel Belmont? Now the author is injecting Castlevania: Lords of Shadow into this mess. Granted, it fits a whole lot better with Harry Potter than Naruto ever would, but I digress. The words ‘eu sunt dracul’ is not a name. It means “I am the dragon”, a statement Gabriel made in the post credits cutscene to reject his former name. A simple fucking google search would have told the author this. That aside, if Harry is an heir to Dracula as envisioned by Hideo Kojima, why is his last name Drakul instead of Belmont? Is ‘making sense’ something this story is simply incapable of?

He thought with a shiver knowing his godson put even Grindelwald to shame like it wasn't even funny and the cold look and tamed fury in his eyes was like that of a sleeping dragon waking up after being poked in the eye.

"See here young man-" Fudge eeped when Harry's tri-prong kunai flew past his head shaving off a part of his hat embedding into the stone wall behind him, everyone looked at Harry in shock at the apathetic look on his face.

Time for the thirteen-year-old demigod to put all those squabbling and unreasonable adults in their places. This is going to be painful.

"In case you don't know Fudge-san, i am the heir of the four founders of hogwarts, lord of house uzumaki, senju, uchiha, potter, black, emry's, peverell and Drakul meaning my political power and status outstrips yours by eons and when a meeting is started i expect to be informed next time is that clear Fudge-san?" Harry said in a silky calm tone with an undertone of malicious intent hinting that if Fudge didn't answer correctly bad things were going to happen to him.

That’s called assault, Harry. It’s illegal. Not that you’d fucking care.

Fudge sweated uncontrollably in fear and nodded so fast Harry thought his head would fall off before walking up to his Drakul seat sitting down crossing one leg over the other resting his head against a gloved hand.

"Carry on." Amelia shuddered in arousal at the sheer command in his voice and now knew why Susan was so gaga over him.

Because all that women want is a dominant man, right? A physical god to fawn over, to giggle and blush at their every word, and submit to in every way? Author, all these girls may have different names and looks, but they’re essentially all the same person. Would it bother you to diversify your bimbo stereotype deck?

"Sirius Orion Black." Sirius looked up in attention to Amelia who's eyes softened seeing the desperate look in the weary man's eyes at the chance to be free and with his godson, Harry noticed with narrowed eyes the sign of overexposure to dementors and physical beatings and gave blood chilling looks to the aurors beside Sirius who started to shake at the look from the young lord.

Sirius has been living, presumably for the last nine years, inside a private mansion in a compartment that Harry gave him, and he was in a rather chipper mood during the will reading. Did the author fucking forget?

Sirius was laughing his head off roaring with laughter. 'By god Lily he's got you beat when it comes to intimidating people it's that silent blood chilling stare he's giving them!' He saw Amelia having a twinkle of mirth in her eyes.

"Yes Lady Bone's?" Sirius said responded in a sane respectful tone this shocked some that were writing down notes with their quills noting Sirius Black wasn't a lunatic.

If that’s how easily you determine people’s mental states, author, then you’re the lunatic.

Amelia nodded in her head at the good start. "Were you there the night the potters were killed by Voldemort?" She asked with no flinching from the name shocking the dark aligned family's and a show of respect from the light aligned family's.

"No m'am i had just heard about what happened from Remus and i came running as fast as i could but when i got there Harry was the only one alive, i buried James and Lily."

“Why should a burial be any kind of ceremony anyway? I just dug a couple of ditches, threw some dirt on top of them, put down some rock slabs, and went on my way.”

Sirius lowered his head in shame sorrow weighing down his body something that Harry noticed and closed his eyes in sympathy for Sirius.

'You must have loved me very dearly to remain sane in Azkaban, you held onto the hope that you would be free one day to see my grow up, heh guess the fates aren't the almighty beings they think they are.' Harry thought with bitter vengeance.

‘Fates’ as anthropomorphic concepts are little else than saying there is a god out there with a plan for you. And they’re utterly superfluous in this story, because Harry exists.

"I-i allowed my own godson to be taken to those damned muggles!" Sirius's eyes lit up with rageful flames of disdain and hate that made even Harry raise an eyebrow at the fierce protectiveness but otherwise it touched his cold heart.

I’d like to touch it, too – preferably with the pointy end of a knife.

"The secret keeper was actually Peter otherwise known as Wormtail since it would've been too obvious if i was the secret keeper but it was then i realized the only way Voldemort could have found Godrics Hollow was if the keeper gave away the password." Harry's eyes became shadowed and spoke up this time.

"You said Wormtail was part of the marauders correct Lord Black?"

No. He didn’t. In fact, none of what you just said has ever been mentioned up until this point. What story does the author think he’s writing?

Sirius shuddered slightly feeling sorry for Wormtail since Harry made Lily look like a tamed kitten.

"Y-yes Lord Drakul." Harry nodded his face still shadowed by his bangs.

Then tell me..."Harry leaned forward exposing his Rinnegan glowing with power. "What was Wormtail's animagus form."

I’m surprised your 900 IQ ass didn’t figure that one out already.

"It was a Rat, my a Grim, Remus a Werewolf and James a Stag." Harry nodded and pulled out something that made Sirius narrow his eyes into an almost animalistic shade of yellow.

"You mean this rat that's missing a finger?" Harry tilted it slightly showing a missing finger but it soon began struggling in his grip only for Harry to grip it painfully getting frightened squeaks of fear.

Wait, Harry had Peter Pettigrew on him? When the fuck did he pull that off? How did he even know about him? If Harry had pulled Scabbers out of Ron’s broken hands after his previous bashing session, it would make sense. Here it’s just another asspull in a long line of contrived rectal excavations.

"You should be lucky i don't feed you to pet Basilisk, Wormtail but i dont want Lamia-chan to get a stomach ache from eating filth like you." Harry snapped his fingers and tossed the rat down to the floor and everyone watched as it slowly transformed into short pudgy man with missing patches of hair and a rat-like face.

"Peter Pettigrew!" Amelia and several others pulled out their wands while Dumbledore made his way down to the former marauder in an attempt to save him only for dementors to float in much to the confusion and fear of the board. "I Harry James Potter hereby use the power of the Peverell line to sentence this piece of trash to death by the Kiss." Harry's eyes turned a cruel blood red with a black scalera much to the shock and awe of the sheer cruelness of the teenager.

But Harry’s not a dark wizard at all, guys. Totally!

"Mr. Potter that is highly unnecessary!" Dumbledore found two words from Harry's shadow clones at his throat while the Dementors grabbed a screaming Wormtail dragging him to the booth where the dementors effects wouldn't affect the others and he tried to break free only ending up dragging his feet on the floor.

Dementor booth? Why do I suddenly find that to be the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever concocted, author?

Harry looked at Dumbledore coldly. "Amelia-hime be a dear and escort Lord Black to one of my private quarters here." Sirius perked up at that and was escorted by Amelia and Tonks before Harry turned to Wormtail with a cruel smirk leaving a parting remark.

Did everyone just forget that they’re in the middle of a trial?

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust...all death is mainly predetermined Wormtail and ever since that night your fate was always held in my hands, now spend the rest of eternity in the belly of the soul sucker." Harry walked through the closing doors as Wormtail's screams of death echoed.

Justice is served!

Forced, author. Like a ten ton truck through a picket fence labelled ‘logic’.

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Stay tuned for the next installation!

Please give long reviews and no fucking flames its irritating at the criticism from the readers who probably cant even do a decent godlike fic sheesh!

Yeah, and all those people who are against murder probably can’t even kill a man!

Hope you liked the lemon and sorry to disappoint those who were hoping harry or hadrian to be in slytherin but Hufflepuff Harry Potter fics are rarely even done

Ja Ne!



Shinku Kami No Arashi

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Done. I hope the author never gets the urge to put another word to this story. From start to finish, it was one long, aggrandizing, self-absorbed, nonsensical ego stroke to facilitate the author’s desperate need to embody every anime portrayed garbage power fantasy imaginable. Power, women, money; the grand trifecta of infantile avarice was fulfilled not even a quarter into the first chapter, and the author could not stop. Everything in this story revolves around the Marty Stu twisting the world around him to benefit him – be it getting women into bed or being a bully to anyone that doesn’t grovel at his feet. Worst about this is that the author is just parroting what he has read in other fanfics, and so this story is a symptom of everything bad in fanfiction rather than being a single crime against the written word. Good riddance. Thank you for reading my mock, I hope it was an entertaining read.