New Spy

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Re: New Spy

Post by GorillaGamer » Mon Apr 23, 2018 5:18 am

This takes the cake as the best mock so far, if only for the ruthless evisceration of Dragonlord0's limp-dick protagonist. Keep up the good work!
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Apr 29, 2018 5:48 am

GorillaGamer wrote:
Mon Apr 23, 2018 5:18 am
This takes the cake as the best mock so far, if only for the ruthless evisceration of Dragonlord0's limp-dick protagonist. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the kind words, GorillaGamer. I do feel that my style of mocking changes with the years. Be that from experience or just changing my outlook on humor in general, I can't quite be sure, but I do find myself rather pleased with how this one turned out as well.

Anyway, we are right back at non-canon smut, the author having felt a dire need to patch his precious fantasy up with some cozy luxuries
justified by nothing at all. Pathetic. Here's Chapter 15, new house.

Chapter 15 new house

Why don’t you just title it ‘wish-fulfillment real estate’ to appear a bit honest for once, author?

Sean woke up and found Pam Alice and Crimson nude in his bed making him smirk. Not an hour after everyone settled in they asked for a place in the harem.

Fine, they’ll be marked on the list, but I don’t even see the point when the author doesn’t even bother licking them before laying claim to them.

The mothers were told they were maids to keep their cover even though the mothers didn't live here just yet since they had to do some things in order to move out fully. Of course the original spies had no trouble acting the part as maids.

Oh, do the spies actually clean shit, or do the mothers just accept the fact that Sean needs some new tail without as much as a mentioned maid uniform to cover up the lie?

Getting up and he walked downstairs in only his boxers and saw Carla relaxing on the couch in a blue robe.

"Morning." Sean said leaning down and kissed her forehead making her smile.

"I missed you love." Carla said kissing him back.

Did you also miss the author in no way portraying any of your traits, such as the fact that you are a famous video game designer? You should at least have gotten inspired by how Sean collects and treats his bimbos like they were video game trophies.

"I missed you to Carla. Got to admit Jerry did a good job on the mansion design." Sean said making her smile.

And by ‘a good job’, he means the author will never describe a single feature of it that doesn’t pertain to a freshly thought-up sex scene.

"Very true although some of the things the girls wanted was rather surprising." Carla said removing her robe showing her nude body to him making him smirk. "By the way Sam and Donna asked me to play one of their little late night games tonight so we wont be home till later."

Should we care? Is Sean going to prioritize his time now? Is this a dating simulator all of a sudden?

Carla said trailing her finger across his jawline before she walked off swaying her hips or so she tried before Sean pulled her back and pinned her to the couch.

"Ooooh going to be rough with me now are you?" Carla asked amused before moaning in bliss as he thrusted into her ass hard and fast making her hips smack against his waist.

"Feels good to be inside you again."

Do you always try to flatter your imaginary girlfriends like they were a pair of pants, author?

Sean said kissing her neck making her moan and whimper.

"I missed having you inside my body as well master please give my body what it desires from you." Carla said submissively and moaned in bliss as he thrusted into her again hard and played with her large breasts. "Yes thats it! I missed this feeling master! Make love to me as much as you want! I am your slave born only to please you and sire children." Carla said making him chuckle.

I think we constantly miss the scene where every whore being signed into the harem gets handed a complimentary buzzword pamphlet, to make sure they rehearse the exact phrases that Sean knows the author wants to hear.

"We will have kids one day Carla and I know you'll be a good mother." Sean said making her tear up before he kissed her lovingly making her kiss back.

Her time spent in prison away from him for, what, a month, truly gave him a sound impression of that notion?

"Yes thats it fuck me hard I'm so close!" Carla moaned out before gasping as he pulled out and pulled her mouth to his cock and shoved it in making her eyes widen before moaning in content as he came inside her mouth and she gulped down every drop he let out.

It’s like the author has a checklist for this, widening eyes all the time while they spin on a dime to have the cock be shoved into the next hole.

"I missed having you do this." Sean said making her smile before she kissed his chest.

Of course you did, Sean. Not having this particular pair of tits act like all the other bed warmers in your presence had left such a vacuum in your life.

"And I missed you my love. I will do anything for you. Anything." Carla said circling her finger on his chest making him chuckle before she got on the ground on her knees and placed his cock back in her mouth moaning from his taste.

In the basement

You think it matters where in the mansion things take place, author? You couldn’t even decide to tell us where the mansion itself is located!

Carmen smiled as her daughter gave her a lap dance. Alex danced around a pole in black bra and black thong.

I suppose the pole shifted into Carmen’s lap once you forgot what you were masturbating to, author.

"Mmmm such naughty girl." Carmen said rubbing her breasts as Alex unclipped her bra and threw it at her making Carmen smile before Alex slowly had her left hand drift down into her thong and fingered herself. Alex moaned in bliss before she pulled her hand out and turned around and bent over and pulled her thong off and stepped out of them before posing for her mother.

"Mmmm Good girl now come and give mommy a kiss." Carmen said making Alex nod and jumped down and walked to her mother who pulled her into loving kiss.

This is just emotionless characters repeatedly sexually stimulating themselves to inevitably collide with anyone within visible range. I can describe planetary orbits with greater sensuality.

"Mmmm Mommy I think I need another spanking." Alex said innocently making Carmen get into her little act.

"Oh baby why?" Carmen said acting confused.

"I stripped in front of you." Alex said innocently.

"Oh dear well ok then get on my lap." Carmen said placing Alex on her lap and rubbed her hands over her ass.

Mother and daughter roleplay from a mother and daughter. Besides being redundant, I’m pretty sure that’s still highly inappropriate.

She then looked down and saw where Alex stripped her regular cloths and saw a piece of paper. "Wait hold on honey what is this?" Carmen asked looking at the paper.

"Uh Tattoo ideas." Alex said.

"You want to get a tattoo?" Carmen asked raising an eyebrow.

You all do eventually, Carmen. Didn’t the author read you his memo?

"Well yeah Donna is getting some and she talked me into it saying a friend she knows can do it for free."

Because when has anyone in this fanfic - bimbo or otherwise - ever had to spend money for the things they want? Scratch that, when did anyone here EARN what they want?

Alex said before she yelped as she smacked her ass.

"Now I'm going to punish you harder and not play around this time for not telling me." Carmen said playfully as she smacked her ass again.

"Ah! Yes mommy!" Alex yelled in lust as her mother spanked her ass repeatedly. Alex whimpered as her ass stung.

"Now what Tattoo do you want?" Carmen asked as she stripped naked like her daughter and held her daughter close having her breasts press against her back.

Okay, even for a sex scene, these kink tonal shifts are giving me whiplash.

"Well I was thinking of a dragon Tattoo since Sean said his family has had a history with dragons."

The reason I’m only rolling my eyes, at this lame-ass attempt at defining a single trait worthwhile to actually make Sean distinct from any other muscled oaf, is because it’s never brought up again. The author has reached Chapter 36, and never once was that throwaway fantasy validation even important enough for this author’s kink-fueled ego to remember.

Alex said turning around and had her own breasts pressing against her mothers.

"Oh where. Would you like it on your cute little butt?" Carmen said rubbing her hands on her red ass making Alex wince in pleasurable pain. "Or do you want it on top of your pussy." Carmen said placing her hand on her pussy making Alex whimper slightly. "Or maybe you want it on your back." Carmen said rubbing her hands on her back slowly.

How about under her foot to represent the way the author treats the canon in his fanfics, or is he not into that?

Alex pulled her into a kiss not being able to hold her lust back anymore.

Carmen smirked as she held her daughter lovingly before she pulled back from the kiss and laid her on her back and pulled her legs up to her shoulders and licked her pussy lovingly making Alex moan softly before rubbing her boobs to increase her pleasure lovingly.

The words ‘lovingly’ and ‘bliss’ are just this author’s literary ticks, aren’t they? They both appear about ten times each in this chapter.

"You are so sexy honey." Carmen said forcing her tongue deep inside her making Alex whimper slightly.

"So are you mommy." Alex moaned out before she gasped as she felt her orgasm approaching.

"Come on Alex come for me. Let mommy have your juices." Carmen said in a voice that would hypnotize anyone woman or man.

Big deal, that’s the gimmick of like twenty percent of the villains of this show, which of course is why Alex isn’t being hypnotized right now.

Alex screamed as she came hard and her mother moaned as she gulped down every drop her daughter let out. "Mmmm Delicious." Carmen said before pulling her daughter into a kiss making her moan as she tasted herself.


Clover and Stella were in the hot tub room kissing each other lovingly.

We’ll just have to guess whether or not they are actually in the tub for now, though.

"Mmmm this feels so good." Stella said kissing her daughters left breast which made her moan softly before reaching for the edge and grabbed a vibrator.

"Well its about to get better." Clover said shoving it in her mothers pussy making her gasp and moan as she held her closer and moaned louder as Clover thrusted the vibrator into her fast and increase the power on it making Stella shiver in excitement.

Either that, or the author forgot that not all vibrators are water proof. Then again, electrocution probably wouldn’t discourage him.

"Oh honey don't tease me." Stella said in a low voice making Clover smirk before increasing the power to max making Stella gasp in excitement and pulled her into a loving kiss which she returned as Stella bucked her hips forward and quickly wanting to climax fast before she pulled back and let out a silent scream as she came hard making Clover smirk before she pulled the toy out of her mother and placed it on the side.

Oh, don’t stop now, author, you had just reached ¾ of the way to writing 100 words before using any punctuation.

"How was that now?" Clover asked grinning making Stella smirk before placed her on her lap and were now in the lotus position and kissed each other trying to dominate the other.

"I'm going to enjoy hearing you scream." Stella said as she dunked them both underwater to silence her daughters screams that were soon muffled by the water.

I’m sure she enjoys hearing her screams by muffling them, too. Even in that context, she sounds like a confused serial killer more than anything else.

Luckily there were little breathers in the tub so they could stay underwater without coming up every time to breathe.

Breathers? Whatever. Never mind the fact that I’m getting tired of this author making shit up on the spot, just to make sure he gets one last pathetic dick-tug in, as he can’t even make a foundation for his masturbation material by rereading and editing this fanfic once.

Later at night

Sam Carla and Donna were outside in an old abandoned building that had no residence close by to hear what they were about to do.

There seems to be plenty of those to go around, author. Actually, it’s like you can’t imagine anything else to exist outside the canon but your pussy-woven safety-nets.

The girls stripped nude and Sam got to her knees and placed her mouth over Carla's pussy making her moan before Donna got behind Sam and played with her breasts while humping her ass making them both moan.

A prolonged moment in time so bland, featureless, and rushed that you might as well write it out as ‘Step 1, Step 2, and Step 3’. I get more aroused by fitting Tetris blocks together correctly, author.

"You two are so naughty." Carla said smirking before she moaned louder as Sam's hands trailed to her butt cheeks and played with them.

"Like I care. I could walk around butt naked in the school and not give a shit since it would just turn me on more and take any girl in the school who's bold enough to do it with me." Sam said licking her faster.

Which is why the author depicts you all to constantly have sex as far from any interference as humanly possible. And may I ask, Sam, what about the guys at the school? The author does know that other men besides his self-insert exists, right?

"Oooooh really now well maybe I should make you do that." Donna said kissing her neck and went lower kissing her neck and back till she got to her hips and kissed each cheek making Sam moan.

"Oooooh yes thats good kiss me there." Sam said and gasped when Donna spread her cheeks apart and kissed her rosebud lovingly.

Author, do me a favor and go fuck yourself, lovingly.

"Mmmmm I wish others could watch us." Carla said imagining a crowd of other women cheering them on. "Ooooh I just got an idea you'll all love." Carla said before she gasped and came hard in Sam's mouth who gulped down every drop.

"Oh what is it?" Sam asked licking her lips clean of any of her juices.

”How about we don’t go to abandoned places like a bunch of hypocrites?”

"How about a private strip club for us where only girls are allowed and for him to enjoy?"

Because why pretend the world isn’t filled with identical cardboard cutout sluts that are enthusiastic about every iota of the author’s kinks?

Carla said trailing her finger on her sex making Sam grin.

"Oh I'm sure the others would love that." Donna said grinning. She then pulled something out of her bag and it was a whip.

Was it honestly that difficult to rewrite the line into "She pulled a whip from her bag" when you finally figured out where you were going with the sentence halfway through it, author?

"Now who's that for?" Carla asked while smirking since she already knew.

"For miss pain here." Donna said as she struck Sam's ass making her yelp in surprise before she let out a shuddering moan.

"The question for the strip club thing is how do we do that without people recognizing us since I'd rather not have someone call us out knowing who we are." Sam said thinking that part through.

What happened to letting every girl at school do you, you bimbo? I swear, it’s like the author’s dick is schizophrenic.

"Oh I can handle that part easily since its more of a private thing so only those we know are allowed without making a fuss." Carla said taking the whip from Donna and struck her in the back making Sam sigh in bliss before she was struck again.


Pam Alice and Crimson were getting fucked hard by their lover.

And we’ve looped back around to what might as well have been the chapter’s opening, having learnt vital things such as how much closer the author is to figuring out the details of his thrice-over foreshadowed Strip Club chapter.

Sean had Pam in the wheelbarrow position holding her legs up as he thrusted deep into her while Alice and Crimson kissed her neck and played with her butt cheeks.

"Mmm So good." Pam said in joy before gasped as Crimson shoved her tongue into her second hole making her whimper softly. Alice placed her pussy in front of Pam's face making her smirk before placing her hands on her hips pulling her closer and placed her mouth on her sex making her moan softly before playing with her breasts. Crimson pulled her tongue out of her ass and licked her lovers shaft moaning from his taste mixed with Pam's juices.

And that was fifteen ‘her’ in a row supposedly meant to be shared between two chicks. You can get more narrative interpretations from this scene than from an entire Chose Your Own Adventure book.

"You girls are really wild you know that?" Sean said making them all laugh.

Here’s a little hint for you, author. If you feel the need to have characters outright comment, nod and agree with each other through verbal back-padding to hammer something in, odds are you know you failed at making even one person believe your bullshit, that one person being yourself.

"Like you complaining Spartan stud." Crimson said kissing his hard chest muscles before she moaned as he pulled her into a kiss.

I wonder whether this author is turned on by the thought of kissing a tongue fresh out of an ass, or if his fantasy just has the rim-jobs being prepared ahead of time with a chlorine enema.

Sean thrusted faster into Pam making her eyes widen and rolled into the back of her head as she came and whimpered when he pulled out and came on her back making her sigh in bliss feeling his warm substance on her skin.

I cringe, but I have to admit I prefer this over cock broth from ‘A Rose By Any Other Name’.

"Mmm so warm." Pam moaned out in bliss before moaning some more as Alice and Crimson licked off the cum slowly to tease her.


Because we spent such quality time on this scene, of course we’ll skip right along to the next.

Sean sat down on the large sized bed with all his girls next to him.

All eleven of them, stacked on top of each other, right next to him. Even if I should ignore this dipshit's writing abilities, what is the alternative with any bed size?!

Alex was the closest to him sitting on his chest with a content smile after the massive orgy they all just had.

The orgy must have been so spectacular that the author couldn’t do it justice by putting it into details. Are you even interested in your own fantasies, author, because you’re starting to come off as rather disinterested?

Sam Donna and Carla had told him about their little strip club plan and was willing to go though with it since he honestly couldn't say no to them at all.

Because this is not at all the author’s – I mean, the author’s – sorry, I mean Sean’s – the author’s - Sean’s idea to begin with, and any inspiration hitting the inside of these blowup dolls’ skulls is utterly incapable of being wrong.

Sean kissed Alex on her forehead making her smile in her sleep before he dozed off to sleep as well not seeing her open her left eye and smirked at him.

'I am so happy we went to save him or this might have never happened.'

Yeah, how come you don’t give Jerry any thanks for that, you ungrateful ego-strokers? Oh, how silly of me, your thought was the author crediting himself at a constant loop for his own fanfic.

Alex thought before kissing him lovingly before drifting off to sleep as well.

Next morning

Sean woke up and found all the girls still in his bed minus Alex before he heard soft music downstairs and got up without waking the others and went down in a pair of boxers. When he got downstairs he smirked seeing Alex in nothing but a sexy revealing apron that on the front said fuck me on it.

Oh come on, author, you're so reality-starved in your farcical harem, that you can't even connect to the far more plausible 'fuck the cook'?

Alex was humming to herself getting some breakfast ready for herself and the others when suddenly she felt a pair of strong hand go under her apron and play with her breasts making her smirk.

"Morning to you to." Alex said pressing her rear against him and moaned when she felt his morning wood straining against his boxers.

"Where did you get this?" Sean asked about the apron.

"Oh I asked my mom to get me this. Like it big man?"

Who are you trying to fool, author? Sorry, I was projecting there for bit - because you’re not even trying! These answers are nothing but diversion. “Where’d you get that?” “Oh, someone got it for me.” That’s not an answer to excuse the item’s existence, you idiot! It’s the most obvious duck and weave, making no illusion to the fact that their true answer from your bankrupt imagination is “I just have it”.

Alex asked innocently before gasping as he pulled his boxers down and shoved himself into her ass which would have made her scream in lust if he didn't cover her mouth.

You know, for someone who gets off on women in virgin penetration pains, you don’t seem to understand what the point of K-Y is.

"Lets make this quick." Sean said thrusting deep inside her making her moan in bliss. Alex tried to scream our her lust but with his hand covering her mouth all that could be heard were muffled sounds.

Alex pulled his hand off and pulled him into a kiss to keep her screams at bay. Sean's hands played with her body sensually making her moan as his left hand played with her breasts making her moan softly while his other hand fingered her making her whimpermoan in bliss.

Keep writing more endless ‘making her’ sentences, author, I’m sure your authorship will soon earn the recognition it deserves.

Alex ended the kiss to let out soft trembling breathes as she stared into her lovers eyes lovingly.

"Pleas come inside me now." Alex said in a begging voice making him smirk before pulling her back into the kiss and thrusted into her faster making her eyes widen and her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she came and he pulled out before thrusting into her pussy and came inside her hard making her let out a shuddering moan before she pulled back from the kiss and panted in bliss before starring into her lovers eyes again and smiled as she laid against his chest.

A new record, with just fifteen away from a hundred words long run-on sentence, author. I’m starting to consider the fact that you can’t actually write. You can put words next to each other, yes, but a construction worker has more care for the order of the bricks put into a wall.

"I love you." Alex said making him smile.

"I love you to Alex." Sean said as he held her lovingly.

"Aw aren't you both just cute." Carmine said

With this façade, I’m surprised we haven’t had a name misspelling this glaring any earlier.

pressing her breasts on his back making him smirk as he turned around and looked at Carmen nude as him while Alex still had her apron on. "Mmmm Looks like your not done yet honey." Carmen said giving him a hand job to get him fully erect again.

"When am I ever?"

Oh, say, three sentences from now, when the author has momentarily run out of ideas for this haphazardly-crafted, disconnected sex-scene quilt of a chapter.

Sean asked making her giggle as she got to her knees and pulled his cock into her mouth and sucked on it lovingly.

"Hey don't hog him all to yourself." Alex said joining her as she licked his balls.

"I love my life." Sean said enjoying the mother daughter act.

The moment you have the protagonist’s life be perfect, the story is dead, author. Intrigue, excitement, even curiosity dies in the wake of achieved wish-fulfillment.

Authors note: Merry Christmas everyone!

I would shamelessly retread the most overused Santa joke in existence, but I don’t want to write out that many ‘ho’s this harem has planned for.

I was originally going to post this in the morning but then I'm like nah you guys have waited long enough. Happy holidays! Oh and if anyone who's read my dragon Fox story I would like you guys to vote in the new poll for the next arc to use. So far totally spies is in the lead.

I hate when homework like this pops up. I’ll save you the curiosity at the next disappointment and figure out what the buffoon is going on about.

Sigh. A female Naruto fanfic, 39 chapters and probably counting, featuring a massive crossover harem and Futa Jutsu. Yes, of course Sean is in it, with his own Krueger clan, did you not read my opening rant in Chapter 1?


And only Pam gets the actual honor of being considered fully sworn in, with Crimson, Alice, and Donna still not being given the genuine treatment by this author's aimless jerk-off sessions.
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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun May 06, 2018 2:31 pm

You know, at this point, I was considering laying into this bullshit’s foundation and point out that Sean thinks himself irreplaceable. Everything he has presented about himself, excusing the author’s muscle-gasm fantasies, has been excused as Spartan prowess. But guess what, this chapter, yes, after 15 chapters of jerking himself and us around, finally Sean is being granted his secret power-exposition upgrade. And it wrongs every minute right the author could pretend to have. I really hit every nail on the head with my deconstruction of this power fantasy wish fulfillment. I’m both ticked off and relieved we don’t have half a nation of this asshole

Chapter 16 queen for a day

A consolation prize for the year-round bimbos, I guess.

(Originally I wasn't going to do this but then I'm like why the hell not? So Enjoy this chapter)

I thought I wasn’t going to enjoy this chapter, but then I was like, yeah, I’m not.

"Remind me again what the hell is a homecoming queen?" Sean asked

"Please tell me you're joking?" Alex asked.

"No seriously what is it?" Sean asked.

"Didn't you go to high school in Sparta?" Sam asked.

You Americans and your silly school system rituals, thinking it applies when in Europe neighboring countries will only have similar educational structures by accident.

"No I went to military training. In Sparta you have a choice. Learn in regular school and be a civilian or become a soldier and fight for all of Sparta." Sean said

"Oh well that explains it." Donna said.

My previous statement still applies, and it now goes double for this xeno-centric dipshit’s fake dream-übermench sovereign state fantasy. High school proms and homecomings are an American thing. But fine, let’s indulge this vapid pseudo-Sparta caricature and pretend they have high schools with proms. It wouldn’t even matter if half the country was forced into conscription, because what pathetic, clueless, responsibility-dodging failure of a royal member of the throne don’t know the culture of his own people?!

"Well a homecoming queen is for the homecoming dance those who get the most votes win the title as homecoming queen." Clover said.

"Thats stupid its kinda an insult to real queens in the world to me." Sean said.

I can’t wait for your impotent cultural appropriation complaints on tumblr once you learn about drag queens, then.

"Well thats the life of high school." Alex said as Clover inserted her disk for her way to get everyone to vote for her as homecoming queen.

Unless it’s a disk that glows from an earlier episode, I think you need to stop drooling out only half the canon onto your keyboard, author.

"The hell was that?" Sean asked unimpressed.

"Not good enough?" Clover asked.

"Clover that was three-seconds of shit you could have done better then that."

You really know how to talk to women to make them feel special, don’t you, Sean?

Sean said just as Mandy and some band marched in. "Oh what now?" Sean asked annoyed.

"Watch and learn how a real queen wins handsome." Mandy said putting her disk in after ejecting Clover's. Mandy's version was more mean since it was insulting Clover in every way.

Then again, Clover’s did include the line ‘Gas the Jews’, so they balance each other out. Describe shit, author, you keyboard-abusing baboon!

"So what do you think stud?" Mandy asked trailing her finger on his chin.

"Two words." Sean said holding two fingers up making her smile thinking he liked it. "Fuck off." Sean said making the whole school burst out laughing while she looked at him in shock before growling and stomped off with her disk.


Author, this ridiculous, unconvincing punching-bag syndrome you have is bordering on obsessive, since you can’t even find a foundation to put your silly ‘reject bitch – get praise’ ego boost on. No one, alive or dead, would believe Mandy would approach Sean – the man who last time they met threatened to ‘show her what happens to her kind in his country’ while calling her a dumb bitch - no matter how hard your erection gets when imagining yourself as him. And then, as if having instantly become prom king already, he summons a social justice story bookend scene by doing such insightful verbal jousting, that he could have conveyed by simply dropping his pants and shitting directly on the floor in front of everyone. Your bully inferiority fantasies are only special in the way that they make bullying victims want to bully you.

"Nice." Donna said holding her sides as she kept laughing along with the other girls.

"No one insults my girls without getting hurt by me." Sean said smirking while the girls smiled.

Yeah, because we know only you are allowed to verbally abuse your breeder drones, barely a paragraph ago, douchebag


"Ugh! How'm I supposed to win against that?" Clover asked since Mandy's presentation was more flashy then hers.

Don’t you just love the canon railroad that ignores the entire school was present for the supposed victorious dismissal of the b-plot antagonist?

"You don't just forget it. I mean what the hell is the point in winning if it's a one time thing?" Sean asked.

So, one shot why bother? If it can only be done once, that means you’ll never get another chance, numb-nuts!

"It's a girl thing." Donna said not interested herself but knew where this was coming from.

"Well, it's a dumb thing still."

Are you ever going to be supportive of anything your bed-warmers do outside the bedroom, you uncultured swine?

Sean said as they walked by the trashcan as Clover put her disk in it before they heard something.

"Huh?" Sam said before they were all sucked in it.

"OH COME ON ALREADY?!" Sean yelled before they landed in a pod and flew off. "What the absolute hell?" Sean said as they flew to the ocean and on a ship before landing. "This better be a cruise ship." Sean said.

You work for Jerry, Sean. You got paid a mansion to have this job. Have some dignity, stop whining, and suck it up, princess.

"No such luck I'm afraid and the mansion you wanted is more then enough to last a lifetime." Jerry said.

"True just so long as you don't act blind to the facts from now on." Sean said reminding him his screw up.

Trust me, Sean, you remind him of that every single day you are alive.

"Well anyway right now, you are en route to the northern African nation of Lyrobia wheres there's been a rather unusual kidnapping attempt on the nations queen Tassara." Jerry said. "We suspect it was perpetrated by the neighboring nation of Kenyopia. Sean Sparta has had to keep these two nations in line before correct?" Jerry asked.

"Yeah my mom has had friends from Lyrobia come to Sparta for some help out of fear of a war occurring and since the world knows better then to screw with us the other nation backed off."

Oh, yeah, sure, the whole world knows better than to tangle with a jarhead master race too big for its own sandals that it starts unravelling nations in a separate continent. I wonder how many nuclear warheads people are simply too afraid to launch at them, too.

Sean said remembering the story from mission reports he's read before. "But what do you mean unusual kidnapping?" Sean asked.

That they invited her out on a date before fucking her, I know it’s not something you’ve heard of before, Sean.

"Apparently, the perpetrator used some sort of Anti-gravity device to literally lift the queen from her palace." Jerry said making Sean's eyes widen.

'It cant be.' Sean thought in his head knowing one person tried to create such a weapon before in his younger years.

Big deal, Sean, WOOHP has like three different gadgets of that kind, so stop pretending you can worm your origin’s roots into the plot now.

"Is something wrong?" Jerry asked.

"Huh? Oh uh nothing just weapons like that are hard to make." Sean said.

"Indeed and is precisely why I'm sending you to protect her majesty. Now girls come and get you new gadgets while Sean I have something knew you will like."

Oh, come on, Jerry, you know giving him a pack of condoms is useless, since every woman in existence is on the pill.

Jerry said showing him to the back. Sean was looking at some new guns that had some glowing blue lines on them.

"What are these?" Sean asked picking up a pistol.

"These are special weapons that will suit you perfectly we call them Incapacitating Cartridge Emitting Railguns or I.C.E.R.s for short."Jerry said(Got this from agents of shield)

And like the cancerous parasite of fictional universes you are, you seem to expect a badge of honor for the fact that you can enhance your power fantasy by including it, when it’s never going to be used in this chapter!!

"Nice." Sean said inspecting the weapons.


"Fuck!" Donna groaned out in misery as they traveled to the palace on camels and the heat was killing her.

"What?" Sean asked unfazed by the heat due to his time in Sparta.(I forget isn't Greece a hot zone?)

Wow, I’ve torn personal fantasies apart at the foundation before, but I didn’t expect bedrock this early. It’s Mediterranean climate, you Google-allergic ingrate.

"Its so hot and not in a sexy way at all." Donna said.

"You could just take off your clothes." Alex said ridding her camel without her shirt and pants on leaving her in an orange bra and orange thong that had a heart in the center of it.

"She does have a point." Sam said ridding her Camel in only her green thong.

"Second that." Clover said being the only one that was completely naked not wanting any tan lines.

Yes, author, expose your flesh lights to the baking, dusty, deadly elements of a desert. The reason you don’t see movies with people stripping down when wandering in the desert is because it worsens the conditions the desert causes you, you porn-addled dumbass.

"Where are all your clothes anyway?" Donna asked in surprise not seeing them like that the whole trip.

"In our bags duh. Once we get close enough we can redress out here." Alex said taking her bra off and put it in her bag.

"You girls have no shame at all." Sean said making them giggle.

"Oh like you complaining mister who made us addicted to sex." Clover said spanking herself for his amusement making him chuckle.

”Teehee, we are nothing but pin-up, jerk-off material”.

You know, just in case anyone was still delusional, thinking this fanfic contained characters true to the ones you saw in the show, like the author.

"Sometimes I wonder what might have happened if I didn't come with you girls to the states." Sean said.

"Well I don't." Sam said rubbing her breasts.

Sure, keep having every character approve and shower your dick in praise for how it has turned the universe inside out, author. It’s so subtle.

"There it is." Alex said seeing the palace and got dressed.

"Oh come on." Donna said annoyed as she was about to strip butt naked.

"Maybe next time." Sean said kissing her cheek making her smile.

Minutes later

"Welcome to Lyrobia. I'm queen Tassara and this is my sister Makeda." Tassara said while eyeing Sean without the female spies seeing and was liking what she was seeing along with her sister who licked her lips.

What, were they all too busy disrespecting the Queen talking directly to them, by tying their shoe laces, to notice her lust-wandering gaze?

"Can you tell us exactly what happened?" Sean asked leaning on the wall.

"I'm not exactly sure since I was so confused at the time when my sister saved me when it happened." Tassara said.

Because her advisor Akim who did it in canon couldn’t, because any man the girls could ever glance at with desire won’t exist in this fanfic. The author is that incredibly possessive of his fantasy.

"Some green light was pulling her out the window during the night and I had to pull her in and suddenly it stopped and she fell on me hard." Makeda said frowning at her sister who rolled her eyes.

"For the last time that was not my fault." Tassara said annoyed.

"You are heavier then you look." Makeda said annoyed.

”You call this original dialogue?” ConcernedGamer said annoyed.

"Um ladies." Sean said getting their attention seeing him grin in amusement. "As entertaining as this whole thing is can you stay focused." Sean said making them blush in embarrassment.

Considering that you thought that entertaining is starting to explain a lot about this fanfic, actually.

"Uh right sorry." Tassara said blushing. "Anyway after all that some people outside just ran off." Tassara said.

"Mind if I have a look around the room?" Sean asked making her nod.

"You girls must be exhausted from your travel here. My servant will escort you to your rooms." Tassara said having the girls nod as a woman came and escorted them out.

"Hundred bucks says he takes both of them at the same time." Donna whispered to the girls who snicker.

A thousand says it will be as bland, forgettable, and identical as the previous shit.

"Shall we?" Tassara said holding her hand out and Sean smirked before holding it at she and her sister escorted him to her room to "Investigate". (Yeah right)

Your quotation marks are supposed to be the indicator of your sarcasm, not your parenthesis-itis - why are you like this?!

Looking around the room Sean found some green dirt on the ground. While he was doing this he failed to notice something.

Because if he one day ever noticed sex coming his way beforehand, it would seem like he didn’t deserve it, after all.

"I don't know what this is by I'll send it to Jerry for analysis. Now about..." Sean tried to say but stopped and whistled in awe when he saw Tassara and Makeda both naked as the day they were born. "Wow." Sean said in awe making them giggle. "Not that I don't like the view but what brought this on?"

Speaking of which, I can’t help but notice a clear jump-cut between these bimbos going from clothed to nude. How the hell is this inefficient author ever going to fulfil his threat of a strip club scene?

Sean asked making them giggle more as Makeda walked to him swaying her hips as did and closed the blinds and shut the back door so no one could hear them.

I only wish the author would stop coddling his fantasy soap-bubble to the point, where it’s clear he’s projecting the fear of his parents hearing him masturbating through his locked door.

"Now do you really want to know or do you want to take us both?"

We’ve been here so many times the author won’t even bother having the blowup dolls confess to desire his self-insert at this point.

Makeda asked trailing her finger on his chest as she removed his shirt and licked her lips seeing his extremely muscled chest. "Oh my." Makeda said enjoying the view.

"Hours of training princess."

I’m trying my hardest here, author. I really am. The petty insults and ranting nitpicks I’ve kept at bay would brand me in ways you don’t understand. Much the same way that you don’t understand how your fever dream power fantasy just lowballed physical fitness a hundred times worse than One Punch Man did!! YEARS of training, you slob!

Sean said making her smirk as she licked his chest and moaned from his taste.

Lyrobians must really love the flavors of sand and sweat.

"And this princess likes the results very much. Now lets get real serious." Makeda said as she took him to the bed and sat him down gently.

"Lets see if the stories of Spartans are true."

That you need 300 of them to make a difference?

Tassara said as she and her sister removed his pants and boxers and both gasped from the size of his cock.

"It wont bite." Sean said teasingly.

It might, since we’ve had barely any physical description of it, and it’s not like I’d approach this author for biology lessons.

"Shall we?" Makeda said to her sister who smirked as they got on the different sides of his cock before grabbing their breasts.

"Lets." Tassara said as they smothered his cock between their breasts making him groan in bliss.

And the bliss has returned, with a vengeance.

"Nice." Sean said holding their heads gently.

"Want to see something hot love?" Tassara said making Makeda smirk and both kiss the tip of his cock and each other lovingly.

"Wow you two must have done this a lot." Sean said thrusting up slightly making them giggle.

They are both virgins, though, aren’t they? That’s the requirement to being in Dragonlord0’s fanfics, unless they have birthed another chew toy for him.

"Of course we love each other like no sisters normally would.

I don’t know, have you asked the Frozen fandom?

Of course we had to keep it secret since we don't want rumors of us going around and making crazy lies." Tassara said kissing her sister lovingly who moaned into the kiss.

Okay, cock-roast, tell me then what lies they would be telling by relaying exactly what they saw?

"But now we love someone together the same so now we can share and not have to hide anymore." Makeda said licking the tip making Sean groan.

Which is why you hide behind closed doors right now, that’s the metaphorical brilliance behind it, you see.

"Well then I guess your both in my harem then." Sean said making them giggle.

Your ego is amazing, Sean. Two people of nobility just targeted you, and your thought is that they are to be brought into your fold and not the other way around. How many more times are you going to have the author bend reality to his whims to perpetuate your delusions?

"Even better then since it mean we can experiment on others." Tassara said making Makeda giggle as they moved their breasts faster on his cock and felt him twitch. "Oh he's close sister." Tassara said licking the shaft expertly.

"Let him rain on us then. Let it out you Spartan stud." Makeda said making Sean let out a long groan as he exploded and came on them

You know, I’ve been ranting on this explosion thing for a while, but now that you are starting to have it be a separate thing from the actual ejaculation, I’m starting to grow worried, author.

making them moan softly as they were covered in his cum before they licked it all off.

"Delicious." Tassara said kissing Makeda who moaned as she held her sister close.

"My turn." Sean said pulling Tassara up making her squeal as she was on her stomach.

"Be gentle love we're both virgins."

I don’t have a reason to say ‘told you so’, because anyone following along would have predicted this alongside with me. This fanfic is demanding ludicrous circumstances for its increasing number of vapid indulgences, while you couldn’t even find the same amount of virgins in a nunnery!

Tassara said as her sister kissed her lovingly to keep her mind off the soon to be coming pain.

"Don't worry I'm always gentle for my girls first time." Sean said kissing her neck making her moan before he slid inside her making her groan in discomfort while her sister held her head to her lap and gasped as he made it all the way in breaking her virginity and blood came out.

At this point, this feels more like a ritual, with the author reinforcing these elements just to convince himself that pain is mandatory, inevitable, and an expected excuse in the performance.

"Oh god it hurts!" Tassara yelled in pain but was silenced by her sister who shoved her face in her pussy to muffle her cries.

"Shhhh don't worry sister just relax and eat me out till it goes away."

Sure, you are in horrible pain but don’t let that keep others out of the fun. Does this author think eating someone out is like getting a soothing ice cream?

Makeda said and moaned as Tassara licked her sex. Sean smiled as he leaned forward and pulled Makeda into a loving kiss making her moan. "Go on fuck her." Makeda said making him nod and thrusted into her making Tassara moan into her sisters pussy which made her moan in return.

"I wonder what the others in the nation would think if they saw you two doing this?" Sean said in a feral voice in Makeda's ear making her shudder in excitement.

We have been on this hypocritical topic three times already in this chapter alone, author. Spare me your fake exhibitionism and commit, you self-emasculating pussy.

"It would be so naughty for us to be seen like this but such a turn on. Why? Do you want to take us out on the streets right now?" Makeda asked licking his muscled chest making him smirk before smacking her ass which made her gasp before moaning in bliss.

"I'm not much for public adventures like that but Clover is. Once this mission is done perhaps you two could experiment a little."

I don’t know what I should disbelieve more. That the royal pair would follow you like puppies into squalor beneath their palace standards, or that Clover wouldn’t demand to live here instead.

Sean said making her smirk before kissing him again before her eyes widened as she felt her orgasm approaching fast.

"Please hurry my love and cum inside her I'm close." Makeda said rotating her hips so her sister's tongue would move around a little more before gasping as she came and was silenced by Sean when he pulled her into a kiss as she came inside Tassara who had her eyes roll into the back of her head feeling his warm seed inside her womb.

I’m sure her eyes were merely searching around for some commas. She’ll find 126. In this chapter? Don’t be foolish. In all the previous 15 chapters combined, perhaps? That sounds pretty pitiful, doesn’t it? Try all 35 chapters in total! And that’s not even the bottom line. Ignoring author’s notes, ignoring places where he clearly mistyped an ellipses, and ignoring where their only purpose was to list off names, physical descriptions, and monetary amounts, there are only 22 grammatically functioning commas in this entire story, and half of them aren’t even used correctly! I’m fucking crying right now!!

She and Makeda were on the pill so she wasn't worried about getting pregnant at least not for a few more years.

Go back to writing Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfics, author. There your trap card timing narrative is of better use.

"Mmmm so warm." Tassara said before pushing Makeda down and kissed her making Makeda moan as she held her close. "Its your turn now sister." Tassara said kissing where her heart was making Makeda moan before spreading her legs and traced her fingers around her sex.

"Go on stud my pussy is waiting for you." Makeda said slapping her sex lightly making her moan softly.

How often and what won’t make these bimbos moan? It’s like as second a nature as breathing at this point.

Sean smirked before lining himself up and Tassara sat her pussy on her face. "Go on fuck me like a whore." Makeda said and gasped as he thrusted into her fast and nearly screamed from the pain till Tassara placed her pussy in her mouth and moaned from having her sister's muffled screams vibrate around her sex.

I could start a counter on how many times your inadequate prepositions have made it hard to distinguish whether you have switched around people’s genitals and forgot what they were called, author.

"Oh yes Makeda your mouth is the best." Tassara said in bliss before Sean pulled her into a kiss making her moan. "Your also the first man we ever kissed you should be honored."

Planets align more often than the amount of virgin sex-professional sluts completely untouched by any man, author. I can’t possibly ridicule your fantasy’s standards any more than they do themselves, but I’m certainly going to try.

Tassara said rubbing her hands on his chest moaning from feeling his hard abs and shuddered when she felt his twelve pack. "Mmmm so hard." Tassara said in bliss from just feeling his muscles with her hands.

"No Spartan is some half muscled amateur like most of the world."

Oh, you insecure little bitch, I could pinch your cheek that’s how adorably infantile you are. It’s comedic enough that you need to imagine your self-insert flexing your imaginary muscles for you, but then you needed to imagine him figuratively doing it in front of a mirror while simultaneously patting his back and ejaculating himself a trophy for how impossible his existence is. Wish-fulfilment is there to substitute something you find lacking, author, otherwise you wouldn’t provide it for yourself, and the strength of which you write it reflects equally how far away from your own desired qualities you could consider yourself. The irony of it all is that your wish fulfilment isn’t including Sean to be a great author.

Sean said making her giggle before moaning as her sister shoved her tongue in deeper.

"Ahhh! Im so close." Tassara said and gasped when he shoved his tongue in her mouth making her moan as she held him close before her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she came and felt Makeda come as well if her trembling was any indication and knew he came inside her.

"Mmm so good."

Mmm, so ‘insert noun’.

Makeda said as they laid down on the bed to regain their energy.

"So did I live up to your expectations?" Sean asked making them smirk before kissing his chest.

"Oh yes you have my future king." Tassara said lovingly.

"We're yours now and forever." Makeda said lovingly.

Why does every casual sexual encounter end like that was exactly what it wasn’t? This fantasy is so brittle it hurts to read it. So this muscled oaf can get any woman he wants because all they – anyone, really - ever wants, is muscles. I don’t even think the author has described Sean’s other features as qualifying for desire. Well, guess what the next logical step would be if another pea brained steroid abuser walked by? These bimbos would ditch Sean, but that’s of course never going to happen, because in truth the reason they pick Sean is because the author says they do.

"We live to serve you and do whatever you wish." Makeda said making him smirk.

"Oh Really? What If I wish for you to walk outside naked right now?" Sean asked making her smile.

"Do you want me to now?" Makeda asked trailing her tongue slowly on his chest.

You are a sham, author. I’m tired of you pretending these risky fictional repercussions for your fantasy, which you don’t even dare follow up on, because the moment you tickle yourself at the risk, you fold when all you even had to do is tell us no one happened to notice the exhibitionist.

"Go on." Sean said making her smirk and walked out of bed and went to the door and went outside.

"The only reason she's not so nervous is because the palace is so empty right now and filled with our more open mind female servants who are used to her nudity."

And once more the tension was neutered by the spineless author, who can’t even allow other men to get boners in this universe, for fear that his self-fashioned illusion of masculinity starts to grow dim at the comparison.

Tassara said giggling while eyeing her sisters naked butt and licked her lips before giggling as Sean nibbled and licked her ear.

"Well if you get the chance you two can walk around naked in my place all you want." Sean said making her smile at him and her sister came back with a sexy smirk as she got back in the bed and pulled the covers over them.

"Rest now love we have an event later tonight." Tassara said getting Makeda to nod as they laid on his chest.

Well, there was also supposed to be a plot, a plan, and the fact that Makeda is the secret anti-gravity weapon-dealing antagonist of the episode striving for power, but when did little details like that matter? She has a pussy, so the author’s dick intervened.

"Well don't you all look happy." Alex said making them sit up and saw Alex Sam Clover and Donna at the door all nude as them making Tassara and Makeda smirk.

"Come on in then. The bed is big enough for all of us." Tassara said making them smile and got in the bed with them.

"I love my life." Sean said making the girls giggle before drifting off to sleep.

Remember to save some of your bedside tissues for when you cry yourself to sleep, author.

Later at night

"Wow this place is lively here." Sean said liking the party.

"I just hope nothing goes wrong tonight I don't want the war to continue." Tassara said before Sean kissed her cheek making her smile.

"Don't worry nothing like that is going to happen."

We know! Conflict is impossible! The only tension this fanfic leaves me with is from whether or not I’ll grind down my own teeth before I’m done with it!

Sean said making her feel less stressed.

Unknown to them however though one of the people who was hired to kidnap the queen was looking at the party and pressed something on his ear.

For fuck sake, author. You go into omniscient perspective mode on your original content and you’ve forgotten what an ear piece or a communicator is?

"Sir mission objective is in sight but be advised primary is here." The man said.

"Your certain?" Another male voice said on the comms.

"Affirmative." The man said.

"Alright abort your current mission capture the primary." The other man said.

"So tell me how do you feel about children?" Tassara asked Sean with her sister.

Well, the author originally thought the spies were 14 when he wrote his smut, so I’d like to hear that answer myself.

"I would be the happiest person if I had a kid now. But I'm willing to wait a few years and enjoy the sex life I have now." Sean said making them giggle.

"Well I know you'd be a wonderful father."

The only quality you’ve learnt about him so far is his dick, so whatever you ‘know’ about is impossible to base on anything else, you sick fuck. This ‘perfect parent’ praise is the type of idyllic bullshit that should be a tell that you are stuck in a fake reality.

Makeda said making him smile and kissed her forehead.

"And you two would be perfect mothers." Sean said making them blush while smiling before the lights went out. "The hell?" Sean said.

"Sean do you see anything?" Sam asked on the comms.

"No nothing everything seems wait a second."

Yeah, of course he doesn’t see anything, the lights are off. One gadget, author! Just portray a single damn spy gadget for once. You don’t even have spy activity in your Totally Spies! fanfic!!

Sean said seeing some men trying to walk out of the palace. "I've got eyes on possible hostiles.

”They didn’t stick around to gawk at me in adoration, clearly they are hostiles.”

Protect the Queen and her sister I'll check it out." Sean said leaving the two after kissing them softly as he walked to the possible hostiles. Walking outside he looked for them.

"Where the hell did they go?" Sean asked.

"Right here." A male voice said making turn around and got knocked out.

I think this Spartan is broken, any chance we can get a replacement? I vote for Kratos. At least I’d trust him to be a parent!

"Where is he?" Donna asked before they saw a helicopter come in and the men Sean was looking for got on with him knocked out. "HEY!" Donna yelled trying to get on the chopper but couldn't as they were to high and got away.

They got away despite Donna’s best efforts of pinching them between her fingers over the horizon.

"I don't get it. I thought Tassara was the target." Alex said.

"Oh dear." Tassara said in fear. Just then the girls comm powders went off and they opened them and Jerry was seen.

"Hello girls hows the mission?" Jerry asked.

Terrific. Couldn’t be better.

"Not good Sean was captured." Sam said.

Okay, now you’re sending me mixed messages here, Sam.

"Oh my." Jerry said concerned.

"Jerry is it possible this was a set up to get Sean out in the open?" Clover asked.

Out in the open? He’s a prince, lives in a mansion, and attends a public high school. I’m sure targeting him when armed and alert on the job was a brilliant strategy. Well, it worked, so what do I know?

"Well actually we just received a transmission not to long ago saying something about a primary object being seen. It's possible they were referring to Sean and abandoned the mission to capture the queen." Jerry said.

"Why would they want him though?" Makeda asked.

That one’s easy to answer. It’s either to torture him or be the initializers for his secret second super power. It’s incredible how similar all this author’s stories are.

"Well Sean isn't exactly normal by human standards from what I can tell from his file that isn't redacted there was a scientist that was experimenting on his countrymen in Sparta and Sean was one of them. The experiment was stoped by Sean's parents but were killed in an explosion of the lab. Whoever this scientist was is classified but was presumed to have been killed in the explosion as well. Its possible he's still alive and needs something from Sean to continue the experiment." Jerry said.

While Sean is boring as all hell, they are going to be disappointed, since the cure for insomnia would have to come from something less annoying.

"What was the experiment?" Sam asked.

"Unlimited endurance maybe?" Alex said to the girls who giggle.

An immunity to venereal disease, more likely.

"I cant say since its redacted as well. You'll have to find Sean and ask him yourself. His phone is still active so you can find him." Jerry said.


Sean was beginning to wake up and found himself strapped to a chair.

The first time in a long while he isn’t waking up in a bed, but I’m not sure these circumstances would be new to him for the same reason.

"Hey what the fuck?" Sean said trying to get out.

"I wouldn't bother trying to get free my boy." A male voice said and Sean looked up and saw a man with white hair and a lab coat. "Allow me to introduce myself my name is doctor Whitehall I am..." Whitehall tried to say.

"I know who you are. Ex German scientist in human biology your work was dedicated to unlocking the human potential that had yet to be discovered." Sean said making him chuckle in amusement.

A HYDRA leader from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Totally irrelevant, as this author doesn’t understand crossovers as much as he simply thinks injecting a character from something he likes will enrich his story.

"I see you've done your research. No wonder he is so interested in you." Whitehall said.

"Who?" Sean asked.

"Micheal Kree." Whitehall said.

"Never heard of him." Sean said.

Me neither, but Google tells me he appears in other stories made by this author. Sometimes I feel like I’m mocking a hydra, knowing that after this story, two more will take it’s place.

"Not surprising but the work he's doing I'm sure you've seen. He's a disciple of the man who experimented on you when you were 6 years old." Whitehall said making Sean growl and tried to get free.

"What do you want from me?" Sean asked annoyed.

"What I want is irrelevant but what he wants is his business." Whitehall said before Sean got free and knocked him out.

Tada, Sean wanted to free himself, and he succeeded. Isn’t this exciting? Isn’t it a thrill? Can you bear waiting for the next time he is once more involved in a cut-scene like transition from Point A to Point B?!

"Well its mine now to." Sean said going to the computer but couldn't access anything and suddenly.

"Warning breach detected initiating self destruction in 5 minutes." The computer system said.

Geez, it’s a wonder a random janitor wiping off a keyboard hasn’t sent this place sky high already.

"AWWWW!" Sean yelled annoyed and ran out of there with Whitehall on his shoulder and got out just as the base exploded as everyone got out in time.

But right before they did that, they all reminded each other to take their contraception pills.

"Don't move kid!" One of the security guards said pointing his weapon at him as did the others when WOOHP helicopters arrived.

"Yeah fuck you." Sean said amused as the facility staff was taken into custody.

You are writing the least entertaining protagonist since Francis the Snivy, author. You think quips are just verbal diarrhea lamely spouted to get an acknowledgement of your ego-stroking superiority in edgewise. Set up a pun, you lazy fuck.

"There you are." Alex said walking up to him.

"Sorry if I worried you." Sean said sheepishly.

You’ve only been apart for less than six hundred words. I’m sure they were panicking like the headless chickens they already are.

"Why didn't you ever say you were experimented on?" Sam asked.

"Because the experiment failed. The experiment was meant to give eternal life to the test subjects but it failed all it did give me was infinite endurance and stamina along with increased muscle strength." Sean said.

Well, congratulations, author. Everything you’ve up until now established about Sean as a depiction of your pet faction master race has been a lie. Nothing he has ever done can be credited to Spartan heritage, including his sexual boasting in this chapter.

"Who was the guy who did all that to you?" Clover asked.

"Thats classified and personal information Clover." Sean said.

I can truly feel how you trust and love your fuck-buddies in a special and unique way, Sean.

"Look point it the experiment failed." Sean said.

"Then why did they want you back?" Donna asked.

"Trying to get some new results I guess." Sean said shrugging his shoulders.

Or maybe they were just trying to fulfil the author’s flimsy backstory establishment, by pinning a post-it note on your back saying ‘Science Experiment’.


A man in lab clothes was looking over the data the facility Sean was at sent before it exploded.

"Interesting." The man said.

”He went straight to the web browser to look up hyper-muscled furry porn. No wonder the self-destruct initiated.”

"So what are the results this time?" A man in military armor asked.

"Just like they were before the accident. It seems the experiment failed in every test subject except him." The man said showing an image of Sean.

This man is a nefarious, evil bastard. He biologically engineering a Marty Stu!

"So what do you want us to do Micheal?" The man asked the now identified Micheal who chuckled.

"For now nothing. I need time to prepare the next phase of the project and that could take months maybe a year or two. So for now leave him be." Micheal said.

So, you’re saying we’ll never see any of it before the author loses interest in writing this story, am I right?

Back with the spies

"Oh love." Tassara said as she and her sister hugged Sean.

"Easy I'm fine not a scratch." Sean said calming them down.

What, did they use cotton swabs to test him with? Why would they kidnap him if there was literally nothing to take from him he wouldn’t notice? Even semen samples there are plenty enough of walking around.

"Sorry we just got really worried." Makeda said smiling at him.

"And I appreciate that but since when do Spartans ever fail?" Sean asked making the girls giggle.

It sounds to me like they fail when they get knocked out and kidnapped, loser.

"In the field almost never, In the bed though ohh you never fail there." Alex said with a perverted look on her face.

"Oy." Sean said.

Do they say ‘Oy’ a lot in Sparta? Must be a local dialect.

"Out of curiosity is your home big enough for two more?" Tassara asked.

"Don't you have to run things here?" Sean asked.

"The Spartan council said they would take care of that and call us in when some important emergency came up." Tassara said grinning.

Who cares about the people of the nation? Responsibilities is just something you can duck out of if you want to fuck all day long.

"I swear at this rate I'm going to need to have that island used." Sean said.

"Island?" The girls asked confused before Sean pulled up a picture on his phone and showed it to them and they gasped in shock and disbelief as it was a tropical island of sorts.

"Holy Shit!" Donna said in shock.

"How do you own an island?" Alex asked.

He owns it because the author realized he couldn’t fit his dick inside the mansion he made a single chapter ago. Also, he’s a prince, dumdum.

"It was a gift from the Jamaican government for solving a drug selling problem. The island is all mine and has its own exotic mansion there for all your needs." Sean said making stars appear in their eyes.

Are you sure you don’t want to also pull out a planet named Sparta for him from your ass next, author?

"We have to go there now!" Clover yelled in excitement making Sean chuckle.

"Maybe when we have a vacation." Sean said.

The author would do it now, but he’s starting to become too tired from snapping his fingers.

Authors note: Wow lots of love suspense drama and more exotic themes coming up.

Yeah, buzzword salad aside, future chapters include titles with the words ‘Total Drama Island”. The most exotic part is going to be an art-style change we’ll never hear about.

So next chapter will be either Aliens man or machine or the black widows. See ya oh and yeah so Sean is immortal and he doesn't know it...Yet that is.

Do I even have to say it? You fail, author. Your ego-pampering security blanket of a story is as pathetic as it could possibly get. You are part of a million different authors who make the same mistake thinking rigging reality to eliminate your crippling fear of the least bit of failure makes for story-telling. Sean has been served everything on a platter, was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and he lays golden eggs. Congratulations, you’ve written yourself a Superman caricature with an immoral compass, a dirty mouth, and a sexual drive that confuses desire for affection. And you have absolutely nothing to write about him worth reading. No struggle. No goal to achieve. Not even a yearning for something else than what he has. You can’t even use the supporting cast to humanize him through, or to let him have something to protect, because nothing ever comes close to being a problem for him. You’ve grabbed a fictional universe like the moldable clay it could be in competent hands, and shaped it into the same useless ashtray every inspirationless imbecile makes, right before you shat in it and gifted it away, unfinished, unglazed, and unbaked!!


Two more for the road. This bingo board is starting to bore me.
Want to read more of my mocks? Follow this link to my webpage.
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Re: New Spy

Post by Dashguy » Tue May 08, 2018 8:55 am

"No I went to military training. In Sparta you have a choice. Learn in regular school and be a civilian or become a soldier and fight for all of Sparta." Sean said
I love this line. You can practically taste the military fanboy-ism and the consequent despise for civilian life. I have no doubt the author is the kind of guy who thinks the country would suffer more from a one-week absence of the army complex than, let's say, thrash collectors, for the simple reason "we would totally get invaded u guise!"

Also, in hindsight, it makes sense for the self-insert to have infinite stamina, endurance and strength since the author most likely got his model for the "ideal Spartan" from the 300 film and the God of War series. Plus, it serves as the justification for the self-insert's overall lack of firearms usage ("cuz guns are for weaklings and cowards!") and a way to ensure his victory in case he meets foes who have no such qualms.

Keep up the good job, man.

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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun May 13, 2018 8:29 am

Dashguy wrote:
Tue May 08, 2018 8:55 am
Also, in hindsight, it makes sense for the self-insert to have infinite stamina, endurance and strength since the author most likely got his model for the "ideal Spartan" from the 300 film and the God of War series. Plus, it serves as the justification for the self-insert's overall lack of firearms usage ("cuz guns are for weaklings and cowards!") and a way to ensure his victory in case he meets foes who have no such qualms.

Keep up the good job, man.
Will do. Your insight on the template the author probably cast Sean from is highly probable. I only wish the author could bother make something out of it, rather than having it be a blanket permission slip for himself to enhance Sean in any way he wants. But that's the nature of Sean, his background and harem expansions has to stay multiple-choice until the author makes up his mind.

Anyway, on to the mock. If you thought the author could make extra terrestrial contact exciting, put down that bottle and rethink your life. Here's Chapter 17, Aliens.

Chapter 17 Aliens

What I wouldn’t give for a xenomorph to end this fanfic right about now.

"Look out!" Sean yelled as Alex nearly crashed into them. Soon her car stopped and a man came out looking shaky.

"I seriously suggest you get a bus schedule young lade, because at this rate, there's no way you'll pass your driving test." The driving instructor said before running away in fear.

As far as the author is probably concerned, Alex failed because she started humping the gear stick.

"Awww!" Alex whined in depression as a waterfall of tears came out of her eyes. "But I've got to learn to drive." Alex said.

"Why? I drive you and the girls everywhere any way." Sean said.

It’s almost like you don’t want your body-pillows to grow up and have any autonomy and capability of independence of their own, Sean. But no, as the next line will show, it all comes down to kinks.

"Because once I get my license my mom said she'll buy me a good car and then its car sex time."

So, you are telling me that you want to have sex in a car, and expect to be the one driving? I am in favor of this idea, and pray you forgot to fill out a life insurance.

Alex said smirking at him making him and the girls laugh before the hood of the car opened.

"Uh oh." Sean said knowing what was about to happen. five metal arms came out of the hood and grabbed them and pulled them in it.

"FUCK!" Donna yelled as they landed on the couch.

Donna, I’m starting to think that you are only here in this fanfic because even the author knew it would grow stale to have Sean be the one cursing all the time.

"Uh where are we?" Clover asked.

"Is this WOOHP? I cant see anything." Sam said.

"Have I mentioned how much I hate the dark?" Alex said.

"Aw is someone scared?" Donna said mocking her before she and Sean laughed.

"Screw you guys." Alex said. "I'm not scared you just never know what's..." Alex tried to say till Jerry's head was seen making the three original spies shriek in fear while Sean and Donna chuckled.

And Jerry’s severed head brings them much amusement, why am I not surprised?

"Hello spies." Jerry said using a flash light to be seen before the lights came back on.

"Jerry you know what Stress does to my skin." Clover said annoyed.

Then pray tell, what good does a job as an action hero spy agent do it?

"Sorry. Agent Morrison tripped over the generator cable again." Jerry said as the lights flickered.

"Dumbass." Sean said.

"Now take a look at these satellite tapes from around the world." Jerry said showing some videos of people vanishing into thin air.

Ah, no biggie, I’m sure the Avengers will fix up that mess in the next movie.

"Whoa." Donna said.

"The hell?" Sean said.

"WOOHP has reason to believe the people in these videos were abducted by aliens." Jerry said making Clover and Sam laugh at that.

"Aliens? You're kidding right?" Sam asked.

I’m genuinely surprised none of you sex-addicts are fantasizing about a probing already.

"Hey I was experimented by a mad man who wanted to have immortal blood made and we've seen tons of other shit we would never have believed before so this isn't really that far fetched." Sean said.

With you, Sean, everything is possible. That wasn’t a compliment, by the way.

"Mmmm True." Sam said.

"Your mission is to visit the abduction site and look for clues." Jerry said.

"I knew we couldn't be alone in the galaxy! I knew there was life on other planets!" Alex said giddy.

"Hundred bucks says she's dreaming of sleeping with a female alien." Donna whispered to the girls who snicker in amusement.(I might let that happen^^)

Who cares? You'll write it just as flat and similar, without as much as a described skin tone or a tentacle.


"Ugh I fucking hate corn fields." Donna says annoyed as they were at the first sight.

"This is the only corn field you've been to." Sean said.

"Not true when I was younger my mom took me to a farm and I got lost in the field." Donna said making Sean and the girls chuckle.

I can’t wait for them to openly laugh at her childhood abuse stories next.

"The hell?" Sean said picking up a bag with a food sign on it. "Ok some people really need to clean up their trash." Sean said annoyed.

Right, in the bin with this fanfic, author, you heard the man.

"Hey guys the field is like some weird maze or symbol from up here." Alex said looking from the water tower. "I'm sending a picture back to WOOHP." Alex said.

I’m sure that’s much better than their satellite footage access.

"You know this would be a great place for some outdoor sex." Clover whispered in Sean's ear while pressing her breasts against his back and moved her hand to his crotch making Sean smirk.

"Maybe but not on the job."

Then care to tell me what it was you were doing in the previous chapter, you smirking hypocrite?

Sean said making her pout before the wind began to pick up.

"What the?" Sam said before they spotted a helicopter landing away from them.

"Well this is odd." Sean said as they walked to the chopper to see what was up. Once they got there they saw a woman who was in her early to mid 20's with white skin purple hair and purple eyes. The woman saw them and inwardly smirked once she saw Sean.

It’s not everyone who can turn their face inside out to let us know this.

'Well hello handsome.' The woman thought before shaking her head to clear her thoughts.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" The woman asked.

Don’t you mean ‘what are you and who are you doing here’?

"Just concerned people is all ma'am. And you are?" Sean asked politely making the woman smile.

'Handsome and well mannered just my type.' She thought.

"I'm Dr. Sagan Hawking. I'm an astronomer." Sagan said.

"Impressive." Sean said.

What’s impressive is the oh so subtle name she has. And yet I wonder if the author even realizes he wants to bone a fictional chick named after two world famous male astronomers, as he’s too busy converting the villainess of the episode to his harem.

"I'm studying the abductions as well. If we're facing an alien invasion, I want to know just what we're up against." Sagan said.

”Hopefully it’ll just be some strange potato-sack shaped thing with a glowing finger, like the last one.”

"Preparing for the worst case scenario. Smart idea." Sean said making her smirk.

"Anything you've learned might be helpful." Sagan said trying to get closer to the young Spartan Prince.

"Sure why not?" Sean said making her do a victory dance in her head.

'Score!' Sagan yelled in her head.

We get it, author. Every woman in the universe craves your self-insert’s cock. Move on already.


"Whoa nice." Sean said liking the mountain view. "Reminds me of the training grounds in Sparta for advanced warriors." Sean said.

Really? Because it’s currently reminding me of every empty void this fanfic has taken place in, jackass.

"You've been to Sparta?" Sagan asked in interest.

"I was born in Sparta." Sean said.

"Hmmm I guess that explains the looks you have." Sagan said making him chuckle.

Because no one in the world outside Sparta has muscles, of course.

"Yeah I get that a lot." Sean said making her giggle.

"Follow me now." Sagan said as she led them to the main room and sat down.

"Hey what is GOOPER?" Sam asked looking at some books on her chair.

"Um I'll take those." Sagan said putting them away. "Now, if you will direct your attention to the table. The stars indicate where the abductions have taken place.

Would you mind mentioning the hologram-projecting table just once, author, before we think the possibly crazy UFO-nut is showing them a crayon drawing of the Hollywood Walk of Fame?!

My theory is that aliens are capturing members of different cultures and studying them so they can decide to start the full invasion." Sagan said.

"No offense but thats a big accusation theory." Sean said.

And that’s a big word vocabulary you have there. What are you even trying to say? You could have said she was being racist, and at least then you’d be speaking English.

"Well as I said this is just a theory since they haven't been to a lot of other countries yet. My computers are predicting the next abduction will take place here in a bazaar in Saudi Arabia." Sagan said.

"Well we better get there before that happens." Sean said standing up.

You guys were originally supposed to follow Sagan home under the pretense of being relatives of the abducted, and your job as spies is supposed to be secret. Is the author even trying?

"Hold on you promised me you'd tell me what you've learned as well." Sagan said with a seductive smirk on her face making him chuckle.

"Honestly we haven't learned anything since we were only there for a few minutes before you got there. But if we do learn anything we'll let you know." Sean said making her smile.

"I hope you keep that promise." Sagan said winking at him as they left.

"She is so in love with you." Clover said making him chuckle.

Does the author just pretend this in order to get off, or does he honestly think love is part of this cock-polishing equation? Is this what he whispers to himself to reason why he’s lonely, that love at first sight would be assumed - nay, expected at first sight at having just the quality of physical fitness? I’m seriously amazed at the depth of reality denial that’s needed to make these fantasies reasonable.

"Isn't almost every woman we meet?" Sean asked making them giggle as they left.

Aside from being the entire problem with this fanfic, and that it is not even remotely funny, what the fuck does this brain-dead, Marty Stu archetype mean by ‘almost’?!

"Oh that man is definitely for me." Sagan said rubbing her body. "I better make some preparations." Sagan said about to get some things for her little plan.


"Ah Saudi Arabia I haven't been here in years." Sean said as Sam was using his credit card to buy some rather erotic clothing for later.

I wouldn’t have thought you to find burqas erotic, author.

"When did you come here?" Alex asked.

"Two years ago we had to settle a blood feud between two royal families only to learn that the problem was being caused by an outside party who wanted the two families to kill each other. That secured an alliance between the country and Sparta with ease."

I have enough to deal with regarding your fantasy-football version of Sparta, author. I don’t need you to pat your imaginary self on the back for solving made up conflicts in the Middle East, too.

Sean said before they were attacked by some men with swords.

"Oh come on." Sam yelled holding the clothes she bought before she and the girls blinked as Sean just shot them with the I.C.E.R. gun he had with him.

You know, the gun he was given on the previous mission and not shown to have during this one, used and described with less effort and effect as aiming a laser pointer. Why does the author even bother?

"Happy?" Sean asked twirling his gun around before putting it away.

"Very." Sam said smirking as she put all her new clothes away in a bag. "But who were these guys anyway?" Sam asked.

"Hey look at this." Donna said holding up a food bag that they saw in the corn field.

"And they have that same insignia GOOPER." Sam said.

"I hope Sagan isn't behind this." Sean said before Alex used her com powder to call Jerry.

"Afternoon spies." Jerry said.

"Hey Jerry does the name GOOPER mean anything to you?" Sam asked.

Why linger at this, author? It’s not going to matter. In fact, I don’t even believe you’ll let us know what it is an acronym of, because you’re already tailoring the birthday suit for the leader of that organization.

"Sorry it doesn't, but I'll check on it. However, I do have some information about the pattern you found in the corn field." Jerry said.

"Is it an Alien message?" Alex asked.

Who here wants to bet it was Dick Butt?

"I'm not sure. The shapes represent numbers. They're latitude and longitude coordinates for an isolated mesa in Mexico." Jerry said "You'll fly there in this new WOOHP transportation prototype." Jerry said.

A prototype that’s able to fit five people, I take it? Not that the author could convince me every girl wasn't a Barbie doll fitting in his back pocket for all the good they are reduced to accomplish.

"Just so long as Alex doesn't fly it." Donna said making said girl growl in anger.

"Come on!" Alex yelled annoyed.


"See you shouldn't fly!" Donna yelled as they crashed on the ground.

"Ay. Why?" Alex said in annoyance.

"You seriously need some help." Sean said making her pout. "Come on." Sean said pulling her up.

"Grrr! I just want to drive so I can have car sex!" Alex yelled annoyed making the others burst out laughing.


Oh, what a brilliant joke, what amazing talent for comedy, not at all deflated by the fact that Sean already told us he’s driving her around, and you don’t need the license to pork in a vehicle!

"Oh its not like you all don't want the same thing." Alex said making them whistle in innocence.

They waited for about a good ten minutes before shockingly a real space craft landed down.

It was so real in fact, that we need no details even from the author’s imagination for us to visualize it. Well, it’s not like it would even be described to us if it was shaped like a vagina.

"Oh wow." Sean said before another one came in as well and sucked up the one that landed. "I'm going to check this out." Sean said running off.

"Hey wait!" Sam yelled

"What are we supposed to do?" Alex asked before someone tapped her shoulder. "Huh?" Alex said looking back as did the others and they all gasped when they saw real live aliens and fainted.

"Ok this is going to be difficult."

The difficult part is trying to follow along with this shit. The only reason I can’t call this author a canon copycat, is because he can’t even do transcription justice.

Sean said before someone tapped him. "Eh?" Sean said before looking down and saw an actual little green man. "Uh Hello." Sean said.

"Hello back." The Alien said.

"Whoa you speak english." Sean said in surprise.

"Actually I'm better at French but I'm pretty good in english and more than 25 other intergalactic dialects." The Alien said.

Well, turns out Kung Pow was right. Aliens are French.

"Wow impressive." Sean said before they were sucked up to the bigger ship.

Sean suddenly woke up and found the same alien from before.

"I take it your not the ones abducting people are you." Sean said.

"No that would be the GOOPERs." The alien said.

"Theres that name again." Sean said before some men with weapons came.

"You're coming with us kid." The leader said.

"Oh boy." Sean said as he was dragged away. "Hey watch it!" Sean yelled as he was pushed into a room before being sent back down on the planet. "Huh?" Sean said seeing he was back at Sagan's base.

Amazing. Fucking utterly amazing. Sean was just on a space ship. Couldn’t you tell? I know I harp a lot on this author and scene descriptions, but wouldn’t you think an interstellar-traveling, alien space craft could pull a single description even hinting at four walls, a floor, and a roof?! But no, the author was too busy unzipping his pants because guess where we are going next!!

"Welcome back Spartan." Sagan said behind him.

"Sagan what are you..." Sean tried to say as he turned around but any further words died in his throat when he saw Sagan in something hot.

Sean, I know you have no brain and that the author couldn't write a logical thought to save his life, but aliens are real and you just got kidnapped to this place. Focus!

"Like what you see handsome?" Sagan said posing for him with a seductive smile on her beautiful face. She was dressed in what could only be described as a slutty school girl outfit which had a small green micro skirt that just barely passed her ass and a black micro tube top with a heart in the center she had black stalkings on her legs and had golden hells on.

You know, I knew you were horny, author, but did you have to screw your auto-correct?

She was also sucking on a lollipop in a sexy way.

Stick first?

"Whoa." Sean said impressed making her smirk before swaying over to him and placed a hand on his chest.

"Remove this please?"

His chest? Yes, pretty please.

Sagan asked in a pouty voice making him smirk and removed his black shirt and jacket making her smile seeing his very well developed muscled chest before moving forward and took a sniff of his chest before sighing in bliss. "The smell of a real man." Sagan said before licking where his heart would be and moaned in bliss. "And you taste delicious." Sagan said.

Does he secrete honeyed nectar from his pores or something? What the hell do you imagine sex to be like, author? Pick some more realistic stuff off of the Internet, for fuck sake.

"I'm surprised you don't have someone in your life already with how beautiful you are." Sean said making her smile at him before gently grabbing his hand.

I’m surprised you haven’t used that one on any of the previous virgins you’ve collected, but then again you’d probably run out of flattery fast.

"Come with me." Sagan said and he obeyed following her inside before they got to her room and Sean smirked seeing it was filled with romantic scented candles and the blinds were kept shut while a small window above them shed the moon light on them.

And like a paranoid schizophrenic, you cover the windows like you expected a random passersby to intentionally spy on this and interrupt it, way up in this mountain-top placed, alien-abducting, helicopter-accessed base!

"I wanted my first time to be with a real man not some weak no body and you are just what I want. Care to make a deal?" Sagan said trailing her fingers on his chest and sighed in content.

Oh yeah, you just waited for a genetically engineered idiot to drop into your life, didn’t you? Seriously, author, you portray every woman in this way, making it unfeasible anyone in the world besides your persona will ever have sex, but that's what you want, isn’t it?!

"Oh what kind of deal?" Sean asked playing with her hair which made her smile before gently grabbing his hand and kissed his palm before placing it on her left breast still covered by her tube top that was way to small for her showing her large C cup breasts.

Wait, wait, wait, hold on a moment. I’ve read many ridiculous things, and had to stomach a lot of contrite shit. But are you honestly telling me, what with your kink-fixated, pussy-starving, and virgin-deflowering fever dreams, that you draw the lines for large breasts at a C-cup? For real? Huh. I think this is what people call a blessing in disguise.

"If you can satisfy my needs in bed I'll release all the little green men I've captured and give up all my plans and more importantly I'll be your woman slave servant whatever you want to call me for the rest of my life doing whatever you wish me to do." Sagan said sexually licking his chest again.

This author’s take on villains is so repeatedly predictive, I made a flowchart of it already.


"Oh and what are you willing to do?" Sean asked sitting down next to her and placed his left hand on her face making her smile.

"Anything my love. I'll walk around public naked if you wish I'll serve you and anyone you wish me to please and if you see me worthy enough I'll give birth to your children."

Because this oath is of course what any virgin woman would be willing to recite, as long as her first time is expected to be above average. What if Sean is just a shitty lover and they settle because they don’t know better?

Sagan said before she widen her eyes as he pulled her into a loving kiss before moaning into the kiss as he held her close and she placed her arms around his back pulling him closer. Sean pulled back so they could breathe.

"You are worthy of children you don't need my opinion just for that.

But the bunghole who wrote her to say that sure seems to want it brought up a lot, doesn’t he? It’s like a virtue-signaling, white knight epitome mentality coupled with fedora tipping towards a vaguely curved store mannequin.

“If I have Sean vouch for this alien-kidnapping super villainess’ parent abilities, that must mean he’s even more deserving of the pussy she is willing to give him, aren’t I a clever author?”

But for now I want to enjoy my free time with my loved ones and now you've earned a spot for that name in my harem." Sean said making her tear up slightly that he accepted her and kissed him again.

"There is one more thing." Sagan said seductively trailing her finger on his twelve pack.

"And whats that?" Sean asked kissing her forehead making her giggle before standing up.

"I deserved to be punished." Sagan said.

"Oh what for?" Sean asked seeing her game.

For not performing the incoming sex scene with a voice box honoring your character’s namesake.

"I forgot to wear panties. I think I need a spanking."

”I also brutally enslaved and mind-controlled aliens, but the author thinks I’m hot, so I get a pass on that one.”

Sagan said pulling her skirt up flashing her pussy at him before she was pulled down and her ass hanging in the air making her giggle. "I've been a very bad girl master." Sagan said before she yelped in surprise as he slapped her left cheek hard leaving a red hand print before doing it again to the other cheek.(This part came from the tv show Nip Tuck look it up)

Yeah, and I’m sure it was so original when it depicted that, you self-admitted, imagination-bankrupt plagiarist. As far as I can tell, Nip/Tuck is an Emmy and Golden Globe Award winning medical drama television show with serial storytelling about plastic surgeons, among which is a highly sexual active male lead who even has a sex addict hounding him. I’m not intending to throw flack at the show as I know nothing about it, but the themes of sex and superficial focus on physical beauty sure sounds right up your alley, author.

"Oh Master...AH! Yes punish me!" Sagan yelled in lust as her pussy was dripping from sexual excitement as he continued to spank her ass hard leaving red hand prints behind.

"Once this is all done your mine and you'll do as I say without question." Sean whispered in her ear in a rather dominating voice which made her shiver in excitement.

"Yes master I'm your property meant only for you and the others to enjoy."

Fifty Shades of Grey called, said you should tone it down a little.

Sagan said in lust before she gasped as he spanked her really hard making her eyes roll into the back of her head as she suddenly came. She sighed in bliss as she got under control again. "Mmmm more." Sagan said in lust.

"Time for the main event." Sean said ripping her clothes off including her stockings and heels.

Oh, you party pooper, I was looking forward to seeing where she was going with the hell stalks.

"Hey those were expensive!" Sagan said slightly annoyed before she gasped seeing his large cock as he removed his pants and boxers. "Well hello big boy." Sagan said in lust licking her lips.

"I can buy you clothes much more revealing that suit you more then that."

I’m curious where you want to go from micro-modified clothes, to ascend to a new level of revealing, author.

Sean said kissing her neck making her moan softly.

"Be gentle love. You'll be my first." Sagan said shyly before that vanished as he kissed her lovingly.

"Just tell me when to move and what to do till your ok."

Something you keep telling all your partners, but you just ram it in, cover their mouth, wait for them to stop squirming in agony, and keep plowing. That’s called rape, you buffoon, and a shared ignorance to the fact by both partners is no excuse.

Sean said making her smile and nod at him as he slowly went inside her pussy making her gasp in slight discomfort before she gasped loudly as he made it all the way inside her breaking her virginity and kept her pained scream inside her and Sean pulled her into a loving kiss to ease her pain making her moan softly as she caressed his face before she pulled back and sighed in content as the pain was ending.

The author continues to operate from the ignorant understanding of the virgin hole being just a rubber-glove cavity with a breakable seal. If I believed, that going over each intricacy of that issue could even minutely improve the fanfic, I would. Case in point, moving on.

"The pain is over now fuck me like a beast." Sagan said in lust making him chuckle as he sat up and had her on his lap and thrusted upwards into her making he breasts bounce which made her moan while holding him close. "I thought you would ravage me love." Sagan said in a loving voice.

"I figured since you set the mood for all this you would like to be taken in a more romantic setting."

Yes, I could truly tell how romantic this sex position was compared to anything else before this. What?

Sean said making her smile and held his face as she kissed him while he continued to thrust upwards into her all the while both moaning into the others mouth.

"I'm getting close master. Please come inside me I'm on the pill."

Cyanide comes to mind.

Sagan said wanting his seed inside her.

"Get ready then." Sean said pulling her into another kiss and she moaned loudly as they both came at the same time and she let out a shuddering gasp as she felt his warm seed inside her womb.

And that was yet another impossible, implausible, unconvincing, and unarousing sex scene. How many women are we up at now? 14 out of 452? Shit.

"So warm." Sagan said as she lost her energy and both fell to the bed covered in sweat before Sean pulled the covers over them. "Promise me you'll never leave or abandon me my love." Sagan said caressing his face making him smile and kissed her.

"Never in a million years."

Well, you can’t abandon what you don’t remember. I’ve done a word-search of the whole fanfic already. This side-skank’s name never reappears after this chapter.

Sean said making her tear up slightly before she laid her head on his muscled chest and drifted off to sleep.

Hours later

"He should be in here somewhere." Sam said as they tracked Sean's tracker and got inside and when they got to the bedroom they smiled seeing Sagan naked as the day she was born with an equally naked Sean holding her close.

Author, you seem to be awfully repetitive in indicating in what way someone is naked, as if it’s amazing in that way. It’s nudity, get over it.

"Well you had fun." Clover said to Sean who opened his eyes and smirked at them.

"Care to join us?" Sean asked.

"Sorry but we would rather sleep in our own bed where she belongs with us." Alex said kissing her forehead as she woke up and smiled at the girls.

"I take it you've all stopped my plans." Sagan said.

”Well, we crashed a space ship, and maybe everyone’s dead, so, no? Yes? Who are you again?”

"Yup and got a list of other aliens that might visit earth and boy are the girls hot." Alex said.

"I fucking told you she would want to fuck an alien." Donna said making everyone burst out laughing.

Here’s a joke I fashioned just for you, author, I think someone with your humor will like it. Try not to laugh too hard now. Here goes.

Sex sex, sex sex sex, sex.

Yeah, I know, the punchline always gets me too.

"So shall we head home?" Sagan asked as Sean got dressed and gently grabbed her hand and pulled her up.

"Yes lets." Sean said kissing her softly making her moan.

I’ll add her to the tapestry, but I’m considering her dead and buried, murdered by Sean forgetting to fill the new pet’s water bowl every night.

Authors note: And another one added to the harem.

What is even a harem to you, author? Not to feign nostalgia or romanticize my earlier mocks, but back then the term actually held meaning to me. Now it’s just as impactful as an arcade fighting game's roster list an author wants to go through to say he did it, while sticking with those few whose moves he thinks he knows best.

Now like I said I might add some girls from other series such as April from Teenage mutant ninja turtles from 1987 or star fire Tala and Tula from Dc but I'll leave that to the new poll I've just created.

”Rather than let my own dick lead the way, I shall let other dicks lead the way, to pretend I have any idea what I’m doing and get praised for the decisions, too.”

Now next chapter is the black widows. See ya oh and heres a list of the harem from totally spies and a list of servants.

Servants? What the hell are you talking about? Are you seriously going to adopt in a second-rate slave caste in the harem, just to excuse not writing a sex scene for each and every one of them, you lazy creep?









Donna Ramon





Bonita Bikham

First new name on the list, but one we’ll have to wait for, being a Season 4 villain.

Candy Sweet


Geraldine Husk

Helena Simms

Please, author, I’m already holding back the Oprah Winfrey jokes regarding your harem, don’t bring the show’s parody of her into this, too.

Keako(Not married just good friends with the emperor)

Greed and covetousness like yours is simply astounding, author. When are you just going to tell us that Jerry is a eunuch, so you can stop quivering in fear thinking your fantasy might be disturbed?

Kimberly Kelly

Lara Croft

No, it’s not a crossover character, but a WOOHP hologram trainer adhering to the namesake. She’s also not real, and she is based on a male WOOHP agent’s personality. I’ll give you an out and just ask you what you want me to read into this, author.

Madison (Age 16)

Maggie Trendset


Milan Stilton


Muffy Peprich

Sagan Hawking


You can’t be serious.

Sunny Day



And Tara’s second evolution, Tassassara.

Violet Vanderfleet

Olivia Mandell (Otherwise known as M.O.M. from Martin mystery)

I’m pretty sure Sean’s ego won’t allow someone named Martin to exist in this fanfic's universe. It’s the implied competing dick, you see.

Servents girls who have no name in the series

Because that’s what we are all here for, isn’t it? To read an already obscurely niche-set fanfic smut fest and go “Who?”.

The girls in metal Bikini's from I, dude

names and physical description made by my friend TYZO300

Ratting out an accomplish won’t lessen the weight of the sins on your back, author.

Jessie-Platinum hair, olive eyes, tan skin, and pink lips

Candice-Blonde hair, jade eyes, fair skin, and red lips

Sofia-Violet hair, auburn eyes, dark skin, and pink lips

Hilary-Brunette hair, green eyes, dark skin, and red lips

Vicki-Redhead hair, green eyes, pink skin, and peach lips

Jenell-Magenta hair, jade eyes, tan skin, and red lips

Whoop dee doo, so now you have a list of names, but what use is it? They could have literally been anyone with the maintenance and attention you have for them. Hell, scramble up their names and try and pretend you can tell the difference. They are all literally anyone you want them to be.


And the harem has amassed itself with the speed of a hundred Windows Updates, having now reached and amazing 3%.
Want to read more of my mocks? Follow this link to my webpage.
Are you a former member of Project AFTER? Drop me a message, let me hear how things are going.


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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Mon May 21, 2018 7:47 am

The author seems to be picking up the pace in filling out the harem, so of course that means he has to reduce his already piss poor narrative to an even worse state of moronic, ego-stroking self-indulgences. Here's Chapter 18, the Black widows.

Chapter 18 the Black widows

Well, personally I fantasize about Sean being consumed in the fashion of mantis mating rituals, but I’ll take what I can get.

"What the hell?" Sean said annoyed as Sam took them to the library for a spelling bee contest.

A social event that has nothing to do with sex? Better curse and pretend he has some other reason to be here besides the author soiling the canon like the leech he is.

"Hey I enjoy doing this for your information." Sam said poking her finger on his chest making him roll his eyes.

"You enjoy doing this or what we do in private more?" Sean asked making her snort.

She would certainly get better D’s from this.

"Like you really need to ask." Sam said with a smirk making him and the girls laugh.

"Well its not like anyone else can beat her in this." Clover said.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that. Now out of my way." Mandy said with three guys behind her. "Ive got a spelling bee to sign up for." Mandy said in her usual annoying bitchy voice.(^^)

You have such a talent for subtlety, author. It’s not everyone who can cover up the fact, that they turn the b-plots of each Totally Spies! episode into a hate fic and substituting all the rest with shitty smut, with just a half-assed text emoji.

"Oh please since when do you care about these things?" Sean asked rolling his eyes.

"I don't but I'm into winning and more importantly, I'm into beating her." Mandy said pointing at Sam. "Show everyone that not only am I the prettiest, best-dressed girl in Bed High, I'm also the smartest." Mandy said.

Could you stop confusing what it is you want to hear with the dialogue, author? She said Bev High. Beverley Hills High, you deaf oaf.

"Yeah bullshit your a whore." Sean said plainly making her gasp while the girls burst out laughing while she growled and stomped inside to sign up.

It just wasn’t enough that you can’t make up your mind about your low brow insults more often than not are used as compliments in the bedroom, author? You also need your pathetic, spineless imagination to pretends to have a confrontation-stopping high ground through utterances that people like Mandy would dismiss as unsophisticated burps? All you are having Sean say to feign superiority while ignoring any point ever voiced, is essentially; ”Yeah, well, lame non-sequitur insult.”

"Don't worry about her Sam she's nowhere near as smart as you." Sean said with his arm around her making her smile.

"Now then where are the dictionaries?" Sam asked herself before finding it and when she pulled the book the book case turned and sucked them in.

"Are you serious?" Sean asked as they landed on the usual couch.

Are you seriously going to give a banal utterance every time this happens?

"Afternoon spies so good of you to pop in." Jerry said making a funny or so he thought.

Because you’ve shown yourself the pinnacle of comedy thus far, haven’t you, author?

In the room with him was a woman of Japanese descant looking to be in her mid 20's. She had tan skin black hair and brown eyes.

"Lame." Sean said making him sweat drop. "What is it now? And who's she?" Sean asked pointing to the woman who smirked at him.

"This is Keako a senior agent of WOOHP." Jerry said. (I know she's married and in her 40's in the cannon series but I'm changing that)

So you changed her age and introduced her in an episode that wouldn’t force your fragile fantasy to perform an ounce of originality, when it comes to the universe you are jerking off into. Imagine my surprise.

"Nice to meet you all." Keako said with a bow.

"Likewise so whats up now?" Sean asked.

"It has come to our attention that the honey bees, the California championship high school cheerleading squad, are MMCC." Jerry said.

And of course the author won’t tell us that MMCC stands for Missing Mid Cheering Competition. This author’s writing ability is Significantly Horribly Irritating Trash

"And thats our problem how? Let the police handle this I don't see any world crisis in this." Donna said.

"Why is this so important?" Sean asked.

Stop talking, Sean, you’re going to interrupt Jerry’s lines that won’t at all answer the irrelevant nonsense you and Donna are spouting.

"We believe they may have been kidnapped so Keako will be assisting you in this mission. Sam Clover and Alex will be posing as Cheerleaders while the rest of you observe." Jerry said.

"Oy I hate cheerleaders." Donna said rubbing her temples.

Holy shit, it took me a second take, but when the fuck did you arrive, Donna?

"Huh?" Sean said confused.

"Cheerleaders are all the same weak and deceiving." Donna said.

"Voice of experience?" Sean asked.

"Yup." Donna said.

Original dialogue like this transcends time. By that I mean it will be ignored by everyone in both the past, present, and future, even the person who said it, and the author’s skin suit as he’s about to jerk off to cheerleaders.

"Well Regardless if they have been kidnapped we should at the very least investigate." Sean said making her sigh before agreeing.


"Oh god I'm beginning to regret accepting this mission." Sean said seeing the outfits for Sam Clover and Alex.

This isn’t Mission Impossible, dirtbag, you’re signed on and have a job. You don’t ‘accept’ the missions, so shut up.

"Why because there not reveling enough to admire their bodies like you always do?" Keako said making him blink.

Wait, you think cheer leader outfits are chaste, author?

"How did you..." Sean tried to say but she burst out in a fit of giggles.

"You don't think WOOHP doesn't monitor its own agents now do you? Everyone knows but no one has said anything less they end up infuriating you and your little harem." Keako said still giggling.

Author, was there any remote possibility you did not want us to take from this, that Sean would throw the same pitiful and wimpy temper tantrum as you’d do, whenever your mother forgets to knock and walks in on you masturbating?

"I take it you're wanting a place in it?"

The fact that you still think you have to ask shows you can’t tell what sort of fanfic you are in, Sean.

Sean asked making her smirk before pulling him into a closest and pulled him into a kiss. Sean's hands drifted to her hips making her moan softly before pulling back.

"Does that answer your question Spartan?" Keako said seductively.

"Yup." Sean said kissing her forehead making her giggle as they went back out.

"Did you both have fun in there?" Donna asked with a grin.

Yeah, I’m sure their twenty second hiding in a closet needs a question to follow up upon that, Donna, you author tract.

"Yup." Keako said making her giggle.

"Ok lets get this over with." Sean said.

Minutes later

"Wow theres a lot of teams here." Alex said.

"Hello there handsome." One of the Texas Cheerleaders said seductively trailing her finger on Sean's chin. "Would you give this cheerleader a kiss?" The Cheerleader said making Sean smirk.

"Maybe if you stripped butt naked." Sean said.

Welcome to Who Gives A Fuck Town – population zero!!

"Ok." The Cheerleader said having done just that in front of ever other cheerleader who howled and whistles in encouragement. "Like what you see handsome?" The Cheerleader said kissing him.

There isn’t a single woman in this universe that won’t act like a complete nymphomaniac when encountering Sean. And the author wants us to somehow not only be convinced but also impressed by his explicitly unearned conquests. For such a Sparta brown-noser, the author has never fulfilled a single act able to be pinned on Sean’s accomplishments.

"Oooh I like where this is going." Sam said rubbing her thighs together.

"Me to." Donna said taking off her panties.

"Ok ladies get ready." One of the managers said making the naked cheerleader quickly get dressed.

"Sorry hun maybe next time you'll get to do more then look." The Cheerleader said kissing his cheek.

"Wow." Sean said in amusement.

Okay, this has gone on long enough, Sean. You’re the most uncreative and stock person when it comes to lamenting anything like amusement, surprise, or appreciation of anything. I could substitute you with the Keanu Reeves ‘woah’ meme without any impact.

"Aw I wanted to look at her longer." Alex said.

"Do I sense a lot of these girls coming back with us?" Sean said amused making the girls giggle as they watched the other cheerleaders perform. As they were watching the performance a woman in a yellow jumpsuit and white boots on. She had Auburn hair and brown eyes.

"This is April O'neil live at the cheerleader competition." The Reporter named April said.

No shit, author, for a moment there I thought her name was Shredder!

"Hello." Sean said to himself while his girls smirked.

"Well what are you waiting for muscle head get out there." Donna said shoving him outside.

"Alright alright." Sean said approaching the woman who sees him and smirked.

'Hello stud." April thought liking what she was seeing.

Is this just how the rest of the fanfic is going to play out? With the author having realized he can simply implant the thoughts inside these empty-headed bimbos and read them to us, so he feels justified in jumping straight to the sex?

"Hello there." April said kindly.

"Hello back. So whats a hot reporter like you doing all the way out here?" Sean asked making her giggle and blush.

Well, she just said she was reporting live, but since when did that stop the author ignoring even his own fake reality and pretend his targeted pussy on legs would realize he exists, stop everything they are doing, and finally pay attention to him?

"My job filming the competition but I'm wondering where the Honey bees are at though since they were supposed to be here." April said.

"Thats why I'm here along with my team we're investigating their disappearance." Sean said.

Nice, Sean. Just because you are undercover agent on a spy mission, that does after all not mean you can’t tell the news being broadcast on live television, right?

"And here I thought you were here to keep me company." April said in fake disappointment making him chuckle before something clicked in her head. "Hey wait a minute I know you. You're the king of Sparta's son." April said.

Apparently everyone the author wants to pork knows this, but doesn’t bother to remember the name of said king.

"Hot and Smart good combination for you." Sean said making her smirk.

"You don't get to be a reporter by just having looks honey." April said blowing him a kiss making him chuckle.

"Well I think thats all you really do need in my opinion." Sean said making her giggle before kissing his cheek.

Yeah, isn't it adorable when the author tries to flirt with an imaginary girl, and the only thing he's doing is insulting her professional qualifications for her career choice?

"Your sweet honey." April said before a group called the black widows came out and performed.

"Is it just me or is their routine the same as the honey bees?" Sean said.

Oh, I’m sure the author would give us a more heavy-handed hint than just you telling us that it was so, Sean, you’re probably just seeing things.

"You know what your right is was very similar." April said as the performance ended and reporters crowded them. "Well I've got a job to so see you honey." April said.


"The Decision is unanimous! The Black Widows are the winers, The new national champs!" The announcer said in excitement. "They'll compete at the world cheerleading competition in Tahiti!" The announcer said.

"Tahiti? Haven't been there for a while." Sean said.

"You've been to Tahiti?" Clover asked.

He has been anywhere the author thinks just mentioning it will make someone impressed and excuse a background-inflating boast, Clover.

"Once on a vacation on military leave." Sean said.

"Our second place winers are the team from Texas and third place goes to the Spartan Sirens!" The Announcer said. (No way was I going to use the original name in cannon fuck that!)

I also enjoyed when J. K. Rowling left in that footnote, about how she wasn’t going to use those fancy-pants, tall and beautiful Lord of The Rings elves in her book, because she didn’t like the idea, author.

"Nice job." Sean said putting his arms around the girls.

"Well we had a good manager." Clover said kissing his cheek making him chuckle. Just then reporters started crowding around and one of the black Widows was shocked and fell down before walking away saying she was fine over and over again.

I hope you do know when to recognize actual human behavior, for when you one day don’t have to describe a robot in disguise, author.

"What the hell?" Sean said.

"She's alright." A female voice said. He looked behind him and saw a beautiful red head woman with green eyes behind him giving him a small smile. "She isn't good with electronics sometimes when they get to close to her body. I'm Candy Sweet by the way." Candy said extending her hand to Sean who shakes it.

"Sean Ashburn Kruger. Well I hope she recovers soon. I guess my team will see you at the finals miss Sweet." Sean said kissing her hand like a gentleman making her giggle.

He could tip a fedora at any woman and make her giggle. Shit, he could probably punch her and get the same reaction.

"I look forward to it handsome." Candy said walking away with the black widows while swaying her hips for him.

"You have all the luck in the world when it comes to the ladies you know that?" Sam said poking his chest in amusement.

If by luck you mean the one thing that excuses this fanfic to ever be written, then yes.

"Are you complaining?" Sean asked.

"Nope just saying." Sam said before an explosion was seen at the top of the hotel.

"Oh come on." Sean said as the geared up and got to the top of the hotel.

What is it with this asshole and non-stop complaining over inconveniences? People could be hurt, in danger, even killed. This narcissist goblin would probably give the same response to an obvious terrorist attack.

Once they got up they found a bunch of mechanical pieces all over the room and the center of the blast came from the bed that had one of the black widow outfits on it all blown up.

Well, clearly someone was having sex here. It makes people explode all the time, just ask the author.

"Hmm thats odd." Keako said.

"Something tells me those cheerleaders aren't who they appear to be." Sean said before they heard noise coming from the roof. "Ok heres the plan. Sam you Alex Clover and Donna go to Tahiti to keep an eye out for anything suspicious there. Keako and I will investigate whats on the roof and head to the black widows training camp." Sean said as he and Keako rushed off.

A brilliant plan that will once again sideline everything I like about the show, you know, the action and spy stuff, in favor of the author collecting yet another villainess to his harem.

Once they got to the roof they saw a giant spider shaped helicopter.

"Ok not what I was expecting." Keako said with a sweat drop before they latched on to the aircraft just as it took off.


"The hell is this place?" Sean asked as they landed by what looked like a military base of some kind.

"Something tells me these aren't your average teenage cheerleaders." Keako said.

Oh, and by the way, this is a military base and there are cheerleaders in it. Isn’t telling so much better than showing?!

"No shit." Sean said as they made their way inside. "Man this place is like one big giant maze of mysteries." Sean said before they heard what sounded like gun fire. "The hell?" Sean said as they opened a door and looked down and saw Candy and her cheerleaders firing at targets or using weapons to destroy target dummies.

”Go team, knock them dead, or we’ll fill you full with lead!”

"Ok now I'm confused." Keako said before her compoweder ringed making her gasp and both bolted out of the room. As they did Candy looked up and saw the door opened and frowned.

"Jerry you fuck!" Sean said annoyed.

"What? Did I catch you at a bad time?" Jerry asked.

I’m pretty sure that’s just Sean’s typical greeting, Jerry.

"Yes you moron you almost got us caught. Now what is it?" Sean asked.

"I did some research on Candy Sweet it turns out her real name is Margaret Nussbaum. She's an Ex Robotics engineer for the US military combat department." Jerry said.

"Guess that explains the strange things here." Sean said.

"The Reason I couldn't find her name is because she had it legally changed last week." Jerry said.

I guess Princess Bubblegum was already taken.

"Can you replay the Honey bees last performance?" Keako asked getting him to do just that. "I knew it the widows routine is exactly the same as theirs almost like an exact copy." Keako said.

”Those bitches even copied their tasteless 9/11 tribute!”

"So Candy is making Robots as cheerleaders using the same moves as the honey bees." Sean said.

Well, that’s a bit of a leap in logic, but since the author is reading off the plot to us, why ask how you know that, Sean?

"Smart and handsome." Candy said behind them making them turn around and saw Candy and her robot Cheerleaders pointing weapons at them. "Sorry honey but your both coming with me." Candy said taking his hand and dragged them away.

"You mind explaining what this is about?" Sean asked as they came to a room where her new lead robot was finished.

The sexbot industry kind of went awry after they booted up Skynet.

"Simple I plan on taking out everyone in the stadium with my robots." Candy said.

"Uh why? Why the hell would an extremely successful person like you throw everything aside for this?" Sean asked confused.

"Ten years ago I tried out for the Honey bees but didn't make the squad since I wasn't sweet enough as they said. So I'm going to take out all those who love the sport."

Great, I’m sure you and Donna would hit it off perfectly.

Candy said before Sean bonked her on the head. "Ow. What was that for?" Candy asked confused as to why he hit her though it wasn't that hard.

"You dummy. Who the fuck cares about that your throwing away your life for stupid petty reasons. I honestly don't even like the sport theres no cheerleaders in Sparta since in our view its a waste of time. Due yourself a favor while you still have a chance to stop all this nonsense before you end up ruining your life for nothing." Sean said making her blink.

Your fantasy just keeps on its tirade of idiocy, author. Sean’s reward should have been a cheerful load of bullets in the back for assaulting the leader of the murder-bots. And I’m sure just telling someone that their ten-year-long revenge ambitions have been silly, will make them instantly change their mind to ponder your dick instead, you misogynist.

"Why do you care so much about my life? You don't even know me." Candy said crossing her arms with a raised eyebrow.

"I may not know you but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you throw away your life for petty reasons."

”What you said had a point, but I’ll just repeat what I said, so that’s certainly going to convince you.”

Sean said making her hum in thought before she had an idea if the invisible lightbulb over her head was any indication along with the devious smile on her face that promise good things.

I’m sure everyone in this universe have invisible light bulbs over their heads, author, you simpleton.

"Alright I'll free the Honey bees and stop all this on one condition." Candy said.

"And that is?" Sean asked before she pulled him into a kiss.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but don't Spartans have harems?" Candy asked.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but has the author just pulled a fast one and is now giving every Spartan – not just royalty – a carte blanche on the harem deal? Why doesn’t the world’s female population already swarm to Sparta if its hunk-country and they have no other thing they want to do with their lives according to Dragonlord0's fantasies?!

"Oh ok I see where this is going." Sean said with a grin before kissing her back.

"And now theres another one." Keako said amused making Sean chuckle.


"Due to Certain Circumstances The Honey bees will be taking the Black Widows place in the finals." A female Judge said as the crowd cheered.

Certain circumstances, because calling it a kidnapping would hint at the fact that Candy should be in jail, but then the vengeful god that is the author’s dick would start to become dissatisfied with its flesh light collection.

"So how was the trip?" Alex asked Sean who had his arm over Candy's shoulder who smiled at him.

"Very interesting." Sean said.

"And the Winers are the Honey Bees!" The Judge said getting the crowd to cheer loudly.

But let’s drop the modesty and acknowledge that the only true winer here is you, author.

"Aw I was hoping we would win." Clover said.

"Oh well." Sean said.

"Useless all of you!" A woman yelled at the Texas Team in anger.

"Huh?" Sean and The girls said confused.

Why act confused, Sean? It’s clear that the author want’s to take another stab at the sport while proclaiming himself and you the kings of culture.

"Here's another reason I hate Cheerleading the couches are a pain in the ass if you lose." Donna said.

What sport with a team coach doesn’t, your harem-fodder excuse-forging airhead?

"We did our best." One of the girls with Blond hair and blue eyes said. This was the same girl who stripped for Sean for a kiss.

"Whats going on here?" Sean asked walking up to them.

"These losers are officially off the team and expelled from our school!" The Couch said making them gasp in shock.

The couch has spoken. I’m not at all surprised you can’t spell that word, author, you potato.

"But you cant do that!" A girl with red hair and mint eyes said in shock.

"The hell I cant you bunch of tramps!"

Author, stop it, just fucking give me a break and pretend we share the same reality for once. You are endowing this coach with the power, authority, and intent to turn these bitches into strays that can follow Sean home, any excuse necessary. There are Greek myths with gods less conniving and selfish than you!

The Couch said about to slap her till Sean grabbed her hand hard making her groan in pain and you could hear bones popping from how hard he was squeezing.

"That was uncalled for." Sean said throwing her into a wall knocking her ass out.

Full ego-stroking and consequence-free physical assault of people the author creates to deserve his ire. Just par for the Dragonlord0 course.

"What are we going to do now?" A girl with a girl with light brown hair and amber eyes said in tears.

"You girls can live with me if you'd like." Sean said surprising them.

"Really?" The Blonde haired girl asked in joy.

Because that fixes everything, doesn't it?! Never mind that we are supposed to believe they've just received official expulsion letters in verbal form ruining their future, the actual issue was that this could only be fixed by a stranger coming along and offering them a new home, which has no bearing on their education!! Author, I know you think you have no future except living with your parents all your life, but that isn't a substitute for becoming an educated adult! This marks the most unreasoned harem addition to date. Turns out GorillaGamer really meant it when he told me crazy shit was going to happen.

"Sure the house is way big enough for all of you." Clover said before leaning into their ears. "As long as you obey our rules and do as we say."

Sure, put conditions on your pretend altruism, too. It’s really going to bring the slave bit full circle outside the bedroom, too!

Clover said seductively making them shiver in excitement. "Oh and one question how daring are you girls?" Clover asked with a grin.

"Very why?" The Blond asked.


"Oh wow." Sean said as Clover showed him a video of the former cheerleaders streaking through the stands since Clover dared them to as a test to see how far they were willing to go.

By now, I find it likely the author is merely getting off on the imagined chance of him one day seeing real life nudity, using the only likely event that could make it happen.

He Also learned their names.(My friend came up with three of the names while I changed two of them and put down their physical descriptions)

As if it wasn’t obvious enough already that everything you write uses the basic ‘insert name here’ method of writing.

Emily who had Blonde hair, blue eyes, peach skin

Carla who had Red hair, mint eyes, fair skin

Caroline who had Chestnut hair, azure eyes, tan skin

Ava who had Magenta hair, violet eyes, tan skin

Carly who had Light brown hair, amber eyes, white skin

"So where are we going?" Candy asked as he led the girls somewhere.

To whatever orphanage the author thinks he’s having Sean adopt them from.

"Here we are." Sean said and they gasped in awe when they saw a beautiful water fall that was so clean and clear.

"Its beautiful." Alex said smiling.

Does it remind you of something, Alex? It certainly doesn’t for the author, as he has clearly forgotten his first water fall scene with you in it, and is now rehashing it without a second thought, the unoriginal hack.

"I found this on my first visit here when I was on leave and since no one will find us you can enjoy yourselves without unwanted eyes." Sean said making the girls squeal and stripped butt naked and dived into the water making him chuckle.

"Wow nice view." A familiar female voice said and he turned around and saw April in her regular yellow jumpsuit giving him a sexy smile.

What was that again about no one finding you, Sean?

"April what are you doing here?" Sean asked with a smile.

"I decided to follow you and see where you were going.

”I followed the trampled path left behind from the twelve pairs of feet, super spy.”

Imagine my surprise when I find this and a bunch of girls getting naked without any shame."

It's almost like this author pretends to never have heard about nudist beaches, because if nudity was permitted in his fantasy, he'd go flaccid.

April said as the girls played in the water both in a playful way and sexual way. "So I guess the rumors of Spartans having harems are true." April said placing a hand on his face sensually.

I’ve had my fill of explaining why I don’t accept the author’s idea of a harem, so let’s instead indulge the little turd and pretend I do for further consideration. Is it legally binding? Do they get married for this to be official in Sparta? How would a divorce work? Whose first born inherits it all? Oops, silly me, asking about kids when this fanfic is on the pill.

"Yeah it is for me. Want to join us?" Sean asked making her smirk before getting out of her jumpsuit and stood before him in the nude and girls whistled in encouragement.

"Does that answer your question stud?" April asked pulling him into a kiss making him smirk while he removed his own clothes and joined the girls.

One more won’t change the author cashing your checks for infinite money and endless victory at anything you attempt, Sean. My problem is that you are well aware of this.

Days later

"Wait where did you say we're going?" Carmen asked in surprise.

"I'm feeling a little homesick so I booked us an expensive airplane trip to Sparta for the week since School is going to be out for a week due to the mess Mandy caused when she got stage fright." Sean said with a grin remembering Mandy went nuts and trashed the school due to her stage fright.

What, did she shoot up the school? What is life like being able to imagine so abysmal excuses just to beat your pet punching bag one more time, merely to pretend you know what the moral of the b-plot of the episode was?

"What kind of Plane are we talking here?" Stella asked with a grin.

"A huge one that has auto flight so we don't have to worry about anyone watching us and is the size of a football field and has many accommodations for all of you." Sean said making them smile.

I know you figured you needed a mobile sky palace capable of containing all of your eventual harem and kinks, author, there was really only one way you could top your bullshit island in the last chapter. My main disappointment is that you didn’t just grab an alien spaceship while they were around.

"Honey how can you afford all this?" Gabriella asked while getting her suit case ready.

The author casually bending of every law in this reality and shattering even basic concepts of physics.

"Well aside from the fact that I'm the kings son which has a lot of advantages." Sean said making them giggle. "I was also a high ranking soldier who got paid a lot for deadly missions. Money that I invested and have paid off real well. Which you can obviously tell they have otherwise that strip club you asked for wouldn't be under construction which will bring in extra money for when you bring in the female customers who want to unwind and show off." Sean said making all the girls giggle since that was true.

And we have the ‘cleverly invested money so he can afford anything he wants’ trope, even though the plane this wannabe tit-tycoon is hinting at no doubt would make even an oil sheik’s bank account wobble.

Authors note: Yeah sorry no lemon this chapter but next one will have a lot. Anyway so this chapter I had 8 girls added at once how awesome is that?

About as awesome as the high an office worker gets, when they get to stamp a handful of papers in a row without needing to switch to a new form. You might guess why I feel that way.

Now incase any of you didn't notice the second poll for the crossover harem is up. Now in a couple days I'll take it down and add in a different poll for which arc to use to add more girls from Total drama island, American dad and Family guy.

I’m not trying to drag anyone down if they should have the hots for the particular sets of women and girls in any of these shows, but are they honestly really in in higher priority than other sources you could imagine? Than any of the other sources the author could imagine? What does Meg Griffin have that Jessica Rabbit doesn’t, in the eye of Dragonlord0?

And heres the list of the current harem I've picked.

No, I won’t let you sit through the massive harem list. Because it’s not the true one. This chapter’s list is only 249 long. Turns out the full masturbation grocery list is in Chapter 22.


And now, having looked through the harem list and compared to the original picture, I've made my own. This one includes the face-less half-oc backdrop characters the author includes in this shit for no reason beyond brandishing badges on his imaginary dick. The new picture is based on an automated script of my own creation. I guess I didn't study programming in vain.
Want to read more of my mocks? Follow this link to my webpage.
Are you a former member of Project AFTER? Drop me a message, let me hear how things are going.


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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Mon May 28, 2018 1:49 pm

Well, I've revamped the harem poster, and mocked another chapter. Let's move on, because the author is certainly taking a snail's pace, not giving us anything new or unexpected. Here's Chapter 19, Welcome home.

Chapter 19 Welcome home

I’m sure you’d love to tattoo that on every doormat bimbo’s character you imagine yourself walking all over.

"Holy Crap!" Alex said in shock seeing the massive plane they were going to be on for the trip to Sparta.

"I told you it was huge." Sean said amused.

Look, I’ve been bracing myself for this since last chapter. Just lay on me your aeronautically implausible wish-fulfilment mile high club tit-fortress.

"Wow." Sam said as they got on the plane. It had almost everything. A large pool with heating a hot tub that could fit 20 people. A large Tv Room with a big ass tv that had surround sound and lots of other accessories to it.

And that was the tour. I’m simply blown away. A laughably inconvenient open container of water in a vehicle that’ll suffer turbulence and inclines, and an entertainment center that lacks the detail of which I suspect the author to be short on; inches.

"Well we've got a 24 hour flight so enjoy it."

You must be trying to avoid imagining yourself getting jet lag, because that many hours would mean your dream plane is flying at less than a third of modern day airliner cruising speeds, likely slightly less than 250 mph., at a minimum doubling your flight time had you taken a commercial airliner. The only reason I can’t deem this vessel incapable of flight, is because your bullshit football field size boast has so far been credited with only two cabins worth your mention, you hack.

Sean said as they got their stuff put away and the girls soon stripped out of their clothes and walked around the plane butt naked to do their own thing or to track down their Spartan prince to have some fun.

Sean was currently relaxing in the tv Room in only his boxers watching a war movie.

Sean is obviously living the dream, and the author is only dreaming the life.

As he was relaxing a pair of hands rubbed his shoulders making him smirk and turned around and saw April giving him a seductive smile on her beautiful face.

"Care to join me?" Sean asked making her smirk before walking around the chair till she was in front of him.

"You watch your movie honey while I give you pleasure." April said getting to her knees and pulled his boxers down and giggled seeing his large cock fully erect as always. "You never go down do you honey?" April asked in joy since no matter what they did his erections never went down even when he was not having sex.

Wow, what amazing detail to spring on us after more than ten sex scenes in Chapter 19! I’m sure that every interaction, every conversation, every open approach with a smile and a reasonless boner was just casually accepted by anyone he met and talked with, never being uncomfortable even to himself. Hello, Dragonlord0, do you deliberately want me to add ‘micropenis’ to my list of insults for you, because currently you don’t even sound like a person who have experienced nor expects the pain of a health hazarding constant erection while wearing pants.

"Nope not when I have the hottest girls in the world with me every minute of my life." Sean said making her giggle before kissing the tip making him groan softly.

"Good answer now enjoy your movie while I have a drink."

Anyone would need alcohol, when they have realized their existence is for the author to fantasize prioritizing sex and a war movie as equal luxuries, as if being the best of both worlds.

April said placing her mouth over it and moved up and down on his shaft moaning softly from his taste. April moved up and down slowly but sensually on his cock while moving her tongue on the tip like a pro wanting him to cum fast.

Sean groaned out softly while moving his left hand through her hair making her moan more softly as he played with her hair while not taking his eyes off the screen.

Just add a beer-hat while you are on a roll, author, since you haven’t left in any flight attendants to feed you grapes in this scenario.

'Come on stud let me have my drink.' April thought doubling her efforts to make him cum inside her mouth. She moved her left hand to his balls and played with them making Sean groan out some more before his cock twitched in her mouth and pulled her head down making her eyes widen as he shoved his entire cock down her throat making her moan in joy as he came inside her mouth and she swallowed every drop she could before he let go and she moved up and took her mouth off his cock and sighed in content.

And that was thirteen different actions taking place in a single sentence. You’d think this author had a kink for illiteracy.

"Delicious." April said before giggling as he pulled her up and laid her on his left having her head on his chest as they watched the movie. As they watched the movie Sean's ;eft hand slowly drifted to her pussy and he cupped her sex making her gasp lightly before grinning at him. Sean grinned before pausing the movie.

Yeah, by the way, with your Sparta master race shit, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was a nazi propaganda movie, either.

"Returning the favor April." Sean said as he moved his fingers inside her pussy making her moan lightly while leaning more on his chest whimpering his name in a whisper.

"Y-y-yes more please." April whimpered out before gasping as he pinched her clit hard making her nearly scream had Sean not pulled her into a kiss making her screams muffled as she soon started moaning.

Because no matter how you prod, poke, pinch, stab, or punch women, it all comes out as the most favorable outcome, when reality bends backwards by assuming the author intended for his smut puppets to give positive feedback to his guesses of sexual acts.

"Tell me what you want." Sean said licking her neck making her shudder in bliss.

"I want you to ravage me like a beast." April said in excitement and moaned louder as he moved his fingers in her faster.

"Oh and define like a beast."

I was about to ask that myself, mostly because I haven’t ever considered Sean to be anything else.

Sean said wanting her to be specific making her moan more as she grabbed his right hand and placed it on her left breast letting him squeeze it gently making her whimper more.

"Fuck me against the wall or on the floor with my face against the ground or glass let me feel pain don't slow down or mind my screams of pain or if I beg you to stop unless I use our safe word." April said knowing they all had a safe word incase things went to far and the word was amusingly banana(I got this idea from Ice age)

A movie I'm certain is closer to your mental and physical age than whatever you think you are attempting to write, author. Everything about you screams immaturity to the point where I’m going deaf!

"Oh I will." Sean said sucking on her ear making her moan more before gasping in sexual excitement as she came spraying her juices on the couch which was self cleaning so it wasn't a big deal.

You even needed an escape from the concept of needing to clean up whatever mess you could leave behind, author? I comment on all your shit to emphasize its idiocy and irrelevancy, and yet even then I don’t fucking care about the pointless furniture, so what chance is there anyone else will?!

"I love you." April panted out in bliss and love making him smile as he pulled her into a loving kiss making her moan.

"I love you to April." Sean said making her grin before walking up to the window which was pretty big so if they were at the airport someone would see them.

But they are not, and they won’t, so they don’t! Every time we circle around to this, the author is once again feigning tension by pretending his Sword of Damocles is anything but a Wiffle Ball bat dangling from a steel chain!

"Well love I'm ready." April said shaking her ass at him and spanked herself making him chuckle before walking over to her and lined himself up and thrusted into her fast and hard making her gasp in shock and bliss before he pounded her with great speed and force making her hips slap against his waist making slapping sounds as this happened.

Shit, you should have told me that earlier, so I didn’t tell my Foley guy to use chew toy sounds.

"Oh god yes!" April yelled in bliss as her front was pressed against the glass hard. Her large breasts were painfully pressed against the glass but she loved the pain as her lover fucked her with such dominance. "Harder." April whimpered out and gasped in shock as she slapped her ass hard leaving a red hand print on her left cheek and she shuddered as he did so again to the other cheek and repeated.

Did he also repeat his sex-change through it, or did the author not catch how he forgot where he was going when he started the sentence?

"Your mine." Sean said in a feral voice into her ear making her shudder more in excitement as he fucked her hard and fast.

"Yes Love I belong to you and only you. Use my body for your pleasure whenever you wish!"

Author, these utterances would actually have an impact had you been able to convince anyone, that there was once a time they wouldn't have said it. All you are presenting is your jerking hand reiterating its sweet words for you as you have another tug job.

April moaned out as she felt her climax approaching fast as Sean thrusted into her with inhuman speeds making slapping sounds as her hips slammed against his waist.

Well, of course, the more times the author repeats that to himself, the more realistic is becomes, don’t you know?

"Here comes your reward." Sean said pulling her head to the left and kissed her making her moan in joy before she gasped as they both came and she whimpered in bliss as she felt his warm seed enter her womb before she lost all her strength due to the sheer force he was using on her before he caught her in his arms and picked her up and sat back down on the recliner.

Does it count as a flashback if you chain up three ‘before’ in a sentence, I wonder?

April moaned in bliss as she got comfortable as she laid on his left.

"I love my life."

If you didn’t, either the author or yourself would snap your finger and correct that accidental case of adequate storytelling, Captain Obvious!

Sean said as he resumed the movie while April rested up for later.

Meanwhile in the pool area

Alex moaned in bliss as she sat in the hot tub enjoying the jets touched her body and the bubbles stuck to her skin in a pleasurable way.

"Enjoying yourself honey?" Carmen asked as she came in naked as her daughter and sat down next to her.

For fuck sake, this thing is supposed to specifically support up to twenty people, and the author is still too timid to move on to an orgy from his paired off mother-daughter fantasies.

"Yeah this is the life." Alex said before she pressed a button on her left and the temperature of the tub increased and extra bubbles came up making them both moan in bliss.

"I know." Carmen said getting closer to her and leaned in slowly while her daughters eyes were closed and licked her neck making Alex moan softly before she moved and sat on her lap and pulled her into a kiss making both of them moan. Their breasts pressed against each other having their nipples touch each other in an erotic fashion.

Thanks, you tautological sex-genius. If you hadn’t told me the opposite, I’d have thought the nipples were rubbing each other in a non-erotic fashion.

Alex thrusted her waist forward to get some friction on her sex making her pull back from the kiss and moaned softly.

"Let me take care of this." Carmen said placing her left hand on her pussy and fingered her making Alex whimper softly before Carmen placed her mouth on her left breast and Alex sucked on it like a baby drinking milk. "Mmm Thats a good girl Alex suck on mommies tits like the old days."

Like an infant-minded babe hungering to drain any and all desired nourishment within its reach with no thought to the damage inflicted in the process, but with teeth. So, like the author, then?

Carmen moaned out while fingering her daughter faster. Alex moaned on her mothers tit as she enjoyed the pleasure she was getting from her fingers. Alex pulled back and panted in bliss as she laid her head on her left shoulder.

"Mmm Mommy i'm so close." Alex moaned out in excitement.

"Mmm Cant have you wasting your juice can I now." Carmen said going under the water and Alex gasped as her mother placed her mouth on her pussy lips and thrusted her tongue inside. She also put something on her nose which was a special underwater breather so she wouldn't have to come up for air.

This impromptu minor concern instant-fixing has grown cliché already, author. It’s not even like you are going to have this last longer than a withheld breath, since Alex is cumming in the next sentence - what’s the point?!

"Mmm Mommy it feels so good I...I...I AHHHH!" Alex yelled out in bliss as she came hard and Carmen moaned underwater as she gulped down every drop Alex let out. Alex panted in bliss as she tried to recover her energy. Carmen arose from the water before putting the nose breather on her and both dunked underwater and hugged the other as they kissed each other lovingly.

With Donna Sam Carla and Keako

The four girls were currently in a lesbian square licking each others pussy.

As Finn the Human would probably have put it; mathematical.

Sam had her hands on Donna's butt cheeks making her moan into Keako's pussy who hands were playing with Carl's breasts who moaned into Sam's pussy before soon they all came at the same time.

Are you in a hurry, author? You promised your readers a lot of lemon content, but you didn’t even last a paragraph this time.

"Oh God so good." Sam moaned out before giggling as Doona pulled her closer and kissed her ass.

"I'm not done yet Red." Donna said shoving her tongue in her anus making Sam gasp and moan in bliss.

"Care to give it a try?" Keako asked Carla spanking her ass.

"My pleasure." Carla said pulling her legs over her shoulders and had her pussy and anus in clear view making her lick her lips before shoving her tongue in her second hole making Keako moan softly while she played with her breasts. Carla moaned from her actions before thrusting two fingers in her pussy making Keako moan loudly.

I’m sure someone did something here but good luck figuring it out. For all I know Carla is a contortionist and Keako is just watching.

Donna was enjoying her play time with Sam as she continues to thrust her tongue into her second hole before she became devious and pulled back.

"Hey what are you doing...OW!" Sam yelled as Donna bites down on her left cheek. This action makes Sam Shudder in pleasure from the pain. "Ooooh Yeah." Sam moaned out in bliss.

"I knew you would like that." Donna said licking her right cheek before bitting down on it like the other one making Sam scream again.

Why don’t you bimbos just get some knives and go to town on each other, since pain - which the author’s expressive vocabulary can’t distinguish in any sort of fashion – is such a hoot and a half?!


I’m saying it’s in the cargo hold, until the author fills out his blank slate super plane interior.

Gabriella was with Candy and Stella with the first of the three sandwiched between them as they thrusted sex toys into her holes.

"Ih yes thats it more!" Gabriella said in bliss before Candy pulled her into a kiss to silence her screams.

"This reminds me more and more of our old college days." Stella said thrusting into her ass.

I’m sure I’ll be thrilled to learn about your once again author-prattled past sexual escapades, which holds about as much impact on this scene had I changed all of your name tags to Gruntilda, Mother Brain, and Queen-Slug-For-A-Butt

"Oh and what did you three do back then?" Candy asked while licking Gabriella's neck making her shudder in bliss.

"Oh Carmen was the wildest of the three of us. She went streaking during the night when no one would see her and went skinny dipping in the ocean in plain view during the day out at the deeper parts of the water. I was more like my daughter doing public sex were the possibilities of getting caught were high with the girls and She was a pain slut always asking to be slapped and whipped by us all the time." Stella said making Candy grin.

This and much more the author has already failed to present in his fanfic in any acceptable amount or quality, making me wonder why anyone reads this. He barely manages with these default-cloned lesbians turning bi when his avatar goes near them for a rigged game of Twister.

"Mmm I wish I could have seen it with my own eyes." Candy said as they took one last hard thrust into her and she screamed in bliss as Gabriella came hard before her eyes became half lidded.

"Oh I seems she's running out of energy." Stella said kissing her neck before all three fell on the bed that amusingly was a water bed. (I think those are the best beds for sex in my view)

Amusingly, you also think you can write a good fanfic. In either case, we’ll have to wait for you to perform at either one, before your opinion matters to me.

"Oh well we can have more fun when she gets her strength back." Candy said.

Back with Sean

Sean sighed as he got into the hot tub that he didn't know that Alex and Carmen were in.

He couldn’t recognize their pruned, bloated bodies bobbing in the water.

With him was April who regained her energy before Sean pressed a button and a large screen Tv appeared as the wall opened up.

And now you’ve just gone and merged together the two only sections of your imaginary plane you’ve established, because you realized you couldn’t fantasize about one without leaving out the other, author. Don’t you have anything better to do than turn your Nirvana wish list into an extended literary play-pretend?

"I love this plane." April said

”The author wants you to stop drooling and applaud his ingenuity with the hand you aren’t using, reader!”

sitting on his right and kissed his neck making him chuckle before groaning out as he felt a pleasurable sensation on his cock.

"Ok I think we're not alone." Sean said as Carmen and Alex emerged from the water.

Not alone? I’m not even sure how many you brought on this plane too begin with.

"Hello." Alex said waving making him chuckle as she sat down next to him on his left while Carmen sat on his lap with her head on of his way.

"I love my life so much." Sean said making them giggle as they watched a movie.

Just stop insistently lying to yourself, Sean, when the author’s harem list betrays the fact that he isn’t satisfied and never will be, because he’s seeking fulfillment in a fantasy which will ultimately never compare to reality, nor even give him what he truly wants. Don’t blame me for harsh truths.


"Ah home sweet home." Sean said as he and his girls got off the plane fully dressed.

"Wow its beautiful here." Carmen said.

How bad would my mocking be, if all I did at every injected line was write, “Wow, this fanfic is shit.”?

"Yeah Sparta is the best place to live." Sean said. (Lets face it Greeks are doing much better then the rest of the world Plus they invented democracy)


Are you fucking kidding me? Never mind the fact that Greece has been in a governmental debt crisis for eight years, that they are second in the world of highest unemployment rates, and that their educational scores comes short in comparison to the United States. Never mind that their average earning wages are less than half of Americans, and that their average household disposable incomes are in the fucking negatives. Never mind all that shit, because this author glanced at a wiki page in-between jerking off to the movie 300, and thought that modern day is swayed by credit from the withered laurels of the birthplace of democracy – in 500 BC Athens, a century before they went to war against the monarch-led city-state of Sparta!! Do you just fuck yourself accidentally, or do you actually derive pleasure from it, author, you imbecilic lunatic?

"So where are we going first?" Sam asked as they walked around the city. The girls never got a chance to enjoy the place the last time they were here since they were on a mission the first time.

"Well first place your all going to would be my penthouse. I'm going to go see my family first to let them know I'm here." Sean said.

"Where's the Penthouse?" Stella asked.

Inside the author’s head, where money, physical luxuries, muscles, and anything else that won’t actually compensate for how he is as a person is located.

"Here." Sean said writing down directions. "Heres the code for the room to and while it is my home try to remain decent during the day since I dont want my mom to be holding it over my head she was right about me getting a harem."

Because you’ve come across as not at all wanting that, haven’t you? What’s next, is she going to join it as well, or is the author hypocritical in his incest-exploitation?

Sean said making the girls giggle before Alex kissed his cheek.

"Ok see you later." Alex said as they walked off.

Minutes later

Call me crazy, but living minutes from an airport sounds terrible, even if you are royalty.

Leonidas was in his office with his wife Queen Gorgo.

"I'm just saying maybe the alliance would work better if..."

Sean had stayed in his country? Had stayed kidnapped? Had died? I’m all ears, woman!

Was as far as Gorgo got before Sean walked in.

"Hello." Sean said to his adoptive parent who smile at him.

"Well this is a surprise." Leonidas said as Gorgo hugged him.

Sean, this is the time where that eternal erection starts to become inconveniently relevant again.

"I take it your time in the states is doing well?" Gorgo asked.

"Yeah its ok. High School is kinda boring but I'm enjoying the spy life." Sean said making her chuckle in amusement.

"I would think you harem life would be more enjoyable." Gorgo said making him sputter. "And dont even think about lying to me I already know and I told you so." Gorgo said.

"Oh Come on!" Sean yelled in annoyance making her burst out laughing while Leonidas looked amused.

Oh, it must be funny because someone laughed, guys. Constantly uttering displeasure at not even inconvenient issues established a paragraph prior must be such a great punchline, since it hurts more when its slapped directly in your face!

"So I take it this is a home visit." Leonidas said.

"Yeah I was feeling a little homesick and wanted to come home for a week." Sean said.

"But thats not the only reason you've come home is it?" Gorgo asked. "I can tell something is troubling you." Gorgo said.

"Listen do you recall the experiment at all?" Sean asked surprising them.

I hope so, since you practically phrase the question like they were the ones who performed it on you, dingbat.

"Of course but the results showed it didn't work. Why are you asking I thought you never wanted to bring this up ever again." Leonidas said.

"Normally I wouldn't but a month ago on one of my missions protecting queen Tassara I was kidnaped by the group originally tasked with abducting her. A scientist said a man named Micheal Kree was a disciple of him. Does that name ring a bell to you?" Sean asked.

Now you can’t even keep your own shit straight, author. The scientist said Micheal Kree was the disciple of the person who experimented on Sean, a person who you can’t even bother to make up a name for.

"No we've never heard of that name." Leonidas said while rubbing his beard in thought.

"The Scientist was an ex German scientist named Whitehall. Listen is it possible that the experiment took time to take an effect on me?" Sean asked.

"Do you not hear the words coming out of your mouth. Immortality? Its impossible for mortals to have that." Leonidas said.

Yes, that’s pretty much the definition. If he’s immortal, he won’t be mortal, and vice versa. Dumbass.

"But what if it is possible. I just need to know." Sean said making his father frown before sighing.

”The author is desperate to have his latest wish-fulfillment established and confirmed before his incredibly boring story can continue it’s downwards spiral.”

"Lets head down to the science wing and see what they have to say." Leonidas said.

I'm sure Buckingham Palace's science wing's tea projects can't compare to whatever this place has got going.

"You know I wouldn't bring this up unless I though it was important." Sean said.

"I know but I just want that part of your past buried for good." Leonidas said.

"So do I." Sean said as they walked to the science wing.

Minutes later

"This is incredible." A scientist said in awe seeing the data from Sean's blood.

"What is it?" Leonidas asked.

Oh, it’s just that his midi-chlorian count is off the chart, that’s to be expected from a Marty Stu.

"I believe your son was right about it taking time for the experiment to evolve inside his body. The cells in his blood have some kind of mutagen that somehow once he reaches a certain age which I'm guessing is early to mid 20's stops the aging process of human bones and skin along with keeping his organs extremely healthy and energetic." The scientist said in awe.

What we should be in awe at is this equipment that can tell you this in only minutes. Does the author even know what minutes are?

"How is this possible?" Gorgo asked.

Aside from the author pulling something out of his ass, which he won’t establish as a thing for the rest of the universe?

"I have no idea.Mutagens, you deaf cow. I've gone over the other test subjects from that day but for some reason they don't have the same results as your son.

Did you also go through every one of them in minutes without bringing them in, or did you check them without including Sean because him giving a positive result was just so darn unexpected, what with everything he has done in physical performance up until now, starting with leaping out of a prison in Chapter 1?!

I believe his blood is the key to this. I recommend though that we keep this quiet for the time being till I can get more results. Our friends at WOOHP should be notified of this since Jerry is keeping an eye on him. I suggest monthly blood extractions from him to see if any new results occur." The Scientist said.

Did he just say 'more super powers whenever the author makes shit up', or is my bullshit-detector in need of replacing?

"Are there any other developments in my blood?" Sean asked coming in.

"Yes actually there are a few. You seem to be also extremely immune to diseases both natural and man made. We already know your physical ability is ten times that of the most physical person in the world and have an unlimited amount of stamina and endurance. It also appears that intelligence has increased by 25 percent.

All I’m looking at is an intentionally unfinished character sheet, author. By the by, to be getting knocked out cold a couple of chapters ago with infinite endurance, you must have rolled a Natural 1 on that one, huh?

I need more time to study this." The scientist said.

By all means, take as many minutes as you’d like.


"So what is this?" Alex asked as she and the others were in very expensive dresses.

"Well your all about to get another possible addiction to our little group." Sean said making them interested.

How am I even supposed to handle someone who thinks ‘addict’ is a compliment?!

"Oh hows that?" Carmen asked.

"Sparta has a auction of sorts kinda like slave auctions but not the same. You see certain women who have trouble finding the right person enter these auctions. They put down all personal information about them. Likes Dislikes sexual kinks and what not. I never attended these before since I didn't have a reason till now." Sean said.

You don’t have one now either, outside of annoying me with your constant ‘Sparta Forever’ shtick. So, author - Dragonlord0, disgusting ass-hat of many names that I would gladly give to you - now you’ve established a literal meat market meant to excuse your brain’s bankrupt void of ideas for how to apply your own desired crossover material, with the same effort of cropping and pasting together Rule34 images in MS Paint. Call me cynical, but do you really want me to interpret it the other way around, as you stating outright that the best women can do in life if they are single would be to sell themselves to the highest bidder?!

"So basically their asking for like a husband or boyfriend in these auctions right?" Carla asked.

"Or girlfriend like I said their preferences are told on these little pads." Sean said holding a small device.

"Ok ladies and gentlemen let the auction begin." A woman said hosting the auction.

So far none of the women in the auction caught their until.

"Ok we saved the best for last heres our final auction Jessica Rabbit."

Well, turns out the thing Meg Griffin has over her, is a universe the author doesn't have to divorce her from to make her part of his harem. Even by Roger Rabbit standards, Sean is sickeningly cartoony.

The Auction woman said and Sean's and the girls eyes widen seeing a woman in a red sparkly dress with White tan skin and Red hair that reached her back and beautiful green eyes.

"Whoa." Sean said.

Yeah, woah, that red dress truly made her remarkable and separate from anyone else. Are you too stupid or too shy to describe why you like her, author? Here, I'll help you. A pencil-width waistline and huge jugs, and I expect a Thank You card.

"Oh she's definitely ours." Carmen said.

"Starting the bid at..." The Auction woman tried to say.

"One million." Sean said surprising the others.

Yes, truly a surprise, when we know nothing of the status quo for these auctions, or even the currency. It’s like this entire fanfic’s attention to detail in a nutshell.

"One million going once twice sold!"

Okay, fuck you, author. You can't even carry forth a damn bidding war – the entire point of auctions in fiction - because risking even establishing the illusion that Sean might not get what he wants could cause you to hyperventilate from panic, you wimp!

The Auction woman yelled getting many groans of disappointment while Jessica smirked at Sean and winked at him as she swayed her way over to him.

"So I'm worth a million to you honey?" Jessica asked trailing her finger on his jaw in a sensual way.

"Not just to him." Carmen said circling around her making her giggle.

"Oh a harem man I like that." Jessica said kissing Carmen sexually making her moan.

"Money well Spent." Sean said making the girls giggle.

Spent? Who gets the money? Does she? Well then, if she’s his – what, his property, slave, companion, something or other, then the money has barely changed hands. What obligations are there involved in this? Does the author genuinely want me to believe Sean not only has another true love-whore at his side for eternity, but that he actually paid for this one?

A week Later

"Have a safe trip back now." Gorgo said as Sean and his girls got to the airport.

"Oh we will. Tell Pleistarchus I said hi when he gets back from training." Sean said referring to his little brother who was Leonidas and Gorgo's birth son.

I’m sure you were too busy to see him during your week long vacation here, Sean. Too bad for the author that time skips seem mandatory in fanfics, am I right?

"I will come back soon." Gorgo said as she left getting into a car that drove off.

Sean and the girls got their things in the storage room. Sean was back in the nude as he got to the hot tub and sighed as he submerged in the water up to his neck before pressing a button and the tv came out again.

It’s this attention to detail that makes me thrilled to know that this is supposedly a Totally Spies! fanfic. Can’t you tell?

"Hello love." Jessica said walking to the hot tub in all her naked glory having her DD breasts on full display showing her pink tits and her heart shaped bubble ass to him. "May I join you?" Jessica asked trailing her fingers on her body sexually.

And depending on whatever your taste is, that could mean anything from picking her ears to pinching her toes. It irks me that the author probably doesn’t even know, that he only draws a crowd of readers because his schlock satisfies mostly anyone as long as their standards are rock bottom.

"Of course come in." Sean said with a smile making her smile back as she dipped her feet in the hot bubbling water and moaned in bliss as she soon submerged her entire body in the water and came back up with her hair all wet and sat on his left as they watched the movie.

Yo, author, with Netflix and chill, you’re supposed to do less of the former at this stage.

"I'm going to enjoy our new life together love." Jessica said kissing his chest and moaned from his taste making him smirk before she rested her head on his shoulder and both watched the tv just enjoying the peace and quiet.

Jessica is a cartoon character, not just on a meta-level, but as an actual cartoon within the universe you pulled her from, author. The least you can do is tell me they are watching Space Jam as a documentary.

Authors Note: Finally this took forever. I was so busy with the polls that I neglected this. Anyway incase some of you haven't known the third poll is up and will be taken down tomorrow night so I would vote fast if I were you.

I somehow doubt you left in the option of ‘None of the above’, so I would have passed on it anyway.

Next Chapter we go into the Total drama Island Arc were Jerry sends the Spies to uncover a murderer in the cast that has tragically killed someone from the show.

And by ‘arc’, you mean a half-chapter conflict and as much non-erotic sex-scenes you can write before you lose interest in that angle, right?

If any of you have some suggestions on what you'd like to see and how you'd like to see certain characters taken by our Spartan warrior let me know in the reviews. See ya.

If anyone wanted that, author, a find-replace of their names in the previous chapters would do the job, you twit.


And according to the new chart, Sean only managed to fuck April to finalize her stamp, and Jessica Rabbit was added to the harem. I can only hope the author picks up the pace again, with this 'arc' format he's claiming he's capable of writing.
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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:08 am

Now we dive into actual crossover stuff. But do you think that will make the author start putting any effort into his work? At least you can't be disappointed when you never believed in the thought to begin with. Here's Chapter 20, Total Drama Island part 1.

Chapter 20 Total Drama Island part 1

A cartoon parody of a reality show with the point of limiting the cast as it progresses. You should take pointers instead of performing its inverted tropes, author.

Jessica moaned as Sean thrusted down on her in the jackhammer position.

"Oh yes love harder!" Jessica moaned out as Sean continued to fuck her hard and fast having her breasts smack against her chest with each hard thrust. Sean suddenly pulled her up making her squeal as he fucked her hard while standing before pulled him into a kiss and moaned into his mouth before moaning loudly as she came hard and shuddered in bliss as he came inside her hard filling her to the brim.

You’re just on a word-binge at times, author, being incapable of realizing you’ve injected it into your shit six times already. Also, as the good Tenacious D preach, you don’t always have to fuck her hard.

"Satisfied?" Sean asked making her smile and kissed him lovingly.

"Always love." Jessica said in bliss.

And that was a total of 75 words dedicated to your imaginary self screwing Jessica Rabbit, speeding along without a notion whether she was even a virgin or on the pill. It’s almost like the author can’t be bothered to even pretend he’s going to grant attention to a tenth of the bitches he’s slobbering over.


"I swear this harem is getting bigger and bigger every day." Clover said as they walked the halls of the school that was finally repaired from Mandy's rampage.

I want to hear whatever personal story of stage fright you are projecting, author, and get the name of the person who convinced you it was normal.

"I know its awesome and the best part is our stud here never gets tired." Alex said kissing Sean's cheek making him chuckle.

"The only good thing that came from the experiment." Sean said making them giggle. They still didn't know about his apparent immortal blood since he didn't want to get their hopes up.

Oh, for a second there I thought he was contemplating the deeper existential issues and drawbacks of immortality. Yes, of course I’m lying, this idiot is going to get it all and be able to share it with his trophy wife collection, too, it’s so fucking trite and obvious.

Just then a beeping sound was heard.

"Huh?" The spies said confused before they were sucked into the floor.

"Oh come on!" Sean yelled in annoyance as they landed on the couch at WOOHP. They see Jerry with a serious look.

"Spies we have a mission for you that you must solve right away." Jerry said in a serious no joking tone.

"Whats the problem?" Sam asked as the screen lite up and a show known to the public as total drama island was seen. "Total Drama Island the reality tv show?" Sam asked.

Now that the author is writing original stuff, he’s finally giving these bimbos speaking lines in the briefings, rather than have Sean hog the spotlight. Wait, is Donna even here?

"Recently one of the contestants was murdered a young girl named Sadie.

The only fat chick, why am I not surprised, author?

We want the five of you to investigate to see who the culprit is." Jerry said.

"Not that I don't mind solving a murder by why us? Why not the police?" Sean asked.

"The shows host Chris has paid off the local law enforcement unit to ignore this. Your mission is to find out who was responsible for this crime and bring said person to justice." Jerry said.

Are you fucking serious? Did he buy off the cast member’s parents? Did he buy off the other contestants to stick around with a murderer in their midst? Did he buy off Jerry too, since the guy buying off the police isn’t already being considered suspect number one?!

"Don't Worry Jerry we wont let you down." Sam said.

"Now your gadgets you may decide since this is a very serious matter."

Don’t bother, the author will never allow the girls to use any.

Jerry said as the spies picked their gadgets while Sean picked up his ICER guns. "Good luck." Jerry said as they were sent away to the island.


"Wow not where I was expecting to go." Sean said as they appeared at what looked like some resort.

"Welcome to Playa De Losers." Chris said welcoming them.

Okay, author, who is Chris, what does he look like, and what kind of place is this? Your attention to detail is already abysmal, but you’re being even worse when adding crossover material, which not everyone following this story from Chapter 1 could have expected needing to do homework on. I don’t care, of course, it’s just baffling me you don’t either!

"Hi there so I assume you know why we're here?" Sean asked.

"Yeah I know to solve the murder of one of my contestants. Be free to look around but try not to annoy the other contestants they've been a little jumpy since Sadie's death." Chris said.

Did Jerry personally announce to the obviously guilty guy that some super spies would come by to deal with what he had paid the police to not investigate, or does the author think ‘undercover’ is a word meant for the bedroom?

"Don't worry we'll make this as quick as possible." Clover said.

"Well let me show you the others." Chris said brining them inside the resort. "Ok everyone gather round. These 5 here are here to solve our little situation so don't get in their way." Chris said.

"How are they going to figure this out? They look like nobodies to me." A punk teen with Green Mohawk hair said.

"Hey dip shit how you about you shut the fuck up and stay out of our way." Donna said making him scowl and tried to punch her but Donna kicked him in the family jewels making let out a high pitched scream.

Vengeful slapstick on fictional people the author doesn’t like. Because when did Shitlord0 ever think fanfiction was about writing entertaining stories?

"Oooh nice." Sean said making her and a few other campers laugh.

"Sorry about that he's always picking fights. That was Duncan. My name is Courtney." A Beautiful woman with tan skin Brown hair and Brown eyes said.

"Nice to meet you Courtney. Hope we can get better acquainted later when this is all over and done."

That was an order, by the by, you don’t get to exist unless you do as the author wills you to.

Sean said kissing her hand making her blush and giggle at him while a few of the other female campers looked jealous.


"Ok so lets review what we know." Sean said.

If this is about the grammar and the English language, this shouldn’t take long.

"Well I'm not entirely sure but I think that we have two maybe three suspects." Alex said.

"Who?" Donna asked taking a drink.

"A boy named Cody who's a pervert and a flirt and apparently saw Sadie as an obstacle in his way to her friend Katie. The other is Esekiel a sexist jerk who thinks women are the weaker sex and last I think Chris might have done it." Alex said.

Just asking to make a hypocrisy check, author; is that the only way you imagine someone can be sexist?

"Huh? Why do you say that?" Sean asked confused.

Because he’s the guy who paid off the cops, and if he was removed the author would have free pass to let Sean swoop in and pretend the helpless waifs of the show could live with him instead for no valid reason.

"Well I just found out that Sadie had the lowest popularity on the show. With her gone his show would have gained more popularity. Chris tried to convince her to leave but she wouldn't not so long as Katie was here." Alex said.

Or, you know, because he’s the last mentioned suspect with the same amount of damning clues put on him as the previous two combined. The author’s writing is just so subtle like that.

"Hmmm Ok so those three are our biggest suspects but lets not say anything." Sean said.

Oh, right, no one would ever have thought of that one during a murder investigation, Sherlock!

"Look Someones Bikini Bottoms!"

I would kill for a SpongeBob cameo right about now. Learn your capitalization, author.

A girl with orange hair white skin and green eyes said.

"I think thats yours Izzy." The girl known as Katie said. Katie had brown skin Black hair and brown eyes and was very thin and beautiful.

Sure, just throw in ‘beautiful’ any chance you get, author, it doesn’t at all make you sound like a patronizingly shallow neckbeard rubbing himself up against whatever he has decided to sink his self-insert into.

Izzy places her hand on her butt and looks under with her goggles and looks back at the bikini bottoms.

"Oh crap it is!" Izzy said about to dive under in a way that would have shown her butt to the others.

"Please keep it off." Alex said and Izzy heard her and grinned at her.

"Oh Hi I almost forgot you guys were here." Izzy said.

As if you could even tell where here is, these morons might just have discussed their investigation while being right next to you.

"I would put this back on while your in the water since I'm sure others are getting perverted ideas." Sean said making her hum in thought before shrugging and doing so.

Wave the ‘I’m totally not a pervert’ flag a bit harder, Sean, I think a few people might still be having trouble getting convinced.

"Aww." Alex moaned in disappointment making Izzy giggle.

"I'm Izzy by the way." Izzy said as Sean pulled her up to the spar chair next to him.

Oh, we’re at a spa. Day or night, who knows, but a location in the void is rare enough that I’m willing to take it.

"Nice to meet you Izzy. I'm Sean. This is Alex Sam Clover and Donna. Were you close to Sadie?" Sean asked making her sigh.

"Yeah I was I'm really going to miss her. Katie will miss her the most since those two were almost inseparable." Izzy said.

"Well hopefully we think we might be able to find out who did this." Sean said making her smile and kissed his cheek.

I assume you expect this to happen by the author dropping the clues in your lap, since your interviewing abilities so far has been limited to repeatedly and explicitly establish and confirm that the fat chick won’t be joining the harem.

"I hope you do well got to swim." Izzy said diving in and while she was in the water they got a clear view of her flashing her ass at them making them chuckle before she swam off.

Katie sighed depressed

And she popped into existence right next to them all in the same breath. Transitions, Dragonfart1000, have you ever heard of them?

"Hello there." Sean said sitting next to her. Katie looked at him and blushed from his handsome appearance. She cleared her throat and shakes her head before giving a sweet smile.

"Hi so have you guys found anything yet?" Katie asked hopeful.

Nope, they haven’t even got a clue. Oh, wait, did you mean about the investigation?

"Well nothing concrete but we're getting close. Sorry about what happened to your friend. Its always sad when you lose someone close." Sean said making her nod and sigh.

But not sad enough to get out of there for a funeral or demand investigations, apparently. As if I should expect the author to even pretend to properly present grief, when I don’t even know if the murder was yesterday or a week ago!

"I'll miss her but I know she would want me to move on." Katie said.

"And I'm sure your strong enough to do just that." Sean said making her smile before kissing his cheek making him chuckle before she walked off.

"For the last time String bing leave me alone!" A loud woman's voice said.

"The hell?" Sean said and went to the source. Finding the source of the voice he found a woman with brown skin black hair and brown eyes in a one piece swim suit and noted she had large breasts and a large ass that looked good on her. "Whats going on here?" Sean asked approaching them and he girl smirked at him.

What’s going on is that the author’s lecherous priorities have him forgetting to mention the presence of his incoming punching bag , who'll be used to impress his next booty-call.

"Honey could you please get string bing here to leave me the hell alone?" The girl said.

I haven't watched the show, but I'm already convinced the author's lacks language skills enough to not understand the words ‘string bean’.

"But Leshawna we're meant for each other." The skinny teen said.

"Dude just buzz off." Sean said cracking his knuckles making the teen gulp and ran off.

"Thank you sugar." Leshawana said kissing his cheek making him chuckle.

"No problem. I don't suppose you would answer a few questions for me would you?" Sean asked making her smile.

Questions such as ‘Did you know Sadie?’ and nothing else! This isn’t an investigation, it’s Sean pouncing on vulnerability to inject himself by being an author-mandated magnetic shoulder for them to cry on.

"Sure ask away." Leshawna said.

"Did you know Sadie all that well?" Sean asked making her sigh.

"Honestly no not much. She was a good person still. I hope you find out who did this to her. Wouldn't surprise me though if Cody did it though to have some private time with Katie." Leshawna said.

"What do you mean by that?" Sean asked making her snort.

Your bimbos already collected this clue for you, Sean. You can’t make a reveal like this twice, author, you moron.

"Honey have you not seen the girl she's one of the hottest girls here. A horny teen like that will do horrible things to get what he wants." Leshawna said.

He'd even start writing fanfiction with her and him together, having awkwardly written implausible sex. Maybe he’d include more women all at the same time, even with some that aren’t real.

"What about Chris though from what Alex told me she had the lowest ratings on the show and Chris wanted her out of here but she wouldn't so long as Katie was here." Sean said making her frown.

"And risk losing his show and career sorry sugar wouldn't be good for business." Leshawna said.

You can’t even fathom how a reality show draws an audience beyond tits and ass, can you, author? It’s in the fucking title. All you want to do is rename it to Total Bimbo Island!

"Then again though I think I saw those two having an argument about this but she wouldn't listen." Leshawna said scratching her chin in thought.

"Do remember what the argument was about?" Sean asked.

"Nope it was over two weeks ago." Leshawna said.

As if any girl the author writes can benefit from memory, or is expected to.

"Well thanks for the Info." Sean said about to walk off before she smacked his behind making him stop and give her an amused look making her smirk before handing him a card of some kind before seeing it was her room key.

"If you want a good night sugar come by tonight." Leshawna said walking off with a sway in her hips.

"Nice." Sean said before walking off and bumped into someone.

Would people stop materializing out of thin air, it’s making the super soldier Spartan trip up while walking calmly without any distractions around him.

"Oops sorry." Sean said helping the girl up. She had White skin Black hair and Grey eyes and in a red two piece bikini.

"No problem names Heather by the way." Heather said as he pulled her up.

"Nice to meet you. Could you answer a few questions for me?" Sean asked.

”Are you a virgin, and are you on the pill?”

"Sure." Heather said.

"Did you know Sadie all that well?" Sean asked.

"No not really we were always on separate teams so I never got a chance to. Still she didn't deserve this." Heather said.

"From what I understand there are two suspects on the list right now. Cody wanted to have some private time with Katie but Sadie kept getting in the way so he could have done it for that reason. The other suspect is Chris." Sean said surprising her.

What was that about not telling anyone, dipshit? The only way the author imagines how to develop a murder mystery is by constantly repeating shit as build-up.

"Chris? Why do you think him? His career would be ruined if he did this." Heather said.

Yes. That's exactly why the author made him do it.

"Sadie had the lowest ratings on the show so getting her off the show would solve the problem however she wouldn't leave no matter what Chris said since she wouldn't leave Katie who had one of the highest ratings like you." Sean said making her frown.

"I never thought of it like that. You know I recall seeing both Chris and Cody talking to each other a couple days before this happened." Heather said.

"Did you remember what they said?" Sean asked.

"No it was a week ago sorry." Heather said.

"Do you remember what I just said?"

"Nope, that was two seconds ago."

"Thats ok thats narrows our search down. Hope to see you later." Sean said.

"Likewise." Heather said kissing his cheek and walked away with a sway in her hips making him chuckle.

"Hey Sean long time no see." One of the male contestants said.

And we have another anchor character. By that, I mean a male guy meant to pretend to detract from the Wall of Vag the author is building, while giving Sean something to bounce off the idea that he’s totally a part of this universe, and that he totally isn’t here for nothing but satisfying the author’s desires and wish-fulfillment.

"Justin you son of a bitch." Sean said laughing as they got into an arm lock. "I haven't seen you in two years how have you been?" Sean asked his old friend.

"Oh I've been good. I really feel sorry for Katie about losing Sadie. Got any leads?" Justin asked.

"Well we got two suspects down but nothing solid yet since we don't have any physical evidence." Sean said.

"Well what if I took you to the site where we found Sadie?" Justin asked.


Wait, that’s something you can do?! And that wasn’t step one? What shitty murder investigators are you people? Were you just planning on solving the mystery by having sex?!

"That might help." Sean said as they walked to the murder scene. Sean inspected the scene with his sunglasses that had special upgrades to see if something was missed before he found something.

Yes, I’m sure Sean snuck those Deus ex Machina glasses with him at the debriefing, after we only got told he picked his ICER guns. Shit, this author couldn't even convince me he could readjust his grip around his dick once he’s begun holding it.

"Well what do we have here?" Sean asked putting some gloves on and picked up a rope made of leather covered in blood.

It’s annoying when people forget to simply glance around in the empty void for evidence.

"Whoa." Justin said in shock.

"Its Sadie's blood probable from when she tried to fend off her attacker." Sean said scanning the rope. "Found some finger prints and they belong to...Cody." Sean said before he looked up and saw a security camera. "Hey Justin do you know where all the cameras are here?" Sean asked.

"No not really I never really bothered to look. Why?" Justin asked.

Why? You’re in the middle of Big Brother Murder Island Edition, and you ask why someone is interested in surveillance footage – which wasn’t even considered up until now! This universe is entirely populated by idiots to lower the bar for Sean’s vapid existence.

"I talked to a few of the girls here and Heather said she saw Chris and Cody talking to each other two days before Sadie was killed. If I can get the security footage I might be able to prove they were both guilty." Sean said.

"What if its been deleted though?" Justin asked.

"Even deleted stuff goes somewhere." Sean said.

You are naïve or willfully ignorant, author. Or you are picking your ass again, to flaunt the fact that no criminal can cover his tracks from Sean, because you simply say so. It’s Chris, the man running the entire show, and you think he can’t format a fucking tape, let alone know where his own cameras are?!


"Alright everyone gather round." Sean said as everyone came to them.

"So whats the buzz?" Duncan asked not caring.

"Well we found out who Sadie's killer is." Sam said shocking them. Cody tried to make a run for it but couldn't as Sean jumped him and cuffed him.

You can’t even let the accomplish wait for an actual name to be called out? How about you pretend you actually needed to do your lackluster investigation in the first place.

"No It wasn't supposed to go like this!" Cody yelled in anger.

"I'm shocked well now we can finally get back to the show." Chris said.

"I don't think so." Alex said cuffing him confusing the other campers.

"Hey what are you doing!" Chris yelled.

"We found security footage with Audio of you two planning her murder two days before it happened. You lured Sadie to the murder scene away from the others so Cody could kill her with this." Sean said holding up the rope making him pale.

Wait, the leather rope was the murder weapon? Was she whipped to death?

"Goddamnit!" Chris yelled in anger while the other campers looked shocked. "She should have just left like I told her to." Chris said in anger.

She was already off the show! The murder scene is a walking distance from Playa Des Losers, which is the resort where the losers of the show are deported to!!

"You could have just sent her home by force instead of ending her life. Now you've also ended yours as well." Sean said.

"You wouldn't understand your just a kid. Popularity on Tv Means everything if you don't have it your nothing! So I had to get rid of that problem." Chris said.

The ratings, as she or her friend would eventually be sent off the island separately, would not at all fuel the drama the show actually feeds off of. Not everyone watches television for the reasons you do, author.

"And you used a horny teenager to do your own dirty work. Both of you will never see the light of day again for this." Sean said as other WOOHP agents came and took them away. Jerry soon came up to them.

"Well done spies you've done it again." Jerry said impressed.

And all it took was minimum effort and waiting with doing the obvious, as this planned murder was executed to give itself away, while leaving behind the only weapon on the scene, with surveillance footage everywhere and no reason for the actual murder mystery in the first place. Because it wasn’t a mystery. It was half a chapter of pretended conflict meant to transition the author’s skin suit to his new buffet. I could probably even have predicted what number the author is thinking most of the time. 69.

"Its what we do. I don't suppose we can stay here for a while till everything is set and done." Sean said getting Jerry to think for a minute.

"Well I suppose there is no problem with that." Jerry said.

Besides the fact that the show is without a host, meaning there is no show, and therefore no prize, no reason for anyone to stay, and no actual broadcast to public television to earn the luxuries you think come out of thin air, author?

Authors note: Ok first part done. Next chapter involves the lemons. Now the next poll for the new arc is up. While its up to you guys what you want to see first I would really appreciate if you all voted for Mortal Kombat since I've got this really sweet idea for the arc lined up if I get enough votes for it.

Then grow a spine, take charge of your own pathetic fanfic, and write what you want to, for fuck sake!

Now the poll will be up till the end of this week so vote fast. See ya. Suggest what you'd all like to see in the lemons next chapter.

Quality? Good taste? Commas?


And the author ticked off Jessica with the same effort and attention needed for picking lint.
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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Jun 10, 2018 7:38 am

I wish the author knew what the difference between an arc and a tangent is. So far, this crossover section barely contains its source material beyond bimbo names, and has phased Totally Spies out almost entirely. Here's Chapter 21, Total Drama Island part 2.

Chapter 21 Total Drama Island part 2

Twice the drama, still meaning zero.

"So how long do we have here?" Alex asked.

Until the author has consumed everything he finds worthy of his self-insert’s cock.

"Well I called Carmen and told them that I was on a mission and you girls tagged along so we're good here for about a few days." Sean said.

Stop jerking yourself so hard you forget why you are making your excuse in the first place, author. The spies’ mothers aren’t supposed to know about their secret jobs at WOOHP, and that includes the fucking existence of the spy organization as well, you oddball.

"She also said we better bring back some more girls." Sean said making the spies burst out laughing.

Ha-ha, isn’t it funny when the author tries to make a joke by alluding to the obvious?

"Oh I've already made a list so far of who to bring back with us." Donna said.

"Oh Yeah? So have I. So far I've got my eyes on Courtney Izzy Leshawna Heather and Katie." Sean said.

Because now the author is just going nuts and doesn’t even bother with pretense by having Sean put up the innocent act. He’s here to have a harem, and nothing else, grocery list and all.

"How many girls are here?" Sam asked.

"I think theres a total of 30 or more here." Clover said.


I’m not even going to pretend to ask whether that’s how many that are here at Playa Des Loser or on your hit list, because those are synonymous as no one will ever exist in this fanfic for anything else but for boning or for beating. I’m not even going to ask why the hell the author just decided to implausibly hoover up 30 broads in one go, starting now halfway through a three chapter arc. What I’m going to focus on is the fact that Playa Des Losers is not a vacation hotel, and the show with only 22 contestant were fifty percent male. Author, stop being such a lazy fuck and actually put an ounce of effort into your masturbation premises. Establish shit. Describe shit. Give a shit. Everything you’ve produced in this fanfic demands a reader to shut off higher mental faculties to accept even the most tame parts of it, because it was all written without a brain behind the keyboard.

"Well time to get the work then. I've got my work cut out for me." Sean said making them giggle as he went to find his first target.

Because why feign consideration for emotions, desires, or sexuality? Why even have regard for whether they even have a preference or a choice to make. They are just targets, the author aiming with a shaking wrist at his pinup poster of the minute.

Sean was looking around the resort when.

"For the last time string bean leave me alone!" Leshawna said to Harold having enough of his BS.

"Oh not again." Sean said walking up to them.

Oh, shut up, Sean. You’ll physically assault the people the author demonizes for you and you’ll like it.

"Sugar you mind getting this creep the hell away from me?" Leshawna asked.

"No problem." Sean said.

"I'm not afraid of you. Feel the might of my awesome skills." Harold said getting into a stance and looked like a fucking fool.

A description the author can’t do justice, because he’s unable to look at himself in the mirror.

"Wow and I thought Mandy was stupid." Sean said before giving him a powerful uppercut that sent him flying across the resort as he screamed like a little bitch.

Yeah, and since you totally owned that little bitch which the author created alongside you in this story, that makes you the bigger bitch, Sean.

"Finally. Thanks sugar. Anything I can do to repay you?" Leshawna said giving him a seductive look.

Of course the reward is sex. The author probably thinks he hasn’t gotten laid yet because lesser people are holding up his waiting line.

"Well that depends. How would you like for a spot in a harem?" Sean asked making her smirk.

”I just removed your sexual harasser, so how about some sexual harassment?”

"Oh so it is true that Greeks have harems." Leshawna said smiling.

"Well do you?" Sean asked before she pulled him into a lust filled kiss.

"Does that answer your question baby?" Leshawna said before she burst into a fit of laughter as he lifted her over his shoulder and carried her to his room.

Ash Ketchum doesn’t even bring home strays with half this much ease and laughter.

Minutes later

Leshawna soon was butt naked and licked her lips seeing Sean in the buff and like what she saw.

"Now this is what a man Really looks like." Leshawna said liking the sight of his hard muscles and whistles in awe seeing his hard erect cock. "Is that for me baby?" Leshawna asked amused before Sean pushed her down and was now hovering over her with a smirk.

In this void the author puts him in, all he can do is hover.

"Do you really need to ask?" Sean asked making her giggle before kissing him.

"Go on Baby I'm not afraid of my first time being rough." Leshawna said making him smirk and kissed her making her moan.

"Let me know if you need a break if things get to intense."

As much as you want to indirectly boast at your imaginary self’s abilities as a sexual tyrannosaurus, you can’t even present yourself with a ho that won’t keep up under any circumstances.

Sean said making her smile.

"Will do now lets get this show on the road." Leshawna said making him chuckle before thrusting into her wet sex making her groan in discomfort before she thrusted her waist forward so he could move in her. Sean smirked at her before thrusting in her slowly at first before picking up speed making her moan and whimper from all the hard thrusts he was giving her.

Can you guess the word of the day? The author has topped himself on how to write a satisfying sex scene, by realizing the word ‘thrust’ must be involved somehow, and added it to each sentence, twice!

"Mmmm Thats it baby don't hold back on this piece of ass." Leshawna said enjoying the pleasure her man was giving her.

"You asked for it." Sean said as he started thrusting into her faster making her eyes widen and whimpered in lust as she was absolutely enjoying the actions her man was giving to her.

Her man had better start giving himself a broadened vocabulary.

"Oh yeah Baby don't Hold back. Oh Wait I'm getting close sugar!" Leshawna said in bliss wanting to come hard and fast.

Is it just because people take grammar lessons from news headlines nowadays, or does this author think random capitalization functions as reading pacing or emphasis?

"Me to inside or out?" Sean asked while bitting her ear making her let out a shuddering moan.

"Oooh Inside baby now!" Leshawna said in bliss before gasping as she came hard and her eyes rolled into the back of her head with a blissful smile on her face as she felt him come inside her.

Is the author going to summarize everyone being on birth control at the end of this arc, or did he simply forget in mentally preparing himself for the next ‘target’?

"Mmmm Now that was incredible." Leshawna said before wincing as she tried to move her legs. "I don't think I can move my legs sugar." Leshawna said with a satisfied smile on her face making him chuckle before kissing her lovingly making her moan in his mouth.

"Well I suggest you rest up since when this is all done you and anyone else I have interests in will be coming with me." Sean said making her smile before trailing her finger on his muscled chest.

"As long as I get respect and lots of sex like this you have me all you want."

How picky are you about that first demand of yours? While the author is lying to himself about what he thinks Sean is showering his prop-cunts in, have you noticed how strange is this guy’s view of women is? To his alluded understanding, they can’t tolerate anything but ultimate perfection in male specimen, yet can be satisfied with as low a maintenance of minimal interactions outside of sex. And that goes for every woman.

Leshawna said making him smirk before kissing her forehead as she drifted off to sleep for a nap while he got dressed in his swim trunks and left his chest exposed before walking out.

Sean soon made his way to the pool.

Even if he jumped in now, I know this author wouldn’t be writing him to do it because of realizing that sex has a tendency to need cleaning afterwards.

"So how was it?" Alex asked sitting at the fruit bar that was in the center of the pool.

"One down several others to go." Sean said making her giggle before a woman tripped over Sean and fell into the water.

Yeah, I’m sure we haven’t overused the character introduction through collision gag yet. Except to the author it’s not a gag, it’s the only thing he can default to when flinging these bitches at his self-insert.

The woman resurfaced and Sean and Alex were taking away by her beauty. She had white skin that was well tanned. She had long blond hair that reached her back and beautiful blue eyes. The most exciting part would be her body and bikini. She had large DD cup sized breasts and a heart shaped butt. He bikini was a sling bikini that covered her nipples nicely and the bottoms were like regular swim bottoms all colored red. (For a better idea look up Pervyangel from Deviantart and look up one of his pictures on Lindsay you'll be blown away by Nosebleed)

Dude, I’m a sexually confident male and I can take my smut in strides, so pack your trite anime pervert tropes away, would you? Is the only reason you write this crap because you haven’t discovered a more dedicated Rule34 provider to let off some steam to?

"Oops sorry I guess I didn't see you there. Whats your names again Alice and Shane?" The woman said being dumb.

"Ok I can easily tell your not stupid so drop the act now." Sean said making her eyes widen.

"What act is there a play?" The woman said but Sean just looked at her with a blank expression before she sighed. "What gave it away?" The woman asked depressed that she got caught faking stupidity.

"Simple I've seen smart girls act dumb so they get attention. Your Lindsay right?" Sean asked pulling her up and she sat down on his right.

Because the author spotted a flaw he didn’t like in his desired chew toy, and felt himself an omnipotent deity enough to condescendingly declare her air-headed behavior to have been intentional all along. We view these characters through a lens smeared by the author’s dick.

"Yeah thats right. I hate acting like the dumb blonde but no one likes to date a smart woman so I act this way so I can at least try to find the right person for me." Lindsay said.

If you think that, I’m fairly certain you can’t have been very smart in the first place. As if I could have expected women in this fanfic to start having rational thoughts now.

"Well you shouldn't I would prefer dating the real you over someone your not." Sean said making her blush before smiling at him.

The author would like to date a real anything, but hey not everyone gets to be you, Sean.

"Aw thanks but aren't you two dating?" Lindsay asked pointing to Alex who giggles.

"Yes but I'm not the only one he's dating. Have you ever heard of a harem?" Alex asked making her blink.

"Yeah...Wait so you have more then one girlfriend?" Lindsay asked surprised.

Lindsay, you are supposed to not act dumb anymore, please contain your surprise at the fact that he even has one.

A large part of her was excited by this meaning she could be with someone who would like the real her and not some dumb blonde.

"Yeah and the harem gets bigger and bigger so care to join?" Alex asked and Lindsay nodded really fast that it almost looked like her head would fall off making them laugh.

The reason they laugh must be because they’ve figured out their own pyramid scheme, as Lindsay will now be less than 25th in line for Sean’s affection.


Sean was relaxing in the hot tub. As he was resting he failed to notice someone getting in and dunked under the water. Sean opened his eyes and looked around feeling he felt someone else was with him.

"Probably my imagination... Or not." Sean said with a smirk feeling someone pull his swim trunks down and placed it in said persons mouth.

Poor girl must have been starving for her to eat a whole pair of swim trunks.

"Ok lets see who it is." Sean said pulling the head off his cock and he chuckled at the culprit.

"Hey muscle man." Izzy said waving at him while not showing a shred of decency as she was butt naked and saw her swimsuit in the water.

"I kinda figured you like to go skinny dipping." Sean said making her giggle.

No, that’s just your reality-warping thoughts forcing everyone to act the way you want them to. That’s the true secret power of every Marty Stu.

"Thats not the only thing I like." Izzy said licking his chest and moaned from his taste.

For fuck sake, author, stop this chest licking taste moan crap. No actress in your porno flicks are even disingenuously moaning to indicate they like the taste of skin.

"Thankfully your girlfriends are keeping the others from coming in here so..." Izzy tried to say but squealed in excitement as he positioned his cock at her entrance when he pulled her quickly to him making her giggle.

"How would you like your first time? Slow and romantic or fast and hard?" Sean asked making her giggle before kissing him lovingly.

I would like to know when you questioned her whether she was a virgin or not. Maybe the author finally decided to stop pretending this world has anything else besides virgins and MILFs.

"Normally if it was for a one night stand thing which I've never done. I might be crazy but I'm not a whore. If it was a one night stand I would say fast and hard but I want my first time to be romantic."

You do sound crazy enough to not align your first sentence with your last, though.

Izzy said making him smirk before kissing her neck making her moan softly before he slowly thrusted upwards into her needing pussy making her groan in discomfort before gasping from pain and held back her pained scream while tears poured out of her eyes.

This author craves this stuff. Virgin pains, total agony with blood and screams, like a trauma indirectly depicting how these women will stick with him, same as if someone kicked a dog to show how loyal it was even after the fact. It’s like the bastard has never heard of lube or foreplay. I’m giving you this warning for the benefit of whoever you’d might rope into the act in the future, Dragonlord0. Sex is more than just jamming a peg into a hole without caring how they fit!

"Shhhhh. Just let me know when your ready." Sean said in a soothing voice while she breathed hard trying to calm her nerved down. Sean kissed her neck to keep her mind off the pain and was working as she moaned in bliss having her pain reduced before it completely vanished and smiled at him before kissing him lovingly.

Virginity and sex works nothing like you think, author, you idiot. If you want to get off to the pain, at least don’t insult me and pretend it has less lingering effect than an Indian burn

"Ok I'm ready." Izzy said making him nod and took slow thrusts upwards into her making her moan and whimper from the gentle thrusts he gave her. Her breasts moved up and down with each thrust before Sean took her left one in his mouth and sucked on it making her sigh in bliss before holding his head closer to her chest.

He’s about as close as he can get already, since the author just told us Sean put her entire tit in his mouth. Why does it always end up with devoured body parts with this guy?

"Mmmmm Don't stop keep going." Izzy moaned out and moaned out and moaned out softly as he played with her hips gently before his thrusts started to increase.

Sean moved from the seat of the tup till they were in the center of it and both of them were on their knees with the water up to their necks while he continues to thrust into her with passion.

"Oh god I never thought my first time would be this good." Izzy said in bliss and moaned louder before she gasped in surprise as she felt her orgasm approaching fast.

Why is it surprising? She’ll come near orgasm exactly because of the things she’s experiencing. That’s like me turning on an oven and being surprised when the roast is almost done.

"Sean I'm close please come inside me I'm on the pill." Izzy begged before he pulled her into a loving kiss making her moans muted before he took one final deep thrust into her and her eyes widened in bliss before becoming half lidded as she came hard and let out a shuddering sigh as she felt his warm seed enter her womb.

This on-the-pill shit is so infuriatingly repetitive that it's a universal law in this fanfic, that had she demanded his baby this instant, he'd recoil in horror.

"Happy?" Sean asked making her smile and kissed him slowly and lovingly moving her hands on his face and his twelve pack.

"With you always." Izzy said. "I belong to you and your harem now." Izzy said making him chuckle and kissed her where heart was at making her smile before they both rested on the edge with her head on his chest with a content smile on her beautiful face. "I love you." Izzy whispered out making him smile and kissed her forehead making her smile.

"I love you to Izzy you and all the others I have now and will have in time." Sean said making her smile before taking a small nap.

Could Batman swoop in and check the air for Joker Venom? This bimbo can’t stop smiling!!


Izzy sighed in content as she rested at the juice bar.

"So girl how was it?" Leshawna asked sitting next to her.

"He was so gentle and passionate. The perfect first time." Izzy said making her giggle.

Only about as perfect as those that the author wrote before it, I’ll swear to that.

"And it only gets better." Clover said to them making them laugh.

Sean was walking to Katie's room when he heard a sniffing sound from her room

"Katie you in there?" Sean asked knocking on the door and heard footsteps and the lock on the door clicked and opened and Katie in nothing but a pink robe walked out.

"Hey." Katie said sniffing.

"You ok?" Sean asked in concern.

Oh, stop pretending to care, Sean, you’re going to fuck her either way.

"Yeah I just... I wish I never signed us up for this show otherwise Sadie would still be here." Katie said about to cry again.

"Hey listen to me. You cant blame yourself for this none of you saw this coming. If Sadie was alive what do you think she would tell you?" Sean asked making her sigh.

"She would tell me to get through this and move on. I just miss her so much." Katie said in sadness.

I’m sure there is so much about your relationship with Sadie to tell, but why bother make your loss seem genuine anyhow? Missing a person is one hundred percent of all grief, it’s just that clean cut a thing, conveniently so for your new role as Sean’s latest bed partner. No tears shall reach his self-cleaning couch.

"She might be gone but the memories of her will always be with you and thats something you can always cherish." Sean said pulling her into a hug which she accepted before she blushed feeling his hard muscles before she slowly took an inhale of his scent and she silently moaned.

'What is this feeling...I feel a strong urge to have him...Maybe I can.' Katie thought before making a move.

I can't even tell if the author is aware he's writing these chick to be compelled - as in mind-controlled - rather than having any actual attachment to cause their interest in Sean.

Katie slowly placed her hands on his face and pulled him down for a kiss which he returned. Katie pulled him into her room before shutting it and locked the door before she resumed kissing him and both fell to the bed before she stood up and removed her robe before standing before him in nothing but her birthday suit with blush on her beautiful face as she did her best not to cover herself in embarrassment.

Hot damn, five ‘before’ in a row, aren’t you feeling generous today, author?

"Beautiful." Sean said making her blink before smiling at him and sat on his waist before removing his swim trunks and gasped seeing his large cock fully erect. "Don't be shy now it doesn't bite." Sean said teasingly making her grin at him before she sat above it.

What I wouldn’t give for the reverse scenario. Only a vagina dentata could save us from this dick.

"This is my first time so please be gentle." Katie said as he sat up and held her close before she went down on his member brining it inside her wet pussy and groaned in discomfort and gasped in pain and her pained scream was silenced by him pulling her into a kiss making her moan into the kiss.

This nonsensical virgin seal popping is getting almost as repetitive as the author’s constant failure to write the word ‘bringing’.

She pulled back and breathed hard and fast as she tried to calm her self.

"So big." Katie said trying to adjust to his large size.

"I wont move till your ready Katie." Sean said kissing her neck making her moan softly while her hands moved around his well muscled chest enjoying the hard muscles on her hands. She soon felt the pain vanish and she slowly started to thrust down on his cock and moaned from having it inside her more before he started to thrust upwards into her making her hips slap against his legs which she enjoyed.

The sex was unpleasant as hell, but at least he could satisfy her hip-slapping fetish.

"Mmmm Harder." Katie moaned out and he complied by taking a hold of her hips and slammed her down on him faster and harder making her whimper in bliss before she squealed as he switched positions to where she was on her hands and knees and thrusted into her faster making her have a blissful smile on her face as her hips slapped against his waist and his hands were on her ass cheeks playing with them.

You know, I’m beginning to think the author just doesn’t know how to hit the comma key. Maybe his right hand is occupied with something important.

"Enjoying this?" Sean said kissing her neck making her moan more.

"Yes more I want more." Katie said before gasping as she felt her orgasm approaching and thrusted back at him wanting him to come inside her and widen her eyes as he took hold of her butt and thrusted much faster into her and she let out a silent scream of sexual bliss as she came hard and her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she felt his warm hot seed inside her womb filling her to the brim before she lost all her strength and fell down face first breathing slowly.

Come on, author, ten words away from the finish line. You’ll get to make a hundred words run-on sentence before you finish your harem, I’m sure of it.

"Not bad for your first time right?" Sean asked making her smile and kissed his chest where his heart was and then kissed his lips lovingly.

"It was perfect. I'll miss Sadie but being with you is something I'm looking forward to." Katie said.

And that statement betrays everything the author thinks he has managed to veil through his insolent fanfic’s murder non-drama. Sadie had to go. It was either Sean or her, because the author isn’t even allowing fat chicks in his harem’s circle of acquaintances.

"I'm sure the other girls feel the same towards you." Sean said making her giggle having already figured that out about him before she rested on his chest to get some rest while he pulled the sheets over them.

Authors note: And Part two is finished. Now for those of you who might have missed the last chapter I put up the poll for the second arc.

Missed last chapter? Do you think this is a broadcast show, or are you unrepentant in the acknowledgement, that the only reason your work garners any attention is because of your sub-par lemon sections starring these stick-figures?

I really hope you guys pick Mortal Kombat since I've got a really sweat idea for that first. Also after Total Drama island is over Sean and the girls mainly Alex Clover Sam and Donna will be going to Vegas to investigate a lead on Micheal Kree and in the process pick up a certain blond haired Stripper^^ See ya.

Yeah, I’m kind of miffed that I have to state this, author, but with your cornucopia of a harem list, you’ll need to be more specific.

Oh and the poll will be taken down tomorrow night so vote quickly.

For fuck sake, author, do you think every dolt reading your fanfic visits once a day? You may have nothing better to do with your time, but I’d pity someone who had nothing to do but read your shit every day, for enjoyment sake!


And assuming you haven't gone blind squinting at the arranged mugshots, I'll list the additions off for you; Izzy, Leshawna, and Katie have been fucked and claimed, while Genius Lindsay was only given a ticket to ride. You may also notice Mandy and Sadie in red frames, which I'll now elaborate on.

This author has begun pissing me off with his character assassinations. I have literally no investment or attachment to any of the victims that Dragonlord0 has caricatured thus far, but there's only so much insult I can stomach. As an author, he mistreats even the characters he doesn't want to fuck, and thus I've added to the composition above. It's no longer a grocery list, it's a hit list of his intended victims. Red frames will indicate despised, dismissed or otherwise vilified women unworthy of Sean's dick, and a skull will indicate a character killed as a consequence of elimination from the harem. It shall be a testament of how this author considers fictional women, probably characters of any gender in general. An Obstacle or a Trophy.
Want to read more of my mocks? Follow this link to my webpage.
Are you a former member of Project AFTER? Drop me a message, let me hear how things are going.


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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Jun 17, 2018 3:28 pm

Try and think of the most banal, bottom-of-the-barrel, overused excuse of a setup an author can pull to introduce a love interest to his preferred protagonist, eliminate any potential cock-block occupying said love interest, and also impress said love interest to the point where they'll be enamored enough so the author thinks nothing else has to be established about the relationship? Now, would Dragonlord0 possibly be so stupid as to use that for his silly little spank-fic? More than three times? Take a guess. Here's Chapter 22, total drama island part 3.

Chapter 22 total drama island part 3

Is anyone else annoyed, yet not surprised that the author's inept authorship and thought processes couldn’t let him title this arc 'Totally Drama Island’, to at least pretend this was a crossover meant as a crossover, not just telling which Rule34 folder he dived into on his harddrive?

"Wow you work fast sugar." Leshawna said to Sean who had Katie around his arm with a dreamy satisfied smile.

Yeah, wow, fast, at a rate that’ll still demand the author to write one hundred more chapters to get to the end.

"Well I'm greek so its in my blood." Sean said making the girls burst out laughing.

"For the last time Geoff leave me the hell alone!" A woman's voice yelled.

"Oh god their at it again?" Leshawna said.

"They?" Sean asked.

Whoever they are, they should keep it down, sound travels far in this void, whether they are behind, in front, above or below Sean’s presence.

"Bridget and Geoff here they come now." Leshawna said pointing to them. Bridget was a beautiful woman with white skin and blond hair that reached her back tied up in a pony tail and green eyes.

Tying up your hair with eyes don’t seem fashionable, no matter their color.

She was dressed in a one piece swimsuit that covers her body well but you could see she had Large C cup sized breasts and a bubble ass that went well for her.

"Come on Bridget just let it go and we can go out again." Geoff said.

"Yeah no now leave me alone." Bridget said about to leave but he grabbed her arm harshly.

"Now you listen to me!" Geoff yelled in her face before Sean punched him in the face.

(Insert Freddy in the real world from Freddy Vs Jason soundtrack)

And you may insert my annoyance as the author feels the need for a pussy-attracting ego tantrum to boost his power fantasy, while demanding you listen to whatever tune he thinks can enhance his boring curb stomp battles.

"Keep your hands off her bub." Sean said cracking his knuckles.

I’m sure ‘bub’ is a very popular slang in Sparta, where they speak a hundred percent English, too.

"Girl I'd get over here if I were you he's going to really mess up dumbass there." Leshawna said and Bridget did just that.

"Big mistake." Geoff said trying to punch him but Sean let him punch him in the chest and he didn't look effected Geoff on the other hand. "OW!" Geoff yelled in pain. "What are you made of? Metal?" Geoff questioned nursing his injured hand.

He's made of the frailest ego imaginable, which in turn is every fictional strawman antagonist’s kryptonite.

"Nope just full of real muscles dip shit." Sean said proceeding to punch him a few times in the face before throwing him into some chairs.

"Ow." Geoff said in pain before Sean kicked him in the face hard a few times.

"Wow he's really messing him up." Bridget said surprised but was enjoying the beat down.

And of course the bitches are hungry for blood, because the author thinks Sean’s psychopathic behavior is a mating dance.

Suddenly one of the other contestants Tyler jumped Sean from behind and tried to put him in a choke hold but failed and Sean threw him in the water hard.

"OW!" Tyler yelled in pain from the sheer force he was thrown in the water. Duncan also tried to get a drop on Sean but failed when Sean kicked him into a wall.

The only thing that separates this one-sided pounding from a sex scene, is that we are actually told by the author when his imaginary lays bleed.

"Wow he really doesn't mess around." Heather said impressed.

"Oh he is he's holding back a lot so he doesn't kill them." Sam said.

Oh no, their fate is much worse. After this chapter, the author’s self-crippled talent will make no distinction whether they ever even existed.

"Take this!" Geoff yelled tried to swing a chair at him and did and it broke apart and Sean gave him an annoyed look before grabbing him by the neck and threw him into a wall leaving a large dent.

"Wow." A female voice said impressed. This woman had muscles to her body showing she worked out a lot. She had tanned skin black hair and hazel colored eyes.

"I think you just met someone who can go head to head with you Eva."

Comparing Sean to the anger issue-ridden contestant who issues death threats to get her way, is the first sensible thing in this fanfic, author

Courtney said making her smirk before Tyler was throw their way and they ducked as he crashed into a wall.

"Anyone else!" Sean yelled and all the guys ran off in fear.

(End song here)

Great, then I can tell my brain to put back on Sean’s theme song of slow, endless, depressing kazoos.

"Wow nice work." Courtney said impressed.

"Bunch of wimps all of them." Sean said.

"Trent leave me alone!" A female voice said.

"Seriously does this always happen?" Sean asked.

Only because the author has zero originality, and can’t even pause between repeating the exact same scenario he thinks will net him, what was it? 30 women? This loser ran out of steam on this arc fast.

"Oh yeah and those two are the worst mainly due to Trent always stalking her." Eva said.

"Come on Gwen give me another chance." Trent said.

The girl in question had white skin black eyes and black hair with teal streaks added to it. She was dressed in a two piece black bikini.

"No now leave me alone." Gwen said and Trent growled and was about to do something till Sean appeared in front of him and cracked his neck.

"Beat it fuck face." Sean said making him gulp and ran off like a little bitch.

Marvel as the author’s skin suit swears like a kid playing Call of Duty to blow over the propped up cardboard obstacles he needs removed from the premise for the third time in two chapters, as the author thinks that by default all female eyes will have no choice but to turn to him afterwards.

"Thanks." Gwen said smiling at him.

"No problem." Sean said.

"Matt go away!" A female voice said.

"Oh come on does this really happen here a lot?" Sean asked.

This is dumb. Not just the writing, or even the author’s corny attempt to excuse his shit plot-duplication by addressing it. It’s the fact that people within perfect earshot and likely line of sight are repeating the scenario for Captain Fedora here to come interrupt, after he’s already generously flexed against it, two times!!

"Thank Chris for that all the Drama is his doing just for more popularity." Gwen said.

And that’s why he had to kill off a woman who had a close knit friendship with another contestant, rather than pit them against each other or milk the breakup dry once one of them got voted off. Fuck you, author.

"Ay." Sean said going to the source of the problem. The girl who yelled at the man known as Mike had White skin red hair and brown eyes dressed in green one piece bikini.

"Oh come on Zoey whats the problem?" Mike asked.

"I don't want to date someone who has multiple personalities so buzz off." Zoey said with her arms cross.

It doesn’t matter that you complain about that Zoey, the author and his personified crotch-worm will have you either way.

"Thats to bad." Mike said getting a cruel grin on his face which worried her before Sean grabbed him by the head and threw him into the wall knocking his ass out.

"Thanks." Zoey said smiling at him.

"No problem." Sean said as they walked back to the others.

You do know you haven’t actually solved anything, right? Imagine yourself knocking over whatever thing you perceive is in your way to pussy, author, but having no consequences is part of what makes this a personal power-fantasy and not a story.

"Ok this list keeps getting bigger and bigger by the second." Clover said with a grin.

"Got any ideas now?" Leshawna asked smirking.

"For each girl to get laid by him at once or for a massive orgy?" Clover asked making Leshawna and Katie burst out laughing.

I was more hoping for an idea to let some of these women exchange more than a single word of appreciation with Sean, before they decide he’ll fuck them.

"I would pay a thousand dollars to see you pull that off." Leshawna said.

"So would I...You know just so long as perverted eyes of the unwanted men don't see or hear us."

Okay, now you’re just outright writing what I’ve been saying all along. Your vulnerable ego can’t even allow the microcosmic risk in a universe of your own design, that another man could catch a glimpse of any of the dozens of sluts that you’ve gluttonously claimed as your property. Gollum wasn’t even this obsessive, you creep!!

Izzy said drooling at the very image of all the hot girls here in a major orgy.

"Girl your drooling again." Leshawna said rubbing a napkin on her mouth.

"Oh whoops." Izzy said giggling.

"Well I better get that thousand dollars since this is how I plan to do it." Clover said holding what looked like a smoke bomb in her hands.

No, wait, let me guess, an aphrodisiac cloud meant to expediently excuse every random panty to drop, because drugged rape is such a better alternative than a kind hello.

"Now what the hell is that?" Leshawna asked raising an amused eyebrow.

"This is full of special dust thats collected from a rare flower that puts women in a sexual urge for hours." Clover said.

And now I’m already convinced the author isn’t aware of the word ‘aphrodisiac’, because why would the Sparta ass-kisser know Greek etymology.

"This little thing?" Leshawna asked amused holding the smoke bomb that had a fuzz tail to light up. "Now where did you get this?" Leshawna asked.

"Oh I asked a woman at a sex shop while Sean took us to his home country. Apparently you only need to be sixteen years old instead of 18 like you do in the states. I asked her for something like this and she handed me a whole suitcase full of these." Clover said.

And thank you for confirming you are having these chicks do shit that’s underage in accordance to their own laws, jackass.

"Damn that must have been expensive." Leshawna said.

"Not really since they specialize in making these things it only costed me about a hundred bucks. Around here however it costs around 2,500$ to get even one of these things from a sex shop." Clover said.

I’m sure the weaponized rape drug industry can keep itself going by importing and selling them at a hundred thousand times its production cost. Do you just think suspension of disbelief is created out of pity for your sad excuses, author? I’m surprised Sean’s fortune wasn’t made from reselling this garbage Deus orgy Machina in the States, when you’ve already made Clover pull this suitcase out of her ass once they decided to stay here after a Spy mission, when having been pulled directly out of high school for it. These scenarios are getting extremely pathetic, because you can only ever put thought into moving your hands up and down, author. Everything is wrong about this. The setting, the build-up, the execution, the motivation, the plausibility. Do you want to know how bad you fucked up with your wish-fulfillment shit, author? You couldn’t even glorify your fetish smoke-bomb by having her state they were expensive but worth every penny. It’s not even that your efforts have been worthless, it’s that you haven’t even tried to produce anything with any worth to it.

"Wow." Izzy and Katie said surprised.

Meanwhile Sean was walking down to the work out room and found Eva who gave him a smirk and winked at him making him chuckle and saw another woman their age. She had white skin black hair and black eyes and was in a one piece black bikini.

"Hi there I'm Sky." Sky said pulling herself up on the pull up bar.

"Nice to meet you Sky. So Eva you still want that little match?" Sean asked making her grin.

What match? Can’t you even bother establish your muscle fetish competitions, author?

"Lets see what you got muscle man." Eva said as the two of them went to the two handed weight lift.

"Oh this should be fun to watch." Sky said and grinned when Sean took off his shirt. "Definitely fun to watch." Sky said and Eva grinned at her.

"Ok how much you want to put on it?" Eva asked.

"500 pounds." Sean said surprising them before Eva shrugged and put said weight on and Sean started lifting it up with eace like he wasn't even trying.

"More weight?" Eva asked amused.

"Sure." Sean said and she doubled the weight and he still managed to do it without even trying.

Because, just like you said, author, he isn’t trying. He doesn’t have to. Here, I’ll show you how he did it. Look, I’m currently balancing an elephant on my pinky, easy peasy, fuck you, learn credible writing.

"Ok lets see you lift all the weights up on this thing." Eva said putting everything she could on and she and Sky widened their eyes when he still was doing it with ease. "Sky help me out." Eva said.

"Me what am I supposed to do?" Sky asked before Eva got on the left of the weight lift. "Oh brother." Sky said sitting on the right and not surprising he still lifted them up.

"Do I win?" Sean said making Eva and Sky smirk.

"Yup and heres your prize." Eva said kissing his cheek as did Sky making him smirk.

Nice try, but we all know that’s not the prize the author will write you to provide later.

"Well that was fun." Sean said getting up but left his shirt behind.

"Mine!" The girls yelled fighting over it.

"To easy." Sean said before bumping into someone and the person fell down.

Okay, I’m getting convinced now that everyone is walking around blind in the dark, because the author forgot to ever establish the existence of the sun!

"Oops sorry." Sean said pulling the person up and surprisingly she was very tall. She had brown skin black hair and black eyes.

"No problem." The woman said smiling down at him even though he was only a few inches shorter then her.

"What are you an amazon?" Sean asked making her burst out in a fit of laughter and fell back down and held her stomach in pain from laughing so hard.

"Never heard that one before!" The woman yelled still laughing while Sean looked amused. "No I'm not amazon. Names Jasmine by the way." Jasmine said as he helped her back up again.

"You either A have a lot of luck being this tall or B you drink a lot of milk." Sean said making her giggle.

I have no idea who any of these people are beyond a glance at a wiki-page, but the author assumes everyone reading this has the same creepy intimacy as he has for his masturbation sessions, as he switches the color of his blowup-doll’s skin, hair and eyes.

"I guess its a little bit of both." Jasmine said.

"Come on Dawn move I want to go to the beach." A female voice said.

"Oh that must be Dakota Dawn Sierra and Blaineley." Jasmine said.

Excuse me, who? Dawn? She's not on the list. Unless she's the one from Pokémon, she's not on the list. She's not on the list, author. You made a list, 452, and you aren't even keeping track of them, to the point where you forget one of them in the very chapter you deliver it in full!? Screw you!!

Sean got a good look at them. three of the girls had blond hair one had light blond hair the other two with a more natural blond hair. two of them had white skin and the other had tan skin one had teal eyes and the second one had blue eyes and the last one had green eyes.

Feel free to swap the features around whichever way you want, though, while the author fails at another attempt to write in English.

The fourth girl had brown skin purple hair and black eyes.

"Whoa." Sean said admiring their beauty.

What beauty? I’m not slamming them or their art-style, I’m noting how the author does nothing but slap the word on like a denoting postage stamp, labelling every piece of ass he wants as a beauty while doing nothing for it. He could have described neck contours, body curvature, skin texture, grace, or even a fucking haircut, but no, it's just beauty, no question, move on before the boner reminds itself that it can’t be invested unless there’s tits and ass on display.

"Well don't be shy muscle man go on." Jasmine said trying to push him but couldn't and Sean crossed his arms and looked amused. She finally stopped and panted trying to catch her breath. "Man your heavy." Jasmine said making him chuckle.

One tends to be, when they are full of shit.

"You know when a guy says that to a girl theirs usually a fight but when you say it to a guy who's a spartan he's takes that as a compliment." Sean said making her giggle.

Look, I deliberately avoided accusing you of being fat in the previous snarky comment, author, but now you are just telegraphing your insecurities by projecting every course of discussion you’d wish you could experience. You get in fights when you get called heavy.

"Hi there your that guy who solves Sadie's murder right?" Dakota said smiling at him.

"Yes thats me." Sean said and she kissed him on the cheek making him chuckle.

"Thats for being a hero handsome." Dakota said making him and Jasmine laugh.

Well, who else but Captain Obvious could have saved the day by reminding the universe that surveillance cameras exists?

"Well its what my team does." Sean said.

”We are from a secret and obscure spy organization, so you’ve probably heard about it already. If not, allow me to tell you about it.”

"By the way how long till you leave exactly?" Dawn asked in a kind voice.

"About a few days the girls want to get a few things here." Sean said referring to them and the other girls that got his and the girls attention.

Did you assume that if you didn’t spoon-feed everyone that fact, that your readers would assume they stuck around for the mosquito bites, author?

"You know they invited us and a few others over to your room tonight." Blaineley said winking at him.

"Oh I got a good idea why." Sean said.

"Well see you later." Sierra said as they walked away and each of them swayed their hips making him chuckle.

Could you at least pretend that strangers can be potentially dangerous, author? Every headless chicken you ready for your harem jumps in with spread legs, not even considering they could end up waking tomorrow missing a kidney.

"Well you popular with the ladies aren't you?" Jasmine said amused making him chuckle.

"You have no idea." Sean said as he walked off.

What do you mean, dipshit? There’s literally no further depth to his lady popularity. She only had no idea because there isn’t an idea to be had.


So all the girls that Sean and his harem took an interest in were in their room which was pretty large enough to fit at least a hundred people and with other accessories such as a large bathtub big enough for ten people. A large shower big enough for six people and a large water bed that was big enough for all of them.


Why didn’t you just say Sean has the Harry Potter Room of Requirement in his back pocket for every occasion, and save you the trouble of shitting on your keyboard and pretend your implausible wish-fulfilment can do anything else than insult its readers, author? You couldn’t even tell us this was the penthouse made for an elephant to allow any of this shit, you just say it is so and so it shall be. It’s getting to the point where not only is everyone stuck with the same kinks, they are stuck on the exact same set for these sex scenes.

"So whats going on here?" Courtney asked in interest.

"Before I explain that let me show you this." Clover said placing the special smoke bomb in the center of the room.

"That is harmful for the environment." Dawn said getting in her protective of nature mode.

If you have to pretend to know and feign willingness to depict character traits, how about you had Clover tell her what it is before you trigger her, author?

"No its not this is made from nature and you'll all love it." Alex said wagging her finger.

"Clover if you will." Sam said and Clover giggled as she lit the fuzz and as soon as it hit the bottom a small cloud of purple smoke came out and soon every girl in the room sniffed and started to feel funny.

Because why inform them about the effect? It’s not like they even started to consider adverse allergic reactions, why start respecting people now?

"Wha...Whats going on I feel funny." Courtney said slowly rubbing her thighs together.

"Well lets just say we all know you have a thing for him so this way none of you can hold back your lustful urges now. That smoke bomb has a pheromone from a rare flower from Greece added to it so soon you'll all be horny for the whole night." Sam said stripping out of her clothes as did Clover Alex Donna Leshawna Katie and Izzy.

What you are saying, is that you are putting them under the influence of something, which would not have let them go with the idea of this orgy without it. Rape drug, plain and simple, fucktard.

"Oooh I feel so hot." Lindsay said before she couldn't take it anymore and ripped off her clothes and started playing with herself as did the rest of the girls.

"Let the fun begin." Alex said as she went to pick out her own girls to play with as did Sam Clover and Donna while Sean took Courtney Gwen Lindsay Heather and Bridget with him to bath tub that was filled with hot water and jet engines.

You seem a bit confused, author, it seems you’ve thrown in Sean’s private plane into this room and called it a bath tub.

"Oooh I cant take it anymore." Bridget said as they entered the large bathtub and the water was up to their necks. Bridget dived underwater and Sean groaned in bliss as she placed her mouth on his cock and started sucking on him. Gwen and Lindsay got on his sides and played with his balls while kissing his chest while his hands played with their sex making them moan softly. Courtney placed her sex in front of him making him smirk before he placed his mouth on it making her moan softly while Heather went down with bridget and licked his balls.

This is literally the IKEA erotica trope. If it wasn’t because their body parts were attached, they would be manually placing them anywhere they could.

Alex with Izzy Katie and Sierra were in a chain of licking each other with Alex eating out Katie while she was eating out Izzy who was eating out Sierra and all four of them were moaning like crazy.

Because when questioning matters of sanity, I’d of course take advice from Dragonlord0.

"Oh god this feels amazing." Katie moaned out before resuming her task. Soon all four of the girls came at the same time and panted in bliss before Alex shoved Izzy down and pulled her left leg over her shoulder and pressed her sex against hers making them both moan in pleasure as they moved their hips in perfect rhythm.

If they have to flounder and flail like fish out of water, they can at least be coordinated about it.

Katie and Sierra got into the 69 position and started eating each other out again while moving their tongue around wildly.

Clover was with Blaineley and Dakota with the later of the three blondes with special strap ons attached and sandwiched Clover who had a slutty expression on her face as the new harem girls fucked her.

Special strap-ons so special the author doesn’t have to explain them, because they are what he had them use in one of the earliest sex scenes of this fanfic. This orgy is just everything we’ve already seen thrown together.

"Oh yeah thats it! Harder! You girls are so going to fit in the harem." Clover said in lust as they thrusted harder into her.

"Mmmm and How many women are in it now excluding us?" Dakota asked wanting to know.

"23 thats how man are in right now."

So, the author can count, given that he’s probably ignoring those from Total Drama Island who were already offered and accepted a place in the harem.

Clover said before gasping in bliss as Blaineley bites on her neck softly before licking her ear.

"Oooh I cant wait to meet them." Blaineley said before they increased their speed on Clover who was begging for more.

Now Sam was with Dawn Leshawna Zoey and Jasmine with the later of the five holding Sam upside down while licking Sam's tasty pussy making Sam moan in bliss before Leshawan pulled her into a kiss both moaning into each others mouth. Zoey soon got behind Jasmine and started licking her ass making Jasmine moan in bliss before she sighed in content as Dawn getting to her knees placed her mouth over her dripping wet sex and licked her pussy like a pro.

And Sam was just floating somewhere above the sandwiching girls, I guess. If it turns out gravity doesn’t exist in this fanfic, that would explain a whole lot of these sex scenes.

"Now this baby is what I call an orgy of heaven."

You can tell, because it’s boring as all hell.

Leshawna said making the girls laugh before resuming pleasing each other. Zoey soon spread Jasmine's cheeks apart and shoved her tongue into her second hold making Jasmine gasp in shock before enjoying the pleasant sensation. Jasmine continues to lick Sam's pussy before Sam started moaning like crazy.

Everything is just before and making - before and making. The author can’t even tell sequential events without taking a coin toss between the two.

"Girls I'm close." Sam said bucking her hips forward and back.

"Well don't hold back girl let it rain." Leshawna said and Sam yelled in bliss as she came like a fountain and covered the girls in her love juice who licked up every drop.

"Wow never took you for a squirter." Jasmine said making Sam chuckle softly before pulling her into a kiss as their orgy resumes.

As if I wasn’t already convinced everyone were set to pause because the author’s focus can’t allow anything to happen simultaneously.

Last Donna was with Eva and Sky since they had the most muscles of the girls in the room. Eva held Donna upside down and licked her second hole making Donna whimper in bliss before Sky got to her front and licked her pussy lips making her moan loudly.

"Oh god you two don't hold back." Donna said making them smirk before Eva smacked her ass hard making Donna shudder in bliss while Sky bites down on her pussy making her whimper in bliss before they started adding pain to their actions.

What the fuck do you mean ‘before’? Do you even know what the words ‘biting down on’ means, author?

Pain that Donna loved as she started shaking.

"Looks like she's about to blow." Sky said making Eva grin.

"Well don't hold back." Eva said shoving her tongue in her ass and Donna let out a scream of bliss as she came and both girls licked her sweet release.

"Mmm Delicious." Sky said as she and Eva tongued each other.

Back with Sean

You mean, the author turned his imagined viewpoint slightly to the right in this circus tent-sized room?

Bridget was on her hands and knees as Sean fucked her from behind.

"Oh god yes so good!" Bridget said in bliss. Gwen Lindsay Heather and Courtney were laying to the side with sexually satisfied smiles on their faces from all the sex Sean gave them.

That won’t count. Off-screen accomplishments are the laziest form of writing imaginable. Wait, fuck, I take it back, it’s gold, it’s good, it’s great, keep doing it, author, in fact, do it more, do it all, make this fucking fanfic over with already!!

"My god you are a beast." Courtney said moaning as he body was still under the effects of the smoke bomb Clover used on them.

Why a smoke bomb, though? Didn’t they have any scented rape candles in Sparta?

"You have no idea." Sean said pulling her into a kiss which she moaned from before pulling back and rested.

"Oh yes yes yes Yes YES YES YES!" Bridget yelled as she came hard and let out a shuddering moan as he came inside her womb and she wasn't worried about that since she was on the pill like the rest of the girls here.

Did you at least get a group discount when you prescribed it to them two seconds before you wrote that sentence, author?

"Ooooh god so good." Bridget said in content as she rested in his arms before he sat down next to the other girls in the tub who cuddled around him.

"So I assume you'll all be moving in with me?" Sean asked.

Oh for fuck sake, it’s just drug-fueled sex, you dumbass, it’s not a vow of eternal love. At least for the author’s sake, I hope he’s aware of that.

"Do you really need to ask?" Gwen said with a grin before she kissed him.

"I'd give up my future just to be with you." Courtney said.

"Me to." Lindsay said.

"Oh yeah." Heather moaned in agreement.

That's the sad and depressing echo of the author's desire. He wants someone throwing everything away for him, while he gives nothing in return.

"Well then I guess you girls when you've got your energy back better pack up your bags since your all moving to Beverly hills." Sean said making them sigh in content.

What does he even think moving is? They’re not here with packed bags of personal possessions ready to take their live for a permanent uprooting. Is it just that you don’t understand people, or that you don’t consider these women people?

An hour later

Sean smirked as all the girls rested in the bed all around him in the nude.

"Wow so this is 16 girls coming back with us." Clover said laying her head on his neck.


You promised yourself 30 last chapter, author. Disappoint me all you want, shit on your readers for all I care, but doing less than a half-ass job of your own indulgences, there’s no way you can call yourself the author you wish you were.

"You never fail to get what you want do you?" Donna said as she laid on the right of his neck.

"When do I ever?" Sean asked as Sam and Alex laid on his chest.

He never fails, which is why he fails as a character. I don’t even have to tell people to make no illusions, because there’s nothing here filtering away the blatant fact that the author produced this by jerking off and groaning out his long list of wishes while wallowing in his own pathetic misogyny.

“I wish I had a mansion.”

“I wish I had a harem.”

“I wish I was a Spartan.”

I wish he’d grow the fuck up.

Days later

"Welcome home girls." Carmen said as she hugged Sean and Alex.

Did Sean get a sex-change during that time-skip?

"Damn this is one fine house." Leshawna said as she and the rest of the girls carried in their luggage.

"Oh let me get that." Carmen said before she put her fingers to her mouth and whistled and coming into the room were the former Texas cheerleaders all in skimpy maid outfits.

"Whoa nice." Jasmine said licking her lips.

Okay, I need for just one of you hollow points to start acting like a normal person without arming yourself for lust twenty-four seven.

"Girls take our new harem sisters luggage to their rooms." Carmen said.

"Yes mistress." The maids said in a happy tone before each of them got their luggage separately and placed them in their rooms.

Do they have a room each, or will we ever learn if there’s even a bed besides Sean’s, made of water and the size of a ball room?

"I am so going to love it here." Izzy said before she stripped naked and went to the pool before the other girls followed her example and stripped butt naked and walked around the mansion.

"So how was your weak?" Carmen asked Sean as she stripped him to his green camouflage boxers.

Don’t forget to lift the man-sized toddler’s feet when you help him undress, Carmen, or is he not too lazy to do that for himself?

"Oh I'm sure you can guess." Sean said making her giggle before pulling him into a kiss and both walked to the pool area and she took off his boxers and sat in the pool where Izzy Jessica and Carla were in.

"Welcome back love." Jessica said kissing him lovingly.

"I love my life." Sean said as they laughed before Izzy started splashing them.

Maybe if you said it with some conviction from having earned it, you wouldn’t come across as someone stuck in their own idyllic, near-death dream-state.

"Oh you little!" Carmen said before tackling her in the water before they soon started making out.

"Never gets old." Carla said as she and Jessica rested on his sides watching the lesbian action.

It became ancient ten chapters ago, author, if only because you haven’t deviated a single inch from your default albeit giant palette.

Authors note: YEEEAAAH! Massive orgy I wanted to save that for last. Now next chapter as I told you I'm going to have the spies go to Vegas to investigate a lead on Micheal Kree.

Investigate? What, will you show up and tell another randomly injected anchor character that people have finger prints?

While there the Spies after finishing their mission go to the strip club and find an attractive Stripper and pay a lot of money for her.^^

As in for her services, or are we back at your slave trade shtick?

If you guys recall my previous polls you would know which one it could be since there are two strippers in Vegas.

I’m fairly certain there are more than that, but I’m still hesitant to confirm whether you know real women exist.

See ya. Oh and the poll for the third arc is up so vote.

You mean, your suggestion box is open, right? That’s all it is at this point.

And heres an update on the harem oh and I took the liberty to add in some girls that I didn't put in the polls since after the tenth poll I got tired of using it so once we get to the final poll and there are still girls I want to add to the harem I'm just going to add them.

Overdosing already, and you still leave it open for more? Why are you so obsessed about diluting this shit?

And this is where Dragonlor0 posted his full list of 452 names for himself to jerk off to and trawl for as much attention as he can from other horny, quality-blind fanfic readers. Rather than torture you all with the full list, I’ll give the short version.

Top 5 Amounts of Universe-sorted bimbos.
  1. Naruto – 87.
  2. DC – 48.
  3. Totally Spies! – 42.
  4. Fairy Tail – 35.
  5. Marvel – 23.
Top 5 Here for obvious reasons.
  1. Carrera - Viper GTS (hentai series)
  2. Six – Tripping the Rift (adult 3d animated series).
  3. Holi Would – Cool World (an adult Roger Rabbit premise).
  4. Stripperella – Stripperella (adult animated series).
  5. Jessica Rabbit – Who framed Roger Rabbit.
Top 5 Random Out of Place Source Material.
  1. Chrissie Watkins – Jaws.
  2. Sunny – Crocodile 2000.
  3. Eve – Boa vs Python.
  4. Susan – Deep Blue Sea.
  5. Fox – Wanted.
And let’s not even get into the underage characters. I’ll give the author the benefit of the doubt to not be so stupid as to not change their age when implementing them into his fanfic. Among the more strange choices, however, I still find Marge Simpson the most bizarre.

And as a last bit, the list had this appended to it.

Oh and Also in celebration of finally achieving a hundred followers I'm going to be doing a special truth of dare chapter soon. See ya

Oh, how exciting, I can’t wait for them to dare each other to pretend to be exhibitionists, for the tenth time.


And the new list of 453 has been updated. The rest of the Total Drama Island cast has been consumed, including the surprise appearance of Dawn, but only Bridget being acknowledged as fucked in this chapter. I dread to know what else this author can screw up.
Want to read more of my mocks? Follow this link to my webpage.
Are you a former member of Project AFTER? Drop me a message, let me hear how things are going.


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