Inside Falls

Anything goes...
User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun May 26, 2019 3:13 pm

Character limits on a forum can't be helped, I guess. Continue reading Part 2 of Hallowater here.


"Chara,I just want to know something...",Frisk said to her sister as she walked out of the wall of the nearby house. "Why you are dressed like a mariachi?"

I know I already harped on the costume ignorance, but for Frisk not even understanding her sister's motivation, this is adding to the YAT-counter, because the author is still going to pretend their costumes match.

"I have no idea.",Chara calmly,yet angrily replied. And it hilariously was truthful; Chara was wearing a mariachi outfit with black-and-green color,yellow jacket,green shirt,brown pants and leather boots.

You don't know why you are dressed in the most described costume in this author's fanfic? Really? Really?

"Awesome!",Amethyst,Connie and Asriel said together,making a thumb up for Chara's outfit.

" least everyone likes it.",Chara said to Frisk in a more chillier tone.

You picked your fucking costume yourself, you bitch! Quit pretending nothing is your fault and that you are a victim!

"Lets get this over,right guys?"

"Right now!",the group (except Chara) answered for Chara's question,rising their fists on the air in a war-like cry.


After some minutes,the group counted off the piece of candies they managed to gather with the cuteness act of the twin combination Chara and Frisk. The counter reached to 499. After realizing it,the group cheered in victory.

How does a cat costume and a mariachi outfit go together to perfectly earn this supposedly insane amount of candy after a scene skip? 'Fuck you for caring, sucker', is the author's answer. The whiplash of the plot defaulting back to the canon is your only reward for reading this far.

"We just need one candy to save ourselves!",Frisk said,in a jumpy,cheering tone,as she herself jumped in joy.

"Its 8:30 PM,so the time is perfect.",Chara added out,also wearing a,in-overall,victorious voice.

Oh, that deadline that you haven't indicated you worried about up until now? Sure, I can prepare another rant in time for when the author once again makes the plot shit the bed.

"You are the best mariachi sister for a cat girl.",Frisk said to Chara with a happy tone,as she gave a bear hug on Chara.

"It was great to help you girls,but the God of Hyperdeath will train his ball skills. See you later!",Asriel said for the group,as he went running trough the streets with energy.

And because Asriel doesn't own a truck he can fetch, he's busy going around waiting for his next scene appearance, by walking around the neighborhood being a baller.

As Frisk,Connie and Amethyst went trough the other street,to find the last candy,Chara had a personal time to reflect what to do after helping out Frisk. Should she help on Frisk's final task,or go on the party with Lapis and Jasper?

Stop being a drama pity-beggar and use the half an hour to get a single piece of candy, dipshit! Dipper banked on doing both, but the author can't continue the plot or grant Chara martyrdom in her perfect sibling relationship otherwise.

...However,she couldn't find a answer. She had to give happiness to a side,and sadness to the other. Destroy one heart,and increase the other one. And she didn't have time travelling to see what was the best outcome. Soon,she began to hold her head in thought.

Is this author really so far up her own pretentious ass that she's spinning a non-conflict out of Chara's self-invoked, self-paralyzing OCD?!

She thought,thought and thought. No answer came to her mind. Her eye twitched,she couldn't support the spin of thoughts taking over her mind like a tornado.

Chara heard voices. Not voices on her mind. Real voices,the voices of Frisk,Connie and Amethyst,that were suspecting the absence of Chara and went back to find her having her anger-happiness trance. She laughed and growled at the same time,hoping for a miracle to happen.

"C-chara...are you ok?",Frisk asked,worried about the mental state of her older twin sister as she noticed she was having the kind of trance she had on situations of a difficult choice.

"Y-yes I am...",Chara simply answered with a wavy smile,but it was clear from her eyes it was the opposite. She wasn't okay. She was shaken by Frisk,but she laughed in quick despair and felt to the ground,as her mariachi hat dropped and briefly rolled over the ground.


Where do I even begin with this trash? In an attempt to replace Dipper nearly getting caught trick-or-treating by Wendy in a ploy to appear mature that results in losing all the candy, the author replaces it with Chara having an episode! A meltdown, a mood, fuck me - she could have told us she was experiencing her first ever period with a hormone rollercoaster, and it still wouldn't be worth the bytes-to-pixel ratio it takes up on my screen!! This pretend conflict at every chapter is see-through enough as it is, apparent that all the author wants is to make Chara come across as some self-sacrificing golden child, a sister burdened by responsibility of the turmoil of weighing her joy against that of her sibling, but for no other reason than to make it pay off as sympathy, and mark her deserving of praise for her plot-forced actions at the plot-shaped circumstances in this plot-cast fanfic. And this latest attempt takes the form of paralyzing indecision at the fear of bumbling around for fifteen minutes and maybe then being one minute late to a party, just because the author can't even make things happen by accident!!

"GUYS,look!",Connie yelled,snapping Chara out of the trance and making Chara,Frisk and Amethyst look behind a bush where the group hided the candy to use as the offering for Sugar Sucre.

Because now it's everyone but Chara's fault that the candy gets lost.

...There was no more candy behind the bush. It was now on a wheelbarrow next to the bushes and all the candy was inside the water,falling down.

Are you drunk, author?

And to worse it up,the four noticed all the jack-o-pineapples were turning off...except the one of Gaster Wingdings. Amethyst was the one to act on instinct,tackling Gaster and taking the jack-o-pineapple from him.

"Sorry sir...",Amethyst apologized with a slightly sorrowful smile.

"Its okay...I guess...",Gaster accepted,as he adjusted the glasses and walked away,saying something like 'wing wing dings' as he walked away.

And once more we are treated to comedy being replaced with people saying a few words to each other and shrugging their shoulders. Every moment that demands people taking a negative disposition is instead transformed into instant forgiveness, or milked dry when it serves to have the Dreemurrs guilt-free or in the spot-light.

Everyone sighed in relief,as a straw of hope still remained for them to recover the candy. However,this hope was only temporary. The candle inside the jack-o-pineapple was blown out by the wind. A wave of panic hitted the group's face as soon as they realized that.

And on the darkness of the streets,came Sugar Sucre.

"Uh...the candy felt down on water but we will get it?",

Isn't this what Hail Hydrate is all about? Candy and water? What am I missing here?!

Chara tried to say,but it sounded more like a question,as she and the rest of the group got even more scared.

"I'm afraid you all will dance in my belly.",Sugar Sucre said with a murderous look on her face,as the strings on the tip of her fingers increased in size,and increased,increased...soon,all of them were almost touching the group's feet.

Connie was the first one to be captured,followed by Amethyst and Frisk,who called for Chara's help. But Chara was paralyzed by the fear,making her capture the easiest of them all.

It's almost like you are following a Mary Sue cookbook, author. Add in a pinch of sudden helplessness if convenient.

Sugar Sucre slowly opened her mouth like a marionette,ready to swallow them,but for the group's surprise,a ball hitted Sugar on her chest,creating a hole.

The wound quickly made Sugar Sucre disintegrate into sugar,freeing the group from their strings.

If your made-up villain with a stolen nametag can't survive a game of dodgeball, why should I even care, author?

"YES! We didn't die!",Amethyst gleefully cheered,throwing her arms on the air in joy.

"Girls,my ball went flying. You saw it anywhere?",Asriel asked,as he ran in trying to find his ball,who accidentaly saved his cousin's lifes.

At least we can all agree that it was an accident that it happened.

"Asriel!",Chara and Frisk both said in joy,as they ran and gave to their cousin a 'thank-you' hug.

But because he was confused, Asriel thought it was a 'we hate you' hug. To be fair, they are difficult to tell apart.

"I...did not hit anyone here,right?",Asriel asked,scratching the back of his head with a awkward laugh,since he didn't like to hurt people that,on his mind,didn't deserve to be hurt.

This first ever description of empathy leads me to believe Chara feels the opposite.

"You actually hitted Sugar Sucre.",Frisk answered with a sweet smile and cheerful-y open eyes for Asriel.

"Thank you for saving us,Azzy.",Chara thanked Asriel,as she cleaned the sweat on her forehead. "Its nice everything is over,right?",Chara asked to Frisk,turning her eyes to face her.

However...Frisk didn't answer Chara. As the group walked trough the night streets,she simply just lifted her shoulder and hugged her arms awkwardly with a guilty,regretful face. In Frisk's head,she was the responsible for the trance panic her older twin sister had,and that she was furious at her but wasn't trying to show it up,even trough that was far of being truthful.

And there we have the other side of the flipped coin of this sanctimonious sorrow-drowning sibling martyr-complex these two share. Frisk has to be an omniscient bootlicker to Chara's heel to get the remote hint, that she had even a passive influence and role in the latest psychotic, emotionally manipulative temper tantrum, which the author dresses up in empty-headed logic and calls happiness trances. Bankrupt for ideas and siphoning the topic like gasoline from a hose, the author conflates Mabel's justified issues of Dipper's deceit with Frisk now again needing to be made the scapegoat of her sister's issues. I wish they both would jump off a bridge, but then the chapter would never end in the never-ending spiral of self-indulgent sibling anti-support they give each other!!

"Frisky...are you okay?",Chara sympathetically asked,after noticing Frisk had a bruise on the left hand. As a answer,Frisk simply nodded her head in a signal of 'no' and looked away,still holding the guilty face. "Oh...uhm,I think the Shack has bandages left for your hand."

And the disregarded attempt at comfort and reconciliation is left impotent like everything else. You want all of the sweet but suffer none of the sour, author. Take that as a lesson in imbalance for you.

In the midset of her guilt,Frisk looked around,and then backwards,

As you do, I guess.

to find a scene that surprised her. The sugary remains of Sugar Sucre began to re-arrange themselves magically to the shape of the seemingly-dead guardian of the Hallowater holiday. Frisk gasped in horror,catching the group's attention,who turned around in time to see Sugar Sucre fully reforming herself.

Oh no, the villain who can be defeated by a glass containing the fluid of this titular holiday is back for more. Tell me the truth, author, is Shyamalan your preferred movie director?

The group ran trough the streets,screaming and avoiding the finger string of Sugar Sucre the best way each could. Eventually,the survival marathon ended entering on the Hallowater Supermarket; the same one Frisk and Chara saw on sunset.

I would totally have mistaken it for that other one the author never mentioned, but I was swiftly set straight.

The group scattered up,each one hiding in a different shelf,all afraid of the same fate.

"Be quiet,guys. She is blocking the exit and can spot us.",Chara whisper-screamed to the group,

Thanks, that way of whispering is the best for what you are instructing them to do.

as she crouched down in a shelf space with Frisk. Then,she turned her head to face Frisk. "Stay silent,got it sister?"

"...Why you worry so much about me?",Frisk finally said,but thankfully whispered,since she got in what kind of volume Chara wanted her to say.

While I myself generously encourage that question to Chara of all people, you two are supposed to be twins!

"I don't know...I always act stupid when I have a choice to please one side and heart-break one...",

Well, the author has a talent for writing people as stupid, no surprise there.

Chara self-insulted,talking about the anger-happiness trance she had on the kind of situation she described.

"And I always trigger that. ...I just wanted at least one last trick-or-treating walk with you...",Frisk replied,her tone indicating even more guilt,as she hugged her own legs.

Oh look, Chara is an ass and Frisk feels guilty. Must be a day that ends in 'y'. You are and have been doing that, you brat, and you know literally nothing that has been stopping it, as the author is still stealing every piece of dialogue and leaving some unedited when she thinks it can mesh!

Before Chara could say something,a clicking noise repeated itself indefinitively. It was apparently the alternate communication noise Sugar Sucre could make besides speaking.

This author doesn't know what a growl sounds like?

"We must get a way to escape!",Connie whispered to Amethyst,as both listened to the bone-chilling clicknoises of Sugar Sucre.

"But she will munch on us!",Amethyst replied,as she looked around,hoping for Sugar Sucre not listening to her or anyone else.

"Maybe we could use something to passby as something we aren't. ...Disguise fantasies,perhaps.",Asriel said,as he peeked his head from behind the costume hack he was hiding in. ...Actually,the plan was really put in motion.

You actually know the word 'costume' and when put on for Halloween you deliberately call them fantasies, author, you pretentious illiterate?


Asriel disguised himself in a swamp monster disguise,

He passed off the boss monster disguise because it reminded him too much of his dad.

Frisk and Chara disguised themselves in werewolf masks and outfits while Connie and Amethyst hided in a costume hanger. Sugar Sucre bypassed them not noticing their disguise,

A couple of floating werewolf masks, a swamp monster costume and a costume hanger in the void is easy to pass by, after all.

and soon the group began their path towards the exit.

"...Asriel,come on!",Chara whisper-screamed to Asriel,noticing his absence. "...Azzy?",Chara called out again,turning her head back,to notice Asriel approaching of some witch heads.

"Asriel,no!",Frisk whispered in panic as she holded her face. No one wanted Asriel to be eaten by Sugar Sucre,not even Asriel himself,so everyone was wondering why Asriel would want to play a toy that made loud noises,in a situation they had to be quiet.

Gee, it's almost like none of these characters' actions makes sense in any context you set up, author, you self-admitting puppeteer.

"Sorry girls...but my poor soul can't support many panic in one moment.",Asriel answered Frisk,as he opened a battery pack and putted batteries on one of the witch heads and pressed it.

He knew ahead of time that he had to replace the batteries, because the author couldn't repeat the canon joke if her life depended on it.

"Eat,drink,and be scary!",the witch head toy said,laughing afterward,followed by Asriel's fun laughter.

What an impressive Waterween catchphrase. Are you even trying?

However,Sugar Sucre,who looked bigger and more menancing than what everyone remembered off,loomed behind Asriel,and opened her marionette mouth wide. Asriel pressed the toy again,and screamed as he was engulfed entirely by Sugar Sucre.

We are approaching vore-territory right now, which I'm sadly aware that there is far too much Undertale fanart of.

That was the defintive last straw for the group to abandon their stealth plan and go to a attack plan.

Chara picked a knife,Amethyst picked a whip,Connie picked a flail and Frisk picked a shield to protect herself and her allies. After some revengeful struggle,Amethyst finally managed to destroy a part of the right leg of Sugar Sucre.

"Ew,its outdated sugar!",Amethyst said,as she noticed the smell wasn't of a fresh and new,refined sugar.

You already saw her turn into sugar. This was the supposed to be the moment of the twist and you already know it!!

"Seriously?",Chara said,as she also managed to remove a thin bit of Sugar Sucre's arm. First,she smelled,and really the smell was bad. Then,she licked,and the sugar tasted outdated. "Yeah. Outdated flavor...",Chara said,as she wished to threw up over the ground.

Sugar doesn't expire or change taste, author. It can harden or go dry, but for sugar to go bad, it has to be tainted. Google. Learn how to use it.

"You still can't get it?!",Sugar Sucre furiously raised her tone,as she took the chance to trap Frisk and Chara on black strings. "You don't understand me!? Look,my make up is fading!",Sugar Sucre continued,still furiously,as a thin layer of fresh sugar melted off from her body and what was left behind was similar to her old body...but made of outdated sugar with scars,bite marks and deformities.

You are seriously going with this twist, author? That she's made from outdated sugar instead of the bad kind of candy that they didn't want? Revenge of the Kitchen Sweetener?

"Loser candy of the damned!!",Frisk and Chara screamed together in panic. Unfortunately,both couldn't free themselves to escape from the real form of Sugar Sucre.

"Exactly!",Sugar Sucre replied to the panic of the Dreemurr twins. "Do you ever stop to think the only sugar no one enjoy is the one on the bottom?"

I stand corrected. The twist is that these imbeciles can't tell the difference between pure sugar and the processed candy being thrown away, including the fucking Trickster substitute!


"All the years the outdated sugar and hated candy are thrown into the dumps of Inside Falls,by the youngters. And out of the outdated sugar I was born,to bring justice agains't the youngsters who hate Hallowater.

And if sugar could get outdated somehow, why is someone at fault for getting rid of it, author? I don't think you've made a single coherent argument for any alteration you've done, ever

A disguise of pure,fresh sugar that in the ending of the night fades away to a broken heart of outdated sugar and candy."

"My true form is totally intentionally revealing itself at this point, so it's not bullshit, you better believe it, I'm telling you."


"T-that is your story?",Frisk said,surprised that outdated sugar could transform into a monster like this. "Look,sorry if we threated you badly. Just give us another chance?"

"NO!",Sugar Sucre yelled in response. "Your twin is just one more of the rotten youngster bunch, because this all revolves around her and only her, do you get it yet, and I'll end with both of you!"

However,before Sugar Sucre could make what she promised,she began to yell in pain and weak her grasp on Frisk and Chara,making them fall down and be catched respectively by Connie and Amethyst. Sugar Sucre felt on her back and her chest bursted open...Asriel was alive! And oddly,enjoying a piece of sugar he managed to get from inside Sugar Sucre.

It's rare that an author manages to convey how everyone in the story is phoning in their performance.

"Howdy!",Asriel happily greeted. The group would happily give a hug for him,if they weren't worried about the possibility of Sugar Sucre recovering and eating Asriel again. "...Uh,you want some?",Asriel offered,but the four girls nodded their heads in signal of 'No'.

"Wait...I taste good?",Sugar Sucre asked,in a more emotional voice,surprising everyone.

"Well,lady...yes. You are some good outdated sugar.",Asriel replied with a slightly shy smile as he took another bite of the sugar on his hand.

We just need to have someone accidentally mention the words 'sugar momma', and this fanfic could get banned by the author's own hand.

"Yay...someone thinks I'm tasty,finally after twenty years...",Sugar Sucre said,in a happy,yet almost-crying voice,as tear drops made of crystallic sugar ran down from her blank eyes.

"Feeling neglected for a long time is so sad...I promise I'll bring joy to your life!",Asriel said to Sugar Sucre,as he picked other hunch of sugar with his other hand and took a bite from it with a large,friendly smile. Coincidentally,it was the part where the kid previously ate was,and he accidentaly freed them.

Nice to know that your veiled DeviantArt commission request didn't forget about the unnamed victim, author.


Back on the Crystal Shack...

The group went back to the Shack,and on the living room,they found Pearl sitting on the chair in a polite way watching television with a slightly proud smile.

Shit, I was so caught up in the stupid that I forgot there was supposed to be a b-plot.

"Hey Pearl.",Chara greeted with a chill,calm smile.

"Greetings,Grauntie Pearl.",Frisk greeted with a sweet smile,since seeing her after such a intense night was a big delight.

"Hello,Mr. Crystal Dreemurr!",Amethyst,Connie and Asriel politely greeted Pearl,waving for her.

Is it me, or is there's this weird favoritism going on here. Asriel is supposed to be family, but he's in the category of the guests addressing her as 'Ms.' all the time.

"Welcome back,cutie-pies.",Pearl greeted them,holding her hands with a motherly smiled directed for everyone,that made them all blush.

She's had her fill of traumatizing kids tonight, so they caught her in a good mood.

"Hey Chara.",Lapis greeted Chara,catching both Chara and Frisk's attention and make them go to her. "I think the business you had took over your day. What was that?"

"...Trick-or-treating...with little sister.",Chara said,slowly wrapping her arm over Frisk's shoulder. Frisk gladly accepted it with a cheerful giggle.

And thus no point was made, nothing was proven, and no character was developed. Back at square one, where the author has earned nothing she writes, and writes nothing that she thinks she has earned.

"That is good,because in the was involved and Jasper got out fleeing from the fire.",

Everyone else burned alive. Why do you fail at shaming Jasper at every turn, author?

Lapis explained,putting her cheek on her shoulder and using a knife to cut off a jack-o-pineapple. She,also,almost managed to snatch a laughter from Chara.

Even laughing sounds like something people have to force each other to do in this crappy universe.

"Its sad that we didn't pick any candy...",Frisk said,holding her arms on her back and trying to remove any suggestion about trying to pick candy for a marionette-like creature made out of outdated sugar.

"No candy? There is lot of candy here,dear!",Pearl said for Frisk,as she lifted up two colorful bags full of candy,bringing happiness to both Frisk and Chara.

There's a very freshly covered, shallow double grave behind the shack right now, isn't there?


As everyone,including Temmie,watched television with the lights turned off eating candy,Chara picked up a bandage and putted it over Frisk's hand wound with a tender smile. Frisk also smiled back.

An a moment of what was meant as tender reconciliation over past grievances is dead air, with no bigger footnote than the fact that Temmie also was there.

"So,I realized something,young ones...",Pearl began to speak,catching the attention of everyone on the living room.

"A spinning ballet kick can decapitate more than just one child peeping at you in the shower."

"The Hallowater isn't something about sweets,costumes,and neither scaring! Actually,its about reuniting with the family,and doing something to bound with them. ...Like singing extremely loudy!",Pearl finished,with a big smile on her face,as she raised a loud and slightly jarring singing note,followed by everyone on the room,but with different tones.


Silence ruled for a while on the living room.

"I ate a lady on this midnight.",Asriel said with a big smile on his face. When he said that,everyone looked at him,either smiling awkwardly or just making a plain confused face.

Mostly because the sexual innuendo went over the author's head.

Gorney's replacement was nameless, the monster wasn't made of candy, and while it was supposed to, the holiday barely had a hint of water to it. Even what one would think were safe bets fails in the presence of this author's inadequacy. Nothing else to do but move on, I guess. The next chapter is titled Frisky Master, which is based on the 'Boss Mabel' episode. My guess is that Frisk will offer to cover for the shack to give Pearl a small vacation, will fail at being everyone's boss, but will succeed because of kindness instead of actually having a spine.

YAT: 53
BTTP: 116

User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Jun 09, 2019 4:13 pm

I think it's clear enough to spot that the author can't keep anything she writes straight and makes this shit up along the way without consideration for future chapters. It has however never been clearer than in this chapter. Now we see how the author remembers that the shack has to be about more than just crystals, like she's been portraying it thus far. And with kinky title, too. Here's Chapter 13, Frisky Master.

In the morning,Chara,Frisk,Pearl and Temmie were watching television on the living room of the Crystal Shack. More specifically,a talking show,which wasn't exactly the twins' favorite thing to watch on television,but both of them respected Pearl's taste for that kind of show. Suddenly,Asriel came in trough the door.

And fully indicating that the b-plot won't be existing in this fiasco, that was the first half of the episode's intro mangled and shoved into a paragraph. I wonder how long the other half will be.

"Crystal Dreemurr?",Asriel called out,catching Pearl,Chara and Frisk's attention. "Tourist are comming for 9 o'clock. ...And golly,its lots of them."

And as Asriel said that,a bus approached to the entrance door of the Crystal Shack,loaded with tourists that began to get out of the bus as fast as a swarm of insects.

"Oh rocks!",Pearl said in surprise,almost jumping from off the couch. "Asriel,prepare new attractions for new tourists!"

Yeah, put up a blue crystal this time, that will really change from everything else that may or may not be glass shards. But seriously, you know it and I know it, the author is about to make up substitution attractions throughout this chapter that has nothing to do with crystals.


Evidently you use it, but it's like you don't even know what happens on the Internet, author.

Asriel said with a cheerful disposition,picking a paper sheet of aluminium and putting it over a horse head,with the intention of making it look like a pony head.

Fucking hell, was that just now the author confusing ponies with unicorns?

"Lapis? Can you try to make the price higher somehow?",Pearl asked and pointed towards Lapis,who was reading a HQ about superheroes.

She had just finished a CEO about what the fuck does that mean?!

Lapis,to answer Pearl's request the fastest she could,putted on a price tag of $5 dollars

Oh, for a moment I thought it might have been €5 dollars.

a number one number. And to further satisfy Pearl,who didn't exactly look happy with just '$51',she putted a zero,making the dollar number become '510'.

She then marked the price to be in bitcoin.

Chara always found out this attitude of Pearl with visitors,and money in overall,extremely weird.

Mostly because it hadn't been indicated well enough before now, and at one time she threw a party for free.

At least simply because she knew that Pearl could be a good parent if she knew how to handle well the wishes of the children she had to be close with.

Do I even have to point out how she's neither a parent nor does that skill have the faintest inkling of a connection to being a business woman? It's like the author knows words but not when to actually write them.

But now,Pearl's greed in Chara's vision was reaching insane levels in a way she could never predict.

"Hey Grauntie Pearl...",Chara said,catching Pearl's attention. "You're lovable and all,but you see precious gemstones on people."

The garbled English is more on the nose for the Steven Universe Human AU character toting author than she'd care to admit.

"I don't get that,sweety.",Pearl answered with a simple,awkward smile,as she looked at the window. Actually,what Chara said was very truthful; Pearl saw the tourists,and over them,she saw many precious gemstones. "...Uhm,clean the front entrance for them?",Pearl gently requested to Chara as her inner self realized her great niece was right.

Chara just bitterly sighed and nodded her head,picking a mop and a bucket half-empty of water and heading outside to clean the front entrance.

And because the canon included a kid vomiting on the front lawn parking lot, the author injects Chara needing to clean something without reason, as Pearl hallucinates that she's in a The Sims game. Farting on a keyboard can produce something better than this.


Some hours after the preparations,the tour began trough the Crystal Shack;

With all the tourist having waited very patiently because the author doesn't know how to perceive time between the start and end of the cut intros.

Pearl leading the group of tourists into a Crystal Shack without the lights turned on but with plastic crystals glowing,in a attempt to give a mysterious atmosphere.

"My dear tourists or visitors,here is the inside of the Crystal Shack.",Pearl said,supporting herself on her pearl-figure stick in a almost-flawless act.

And let's not forget that the pearl stick-figure is probably pearl shaped like her medal, too.

"The Crystal Shack has many attractions that could be easily classified as 'bizzare'. For example,the photo of the only stance where a duckbill befriended a whale.",Pearl continued,as she extended her hand towards a photo.

I think the Internet has weirder things than that uploaded every day. It also knows to include the word 'platypus'.

This photo featured a duckbill above the geyser of a whale,with both of the animals showing expressions featuring joy. The tourists took photos,muttering between themselves about their interest on the photo.

"And also...the first pre-teenager ninja of the ocident.",

I know you might not be looking at the screen when you type, author, but are you even looking at the keys?

Pearl said,as with a gleeful smile,she pulled a curtain,revealing from the other side,Chara wearing a stereotypical ninja outfit (the kind that covered everything except the eyes or a long hair) with two fake katanas on the two sides of the outfit's belt.

"My pride is collapsing itself into a deep void.",Chara said,in a deep bitterness and uninterest for attention as she tried to look away from the touristic crowd.

You're dressed up as an actual fucking ninja while Dipper had to suffer a half-naked and obviously fake wolf-boy costume, which is something that isn't real unlike your getup, you pretentious, emo bellyacher.

"Just follow the script...",Pearl whispered to Chara,and Chara simply sighed in anger,pulling the two katanas from the belts and putting them in a upward stance. "She will hold any piece of cash you throw at her.",

Oh wow, holding money is so impressive. How about making it thematic and about actual skills that ninjas have, like dodging, author? Why do you always not only crap out a turd of a script-substitute, but you willingly step in it, too?!

Pearl explained to the touristic crowd,and soon,everyone threw their cash at Chara,who catched them with the katana,bringing a big delight to Pearl.

As Pearl went to the giftshop,however,she found Frisk distributing stickers with many words about positive feelings and concepts. The problem for the sixty-years old lady wasn't exactly the fact her great niece was trying to pass positive messages,but the fact she was trying to pass them for free.

These layers of self-insert guiltlessness is grating but on so many layers that I must point out what is happening here. Frisk is doing what Mabel did, flaunting stickers all over, but what caused the plot of the episode was the fact that she was giving away bumper stickers for the Mystery Shack that wasn't hers. These stickers affiliated with warmth and fuzziness is clearly Frisk's own, meaning again Frisk did not do the crime of wasting merchandise, and Pearl is merely miffed that Frisk isn't charging money. My counter has already reached the triple digits, but can you blame me? The only way the author allows the Dreemurrs to do anything wrong is when she doesn't realize they are making shit worse, which coincidentally happens every chapter, too.

"Frisk...why you are doing this?",Pearl asked,trying to put a serious stance and putting her fists on her hips.

"...Because I have no idea of how it works right.",Frisk confessed to Pearl,scratching the back of her head with a awkward smile.

Because this little numbskull never figured out how goods and services can be exchanged for money, even after throwing a tantrum in the candy aisle when she was four years old. That's how far the author is willing to dumb down her own characters to pretend that this situation is the same as Mabel being caught buttering up already paying costumers.

"You can't win cash doing that...I'm sorry but you don't serve for this position.",

"I don't know what possessed me to make you sticker distributer in the first place."

Pearl said for Frisk,trying to be strict yet soft at the same time to not break her great niece's heart. However,it didn't quite work in the way Pearl wished. Frisk still cried some tears of sadness from her eyes.

This garbage has an emotional spectrum less nuanced than Elmo's! There's no weight behind these reader reaction-demanding tears aside from labelling everyone in this fanfic contenders for the world's biggest crybaby!

"...Oh. I had a idea.",Frisk suddenly said with a small,gleeful smile as she wiped the tears out of her eyes and picked one of stickers spelling 'MERCY',putting it over Pearl's nose.


Oh look, a reference. That will probably trick someone into thinking this scene is good, if it wasn't pretty obvious I'm the only one having read this far through this fanfic. Did you know that the Undertale AU Wiki chapter listing for this story stops at Chapter 7?

"...Mercy and economic business are topics with absolutely no connection.",Pearl sighed in annoyance as she pulled out the 'MERCY' sticker out of her nose. As Asriel passed by,Pearl offered the sticker for the goat boy,who accepted it with a jolly smile.

So, that went nowhere and I imagine the matter of Mercy will not be brought up by Pearl again in this chapter, so I'll not even bother acknowledge it.

Afterwards,Chara came in,still wearing the ninja outfit,but without the mask that covered everything but her red eyes.

"Like I just said,my dear-but-horrible-intentioned Grauntie Pearl,my pride collapsed onto itself wearing this.",Chara said to Pearl with a,in-overall,deadpan expression.

Maybe if you could talk like an actual person you'd get sympathy, you pretentious drama queen.

"That is...a pretty weird word you used to define me."

"What does 'Grauntie' even mean?"

,Pearl said in curiosity about Chara's speech,raising a eyebrow of confusion.

"Now,changing of topic...",Chara said,in a tone of 'I want to understand'. "You really need to swap those fake exhibitions of yours for the things that I and Frisk saw trough this summer. I mean...this isn't better? Tell the truth instead of a joyful lie?"

You could be intending to say the exact opposite of what the author was going for but failed to put into words, and no one would know.

"And...well...being more patient with your business apprentices?",Frisk said to Pearl with a doubtful smile,opting for using the term 'business apprentices' instead of 'employeers' because she personally finded Lapis and Asriel pretty young to be reffered as 'employeers'.

We get it, author, everyone's a young teen and innocent and free, and too good for this world let alone paid employment which is a total surprise and so out of the norm, go get a fucking job, you ignorant, demographic-babying underachiever.

"You're my complement,Frisky.",Chara said to Frisk with a proud smile,as both shared a fist bump and winked at each other.

"Look,yougsters,I work with compliments,no matter if they are pure compliments or compliments born from insults.",Pearl explained with a serious face as she showed a paper with all the compliments she ever recieved. Most of them really were born out of insults,very nasty insults.

What does that even mean? What nonsense connection is the author even drawing up right now? This moment exists as nothing but a cover for topics being brought up by the non-existent b-plot of the canon. How many 'compliments' have I given you this far, author?

"...Grauntie,insults are bad. How they can give light to good things?",Frisk asked for Pearl,with a genuinely innocent tone,because in her head,insults and compliments weren't able to create its opposite. Pearl just looked down at her with a slightly more annoyed face while Chara looked at her in more confusion.

So the author forced Pearl to have some kind of skewed vision of insults and compliments, gets her idiocy pointed out to her, and the author doesn't even pretend that Pearl had a way of explaining it in the first place. Classic genius made-up-on-the-spot writing right there.


After recieving that question,Pearl made Chara,Frisk,Lapis and Asriel wear suspenders to paint the sign of the Crystal Shack in a baby cyan color. All of it,not just the part that once spelled 'Shack' but lost the S. Pearl claimed that the reason was because tourists would find a glittery sign beautiful.

As long as it's the whole sign, though. If the author hadn't specified that for them, the tourists would have found the result ugly beyond reason.

But birds found it beautiful as well,because a small swarm of hummingbirds flied around Asriel,whose suspender's had paint stains,and made the goat boy enter in panic for a moment.

"Shoudn't Grauntie Pearl...I don't know,give a break of bossing us around?",Chara said,stopping her painting routine to rest her arms and a bit of her breath.

Maybe the author could let her start first, instead of giving 'show - don't tell' the middle finger?

"I know. I can't put in words.",Lapis said,feeling just as tired as Chara and also stopping the painting routine to rest.

"Well,I once gave her a suggestion for a mascot of the Crystal Shack.",Asriel said,pulling out a paper with a glittery drawing of him wearing a rainbow star on his neck,with the writting 'Starry the Rainbow Star'. "Starry asks people questions with a dance called dance from the stars."

Because questions are an integral part of crystal mythos, didn't you know?! I find it fitting that this idiocy is placed in this scene, because this substitution shit is nothing but a bad paintjob.

"Awww...that is adorable!",Frisk commented with a big,blush-y and joyful smile.

"Yeah...",Lapis and Chara awkwardly agreed together with Frisk's comment.

"Heheh,golly...thanks...",Asriel thanked and laughed awkwardly,scratching the fur over his head with a blush.

Why are everyone acting awkward? Did Asriel's drawing include a dick-pic? What?!

However,a frown appeared over his face after he finished his laughter. "...But Pearl unfortunately said I couldn't handle it."

You get scared of humming birds and bawls at the drop of a hat while having a self-depreciation fetish, no fucking shit you can't handle it!

Frisk was now finding Pearl's boss position something extremely equal to a rule of iron fist on a kingdom that didn't deserve a iron fist rule.

Let's just take a moment to appreciate the kingdoms that do deserve an iron fist rule to let this author's sentence make a lick of sense.

She decided to make a deal with her grauntie to make her friend,her cousin and her twin sister happy.

Do I actually have to rewind the tape for the author to when her commentary regarded it as unbelievable, that these people were even supposed to be considered employees?


Pearl waved a bye-bye for the tourists that visited the Crystal Shack,carrying on one arms a jar full of the people's dollar notes and began to enter inside the shack. For her surprise,who was there waiting for her with crossed arms and a childish anger expression was her younger great niece,Frisk.

Oh, but what happened to her needing an excuse by the author to act childish despite her late-pre-teen age and all that junk?

"...Uh?",Pearl said in confusion,wondering about what Frisk was angry about.

"Grauntie Pearl,you gotta stop having this bad attitude towards hopes and dreams.",

For your blind and ceaselessly context-less references, author; right back at you.

Frisk said to Pearl in a tranquil fury tone,following her great aunt to the office. "Or at least,give to Asriel a chance for him to shine! He is your great nephew as well! Or just nephew,I don't know..."

Yeah, just look how much you are family by not even knowing what you are in relation to each other. Is the author consciously diddling the subject with nothing but a non-committal gesture, just so she can keep sticking Asriel back into Sooz's employee role?

"I know,dear...but being a loving relative is very different from being a serious boss.",Pearl explained to Frisk,sitting down on her chair. "And being aserious boss,you can't let your workers abuse of your position."

"You wouldn't believe how many times I had to ward off sexual harassment from family members in this business."

"I personally find it wrong. At least you should give one 'business yes' to your workers everyday.",Frisk said,still crossing her arms and wearing a tranquil fury tone and expression.

I think that's the one you give to your employees when they ask if they may go home for the day at the end of their shift.

"Look,you are just a idealistic girl and I'm a business woman. Because of that,you can't wear this medal.",Pearl said,with traces of anger surfacing above her voice as she spoke holding her palms on the table.

"...Seems like you'll really need a vacation.",Frisk said,as her head 'said' to her it was apparently a good idea to challenge her great aunt.

How many times are you going to use pseudo-language to jerk off to Frisk being capable of thought, author?

"Oh,really?",Pearl said,slightly raising her tone (not in anger,but in some sort of cocky tone) and crossing her arms with a big,taunting smile. "Then,its accepted. For 72 hours,the period of three days,

Considering the author equates sundown with midnight, I actually needed that clarified, thanks.

you run the Shack while I go to vacation. If you win,I will change my way of manering my business. But if you lose,you won't be able to buy your favorite caramel for three straight weeks."

Oh no, how problematic, I guess she'll just have to get her sister to get them for her instead. Also, how does she win? How does she lose? The canon plot involved a wager of earnings, author, you hack.

"Alright...but I give to you the losing price.",Frisk said,pointing her pointer finger to the chest,in the place where the human heart was actually located. "If I win,you got to make my cover of 'Reunited' on my guitar when you come back."

Which is totally not just the author plugging one of her favorite song lyrics, which is pointless in a fanfic since it might as well have been a cover version made by Smash Mouth.

As a answer,Pearl gently patted Frisk's hair,and as a counter-answer,Frisk fixed a heart-shaped stamp written 'FAMILY LOVE' over the area where her heart really was located.

Either this is sappy and soft like soggy tissues, or a whole lot more condescending and passive aggressive than the canon ever was, author. Also, is her heart located somewhere else than where it's 'actually' supposed to be located, like your pretentiously convoluted sentence in the previous paragraph emphasized?


Soon,Pearl departed to have vacations on her car,carrying the stuff she loved the most on the back of the car

But making an effort to describe any of it would cause her to have a character with more depth than the paper mask she exists as, which the author uses to cover up Stan Pines' corpse.

and letting Frisk wear Pearl's silver-and-pink pearl-shaped medal on the chest. Just then,Chara discovered Frisk's deal with Pearl.

"Frisk,I think trying to change the ways of a conwoman's business won't work...",Chara awkwardly said to her little twin sister as she closed the door.

"Don't worry,you great idealistic twin sister will manage to do this.",Frisk replied to Chara's worried comment putting her right hand on the right hip and the other hand on a jar. However,the pulse was strong enough to make the jar drop and crack a tiny bit.

"...Eh,mistakes are made sometimes.",Chara shrugged off with a neutral face. "I guess Pearl will get money to fix a single jar."

You just put a broken jar on Pearl's tab because something out of your own ability influenced it to become broken, because - once again, like always, every fucking time - the author doesn't understand the jokes!!


Some minutes later...

Chara,a confused Lapis and a over-worried Asriel ran to get into Pearl's office,whose chair was turned towards the wall in a way no one of them could see in-front who was sitting over it.

"Ms. Crystal,you wanted to see us?",Asriel asked in a trembled voice,holding his own paw-like hands.

The chair turned around to face the three,and on it,was sitting Frisk,wearing a jumper that was supposed to look like a business outfit with a gray necktie,

It was supposed to, but instead it looked like something Temmie threw up.

and she was wearing no bowtie on the neck.

"Pearl is not here,Azzy. I am sorry...",Frisk explained to Asriel with a sort of sad frown that looked acted.

"What?! NOOO!!",Asriel screamed in denial,holding his head and crying a exaggerately big quantity of tears. "Who is going to take care of me now?!"

Your parents, you pathetic excuse for unintentional satire.

"C-calm down Asriel!",Frisk said,now genuinely feeling sorry of informing Asriel about Pearl's absence in the wrong way. "She didn't die! She is simploy on a three-days vacation..."

I'm guessing Frisk is not going to throw herself in a shame dungeon and die from a guilt trip, despite her self-persecution complex from prior chapters.

"Oh...sorry for being a crybaby accidentaly.",Asriel apologized with a ashamed face as he wiped his tears away with his own jumper.

You can force your puppet to try and say 'accidentally' all you want, author. Frisk was acting, intentionally giving off the wrong impression because you didn't know how to otherwise set the scene. Commit to your self-insert doing a bad or go fuck yourself.

"Nah,we are fine,Azzy.",Chara said with a accepting smile,playfully patting Asriel's back with some tiny bit of strenght.

Frisk smiled and pulled two things from below the table: a management auto-help book written in 1983,and a mug with coffe that readed 'The 2 Greatest'.

"Well,if you are the second greatest...who is the real greatest?",Chara asked with a confused face as she looked at the mug's words.

She has whatever an auto-help book is, but a noncommittal mug text is what has your attention?

"You all are the real greatests.",Frisk answered with a sweet smile,holding up a mirror that reflected Cahra,Lapis and Asriel's face. She recieved as a reply their joyful laughter. "Follow me,guys!",Frisk said,getting up from the chair and guiding her friends trough the room.

Frisk stopped next a blackboard with the big word 'M.E.R.C.Y'.


Below it was a list of the words that composed the anagram. 'Magical,Energetic,Relieved,Content,Youthful'.

Making Every Reference Cringey Year-round.

"With me leading the shack,some new things will happen here. For example,we will have mercy.",Frisk said,pointing to the blackboard with the anagram. "We will be magical,energetic,relieved,content,and youthful. *ahem* Temmie,can you bring me the stickers?"

Those stickers had better address how the author still thinks all these people are too young to hold a job.

Temmie came in,happily wiggling her tail and carrying on her mouth a pack full of stickers with a heart shape. Frisk took the pack of stickers,patted Temmie on the head and gave to her friend,her cousin and her twin sister a heart sticker.

"Now,the first I can make the working ambient more good for you,Lapis?",Frisk said,looking upward to face Lapis properly,since she was the tallest of the bunch after Pearl.

I had a joke prepped about an ocean view, but what would be the point? Even if any of these stolen characters had retained their canon selves in some way, the author hasn't even given an impression of which stage in their lives they were plucked from, to determine their wants, needs and interests. Is this for instance supposed to be the Lapis that hates the ocean and clingy ex-girlfriends?

"Hmmm...there is no teen friends at work,a beach-like atmosphere is missing...",Lapis began to explain,but in the middle of the explaining,she was interrupted by Frisk,who made a approving thumb up.

Any more dialogue out of her and she might accidentally create herself a personality.

"Sweet!",Lapis replied,forgetting to do the rest of the explanation.

"And Asriel...",Frisk began to say,walking towards Asriel and pulling out of the ground a rainbow star almost like the one Asriel had on his jumper,but with a hole that allowed a neck to fit in. "Now your dreams become true."

Well, it's a wonder Asriel didn't bother pull costumes out of thin fucking air too, maybe then we'd even know if it was the size of a necktie or a full body costume

"S-starry the Rainbow Star?!",Asriel said in surprise,as he carefully holded the rainbow star neck-outfit with his hands. "I hope I can modify it to make it a shooting star,because that can only mean a wish become true!"

Wishing wells have fewer wishes than this fanfic, in which it's supposed to be something to be cautious about.

"Now,for my big sister Chara...",Frisk began to say,as she began to bend the ninja outfit Chara was forced to use on the tour and throw it on the trashcan. "You'll run into the forest and find a great attraction for the Shack,okay?"

"Yes! Now Grauntie Pearl will see how a REAL mystery looks like.",

Do real mysteries look like crystals? Because I have a news flash for you about the name of this particular shack, fucktard!

Chara said in joy,picking up the mysterious book with the gemstones and the number '3' on the cover and putting it on her hoodie. After doing that,she ran to the table to pick a pocket knife and jumped into the window. "See you soon!",Chara said,jumping out of the window in a way that didn't look too humbling.

I know what you mean, I struggle with doing the same every day. Do you even know what humbling means, author?

"Alrght,its time to prove to Grauntie Pearl that putting alot of love in her work is something she should think off.",Frisk said,wearing a determined expression as she turned around to face Asriel and Lapis.

Excuse me, author, you reference-crazy crackpot, did you just have the Mercy-touting brat utter the word 'Love'?!

Asriel and Lapis nodded at Frisk's speech and bumped their fists together. Temmie also jumped in joy and wigged her tail repeatedly.

"Wait...",Lapis said,as she realized something that should be obvious to her in the first minutes. "You understand how cash and business work?"

That's something that should be obvious to Lapis? It wasn't obvious to anyone before the author made up that character trait.

"...I'll be learning!",Frisk shrugged with a big wavy smile of 'I don't get what you mean' and a tuneless voice as Temmie began to munch on a dollar note,much to Asriel and Lapis' discomfort and internal worry.

Temmie eating something that isn't Temmie Flakes? Sacrilege!


Frisk,incredibly,was kind of proven right on the point that nicer bosses could do the work better than the more cynical ones. Every tourist that approached the Crystal Shack dropped a dollar note into Frisk's jar and she waved gentle farewell's for each of them. Soon,in the middle of the crowd,Chara came back carrying something on a leather sack.

Aw shit, I forgot to predict a crossover character for this one to substitute the Gremloblin. I can't even go with the theme of evil eyes or that its name was the combination of two typical monsters, this author used Teletubbies instead of the gnomes, for crying out loud. Alright, dumb bet probably, but how about Goliath from Disney's Gargoyles?

"Greetings,Frisky. I got a monster that'll surely shake the touritsts.",Chara informed to Frisk with a large smirk as the thing on the sack tried to find its freedom. As a arm ripped the leather,Chara threatened said arm with the pocket knife,making it slowly shrink back into the leather sack.

Oh, I can't wait for when that ridiculous scenario is made even worse by what the author put in the sack. And why are we two thirds through the chapter when the canon hasn't hit the half-way mark?

"Good job,big sister.",Frisk said,thumbing up positively for Chara. But soon,her focus turned to Asriel,who was walking right behind Chara wearing the paper rainbow star on his neck. "Greetings,Starry!",Frisk greeted Asriel from behind.

"Golly...I feel a cold wind...the wind of shame...",Asriel said,as he tried to make his pawn-like hands cover his face.However,the paper rainbow star was making the job more difficult,since it was big enough to cover the rest of his body from a upside view.

What the fuck is he supposed to be feeling shame over, author? Did you forget to mention to us he took off his clothes to wear the cone of shame, which you somehow didn't find it appropriate to actually call it, and he's embarrassed that people can see his diaper?!

"Don't worry,use your flame of dreams to win the rain of shame,ok?",

Who here wants to tell the author which one of the two typically wins out in a faceoff?

Frisk said to Asriel,with a genuinely encouraging and kind tone. It was unfortunate she didn't get that Asriel was ashamed of wearing the outfit,not because he was wearing the outfit in public.

"Uhm...first,its wind of shame,and winds can extinguish fires...",Asriel began to explain to Frisk.

Why and how is that supposed to be any better, worse, different, or even make sense in the first place? The author is speaking gibberish to herself like an idiot and she can't even translate it properly.

"And second,can you at least give me a script?"

Oh, I'm sure she can pull out a script from her ass like she did your costume, especially after it was all your idea, too.

Frisk simply extended her hand in the signal of 'Please Wait A Moment' and entered inside the Crystal Shack to check on Lapis. However,what waited her wasn't exactly a pleasant surprise: Lapis' group of teenager friends (excluding Jasper) were inside the giftshop.

Oh! Are they Lapis' friends?! Isn't Chara supposed to be competing against these bozos from the intimidating thought that they'll prevent her from spending time with Lapis, author?!

"Oh...guess I'll clean it when you are done...r-right,my big big friend Lapis?",Frisk said,trying to not show a slow fury raising on her normally sweet heart.

Author, the only thing you mentioned was that Lapis' friends were here. I wish you'd stop staring at the episode while you write, because the only conclusive mess here is the now unintentionally implied orgy!

"Yeah. That definitively separates you from Pearl.",Lapis agreed with a smile,a wink and a thumb up,not managing to catch the microscopy fury over Frisk's voice...thankfully.

Thankfully, because the plot would have shifted away from the canon otherwise.

"Thanks...",Frisk said,slowly backing up towards a wall far enough for no one to see her panicked face. 'Don't worry,you can be a good master...',Frisk repeated this statement on her mind,believing it could somehow calm her spirit,despite the fact Asriel was being sprayed on the eyes with pepperment not too far of her hearing.

That happened to Asriel because of race crime, mind you. Or his new master Frisk has a very aggressive retainer. For the love of English, author, get a dictionary.


Chara leaded a couple of tourists trough the Crystal Shack, and eventually stopped on a cage that was covered by cloth and with something...a monster,trying to battle for its freedom.

"Like I said,I,Chara the Logical,

Well, what do you know, that title is just as fitting as your previous one, Charming.

have a more honest heart compared with my great aunt. And to proof it,I'll show to you one creature I managed to get into the woods myself.",Chara began her speech,slowly grabbing onto the cloth covering the cage.

"Here is the boar demon, Gaaanooon!",Chara finished, pulling out the cloth, and revealing Ganon, the monster trapped inside the cage.


You know what? I'm done being upset over this. It's the author's idiocy and incompetence that's the insulting part here. Her idiocy can't sully one of the better villains of my childhood by stuffing him into a single-episode monster-of-the-week setting. What she can do, however, is make her own fanfics universe even more unbelievable, by having a fully sentient armored and armed pig man bent on world domination bumbling around in Oregon's oceanic outback, and being caught and threatened by a preteen child with a pocket knife. Okay, I lied, I'm still a bit upset. Three points to the BTTP count, for implying Chara is better than Link ever was, should manage to quench that.

Ganon,like Chara stated,looked like a anthropomorfic boar,but with blue skin,armory,and glowing eyes of the dark blue color. At first, the couple thought Ganon was just a fake monster,

Mostly because the other monster on the premise is an uncaged, crying, Nubian goat boy that's pretending to be dressed like a flower.

but right in the moment Chara was about to protest to proof the veracity, Ganon pulled a blue trident from out of his back.

When the couple looked at it, they both saw the thing that scared them most on their life from the trident's reflection, like it was a mind-reading mirror.

And I'm sure there was a reason for not removing this inexcusable, idea-bankrupt piece of power-plagiary from the captive creature, that's intimidated by a preteen with a pocket knife.

The couple slowly backed away in fear and, possibly, went outside the Shack. At least, that was Chara thought, because she didn't follow them.

"Uh...I hope you had a good time?",Chara said with a unsure tone. She also wasn't aware of what Ganon made to scare off the touristic couple.

Brandishing a pole-arm that can go through bars hasn't even entered on your radar of thought, as you cover Chara's ass for endangering people, by not reading the same section about a captured creature that Dipper did, author?

Chara walked to the giftshop putting her hands on her hoodie's pockets, and in the floor, laid in the front of the cashier balcony,

Balcony? Hold up, this is not the first Gravity Falls related fanfic proclaiming that there is a balcony inside the Mystery Shack. Do all these fanfic authors not know what a shop counter is?

was her little twin sister Frisk, looking tired from a whole work day. Chara was also a thin bit tired, because of the work she had to trap Ganon, so she sitted besides her twin.

Well, going through all of Hyrule's dungeons in half an afternoon can really take a lot out of you.

"How your work is going? Some tourists ran away from the attraction I put here...",Chara shrugged off with a patient smirk.

"I gave a day off for Lapis out of kindness and...(yawn)",Frisk said,absolutely sounding more tired than Chara.

"Well,Frisk,I suggest you-",Chara was about to say to Frisk,but something interrupted her. A smell she sniffed off. "...Weird...that's boar smell..."

Unfortunately, it was from the boar Chara wasn't expecting. Ganon.

She needed the author to make her gifted enough to detect things by smell, but not have the brains to decipher that it wasn't Jasper's new deodorant, apparently. I bet she can detect cancer without a fault in people just before they die from it!!

Ganon broke himself free from his jail, and took out a wall from the giftshop to enter it.

Because never ever in a million years will the author besmirch her self-inserts and have them learn from failure by having them be the catalysts for the copied plot-thread, just like she'll not realize that they are all dumber for the fact that they let everything be beyond their control, by not securing everything in the first place!

All the tourists ran away from the Crystal Shack in panicked screams.

Chara and Frisk immediately began to try and hide, but the wood walls of the Crystal Shack weren't unstoppable to Ganon, who made holes on them with his trident for him to get trough. They couldn't count now with the cage, possibly destroyed, neither Asriel (who was innocently playing in the woods by Frisk's command) or Lapis' help. Finally,Chara decided to seek help with the mysterious book with the gemstones and the number '3'.

Say journal, or tome, or say that it's her book. Fuck it, you could say Chara opened 'a book' and everyone would be on the same page about what the hell she was doing, because you couldn't stop ripping off the canon even if you tried, author!

"*ahem*, One of the ways to defeat Ganon is stabbing him with wood...",Chara carefully readed, and Frisk followed the instructions. Unfortunately. "...but when you stab him with wood, run away immediately, as his wounds heal very easily. ...Don't tell to me Frisk didn't hear this part..."

Oh, sure, instructions on defeating Ganon includes something you can't defeat him with, because it's better to include dumbass instructions than let these brats suffer a single consequence for following them. Why are you like this, author? Why do you have to add a layer of fix-fic on top of your car crash pileup of a crossover?

Frisk didn't hear the second part of the paragraph, unfortunately. Ganon took advantage of the shock Frisk felt and grabbed her. Chara began to panic, but when she realized the reason the couple ran away was the trident, another wave of panic appeared.

She realized this by pulling the knowledge out of the ground just as fast as the author skipped straight to the final act.

"FRISK!! Avoid looking at his trident!!",Chara screamed the loudest she could, hoping Frisk could listen.

"If you look at it, it might make you back off slowly and maybe exit the shack!"

Frisk quietly followed Chara's suggestion the loudest she could and used her arms to cover her face and avoid direct eye contact with the trident. Chara quickly stole off the trident from Ganon; it was surprisingly heavy, and forced Chara to make a effort onto making Ganon look directly at the own trident.

A reflective, metal trident wielded by a giant boar demon with plot-convenient butter fingers is surprisingly heavy? Surely you jest about this single non-inconvenience for this impotent climax, your Mary Sue-ness.

And when Ganon looked at his own trident, he saw the thing that most scared him: Clover, and the day he was defeated by them.

And a defeat at Clover Jaundyce's hands is of course only slightly more threatening than a preteen with a pocket knife, but to be fair, they were probably still mummified in amber at the time!

Ganon screamed,and finally ran away (making another hole onto the Crystal Shack's giftshop and making a significant crack onto the totem pole).

And Ganon just ran way in fear, and the trident he left behind will likely never again make an appearance in this fanfic, nor will the demon with intelligence enough to have such a weapon return for it. Why do I care? Because the author should have, but obviously didn't, ever.

"...Well,besides the totem pole being slightly ruined,we can fix the walls,right?",Chara said and asked to Frisk. But Frisk didn't reply,she just stood curled on the ground for some seconds with a pitful face.

Frisk slowly got up,walked to the balcony and laid her head over it. She didn't want to run the Crystal Shack anymore,she finally saw and understood how her idealistic mind,who deep inside really wanted to give everything for free,wasn't fixeable for this position. And so,she started to sob.


This is what has been presented to us in this chapter: Frisk gave both Lapis and Asriel the day off and it was never implied that was a detriment. Lapis' friends came over as allowed and somehow that was a problem. The creature Chara captured were never secure in the first place. Never once was it ever mentioned that things were being given away for free like this supposed idealism bullshit the author pretends it's all about now. The crux of Frisk's issues never happened and it was never the point to begin with. Even if this was the point, even if the reasons for her tears were valid, the sample size shaking her to the core right now couldn't reach the same voices or harmony in a barbershop quartet! Fuck you, author. You entered the final act and had nothing to put into it, besides making your spineless version of Frisk fold, because she can't take charge like Mabel did, as that would mean she had to shatter your idyllic caricature's fragile world with a negative attitude towards someone else than herself. Even when you try to make the case that idealism has flaws, the intent of your writing can't face that fact.

Right in the middle of Frisk's sobbing,Lapis and Asriel came back to the Shack,each one carrying a cheerful smile...that was quickly destroyed,when both realized Frisk was sad.

They then turned around and left to avoid Captain Buzzkill.

"Hey,Summer Fun Buddy,what's wrong?",Lapis asked in a worried voice to her friend. Frisk didn't raise her head yet.

"Rosey? ...Uh,are you sad about the holes on the wall?",Asriel asked as well,noticing the many holes covering the walls of the giftshop.

"...I DON'T WANNA RUN THIS ANYMORE!",Frisk loudly yelled in a mix of anger and sadness,hastily pulling off the jumper simulating a business outfit,throwing on the ground,and running upstairs in tears.

Perfect. Not only are you a whiny baby who can't handle the slightest possibility of being wrong, you are also a pathetic quitter squeezing out the same amount of tears that Steven Universe characters only do for the sake of comedy.

A immensely awkward silence ruled over the wrecked giftshop. Both of the three felt immense pity over Frisk realizing her idealism wasn't perfect to put on work. Eventually,the trio decided to do the only thing that could be done: get cash the fastest enough to at least try to fix a bit the Shack.

So, to avoid Frisk bossing others around, we have an boss-less and undirected support-group fixing her shit for her, through the hand-waved use of dubious earnings. Why are you writing the direct opposite of the canon while trying to pass it off as the same, author?


7 hours later...

Pearl opened the door and entered inside the Crystal Shack. Surprisingly, she looked down. The presenc eof the original boss of the Crystal Shack was a pleasant surprise for the inner senses of Chara,Asriel and Lapis.

But for their outer senses, it was not surprising at all.

"...Uh...someone is missing.",Pearl pointed out,clearly seeing the absence of Frisk,still mourning upstairs her incompetence.

"This someone is upstairs...sad.",Chara confessed,pointing to the stairs with a face that mixed the feelings of awkwardness and pity at the same time.

Pearl could get what Chara said with some though: Frisk failed on using her idealistic mindset on the role of the boss of the Crystal Shack. Pearl's inner self was actually thinking and believing it would eventually happen in the meantime she was busy.

Gee, it's almost like she made a bet about this, being sure that Frisk couldn't handle it, but no let's just go into comfort mode, because the person who was wrong turned on the water works.

So,to answer Chara's awkward-pity face,she just nodded her head and went upstairs,to the room the twins were sharing for the summer.

Frisk was laying on her own bed and still sobbing. Pearl just picked Frisk up on the lap and patted her head,in a way a mother would do. Frisk's sobbing slowed down and finally stopped, as Frisk looked up at her great aunt with a sweet smile. Both climbed down the stairs,and just their smiles lifted a bit of the spirit of Chara,Lapis and Asriel.

You splurge words like inner self, spirit, and soul, feigning to know what the words 'emotions' mean, and you can't even linger at this moment, almost like you didn't even plan to wind up at this part. What was the point of this chapter, author?! A clueless plot without a point and a pat on the back?!

"Well,all that matter is that I'm back and I'll put everything in order.",Pearl said for Chara and Frisk,pulling both of the for a hug that was answered by a double hug for both of them. "Now,if you both excuse me...",Pearl slowly said,gently pulling Chara and Frisk out of the hug and strictly ordering Lapis and Asriel to get back to work. But now,the twins understood that strictness was necessary on Pearl's work.

Which they had realized by all the nothing that happened to demonstrate that.

"Wait...I'll go get something.",Chara remembered with a playful smile,as she ran upstairs and came back carrying a acoustic guitar. "Go on,lil' sis!"

"W-what?!",Pearl said in surprise,as she realized what kind of music Frisk was about to play on the acoustic guitar.

Oh right, the cover of a song called Reunited that the author threatened Pearl had to sing if she lost the bet. But I guess the author is content enough to simply let her self-insert sing it instead despite that never having been a condition of the bet, oh I wonder why.

🎵Reunited,wi-ith my dear family...

Reunited,with my very best friends!

Reunited,wi-ith my dear family...

Reunited under the night stars...

Is this song supposed to have meaning to this story or chapter in general? No one is being reunited, her friends aren't here, and it's not night. More so, this isn't a cover. This song doesn't exist. The closest is Reunited by Peaches & Herb, and that doesn't have more than two 'Reunited' per chorus.

If a shooting star,come from the sky,

I want my family,to make a wish!

Okay, do you intentionally mention the word, and think that just because you have them say 'wish' all the time somehow ties into your misnomer of a tagline, author? I don't have a counter, but I sure am going to, by the end of this fanfic.

I want a shooting star,to come down here,

Maybe a friend will co-ome for me...🎵

I thought you were already reunited with your friends, what's the point?

Everyone in the giftshop laughed in joy about the little music Frisk loved to sing...except Pearl,who personally hated songs with microscopic lenghts and sneaked back to her office.

And we are smacked with a flip-flopping moment of idiocy as the author now tells us that Pearl - Pearl, a Steven Universe character, Pearl, Pearl!! Pearl!!! - doesn't like something about short songs, merely from the author retaining yet another misunderstanding about Stan Pines.

For once I feel like my predictions from last chapter were spot on, if only because of the author's inability to establish and follow through on any actual plot. I've now reached a boiling point again, where my anger at this catastrophe is influencing the pacing of my jokes more than I want it to. I'll take a minor break from this mock by starting a new one based on the result of my latest poll. Until then, though, I'll leave predictions for the next chapter.

Next chapter is titled Stories Under Earth, being the ripoff of the short-story compilation episode Bottomles Pit!, so I'm just gonna guess what the plot of the short stories are going to be. Asriel will tell a story about going inside a video game instead of a pinball machine, Chara will tell a story about getting muscles from a potion made by Gaster, and Frisk will tell a story about Pearl being forced to tell lies.

YAT: 56
BTTP: 136

I will be taking a break from this mock for a bit. The constant canon-ripoff and pointless meandering of everything in general that the author thinks was invested into this story has become a chore yet again. Through a poll on my site, I have been nudged in the direction to take on a Pokémon fanfic in the meanwhile, and I've already picked my target.

User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Tue Jul 16, 2019 1:04 pm

If you thought it was grating enough to have this author write about this plot she's made which she totally stole and gave a makeover, be prepared for the author writing about how she tells you about this plot she's made which she totally stole and gave a makeover. Here's Chapter 14, Stories Under Earth.

'Bottomless Hole'.

I know what I'm reading, thanks.

A sign just said that besides a hole that looked like a normal,yet extremely deep hole,deep enough for it to look like a literal black hole.

Yet it looked normal and was shaped like Wile E. Coyote, but looked normal.

Besides the forest,there wasn't nothing exactly separating it from a regular deep hole. At least... at first sight.

"In this land of ours, there are many great pits. But none more bottomless than the bottomless pit. Which as you can see here is bottomless." Was that line a joke to you, since you didn't get it, author?

The Crystal Cart approached the Bottomless Hole's area,carrying Asriel,Chara and Frisk,and being driven by Pearl. The cart stopped,and everyone hopped off from it.

Pearl,of course,began to move wih elegancy,which she almost always did presenting something to her great-nieces and (great?-)employee-nephew.

If you can't figure out your own made-up shit alongside these characters, author, what the fuck am I supposed to do about it?

"This is the hole that has the deepest bottom of all of Inside Falls...the 'Bottomless Hole!'",Pearl presented,turning the sign that spoke the area's name towards the others. "Its precisely what says on this sign."

It has the deepest of what it doesn't have. Well, what do you know, it still fits as a metaphor for this fanfic.

"A hole with no bottom...cooooooll...",Asriel said in a impressed-child tone,looking down trough the very deep hole with starry eyes.

"Ugh,and I forgot the reason we came here in the first place...",Chara said,scratching the back of her ear and honestly trying to make a effort to remember the reason. Maybe her inner self just didn't exactly care about the reason,and that was why she forgot.

Maybe your inner self should get a clue about plot inference and just about everything having to do with writing likable character traits in general, author.

"Its to send away the things with no useful prupose.

Ah, no wonder no one told Chara why they came here.

For example: Farewell,Crystal Shack's touristic cards!",Pearl said,as she pulled out of her right sleeve a bunch of silver cards and threw them,as they felt like feathers towards the Bottomless Hole.

Author, even if assuming you meant flyers and not local area tourism discount measures, those are still objects of advertisement! Stan was throwing out customer suggestion cards because he's an ass. Pearl is hurting her own business because you are an idiot.

"Oh.",Frisk nodded with a smile,as she pulled out of her pockets some 'friendship' letters and gifts from Peridot and thew them down the hole. "Bye-bye, senseless-friendship gifts from Peridot.",Frisk bided farewell for the bizzare gifts,as they felt onto the deep,deep darkness of the Bottomless Hole.

Because of course Peridot is still trying to become Frisk's friend, despite the author making her swear bloody vengeance on her family and her included for the rejection.

Following along,Asriel threw some sandals he recieved as gifts one year ago (which confused Pearl,Chara and Frisk very much,since they never understood Asriel's civilized goat race was a race with no will to use shoes)

Author, watching you both simultaneously make Asriel a cowardly idiot and justifying his every pathetic action simply to repeat what Soos did, is like watching someone suck their own thumb for nourishment.

and outdated soda,Frisk threw a box full of bugs she weirdly decided to keep and just regretted some hours after recieving it,and Pearl kept throwing more cards.

Chara was the only one who didn't throw off anything that wasn't useful to her anymore.

Well, she evidently has thrown her golden heart away long ago.

She was firmly skeptical of the possibility of a 'Bottomless Hole' being real,and would only accept its veracity if it was some sort of wormhole...and that sounded extremely disgusting,mostly because of the name.

Then call it an Einstein-Rosen bridge, you little insipid simpleton. See, when Dipper by the end of the episode proposes the pit to be a wormhole, I'm actually convinced that he knows what that even is, unlike how you are here announcing your author foresight that convinces me, that the only thing you and the author knows about the term, is that the word sounds icky to you.

"Chara,are you sure you don't have anything to throw off? Be careful,you might regret...",Frisk asked and slightly warned to Chara,noticing the skeptical and slightly cynical face of her older twin sister.

"...Nah.",Chara simply replied to the question of her twin sister,not wanting to face the strictness and the insistence of her great-aunt Pearl trying to proof the veracity of the Bottomless Hole.

"Uh,girls? The wind is strongly howling!",Asriel warned to his cousins in a worried voice,as he felt a pretty decent wind make his ears float forward and looked at the sky,whose color was becoming a un-welcoming shade of gray,typical of a rain. A heavy rain.

What's with the emphasis? Are you making a reference or something? I'm asking because I don't believe it but can't put it past you.

"Lets go back!",Chara said in a leader-ly way for the rest,pointing towards the Crystal Shack. Unfortunately,after a few steps,she realized Grauntie Pearl wasn't following; she was busy taking care of the cards by throwing them off into the Bottomless Hole,either unaware of the incoming rain or simply not caring for it.

The three youngsters had to appeal for strenght: Frisk holded thightly into Pearl's leg to pull her backward,Chara holded thightly into Frisk's chest to help her and Asriel holded thightly Chara's chest to help her.

On a totally unrelated note, author, does your hypothetically abducted human source of English lessons by any chance have a lisp?

Unfortunately,for the three's bad luck,the wind began to blow stronger,and agains't them,making the youngsters lose their strenght.

Let's see, why couldn't three obvious author-favored characters, one of which boast berserker strength when needed, together drag away a matchstick shaped, elderly woman? Oh, I know, the wind!!

The wind,finally,began to push the group in a force strong enough to make them fall forward. Into the direction of the Bottomless Hole's entrance. Pearl,Frisk,Chara and Asriel felt on the Bottomless Hole,as the swan that ocassionaly appeared nearby the Crystal Shack watched them innocently.


As the group felt down on the Bottomless Hole,a sucession of screams happened. First,Frisk screamed. Then,Chara screamed. Followed by that,Pearl screamed. Finally,Asriel screamed,and hilariously,he sounded just like a goat.

How surprising, how original, how funny, almost like the joke is that a normal person wouldn't sound like that, and that they would have to at least be a goat-like creature or something instead. Wait…

Finally,the screaming stopped after Asriel's weird scream, and a mildly awkward silence ruled over the area.

The inside of the Bottomless Hole was a pure black void where only source of light where the things wandering over it,like it was some sort of vision of the beginning of time and space.

Half of your fanfic already has this be the implied setting for all its scenery, author.

However,in the distance,if payed attention,a distant noise of a hollow wind was hearable.

That's the sound of them constantly falling through air, author, how are you this dense?

This special detail made the inside of the Bottomless Hole look less like the beginning of time and space and more like the Bottomless Hole was the entrance to a world destroyed by a powerful monster.

Oh. Just like a genocide ending of Undertale. It's supposed to be a crossover reference. Do you get it? Do you get it? Do you? But do you? Do you GET it? DO you get it? Do you get IT? DO? YOU! GET?! IT?! Well, I didn't.

"That was a weird screaming well.",Asriel commented with a pretty normal and calm face,like he and the others weren't panicking about death possibility seconds ago. He,and everyone else,briefly looked around the hole,but no one was there except them.

Because they had of course expected half the forgotten townspeople to be down here in storage.

"Okay...what do we do to get out of here?",Chara asked in a serious and fearful tone,as she looked upward,clearly feeling and seeing the sunlight going far,far away from the reach and sight of everyone.

I don't know, Miss Wormhole, I thought you'd have figured that one out already.

She was stressing out just by thinking how she and the others could find a way out,since by each micro-second,everyone was lowering to the bottom...or possibly,to the endless bottom.


"I have no idea...guess we'll have to wait for rescue.",Frisk suggested with a hopeful smile,but even herself doubted someone would rescue the group from a hole that apparently had no bottom.

Yes, indeed, fair point, who would want to rescue any of you?

As she spoke,she realized something: since her eyes were far from the grasp of sunlight,she didn't have to squint them anymore and could freely open them.

Yes! Of course!! That explains everything! The reason for Frisk's closed-eyed facial features is that she has been squinting in the sunlight all this time! Hey, quick FYI for you, author, guess what they're isn't much of in the underground in Undertale, so much so that it's a focal point of the final scene before the end credits? Fucking sunlight!!!

Nothing was spoken between the group for a good,awkward while,at least until some seconds of Pearl thinking on something made her reach to a conclusion...

"We're screwed."

"Oh!",Pearl suddenly shouted in joy,as she pulled a flashlight from her pant's pocket and gave it to Chara,carefully,because a tiny mistake would make any object fly trough the dark and empty void and make it lost (perhaps forever). "Do you have any kind of story to tell to us,cutie-pie?"

It had better be an original short story, because the author has apparently already reached a third of the word count for this chapter, for some reason.

Chara took a very deep breath,being a kind of person that hated affectionate nicknames on situations that for her looked dangerous,but she calmed down and just made a chill smile. "Well,I got a story here for you all.",Chara said with a chill tone,as she pointed the flashlight to her face and her story began.




I don't know what I was expecting. No, wait, this is exactly what I was expecting.

So,as all of you voice is very weird. And I'm not explaining what you already know merely because the author hasn't addressed it in the slightest up until now. I'm recently having a more '80% genderless and 20% femenine voice',but I'm going trough the hellish phase,that sometimes I call out straight as a curse,called puberty. And if I'm unlucky enough,unexpectedly I can sound all-out like a boy because the femeninity on my voice poofs.

Again, author, even when addressing agender topics, you seem oblivious to the fact that something can sound, look, act, and be non-binary. 100% genderless does not mean male, dumbass!

One day,you guys were playing "Picky Cat" with Temmie and,because of the answer Grauntie Pearl made for the question,I invented a excuse to get out of this very uncomfortable situation in the game. Unfortunately,the curse of puberty striked back and I began to sound like a boy,my femeninity poofing away to oblivion. I understand you guys were just teasing me in the hour guys didn't have to go too far using that remixing of my voice for a music. The lyrics will always be trapped in my will get why later.

Your choice of narration sucks, author. Yes, this is how the shorts would be presented between the characters, but for one they would be in better detail, and second, now it's a second-hand retelling of a shitty AU reinterpretation that only ever happened on the inside of your hollow skull. And to top it off, you are having it be told in such lackluster shorthand, that the people it is told to have to have been there to understand it, as if it was true. The point of the episode is that only one of those small stories were in fact real while still allowing Stan deniability about the supernatural.

As I walked down the main street of Inside Falls,I meeted up with Gaster Wingdings. Or,to be more precise,that skeleton scientist of black-and-white clothing that almost killed up me,Frisk and Asriel with a robotic replica of a yellow chinese dragon monster.

Good times.

...Yeah. That guy. But besides that nasty fact,I don't find him annoying and don't hate him in a full way,he is a pretty cool talker,abeit with a...very abysmal mind.


The proof is that he gave to me a potion that would make me sound like a real woman. And in fact,I did...buuut I sounded like 20-years beyond my age.

Oh no, that means you sound like a woman. Is this bitch for real? Dipper's problem was that he got stuck with a television announcer-like voice, something that's iconic as out of the ordinary. Chara's problem is that she got what she asked for.

Frisk though I was a shapeshifting monster taking my form,and Asriel almost summoned a mob,thinking I was a witch.

And now you are simply referencing the future and reusing an unused joke from a previous episode, author, you lazy ass.

I was chased around by the guys of the bad-guys club and I returned to Gaster to find a cure. When I replayed the song,and readed some lyrics I didn't hear before on the first time...I realized something. I realized that my voice...altrough sounded different from most of the girls,wasn't all-bad.

Let's not say that she realized that her voice was part of her and it was unique as such, and that her family and friends may even appreciate her having it. Nah, let's just say she realized it could be worse and call it a day.

So,I recovered my original voice and poured some of the voice-changing potion of Pearl's tea. was oddly fun seeing her talking like a young man.


Chara displayed a toothy smile after finishing the story,while Pearl just crossed out her arms with a annoyed face looking at Chara. Frisk and Asriel just clapped softly for Pearl to not listen to them.

What riveting story telling. Did you even think this was acceptable in the first place, author? There was none of the jokes, none of the characters, nothing but just a person retelling the episode to us. But, you know, even worse than you are doing already.

"Oh!...Can I tell to you girls a story? Pretty please?",Asriel asked and pleaded with a swiftly cheerful face,trying to grasp the flashlight.

Only if you promise not to cry in the middle of it.

However,Chara almost lost grip on the flashlight and Frisk had to get it or else it would float in the black void and unavoidably go far and far away from the group.

"Phew...a void surely gives work...",Frisk breathed in,realizing in that moment that living in a universe with absolutely no gravity didn't sound exactly nice.

Kindly stuff your limited imagination into a story I could give a damn about, and maybe then I'll bother considering it.

"Well,here we gooo!",Asriel excitedly announced throwing just his free paw on the air.



🌠 The Great Adventure of ASRIEL in the Medieval-styled Pinball!

...I guess. I hope its a nice title.🌠

You are doing a better job than the author, so that's at least something.

Like the title is explaining for you all (I hope!),I was playing a pinball machine themed to the medieval times of Europe,owned by Pearl,with my best cousin-friends cheering for me. I was certain I could win and stamp my name on the story of that machine!

Author, I can't tell if you are obtusely avoiding certain words to pretend your story isn't a faulty copy, or you are really so braindead on fandom fumes that I haven't even heard of, so as to call something so simple as a high score for a story.

Unfortunately,the pinball machine was being unfair with me...and Chara had to rescue me trough her cynical way (cheating).

No, Chara, don't. Your golden heart can't take it.

Eventually,the main figure of the machine (a bulky and strong knight in dark-purple armory) zapped us inside the game. It felt awesome! I and Chara were knights and Frisk was a princess in blue,and we acted in the course of the machine! ...Buuut sooon Chara go out the real reason we three were inside was because the knight though I cheated,while Chara was the responsible one.

The machine doesn't care about collateral and even for this bullshit story, it wasn't Chara profiting by putting her initials on the high score, you wimpy snitch.

Oh! And a sacrifice had to be done at the cost of my best cousin-friends!

Oh, don't I fucking wish.

...the high-score. I had to turn off the machine to save them and reset off all the score. From now on I'll try to value off my family over my scores!

In what language does that phrasing not imply you did the opposite of what you should have, in order to learn a lesson about it?

I hope you learned something today from my mini-tale!


"*sigh* Those fantasies you three evens give me a headache! Really,I can't understand how everything in the Shack is magical or weird at best!",Pearl said,holding her forehead in a way that really made her look like she was having a heavy headache.

I appreciate that you seemingly are aware that Pearl should be denying the supernatural, author, you are just very bad at communicating any of it.

"Do you mean you have a better story?",Asriel asked,raising a curiosity eyebrow as he carefully extended the hand with the flashlight for Pearl in a way to make it not fall on the void of the Bottomless Hole.

"Of course I do! Elders always have...right?",Pearl answered,first in a confident tone,and then,on a doubtful and awkward voice,that made everyone in the...'area',stay silent for a good while.

The author is pausing for the audience laughter in her head, because she thinks, that making every statement one that end in self-doubt, is funny.

At least,until the moment Pearl cleaned her throat and began to tell her story.



💎 Pearl earns respect from her fellow ballerinas. 💎

She's going to build a robot and punch them in the face.

It felt like a dream becoming true...finally someone giving me a deserved attention! The teacher,my classmates,all gasping with surprise as I managed to do a flawless jump in the air. And after the shock,the claps...I felt like a star!

They proudly lifted me up on the air,like I was a trophy made of real pearls (I mean no 'pun' here!),

But the author sure does, you sock puppet.

everyone began to ask to me who I was,pleading to be my friend...finally,I was popular! I was just a loser on the class,just someone that was on the darkest and coldest corner of the school on the break periods,but not anymore!

For a story that's supposed to be a blatant depiction of overt self-insert wish-fulfilment with unwarranted accomplishments of unrealistic proportions, it's actually coming across as the end of a wholesome, coming-of-age underdog story.

But when I meeted my soulmate...everything grew even better than it could be! It was like I was entering on a mine of real gold and crystals-Oh!... Shoot. It is a more personal part of my life I should hide away from you kids because you don't understand perfectly how young adult relationship works out. So,the story ends here.


No no, it was starting to get good. Was the cave a metaphor, by any chance?


Asriel,Chara and Frisk were just...plain confused. It was obvious by the way Pearl moved and made some ballet moves that she was supposedly a ballerina on her past,but this sorry...ugh,for their minds,was just plain bizzare. It was likely (and possible) that Pearl picked a real happening from her ballet school and exaggerated it.

Backstory implied with the drop but hardly the same impact of an anvil. Anyway, I'm going to assume that was an attempt at AU lore, meaning that Garnet, who wrote the journals, is Pearl's lost, significant other.

"...What? You didn't like my story?",Pearl said in confusion,and some form of sadness as well. She was feeling extremely uncreative,which she was actually least,trying to create stories wasn't her forte.

Do you want me to compare the two of you with words, author, or will a trophy made from pure irony be enough?

"I loved it.",Frisk just answered in a slow voice with a trembly smile,scratching the back of her hair with a very shy smile.

"Oh,thank you!",Pearl said,giving the flashlight to Frisk and clapping her hands together with a cheerful smile. "By the were the only one who didn't tell any kind of story. Do you have any story to tell?"

"And the trick to storytelling is to know your audience, so fill it with as much ballet as humanly possible."

"Oh,of course my very dear Grauntie.",Frisk answered with a more stable and calmer voice and smile,pointing the flashlight to her own face. "I'll tell to everyone on this beautiful black void the origin of one of my possesions."

The fabled tale of the reusable Bandaid



💖 BUG 'N BEAR Craziness 💖

A title failing to even hint at the truth-compelling plot within it, what a surprise.

Once day ago,Pearl had a plan for a new attraction for the tourist trap Crystal Shack. It was a wild bear. Personally,I would dislike it's lack of freedom very much if it ever became a real attraction. ...Fortunately,it didn't,because soon him and Knux were brawling out.

Which is of course fortunate and not a cause for alarm as the man is getting mauled, you PETA supporter.

Unfortunately,Pearl had the idea to teach the wild bear how to drive off a car. And she caught the attention of Deputy Geremy and Sheriff Raynold (those two cops that me and my big twin sister sometimes stumble with and once tried to get us for seeking information about the lost United States president).

Honey, your family members knows who these people are. They live here. They've met!

Pearl invented a excuse for allowing a wild bear to drive and the excuse is that she was frail for this job. ...Well,she isn't near the age of becoming frail,but anyway,I was obviously saddened out. I know I'm being a big hypocrite,but at least,one time,I was being a big hypocrite for the greater good that was Grauntie Pearl surpassing her fear of heights.

Let's see how many times the author gets around not using the word 'lie' just because writing a story that is coherent wouldn't be something she does.

She wasn't being a hypocrite for the greater good (demonstrating another example,when I tried to talk down with her,she lied to Chara that Asriel was eating her chocolate,while Pearl was the one really eating chocolate),and it was very unfortunate.

I swear, if the original plot wasn't that Mabel found lying to not be nice, this would be BTTP Bingo.

Temmie decided to help me,like the good companion she is (a trait she share with the dogs),and suggested me to find a solution on the book Chara always carried since the day our bizzare adventures began. Its that book with a number three,the red gem and blue gem. The mysterious author told about a pair of bracelets craved in emerald that would make the wearer incapable of spelling a single lie from the moment the bracelets would be inputed.


There are two ways this can go. Brilliant, or horrendously bad. Pearl just got a statement to her face placing one of the books she will have sought for decades with her great niece, six episodes ahead of time. The refuge that this form of narrative isn't providing, is that in the canon, it is ambiguous as to the amount of detail was provided to those listening, instead of the viewers seeing it. Unless this is somehow a significantly large deviation from the author's stolen plotline, which I bet it's not, the author just created a bottomless plot hole.

I decided to test this out,and it worked. It worked...too well. Our Grauntie began to act too honest for our taste,telling very bizzare and creepy things and making my fur lift up in fear.

Author, are you just picking Google Translate results from a roulette wheel?

Even Chara,who is braver than me,was scared by a too-honest Grauntie Pearl (And I learned that learning the sickiest secrets from your caretakers is worse than fighting creepy stuff almost dialy).

The kids are traumatized and anyone reading this have to make up their own shitty reason, because the author is exploiting this narration method as a loop hole for now putting even less effort into her crossover AU.

Finally,I and my twin sister had enough.

My twin sister and I. Manners, author.

We 'saved' Pearl from a possible prision from the Deputy and the Sheriff by using a lie that she was actually a talented writter creating a fictional story about herself. Here I am,lying again and being a big hypocrite for the greater good.

Your insufferably persistent, self-persecution just turned every mention of hypocrisy into a count against you, you brown-nosing moralist.

I sealed the bracelets alongside a box containing lots of bugs (Ugh...I don't even know why I accepted this gift in the first place...maybe it was to be friendly...heh...) and threw it on the Bottomless Hole,for no more scary truths to be revealed.


"...Wait...the box is above Grauntie's head!",Frisk said in surprise,pointing right at Pearl's age-affected hair.

She's gone bald?!

The box where she sealed the truth-bracelets and where the bugs resided was floating above some inches of Pearl's head.

Pearl,Frisk and Asriel just slightly cringed out in the moment a cockroach managed to crawl out its way from the box and...simply floated.

This has been the payoff to the box of bugs and supposedly the title of the last story, too. People cringing. As if that wasn't already the case.

The sandals Asriel threw away came back,landing on his long nose,much for his surprise.

"I have to confess a bear really wouldn't be a good idea.",Pearl said to Frisk with a slightly more neutral face,agreeing with at least one point from her younger great-niece's time-eating story.

Is anyone going to acknowledge that it was the last story that even partially was true, and that the bear thing actually happened?

"God...this sunlight is blinding...",Chara said,slightly squinting her eyes. "Wait...that means we are somehow coming upwards by ourselves?"

"Ouch,I'll have to squint my eyes...",Frisk sadly realized,as she began to squint them the fastest she could to not avoid any irritation.

Oh, get yourself a pair of sunglasses, you pasty dumbass.

She also snatched a quick 'WHAT?' of extreme confusion from both Asriel and Pearl,but before she could clarify anyone about what she meant,

Bright light, she'll have to squint, what could it mean?! Are you serious, author?

everyone began to scream as the sunlight began to transform into something blinding and the group approached more and more.


Chara,Asriel,Frisk and Pearl were pratically vomited out of the Bottomless Hole,

Hell didn't want them, and frankly I don't blame them.

but at least,it was nice to breath a more freshier air again and the storm from before wasn't happening anymore.

"What happened,are we in heaven?",Pearl said,sounding extremely dizzy and confused as she holded her forehead and tried to make a effort onto getting up.

Religious, human Pearl? I can work with that.

"...No. We actually are back to summer-trap-sweet-summer-trap.",Frisk answered to Pearl with a relief smile,as she looked upwards to face the now-welcoming Crystal Shack and its uncomplete logo.

Tourist trap, author. Why do you go out of your way to write the wrong thing all the time?

"Probably,time doesn't exist inside,I can confirm its a real wormhole.",Chara said in a serious voice holding her chin with the thumber and the pointer finger of the left hand.

And you ruled out time-dilating pocket dimensions exactly how, smartass?

"Woah,scientific!...just like the fact Frisk manages to open her eyes for a longer time inside the Bottomless Hole.",Asriel replied to Chara's confirmation of the veracity of the Bottomless Hole.

Do you want another non-sequitur, or did it hurt when you were dropped on your head as a child, author?

"...*ahem*,Frisk has photophobia.",Chara clarified for Asriel in a close whisper,since Frisk didn't exactly enjoy to talk in public about the problem her eyes had. Asriel just replied with a silent thumb and a head nodding.

Yeah, thanks for sharing some fan theory you found browsing random forums or whatever, author. How about having these twins reveal it to someone who aren't family members who have been sharing space with them every day this summer and have known about their existence since they were born?

"Well guys,lets just keep everything that happened to ourselves...okay?",Frisk said to the whole group. Everyone agreed with a nod and a 'Uh-huh' sound,and Pearl rested her shoulder on the sign of the Bottomless Hole.

Not that any of you concluded that no one would believe you in the first place, because the author is too busy not telling herself why she's copying in the dialogue, all the fucking time.

Unfortunately,since it was a relatively frail wooden sign,Pearl felt with her butt on the ground and falled backwards on the Bottomless Hole again. Whoopsy daisy. Now the three youngsters would need to wait a good while again to see the Crystal Shack boss' again.

Author, according to the very words you punched into this shit, she should return in a matter of seconds, you mouth breather!

It's not getting better. Neither are my predictions. The author went bankrupt on ideas and didn't even change two of them, despite me merely needing to shoot from the hip to get valid alterations. Then again, with this chapter's comparably wilting length, maybe the author was using it to recharge for the next one. Speaking of which, Puppy Love of the Stars is next. A chapter that should be ripping off The Deep End where Mabel romances a Merman. Since Undyne would be too good to be true, I'm guessing Frisk will have the hots for a bird-person, while Chara hounds Lapis by taking on a temp job at a café. And Peridot will be there to annoy Pearl by stealing her coffee reservations.

YAT: 56
BTTP: 149

Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jul 25, 2019 4:39 am
Location: Spain

Inside Falls

Post by Shermangak » Sun Aug 04, 2019 4:26 am

Thats an interesting pic. Thanks for posting
I post it again as an attachement to the message as the Photobucket link will disappear sooner or later.
Generally I request everyone to post pictures as attachements not as external links.

User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:28 am

Alright, I can take a hint when I've neglected updating this so long that spam bots attack.

So, how many more franchises are going to be dragged through the dirt by this author for the attempt to benefit her fanfic? It's like watching a child steal Lego bricks from other kids' playsets, because she deliberately threw ninety percent of her own out to begin with. And now she's just taken a pink one, and she's chewing on it, too. Here's Chapter 15, Puppy Love of the Stars.

"10 degrees,that is the temperature of today. Perhaps the coldest day of the summer! Ironic,isn't it?",Kaito's voice said on the radio of the Crystal Shack.

Coincidence is not irony, author, you nitwit.

In fact,this morning was giving the opening for the coldest day of the whole summer. It would be a warm day because of the sun,but a strong and persistent pack of sea breeze was draining away the temperature of the town to the point of being relatively easy going outside and getting a cold.

From ten degrees? Hah, you Americans (as depicted by a Brazilian) are like babies. Oh, wait, did you mean Fahrenheit? Whatever, I'm Scandinavian, I stand by what I said.

The inside of the Crystal Shack wasn't safe of the cold sea breeze either. Frisk was forced to wear the thickiest jumper she ever did and a scarf (both were oddly themed after space),Chara was forced to keep her hoodie zipped instead of open (unlike most of the summer month),Asriel was also using a thicker version of his original jumper,and Pearl was forced to use clothes thickier than her normal asset for home-walking.

And the fact that everyone living here freezes to death during the winter is just a bonus to the nonsense, because the author probably thinks that like inside the walls of her own home, insulation does not exist.

Even Temmie,who besides having a jumper,had a dog-like fur,wasn't managing to support the cold sea breeze,and some microscopic ice blocks were appearing over Clay Pearl's form.

Asriel had shaved his entire body, since his fur wasn't mentioned.

"Brrrrrr...",Chara,Asriel,Frisk and Pearl said together,their breaths being the only thing that warmed up their respective faces.

"...Ugh. At least we both get warm.",Pearl commented with a bored face,as Temmie laid down over her chest.

Because lying down on the raw floor while not doing anything but covering yourself with a small animal is certainly going to get you warm that much quicker, just because the author thinks that flipping a wall thermometer doesn't disturb the context of her MS-Paint screencap edits.

"At least,on the very nice side...the Inside Falls Space Park opening season is NOW!",Kaito announced,in a much more brighter note than what he used to announce the previous piece of information.

"Inside Falls Space Park?",Frisk said in surprise,getting up from the curled position she used to warm herself up.

Author, even Spongebob Squarepants could grasp and stay consistent with the fact that it took place under the sea. This is a rural, outback and now seaside Oregon frontier tourist town. Now, as you are so obtusely substituting a local public pool, why the ever-loving fuck do you think it would have a Space Park?!

"The opening is now?",Chara said in curiosity,also getting up from her self-warming curl position.

"No golly way!! WOO-HOO!",

Could you golly not?

Asriel screamed in a mix of surprise and joy,as he forgot the problem of the cold sea breeze and jumped with his fists in the air.

"Alright,follow me to the car!",Pearl excitedly announced,as she got up...accidentaly removed a tiny part of the wooden ground and walked away with a slightly cheerful smile.

What should annoy me most? Maybe the fact that the author just follows through with the canon events without even pushing a single word to imply the boards froze to Pearl? Or how about the fact that this author doesn't know the word 'floor'.

"...And beware the cold cases!",Kaito finally finished the news. Unfortunately,Pearl didn't exactly manage to listen this final piece of information and began to cough and sneeze. Maybe Chara or Frisk would need to bring along some toilet paper for unexpected colds.

Author, what hellhole or mindset do you live in, where you don't know or understand the concept of tissues and their availability? Every damn chapter, you display a clear lack of fundamental common knowledge.


The group was walking over some of the fragile glass walls of the Inside Falls Space Park.

Every chapter is an Escher painting with you, author.

As the name implied,it was a park whose theme centered around the space and some alien things as well. The place managed to be warmer than the rest of the Inside Falls town,but using warmer outfits was still a bit necessary.

" is a very beautiful and mysterious place.",Frisk commented,as she looked at the black wallpapers with stars,galaxies

Frisk, you get amazed by holes in the ground, I need someone else to sell this supposed splendor to me.

"...And dangerous as well. Dangerous because we may one day find something from space that looks marvelous but is actually horrible.",Pearl said in sincerity,as she also looked at the wallpapers,but it slight disgust.

"If it looks horrible to begin with, it'll be perfectly fine, though."

"Azzy...the moon needs a real love for what?",Chara asked to Asriel,pointing to the scarf the latter was wearing,which had the moon with a smile and the phrase 'The Moon Needs A Real Love!'.

"Anyone can love,I guess!",Asriel cheerfuly replied with a big smile...even trough the answer he gave to Chara wasn't perfectly satisfying.

Are we seriously stuck in a space theme because the author couldn't find any other way to string along a meaningless inversion of a joke about a sun with sunglasses?

"Uh? Who's that?",Frisk asked,stopping her track and pointing for her upper-left. Chara,Asriel and Pearl also stopped their tracks and looked to the direction Frisk pointed out.

Resting on a rock designed to look like a shard of meteorite,there was a strange and curious being. It had the appearence of a puffball,with red feet,pastel pink skin,and pale pink blush. The eye colors couldn't be seen because they were closed,and they were quietly sleeping,in a way that made it look adorable.

"Oh...he calls himself Kirby! The only thing we know is that he came from space,because he refuses to tell anything else.",Asriel answered Frisk,as he began to munch on some raw marshmallows.


Look, who's over there? Oh, that's just the blatantly obvious and self-admitted ALIEN LIFE FORM that everyone has let squat in this until now unopened space park!! Is there any greater evidence that this story is - while I tenuously add 'perhaps unintentional' - entirely noncommittal to itself and its world? Let me ask you this. What is established that can affect future events? What is the frames of reference for the material being established? If Character A decided to do Action B, what would the definite outcome be? What can't actually happen? If you don't have a substantial answer to any of those questions, congratulations, you now know why I don't have a passion for Adventure Time. Avoiding that tangent, what I'm saying is that anything can happen, stuff can be made up on the fly without context, the author has no restrictions, and every bit of mystery, intrigue, danger, or sense of adventure is just fucking gone. Monsters can be people or monsters, or people monsters, or neither and a fifth type altogether, whenever and however it suits the author. Gravity Falls had frames of reference to stay self-restricted. You knew when something was supernatural. You knew where and how the location of something could affect the story. You knew what a fucking person was. In this fanfic, people can have completely unmentioned medical conditions, a friendship is a different definition altogether, and now a local extraterrestrial alien can be so mundane that they don't even get passingly mentioned to visiting family members!! This story has nothing that's surprising, until the author states that it is. This story has nothing that's dangerous in it, until the author says it is. Nothing in this story is a mystery, until the author says it is.

"...I want to befriend him.",Frisk said in a joyful voice,as her unseen irises began to sparkle of happiness.

"Uh, already have genuine friends. I know its hard to wash away the betrayal of the first two on your mind,but one day you need to do that.",Chara said to Frisk,as some nasty memories from the first summer weeks invaded her mind.

"Look, sister, why bother even trying to make more friends when you already have a few? You are clearly trying to compensate for the fact that you were traumatized with you failing to make friends with two other people in the recent past, so just get over it." Fuck you, author, can you even try to share this dialogue with anyone you yourself know without offending them on several levels?

"I know...",Frisk nodded with a smile,but nevertheless,she decided to try and approach the 'meteorite' where Kirby was resting in.

However,she stumbled with many other adults in the way,and eventually tripped over a bucket of water. Thankfully,just some bits of water were left inside the bucket,but it still made Frisk feel a bit ashamed of being rushed.

Well, maybe she should open her eyes indoors what with her ignored condition, or stop copying Mabel's every love-struck move to pretend they share character traits.

"...Frisk and being a talker sometimes work out and sometimes don't.",Chara said with a bored face for Asriel and her great-aunt Pearl.

Congratulations on concocting the most meaningless sentence to date since the described, potential outcome of a coin flip.

Suddenly,Pearl felt something,a golden-sparkle dust,hit her on the face. She squeaked in annoyance,a bit similar to the 'SQUAWK!' of a bird,and looked to see who was the responsible for that. Lapis was there,also wearing a warmer outfit,including a winter hat of sea green color.

"How you're doing,Ms. Crystal?",Lapis cheerfuly greeted with a gleeful,toothy smile.

"I was doing well,before you thr- Wait,youre carrying a broom!",Pearl said,crossing her arms and noticing that a hand from Lapis was free while the other one was carrying a cleaning broom.

And now Pearl will feel that it's her Christian duty to burn this dry spell water witch at the stake.

"Yeah,I have the job of making the cleaning of this place.",Lapis answered with a laid-back smile. "Space Dust Bomb!",Lapis continued with a more excited voice,throwing more golden dust at Pearl's face and snatching a long laughter of Asriel and Chara.

Throwing water balloons at a pool is a harmless and evidenceless crime, author. Throwing trash at people isn't. There, I just told you how to not lose your day job.

"What exactly do you clear?",Chara asked to Lapis with a light smile on her face.

"The meteorites,the space-like floors...well,anything with space dust.",Lapis answered Chara,putting the broom on her shoulder like it was a sword.

Cleaving herself in twain.

"If you want a bit of help,I can offer it to you.",Chara said with a smile,removing the yellow-and-white buttercup hat and holding it on her chest.

"Sure! Cleaning the space is boring without help.",Lapis answered,as she picked Chara's left hand with her free hand and ran to where her cleaning work's boss was located.

Janitor duty, how exciting. You couldn't even have Lapis come near actual water to justify her in this crossover, could you, author?

"W-wait! I DIDN'T SEE YOUR BOSS YET!",Chara screamed in surprise holding thighly onto her buttercup hat with her right hand for avoid the possibility of it flying away from her hand. Only Asriel and Pearl were left on the middle of the area.

What double-jointed author-foresight is this now? Chara complaining about not seeing the boss, because in the canon the boss had already been presented and clearly would be a problem?


After some hours of dribbling more adults,

Switch away from the Sports Channel during your English practice, author, otherwise you'll never achieve a slam dunk.

Frisk approached the meteorite and gently poked Kirby. He opened his eyes,deep blue eyes full of white sparkles,and looked down at the light-brown skinned human girl.

"Awwwwww!! I find you very adorable.",Frisk complimented Kirby with a sweet smile,holding her hands on her chest.

And in return I hope Kirby finds you rather tasty. I'm not even going to harp on the ignored alien angle, an entire slew of government movements that should be happening here, I'm just going to say that as far as first contact goes, my sandwich would still be eaten after it had called me cute.

"Oh...Poyo! Nice to meet you!",Kirby said in a friendly tone,greeting Frisk with a hand waving. He sounded like a pretty young boy,around 3-4 years younger than Frisk.

But he has feminine eyes, right? Just for your information, author, it's only through localizations that Kirby was ever given a gender.

"Greetings,my name is Frisk Dreemurr. And you must be Kirby,right?",Frisk presented herself for the adorable puffball creature.

"Of course! And making friends is something...magical for me!",Kirby said with a jump and a hug for Frisk. Frisk just shyly hugged back.

Oh, yeah, shyly, not weirded out at all despite Peridot only trying half as hard, you hypocritical dumbass.

" want to go on a hangout? Eat something,visit the areas around here?",Frisk asked in a slightly less shier voice. As she finished,she sniffed the cold air and managed to catch the smell of...sugar,and candy.

"OH MY GODNESS! POYOCANDY!",Kirby screamed in a loud and even more excited voice,breaking the hug and waving his tiny hands on the air. "I'm sorry Frisk Dreemurr,but I love candy so much!",Kirby said for Frisk,before running towards some food tents.

He possess a big heart...and a bit appetite,as well...,Frisk thought as she watched her new friend run towards the sugary food.

Follow him, you bint! You even invited him to go and eat something, together! Author, I know your fantasy types of friendship can't handle dating, but Mermando dismissed Mabel to keep his secret of being a Merman, and Frisk has feet to stand next to Kirby's snack table so they can talk!!


For Chara,being a cleaner helper wasn't exactly bad. She just had to carry Lapis' broom in the moments she couldn't,and clean up the more insignificant trash from the ground. What really was a nightmare was support the bone-breaking hug of Lapis' boss...only remembering about it managed to make her bones hurt again.

I've had worse internships at her age, but why would Lapis want this job? Why would a teenager willingly have this job? This isn't sitting on a lifeguard chair and getting a kick out of enforcing rules over others while frivolously relaxing in the sun. This is manual labor where you can expect anything from mopping up vomit to removing day-old gum from underneath a sweat-covered bench.

Meanwhile,Asriel and Pearl were on a small building with a celling of 'cope of heaven' shape,with a space video playing on said celling. Pearl wasn't actually interesed in going on it; she just went inside because of Asriel's pleading.

Besides, her Bible had already told her how the Earth was flat underneath it's firmament, because that's what the term 'cope of heaven' is about!!

"*sigh* I'll just...sit here for convenience.",Pearl said in annoyance as she began to sit on the nearbiest plastic chair (Gaster was sitting on the chair of the left of said chair and then the sentence ended).

But,as Pearl began to sit over it,she felt a hand pushing her far from it. She looked backwards and saw the responsible was Patricia 'Peridot',also wearing a set of warm clothing,including a leather winter coat fittable for her size.

"Hello, Mr. Crystal Clod.",Peridot rudely greeted Pearl with a large,devilish smile.

Do I have to spontaneously question Pearl's gender now, author? You wouldn't believe the amount of genderbent fanfics and fanarts that exists of already agendered rocks.

"Hey! If you weren't aware, I was going to sit over this chair!",Pearl said,in a slightly more furious voice,putting her fists on her hips.

"And this is a very important seat to me, punctuated by the fact that I don't even want to be here, and I could sit just about anywhere else, with no attachment to this spot whatsoever."

"Of course I knew that. Buuut...its my sit now! NYEHEHEHEHEHE!",Peridot gloated of Pearl's face,hugging her belly as she shouted her strange laugh.

"WHY YOU LITTLE-",Pearl said,as she was about to punch Peridot's nose,before a hand grabbed her. Lapis thankfully interrupted a big confusion from happened,and Chara...was beside her.

So, Pearl is willing to punch children, Lapis confuses her janitor duty with being a mall cop, and Chara's presence is regarded like she was Jerry from Undertale. I'm still waiting for a reason to like this fanfic, by the way, just felt like mentioning it.

"Nope.",Lapis and Chara said together for Pearl,in a attempt to calm her down. It toned her rage to a moderate level but it didn't change the fact she was hating Peridot. In fact,she had the right to,as Chara knew deep inside.

It warms my heart to have the realization, that even Stan Pines felt that enacted, physical violence against children was beneath him, author, so thank you for presenting these vile knuckle-draggers to me.


Kirby came back to his resting spot,licking a lollipop and even giving another one for Frisk. For a moment,Frisk began to wonder one thing: the origin of Kirby. She knew Kirby came from space,but she was wondering how was Kirby's life before he descended to Earth.

"Hey...I'm wondering...from where you came from?",Frisk asked to Kirby,looking down at the puffball's face. Kirby's jovial expression changed to a more somber,melancholic one.

Well, you see, when Galactus the Devourer of Worlds and a vacuum cleaner love each other very much...

"...I came'm afraid you'll hate me if I tell to you the rest.",Kirby replied to Frisk,in a sadder tone over his young voice.


"Also,I'm around 10-12 years old,despite my voice."

Here's a question, author. How old are you? If you answered with two separate numbers, I will need a reason to not commit you to an institution.

"Oh...I see. Don't worry,I won't hate you simply because of the place you came from,okay?",Frisk said to Kirby,in a reasurring and honest voice.

"...O-okay...",Kirby replied,with a less sadder voice. "Poyo,please pay attention to my story and the details."

You mean the lack thereof, right?


"I am from the planet of Popstar,and I was destined to become a great,great warrior. Unfortunately,I have the two problems any child have: curiosity and mischeivousness. It got to the point the king and my mentor had the idea to send me to another planet for training.

This is an inversion of the plot from the anime Kirby: Right Back at Ya!, in which Kirby crash-lands his space ship on Planet Popstar! The king referred to here as his mentor is King Dedede!! I've said similar to this already with the Human Gems Steven Universe elements. You can't call this a crossover, when you include stuff that's already non-canon in their own universes.

They gave me with the Warp Star,but I barely knew how to control it! And when I learned how,I crash landed here...

Because you fail when you learn how not to fail, of course. Wouldn't want to contradict how Kirby ended up here with how he's supposed to be able to leave again, after all, huh, author?

I heard the Warp Star could regenerate,but in the spam of days.

That's pretty much this fanfic alright.

And besides,I had some injuries. So,I decided to explore and I found out this place. The humans actually treated me very well and give me my favorite sweets!...but...I honestly miss my home.

I hope the Warp Star regenerated for this day,because I've been waiting for my injuries to recover so I could come back to my home."

Oh yes, I can truly see how this bland and improvised backstory is somehow a reason to be concerned about Frisk hating you for knowing it.


"...Oh...what a sad tale for someone of my age...",

Theoretically, age three-to-twolve probably overlaps with what Kirby said he was, yes.

Frisk said with pity on her voice. She could only imagine the homesickness Kirby was feeling for his home planet.

"Poyo. I just hope my mentor isn't too much worried about me...",Kirby agreed with Frisk's speech with a very sad face.

He'd be missing you either way, because flying off planet was the actual plan that brought you here, because he gave you the damn space ship. He should be chilling and sending you nice thoughts, believing you are out on your destiny adventures!

I'll need to do something for him to ease his sadness...oh! I know! Maybe I can help him return to his home planet,Frisk began to think. He must remember the place where this Star is located,and I hope he does. If he doesn't,I'll guess its inside the nearbiest forest from here.


Listen, author, you vacuous, narrative-copying buffoon. You have established nothing about this space ship aside from its existence and potentially current state of disrepair. Kirby has never indicated separation from it aside from willing exploration that led him here! It could be behind the building he's in for all I know, since everyone here is a-okay with alien scouts roaming free to probe this planet for invasions. Nothing told Frisk that Kirby was being hindered, aside from the fact that he hopes it was ready to fly today! This is half of the mountain of issues with this fanfic. All the plotlines are recycled and treated like used garbage, to the point where establishment becomes the reader's guesswork.

"Don't worry Kirby,I hope I can aid the best way I can.",Frisk said with a more determined expression for Kirby.

"R-really?...Poyo!",Kirby replied,joy raising as he spoke,and jumped towards Frisk for a hug that made the human girl fall backwards,and both laughed in happiness.

If only Kirby knew of this flip-flopping child's unfriending ways, he'd avoid ending up like Peridot for his slightly above averagely enthusiastic social interactions.


Pearl,Asriel and Peridot were still watching the space on the celling of 'cope of heaven' shape.

I have no idea if anyone can tell what this author is trying to convey, but I believe she is attempting to sell you a scene involving the inside of a planetarium.

Just for a slightly laid-back prank,Pearl tried to make a finger snap over Peridot's nose,but was interrupted by her hand being slapped away. But the force that Peridot used to push Pearl's hand away was uncessarily strong,and her hand was genuinely hurting.

Because Peridot would of course have wanted to be very gentle with her. What is their rivalry even beyond the fights being picked at a playground at this point?

"OUCH!",Pearl squeaked in pain,holding her hurted and burning hand.

"Don't mess with my nose.",Peridot said in a quiet fury for Pearl,frowning in a clearly weird way.

Asriel looked down on his own lap,as he felt someone putted something over it.

Or they might be in an adult theater, depending on what's coming next.

He found out it was...a rose. Simply a fresh and red rose. He picked up the red rose with his paw-like hand and looked at its details. There was nothing in uncommon.

There was also no thought put into how it's going to be a substitute for the ventriloquist duck inner-tube joke from the canon, even when Undertale has two types of voice-producing flowers, of which neither looks remotely like a rose.

"Golly,its surely beautiful...",Asriel commented as he moved the fingers of his other hand over the rose's petals.

"Asriel? Can you hear me?",a voice came out. A voice Asriel couldn't identify from where was coming.

"...W-who is there?",

"The doctors told me that if I kept taking the pills this wouldn't happen again!"

Asriel asked to the voice that came to talk with him. He looked everywhere for a suspect,and a suspicion came on his head- the rose was talking to him. Since it wasn't too far from the reality of the town he lived in,

And you are not even one bit ashamed to admit you have produced a place where nothing is out of the ordinary, author, you concave-headed hack.

he decided to look down at the rose.

"I'm here,I'm the rose.",the voice said again. Now,Asriel could make out some details about the voice; the accent sounded similar to his working partner Lapis but in a whispery voice.

...Because it really was Lapis in a whispery tone of voice pranking Asriel into thinking the rose had the power to talk. Lapis and Chara made sure to giggle to themselves on a distance that didn't give out the prank for Asriel.

Oh, is the prank still succeeding, despite the author deliberately telling us Lapis is shit at impressions just now?

Suddenly,a metal pea whistle's noise began to echo and repeat trough the whole Inside Falls Space Park. Unfortunately,this could only mean one thing: that the park was about to close in the beginningof the 01:00 PM. Frisk and Kirby also could listen to the meta pea whistle from outside.

Yes, of course, an amusement park or at least an area of attractions modeled in a space theme, closes at the middle of the day, having staid open for about three hours. How about you go to an actual theme park, author, you sad shut-in.

"Oh poyo...the park is closing!",Kirby realized,as he immediately climbed up the 'meteorite' he was resting over in the morning.

Is that supposed to mean anything to Frisk when you are left in here by everyone already aware of your existence?

"Hmmm...I'll find a way to come back here this night.",Frisk promised to Kirby with a thumb up as she ran to the exit to meet up with the others. As a reply from the thumb up,she just recieved a sad bye-bye hand wave from Kirby. Don't worry,I'll not leave you alone,Frisk thought as she gave a last look at her new friend.

Okay, I'll take back everything I said comparing Kirby and Peridot. It's Frisk who's acting like Peridot now!


In the same day's night...


Frisk made sure to ride the golf cart of the Crystal Shack with care,and to park it over a area no one would suspect. She found herself facing the fence's covering the safety of the park,but thankfully,it wasn't a fence too dificult to jump without a run.

Wow, it's almost like she's been demonstrably able to climb fences in a previous chapter or something, author.

After entering the park,Frisk ran all the place trying to find the meteorite where Kirby rested over,and eventually found out by a signal the puffball made for her.

Because demanding that this mouth breather read an on-location map or used her own fucking memory to retrace her steps was just out of the question.

"This is my memory book,and it houses pictures of my family and friends.",Frisk said to Kirby,showing her memory book and opening one page of it to show a picture. "This is me,this is my older twin sister Chara,my cousin Asriel,my friend Lapis,and my great aunt Pearl.",Frisk continued,pointing to the respective figures on the photo.

"Why are none of them wearing clothes in these photos, poyo?"

"Oh...they must be good people in your life.",Kirby commented with a smile. However,it was clear the smile was trying to hide something deep inside.

"Yeah,they you have at least a picture of your 'family'?",Frisk said and asked to Kirby,closing her memory book.

Kirby climbed down the meteorite-like rock and lifted it. Below it was a little photo with pale pink border,decipting a colorful and cheerful world.

And we couldn't have this fanfic set in that world why?

The three central figures of the photo were Kirby,a bigger and older puffball with mask,dark blue skin,cape and yellow eyes,and a penguin-like figure with red king-ly outfit.

I didn't need the impression that you read Meta Knight/King Dedede Slash fics in your spare time, author.

"At least something I managed to carry from my trip.",Kirby said in a sad tone,picking up the photo and showing it to Frisk.

",want to look out for...some shooting stars?",Frisk asked,scratching the back of her hair and adjusting the scarf on her neck.

"Of course! I love shooting stars,actually.",

I'd like to know, considering Kirby's world, powers, and adversaries, whether you two are actually talking about the same phenomenon.

Kirby answered Frisk in a more cheerful voice,putting the photo back on the lower part of the meteorite-like rock and walking to the tallest rock possible.

And for the rest of the hour,Frisk and Kirby watched a shooting star descending. Both didn't have a exact idea of what to wish for the shooting star,so,no wishes were made...

Well, that's certainly fortunate, because the author still hasn't figured out how to keep going with this whole 'Don't wish for things in Inside Falls' shtick going beyond involving the word 'wish' with no relevance every other chapter.


In the next day...

This day was just slightly less cold than the previous one,so everyone still holded on to their thickiest outfits. And again,the Inside Falls Space Park was open for everyone to enter.

I'm sure the people taking a four hour bus trip to visit it gets their money's worth upon arrival.

Chara and Lapis were tasked with cleaning of the outside of the building with cope-of-heaven celling,but Chara was specially punished for not cleaning the 'urban trash' (soda cans,plastic straws...) and would need to guard the place for the night.

We don't have time for explaining why it would even need guarding, of course, since we are well more than half-way through these lazy 116 words describing the escalating plot before the next time skip. The author can't even bother with padding anymore.

Frisk,again,chatted with her puffball alien friend. But this time,Kirby looked even less cheerful than before; Frisk deduced Kirby's homesickness finally hitted him on a harsh level,and that was time for her to really bring him back home. And she began to make a plan for that.

She could have asked him to learn that he was merely having trouble passing gas, but talking is not something friends do, of course.

In this day's night...

Chara was performing her night patrolling,with a black-and-blue outfit and a pretty serious expression over her face as she looked around for intruders.

She has no stakes, no reason to not sit on a stool and snooze throughout it all, no particular articles or items at the park to safeguard, and doesn't even have a risk of losing a chance at acting thirsty towards Lapis, which we are also supposed to think she doesn't anymore - oh yeah, this chapter is making all the sense that anyone still reading this far would ever want.

She caught the grass moving by itself,and looking down at it,for her surprise...she found her Grauntie Pearl.

"...I was just bypassing to leave my mark on my chair...",Pearl said to Chara in a nervous tone of voice,and was interrupted mid-speech by Chara's metal pea's whistle.

Author, acknowledging your attempt to make this b-plot a thing only lends it slightly more credence than your vapid attempts manages in the first place. This is neither the progression nor the method which your punch-happy spin on the noncommittal chair rivalry would reach!

"Sorry,but I'll have to scold you.",Chara said as she began to push Pearl all the way back to the Crystal Shack...without her agreement.

While Chara had the work to scold off Pearl,Frisk climbed up the fence once more to put her plan in motion. Now,she was carrying her backpack,since a part of her plan consisted of Kirby going along in the backpack.

How about this one, a brain teaser, a real big what-if, you utter crayon-munching retard: He walks around freely in public like he does during the fucking day!!!

Kirby,on the distance,managing to recognize his best human friend,picked up his 'family' photo from below the meteorite-like rock and ran towards Frisk.

"Climb on my backpack,I'll find your Warp Star to help you go home.",Frisk commanded,turning her back towards Kirby and showing her open backpack. It was thankfully big enough to house Kirby's size. After that,she began to rush up for the Crystal Cart and ride it.

Hold on. You didn't even search for it first? Two days of naval squinting was all you could do when you have nothing but a passionately burning intent to reunite a friend with a vehicle, which you think he somehow lost track of? You are just saddling up now and hoping you'll stumble across it in the woods in the middle of the night?!

Chara was far,having just put Pearl back inside the Crystal Shack.

Distances in fictional space are relative and time is inconsequential.

But she wasn't far enough to not catch the glimpse of the Crystal Cart's double lights wandering off in the dstance. She picked the security car from the Inside Falls Space Park and began to chase towards what at her first glance looked like a criminal.

Oh, sibling rivalry averted, what amazing grasp of the narrative you have, author. In her ignorance, she happened to do exactly like the canon would have wanted her to do, what a happy coincidence, huh? How can this become even dumber, you may ask? Well, how about Frisk not braking for a moment during the pursuit to clear up the issue?

The car chase went trough the streets deep inside the forest of Inside Falls,and the rocks over the grounhd disturbed the speed of both of the vehicles by hitting on them trough the wheels. Chara kept throwing rocks on the Crystal Cart with no clear vision of the one driving it,and Frisk tried to avoid the rock shots the best she could and,at the same time,protecting Kirby from some shots.

The fact that what she was chasing was a cart from the Crystal Shack didn't faze Chara at all, of course, since all people has the right to die on her watch from her barrage of lethal projectiles - are you reading what you are writing, author?!

Soon,the car chase reached for the Eastern Ruins,raising from the distance below a high cliff,and nearby some trees,there was a golden star slightly bigger than Kirby on the ground - it should be the 'Warp Star' Kirby talked about,Frisk thought.

Isn't that a bit presumptuous, since Kirby didn't bother describe the space ship to you, and you likely haven't bothered to check up on Gaster's on-goings since the dragon incident here?

Frisk hitted the break to make the curve downwards,but the Crystal Cart hitted on the wall by accident,and Frisk's backpack,that wasn't exactly well fixed and well closed in the first place,felt from Frisk's back and arms.

Frisk almost felt face-plant on the ground,scratching herself very much. Meanwhile, her badly closed backpack opened for itself in mid air,freeing Kirby,who felt head-on on the ground,causing a nasty injury next to his left eye and managing to scratching himself even more than Frisk. Because of this quantity of injuries,he lost consciousness.

Oh, they are so, so hurt, really hurt, incredibly hurt, with nasty boo boos and ouchies. No fractures, sprains or trauma. How does this author thinks kids survive in their own backyards?

"K-KIRBY!",Frisk screamed in despair,as she saw the state of her friend,bleeding just next to the left eye. Ignoring her own burning scratches,she ran to her alien friend,picked him and cried,hoping he was still breathing. "...p-please,don't die right now...the last thing I would ever want was one of us dying..."

I'm not saying that's not the sentiment of most people, I'm just saying that you are still right now making your friend's imminent death be about yourself in more ways than one.

Chara just stopped the security car right next to the mourning and crying Frisk and the unconscious Kirby,and soon she realized her little twin sister was actually the one driving the car

Soon, yeah, probably in five minutes or so, let's give her the time.

and that she was carrying on the backpack the alien being she remembered Asriel described as 'Kirby'.

"O-oh...oh my god...I'm s-sorry,Frisk...",Chara said to Frisk,as she realized and felt how much Frisk was emotionally hurt.

"I forgive you,but there's no time!! You have anything to cover Kirby's injury?!",Frisk screamed in panic,as she tried to cover Kirby's bleeding injury with her hand.

No, author. Just no. Siblings - twins too - can harbor animosity, grudges, even blame, and Dipper and Mabel displays all the facets throughout the show. Blanket forgiveness for Chara's behavior - endangering Frisk's life while her duty as a guard should have been to call the police - is essential for your idyllic sibling escapism fantasy, but to actual people with siblings it reads like Frisk has self-depreciation out the wazoo!

Actually,some emergency bandages were housed inside the security car,and the twins used two bandages to cover Kirby's injury. Soon,the bleeding stopped. In the pink puffball's vision,as he feared he would genuinely die,his vision slowly recovered and he saw Frisk and her older twin sister,Chara,looking down at him with worried faces.

Oh. Oooooh. How rude of me. I'm sorry author. Here I was thinking we were on an even field, with me having this exchange against a fanfic written by a normal person entering their mid-teens. Now I'm forced to lump you onto the possibly growing pile of brain-deficient lumps of matter on the Internet, so as to share space with the likes of people such as the guy who brought me 'Connie, Lucky and Shantae: A Quest to save Uncle Mimic!', because you just told me putting a Band-Aid on an unconscious-rendering injury magically fixes that condition!!

"Whew...t-thanks.",Kirby thanked both Frisk and Chara with a slow,but tender hug. Frisk just patted Kirby's back carefully. "Wait...the Warp Star!",Kirby suddenly began to cheer,interrupting the hug he started as he began to run to the golden star. It was fixed into the ground because of the impact,so it had to be removed to achieve its funcionality.

Kirby had difficulty into snatching off the ground,so Frisk had to lead a helping hand. As the golden star was ripped off the ground,it began to glow and float by itself. The first action of the glowing golden star was to pick Kirby on its 'back' and make a wonderful,'sparkling' noise.

I am bordering on done and pissed right about now, because we now have to switch source material. The space ship right here is the game version of the Warp Star, which is not a space ship. It can function like one, yeah, in a reality where Kirby can breathe in space, but it's a mode of regular transportation for the little guy, made from magical power he himself possesses. Nothing that was put into this crossover story actually is what the author pretends that it is.

"Thank you very much,Frisk! Also,thanks for you older sister.",Kirby said in joy for his friend Frisk and her twin sister Chara.

Had the author played this straight and followed the Gravity Falls and Kirby canon to let Kirby have a reason to thank her, Chara would have fed him a Maxim Tomato through premastication.

"Yeah...I guess deep inside I was just very worried about your health...but now that you are okay,I guess you can really be free now.",Frisk said to Kirby,holding her left arm with a more calm smile.

"Let's pretend that was the plot and conflict, so we can go home now."

"A tiny bit just like me and...Lapis.",Chara quietly said to herself,understanding a layer of what Frisk's speech meant.

What? No. Fuck you for even assuming you can just lazily insinuate that as if it's a thing, author.

"Don't worry,I'll be ok. Oh! And one last thing!...",Kirby began to say,as he rided towards Frisk's forehead with the star and...kissed her forehead. Frisk never expected a actual kiss,even on the forehead; until that moment,she was just seeing a great friend on Kirby.

Oh, gee, the author is finally, vaguely implying a sort of romance being crowbarred out of this constant friendship miasma, and it's attached to the one relationship that by canon-fiat is doomed to fail upon first revisit. I'm feeling so incredibly invested it can literally not be imagined.

"Oh...thank you...",Frisk thanked,hiding herself on her shoulders with a trembly smile and a big blush on her face.

Finally,Kirby started the flight over the glowing star,going like a comet in the inverse route trough the sky. Frisk and Chara waved goodbye,and even trough neither of them could see it,Kirby also waved goobye for them high in the sky.

However,before going for sure from planet Earth,Kirby dropped something that Frisk caught up before going away from there with Chara: a tiny,pastel pink phone with a yellow star on the top and a antenna over the upper point of the star. Maybe,a way to communicate to Kirby from unimaginable distance.

Why should she need to get an intergalactic phone, since you just demonstrated you might as well drop bottled messages from lower orbit instead? You know what, fuck that, why didn't the pink ET phone home with it in the first place?!

After picking the strange artifact,Frisk picked her backpack,zipped it in the right way and walked away.


In the next morning...

Chara and Frisk came back to the Inside Falls Space Park in the time for lots of things;

You could just say 'and every half-assed plot thread were resolved, the end', author. It saves you about forty-three words from your existing wrap-up.

to find out Asriel has been throwing roses away from the park in a attempt to 'free' them,to find out Peridot pranked Pearl with glue,and to find out Lapis was fired from the cleaning work. Chara just decided to go along with Lapis to far of the park to have fun elsewhere.

The fun part is that typically people urinate for longer time it takes to read the sentences you produce when you are taking the piss, author!

Frisk,however,was feeling the most sad of everyone. It has been barely minutes,even one hour,that Kirby left Earth and she was already missing him. Maybe,this feeling's strenght was something like how Kirby felt his homesickness.

I swear, author, reading you trying to analyze emotions is like watching someone attempt to dissect a frog with a squeaky toy hammer.

Frisk had her thoughts interrupted by a vibration over her hand; it was the phone Kirby dropped from the sky. She checked it out and found out a message inside it.

"Dear Frisk,

Send nudes.

I'm now reunited with my mentor,and he understood everything I told to him.

In that case you live in a better world, you little pink bastard.

He says that maybe one day,when I get old enough,I can visit your planet again. Isn't this incredible? Well,see you next time I can!

Also, what does 'child predator' and 'cradle robber' mean?

🌟 Poyo,Kirby"

After reading the message Kirby left behind,Frisk smiled in joy and clutched the phone on her chest for some moments of joyful tears. Frisk cleaned her tears,guarded the star phone on her backpack and tried to find some object that could remove glue. After all,her Grauntie Pearl wouldn't manage to get away with Peridot's cruel prank on her own.

You could truly tell how it being cold outside affected any of that, right? The author couldn't even have Frisk crash because of a slippery road, or let Chara throw snow balls. Would it kill this author to follow through a single one of her alterations, dumb as they may be?

My predictions keep wasting away, but if I had the actual ability to foresee what this fanfic fails to deliver, I would probably have had second thoughts at the beginning. Next chapter is Reversal Trovato, which should probably be the Carpet Diem episode with the mind-switching. I can't wait for the author to fuck up on all accounts there, too. The title is meaningless to me as at best Google tells me Trovato is simply an untranslated word in Esperanto or Italian. People are probably going to have their minds switched via a grabbable item, what hints there would be about Garnet's existence will be glossed over, and the author will be apologetic about the rivalry that will have the twins bickering.

YAT: 58
BTTP: 157

User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Aug 18, 2019 11:49 am

I am steadily loosing patience with this trash. Rapidly, in fact. Because it is what it is and it never stops. Plot, copied. Characters, substituted. Dialogue, regurgitated. Plotholes, ignored. Common sense, ridiculed. I literally have no idea what the author is getting out of this, because every chapter it comes down to a single fan-thought of "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if Gravity Falls happened exactly like it did but with other characters?". At least there is entertainment value in how badly it's done. Here's Chapter 16, Reversal Trovato.

It was a suprisingly loud morning in the Crystal Shack,at least for Chara's standarts.

Asriel had decided to start his mandatory crying early today.

She badly woke up and looked trough the window shaped like the weird symbol of the town,and she was already recieved by a warmer yet louder 'Good Morning' of her little twin sister,Frisk. Chara just clothed herself and picked up one of her personal books slowly because she was accidentaly disrupting Frisk's self-doll game.

Is that a game where you have a doll show on yourself where it was touched? Or has reality shifted again, and I'm the only one who knows how to chain together the words dressing herself?

"God,I just can't get your over excitment...You ate sugar while I was sleeping?",Chara asked with a tired,sleepy voice,as she kept her eyes fixed on the book's page.

Someone has to compensate for all the Jasper-related salt you keep having for breakfast.

"Well,I munched on some pie,yes...",Frisk began her answer with a awkward laugh and smile,"But,actually...I'm excited like that because soon my friends will come here to spend the night."

Quick question. Is it parental neglect to let your kids stay the night in a house formerly known as The Murder Hut?

...Chara almostcouldn't hold back a urge to scream a loud 'WHAT?!' in her sister's face,but she resisted the will,as the butterfly-themed clock of Frisk began to ring. Then,she looked around the room to find some objects scattered on the ground,and felt like she was living a nightmare of privacy as she realized what Frisk meant with her friends coming there for a sleep night.

Gasp! Non-descript stuff on the floor out of nowhere. Clearly she's being smothered and suffocated by the enormous lack of freedom that they cause, and the implied dislike of a 'sleep night', which she needs ten seconds to figure out what means, is in no way mirroring the canon theme stemming from opposite gender stereotyping. It's just a trait of she happens to have.

"SLEEPOVER!",Connie and Amethyst announced,bursting on the bedroom of the Dreemurr twins carrying their own sleeping bags; the one of Connie had a nutbrown color while the one of Amethyst was lavender with violet cat head stamps.

Chara's inner self screamed in horror,

I know, right, this attempt at characterization via unnecessary sleeping bags descriptions is horrendous.

and her panic began to manifest itself on a crazy smile over her face. She hopped no one was paying attention to her smiling like a lunatic.

Watch it, author. Your obnoxious attempts at edgy and misconstrued mental issues in lieu of personality is pissing me off to no end.


In the same day's night...

Just like how Frisk,Connie and Amethyst marked,the sleepover began with the three girls roleplaying as characters from a book,and Chara was forced to try to sleep...for. All. Of it.

How cruel it was of them, to force the poor girl to sleep throughout it all.

And soon,alot of stress began to pollute the 12-years-old's mind.

So, were you ever committed to twolve-teen, author, or was that just a misspelling of your own made-up word?

"This chapter was fun,right?",Frisk asked to her best friends,as she fixed up her video game cartridge pajamas on her body.

"Yeah! FUUUUN!",Amethyst yelled,ramming her two fists together on the floor of the Dreemurr twin's bedroom.

"C-calm down,Amethyst...I know it was good and all,but no need for this level of excitment.",Frisk said nervously as she putted a hand over the shoulder of her wild friend.

Because the paragon of virtue that is Frisk can't be besmirch a smidgen by actually sharing the traits of Mabel that led to Dipper's issues, here we have her pretend like her actions matter so as to not catch moral flack. The canon twins were realistic and casually acknowledging and working on their faults, author, but instead you are exuberantly fixated on excusing everything your substitutes do before it happens, telling us in other cases like this that they either had to follow the plot while being very considerate, or just didn't know and totally wouldn't have done the plot if they had been aware. Kids can be selfish and can lack consideration for others once in a while. They are people. What am I supposed to think these responsibility-dodging creatures are?

"Uhm...I'll j-just...hehe...go somewhere else...",Chara said in a tense,shiver-ly voice,as she wrapped her blanket over herself,got up from her bed and weared her black shoes.

"Are you sure you don't want to play a character from the next chapter?",Connie asked to Chara as the letter began to make a shaking walk towards the exit door.

"You can be Mr. Grey this time."

"N-n-n-no! NOnOno,I'm okay...yeah,okayokay...",Chara answered in a strange tone of voice,as she opened the door to the attic and the staircase.

As Chara climbed down the stairs,she kept chaotically hitting herself on the wall and on the stair bar repeatedly,lacking enough focus to avoid this hit-and-hit.

"Oh my character is sooooo deep, because I've given her a mismatch behavior of self-harm and social dysfunction akin to a mentally challenged caveman with rabies. Isn't she the coolest? Now watch as I make her sister afraid of her and subsequently forgive her at the same time." That's you, author. Because you are evidently so dense that I need to clarify!

After climbed down the whole stairs,she faced off with Asriel.

"Howdy!",Asriel cheerfully greeted Chara. "Do you want to visit my break room?",Asriel continued,

Does he typically do that without prompt, or is this case special because of the moron walking into everything?

as he went to a door pretty nearby the staircase and revealed a room that would look just like any bedroom...except for the fact golden flowers infested the walls and the carpet simulated grass.

"...Uh,I'll do a thing,please wait.",Chara said to Asriel,trying to hold back...something,from her mouth. Something that wasn't exactly clear to Asriel.

How nice of her to hold back her racist outbursts against goats when among family members.

Chara rushed outside the Crystal Shack to have some space under the moonlight to let the thing over the insides of her mouth escape: a...laugh. It was quiet at free,but soon,she lost herself,and began to laugh,louder and louder. Even trough she didn't want to sound like a psychopath,she was sounding almost like one.

Fuck your 'almost'. I hate this. This romanticizing of psychosis. An author edgelording an already banal and vacuous character, by inferring turmoil, hurt, anguish and conflict by essentially having a blank slate over-exaggerate and underhandedly oversell issues, in such a way that they should have been committed to an institution or have had a meltdown over less in the past. Snapping like a three-year-old being denied candy, followed by a fit signaling that of a future potential school shooter, fake-Chara here is excused the endowment of traits from canon-Chara with the author deliberately dodging the baggage of it, unintentionally creating a monster from another monster. The author wants to have canon-Chara's creepy smile and leniency towards aggression with a side of mania, but can't accept the reasons and consequences to allow them, and those brought forth instead are sadly more insulting than they are laughable. Two options. Either Chara here is suffering from pseudobulbar affect, which is to suffer uncontrollable emotional displays, or she is not suffering from it. PBA is a secondary occurrence to neurologic disorders or brain injury. Either Chara is in need of dire treatment on several levels, or she's simply throwing fits of the author's pleasings, to problems that an ordinary child responds to with annoyance at worst. Everything about Chara and the try-hard way she is being sold to us by the author infuriates me, because even considering pretending the reason why she is the way she is isn't merely from the author's abject fascination, or reality-blind, fandom-tinted glasses, makes bile rise in my throat.

Eventually,Chara's 'maniacal' laughter stopped when she heard three beats from the window of her bedroom. She looked on the weird window to see Frisk,Amethyst and Connie. Amethyst and Connie looked plain confused,while Frisk simply looked worried for Chara's mental health.

"Don't worry alot,guys.",Frisk said to her friends. "Laughing is one of her cure methods agains't,uh...stress."

It's a symptom of mental disorders, you nitwit. Chara mentally unhinges at the drop of a hat, and you and your entire family is engaged in neglect, because by comparison Dipper has the mental fortitude and endurance of a war-zone surgeon!!


In the next day...

The sleepover was over,so Frisk,Connie and Amethyst waved bye-bye for each other. As soon as Frisk's friends got out of the bedroom,Frisk's older twin sister came in. However,Chara looked like a giant mess,with leaves sticking over her messed up hair,a maniacal expression on the face and her left eye twitching in a quick pace.

Is the funny part of this joyless AU-rendition that she would have looked the same by sleeping in Asriel's perfectly acceptable rec room?

"O-oh...hi Chara...",Frisk timidly greeted her sister,even trough she feared Chara was in a mood that was terrible for chatting with.

And what could have been a scene of a simple and frankly ordinary sibling disagreement, is changed to a fearful child being in the same room with a nutcase having an episode.

"hHhHhhIIIIIIIII!",Chara answered,her voice denuting of pitch and volume as she laid on her own bed and giggled to herself.

"Are you,like,one million percent sure you are stable on your head?",Frisk slowly asked to Chara,afraid of getting up from her own bed and just angering her sister further.

Do you think you've changed fanfic in-between chapters or something, since you have to ask that?

"...NOOO!! I AM NOT STABLE AND NEITHER TALK ABOUT OKAY!!",Chara yelled in rage as she got up from her bed and began to angrily stomp on the ground...pointing every single thing out of place on the bedroom. "L-LOOK AT THIS! There's books hanging on the CELLING! There's - *ahem* TERRIBLE glitter over the ground! Just mess and mess in any corner of my eye!

Because Chara has shown herself to be such a neat freak up until now, hasn't she?

I'M DONE SHARING A ROOM WITH YOU!",Chara finished,as she stormed out of the room.

"I swear, one more sock out of place, and it would just make me want to become a God and destroy all of humanity!"

...Frisk really didn't have idea of what to do after listening to this intense thunder of rageful speech from Chara.

Stop switching out her meds with Tic-Tacs, perhaps?

Should she tell Connie and Amethyst were the responsibles for messing up with the books and glitter? Should she try to forgive Chara,or it would cause more troubles?

Is that all Connie and Amethyst are going to be in this story, author? Excuses and scape goats for Frisk to wipe off her blame with, before once again throwing herself at an endless spiral of martyr complexes in attempt to out-Jesus Mr. Nazareth himself?!

Maybe,just maybe,Grauntie Pearl had some sort of solution. More specifically,a room just for Chara's peace.

One with extra padding and long-sleeved jackets to wear inside of.


Frisk hastily climbed down the stairs,with one bowtie,one of her stamped jumpers,her shorts and her leather boots. In the living room,she found Grauntie Pearl squeeing at the TV,and on the other side of the couch Pearl was sitting in,Chara's hat...Chara was sitting next to the couch,hugging her knees and groaning.

"Grauntie Pearl...I want a room for Chara.",Frisk said to Pearl,with a pleading face.

Why your parents haven't specifically asked of Pearl to keep you in a separate room from your sister's common occurrences of abuse, I will never understand. And don't think I didn't notice your one-sided request to selfishly do something for your sister which happens to produce the plot, which you'll likely never even be acknowledged for.

"Heh...sorry Frisk",Pearl apologized,gently ruffling Frisk's hair. "But I don't think there is another room. From what I remember,its just my room and the attic.

"That unused secret room that the clay figures were stored in burnt down or something, I don't know."

I'm honestly sorry but I don't think there's something like a secret passa-"

BOOM! A crash echoed trough the living room. Pearl,Frisk,and even Chara holded themselves to lesser the impact.

"GIRLS! GIRLS! Look at what I found!",Asriel screamed from the depths of the room downstairs,and everyone decided to follow.

Don't tell me. You noticed the suspicious cobweb in the corner of the hallway, right?

Pearl was looking at the door discovered by the goat boy with the expression of a parent upset about what their child did and crossing out her arms,but Frisk and Chara were both showing huge smiles; they both knew Chara could at least have some peace and quiet if the room could be allowed for her.

How about you opened the door first to learn if its walled off or nothing but an old pantry, you future-vision endowed fools.

"I sometimes wonder if its place is magical or not,it even has a DOOR unlocked by a bookshelf!",

They don't build keyholes quite like they used to nowadays.

Asriel said still in a surprised voice,as he extended his two arms to the door. It had a dark orange paint instead of the boring shades that covered almost the entire room.

When Asriel opened the door,the group found out a room of decent size,with a window that made sunlight light up the room nicely enough,and a detail that could be considered extremely common in any room,but in this specific room was kind of unsettling: a wardrobe of three parts that came straight from the 1900s that,despite some dust,wasn't affected by time in a drastic way.

Okay, either the kids are going to Narnia, or this author is going to excuse their body-swapping by having them play Seven Minutes In Heaven, which I'm afraid to say - jokes aside by knowing fanfics and the Gravity Falls fandom on the Internet - isn't beyond the realm of possibility.

"Seriously,there's something curious...and weird,about this wardr-",Chara began to speak,examining better the wardrobe,until she noticed a white mark on the left side of it. "Machine number 78? Grauntie Pearl,this sounds too curious."

The only thing curious here, is that you think the word is synonymous with 'suspicious', author.

"C-curious? Haha,its just a hidden room I didn't notice!...nothing more of special.",Pearl said...and more and more she sounded like she was trying to hide something deeper from the twins.

Author, depending on how you will substitute out the backstory for Garnet and the shack, because I know you haven't thought that through in the least at this point of writing, this will either be the right kind of tell, or the wrong kind of tell for Pearl to make, since she acts like she knows the wardrobe hides a ceiling-mountable sex sling. I will remember this moment and come back to it eventually, because my brain is cursed to notice every detail you make wrong.

"Well...",Chara began to say,as she picked up a yellow colored key that was hanging on the room's wall. "I guess the room is mine,now that I have the key."

"Its oaky,I wanted to give you a room anyways.",Frisk said to Chara with a happy smile,that surprised the latter's inner self alot; even trough she yelled at her in blind rage,she still treated her well.

At the risk of sounding intentionally hypocritical with my snide and off-collar jokes, just fuck your sister and get it out of your system already! What's even the plot at this point? Are they just going to jump into the wardrobe, switch bodies, only to be separated by the action of the people around them, thereby furthering the substitution-plot while removing all implications and autonomy from the characters, who have yet to even orbit a genuine moral in this fanfic as of yet?

"Uh,sorry but no. This room will be under my care.",Pearl said strictly,simply snatching the key from Chara's hand and leaving the room in a kind of regal walking. Both Chara and Frisk desperately tried to chase after her,but Asriel blocked the way standing on the door and opening his arms.

"WOAH! Wait up! Something happening that is possibly making Chara think she should be in a separate room doesn't mean you girls have to be in a separate room!",

"You have to be stuck together forever and ever, just like the author intended."

Asriel said in a surprisingly loud voice. "And besides,this room is now looking too creepy!"

...Unfortunately,the Dreemurr twins didn't hear Asriel's warning,and they bypassed him,accidentaly making him trip and making a broom fall over his stomach.

Convenient deafness that leads to harming others doesn't cleanse them of the sins you perceive, author.

"...Maybe I'm overthinking too much.",Asriel thought out-loud as he got up,picked up the broom and cleaned up the dust that was inside the room.

When the wardrobe was cleaned off of its dust,Asriel didn't have time to notice, began to glow. A faint,yellow glow over all the wardrobe,alongside a slightly faint noise of electronic waves.

The legends were true. The mythical closet that every gay person say they came out of really does exist.


After some tedious hours about doing chores for Pearl as a punishment for trying to steal the key,Chara and Frisk finally managed to catch the key in the right moment. So,the room technically was of Chara once again. Chara and Frisk entered on the curious room and sitted on the couch.

Yeah, sure, that's how that works. Pearl will totally allow them to stay in the room now that they stole back the key. You couldn't even have her lock if off, author, you moron?

"So,did you enjoy the room?",Frisk asked with a slightly more relaxed smile.

"Of course...Frisky. It even has a machine!",Chara answered Frisk with a happy and relaxed voice. "...I think we should test it.",Chara thought out loud,opening the door of the left side of the wardrobe and entering inside.

Of course, just jump into the Meat Grinder 2000, kids. I'm close to believing that you were raised by wolves at this point, author, because it is so fucking easy to come up with an actual excuse instead of plot contrivance, even with your own wasteful setup. Have the twins hide from your kid-beating obsessed Pearl's punishment for stealing the key, by using the wardrobe as a hiding place. You only branded the thing a 'machine' in the first place just to excuse the idea for them to step into it for no other reason than just that!

"...We really have?",Frisk asked with a unsure tone. But when she saw Chara's face,she realized nothing in the Inside Falls town could hold back her curiosity. So,she reluctantly opened the door of the right side of the wardrobe and entered in.

As both of the twins where inside the wardrobe,the doors inexpectedly closed by themselves;

Hello, yes, operator? The SCP Foundation, please.

both of them were open before.

Why, thank you, author, I would simply have thought both of the twins had developed x-ray vision and phasing powers from their prior interaction with the piece of furniture up until now, if you hadn't clarified.

And the worst: Chara and Frisk tried and tried,but their fists weren't capable of opening the door,and neither where their feet. Soon,they tried their last possible trick: call for help.

Back in my day, kids would curl up and die when caught inside a fridge at the local dump. These days, they can't even accept their Darwin participation trophies without cheating and phoning their parents.

They screamed and punched more for someone at least listen to their voices.

But nobody came.

Finally we have a decent enough take on a reference, and it was one that the author has already over-misused in three separate chapters.

The yellow light appeared over the wardrobe once more,alongside the electronic noise. But now,the light was blinding,and the noise increased to a loud volume bit by bit. The twins felt their bodies growing numbier with a raising shock and their visions blurrying out. Soon,their consciousness faded away.


Chara and Frisk's consciousness recovered after what in their mind felt like millions of years.

They had been in conscious agony while remaining unconscious, so as to be able to not count the infinite minutes that never went by.

They found themselves kneeling on the ground outside the wardrobe,so that could only mean their unconscious bodies managed to push themselves free of the wardrobe after the...shock.

Okay, I'm done having fun, what the fuck do you think 'unconscious' actually means, author?!

Chara looked to her left,hoping to find Frisk...but somehow,she was actually looking at herself.

Confused,she checked out her hands - her hands were light brown,just like Frisk's skin. She used them to touch her face - it had the texture of Frisk's face. Frisk did the same on herself,feeling Chara's face texture.

Both of which are equally punchable, that's about all the notes I've managed to derive from the author's attempts, when presenting these twins in this non-visual medium.

...No,the twins refused to believe on the most plausible possibility.

But what about the possible plausibilities?

"Chara,you're inside my body?",Frisk asked,from within Chara's body. She still had her own voice,even when possesing her older twin.

That's the narrative cheat deployed by visual mediums, used to let viewers easily keep track and understand who is in who's body, author, you clueless hack! You are writing a story with crossover-smudged windows into these characters' minds, and you don't even know what the point of this plot actually is so as to have us witness them living it.

"'re inside my body?",Chara also asked,and she sounded just like her regular self,but within Frisk's body. The worse possibility was actually truth and the twins soon realized what was happening.

The wardrobe switched their bodies.

Or, with how this scene was set, Gaster crawled in through a window, saved you from the death machine, and switched your brains by accident. Weirder things have and will happen, if you think about it.

As soon as both realized that,they began to scream in panic,possibly loud enough for the whole corridor where the room was located to listen. Frisk immediately ran to the bathroom to throw away and Chara went to the mirror covered with blue-ish curtains to look at herself: it WASN'T her physical self,it was the physical self of Frisk. The only difference is that she had her eyes open wide of panic.

Do you know what the point of a body-swap plot is, author? It's to have two characters experience things from each other's perspective, because of them being vastly different and bound to end up in situations that they would be polar opposites of in going through. You don't have that here. Look past gender all you want, a boy and a girl swapping bodies is a whole lot of squick enhanced by their family relation, but they are sisters, equal in age, almost similar in body, too. You are pitching a plot closer to that of twins intentionally pretending to be the other, and then you are still making it boring.

"This can't be happening...this can't be happening...",Chara denied to herself,as she holded her cheeks...Frisk's cheeks...

Frisk,in Chara's body,screamed behind both of them could do something about it? Both didn't know,and both were in shock.

They have both completely realized that the wardrobe swapped their bodies, but sure, let them have panic attacks and shock and no notion on how to undo it, that's totally fine.


When both of the Dreemurr twins finally managed to calm their minds,both of them looked at themselves on the mirror. Great,more Inside Falls craziness to ruin our day,Chara thought as she frowned over Frisk's body. For Chara,it was horrible feel smaller-sized,and with a symptom that didn't allow her to see lights. For Frisk,it was awkward feeling taller,but at least she had a way to avoid her photophobia,at least for a while.

Oh, that's totally the same as suddenly having different orthodontics, hairstyle, clothing, body types, and - implicitly so - genitals, author. Nailed it.

"Wait...we should check this 'Machine number 78' again. Maybe there's a detail we missed out.",Chara said,as she ran to check the body-swapping wardrobe again. Instead of examining the left border,this time,she examined the right border. "'Electric Wardrobe'...this wardrobe is capable of connecting two bodies with a electricity strong enough for body swap?! How this exists?"

Because of jumper cables for all the justification given, since static electricity makes sense on the aspect that it's something generated on one's body.

"That means we can switch our bodies back to normal again...right?",Frisk asked,really hoping for a 'Yes' answer from Chara. Chara would give the answer,if not for a certain interruption.

"CHAAARAAA? FRIIIISK?",Pearl's voice called from upstairs. The two didn't have time to swap their bodies back without Grauntie Pearl suspecting of something and both of them knew this.

Suspect what? That something is wrong, which it is and you have no reason to hide that fact? Is Pearl training you with cattle prods to follow contrivances for the sake of a plot, you dumbasses?

It was time for them to impersonate the other and hope for everything to go trough right.

Oh, gee, is that supposed to be super difficult for twins or something, when you have to believe no one in the canon even noticed the change of voice, author?


While Chara and Frisk tried to impersonate each other to not raise suspicions with Pearl,Asriel and Temmie climbed down to the wardrobe room. Temmie just played around like a cat while Asriel cleaned the room with a vaccum. Unfortunately,the Dreemurr twins forgot to close up the wardrobe's doors,and eventually,Temmie went inside the right part of the wardrobe and began to scratch it,thinking it was just a common wardrobe.

I think you lend too much credence to the notion that Temmie would care even if she knew otherwise.

"Uh?",Asriel said,confused about the cat-dog's behavior. He decided to turn of the vaccum and go inside the left part of the wardrobe just because a weird curiosity was pulling them.

And Asriel follows the plot, just because. He couldn't chase Temmie into the wardrobe, just because. The closet has two sections despite multiple individual later will have to be affected at once without being knocked unconscious as well, just because. Everything happens, just because!

...Both were foolish enough to not realize they would soon go at the exact same experience Chara and Frisk went trough: a electric shock and a slow loss of consciousness alongside the giant electronic wave noise and,to top all of it,a body swap between each other.

Yes, how foolish of them to not realize what no one could possibly know about this machine's effects and functions before the fact. Author, are you actually trying to be pretentious on purpose, right now?

"Oh my god...",Asriel said,mortified at his own shadow...or Temmie body's shadow. "I-I BECAME TEMMIE!!-Temmie wouldn't do something wrong inside my body,right?"

What, like, go to college and not cry about it?

Meanwhile,Temmie just stood there with Asriel's body,a rabbit hand pose and her weird 'hOI!!' vocals. Asriel's fear,unfortunately,was realized: Temmie actually began to make some cat/dog mischief,and he tried the best he could to stop her with his little cat body.

Actually, yeah, I would rather read a fanfic set in TemmieTale right now, thanks for reminding me.

"Asriel? You saw my sh-",Lapis was about to ask and enter the Crystal Shack. But when she saw 'Asriel' doing a weird cat face and 'Temmie' hanging over his jumper with her bite,Lapis decided to just...go away and try to talk again in a less weird hour.

Chara and Frisk tried to reunite with each other,or at least find themselves on the wardrobe room,but after Pearl went away,both decided to do their own things and nearly forgot their objective all along.

They have such trouble adjusting to this whole thing that they simply forgot that they had to change back, too. Is the plot progression just going to be reduced to shoulder shrugs from now on, author?

And to worse everything up,Chara stumbled upon Connie and Amethyst,who mistook her with Frisk thanks to the body swap and invited her to another sleepover.

And guess who is probably not going to have a mental hysteria meltdown from this.

Even when the actual Frisk followed the trio,they already locked up the door,

Because having offered Chara in the past to participate, of course they are going to lock her out for being a girl, too.

so she could only see what was going on trough the keyhole. Chara,actually,was keeping kind of well the paper of faking out she was Frisk,but a little of her weird energy was getting trough the voice.

"Chara?",Pearl's voice called out for the one she thought that was Chara,but that was actually Frisk. "Are you jealous of your little sister hanging out? Well,try to be invited by them next time. You're of the same gender as them!",Pearl suggested to 'Chara',which made Frisk,the one actually inhabiting Chara's body,to smile nervously in shame.

It's no wonder there's so much shame being portrayed by these people, when the author doesn't know what that is.

Could be anything more tense for Frisk than Pearl forgiving 'Chara' and giving her the key she actually managed to find out while the twins were busy? No.

Could anyone actually tell what that sentence was supposed to mean? No.

Could be anything more tense for Chara than she being forced to atture the 6-books & 29-chapters long series of books from Connie trough the whole 'sleepover'? No.

Why? Are the books even romance themed? Is she gay? What?!

Could be anything more tense for Asriel than he being chased trough the main street of Inside Falls after by Gaster Windings to be the skeleton scientist's new guinea pig just after some minutes out in the street? No.

All these three individual and separate moments were the most tense in the entire world, even when lined up and compared to each other, of course.

Ironically,in all of those moments,the three youngsters screamed "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" the loudest they cloud,praying deep inside for some miracle to happen to them.

Even your inability to understand what irony is, author, is not irony.


Thankfully,the chores the twins had to support (Chara having to put up with Connie's books; Frisk recieving a big speech from Pearl) we're done. Now,it really was time for them to switch back. Frisk waited while faking out she was reading a book while Chara came down with Connie and Amethyst,who insisted on following out of curiosity.

The curiosity born from wondering how the hell the author was going to continue writing this chapter if they didn't show up, I believe.

For the unexpected surprise of Frisk's friends,Frisk and Chara entered inside their respective places on the wardrobe and prepared themselves to what they thought that would be the final shock.

A wink and a nudge to the fact that everyone already knows what the rest of the plot is going to be, how are you the most boringly uninspired creature I've ever come across, author?! At least Harry Potter Goblin Bank Inheritance plagiarists tries to one-up the last wish-fulfilment they read through.

In the spam of one minute (on Connie and Amethyst's vision),Chara and Frisk emerged from out of the wardrobe as themselves.

"...Yes...",Chara said,as she really felt her skin once more,and her pant pocket holding the key Frisk inserted there.

Oh yeah, that thing that has had no relevancy and was pursued for about two paragraphs. That sure is important now.


Don't consider that a positive, sweetheart.

"What? What do you mean?",Connie and Amethyst said together,the same intense wave of confusion hitting them as both spoke.

"Uh,it was the wardrobe.",Frisk explained,pointing out to the body swaping wardrobe. "If two people stand on each side of the wardrobe,a shockwave will cause the two people inside to swap bodies-"

Just after finishing her explanation of what the wardrobe could do,Connie playfully pushed Chara to the left spot again,unaware she didn't want to switch bodies anymore.

Because no one, no one ever, can literally never happen, in a billion years, will shoulder the burden of a microscopic chance at committing a single criticizable act, without first having five excuses, two alibies and a Get Out of Jail Free card! And if it does happen, by the author putting herself in a full nelson for the sake of the plot - which is all the fucking time - it's intentionally put focus on as a therapeutic self-admonishing preaching hour, akin to someone trying to confess their way out of eternal damnation when they in fact only stole a lollipop! The worst part is that I'm not even halfway, and I know I'll have to suffer this bullshit all the way through till the end!!

It was the first time Connie felt the shock of switching bodies with the wardrobe,so she was the last one to regain consciousness.

"...Look,I'm not liking this play anymore,so lets stop doing this and-",Chara tried to explain trough Connie's body,but discovered too late that Amethyst was very excited to test it with Frisk.

Just between you and me, Frisk, I think you are still shit at making friends.

Amethyst began by throwing Frisk on the right side and joyfully entering on the left side. Like Connie,she was the last one to regain consciousness...and it was feeling extremely awkward to feel inside her shorter friend's body. The group was ready to fix the problem,but they heard screaming voices...the voices of Asriel and Gaster.

Asriel and Gaster came bursting into the room,but Asriel took a turn,which made Gaster hit Connie,still in Chara's body,into the left side of the wardrobe. Gaster himself ended rolling to the right side of the machine,and they soon swapped bodies with a electric shock. The body swapping confusion just got intensier with Deputy Geremy and Sheriff Raynold entering to try and solve the problem...unaware they themselves would make it even more intense.

Author, you are ignoring the fact that your carpet replacement is a wardrobe with doors that have to close and the victims have a recovery time of one minute, and yet you are still failing at grasping the chance of describing a perfect Three Stooges gag, because you are betting on all your readers imagining everything in this story that you can't!

Soon,it was a war to retrive the original body back: one trying to pull or push someone for or away of the wardrobe,a wave of electrical shocks,body swapping even when the two bodies didn't yet recover,and everyone felt like at least a part of the brain was going to be destroyed in the middle of everything.

How funny, no I totally mean that, my sides are splitting, the humor of passively mentioning the details of how any character could be doing any of these things in any order or sequence just has me on the floor puking my lungs out, because it just so hilarious.

And above all,the key Frisk was trying to give to Chara kept rolling on the ground or bouncing in the heads of everyone.

But finally,Frisk and Chara escaped the room with their original bodies and the key (and hopefully no expressive brain damages),

You can't break what's already broken, nothing of importance would have been lost, call me when something of value is at risk.

and ran to the attic,and to their original bedroom. They both gave up to their knees and inhaled as much air as they could.

"God...why did I even yell at you in the first place?",Chara said,now feeling more heartbroken about being a jerk to Frisk in the morning. "I kickstarted up everything..."

"No...I think its actually me.",Frisk said,shocking Chara...emotionally. "I think I should've telled Connie and Amethyst to take a break,or at least be less loud so you can sleep."

"Maybe...its actually both of our faults.",Chara shrugged with a tired smile,and laughed quietly as well.

"Yeah...maybe not everything can have the blame on just one person.",Frisk agreed,as she tossed the key to Chara's palm.

No, author, stop. You can't just negate everything and be hunky dory by having them state that they are both in the wrong, when they are both in the right!! It's not about blame. They both have a right to live their lives, do the things they enjoy, and have their space to do with what they want. Sharing space is about compromise, acceptance, and understanding each other, which was the point of the episode you are misinterpreting, so stop throwing shit together that infers that someone is bad for trying to live! Chara is still a downright maniac, though.

"...You really were going to change of room?"

"",Chara answered Frisk,ruffling her head in the way a older sister would do. "This attic place is ten times better than below there."

And the one-sided issue was withdrawn by the flip-flopping psycho, because no one reading this was ever going to be surprised or tricked into thinking there was a risk of it in the first place, and the doormat Frisk has struggled for nothing yet again.

When the Dreemurr twins returned back to the wardrobe room,everybody managed to recover their original bodies while they were on the attic,and the policemen looked like they went to the most insane rollercoaster in existence,because they felt like they would throw up.

Now you are not even making jokes, author, you are stating things that we have no idea why is the case.

Even Asriel and Temmie managed to swap and recover their original bodies.

"Well...being a cat-dog isn't exactly the best thing you can do.",Asriel said,as he extended his fingers and felt the softness of their fur once more.

You be nice to Temmie, you monster, can't you see she's doing the best she can?

"...He can be my guinea pig for my new invention?",Gaster asked to Chara and Frisk with a smile. ...even trough Gaster was nice,the twins would never give their best cousin-friend just to be a guinea pig,so they just answered a head motion of 'NO' with a serious face,which saddened the skeleton a bit.

Am I supposed to laugh or think that might be how Nubian goat boys are treated in this universe? These are the questions.

Chara and Frisk made sure to wait for every visitor to go home,give the key to Asriel so at least he could have a slightly better bedroom and ask Grauntie Pearl about throwing away or selling the wardrobe. They surely never wanted a body swap experience again,mainly involving some sort of shock.

As well,they swore to themselves to not switch bedrooms no matter who annoyed each other.

I give them till two years, puberty, or a boyfriend, whichever arrives first.

They thought this as,in that night,both jumped in their beds.

"Good night. Take care of yourself in the dreams.",Chara said for Frisk,with a wink,a friendly smile and a thumb up.

"Good night,big sis. You sometimes are unstable but you mean the best.",Frisk replied to Chara,and both of the twin sisters shared a good laughter before finally giving in to the slumber and to the illumination of the moonlight.

I hope Frisk can have good dreams, since her waking life is a nightmare. Unstable. You used that word, author. Do you know what happens to people around unstable people? They get hurt! And you know what the kicker is? They can mean well, the best even, too. You are deluded, dumb, or pretentious. Pick one. No, you know what, fuck you, pick two.

Alright, my prediction was a bit more on point this time. Certainly no actual clues about Garnet was dropped, because all we got was a room and Pearl acting like she hid a body there. The sibling conflict was almost entirely absent, and still with the author being apologetic about it. The next chapter is titled Nihon No Zōn, which seems to mean Japanese Zone, though as far as I can tell, it's a compound of two separate translations. And it's replacing Boyz Crazy. Vocaloid characters is all I can imagine would make sense with the author's track record, Frisk will be start-struck but not in a crazy way, and the b-plot will be sped through by Chara figuring out the hypnotizing message without any help. We'll see soon enough.

YAT: 60
BTTP: 165

User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Tue Sep 03, 2019 4:04 pm

Sometimes, once on a blue moon, there comes a turnabout whenever I read a bad fanfic, where I suddenly against the odds find something to like about it. It's brief, it's surprising, it's almost worse than had I never seen it in the first place, because it never truly manages to last for long. Here's Chapter 17, Nihon No Zōn.

The morning hitted the town of Inside Falls,and inside the Crystal Shack,Lapis and Chara were playing with one record of the black-and-white security camera,faking out the dialogue going on over it and laughing alot of it.

"Oh, Grauntie Pearl told me about this one. The dude slips on a banana peel, cracks his head open and dies. Hilarious."

"Wanna try another round?",Lapis asked to Chara in a toothy smile.

"...Nah. I don't want to taint the reputation of the greedy side of my Grauntie too much.",Chara answered with a chill smile.

Coming from you, I think that sentence actually makes sense.

Chara felt something poke her shoulder and turned her head to her side,genuinely thinking it was Pearl,furious about the security camera. It was actually Frisk,wearing a...very unsettling and joyful smile.

"...Frisk,that smile is making me think you were possesed...",Chara said,nervously trembling with the bizzare joy of her little twin sister.

How nice of you to join us Pot, and I believe you've already met Kettle.

"*squeeee!!* Its going to be a amazing day,sis!",Frisk replied with her smile growing to a toothy one as she showed a calendar to Chara with a marked date. Chara just growed more confused,until Frisk turned sideways the calendar to show its back. "The Vocal Divas are coming to the Inside Falls Civic Circle and Buffet,in case if you didn't get."

Chara looked down at the calendar's back to find what Frisk marked with scotch tape: a paper with the title "Vocal Divas" on the top,the words "Inside Falls Civic Circle" below the title,and the band's members; a girl with dyed cyan hair in pigtails,a pair of twins of blonde hair,a girl with long and dyed pink hair,and a girl with short forest green hair.

It was practically so obvious that it was going to be Vocaloid that I don't even know why I didn't put down a Bingo card for what characters it was going to be. Since you are this obsessed with it, author, why didn't you make a crossover starting off with the Kagamine twins instead of these Undertale posers, who aren't even twins?

"Seriously? The Vocal Divas?",Chara said in disbelief with a cringed out face. "Its that japanese band that sings with...robot voices?",Chara continued,as she remembered a pretty weird part of a video clip she saw a while ago with Frisk...

🎵Saa nome omae suki daro? Yasai juusu...

Watashi ga kimeta, Ima kimeta,

Dakara nonde watashi! No yasai juusu...

Kakaku wa nihyaku en!~🎵

Couldn't you totally tell from these lyrics how that was sung in a robotic voice, when Vocaloid songs are vocally synthesized, meaning its real voice clips edited together, a technique in part used by nearly any modern pop song?

Chara face cringed out as she remembered this part of the video clip,while Frisk,who already fixed on her head a good deal of the Vocal Divas's songs,danced a brief while.

Because boyband fan-girling cringe is totally the same as not linking a type of music as someone else, right, Chara?

"Well...I'm pretty sure they aren't exactly what they seem to be,but anyway,have a good time.",Chara said with a thumb up and a slightly wavy smile to Frisk.

What the fuck would make her say any of that? The good time, and the allusion to the plot! We had jokes leaning on the superficial commonality of tween-demographic boyband similarities for the clone-plot of Sev'ral Timez as a lead-in. Here we have plot-omniscience yet again!

"Thank you.",Frisk replied Chara with a happy smile,before Lapis could protest agains't Chara's speech. "Also,if its not a big deal to my big sister,I'll bring my best friends."

Are we still back at you needing permission from your sister for everything?!

Just as Frisk announced this,Connie and Amethyst entered the Crystal Shack's giftshop,Amethyst wearing a shirt themed with the Vocal Divas and Connie wearing a cheering glove...also themed with the Vocal Divas.

"Sup! How are you all doing?",Amethyst greeted with a cheerful smile.

"Konnichiwa!",Connie also greeted,waving the hand that was carrying the cheering glove.

If you haven't changed that foam hand to be throwing a victory sign to at least show you know a fraction of Japanese culture, author, why would there even be a point to mentioning it outside of adding it to your DeviantArt screen-edit suggestion list?

Frisk happily gave a friendly fist bump to both of her best friends and went trough the door to the attic room (reversed only for the employees) with them,as Chara and Lapis watched...Connie bump herself on the wall by accident and break her glasses before catching up with the other two.


In the Vocal Divas' decorated attic...

I'll allow you about two seconds to mentally correct the author, as I'm sure you are well aware of where the next scene actually takes place.

"Should we go wearing the things that we are currently wearing right now,or we should trade our clothes?",Frisk asked,putting a indigo bowtie on the upper left of her hair.

Should the author bother describing what you are wearing, or blindly continue with scraping for dialogue to substitute?

"Nah,we are good the way we are.",Amethyst answered Frisk,lightly punching her own chest,the place where the logo of the band in the shirt was located.

"Even if it doesn't sound like it,I'm very happy.",Frisk said,a big and toothy grin running across her face.

And what drugs did you take to make you an emotionally backwards troglodyte like your sister? Did the author put a damper of your mood to not make you seem like a crazy fangirl - again?!

"Tonight we can finally see Miku Hatsune,Rin and Len Kagamine,Luka Megurine and Gumi acting in front of us!"

If it turns out to be a hologram concert, the author might even get some acknowledgement from me.

"We must have their newest CD!",Connie said day-dreamingly,as Temmie,wearing a Vocal Divas hat,sleep besides her.

"You're right,Connie...I wonder if they'll really give the CDs for us.",Frisk agreed with Connie. "Do you think they will,Amethyst?",Frisk asked Amethyst.

"Of course!",Amethyst answered with a mischeivous grin as she picked a pot of strawberry jelly from the ground and shoved a whole blob of it on her mouth.

What is this dialogue? Dreamy celebrities-will-fall-in-love-with-us talk, replaced by 'Oh, I hope we get a free CD so we don't have to buy it'? Have them hoping for autographs, author, how is this so difficult for you to make believable?

Frisk slightly cringed at the sight,but didn't say anything to offend her friend.

Translation: The author didn't like Grenda eating peanut butter by hand straight out of the jar, but she had to copy it in, and instead of Mabel who was outwardly fine about it for the purpose of the joke, the author needed Frisk to be a sweet, judgmental angel about it instead.


In the giftshop...

Lapis and Chara watched trough the security camera as Jasper entered in the giftshop of the Crystal Shack.

"*ahem* I'm Jasper,I am a tough nad buffy cheeto!",Chara said,trying to mimick and mock the scratchy and deep accent of Jasper's voice.

The Big Buff Cheeto Puff reference would only make sense if her skin was bright orange, author, you idiot, and they are commenting on black and white footage, too. People have to make sense while making references for it to work and not just seem like desperation, you simpleton.

She and Lapis laughed alot,until both of them noticed Jasper already was in the balcony,with a '...Seriously?' expression. Chara,smiling like a coward,just walked next to the 'Employees Only' door.

Boy, the dissonance is strong with this chapter, huh? While being hailed a coward, the buttercup hat wearing cuck shuffles to the corner of the room, despite there being no reason to do so aside from patiently waiting for the plot to turn in her favor. Were you dared into writing this fanfic without romance sub-plots, author, or were you simply cursed to?

"...So,Lapis,Scott is going to the Looking Cliff with his friends for a hangout. I think you should come along as well.",Jasper said and asked to Lapis with a...weird smile.

The author wrote with emphasis by using an...ellipses.

Chara couldn't detect what was bizzare on Jasper's smile; she just knew something was very wrong.

She couldn't even deduce an ounce of logical suspicion from the way this person acts, because she needs to know something by the author telegraphing the plot for her.

"WHAT?!",Lapis pratically screamed at Jasper's face,surprising the latter. "First,you 'accidentaly' stole some of my sea shell necklaces and forgot to bring them back,and now,you want me to go on the Looking Cliff?! *sigh* I'm sorry,but we should cut the ropes of our 'friendship'."

Stealing a friend's jewelry, author? You decide to tag on the pettiest and most pointless crime for her to commit, that no one can even get away with while staying inside the same circle of friends, what even?

"Woah-hohohohoho!",Chara said in a mix of shock and joy,muffling her own voice with her hand to not make Jasper hear her and wrapping the other arm over Temmie,that came from upstairs and was standing besides her now.

The author hasn't placed you outside the room to excuse these obviously noticeable sideline antics, but whatever.

Jasper made a thoughtful grunt as she pulled something from her jeans' pocket: a CD case with a sinister,monster-like cover.

Oh, it must be Asriel's latest mix-tape.

Out of the CD case,she pulled a orange-colored CD that she inserted on a CD player and began to sing along the lyrics of a music.

🎵 When I look at you,I just think on the sea,

The beach and the fun,it reminds me of you.

You're straight up the queen of the sea,

You're straight up the beach ball of the town!~🎵


What the fuck was that non-rhyming nonsense?! I'm happy this place didn't have a Tour De France theme, because then the author would think to have Lapis flattered by being called the town bicycle! Jasper just puts on the song without any prefaced apology, or a mention of this song being made specifically for Lapis, something at all to only hint that this was potentially hypnotic instead of making it beyond obvious. And you don't make Lapis into 'Lapis' by just mentioning seas, beaches, and water in her general vicinity, author. I know what you are trying to do, it's just that you absolutely fail at it at every turn, and you didn't even have to try to do it in the first place!

After listening to the song Jasper sang to her,Lapis began to feel...something on her head. Her eyes widely opened,as she began to not feel like herself. She slowly turned around,losing control of her own actions and mouth.

Matter less dense than this logic can be found inside concrete mixers! Let me dumb it down for you, author. Hypnotic suggestion and hypnotic mind control. One tricks you into thinking you yourself are producing the thoughts and actions you do, the other is what you narrate Lapis to be experiencing right now! And I can't wait for you to fuck up on the secret message on that CD, either!

"Lets hangout!",Lapis said,happily hi-fiving Jasper with a grin. "But first...I'll grab my jacket.",Lapis continued,going trough the 'Employees Only' door.

Chara and Jasper stared at each other trough the minutes Lapis went trough to find her jacket,each wearing a neutral expression over the face.

Because that's something that people like these two totally would do, even if the author hadn't prevented herself from leaving them any dialogue to substitute at this point, of course.

For Chara,it didn't make sense a song convince someone to hangout...this music had to contain something to convince Lapis besides the beach themes.

What, haven't you wanted to go out with the first dude calling you a beach ball?

She actually already got over her jealously of Jasper being with Lapis,but she was feeling now Jasper was possibly doing something bad involving Lapis,and she didn't want her friend being hurt by any means.

Stellar setup, author, you did just a banger of a job scrubbing Chara clean once again, it's just smooth sailing now that her motives has been hammered in to not be about jealousy - which you already emphasized it never was to begin with, and left her completely untainted to your mind for the umpteenth time, while ignoring a world that burns at her presence!!

As Jasper and Lapis left the Crystal Shack's giftshop,Chara ejected the CD from the CD player and gave a good look trough it: it looked just like a regular,boring and orange CD.

And had this author even had a passing understanding of proper or clever references while botching her substitution changes, she'd have the CD be malachite green.

She tried to inspect more details; song name,band name,release date...but she didn't find nothing. The CD was just as blank of information as the cover was.

"Chara?",Frisk's voice called from behind Chara's back. This made Chara turn around and face Frisk,Connie and Amethyst.

"Oh,hi Frisk...this CD has some weird hypnosis powers and I'll not rest until I found out what are those.",Chara said,showing to Frisk and her friends the orange CD.

"I just saw the person I look up to the most be mentally enslaved to someone, so I will not rest until I learn how it happened, rather than go save her right now with my definite conclusion that isn't even treated as an assumption at this point, I guess."

"Uhm...ok.",Frisk answered,slightly nodding her head in agreement and hoping Chara wasn't growing crazy with the crazy and bizzare stuff over the Inside Falls town.

"Well, that wasn't in the script, so I'll just keep going and pretend you didn't say that."

"I wish you good luck on your mission. And my friends as well...right Amethyst?"

Where would we go without the obvious cue for the frame of view in the episode inside the author's head to pan slightly to the right?

Amethyst just nodded her head in agreement with a magazine photo of Len Kagamine fixed on her lips full of lavender lipstick with glitter.


Frisk,Connie and Amethyst finally reached off to the Inside Falls Civic Circle and Buffet,each of them were trying to hold back their collective wish to jump around and yell in joy as they walked to the box office in the search of a ticket.

Because displaying their joy, excitement, and enthusiasm is an act that the author finds beneath them.

Unfortunately...the tickets were sold out,and it was evident by a white sign over the closed box office that spelled 'SOLD OUT'. Many more of those white signs were fixed around the place,every ticket was sold out for good.

Let me get this straight. You were going to a concert for a Japanese band that are big enough to make a tour into the near-ocean located neck of the woods in a different country, and you didn't order the tickets that were probably sold out over the Internet two hours after becoming purchasable?

"Ooooh,WHY?",Amethyst said in a almost-crying disbelief,almost dropping out the strawberry jelly she carried all the way to the Insdie Falls Civic Circle as she kneeled to the ground and planted her own face on the ground.

"I can't believe we came in too late...",Connie said,in a sad kind of disbelief,crouching and hugging her own legs.

"...This can't be true.",Frisk said,slowly raising a determined voice. "We need to find another way to enter in,and if it doesn't work,we'll need to resort to a last trick."

Ah yes, the 'burn it all to the ground' solution, a fine choice.


In the Crystal Shack's kitchen...

"🎵La-la-la-lah,apocalypse canned pies will be stocked,for when the worlds end and I soon discover it!~🎵",Pearl peppily sang to herself as she pilled boxes full of canned pie above each other.

It's so nice of you to leave a food supply behind for your nieces for when you get raptured, Pearl.

Chara entered the room,still carrying the strange CD of orange color and with a impatient look on her face; the puzzle of that the CD did to hyptonize Lapis wasn't clear on her mind.

"What is wrong?",Pearl said,interrupting her own peppy song and showing concern for her older great niece. "You look too much stressed...its like something is bothering you."

The little emo can't figure out how to learn Cut like a regular HM slave, isn't it obvious?

"Its bothering me...this CD is bothering me.",Chara answered and sighed,showing the orange CD to Pearl. Oddly,Pearl offered a chair for her to sit in,so she accepted and continued to explain about the CD. "Some hours ago,Jasper came in with this CD and managed to ask Lapis on a 'hangout'. And I really can't get how a music out of all things could do that..."

"Lapis' bodily autonomy was blatantly violated right in front of my eyes, but unless I figure out if it was mind-rays or Pavlovian conditioning cues, how could I possibly decide to step in?"

"I lived to see one of those cases.",Pearl said to Chara with a slightly...sad face and voice.

Well, since you are human, you couldn't very well fuse to cock-block your girlfriend's suitor, obviously.

"Uh...tell me more,please.",Chara said,now feeling genuine pity for her 'Grauntie'. And surely,Pearl began to explain.


"I and this...handsome man would always hangout to that gorgeous cafe themed after the 1950's. Everything was fine,until...that woman appeared. And her song managed to hypnotize all the man,but no woman.

Aw, feeling left out?

And the man I used to hangout with was taken away by the woman's hypnotic music."


"The ending somehow manages to be more distorted than what really happened but you got it.",Pearl said after finishing her short yet sad little tale to Chara.

Distorted? I mean, yeah, you reiterate a point to overwrite a joke about women always going for a musician, by making it all into an actual example of genuine hypnotism. It's like the author misses every nail by hammering my thumbs instead of her own.

"Wait...that means you believe on me?",Chara said,a giant explosion of surprise going across her mind. Before that moment,Chara always thought Pearl was skeptical of what Inside Falls genuinely had of bizzare and mysterious excluding the Botomless Hole,and she was waiting for Pearl to be actually pranking her.

Hypnotism is a known phenomenon across the entire world, author, curb your conclusion-jumping of amazement a little, would you?

"Of course I do...and I will help you unravel this.",Pearl answered with a genuinely trustful smile. Pearl wasn't pranking Chara,she was actually going to help her...for Chara,it felt like a very good surprise.

The surprise would entirely depend on whether or not the author knows what the word 'prank' means.

"Right I after I eat this can of pie.",Pearl continued,snatching a canned pie from out of its can and eating it. Chara still felt happy Pearl was actually going to do something to help her.


Meanwhile,in the Inside Falls Civic Circle and Buffet...

As the show of the Vocal Divas ended,Frisk,Connie and Amethyst sneaked trough until they found out a door symbolized by a diamond that readed 'VOCAL DIVAS'. Because of its innocent exterior,the girl trio thought they would face off with something like the dressing room of the band.

Maybe because it looked exactly like what they were potentially looking for, author, you obnoxious sentence-inflator. Were their many plans involving looking for the bathroom instead?

But when Frisk opened the door...nothing that she or her friends expected was on the other side.

The content really inside the room was a bunch of androids; unfinished (some of them straight scrapped) androids that looked like the members of the Vocal Divas band. And on the middle of the room,caged into a dark brown cage,was the members of the Vocal Divas. Now,the three girls finally got why the members of the band looked too much like anime characters even trough they were real: they were androids designed like anime and made to sing.


Alright, color me somewhat intrigued. I like this. Granted, it's a bit dumb to cage androids instead of turning them off or programming them to stay around, and the whole fact that Vocaloid characters are already plaguing this fanfic like toxic litter bothers me to no end, but this is not entirely misplaced. We've had Teletubby Creepy Pastas instead of gnomes. Inklings instead of manotaurs. Ganon instead of a gremloblin. Using identities meant to represent artificially created music as androids replacing the roles of boyband clones, this has to be the best substitution choice thus far. Either I just found something in this fanfic that finally manages to mesh, or I'm currently experiencing Stockholm Syndrome. Either way, I want to know what the fuck happened.

"Dear god...",Amethyst,Connie and Frisk said in a united terror,all their innocent enthusiasm to meet their favorite japanese band shattered completely and replaced with mortified shock.

I guess? I mean, if I was the one discovering I had been masturbating to a sentient toaster, I'd probably be put off too. Probably.

As the trio heard someone opening the door and entering inside the room,they choose out a pile of scrapped androids as their hiding spot. The only thing they could make out of the screaming is that the band's boss was ashamed of their performance,and would replace them with the most about-to-be-finished if they didn't do better on the next show.

Could you at least not use the word 'dishonor' to hammer in the Japanese stereotype, author, instead of peddling 'shame' at every turn when it never actually applies?

As the band's boss left,the trio got out of their hiding spot and went to the cage that housed the band.

"W-who's there?",Len said,hiding himself behind the back of his twin,Rin. His voice oddly sounded more robotic than in the songs he made a vocal part in,which made the human girls think that probably a program or plugin was periodically installed over the androids to make them sound more human.

Oh yeah, that's totally what thoughts would be going through my head too, you masters of exposition you.

"Stop being a scaredy cat,Len!",Rin said to her twin Len,her voice also sounding robotic and a bit artificial. "Its just some human girls...that I have no idea why are here."

"We wanted to visit you but...",Frisk began,almost not finding the words to express her mind on that moment. "...No...what that person is doing to you is wrong."

Yeah, let's just skip over the whole marveling at the sentient robot aspect, sure, because when has that ever been weird enough to get a passing comment, right?

"Yes,yes,we know.",Luka calmly agreed with Frisk,nodding her head in a visibly robotic way.

"We are programmed to like it, actually."

"So...I and my friends will try to set you all free.",Frisk continued with a sweet smile,as Amethyst used her shoulder to remove the locker from the cage,freeing the members of the Vocal Divas.

Ah, I see, so the only thing John Connor ever needed to do to stop Skynet was to put it in a cage.

"Oh my god! Thank you,brownie and purply!",Miku,the 'leader' of the band,squeed in joy as she realized she could step on a non-rusty metal ground again.

"...Brownie and Purply?",Amethyst and Frisk said together in confusion,raising a eyebrow and wondering about the weird nicknames. Maybe the nickname was given because of Frisk's skin color and Amethyst's favorite color? Strange.

I don't know how you think you dodged the racism you yourself prodded up, while you force the android to attempt to emulate a joke of a hip boyband clone perpetually stuck in groupie slang mode. Strange? The strange thing is that you think you make sense!


In the Crystal Shack...

"So,Chara...",Pearl began to explain,as she and Chara began to sit on the chairs of the table in the living room of the Crystal Shack. "Some musics have sublimnar messages,and some of those sublimnar messages are either satanic or mind-controlling.


I was fucking kidding about focusing on the Christian thing! Unless, oh no. Whatever is going to be replacing Bill is going to be credited with satanic powers or something, isn't it?

Even my giftshop songs aren't safe from that...for example,uh...give me that."

Chara handed over the orange CD to Pearl,who inserted it over a record player,a device that was actually made to play LP's. Because of the incompatibility of the CD,everything that the CD did was just to discharge little sparkles of electricity that neither Chara or Pearl dared to touch off. Before Chara could say to Pearl she putted the CD in the wrong device,the doorbell rang,and she answered it just to find out Frisk and her friends pushing inside a sports bag,with the insides making intense and metallic noises.

Okay, it's not like transporting 5 cloned twinks in a bag was without its complications, but five androids made from denser materials than organic matter? Really?

"Greetings Frisk. Greetings Connie and,uhm,Amethyst. ...What is inside that bag?",Chara greeted and asked,pointing out to the deeply suspicious bag.

"Just some merchandise we bought.",Connie and Amethyst collectively replied with a happy smile that really made them look like they were hiding something.

Frisk,Connie and Amethyst just pushed off the bag to the attic,with the mettalic noises still going on. Chara and Pearl just stared at the trio,wondering what really was inside the sports bag.

You know, it strikes me odd that the author didn't use Mettaton in this role by ditching the format of needing to adhere to five people. I guess he was simply a dead ringer for the Multibear instead.

Once the trio reached up the attic,they opened the door and carefully putted up the android band from out of it. Since they turned them off to avoid raising suspicions about the content of the sports bag,they had to turn them on again; and as they saw the little control switches of the androids (English and Japanese,Soft and Rough,Calm and Excited),they spotted a curious configuration: 'Free Mode-Obey Mode'.

Look at this. Look at what this is! Original material relatively unmarred by AU substitutions. Sure, the author fucked up on even hinting at these settings when the androids could just walk out if given the chance, but I've actually reached the point if investment now. Had the author simply stuck to Undertale, Gravity Falls and Vocaloid as the only source materials, who knows, this fanfic might not have been so bad. So, for now, I just have to figure out where the author stole the idea from, or watch as my elated disposition crumbles due to her once more dropping the ball on logic in general.

Connie and Amethyst didn't touch any of those switches,Frisk was the only one to turn them all on for the sake of curiosity. Finally,the androids were turned on and they slowly got up.

"We want orders!",Gumi cheerfuly said,raising a grin over her face. "Do you have anything you want to do for us?"

Wait, the implied order of listed button modes should leave them either free or Japanese, so which one is it?

"Well,I will show to you all how to behave like us,regular humans.",Frisk answered,and after speaking,she noticed Temmie approached in the midset of curiosity to Miku Hatsune. "For example,Miku,try to say Hi to Temmie."

"Hi,Temmie.",Miku answered,her way of speaking sounding just as robotic as her own,real voice.

So, you are saying, that by speaking, she used her voice to make it sound like her voice? Mind blown, what else can I say?

Temmie just backed up away in fear and the girl's trio laughed up awkwardly about the situation.

"Wait...I just realized one worrying thing,Frisk.",Connie began to say,her voice growing to a quiet worried one. "If we keep the switch pressed in Obey for a long time and they only listen to you,they may go crazy...Frisk,turn off the Obey option!"

Alright, so I didn't even manage three praises before I am forced to dive back into 'Fuck you' territory. What are you blabbering about? The author couldn't face the actual ethical dilemmas of free will and enslavement of sentient entities, so instead she wedges in an out-of-nothing argued risk of harm from the robots, from them doing what they are told for too long? Was this fanfic written by a robot?!

"...You're sure they can do a high level of damage obeying me?",Frisk asked to Connie,genuinely thinking Connie was just being over-worried,even trough Amethyst also showed a pretty worried face.

Oh, so Frisk is merely being ignorant of the supposed dangers instead of being selfish, that totally makes it okay that she is actively engaging in owning slaves. Holy shit, author, you just made it a thousand times worse!!


A while later...

"Whew...this record conversion took a good while to be made.",Chara said in relief,holding a black record on her hand. "Lets see if there's really a sublimnar mind control message on this song."

And if there isn't, what's the next thing you are going to search it for, before you go help Lapis?

"If my theory is proven to be real,I swear I'll spit this.",Pearl said,sipping up on some orange soda as Chara began to play the record.

Chara tested out,but on the first two attempts (one of them slowed down),she found nothing that could be deemed as a sublimnar message that induced mind control.

She found plenty of satanic stuff, though, so it wasn't all for naught.

She was about to give up until she saw Lapis and Jasper coming into the room to find Lapis' keys.

"Ugh,if I could just rewind time and teach her a good lesson!...",Pearl angrily said,looking at how Jasper was going away with a smug smirk.

And I'm sure Pearl has been building up enough beef with Jasper to just spit out that forced line without any dialogue from Jasper to prompt it. It's bad enough when the author just replaces every moment of dialogue, but taking shortcuts to not even justify the next line is just as bad.

"Oh!...Rewinding,that is it!",Chara realized with a smile,as she began to manually turn the record backward so the song could be heard in other way. What Chara and Pearl managed to hear was surprising.

"Your mind doesn't belong to you anymore. It belongs to me now."

And we can't even get a hypnotic suggestion worth a fuck. Whoop-de-doo, you now own my mind, what's it to you? Claim ownership all you want, dominance and command is supposed to be asserted through demanded obedience, like the first canon line of it goes: You are now under my control! On top of the innocuously pointless lyrics that this SUB-LI-MI-NAL message is supposed to enhance, author, Lapis will sooner think herself a beach ball than go hang out with Jasper.

Pearl was so shocked about the sublimnar message hidden on Jasper's song that she spitted all the orange soda she drank over Chara's face.

And the spit take is only differentiable from projectile vomiting by generous consideration of the prior implications.

"OH MY GOD! I was actually right!!",Pearl screamed in disbelief...and just after yelling that,she noticed she spilled over Chara's face. "Oh...sorry about that."

What the hell were you right about?

"That is it...Lapis is possibly in pretty serious danger right now...we gotta save her!",Chara realized,as she quickly washed off her face with her left arm ran towards the back door and leaved.

"Wait for me,Chara!",Pearl called out,leaving the can of orange soda over the table and hastily following Chara.

Oh, Pearl, I'm sure it's no use telling the kid to wait, she's probably already starting your car and driving off without you.


After listening to the news the boss of the Vocal Divas was sentenced to country jail for not having a license plate 'eaten by a swan',

Yeah, how dare he not have his license plate eaten by an animal that's not even colloquially considered prone of such an act. It's like you have three layers of misinterpretation and another helping of dumb before your copy back in the jokes you steal, author, for fuck sake!

Frisk,Connie and Amethyst decided that now it was time for the japanese android band to be free. The girls ran up to the attic and looked at the Vocal Divas,stargazing at the window. Frisk was the only one of the trio that had bravery to try and approach them.

Let's see, how do we excuse that Frisk is standing closer to the robots, who are supposed to throw out Connie and Amethyst any moment now, so as to not shatter the illusion that every motive of a sentence in this fanfic is predetermined? Oh, I know, let's toot Frisk's horn by making approaching the obedient slaves be a matter of bravery.

"H-hi,master...",Miku said,turning around and speaking with genuine fear on her robotic voice,but otherwise lacking a fear expression. Soon,the other members of the band followed suit,turning around with blank expressions.

"M-master?...I am not your master...",Frisk said,giggling in fear and backing up for next to her friends.

Remind me, who was it who decided to leave them in Obey Mode and give them orders, you immoral, responsibility-dodging gnat?

"W-we are afraid to go outside...",Rin and Len said together,with fear ruling their voices as they bringed out their hands to their face. Just like Miku,they were scared but weren't expressing this with their faces.

Well, how nice of the all-knowing narrator to tell us which bytes are on and off inside their metal shells, then.

"We saw our master outside in the windows...we are aware its not safe...",Gumi and Luka said together,with the same scared tone and same montone face as the others,but hugging out their arms.

"They are in jail now,you guys are okay to go...",Frisk said to the Vocal Divas,but her attempt to clarify the situation for them was unsucessful;

And the plot must now continue because the androids are too dumb to compute.

all of them were making scared and robotic whispers that,combined with their monotone faces,made them look like aliens.

Oh, I'm sure Frisk will appreciate that, on account of how much she must be missing Kirby, her alien boyfriend!!

"Frisk...I told you you shouldn't have turned the obedient mode on!",Connie said in a fit of panic to Frisk,her voice shaking up alot.

Suddenly,Miku extended her arms to grab Frisk in a hug-like position,with the human girl screaming and trying to free herself. However,Miku didn't harm her...he ordered the other band members to attack and fetch Connie and Amethyst away without Frisk's command. Frisk screamed for the name of her friends as they also struggled to free themselves from the android's grasps for no success.

This is so misguided it hurts. This obedience with consequence bullshit is a toothpick of a crutch that's trying to hold up a reason for things going like they did in the canon, and anyone reading it can tell. Robots rebelling could be a good addition, but I'm guessing that any malicious intent exhibited by a nametag in a fanfic that has a similar name to something the author adores, is just out of the question, unless they are villains to begin with, maybe.


Nearby the 'Looking Cliff'...

It's right next to the 'Seeing Canyon', over behind the 'Stare Gulch'. I'm sure none of these locations are in any danger from the rising tides of this beach town, either.

Pearl rapidly drived her car trough the streets,breaking the road safety laws for her and Chara to get into the Looking Cliff in time to warn Lapis about the real nature of the CD.

And maybe prevent a date rape through mind enslavement, but letting her know about the CD is paramount, of course.

Eventually,the car drived straight up the cliff and Chara and Pearl jumped out of it,running towards the van Jasper and Lapis were in and shocking both of the teenagers.

"STOP,Jasper just lied to you!",Chara screamed,ultimately interrupting the possible moment Jasper and Lapis would share off.

I'm sure letting Lapis know that Jasper just lied about the quality of the lines of coke they both are about to do will do her good, Chara, but how about both you and the author figure out that in this fanfic Jasper hasn't lied about a thing, and in the canon the events involved for all of this were days apart!

"Chara?",Lapis said,surprised at seeing her 12-years old friend there.

"Runt? Ms. Crystal?",Jasper said,just as surprised (if not more) than Lapis.

"Stop right there!",Pearl said,pointing her left pointer finger at Jasper. "Chara has a revelation about one of your things to show to Lapis."

Is it supposed to be dramatic that she could just as easily be talking about anything from Jasper skipping school or not washing her underwear, author?

"Yeah,that is right.",Chara said,with one of her hands closed as a fist on her hip and the other hand holding the recorder that recorded the sublimnar message. "I'm sorry if you get really broken with Jasper but...that is for your best."

And you just signed off on the pity-party I know you are going to give yourself after this, to signify how bad you'll feel afterwards.

In the attic of the Crystal Shack...

Frisk sadly hugged a photo featuring her,Connie and Amethyst in the midset of sobbing. She was feeling incredibly dumb and regretful; dumb,because she didn't listen to Connie before everything went to hell,and regretful,because she was fearing her friends were deeply hating her.

Hating you? What the fuck are you on about? Is this just because Frisk has to go through the motions of the apology Mabel did, and you can't even saddle her with the actual moral atrocity you had her commit, author?!

And she didn't want this at all...mainly with her first genuine friends.

"Master",Miku's monotone voice called out to Frisk. "Why are you sad?"

Oh, I dunno, maybe because this scenario and forced dynamics were better used in the .GIFfany episode?

"...Please,call everyone and tell them to turn their backs on me in the literary sense.",Frisk said,her voice almost getting suffocated by her sobs. Miku and the rest of the Vocal Divas blindly obeyed the command...but they all were unaware why Frisk wanted them to do this.

Frisk gave them this command with the intent of turning the Free-Obey switch of each of the androids back to the 'Free' configuration,so she (and possibly the Vocal Divas as well) could be freed from the torment.

A solution so incredibly dumb that we just couldn't have it a scene-change ago, because the obedient robots were having a meltdown for being too obedient, seeing as fear simply wears off over time, too. You insult your own intelligence far too much with this vapid logic, author. Are you well?

She never wanted to keep them,even trough her words misleaded them in blind submission.

Prior events and your own actions seem to say something else about that, you plot-retconning dumbass.


In the Looking Cliff...

Chara pushed the 'Play' button of the recorder and,when she saw Jasper about to close the windows,she increased the volume in a way Lapis could listen. It was the same message Chara and Pearl heard back in the Crystal Shack.

"Why is that hidden in your song,Jasper?",Lapis said,now genuine confusion raising over the teenage's confusion.

Well, obviously because you kept rejecting Jasper's friendship bracelets.

"I-I have no idea,Lapis! I wasn't even the writer of that song,so I absolutely wasn't involved with this message...",Jasper said,putting a very awkward smile,like she was trying to protect herself but wasn't managing to find the right argument to do it.

"...That is it. I'm done with your lies. I try to support them,but you reached to the last water drop.",

What caused such vomit on my screen? Is it the language barrier, is it the attempts at fandom references, or is the author just being an idiot hack, my cup runneth over.

Lapis furiously,yet also coldly said,stepping out of the van and closing the door before Jasper could protest agains't Lapis decision.

At first,Pearl and Chara celebrated their 'victory',Chara and Pearl joyfully hugging each other and Chara thanking out her Grauntie for the help she gave to her.

"So,like I said,I'm sorry you and Jasper's friendship broke out...I really do. But at least you learned the truth...right?",Chara said,first in a peppy tone of voice that slowly began to grow to a...unsure tone of voice. "...Right?",Chara continued,sounding downright worried as she saw tears running trough Lapis' cheeks.

"...I'm not in the mood,Chara...",Lapis simply replied,holding her eyes and running away from the area in sobs.

And now you couldn't even spring for a genuine quote of 'I just want to go home' for Lapis, because you had to make Chara orbit in safe distance from sounding invasive, too, author. Your priorities could be confused for glass, they are that transparent.

Suddenly,the 'victory' lost its meaning. Chara looked at the recorder in shame. If her mind wasn't busy with the well of sadness and shame she was feeling,she would have surely destroyed the recorder in the spot.

Grow up, you sad sack of shit. These exaggerated mood tantrums render Dipper an emotionless automaton by comparison, you dunce. You revealed an unjust act of deceit and the consequence is that people are upset - not with you, but in general. Stop flexing with and through your own tears, you utter Neanderthal.

"Hey,don't worry Chara.",Pearl said,wrapping her arm over Chara and kneeling besides her. "Maybe the apocalypse is coming soon,so a temporary breakdown isn't something your mind has to be worrying off now.",Pearl continued,patting Chara's back in a kind-of sucessful attempt to calm her feelings down.

Well, sure, let's just have Pearl burden Chara with this line instead delivering it to Jasper, who has basically evaporated after not even having as much as threatened anyone with bodily harm. Consistency was never your thing, author, but your bashing passions doesn't even seem immune to that fact.

In the Crystal Shack's main entrance...

Connie and Amethyst decided that they would try to help Frisk get far from the Vocal Divas,even trough they knew that their attempt would be thwarted by the androids seemingly 'protecting' Frisk from them. But for their surprise,Frisk opened the door and she was...physically okay.

That's debatable on so many levels.

"I'm sorry for being stupid...I'm sorry for not listening to you back before they began to grow overprotective of me Connie...I'm sorry Amethyst...",Frisk apologized,wiping the previously-cried tears from her cheeks.

Can you stop crying over every chipped nail? It's like a fetish at this point!

"Its okay ma'am! You just got,like,25 of the blame.",Amethyst said and smiled for Frisk,resting a reasurring hand over her friend's shoulder.

Maybe you should establish believable blame in the first place, before you fail basic math with it, too, author.

"At least you did what you had to do.",Connie also said in a reasurring voice,as Amethyst pulled she and Frisk for a good friendship hug.

Is that the kind where you bite shoulders?

Soon,the Vocal Divas reluctantly got out of the Crystal Shack and walked,singing a final lullaby for Frisk. Both Frisk and her friends feared that in the middle of nature,all of them would be scrapped either because a animal,a rock,a tree,or even because of they falling in a river or sea...but they at least hoped they could experience the concept of freedom for a good while.

Because being set out into the wilds is exactly the same as being allowed free will, of course. You put it on and ripped it off like a super-glue Band-Aid, author

In the Crystal Shack's living room,Pearl and Chara were sitting on the table,sharing orange sodas and laughing away the flop that was the ending of the night.

Word of advice; keep laughing.

"Its okay for me,actually...even trough my car and your relationship were temporarily broken...",Pearl said to Chara with a comforting smile.

"Not exactly for me now...Now I think it was just me poking Lapis' personal space...",Chara said,with a kind of broken smile.

Well, I can't very well blame you for not reading a mood, when the author can't write one.

"Don't worry,one day she'll forgive you...and until this day,we can share books.",Pearl said,happily pulling Chara into a motherly hug.

"Thanks a very lot,Grauntie Pearl...",Chara thanked Pearl hugging back.

And Chara's aversion to reading books in the previous chapter is just null and void now, I'm assuming?

Eventually,the comforting hug was interrupted by a noise both Chara and Pearl heard. A metal noise. When Pearl run to the window to check out the responsible,she saw Len and Rin Kagamine trying to munch together on the trash's cap.

"...WHY IS THERE TWO KIDS EATING MY TRASH?!",Pearl said in surprise and confusion,which made the Kagamine twins run away in fear and abandon the trash cap in the ground.

Nice to once again see the side of Pearl that hates children, author. What sense do you even think there is in repeating this joke with ROBOTS?!

I consider my predictions about ninety percent accurate this time around. Perhaps because I'm honing my skill or the author's whims are finally becoming predictable enough for anyone reading this stuff. Let's try again, then. Jurassic Temmie is next, and I feel like it's going to be closer to the Land Before Swine episode than a shave with a light saber. I'm going to guess that they will be looking for a velociraptor, that the author will pretend that Chara and Asriel have conflict that isn't there, and Frisk will already forgive Pearl the moment she learns Temmie is gone from an accident rather than intentional negligence.

YAT: 61
BTTP: 173

User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Mon Sep 16, 2019 11:37 am

We are nearing the season finale, where the author hopefully can dust off her brain and find some creativity by shoving another crossover character in our face to produce the overarching plot-relevant villain. Until then, we get the same story with a different dinosaur, delivered yet again without cohesion to said fact. Here's Chapter 18, Jurassic Temmie.

As night ruled upon the inhabitants of Inside Falls,Deputy Geremy and Sheriff Raynold went trough the muted town with flashlights,trying to find a criminal or a apparition to report to their boss.

I'm sure their boss will be thrilled to learn that these two bozos spotted Napstablook and immediately told him about it.

However,as the two cops went trough a billboard announcing the show's of Peridot,they heard a low hiss that sounded crocodile-like...even trough it was pretty much impossible to see crocodiles on Inside Falls.

Teletubbies, aliens, living skeletons, an arcade cabinet with an MMO, yeah I can totally see crocodiles would be extremely implausible.

The two cops turned their flashlights towards the billboard,trying to find anything suspicious there...and were scared away by two pair of claws slowly sticking out of the billboard...small but sharp claws.

A kitten! How frightening.

The mysterious responsible for doing the damage on the billboard just walked away,with footsteps that managed to make the ground shake. It obviously wasn't a human,because humans can't growl and grow claws naturally

Thank you, Captain Obvious, I would have been stuck on wondering what human this could possibly be, even when all your lint-digging exposition can manage is to dodge out of outright depicting it to be a T-Rex. Really? I put my bets on a velociraptor because that can actually stay stealthy, can theoretically be difficult to track, and likely can carry and not swallow small animals by mistake, which are all needed to carry the plot!!

...but what kind of animal could it be?

Gee, Elmo, I don't know, there's just no way to guess it, is there?


In the next day...

Morning calmly raised over Inside Falls,and once more Pearl did her job of guiding the curious tourists on a tour...using the Crystal Cart as a sort of train.

She used the tour carts for their intended purpose. Imagine that.

Frisk and Temmie managed to witness some seconds of it trough the window,but Frisk already knew she could do anything she wanted until the tour was over.

Steal from the till. Invade Iraq! Anything!!

"Lets draw!",Frisk happily announced,as she pulled out of a table some paper sheets and colorful chalk pens.

Both Frisk and Temmie began to make their drawings on the paper sheets; while Frisk drawed she and Temmie doing many activities,Temmie just drew...strange,yet oddly adorable characters and scenary.

The deep history of Tem clashed too much with Frisk's post-modern theme for their collage. Details, you moron, they are supposed to escape from your skull, not make it thicker!

Pearl came on the giftshop,the place where Frisk and Temmie were drawing in,and she looked down onto the art Temmie was making.

"...Is that your drawings,or those are the drawings of",Pearl asked,confused about the quantity of 'abstract art' spreaded on the floor.

"I'm only asking to know which one of you I need to spank for drawing the pentagrams.

"Yes,Temmie is learning to draw.",Frisk answered Pearl with a big and jolly smile.

"Uh,I'm sorry if I offend you,but your sister's art is better than that...",Pearl said awkwardly,pointing out to the art the female cat-dog made.

Hey, author, Stephen King writes better than you. So does numerous ten-year-olds and spam bots, but I think you get my point.

"Its okay,Grauntie. Besides,Temmie and I kind of enjoy the feeling to be carefree,while Chara just wants to do what in her mind is good for her and,unless if its something bad or something that damages her,I don't judge her for it.",Frisk explained with a toothy smile,pulling out of a table two of the kind of buttercup hats Chara almost always wore since losing the old one and putting one of them on herself and the other one on Temmie. "...But her hat kind of falls well on us."

Why the heck is this entire conversation dedicated to how utterly fucked up and unhealthy you and your sister's relationship is?

"...AH!! SHE'S LICKING THE HAT!",Pearl screamed,noticing Temmie was weirdly sticking her tongue towards the buttercup hat. "NO!",Pearl said as she snatched the hat out of Temmie's hand.

That's what pets do, author, and everyone knows it. Have you huffed glue, or killed both your parents in child birth, since you don't know how mentally sane adults regard pets in their own house?

"FRISK,put 'Temmie' back into the attic!"

"Oookaaaay...",Frisk sadly said,dropping up the hat she was wearing from her head,holding up Temmie onto her arms and going away to upstairs as Pearl gave a upset and angry glare at her.


In the Inside Falls' forest...

Chara and Asriel walked trough the forest,with Chara holding a munched chocolate bar on her right hand and Asriel carrying the same heavy backpack he once used to carry hiking tools. But this time,he was carrying a camera and some ropes.

In any other fanfic, you two should not be left together unattended, but it's not like this ever managed to be an Undertale-related fanfic.

"It is time, is time to proof to everyone our 'fantasy' stories aren't fake!",Chara bravely announced,holding her left fist on the air.

"They'll rue the day they said that NarutoXSasuke wasn't canon, I tell you!"

"Golly,I'm so happy! Weee!",Asriel cheered with some walk-jumps. "So,you got the articles on your pocket?"

"Yup.",Chara answered with a smirk,pulling a paper from out of her hoodie's left pocket and inserting it in-front of her and Asriel's face. The paper had some ripped news glued over them,sharing the concidence of the blame being a giant creature with three claws in the feet that easily leaved its footprints behind.

And no one, not even these idiots, could decide to track this creature by said observed footprints, because Dora the Explorer probably didn't jump into frame to ask the author to help figure out her own shit, and even then I have my doubts!

"Its going to probably be the biggest monster we are going to catch,no kidding."

Because Ganon was probably the size of a housecat, right?

"Look,a fly in sap!",Asriel suddenly said,pointing out to and running towards a tree full of sap. And surely,there was sap covering a good part of the tree and,inside a blob of sap,a little fly.

Oh hay late-injected establishment shot, how nice for you to be forced into my face with the subtle foreshadowing worthy of a matchbox in a fireworks factory.

"Hmmmmm...Its weird. You are saying its a creature created out of sap that is causing trouble on the town and trapping things inside sap?",Chara asked,walking towards the full-of-sap tree and giving a good look at the sap and the fly trapped in the sap.

"...Possibly!",Asriel answered and smiled; a sharp but still jolly smile.

"Hey, let's pretend we are retarded and have no deduction skills in order to excuse the fact that the readers needs to know of this thing that will have an integral effect on explaining the plot later" - paraphrased dialogue from every chapter!!

In the moment the two less expected,a low but very present growling noise echoed trough the trees and a distant stepping noise also echoed. But along the steps,an mini-earthquake came alongside each of them.

Oh, that must be the dragon Destiny from Chapter 2, back to explain to me what the fuck he was to this author.

Chara and Asriel hided the quickiest they could,climbing on the tree branches and hiding on their tree tops...and holding thigh on the tree branches to avoid losing their balance because of the mini-earthquake's. Thankfully,the creature went away as fastly as it came.

"W-what was that?",Asriel asked,covering his face on the knees and hugging his own legs in fear.

That was exactly what you are looking for, right down to the derived details described about the lead that put you guys in this forest, you pathetic clown!

Chara looked down the tree tops to find the answer for her best cousin and friend and found out...footsteps,just like how they were decipted on the news.

"Lots of...footsteps.",Chara slowly answered,fearing that she and her family would possibly be the next targets of the giant beast.

The next targets of hugs from Barney, since the news apparently are chill enough to report on it with no public panic as to these now inferred, hypothetical first targets.


In the Crystal Shack's attic room...

Since Frisk herself was wearing a jumper that had Temmie's face,she decided to craft a jumper for Temmie with her own face. After finishing the jumper,Frisk found out the favorite kind of food Temmie liked to eat (cherries) was pratically scarce. So,she had to go and buy more...but a question raised on her head: 'Who's going to take care of Temmie while I am off'? Since Chara and Asriel were off,and Lapis wasn't there...Grauntie Pearl was the only option avaliable.

An alternate, easy-to-procure everyday food choice instead of a limited offer pet satchel, and there has been no establishing of Temmie needing to not be put outside by Pearl. Watching this author carry this canon-abiding substitution-plot is like watching someone swim the fifty meter backstroke on land to completion and still finish last.

Frisk climbed down the stairs,carrying Temmie on her arms,and walked towards Pearl,who was looking at herself on her mirror and adjusting her medal.

"Grauntie?",Frisk called up Pearl. "I'm going to buy cherries for Temmie. While I am alway,can you pretty please take care of Temmie for me?"

"...Fine.",Pearl said in a deep sigh. At first,she was thinking on rejecting Frisk's wish,but since she learned with time that Frisk was emotionally fragile,she just accepted her wish.

Because it would hurt the infantile brat's fee fees worse than a brick flying through a soap bubble, the special snowflake incapable of coping with reality will just get her way. Congratulations, author, you just wrote Safe Space - The Fanfic!!

"You got it? I'll be watching over you now.",Pearl said to Temmie and Frisk leaved to outside the Shack. The only thing that she got as a answer was Temmie hugging he left leg...which confused her.

Truly, I too am flabbergasted every time a pet displays affection for people, author, you estranged simpleton.

Meanwhile,Chara and Asriel came back with photos from the giant footsteps of the mysterious and giant creature,so at least both of them could come up with a living proof of they surviving encountering the creature.

Pictures of the same thing that can be found on the news currently. Totally worth it! Oh, and let's also forget that the point was to convince people about something, too.

While Asriel baked some pie,Chara went to the attic to find out what the footsteps looked like. ...A detail Chara never noticed while looking on the news is that the footsteps were actually from a Tyranossaurus rex.

The super sleuth needed to realize this obviously not at all obvious detail from a nondescript photo identical to another nondescript photo by the snap of the author's fingers.

...How it came from a dinosaur,if dinosaurs were extinct?

'But who was phone' is poetry compared to this.



As Pearl tried to keep Temmie in check,Temmie accidentaly ruined the tour on the Crystal Shack,which angered Pearl alot. So,trying to find a easier solution to keep Temmie even more in check,she tied the female cat-dog on a peg.

The stick the author shoved up her ass, perchance?

But just after Temmie was tied up and Pearl began to walk away,steps that caused mini-earthquakes began to echo on the area. Out of the woods,came the creature Asriel and Chara were looking for: a brown-skinned Tyranossaurus rex.

As it ran away,

More elusive than the fucking Sasquatch this guy, huh? Was Pearl too thin to be noticed? Did Jasper show up with her cowardice aura? What?!

it's giant tail 'accidentaly' catched the rope used on the peg,which pulled a panicking Temmie far away. Just as Pearl turned back to look out what happened,she realized what happened,and she began to panic deep inside. Chara and Asriel were kind of unfortunate to come in the wrong moment and notice a trail of yarn.

Had they come at a more fortunate time, they would have paused and stared at Temmie's unwinding shirt and theorized it being the reason for the footprints, in order to justify the yarn trail's sudden mention right here, right?

"...Ms. Crystal? Are you ok?",Asriel worriedly asked,as he noticed the shocked,mortified look on Pearl's face.

"...A DINOSAUR JUST TOOK TEMMIE AWAY!!",Pearl screamed in hysterical panic to Chara and Asriel and thighly holded the two sides of her age-affected hair.

"What?",Frisk's voice called out,as Chara,Asriel and Pearl turned around in time to look at Frisk with a shocked expression on her face dropping the bag of cherries she just buyed. Afterwards,she covered her face and began to cry.

I'm stuck reading a fanfic filled with oversensitive, conflict-exacerbating babies, when they are not busy being immune or entirely preemptively diffusing of emotional conflicts. When the plot demands that someone fucked up, it's like a hug box reacting to someone finally poking holes in it to let it realize it needs to breathe. Mabel was close to tears, yes, but her reaction was to learn what happened while being determined to get her pig back. Frisk cries because that gets her what she wants, as attested by caricature-Pearl already.

"Oh nooo,oh no OH NO OH NO!!",Pearl desperately said and ran to Frisk in a attempt to comfort her with a hug. "I'm sorry F-frisk...I was so stupid to not care about your pet and let her be caught by a dinosaur-"

"I-i don't care what happened for Temmie to go away...",Frisk quietly answered Pearl,hugging her back. "Can y-you help me rescue her? ...P-pretty please..."

Instant forgiveness by throwing the concept of blame on the same exiling shelf as romantic relationships, why am I not surprised?

"O-okay...I will.",Pearl promised to Frisk,gently patting her younger great niece's back in a comforting way.

"What,really?",Chara asked,genuinely surprised about Pearl wishing to help Frisk with a 'supernatural' activity. "But I always thought you believed supernatural is a child fantasy..."

So is dressing up in a costume according to this author's thesaurus.

"But dinosaurs once existed,if you know.",Pearl simply answered Chara with a uneasy smile,as she unbroke the hug with Frisk.

"But at least you got something we agree upon: We'll help Frisk.",Chara began to say,raising a more brave voice. "No Tyranossaurus is going to escape with Frisk's Temmie and be unpunished! We are going to do it,for Frisk!",Chara finished,raising a fist over the air.

Thanks for that vengeful boast, coward, but how about a few confident words about rescuing Temmie?

"For FRISK!",Asriel followed along,in a more cherry and less serious,but still brave voice.

"For...Frisk!",Pearl also followed along,albeit kind of reluctantly.

"Hey!",Frisk called out to her cousin,her twin sister and her great aunt,pointing out to the trail of yarn Temmie left behind. "We can follow up this yard line that I...forgot to remove from Temmie. I'll be grateful about doing that later."

I am amazed that you can't even frame the concept of following a trail made by the yarn from an unravelling sweater, without proving you haven't got a clue about either concept, author!

Pearl reluctantly agreed to use her car to help the three youngsters on the hunt for the Tyranossaurus rex. As Asriel tried to put his heavy backpack on the back of the car by himself,Chara quietly went to Frisk.

"Frisk...This is kind of a serious mission and I'm worried about Azzy.",

What, is the diaper supply running low?

Chara began to say in a whisper to Frisk to avoid Asriel possibly listening to her. "I mean,he is the best cousin-friend we could ask but if he commit a mistake,he activates his cry-baby mode."

And you are a boastful yellow belly who runs from a mean look, and Frisk is an emotionally fragile little shit - what is it with you hypocrites?!

"...Yeah...",Frisk awkwardly agreed,as three memories of mistakes Asriel commited began to flash on her head; one of Asriel accidentaly breaking a crystal ball,one of Asriel accidentaly breaking a window as he fixed it in it's place,and one of Asriel mistaking a little fairy for a bug and killing it. In all the memories,just after noticing he made a mistake,Asriel cried and pleaded for forgiveness,forcing Frisk or at least Chara to try and comfort the goat boy.

Pleading for forgiveness, huh? I wonder who else may have done that on several occasions, asshats!

"I'm going to talk about that to him right n-",Chara began to say,until she noticed Asriel finally managed to put the backpack on the back of Pearl's car...with Pearl's help. Chara sighed on her mind; even if she had the chance to talk with Asriel,his normally cherry behavior and disposition always distracted her of the message she wanted to show to him. She could only just hope for Asriel to not screw everything up.

This family needs to start being a family, if you get what I mean. And if you don't, I'm sorry for you.


After some hours of following the line of yard left behind by Temmie,the group came across a abanadoned,broken and badly illuminated church. As they explored it,they came across someone...Gaster Wingdings,who was faking out playing a koto with his own hands and making a extremely weird face.


He probably looks that way because the undead abhor hallowed ground.

"Gaster Wingdings?!",Frisk exclaimed in surprise,completely not expecting meeting the adult skeleton on a abandoned church.

"Uuugh,we followed the yarn line to find a dinosaur,not a skeleton!",Pearl said in a annoyed voice,facepalming. Just after Pearl spoke up her indigination,Gaster noticed there was other people on the room besides him,making him stop doing his impression of a koto.

Substituting dialogue with your characters' belly aching isn't entertaining, author. It's not even on the level of "Are we there yet" when the trail in front of them hasn't even run cold!!

"Uh,sorry about that...its because my precious koto was stolen.",Gaster said,slightly hiding his face on his shoulders. "A big fellow came in stealing it,carrying it on its back and taking it to a giant mine that can be seen down there.",Gaster continued,and pointed to his left side,where a big hole was in.

Because of course a T-Rex would use the same entrance as a pterodactyl while deciding to carry a musical instrument on its back, sheer drop and all


The Dreemurrs looked down on it and gasped,seeing a large,green colored cavern that extended itself to proportions that went as far as their eyes could see.

"We are going to need get trough THAT...right?",Pearl said,clear fear raising over her voice as she observed the yarn line that still went trough.

"Yeah...even trough I'm scared as well.",Frisk answered Pearl,her bravery not being any better than Pearl's one.

Oh, and Asriel is so scared right now, of course, that the author doesn't even bother make a note of it.

"Hey.",Gaster said in a pretty friendly tone,putting himself right in the middle of Frisk and Pearl. "Can I tag along and tell about some of my weirdest robots?"

"...Sure.",Pearl said in a pretty sarcastic voice with a pretty sarcastic face.

And as you can see from my very sarcastic retort in this very sarcastic sentence, the point of sarcasm is indeed to only utter a single word and therefore not be at fault for people not getting a hint.

Unfortunately,Gaster couldn't get the sarcasm of Pearl's answer and he climbed down a rope that leaded to the inside of the cavern alongside the Dreemurr's. Because of the quantity of people climbing down the rope,it ripped itself in two pieces,sending everyone to the ground.

Damn ropes and their self-destruct modes.

Just as everyone regained their balance to get up,they faced off with the inside of the cavern,full of primitive-like flowers,and geysers still in function.

"Wooow...",Chara said,as the rest of the group spoke to themselves in amazed whispers. "Its like time had almost no power over here...",

Sure explains why this fanfic takes forever to get through.

Chara continued,as she pointed her flashlight to a eudicot,an ancient plant that was the ancestry of buttercup flowers and the apple trees.

Congratulations on doing another wiki-search, author, but maybe you should pay attention to the fact that the eudicot is the entire ancestry group, the very same that exists today, not an individual plant you can point to. Do your homework.

"Its like magic! Ancient magic!",Asriel gleefully said,as he playfully poked a duo of one speciment of the ancient flowers scattered over the place.

It's nature, you dialogue dead-air filling sock puppet.

Meanwhile,Frisk just stared at a reflection of the cave,that bringed her back the memories of her friend and pet Temmie,and promised deep inside that she and her family would rescue her no matter what risk it took out.

Don't cash a check your ass can't write.

The group walked trough one of the cave's tunnels,while Chara (leadering them) pointed her flashlight in any corner that on her mind looked suspicious. Eventually,Chara pointed out the flashlight on a pterodactly frozen by sap,which the group mistook for a living pterodactly and screamed,just noticing seconds later it was actually covered in petrified sap.

"So this is how their physical bodies survived!",

Just like the source material of this fanfic, their souls died long ago.

Chara realized,pointing her flashlight towards more and more dinosaurs,all of them with the same ill-fate...or just fate of the pterodactly: be frozen inside sap.

"Uh...I think you forgot one of them is missing and is probably on the loose.",Pearl said to Chara with a nervous smile,pointing out to a specific petrified sap that had the exact shape of a Tyranossaurus rex...but with no Tyranossaurus rex inside.

Am I going to have to put in an ellipses counter at this point?!

"Oh god...Temmie is going to die...Temmie is going to die and its all my fault!",Frisk began to panic,covering her face with her hair.

"No,it is MY FAULT! I shouldn't have put Temmie outside,but my stupidity is going to kill her!!",Pearl pratically screamed on Frisk's back,trying to pick up all the blame to herself.

Soon,Frisk and Pearl began to argue about who should take the blame for Temmie's possible death and why.

A 'you are not at fault, I'm the one at fault' tradeoff argument, pretending to be conflict. What is this beyond the author constantly pretending that her creations are nothing but self-fellating, pure-as-snow saints?!

Chara,in a matter of seconds,began to grow full of her twin sister and her great aunt's 'petty' fight and smashed her own flashlight on the ground. She inhaled and began to scream:

"WHY NEITHER OF YOU just try to rescue TE-"


"WAIT! STOP!",Asriel's voice cutted trough Chara's scream,interrupting it. "O-oh golly...god...I just made everything worse...right?"

Asriel just made a pitful and regretful face as the rest of the Dreemurrs looked at him. Some tears quickly began to run down from his face and he began to sob,and he surely could've hit the crying level if a triumphant-sounding cry of Gaster didn't interrupt him.

"I was trying to make you stop fake-arguing, that must mean I'm the asshole now, right? Boo-hoo, boo-hoo, boo-hoo." What the fuck is this triple level petty pity-point party you all are throwing for yourselves?!

"I know how to fix a flashlight by myself!",Gaster said with a sassy,self-proud tone of voice as he inspected the flashlight he fixed with insulating tape. "Ain't I a genius?",Gaster asked to the Dreemurrs as he pointed the flashlight just above the head...accidentaly aiming it at the Tyranossaurus rex that kinapted Temmie.

Soon,the Dreemurrs began to scream and run away.

Though long since debunked by facts, I'm disappointed the author didn't go the vision-based-on-motion route.

Just Gaster,the last one to notice the Tyranossaurus,kept up behind the others. The group ran trough a tunnel to save their lives and hided behind rocks thankfully shaped a bit like how they crouched up.

Coincidentally, they were all huddled up to make silhouettes of dicks, so fairly accurate.

Unfortunately,the group,who need a plan to get out of the cave and save Temmie,had the disadvantage of going trough a argument that shaked their bonds for a good while; Frisk and Pearl were too sad to talk to each other,Chara was still recovering up from her rage,and Asriel was afraid of angering up the rest of his family again. And Gaster couldn't exactly do something about it.

You people have literally nothing to be upset about!! What do you honestly want me to think about Cry Patrol Alpha here, author?!

Frisk began to hear a noise. A distant,but familiar noise...she heard a 'hOi!!' that surely indicated Temmie was nearby. She ran towards the noise,completely shutting herself off the screams of everyone else telling her to go to hide again. Eventually,she surely saw Temmie,in the middle of a nest full of giant eggs circled by a dirt path and a wooden bridge; she ran to her pet friend trough the dirt path and hugged her the most thigh she could.


"Temmie,you're safe!! Oh,I'm so happy...",Frisk said to her cat-dog friend and pet,tears of joy rolling over her cheeks. Unfortunately,something she couldn't notice and that was right besides the nest was a pile of bones from miners,overcome by dust and spider web.

"Friiiisk?",Chara,Asriel and Pearl worriedly called out at the same time for the youngster of the family's bunch.

How about you call out a bit louder for the T-Rex that the author never mentioned where went off to?

A loud growl began to echo on the cave,making Temmie squeak in fear and jump out of Frisk's arms like a scared cat and run...trough the wooden bridge,just the place the group didn't run trough.

You are still, inadequately so, telling us that the nest of the T-Rex is only accessible via a rickety old rope bridge, author? Okay.

"Come back here! Frisk didn't find you just to lose you!!",Pearl screamed as she ran towards the wooden bridge and tried all her efforts to catch Temmie safely on her arms. She was sucessful,but the mini-earthquakes came. The bridge was too old to support the pression and before Pearl could cross it off,it broke up,throwing Pearl and Temmie far into the ground.

"GRAUNTIE!!",Chara and Frisk screamed out,looking down at the falling Pearl and Temmie.

"MS. CRYSTAL!!",Asriel also screamed,holding down his own ears in panic.

"Our family member!!" ~ Chara and Frisk

"My paycheck!!" ~ Asriel

Thankfully,Pearl managed to land on a mushroom and land slightly more safely.

Chanterelles; nature's airbags.

But the Tyranossaurus was trying to find its way down Pearl and Temmie's hiding spot,and the group had to formulate a plan to save both of them.

Having it's climbing or potentially obscene jumping abilities suddenly vanish, it decided to go after the matchstick woman and tiny pet that it ignored earlier today, instead of the three morsels up at its nest. Of course.

"D-do you have anything that can distract this T-rex?",Chara desperately asked to Gaster in a rush.

"Sure!",Gaster said,as he pulled out of a leather pocket (the Dreemurrs never really caught attention to the detail Gaster was carrying a leather pocket all the while)

Congratulations on discovering you forgot substituted characters' attire might have functional purpose in episodes you've already watched before you even began your story, and then idiotically admitting and calling attention to said fact because of no forethought by using a justification-parenthesis.

a little helicopter robot he began to control with a remote controller. Unfortunately...the only thing that happened is that the mini-earthquakes stopped for a while and a distant,munching noise echoed trough the cave.

That is what amounts to a distraction, fuckwad, what were you wanting us to expect?!

It was time to pray for the best to happen to Pearl and Temmie...

Don't you mean wish?


"...How I'm goint to save myself? How I'm going to save you?",Pearl said to Temmie,both because she was the only company she had below the mushroom and because she wasn't confident on the possibility of both of them surviving this 'hellhole'.

"fAit!",Temmie simply answered with a cat-like smile and fish eyes.

"Fight? A DINOSAUR? B-but what about the kids,they can't live without me taking care of them!",Pearl said to Temmie,trying to denial the answer the cat-dog gave to her.

"fAit!fOr ChArr! fOr aZ!fOr fREesk!",Temmie answered,raising her paws up and down as her tone of voice began to grow in a cherring esque one.

A moral-boosting pep talk from Temmie, with no indication beforehand that Pearl would need it? She's already giving the little shits anything they want so they don't cry, what's the point of this?!

In that hour...Pearl decided she shouldn't run away anymore,not even out of fear of death. She would fight this Tyranossaurus for Temmie's sake,for her great-nephew and for her great-niece's sake.

This is character development from a different storyline that doesn't exist!

Temmie holded thighly onto her back as Pearl looked forwards to the incoming Tyranossaurus rex.

"You want to get this cat?!",

I don't even think it has realized Temmie exists, since that was the excuse the author made to get you all here.

Pearl screamed towards the growling Tyranossaurus. "Just over my DEAD BODY!",Pearl continued,as she hastily picked a sharp and thick stick from the ground and ran towards the Tyranossaurus for the attack.

Chara,Frisk,Asriel and a unwitting Gaster (who had the right pointer finger dented)

What does that even mean?

escaped off the grasp of newly hatched baby Tyranossaurus and hided on a different,bigger rock that could house the four of them at the same time.

I hate that you are lazy, author, but I love that you give me less to read.

"I'm going to find out my robot...just wait here,okay?",Gaster said,as he began to run right into the unknown darkness to probably find the shards of the robot the Tyranossaurus munched off.

The Dreemurr kids just stared at each other until the mini-earthquakes announced the arrival of the Tyranossaurus,but alongside it,some weaker,but surely present and approaching backwards steps.

I'm pretty sure Pearl has weigh issues if they are still able to hear her footsteps, let alone that they are going backwards. I guess fighting a giant dinosaur is done in complete silence otherwise, then.

When the three looked to discover who was making those weaker steps,they saw Grauntie Pearl,with a safe Temmie holding on thighly on her back. The trio looked in time to see Pearl skillfully using the thick and pointy stick as a weapon and also a fetch to trick the giant,prehistoric beast into falling on the cliff towards its own doom.

Bravo, you defeated the author's replacement-issue, retarded dinosaur that fetches sticks and somehow still got out of this place by jumping in and out a towering cave, while only having been a menace by walking around and poking holes in signs. Littlefoot would have been more of a threat, and I'm honestly surprised he wasn't a crossover substitute at this point.

Chara and Asriel immediately began to cheer on Pearl's smart victory,and Frisk even gave her a big 'forgiveness' hug as she recieved Temmie back.

Forgiveness for what? Everyone has been blaming themselves!

"Heheh...I did what I actually promised to do: help Frisk rescue her friend.",Pearl proudly announced with her hands on the hips and a big smile on her face.

"I am not a total failure, which somehow was supposed to be my lesson in all of this, huzzah."

"Yeah,you did.",Chara agreed with a genuinely proud smile.

"You're the BEST,Ms. Crystal!",Asriel cheerfully cheered.

"I and Temmie are very grateful.",Frisk said with a sweet smile to Pearl,and Temmie also showed a toothy,big smile.

God bless us, everyone! What, aren't we doing the whole 'insanely saccharine bullshit' trope right now?


Just as the Dreemurrs leaved trough one of the tunnels towards the 'entrance' of the cave,they remembered that...the rope was broken,which apparently impossibilited the group of escaping.

What the author didn't count on was their emergency cyanide pills.

"No,we need to find a way!",Asriel said to the group,as he began to look around for a possible solution. "Wait...the geyser!",Asriel realized,as he began to climb on one of the inactive geysers.

Oh gee, will they make it in time now that there is no dinosaur chasing them? I'm at the edge of my seat, ready to fall into bed from boredom.

"Are you sure its gonna work?",Chara asked to Asriel,as she,Pearl and Frisk holding Temmie also climbed on the inactive geyser.

"If its not going to work this time,I swear I'll not cry.",Asriel promised to everyone,as he began to knee and punch the ground with one fist. "IN THE NAME OF THE HONOR OF THE BOSS MONSTERS-"

Which I'm sure are not monsters or monsters, but monsters that happen to be monsters, which sort of makes them monsters, but they are in fact just monsters. I'm glad we cleared that up with, I dunno, a lazy Power of Grayskull reference or something, you non-sequitur spouting dumbass?

And surely,

The author surely learnt a new word today, and surely wants you to know that. Surely.

with the strenght Asriel used on the geyser,the geyser growed into activity again and pushed the group to the surface and to the abandoned church again. As soon as the geyser stopped spraying water,the Dreemurr entered inside the car and leaved the abandoned church behind...unaware that Gaster actually got out of it just as they leaved.

They didn't think he had been eaten right in front of their eyes or anything that made him beyond saving, mind you, they merely left him for dead. Our heroes.


A sleeping Frisk and Temmie alongside a wide-awake Chara and Asriel sitted on the back of the car while Pearl drived trough it o nthe way back to the Shack.

"Hey Azzy...thanks for actually helping us get out of that cave.",Chara thanked Asriel as the latter looked at the trees.

He should be thanking you for letting him substitute Dipper for a fraction of a second.

"No problem Chara! Now this time I really tried my best to help!",Asriel answered Chara,turning his head around to fce his cousing with a jolly smile.

"And I didn't cry that time that I said I wouldn't if I failed when I succeeded. That calls for a celebratory weep."

"You actually saved us as well,Grauntie Pearl.",Chara thanked Pearl with a smile and yawned.

"Yeah,no need to thanks.",Pearl said with a smile as she saw on the distance the Crystal Shack raising with the light of the sunset. The Dreemurrs,after that experience,learned to beware about dinosaurs and the possibility of more of them being preserved in sap.

Yes, we all know that it's a note for the finale that the dinosaurs exists, author. Are you meaning to remind yourself with this?

Well, my predictions are still gaining strength, though the choice of dinosaur failed due to the author's utter lack of ability to make things mesh. I should try to factor that in. The next two chapters, I won't try to predict anything, but encourage whoever is reading this to guess for themselves. I have potentially spoiled myself to some of the reveal of who the author will replace Bill Cipher with, but can't say for certain. Let's find out together in the next chapter titled Nightbandits.

YAT: 63
BTTP: 182

User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Tue Oct 22, 2019 3:32 pm

This was a chore to chew through. I'll state it plainly. The more inane the choices this author makes in her non-altering changes to the canon, the more insufferable and demotivating it is to even give it any acknowledgement. Here's Chapter 19, Nightbandits.

It was a kind of surprisingly rainy day at the town of Inside Falls. And since Chara and Frisk's idea of fun wasn't really get dirty with rain mud,both decided to stay on their attic bedroom and play 'Keep away' using Frisk's beach ball and no middle inspector...because Temmie was busy sleeping with a cat-like position.

That's called playing catch, author. A game mentioned during much more critically prominent lines in the source material that you chewed up and shat out into this fanfic!

"I won!",Frisk happily cheered,as Chara failed to catch the ball.

I don't think you even know the rules of the game you were going for either, author.

" actually did pretty good,Frisky.",Chara said to Frisk with a thumb up and a smile pretty chill for a loser.

It's a well-earned talent of hers.

"Girls,come here! This is something you need to see with me!",Pearl's voice called out from the living room,catching the young Dreemurr twin's attention.

Frisk and Chara ran downstairs the fastest they could,genuinely thinking Pearl was calling out because she was having problem with a bug or someone annoying her,

Because context clues about someone wanting you to share in witnessing something was so difficult to interpret.

but she was actually okay,trying to hold back a laughter while sitting on the couch and watching television. Both of the Dreemurr twins were confused,at least until the moment they looked at the television and found out their great aunt was laughing at a singing commercial of Peridot.

To be fair, the authors attempts at writing songs has certainly made me laugh.

"That cheeky little devil...",Chara angrily said as she looked at the TV's screen and saw Peridot acting like her 'fabricated and artifical' public-self.

Even if that was something the author could pretend to have established, what does that even mean?!

"The days where she tried to be my friend and later tried to destroy us is still fixed on my memory.",Frisk sadly said,as the not a inch pleasant memories of those days began to run over her mind.

"I know! That twerp always try to make me lose the Crystal Shack!",Pearl agreed with both Chara and Frisk,sounding just a bit less angry than Chara.

"One day I caught her stealing my float duck.",Lapis said,resting her arm over the couch Pearl was sitting in and confusing the latter a thin bit.

Ha ha, a joke about Giddeon's pettiness and vanity emphasized through him stealing Wendy's moisturizer has been exchanged with Peridot nonsensically desiring what might be a pool toy. Ha ha, I laugh, I tell you, ha ha, very believable, ha ha, you can stop now, author, ha ha, please!

"But at least,good will always prevail the evil no matter the hardships they face!",Asriel cheerfuly spoke as Lapis looked down at the work partner with a smile.

Yeah, grand thing that. Oh, wait, which side was I supposed to think you guys were on again?

However,a thing that caught the attention of pretty much everyone in the room was the ending of the commercial: when Yasmin's voice announced the Tent of Technomagic's location,the Crystal Shack was shown pratically being crushed down by the rival tent. Chara couldn't stop thinking that it meant that Peridot would try to crush down the Crystal Shack and use the Tent as a subistitute.

Gee, I wonder what gave her that thought, since the subliminal message of that was so hard to notice after all.

"Grauntie...I think your tourist trap and our summer house is going to be crushed down.",Chara said,showing traces of genuine worry.

So much for believing good always prevailing, Captain Buzz Kill.

"Don't worry Chara. As long as the deed is safe in my office,no one will even try to touch the Shack.",Pearl promised to Chara and ruffled her hair in a attempt to calm her down...but unfortunately,just after she said that,a crash was heard upstairs that slightly shaked the living room.

Is Peridot DeviantArt levels of fat in this story, author?

"I'm pretty sure its not safe anymore...",Lapis remarked as she looked down at a little pile of dust that was shaken to the ground because of the crash.


In Pearl's office...

"23...67...oh come on!",Peridot angrily said as she futitely tried to guess the code to unlock the safe containing the Crystal Shack's deed.

"Peridot!",Pearl called out from behind Peridot's back,with Chara,Frisk,Asriel and Lapis behind her.

"Well well weeell,Ms. Crystal clod.",Peridot said,unfazed by the unexpected entrance of her arch-nemesis,as she got up and turned around. "We both are inside a fun game of catch and no-release. The question is,who is the fish? And who is the fishe-"


I'm just going out on a limb here, author, assuming you understand such phrasing, and assume you probably made up a lot of cool games playing by yourself in your backyard. Could you bother only showing this fanfic to people who you've explained to what the fuck you are going on about?

"Asriel?",Pearl called out to Asriel,who gave her a broom to use as a weapon.



Peridot hysterically screamed as she adjusted the rain hat on her head and picked the boxing glove gun she used to break the window of Pearl's office to run away from the Crystal Shack.

She left behind the anvil she dropped, though.

"You can fetch me alway as long as you wish!

Was your English dictionary made in China, author?

See if I care! One day,your Crystal Shack WON'T BE YOURS ANYMORE!"

"Okay,have a good time trying.",Pearl answered with a laid-back tone and a smile,that angered Peridot alot.

When Pearl entered back in the Crystal Shack,Peridot decided to use a fatal trick on the book she hided for the hour that apparently all her supernatural alternatives ran out: invade Pearl's mind.

Fatal to her or fatal to you? I mean, the author can't even deliver on the things she intentionally promise me, and now when she can't even explain why Peridot would want to invade Pearl's mind because of skipped canon details, I just want to know what else to be disappointed about.

But she herself wouldn't invade it. Peridot would aid the help of what she readed on second edition of the book with gemstones to be ten demons to invade it.

Ten demons? Jackie Chan Adventures didn't even have this many. This fanfic is about to clutter up real fast, and that is a horrible surprise to me. But ConcernedGamer, some may say, isn't this the author signaling that she is going to change things up? The author couldn't convince me she could light let alone read a turn signal after what she did with Ganon, what do you think we are stuck reading here?!

"We'll see who will laugh now,you clod...",Peridot snarkily promised as she looked at a drawing of a wheel decipting on the center the 'X above an O' symbol

Does the logic of describing a symbol as a 'crossed-out circle' really still elude you, author?

of the Inside Falls town and,around it,ten humanoid (except one of them,who was animal-like)

Which, of course, a humanoid can't be!

figures with symbols in the middle of their hands and names below their hands,in clockwise order: SLENDERMAN,SALLY,EYELESS JACK,X,LOST SILVER,JEFF,ZALGO,KAGEKAO,BEN DROWNED,and LAUGHING JACK.


Alright, turns out I was only spoiled on Slenderman being in this trash, and now I feel like a student having praised their luck at getting a single assignment, only to learn it has ten subtasks. This is going to be painful! As if the Slendytubbies were not awful enough as inclusions in this mess, now we have to drag ourselves along with ten edgy figureheads from aged Internet campfire stories instead of a dream demon turned interdimensional god. These embezzled nametags you are going to throw into your fanfic now, author, have been in circulation for so long that anyone not aware of them will get nothing out of it, and all those familiar with them will remain unimpressed. They are horror memes, author. Scares meant to affect the impressionable on first review, that lose their impact when given half a consideration afterwards by anyone, which is easily done in the decade that some of these have existed for. This substitution choice is going to be creepypasta mom spaghetti!!


Later in the Crystal Shack...

Frisk gave to everyone the idea of watching a cartoon called 'Bendy' on VHS (thankfully a technology Pearl was very familiar with) to avoid the boredom of open TV.

Now I somehow feel both insulted and hailed for my age, as the author skips an era or two and goes from film reels to VHS with her decision to include more watered down horrors.

Frisk had always loved that inkblot cartoon and its characters since her parents gave her a box with tons of episodes housed inside outdated technology on her 5 years birthday and teached her how to use that technology.

The technology was so outdated that the author doesn't even know what it was. It was DVDs, right?

Chara always found it average (but respected her little twin sister' love towards it),Pearl was actually starting to enjoy it and Lapis was finding it boring.

Considering something average means it is respected, author, you self-insert pandering knucklehead. We are getting told more of Chara's virtue signaling over the crossover material, rather than its implied content.

Asriel was the only one who wasn't watching the old show because he was cleaning the kitchen...that is,until a crash was heard inside the kitchen and Asriel came to the living room in panic.

"GIRLS! I think I found a pretty scary fishman on the kitchen!!",Asriel screamed as he ran towards the couch Pearl was sitting in and hided it.

"*sigh*,I'll go take care of it,ok Grauntie?",Chara said,possibly thinking the fishman was just being a creepy annoyance,as she got up from the ground and picked a toy gun from a box to use as a 'weapon'.

And you are already neutering the character development and bonding that the episode sets up with your own take, author. How come I am never surprised and only disappointed every time this happens?

"Oookaaaay?",Pearl just agreed as she saw Chara blindly obeying a 'order' she never gave out in the first place and Frisk following her.

That's worse of an issue, author. Blindly obeying an order that was never given, because these puppets are on a script, mischaracterizes everything you put forth while you fish for Mary Sue achievement points.

As soon as Chara entered the kitchen to put a end to the 'scary fishman',she actually found out it was a strong opponent right in the moment she began to recieve a intense beat down from them and her hat flied off to the kitchen's entrance.

That's a home invader, not a wild animal, what is wrong with you, author? Is this a Family Guy cutaway gag?

"...The next sign to be inputted in the way here is 'Beware possible Fishman'.",Frisk joked with a awkward smile before going to the kitchen to see how much beaten Chara was.

Chara was pretty much beaten to the point she needed disinfectant on her wounds and bandages to cover them,and both Asriel and Frisk made sure for both of them to be done well.

Then they'll send her back into the ring for Round 2. Maybe then she'll bother drawing the knife she has on her whenever the author wants her in a stabbing fit.

"I know I acted too much straight forward now but the chores I had to do these days...most were easy,thankfully,but the hard ones,ugh...",

Quit complaining if you can't do justice to the perceived unfairness. You are simply being burdened by the canon, and the author can't get herself to even throw fake shame in Pearl's direction.

Chara said,as she tried to support the burning pain of both her wounds and the burning pain of the disinfectant acting onto the wounds.

"Maybe she would't give that order even if you we're sure she would!...or she would...she is sometimes a mystery.",

Chara pretended to be a mind reader to get obedience points and the author is blowing a smoke screen out of her ass, end of story. Question is, if no one told Chara to jump off a bride, would she?

Asriel replied,as he closed the pot of disinfectant and Frisk finished. "You can't predict the hour she asks the chore,which chore...and you can't predict if she can lick her ears."

"Hey,you should try that.",Frisk suggested with a smile as she putted the last applying of bandage.

"Oh,that is right! Look,with no hands!",Asriel agreed with Frisk,and began to try and lick his own ears and their fur. Distracted by the fun he and Frisk were having,both of them leaved the kitchen and the Crystal Shack all together to play in the woods,leaving Chara alone.

Author, when you are done wiping boogers off on the script, how about you pick a thought on how to correctly replace concepts? Licking elbows is a hallmark of household challenges. Licking your own ears is idiocy, when an actual and simple, on par challenge is to lick the tip of your own nose!

"...Sometimes I wonder if Grauntie Pearl really cares about me...",Chara said to herself,as she looked at a picture of a joyful Pearl fixed on the kitchen's wall.

Yeah, let's just pretend that you doing a chore that wasn't asked of you is indication of Pearl possibly not liking you, because that's just logic, isn't it?

She reflected about what she said to herself for a while,until Pearl herself genuinely called Chara to help her,and she got up from her chair and walked to the living room.


In the middle of the forest...

A picture of Pearl,extremely similar to the one inside the Crystal Shack's kitchen,was put in the middle of six candles by Peridot,still holding the second edition of the mysterious book,and vandalized with two red X's drawn above the eyes.

"She will re-think if her mind is really made of diamond,and my new friends will prove that!",Peridot victoriously said,as she looked down at the page that teached how to summon the group of creatures. "Chao se sunt. Et vocavi vos, et non est auxilium mihi in vilitate materiae. Et vocavi vos, et non defecit de missione volunt."

What are the odds that any of that is even sound and properly translated? This author can barely master English, and Google Translate does not do me any favors, which truly makes me question why even put it in there if the average reader has no chance of translating it properly. It reads Chaos itself. He called you, but does not help in the price of materials. I called and you do not want failed mission.

In a reasonable distance from the area Peridot was in,Asriel was still trying to lick his own ear and Frisk was cheering on him,but both of them stopped when they heard Pearl's nemesis laugh.

Oh, cool, I didn't know Greg was in this fanfic.

Both of them decided to approach Peridot's voice and hide in the bushes,to discover Peridot grunting and grasping her chest like she was in pain.

"Em ot emoc...Em ot emoc...Em ot emoc! Em ot emoc!! EM OT EMOC!!",

Gnirob. Gnirob. Gnirob.

Peridot whispered and yelled,as she was being forced to kneel on the ground because of a invisible force. Her eyes began to glow on a mix of black and red that became stronger as she spoke her last 'Em ot emoc' and stopped once she stopped speaking.

Everything around Peridot,Asriel and Frisk began to gain a gray coloring with some hints of black,and every wild animal that was actively moving grew solid in place,making the whole place look like it was entirely affected by the curse of Medusa.

Not to be all 'Frankenstein was the Doctor' here, author, but the Curse of Medusa is the curse that afflicted Medusa, turning her into a monster.

While everything,except the youngsters,began to lose color,the ten most derranged laughter they could ever hear happened: all of them sounded psychotic,some of them had a deep voice,one of them sounded like a creepy girl...

Because that's all you have to do to make something scary, isn't it? Just have something laugh a lot and say it sounds psychotic, decide that you can tell all ten apart at once, and ignore that some of these chuckle-fucks are known for never saying a peep!!

Frisk and Asriel's reaction to all the madness was to hug themselves in fear and even Peridot,who regained control of her actions,grew wary about the situation.

High above the trees,some feets of distance from Peridot,a giant wheel appeared,just like the one shown on the second edition of the mysterious book with gemstones,

Peridot's book! It's a book, it's in Peridot's possession, she has it, ergo, stop fucking addressing these things like no one has seen them before!

with the figures and names below each figure. Except the one that was hovering in the air was colored red just like fresh blood. All the named figures looked down as the laughter stopped and 'freed' themselves from the wheel,as it began to collapse on itself and dissapear of existence. And in that moment,the three youngsters managed to glimpse the most bizzare group of beings in the town of Inside Falls.

I'm pretty sure Kirby was more bizarre, and could eat these fuckers for breakfast, too. I hate this. I hate what this is becoming. Imagine both the immense dead air and annoying cacophony of described noise we have to suffer now, because ten individuals now have to share dialogue, motive, and author direction that was otherwise reserved for a single entity. The choice of ten doesn't make sense outside of the Cipher Wheel that the author has repurposed, likely to reserve a big baddie for each of her favorite characters to win against in the end, I make no self-delusion of motive there. Now the author has no need for effort. These guys will just be able to do whatever Bill would and could do where it is necessary, like a Swiss Army knife of character replacement, with even less believability of the odds as the protagonist to antagonist ratio just got thrown out of whack. Everything can and will go wrong from here on out, and expecting it won't even numb the pain.

'Zalgo' was the tallest of them,and looked like a demon with rock-like deep black skin,red teeth,lizard-like eyes and cape,three mouths on the chest besides the common one on the face,a hovering head with demoniac and spiky horns and a 'neck' that looked like a closed high collar with a rotten buttercup flower figure fixing it,sharp claws,and feet that looked like high heels.

Congratulations, you described some fanart and bits of Him from the Power Puff Girls, hailing what's supposed to be description-defying eldritch horror that's still so bland that the SCP Foundation doesn't want it. Zalgo's very mythos involve the fact that he'd end the world if ever entering it, his very approach being what corrupts anyone made aware of him. Talk about a downgrade

'Slenderman' was the second tallest,and would just look like a regular man in black business suit with a gray broken heart figure on the chest and red tie with uncommon height,if it wasn't for his entire lack of face and skin that was as white as snow.

Is this the 'run around picking up children drawings game' Slenderman, or the 'online bloggers giving each other and themselves horror story tugjobs via fanfic mythos expansion' Slenderman? Oh, who am I kidding, it's neither and worse.

'X' looked like a hedgehog from a popular video-game,but with dark blue fur,sickly pale skin,black eyes with red pupils,half-black arms and legs,purple boots,a dark gray star on the chest,and a smaller cape.

Hey, you forgot how every single one of his features looked hyper-realistic, author, did you even read the creepypasta?

The rest looked a bit less creepy and more humanoid,but were still humanoid abominations.

'Jeff' looked like a 17-years old with sickening pale skin,raven hair,white hoodie with a pearl gemstone symbol and black jeans and shoes carrying a knife,'Ben' looked like a '13-years old' elf with zombie skin,dark green pupils,red and blue gemstones on the hand's backs and clothes and dark brown boots,

These are bootleg action figure variety. Jeff doesn't even have his trademark Glasgow Smile and lidless eyes.

'Sally' looked like a very common 12-years old with pink dress,brown hair and dirty aspect with green eyes that actually indicated something was very wrong and a broken necklace with a jasper gemstone,'Laughing Jack' was far from being a fun clown being snow-skinned with black and white clothes,raven hair,a ballon owl on the back and creepy blue eyes,

Spot on, author, that's far from being a clown, because you didn't even try to describe one.

'Lost Silver' also looked like a popular video-game character but with the light gray color ruling almost his entire aspect,except the black pupils,raven hair,wave symbol on the cap and limbs that floated on their own with little drops of bloods falling from them,

If both this guy and Sonic.pdf is here, who is supposed to be the single 'animal-like' being in this group?

and both 'Eyeless Jack' and 'Kagekao' looked like 21-years olds wearing hoodies,with the difference that Eyeless had a blue mask with dipping black eyes and a hoodie with a glass and a book figure and Kagekao had a black-and-white stripped scarf,a hoodie showing a similar symbol than the Tent of Technomagic and a mask with a black and white side,with the black showing a unsettling white smile.

Looking like exact age with masks and full hoodie getup, giving omniscience to your readers must seem such a gift, author. Half of all of these cretins have their origins in being people who died in the real world and began haunting shit. What are you even doing pretending that they are inter-dimensional demons now?

"Aaah,Inside Falls...its nice to be here once more.",Zalgo spoke; he had one of the deep voices that echoed as the world went gray and black. The other nine demons just nodded their heads with smiles.

Yeah, the author better flex the rest of her nine finger puppets before her hands grow stiff.

All the demons hovered down to in-front of Peridot by a body command of Zalgo.

"Oh,look,its a sort of doll with flesh eyes!",Laughing Jack crackled,pointing down at Peridot with fingers that didn't look at all like human fingers and more like giant and burnt corns fixed on each other.

Save some of the Bugles for everyone else, my dude.

"Hahaha! He's just messing with you.",Kagekao playfully remarked,also pointing to Peridot with more human-shaped but clawed fingers with white gloves. "あなたが誰であるかは (We know exactly who you are),Peridot."

Can't you at least finish what you start when you attempt to be a weeb, author? You only presented the kanji for the words 'who you are'.

"WHAT?!",Peridot screamed as she heard her own name being spoken by beings she was actually facing for the first time. "Why you speak Japanese?!

I'm betting money on it being the same reason you can't speak English.

Why you know my name?!"

"Oh,we don't only know your name,missy!",all the Ten Demons spoke up together,each sounding pretty different from the other in the tone of voice. "We actually know...MANY THINGS YOU DON'T.",they finished,with a echo-ing,demoniac version of their own respective voices.

Oh, wow, how flashy, so impressive, insert a Cinnamon Toast Crunch joke here, ten individuals just spoke loudly about knowing more than a single preteen girl, with none of the flair or showmanship meant to imply or hint at what the depth or even the point of it was.

"Wanna see a magic trick?",Ben and Sally asked together with smiles that would look adorable if they weren't being creepy.

The creepy uncle kind of creepy, for those who want actual descriptions rather than easy buzz words.

Every demon snapped their fingers and summoned some items that we're offered for Peridot,all of them sharing the characteristic of being covered in blood.

Each one was holding one of Peridot's used tampons from the future. Are you even trying, author?

"AAAH!",Peridot screamed,pushing the bloody gifts away and covering her hand on some of the blood. "YOU ARE UNCLEAN DEVIL CLODS!"

"...Was that supposed to be a insult?",Slenderman asked,in the most stoic voice out of all ten.

Only if this scene isn't supposed to be shit.

"*sighs* You're so boring.",Kagekao remarked in a annoyed voice,snapping his fingers again to make the 'gift' he summoned,a glass of wine with stains of blood,dissapear. The others repeated the same process,and also made the blood on Peridot's fingers dissapear.

I guess just every single one of these stolen Internet boogeymen have conjuration powers on their resume.

"*ahem* I want you all to enter inside the mind of Ms. Crystal and steal her safe's code.",Peridot explained in a more calmer tone of voice her plan,which both Frisk and Asriel managed to overhear.

"Ms. Crystal?",Zalgo said,apparently confused about the name as much as his 'fellow demons' were.

Because saying Pearl Crystal would not make these imps act in a way to indicate that there's supposed to be a twist later. I'm impressed that the author realized how to tweak it to sort of work, but I'm frustrated at the gall that she thinks it's even worth a damn, when she operates on a formula anyone reading this already knows and can easily predict.

Both turned their backs to Peridot and began to think who this 'human' was. Jeff was the first to reach a conclusion and showed trough his knife a reflection of Pearl with a shock expression.

"O-oh! This is probably g-getting...interesing?!",Lost Silver realized,speaking in a trembly voice with a trembly smile.

"But she is going to help us with our personal plans once we get the first part done,right?",Eyeless Jack casually asked.

This is already hinting at the most abysmal of plot contrivances, if Garnet is supposed to have done like Ford and played into the hands of ten slasher movie style looking horrors all at once, let alone one.

"Of course!...oh,I forgot you're a bit blind.",X half-joked with a smile made of sharp,yellow teeth.

"Its a deal,then!",Peridot happily said as she extended her hand for a handshake. Kagekao,by Zalgo's command,shaked up Peridot's hand. Frisk and Asriel looked amazed at a light gray flame that surrounded the shaking hands but never burned them down.

Good thing, as demon deals typically ended in full-body immolation before they figured out that one neat trick.

"Let's see how much fun we'll find on that head.",Zalgo said and laughed alongside his fellows. As the demons laughed more and more,a white light blinded the point of view of the three human youngsters until everything began to grow blackier...

Man, I have to expand my mind in preparation for the next time the author decides to describe someone hitting a light switch.

In reality,during all the encounter with the Ten Demons of the Zodiac,Peridot,Frisk and Asriel were sleeping with their eyes closed. Just when the dream ended that all of them regained their consciousness.

"NYEHEHEHE! THE VICTORY IS MINE!",Peridot cheered,throwing her fists on her air. Her cheering was briefly interrupting by Asriel and Frisk hastily leaving the scene to warn Chara and Pearl about what happened. "...Must be some random kids.",Peridot thought.

Yeah, random kids that have seen you summoning demons so they might wreck your reputation, while part of the whole continuous plot is that you are supposed to be the darling of the town, and you don't even bat an eye, you idiot. Why is the author injecting random bookend scene filler that didn't happen in the canon, when it fucks over the story?


In the Crystal Shack's living room...

Chara,fully healed from the injuries,was cleaning up the carpet on the room while Pearl sleeped on the couch. Chara wondered why sometimes she could listen to her Grauntie talking to someone and pleading sorry,like on that situation,

I'm pretty sure that Chara wonders like that because she doesn't grasp the concept of an apology.

but her train of thoughts was interrupted by the unexpected arrival of Frisk and Asriel.

"CHARA!!",Frisk screamed. "Grauntie Pearl is in serious danger!! Ten demons are going to enter on her mind and steal the code of the safe!"

"One of them is tall and with evil horns and one HAS A STAR THAT IS SIMILAR TO MINE!!",Asriel screamed,managing to sound even more panicked than Frisk,as he made motions to represent Zalgo's spiky horns and X's star on the chest.


"Ten demons? Huh,that is a brand new baseline of challenge.",Chara said in a impressed voice as she pulled out of her hoodie's pocket the mysterious book with the gemstones and number '3' and opened it. "I may have read about them before...'Beware the Ten Demons of the Zodiac,mainly when they are together,and avoid at any cost the possibility of them entering in your mind.'"

How convenient a single sentence and single purpose footnote, huh? Oh, that situation you are currently in with ten bad guys, yeah, that's bad, so I won't even bother pretend you could need information about any individual one.

Just as Chara finished reading the entry,the shadows of the Ten Demons of the Zodiac appeared and entered inside Pearl's head.

In a single file like the polite demons they are, of course.

Pearl's eyes began to glow in black and red and she began to jerk her head,neck,arms and hands in weird ways while moaning in pain. Frisk,desperate to find a solution to save her dear Grauntie,politely asked to read the mysterious book for another paragraph of the entry.

Desperate - but polite. It would just be incredibly rude to yank the book out of someone's hands, wouldn't it? "Out damn spot" doesn't even cover the amount of obsessive whitewashing this substitution undergoes to separate itself from what the author views as flaws from the canon.

"'To save someone whose mind is being attacked by them,one must speak those words.'",Frisk readed out loud. "Oh god,we need to do this quickly!"

Really? What's the rush? This chapter will be done any second now. It's not like you read anything about this actually involving the need for entering the victims mind!!

"How much quick?",Chara asked to Frisk,only to unexpectedly hear a scream of pain from Pearl. "...Guess we'll need to be fast,and prepare to enter the weirdest place we could ever be: Grauntie Pearl's mind.",Chara decisively spoke,as a lightning thunder roared outside.

You live in an beach-set Frontier valley town, inhabited or visited by monsters, Vocaloid characters, monsters, MMO arcade cabinets, monsters, mountain robots, monsters, Vocaloid robot characters, aliens, monsters, and kids believing they are special for having a birthmark shaped like a dot in the sky, but sure, the mind of a mild-mannered old lady who owns a counterfeit crystal shop makes all that bland by comparison.

"Can I bring some slice of pie to the ride?",Asriel asked,only to recieve a blank stare from both Chara and Frisk.

And no punchline for the setup, why am I never surprised?

I'll have to split up the mock to allow posting it with the character limit, so I'll do that here. Part 1 ends here. Proceed below.

User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Tue Oct 22, 2019 3:33 pm

Part 2 of Chapter 19 starts here.



As a part of the instructions suggested,the Dreemurr youngsters turned off the lights in the living room and ignited enough candles to surrounded the couch where Pearl,no longer making bizzare motions and moaning in pain,was still sleeping.

"So,what are the next instructions?",Asriel asked,turning his look to face Pearl,whom he was extremely worried for.

Hold it, back up, how and when the fuck did you manage to grasp the usage of 'whom', author?

"We have to put our hands on Pearl's forehead...",Chara stated,as she,Asriel and Frisk did what the book said. "...and one of us have to read these following words. Animalia ferocia animalia chaos in mentem tibi non honorat? Et tuis et extraham te de cunctis! Animalia ferocia animalia chaos in mentem tibi non honorat? Et tuis et extraham te de cunctis! Exorcizo OMNES!"

Did you find a local priest's exorcism book, author? Google Translate still guides me as no one has a shot outside of it. It reads "Animals or wild beasts of the chaos in your mind sets? And I will pull you out of all!" - same verse same as the first, then ending with "Exorcise all", once I fiddled with the alternate choices of 'I cast' and 'JESVITARVM', I'm not even kidding.

As Chara spoke the mind-entering enchantment,she,Asriel and Frisk began to display eyes that glowed in a more pacific,heroic light of white and blue,instead of the omnious black and red Peridot and Pearl displayed. When the enchantment's words ended,a blue,electric-like explosion happened,and the three Dreemurrs,for a brief while,lost consciousness.

Was it a state of unconsciousness that would feel like millions of years in their minds?

After a while of blurry vision,the three youngsters looked around,finding themselves in a large but inactive fountain covered in gray colors and,on the distance,the Crystal Shack,slightly different shaped and also covered in gray and some shades of black.

Oh yes, I can't get enough of those riveting descriptions of something that is slightly different to something else that hasn't been described for nineteen chapters, if ever.

"Woooow!",Asriel said,impressed and with starry eyes. "She's creative enough to not just imagine the Crystal Shack!"

Why do you act like you knew how this works, and that you were expecting less?

"It is slightly sad...I don't really know why.",Frisk commented,as she looked at a broken toy swing made with wood in the right.

The author is painting a picture but I'm not sure she's using the right color paints. Unless explained, the meaning of the swing is going to be weird by how the author has telegraphed that Garnet and Pearl are supposed to be married.

"Alright...where are those bunch of demons?",Asriel said,as he looked around for any signal of the group of demons he and Frisk witnessed talking with Peridot before.

"Right over there!~🎵",Zalgo's voice taunted,as he and the rest of the Ten Demons of the Zodiac landed on the wooden table that leaded to the entrance door of the Crystal Shack.

"AH,THEY'RE HERE!!",Asriel screamed,pointing out at the Ten Demons as Chara and Frisk also looked at them.


"Ah,its nice to meet you all,great nephew and nieces of Pearl.",Zalgo politely greeted,as he holded his right hand onto a royal-like rod made of obsidian. "You must be Rainbow Star,Red Heart and my sweet Buttercup Flower if I'm not mistaken. Well,now I can finally test something I've been thinking for a while...",

I'll accept nothing short of their horrible mutation at the mere sight of you. Half of your washed up ensemble is even fan-theorized to be working for you as menial underlings, that's what level you are supposed to be at.

Zalgo continued,as the tips of the claws on his left hand began to flame up,and he used them to launch a sucessful attack at Chara.

At first,Chara,Frisk and Asriel screamed,until all of them noticed that,even trough a burnt mark of the claws was over Chara's jumper,there was no blood or intenstines getting out;

On a scale from emo to edgy, how would you describe the injuries "over" your jumper?

it was like Chara's body was made of modeling clay. Also,Chara never left a physical pain,just the psychological one.

Bruising her ego was the worst they could do.

But yet,Frisk was angry at Zalgo for 'picking up' on her older twin sister.

"HEY! Leave her alone,bunch of badies!",Frisk angrily said and pointed at the Ten Demons.

"Oh! Looks like someone is trying to stand up for her sister while we plan on finding the right door and stealing her great aunt's deem!",Ben Drowned teased with a large,playful smile.

Exposition all you want, author, it won't cement your attempt at writing it one bit.

"Young one,go back,and don't bother us.",Slenderman coldly warned to Frisk,but it was futile,as the young girl furiously charged at him ready to punch him. So,he suddenly opened his face to create a goopy mouth and inhale Frisk inside...just to spit her out seconds later.

And now Slenderman has a mouth and I must scream.

"W-wha? Awww...",Frisk sadly said,as she realized she couldn't even hit Slenderman.

"Sir,could you at least craft something to,I don't know...console her?",Sally asked to Slenderman in a slightly genuine pity for Frisk,as she clutched a teddy bear with a 'X' eye and a button eye.

"*sigh* Fiiine...",Slenderman reluctantly agreed as he snapped his fingers and a black-gray-and-white light stylized like a cartoon began to glow above Frisk's head.

The canon script states what must happen, so it must be done. Now we have a show of mind reading and dream conjuring turn into a bunch of bad guys consoling their Mary Sue enemy with a pity present. What hug box hell is this?!

When Frisk recovered her vision,she saw three of Bendy's cartoon main characters standing besides her: Bendy,the main protagonist and titular character himself,Boris,the deuteragonist,and Alice Angel,the tritagonist. All of them had the standart design rules of a inkblot cartoon,with monotone color palletes,white gloves and pupils shaped like cuted pies,but re-sized to more realistic proportions.

So, exactly like in the game, but not. You are intentionally wasting your substitution setups now, author. Keeping the unrealistic proportions would be the point, since Craz and Xyler exuded their unrealness.

Bendy was a demon-like creature with black body and shoes,and white heart-shaped face and bowtie who was slightly taller than Chara,Boris was a wolf-like creature with white overalls and black body and shoes,and Alice Angel was a more humanoid figure with tiny horns,a halo,black hair,white skin,black opera gloves covered by white gloves,and black boots and dress.

"My semi-imaginary friends!!",

Semi-imaginary? That's like taking 'my girlfriend goes to another school' to a whole other level. "Yeah, I have these friends, you probably never met them because they are fictional and from a cartoon."

Frisk happily cheered as she realized three of her favorite cartoon characters were standing besides her and hugged Bendy.

"O-oh,hey bucko!",Bendy greeted and hugged back Frisk. He sounded just like his cartoon self,following the same kind of 'audio quality' from the VHS tapes,and he and his companions looked just as confused as someone who was teleported to a area with no previous warning.

"Now,with all the jokes aside,

Trust me, the author is way ahead of you on that.

we have a warning to give to you so you don't bother us like the kids you all are: Turn around or you'll regret ever coming here.",Zalgo spoke,suddenly sounding less playful and more...serious and menacing.

Aw, but I liked Playful Zalgo, he's just so funny it's scary.

"See you next time!",the Ten Demons said with a more goofy smile as they crashed backwards trough the window of the dream Crystal Shack.

And off goes the Creepypasta Comedy League. Kids Next Door villains are more impressive.

"Hey,the guys that summoned us are running away!",Boris spoke,pointing to the window. The voice,just like how Frisk remembered,was gruff with a fun accent.

"Lets go follow them,come on!",Alice Angel spoke,in her 'cheerful girl' voice,and ran towards the door of the dream Crystal Shack. Boris followed and Bendy,pulling Frisk by the hand,also followed. Chara and Asriel were the last ones to enter the dream Crystal Shack.

Our protagonists are now being led by the hand by other characters, is it any wonder I loathe them?

No one of the group expected what to find inside the dream Crystal Shack.

Except exactly what the demons exposited sideways on their arrival.

The Dreemurrs thought it would be just the Crystal Shack re-painted in shades of gray and black,but they were actually facing off a bunch of staircases,and countless doors. One of these,the door of fears,was covered in chains. There was also shards of crystals of many colors,but the most present colors were green,blue,cyan,white,red,blue and violet.

Out of many colors, the most prominent ones are numbered to more than can be counted on one hand. That's when you've bled the meaning out of prominence, author?

"Golly,that is amazing! Ain't I right,fellows?",Bendy spoke in a heavy old American style,like how Frisk remembered.

"Woo-hoo,you're right!",Boris and Alice Angel both agreed with Bendy in a happy smile.

The Bendy characters are even getting more attention and detail than the individual creepypasta afterthoughts.

After climbing the whole set of stairs,the group arrived on a hall entitled 'Memories'.

"Lets find out which is the memory with the safe code!...and hope there's no memory of me being bossed around.",Chara said with a slightly snarky and playful voice.

No, I'm pretty sure it's all you acting like a puppet that was never given an actual command, only to bitch about it afterwards.

Nevertheless,the group began their hunt to the 'safe code' memory...quietly,because all of them were equally wary of the Ten Demons and the possibility of them 'destroying' their dream bodies and sending them back to reality.

If you die in the dream you - get mildly inconvenienced? I think you've overlooked the point of mental scars despite already cashing out a few on Chara's behalf, author.

At first,Chara just found a memory of Pearl on jail,Asriel found a memory of Pearl pulling a con-artistic mood to sell washing machines and Frisk found a memory of a terribly gone wrong hangout with Haku Yowane.

Yeah, we get it. They found the stuff we all know has already happened, not in spite of but fully expected with the author's way of making interjecting pretend-alterations, get a move-on already.

Eventually,Chara accidentaly separated herself from the group

What's that, I hear? The author doesn't want Chara to lose Mary Sue brownie points by actively bearing a grudging suspicion and dissatisfaction towards Pearl like Dipper did toward Stan, so she just happens to wander off accidentally because no reason?

and found out a hall of a specific group of memories: 'Memories of Chara'. Curious about wishing to understand what deep,deep inside her Grauntie Pearl really thought of her,she went trough the hall. All the doors had Pearl in every tone and volume calling out for Chara,

You are getting awfully close to sexual implications territory the vaguer you are, author. It's kind of adorable that you are too innocent - or illiterate, maybe - to notice.

and the door Chara choose to open was one of the chores she was ordered to do: cut wood for a firepit.

Yeah, let's not use this opportunity to even change things up in a world full of opportunities, that's for people with a modicum of ambition.

"Ms. Crystal...why you sometimes are too harsh on Chara?",the Asriel from the memory asked to the Pearl from the memory.

"*sigh* I need to tell you something,for you really to understand.",Pearl said,as she clutched her mouth next to Asriel's ear to whisper,and Chara leaned a bit to see what Pearl would whisper. It was...not something pleasant. "Look at that dork! She's so awkward and weird! She deserved what she recieved of horrible."

Engrish lessons?

Chara,too shocked to continue on listening to Pearl's words,hastily closed the door and clutched the area of the chest where she was clawed in. She was now feeling metaphorically clawed in the heart,and she began to quietly cry.

Oh, yes, indeed, how horrible, wait, how did this story start out again? Chara being internally hostile towards any and all authority figures including Pearl, pretending to be civil with her, and taking morbid enjoyment in the mere fact that she fell over during a ballet move. When did the author remedy any of that?


The rest of the group finally managed to find the door that contained the safe's code (it was shaped like a trapdoor and was behind a rug) and Bendy gave out the idea to destroy it,but...

"WAIT! Before we destroy it...look at that.",Asriel said,in a smug tone of voice and a smug smile unusual for the kind of guy he was,as he began to magically lift the trapdoor with a psychic power colored in red.

And to avoid her fic-favs being discredited by canon events yet again, this time the author has them be dumb enough to be deceived by one of their friends acting weird, instead of them simply watching their friend acting weird.

"Hey guys I was looking at a memory of Pearl eating for the first time! pie...",another Asriel,who sounded more like the cousin Chara and Frisk knew and loved,said as he came in and noticed the Asriel who was using telekinesis. "Why there's other me here?"

Shit, I already used my Deltarune joke back in Chapter 4.

The Asriel who was magically lifting the trapdoor with the safe's code memory began to laugh in a voice that didn't sound like Asriel at all and bring his paw hands to his face. He easily ripped off his own skin with a disgusting flesh noise to reveal he was actually X in a disguise,and the rest of the Ten Demons emerged from the group's shadows,laughing like maniacs because of their failure.

As if they have shown themselves as not being high on laughing gas this whole time.

"Oh my god,its not like you're even trying! What is the point of sleeping if you can't save the Pearly Pearl?",Jeff mocked up the group.

What's the point of saying that when no one here is sleeping, and being tricked is not the same as not trying?

"Why you little- don't insult Frisk and Asriel like that!",Bendy,in a fit of cartoonish-like anger,defended his 'real' teammates,pointing out his gloved finger at Jeff.

"Shut up,spying cameras. Slender didn't summon you to fight us.",Zalgo said,intimidating but at the same time surprising both the Bendy cartoon characters and Frisk and Asriel,before flying away with the rest of his group.

"...We were...supposed to spy the kiddos for them?",Boris said,scratching his head in confusion.

Because sure that was necessary, ten demons with one already subbing for Asriel before the memory was found, it's a wonder they can wipe their own asses at times.

"But I thought we were summoned to bring joy for them...",Alice Angel also said,in disbelief.

"I-its okay I guys are still my semi-imaginary friends and my favorite 1930's cartoons.",Frisk said,giving a slightly short group hug on Bendy,Boris and Alice Angel,who hugged back.

I have five different issues with this non-twist spy crap, specifically the 'non' part. This entire thing has no impact on the story outside of the author once more trying to hoist her Mary Sues higher on their pedestals for being such kind, forgiving, virtue brown-nosers.

As Frisk and the Bendy trio stopped their hug,they and Asriel noticed out Chara walking besides them,sobbing and repeatedly saying 'Grauntie Pearl hates me...'. Even trough they were confused about why and how Pearl possibly hated Chara,both decided they would pick her later after dealing with the Zodiac demons.


You manipulative little bitch! I'm talking to you, author!! You pluck away character traits and inject them at a whim, then make people ignore each other's twists and turns because it's inconvenient to the canon plotline you keep leeching from. Chara is deliberately being held in a catatonic, wet blanket, pity-magnet mode right now, avoiding slipping into anger, resentment, and accusations towards Pearl like Dipper did towards Stan, because you can't have her cast a single stone even in ignorance, as you perceive and derive character-blackening shame from it by yourself knowing the entire plot, where you can't have a single smudge on your creation in hindsight, you insecure hack. And what do you have Chara's twin sister do, when seeing her sibling and closest friend in such a state? She shrugs her shoulders and moves on, because the canon plot has the wheel and any character interaction you'd have to wing would cut away your safety net. This is character and plot exploitation on all levels, and it insults anyone reading it!


The Zodiac Demons celebrated their victory opening doors trough all the halls of Pearl's mind,until Kagekao's scarf began to tingle.

Because that's how they celebrate, of course, it's not at all that the author has to find a reason to transcribe 99% of her episode screenshots.

When the maskerade turned around his scarf,it began to float by itself and reveal a screen showing Peridot.

"Hello? This gadget is working?",Peridot said,like she was testing a microphone.

"Oooooi Pretty-dot!~",Kagekao playfully teased Peridot with a smug smile that manifestated itself on the black side of his mask.

I'm not sure you know the difference between teasing and flirting, author.

"...Just tell me the safe's code so we can be done with this.",Peridot said in a annoyed voice with a frown that clearly did show she was not pleased with the teasing. However,before Kagekao could finish telling the code,a bullet hitted X's arm and the trapdoor felt into one of the memories of Pearl with the Botomless Hole,meeting its temporary end on the hole.

The ones responsible for shooting X were Bendy and Frisk; Bendy used a cartoon gun while Frisk helped on the aim. Boris,Alice and Asriel happily cheered their apparent victory,but when Peridot left the 'call' insulting the Ten Zodiac Demons and claiming she would switch for the 'Plan B',the Zodiac Demons stopped moving and the cheering stopped. They just shaked their muscles in anger,and soon,turned around to face the group,with genuinely murderous looks on their faces.

Oh, but I thought they were such bundles of joy up until now, these creepypastas.

"Uuuh...sorry for ruining you day,pal?",Bendy awkwardly apologized,as he felt like a weak bug staring at a murderous snake and Frisk hugged him in fear.

The answer of the Ten Demons' was to grasp the ground and rip it apart like it was paper. Frisk,Asriel and Bendy's trio felt down on a space-like void with diamond shaped stars until they painfully landed on a giant rock shaped like Pearl's head making a furious face.


I'm sure it would be a fine custom Super Smash Brothers stage.

"You'll now...face our WRATH!!",Zalgo furiously spoke,pointing to the heroic group as black 'tears' rapidly falled down his face and his pupils glowed. Slenderman spotted tentacles and the other eight's eyes also glowed.

This guy looked like that, that guy looked like this, and eeeehhhhh, the other eight, well they were there too, I guess.


Meanwhile,Chara just walked aimlessy in sadness tears

Of course she did. I tend to wander aimlessly in happiness tears myself..

until she came across the same door that housed the memory that broke her down. She still refused to believe Pearl actually hated her,so she decided to open the door again and listen to Pearl's words.

Because we can't only have Chara not be wrong when misunderstanding the truth, she also has to be right when discovering it.

"Look at that dork! She's so awkward and weird! She deserved what she recieved of horrible...that they always said to me."

You watched the show, right, author? Sentence structures in English is something you've been exposed to, am I wrong here?

The bit of speech Chara never heard before surprised her and managed to make her reliefed: Pearl was actually talking about herself,not Chara. Soon,she began to wonder what Pearl was talking about and decided to keep listening.

Soon, as in a minute or two, because 'immediately' would be rushing the two brain cells in her head in their game of musical chairs.

"It was horrible! I still remember how bad my childhood in school was!...",the Pearl from the memory continued,as another door opened behind Chara,revealing a 12-years old Pearl with a more lively hair color,skin as pale as Chara,a translucent shirt of teal color,pink skirt and orange shoes being bullied by older children.

Well, maybe if you didn't dress your puberty-developing body in see-through clothing like a promiscuous muppet, you'd have less of a problem.

Soon,the scene changed as Pearl continued speaking. "At least,I learned my talents of ballet and fighting. I eventually thought that everything would go downhill...but my adoptive family actually meant they wished the best for me. Now,I want Chara to be strong,so when the world strikes her,she can strike back."

She already does that. The author has her terrify everyone around her, including family, and she destroys things when in a bad mood, using super strength when demanded, and she shanks shit when the author has to remind herself where she plagiarized her blandly described likeness from. This is undeserved and incompatible character development, stolen like everything else and built with no subtlety on no foundation, because the author can barely be coherent enough to lie in the first place.

"Yes,I did it! That was pretty easy,actually.",

It's like you deliberately want to be a Mary Sue, for crying out loud! You don't even want to earn the sweat on your fucking brow!!

a victorious Chara from the first memory door said as she finally managed to cut the wood.

"Haha! She makes me so proud!...Just hide it from her,okay? She doesn't need to know that.",Pearl from the first memory spoke to the Asriel of the memory.

"Affirmative,miss!",Asriel from the first memory promised to Pearl.

I'm sorry, why aren't you bawling your eyes out right now and every time you remember this exchange whenever you see these two together, like the soft-hearted water fountain the author wants you to be, Asriel?

Chara was taken over by massive joy emotions big enough to surpass her fear of entering inside a memory and messing it up,so she simply opened the door wide enough to enter in and hug the memory Pearl.

Because that just something she knows is possible and that she can do, and hadn't until now because she was being mindful or some shit. She can't even discover something on accident, no, she has to be so full of puppies and kisses that it overrules an unmentioned precaution.

"Oh...nice to see you here,Chara!",Pearl said,overjoyed about the presence of her older great niece,until she noticed the claw marks Zalgo left over her. "Oh my,I'll fix it.",Pearl said,extending her palm to Chara's chest and making the claw and burn marks dissapear,fixing Chara's body again.

Well, 'fixed' is a relative term, I suppose.

" did you do that?",Chara said,amazed that her 'injury' was fixed pretty quickly as she touched her body on the area the claw marks once where.

"We are inside a dream...we can materialize everything we wish! For example...",

"I hang out with Jesus Christ on a regular basis in here. Yes, even in my sexual fantasies."

Pearl explained,and exemplified summoning a orange soda on her hand effortlessy. Just after she did that,Asriel and Frisk's screams echoed trough the halls,and Chara soon knew what she had to do.

"I'm going to save my cousin and my was a pleasure talking to you,Grauntie Pearl.",Chara said and thanked Pearl.

"Good luck...cutie-pie.",Pearl said in a mellow tone of voice that snatched a big,joyful and determined smile from Chara's face before she went out of the memory door and ran trough the halls,determined to save Asriel and Frisk.

I see that the author has forgotten that Chara's berserk button is to be called cute.


The Ten Demons began to prepare a fatal attack with their own weapons so they could be sure that Frisk and Asriel's dream bodies could be completely destroyed and they would be sure to wake up.

Oh no, the horror, it's not like that's exactly what they would want now that they have ensured the demons can't get the safe combinations and Peridot has cancelled the deal. Is torment and torture really such confusing subjects despite your profession, author?

But neither Bendy,Boris or Alice Angel would let that happen.

"Buddies? It was a blast our journey...but unfortunately we are going to need to push out outta the way!!",Bendy said to Frisk and Asriel as he,Boris and Alice Angel used their strenght to push the two cousins out of the attack's way. The result was that the Bendy trio was horrifically mutilated and slowly began to form a puddle of ink that faded out of existence.

On the other hand, you seem to have the same sick fantasies as an edgy tryhard, author, I'm just saying.

"NO!!",Frisk screamed,as she quickly kneeled in-front of the fading puddle of ink that formely was the Bendy trio. "You...BASTARD MONSTERS!",Frisk furiously snapped at the Ten Demons,forgetting about her own fear of them.

"WHAT?!",all of the Demons spoke,

I know, right, a genuine compliment for demons such as yourselves, Frisk is just that positive a person.

both surprised because they missed their intended targets and surprised because they were straight insulted by someone who was actually fearing them.

Because it is words that hurts the most, isn't it?

Slenderman was the one to retribute the favor by catching Frisk on one of his tentacles and slowly warping her to a zombie-like aspect,with green skin,a zombie version of her voice and the right eye sticking out in a sickening way.

"A-ah! ...W-what did happen to me?! Why I am sounding like a zombie and why I can't see with my right eye?!",Frisk said fearfully as she realized what happened to her in the moment she was dropped off.

Yawn. I get you might not enjoy the thought of becoming an undead or something, author, but this is about as bland as it gets. You don't even take an opportunity to give Frisk enough character traits to tell us what she likes and fears losing, by having the demons prey upon that, like Bill did to Mabel's cuteness.

"A-are you ok?",Asriel asked as he helped Frisk get up. Before he could have a answer,both he and Frisk noticed the Ten Demons were furiously charging at them both,and screamed for help...

And as one, all ten will react and do the same thing and charge, running out of elbow room ten feet from their target.

And surely it came. A slash beam hitted Zalgo straight in the chest,forcing him to be knocked back alongside his 'teammates'. Chara descended from the sky carrying on her hand two dark blue knives with blue circles over them and gracefully landed down.

This Binding Of Isaac mod is off to a bad start.

"Chara!",Frisk and Asriel said,relieved their sister/cousin came back to help.

"I just found out that if we think on something,we can actually summon it to help us!",Chara explained,as she showed to her twin sister and her cousin her two knives.

"Don't believe her! Those are just comfort lies!!",Lost Silver futilely tried to 'warn' to Frisk and Asriel,but neither did listen to him.

Half of these faux nightmares are going to be nothing but a peanut gallery, too, aren't they?

Frisk decided to test out,and she thought about resuming back to her original appearence. As soon as she thought that,a bunch of magical sparkles felt on Frisk's head,and she began to recover from her zombie form to her real form.

Who want to bet this zombie form isn't going to be consistent with the ones two chapters from now?

"Woo-hoo! I want to try that! Shield!",Asriel cheerfully said,as he began to think on a shield. Soon enough,said shield appeared,already fixed on his arm: it was shaped like the star on his jumper,with the colors of the rainbow,and had the borders made of gold.

Flamboyant and half useless. At least his shield sounds cool.

"Why are we stopping and letting these kids get away with it?! DIS-ASSEMBLE AND MURDER THEM!",


Zalgo spoke,as he began to run towards Chara.

Oh, right, running towards a Mary Sue like a Looney Tunes character and doing nothing else, that's a sure way to succeed in a fanfic.

But Chara,Frisk and Asriel already began to think on a plan that in the reality sounded dumb but in the dreams sounded reasonable: split up.

This story can't get any dumber, so they at least have that going for them.

Chara ran to the center border,followed by Zalgo,Ben and Jeff,Asriel ran to the right border,followed by X,Kagekao and Sally,and Frisk ran to the left border,followed by Slenderman,Laughing Jack,Eyeless Jack and Lost Silver.

So instead of a three on one dream demon, we have three to four demons against one individual times three, and none of them will as much as pull out a thought of retaliation. You bet your ass that's going to go on the BTTP list.

"Neon animals,attack!",Frisk called out. A horde of wild animals, supposedly neon,including wolves,lions and elephants,began to attack the Demons that were after her.

X tried to claw Asriel's shield to get trough it,but since Asriel was hoping for the shield to be unbreakable,it was actually unbreakable: the only thing X managed to do was dent it.

Then why don't you just hope and imagine you win, easy-peasy, what is power balance to a Mary Sue tritagonist?

"Watch out for that red exclamation point in a box!",Asriel warned out,as a red box with a exclamation point appeared below X's feet,and a thunder came to it,making X become all black just like a cartoon.

Next, they are going to let the certainly incredibly scary, and very much threatening, genuine creepypasta article pursue them towards a tunnel, but it's really just a hyper realistic painting on a mountainside. What wacky hijinks.

Chara managing to save herself from the Demon's attacks using her blue knives was the last straw for Ten Demons of the Zodiac to decide resorting to the 'cheating' option:

Well, since the author is cheating by only having X be even mentioned specifically in this fight; why not?

they combined their powers on projectiles to try and make the three youngster's dream bodies become dust.

Cheating: Commonly known as 'fighting back against fanfic protagonists'.

Asriel defended himself with his shield,Frisk with the giant owl plush she once dreamed having,and Chara just needed to use her knives; all the attempts of defense were succesful and managed to deflect the incoming attacks as well.

I guess the author forgot to tell the demons that they just had to hope their attacks would be unblockable to make it so.

"And now for the grand finale!",Frisk bravely announced,as she pointed a finger on the air and three beams of lights appeared behind her. "ALICE ANGEL,BORIS,AND BENDY,its time to SWING!",Frisk spoke,as she managed to ressurect her favorite 30's cartoons from the dead. The three of them,once realizing they were alive again,began to play a 'modern' version of their show's theme song,which infuriated the Zodiac Demons alot.




Even demons abhor remakes to the point of exaggeration, who knew?

Soon,the heroic group began to think on what they supposed to be the Zodiac Demon's worst nightmare: a portal out of Pearl's mind.

Sure, whatever.

But before the Zodiac Demons could be pulled out of Pearl's mind,Zalgo putted a end to the fight punching the sky and destroying the whole battlezone. Chara and Asriel's weapons dissapeared and the Dreemurrs losed their capacity of imagining things onto reality,but the Bendy trio at least wasn't destroyed again.

"*ahem* Sorry for destroying our fun...its just head is hurting right now.",Zalgo said,as he attempted to sound calmer than before.

I haven't heard an explanatory lament so off-point since My Immortal, I'm honestly surprised you didn't have him call them motherfuckers, author.

"We are genuinely impressed at your effort!",X said,as he maked some...overly dramatic motions with his hands. "Especially you,fluffy."

"...Oh,I know right? She was pretty smart with the last scheme!",Asriel 'agreed' with X,not realizing he was talking about him,not Frisk.

And you miss your own opportunity to adapt the joke by not knowing what people also use the word 'fluffy' for, author.

"I guess this time we will let you kiddos go. I honestly would give a congratulations candy if you could stick with it to the un-fun world.",Laughing Jack said in a laid-back voice.

"But BEWARE ONE THING! day,everything you ever knew and will ever know will change forever.",Ben Drowned spoke,as he summoned a hologram of the gemstone figures of the mysterious book. "But we'll always be watching you. By then...buh-bye!"

Wave at the polite toddlers with their awkward send-off, folks. The author will first bring them back to change their diapers five chapters from now.

When Ben bided fairwell to the heroic group,the Zodiac Demons' wheel,empty besides the symbols and names,appeared below them,and a static temporarily took over the vision of the young Dreemurrs. Since the Bendy trio wasn't affected by the static,they could see the Zodiac Demons entering back the wheel and dissapearing.

Which was of course a very important detail for them to notice, that bears no significance or will even be worth mentioning to anyone. What was the point again?

"Oh my god...we did it!",Chara happily cheered alongside Frisk and Asriel,until she noticed her own body was growing...broken,like glass. "Oh...guess we are gonna wake up,huh?"

Oh yeah, change up the indicator for how they wake up from a trip inside someone's mind, author, that will really make this story so significantly different and original.

"Bye,Bendy and Boris and Alice...I hope I can see you again.",Frisk said,waving a bye-bye with her cracked left hand for her semi-imaginary friends.

"You got it,chum!",the whole Bendy trio said,thumbing up for Frisk and giving smiles.

Tell me the truth, author. Did you pick Bendy and the Inkmachine characters, because you can flip the aesthetics easily when we arrive at the point of Frisk's dreamworld prison going bad in the second-to-last chapter?

Soon,Chara,Frisk and Asriel's bodies began to crack up quicker and quicker as they felt their real selves opening up their eyes and perciving reality once more. Soon,the three woke up alongside Pearl.


"Yeaaah!",Frisk cheerfuly cheered throwing her fists on the air as she regained balance on her consciousness.

"Ugh...I was actually dreaming of you three running in some weird hall with a trio of cartoons from the thirties?",Pearl asked,as she tried to recall the events that happened on her head.

"Yeah...technically.",Chara happily answered,being the first one to straight hug Pearl.

What she didn't know was that Pearl wanted someone to gay hug her for once.

"I'm so happy the Shack is safe once more...",Frisk happily spoke as she also went for Pearl and hugged her.

"Me too!...Hug time!",Asriel agreed,also running to the others and giving them the best hug he could give.

It was still a pathetic excuse for a hug, but he's doing his best.

Unfortunately,something neither of them ever expected to happen actually happened: a dynamite blowed besides Pearl's couch,interrupting the whole hug.

There you go again, author, toying with my hopes of a swift end to these cretins because of your lacking grasp of descriptions and placement of explosives in general.

"NYEHEHEHE! Guess the Shack isn't yours anymore,CLOD!",Peridot mocked Pearl,holding up the deed right on her hand. "MOM? HIT THIS WRECKING BALL HERE!"

Well, someone is certainly trying to rush through this because they don't have dialogue to match their substituted shit.

Surely,Yasmin,driving a crane with a wrecking ball,began to smash the Crystal Shack's sign,horrifying the Dreemurrs. They all hoped it was a bad dream they were having,and soon they would wake up...but no. This was reality.

What will happen to them?

Hmm, I don't know, why don't I just rewatch Gravity Falls to find out, then I'll get back to you. I'm being serious, author. Note for note, nothing changes from the canon guidelines throughout it, defying every addition and alteration you've injected. You haven't produced a story. You've waste all of your efforts on dressing the original one up in cosplay. Bad cosplay!

Next chapter is titled Peridot's Ascension. As I said, I won't predict anything about it. I simply know that I will be disappointed.

YAT: 63
BTTP: 216
Last edited by ConcernedGamer on Mon Sep 21, 2020 4:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Post Reply
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest