Inside Falls

Anything goes...
User avatar
ConcernedGamer
Posts: 131
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark
Contact:

Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Tue Nov 19, 2019 2:45 pm

Well, we're here now. Do you want to know when I started mocking this dumpster fire? The 11th of November in 2018. A year. It took me a year to chew through this diatribe of broken English, wasted source material, and identical plot lines. And of course this verse is the same as the first. Here's Chapter 20, Peridot's Ascension.

No...no...Inside Falls is not safe...its far from being safe...

What tipped you off, Einstein? Was it the replacement monster of the week every other chapter wanting to kill you?

those demons...Peridot...the Crystal Shack...the Crystal Shack...n-no...it can't be real...it has to be a bad dream...

Sorry, I've been pinching myself for more than a year now, but this fanfic is still here.

I need to wake up from this dream...we have to wake up...

No...No!...

NOOOOOOOOO!!

I'm not asking for a thousand words to make the equivalent an actual picture here, author. I'm only asking that you at least try and wet a brush. Or a crayon, in your case.

Chara screamed as she woke up from the nightmare of what happened yesterday:

She should be used to that by now.

the destruction of the Crystal Shack just after the moment the Dreemurrs thought they won agains't Peridot. When the Shack was destroyed,Chara,Frisk and Pearl were pratically forced to move in for the house of Asriel and his caretaker Alphys,who was also a monster that was integrated to society (for some reason,Asriel's parents were absent,even trough Chara and Frisk already meeted them).

Image

Is this a hot take on the fact that Disney never meets its parent quota or something? I just love the 'for some reason' excuse that the author realizes she'll have to figure out later. But why Alphys? And if she's a monster, what does that make the dinosaurs at this point?

Chara,not willing to sleep and face another nightmare,just decided to look at television with Alphys while she waited for the others to wake up because of her screaming. The news on the TV the Dreemurr's saw weren't exciting a tiny bit.

It was about the latest monster immigration laws that the president had decided to enact. Yawn.

~~

'Inside Falls is wild with the most recent news that the child star of magic and technology Patricia 'Peridot' Diamond gained the deed of the Crystal Shack,kicking out its original owner,Ms. Crystal Dreemurr. Peridot,what you plan to do with the Shack now?

"I'll announce all the news of what I plan to do here. And I want everyone of Inside Falls joining me! Aren't I a great star? Of course I am!"'

Am I supposed to think she still holds her title by doing a trick of removing her thumb and flicking a light switch with it or something?

~~

"I was a failure...I am normally the 'hero' between us,but now I leted that 'twerp' beat us...",Chara sadly spoke,sounding defeated.

You know what, we can at least agree on that one thing, Chara. You are a failure.

"I'm...*yawn*,sad as well,Chara.",Frisk confessed. "I wished I could stop Peridot with my umbrella.",Frisk said,as she pulled out the umbrella she recieved as a gift from Pearl back in the beginning of summer.

"How a umbrella can stop a kid with charm powers if even I couldn't?",Chara half-joked with a broken smile.

By using it like it was a grappling hook is the answer, of course. Predictability, what's that?

"Look on the good side,girls!",Asriel began to say,sounding more hopeful than the Dreemurr twins. "There's a whole garden of flowers with yellow colors,maybe we can play over it."

"...We need to save the Crystal Shack.",Pearl spoke in a determined voice that slightly startled her great children.

Yellow flowers. Get it? Because it's Undertale. It's Undertale guys. Guys, it's a reference. It was in Undertale. They are yellow flo- alright, I'm done now.

---

The Dreemurrs began to invade the 'Crystal Shack's Grand Closing' and enter trough the crowd,each of them wearing a different disguise of dark sky blue color. They made sure both to stay hidden and be the nearbiest possible to Peridot.

"So,my deary crowd...",Peridot began,sounding as cheery as how Chara and Frisk first remembered her. "Like I said,I planned something bigger for the closing of the Crystal Shack. I present to you...the Peridot World!",Peridot continued,as she pulled off a cloak revealing a miniature that represented a modified Crystal Shack surrounded by a circus park of green colors.

And what was the reason for you being unable to make an actual proper crossover reference by calling it Inside Falls Funland, author?

All of the Dreemurrs gasped,mortified about the ill future incoming for the Crystal Shack.

"We are going to clean and 'update' this old scrap! And above all...it'll have a pet!",Peridot spoke,as Yasmin pulled out a cloak revealing Temmie in a not-comfortable-at-all outfit mimicking Peridot's one.

Which I'm sure everyone can remember what the author changed to by now.

"Meet this...cat and dog called Mini Peridot!"

"TEMMIE,NOOO!!",Frisk screamed in panic,forgetting about the hiding plan. Unfortunately,she couldn't get Temmie in time on the hour she moved to Asriel's house.

"This is the last straw!!",Chara and Pearl angrily spoke together,ripping off their own disguises and running towards the stage followed by Frisk; Chara furiously broke everything Peridot-related that was in her sight while Pearl and Frisk tried to warn to all the crowd about the real version of the deed's story.

But unfortunately,it was in vain,because Peridot convinced the crowd that the Dreemurrs were wrong and arrested them out. The first attempt was failed...

Oh, what a shame, and here their chances were looking pretty good at being convincing and persuasive, what with their aggressive little shit of a kid trashing everything around her for extra endearment points. Did anyone else notice no mention of covert camera surveillance pins?

~~

The Dreemurrs could only look at what happened at the Crystal Shack's Grand Closing trough the black,chain fence,and neither of them were happy in any way or shape. All of them tried to hang high on the hope of getting the Crystal Shack back,but a side of each of them was screaming that this mission would become harder and harder if they tried and that they should just give up.

If the author just amps up their hopelessness, by having everyone angst it out, instead of sticking to Dipper's positive determination, that means it's just that more dramatic, doesn't it?!

"O-oh,Hi Lapis...",Chara calmly greeted as she noticed Lapis besides her.

"If the Shack is destroyed...then I'll be forced by my dad to move at my cousin's academy...",Lapis sadly said as she leaned agains't the fence.

That's just something that happens, people, losing your job lets your family banish you to their own privately owned school or something, I'm sure.

"W-what?! Oh...god...we'll miss you so much as a friend...",Chara said sounding even more sad.

Are you turned on by how much you are having these people stick themselves in the friend zone, author? Is that it?

Asriel even gave her a handkerchief for her to cry in.

How about you get an ounce of determination and decide that you aren't going to let it happen, you whiny babies!

"Yeah,me too...we'll,see you later,if a miracle happens.",Lapis said,mounting up on a blue bike and pedaling for far away. The Dreemurrs were about to lose a ally and they could do nothing about it.

They were losing her to all of that no reason for her to not stick around as Jasper isn't chasing her right now, that the author established so well.

~~

In Asriel's home...

"U-uh...I'm sorry b-but...there isn't enough f-food for four people.",Alphys explained to the three young Dreemurrs.

They'll have starved once you are done cooking one bowl of noodles anyway.

Even trough the lack of enough food wasn't Alphys fault,the three kids were crushed just by the fact they had to accept and live this reality.

Well, at least not for very long, technically.

"We can't stay here...but I don't know a place where we can stay...and pack up our stuff...",Frisk sadly said,trying to fight back the wish to cry.

"What kind of excuse Pearl can use to tell to Mum and Dad?",Chara said,doing just a bit better job on holding back her sobbing.

Why is tears and moping this author's only approach to anything remotely reminiscent of conflict? "Oh, I made you learn your friend was hypnotizing you", tears. "Oh, I told you guys to not yell at each other", crying. "We are in a rut and don't know what to do after one attempt at anything.", same song and dance!

"Lets hope Ms. Crystal can do something about it...",Asriel said,almost all of his cheerful attitude and his hopeful thoughts gone.

Meanwhile,Pearl was in the kitchen answering Chara and Frisk's parents from the phone while using the last slices of breads to at least try and make something tasty for her great-nieces and her great-nephew.

Remember to cut off the crust or the little fragile brats will probably cry about it. But why starve Asriel, exactly?

"Uh,hello? Ms. Crystal,our Chara and Frisk are okay?",Chara and Frisk's mother asked from the other side of the phone line.

From, like, a clinical standpoint?

"Y-yes,they are pretty much okay!",Pearl answered,while making up a british accent...for some reason.

A thing she has never had to do up until now while pretending to be someone she's not, and even logically is quite stupid when she's supposedly lived in America for twenty years.

"They are inside one of the best hotels of this town and you can be sure about it!"

"And you got some food as well? A hotel is not a hotel without food.",Chara and Frisk's father asked.

"O-of course! We got alot!",Pearl lied. Actually,when she checked the fridge,she only saw a gallon of milk with no milk.

When I read this fanfic, I see pages of words with no words.

"If I was doing a bad job on taking care of them,I could've just sended them back to you!"

Let it never be said that I do not respect your understanding of the 'could have' contraction, author. I mean that.

"Uhm,ok...",Chara and Frisk's mother simply agreed. "We'll,anyway...bye. Love you as family."

"L-love you too as family...",Pearl said before putting the phone down.

What do you think people mean when they say 'love you', author, regardless of what they are with respect to one another? The words meaning is implicit depending on that! You are having everyone bend over backwards essentially saying 'we are in no way insinuating that romantic relationships are a thing'!

She sighed as she putted the toasts in a plate...she began to contemplate on the possibility of sending Chara and Frisk back to their parents; on one side,it would probably end her great-niece's summer in a heartwrenching way,but in one,everything to get the Shack back was just making more and more hopeless...what she would do?

To quote the source material: Anthyding can hadplen.

---

In the construction of Peridot World...

Peridot had managed to steal the Crystal Shack from the Dreemurrs and most of their ownings,including a poor and scared Temmie. There was just one thing left to do.

"Patricia,why you are just reading this book instead of coordinating and helping on the Peridot World's construction?",Yasmin asked with curiosity,picking up the picture Pearl once stole from both Yasmin and Peridot back when Yasmin and Pearl first meet each other personally.

Why, sure, Yasmin, by all means, assume you can let the nine-year-old architect pick up the slack on the rest of the project. When you don't know what to substitute word with so that you are forced to alter the entire intent of the conversation, it really shows, author.

"There's a very specific reason why.",Peridot began,with a large and psychotic smile.

Mentally deranged now, too? How subtle. Fuck it, I'm expanding the BTTP counter to from here on out include their antagonists being buffed by the author injecting her feeble edgelord points in her attempts to outdo the canon.

"A long time ago,an author with fascinating knowledge writted this book and hided it,in a place where they thought nobody could ever find it,because they knew that if someone joins them,they can become a physical god.

Which is of course why the person who wrote the books didn't become one.

That is why I hired that skeleton to build a robotic me with a automatic mode and that is why I buyed a shove: I wan't to find the second book and become a goddess!"

The robot is an essential part of that plan, there can't be any other reason for it than tying it in with everything else before its big reveal, you see.

~~

In Asriel's house...

Chara,Frisk and Asriel went to play on the garden with a ball,just like how Asriel promised early in the day. All of them were actually having fun,but their mind couldn't forget about the fatal wound Peridot made on their summer. And those thoughts began to re-surface when the three Dreemurr youngsters saw Grauntie Pearl coming to them,looking sadder than usual.

I can't blame her for looking regularly sad on a daily basis whenever she approaches these little turds.

"Listen,dear ones...I have something to tell to you.",Pearl said,and the three youngsters began to pay attention. "Since I lost my main way of winning cash and I don't have an home anymore,I came to the conclusion that...I'll be sending you two home.",Pearl finished,sounding sad,as she knelt and gave to Chara and Frisk gray tickets labeled 'BUS'.

Hmm, must be a local movie theater name.

"W-what?! Really?...you...gave up?",Chara asked to Pearl,almost not believing Pearl,the first one to give the idea of saving the Crystal Shack,was giving up on hope.

It's not like you lead her by any better boastful example, sunshine.

"I'm sorry...but I have to end your summer pre-maturely. Peridot won and there's nothing we can do about it.",Pearl answered,before getting up and walking back inside the house.

If only she had a weakness, or an unearned strength that could be exposed, but that would demand the author had actually bothered giving any hints of it, of course.

"NOOO! Ms,you can't do it!!",Asriel screamed,dropping the ball and running to inside the house to try and convince his cousins to stay.

"Chara,we can't give up...Inside Falls won't be the place we grew to like if we leave Peridot with the upper hand.",Frisk said to Chara in a attempt to sound hopeful and lift up the spirit of her older twin sister.

Did you take lessons as a motivational speaker? Because you sound like someone who skipped their homework.

"...You are right.",Chara agreed,as she and Frisk got up and ran inside the house,picking up respectively the mysterious book with the gemstones and number '3' and the colorful umbrella. They would try to get the Crystal Shack back by themselves before the bus could come.

Well, it leaves first thing in the whenever the author decides to mention it.

~~

Both Chara and Frisk learned that they couldn't bypass the guards without the aid of a kind of exercity.

Yeah, I'd like to not only ask the audience, but also phone a friend for this one.

They thought on which 'magical' exercity they should hire their hopes on and they ultimately decided they would call for help...from the first magic threats they faced on the summer: the Slendytubbies.

What's an army of gnomes compared to the first creepypasta the author shamelessly injected into this mess?

The Dreemurr twins made their way to the wet and illuminated cave that was the hubby of the Slendytubbies kind of easily,since the memory of those days were still fresh on both of the twin's mind.

"Uuuh...Tinky? Winky?",Frisk called out for one of the leaders of the Slendytubbies.

"I think we found out a leader for you better than Frisk!",Chara also called.

"Reaaaaaaally?",Tinky Winky's voice came echoing trough the cave's walls,as he himself slided to the twins in a...stylish way.

Sometimes I believe the author doesn't understand what a creepypasta is. Other times, I know.

"Who is this person?"

"He's a guy called Peridot and he has a blonde hair shaped like a triangle.",Chara explained,faking out Peridot's gender.

Because it was absolutely necessary to pretend that Peridot was the opposite gender, when she doesn't have the slightest chance of passing as it, while the current lie being fed to the Slendytubbies doesn't depend on it at all, too!!

"Hmmm...alright,its a deal then!",Tinky Winky accepted,as he gave a hand shake for Chara. For a reason extremely weird for Chara,Tinky Winky's hand skin felt like a bedsheet. Weird.

Is that somehow supposed to be weirder than Chara knowing how to give a handshake?

In the Peridot World's construction...

Peridot furiously digged trough the dirt around the Crystal Shack,trying to find the 'second book',but to no avail.

Well, clearly she should have been looking for the 'second book with the gemstones and number 2' instead.

She accidentaly managed to even push away a small,brown and armless Slendytubbie as she did so- wait,something was not right. And just when Peridot stopped her digging to pay attention,she noticed the entire Slendytubbie arm was surrounding her and that the guards that were being responsible for taking care of her were trapped. Chara and Frisk got out of the back of the 'powerful form' of Tinky Winky and walked towards Peridot.

Shit, I guess I should have eaten more pink custard as a kid.

"Peridot,you are now surrounded by a army of Slendytubbies and if you don't give us the Crystal Shack's deem again,it'll order them to send up a beatdown!",Chara taunted off Peridot with a smug smile.

"...Just a mini-beatdown.",Frisk said with a more awkward smile.

I'm sure Peridot will be terrified at the prospect of a micro-aggression, sure.

"NOOO!! HOW COULD I,THE GREAT AND LOVABLE PERIDOT,BE SURROUNDED LIKE THAT!?",Peridot said,in a over-exaggerated voice of defeat. "I GIVE UP,JUST PLEASE TAKE THIS DEED!",Peridot continued,extending a hand with the deed.

Unfortunately,neither Chara or Frisk could catch up Peridot had noticed the mysterious book Chara was carrying on her hoodie's pocket and was just tricking them into thinking she surrended for sure. Peridot stole the mysterious book with the gemstones and number '3' from Chara in Chara's weakest moment.

"HAHAHA! I tricked you!",Peridot laughed over Chara and Frisk's face. "Look,I am your master now because I'm holding this book! So...throw them out of here!",Peridot said for the Slendytubbies army as she lifted the book and its front cover high in the air. And the Slendytubbies actually began to obey her,dragging Chara and Frisk for far of the Crystal Shack...without the book. Without a victory. Without nothing but the bitter taste of defeat by trickery.

Image

What the fuck was that? Long do I have to search for something so contrived, and let alone something that is already ripping off a scene that made sense in the first place! With all the ceremony of a jump-cut, the author starts the scene, knowing what needs to be where by the end of it, and simply makes it so! Like a paradox, the author never manages to meet her intent, the source material, or the plot half-way, and every time that fails, she fails at getting half-way from there, again and again, and so she cheats!! Regardless of whether it makes sense, she makes up an excuse on the spot, and I realize I've been ranting on without even addressing the bullshit that was just smeared across my screen, and my issues start all the way back in Chapter 1! Chara was shown, addressed like glorification, to be able to deck a slendytubbie with ease, and this bitch forgets she has a knife constantly, because Dipper wasn't the stab-happy lunatic the author wants her to be when the plot isn't in the way. Flipping the script of this scene, the author has Peridot seize the book prior to victory by the author simply letting her know it was there, and through an asspull faster than light, that means she wins! The book has had no influence on the Slendytubbies, ever! It's not supposed to, and it can't, and it won't ever again, because it isn't a thing!! If that was the case, Peridot could hold up her own book instead. The author could have gone the simple route, stating that as the newly crowned leader of the Slendytubbies, she can order them any way she wants, but no, that would mean our protagonists had waltzed up and gave her a free army, which was by logic what they were doing in the first place!!! What simile can I even pose to shit this stupid? What describes the utter failure of a copy-pasted plot thread that unintentionally unravels itself?! I'm barely willing to think the author is doing this on purpose, but who in their right mind would read let alone write this and think it was presentable without being touched in the head?! Anything else could be written to account for this scene, should I entertain the thought to let everything stay the same, but the author went with this!!

---

As the Slendytubbies left Chara and Frisk outside a track and leaved back to their cave,Chara began to think what she and her sister could do without the book's aid. But no solution came to her head...that book actually helped her give strategies agains't the supernatural,and without the knowledge it housed,she was a nobody agains't the supernatural.

Nice try, author, but Peridot is not supernatural. You are avoiding giving Chara the proper low of self-doubt that Dipper had, by thinking the book was all he had that could make him succeed at anything. And so, I must yet again do your work for you and dispel your fragile Mary Sue delusions, which your choice of narrative won't ever manage to change. Chara sucks.

Even Frisk was having difficulty thinking on a solution without the mysterious book. But in the end,their own thoughts served into nothing.

If that's implying a memory wipe, I'll take two, please.

Chara and Frisk could just pack up their things on their handbages,leave the town of Inside Falls and end their summer pre-maturely. The twins looked at the window,to see Lapis,Pearl,Connie and Amethyst waving goobye for them...they were surely great people in their own ways,

I'm sure they would have been, had they been little more than nametags the author stole from elsewhere and then implied had traits, which never managed to mesh with their original likenesses.

but sadly,they would need to leave them and every supernatural adventure they had behind...

"Goodbye,Inside Falls...",Chara and Frisk quietly said,each almost sounding ready to cry.

Because tears are only for when these emotionally fragile snowflakes are denied a pet-sitter or something.

~~

In the Crystal Shack...

While the Dreemurr twins couldn't feel any more sadder,Peridot couldn't feel any more happier: she was almost exploding of joy as she jumped trough the rooms of Crystal Shack celebrating her victory over her arch-nemesis.

Is that Pearl or Chara now? And isn't this joy related to finding the book, which is tangential to either?

"YES,YES YES AND YES! I won over that dumb clo- oh, wait, that's not my line, ahem - I got the book numb-",Peridot cheered,until she noticed the number '3' from the book she stole from Chara. "THREE?! There is actually three books?...oh,that clod must know the place where the first of them is hiding...she kept the secret for herself! And I won't let that kid leave Inside Falls!!",Peridot angrily spoke,as she ran outside leaving the third book inside the Shack.

Oh, a world of difference, isn't it, author? The villain thinks the hero knows the location of an object instead of thinking they actually possess it. I'm just blown away by this majestic new take on all of this.

Peridot climbed up the robot that was working perfectly but wasn't entirely painted and stepped inside its control platform. There was pieces of metal painted in green shades she personally dubbed as 'Limb Enhancers' resting over the platform; it allowed her to look taller and to control the robot she also dubbed as 'Peri-bot'. As soon as Peridot equipped herself with the Limb Enhancers,the robot began to move based on her movements and she ran,ready to pick a bone with Chara.

That's more of a Sans pun than a robot one, author, but I'll leave you to it and mop up your stains as I go, too. So, everyone, let's just for ourselves divine descriptions for the robot, like whatever size, shape, or paint job it might have, place of parking, which direction it was even facing and - heck, let's just guess whether it started out upside-down or not, too.

~~

In Asriel's home...

Pearl laid on the couch,defeated and feeling very deep on the rock's bottom: she had no friend to support her,no direct family to love her,and she was stuck in a place that didn't even belong to her.

How lucky that the author isn't describing herself right now, mostly because she doesn't know what rock bottom is supposed to mean. Oh, and apparently Asriel killed himself to let Pearl angst over not having any family.

"How you are so good at this? Why your charm works so well?...",Pearl said,as she picked up a Peridot pin she found laying on the ground and pinched it.

Oh, you mean those things that hasn't existed up until now in this fanfic?! And what the hell does Peridot's charm have to do with anything?

"Wait...I'm hearing something...that is it! That is the key for the solution!!",Pearl suddenly spoke in a hopeful voice,as she realized what she needed to defeat Peridot for sure and save Inside Falls.

The author whispered in her ear, because it looks like another ass-pull is coming up, tout suite.

She quickly jumped out of her couch with restored determination and ran to the door,almost stumbling with Alphys in the way.

Oh boy, what a wonderful usage of crossover characters that only ever got a single line in this botched script rehash.

---

Back in the bus to the hometown of the young Dreemurr twins,Chara and Frisk looked at a window,neither in a good mood to play around or at least enlight the mood in any way or shape.

And who could blame them, unenlightened as they are.

This sadness monoty was interrupted when both of them saw something in the distance approaching...

"Is that another dinosaur?",Chara tried to guess,since there was many kinds of dinosaurs with giant sizes. But once the 'thing' approached more and more,it was clear it had nothing reminiscent of a reptile and just had a humanoid appearence.

"Is that a giant?",Frisk tried to guess,as in her head,almost anything that was humanoid and had a titanic size was a giant.

Phrased as 'in her head', meaning that the reality she inhabits somehow has a looser definition of giants, author?

She would have guessed right,if distant but present robotic noises didn't come along with the figure.

She would still have guessed wrong, author, you dumbass, facts doesn't change by ignorance of them!

"IT IS A GIANT ROBOT!!",

Oh, so now you don't want to ponder the possibility of a 'robot giant?

Chara and Frisk screamed as they realized what was really dangerously approaching. And the worse of all,the giant robot was shaped like Peridot,the kid that managed to transform their summer into a hell.

We were there, author. We know the relationship between these characters, barely by your own conveyance of it. Overstating them at every turn telegraphs a load of insecurity at what you wrote up until now.

"Don't worry,I'll save you girls doing probably the most stupid thing that I ever did in my life and in the innapropriate age!",Asriel's voice said,and the Dreemurr twins in the moment realized the driver was actually Asriel.

"I'm still alive, and I'm here all of a sudden for no foreshadowed reason! I've also constantly been kept nebulously close to your age to the point of avoiding commandeering any vehicle in this fanfic up until now - Help!!!"

Of course,a teenager that wasn't even human was having difficulty piloting a bus,but at least he was managing to keep distance from the Peridot-shaped giant robot.

Triangle hair is all we have been blessed with of shapes to make out your Human AU Peridot, author, you do realize that, right?

The robot climbed its way to the bus and tried to smash it with its bare hands. The first attempt was failed,but the second one was successful: the bus was destroyed and it lost a wheel,making it impossible of making a safe walk even if fixed.

What's this skewed framing of reality all of a sudden? Oh, the house burnt down and one of the windows broke, so you can't be in there because of the shards of glass, even if we fixed the house right away. Really?!

However,Peridot,the one piloting the robot shaped like herself,

As opposed to the Peridot selling ice cream downtown? Would you confuse her with the actual robot yourself if you didn't specify, author, is that it?!

didn't find the Dreemurr twins; she just found Asriel fearfully hiding and pleading for his life. The twins themselves were running trough a bridge,

Oh, is it a bridge reaching out in the ocean by this sea-side town, author, or do I hit play on the Disney Channel to get myself informed and entertained again?

hoping to at least find help,but there was just a dead end waiting for them. Peri-bot,taking the chance the Dreemurr twins were incapable to hide,jumped on the bridge and catched the twins.

It was such a gamble, the stakes were totally high at that moment, weren't they? Why are you giving out random reasoning excuses taken from situations that aren't fitting the narrative, author? That was about as tangential as 'He hoped the toast wasn't soggy, but Aquaman can talk to fish.'

"Let her go! I don't even get why you're chasing us even if you already won!!",Chara screamed,as she futilely tried to take back her freedom from the right metal hand that grabbed her. She was thrown towards a cliff full of trees,too far from her little twin.

I mean, sure, don't bother having Peridot actually interrogate the person she came chasing here or anything, she's only wanting to know precisely where the book is hidden which she already think Chara knows about. Is the author only allowing herself a potty break when she's done writing this thing or what?

"I'll find the last journal,rule all the Inside Falls town,and rule with my best friend foooREEEVEEEER!",Peridot's voice gloated and laughed from the Peri-robot,as Frisk pleaded and screamed for her older twin sister's help.

Still with this sickening friendship angle everywhere. You know what I think at this point? The author is probably intentionally creating a love starved vacuum of emotional bonding, so as to rig and cater her subpar-conveyed romance for her Human AU Garnet and Pearl OTP.

Chara apparently gave up from even trying to defeat Peridot,as she walked away to the forest without her sister...

...but actually,she was gathering impulse for a graceful jump that she used to break in the head of Peri-bot,right trough the glassed right eye that was caught off-guard.

She must have found Peridot's third eye in the back of the robot's head, since she didn't need to get her attention for Chara's glorified maneuver, or did she catch Peridot off guard by coming at her from the front, author?

"Still playing the hero,clod?!",Peridot mocked Chara with a large smile,stepping out of the main control platform. "Admit it,I WON!"

"It is I, the great and lovable fanfic villain! Now that the author has made me outwit you with the snap of a finger, I am now ready to stand still and gloat, so you can beat me up and win!"

"You'll eat those words,twerp.",Chara coldly said,before jumping towards Peridot with a punch that removed the right foot of the Limb Enhancers and made Peridot lose control of the right foot of the Peri-bot.

Chara and Peridot began to fight inside the Peri-robot,as bit by bit,Chara removed Peridot's control over Peri-bot's entire right leg and left arm,the arm that was holding down Frisk. When the control over the left leg went down,Peridot had no more control over Peri-bot's balance,and surely enough,it began to fall for its own doom.

You'd think that disconnecting a controlling unit would simply make a limb freeze up as it doesn't even get any more information to make it drop itself, but what do I know, I've only built, programmed and remote controlled robots, I've never actually piloted them.

Asriel,who got out of his hiding cover,would almost scream a big 'NO!' because of his cousin's deaths,but when he almost did it,he noticed two tiny 'bits' on the distance slowly levitating...they were actually Chara and Frisk themselves,who managed to survive thanks for Frisk's umbrella,who made them slowly levitate to the ground.

Because why copy a full minute of suspense into your fanfic when you know your readers already know what's going to happen. I called this shit back in Chapter 1, knowing that cartoon physics that the source material never relied on would be the author's excuse. I should have taken that prediction as an omen, as it is exactly how this author writes this junk, only removing logic entirely rather than substituting it with anything.

"That was amazing,sis! You were great!",Frisk happily spoke,hugging Chara.

"And you did it all with nothing to prove, no low point to rise from, and I'm still scared of you at times."

"Heh...thanks. I did what I had to do.",Chara replied with a smile as she picked back the mysterious book with the gemstones and number '3' on the cover.

Which got teleported here, as the author specifically told us that Peridot left it behind at the shack!!!.

Chara and Frisk began to look at the debris that remained from the robot: lots of the Inside Falls' inhabitants began to circle it,shocked and surprised about the nearby explosion,but mainly,because it was a object that belonged to Peridot

If it had been a nuclear test bombing, they would have been completely casual about it, and that might even explain some of the monsters, come to think of it.

. ...Unfortunately,the town was still hypnotized by Peridot's fabricated charm and the police duo would arrest them purely for the sake of Peridot.

Image

I'm bending over backwards here, reinterpreting every line, every word, filtering through a brain mesh to catch stupid and correct it at every turn, author. You almost had me believing you were blithering about Peridot hypnotizing people now, through her pins, which the word 'charm' can substitute for. Then I remembered you are borderline illiterate in English. We are still at the point, though, that you haven't demonstrated the charm. You have had none of these backdrop bozos exposit why they like or are convinced by Peridot. Because you are lazy and don't think you have to, I guess!

"WAIT A MOMENT THERE!",Pearl's voice called out,as Pearl herself,on her casual clothes,ran to in-front of the Dreemurr twins as the police gave that look of 'Not her again...'. "I bet you two and almost everyone here still think Peridot is the nicest and most honest star of the town,huh? So check this out! HI-YAY!",Pearl continued,as she gave a kind of athetic kick on the fallen Peri-bot,making it drop a panel.

Athletic, pathetic, you choose what the author meant. This is not how you do a reveal of charms being fraudulent, author. Depending on the influence in question, what's there even to be said? Gidoen had the backing of the town because he had convinced them through the use of spy cameras that he was truly psychic, and Stan's hearing aid reacted to the transmission signal more than once in the episode currently being ripped off. In this chapter, you have Pearl somehow listen closely to a pin and is now going to tell people that the charming girl isn't charming? I didn't even bother reading ahead on how you make Pearl succeed in revealing Peridot's manipulations, because everything in this fanfic, from the internal errors to the scene copying, is predictable in its conclusion. Let's check it out, shall we?

Inside the fallen Peri-bot,there was many television screens showing citizens of Inside Falls in their most intimate moments. Everyone that managed to catch a glimpse at one television screen managed to recognize themselves or a dear one...and they almost couldn't believe on what their eyes were really seeing.

"I found out the pins are actually cameras thanks to the feedback over them!",Pearl continued,as she extended one of her palms to show the Peridot pin as she broke it,revealing a camera inside it. "Apparently someone else was actually a fraud all along! And its not me."

Image

So, now we've read it. Was it everything you expected it to be? Let's just take the canon reveal and tag on the reason people now don't like her being that she invaded their privacy a little bit. Bait and switch doesn't cover this insurmountable load of incompetence at setting up the actual mystery and influence meant to lead up to this climax. Had you taken money for your work, I'm convince people could sue you for such shitty writing, author!

The inhabitants of Inside Falls felt almost shocked

Almost, but not quite, apparently.

with the jarring truth that Peridot,the child star of the Tent of Technomagic and the public personality they all equally loved off...was actually a bratty monster who was just fooling them and using her charm to get away with dirty crimes.

Getting out of a speeding ticket on the spot is done via charm, author. Peridot pretends to be a master of magic and technology, and that has yet to be dispelled.

Everyone began to throw off their Peridot pins on the ground and to look at their former beloved star with furious looks that demanded explanation.

Easy, author, there's no need for projecting your readers' turning on you from reading this far.

Peridot even began to babble,trying to invent a lie,but there was no way she could get around her acts anymore.

"What we shall do about her,Tara?",Deputy Geremy asked to Tara,wipping his own tears of sadness away.

"...Jail.",Tara said,in the midset of endless sobs.

I guess Tara was just widely known for saying 'Jail' a lot, oh how humorous a joke substitution this was, author, you simpleton.

"Ma'am,you are under arrest for being a criminal mastermind that manipulated the whole town on almost workshipping you.",Sheriff Raynold coldly said for Peridot,as he putted handcuffs appropriate for the size of her arms.

Because it has to be cold and furious, angry, angst, anger, malevolence, any other emotion to hit home who has been a naughty, superior villain to the canon, and that everyone are guiltless geniuses for being taken advantage of through hypnosis if that's even still a thing. The Gravity Falls townspeople reacted with sadness, sorrow, and remorse at the revealed betrayal, author. You attempt to preach emotions but your writing-range has all the dimensions of a pixel.

"WHAT?!",Peridot yelled as she realized she was about to go to jail.

"I have...some stuff to pick with Peridot,so please give me a moment.",Pearl politely apologized for the policemen,as she picked Peridot and violently shaked her,making her drop alot of belongings,including the second edition of the mysterious book and the deed of the Crystal Shack,both of them which Pearl picked up.

And your dumb ass can't even keep in the ambiguity for a later reveal as to whether she took the book while grasping the deed, author. Why do I bother? It's clear that you know people know you are stuck on all the canon plotlines and you won't ever pull the effort to make it any different. Fanfics are supposed to be better than this. People write and read them to glimpse the potential of fiction. What do you think you have managed to produce here? A changeless 'what-if'. A 'could-have-been' that's without deviation. It's Gravity Falls in its entirety with a mismatched subtitle track.

"NO! Don't send me to jail,you bunch of dirt bombs!!",

More stolen character referencing words that overlap with no remote context, what else is new?

Peridot yelled,as she was shoved inside the police car. "Oh you'll see you will regret ever learning about the real me!

Good point, who are you even?

I'll be back,and I'll get my revenge over every one of YOOOOOOOU!...",Peridot continued yelling,as the police car drived away.

Meiko's cameraman pointed out to Pearl,Chara and Frisk,all of them making a collaborative pose to appear well on television.

Alright, but who is going to stand in front of Chara?

"The heroine Ms. Crystal Dreemurr managed to reveal that Peridot Diamond was actually the fraud between them.",

I can't tell if this is an attempt to whitewash Pearl of the Stan themes stapled onto her, or if the author is simply being an idiot again.

Meiko spoke to the camera,before pointing her microphone to Pearl. "Anything you have to say about your victory,Ms. Crystal?"

"The Crystal Shack will be better than EVER!",Pearl cheerfuly announced,as Chara and Frisk joyfully followed suit.

Fine. One and a half star, then.

---

After a incredibly sucessful visit the Crystal Shack recieved and the reunion of Frisk with Temmie,Chara and Frisk went to the bedroom's attic they missed a lot to pack back their stuff. Pearl decided to visit the bedroom,still in her business suit,just to see her dear great-nieces.

"How are my favorite great-nieces doing?",Pearl playfully asked with a sweet smile.

Getting tunnel vision and whiplash from the author speeding through the script events, why do you ask?

"We are doing pretty well,Grauntie Pearl.",Frisk answered with a joyful smile and a thumb up reflecting the one she was wearing on her jumper and her bowtie as well.

"We also...wanted to reveal something to you since we learned you aren't exactly unaware of the supernatural.",

A fact that never had any influence on your lives and won't alter anything in the future either.

Chara said,and invited Pearl to sit besides her with a body command.

Is 'gesture' the more naughty option between your choice of words, author?

"Back in the beginning of summer,I found out this book.",Chara continued,handing to Pearl the mysterious book as the latter began to open it and read it carefully. "It houses information about anything you ever wanted to know of bizzare in Inside Falls,and Peridot was going crazy searching for this book. I really never found out who is the real author of this book,but I know that its better tell to you about it now than never."

"It is also nearly identical to that other book, which the author said you picked up but never bothered to specify whether we saw you doing it or not."

"Hmmmmm...Now I understand why you both were acting weirder since that day.",Pearl said in a calm and understanding tone. "Mind if I borrow it? I want to read it and learn about the things you and your sister saw in this summer."

"...Ooookaaay.",Chara reluctantly agreed,actually surprised that Pearl wasn't actually trying to make up excuses about Chara's story like telling Chara and Frisk about their 'giant and wild imagination'.

And she clearly doesn't care for their health either, considering Stan tried to protect his niece and nephew by denying the supernatural and discourage investigation of it.

"Why Grauntie Pearl wants that book? For me,it doesn't exactly sound like she wants it just to read...",Frisk asked to Chara as Pearl left the room,just to recieve a confused shrug from Chara as a answer; neither of them actually knew Pearl's intentions.

Do you merely find it hilarious to inject your story with plot-omniscient retards incapable of utilizing said notions, author, or do you do it by mistake?

"Hey,lets play ball!",Asriel said as he came into Chara and Frisk's bedroom with a ball on his hand. Both Chara and Frisk decided to leave their thoughts and questions behind to enjoy some genuine fun as a way to celebrate their victory.

~~

In that same day's night...

If I said, that the only thing more linear than the author's adherence to the canon plot was the flow of time, I'd be lying.

Pearl silently sneaked into the gift shop with only a lantern and the gemstone book of number '3',and entered a code on the vending machine to open it.

She then restocked the candy inside of it and went to bed, the mundane description overturning the extraordinary plot for once.

When she entered inside the vending machine,she found herself on a badly-illuminated room with stairs that only leaded themselves down. After climbing down all the stairs,she entered a elevator and pressed a combination of buttons on the evelator's panel: the alchemical symbols for 'Bismuth','Iron','Silver','Zinc',and the 'Down' button.

I feel that the element of 'Down' had a big role in the production of this fanfic.

Pearl got out of the elevator and found herself in a dark room infested with machines and sensors glowing in different colors. The lady went trough all the machinery and stopped her track to sit on a chair in front of a desk and a switchboard. She opened the desk to pull out a book...the first edition of the gemstone book.

Gemstone book? You went twenty chapters prattling on about 'mysterious book with the gemstones and number' shit, and now twenty chapters in you finally address it like this?!

"It has been a long time since I've been searching for those three...",Pearl calmly spoke,

"I gave it a shot for three days, then I got bored. It's not like I felt I had to, or would have reason to keep trying, since the author told me the plot twenty years ahead of time, probably."

as she laid down the first gemstone book,the second one (that she putted there since she picked it from Peridot)

Am I the only one thinking it funny that the author thought that parenthesis was both necessary and satisfactory at the same time?

and the third one,first wield by Chara. "But now,all of them are together.",Pearl continued,as she opened the third book on a page of a bizzare concept art Chara never understood.

She had so much trouble understanding it that it was never brought up even once. Imagine that. Or try to imagine the opposite, since that's actually a more interesting challenge.

She opened the second book,who showed the right part of the concept art and finally the first one,who contained the base for all the concept art.

Schematics. Plans. Blueprints. Why, for the love of proper translation, did you use the words concept art?

Pearl used the concept art the three books made together to press a certain combination of buttons and pull of a switch. From beyond the glass of the switchboard,

Located on the second-to-fourth wall, I imagine.

a giant machine with the exact shape of the concept art (including the minimalist 'X above an O' symbol of the Inside Falls town)

Image

You do know that the rest of the world doesn't exist inside your head and know what the fuck you imply to envision, right, author?

began to glow on a magenta color. Pearl ran to the room containing the machine and watched as bursts of electricity sended flashes of light all across the room before it turned on completely,opening a giant ball of light on its center that blowed a cold wind on Pearl's hair.

"I'm ready to save you.",Pearl calmly spoke to the machine with a victorious smile putting her hands on her hips.

"I'll just announce to all the readers what my actual intent is and deflate any potential wonder, question, tension or suspicion that could found any sort of intrigue in later chapters. I'm such a complex character."

Chapter 20, done. Halfway there after a year of mocking this fanfic. Now I need a break. I'm going to put this thing on hiatus for at max a year. I'll be doing the author a favor that way, because I intend to give this fanfic a carte blanche, a freebie, a blank slate, a chance for a do over, so to speak. When I pick this trash heap up again, I am going to pretend this Season 1 of it went off without a hitch, with no flaws, everything happened like the author thinks it came across, like a crossover- altered canon where things went differently. It didn't. We all know that. But I'm going to be generous and ignore that, up until Garnet is "revealed" that is. Then the kid gloves come off, because the mask will once more drop from this script-recast, this Crossover AU composed of AUs that the author didn't write, and everything leading up to and including the finale will prove itself pointless in the end. Until then, I'll cleanse my palette with something that at least has the possibility of surprising me.

YAT: 63
BTTP: 226

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest