Inside Falls

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by GorillaGamer » Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:26 am

While this mock is mockable to me, it's wearing me a bit thin. I think I'll occasionally interchange this project with looking over my older mocks for any new chapters since I dealt with them. If any of them happen to be on this forum, they'll be updated, but otherwise my efforts will be for my Wordpress page only.
I understand how you feel; there are times where I struggle to come up with jokes and witty commentary for my mock of Divine Conspiracy. Best thing to do is to put it on hold for a few days or so, and you'll feel more refreshed when you get back to it.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
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Gorillagram only gets sexual stimulation from playing Pokemon Reborn and its derivatives.
A quote from Andrew himself

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Mar 02, 2019 12:55 pm

GorillaGamer wrote:
Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:26 am
I understand how you feel; there are times where I struggle to come up with jokes and witty commentary for my mock of Divine Conspiracy. Best thing to do is to put it on hold for a few days or so, and you'll feel more refreshed when you get back to it.
Well, true to your word, I did feel refreshed when I got back to mocking this, GorillaGamer. Now, not so much, but I'm still going strong. I'll probably do another chapter right after this one, but it will take time, considering how wordy these chapters are turning out. I had to split this chapter's mock into two post as well.

I know now a better way to address this fanfic to point out how it's not an AU. The term means Alternate Universe, taking the canon and making it divert, seeing how it plays out if things took a different turn, if the cast had different characters with new influence on the plot. Now, as it doesn't bear repeating, you and I know this thing is not an AU. It's a PU, and while I just realized saying that out loud only makes it more poignant, what I mean to say is that it's a Parallel Universe, with a focus on the parallel part. This story takes place in a bizarre, separate reality that's a warped mirror image, where despite having had no reason to do so or continue to do so, everything turns out the same as it does in the dimension we know and would rather stick with. In a PU fanfic, Batman lives out the entire life and actions of Serverus Snape without a change. In a PU fanfic, Commander Shepard still becomes a Spectre with stock backstory choices, despite aliens having visited Earth a hundred years ahead of time and all humans are Care Bears. In a PU fanfic, the events of Gravity Falls repeats scene for scene despite everyone in them are acting and appearing as something else or the direct opposite. Let's get to the laughs instead of being stuck in my rant, shall we? Here's Chapter 6, Many Charas.

On that Crystal Shack's sunset,the kind-of-too-young employers,Asriel and Lapis,were working for a party that would happen inside the shack.

Kind-of-too-young? Teenagers can earn wages, and Asriel is replacing an adult, author, you dummy.

Pearl was analyzing to see if the employers were doing a good job. While it,Chara and Frisk were sitting on a couch,with Frisk wearing a light gray jumper with a little cloud on the center,and a neck bow of light gray color.

"F-frisk...I'm feeling kinda sick...",Chara said,faking out a illness.

Already eating Buttercup flowers, I see.

She made a barfing pose and sprayed a colorful string at Frisk.

"Grauntie Pearl,you gave us bad food!",Frisk said,also faking feeling ill. She retributed the favor,spraying colorful string at Chara.

The twins briefly sprayed more colorful strings on themselves,sharing endless laughter and fake barfing noises. However,Pearl was far from being amused at their behavior.

Her attempts at perfecting her butterscotch-arsenic pie recipe had failed yet again.

"Guys! Help me! Something terrible is going on!",Lapis ran towards the Dreemurr twins,sounding afraid and scared.

At first,Chara and Frisk misunderstood it was something serious...but Lapis sprayed colorful strings faking it was barfing,and the three shared alot of laughter. Frisk threw upwards some snow white confetti to the air,and some of it even felt on Pearl's head. Pearl had enough,

She had killed a lot of monsters to get the ashes for that confetti, after all.

but at the same time,she didn't want to sound too strict,so she snatched the confetti and spray bottles gently.

"Sorry,but we can't waste away those things.",Pearl said in a strictly mother tone.

"Ms. Dreemurr,is this the birthday of someone?",Asriel asked. He was hanging up the colorful flags with the aid of stairs.

"",Pearl answered,approaching of Asriel.

"Last time I attended a birthday, it involved pie, a clown wig, and someone almost dying of old age, and I'm not going through that again."

"But I want to do something nice for the children.",Pearl continued with a motherly smile,as she opened a 'Pin-the-tail-on-the-Horse' on the game and showed it to Asriel.

"Cool!",Asriel happily said,his eyes sparkling of happiness.

"All the children will have fun here!",Pearl proudly cheered.

Now you are just confusing me, author. You've gone out of your way to paint Pearl as having the same motives as Stan, and now you have the money-hungry con-woman be generous out of the goodness of her heart?

Chara poured some orange soda to herself and,afterwards,to her little sister Frisk.

"I hope the kiddos get off they can't go to the Crystal Shack.",Chara commented,kind of bitterly,as she poured soda for Frisk.

You see, the kids typically go to the playgrounds to get off, also - where the fuck do you get your English lessons, author, at a brothel?!

"You should copy the flyers for me!",Pearl said. Then,Chara felt something hit off her head,and she moaned in pain,scratching the place that was affected. Frisk picked up the thing that hitted Chara's head: a flyer about the party on the Crystal Shack.

"Oh...we go to the copier store.",Frisk said in a calm-and-happy voice.

"They got everything,and they have everything on the copier store!",Asriel said,as he walked to the twins and made motions with his hands and arms. "Actually,they don't have a slogan. But this phrase would be a cool slogan!"

Yeah, it's such a good slogan that it promises to have everything, like the secret to eternal life, the other mystery books Chara still doesn't know exist, or maybe even a How To Make Slogans For Dummies that you could use, author.

"I actually have a copier on my office. And it is brand newly fixed!",Pearl explained for Asriel,Frisk and Chara.


Chara and Frisk found their way to Pearl's office. Then,they removed the sheet above the copier machine. The copier machine was actually...extremely old. It didn't look like it was fixed: it looked extremely smashed and old.

Say 'extremely' a few more times, dude, it paints such a perfect picture of all the details you don't bother to mention.

And some spiders crawled out of it once it was uncovered.

"Aww.",Frisk said. It was amazing how she managed to love all the kinds of animals,even insects and arachnids that most of the society saw as annoying pests or dangerous pests.

Which is really surprising, seeing that society seems to have embraced monster goats and living skeletons just fine.

With little difficulty,Chara lifted up the lid. It had a simple,rectangle-shaped space for the object to be copied be inserted in,and nothing of special.

"Lets hope it works.",Chara said,actually not feeling hopeful about the machine's capacity.

Chara pressed a button and,just for a test,decided to put her right hand inside it. She pulled her right sleeve and rested her right hand on the rectangle-shaped space. An orange light shined as her arm was scanned up. Out of the other side,came a paper copy of Chara's hand.

Because if she had decided to test it accidentally like in the canon, she would have ended up copying her butt instead, of course.

"It worked!",Frisk said happily,as she picked the paper.

However,the paper began to oddly vibrate. Frisk squeaked and dropped it in fear,going to Chara's back. Suddenly,Chara's hand came to life.

The vibrating paper, Frisk, and the rest of Chara's shambling corpse didn't know how to deal with this.

It had a duller color than Chara's real skin,and to make it even creepier,it began to get up in it's fingers to walk towards the two.

"Leave it to me.",Chara said,as she picked Frisk's orange soda.

Oh yeah, I'm sure Chara already knows all of Thing's weaknesses after watching the Addams Family.

Before the hand could approach them,Chara stepped hard on it,making it briefly immobile. Then,she threw the orange soda at the hand,making it burn and desintregate like a plastic object on fire.


It's moistened paper, author, you moron! Why are you like this? Why do you obnoxiously write things as the opposite of everything it's supposed to be and do, and then not even follow through or bear the consequence of the decision? With this it was just as valid had you said it glowed green, turned into a scale model of the Eiffel Tower, and then flew off to the sounds of bird calls, because it has the same amount of justification and logic you've managed to produce thus far!!

"...Woah. Frisk,I think this machine can copy the humans!",Chara said,staring amazed at the hand,that was now just a pile of black dust.

"W-what this means?",Frisk asked to Chara.

Pearl is enough of a cheap skate to get her printing paper from the sodium factory?

The two briefly paused...and Chara slightly teased Frisk by spraying a little of colorful string on her.

I am seriously considering making a counter for every mishandled Gravity Falls joke setup and execution that the author attempts to substitute. The only problem is that it would be every single one on the show.


Chara and Asriel soon reunited with Asriel and Lapis,at the request of Pearl.

Frisk had decided not to come, since Pearl had summoned Asriel twice.

"Okay,all the party people...and kind off my family...I'll decide the roles. Asriel,you'll be playing the DJ because I'm merciful to you and because the work is for free.",Pearl spoke.

Mercy! Because Undertale. It's a word reference, guys! The more forced it is, the better, am I right?!

"I won't make you regret this choice,Ms. Dreemurr!",Asriel happily said,inserting headphones on his head with a toothy smile.

"I hope not...Lapis and Frisk,you two work on the ticket stand.",Pearl continued.

"B-but Grauntie Pearl...I could try to make real friends this time!",Frisk said in a indignified and sad tone,remembering about the failed and disastrous attempts of friendship on the past.

"Didn't you get me a friend with literally no effort just a few days ago?"

Chara understood Frisk's sadness and decided that,for her sake,she would try and switch roles with her.

"I can work with Lapis.",Chara said for Pearl.

"Well,if you really want that,you must know about something: you can't get out of the ticket stand. It will be you two the whole night.",Pearl said,not believing Chara was one hundred percent willing to share the role with Lapis.

On account of her terrible flatulence jokes, of course.

Chara decided to reflect a little,but she accidentaly looked at Lapis,who was spraying Asriel's ears with colorful string,and laughing.

Because when looking towards a person that is the topic of conversation, of course it's accidental, otherwise it would just imply desire or something.

"I will do that.",Chara said to Pearl,ready to do anything to impress Lapis and,at the same time,let Frisk be free.


Chara was at her's and Frisks room,in-front of the mirror,adjusting a red headband on her head,that she would use instead of the yellow buttercup hat on that night. She turned to get the spray and use it,and surprisingly,she saw Frisk there.

I'm already getting a migraine warning with how the track record for this platonic-but-act-like-canon-love nonsense that the author has her Dipper-replacement do. This scene was used for Mabel to hammer in how obviously head over heels with Wendy Dipper is, and decry his list-making used to impress her. There are more episodes than this one with the plot solely revolving around how Dipper wants to get with Wendy, and every time it will be copied into this fanfic with a shot for shot reshoot in the author's Friend Zone Universe.

"WOAH!...Hm?",Chara said in a surprised voice,turning around to see her sister better.

"Greetings!",Frisk happily greeted with a innocent smile. Chara raised a confused eyebrow but just shrugged it off as Frisk being her very friendly self.

"I'll impress Lapis tonight,and you'll have the perfect set to see,sis.",Chara said in a slightly cocky voice,putting her hands on her hips.

Yeah, I'm sure selling tickets together to impress her will totally top that time you faced off against ghosts.

"...Chara? You're not thinking on weird plans,right?",Frisk asked,now feeling suspicious that Chara was being carried away by her brain.

"Pfft,it is as easy as cinnamon pie.",Chara scoffed off,as she unfolded a paper that showed a list. Despite her own words,Chara's list was long,with eleven steps.

Strangely enough, most of the steps just says 'Think of her as a friend'.

"Nothing will stop me if I follow all of those steps,one by one. Perhaps she'll even dance with me!"

"C-chara,you are sounding a bit too romantic here. And besides...where's the step that you should use to talk like a normal person?",Frisk asked,now really feeling that her sister was oddly sounding like she was in undeniable love instead of feeling desired to impress a older-sister figure.

Author, this is pissing me off with this being either an obnoxious 'it's friendship but I have to reuse dialogue' shtick, or you going for a 'is it just friendship or actually love' shtick, because neither one is how any of this works in fiction. We know through the narrative, explicitly stated so that Chara is not romantically interested in Wendy. Having Frisk keep insisting on the opposite is grating and more than a little bit problematic, seeing as she dumped Peridot for less.

Chara pointed to the 7th step,'Talk like a normal person',with a large and toothy smile on her face.

Step 8 says to kill everyone, but I think with this author's talents, she won't get past Step 1.

Frisk just sighed in deception.

Case in point.


The party just had began. Asriel was actually doing a good job on mixing the introduction of the song,and the disco ball was giving alot of colors for the room. Frisk was watching the room over a little balcony. She was now wearing a orange and purple hippie outfit,blue sneakers,and magenta earrings with that weird symbol of an X above a O.

What the author fails to describe is a circle with an 'x' overlain on it. I still don't get what's so special about this visual presentation on how to slice a pizza, but whatever.

Pearl approached Frisk. She was also wearing a party-appropriate outfit,slightly resembling a ballerina.

Because slapping on the already done to death, basic bankrupt impression of Pearl's starting mannerisms and character in this fanfic, that truly describes a party outfit, of course. You could even have made a nod at her actual form changes in the show to please your readers instead, author, what is wrong with you?

"You look vey bright. Like me!",Pearl said for Frisk,putting her arms on the hedge of the balcony.

"Sapping and sparkling-ing! Sapping...uh...",Asriel tried to sing,but he got 'locked up',and tried to reverse the song back to some seconds to try again.

I'm sorry, I wasn't hit on the head by a brick today, was I supposed to laugh at how you don't know what it means for a DJ to scratch a record, author?

...He was really locked up,since he repeated the same word two times.


Chara and Lapis were outside,busy with the ticket station. ...Busy enough to not notice out the fact that Aqua and Scott were wanting to get out of the party,beating on the window.

I guess the exit fee, that Stan would have been charging had he been here, was just reinforced by how much Pearl wanted kids to have fun tonight.

Lapis was also wearing a headband,and not using her purple hat.

You know, the hat that was never mentioned up until now.

"Step one...casual food question.",Chara said to herself,preparing up to follow the big list and impress out Lapis. "LAPIS I GOT A-...question for you. What kind of food you like?"

"Fish?...but gee,I can't choose which fish.",Lapis answered for Chara in the best way she could.

"Well,me too as...*COUGH!*",Chara said,her phrase interrupted by alot of coughing. She quickly looked at the list,trying to find the next step. Lapis was now genuinely confused.

Can't really blame her, when the author can't even replicate Dipper's fuckup of saying "No way, mine too.", when asking Wendy about snack food choices and Wendy replying that you couldn't pick just one. There was no fuckup here, aside from the proverbial fish-out-of-water author, who can't even reason why Chara has a coughing fit so that the canon-parallels proceed unaffected!!


"Woo woo! Just dance,and chill~",Frisk said,as she danced over the step floor.

Then she stepped over the dance floor.

Eventually,she tired out and decided to rest over a chair. She opened a water bottle and drinked from it,and just then,she noticed two girls who were sitting on chairs near her.

Oh dear, more crossover characters have been put on the sacrificial alter, here we go.

One of them was a chubby and slighly short girl of South American style with full lips,and brown hair with lavender colors on the tips. She had a amethyst gemstone necklace,black shirt,white shorts,dark lavender long socks with a star over it,and violet sneakers.

Hello Human AU Amethyst replacing Grenda. Can you tell me why no Human AU character can figure out how to dye their hair all the way through?

The other one was a slightly taller and slimmer girl of Indian-like style,

They are people, author, not action figures. I don't go around describing Dave Chapelle as an African-style person!

with a white and mint green dress,peach sneakers with white socks,and magenta glasses. Her hair was puffy,and dark brown,with her skin being just slightly brighter than her hair color.

And Connie Maheswaren from Steven Universe, conclusively needing to be as a version from before she even entered the show and met the titular character and learnt about magic. Can I keep repeating how pointless it is to include crossover characters that haven't even been shaped by their own universe, or am I the only one who thinks this author needs to supply me with new material?

After paying attention a little bit more,she discovered there was a little brown cat resting on the chubby girl's shoulder.

"Aww! You love felines like me! Well,greetings,I am Frisk.",Frisk said,happy about seeing a animal,and curious to know about those girls.

"Sup,I am Amethyst.",the chubby girl replied,in a laid-back and slightly older voice.

It was ancient in fact, having stolen it from McGaster's test tube stand.

Frisk thought that it was curious,but beautiful name. "That one is Connie.",she continued,motioning towards the brown girl.

'That one', huh? Should I start to question these subtle racist undertones?

Connie waved to Frisk with one hand,as the other hand was holding up a book with a crimson colored cover.

"What is this book about?",Frisk asked,curious about the book.

"It is a book of mystery and adventure.",Connie answered with a smile,showing the cover better for Frisk.

If you could perhaps describe the cover in detail to your readers, maybe you'd earn more than rounded down half points for references that go nowhere, author. And if it's the first book she was ever shown with, that was Catcher in the Rye.

The cat that was on Amethyst's shoulder bitted some of the popcorn from her bowl,and both Amethyst and Connie laughed together. Frisk couldn't believe it: she finally found out friends that weren't mythical villains,or toxic friends.

"...I found real friends.",Frisk said,feeling finally realized and really happy.

Fuck you, author. Not even Mabel confirmed friendship this quickly, and Frisk here knew Peridot longer before she could tell. You write these bland cardboard cutouts as idiots and crazies, just to have your little friendship pow-wow whenever convenient, which as far as I can tell is just window dressing and filler so you can excuse and balance out Chara's violence tantrums.

"Attention!",Asriel's voice ringed out,catching the attention of the three girls. "The one who hard?,and have the most applauses this night,will have the crown of the party!",he continued,holding a golden crown with sapphire crystals over it.

"Woah!",Amethyst and Connie said,looking amazed at the crown.

However,a nasty surprise for Amethyst and Connie,that was a curious surprise for Frisk,appeared: three girls approached Asriel's stand.

Another crossover character, how curious and nasty.

The most featured one was a blonde girl,even taller than Connie.

Dude, come on, you are hurting the backdrop characters' feelings.

The blonde's hair was curly,she had lavender eyes,a red cloth over her arms,and a outfit of peach and white color that looked like a princess. She was using a fluffly,peach colored handheld fan.


Could you perhaps tone it the fuck down with dumping whoever this is straight from the source material you stole her from, and pretend that she's actually supposed to be a rich girl going to a common party in the twenty first century, author?

"Crown of the party! I want this,thank you.",the blonde said for Asriel. She had a slightly annoying japanese accent.

"Who is her?",Frisk asked,raising a eyebrow,and wondering how almost all of the youngsters of the town with japanese knowledge or ancestry were evil.

Scratch that, stop being racist first. Yeah, I said it. You're two lines away from having Inside Falls equipped with a stereotypical China Town, because the Oriental Ruins were bad enough as it was. What even possessed you to remark on your own Asian splurging this way? How is it even relevant, or remotely plausible to conclude this? Frisk doesn't know whoever this is yet, and she's already labelled her Evil?! I already knew you couldn't handle complex characters and nuance, but fuck me, I didn't realize that extended into your characters too!!

"The most known girl on the town,Etoile Rosenqueen.",Connie explained,feeling a cold fear on her spine.



Some spoiled, rich girl from the Marl Kingdom series, being the version from the first game that was released in 2000, for the first PlayStation console. Author, I have mocked fanfics of obscure as fuck elements, where I made sure to elaborate to anyone who happened to not be a fan reading what I was commenting on, and here you decided to mix in a character from a franchise twelve years older than the only other source materials you actually bothered advertised to be involved in this fanfic! You can't even use your own impressions of these characters to your undeserved advantage in writing your story, if one needs to be Wikipedia incarnate to even have a chance at knowing half of these people, much less guess how they'd interact, had it not been blatantly obvious you aren't writing anything but an episode transcript meant for no one to enjoy!!

"She makes me feel kinda worthless...",Amethyst added,holding her right arm with her left hand and looking down with a nervous face.

"Oh golly...sorry,but only the winner of the competition can have it.",Asriel said,feeling nervous and confused,as he clutched the crown to far from Etoile's reach.

"...Oooooh-ho-ho-ho-hoooh!",Etoile laughed,putting her handheld fan on her belt and picking up the microphone of the table.

Excuse me, author, but evil Japanese laughs are supposed to go "Fu-fu-fu", get your racist weeb stereotyping right.

"Who will dare to compete agains't me? Book lady? Cat girl? Oh-hoh-hoooh!",Etoile taunted,laughing even more.

"Oh gee,Connie...",Amethyst said,feeling more afraid. She hugged Connie and the latter hugged back.

"We don't belong to this universe!",Connie said as she hugged back,even more afraid than Amethyst.

I don't even want to believe you had the cheek or wit for self-referential humor, author, because that statement is a detrimental fact to everything about your fanfic, which of course means that even if it was intentional, you thought it wasn't.

Frisk felt pity for them both,and she tried to think about a solution to make them happy. ...The first idea,that sounded risky but most obvious,was try to defeat Etoile on the partying contest. She calmly walked to Asriel's table with a calm smile.

"Hey,I'll compete here.",Frisk calmly said,snatching gasps from her two new friends. Then,she turned around to Etoile's direction to present herself. "Greetings. I am Frisk."

"This doesn't sound like a real name!",Etoile said in a surprised tone.

Oh, if only this author knew what meta humor was.

"I'll make you regret scaring them.",Frisk said in a tranquil fury,crossing her arms with a brave and determined expression.

"Alright! Let the better one win.",Etoile tauntingly said,as she walked away with her group of friends.

You know, the less featured ones.

"Don't worry guys,I'll bring her down!",Frisk happily said to her friends in a reasurring way. She would do her best for them.


"Woah,the party is going wild!",Lapis impressedly said,looking at the colored window to the inside room of the Crystal Shack.

"Let the crown of the party's fight kick in!",Asriel excitedly announced,as Frisk used her hip and hand dance moves in the best way she could. "Frisk is kicking in her determination! Etoile must be careful if she really want to win!"

She'll also have to transform into a different crossover character who isn't wearing a ball gown.

"I must go there!",Lapis concluded,as she and Chara looked at the window. "You will cover the station?",she asked to Chara.

"",Chara answered,unsure if she should,or could really do that.

"Thanks ma'am.",Lapis thanked,as she jumped over the diamond-shaped hole on the window and danced with extreme joy,feeling the spirit of the party over her being.

Chara was extremely distracted and sad,and almost forgot that there was people waiting to recieve a ticket.

And now Chara has to inexplicably feel mopey in order for the plot to continue. Do you have a single original bone in your body, author?

"I'll come back soon!",Chara warned to the crowd,throwing the ticket box at the crowd and running away. "Pearl won't notice if I am out of the ticket stand or not...right?",Chara said to herself,as she tried to sneak to the entrance door. Unfortunately,she was discovered by Pearl,who was crossing her arms and stomping her right foot angrily.

"Chara,please don't. You promised.",Pearl said in a scolding tone.

Who cares what she promised, she just threw the tickets to the crowd!

"...Oh...I did.",Chara remembered,walking back to the ticket stand,crestfallen. She looked at the window,looking at Lapis dancing,and sighed in sadness. "I just wished I could be in two places at the same time...",Chara said to herself.

And I wish this author would write a better fanfic, but oh well, be careful what you wish for, whatever.

Then,something startled on her mind as she remembered something.

...The copy machine!


Chara herself wasn't sure if it was the greatest idea ever,but nevertheless,she wanted to at least try. She laid on the table of the copy machine,pressed the button and patiently waited as she was scanned by the orange light.

From the other side,came out the first complete Chara clone. The paper vibrated and the clone got up,out of it. It was exactly like her,only with a duller color pallet,and oddly,wearing the buttercup hat,unlike the real Chara.

Which of course makes no fucking sense at all, but it's not like the author cares that she goes out of her way to shit on the involved fandom, just to act like she isn't copying everything from it and pretending it's not the same. Did this story just use the copier as a metaphor for itself?

" blush stickers are really big."

I'll punch you in blush sticker, author. Which I can't, because it's a TROPE NAME meant to address a character drawing style! Stop learning English off of TV-Tropes!

,Chara commented,as she looked at her clone,and climbed down. She and her clone stared at each other for a awkward time.

"So,well,heheh. Your first,ma'am.",Chara said. And the clone said as well. The two actually spoke at the same time.

It's called speaking in unison, author, and no language on Earth demands you use three sentences to describe the phenomenon, you illiterate hack.

"Hey,stop with those copycats! Hahahaha!",Chara and the clone said together,and began to laugh.

"I'll name you...Number Two.",Chara said,as she writted the number 2 on her clone's hat.

"...Nah,I didn't like it. I prefer...",'Number 2' said,not really liking her name,that sounded more like a codname.


Douche it is, because the number two in French of course sounds even less like a codename, you absolute moron!

Chara and 'Number 2',now clearly renamed as Deux,said together. The two nodded in agreement.

"Okay Deux,lets kick up the show. You'll cover me for the ticket stand,I will dance with Lapis.",Chara said,ready to really kick up her step list.

"I already know the plan.",Deux said with a smirk,as she pulled a dull copy of the same list Chara had written.

"Wait...are you one hundred percent sure I can trust you?",

How about you keep going until clone Soixante Six and find out?

Chara asked,now feeling nervous that Deux would betray her,like many clones from some movies she watched in the past.

"Pfft,Chara,you are talking with you!

Yeah, that's what has the little sociopathic troll concerned.

And besides,you can eradicate me with water.",Deux said,snapping her fingers.

Chara chuckled nervously,but soon,she returned the motion,snapping her finger and chuckling more freely alongside Deux.


Breaking this post in half here because it reached more than 60000 characters.

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Mar 02, 2019 12:58 pm

Continuing Chapter 7.

Chara and Deux thumbed up,before Deux began to distribute the tickets rightly,and Chara went to Lapis,to ask to dance with her.

I've already wasted my Murder Dance reference in an earlier chapter, so instead I'm going to lament my ire at this being a Human AU Steven Universe crossover, instead of something that could actually be interesting.

"Hey Lapis! I got someone to cover the ticket stand for both of us.",Chara explained,joining the dance with Lapis.

"Cool! If you want,you can hang out with me and Jasper.",Lapis said,also feeling happy,as she pointed to Jasper,who was holding up the guitar.

But Chara wasn't really happy. Jasper...she would screw up everything for her!

Yeah, she'll totally screw up how you just want to be an impressive friend, of course, and let's not even go into all the ways the author will write her to be friends with Lapis in this fanfic.

"Hey Jasper. You remember Chara from the shopping,right?",Lapis asked,remembering about the experience the three shared on the shopping cursed by the four colorful ghosts.

"Sorry,no.",Jasper said,clearly wishing to deny Chara's presence. "Hey,listen to that.",she continued,as she played up the guitar for Lapis.

Chara gasped,and she projected a fantasy about her idol,Lapis,rejecting her for such a strong but 'stupid' girl.

Let's talk about projections for a bit, granting the author a tentative benefit of the doubt that these were actual thoughts attempted to being conveyed, because it's all over the place right here. First of all, strength was translated as a quality Lapis of course would prefer, where never once was Jasper ever granted anything to describe her reliance on muscles, whereas in fact Chara trumped her in busting down a mall door. Second, never once has Jasper been portrayed as having less intelligence than anyone else. In fact, the author hasn't even managed to deliver half of the negatively laced impressions for Jasper, instead relying on the memory of Robbie. Half the time Jasper has come across as concerned, because sarcasm or hostile tones were not being used to describe her dialogue. And all of this projecting, the ham-fisted twisting of my suspension of disbelief intended to cement the 'Jasper-Buff-And-Dumb-Chara-Must-Impress-Wendy' melodrama, was set off by Jasper following the canon Robbie move of pulling out a guitar!! Did any of this even get filtered through a brain before being posted online?

She only woke up from her fantasy when she felt the phone on her pocket vibrating,and she picked it up.

"Greetings,its me,Dex. I also had a fantasy of jealously.",Deux's voice called out from the other side.

"We must eliminate Jasper from the path,or all the plan will crash down!",Chara said for Deux,before listening to Lapis calling to follow her and Jasper to sit on a couch. "Oh god,they'll sit on a couch! ...Hmm...I think I got a idea!"

Should I pretend it's not going to be stealing her bike, because the author didn't bother establish it either, or can I just keep mocking with my eyes closed?

"Same,but we'll need some extra aid.",Deux agreed. Since she was Chara as well.

Just remember that even if there are more of you, that doesn't add to your two-dimensional character.


Chara and Deux meeted themselves on the copy machine room,and Chara made another clone,numbering her hat with the number three.

"That is the part where you'll come,Trois.",Chara explained for the new clone.

"I'll be a bit damned...if Jasper punches me.",

Expecting physical retaliation for having her property stolen? That's only another reason to demonize this innocent character, right, author?

Trois said nervously,thinking on how it would be painful to recieve a punch on the face by Jasper.

"Yeah,she is tough.",Deux agreed,sharing Trois's conscience.

"Well,a fourth one will be needed.",

That way, both her fists will be occupied.

Chara also agreed,as she laid on the table of the copy machine room to make another clone of herself.

Unfortunately,the machine jammed widly. Deux pulled the paper out of it,and out of the paper,came another Chara clone. Unfortunately,the jam from the machine made this clone come all wrong,and deformed,in a paper style.

Origami just isnt what it used to be.

The Deformed Chara clone tackled Deux and hissed distorted noises.

"Oh my god! Is she okay?",Trois asked,feeling rather exaggerately worried about the Deformed Chara.

"I don't know. Shhhh,its okay little bud...",Deux answered Trois and comforted the Deformed Chara,who replied with more distorted grunts and roars.

"*sigh*...its gonna take a while...",Chara bitterly commented with herself.

Yeah, tell me about it. The previous scene marked the half-way point for this droll chapter.


The contest reached to its point: it was the time to sing. Etoile was the first one to go to stage,grabbing the microphone and preparing to sing.

🎵A dream...always.. .


Reality. 🎵

The singing was so loud that one of the plastic cups managed to be destroyed because of the voice intensity.

And broken joke meets immovable stupidity yet again, as the author wants to have a reality where we are to expect things to shatter at a shrill 'O'.

Frisk looked amazed,while Amethyst and Connie began to lose hope.

"I really wanted that my voice could be great...",Amethyst said,stunned and with hope slipping as she spoke.

And already the author has lost me on Amethyst temping as Grenda, by now spinning her self-worth issues to stick to paralagary - plagiarizing the parallel reality - and let this character worry about her voice, when she originates from a universe where everyone can fucking sing.

"Oh golly...Etoile is one step ahead!",Asriel commented,surprised about Etoile's performance...and with his ears inside hurting a little.

"Try to beat the center of the attention!",Etoile challenged Frisk,handing the microphone to her and turning her head to Amethyst. "And also,Amethyst,your voice is too tomboyish to sing."

"I would AMBUSH you!",Amethyst angrily said,clenching her fists.


Because using referential, one-off dialogue in a different context is truly how you recapture and emulate a particular spark from the source material, in order to make readers enjoy the crammed, incompatible, Frankenstein-esque pet-project of an amateur writer who has never read a book in English.

But before this could really happen,Connie stopped her by putting her hand on her left shoulder.

"Its not our end yet,my friends! Watch this.",Frisk said in a hopeful,leaderful tone,and ran to the stage. "Azzy! Bring up the most wild song you have on CD!",she said to Asriel.

No, Frisk, you can't, you know that the Leva's Polka is forbidden!

Asriel picked up the CD from a music called 'Don't Stop Me Here',and inserted it on the CD player. Frisk took a deep breath,and focused out. She bringed the microphone to her mouth and danced widly as she sang wildly as well.

And she thought wildly, and she looked wildly, and she swallowed wildly, and it was so wildly guys.

🎵DON'T,stop me HEEERE! I won't have a bad time,

I'll have a ball of fun!

DON'T,stop me HEEERE! I wanna have a good time,

For me and you!

DON'T stop me,cause I'm having wild fun!

DON'T stop me,YES I'm having a wild fun,


That. Was. Not that bad, actually, author. I could have done without the done-to-death 'bad time' reference, but you picked Don't Stop Me Now by Queen, redid it like the show did to produce Don't Start Un-Believing, and turned out a wrong but recognizable, awkward parody that's worth a decent chuckle at karaoke songs. Now, for the sake of literary decency, could you please stop applying the same method to your entire fanfic?

Everyone got wild because of Frisk's performance,and cheered for her...except,obviously,Etoile,who was extremely angry.

Must be because she has no elbow room in these sentence structures.

Chara approached of Asriel while Etoile was busy,and Asriel nodded in agreement.

"Guys? A orange and crimson bike was just stolen! The owner of it will need to go outside.",Asriel announced for the crowed.

"WHAT?",Jasper screamed in disbelief. She recognized this description clearly,because it was her bike.

And it was really odd that Asriel knew that, since she had left the bike locked at home.

When she checked the window,she found out the Chara's clones Trois and Quatre ran away with the bike,giggling like lunatics.

You'd have to be a loon to run off with a bike instead of driving away on it, yeah.

Jasper ran after the thieves. It was the perfect chance for Chara now,and she didn't waste any second: she ran to the couch Lapis was in and sitted on it.

"Oh my,I wonder who are those horrible thieves!...they aren't me. And I know that.",Chara said,trying to act the most casual and unsuspicious.

"Well,now we'll take a break. Here comes the music!",Asriel said,scratching the back of his head and putting a new music.

Yes, let's pause the party by putting on more music - what?

"Woah,this sounds amazing.",Lapis complimented the music,swinging her head to its rhythm.

It's the latest hot-selling album, 'Elevator Tunes - Greatest Hits'.

Chara felt something poke her arm,and turned down to see her little sister there. Chara,curious to know about what Frisk wanted to tell to her,climbed down the couch and unapproached of Lapis.

"Its your chance to dance with brave,sis.",

"I just wanted to cock-block you so I could get to say that."

Frisk said for Chara in a encouraging way.

Chara,whoever,was struggling to even try to approach her personal idol. Eventually,she began to hysterially and awkwardly laugh,and she ran away.

You could have gone with nervous laughter, author, but no, once again, we have to dive straight on to crazy town because any emotion nearing subtlety is inexistent in this reality.


Chara and Deux were now on Chara and Frisk's bedroom,pacing around each other with their hands on their backs and a thoughtful face.

"I absolutely agree. Dancing with her will be suicide.",Deux said,in a thoughtful tone.

Then by all means, cut a jig.

"The dancefloor is a...minefield of death.",Chara added,agreeing with Deux,or with herself.

As opposed to the much more prolific minefield of life.

Deux and Chara,eventually,discussing about the possible dangers,decided that would need more help. And Chara...flicked enough boogers to produce another ellipses, and then made six more clones of herself to execute a master plan to stop all that would be on her way.

Soon,Chara's clone Six ringed a bell,that indicated it was the time to Chara to act.

"Its your cue. Good luck on making her dance,partner me!",Deux said for Chara,already knowing about all the plan.

"Nah,I don't need- AH!",

Don't need what, doofus? A substituted word the author couldn't figure out to jam in, when the sentence before didn't involve the word 'luck' or even the remote context of you having anything that you wouldn't need?

Chara said,as she turned and walked to the corridor. But suddenly,she faced Lapis herself,and screamed in shock and surprise. The Plan B failed.

And they went through so much for this one, what with all the nothing beyond approaching Wendy the author bothered to write! What's even the point of the clones if they aren't going to do anything, author, you lazy ass?! Fuck, it's less text for me to read, why am I complaining?

"W-what you are doing here? You won't be on the dance floor? I mean,its almost about time...",Chara asked,feeling extremely awkward,since all her plan was crushed to the ground.

"I'm waiting for the bathroom here,pal.",Lapis replied.

"Oh...",Chara nodded in agreement. She picked the list and decided to tore it off,since it wouldn't be useful anymore. "I don't feel a tall pride anymore...",Chara said,laughing away her own shame.

I don't even know where the hell you want to go with that sentence, but it certainly wasn't the moral of the lifted story, seeing as the list is just trashed ahead of time, because the author can't bother to let these two bond and show the list isn't necessary despite Chara still having it. It's getting worse. How can this fanfic be getting worse?!

"...That actually reminded me of something.",Lapis said,as she pulled something from her jean's pocket and showed it to Chara. It was a picture of,apparently,a younger version of her,with brown hair,hands on the hips and a bored expression on her face,and two more female children,with only a boy as the second oldest. "This is my brother,those are my sisters,and the tall one is me."

What an impressive retread, forced to the point where Chara had to wedge in the word 'tall' to start the scene born from Dipper and Wendy poking fun at someone of abnormal height. And then the author can't even describe how tall in comparison Lapis is supposed to be to her siblings in the photo, which was the entire fucking point of this moment! It's amateur hour, twenty-four-seven with this author!

"Woah,what a anoma-",Chara was about to tease,before she stopped herself.

Ah, yes, anomaly, truly the fitting word that all the school yard bullies and people on the internet will use to tease you with, you repeat-offending abuser of the English language!

"Mmhmm.",Lapis agreed out,much to Chara's surprise.

"Actually,my real name was used in bullying because of a birthmark I have.",Chara said,recollecting some nasty memories from the depth of her mind.

"Birthmark?",Lapis asked,her eyes sparkling of curiosity.

Are you fucking with me? Now the author wants to dump pity points on Chara, by inverting the fact that Dipper owning the nickname he got for his birthmark, by spinning Chara to having gotten teased for a birthmark correlating with her name?

Chara lifted the bangs of her hair,showing up a curious birthmark of red color located on her forehead. It looked like the star called Beta Canum Venaticorum,a star that was also known as Chara.

"The Beta Canum Venaticorum!",Lapis said,surprised about the mark. "That is why you are teased! I thought it was just because you were a freak...just like me."


A star! A glowing dot in the sky! A dot that is colored yellow and dim, by the way, that the author wants to connect to a red dot on Chara's forehead! Pimple-bitch here, we are to believe, is being made fun of because of an obscure star name from one out of eighty eight constellations, this particular one named Canes Venatici, meaning 'hunting dogs'. And then the author shits out Lapis with a nonsensical follow-up, thinking it completes the topic and even remotely connects what Triclops here was talking about, missing the mark by stating she thought Chara was a freak before the reveal. Dipper's birthmark, in being shaped like something recognizable, is important and can be altered to fit, but the author, in her desperation to make ends meet, kept going with the theme of constellations and navigated to this result through Google. A dot in the sky with the same name, therefore a round blemish that no one could distinguish from anything else must be the dead giveaway for this star, of course! People would call her egg-face before something as stupid as thinking it somehow detrimental to be sharing a name with a star, author, you numbskull!!

Lapis and Chara clinked their cups and laughed together. Then,they saw the door opening,and Etoile coming out of the bathroom,with a angry face. Lapis and Chara silently agreed between themselves that,even if they barely knew her,they saw she had a pepermint temperment.

Because the flavor of someone's temperament is something you can agree on silently, of course, mostly because the dialogue didn't exist in the canon as this never fucking happened and the author just wants to demonize her antagonists.

"Give me some time.",Lapis said,going to the bathroom and closing the door.

For some seconds,silence ruled the corridor,until some noises echoed on the room. Chara turned around,and saw all of the clones she created. And they weren't a inch happy.

The clones have evolved to use the superior metric system.

"Guys,you won't believe what happened.",Chara said with a chill smile,ignoring her clone's anger. "Lapis and I are actually chatting pretty well!"

"This is not the plan.",Deux coldly said,as all the Chara clones opened their own copies of the list,and readed all of the list's steps.

Fitting, since with the author's revamp it's one step for each to announce before dancing with Wendy.

"Why care about the plan? I think talking to her like a normal person already works. And...I destroyed the list.",Chara said,revealing to the clones the destruction of the list she made.

All the clones gasped in surprise and horror. And soon,they growled angrily,and tackled Chara. Chara tried to push them far from her,but they overpowered her,pulling her trough the corridor as she screamed for help. But nobody came.

Could you stop being an Undertale spam-bot for two seconds and use actual normal words and sentences?!


Eventually,Chara was thrown into a closet.

The clones fighted to see who would dance with Lapis.

Chara took the chance to escape.

But she was caught.


Getting a bit fatigued in ripping off the entire plot of an episode, author? Good.

"Face it Chary. You are all done.",Deux said,crossing her arms with a evil smirk.

And we are right back at the corridor where the previous scene left off. It's almost like we didn't need the scene skip either.

"Wait!...we are pratically a same mind,and a same soul. We fighting would be me go to the oblivion.",Chara said for her clones.

And all of them agreed. It was over,right?...actually,Chara tricked them,as she punched Deux.

Soon,the clones began to fight between themselves,forgetting to hurt the real Chara. Chara even almost tricked them into thinking she was Sept,but the '7' mark on her hair felt off,and she was cornered. But she gave a end to it,using a party popper and activating the sprinkler on the room.

The Mystery Shack then burned down to the ground in the ensuing combustion of the napalm paper clones.

Water felt over the clones,and they began to melt. Their faces quickly distorted to black,deformed evil smiles. They teased Chara before meeting their final end.

...Wait...someone was missing...

A narrator worth a damn, if you ask me.


Frisk was enjoying a twirling dance on the dancefloor of the party. Asriel was making some sword slash noises with a violin,

Still better than dubstep, so I'll take it.

promising that he would announce the winner of the crown of the party. Frisk stopped and walked alongside Etoile.

"Etoile,no matter who will be the winner...I want to say it was super fun.",Frisk said in a respectful tone.

"My,you are a so honorful opponent!",Etoile complimented Frisk. "Clap for the weird girls? Pfft,I bet they won't."

"I respect you, but also fuck you."


Chara and Deux fighted and punched themselves,but since there was no more clones left,Deux was overpowered.

Even when being equals, the Mary Sue still wins over her clone.

"Have mercy! L-let me dance with Lapis!",Deux screamed,now sounding weak and extremely scared.

"NO!",Chara screamed with anger,preparing her fist to bring a strong attack on Deux.

But before a strong blow could be landed on Deux,a extremely playful and joyful laughter of Lapis catched Chara's and Deux's attention equally. They found out the two were too late,and Lapis was again distracted by Jasper. The two sighed in sadness and sitted down,hugging their knees.

"...Hey Chara,wanna grab some orange soda?",Deux suggested to Chara with a half-hearted smile.

"You just literally and willfully tried to murder me with violence, but let's share a drink."


"Let the votes for the winner start!",Asriel cheered on the microphone,as he reunited Frisk and Etoile on the stage and Etoile's friends cheered for her.

"You'll get ball up,Frisk.",Etoile said for Frisk,with a furious face that awakened a inner fear on the heart of the young girl.

I don't know what either of those two sentences are supposed to mean!

"First,the claps for Frisk.",Asriel said,picking a paper with two meters. One for Frisk,in blue color,and other one for Etoile,in peach pink color.

The crowd applauded loudly for Frisk,which surprised her and Etoile. It was like Frisk was the most popular girl from Inside Falls,instead of Etoile.

"Woah,it almost hitted the maximum!",Asriel impressedly said,noticing Frisk's bar was almost entirely filled up.

Yeah, sure, the bar filled up on the piece of paper you are holding up - Asriel, did you snort some 'Determination' before you started DJ-ing?

"Well,now,its time for the claps of Etoile!"

...Ironically,everybody was afraid of applauding for Etoile. Etoile glared at the crowed in fury,and they slightly applauded faster for her.

They were so scared of her, that making them even more scared made them do it anyway.

"Oh no! We are tied up! Someone must turn the tables for one of them.",Asriel said,noticing that Frisk's and Etoile's bars were filled up equally,with only a line in the way of each of their victories.

There isn't a max-line in a voting poll, dumbass.

And also,Etoile wouldn't accept defeat,or even a tie. She looked around for a crowd member that didn't clap yet. Then,she spotted Gaster Wingdings politely slepping on a chair,and climbed out of the stage holding her dress' tips. Afterwards,she carefully putted a dollar on his lap,waking him up and making him pick it.

The author truly wasted this character. Gaster would have been perfect as Bill Cipher, or an even better role superseding it and eliminating the author's canon-ripoff. The man speaks in Wingdings font, which could have been the perfect opportunity to follow the show's cryptograms, to hint or play to the readers in confrontations that go over the protagonists' heads, by introducing a meta-aware, reality-threatening antagonist, like other actual dedicated fan-works of Undertale out there manages to pull off.

"My,thank you,young lady!",Gaster said with a smile,clapping for Etoile and breaking the tied situation of the contest.

You do know how clapping works, right, author? Displaced air from palms increase the sound of the two hands being forced together. And you just had Mr. Holes-in-his-hands clap.

"Oh golly...I think we finally got a real winner...",Asriel said,feeling disappointed. Deep inside,he was cheering for Frisk,and he felt pretty saddened up that Etoile was the winner. "The Etoile Rosenqueen.",he reluctantly continued,giving the crown to Etoile,since he himself wasn't tall enough to put it on her head.

You never established any detail about Asriel until now, author, besides the fact that he's replacing Sooz, a grown man-child, and he can own his own boat and carry two twolve-year-olds. Stop retconning things without realizing it, would you?

"Oooh-hoh! Thank you! Thank you so much! We should celebrate at the air with my parents!",

Just don't inhale, that air is only for rich people.

Etoile happily cheered as she crowned herself.

The crowd carried Etoile,shouting and cheering up her name. Only Amethyst and Connie were left. Frisk felt heartbroken: she failed for her new friends,friends that could be real friends,not false or toxic friends.

For fuck sake, shut up, My Little Pony isn't even this obsessed or hyperbolic about Friendship!

"...I failed you two...I...understand if you want to abandon me.",Frisk said,in a almost-crying tone as she removed the purple bandanna from her head and looked down,crying some tears.

"Please,don't cry. We'll make a consolation for you!",Connie said,going to Frisk and wiping her tears for her.

Who wants to tell the author that this response in no way indicate to anyone that they still want to stay friends with Frisk? I'm starting to question this author's real-life social circle experiences.

"R-really?",Frisk said in a surprised tone,her eyes sparkling like little stars.

"We will ask to our moms if we can make a sleepover with you. You are almost a rock star!",Amethyst said with a happy smile.

"And I have more amazing books.",Connie added with a smile,pulling another adventure book from her bag and showing its cover for Frisk.

"G-Guys! You are the best!",Frisk said,her happiness raising again as more tears felt from her eyes. But now,they were tears of pure joy.

Because everything is better when exaggerated, right? Anger must be relentless fury. Sadness must be deep despair. Happiness must be irrational waterworks of joy. All impact is lost the more forceful this author attempts to hammer it in!

"We don't have many friends,like Etoile,

I'm going to stop you right there, you dialogue-twisting pleb. Your Pacifica Northwest substitute, if needing to fill that role, doesn't have many friends, author. She's popular out of wealth. There's a difference, and I hope you realize why.

but I believe if we get each other's back,we are happy.",Connie said,adjusting her magenta glasses.

"Azzy! Bring a new song,to celebrate friendship!",Frisk said with a hopeful smile for Asriel,who didn't yet turn off the audioboxes.

"Okay Rose. Here we go!",Asriel replied with a thumb up,inserting a new music on the CD player,as Frisk,Amethyst and Connie danced together in extreme joy.


Chara and Deux were on the roof of the Crystal Shack,on the hidden area of Lapis.

Kinky. It's probably also where they'd want to be if they were a bit older, and this author didn't solely have a boner for friendships.

Each of them with cans of orange soda,staring at the stars of the night.

"...I wished I could grow up...",

Where it counts is that all your behavior shows it's a choice you have yet to take, brat.

Chara said,for both Deux and the stars. Curiously,a shooting star felt from the sky,like she was making a wish.

This, and the hollow thud of the author's attempt at an important, overarching warning for Inside Falls itself, will never have an impact, however. What has the author shown that it would, I ask you?

"Don't worry,I bet it'll be realized.",Deux said in a reasurring tone for Chara.

"Yeah...and I'll probably learn for the next time I'll try to get Lapis attention.",Chara agreed,turning to Deux.

Chara and Deux opened their soda cans,touched their cans,and drinked them. ...Unfornaturely

It's great that you can invent a word that describes itself.

,both Chara and Deux forgot that clones made by the copy machine were weak to liquid,and a hole formed up on Deux's belly. That meant that her time on the mortal plane was ending.

For having one of them bursting into flames, this seems like an oddly calmly paced moment to them.

Chara immediately gained a worried face,but Deux looked relatively calm,like she knew she already would foolishly bring her own doom.

"Deux! No!...please don't die...",Chara said,her voice breaking down and some tears escaping from her black-baggy eyes.

"Its okay. I was the one who foolishly choose to die.",

"The author just told the readers that, so of course I felt that I had to say it out loud too, just to be on the safe side."

Deux said with a reasurring,calm tone. However,her body was beginning to melt,starting from her feet.

"B-but what will I do?",Chara asked for the dying Deux,her voice fighting in with her own soobing.

If it's taking this long without any burn damages to the shack, the roof must be covered in asbestos. Which actually wouldn't surprise me that much, come to think of it.

"Be less embarrasing around Lapis. ...Well,goodbye.",

What marveling last words of wisdom. Be less embarrassing around Lapis. When has Chara even managed that much in this fanfic?

Deux said in a serene and encouraging voice,even trough she was aware her own torso was already in mid-melting,and her arms was also dipping. Deux tried to speak more,but her body melted more and more,and her speech became as incoherent as the one from Deformed Chara.

Deux died,in the way of the clones from the copy machine.

And the author wrote this fanfic in the way of the copy machine, too, only pouring water on it won't destroy anything but my computer.

"...Deux...",Chara said,in a whispery,sad voice. "The only one who understanded my feelings.",

She also spoke your garbled language, shared your blood-lust, was equally pretentious, and why should I care if you happened to down a can of hydrochloric acid, exactly?

she continued,as she poured some orange soda over the liquid remains of Deux,believing it was the only gift she could use as a 'Thank You'.

Have you seriously never heard of 'pouring one out', author? What planet is Brazil from?

She jumped down and went to the door of the Crystal Shack,drinking the last remains of the orange soda and opening the door to enter inside. There,she found Grauntie Pearl calmly counting the dollars,

Which all the thankful children, who she only wanted to do this for to please them, gave to her as thanks, of course.

Asriel with the musical tools,Frisk and the two new friends she made and...Lapis. Chara wouldn't let Deux down. She would try to honor her request the best way she could.

She immediately scratched off 'slipping on a banana peel' from her already torn up list to emphasize how off track this author is about the moral of the story.

"Hey Chara! Where you have been?",Frisk called for Chara,catching her attention. "I have real friends this time.",Frisk happily announced,pointing to Amethyst and Connie. Chara couldn't help but smile at her little sister's joy there.

Chapter done, and this was yet another draining one. I'd argue I guessed two-third right what with Etoile being the Pacifica replacement, but I might have lost my touch, since the author is occasionally and yet unimpressively insane with her crossover choices.

On to the prediction for next chapter then. Impure Little Delight? What? Irrational Treasure is what's next on the canon list, so this just bodes all sorts of ill omens. Fine. The twins go out to uncover a secret conspiracy about the town founder who is related to Etoile, while dodging the cops and finding the real founder at a racist version of Pioneer Day. And just to not play it safe, I'll guess that the Eighth-and-a-half President will be replaced by a crossover character from a universe set in Feudal Japan.

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Mon Mar 18, 2019 1:56 pm

This story is stuck. Stuck in an AU, stuck in the canon, stuck in the author's mind from which it barely escapes with grammar and details enough to be coherent. I refuse to believe that the popularity of Undertale AUs stems from the thought that you can just rebrand a story while changing nothing about it in the process. Fanworks of Undertale, of what little and not much I have taken a gander at, sticks to a plot railroad, true, but the tone, subplots, characterization, and overall theme is changed. For instance, take Underfell AUs - yes, these things are unto themselves fandom collaboration projects, rather than individual pet hobbies. In this take on the AU, the moral compasses of everyone but the fallen human is flipped. Flowey is nice and helpful and all monsters are evil. The human still tries to befriend everyone. Same setting, same characters, same beginning and same goal, but the narrative puts forth the question how the fallen human would persevere against the odds and opposition of a malicious underground. Compare that to this fanfic. Granted, whether it has changed over time or always been acknowledged as such on Wattpad in opposition to TV Tropes calling it a fusion fic, this fanfic is presented as a 'Gravity Falls Crossover Role AU', but the point is the same of how AUs work. If you change the cast, whether it be their alignments or swap them out entirely, things are supposed to be different because of it. Otherwise, why bother? Nothing is different, nothing is changed. Not the theme. Not the moral alignments. Not even the fucking dialogue pacing. Well, arguably the language has changed, and the overall intelligence of the universe these people inhabit, but let's not mince words. The point is, had I wanted to relive Gravity Falls where the characters names are hard to keep track of, they talk funny, and their actions don't add up as it goes along, I'd get a much better experience simply rewatching the show while drunk off my ass. Moving on. Here's Chapter 8, Impure Little Delight.

For a reason Chara and Frisk didn't really pay attention too,Pearl had to do something around the Inside Falls town,and she decided to take the two young twin girls with her car.

The author was too scared of being original to think up a reason, but still felt the need to draw attention to that fact.

Chara was eating a ring-shaped candy with a sour-sweet sugar and fruit flavor,while Frisk was eating good,but excessively salty potato fries of the thin and crispy kind.

When authors think snack habits define character traits.

Frisk,eventually,got tired of the over-saltiness of the potato fries,and decided to put them over her head,like it was some kind of flower crown.

"Heh...I look cute! I guess.",Frisk said,looking at herself from the car's window,just not moving her head to not drop the potato fries on her head.

Nacho earrings are in the realm of plausibility, as I've seen weirder stuff hanging from people's ears, author. Wearing greasy junk food as a hat is retarded even in comparison.

"Yeah,just guess.",Pearl agreed with Frisk's ambigious opinion. Then,she noticed something on the streets. "Wait...there's alot of traffic...of covered wagons carried by horses...wait...NO! NONONONONO it isn't happening!",Pearl suddenly said in a hysterical panic,stepping foot on the gas pedal to stop the car.

Welcome to opposite land, folks, we won't be here for long, and by that I mean we'll be here forever.

"What is it,Grauntie Pearl? Some kind of monster?",Chara asked,in a sour,uninteresed but yet playful tone.

The word you are looking for is 'facetious', author, go get a beta reader, for fuck sake.

"It is SERIOUS,Chara! We must get out of here!",Pearl said,her hysterical panic growing even more as she tried to find a escape from those covered wagons. Unfortunately,she soon found out the covered wagons were blocking her way,in a circle shape. "No! We are CAGED! NOOOO!",Pearl yelled,when she realized she was trapped.


Really, author? You drew substitution character trait commonalities from Uncle Grandpa?

Frisk looked outside,spotting a adult light brown horse looking at her.

"I think the best outcome will soon come.",

I'd have to then ask what fanfic you are reading, because this can't be it.

Frisk commented for her grauntie and her older twin sister with a smile,patting the horse's nose.


Chara,Frisk and Pearl had to climb out of the car and walk trough the town with their own feet,since the many covered wagons weren't giving space to the cars. Chara and Frisk weren't sad over it,since walking and getting fresh air was part of why their parents sended them to Inside Falls. But Pearl was very angry because of it.

What amazing insight we have to the author's mindset. "Hmm. They got out of the car and have to walk yet don't seem sad about it so I must remark on it with a reason as to why. I know, I'll have it be because of decisions made by their helicopter parents."

Curiously,the main street of Inside Falls was prepared for some kind of celebration. Which kind? Chara and Frisk didn't know. The two only knew that the town was now on a old fashioned and slightly more duller brown style,like they just time traveled to the 70's or the 60's. Or,as well,like they time traveled to the 1800's.

Because the 1960-70's colorful hippie-Woodstock period and the 1800's are just so alike, right down to the sepia tone. I weep for the author's history teacher.

"Woah,that is awesome.",Chara said,impressed about the age possibilities of the town for it to be celebrated on a outdated style.

Chara picked up a postcard with a friendly message of 'Welcome to Inside Falls!',but just looked at it for some seconds. When she lowered it,she found herself looking at a sepia-colored Inside Falls. ...Actually,no. It was just a glass mimicking the old color style that was too near her face.

Visual jokes in written medium. The only thing more amazing than that the author thinks this is entertaining, is that someone is probably enough of a mouth breather to actually be entertained by it.

"*sigh* The 'wonderful' foundation day.",Pearl said,with a sickened and sarcastic tone on her voice. "All the years they celebrate the foundation of Inside Falls with those outdated fashions."

"1863,welcome back!",Kaito's voice suddenly ringed in,with a old-styled accent. He was also wearing a old-styled outfit with a hat as well.

"Stop with that,or I'll kick your legs off!",

"I should never have let your ancestors settle in this valley!"

No, seriously author, you are missing out on so much fun and interesting turns and characterization by not having actual genuine Steven Universe elements over a boring Human AU rendition. What if the Crystal Gems in this universe worked to keep the weirdness of Gravity Falls in check and contained? There's even a fucking space ship buried in the valley, what possessed you to not grab this opportunity?!

Pearl yelled in a angry voice to Kaito,menacingly posing in a style that wouldn't look out of place in a kickboxing match. This caused Kaito to fearfuly squeak something in Japanese,and run away,just to stumble into a barrel.

Frisk and Chara looked and pointed at the many activites the townsfolk were doing to celebrate the Foundation day,including iron panning and candle dipping. And...weirdly,they saw a lady marrying a male wigeon bird. Even for Frisk,a extreme animal lover,it was extremely weird.

Ah, sweet innocent youth, at that time where one doesn't yet know what a furry is.

"What is going on?",Frisk asked,raising a curious eyebrow.

"Oh,I once readed it on the book.",Chara explained for Frisk with a smile,as she opened the mysterious book with the three number and the two gemstones for the cover. "In Inside Falls,marriage with wigeons were a normal tradition."

Because the guy marrying a woodpecker happened, we now have this. And the author couldn't even reference Hatoful Boyfriend while doing it, how disappointing.

"It is still a normal...normal tradition.",the same lady who just married a male wigeon explained for the young twins,happily walking away with her 'husband' resting on her arm.

Bestiality, you know, for kids.

The voice of the announcer called the townsfolk for the opening ceremony,and of course,interest sparkled on the young Dreemurr twins. The two arrived on the town just for a fresh summer,but yet,it sounded nice for them to understand and learn more about the local culture,and not just the paranormal and mysterious side of the town.

No one can have a casual interest in the things around them, they must be invested nerds at all times.

"Grauntie Pearl,wanna come along?",Frisk asked for Pearl,slightly hoping she would change of idea.

"No and no,thanks!",Pearl angrily replied,and just after answering Frisk's question,she realized she was talking with her nieces,and decided to soft up a little her tone.

She had for no reason in particular been under the impression, that she was talking to the agent that got her into this fanfic.

"...Just please don't come back to the Crystal Shack with this accent,or else you won't have nice food for lunch."

Oh my, what a threat. They'll just have to eat Frisk's hat that still stays on despite her previous concern to risking it falling off.

"Heh,lets pang-wangle with that,Frisky!",Chara said,trying to mimic the accent of a person of the 1800's.

"Yup,big sis. Gigglemugs forever.",

They are twins, so stop injecting your big sis adoration desire projection into your would-be self-insert, author.

Frisk replied with a soft smile,also trying to do the 1800's accent. She and Chara playfully hitted each other's arms with their elbows and walked away smiling and giggling.

"...No nice food for lunch.",Pearl angrlily said for herself,noticing that Chara and Frisk broke the 'law' she inputed for them.

And I've already realized that the author thwarted her own opportunity in prior chapters to involve Together Breakfast. Why are there Steven Universe elements in this crossover if they aren't being used?


Chara and Frisk found themselves in-front of a large stage,in the middle of a large crowd. Sheriff Raynold and Deputy Geremy where there as well. The twins theorized it was simply because they somehow were part of the city's people as well.

Yeah, they absolutely need specific or even ulterior motives as reasons for being present, I mean, they only live here and have jobs as officials.

Etoile stepped foot into the stage and picked the microphone there.

"Konnichiwa,dear crowd!

And a man with a USA shirt in the crowd drops dead.

My name,as you all know,is Etoile Rosenqueen,the great-great-granddaughter of the town's founder,Sakura Rosenqueen!

Does the author think Nippon Ichi released Oregon Trails or something? Sakura Rosenqueen isn't even an existing character, and the only results on Google bring up a better potential crossover character with Gemini Sunrise from Sakura Wars V; a samurai cowgirl with split-personality from Texas. Yes, really.

Oh,and the richiest girl of this town as well.",Etoile spoke,pointing to a statue of the 'Sakura Rosenqueen' person as the crowd clapped for her.

The statue was of course too racist for the author to bother with describing.

"Now,introduce yourself,for the sake of the foundation day."

"*squee!* I can present my ideals to them...",Frisk said for Chara in a excited whisper-scream,holding her cheeks.

"Frisky...I don't know if it will be a nice idea. She isn't like,your worst enemy?",

She's at the very least Frisk's third worst enemy, right behind herself when it comes to making friends, and her twin sister whom she fears.

Chara commented,slightly angering her tone as she looked at and recognized Etoile,and remembered about how Frisk explained about how the japanese blonde girl was a jerk to her and her two friends.

"A pacifist always compliment their enemies.",Frisk explained for Chara with a kind smile,as she prepared to climb up the stage.

As an openly pacifistic person, I say fuck that. Just as aggression has to be earned, the same goes for overt courtesy.

"And the first newcomer is!...",Etoile happily announced,as she heard steps climbing into the stage. But when she noticed who was climbing the stage,she got a furious face. "Frisk...",she angrily continued.

"Yup,the name is Frisk. And I hope alot of peace and love will be put into your hearts.",Frisk politely and calmly said,holding up her hands. Everyone on the crowd,except Chara,gasped in surprise and applauded her pacifist comment,only angering Etoile further.

The author finally stopped navel gazing and is attempting to incorporate a theme of Undertale into this vastly inferior crossover, and she decides to deliver the impression that people of this reality finds pacifism surprising and applause worthy? Are you fucking with me? Are people murdering monsters in the streets, is that it?

"I'm sorry,but your ideals are out of place on the Foundation day.

Well, considering how the settlers treated the Native Americans, you might have a point there.

And besides,you are too weird and shy!",Etoile said for Frisk,stomping her foot out of rage. Then,when she looked down to face Frisk,she noticed the jumper she was wearing: a dark forest green jumper decipting a green pheasant eating cerals. "What,a green pheasant eating cerals? That is a offense to my ancestry!"

"Hey,I'm not shy or offensive!",Frisk defended,with a angry look laying on her face as she crossed her arms.


I think I need a moment, because there's too much stupid coming at me all at once. Let's break it down and short, because my ranting quota is already through the roof as it is. First, of course Etoile can really judge Frisk as shy, from the two times they met, one time her being a Party Queen contender, and now where she's wearing food as apparel in public. I mean, that's just as obvious as my sarcasm. Second, spotting caricaturist cultural appropriation from afar was apparently such a difficulty until it was up in your face, but that must be because the author is doing the exact same thing with you and everything oriental in this fucking fanfic, since this moronic author thinks the colonization of America happened from West to East, with Japanese immigrations happening before the very election year that's going to be referenced in this chapter!!

"But you are still weird. Mainly with a flower crown of potato fries.",Etoile pointed out,and just then Frisk remembered the potato fries crown was still on her head,and she covered her face with her hands. "Why you don't give a hand to her,audience?",Etoile happily said for the crowd.

The crowd happily clapped for Frisk,barely noticing that the 12-years-old girl was having a stage fright moment. Chara was the only one who didn't clap,looking worried and,at the same time,wishing that she could climb the stage to punch Etoile's face for the sake of her little sister.

It's always violence with this author's over-glorified golden-hearted child, isn't it? Has Steven Universe taught you nothing, author?

She just didn't do that because of a couple on the backstage that apparently were the parents of Etoile.

And the sun would be in her eyes if she did, anyway. And she could totally bench-press 7 children, too, you guys, but she just sprained a muscle imagining herself barking at the end of her chain like the little conceited and insecure bitch that she is.

Eventually,Frisk sadly ran out of the stage to reunite with Chara,who gently patted her head like a older sister would do.

Watch that idolizing sister affection complex of yours, author. Some people's older siblings would gleefully humiliate them in public if given half the chance.

Etoile and her family,who included a pet cat,even did take a family photo,but the twins didn't stay there to see the moment because they had enough of her pettiness.

"Don't worry sis,if possible,the next time I'll be sure to explode her face.",Chara said,still comforting Frisk.

"You can tell how much I'm comforting you by stating my intent to commit murder, right?"

"I would really like a cinnamon candy to wash my sorrows away.",Frisk replied,still looking down.


Pearl returned to her car in the meantime her nieces were busy,but there was mud over it. At the same time she was trying to turn it on,she was waiting for the young twins to come back. However,the bad luck she had for disliking the day made her anger up with a local mechanic,that was also on the vibe of the celebration,and force up the sheriff and deputy to put her on a "ye stocks".

Author, if you are not even going to put in the effort, just do me a favor and skip the b-plot like you did your grammar lessons.

"Oh,hush up!",Pearl said,even trough there was nobody nearby she could hush up.


I urge you author, stop acting retarded!! How does one fuck up this much and double down and directly state what was written makes no sense?! Do you not know that the exclamation 'Oh, come on!' is perfectly valid to state out loud to one self as well as others, you malignant maker of eyesores?! You are ruining it even further by being one sentence off-beat, because canon Pearl aimed that phrase at Peridot for her back-sass, and we all know who's going to walk into this scene. You have to be doing this on purpose, or you are severely damaged upstairs when considering what counts as narratives, author. Don't make me lop you in with hubworld23, because I have regarded you as actually capable of substance better than 'Connie, Lucky and Shantae: A Quest to save Uncle Mimic!', right up until this specific point in your dumbass fanfic!

Then,Peridot came in. She was wearing her hair down,unlike the triangular shape she usually weared off in stage. Her outfit was like a minimalist mini-version of the outfit of Elizabeth Bathory,

Which we of course all know what looks like, so we don't have to cope with the author not bothering to detail it further, by interrupting the flow of reading and spending two minutes on Google looking over the multiple dresses she happened to have worn, and thereby find ourselves out of place when returning back to reading this. Do you know what is also out of place, author? A dress from a 16th century Hungarian noble woman at a 19th century America reenactment festival!!

but her glasses were still the same,and she was carrying some eggs.

"Hey actually look nice! And much less weird than usual.",Pearl commented in a slight happy voice,despite the fact she was talking with her arch nemesis in flesh and bones.

"Thank you,Ms. Crystal Dreemurr. But I am just a simple farmer selling her eggs.",Peridot replied,as happy as her older arch nemesis was. But suddenly,she picked two of the eggs,throwing them at Pearl's forehead birthmark and nose.

A round birthmark, that for some reason the author doesn't think looks like a random, named star in the night sky.

"Oops,some eggs dropped down!",Peridot innocently said,like it wasn't her fault.

Pearl angrily sighed,as her mind pratically screamed for her: "THIS IS GOING TO BE A HORRIBLE DAY!".

I mean, she wouldn't want to cause a scene at this point, so she kept that scream completely internal.


Chara and Frisk were sitting on the staircase for the statue of the supposed founder of Inside Falls,Sakura Rosenqueen. Both were still sad about the incident where Etoile crushed Frisk's spirit in-front of a very large crowd.

"Chara...I want to know you think I'm shy?",Frisk asked for Chara.

No, stop, foul, author. The point of the episode you are once more unceremoniously burying upside down in a shallow grave, is that being silly isn't shameful, and you already made Frisk wear fast food on her head like an imbecile. You can't counter being shy by going on a mystery hunt. I'm already predicting this won't be the last shuffling bait-and-switch word you'll use to pretend the substituted scenes are even connected.

"Of course you...aren't...",Chara answered,thinking she could just try to comfort her younger sister with a simple lie. However,she slipped off,and Frisk already found out Chara was lying.

"Chara,I really love you as a big sister,

Okay, fuck you, author. They are twins. You wrote that they are twins. And yet you keep having them addressed as older and younger, throughout this fanfic, and now they are being force-fed the words themselves to exposit, just to scratch the itch of your own damn headcannon to your own damn fanfic. I'm starting a counter for every time you ignore the fact that they are twins. We are at 25 at this point, and I'll tally at the end of each chapter.

but trying to build a comforting lie doesn't help the fact everybody sees me as a freak.",

If you could try and stick to words that you were actually called, instead of jumping to the next substituted plot-driving word, that would be just great.

Frisk said with a sad face as she shaked her head,throwing the potato fries out of her head,and taked off her jumper. Below the jumper,she weared a simple short-sleeved blue shirt with two purple strips on the torso.

"Frisky,why you hate that jumper now?",Chara asked,with tenderness and worry on her face.

"Because of Etoile. She hates me so much that she is willing to ruin my life.",Frisk replied,almost willing to cry.

What's with this over-exaggerated train of hyperbole all of a sudden! A rich girl doesn't like you, big fucking whoop! Get a life and learn how to handle it, author, instead of making an angst mountain out of an emo molehill.

Chara got up and stared at the statue of Sakura Rosenqueen. She felt extreme anger towards the family the apparent founder of the town leted loose.

"Etoile...hmpth. Being descended from the founder of this town doesn't mean she can treat everyone like trash. I hope someone can make her turn into dust.",Chara bitterly and furiously said,just deep inside hoping Etoile or one of her parents didn't listen to her words.

A murder-lusting, spineless coward, how likeable.

Then,something startled on her mind as she gasped. ...The speech of Etoile wasn't the first time she heard of the blonde girl's great-great-grandmother.

I mean, have you seen her game franchise? Woof.

"...Hey Frisky. I think I heard this name before on the book before.",Chara said in a hopeful tone to her little sister,sitting down with her again. Then,she pulled the book out of her back and opened it,showing to Frisk the exact page mentioning Sakura. "We have a tip on our eyes now. ...Hmmm...should I read it with a voice I've been praticing?",Chara continued and asked.

"No,thanks.",Frisk answered,trying to not sound bitter.

Frisk never truly recovered from Chara's Kermit impressions.

"Okay.",Chara replied,cleaning her throat as she prepared to read the page of the book. "After some studies and investigations,I found out something interesing. Sakura Rosenqueen may not be the actual founder of Inside Falls. The truth may be hidden on a enclosed document I found on my searches about this topic. I hope I can find the code soon."

Since I guess what I have is the answer, the code is all I need now.

On the same page,there was a separate paper piece around the same age of the book itself. Chara picked it up and opened it. There was a series of patters of symbols,words,letters and even some numbers on it. On the upper center,the mysterious X above an O symbol of the Inside Falls town was there as well.

Mac OS X, an X-Box logo, do not dry clean, an LED circuit symbol, an ecstasy pill, you really didn't pick an iconography with much identity when described in a written medium, did you, author? I already predict that Garnet, who it's obvious is the author of the books, will have no reason for using this symbol anywhere like Ford did Bill's, because my current conclusion is that what the author is trying to drag into this mess is the Slender Man symbol.


"Golly...that means that Etoile's family is probably a fraud! A conspiracy is involved there,and it is being interesing.",Chara commented with a smirk.

"Hey,can I tag along?...I mean,I won't be a freak anymore if I solve a serious conspiracy like this.",Frisk asked for Chara,as she was as well looking at the mysterious and old document.

I really want to give a concerned question how the author even correlated 'shy' with 'freak', but at this point I've come to terms with the fact, that there is never a semblance of sense to these writing decisions, and I couldn't be made to care if the plot devolved into the topic of suicide.

"Of course,little sis.",Chara answered with a cool smile,as she extended her hand for a hi-five. "Mystery girls?"

"Mystery girls.",Frisk happily said with a smile,accepting the hi-five as she and Chara hopped off for the town's library.

Sadly,the twins weren't aware that the main policemen of Inside Falls were planning something to stop them from uncovering the truth.

Right after they put Chara in juvenile prison for confessing out loud to conspiring a murder.


Frisk and Chara were on one of the library's table,only with a candle's orange fire as the light source near them. Chara was holding the old document on her hand,looking at it with a serious and focused face.

"Okay Frisk,we just have to unlock the document's content. Then,we'll show to everyone Sakura Rosenqueen isn't the real founder of Inside Falls,and Etoile's reputation will be thrown to the ground.",Chara said in a focused tone.

"And I'll proof to her I ain't a freak.",

She never even called you a freak, you freak!

Frisk said,chewing on alot of cinnamon candy as she looked at a book about ancient languages.

Chara activated a projector and projected a part the old document on it.

"Hmmm...",Chara grunted,as she trying to decode the language. It didn't look like Greek,or like Latin. "Wait...its so obvious! The X and the O form together four triangles.

Ah, yes, the perfect triangle. Two straight lines and an arc. You couldn't connect your bankrupt ass to the plot thread without pretending we are back in the canon, even if you tried, and it's obvious that you don't even do that much, author

Triangles are the alchemist symbol of the fire. Perhaps we can light the parchment with the candle fire!"

"...Just don't burn it,ok?",Frisk said for Chara.

"Okay,I won't...wait...light the parchment would mean burn it...right?",Chara said,but she realized her own words as she approached the candle of the paper.

They have the collective IQ of ten, because that's how mentally mature this author is if she thinks this counts as anything but lame asspulls to make the plot go her way.

For the bad luck of the twins,they heard the voice of Raynold and Geremy. They were searching for the two young girls,and because of that,the two had to hide below the same table to save their skins.

"Ugh,we have to be fast now. Where the map will take us?",Chara said in a rushed voice,charged up of adrenaline.


YOU DON'T HAVE A MAP!!! The paper was never folded into one! Frisk didn't even get to prove her worth! Authors can be sloppy, be forgetful, be flawed as all fuck, but this is taking it to the level of jerking off on my face with an imaginary dick, just to prove that the author can do whatever they fucking pleases. The story is crumbling in on itself like a shit soufflé and the only one who hasn't realized it are the characters within it, because even the author can't be so ignorant about her own faulty creation!

" will take us to...The Inside Falls Museum of Backstory.",

History museums are a concept, author. They exist. They can't be substituted with a random nonsensical synonym for an extrapolated fifth usage of the word!

Frisk hastily answered,as she looked at the map and pointed the location.

"...That only means one thing.",Chara said in a breathed voice,as some form of regret filled her voice. "We'll need to go. Inside."


Chara and Frisk soon found themselves entering inside the Inside Falls Museum of Backstory,recieving passes,and ballons of green and pink color.

"Here we are...",Chara said in a slightly scared voice.

Of course the author's desired skin-suit would be afraid of backstory, because that would mean commitment.

"Well...where is the thing we are searching for here,big sis?",Frisk said,trying to sound more mature and serious than she actually was.

"Hmmm,the clue about the real town founder is...there!",Chara answered,suddenly pointing out to a specific exhibition.

"I know this because the voices inside my head told me so."

It had the shape of the symbol of the town,the X above an O,and a figure drawn over it. However,it wasn't exactly clear what the figure was. "We have to be quick and fast here...those cops surely aren't fooling around."

"Except the one on turquoise.",Frisk commented,remembering how Geremy accidentaly kicked a pile of books,thinking it was the hideout of the twins.

Which is the exact opposite of fooling around, so of course in opposite-land that means he was.

"Yeah. But what is this figure?",Chara agreed,and then,pointed out to the figure on the exhibition.

Chara and Frisk looked at it,trying to make something out of it. But it wasn't sucessful. It looked too abstract for pre-teenagers like them to understand.

It also looked too abstract for a teenager to describe, right, author?

Frisk eventually gave up,and laid on a bench in a upside down position.

Which, as we all know, is the normal tendency for someone who is a weird, shy freak. The theme of this episode just comes through so perfectly, doesn't it?

Chara also gave up,doing the same thing Frisk did. But then,the twins realized something.

The figure was upside-down,instead of abstract. It was of a noble high queen,pointing to the right.

"Hey,it reminds me of the statue of the cemetery.",Frisk commented with a smile.

And the depiction of royalty is just so prominent in old American cemeteries, isn't it?

"...the cemetery...we got another tip,Frisky. Lets go!",Chara replied,now that a new tip was on hers and her sister's reach.

Thankfully,they managed to escape from the hands of the sheriff and the deputy,with alot of sheer luck,since they were too nearby of them.

Riveting excitement, it's almost like there would have been more conflict had the twins walked through cobwebs.


You know the drill. These chapters takes so long to process because they are lengthy, meaning I have to post half of it here and

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Mon Mar 18, 2019 1:57 pm

the other half here. Stay strong, the stupid is not over yet.

Pearl was still in the stocks,forcing to listen to a dialogue of the lady that married a male wigeon and her husband,and hoping for someone to help her get out of there. She was about to sleep when someone poked her nose.

"Oh-hoh! It is the aunt of Frisk,Ms. Dreemurr!",Etoile said with a petty tone and smile. "You want to be freed?"

This is a crossover fanfic, kid. This is your new home and you are both prisoners.

"Of course...",Pearl said in a annoyed,and slightly sleepy voice,feeling pain ruling over her neck.

"I'll do it...if you say the Rosenqueens are the best family of Inside Falls.",Etoile said,with a smirk,as she extended a note for Pearl's face and offered a pen for her.

Pearl had to write the phrase with her mouth,since her hands were stocked up. When she finished,Etoile looked at it. What was written was "Hush Up!"...and it didn't please Etoile a slightly bit.

She usually felt flattered when people thought she spoke too loudly, but this time was an exception.

"Now you can free me up?",Pearl asked with a big smile for Etoile.

However,when she noticed that Etoile called alot of people with eggs within baskets trough a whistling,she sighed down in defeat.

Pearl just tried - by your logic, author - to insult Etoile, and you still write Pearl to expect kindness? Are you five?


Frisk and Chara found themselves on the cemetery,in-front of the statue of the high queen,pointing at the distance...probably,to the next clue of the mystery of the very real founder of Inside Falls.

Or the nearest Burger King, it's fifty-fifty, really.

"Probably,the next clue is on the horizont this lady is pointing.",Chara commented,looking at the statue,and afterwards,at the grave,who had the common symbol of the town. Chara looked at the distance,right to the direction the lady statue was pointing,but couldn't find anything. No tips for the mystery's ending or anything.

And she didn't notice that Frisk was trying to handshake the lady.

Being a shy person who can't make friends, of course she would openly approach an inanimate object with a greeting, it's nothing out of the ordinary.

"Hey,nice to meet you. My name is Frisk Dreemurr.",Frisk politely presented herself to the statue,picking the pointing finger and hand-shaking it. The point of the pointer finger went upwards,and the grave opened up,revealing a mysterious staircase.

You couldn't even change the fucking switch to match what Frisk was doing, by letting it be the whole hand, author?! Congratulations, your fanfic now invalidates the canon, which in essentially states that only someone as silly as Mable, who folds paper hat maps out of important documents, someone who while looking for clues decides to view it upside down to pass time, someone who lets a statue pick her nose to discover that the pointing finger itself is a switch, could succeed. Fuck you, you thoughtless hack.

"Woah Frisky!",Chara spoke in surprise,looking down at the passage that opened below her.

"Woo-hoo! I'm not a freak anymore,Etoile!",Frisk happily cheered,climbling down the statue and falling right into the beginning of the staircase,with Chara walking behind her.

Chara and Frisk were now on a dark,muddy and rocky path,and tried to find their way trough it,using the last help the sunlight could give to them. But accidentaly,Frisk's forehead pressed a booby trap with moving,red lasers,forcing her and Chara to run trough them all.

I think you are missing the point of lasers if you can run through them, much less have them in a bunker that's been secret for at least a hundred years, author. But first of all, why is Frisk head-banging the ground?

Eventually,the two ran into a secret room. The room was full of historical documents and papers.

Out of curiosity,Frisk picked one of them,discovering information about two great philosophers.

Yes? And? Are you utterly incapable of making up anything original that won't even make sense or matter, author? It's the easiest thing in the world, and you don't even seem aware of the concept.

Chara laid her eyes on a document that was focused on the mystery she was trying to uncover: "Cover Rosenqueen".

"Oh hoh! Now we will finally find the truth",Chara happily said,as she opened the document and began to read. "Here lays the fact that Sakura Rosenqueen,apparent creator of Inside Falls,is,really,a well as a lazy,gangly and homely lady. ...Oh-hoh boy. Etoile will surely feel crazy after discovering this unbearable truth."

Yeah, I can't wait to see her face when you tell her all these details that in no way counteract her implied heritage of being rich.

"Hmmm...who is the real founder,sis?",Frisk asked,now really growing a genuine interest for the mystery.

"The real founder of Inside Falls is the cowboy Clover Jaundyce III,the Punisher of Bandits.",

Who? Wait, let me try that one again. Who? Shit, Google is turning up zilch. I think the author made this one up, and it's only going to be more apparent as we go on. I asked for this, and now I'm going to regret it, aren't I?

Chara readed out loud. ...It was actually surprising for her and her sister the fact the founder of the town is actually a cowboy.

"Who is Clover Jaundyce?",Frisk asked again,deeply curious to know about the origin of the Inside Falls' very real founder.

Settling for just the regularly real founder was simply out of the question.

"Sorry kiddos,but you were never meant to know.",Sheriff Raynold's voice suddenly ringed,alarming the two twins.

Then,the sheriff walked to the twins,alongside the Deputy Geremy...whose hat had a hole,presumably caused by one of the laser's of the booby trapped room. The twins gasped in surprise: their quest...was ruined.

You are kind of past the moment of dramatic tension ellipses, when its addressing the fucking obvious, author. Did you pause the episode there to keep up with your transcript rip-off and think it was part of the show?

"W-well...he...she? Is stuff from the government.",Deputy Geremy explained,trying to remember Clover's gender...and forgetting the fact that Clover's gender is ambigious.

Because someone with a girl's name in 1860's really leaves that up to anyone's guess.

"Stuff from the government?",Chara asked,raising a curiosity eyebrow.

"At least you...have information about him,or her?",Frisk asked,really hoping the day could have a good turn.

"...*sigh* Yes.",Sheriff Raynold said,like he was a father with a tired tone finally deciding to give a child their deepest wish.

And understandably so, of course, since Raynold is coming down from just having told Geremy that he's adopted.

Then,he picked up his own hat,lifted up,and showed a film reel,which he inserted up in the projector.

A countdown in black-and-white colors began,as Chara and Frisk made sure to seal off their tongues to listen.


"Thank you...or not,for being one of the very few known people on United States to watch this tape. Unfortunately,probably you will be disposed or wiped out as soon as you finish it...which is my case,by the way.

Everyone said I was daft to make a tape that would mean anyone that saw it would have to be killed, but I made one all the same, just to show them.

Out of all the presidents America had,no one of them is like Clover Jaundyce,the eight half president of United States.

They won the 1837 elections punishing a...inhuman quantity of criminals in public.

Because back then elections were decided by how many people you could lynch at once - what?!

They were widely known as the most fair and nice but...weird president. They battled agains't dark trees,accidentaly,or not,caged three black sheeps thinking they were evil,and temporaly abolished the taxes law. And their unision speech was too mixed."

"I will protect you all from killer squirrels with bee spikes!"

Well, that's just silly. It's almost like the author doesn't know how to paint someone as shy or a freak or something.

"Eventually,they decided to explore,to find 'adventures',and found out a garden they decided to name as 'Inside Falls'.

It was a nice little garden, with a shrubbery and a path down the middle.

But soon,they became forgotten,and as a replacer,Sakura Rosenqueen was appointed as the founder of Inside Falls. The body of Clover was never found by nobody."

People simply forgot! The author can't even make up a government cover-up when she's already plagiarizing the recipe for it! What's the point of the secrecy, the use of law enforcers, and this fucking tape?! Can the author even tie together her own shoelaces, much less the plot?!


The recording ended,and as soon as it ended,Sheriff Raynold regretfully pointed to a direction,and Chara and Frisk immediately looked at it: there was on the wall a block of amber color with the figure of Clover,with closed eyes,encased stance and their left hand holding a pistol.

Well I guess she really was never found by nobody then, since there's no indication that the Sheriff is here for the first time.

Clover's gender ambigiousness was reflected pretty well on their appearence: their body structure,face shape,ears and mouth were like a man,but their closed eyes were femenine.

Oh dear, the author actually tried to convey something when she used the word 'ambiguous'. You're not supposed to denote gender by those features, author, you moronic asshat. At best, from what I can figure, and giving you a generous helping of translated benefit of the doubt and reconsidering your misinterpretation, you have gorged yourself on so much Undertale fanart of androgynous Frisk and Chara, that you are denoting any lack of feminine features as therefore being male, when in fact it's supposed to be noted as neither, and guy-liner or prominent eyelashes are just female by default to you. But all of that is not how you determine gender or lack thereof. What you are doing is in no way how one addresses, depicts, or even references what you were going for. You don't say 'well, dude looks like a lady, but not quite' and therefore say the gender is ambiguous. You are assuming the lack of gender of a character that you yourself made up, that's how dysphoric this is!

They wore a old-time cowboy outfit,complete with scarf,cowboy hat,jacket and very tough boots.

"We were actually apprehensive of following you two,even trough we take our job VERY seriously. We really wouldn't hurt you if our mission wasn't find Clover's body.",Sheriff Raynold said for Chara and Frisk,with genuine regret on his voice.

Oh, what joy, now the author has decided, that since she has injected these two fan-inserts or whatever real people they are based on, she doesn't want to make the tiniest smudge on their characters despite being idiotically bumbling antagonists.

"...Yeah,we followed the younger's cinnamon crumbs.",Deputy Geremy confessed,pointing to the ground. There really was crumbs of cinnamon candy,who stopped below Frisk's feet.

"Oh gee...I'm sorry,big sis...",Frisk said with a extremely low,almost whispery voice,as she hided her face in shame with her hair.

"...Wait,you will cage us somewhere just for the town to never know the truth?",Chara said,feeling some sort of indigination.

It is a marvel how many times we have to infer that these people are telepathic, since no one said anything remotely like that out loud!

For her,even if the apparent family of the town's founder was a fraud,it could be healthier to understand the truth rather than believe in a lie for the rest of a life.

Sadly,the Sheriff and the Deputy didn't share those kind of ideals,even if they shared the feeling of regret with her. They sadly nodded their heads,and holded Chara and Frisk's arms the gentlest they could,even trough Chara and Frisk foolishly tried to fight back.

You clearly knew why the cops did what they were doing, author. You're probably first going to reference any higher-ups orders when Jaundyce is going to call them off. The problem is that you are so incompetent as to never once even leave a hint at it, and yet you have to have thought that you did. This constant reliance on people recalling the canon for you, so you can get across the intended impression that these substitution people share character motivation and mannerisms of the original cast was insufferable enough, now it's just getting worse.


Chara and Frisk were now in the crate of a train that was going to Washington,in the insides of a box of "Top Secret" content. Chara knew that no promises of carrying her and her little sister back to Inside Falls were made,so she tried to punch down the box with the strenght she was blessed with. But sadly,even with her determination of getting out at alarming rates,the box was too much for her.

Yeah, it's so unfair when the plot has plot armor on, isn't it?

Frisk was just too heartbroken about all the situation. She acted trough instinct,trying to be mature and serious just to proof to Etoile she wasn't a 'freak',

Because now her instincts are none of the things that at the end of this chapter will be what saved the day all along.

but all of it leaded her to being caged alongside her big sister. With anger filling herself,she punched,thinking it woud hit one of the walls of the box. Actually,she punched right at Clover's 'prision block',causing cracks over it.

Well, since she activates traps with her forehead, why not also have her punching thin air like an angry toddler, just so the author doesn't have to make up a better reason the plot continues?

"O-oh no!...oh no...I'm sorry sir...lady...whatever...",Frisk said,with the feelings of sadness and regret immediately flowing over her,as she hugged the amber block the former president was sealed in,thinking they could somehow feel the hug from inside their amber prison.

But then,the block collapsed,freeing Clover.

And the mummified corpse immediately began decomposing, because, much like everything else, it wasn't established that amber could have life-sustaining properties, and thereby cementing the fact that being a substituted word for silly is a different word for a substituted word for brilliant.

Clover's femenine eyes opened,revealing pupils of a vivid green color,that began to look around.

But were the pupils like a man's or feminine, author? And learn to spell feminine. Fuck, learn the word masculine while you are at it.

Chara gasped in surprise,hearing the slippage noises and turning around to also face Clover. Frisk squeaked,but looked upwards to see what she caused with the hug.

"My name is Clover Jaundyce!",Clover proudly announced,as they bringed the pistol next to their lips and blowed the dust away from it.

"They...survived!",Chara gasped in surprise,amazed at seeing the cowboy president itself behold her.

"I...I actually think I freed them.",

"That thing I did. I think I did it." Brilliant dialogue, don't you think?

Frisk said with similar amazement,looking down at her shirt and arms. They were full of crumbs of the amber block.

"You freed and helped me,with your capacity of love.",

A love that only a shy, weird freak could have shown. Now you are a fourth word off from the actual crux of the plot, which is to show that there is no shame in being a bit silly, author. No one could get that impression of moral message from this. Not the characters, not the readers, not me, and not even you.

Clover explained with a smile that wasn't very serious,but that had the very warmth of a happy heart.

"Wait,the handshake you gave to the used your extreme kindness to solve the mystery,and not maturity!",

And if there was one thing Etoile was accusing Frisk of, it was that she was too kind, isn't that right?

Chara realized with a impressed,happy face,realizing the reason Frisk somehow discovered a 'complicated' trouble.

"...Oh!",Frisk also realized alongside Chara,opening her whole eyes,sparkling with happiness.

"Oh no,I'm sure someone with nice but yet bad intentions sealed us in this crate!",Clover said,as they realized they,and the young twins were inside a crate.

Do you have to both be a kiss ass and fellate your fan-inserts at the same time, author?

"Welp,seems like I'll have to use my very spiky aim.",they continued,pulling the trigger's gun and shotting down the box.

Are you trying to banish a reality-warping imp back to the fifth dimension with this grammar, author? I'm running out of plausible reasons for this abysmal grasp of the English language.

Chara and Frisk crouched to protect themselves from the crater's plank shards,as it collapsed to oblivion. A wigeon,oddly,came out of one of the train's windows and rested on Clover's arm. Clover happily patted it,and afterward,leted it fly.

And the bird was there! Can't forget the bird! It's very important to re-establish that it existed for the callback later, while nothing in this scene involved it.

"Lets go fellows!",Clover excitedly announced,as they ran in a exaggerately funny way.

You can almost hear the author going; "You know, whatever way you yourself thinks is a funny way to run? Yeah, she did that. I don't have to describe shit to you."

Chara and Frisk followed them,as Clover punched down the emergency escape from the chairs,and ran to the roof of the train,followed by the Dreemurr twins.

However,the trio didn't count with the fact that Sheriff Raynold and Deputy Geremy were following for them. They briefly paused,as Raynold had to help Geremy,and he helped him like the two were the greatest friends.

Every romance in this universe up until now had been friendship-censored, but that just wasn't enough for the author, was it?

"Sheriff Raynold! Stop following us!",Chara bravely said,thinking,and hoping they would go away.

But, that has to work! When has 'Swiper - no swiping' ever not worked?!

Then,she remembered about a fact that could save hers and Frisk's skins: Clover was the United States president,and there was no proof they ever resignated. "Clover,please make them stop."

Clover happily winked for Chara,but immediately gained a serious face,looking at the Sheriff and Deputy.

She then shot them dead, having been given no context or other idea of what else to do.

"I,the president of those United States,order you to stop following those nice fellows and get a vacation for you two.",Clover said,with a slightly more mature tone. Thankfully,they crouched down on to avoid a metal rail.

Stop making this both an AU, a crossover, and a fix-fic that ruins comedy forever, author, you insufferable charlatan.


Thankfully,Clover's speech worked,as Raynold and Geremy couldn't resist the temptation for a break on waterslides. They were also friendly enough to wave a bye-bye for Clover,Chara and Frisk. When the train finally dissapeared on the horizon,Clover kneeled to face Frisk.

"You deserve a reward for being the most young and sweet child I ever saw.

That's the sickest burn against 19th century youth I've heard yet.

In the future,you'll be a great pacifist in the name of USA.",Clover spoke with a proud smile,as they handled a medal for Frisk with the shape of a heart made out of real gold.

Spoken like a true, gun-toting American cowboy.

Frisk proudly hugged the medal and inserted it on her chest-heart area.

"And Chara...I can see in your eyes the hope to find the secrets of this town. So,I will reward you with this key,that unlocks almost all the doors it can touch.",Clover said for Chara,viewing on Chara's red eyes the love for unraveling mysteries. Then,they handled for the blush-sticked girl a key of platinum color,with the symbol of a diamond.

Kindly notice who of these people you rewarded a golden heart, author, you absolute moron.


Chara,Frisk and Clover returned to the Inside Falls town. Altrough it was a very confusing trip for Chara,Frisk learned from all of it that she shouldn't be judged because of her sweet ideals about world peace,or the jumper designs she makes.

Is it that fucking difficult to copy-paste in any of the multiple words you've been having as plot-placeholders up until now, instead of jumping to yet another completely unrelated topic, author? I would call this misdirection, but that would imply intent, which is something your current bar is set too far below to indicate!

The twins walked to Etoile,taking the chance that her two friends were busy over something the blonde instructed.

"Greetings,Etoile.",Frisk happily greeted,like nothing happened between her and Etoile. "I helped Chara uncover the mystery of the half president of United States. You could call me a freak again,I don't care."

"...What a freak!",Etoile insulted,both Clover,who she mistoke as a weird adult trying to mimick a cowboy,and Frisk. But surprisingly,Frisk firmly kept her world,not caring about the insult.

The author couldn't write Etoile to say anything else, so why should Frisk bother pretend otherwise?

"You could hibernate on amber blocks,and it works extremely well.",Frisk continued,with a calm smile.

However,Etoile began to laugh. That weird and annoying laugh of noblewomans from Japan.

Okay, tone it down, author. When I say shit like that, I do it through the comedic lens of addressing stereotypes used in fiction. When you as a narrator state it in-story, there is no lens beyond your narrow, emaciated mind.

Her parents even joined the teasing of Frisk,before entering inside the car.

"Well,I'll accept who I am. A sweet pacifist freak!",Frisk happily announced,throwing her hands on the air like she was always the one that was right.

Chara was happy to know that Frisk accepted her real self,but angry to know that Etoile was about to escape the situation without any kind of harm. So,she thought of a idea. She picked the "Cover Rosenqueen" document she was hiding under her right arm the whole time,

Because establishing shit ahead of each scene, despite knowing the relevance of their props, that's just completely impossible. Are you just writing this fanfic on your first viewing of this and future episodes, author?

and rudely throwed it at Etoile,not caring about the richies she didn't deserve.

"HEY!",Chara yelled,catching Etoile's attention. "That is for almost destroying my sis! Sakura is a lie,and your whole family is as well!"

As the car rolled away,Chara could only listen to Etoile's surprise cries,pleading for her mother. Chara smirked in victory; revenge was something so sour,yet so sweet.

You know, like the food of the culture you constantly slander, author.

"I am needed elsewhere,very young friends.",Clover's voice suddenly ringed,catching Chara and Frisk's attention. "I'll be always on the laws of justice! Clover,out.",they continued,as they jumped above a horse and shooted the air with their pistol,making the horse run.

Chara and Frisk looked at each other. They would dialogue between each other,theorizing about where Clover would go off to 'input justice',until they heard the voice of their Grauntie Pearl,coming from where she was the whole time: the stocks. From what they heard,Peridot and Etoile heeled up her life with throwing eggs,and Asriel chatted with Pearl for one hour.

Ah, so Asriel is both a timid-hearted crybaby, and an idiot too oblivious to help his employer, in this fanfic.

Chara decided to use the key Clover gave to her,and it was truthful to its word: it could unlock the stock,freeing Pearl,much to Frisk's happiness.

Because in this reality, stocks are also doors.

"Ugh,I feel my neck breaking...",Pearl said,massaging her neck's back with her right hand,in a ton of pain. Then,she noticed the medal on Frisk's chest. "Oh,cute. What is it?"

"A amulet to proof I'll be a great pacifist on the future.",Frisk answered with a big,goofy but well-meaning smile. Then,she began to laugh alongside Chara,much to Pearl's extreme confusion.

"Why you are laughing about your dreams?",Pearl asked,scratching her hair in confusion,thinking that dreams weren't something that should be laughed off.

It's because the author's puppeteering hand is tickling Frisk from the inside, Pearl, it'll pass.

Frisk just shrugged with a smile,jumping into the air and landing with her butt on the ground,laughing even more. Even Chara began to scratch her hair in confusion,seeing her little sister laugh,proud about who she was.

I know this author in no way could be implying this, as her skills and attempts to spin the canon into something that makes sense to her having an unshakable track record. But there is one way this could turn around into a good fanficn - a clever one, even, with this moment highlighting the fact. The act of these characters noticing that there is nothing to laugh about, yet a character is doing it, and shrugging her shoulders as it doesn't make sense to them either. Anyone here knowledgeable about Undertale likely knows about Deltarune, and its seemingly meta-aware theme of choices not mattering. Had the author been competent, this fanfic could have the twist of these characters realizing that this reality is fake, that this reality is a mishmash of foreign elements overlain onto an already played out script, from which they are powerless to deviate from, unless becoming aware of how their actions have little to no proper justifications or coherency behind them. With fate and predetermination in the balance, the potential for a full deconstruction of fanfics as a concept could even have been available through all of this, justifying the trash we've had to suffer through up until now. But that's not going to happen, and we all know that. These characters are still slaves to the author's fraudulent authorship, which is totally beyond their original identities to influence. This fanfic is not a summer adventure, it's a fucking hostage situation.

And my predictions for this chapter came out only half on point. And the title made no sense. Next should be The Time Traveler's Pig, now titled - ugh - "hOi! tIeM tRaVel!" I'm guessing that a Vocaloid character replaces Blendin Blandin, Chara is obsessed with trying at being Lapis' friend, Temmie is there for some reason, and I'll get a migraine.

Counters : YAT (You Are Twins) - 32.

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Mar 31, 2019 8:39 am

Who doesn't enjoy a good time travel plot? They are however not without their issues, of course. Gravity Falls introduced a light-hearted take on the topic, where mostly the implications and/or complications were glossed over. Introducing time travel can lend a whole lot of plot holes and issues about the lack of continued use of it later in the same universe. Want to see how the author fucks up even worse than that, while still containing it to a single chapter? Here's Chapter 9, hOi! tIeM tRaVel!.

A new thing was being builded next to the Crystal Shack. It was something that was being named the 'Crystal Fair'. And,it was one of those Pearl tricks for cash,as Chara could already cynically predict when she heard the idea.

I guess the author simply decided, that in this chapter Pearl just doesn't give a fuck about doing things for the sake of letting children have fun.

"Ta-da! You see it,Frisk? An amuzement park for all the children!...and all the dollars!",Pearl said with a cheerful mother tone,aiming it mostly at Frisk.

Chara's scream suddenly ringed in,as she was inside a falling tram car. It felt down,and was destroyed in the process,but thankfully,Chara wasn't physically harmed,besides breaking some bones. Besides,she survived the past mysteries she faced off.

Oh, sure, broken bones, she'll just walk that shit right off. Author, dig out your brain and get a refund, because at this point I don't believe you'd recognize a joke if it slapped you with a rubber chicken. Dipper was exaggerating his injuries, because this show you are so shamelessly retreading is not a Bugs Bunny cartoon!!

"Hoh boy,its going to be a very nice day! I lost my bones.",Chara said,bitterness and sarcasm perfectly mixed in just one sentence.

I'll take your word for it, author. Because that's the only option you've given anyone, to be honest.

Oddly,Pearl had enough tenderness to help Chara get out of the pile of broken metal that once was a tram car.

"Well,I got a job for you and your sister.",Pearl said for Chara,giving a paper for Chara and Frisk with the 'A+' symbol. "Those are unnoficial safety inspection certificates. Try to find a lawsuit to fix those."

"Uh,I don't feel honest doing it...",Frisk said,pointing out the dishonesty on the act of using 'unnoficial' safety inspection certificates.

There you go again, non-original character, pretending your opinion matters when the author is on a script.

"Don't worry,sometimes we have to cheat.",Pearl said with a tender smile,like was speaking the perfect comfort phrase to her great niece. "Asriel? You are doing well on fixing the dunk tank?"

I know what you might be thinking, but the words 'getting dunked on' does not enter this chapter. I can only assume the author is too ignorant about the phrase, because I'm convinced she'd have included it otherwise.

Asriel was fixing the handle of a dunk tank with a blowtorch,wearing gloves on his hands and using a mask appropriate for protection of the blowtorch. After listening to Pearl's voice,he stopped blowing the blowtorch,and lifted up his mask,turning around to face Pearl.

"You can count on the yes,Ms. Dreemurr!",Asriel cheerfuly said,making the best thumb up he could with his fingers.

Pearl was kind of suspicious about the credibility of Asriel's speech,

Despite never being able to quite place it, Pearl always felt able to detect that illegal monster immigrant accent.

and decided to test,by knocking on a circle target. It barely did move.

"Oh my,you are a daredevil enginner,my goat boy!",Pearl proudly spoke with a goofy smile. "Nobody will touch me with your help!"

"Ah,hehe!...Heh...except a magical being from another dimension.",Asriel said,at first,happily and very silly,but his fluffliness slightly dropped down.

I'm going to have to disagree, Asriel. Not even Steven could save her and bring her back to her old universe at this point.

"Wait...I'm sure my trusty hammer is here! But where?",Pearl said,as she looked around the ground,trying to find the 'hammer',but without sucess.

"I'm saying,my lady,someone of a magical origin got it!",

And everyone knows how magical people needs hammers to fix their magical devices, of course. You are an imbecile, author. The least you could have done was to have the stolen object that fixes the time-machine substitution be a fucking crystal! You are using nothing you have at hand sensibly!!

Asriel said,trying to defend his point,since his experience with Chara and Frisk proofed to him that magical beings other than his family and Gaster's family were real.

You just go on and keep treating that monster-not-monster topic like a revolving door at a highway intersection, author, I'm sure someone with half a brain cell will find a way to pretend they figured it out.

"You should hang out less with those girls...",Pearl said,apparently under the belief that Chara and Frisk were imagining things,and influencing Asriel's mind with their fantasies. "I'm sure the hammer is somewhere! But where?"

The hammer was under the hands of a curly-haired blonde,frickled boy,with angelic wings,golden ring above the head,and Greek-like outfit,who was hiding behind a set of portable toilets located on the Crystal Fair. He was using it to fix a white ball of marble light. After fixing it up,the angel boy walked away.

And I'm sure the Pitt cosplayer did so very inconspicuously, looking exactly like an angel in a realm where even they aren't a thing, of course.


"Attention,everyone! The Dunk Tank is on the active!",Pearl announced with a extremely loud voice,and above all,using a megaphone. It made all the tourists cover their ears to avoid losing the audition sense. "If anybody wants to dunk me,you are welcome!"

A good part of the tourists reunited over the Dunk Tank,with balls to knock off Pearl. Oddly,she eagerly accepted her defeat,laughing on extreme joy.

There is no defeat taking place, author. You've even written out the words of how this thing was rigged, and she's ever first going to get wet when the chapter is at an end. Why are you like this?

On a tent labeled "Crystal Burger",Chara picked for herself a cheeseburger,oddly shaped almost exactly like a cartoonish star.

Because that's how a crystal theme works, when the author has never had an original idea in her life.

Besides this weird detail,Chara found out the cheeseburger quite tasty with the first bite. Lapis was also holding one of those star-shaped cheeseburgers.

"Its surreal they make something shaped like that,Lapisy.",Chara said,looking at the snack she was holding on her hands.

"That is called a pop-star,Chara.",Lapis joked out,and she and Chara giggled together.

You are reaching, author. Trouble is, I don't even know what you are reaching for.

However,some drops of the ketchup she inserted on the star-shaped cheeseburger dropped down on her lapis lazuli gemstone shirt.

A shirt made with lapis lazuli gemstones, worn by Lapis Lazuli herself? Last time I saw a reference transparently shoved into the same sentence twice this forced, I was writing my bachelor's, author.

"Ugh. I'll come back,dudette!",Lapis said,before leaving to find something to clean herself up.

"I'll be always here,partner!",Chara playfully replied before Lapis dissapeared from her point of view. "You are awesome.",Chara whispered,thinking nobody would listen to it.

Everybody aboard the friendship train. Seriously, author, here's a blunt word of advice from my experience looking over bad fanfics and their reader reviews. Slather that shit in romance and smut; that stuff will typically reel in readers. This tame shit is gaining no one's attention, for better or worse, and is boring me half-way into the grave.

Then,Frisk approached Chara,carrying a big spiral lollipop of strawberry flavor on her jeans pocket and licking a wonderful popsicle of bubblegum flavor.

"Friendship is a big power from humanity,right?",

Eh, I think nuclear armaments has it beat.

Frisk asked with a gentle tone and smile,even trough Chara and Lapis' relationship was something...bizzarre to her.

Sure, author, let's trust the judgement of the person professing to have been incapable of making friends her entire life.

"Yup,it is...",Chara agreed with a calm smirk,still under the belief that Frisk didn't listen to hers and Lapis' dialogue. "Your guides to talk are really great. You are a big brain for friendship,Frisky."

Are these chapters even connected in your mind, author?

"Hehe,thanks,big sis.",Frisk replied,with a sweet,happy smile. But she began to sniff something that Chara didn't yet notice. "I...oddly smell muscles."

Muscles. Chara knew exactly what Frisk meant with that,and it wasn't something nice for neither. Jasper walked towards them,apparently searching for someone,judging by her face look.

She was also searching for whoever was producing that muscle smell. You've already wasted it, haven't you, author? I'm already convinced you won't even have Temmie mention the word muscles and her aversion to it, even when you have her charging at Jasper near the end to keep to the smudged script.

"You saw Lapis somewhere,runts?",Jasper asked,in a not so friendly tone.

Frisk,oddly,began to shape up her face,to a extremely neutral expression.

Ordinary human behavior, how extremely weird.

Chara got mildly startled,simply because she wasn't expecting Frisk doing this,because she already knew that she could pull off some great emotionless faces.

"I have absolutely no idea.",Frisk said,still pulling off the neutral expression.

Jasper felt angry about Frisk's 'tricks',so,she mercilessy punched Frisk's cheek,causing her to moan in pain and hold her hurted cheek with a sob noise.


The antagonist is supposed to do the equivalent of stealing candy from a child while being uncaring about the kid's very words, author, not assault them! You are just chaining together words you think can mean something in contemporary context, but these characters must act like crazies in order for that to happen and subsequently ignore it afterwards. You are not even writing a convincing Jasper, and certainly not a Robbie substitute. You are only polarizing any nuance that's left because you are trying to distract from Chara's moral low-ground, by resorting to demonizing her opponent. Or that's what you would do, had you been aware of it!!

Chara growled in anger,but a idea dinged on her head.

Wow, what a protective twin sister, huh?

"Hey...I think she took a stroll to the Bottomless Hole. Ya should jump there.",Chara spoke,with a trickster tone,very sure that her rival for Lapis affection would be tricked.

"Hmmm...alright.",Jasper said,just slightly thinking about the possibility of Chara tricking her.

How imbecilic can you be, author? You lack grasp of conversations that even ten-year-olds can figure out. Firstly, Robbie did not steal candy floss from thinking he was being lied to. He's just a jerk. Secondly, suggesting jumping in the Bottomless Pit is an open-faced statement for him to take a hike, not something anyone ever - except maybe yourself - would think was a trick, nor be tricked by. To have me explaining such simple shit as this, only proves how much everything in your fanfic doesn't work!

Before walking away,she pushed Chara out of the way,making her fall on the ground,just to briefly get up moments later.

"She is a meanie.",Frisk said with a sad expression,still holding the cheek that was hurt by Jasper's incredibly tough punch.

Yes, look on readers and sympathize with how the author wrote her sock puppets into starring in a cringey bullying PSA.

"Mmm-hmm. A meanie with guitars and big muscles. I have to put my big brain to work so she can keep herself very far from Lapis.",Chara said,as she cleaned the dirt over her black pants and lower part of her hoodie.

Who are you to decide who Lapis is friends with, Chara, you narcissistic control freak? What the hell are you writing, author? Chara and Jasper are not competitors in this scenario, but you pretend they are, making you come across as having a world view that puts cult leaders to shame!

"Don't worry,if you want anything like emotional support,I'll be alongside you all the way.",Frisk said,briefly hugging her sister.

However,the hug was interrupted because Frisk saw a add paper. It was named "Win-a-Cat-Dog",and it was enough to attract Frisk,a lover of all the existent common animals.

And cat-dogs have to be common, otherwise they would be monsters, who then would just be normal people, and we can't very well have them sold into slavery before the author does it to the Japanese, can we?

Frisk barely said for Chara to wait for her,and she immediately ran towards the little area the add paper was pointing out.

Frisk looked around,and spotted many curious beings. They had the overall cat appearence,but with dog ears fixed on their head sides,black hair and blue shirts. Except one of them. This cat-dog hybrid that catched the girl's attention had a darker gray hair,and a stripped shirt with blue and yellow colors.

Clothes, truly and enigmatic difference. Where's the Bob in this discount Pokémon daycare?

"hOI! fREas!",the cat-dog hybrid said for Frisk. It surprised Frisk a little,since she expected the cat-dog hybrid to make a bark,or a meow.

" said 'Fresh'...or 'Frisk'?",Frisk asked,noticing the odd similarity between her own name and the word the cat-dog hybrid spoke out.

"fREasK!",the cat-dob hybrid said again for Frisk,and now,Frisk was sure the hybrid was trying to speak her own name.

Because Temmie is either omniscient enough to know, or they are both equally retarded, take you pick, it won't matter either way.

And it was giving her alot of happiness and joy. So much happiness and joy,that she opened her eyes wide,giggling of joy.

However,Frisk's trance of happiness was interrupted the annoying laughter of Etoile and her two friends,which annoyed her alot. She thought about the possibility of Etoile picking up the stripped-shirted cat-dog before her,and since she believed the cat-dog liked her more,she decided she would try to pick it up faster.

I'm being serious here, author. All of your regurgitated script retelling displays the motivation interpretations of a social manipulator. You didn't even have Frisk acknowledge a genuine desire to be Temmie's owner, only focusing on the fact that Frisk - paranoid fuck with author foresight that she is - didn't want Etoile to possess Temmie instead!

"Sir,I want this specific cat-dog.",Frisk said for the cashier,pointing out to the cat with dark-gray hair and stripped shirt.

"First,you have to guess the weight of 17-pounds.",the cashier replied.

"...17 pounds.",Frisk fearfully guessed,judging out the weight of the cat-dog by the codename it went trough.

Oh, spot on, author, simply changing "15-Poundy" to "17-pounds" and calling it a codename adapted the fuck out of this scene!!! Would it kill you to play with your stolen toys instead of hoarding them in your fanfic to collect dust?! Have Temmie do what Tems do and state its name out loud, and have the owner demand the name be guessed. While not necessarily funny, it'll actually be some genuine adherence to your crossover character choices for once!

"You are a insane brainiac.",the cashier said,before handing down the cat-dog hybrid to Frisk,filling her with joy as the crowd congratulated her trough many claps.

"We'll be together forever.",Frisk said for '17-Pounds' with a sweet smile,hugging the cat-dog hybrid with extreme tenderness over her heart.


Chara and Lapis were walking together trough the Crystal Fair,looking at the tents for something interesing.

Maybe they should look in the Lost & Found for the missing t's.

Lapis turned her head around and spotted a ball toss game with the prizes being dolls shaped as some kind of swan with rainbow pallete.

"Awesome!",Lapis commented,giving light slaps at Chara's shoulder and pointing towards the rainbow swan dolls. "I want one,even trough swans with rainbow pallete doesn't really exist."

Hey, that mirrors my disposition towards witnessing this author's writing talent.

"My great aunt told to me she has a trick for this kind of game.",Chara said,as she and Lapis walked to the ball toss game tent. "Just use the grace of ballet on your arms that its pratically impossible to miss."

"That is interesing.",Lapis replied with a sweet smile for Chara.

It's also utterly pointless to say, as it demands one has said grace, which the author also has used to paint Pearl as obnoxious for having.

Chara pulled a dollar from her hoodie's pocket and gave it to the carnie,having only one chance to get the prize. And she promised to herself to not waste the chance. She aimed with grace for the target,and threw the ball she recieved.

Unfortunately,altrough it was sucessful in it's hit,it bounced back.

Because the author's Mary Sue skinsuit can't fail, even when that's the plot.

Chara covered her face with her arms to avoid a damage,but a moan of pain from Lapis catched her attention,making her find out the ball hitted Lapis straight over the left eye.

"LAPIS! Oh god,I'm so darn sorry!!",Chara pratically yelled for her older sister figure's forgiveness.

"Ugh,I think its okay...",Lapis said with a odd mix of grumpiness and sweetness,and turning her face towards Chara to reveal the black eye.

"D-don't worry,I'll redeem myself getting Sea Water bottles for your eye.",Chara said with a extremely unregular smile,as she dashed towards the water cooler.

There,she picked water bottles whose marks were literally labeled as 'Sea Water',and she ran trought the Crystal Fair,trying to find Lapis.

I know what you are doing, author, and you are an idiot for doing it. Every circumstance involving your Wendy-replacement that had ice in it must be replaced with water - branded with ocean motif, too - because Wendy's place on the Cipher wheel was symbolized with ice. There's a reason Ford said the symbol needn't be literal, for crying out loud! Instead of picking something sensible of traits that could pair up properly, you are ham-fistedly shoving in our faces what Lapis Lazuli had as an elemental signifier in the source material you stripped her from, to the point where your substitution choices causes people in-world to behave ridiculously enough to replace Band-Aids with duct tape!

Distracted,she bumped with the same angelic boy that stole Pearl's hammer. The boy dropped the marble ball while Chara dropped and losed alot of water bottles.

"GAH! Be careful next time,boy!",Chara angrily hissed towards the boy,picking the remaining water bottles. The boy retreated in fear,but not forgetting to pick up the marble ball.

Yeah, hey author, could you please remind me what anyone is supposed to find likeable about this little bitch?

Chara ran and ran until she spotted Lapis...unfortunately,her help came too late,since Jasper offered help by using her ice cream to calm down the pain over the black eye. And to make the matter worse,she witnesses Lapis accepting a request from Jasper to go on a 'fun hangout'.

And there we have the final proof of the non-threat of Jasper. Chara is an insufferable brat who has an unhealthy obsession with having Lapis' attention twenty-four-seven, and the author wants us to think Jasper is a bad guy, perhaps merely by virtue of being molded from Jasper, or more likely by simply wanting to maintain her current friendship with Lapis which predates Chara's arrival. Why do I always find the authors who project their own warped and self-entitled viewpoints through their main characters?

Chara's mental world crumbled into many shards,and she unconsciously dropped the remaining water bottles,and they rolled around her. The innocently unaware Frisk came,carrying the cat-dog hybrid,whom was actually female,on her arms.

She figured that out by how feminine Temmie's eyes looked.

"Greetings big sis. I got this fellow that I decided to name Temmie. Isn't she cute?",Frisk greeted and asked Chara with a sweet smile. However,she soon realized her sister wasn't in the best of the moods.

"...Yeah,its cool...sis...",Chara slowly said,turning around to face her sister and the pet,and fastly to face towards a ride nearby.

Frisk immediately got out the message,seeing Lapis and Jasper entering the ride,and felt extreme pity for her sister. Chara began to laugh,and strangely,cry on sadness at the same time. It wasn't exactly new for Frisk: she knew one of the methods for her older sister to cope with sadness was laugh away the pain.


Oh suck it up and eat a buttercup, you emo snowflake. Oh woe is you, you'll have to wait until tomorrow to once more pester a person you've known for two weeks. And instead of having a genuine emotion, to try to even paint a semblance of coherent behavior, the author doesn't make this vapid turd sulk. No, she goes for the extreme of a pretend breakdown, mental anguish and melodrama of laughing while crying to hammer in how tumblr-tortured she is, over the fact that her playdate got cancelled! If it wasn't because this whiny nitwit's pitiful friendship fixation was so alien, and clearly construed as foundational mortar for the bricks made of multi-crossover role-substitution mania, I'd only be able to conclude that the author has done nothing but produce a fantasy shaped by her own neurologic disorders, in order for me to explain everything contained in this insipid fanfic!

So,she used 'Temmie's' paw to wash away some of Chara's tears,who wouldn't stop cry-laughing for some minutes.

I'm not done! Fuck you, author. I guess Dipper must have just been an emotionally stunted troglodyte, who found Wendy an easy token of affection to cast aside whenever, right? Love just can't measure up to the nirvana that is your idea of friendship, and being denied it is akin to torture, a betrayal of the Geneva Convention itself! And laugh-crying is called being emotionally incontinent, just like how you are pissing away everything worthwhile you could have made of this fanfic's already lackluster premise!!


It was now 12 AM. Chara laid down below a tree nearby the Crystal Fair,letting her sadness float over her mind. Frisk sitted down alongside Chara,still holding Temmie.

"Hey,if you wanna pet her a little...",Frisk suggested,offering for Chara to hold Temmie. She accepted,grabbing the cat-dog and petting her.

No, you fools, Temmie is allergic to humans!

"If you could,you would restart time to correct a mistake?",Chara asked for Frisk in a thoughtful voice,staring at nothing in particular,except for her wish to revert her single mistake.

"Nah. I think we should move on with our choices,no matter if they are bad or good.",Frisk said,gazing to the clouds with a sweet smile.

Well, those are some hollow and ironic words fed to you by an author thinking she can glorify her protagonists' wisdom in her take on this plotline, while still having you flip on it later to regain your lost Temmie because of that exact action, you future hypocrite.

"I mean,come on,its just a little mistake...",Chara said for Frisk,now looking at the people walking trough the fair. "I just leted Lapis go out with Jasper because I lost my Sea Water for...HIM!",Chara continued,suddenly pointing out to the angelic boy who she stumbled with,and running towards him.

Figures that divine intervention is necessary for this story to continue on a plotline, that demands no one notices the fucking angel easily spotted in public!

Frisk,out of curiosity,decided to follow her sister,and Temmie ran along. The angelic boy raised a confused eyebrow,before turning around to face the two young Dreemurrs.

"Hey JERKBUTT! Thanks for that abominable action.",Chara bitterly hissed,closing her fists,like she was ready to punch the boy.

"I got distracted and failed to notice you before I walked straight into you. This is clearly your fault!"

"What you want with us? Are you some kind of spy?!"

" angel?",Frisk pointed out,noticing the hidden wings of the blonde boy.

He hid them under all the descriptions the author has forgot to write.

"Oh NO! I have been spotted! Escape shapeshift,activate!",the angel boy screamed in fear,and clapped his hands. He shapeshifted into the form of a little squirrel,but shapeshifted back to his normal form after noticing the hammer he stole from Pearl dropped out of his vest.

And then the evil overlord failed to take over the world, because he had to pause to scratch his nose. Your excuses are lazy to a T, author.

"Wow! You must be someone magical.",Frisk said with a impressed smile,contrasting with Chara's anger that was about to be subistitued with curiosity.

"W-what? You are just plan crazy!",the angel boy said with a hysterical smile,before sighing and giving up,revealing his wings better and hoping nobody else was watching him. "...Actually,you are right. I came from another dimension."

I know just the club house you should join, then. It's called the Crystal Shack, population Inside Falls! And why does the title of this junk chapter imply time travel, then?

"Wait...",Chara said,her full-blown anger fully subistitued with interest and curiosity. "So,what is that marble ball of yours?"

"Its a marble ball that can grant wishes. Even bring people to other dimensions and time travel.",the angel boy explained,showing better the marble ball. ...That is exactly what Chara was searching for.

And Chara is just going to do time travel and never once going to consider the option of simply wishing things went her way through this to-be underappreciated deus ex machina, because the author has less thought retention than a windsock!

"...Hey,I think I need something like that.",Chara said with a smirk and snarky eyebrow,pointing her thumb to the marble ball.

"No,my lady,please don't have it.",the angel boy explained with a serious tone and face,hugging the ball in a protective way.

"Hey,you forgot to introduce yourself,sir.",Frisk pointed out to the angel boy with a gentle tone,face,and eyebrow-un-visible eyes.

I assure you that I mean this in the most insulting of ways, author, but have you considered learning French?

"Oh,right. My name is Eros,and I came from Dimension 23456,where magic still and will always rule.",

Did your IQ test happen to spontaneously combust, author? You are incredibly dense, phenomenally stupid, and outright removed from basic logical dot-connecting skills that I've seen pigs and small birds being able to do! You are straight up borrowing from mythology, using Eros - the Greek god of LOVE - as the replacement of Blendin Blandin. In a show that features an actual cherub called Love God. By the way, author, halos, not a thing in Greek mythology, you nutter. Is all this canon romance obfuscation just you taking an obsessive compulsive axe to it, guided by hatred for the Undertale acronym? And here I thought Jasper was the one being profiled.

'Eros' said,with a shy smile. "I was tasked with this marble ball and sent to this dimension to check for any kind of time anomalies. For now,I didn't find nothing that could be called...*yawn* anomaly."

Because clearly it can only be the job of people in other dimensions to take care of this one's time anomalies, no question about that. And already the author's crippled grasp of the plot unfolds as Eros is just checking in, announcing no hint at expecting any anomalies here.

"Hey,you could...I don't know,have a break.",Chara suggested,still not going well with the style of Eros,but understanding well what was like to try to achieve something in a sleepy mode.

She should know, since the author clearly wrote this while being in a coma.

"Yeah. The Crystal Fair has alot of interesing things to entretain you.",Frisk added,thumbing up with her two hands and smiling off.

Or, you know, he could pop over to a dimension the author hasn't ruined.

"That is actually...a good idea.",Eros said,at first,thoughtfully,but shifting to a happier tone. However,his face gained a serious one as he continued,"But don't you dare touch my stuff."

Eros quickly turned around and walked towards the Crystal Fair,with starry and curious eyes,since it was really his first time on that dimension. Eventually,he found out a barrel ride,and who was operating it was the nubian goat boy Asriel.

At this point I'm forced to simply reiterate the idiocy I'm reading to get my bafflement across. Nubian?!

It was incredibly shocking for him to see an apparent supernatural creature interacting with something human normally.

Monsters are monsters, except when they are people, except when they are not, I guess.

Then,Asriel turned around and gasped in surprise,noticing the angelic appearence of Eros.

"Oh my god! Howdy,other one of my small group!",Asriel said,first at extreme surprise,and then at extremely sweet enthusiasm.

Excuse me a moment, I think I just had like a dozen "How do you do, fellow kids" memes flashing before my eyes. Were you by any chance trying to have Asriel call Eros his homie, author?

"Hello,my fellow...?",Eros awkwardly replied,scratching the back of his hair. "Can I use this 'ride'?"

"Of course!",Asriel happily said. "...Buuut,you'll have to unhold on this rock,because it may break.",Asriel continued,pointing to the marble over Eros' hand.

"You are going to take good care of it,right?...",Eros said,worried that someone would steal the marble and ruin all of his task and chance to return without the risk of a penalty.

"I cannot one hundred percent guarantee that.",Asriel warned with a wavy smile,holding out the marble on his hands and,afterwards,putting it on the ground next to his feet.

Because even when taking the role of the crybaby, idiotic buffoon, the author can't cast a single shade of negative implication on this flavorless gumdrop.

Eros ignored Asriel's warning and had his fun break on the barrel ride as Asriel looked at the ride. Chara,taking the chance that Asriel was distracted and Eros was enjoying himself,picked up the marble and dashed away.


At the Crystal Shack...

"We finally have it,Frisk. The ticket for the gate of time.",

Sweet. A genie lamp that you are going to use as an Uber. Rock on.

Chara said,looking down at the marble alongside Frisk and Temmie. The three were now on the poker table on the living room of the shack.

"You'll use it to fix just a little mistake,right?",

Well, that depends, sweetie, does Chara think Hitler did anything wrong?

Frisk said,unconsciously remembering the 'time anomalies' speech from Eros and fearing her little sister could intentionally,or even accidentaly,cause some anomalies.

"Of course,Frisky.",Chara playfully teased Frisk,then returned to the serious expression. "All I have to do is increase my accuracy,so Lapis and Jasper won't be destined to hangout,and I will be happy as well."

Because then you'll get to lick Lapis' eyeballs, yes, we get it.

"If it isn't a problem,I'll come along.",Frisk said with a sweet smile,patting Temmie. "I want to relieve a moment I'll surely guard on my sweet memories: the birth of my friendship with Temmie."

Chara accepted Frisk's companion request and cleaned her throat. Afterwards,she cleaned some dust that oddly was on the marble.

And for all you should know, that could be fairy dust that powers the unexplained magical device.

"Bring us back in time,great marble!",Chara said,and afterwards,she hi-fived Frisk.

Alright, anywhere between two seconds ago and the beginning of the universe, let's go.

The two twin girls were surrounded by a white light,and their movements were entirely static. Temmie ran away in fear,dropping the poker cards on the table,but she freezed up on her running stance. Everyone was freezed up. Afterwards,a white light engulfed the town,and in a eye blink,the sun was on the sky,and sunlight was coming out of the windows.

Incredible, lackluster and half-assed time travel descriptions. Totally worth all the hours wasted on reading this far, too.

Chara and Frisk smiled,and ran outside,finding out Chara's time-travel wish became true.

"Attention,everyone! The Dunk Tank is on the active! If anybody wants to dunk me,you are welcome!",Grauntie Pearl said,on the same tone and speed she said before,and still using a megaphone.

I think what unnerves me most, is that the author hasn't bothered describing her to be wearing a bathing suit.

And still,everyone had to cover their ears to not lose their audition sense.

I think you've lost yours, too, author, since this is what you want to present yourself with on the Internet.

Chara and Frisk splitted up: Chara to try again to win Lapis' affection,

This just in; if you like someone as a friend, that means you can like no one else as a friend.

and Frisk to win her new friend Temmie once more. Frisk was so fast,that even before the cashier could announce the cat-dog hybrids,she was already in-front of the cashier.

"17-pounds!",Frisk proudly said,gladly recieving Temmie on her arms. "And I'm a proud brainiac.",Frisk continued,before walking away.

"Greetings Lapis!",Chara said,hastily running towards the blue-dyed-hair girl with a happy smile,and wildly panting.

"Look at this wish-granting marble I've got. Let's have fun with it, and maybe wish Jasper off a cliff."

Honestly author, anyone could write these chapters better than you by simply writing something else.

"Hey Chara.",Lapis greeted back with a nice smile. "You look like you ran trough a marathon."

"Yeah I know...",Chara said,cleaning her sweat over her forehead. "Hmmm...hey,look at those swans!",Chara continued,patting over Lapis' left arm and pointing towards the rainbow swan dolls.

"Awesome!",Lapis said,almost like in the same tone she said on the original 'timeline'. "I want one,even trough swans with rainbow pallete doesn't really exist."

That's clearly a rainbow swan fallacy.

Perfect,Chara thought. She had another chance to try again. She prayed deep inside her soul for it to not fail again,and tried to carefully aim again. But unfortunately,the ball rebounced again,and Lapis' eyes was hurt again.

"OH NO!!",Chara screamed,refusing to believe her plan failed.

Oh no, it's not like you have a magical device that can alter all of reality, fix her injury, prevent it from having happened, or given you better throwing skills. Throw in a wish for a brain while we are at it.

"Ugh,I think its okay...",Lapis said for Chara,with the same odd and mixed tone,and showing for the 12-years-old girl again her hurt eye.

"How could it happen...?",Chara thought to herself,looking at her hands in shame.

I wish you were channeling the author's thoughts on her fanfic right now.


In the end,Chara's plan failed. And even trough Frisk was deeply happy about relieving her moment of winning Temmie,she felt much pity for Chara.

"It happened again...interesing.",Chara said bitterly to herself,looking down to the ground with her right hand holding on her jumper.

"I just hope this isn't because god hates you.",

And there you go, blaming deities for your personal failures. Not that I doubt any god wouldn't despise this walking shit stain, mind you.

Frisk honestly said,still holding extreme pity towards Chara. If she was in a weaker mood,Frisk would even begin to cry for her older twin sister.

"hOi! tEM lOvi hOOmAn!",Temmie said for Chara with a excessively happy voice,and Frisk petted her with a slightly more happier face.

"Its weird...its like there is a time god that see me as a anomaly...",

No it isn't. You did however steal a magical artifact from an angel, and you expect us to be surprised it doesn't work out, when the author is the one dictating this shit from a stolen script?

Chara said,putting her hand on her chin. Then,she shaked her head,"No,it can't be true. I gotta have to try a third time. The third time is the definitive time."

I refuse to believe you don't know the word and phrasing of "third time's the charm", author, and I diagnose you as a pretentious illiterate.

Chara again summoned the power of the marble to bring herself and Frisk back in time.


Three failures. Three successive failures for Chara,and three successive 'victories' for Frisk. Chara was already wishing to destroy,or at least punch in the face the being that was making her have successive failures of time travelling.

And now you have active, hostile paranoia. How many more mental disorders are you going to display in this chapter?

But now,now,she had a plan for her victory. And for that plan,she needed Frisk's help.

"Watch this,Lapis.",Chara said for Lapis,apparently preparing a full-blown throw.

"Okay Buttercupy.",

I guess I wasn't present, when it was announced that any word can be an affectionate nickname just by sticking 'y' at the end of it.

Lapis said for Chara,winking for her and going a little backwards.

Chara,suddenly,threw the ball upwards,for the surprise of Lapis and of the crowd. The ball rolled down trough the tent,went upwards,hitting a windgage,rolled down on a pipe holded down by Frisk,and went towards the target.

Unfortunately,nothing happened. ...Actually,'Unfortunately'.

Stop trying to apply sarcasm with the written word like this author. You've barely mastered See Spot Run.

Again,for everyone's surprise,the ball came back,knocking all the cans and briefly bouncing trough the tent before making a hole trough the tent. Chara finally won the rainbow swan for Lapis.

"Its beautiful!",Lapis said,her eyes sparkling with and like little stars.

Stars that are birthmark shaped, just so we are clear.

Then,she looked down at Chara,who gracefully picked down the ball on her buttercup hat.

"Hey Lapis.",Jasper voice ringed out,and she came in. But Chara didn't have to worry anymore,she already impressed Lapis,and her bigger and tougher rival didn't have a chance.

"Chara gave this to me! Sparkly,isn't it?",Lapis said,showing the rainbow swan doll for Jasper,making the latter immediately gain a awkward look on her face.

"Oh, yeah, that's cool, I guess. I can see that you are busy. How about we hang out later?"

Seriously, author, how non-versatile do you actually think friendship is? You preach the word but I don't think you know what it means.

"Hmpth. Its just a non-existing swan. The runt don't know it exist...",Jasper bitterly said,forcing her own hair to hide her face as she walked again,and making Chara experience the taste of sweet victory.

Just like punching indiscriminately, this here is just typical Jasper behavior, isn't it? She's made to act like Robbie instead whenever it's convenient to the author, and vice versa.

"Oh well,she is too rude to hangout with me. Chara can be nicer.",Lapis shrugged off,patting Chara's head and making the latter blush.

Praise the author, for she has figured out how to glorify her self-insert as a lesser evil.

"I'm grateful about helping you,big sis.",Frisk said with a sweet smile,walking towards Chara,who thumbed up to her. "Now its time to pick Tem-",Frisk was about to say,until she noticed the worst happened to her while the best happened to her older sister.

Etoile winned Temmie while Frisk was busy. Frisk screamed a large 'NO!' and ran towards Temmie to try and free her from Etoile's grasp if possible.

Are you crazy? Etoile is rich enough to pay for Temmie going to college.


Chara and Lapis went to the ride,while Frisk sadly failed at recovering Temmie. On the distance,Frisk screamed,and Chara had to interrupt the ride,since Frisk was running and screaming in circles.

"Frisk?",Chara called out for Frisk,making her stop screaming.

"...Etoile has Temmie...the timeline is done for me...",Frisk said with a sad face and low tone of voice.

Wish-granting marble, hello?!

Chara realized that,and decided to try and go back in time again,this time,to make herself and Frisk happy. However,one mistake happened,and the two were transported too much back in time.

And we can't even have sibling bickering because of the author's idealized older-younger sister relationship fetish. I'm sure we are also supposed to take away from this, that Chara has such a golden heart of self-sacrifice in putting Frisk before Lapis, when all that this boils down to is a rescheduled hangout!

"...Where we are?",Frisk said,looking at her sides and finding herself and her sister on a European-esque forest.

"I have no idea.",Chara confessed,checking around the area.

Jokes don't come here to die, they don't come here at all. 'When', author. They are travelling through time, the canon even made that point, and your dialogue counterfeiting couldn't even go for broke and have one of them ask what time it is.

Then,she stopped,as she noticed she and Frisk were on the edge of a cliff,and she noticed what was below the cliff.

Frisk also checked out for curiosity,and found out what was shocking her sister. An exercity of greek warriors and an exercity of roman warriors were battling,and the two twins soon realized they were watching a part of the Macedonian Wars.

Did you burp while stating your author's hand-waved mistaken wish to the marble or something, why the fuck would you be here!?

"OH NOOO!",Frisk screamed in extreme horror,because wars were the thing that she most hated,even the old wars.

I share your sentiment, but could you be less of a Looney Tunes character about it?

"...I surely don't wanna be watching this.",Chara said,just after an missed arrow barely hitted her left arm.

Chara decided to just poke the marble to see if it could do something without being commanded with. And surely it did...from what Chara could guess,the two were transported to the Mesozoic era.

You 'brainiacs' can hit the nail on the head with the Macedonian Wars, but you couldn't narrow this down to anything less than an era of 180 million years? Lame.

And surely,a cry of a pterodactylus echoed on their ears,and the twin girls looked upwards to find a pterodactylus lunging towards them. Thankfully,by a mix of adrenaline and fear,Chara transported them again.

This time she licked the marble, still thinking that she'd better keep to not telling it that she wants to get back home.

However,the two found themselves on a Greek-themed world that surely didn't look like their home-dimension.

Because we all know their own world only have oriental structures, of course.

The marble ball was used again,transporting the two back to the day the Eastern Season was open,the day Frisk made Clay Pearl,and the first day the two engaged against the Slendytubbies,their very first supernatural adventure. On the last time,before returning to their regular time,they accidentaly stopped on a autumn-version of the Crystal Shack.

I still haven't forgotten you put autumn leaves in the first episode describing their summer vacation author. And with a different sequence of these time travel scenes that you are not utilizing at all, this could have been the opportunity to show you were clever and did that intentionally, but you didn't take it.

Thankfully,the two dissapeared right before a lady with dark brown skin and afro black hair could spot them,and were transported back above the totem.

Oh, who could it possibly be, I mean, it's all so mysterious. Are you even fucking trying, author? Do you even get the point of the original plot twist, and how this direct showing in the canon did in fact not give it away for a very specific reason?! Why do I bother, it's not like you know what a twin is anymore.

Unfortunately,it was on the timeline where Chara won and Frisk lost.

"...Chara,we should try again.",Frisk said,not wanting to lose Temmie forever to Etoile.

"NO. I don't want to risk that again!",Chara scolded Frisk,climbing down the totem. Afterwards,she waited for Frisk to climb down.

But Frisk didn't climb down. Actually,she began to carefully curl up,covering her face on her knees,and cry. She sobbed,and never stopped.

"Frisk,stop with that.",Chara coldly said. "Its just a stupid cat-dog thing! I'm sure you wouldn't be eternally hurt by that!",

We are already supposed to think this is somehow a dilemma, where Chara's flippant decision-making has the author in an armlock with the plot, so she has to make her own characters act out of character, which she pretends they are half the time anyway. Let Chara hold her ground to have 100% attendance rate as Lapis' boot-licker, or save Temmie from living in slavery to a Japanese girl - what am I reading?!

Chara said,and just to try and proof her 'point',she wished for the marble to transport her to one day in the future.

For her surprise,Frisk was still sobbing,and never climbed down. Chara tried to time-jump to one week. No improvement. One month. Nothing. And above all,vines grew over the totem,and over Frisk's legs. Frisk herself was dirty,with unwashed and messed hair and clothes. Asriel came in,leading a tour group.

In a pinch, the Nubian goat boy could always pose for photos, if tourists wasn't satisfied with the crystals at the shack.

"And the one above this totem is Frisk,the Depressed Human.",Asriel said,pointing upwards on the totem,towards his cousin. "She is a girl that was once happy,until a demon refused to hear her call for help.",

Got a lot of those demons you can count on for help in Brazil, author? Why do you think using nothing but badly translated fandom lingo is all you have to do in order to write this nonsense?

he continued,until he noticed Chara was there,and glared at her with a surprisingly cold and angry face for his kind of personality. "Oh,howdy,Chara."

Chara immediately felt regret,both because she realized how much she hurted Frisk,and because she broke the promise she made for Deux,and ran away into the forest,to use the marble one last time.

You promised Deux to be less embarrassing around Lapis, what the fuck are you going on about, you dumb Ebenezer Scrooge wannabe?

"Great marble...I want to go back to the faithful day,to fix a mistake I did.",

Being born?

Chara said to the marble,and she was transported to said faithful day,thankfully,before she could win Lapis' affection.

Chara threw down the marble,and ran to meet with Lapis,so the timeline could go regularly until the moment Lapis could spot the tent with rainbow swans.

Oh yeah, totally relatable, I'd get rid of my infinite wishes the moment I got tired of them, too.

"Awesome! I want one,even trough swans with rainbow pallete doesn't really exist.",Lapis said,on the exact way,volume and tone she always said on the timelines Chara remembered off.

We know and we get it, author, stop marveling at predeterminism!

"Hey Lapis.",Chara said to Lapis,hugging her arms and catching Lapis' attention. "Never try to go back in time to fix a mistake. There will be consequences that will come back to bite you in the neck. We all may think it,but we aren't above consequences."

What fucking consequences?! You had a conflict of interest with your twin sister. Fuck off with your preachy pretend insight!

"Woah...that is one of the wisest things I ever heard on this year." Lapis said,impressed about Chara's speech,and crouching to her height. "I think I'll hang out with you."

Oh, isn't Chara just the wisest? Let's have someone state exactly what the readers are supposed to think about her and the brain vomit she just spewed. You've established and justified nothing, not even your hypothetical time god in this mishandled, dead-on-arrival time travel plot, author.

"No no no.",Chara said,nodding her head and pointing towards Jasper,who was on the distance. "I'm fine if you hang out know...her.",Chara continued,before walking away,laughing and crying at the same time.

You are already hanging out with her, you little pissant! You gain nothing out of now giving up what you fail to convince anyone that you actually want. This is nothing but the author milking for pity points, while pretending she isn't only exploiting the fact that the plot will stick to the canon formula forever. Either that, or the author is a wimp of an amateurish writer, who is letting the plot walk all over her. Pathetic, either way, because all she has produced is something no one should want to read.

Lapis raised a confused eyebrow as she looked at Chara walking away,not entirely aware that it was her method of coping with sadness,but soon,Jasper approached Lapis,and her attention to Chara faded away. It was done.

The timeline was fixed.

It was never broken, you ostentatious asshole. You don't get martyrdom for not hanging out with someone!

"Chara!!",Frisk's voice ringed out,in the mid of Chara's lonely and depressive laughter. Frisk ran in under the company of Temmie,and hugged Chara,lifting her up,which was a tad surprising considering Frisk was younger and shorter than Chara.

You really don't have any siblings, do you, author? And that one goes on the counter, too.

"Thank you so MUCH!"

"hOi! tHanK!",Temmie also thanked off Chara,swinging her tail in joy just like how a regular dog would do.

"I think I was kind of selfish this time...but I thankfully realized my mistakes agains't you.",Chara said,patting Frisk's head with a more peaceful smile.

However,their brief peaceful moment was interrupted by hands poking the two's shoulders. The two turned around to find Eros was there,with a serious expression over his eyes.

His face was expressionless, except for his forehead, apparently.

"Where is my marble ball?",Eros said,extending his hand to recieve it.

Chara just pointed to the forest with a nervous smile,and Eros immediately ran to it. On the distance,the two twins heard screams,coming from Eros and two new voices the two never heard before. What they could theorize in the hour is that Eros was suffering a arrest,and even trough the two kind of felt pity towards him,they couldn't exactly do something about it.

Well, that was fucking lazy and entirely a repeat on how the author doesn't want as single share of blame touch his pet characters. "Oh no, these precious dumplings were entirely incapable of doing anything about what befalls the other characters as the plot dictates, but they feel great amounts of pity for them, so they are pure as snow."

Also,apparently,one of them hit Pearl down bringing delight to the crowd.

"I think the responsible for the time anomalies Eros was looking for was never found.",Frisk said,licking some ice cream she picked up for herself and Chara.

"...Y-yeah.",Chara agreed,not revealing to Frisk that she realized that she and her sister were the ones responsible for the anomalies.

What time anomalies? You cretins did nothing to cause any, leaving Eros to not even have anything to be accused of, all because this author couldn't repeat a single scene of this show without trimming the plot to make constantly failing crossover references!

The twins spotted Jasper talking to Lapis and approached the two teenagers.

"Hey buff!",Frisk greeted with a cheerful smile,showing Temmie to Jasper. "Say greetings to my new friend."

"W-WOAH!",Jasper said in shock,backing off and accidentaly hitting her fist on a table with a water bucket,dropping water over the ground and wetting up her shoes. Everyone,except the kind of polite Frisk,began to laugh at her face.

Oh no. Wet shoes. How humiliating? What distant galaxy do you hail from, author?

"You are a great Yeah. You are a great hybrid of both.",Chara said to Temmie,petting her alongside her sister Frisk with a calm,serene smile.

And just like that, the chapter ends as it was doomed to. With imaginary setup, without payoff, a giant heap of wasted words. The author couldn't even scratch her ass and wedge in her own tagline, about one needing to be careful of what they wish for, in a chapter involving an actual wish-granting artifact!

And what do you know, my predictions keep failing, if only because the author's choice of character substitutions are becoming increasingly meaningless. And I didn't get a migraine. I'll try again. Next chapter is called "~Amuse-Bouche~", which is a word for an hors d'oeuvre. Fight Fighters was an entertaining piece with fighting game refrences, so instead the author is going to have Jasper be on the receiving end of Cooking Mama's wrath.

Counters : YAT - 39.

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Thu Apr 18, 2019 4:47 pm

We are ten chapters into this, with no deviation from a different but identical Gravity Falls plot railroad, with characters that don't act like who they are supposed to be, don't act like the characters they are replacing, or don't act like people in general. The fact that they act is dubious at best, too. Here's Chapter 10 ~Amuse Bouche~.

On a new morning raising over the town of Inside Falls,Asriel decided to bring Frisk and Pearl to the local LAN gaming center.

Well, I can definitely feel that this is a sleepy, backwater town in rural frontier country, can't you?

Pearl was extremely new to the concept,being a old lady around her sixties,

She prematurely aged in the ten chapters leading up to this, since the author finally thought she should mention that.

unlike Frisk and Asriel,who were very young.

They are in their twolvties.

"Here is a place I often visited alot on Inside Falls,before my nine years came.",

"I was 'pwning' noobs in Call of Duty and telling them I slept with their Nubian goat mothers, all before I was even allowed to be in here unaccompanied by an adult."

Asriel explained,showing the place around for the girls. "Golly,I remember my childhood stepping here! This place was one of my childhood caretakers,alongside my parents and my childhood TV Channel."

I think the author wants us to know Asriel is explaining everyone how he had a childhood here, despite the fact that he's supposed to have known the twins a lot already before even anyone of them went to Inside Falls.

Frisk looked around,eventually spotting Gaster Wingdings,who was typing something on a computer with a extremely dark screen.

"Asriel...?",Frisk whispered into Asriel's long ear,pointing towards Gaster.

"Let the middle-aged man have a break.",Asriel said,inserting an hand over Frisk's back.

The poor guy lowered the brightness of his monitor to surf porn in public, leave him be.

Pearl eventually found out a civillian using a computer hosting an electronic game about ballerinas,and it was like her entire being was offended.

"That isn't the ballerina way!",Pearl thought to herself in extreme anger.

A game that will spread awareness and allow people to gain interest in her hobby? How dare they!

Chara and Lapis,curiously,went there before Asriel,Frisk and Pearl,and already were playing over individual computers. The two were on the final levels of their respective shooter games: Lapis on "Gradius ReBirth",and Chara on "CatGirl Wihout Salad! ~Amuse-Bouche~".

Figures. I should have known to check up on actual game titles, considering this author butchered Destiny by stuffing that into an arcade cabinet in the ghost chapter. CatGirl Without Salad is an odd one. It's a Humble Original by WayForward, originating as an April Fools joke, and it's pretty much nonstop randomness and references. I see why the author picked it, and I see why it's not a good choice.

...Strange names,right?

Would you stop leaning on the fourth wall while stating the obvious? Are you getting off on the fact that there will be people who have no referential knowledge of it?

"How is this wacky story going on?",Lapis said,turning her eyes towards Chara,because turning her whole head to face Chara would mean facing a karmic death in-game.

I guess they must have removed the pause option from Gradius Rebirth when they ported the WiiWare title to PC.

"Hilariously nice.",Chara answered with a large,toothy smile,holding herself to not giggle at Kebako's (the game's protagonist) stupidity. Chara was the first to beat out the game she was playing,because of the difficulty of Lapis' game.

Yeah, I'm sure if Gradius Rebirth had an Easy Mode, Lapis would just have blazed through that 1.2 hour railroad side-scrolling gameplay, before Chara completed CatGirl Without Salad's 45 minute gameplay.


Uramiko: Its over. You beat me. Maybe I'm just a pathetic copycat.

Kebako: Copy cat, haha! Nice one.

Uramiko: Here,its yours.

(Uramiko offers to Kebako the videotape.)

Kebako: Woah, My videotape! I thought I lost it.

Anyone else noticed that the dialogue can only be lifted straight from the game, by how the author hasn't fucked up a single sentence yet?

Uramiko: You did. When I stole it from you.

Kebako: I better call the rental place!

Uramiko: Do with it what you will...

(Chara felt it was kind of unfair destroy the videotape,so Kebako was commanded to the videotape for it to be collected.)

The tape is meaningless, even to Kebako. Not that I didn't already expect this from you, author, but are you just going to leave readers clueless, as they probably for the eighth time haven't ever heard of your latest random crossover material until now?

Kebako: Finally! Wait...are there even rental places anymore?

Squiddie: Nope.

Uramiko: Just know one thing, Kebako. This is not the end. Your trials have only begun.

Like all other fictional characters, she too must survive the Internet's Rule 34.

Over the coming months,you'll encounter six more-

Kebako: BOY,you talk a lot. Squiddie!

(Uramiko is caged and teleported away.)

Kebako: The galaxy is saved. Let's go eat,Squiddie.

Squiddie: But,she said there were six more-

Kebako: I said the galaxy is saved!!!

Squiddie: Yes,sir...

(Kebako does her celebration pose and flies off screen. The scoreboard is shown.)


"There is...more stuff?",Chara asked in a low voice to herself as she looked at the credits rolling on the screen.

It's called Sequel Bait, dummy, don't you know what credits mean?

"I don't know. Probably. Maybe will be added on the future.",Lapis said,shrugging off.

If you have the money for the DLC, that is.

Judging by the sweat over her forehead,she had a big struggle to defeat the final boss.

If you could even as much as sweat at video games, then the fat, recluse, basement-dweller meme wouldn't exist.

Chara and Lapis shared a good least,until Jasper came in. She was putting up flyers of a band apparently lead by her,judging by her appearence on the flyers,called 'Jasper A. and Destructive Malachites.'

Wow, how subtle of you, author.

"Hey Lapis. I'm inserting flyers about the band I'll lead,with my lead guitar. Good association,I know.",Jasper said in a excessively friendly and calm tone to Lapis,that created discomfort and rage inside Chara's soul.

Someone being friendly greatly offends the tantrum-prone, emotionally fragile self-insert.

"This jaguar tatoo is ridulous.",Chara said,holding back her anger and trying to be polite.


"No. Its to show how tough I am.",Jasper replied back with a annoyed face,like Chara was just a small squirrel.

"Jasper,look at this game Chara is playing!",Lapis said,smiling and pointing to the screen of the computer Chara was using.

"Okay,alright,nice.",Jasper hastly answered,not exactly caring for what was on the computer screen. Afterwards,she pushed Chara for far of the computer. "Sorry runt,but its my time."

"Oh come on! I was gonna play again...",Chara tried to protest,but her voice lowered as she spoke.

This is a place where you rent the machines, you ditz. If it's Jasper's turn at that station as she says, that's how it is. You can't blame her for obeying the world the author creates. You even completed the game and weren't in co-op with Lapis, which you'd think would be the point of a LAN gaming center, so why are you complaining?!

"Hey,calm down,okay?",Jasper said,in a defensive tone. "Now I want to chat with my friend,okay?",Jasper continued,before sitting down on the chair...and getting extreme confusion about the game's concept,unlike Chara,that actually loved it.

Then she closed to desktop and booted up a different game, rather than have the egotistical child at her back fume about the less than an hour long game she just completed for the first time. Are you really going to such lows as just making your chosen bully antagonist not like what you like, just to feel more in the right, author?

"Well,tommorow I'll go to the camp with dad and brothers,and I won't be here.",Lapis said for Jasper,as she briefly replayed the game on the computer she was using.

"Uhuh,I get it.",Jasper nodded,with a excessively large,cat-like smile.

Chara hatefully stared towards Jasper. If there was a way to at least make Jasper get away from would accept this help no matter what.

The author has you a single paragraph away from hiring a hitman to slit Jasper's throat in her sleep. Tone it down, kid.


In the Crystal Shack...

Chara,Asriel,Pearl and Frisk were playing poker on the living room,

Because time skips are implied, whenever the author jumps over the episode's intro theme.

with Temmie watching they all,with cookies replacing the cash. Frisk,unfortunately,had no idea about what was poker.

"Uhm...I have two queens now?",Frisk said,showing her cards,who were red queens.

"Oh come ooon!",Chara,Asriel and Pearl said together. Chara and Pearl in a disbelief tone,and Asriel in a loser tone.

Is that any different from his normal one, what with how you write him, author?

"I said we should teach her how to play this game...",Pearl said,facepalming as she,Chara and Asriel gave out their cookies to Frisk.

"I think Cheekers is better.",Frisk confessed,looking down at the upset faces of her older twin sister,her cousin and her great aunt,and regretting accidentaly hurting their feelings.

Oh, stop trying to be such a golden child, you sore winner. You partook in a game of stakes, someone will lose, which could have been you had you known what folding meant. Dipper and Mabel were at least realistic in their childish selfishness in this show. Though, when you think about it, the entire Pines family seemed to only consider laws as suggestions.

A conflict about the poker game could quickly escalate,if the sound of a electric guitar that could rumble the celling didn't happen.

The peace of this family would be broken at the drop of a hat, if not for the occasional noisy teenager.

"...I think my goat ears are a bit numb.",Asriel said,feeling dizzy about the giant volume.

"And my hair is messy out of craziness.",Frisk said,also dizzy because of the volume,and poking the outside of her ears with her pinkie fingers to see if they were still working.

"Great,it is Jasper...",Chara bitterly said,recognizing the thunder-ly singing voice outside thanks to the deepness and the raspiness.

"Jasper?",Pearl said in surprise,slightly recognizing this name. "That long-haired girl that keeps making snarky faces towards Lapis all the time?!"

Calm yourself, Pearl. I know she's big, but there are kids at the table, so go take a cold shower instead.

"She once called me a 'Goat Boy'.",Asriel said with a awkward smile,bursting in on the dialogue. "I know I'm literally that,but crybaby heart was broken by that."


You are a goat boy!! You address your extremities with a goat prefix! PEARL CALLED YOU HER GOAT BOY!!! Author, do you just intentionally suck and decide that you don't have to make the effort, to make your bully-embodiment have said anything actually hurtful to Asriel, and yet still have him cry about it? Or is this to discredit Asriel as a whiny baby again this time? I honestly can't tell, because I don't even believe you like any of the side-characters in this fanfic with this piss-poor portrayal.

"I personally dislike unecessary violence,but Temmie would be happy to scratch her feet.",Frisk said,pointing to her female cat-dog pet.

"hOI!",Temmie said,wigging her tail and making two circles around the box she was sitting in.

I'm pretty sure all of that is possible for a Temmie to do, but what are the odds that was what the author intended?

"I'm gonna stop her.",Chara bravely said,as she got up from her chair and calmly left to the front door,almost ignoring Pearl's warning to not get into violence.

Chara climbed down the stairs that where the entrance to the Crystal Shack,and found out Jasper,who was singing to actually catch out Lapis' attention.

Oh boy, I can't wait for later, where that cruel girl will lose her spine at being confronted with an adversary she can't fight, despite all her boisterous chest-pounding and constant cruel intent. I'm talking about Chara in the next few paragraphs, by the way.

"Uh,dumb muscle? Lapis is not here.",Chara said in extreme bitterness,not managing to back down her feelings anymore,mainly because of her surprise of Jasper ignoring Lapis' information about camping.

"Uh-huh!...wait...",Jasper said,just realizing what Chara said some moments after listening to her.

"She is camping with her dad and brothers today.",Chara explained,recovering her patience. Then,she continued,in a quieter tone,"But of course,your skull is too thick to absorb this information."

"...WHAT DID YOU SAY?",Jasper said,noticing Chara said something offensive about her,even trough she couldn't make out the words.

Is this typically what Jasper bashing is like in these Human AU fanfics? Why the fuck are you ruining every opportunity of potential you could grant yourself, author? Jasper is one of the best antagonists by embodying the Übermench archetype. Look at what you are having me do, author. You are making me defend Jasper as your antagonist. Well, here I go. This 'dumb muscles' bit of your is jarring enough, even if it wasn't your only bet on having your shitty protagonist come out on top, while having no moral high ground to gain and no accomplishments to be found. I hate to break it to you, but Jasper was intelligent in the canon. A one-track mind on shattering Rose Quartz, yes, but she was a competent soldier that utilized military tactics, and you write her as if she had been part of the Ruby Squad! Use Jasper as your Robbie stand-in all you like, author, but since you aren't even going to write her as Robbie aside from his actions, this is what you could have done to make her an antagonist worth your time. Have her be the best local athlete retaining her canon viewpoints. That she's the best and considers anything less as beneath her time, demanding others get out of the way or get on her level by living up to her standards, believing that anyone not meeting her status quo can't get stuff done or even best her at anything. And that is where you have Chara confront her and prove her wrong, displaying that determination and kindness can overcome impossible odds - you know, like an actual Undertale plot! That's a conflict worth someone winning, and a plot worth reading about. How did your take go again? "Uuuuuuhhh, muscles equal dumb!" Yeah. Good luck with that, Temmie.

"I just said she went out camping.",Chara continued,but with her coolness slightly crumbling down,fearing the risk of a punch or any sort of humilhation.

"Oh yeah,you wan't to hide your feelings! You want to hide your obession with my friend,right? Its obvious!",Jasper said,walking towards Chara and making the latter feel intimidated and walk backwards.

"It's not healthy to be that obsessed, little buddy. You need an intervention."

"O-of course not!...",Chara said,lifting her palms upwards in a defensive stance and forming a wavy and scared smile on her face.

Oh no, Jasper has realized Chara wants to be friends with Lapis. What an incredible source of blackmail material. Do you ever read what you write, author?

"Of course yes. She will love be the bestest friend of a 12-years-old who uses the same pants everyday.",

You know, the pants we first ever got told the color of last chapter. Black, for those who didn't care to sacrifice memory on that pointless detail.

Jasper sarcastically said crossing her arms. Then,she pulled out a phone from her pants bag.

Did you mean her POCKET, you hack?!

"Maybe right now she'll love to ask a hangout with you."

No, don't. It'll disturb her camping trip. What's the fucking conflict, author?! Do you know when two people are friends? I'll give you a hint. It's at a point before they decide going to fairs together!

"Oh don't you DARE!",Chara said,suddenly dashing towards Jasper and pulling out the phone from her hands,dropping on the ground and,to add a extra punch on her rival's gut,stomp it down.

And that makes you the bad guy here, talking shit and deliberately and intentionally destroying someone else's property. If the author wasn't bent on at least having Chara witness Jasper's behavior as crash, the demonized jock would actually appear to simply be a supportive friend trying for the best outcome for every party involved here.

"...Uh,I will get a new one for you.",she continued,before trying to walk away.

However,Chara was picked up on her hair by Jasper,who was about to throw a hurtful punch at her face. Before the blow could happen trough,Pearl opened the window to look at the scene.

"You better stop hurting her,or!- Ugh...I'll go pick something.",Pearl said,threatening Jasper,and afterwards,closing the door and going inside to pick something to apparently scare off the buffy teenager girl who was threatening her great niece.

Millenials vs baby boomer memes?

Jasper wasn't exactly shaken by the threat of Pearl,and decided to throw down Chara,who rolled down on the ground,hitted a trash can and dropped down her yellow-and-white buttercup flower hat. Chara was still trying to pull a brave face,but it was obvious that panic and regret were filling her face.

"You and Me on the Square Park,at three PM o'clock.",

"We'll hangout together and get you past this obsession that makes you so delusional until Lapis comes back, little buddy. I'm here for you."

Jasper said,pointing her finger towards Chara and,afterwards,walking away.

Chara got up,and felt terrible about deciding to try to stop Jasper's singing,leading out to something horrible to her. Her thoughts were interrupted by the Crystal Shack's entrance door and Pearl appearing,holding her pearl-gemstone-figure can like a spear,

Which was odd, since it was shaped like a gun.

just to notice Jasper was no longer on the scene.

"Oh...she left. Sorry that I didn't manage to protect you,dear.",Pearl said in a motherly tone to Chara ruffling her hair. "But I'm not as fast as I used to be."

"Oh well, back to schooling people in the ways of ballet which aren't for games to misuse, yet I still encourage my niece to use to be superior at carnival games."


Frisk,Asriel,Pearl,Temmie and Chara again where on the living room of the Crystal Shack,with Chara pacing around in extreme panic and fear rulling mercilessy over her soul and thoughts,who were only focusing on worrying about Jasper.

Do you think dropping the word 'soul' randomly in this story enforces it as an Undertale fanfic, author? It's still a meaningless usage, because context-wise souls don't have useful properties in this reality. And you'd think with quotable lines like 'crawling on your back', you'd know better references and prepositions!

"I know I'm smart and I have good words,but words can't hurt muscles!",

The author has only gone out of her way to prove you have the third, and can't even demonstrate either of the first two for herself.

Chara said,her tone indicating extreme panic. "Just look at those hands!",Chara continued,showing her hands to the others. Her fingers bended so much that it looked like some kind of spaghetti.

Yeah, I'm sure Jasper will cower in fear at someone with strong fingers, you non-sequitur spouting, deformed freak.

"I surely have no idea why you act so much like a boy...", Pearl said,sounding extremely worried about Chara,and trying to find something to help her.

Wait, that's what the author has wanted us to think all this time?! Thus far all I ever could do was to consider Chara's acts as human only through elimination.

"Yeah...either hate her on secret,or better: forgive her.", Frisk said,hoping that a non-violent outcome could be achieved.

Of course, Jasper's weakness is to forgive her, it's so obvious. Now Chara won't get punched at all.

"Yes,your sister is right! least pacifism is a good option here.", Pearl agreed with Frisk's pacifist idea.

"Being a teenager is something horrible.", Asriel said for Chara,in a slightly more honest tone. "In a teen age,you lose control over yourself and its like a demon replaces you trough this age."

Because that was what was implied when the word 'demon' was used in Undertale, right?! When are you going to actually produce a homage or reference from your stolen source material that's even passable, author? Throwing words together is all you can do, but you can't actually write for shit.

"...Ouch.",Chara said,cringing out in fear about Asriel's speech.

"I know,its extremely creepy." ,Asriel continued. "But,for example,I had a armless friend that was extremely sweet,but always bullied by the teens. It escalated to so great levels that his parents were forced to get him out of school. Golly,I still feel pity for him."

And you threw Monster Kid under the bus to fill the dialogue where you butcher yet another joke. I mean, if there's one thing this crossover fanfic has in abundance, it is Undertale characters, am I right? I'm sure we can just leave him out.

"...I need to hide,but not here.",Chara finally decided,as her eyes began to look anywhere for a minimal presence that screamed 'Jasper'.

"Hey need to think about what to do. Either you hide for the rest of the summer,or try to correct yourself.",Pearl said to Chara,hoping the second option she gave to her could be accepted.

That's neither the moral of the story, nor the dichotomy at hand here. How many more floundered takes on the stakes do you want to make, author?

...It wasn't.

Chara decided to hide on a table of the Inside Falls' LAN gaming center. Right on a table that Asriel was playing in.

"I'm sorry for you...",Asriel said to Chara,honestly feeling pity for Chara's cowardice.

"Jasper is twice bigger than me...this is pratically a suicide mission.",Chara said in a small,scared voice,hugging her own knees.

I guess the author forgot to mention how the cops you wished death upon were both half your size, then.

"I'll have to wait the fateful 3 o'clock hours arrive. ...Which will be never.",Chara continued,making her best efforts to look at a clock,whose hours marked in was '11:30 AM'.

"Try to fill your mind with things that make you feel in peace...not on Jasper!",Asriel said,deciding to help Chara get off from her fetal position.

Oh boy, it's been a while since I haven't needed to read between the lines to spot the author's sexual self-gratification.

Chara reluctantly accepted the help,crestfallen. As she made a effort to look upwards,she wished she didn't do that. Flyers of Jasper's band where everywhere. And the phrase that all of them shared crushed her spirit further down.

"Prepare to be CRUSHED!"


"Poor big sister...she can't face Jasper to forgive her,afraid of a punch.",Frisk said in a sad voice,hugging herself and genuinely holding back the wish to cry.

For someone who tried to make a tagline about it being importantly bad to wish something in Inside Falls, you drop the ball an awful lot, author.

"hOi...tEm sEd...",Temmie said,feeling as sad and down as Frisk.

"Why is she afraid of a punch?",Pearl,who was in the middle of the room,said,while holding her chin with a thoughtful face. "I mean,she could just avoid it as she spoke."

"But for her Jasper is as strong and tall as that big tower on Dubai.",Frisk said for Pearl,patting Temmie's head at the same time.

"...U-uh...Kh-khalifa T-tower?",Pearl said,recognizing the tower Frisk said and,apparently,fearing something about it.


That would be Burj Kalifa, the official name, which translates out as Khalifa Tower, author. Also, are you fucking kidding me? You recycle Stan's fear of heights, but segway into it through equivocating Jasper's traits due to your lack of originality, and having Pearl simply be triggered by being reminded that tall buildings exists? Stan had a conversation about ladders and a skydiving clip on TV to have him react, and you are just going to have Frisk reach the conclusion from this and nothing else, aren't you?!

"Yes,Grauntie Pearl.",Frisk said,getting up from her upside-down position to a more comfortable position on the chair.

"Uh...I'll go get something for you! I'll be back!",Pearl said,her face and voice quickly dropping down to hysterical and obviously lying levels as she ran to upstairs.

Is Pearl simply afraid of heights, or is she on the verge of cracking and letting Frisk know she personally buried a thousand people in the foundation of that building? It's just so difficult to tell those two apart, because subtlety died in an explosion, apparently!

"...Wait...I mentioned the Khalifa Tower,the greatest tower in the world,and she got scared...its tall...oh... She may have some sort of Acrophobia!",Frisk realized the reason of Pearl's panic,and decided to run after her, "Grauntie Pearl,don't worry! I will help you agains't your phobia!"

"She also asked for milk in her coffee this morning, and I asked her why, and she said she didn't want it black, and from that I concluded that she's a racist. Aren't I the smartest?"


Chara was herself now playing on the same computer she played on the morning. And the game was the same she was playing previously. 'Cat-Girl Without Salad! ~Amuse-Bouche~'.

Does it really take three sentences to say "Chara had gone back to playing her favorite game", author? Is that too complicated for you, you word-inflator?

"...Oh Kebako. I know you are a kind of jerk and too dumb,but at least I hoped you could defend me from Jasper.",Chara said,holding down her head on her left hand,indefinitively staring at the title screen. Then,she noticed something was behind the monitor. A paper.

What was written on the paper was the following text:


Salad is fucking salad, author, even in the silly-as-fuck crossover material you are about to include. Why do you insist on writing such retarded shit all the time?

left,right,upwards,down,action button (everything on the title screen)"

" sounds interesing and weird.",Chara said,looking down on the code. She did what the paper suggested to do: press the movement buttons and the action button on the title screen.

Oh yeah, real complicated button combination to put in, I bet no one has ever tried that one before or simply done it by mistake. Let's just ignore the fact that you skip the game's title screen by pushing literally ANY key, how about the fact that it doesn't have an action button, author? Have you actually played this game and my own research was pointless?

However,nothing appeared after all the buttons were pressed. Just a black screen. Chara thought it didn't work and she got up from her chair. She was about to leave,until she heard a distant...musical noise. She turned back to the computer,and the monitor's screen was glowing in a intense baby pink color,forcing Chara to cover her eyes.

Oh no, I'm pretty sure I've already seen this Human In Equestria fanfic.

A familiar voice came from above the screen,apparently saying the word "ya" repeatedly. Chara looked upwards to face the protagonist of the game herself: Kebako. It was perfectly her. The pink twintail hair,the purple-tongued mouth,green eyes,feline outfit,arm cannon of dark violet color,everything. She landed down,standing by one feet and one knee,with a big,goofy smile.


I don't think the word 'everything' can quite sum up the nightmare that is every impracticality of her outfit, but then again, that's obviously the point of her design.

"You are...alive!",Chara said,surprised,and refusing to believe what her eyes were seeing.

"...HI-FIVE!",Chara and Kebako said together in joy,hi-fiving each other. Unfortunately,Kebako accidentaly hurted Chara's hand,because of course,Chara was a common human while Kebako was a video-game character with possible superhuman strenght.


I can see that facing off against two humans and a doppelganger in her game, has made Kebako entirely unprepared to meet a human.

Kebako greeted herself to Chara,in the same voice she had in-game. Afterwards,she made a shot of Pea Shooter weapon on Chara,who barely avoided it.

"This is crazily awesome!",Chara said in extreme surprise,looking at the Pea Shooter bullet. "With the craziness of Kebako on my side,Jasper will run away easily,easily."

"OOH,IS THAT SOME KIND OF FOOD?",Kebako excitedly asked to Chara,with starry eyes.

I don't hate random-minded characters, but they grind my gears when hurled into fanfics, the issue being that any author can use them to say anything, and there's little to argue about. But, really, why not utilize your already silly character to nudge the fourth wall properly, by asking if Chara meant for her to destroy a jasper gemstone?

"Chara,bringing video-games to reality should only be a fictious idea!",Asriel screamed to Chara on the distance,and afterwards,hided below the table,in a way similar of how Chara hided before,but without the fetal position.

So, similarly, but not at all, since that was the only word used to describe it, I guess.

Part 1 post ends here, next part is just below.
Last edited by ConcernedGamer on Thu Apr 18, 2019 4:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Thu Apr 18, 2019 4:49 pm

Part 2 post start here, previous part is just above.


"Well,Temmie,lets help Pearl face off her Acrophobia. Also know as Operation PFOHA.",

Because calling it LPPFHOA would have made it sound dirty.

Frisk said for Temmie,showing to her a 'map' on the general plan,and many other alternate plans in case if a alternate possibility could happen.

Afterwards,she went to the couch Pearl was sleeping in,and gently poked her shoulder,making her wake up.

"I will help you overcome your fears,Grauntie Pearl.",Frisk said with a smile of the kind of 'I want to help you'.

"Why thank you, I didn't know kids today were into suicide pacts, but I feel so much better knowing now that I won't die alone."

"Fear? What fear?",Pearl said,clearly faking out confusion. She wasn't aware Frisk would use her determination to help anyone she cared to.

"Your fear of heights.",Frisk said,still holding her wish-to-help smile and inserting her hand over Pearl's shoulder.

Author, did you even watch Steven Universe? I'm pretty sure Pearl has a fetish for climbing tall things.

"Your imagination is hilarious! I don't get why you think your grauntie has this fear.",Pearl said with a denial smile,as she tried to get up. But when she tried to get up,she accidentaly tripped and felt down flat on her back,panicking up in the milliseconds she felt down.

Frisk looked down with a pitful face,as she realized her theory was actually truthful: Pearl had some sort of Acrophobia.

You think that flinching while falling is an adequate tell for acrophobia, author? Well, enjoy your limp and reactionless unintended descents to the ground, weirdo.

"That is ridiculous...having acrophobia...",Pearl said,in a way she sounded like she was actually insulting herself rather than trying to insult Frisk's 'imagination'.


Kebako and Chara were in the kitchen. Kebako was flying,chasing a fly,while Chara was checking the fridge for something like a candy,

Yeah, I regularly check my fridge for candy, too.

since she knew Kebako had lost health points stumbling on walls and objects and salad was something that the pink-haired neko hated.

Eventually,she found out some cronuts that were almost never touched.

They had bits of white fur on them, which means the croissant doughnuts could probably belong to anyone.

Knowing cronuts were Kebako's favorite food,she decided to give three of them for her.

"Hey,Kebako,I got some cronuts here. I believe they could heal you!",Chara said,catching Kebako's attention entirely and,also,sparing the fly's life.

"Oh my goodness! CRONUTS!!",Kebako cheered,as she bited the cronuts on Chara's hand. Above her and Chara's faces,the life meter from Kebako,that were lavender hearts,increased from three hearts to six hearts.

Are you sure you didn't want to add the word 'cronut' for a sixth time in as many sentences, author?

"This is clearly awesome.",Chara commented,her eyes sparkling of amazement.

"Now I have to SAVE THE GALAXY from space criminals!",Kebako said with a smile,making a hilarious pose that almost made Chara lose her calmness.

"Hey...I think I know someone with a good name for a space criminal.",Chara said with a snarky smile that confused Kebako.

I'm sorry, author, should I ignore that as you attempting to break the fourth wall, or do I have to lower my opinion of you further, by realizing that you actually think Jasper was a space criminal?

"You know a space criminal? Are you a space bounty as well?",Kebako began to ask,and would ask even more,if Chara didn't show the flyer of Jasper and The Destructive Malachites.

"This woman is Jasper A.

A? Jasper has a last name in this fanfic, but you haven't bothered to fill it in, author?

She is my arch enemy,and my opposite.

Thank you, author. You finally told me who the hero of this story is supposed to be.

I am the brains,she is the muscles. She is hanging out with my pal and and she bothered me and my family with music.",Chara explained,as Kebako stared with feline-like curiosity at the flyer.

"...I have no idea what you said,but sure,I'll defeat this person for you!",Kebako stupidily answered. Chara wasn't exactly surprised at the dumbness,because she thought she could at least balance it out with her smartness.

And the dumb help doesn't need to be fed a lie, so the Mary Sue remains pure.

A writting suddenly appeared in the middle of Kebako and Chara. 'Press any button to start'. Chara pressed the writting with her own hand,and it faded out as quickly as it faded in.

" great aunt is searching for me. Just stay still.",Chara said for Kebako,looking at Pearl on another room,as she ran to said room.

And the joke about game characters' idle animations joins the mass grave the author has reduced Gravity Falls' humor to.


Frisk was pacing around the attic,on the bedroom she and Chara shared,thinking about how she could aid Grauntie Pearl on her fear of heights,while Temmie sleeped on her bed. However,her thoughts were interrupted as she saw her big twin sister coming to the attic with the company of Kebako.

"Greetings Frisk. This is Kebako,a great ditz that'll defend me.",Chara said,pointing her arm to Kebako as she presented the neko for Frisk.

Let me tell you, it's really nice that you take pride in insulting the people that you have do your dirty work, Chara.

"I have no idea why,but she gave me cronuts!",Kebako said,holding perfectly still the idle stance she had in her video game.

"Woah,she has a special kind of grace.",Frisk said,holding her hands and smiling. Afterwards,she offered a flower crown she made in the same week for Kebako.

And this was included, because something needed to change hands between them like it did in the canon. This entire fanfic is nothing more than a written version of a DeviantArt account filled with Gravity Falls screenshot edits, made with MS Paint!

"WOO-HOO!",Kebako cheered,as she picked the gift too hastly and putted in on her own head.

"She may appreciate your kindness,but she can't get distracted too much. She has to remember she needs to take down Jasper.",Chara explained for Frisk,pacing around and making dramatic motions with her hands and fingers.

An experienced drama queen like herself can do nothing but.

"Chara,your inner self knows it'll not work.",Frisk said,trying to pull a mature stance over her sister's drastic measure.

"Its just unecessary worry. We'll see you after the victory.",Chara answered,as she began to go to the stairs,with Kebako following and saying extremely random stuff.

"9/11 was an Inside Falls job!"

What? That's pretty random for someone to say, and the author didn't write anything to say otherwise.

Frisk could just hope Chara could at least learn something if the drastic measure failed.


Chara and Kebako were walking on the Main Street. Actually,Chara was walking while Kebako was flying. Kebako couldn't walk on the ground,possibly because of her original video game's style.

It is called 'sprite animation', author. Google once in a while, would you?

"Well,she may be a tough opponent,but I bet your weapon can make her run to the hills. Like a jaguar. Heheh.",Chara explained,and then,joked off,with a calm chucking.

I don't get it. Why are jaguars considered inferior in this fanfic?

"Look at what I do!",Kebako said,as a weapon-trading noise echoed off. Kebako's weapon was now the 'Platformer Gun'.

When she launched a bullet from the gun,just like how Chara remembered off,the bullet was a person running to the distance. She just hoped nobody was hitted off by the bullet.

With a bit of luck, the bullet that's a person will hit a person that's a bullet.

"She'll be surely scared off by your randomness.",Chara said,confident she never had to fear a tough punch from Jasper with this electronic character that could break logic defending her.

Because that's what scares Jasper, of course. Randomness. Even with it being a fact that you are making this shitty plot substitution up as you go along, author, could you bother not picking the first "idea" that enters your head?

"DAAAANCE!",Kebako said,as she switched her weapon to the 'Dance Gun' that,as implied,worked like a dancing video game.

Rythm mechanics that, if you miss the timing of overlain arrows scrolling on the screen, will result in weak shots rather than charged blasts. Just like a dancing video game.

Chara just sighed,hoping at least one thing she said Kebako listened off.


Frisk came in to the living room,approaching Pearl,who was drinking orange soda,with jumps and twirls. One side of Pearl was happy about Frisk sharing some form of dancing spirit,while the other side was confused about why Frisk was approaching her in that way.

I really appreciate the fact, that sometimes I have no fucking idea what you are trying to say, author. It offends me less.

"We should dialogue about pleasing topics,in a calm walk.",Frisk said,inserting her arms on her back and wearing a exaggerately big smile.

"...This calm walk won't be on a place very above the ground,right?",Pearl said,raising a suspicious and fearful eyebrow,slightly believing Frisk was pulling her on some sort of trap.

"Of course not. I swear samurai loyalty.",

I'm not indulging you this stupid game, author. Concepts and everyday idioms aren't interchangeable with whatever close equivalent you think you've managed to wedge in sideways instead. Replacing scouts honor with samurai loyalty proves to me you don't know anything about either, and you don't care to.

Frisk said in a innocent tone,pulling out the white-and-pink rose jumper she had and putting up the jumper of a samurai doing a proud pose.

"Hmm,alright.",Pearl said,deciding to accept Frisk's request of a 'calm walk' with 'pleasing topics',getting up from her chair and going upstairs to find her social set of clothing.

When Pearl got out of the living room,Frisk sadly sighed. She had lied,and it hurted her heart. However,it was for her the only way of conquering Pearl's acceptance without trouble. She shaded a single tear about what,for her,was a terrible sin. On the back of the jumper,this sadness was represented by a figure of the same samurai from the front side commiting a harakiri.


Oh, fuck off, you fucking bleeding heart. You railroaded yourself into tarnishing a bit of your integrity for which you then think extreme desire for repentance is in order, but won't actually follow up on these issues that you display worse than a Catholic school ever could. Sucking all the fun out of this was just not good enough, so now you have to put on a depiction of suicide as well, in place of light-hearted comedy. What is wrong with you?! Who will this entertain?!


Outside,the bell ringed,announcing the faithful hour. Jasper waited,preparing her fists to apparently break Chara down. She barely knew a insane bullet hell was in her very very near future.

She can join the majority of people reading this fanfic, then.

"Heh,that runt chickened out. Guess she can't face m-",Jasper was saying in a cocky tone,before she could hear the faint noise of wings.

Jasper looked upward,to face Chara,who was climbing up the shoulders of Kebako,who was pulling out a weirdly brave face. Meanwhile,Chara had a extremely sly smile,of the kind of she would turn the tables to her favor for a good while.

I'm starting to understand why this dreck doesn't have a beta reader. Who wouldn't run away screaming at being tasked with fixing these sentences?

"Hey Jasper! Call me a runt again,I dare you.",Chara called,in a tone that indicated she would have a good time watching someone being beaten down.

Oh, there you go again, Chara. Proving to everyone that you are the one who takes everything a step further, agitating the situation, and pushing the confrontation beyond avoiding. You are not letting Jasper have a chance at backing out because then the plot could potentially collapse.

"HEY! She said something about destroying you,so I'll do it! NOW!",Kebako said in a hammy tone,as she transformed her right hand into a cannon,and pointed it down to Jasper.

"What the-",Jasper said in confusion,before a bullet from the pea shooter of Kebako was fired at Jasper.

Jasper avoided the shoot,but soon,another shot came. And other,and other and other. Jasper tried to tank them down,

Be honest with me, author. Have you only been learning English through DOTA?

but it was like being hitted by polished stones: sharp,and painful. Soon,Chara realized Kebako would actually kill Jasper,and not just scare her off.

And now the author is wiping off her filthy plot-fumbling onto the latest crossover character, who only incarcerates her bounties.

"...Uh,Kebako,I think you already did enough,r-right?",Chara said,in a hysterical tone,already losing her balance over Kebako's shoulder.

"TAKE THIS,JERK!!",Kebako said,pointing her pea shooter at Jasper. She missed Jasper,but hitted a flyer of her band that was fixed on a tree,exploding the tree and making the flyer's paper become nothing but dust.

Finally,Chara lost the balance and felt down. She rolled down to avoid big damages,and saw Kebako flying to a corporation. It was in that moment Chara realize she screwed up...and had to fix her mistake. And fast.

And maybe she should consider asking Jasper for help, since the author forgot to keep track of her.

Kebako flied and mischeivously caused chaos over the streets of Inside Falls,and unfortunately,Chara was just a simple human being,

Whenever the author doesn't want to glorify her with inhuman strength, that is.

so catching up to the neko's flight speed was near to the impossible. However,on the distance,she saw Asriel,and she immediately ran to him.

And what's he going to do, since the author nerfed him to be a teenager without a pickup truck?

"*huff*...hey Azzy. *pant*",Chara said,holding her knees as she recovered her breath.

"Howdy Chara! Golly,that video-game cat girl is wrecking the down,its strangely scary!",Asriel said,pointing upwards where Kebako was flying towards,hunting Jasper like a jaguar hunting a deer.

I thought jaguars only fled for the hills, author.

"Uh-huh...Its all my fault.",Chara confessed,hiding her eyes with her hat. "I just freed her to defend me from Jasper,but her dumbness lead her to try and kill her."

"Hey,don't worry Chara.",Asriel hopefully said,lifting Chara's hat so her eyes were visible again. "Best cousin-friends help each other on the most harsh hours!"

"You are...right.",Chara said with a slightly more hopeful tone,as she holded hands with Asriel and ran to Kebako to try and stop her wackiness and chaos once and for all and bring her back to her game.

And so feeble Chara was able to run fast enough to catch up to Kebako, by dragging Asriel along with her.


Frisk and Pearl were on the water tower,and Pearl was blindfolded. Frisk was still regretting commiting the mistake of lying for her great aunt,but she hoped that at least her fear could be overcomed.

"...T-take the blindfol...ds...",Frisk said,in a mix of sadness and regret. Her face looked like she was about to cry in regret and panic as Pearl removed the blindfold.

Pick a different plot if you feel you have to make your characters whine about it to the point where one would ask why they even fucking bothered, author!! You could have picked any other phobia, but no, you have to stick to the canon and then blather on about the regret of lying in the face of an already extreme first attempt at a solution. Mabel was written to choose this option because she held no regret in her lie, and she didn't realize it was hazardous. That's what made it funny and entertaining, author. That's why you liked it! I can't believe I have to explain this to you!!

"...Oh,great. ...I know you lied to try and make me better,but I don't think this will ever be cured.",Pearl said,as she looked down at the town of Inside Falls itself. She was trying to be collected,but some cracks of hysteria appeared as she spoke.

"Just do your best,Grauntie Pearl. Compensate the fact that I commited a minimal sin.",

"I did something stupid, now you deal with it."

Frisk said,her tone growing to a almost-cry tone,like she wanted redemption of her 'sin'.

Self-flagellate or shut up, you insufferable pity-beggar.

"I-I can't!",Pearl said,her panic and fear extremely clear on her voice as she gripped on the railing like her life depended on it.

Frisk briefly got over her sadness and regret to find a smell of...strenght and buffiness.

Okay, author, the smell you are describing and attesting to muscles, it's called body odor. Maybe if you got off your ass and into the world where people can converse correctly, you'd discover that even you yourself can produce some.

Jasper climbed on the water tower as well to escape from Kebako. Unfortunately,in that hour,she forgot Kebako had the ability to fly,and easily reach high locations.

A sad thought just struck me, that this is probably the closest this fanfic will get to a Cookie Cat reference.

"I LOCATED THE ENEMY!",Kebako screamed,making Jasper's genuine panic increase even more.

Thankfully,Asriel and Chara finally catch up to the water tower in time to save Jasper from a nastier beatdown.

"You are their last hope,Chara!",Asriel said to Chara,boosting up Chara's determination.

Funny. Mine fell at those words.

"Kebako,you gotta be smart at least one time,and listen to me! STOP,NOW!",Chara said,as she run to Kebako to try and stop her from shooting down the tower.

However,Kebako shooted the water tower,making it lean and floppy. Pearl and Frisk were safe,but Jasper felt down and stood down,weak and with no means of running or doing something to defend herself.

"KEBAKO!!",Chara yelled,interrupting Kebako from giving the final blow. As Kebako turned around to face her in confusion,"I'm actually the real villain here...I said for you to attack her for a entirely selfish reason. Now,you must defeat me and clean up your name."

Do you want me to make another counter, author? Because I've had it with all the times your Mary Sue shit keeps smoothly ironing out every perceived wrinkle in your favored characters' path to utter sainthood. Now you are not only avoiding any flaws, but also letting Chara jump a bit ahead in the script, because glorifying her forethought as actual self-sacrifice serves you more than the copied plot!

Kebako made a confused expression but went into her excessively happy fly-fighting stance. Chara made her own fighting stance,as above the two,Kebako's and Chara's health hearts filled up.

"'ll actually right now?",

Author, do you even?

Asriel said to Chara,worried about his cousin's safety. When Chara turned around to face Asriel,whoever,he could see the bravery sparkle on her red eyes. "Okay...I'm sorry for you.",Asriel said with a sad expression,feeling pity about Chara's determination.

Pity are for those who deserve it, and Chara has already acknowledged this is on her. I know it's probably too late for you Asriel, but at least try to have some dignity.

Kebako started giving three shots,that Chara tanked up. Chara ran towards the neko,and gave a swift kick. She began to pick rocks and throw; some of them were tanked by Kebako,while others where avoided. Kebako sucessfuly hitted Chara with the Dance Gun,and as a counter,Chara,inlogically,summoned many rings,forcing Kebako to go trough them.

Hey, talk about illogically, what was that about Chara being a simple human child, author? And this shit isn't even referencing Kebako's game!

Chara and Kebako struggled for some more time,until the human girl realized she and the neko had just one heart. Chara couldn't beat down Kebako now,she had to let Kebako win so she could return to her game.

Well, thank you for endowing Chara with knowledge that indicates she could just have thrown the entire fight to begin with, author. Fuck you. I'm pissed off enough as it is with the arrogant indication that she's on even keel with a super strong video game character, but having Chara just imply that she could totally win but consciously knows that she needs to lose - when the outcome likely would be the same - is the last straw on top of everything these Dreemurr knockoffs are doing in walking all over the canon. BTTP, Better than the Pines counter, coming right up!!

Asriel,however,misunderstood his cousin's idea and tried to flap away Kebako's last health heart,which logically didn't work.

"Oh golly...this doesn't look good.",Asriel said softly as he peaked up to look at Chara's single health heart.

Chara tried to climb down the tree next to her,but Kebako's bullet hitted the tree,forcing her to fall down and badly hurt herself,

Because whatever game she got her ring summoning bullshit from apparently has fall damage.

which actually counted as Chara losing her final heart. Kebako made her celebration pose,with the confetti,and laughed in celebration.

However,she began to disintegrate into pixels,fading back to her original video-game,and she never paid attention to that,still giggling in victory.

"Goodbye...have sweet dreams.",Chara said for the emptiness that was once Kebako with a mix of morbidness and pity.

A relieved "So long, old friend." was just too sappy for you, wasn't it?

She picked the scoreboard numbers that were oddly left around and remade them as letters. Letters that formed her name. Chara.

And the point of that was what? She's scrambling existing numbers into letters for a game breaching into her reality, where the game doesn't have a name-holding highscore board.

" did it!",Asriel happily cheered,hugging his best cousin-friend,who simply accepted the hug with a awkward giggling.

Stop bastardizing and mixing words of kinship, author. It's giving me 'harem-sister' flashbacks.


"S-sorry Grauntie Pearl...sorry for stabbing you in the back like a bastard...I thought you would only listen to me with a lie...",Frisk said,now sounding sad,regretful and afraid as well. Ironically,afraid of heights.

"Thank you so much,dear!!",Pearl happily cheered,hugging and lifting up Frisk as she realized she lost her own acrophobia.

Snap your fingers, rely on people remembering all justification and indication from the canon, and Bob's your uncle, you've made a fanfic. You are just so talented, author.

Then,she putted Frisk on her shoulders. "Don't worry,I'll be the one to bring you down.",Pearl continued as she began to climb down on the stairs,with Frisk still on her shoulders.

"Please,c-climb down fast...",Frisk said,covering her face on Pearl's hair. Frisk really began to grow acrophobia helping Pearl overcome her acrophobia.

We kind of got that the first time that got explained to us, thanks.


As Chara cleaned the dirt that went to her hoodie and jumper,Jasper got up,recovered from some of the injuries,and walked towards the 12-years-old.

They both popped a healing potion, I guess, since injuries are just brushed off by both of them.

"Who was that girl?! You bring up anything around you,you must be something like a demon!",Jasper said in a agressive tone to Chara,but Chara wasn't shaken up despite her injuries.

"Well,metaphorically I am a demon.",Chara calmly accepted up the insult with a smile.

Of course your edgy, wannabe tendencies would cash in on the perfectly forced word that the author made Jasper call you. Also, no you fucking aren't, that's too high praise! You are at best an imp with delusions of grandeur, a pest thinking too highly of itself.

"I'm going to make you never get up from the ground until tommorow!",Jasper continued even more agressively,raising the tone and clenching her fists.

See, you had a threat going there, and then you neutered it at the end.

"Alright. Do it. I deserve it anyways for almost destroying you.",Chara calmly accepted as she shrugged off with a cool smile.

Stop it, author. This is not humility and humbled acceptance, and anyone should be able to tell. This is a bitch knowing she has plot armor on. All you had to do, was to not suck her metaphorical dick by telling us she looks cool during it.

Jasper almost gave the punch with a slasher smile,but she realized something...Chara wouldn't run. She would actually gladly accept the punch.

"You know what? Forget about it.",Jasper coldly said,opening her hands and lifting her shoulders in shame.

I knew you wouldn't author, because you've more than once demonstrated you don't understand the characters you are portraying, nor who they are substituting. And far more, the canon events override any unlikely deviation you could make. You had Jasper punch Frisk for less and the matter of a victim not running away has no bearing on your retarded take of your constant serial killer descriptions of Jasper, who you want us to think takes enjoyment in inflicting harm on others. You can't keep anyone in your own fanfic consistent, and you don't show any signs of caring about who they were originally, only what they did, with you imagining or forging the wrong motivation into it all. Robbie didn't punch Dipper because Robbie is an angsty edgelord that's all bark and no bite, who actually never got around to doing anyone any physical harm. And what the fuck does Jasper have to display shame over?!

"Hey girls? What happened while I wasn't here?",Lapis' voice ringed out,catching both Chara's and Jasper's attentions,making both turn around to look at her,and on the distance,Knux and Lapis' siblings.

Huey, Dewey, and Louie Lazuli, I presume.

"Lapis Lazuli?",Chara and Jasper said in unision,looking at the blue-haired teenager girl.

You do know that people can just call her Lapis, right, author? Or is this some friendship privilege, which you want to telegraph to us these two doesn't have yet?

"Welcome back!",Chara happily greeted,resisting the urge to hug Lapis there.

"Hello. Something like a punching party happened here? You both look messy.",Lapis asked,noticing the nasty injuries in both Jasper and Chara.

Because of course it looks like people have been punching everywhere, when you let loose a catgirl with a gun.

"Yeah,that.",Chara and Jasper,again,said in unision with a awkward smile fixed in both of their faces.

"I just hope you two didn't fight each other. Fighting for something isn't exactly noble.",Lapis continued with a more worried face,increasing Jasper and Chara's uneasiness-ess.

I mean, sure, participating in a punching party is fine, as long as you don't fight people you know. What the hell is happening in Brazil, author? Also; "Fighting for something isn't exactly noble." What? I'm going to give you the illiterate card for this one. You've been needing it a lot these last few chapters.

"Of course we weren't fighting each other.",Jasper said,scratching her long hair with a even more awkward smile.

"We were stopping two guys from fighting.",Chara added onto Jasper's excuse with a awkward smile that managed to be even more awkward than Jasper's one.

"I like my two best girl friends hanging out and balancing each other.",

She said the word 'friends', author! Can you stop peddling your stupid plot to us now, or was this a slip on your part, proving that you know it's been stupid all along despite that you will probably keep going with it?

Lapis said with a sweet smile,snatching a blush from Jasper and Chara. "Well,I'll need to unpack my things. I'll see you two tommorow!",Lapis continued,as she went to Jasper to make a fistbump and went to Chara to ruffle her hair in a sweet way before walking away.

"...Look Jasper,I prupose you a deal.",Chara said to Jasper,with a more serious face. "We shouldn't take our hate between each other like boys. We should take it like girls...hating each other in silence."

I'm pretty sure you could just take your bitch fights to social media instead, since the author is already off on the time period.

"...You actually got a point there.",Jasper replied,after thinking for a while over Chara's deal.


Back on the Crystal Shack...

"...So,I said to Samuel,'Don't lose your cool,teens have no cool'.",

You know, since they are demons, apparently.

Lapis continued a joke she was telling to Jasper and Chara as she was re-newing her hair dye up with blue spray.

Maybe if she used a product that wasn't ordinarily intended for temporary costuming, she'd not have to color her skin and any object near her a different hue while at work.

"Hah Hah! That is hilarious,Bob!",Jasper and Chara said together,using Lapis' teasing and weird nickname.

And another insult of a broken reference has been made, without even an attempt to justify it. Borrowing it without asking and using it wrong, that's fandom theft, author.

"Ouch...give me a sec.",Lapis said,as she bended down to pick the blue spray she accidentaly dropped down.

As Lapis was bended down,Jasper and Chara hatefully stared at each other,Jasper making a cut-throat motion with ther thumb,and Chara clenching her fist with a threatening face. When Lapis got up again,with the blue spray,Jasper and Chara stopped and nodded their heads with Lapis. At least,they learned to hate each other quietly...for now.

Do you seriously think that because it closes on this, that that's the lesson and moral of the episode, author? You are hopeless.

My predictions keep being off, but I'm going to keep going with them, if only to get some amusement, or make up expectations the author could never meet. And by now the author has succeeded in making a total of 40 chapters, copying the Gravity Falls episode in full, no doubt. It's not a surprise to me that the author could crank them out as fast as she did, because to her there is literally no effort or originality involved. Anyway, next chapter is titled Great Chara, being an edited version of Little Dipper. I'm guessing there will be too much for me to complain about the continued little-big sister relationships for the twins, while Peridot returns to be even less of a technomancer. Alright, a geniuine attempt of a prediction; Chara will shift in size because of drinking poitions, there will be no sibbling bickery because everyone's Mary Sue honkey dory, and the climax will take place in a mirror maze because the author keeps being unoriginal.As far as counters go, as I said, I'm adding another, but I will need time to read through everything again to spot my greviances for counting.

Counters: YAT 40, BTTP - Coming soon...

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun May 12, 2019 4:37 pm

The author is really pissing me off with how these Dreemurr twins are being portrayed purer than fresh snow, while at the same time unintentionally coming off as mental cases worth three different kinds of meds. This has led me to dedicating a seperate page in the chapter link section to laying out my gripes and reason for the tally on the 'Better Than The Pines' counter. If you can take my word for the number that I'll list at the end, there's no need to go there, but feel free if you need reminders on how absolutely insufferable the author has made the simple non-changes to the Pines twins' lives. This chapter earns the most points any other chapter did so far. Here's Chapter 11, Great Chara.

Patricia 'Peridot' Diamond was on her bedroom,trying to find some sort of solution on the second edition of the mysterious book with a ruby and sapphire gemstone to strike a revenge on the Dreemurr family.

She kept having a strange idea about showing up at their doorstep in a giant hand-shaped spaceship alongside that buff teenager they don't like, but she kept brushing it off.

"Vampires? No. They never care for a master's orders...",

Well, how about those that don't sparkle, then?

Peridot said,as she flipped the book's pages with a impatient look on her face. "Eyeball rain? Nyeh heheheheh! No,its bad for my outfit. Scorpion Strings that Move? NYARGH!"

Peridot angrily threw the mysterios book down on the table,not managing to find anything that could aid her inside it.

"To get my revenge on the Dreemurr clods,its not enough to harm them. I must do something...steal something that is important from them.",

It's too late to grab their dignity, sorry.

Peridot said in a thoughtful tone,adjusting her forest green glasses. Then,she realized something that made her snatch a evil,feline-line smile as she picked up the model of the Crystal Shack.

...she would steal the Crystal Shack from the Dreemurr's.

Well, she can only do it better than the author did.


On The Crystal Shack...

Chara,Frisk and Pearl were on the living room,watching 'Alexia's Galaxy' on television,in a climatic episode where Alexia confronted the main villain of the show to free herself from a trap.

The villain was getting really tired of repeatedly killing Alexia's effeminate ex-boyfriends.

In the moment the antagonist would explain the deal pruposed to Alexia,the doorbell ringed out.

Thankfully,Pearl was already wearing her bussiness outfit,so she only had to fix her silver-and-pink pearl-shaped medal on her chest and answer whoever was on the door.

Oh, you finally figured out what to substitute Stan's prophecy-tying fez with, did you, author?

"Welcome to a fantastic and mysterious world!",Pearl politely greeted the person that was ringing her door...that creepily looked like a female tax collector.

Oh, oh, I know this one. It was creepy because her eyes looked a male post officer's, right?!

"Oh no,NO NO NO NOT THE TAX COLLECTOR!",Pearl said in a fit of panic as she ran to inside the Crystal Shack and pressed the wall behind the couch,in the search of a tile,which greatly confused Chara.

"Mistress Crystal Dreemurr?",the 'tax collector' said as she entered inside. "I actually came to inform you that...YOU ARE THE BIIIIIIG WINNER of the Victory House contest!",she continued,suddenly happily raising her tone and throwing her arms on the air.

Everything was like the television:

Better than this fanfic in any way?

a cameraman entered inside the Crystal Shack,alongside two gentlemen holding a giant check of 10,000,000 of cash. It was too good to be true.

Yeah, I know, I'm still stuck with this thing.

"Oh...I just wanted some strenght on cash,and suddenly everything become a sea of roses!",

Thorns, ever thought of those, author? Also, the cheapness of your references is reaching the point of three or four steps of separation.

Pearl said with a emotional smile,in a tone that sounded like she was about to cry happiness tears.

"Woo-hoo!",Chara cheered,throwing her fists on the air in joy. "I'll buy all the English dictionaries!"

To burn them or finally learn how to speak the language? I think that's a valid question by now.

"And I'll make a peace contract for the Middle East!",

Point for childhood naiveté, author. If that was what you were going for.

Frisk also cheered,joyfully jumping around her older twin sister. The two twin sisters watched as Pearl signed the contract she recieved with her oddly elegant letter style.

As if this author can write anything better than comic sans.

...Unfortunately,a nasty surprise quickly showed up to the three Dreemurrs. Peridot,with no warning,jumped and ripped trough the check,leaving a hole shaped like her body on the check.

"Nyah-HAHAHAHA! Crystal Dreemurr,you fool! You gave to me your precious Crystal Shack!",Peridot taunted Pearl as she rudely picked the contract from her,and laughed even more like a lunatic and snatched a surprised and shocked gasp from Chara and Frisk.

She can snatch mine too, as I don't need them, since I've seen this exact scene already, alongside every scene in this boring fanfic!!

"*ahem*...Look at it again.",Pearl said with a snarky smile,looking down at Peridot and crossing her arms.

Peridot was confused about Pearl's behavior,but nevertheless,she decided to read,thinking her name was signed on the contract. Actually,what was really written was this phrase:

<p style="font-size: 14px; font-family: Calibri; text-decoration: underline;">"LEARN MOODS,YOUNG LADY."

Learn jokes, author.

"WHAT?!",Peridot angrily yelled towards Pearl,and immediately afterwards,she snatched the contract with her two hands. "You huge CLOD!"

Chara and Frisk laughed of Peridot's karmic humilhation; Chara with a all-out loud laugh,and Frisk with a more polite,but yet kind of teasing laugh.

"I'll report everything to the people that protect me!",

Neighborhood watch is going to get you.

Peridot angrily warned Pearl,pointing her finger towards her mortal enemy. "And you will see WHO NEEDS MOODS,MISTRESS CRYSTAL DREEMURR!!",

With that kind of word choice, maybe you should stop threatening her with a good time, just saying.

she continued raising even more her tone,being forcefully dragged out.

By who? The people she hired?

After everything,silence ruled over the living room of the Crystal Shack.

"...Want to see some television?",Pearl asked to her great nieces,not moving her head or her body.

"Yeah...",Chara and Frisk answered together,almost in unision.

"I like the opening theme.",Frisk said,turning her head towards Chara and Pearl,who both looked at her raising a confused eyebrow.

Because such a statement was totally worth the raised eyebrows, even after the author substituted a totally reactionless statement from Mabel, that her favorite part was the theme songs before the hard cut to the episode intro. The only thing raising eyebrows is your interpretation of humor, author.


A bit later on the same day,Frisk and Chara were playing checkers on the room of the gift shop. However,even being the smartest twin,Chara wasn't the best checkers player around. Actually,she could be one of the worst ones,and Frisk was one of the best ones.

And now you are flipping the twin competition because Chara is labelled the older sister throughout this trash, which will also likely be spun into humility, guilt, and self-sacrifice onto someone's shoulders yet again. You think doing the polar opposite of the canon with a Mary Sue is subtle, surprising or even original, author?

Chara was already bored of writting on the scoreboard the victories of Frisk over her.

"Don't worry Chara,one day you can be good at that.",Frisk said to Chara with a encouraging tone and a smile.

"Until then you'll have nine thousand victories.",Chara said,supporting her head with her left hand with a very bored expression.

That means your winning streak is equal to the odds of Frisk recalling her tendency for showing unceasing regret for even accidentally winning against someone in a game.

"Hey Chara!",Asriel called out for Chara from the casher table. "You can pick for me the,uh,male brain pot?"

"I want to help you.",Frisk said,extending her palm upwards with a toothy smile.

"You are sweet,Frisk...but Chara has enough height to pick up that.",Asriel explained to Frisk with a slightly sorrowful smile.

Because already the Nubian, crybaby goat boy has to know this is going to upset Frisk. If I wanted to read about a pity party, author, I'd hit up tumblr.

"R-really?",Chara said in surprise,briefly blushing. "I kind of almost forgot this detail..."

"Uh,how much she is taller than me?",Frisk asked for Asriel,because even trough she was aware Chara had a height different than her,she never paid attention to how much she was tall.

Asriel picked up a tape measure while Chara and Frisk lined up to measure height. The goat boy used his human cousin's neck as a base,to find out his other cousin's head reached the height of her sister's head.

Because if there's going to be a height difference, it's only going to happen above the neck between the two, of course. Author, did you think that was how Sooz measured them in the episode, or did you just substitute it in with a method someone tricked you into believing as a toddler?

"Golly! Its some neck centimeters of height!",

I don't know what that means, author, I only know you need to get back to Sesame Street and start over!!

Asriel exclaimed in surprise after the comparision,snatching a confused noise from Frisk.

"I never knew it...I never knew I was the shortest one

You knew there was a height difference, but you didn't know which side of it you were on? Do you know the difference between white paint and milk, but don't know which is which, too?!

...I just hope I can be the smartest one as well...",Frisk said,scratching her back hair as her tone grew more and more awkward.

The bar set for that is like yourself; not that high in comparison.

"Don't worry,a beta-twin is better than nothing!",Asriel said,inserting his hands at Frisk's shoulder in a attempt to comfort her.

You are literally trying to glorify the loser of a competition for binary positions, ass-munch.

"Uhm...",Chara simply said,not managing to find a word to comfort her little...twin...twin sister.

It's like I'm watching the author remember and subsequently ignore the fuckups of her constant bumbling of the topic up until now.

"I'm a bit fine on being the youngest twin,but at least I hope I could have one day of glory.",Frisk said at Chara with a sadder smile,which just increased Chara's inner guilt.

You win at games over nine thousand times! Is the author so high off her own AU fumes, that she doesn't realize there is no conflict here?!

"I feel smell of increasing sadness here.",Pearl's voice ringed out,as she walked in with her casual outfit. "Who from my nieces is feeling down?"

"Because I'm feeling like I should be here making fun of someone, almost like I was meant to be a different person."

Asriel awkwardly pointed out at Frisk,whose smile was clearly dropping down to a frown that indicated a wish to cry. Pearl knew the reason Frisk was feeling down (being the shortest sibling),so she just crouched down and ruffled her hair gently.

You know, to emphasize her lack of height. I wish you didn't make it this easy for me, author, I really do.

For Chara,everything looked like it was her fault,and a punch of guilt hitted her belly and stomach,making her run away from the scene covering her eyes with her hat. She felt like a monster on that hour for her...twin sister.

Kindly fuck off you oversensitive, egotistical numbskull. Not everything is about you and your self-esteem issues fed by a self-blame projection complex via your author-forced, haughty word salad version of tea-bagging. "Oh no, my twin sister had her feelings hurt because she's sorta fine not being the tallest of the two of us and I called her 'beta', I'm such a monster." You can apologize to her with something as small as a cup of cocoa, instead of being a drama queen running off to milk the angst, you insufferable, self-persecuting twat.


"Congratulations, are a real made Frisk sad because of your height.",Chara angrily insulted herself as she climbed the stairs and went to the attic,and to the door that took to her and her sister's bedroom.

Yup, that's what a monster is, what it means to be a monster, and how monsters are, and I can't believe that all three of those statements are needed as qualifiers in this trainwreck of a fanfic.

However...she had a idea.

Chara dashed to the nearby bookshelf and grabbed the mysterious book with the two gemstones and the number 3 on the cover and began to flip the pages,in the hope the author writted something about changing height,so she could give a glory day for her twin sister. And surely,there was one.

Because the illogical statement of Frisk somehow having hoped she temporarily could be the taller of them, that wasn't at all the most trite fashion of gluing back together the shredded plot, author, no sire.

"I've been recently studing animals that have very different heights from their other species members,and I can reach to the conclusion that in the depths of the forest,there's a way to increase or decrease your height."

Willy Wonka calls it the taffy puller.


As Chara readed the mysterious book,she walked over a ramp on the forest of Inside Falls,and on a certain distance of the forest,there was a beautiful sea with seagulls flying over it.

You set this in a valley in frontier Oregon, and you already know what a lake is, author. Do I have to write you off as intentionally insulting anyone with a modicum of common sense, or have you simply stopped taking the pills the people in white coats gave you?

Unfortunately,as she took a break over reading to watch the beauty of nature,she tripped over a rock and stopped on a part of the forest where the sunray wasn't visible.

As she got up,she noticed something resting on her knees. Little black bears. They looked as small as chess pieces. As Chara got up and the black bears hastily jumped off from her knees,she saw a short raptor flying below her nose.


What do I say to this? The author can't write a correct sentence to save her life. Prepositions elude her at every turn. Definitions are rendered meaningless in her context-fucked soup of paragraphs. Canon words are trashed and replaced constantly unless it's unavoidable for the plot. The author altered this scene to take place near an ocean likely because she had to justify replacing forest birds with seagulls. And just now a 'short' 'raptor' 'flew' in Chara's vicinity. Half of that sentence isn't real. Is the author real? Am I real? What does 'real' mean? Get real, author. One of us has to, and you sound like you've been waiting in line for it way longer than me.

Words couldn't describe the wonder she was feeling on that moment.


"...Amazing...there aren't wolves here,right?",Chara said,first in a tone of wonder,and afterwards,in a slightly fearful tone.

How about you worry about jaguars instead? I'm sure the author still has some beef with them.

However,she was caught by surprise when a gray-skinned wolf appeared from the woods and began to run towards her for a jump attack.

Oh yeah, real surprise when she calls it out ahead of time with her Mary Sue precognition. That's another point for the pile.

Chara screamed and pulled her arms in a defensive stance,just in the moment a baby blue beam of energy paralyzed the wolf and shrinked it to the size of a chess piece.

Chara looked down at the wolf,who was now minimally trying to bite her leg,and laughed. It hurted,but it didn't hurt as much as a normal-sized wolf's bite. When she carefully got up and looked forward,she saw the cause of the shrinking animals: a large crystal beaming up yellow,blue and purple lights. The blue light shrinked animals,the purple light growed them,and the yellow one didn't have a clear function.

Which is why the author drew attention to it, of course. She's big on that whole lack of any proper function.

Chara decided to test if the crystal could work combined with a light device,and snatched a small shard of the crystal that was fixed on the ground with her bare hands. And surely,the shrink/grow function worked on a flashlight when she tested in on a cheekers piece.

And Chara did all of that on the spot, because scene transitions are once again something the author implies that you keep track yourself by remembering the canon.

It was time to make her selfless sacrifice of one day.

You'll get double the points for that one for not even being subtle about it, you fucking try-hard.


Chara walked on the front door of the giftshop of the Crystal Shack,where Frisk and Asriel were chatting,now about the same height as Frisk.

"Greetings. I now have some...differences.",Chara greeted her cousin and twin sister,with a sweet smile.

"Golly!",Asriel screamed in surprise,as he noticed the height difference of Chara. "Chara is now the same height of Frisk!"

"And I can tell without even measuring it!"

"...Huh?",Frisk said in a surprised and confused voice,being awakened from her sadness trance.

Grow up. I'm talking to you, author. You write these sad sacks to be on the verge of an emotional meltdown as soon as their cereal gets too soggy.

"Don't worry sis,you can be the bigger one for one day. I allow it you.",Chara said for Frisk with a comforting smile,as she inserted a hand on her shoulder for comfort.

Oh, thank you, your majesty, how benevolent of you. Why don't you just allow Frisk it for three days and have your martyr parable be accurate, fuckwit.

"Odd...",Frisk thought to herself. "And just a moment ago,I was crying about being the beta-twin. This sounds like a weird plan for Chara to comfort me...",she continued thinking,as she went to the staircase with a proud smile.

Frisk sneakingly followed Chara to the attic,with surprised what once was her older sister.

Height among siblings doesn't affect or determine age, author. Go out into the world and meet people, for fuck sake!

"Woah! surprised me!",Chara said,trying to play it off in a attempt to make Frisk go away. But Frisk wasn't going away without clear answers.

"You're just sacrificing your size for me to be happy...right?",Frisk asked to Chara with a more serious and mature face.

What the hell would her direct and clearly spoken words imply otherwise, genius?!

And she trapped Chara's mind on the corner unintentionally.

It was the corner of What The Fuck Street and Does That Mean Avenue.

"...Yes.",Chara confessed with a nervous smile,and she immediately dashed to the attic's door and to the stairs in shame.

Author, stop it with your soap opera of immature drama queens performing contrived interactions leading to emotional overreactions, just because you can't figure out how to copy the motions of the source material without it. This is not how you write any type of fanfic you could be going for. You don't go 'and then another person burst into tears and ran to the backdrop of the next scene that I can't deviate from either'. What curse upon you have your work remain this uninspired?!

Frisk decided to run after Chara to stop this senseless sacrifice,

Licking a Mary Sue's ass and pretending to not like it, author? Maybe you could convince someone if you stopped reaming Chara for all the martyrdom shit she's got.

but soon it escalated into a fight for the flashlight where a ant destroyed a vehicle,Chara's head grew bigger and Frisk's grew smaller. Eventually,Chara's size was back to normal (taller than Frisk by a neck)

A frivolous scale of nebulous measurement that would only make sense if Frisk doesn't have one!

and she pleaded for the flashlight in a struggle fight agains't Frisk. However,the two twin sisters lost the flashlight,that went flying for the feet of a defeated Peridot,with unfixed hair and scratched clothing.

Why don't you just summarize the entire chapter while you are at it, author? It's not like someone would think people wanted to read a story with details about the plot in it. You didn't even bother explain why Peridot is here.

"What is this little wonderful machine?",Peridot asked to no one in particular,while looking at the flashlight with the size-changing crystal shard in-front of the light source.

Well, you see, your arch nemesis has a shack on this property where she sells crystals, and this will in no way impact your expectations for the object you just picked up from her front lawn.

"Oh n-no...I'm sorry Chara,she'll probably doom us shrinking us to a mini-size because I didn't want to live one day of lies!",Frisk said,holding the hair next to her ears in despair.

You just get a kick out of forcing your sock puppets to spout plot-predictive statements, as if this was a satirical parody, don't you, author?

"Don't worry,sister...",Chara said in a oddly comforting tone for Frisk. "If she finds out its function,I'll blame myself the whole day and absorb your sadness."


Author, I hope you are merely sickeningly desperate for sisterhood that you don't have, because what you are describing is not sibling support. It's someone self-identifying through one-sided co-dependency.

Unfortunately,Chara was right. Peridot listened to them and smiled a menancing feline-like smile.

Truly OwO is the most menacing of emotes.

And she pointed the baby blue light towards the twins,despite their protests. Soon,they were decreased to be almost of the size of Peridot's feet.

And we moved from chess pieces to fetish territory real fucking quick.

Then,she began to giggle in triumph and strange relief. But for Chara and Frisk,who were now extremely small,it sounded like a extremely evil laugh. Afterwards,she putted a empty jar over the twins' heads,trapping them together.


Peridot passed by the autosale of her family,with a very serious expression. The costumers and her mother were both curious by her behavior,and by...what was inside the jar.

Tell me the truth, author. Are the ellipses a sign from your brain that it needed more than a minute of figuring out what to write? Because I'm not holding my breath in anticipation at learning the other half of what faceless auto sale customers are curious about.

"Patricia,what is that on your jar?",Yasmin asked for Peridot with a smile and a casual tone.

"That is my seeeecreeeeet!~??",Peridot said in a sing-y tone and with a adorable face with starry eyes that made all the crowd happy.

Congratulations, author. You ruined it. You've just proven you can have these characters do all the starry eyes they want and it could mean absolutely nothing.

Afterwards,she made a cute giggle and walked away wearing the same face as before. "Stupid dirtbombs...",Peridot quietly said to herself.

When she entered inside her house,Peridot saw a man in a social outfit vaccuing on the kitchen. It was Jett,Peridot's father.


Jeez, I nearly had a heart attack from not noticing the second 't' in that name at first. I'll take this experience as a chance of looking at the bright side, at the prospect of what horror show this story and the author's statement of owning none of the characters within it could have been. Turns out that her statement must have been a load of crap, however, because evidently all she has been able to do with Mr. and Mrs. Gleeful, was to shallowly flip their genders to substitute their characters.

He never did nothing besides vaccuming because of a trauma,but with her devil-ish spirit,Peridot couldn't care less about his state.

She just entered on her bedroom to focus on her objective,and spitted the Dreemurr twins from the jar like someone would spit candy or coins from a jar.

Again, I must ask, what the hell is happening in Brazil, author?

"Hey,now-pebbles!",Peridot called and teased out the young Dreemurr twins with a feline OwO smile.

"P-please don't kill me...neither my sister...",Frisk pleaded,holding her two hands and kneeling as she holded a mercy-pleading face.

"Don't worry showed kindness to me,so I won't hurt you."

What kindness exactly? She laughed at you just like everyone else.

,Peridot said with a weird form of gentleness,as she ruffled Frisk's hair with one finger. "But you have to join me on my royal questions."

I'll take "What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?" for five hundred, Alex

"I'm sorry Peridot Diamond,but we aren't on the medieval times!...heh...",Frisk said,in a attempt to sound brave,but she just realized mid-speech she made a accidental joke.


"You'll regret what you said NOW!",Peridot angrily lashed out towards Frisk,picking her up very easily by the head.

"NO! I refuse to accept my own destiny-",Frisk tried to speak with a fighting stance in a futile attempt to free herself,but when she noticed,there was something on Peridot's hand.

I urge you to refuse your own destiny, author, because unless you improve in everything related to the written word, it won't involve good fanfics.

Her favorite toffe of strawberry. "Oh...thank you so much.",Frisk said in a more polite and sweet voice,as Peridot carefully putted her in the bag of strawberry toffe.

"And for you...",Peridot menancingly said to Chara,turning the lamp on the table towards Chara's direction and inserting the strawberry toffle bag next to her. "Where did you locate this wonder of technology? You builded it? Or did you find about it trough...some sort of reading artifact?"

Excuse me, the author has done nothing but refer to such as 'the mysterious book with the two gemstones and the number 3 on the cover', and you will do similarly, thank you very much.

Chara had to think on a solution for the problem with her brain,without Frisk's help.

Being declared the smartest of the two of them, what could Chara possibly do alone?

She hastily thought and looked around...then,she remember she was carrying the mysterious book on her hoodie's pocket.

"I'll tell what I readed if you bring your ear closer!",Chara yelled loud enough for Peridot to hear her.

Yes, let's just cement the fact that you read about it, so Peridot will have to ignore the fact that you said so, to not let her home in on the fact that you have one of the books, Einstein.

"Okay!",Peridot cheerfuly said,perking her ear towards Chara. However,the thing her ear approached off was actually a airhorn,that Chara activated and made Peridot back up in surprise.

"GAH! PEBBLES! I'll CRUSH YOU WITH MY HAND!,I have a better idea.",Peridot said,at first pointing towards the Dreemurr twins,and then,having a great idea. ...A idea great for her,but horrible for the twins.

Gee, what a surprise.


Back on the Crystal Shack...

In the absence of Chara and Frisk,Asriel was setting up a maze entirely made of mirrors,a tourist attraction idea made by himself and accepted by Pearl.

Asriel got the idea from watching himself cry in the bathroom mirror every day.

The phone began to rid indefinitively,and since someone had to attend it,Pearl went to do it,leaving behind her silver-and-pink pearl-shaped medal who Asriel inserted on his chest just to imagine himself as the Crystal Shack's owner.

Pearl grunted as she picked up the phone,expecting someone extremely random messaging her.

Not customers, not someone arranging a tourist bus arrival, no of course not, she's expecting random phone calls, why not?

However,it wasn't exactly that call category.

Taking a phonecall from your sort of nemesis trying to extort you by kidnapping your family members kind of hits the realm of random rather precisely on a normal day, author, you nutter.

"Ms. Crystal Dreemurr? I have something to tell to you. I have your great nieces in my possesion,so GIVE ME THE CRYSTAL SHACK or I'll DESTROY them!",Peridot answered from the other side of the line.

"...Seriously Peridot?

"You're terrible at this. You are supposed to ask me what I'm wearing before we move on to the roleplay."

Just stop with this childish act. They were just chatting outside the house right now.",Pearl boredly answered,refusing to fall on the apparent act of Peridot.

Yeah, and they were chatting so hard that Asriel had to set up the mirror maze without them because of their absence. Do you recall any paragraph you wrote after the fact, author?!

"I have PROOFS!...want me to send them?",Peridot said,angry at first...but suddenly,calming her down her tone for a tone more polite for a question.

"*sigh* Modern kids.",Pearl angrily said to herself as she hanged up the phone,interrupting the call between her and Peridot.

Do you want me to laugh, author? I'm asking because said reaction demands either humor, or a display of terrible failure to comprehend and alter a known joke about confusion across several generational gaps through the use of a landline. I'm seeing an awful lot of the latter, I just don't think that was what you wanted me to get out of this.


Peridot tried to call back again for Pearl,but she didn't answer,so she angrily threw the phone on the wall,destroying it and almost hitting Chara.

"Wait...Oooh,I could use this!",Peridot said,with a bigger smile,as she holded up the flashlight connected with the crystal shard. "I'll shrink Pearl,take the Shack for me,and afterwards,SMASH your heads!!"

Not even a threat if they step out of line, just a promise either way. So much for that mercy for Frisk she promised, author.

,Peridot continued,snatching the heads of the dolls of Frisk and Chara and evil-ly laughing.

"Patricia? The ice cream truck is approaching here!",Yasmin's voice called out for Peridot.

Peridot immediately felt a big delight and ran to out of her bedroom to not lose the ice cream truck. However,before she left her bedroom,she putted her cat (oddly named 'Robonoid') on the table to watch out fo the young Dreemurr twin's.

And will this pet's fate culminate in being crushed under Peridot's heel, or did you have literally nothing in your head besides smuggling in that literally worthless and non-applicable reference, author? Granted, even using Pumpkin would have been slightly irrelevant, but you probably chose to not use it, because it would betray where you've stuck all your substitution choices.

However,Robonoid didn't exactly care for what he was tasked for,so the twins had time to make a plan,just after Frisk left the bag carrying one last strawberry toffee.

"You didn't exactly have to run away in shame on that hour,Chara.",Frisk said,in a reflective tone as she approached Chara.

Of course she did, I mean, wasn't the author thorough enough in explaining how totally reasonable her decision to do that was?

"You just had to stay there that I would apologize to you..."

Who the fuck is supposed to be considered the guilty party here?

"Oh...that's sweet,but now we have to act if we want our heads intact.",Chara confessed with a happy but also serious tone. She looked over the table for something to aid hers and Frisk's escape.

Not-conflict got not-resolved, I guess.

The twins decided to use a rope made of Peridot's blonde hair strands to climb down,and dashed trough the house,eventually stopping on the living room and settling on hiding in a boot. The Dreemurr twins peeked up to find out Peridot and Yasmin on the living room,with Peridot eating a ice cream pot.

Will this monster's hunger for empty ice cream containers ever be sated?

"Hey,my dear mother,please bring me to the Crystal Shack?",Peridot asked to Yasmin,still eating ice cream.

"I'm sorry star,but I am busy with the auto-sale. Boop!",Yasmin answered,and unexpectedly poked Peridot's belly in a playful way. However,as a answer,Peridot threw the ice cream on the wall,barely missing Jett.

"DON'T POKE ME!",Peridot furiously yelled. "I already told that before! REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU...CLOD?!"

"...Poking isn't fun.",Yasmin tried to remember putting her hands on her back in shame.

And this maneuver of simply prodding her - not tickling, mind you - is somehow invasive enough that it's going to incapacitate her later. Do you even think people can relate to half a sentence of anything you write at this point, author?

"I'll just take a bus...",Peridot calmly,but yet angrily,said as she got up from the couch and walked towards the door,rudely going outside without even closing it.

"Sweet memories...",Yasmin just said to herself,laying on the couch like nothing intense really happened.

"Just keep vaccuming and vaccuming...",Jett said to himself,still vaccuming like his life depended on it.

Was vacuuming too difficult for you to substitute with something else, author? I'm trying to gauge your limits, and they haven't exactly been consistent so far.

"Lets go Frisk. We need to fidn something to fly.",Chara said to Frisk,as the two ran trough the open door and ran to the parking lot,above the parking lot's ballon symbol.

And you already know that you have to fly instead of any other option, like hitching a ride on a woodland critter, why am I even surprised?

In the bus stop,Haku and Peridot were there. Until a bus appeared and Peridot quickly entered on it.

This has been another episode of Waste of Crossover Characters.

"Oh no! She'll shink Pearl and we'll be done!",Frisk said in a fit of panic,pointing out at the bus Peridot was in.

"Not if I make this ballon fly.",Chara said,as she bited the rope,freeing the ballon and making it fly independently.

"Woo-hoo! Lets return to the Crystal Shack!",Chara and Frisk said together,in a happy and cheering tone.

How about you waited with cheering until the author confirms that you are on the damn thing or even holding onto the rope?


"Yes! We managed to reach here in time.",Chara said,as she and Frisk dropped on the totem of the Crystal Shack. "We just need to find a strategy to stop Peridot."

"Hmm...",Frisk said,looking around and eventually spotting a wire line that leaded towards the roof othe Crystal Shack. "Follow my lead,big sister. I have a idea."

"Prepare yourself,Crystal Clod...",Peridot mischeivously said to herself with a large smile.

Also, she was suddenly here, at this place in the void which is supposedly the front porch of the shack.

However,she felt a toffe falling on her triangle hair. "GAH! Toffe is destroying my haircut! Defeating my enemy looking like this is a shame!!",Peridot angrily ranted,running to the shack to pick a bathtub to use as a mirror as she cleaned her hair.

Because if there is one thing that would be just outside of the shack that sells crystals, while inside they are in the middle of making a mirror maze, it would be a bathtub.

The twins took the chance to turn on the flashlight to try and bring them back to their normal size.

Because now they suddenly have that. Have you lost general interest, or are you losing a little bit more than that, author?

"Chara,quick! I'll turn you back to normal!",Frisk hastily warned to Chara,as she hastily climbed up the flashlight.

"Oh...can you turn me to be of your same height?",Chara asked with a slightly awkward smile.

This is vacuous. Idiotic. Imbecilic. They are not competing, author. Chara even intended her choice as a temporary thing. There is literally no reason, even petty ones, for this exchange!

"No. I can't do this.",Frisk answered to Chara with a serious face and tone.

"How you CAN'T do this?!",Chara said,not believing on Frisk's speech. "This flashlight can turn us to any height! Its obvious it can make me become as tall as you!!"

Author, you have no grasp of situations, exchanges, or mental cohesion. I have an older sibling whose head reaches my chin. I also have another sibling, whose chin my head reaches. If I got a magic flashlight and asked either of them if they wanted to experience a different height for a day, like Frisk fucking did, they'd be delighted to try, I'd be delighted to do it for them, no one, literally no one would make this into an issue!! But Chara has to be the self-sacrificing cretin who gives up her own height to pretend to be a good person, and Frisk has to be a holier-than-thou sad sack that suffers no modicum of untruth, when all that needs to be done here is to have kids be kids and play with a magic toy that alters both their heights instead.

"You shouldn't do that...",Frisk said,not sounding sadder. "You thought on a day of glory for me but you gave to both of us a bad day. If I was someone really angry about the situation,I would tease you with something like-"

"The Great Chara."

No, author. That's all you get. No.

,Peridot completed Frisk's speech out of spite,surprising both Frisk and Chara,who looked upward just to be holded up by her. "Hahah! You can't defeat me,just because of a selfless wish of the older sibling!

Yeah, sure, pretend Peridot could even have the faintest clue what's going on, just to suck Chara's martyr dick even further.

Now...Ms. Crystal Dreemurr is DONE!",Peridot happily gloated as she pointed the baby blue light of the flashlight towards someone attending the door.

"NOOOOO!!",Frisk and Chara screamed with a equal panic,seeing Pearl's silver-and-pink pearl-shaped medal falling to the ground.

You do know that 'pearl' isn't a shape, author, right? There are, like, at least eight different shapes a pearl can have!

Peridot would gloat even more the apparently-defeated Pearl...if she didn't pay attention to find out she actually shrinked out the twins' cousin,Asriel.

"Golly! I feel like a little ant!",Asriel said to himself,looking at his own paw-like hands with sparkly eyes. Unfortunately,he and his cousins were trapped on the same jar by Peridot.

"Where is Ms. Crystal Dreemurr?!

Oh, I dunno, maybe off mourning her late life partner, if her honorific is any indication.

I demand to know!",Peridot angrily said to Asriel,Chara and Frisk,holding down the jar in a way no one could escape off.

"We'll never tell you!...she's on the second door to the left of the hall. Wait...I SAID WHERE SHE IS!",Asriel said,pointing his paw finger towards Peridot,but stopping as he realized the big mistake he did.

Peridot simply putted the jar over her black jeans pocket and slowly went to the location Asriel pointed out,as the now-mini trio used all of their efforts to try and free themselves,but it was futile.

Once you are in a fanfic, you are stuck for good.

"Oh gee...I ruined everything...",Asriel said in a guilty tone,crouching in one of the jar's corners and covering his eyes with his long ears.

"You didn't ruin nothing,Asriel.",Chara said,trying to absorb the recently-born guilt on her cousin.

Absorb another point for the counter, you pretentious shit.

"I was the responsible for creating that device. Because I just wanted to give a glory day for Frisk. I don't know why Frisk is better at me in so many things..."

"Well,its because its you who solves most of the mystery or mystery-related problems. I feel like its my responsibility to be good on the normal games the folks know off,like cheekers. For me everyone can be good in at least one thing.",Frisk answered the question Chara made with no intention to be answered.

I can't remember when I last saw this much dick-sucking outside of a sex scene.

"Oh...guess I was trying to break the balance,then.",Chara said in surprise after recieving the answer,afterwards giggling.

Chara and Frisk fist bumped,forgiving each other for the problems.

Those problems that weren't problems, but in fact the traits that set them apart, which is perfectly fine. Can you pick a single altered plot without contradicting it in the same chapter, too, author?

Asriel also asked to join the fist bump,and the young Dreemurr twins gladly accepted.


Peridot tried to sneakingly enter on the mirror room,but when she arrived there,she found a big surprise. Many Pearl reflections.

"What?!",Peridot just said,her mind trying to process what was going on.

"Hello Peridot! I was hoping someone could test off the mirror maze!...I just hoped it wasn't you.",Pearl 'greeted' her rival before leaving.

"I had hoped Lapis could have tried it out. She seems to have such potential for it, but the author can only connect the same amount of dots as there are on Chara's forehead."

"GET BACK HERE!",Peridot yelled,putting the size-changing flashlight on her other black jeans pocket.

Meanwhile,with the collaboration of the team,Frisk managed to open the jar,freeing herself,Asriel and Chara and giving them the chance to save Grauntie Pearl from a terrible shrinking destiny. Chara and Frisk managed to climb trough Peridot's shoulder,but Asriel had the horrible decision to climb over Peridot's hair.

"Bad dandurffs!",Peridot angrily said,slapping her own hair right on the area Asriel was located,and as a result,she threw Asriel far.

Because spotting a toffee in her hair was so easy for her, and since the author forgot to include a substitution for the termite scene, we now have the gremlin passing off a furry smurf as dandruff.

Thankfully,he just landed on the carpet.

Peridot looked around for the real Pearl,but she mistook her for a Pearl reflection,and fired the flashlight,that bounced around the room and shrinked a bear head on the wall. However,she had a idea...she threw the flashlight on the mirror,dropping it and making it fall down,revealing the real Pearl.

Maybe you should be more careful with that make-shift device. It's just a flashlight, after all.

"You'll pay off that,right?",Pearl said with a annoyed face,crossing her arms.

"No!",Peridot answered with a toothy smile,pointing the charging flashlight towards Pearl.

A charging, boomerang flashlight, apparently.

"Uh?...what is that?",Pearl asked,raising a confused eyebrow and looking downwards.

"Finally...after weeks of humilhation and defeat...Your bussiness,and family,and family and business and family business and business family,will crumble down because of me! And you can't do nothing but helplessy watch!",Peridot said with a hammy,triumphant voice,cornering Pearl on the wall.

You know, author, you do actually have an impressive vocabulary. You are just shit at using it. Yeah, my compliments are backhanded, what did you think they would be?

"Prepare to be defeat by Peridot Di- Peridot Diamo- AAAAAH!"

Suddenly,Peridot dropped her flashlight and began to act like a senselessy angry cat,scratching the air and mimicking cat noises.

She also kept trying to push things off of table surfaces and scratching at the door to get let outside, with the intent to get back in moments later. Are you for fucking real, author?! You made these characters HUMAN. Did you suddenly forget that part?!

"...Uh,Peridot? Are you alright?",Pearl asked to Peridot,but Peridot still began to act like a senselessy angry cat.

She began that a lot.

Actually,Chara and Frisk were poking up Peridot on her left arm so Pearl could be saved from the shrinking destiny they and Asriel had,and since Pearl couldn't see them,she sadly couldn't thank them.

Becuase just poking her anywhere will of course cause such a reaction, especially on the arm, where you can just reach to and remove the invasive touch. I'm starting to believe that this author doesn't have arms. It's not like she needs any when she's typing with her ass!

"Look,I think your anger towards me is affecting your mental state. I mean,I am a good opponent,right?",Pearl said,crouching down to approach better the extremely hysterical Peridot.

"Don't worry,maybe one day I'll let my guard down and you'll have a victory over me. But first,go take care of yourself. ...Uh,for now I'll have to take out out.",Pearl finished,pulling Peridot from the shirt's collar and dragging her to outside the Shark,while Frisk and Chara jumped out of Peridot and the flashlight dropped out of Peridot's black jean pocket.

Frisk was the first one to activate the flashlight and grow back to the normal size,while Chara was restored back to the normal size by Frisk.

How nice of Peridot to start acting like she doesn't exist, so they could do this in peace.

"Being the younger sibling is good.",Frisk said to Chara with a happier tone.

Then what was your fucking problem to begin with, numbskull?

"I know. You had a shining moment.",Chara agreed with Frisk,playfully hitting her elbow on Frisk's hand.

"Thank you for giving me that,big sister.",Frisk thanked Chara,giving a big bear hug to her older twin sister with a proud look on her face. "Also...I don't know why,but my senses tell me this flashlight in the future will save our lives. So please don't destroy it."


Author, they even have it repaired in the show for when they will need it, and I know for a fact that you will write diddly-squat about it being used in the next two lines of text that remains of this scene. Stop fixing shit that isn't broken, you Mary Sue glorifying hack.

"...Alright?",Chara shrugged off with a confused smile,not getting Frisk's wish but gladly accepting to fulfill it.

"Girls!",Asriel's voice called from below,and Frisk and Chara looked down to find their shrinked-down cousin. "Golly,finally you paid attention to me!...I need some help."

"I swear, something must be wrong with that flashlight, because my dick is supposed to be two - no, three times the size it currently is in comparison to everything else. Better fix that mistake, right?


Peridot was impatiently pacing over the carpet of her own house's living room,with her mother and her father sitting on a large couch.

"Don't mind that Ms. Crystal Dreemurr,daughter. One day,your revenge shall be fulfilled.",Yasmin said for Peridot in a hopeful tone,hoping inside herself she could at least slightly calm down her furious offspring.

"And don't you worry my dear. While you were out, I got you a new scratch post, and I changed your litter box."

"NO!",Peridot angrily said,flipping a chair on her sight. "Its not just revenge I desire. I also want the shack! ...The wood building."

"It has something interesing for you?",Yasmin asked with curiosity for Peridot,not understanding what kind of thing a tourist trap would have to spark the interest of her daughter.

"Mysteries...but more specifically,a wonderful mystery that can't be described on words..."

Well, at least you acknowledge what you can't deliver, author.

,Peridot answered,and she began to giggle,a giggle that transformed into a maniac laugh.

"Want some flakes ice cream?",Yasmin asked,extending the pot towards Peridot's reach.

"YES!",Peridot answered,running towards the pot,sitting on the couch and ramming her face over the pot to eat the flakes ice cream. " tastes good. That is all I gotta say."

As if she could, what with this author still continuing to be a slave to the canon, even when more than ten chapters into this mess.

Well, predictions going two out of three for once. As the next chapter is titled Hallowater, I honestly don't know what to expect. Alright, shooting in the wind then. Inside Falls will have a halloween theme around water, there will still be a monster made of candy, and another crossover character will be misused to replace Gorney, probably from Vocaloid.

The new counter has been implemented, and it has had a surprisingly big turnout, as I set perhaps a generous set of criteria for it, but never the less, each one reeks of Mary Sue author favoritism.

YAT: 46
BTTP: 97
Last edited by ConcernedGamer on Sat Jun 01, 2019 2:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun May 26, 2019 3:12 pm

I hate this chapter. Having mocked it now as I write this, I can't get around it. Verdict is that I hate this fanfic. I rarely hate. Very few fanfics I've mocked has earned that. So far, those who did, did so out of the depravity or self-indulgence of smut, objectification or downright character assassination. This, however, insults me on so many levels I have no tolerance left for it. In order for the author to keep the abused crossover content glued to the, by her, misunderstood Gravity Falls canon guidelines, the author exhibits nothing short of proverbial Mary Sue masturbation as this fictional reality bends backwards and demands a reader of this shit have brain damage in order to accept the events that are taking place. It's not even that the author is so bent on making her Mary Sue Dreemurs into perfect angels with hazardless issues and pretend conflicts. It's the fact that it's all made in disconnected attempts to harvest praise and pity points, a cavalcade of stick figures occasionally pretending to have character and motivation like reasonable people, when it's the most pretentious and obnoxiously undersold take on a parody of an unrehearsed alien ground school's stage play. As a byproduct of everything summed up about this fanfic thus far, I can't even assume the author is making these mistakes by herself. This amount of failures of writing has to have been inspired, it just pains me immensely that the author has no ability to scrutinize her own work let alone those that have led her down this path. Want to know what was the last straw to warrant all that? Read on, I'm certain you'll spot it. Here's Chapter 12, Hallowater.

A sunset falled over Inside Falls,as a car parked up in-front of a halloween-themed market. Out of it,came Chara,Frisk,Asriel and Pearl,who was the car's driver and owner.

Had the author not specified this, my first bet would of course have been on any of the kids who thus far haven't shown signs of owning a car.

"Here is the Hallowater Supermarket,my dear cutie-pies!",Pearl said with motherly enthusiasm,extending her arm towards the direction of the supermarket.

"Hallow-...uhm...",Chara said raising an eyebrow,confused about the weird name her great aunt managed to say.


It's not that I wasn't already aware of the massive lack of proper education you've displayed by now, author, it's that you didn't even bother using an online dictionary to figure out what the syllables in Halloween are.

Pearl pronounced the word for Chara,pulling out of her pocket a calendar with a marked day. "The favorite holiday of this kind-of oceanic town is Halloween...and they created a copycat holiday about it. Who is me to judge out them?"

Let me put it this way, author. You judge depending on how much the copycat slanders and steals from the original.

"I have no idea.",Chara answered sarcastically with a playful smirk. "Also,you always carry out a calendar with you?"

"...Sometimes.",Pearl calmly answered,putting the calendar back on her pocket.

"Hallowater? Well,we are in a town kinda next to the sea but...",Frisk said,holding her chin with her fingers as she looked to the side,where on a pretty decent distance,was located a small part of the sea,that was being brightened by the sunset.

You'd think that this frontier Oregon outback mountain-crossing sea, which the author pulled straight out of her ass, would have had some earlier visible influence on this rural community. I guess the townspeople were simply too busy making Orient-related tourist traps to cash in on their dedicated water theme.

"Kids will have free-candy!",Asriel cheerfuly said,wrapping his fluffy arms over Frisk and Chara's bodies with a large and cheerful smile.


Inside the market...

"TIME TO FIND THE COSTUME CORRIDOR!",Chara and Frisk cheered,starting to run around the market like super-excited children,despite their late-pre-teenager age.

Oh yeah, despite being preteens they acted their age. I bet you feel so mature and grown at fifteen author, I'm genuinely sad for you.

Asriel went to a shelf full of toys shaped like the most common and cartoonish archetype of halloween witches and pressed one of the toys,activating it.

"I'm witching you a very haunted Hallowater!",the witch head said,and afterwards,gave a wicked laughter not uncommon from halloween witches.

Are you dense enough to think the canon displayed genuine Summerween toys, author, or do you think your made up bullshit of Aquaween gets more convincing, by proclaiming a toy company caters to specifically this now backwater town's crazy holiday?

"I wish you a happy Hallowater for you ask well.",Asriel happily replied to the toy with a sweet yet sharp smile.

Glad to know that the 'be careful what you wish' still has never and will never have any payoff.

Then,Asriel looked at the grumpy young man working at the market,and made a 'Sorry!',smile. "I'll just poke it like,ten more times!"

Meanwhile,Pearl was trying to find the most quantity of Hallowater ornaments while Frisk and Chara were playing around with some 'jack-o'-pineapples',since pumpkins were possibly reserved for the Halloween,or at least,that is what Frisk and Chara could think.

You think you can cover up your own ignorance by wiping it off on your characters author? First off, it's called a theme, something you know what is and fail to make all the time. Second, pumpkins is an autumn crop. Why is it so hard for you to learn shit?!

Soon,it got to the point the store worker had the idea to call the police.

You know, for no particular reason beyond the script.

Pearl,however,used a smoke bomb to distract the store worker as she,Asriel,Chara and Frisk ran back to the car with Hallowater stuff...not paying it.

"We will get into trouble,right?",Frisk asked to Pearl with a awkward smile.

"Not if we never speak it in public.",Pearl answered to Frisk with a very optimist smile,as she hastily opened the car's doors for the stuff and the group.

Well, Pearl must have laced her smoke bombs with cyanide, since this implies they left no witnesses.


On The Crystal Shack...

The Hallowater decoration was already talking up the living room of the tourist trap,and the Dreemurr twins were already excited for the celebration. Asriel already had his fantasy: a superhero-like form of himself with black thunders below the eyes,upside down horns and black robe who he named 'The God of Hyperdeath'.

You just described a half-finished, derpy goth costume, author. What the hell are the 'thunders' even supposed to be?

"I wonder if we are gonna dress with the same thing,or with counterparts!",Frisk excitedly said with her hands on a cheering motion,with a large smile.


You live together. You share a room. You went to the costume aisle together. You are twins! Since when is it supposed to be a surprise what you are going to be dressed up as for H2O Day?

"Well,I hope alot of candy will be in our pockets.",Chara answered,inserting her hands on her hips with a smug smile.

"Golly,you girls look very excited for the holiday.",Asriel said,looking at his cousin's excitment with a curious smile.

Who wouldn't be? Hydration is important!

"Of course,Asriel. Back on Cave Junction,we where something like the halloween queens. Two twins for them are very attractive.",Frisk replied,pulling out a memory book labeled 'Trick or Treat Twins' and showing three drawings to Asriel:

"And I can't stress this enough for you friend-cousin-who-we-knew-before-getting-here, I did in fact have no friends back at home, despite this popularity."

One when the twins were three years olds,dressed like dogs,other when they were on 4th grade,dressed like White and Black Spy,and the last one when they were on the 6th grade,with Chara dressed like a vampire and Frisk like a devilish priest...weirdly,even on the 6th grade,the twins were able to understand creepier concepts.


Your self-insert Mary Sues are not special for knowing about creepy concepts at the age of eleven, author, fuck off.

"Alright...just,be careful with the witches and the dracula walking on Inside Falls earth.",Asriel said in a understanding tone. "And never forget...Sugar Sucre!"

Rebecca will haunt this fanfic until her Steven Universe characters are back where they belong. Also, who?


Sugar, or Sucre when untranslated, from the French RPG Maker game OFF. Like Undertale, it's apparently a game with heavier but more adult themes and deliberate interpretation potential, as you control a fourth-wall conscious but voiceless Batter on a sacred mission to purify the world consisting of demon-filled zones. That's at least my outsiders-perspective as I haven't even consciously brushed by its memes up until this point. Any further mention will be my in-depth checks on who this Sucre character is and likely how the author fucks up on replacing the Summerween Trickster with her.

"Sugar Su...uh?",Frisk said,surprised about the quantity of different words she and Chara were learning today.

After a holiday and a name, their tiny brains will explode the moment someone mentions an unknown brand of candy.

"She appears on the Hallowater period,learns which youngsters lacks the season's spirit,and pulls them with her finger strings,eating them far from their loved ones.",Asriel explained,turning the lights off,pointing a flashlight to his face and making dramatic motions with the other hand.

"You don't have to worry about us,friend. Perhaps it'll not be so different from a normal halloween.",

Unlike this author's remaking of a spin-off.

Chara said with a confident tone,picking a green candy from the bowl between herself and Frisk and munching it. But soon,she began to cough it off her mouth; for her,it tasted like a horribly unbalanced sour-sweet candy.

"This is pure unbalance of sour and sweet!",

Is it too sour or too sweet? Is it both? Are you even capable of using other words to describe flavors, author?

Chara angrily growled,picking up the other candy brands. All of them were weird and strange brands completely unknown to Chara and Frisk's universe.

Isn't everything at this point?

"Is that...candy of the damned?",Frisk said in surprise,also looking down to the bowl full of neglectful candy.

I'd pay money for a translator that's fluent in nonsense and pretentiousness, if it could help make this stupidity end.

"Shh...",Asriel attempted to shush Frisk and Chara. "Sugar Sucre may be listening to you...",Asriel said in a whispery voice.

"Not that I'm scared though. Now, excuse me, I'm going to go panic and bawl because Pearl might be angry at someone."

"Sorry Asriel,but you'll need a cannon to proof your point.",Chara said to Asriel,picking the whole candy bowl and heading towards the window nearbiest to the trash can.

I demand nothing less than a Howitzer to convince me of anything. Also, what?

"Okaaaay...",Asriel pitfully replied as he picked a gummy shaped like a ear,that for him tasted pretty normal.

"You lost your usefulness.",Chara coldly said to the candy,as she threw most of it down the trash can,essentialy neglecting it.

Here we see an reenactment of the author, after she has robbed another piece of source material for all she bothered to think was relevant to make her substitution choices.


A bit later...

The doorbell ringed out,and by Pearl's request to ride off the horrible candy,Chara went to answer the door. She would wish a 'Happy Hallowater' for the visitors,if her shock didn't take over her when she realized who where there. Jasper,with a werewolf-designed shirt,and Lapis,with a nice,dark-blue dress,and no cap on the head.

Wow, author, Jasper seems to be hanging out an awful lot with Lapis. What is she, her girlfriend or something?

"Hey,runt.",Jasper,kind of calmly,greeted Chara.

"Hello Chara!",Lapis greeted Chara,in a more friendlier tone.

"Oh...greetings. How are you two doing?",Chara asked to Jasper and Lapis,recovering a bit of her composture.

"My jacket is always left here.",Lapis answered with a cool smile,as she picked a jacket from the coat rack next her and used it.

Not that she forgets it or anything, she just needs an opportunity to act like she's in a point and click game.

"What is up with this candy? You will trick or treat this night?",Jasper asked,curious about the bowl of candy Chara was carrying in her arms.

"...Uh,of course not! I'm not a kid after all.",Chara said,hiding Frisk's halloween memory book on her back and trying to pull up a mature-looking face to hide her awkward face.

"And I'm saying this as my own decision, as Lapis did in fact in no way indicate first that she was remotely thinking the opposite."

"Yeah,she is right.",Lapis said to Jasper,agreeing with Chara's words. Then,she turned to face Chara. "By the way,we prepared ourselves for a party. And the best part about the outcome of this party is that we won't have Taylor's parents here!"

Maybe mention where it's taking place to make that remotely relevant, author? It's clear that you transcribe every detail while watching the show, because you write as if you do while expecting others to be doing the same.

"Here is the flyer.",Jasper said,also with a cool smile,as she showed to Chara a flyer of the Hallowater party,all colored in a combination of blue and dark yellow.

"Uhm...I would like to go,but I'm too busy with some things.",Chara said as she picked the flyer,with a nervous,unsure and slightly distant voice.

"You better be fast finishing those...'things'.",Jasper said,crossing her arms and going outside,where a van was parked in.

Sorry, I don't think the author is going to finish figuratively jerking off anytime soon.

"Its at 9:00 PM,okay? Don't forget it. I mean,if you finish your business in time.",Lapis said for Chara as she followed Jasper towards the van,and it drived into the distance.

"...Y-yeah...bussiness called little sister's joy...",Chara said,in a slow and shiver-ly tone with the strange mix of happiness and anger. She shaked her head some seconds after speaking,like she just got out of a weird trance,and went inside.

Have you met people, author? They can act and do things without coming across as mental patients. For once, have Chara announce her thoughts to herself and don't pretend she can only do so through a lapse of cognition!


Frisk,Pearl,and Frisk's very really best and only friends,Connie and Amethyst,were on the lobby,Frisk's intention being presenting her best friends to her grauntie. Frisk was dressed up like a white cat with a black belly,Connie was dressed up as a female pirate with dark magenta coloring,Amethyst was wearing a femenine maskerade violet outfit,and Pearl,for a odd reason,decided to wear a white-and-baby blue sorceress outfit.

I'm certainly happy that you think that counts as descriptions for costumes, author, but I wouldn't be able to pick any of them out of a lineup.

"Grauntie,I shall present you to the firstest genuine best friends I had on this summer. Connie and Amethyst.",Frisk said to Pearl,making motions pointing respectively to Connie and Amethyst.

"My parents understand about safety,miss.",Connie politely greeted Pearl,adjusting the pirate hat on her head.

Be careful with pulling too hard on the string in the back of your substitution action figures to have them say their catchphrases, author.

"Heya Ms. Crystal!",Amethyst loudly greeted Pearl,not really bothering up calling her by the middle and last name she was known in public for.

Crystal is the middle name you gave Pearl, author. Are you being this stupid on purpose?!

"...Other girl with a cat-like smile? This town is honestly being overriden by cat humanoids.",Pearl commented on herself,noticing Amethyst's feline-like smile and hoping she wasn't hearing her voice.

"What? I heard you saying something.",Amethyst said,since she heard Pearl said something about her but couldn't make out what she was saying.

If you absolutely have to pad out dialogue to copy every frame of the show, author, could you not try and do it with something that is better than the tissues you probably pad your bra with?

Pearl,awkwarded out by the question of Amethyst,tried to make a dissapearing motion as she backed away to the next room,making a awkward silence on the atmosphere of the younger girls.

Author, when you can't even digest a joke from the show properly, no wonder all you produce is akin to vomit.

"By the way...Temmie is going along?",Connie asked to Frisk,breaking up trough the awkwardness atmosphere.

"Of course she is. I just need to call her over.",Frisk answered with a friendly smile,as she pointed herself to the direction of the room Pearl was in,and made a 'meow!'.

Temmie came out of the room and ran to Frisk's arms excitedly wigging her tail,wearing a leopard makeup over her face.

You couldn't even make a joke about spots to fit the costume, author? Do you have this thing called humor in Brazil?

Frisk happily recieved her with head patting,and laughed alongside Connie and Amethyst.

"What about your sis,Frisk?",Amethyst asked to Frisk,remembering the day she told her about the halloween nights she spend with Chara.

"She'll surely pick a outfit to either compliment mine,or else something entirely incredible.",Frisk said with a confident,joyful tone,as she heard stair footstep noises.

Why the author didn't decide to coordinate your costumes as pepper and salt shakers, I'll mourn for, I don't know, maybe a couple of seconds.

From upstairs,Chara climbed down to face off her little twin sister and her sister's best friends. However,unlike Frisk's expectations,Chara came with no kind of special outfit for the Hallowater day. She was simply wearing the outfit she commonly weared on summer.


I see we are still stuck on the same plotline, despite the author's dubious ability to telegraph it. Chara has nothing to gain from this. She's not fueled by the attempts to appear mature for Lapis like Dipper was towards Wendy from being in love with her. Chara has won whatever battle the author pretended was being fought already. Lapis considers Chara her friend, said so in those exact words in the previous chapter. Right now, despite the author pretending the motive, all we have is Chara being an ass for no reason.

Connie's only reaction was to crack a smile and make a thumb up for Chara.

"...Uhm...where is your hallowater outfit?",Frisk asked,in a genuine,innocent worry,as she soon realized all her expectations were for nothing.

"Oh god! I forgot about it! goes my Hallowater spirit...",Chara realized,as she tried to look around herself for anything to use,but couldn't.

Dipper's excuse was that he was feeling ill, author, and you have Chara pretend to have forgot the integral part and purpose of everything going on this day. She can walk back upstairs and put it on, you lazy waste of everyone's time. It's not even that she forgot to get a costume, because that was the point of going to the store in the opening!!

She was about to hide her face in shame with her hat or her hoodie when the door of the lobby was knocked,and she decided to answer it.

Who was on the other side on the door...wasn't really a everyday-young woman. She looked more like a marionette,with a short-sleeved shirt above a stripped long-sleeved shirt,baggy pants,no shoes,pale skin and hair,purely blank eyes,and a large,never-ending smile. A detail that Chara didn't notice in the moment where the black strings on the tip of the fingers.

Let's just ignore the fact that the strings, while not accurate to one, is the only similarity to an actual marionette Sucre has in her character design. Also, the author seems bent on giving this fanfic a g-rating, so much so that Sucre's nipple tape was covered up by another shirt. Sucre is also supposed to be human in her source material, and at this point, the author has barely made Chara distinct from this author's discount creepy pasta interpretation. The choice of her as a substitute for the Summerween Trickster is even worse over simpler choice, with the fact that in her source material, sugar is an addictive drug made from burnt corpses. I didn't know it was possible to top the stupidity of Manotaurs being replaced by Inklings, author, but somehow you did it.

"...Uhm,sorry lady. Youre a bit old for this stuff...",Chara politely said for the pale marionette woman,as she closed the door,agains't the woman's protests.

"Who answered it? And...why you closed it?",Frisk asked to Chara,worrying about the possible person that tried to answer the door.

Good question, seeing as Chara didn't let the potential door-to-door saleswoman get a word in edgewise, such as 'Trick or Treat'!

"It was a pale lady. ...And I ain't with the good outfit for this holiday.",Chara simply answered to Frisk,with a kind of smile that silently screamed that she wanted to get far from the door the fastest possible.

The door ringed out again,and Chara sighed,a bit annoyed,as she opened it. It was the same pale marionette woman from before. This time,Chara just blowed a raspberry for her and closed it with alot more of strenght than the necessary.

Looks like someone suddenly found their spine to be able to taunt people twice her size, huh?

Afterwards,she walked far of the door with a furious expression on her face.

The door once more ringed out. Frisk knew Chara hadn't anymore the patience to open it,so she decided to open the door herself to find out the pale marionette woman,who holded a furious look on her eyes.

"..Sorry lady,but my sister has a problem with persistent door ringers.

Which is of course completely forgivable when the author makes it up on the spot. I won't, though.

I hope you understand that...",Frisk politely and calmly said to the woman,but it surely didn't cool down the deep rage on her.

"Rage befell over me,disgrace will fall over you. I will eat the lives of the Hallowater-spirit lackers.",the pale marioenette woman said,swinging her head from side to side and making motions with her fingers as she spoke.

How considerate of her to make sure her victims can follow along should it turn out that they are deaf.

"Y-you are...Sugar Sucre!",Frisk realized up,backing down as she analyzed well one of the details that told off the identity of the marionette woman: black,thin strings hanging from her fingers.

Yeah, we kind of got the emphasis when you made Chara deliberately blind to them the first time around, author.

"That is me!",Sugar Sucre said,stepping inside the house,much for the surprise of Frisk,Connie,Amethyst,and even Chara,who was at this point not really caring for the surprise visitor.

Deciding to demonstrate how seriously she was taking about of eating the youngsters lacking Hallowater's spirit,she picked a bypassing child with her finger strings and hastily swallowed them over her throat,making the Dreemurr twins and Frisk's friends scream in fear.

What a monster, interrupting that poor child in randomly bypassing this remote location.

"One way to avoid this fate is only one!",

And a tautology is a tautology.

Sugar Sucre said,as she poked Connie's hair and made the latter hug Chara in fright. "Find to me 500 pieces of sugary candy until the last jack-o-pineapple is blown out,and life for you will continue."

"WHAT?! There is no way...",Chara said,scared about the life-or-death 'deal' that was offered for her,Frisk,Connie and Amethyst.

"Live with trick-or-treat,die as a Hallowater-soulless one. You decide!",

I'm sure they will, as soon as we can figure out which of those two are the better option in this fanfic.

Sugar Sucre finished,as with a last chilling giggle,she used her strings to climb up the roof. The group watched as she crawled in a weird way trough the roof,towards the distance until they couldn't see her anymore.

"Great...Frisk...I think we are doomed.",Chara said,not sounding hopeless,thinking about how she could find five hundred pieces of candy in time.

"Wait...I just realized something.",Frisk replied,first at a unsure tone,that slowly raised to a cheerful one as she continued. "You'll trick or treat with us! YES!",Frisk cheered,jumping on the air,much to the surprise of her twin sister and her friends,who were shocked by the life-or-death deal pruposed by Sugar Sucre.

Don't actually pretend, that you believe that you managed to indicate that Chara even hinted at cancelling trick or treating because she forgot her costume upstairs, author. Insulting yourself alongside everyone else is the lowest kind of idiocy.

"You know who is that lady,Frisk?",Connie asked to Frisk,looking upwards to the roof and hoping the Sugar Sucre wasn't next to her or the group.

"The Sugar Sucre,a urban legend Asriel said to us. And she's real!",Frisk explained to Connie,first looking at her and afterwards also looking upwards on the roof.

"We are going to DIE!",Amethyst panicked out,shaking Chara like it would be the solution of the problem,even if both of them knew it wasn't truth.

You think that's the reason people shake someone else while under stress, author? I don't even think shaking sense into you is possible at this point.

"What is going on,girls?!",Asriel's voice ringed in,as he went outside meeting with the group. "I heard some string noises here."

You know, those noises the author didn't mention, because going back a handful of paragraphs to justify this on-the-fly dialogue substitution, where Sooz was hearing a ruckus, was simply impossible.

"...We apparently found the Sugar Sucre and she wants us to trick-and-treat for her or else she'll eat us.",Chara explained,putting effort in not entering in panic.

"Here,I got a proof!",Connie said,as she pulled out her phone and showed to Asriel the photo. It had a outline,stickers and japanese words,but the Sugar Sucre's escape was still visible trough everything.

The only reason you swabbed Candy out with Connie was because she's a weeb, isn't it, author?

"Oh, are in a bunch of endless trouble.",Asriel said,pretty much scared about the fate of his cousins.

Frisk saw the kind of atmosphere (of fear and despair) ruling the ambient and decided that it shouldn't rule anymore. She thought on a way to boost the morale of her friends,twin sister and cousins,and climbed on a pile of hay and clapped her hands to catch the attention from everyone.

"Pay attention to me,guys...we may be cursed to a life-or-death situation by a evil holiday marionette,but if we unite forces,we can win the deal.",Frisk spoke with a serious tone,inserting her hands on her hips.

"We must combine Connie's knowledge,

Knowledge of what? How any of this bullshit remotely relates to the theme of water?

Amethyst's strenght,Chara's determination,and Asriel's hope to get enough candy for the whole night!",

"By combining meaningful words that were integral to the core and essence of Undertale, we will succeed at trick-or-treating!"

Frisk finished,throwing her fist on the air,followed by Asriel,Connie and Amethyst,who threw their fists on the air and cheered. "We shall go to the streets!",Frisk said,raising a leader-like tone.

"Uhm,sorry Frisk,but your big-sister is in a hopeless state...",Chara said,putting her arms on her back with a wavy smile. And it was kind of honest: she wasn't believing on a fair victory.

So much for that determination; sacrificed so that the author didn't have to make her self-insert lie.

"Don't worry,your younger sister will lift up your spirit.",Frisk said with a more gentler tone,offering her hand to Chara,who slowly accepted it. "Let's step foot on street!",Frisk cheered as she pulled Chara to the streets with the rest of the group.


More trick-or-treater's were on the street besides the group that was trying to find salvation from Sugar Sucre's punishment. That least,is what Chara saw by herself,since she only had time to pay attention to Knux and his sons,and Deputy Geremy and Sheriff Raynold being...big-big friends.

You talk like your parents stunted your mental maturity through romantically sheltered upbringing worse than a catholic convent, author! Acknowledge that there are higher states than friendship and fuck off with your bumbling wordplay.

"I don't know if we can,but buying candy would be the fastest way.",Chara cynically said as she dragged forward the little red trailer.

"I think its a tiny bit know,cheating.",Frisk said,scratching the back of her cat outfit with a awkward smile.

"Cheating or not,the DIE of 'trick-or-treat-or-die' will be removed.",Chara replied,slightly calming down the anger on her own tone.

The group saw some children leaving the house of Haku Yowane,who herself was dressing up like a yuki-onna,and quickly went to the door before she could close it.

And for those of you who doesn't fit the author's demand for absolute knowledge of everything on the inside of her head, a Yuki-onna is a Japanese folklore spirit appearing in snowy nights as a pale woman with blue lips and long black hair, dressed in a white kimono. One would think that the switch from 'Halloween but during Summer' to 'Halloween but water-themed' would have had an influence on these people's costumes, but you're already seeing how the author is doing with her attempts at 'Undertale in Gravity Falls'.

"Hmmm...more kids in costumes.",Haku said,in a sleepy-like voice,as she looked down at the group. "Carnival maskerade...a super-hero...a pirate...a young kitty...and...*yawn* what are you supposed to be?"

"Nothing. Just the void of nothing.",Chara simply answered with a stoic,bored face.

Because being anxious or urgent about your life-or-death situation doesn't trump an opportunity at being an angsty edgelord that the author thinks is cool.

Haku nodded and gave a piece of candy to each member of the group...except Chara,because she wasn't wearing a fantasy. Finally,she closed the door.

"Eeew...licorice candy...",Amethyst said in a disgusted tone,picking the piece of candy she recieved.

Amethyst declining treats because of taste? Who is this Trollz Doll you've mislabeled in this fanfic, author?

"Why we all recieve loser candy?",Connie wondered,as she looked at her piece of candy,that just like Amethyst's,could be easily categorized as loser candy.

And you deserve another slap on the cheek for rubbing deserved shade off on Haku by implying that Chara did in no way affect the amount of candy that the rest of the group got, author, you hack.

"Four pieces of candy?! This will take a eternity!"

I'm still looking at 28 chapters after this, so I'd beg to differ.

,Chara said,her tone already bordering up to the territory of 'I am hating this VERY MUCH!'.

"Hey,I have a could put up a costume to speed up the process.",Frisk suggested to Chara with a calmer smile.

"*sigh* I'll feel like a giant,giant kid...",Chara said,wishing to stop speaking and hide herself in her dark blue hoodie.

And dancing in a seal costume to appease a different sort of life-threatening spirit didn't? Bad excuses aside, as this is the reason but not the motive for Dipper's issues in the canon, why the fuck are we getting about three inconsistent reasons for Chara being insecure rather than secretly being selfish and wanting to go to a mature party?

"Really,really?",Sugar Sucre's voice ringed out,as she came down from strings hanging from the light pole next to the group,and picked a candy out of Asriel's bag,scaring the goat boy until the spine. "I saw greater determination,yours is pretty foolish. Tick-tock!",Sugar Sucre continued,pulling herself upwards,picking a jack-o-pineapple and blowing it's light out.

And this is of course a well-adapted version of Sucre, who talks deliriously and whose dialogue significantly utilized emoticons, which this author could for once be excused for doing. A marionette-paintjob, another shirt, and rehashed dialogue, that's all that's needed for crossover characters nowadays.

One straw pulled out of the timespan the group recieved to save their own souls.

"...Looks like you'll have to 'cheat' and break your rule of not using outfits.",Frisk said with a nervou-ish tone,afraid of angering her older twin sister further.

Chara,however,simply kicked off a rock to cease a bit of her anger away.

What anger? What rule?! People reading this shit can only hate Chara, and everyone not calling her out for her shit! There is no way to empathize or relate to her, and all her motivation is guesswork, even if granting the author being unable to correctly indicate it's identical to the canon.

I once again have to split the post in twain. Continue reading below.

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