Phazon Emperor Reincarnated!

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Phazon Emperor Reincarnated!

Post by StabbyKobold » Fri Oct 04, 2019 2:22 pm

Here comes another gem from that wonderful world of throwing a dozen animes in a blender and hope the result turns out smooth. This is Phazon Emperor Reincarnated! by Crimson-Esper-Of-Ruin-Instinct, an author I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing on multiple occasions. This time it’s a Naruto / Metroid crossover with a dash of whichever source material can function as a steroid injection for the protagonist. And there’s going to be quite a few. The author spells out the plot off the get-go, so I’m skipping the summary this time. Enjoy.


Chapter 1

Naruto and Metroid multi x-over ficSummary: In the fourth shinobi war, a meteor fall from the sky, it wasn't one of madara's creation, it was like a crescent moon with blue marks. Naruto is ordered to investigate the meteor and inside he finds samus aran's PDP suit and dark samus, and upon absorbing more Phazon after his adventures with Samus in the other dimension the memories of his past life awaken.

Two sentences in and we’re already off the deep end. I knew from the title the author would take liberties with Metroid Prime’s brand of super empowering, mutagenic poison, but suddenly we’re saddled with past lives in other dimensions. Seems a bit lazy not to write that story instead of starting here.

After the war he becomes the jinchuriki of the nine bijuu and the new juubi, plus becoming Hagoromo Otsutsuki heir and succesor, but because of the new power he gains he is betrayed by the elemental nations except for a few. Tired of all the hate, Naruto modifies the leviathan and use it to go to space along the ones that haven't betrayed him.

Which are entire nations, if the author’s grammar is correct.

Phazon/Six Paths senjutsu/EMS/Tensei Juubigan Naruto/Tenseigan Naruto/Tenseigan Chakra Mode/Shikotsumyaku Naruto/Past-Life Reincarnation Naruto take no s* naruto, badass naruto, OP Genjutsu, Kenjutsu, Taijutsu, Fuuinjutsu Technology Creator, Scientist Naruto, Ninjutsu Master Naruto, Naruto stops hiding fic, Sojutsu, Bojutsu, Naginatajutsu, Shajojutsu, Gun Master, Magic and OP intelligent, Perceptive, cunning and crafty Naruto NarutoxMass Harem.

More professions and skills than a Barbie doll and with less personality. Arbitrarily listing the added character traits of your protagonist in a story summary is a giant red flag.

Main Crossovers: Naruto/Metroid/To Love Ru/HighschoolDxD/Percy Jackson And The Olympians/Harry Potter (Other crossovers will show)

Genres: Action, Fantasy, Adventure, Romance, Drama

Unintentional Comedy

Warnings: Hentai Crossovers, Sexual Content, Ecchi, Violence, Trolling, Blood, Gore, Sadism and Other Minor Crossovers (Skills, Abilities, etc)

Universe: Multiverse and Gameverse

Gameverse? It’s rare that I’m introduced to a new concept. Written definitions seems to label is as a universe shared by multiple games, but how is that supposed to be separate from multiverse?

Appearance: Hairstyle a mix of Timeskip Toshiro Hitsugaya and Aizen's in his Hougyoku form before the butterfly stage colored a clear slightly glowing celestial white near silver with blue, gold and crimson gelled bangs, Eyes are a blue/gold with a slitted pupil while the other is a jade emerald with yellow irises and a slitted pupil, will change after past life memorie unlock

You’re describing his appearance before even starting the story? Really?!

Outfit: Izaya Orihara 's Coat with Kaneki's battle suit underneath with combat boots

Power level: A mix of the juubi, kaguya and hagoromo, and all the abilities of all the shinobi

What powers does he have, you ask? All of them. Are you surprised? Because I’m not. Want to bet on how much conflict he’s going to have?

harem: Naruto x DarkSamus (Yomi Aran) x FemHaku x Fuu x Koyuki x Yugito x Samus Aran x Hinata x Ino x RoadtoninjaHinata(Hanako) x Road TO Ninja Ino (Yuko)x Road To Ninja female Kiba (Kina) x Road To Ninja Female Neji (Miko)x Road To Ninja Female Chouji (Choha) x Road To Ninja Female Lee (Lena) x Road To Ninja Sakura (Barahime) x Road To Ninja Female Sasuke(Sasumi) x Road To Ninja Tenten (Honomi) x Road To Ninja Female Shino (Umeko) x Road To Ninja Female Shikamaru (Mori) x karin x anko x fem sasuke (Sasuki) x Naruko x Honoka x Natsuhi x Hokuto x Female Shikamaru (Shiki) x Female Shino (Shina) x Female Chouji (Choki) x Female Sai (Saiko) x Female Juugo (Junko) x Female Suigetsu (Sugetsu) x Female Tenzo (Kinoe) x Karui x Samui x Kushina x Revived Mito x Revived Toka Senju x Kurotsuchi x Suzumebachi x Isarabi x Sasame x Ino x Sakura x Female Menma (Meni) x Hinata x Female Neji (Neia) x Tenten x Female Lee (Leia) x Hisame x Hanare x Sara x Shion x Fuka x Ryuuzetsu x Kaguya Otsutsuki x Female White Zetsu (Shiro) x Female Black Zetsu (Kuro) x Female Nagato and Six paths, x Female Sasori (Saomi) x Female Obito (Obiko - Slave) x Younger Sexy Koharu x Older Moegi x Female Older Konohamaru x Matsuri x Sari x Female Gaara x Temari x Female Kankuro x Pakura x Guren x Kurenai x Tayuya x Kin x Kagero x Anko x Yugao x Tsume x Yoshino x Tsunami x Mabui x Amaru x Female Bijuu's x Female Reibi x Mei x Ameyuri Ringo x Female Haku x Female Chojuro (Chojuri) x Kotohime x Mikoto x Older Hanabi x Fuen x Tou x Suzume x Tsubaki x Toki x Haruna x Shizuka x Tokiwa x Mebuki Haruno x Hana x Female Itachi (Itami) x Female Madara (Kurogami - Slave) x Female Killer B (Killer Queen) x Tsunade x Shizune x Female Toneri Otsutsuki x Kaguya Otsutsuki (Beginning harem).

Beginning harem?! That’s more than a hundred women! Including more than thirty genderbent men plus dimensional duplicates and a couple of just mistaken double entries! Why not just shorten it; he get’s all the women, and then some!

Bashing: Kiba, Jiraiya, Kakashi and other power hungry idiots and annoyances and Sick Perverts and arrogant morons.

That includes the protagonist, yes?

Author Note: I'd like to give special thanks to SoulEmbrace2010 for inspiring me with his awesome fics to give me the motivation to try multiverse and gameverse fics, I would also like to thank PhazonLordKaito for issuing me this fic idea and his insight on Metroid give these two authors a big applause and thumbs up so without further Ado let's get the show started, please note i might make a special Naruto multiverse series with lots of lemons and action like in Fox King Jm's fics but that remains to be seen so now let's start and please note this Naruto will be fucking OP if ya don't like don't read peace!

Ah yes, the weakest argument raised in defense of poor writing, bookending a 100+ word run-on sentence with blatant disregard for punctuation. And I hate it. Thinking that “don’t like, don’t read” somehow exempts one from criticism is simpleminded idiocy, and I’ll tell you exactly why. Author, allow me to be pedantic for a moment; I don’t “read” your stories. To “read” insinuates the consumption of a media regardless of context. I don’t read your stories, I criticize them. I dissect their meaning, I analyze their content, I evaluate their message. I consider the values and actions portrayed, the morality applied, and the framing with which it is presented. I do what none of your fans do, author; I consider the quality of your work.

The stuff that happens in any of your stories, to my knowledge, only happens because of one reason. You think it is cool. And it might have been cool, were it not for context. Consider explosions for a moment. Explosions are cool. But if an orphanage explodes, then it’s a horrible tragedy, regardless of how cool it looks. If the orphanage explodes for no reason, not only is it a tragedy, it doesn’t make sense. And if your personally endorsed explosion makes nuclear detonations pale in comparison, while every other explosion couldn’t knock down a house of cards, need I even state how ridiculous it becomes? No, I don’t like it, author. I don’t like that you hollow out established characters, stuff them full of wish fulfillment tropes, and ride them like a personal hobby horse until you’ve had your fill. But I take great enjoyment in giving it the ridicule it deserves.

One! One For The Money!

Two,It's two Cause it's two for the show!

Three! it's three, three get ready!

Are you ready motherfuckers?

Are You Ready?

With how much you’re stalling, are you? We could spend six more paragraphs on making Naruto even more powerful if you prefer.

Let's Go!


Phazon Genius Maelstrom


(Camp in the middle of the forests in Fire Country and Rice Country)

In this bustling camp of shinobis from every nation Kumo, Iwa, Kiri, Suna, Konoha, Taki, Oto, Sky, Takumi, Fang, Spring, you name it there was no hate except trust and orderly conduct as shinobis, medics rushed everywhere throughout the camp doing their jobs as quick as they could, some jumped over tents setup while commanders barked orders left and right.

Welcome to camp utopia, I guess.

The reason for this alliance is due to Akatsuki a criminal organization of S-rank nukenin seeking the enslavement of all Bijuu to create the infamous 10th Bijuu known as the Juubi No Ookami a.k.a Shinju the real plan was revealed by a masked woman Tobi and soon when all the Kage's refused to give up their jinchuuriki, she declared the Fourth Great Shinobi War on all the nations.

I know Akatsuki is a force to be reckoned with, but their numbers can usually be counted on two or three hands. Don’t you need more than that to call it a war?

Naturally A and Onoki suggested that Naruto and Kirajoo be put on the frontlines (the two mentioned agreeing) but Tsunade was stubborn saying they will be a liability if they play into Akatsuki's hands so easily, this offended Naruto and Kirajoo immensely at the fact Tsunade practically called them Weak to their faces, Naruto lost some of his respect for Tsunade and it showed whenever he was called in for an espionage mission he only called her Godaime-san or Tsunade-san showing zero respect for the blond Godaime, this put him at odds with certain ninja of Konoha especially his sensei Kakashi and mentor Jiraiya and Kiba since he shouldn't act like a spoiled brat in their words and he merely retorted coldly.

"What right doe's she have to tell me if i should fight against the organization that is after me and my kin's life so kindly fuck off i have stuff to do."

First off, she’s your boss. Second, the enemy wants to capture you, moron! Not giving them the opportunity seems kind of like the best strategy here. Kindly cram your disobedience complex back up where it belongs, you butt-hurt buffoon.

From there on he and his fellow jinchuuriki were rude, disrespectful and cold hearted to their bodyguards and leaders with Fu, Yugito, Utakami, Kirajoo being extra vicious when Jiraiya and Kiba tried peeking at them when they came back with blood in their clothes from killing Ame-nin that Akatsuki was now commanding publicly.

If it weren’t for the blood, I’m sure they would be much more amicable.

What nobody knew was that Naruto wasn't what they thought of him, during the 3 year training trip, Naruto fell through some kind of blue portal much to his shock and slight happiness, he was glad to think of stealing his heritage along with his oka-san's Fuuinjutsu and techniques and exercises off of the perverted manwhore of a godfather, however he didn't deserve the right to be a godfather to any child considering he left him to be continuous belitted, beaten, humiliated and tortured in the damned village of bigots and when he actually had a chance to fight back Jiraiya and Kakashi-baka came out of nowhere to knock me out and tried to twist his personality into what he'd expect from a martyr clueless idiot what a fucking bastard!

Yeah, yeah, boring stock ramblings of nonconformity against nonsensical oppression. Can we get back to this blue portal shit before you slip into first person more than once?

Naruto when he find himself in a different dimension concluded with sharp precision and intellect that there are several worlds and universe out there to explore, he heard of Orochimaru's scientific like mind but he did not do inhumane experiments on innocent children, no he experimented on the scum and dregs of the world, Nukenin, rapists, thugs, bandits, corrupt politicians and the corrupt bastards of Konoha that planned on raping him just to further break his mind so he will fear even thinking of getting close to any female at all, he discovered after his adventures with the buxom blond haired woman with blue eyes in a blue bodysuit was Samus Aran one of the first to survive and adapt to using the corroding energy Phazon, during one of the missions to destroy one of the Leviathans that was poisoning a planet with Phazon he took a full power Phazon blast head on from the Metroid Prime and managed to block it with his hands saving Samus from getting poisoned but instead he got the full strain after escaping with the cunning blond woman and had to stay a full month in the medical bay but as he slept the Phazon was being assimilated into his blood and dna, Kiyomi (Yin Kyuubi), and Kurami (Yang Kyuubi) saw the benefits of the Phazon and transformed the the Phazon into a fusion of pure blue and red Phazon leaving him with celestial blue Phazon, later when he got out of the medic bay he told Samus he had to return to his useless teacher so he won't arouse suspicion, he did however heard Samus confess to being up to sharing him after hearing of his life making him get a nosebleed at the images from the saucy smirk on her beautiful pink lips before jumping back through the portal he and his two Kyuubi-himes managed to reopen after using his chakra and their youki and saw only a day had passed whereas a full year passed back at tallion IV with Samus, so he set about a network of clones that would be training in chakra natures, ninjutsu, kenjutsu, Genjutsu, Fuuinjutsu, Jikukan-Ninjutsu, Summoning and bloodline training after finding out he had the Tensei Juubigan (Celestial Ten Tailed Eye, which is basically an upgraded version of the original Ten Tailed Eye and gives the wielder access to demonic elements and magic and boosted chakra affinities and even higher precognitive abilities and Boosted Chakra pathways along with the access to the Healing Light Element and is a mix with the doujutsu from Rise Of The Dragon Lion Saint and the Rinnesharingan except colored with a mix of silver and blue in the sclera, the rings and iris are gold and the tomoes are silver), He found out he also had Uchiha blood in him with Senju on his mother Kushina's side who returned to find him and he was absolutely ecstatic to see her in the living along with a blond haired woman named Mina who somehow reminded him of the Yondaime but it only took him a simple glance to see what was up and he calmly asked Mina why did she look female and so Mina formerly Minato explained that he was the avatar of the goddess's from above and their fiance and wanted him to have love back in his life so Minato and Kushina were brought back except Minato had to be a woman since he has no need for a father or mother figure, turns out Mina had Hyuga blood from her father's side while the infamous Namikaze Jinton (Swift Release) and godlike speed came from demonic ancestry a.k.a the bloodline of Sparda who came to this dimension to settle down in turn fell in love with Mina's grandmother and thus only a rare few were born with the Sparda bloodline, another part of the demonic ancestry was the Cruz bloodline allowing the souls collected from otherworldly beings and powerful foes to be commanded and manipulated in various ways and then there was the Belmont bloodline, Gabriel Belmont known as Eu Sunt Dracul was so powerful he eclipsed even the Juubi in sheer might, power and added with his combat experience and wisdom made him a force to be reckoned with, Naruto unlocked his Belmont and Cruz bloodline when he felt a call somehwere in Iwa No Kuni and was bitten by some blackhaired man much to his shock finding out it was his great ancestor Gabriel who turned to dust and transferred his knowledge to Naruto knocking him out for a few days to assimilate the memories of his battles and techniques he learned in his reign as Dracula and found out he didn't have to drink blood unless to boost his healing, his favorite techniques was the Shadow Whip and Blood weapons mainly knives and daggers.


Holy shit! Eight hundred and nine words or barely coherent plot synopses of fanfics that never were, and convenient funneling of bloodline abilities and acquired powers that is so utterly forced and contrived, it puts planetary alignment to shame. All of it in a single never-ending sentence with paragraph-filling topics nesting into each other. I apologize in advance, but I cannot just have this word salad of the author’s brain droppings pass by without picking at the nonsense. There’s like fifteen different things I want to touch on here, maybe more. I’ll try to be brief, but do forgive me if I end up spending an absurd amount of time trying to make sense of something that doesn’t even deserve the attention.

Firstly, the alternate dimension portal comes the fuck out of nowhere, no explanation given, yet Naruto is so hyper intelligent – because he couldn’t possibly not be – that he knows exactly what’s going on. Cut to out-of-place whitewashing of Orochimaru’s genetic research, and the mentioning that Naruto was targeted by rapists because they didn’t want him to get girls. Because those motivations and consequences are totally logical and not at all an extension of the author’s alpha male monopoly scheme. Whiplash back on track, events from Metroid Prime 3 takes place, with Naruto becoming infected with Phazon – a virulent, self-replicating and radioactive substance with destructive agency. Never mind that it’s a literal poison that reduces the infected into aggressive drones, since Naruto is a fanfic protagonist there is of course nothing bad about this; powers acquired, no effort exerted. Samus, by virtue of having a vagina, is inexplicably enamored with Naruto, because the author couldn’t understand romance even if he looked in a dictionary, and so Naruto returns home – because he can now somehow, shut up – with an IOU booty call. But we can’t possibly have Naruto muck about in dimensions unknown for a year and have it inconvenience him of coming up with an excuse or, heavens forbid, actually explain what happened, so time itself is made his bitch and only a day has passed in his home dimension. This means, that by the time of the Fourth Shinobi World War begins, anywhere between 300 and 1000 years would have passed for Samus, and you might just begin to realize the extent to which the author bothers to consider the logical conclusions of his plot contrivances. A whole lot of power endowment is then glossed over, Naruto learns everything, and finds out, through means that pretends to not be the author just saying so, that he’s got the best of the best of the redundantly best abilities, which are so cool and awesome and special that I haven’t stopped gagging yet.

The composition of Naruto’s blood is then opened for discussion, BUT WAIT, we must absolutely know that Naruto is not only god’s avatar but also her fiancé, and that despite having seemingly no trouble gaining female attention, he needed more love in his life – and the solution was to resurrect his parents, turning his father into a woman in the process. Because he didn’t need his parents, no, he needed sex partners, and the author does not have a concept of shame. While Naruto already has gotten powers left and right, it turns out his blood is chock full of them, as crossovers from Devil May Cry and Castlevania are shoved into the story without any sense to how they would fit without the excuse of alternate dimensions. For some reason, Dracula himself shows up and bites Naruto, because I guess Naruto had an off day and left himself vulnerable to attack or something, and dies while leaving Naruto with even more power, for reasons that the author doesn’t bother to even pretend exists. The author’s chosen vessel is now nothing but a saran-wrapped sculpture of the forcibly maximized potential of a dozen widely different yet somehow not volatilely incompatible genetic, spiritual, and ass pulled powers. He’s adored by bounty hunters in space, catered to by demons within, betrothed to goddesses above, and the author is NOT. FUCKING. DONE YET!

Naruto had to train himself harshly to keep his new abilities and power suppressed since his Phazon, Vampiric enhanced body gave a very alluring aura and up until now he sought to only train himself in the last of his bloodlines being the Byakugan and Sharingan and was shocked as hell upon having the highest advanced version Yomi'Ou Byakugan (Dark King Evil Eye) and the Eien No Mangekyou Sharingan (Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan) and brought back Sasuki and her older twin sister Sasumi back when Orochimaru thought his pupils had me outpowered and outskilled but Naruto merely used the Darkness Bringer Genjutsu (Kokuangyo No Jutsu) upgraded to Low S-rank from the Mid-A rank at it's full power and it allowed him the perfect cover to use his Yomi'Ou Byakugan to shut their tenketsu's down, he was a natural at all fields of the shinobi and even samurai arts, Neia and her older twin Miko beside Hinata and Hanako and their mother Hisana Hyuga helped him learn the locations of the pressure points, acupuncture and tenketsu before moving onto the stances, he corrected his mistakes on the go impressing the Hyuga matriarch who took over the Hyuga clan after finding out Hiashi her husband planned on having Naruto assassinated due to sensing he had more power than he should have seeing him as a threat but, Hisana executed him along with the elder council while sweeping it under the rug to not raise suspicion while they supported him completely.

Oh, woe is he whose potluck stew of a genetic code renders him irresistible to women. Again, Naruto gets saddled with only the best powers, every man in his life that isn’t targeted for bashing suddenly has compatible genitals, and women are so enamored that they teach him everything they know and jump directly to spousal killing for any ill intent. This is the culmination of every shamelessly twisted idea stolen by the author and fused into the amalgamation now bearing a Naruto nametag. A concept so saturated in the male fantasy and self-indulgence of that which would gratify vicarious readers that Marty Stu becomes an insufficient term. Welcome to the author’s purest fantasy – the essence, no, the very epitome of infantile idealization of masculinity and all things coveted by the “edgy is mature” mindset of hormonal teenage idiosyncrasy. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Manly Stu!

Naruto loved all of the girls equally but wanted to wait till he dealt with the threats out there and that included Jiraiya, Kakashi-baka and several others he had it out for and wanted to make disappear.

So deep is his love that he must eliminate all of his problems before he’ll act on it.

Now our hero was relaxing in his tent with seals that allow only those he trusted to enter, he was wearing a short sleeved dark blue skintight anbu turtleneck, burnt orange pants and black sandals while laying back on his futon trying to get catch some Z' before he'd implement his plan to drop this henge he had on himself.

It’s a tent. He might as well have put seals on a cardboard box.


"Ack! what the fuc-shit!" Naruto's upper body shot up eyes wide pulling off his covers to see his pants unzipped and his 14 in cock being sucked, licked and slurped by a spiky long haired brunette girl with thick whisker marks, fangs and scarlet red slitted eyes wearing mesh leggings, black shinobi sandals, opera length fingerless gloves with brown red belts around the forearms, thigh length tight biker shorts, a tight red bikini bra accenting her high E-cup borderline G cup breasts covered by an ankle length hooded trenchcoat with fur collar and cuffs and clawed hands.

With an outfit that loud, I’m surprised we didn’t hear her enter the scene. So, which one of the triple digit number of women is this?

"Ohaiyo Naruto-danna-sama..." Naruto was shocked recognizing this girl due to the fact he remembered her from a different time after he learned how to travel to different dimensions and ended up in an alternate one.


The suddenly female version of an evil Naruto from an alternate dimension, kicking the debauchery off with semi-incest. Gotcha. It doesn’t quite explain how she is able to be here, though.

All he received is a deep long suck and slurp making him groan clutching his sheets, his image flickered showing longer sharper fangs making her giggle delightfully. "Come on Naru-danna-sama..." He sucked in a sharp breath feeling her grinding against his wet cock feeling how hot her pussy was from the heat radiating from it. "Fucking dammit Meni-chan i haven't revealed myself for Kami-hime's sake!" Meni blinked at that and giggled sheepishly bopping her head sticking out her tongue cutely earning a deadpan look from him.

If this bimbo managed to get within successful dick-sucking distance of this master of all things shinobi without him noticing, how is this idiot supposed to defend against Akatsuki assassins?

"Since i've been awakened might as well slowly let my henge loose and see what Tsunade-sama wants..." Naruto sighs rubbing his head wondering if things were going to be more tense between him and the Slug Princess.

“Since I’m up, I might as well reveal myself as a sex-beast to every hole on two legs.” This is what it means; I know where the author is going.

"Hai~ i'll be waiting for you a kilometer from the camp when you get sent on a mission." Naruto looked at her as she vanished in a swirl of shadows pondering her words. 'Mission?' Shrugging at Meni's cryptic words and zipped his pants back up before walking out of the tent with a bored sigh knowing this is gonna get the old perverted baka's attention.

"Kai..." Naruto murmured as he walked past everyone sending out slow small bursts of chakra beginning the progress of removing parts of the henge.

He’s doing an illusion striptease?

Sakura who was finishing patching up Kanka Sabaku stopped to stare at her teammate with flushed cheeks upon seeing his lanky appearance fill out with lean yet slightly bulky intimidating muscle, an angular jawline and sharp feral features, his eyes turned to a heterochromia blue/gold with a slitted pupil and the other a jade emerald with yellow irises and a slitted pupil, she felt her panties wetten at his sharp yet beautiful intimidating eyes.

Just as I suspected. Now we just need to have random men cowering at the same display, and the author will have filled his quota.

'Naruto-kun?! when did he become s-so sexy...' Her inner influenced her thoughts making her purr with a nosebleed gazing at him dreamily.

Why isn’t she assuming that he’s using a henge to appear like this, rather than the other way around? This is “Mr. Harem no Jutsu” after all.

His orange/black jumpsuit melted away into a pitch black form fitting battlesuit with a black coat with grey fur adorning the hood, hemline and sleeve cuffs coming down to his thighs making it look very comfortable and flexible, followed by form fitting gloves with white pads that crackled with electricity for a second, a chain like belt around his waist that sparked with flames and combat boots.

His hair suddenly turned more spiky with a gelled slick exterior to it the fringe hanging over his eyes, while the rest of his hair was swept back giving him a menacing appearance and the most shocking thing was his hair turning a glowing celestial white near on silver with blue, gold and crimson gelled bangs enhancing his features even more and to everyone's shock his whisker marks vanished showing baby smooth cheeks void of baby fat.

Why don’t you just come out and say it, author? This is not Naruto anymore. This is your self-insert OC, whose personality, abilities, and appearance is nothing like the person he pretends to be. In general, every wish fulfillment fanfic I’ve read has to some extent been a surgical transplantation of the main character with the author’s ideal version of themself. Here it’s just a full replacement. Naruto is dead; long live the author’s wet dream!

"N-naruto-kun?" Naruto stopped upon hearing the squeaky surprised voice of Hinata, the younger twin of Hanako and slightly older than Hanabi and raised an eyebrow before turning around causing his coat to sway in the wind along with his hair facing Hinata who's face turned crimson pink with a nosebleed much to his amusement.

"Ara is my dear little Nezumi-chan having lewd thoughts?"

Do you have anything but? I’m asking you, author.

Hinata squeaked louder upon him appearing beside her leaning over into her personal space which was arousing the heiress to no end. "N-no i wasn't thinking anything lewd at all!" She denied too quickly only to whimper seeing his teasing smirk widen unknowingly she was aroused even more by it. "Your jasmine scented aroma is very inticing Hina-hime..." He leaned forward whispering into her ear with honey soaked seductive words causing her blushing levels to go into overload and smoke to exit from her ears and started to look at him dazed. "Naru-kun so sexy..." She muttered over and over with rising lust and pheromones, the other kunoichi's of the rookies peeked out of their tents hearing the commotion only for their faces to redden at the sight of their crush's new looks.

"Ok he is so not troublesome!" Shiki had hearts in her eyes along with Choki and Ino.

The pussy parade need only glance in his direction, and they are smitten as per author decree.

"Naruto're looking delicious today..." A mane of spiky nightshade tinted hair went over Naruto's shoulder followed by a pair of slender wandering soft hands, looking over his shoulder he came eye to eye with a dark eye'd bombshell of a woman, she wore a grey short sleeve zip up shirt with a high collar with it open showing her DDD-cup cleavage with a purple rope tied into a bow at the back, tight biker shorts and thigh length mesh stockings, a mesh undershirt and shinobi sandals while sheathed behind her was a chokuto class Kusanagi, cute pink succulent lips and high cheekbones giving her a royal sexy look.

"Quit calling me dobe chicken ass shaped hair-chan." Naruto replied in annoyance being called dobe, Sasuki gained a tic-mark pouting at him, "Don't call me chicken ass shaped hair-chan baka!"

I would give anything to have the both of them stop talking. Naruto can’t walk two steps without tripping over author-customized centerfold models, and everyone talks like they’re doing cringy roleplay on otaku forums. I’ve seen parodies that weren’t this ridiculous!

She gave him a cute glare which he merely chuckled at earning ones from the shinobis passing by at the tense atmosphere vanishing and relaxed a bit to not allow the stress to get to them.

"So ruto-kun what's with the new looks?" Temari said eye humping him all over wearing a regular Suna Jounin outfit with her fan at her side.

He deadpanned speaking in a drawl half monotone half sarcasm, "I didn't want the konoha sheep to harp on and on about the so called demon getting stronger than it's betters mostly from Kiba always bitching about something like he is about to in the next few minutes..." Naruto finished with the same deadpan expression getting similar deadpan looks at them knowing of the easily jealous Inuzaka chuunin.

Kiba is such an asshole that he can’t even show up for his own bashing on time, so everyone has to start without him.

"I would not be surprised if he thought Hinata-chan belonged to him since you're just a dobe to him and kunoichi are weak." Hana Inuzaka scoffed in derision knowing her brother's thought process when it came to being a shinobi and women in general.

Yes, of course, it’s everyone else who is sexist, and not the author’s sock puppet, whose collection of harem entries are checked off a list.

Hinata's eyes flashed dangerously, "Hana-chan please note that i will cut your little brother's nuts and pecker off with my Gentle Fist if he even thinks of trying to be intimate with me or if he even dares think i belong to him!" Hana raised her hands up in surrender with raised eyebrows while Sasuki, Ino, Sakura and Temari snickered picturing what Hinata will do to the sexist dog bastard. "Twenty ryo says Kiba tries to hit on her when i'm not around." Naruto snorted, this earned a bored look from Shiki who smirked, "Thirty-five ryo says he tries to assert his false dominance in front of everyone and make a spectacle out of it."

He’ll basically do everything Naruto did, but fail because the author isn’t using him as an avatar.

Naruto then scoffed sensing where Shiki's thoughts were heading, "Screw that i'm not taking that sucker bet no mater how much luck i have sorry Shiki but i'm alot smarter than that." He teased the pouting lazy nara Kunoichi who blushed hearing the others snigger behind their calm facades.

"Troublesome baka's!" They all laughed at Shiki's puffed up cheeks but bore a smile before a konoha jounin appeared looking at Naruto sternly.

I guess Kiba got someone else to substitute as the fun police.

"Jinchuu- i mean Uzumaki-san." The man corrected upon seeing those menacing eyes turn to him wondering when did the demon brat get the balls to glare at him with such apathy and annoyance but decided to report back to the civilian council not seeing Naruto, Sasuki and her twin Sasumi (RTN Female Sasuke as Sasuki's twin) cold gazes on him.

Turning around Naruto whispered to the twins, "dispose of the ignorant vermin after Tsunade gives me a mission if you wish to have fun with them, do as you please..." The twins smirked darkly and gleefully as small foldable men razor's slowly slid from the two Uchiha twin's sleeves.

Half of an insult against Naruto and a member of his own village is marked for torture and death. And it is met with nothing but glee from the mannequins dancing to his tune. The author sure knows how to write villains, he just doesn’t know when he is writing them.

"Let's go Sasuki-chan, Ka-Naru-kun has given us an assignment, i no longer have to hide behind this fake loyal facade anymore..." Sasuki narrowed her eyes at the slip of tongue but nodded with a widening smirk vanishing in shadowy flickers.

(with Naruto)

As in the current scene? Okay.

"The headaches are getting worse..." Naruto muttered under his breath pinching the bridge of his nose feeling his brain pulse again and his body ache something fierce, 'Kiyomi-chan, Kurami-chan, girls do you know what's going on?' He questioned his Bijuuhimes, yes Naruto had all nine tailed beasts within him thanks to Roshi and the others agreeing that their partners were safer with him despite missing their friends the former jinchuuriki were left with their own self regenerating youki networkd ensuring they could go into their tailed cloak states, Fu, Yugito, Kirajoo and Amaru talked to him about his plan to leave the Elemental Nations soon and discussed their relationships with him and to his happiness they accepted to share him, he knew Samus would be delighted to hear this, Sasumi also informed him of his hidden love interests that they wanted to join his harem because he had a big enough heart for more than just a few.

Basically, Naruto hoards every tailed beast for himself, yet somehow made some of the former possessors – whom of course are all women – able to use their powers despite this. On top of this, even more pussy is thrown his way, because the only kind of relationship that exists in this fanfic is “the more, the merrier”. Can we go two paragraphs without tangenting into wish fulfillment?

Kami-hime above he was getting off track, he sighed tiredly wondering if Tsunade will plead forgiveness again and expect for him to act like some obedient child.

"Naruto-kun don't let this stress you out, Tsunade is just worried for your wellbeing and doesn't really know of the real you, give her another chance but keep her at a distance until you are sure of her motives...although something tells me it won't be long..." Kiyomi muttered to herself at the last part to herself nodding to her fellow kin knowing something will happen.

She has a vagina. The author is practically incapable of vilifying her on those grounds.

'Did you say something Kiyomi-chan?' Naruto questioned with narrowed eyes barely catching her words only to get a negative nod urging him to go on making him sigh wondering why they were acting so suspicious but thought nothing of it.

"It seem's his past life's memories are starting to re-surface after all this time..." Chomei a green haired mocha skinned girl wearing a lime green kimono with black insect designs with small straw sandals and socks on her feet said in a cute yet wise voice.

"I just hope he will not be angry at us for not telling him..." Matatabi murmured softly appearing with dark skin, nightshade blue spiky hair tied back into a ponytail (Yoruichi hairstyle) followed by a pair of of black and blue daisy dukes, sandals, a white t-shirt sitting back lazily.

"Yeah...i know he will..." Kurami muttered under her breath with worry (Orange haired Momoyo Kawakami while Kiyomi is a dark red haired Venelena from DxD).

Tailed beasts prettied up as per the author’s fetish preferences. I think I’ll call them Tailed Breasts. I have no idea how they know about Naruto’s past life, nor how they know that this is what is happening. I don’t even know where they are. The author’s writing borders on incomprehensible.

Naruto soon reached a wide tent with people coming in and out before giving him wide berth upon sensing the power radiating from him much to his dark amusement upon seeing their so-called punching bag glaring back at them. 'This punching bag is about to start punching BACK!' His eyes briefly flashed red with a trickle of demonic energy causing a few genin passing by to piss their pants making him laugh mockingly seeing them run away with tears.

"Lady Tsunade may see you Naru..." Shizune exited only to trail off upon seeing this white haired adonis and blushed stuttering.

And there we have it. Modus operandi of the author completed. The Manly Stu flexes the bare minimum of power, causing men to flee in terror while women are awestruck with lust. It’s a fucking deodorant commercial meme, a complete joke, and yet the author pines for it to be a reality. I laugh, but I laugh in pity.

"Well well if it isn't Zune-chan..." Naruto smirked whispering huskily in her ear making the brunette moan feeling a wave of arousal nearly knock her over. "N-n-n-n-na!" Her surprised squeal was interrupted when Naruto locked lips with her shoving his tongue down her throat much to her sudden shock at her Otouto being so bold! Her garbled moans gained another pitch when he stuck his hands down her pants rubbing her slowly dampening pure blue near see through panties.

Casual sexual assault as a greeting, what a charmer.

"N-n-naru-otouto-kun!" She stuttered humping his fingers lustfully as his demonic energy caused another wave of arousal over the brunette medic and orgasmed with a small shriek that she was thankful her master didn't hear.

"Catch up with ya later Zune-chan i might give you another..." He gave her ear a lick leaving a panting blushing and highly aroused Shizune who walked off to her tent to get rid of this ache in her pussy.

Not reporting his inappropriate behavior to the authorities, heavens no. He’s the author avatar. He can do no wrong. If he kicked a puppy, why, it simply had it coming.

"Naruto?!" Tsunade looked up hearing Jiraiya's horrified yelp and her jaw dropped cracking the ground as did Mei's, Chojura, Mabui, Samui, Karui and Pakura and Anko, Kurenai, Mebuki, Naruko his sister and even Kushina and as they looked him over they all blushed like ripe tomato's.

'When did the g-Naruto-kun get so...handsome!' Tsunade's inner pervert drooled at the sight of him.

'Naruto-san looks so cool...' Samui calculated inwardly with a wide blush and wet panties.

'Where the hell was this guy hiding those looks and muscles!?' Karui yelled in her mind with rosy cheeks.

Do we really have to do this? We know women find him attractive now. Nametag differentiated versions of, “OMG, he’s so hot, I want to fuck him,” gets old really fast, author.”

'Naruto-kun! when were you this hot!?' Anko, Kurenai and Yugao who just walked in shouted in lust in their minds practically undressing him with their eyes.

'N-naruto-san is so...dreamy...' Pakura and Mebuki blushed appreciating his handsome features.

Naruko blushed like a wild berry at the sight of her Onii-chan's new looks 'Oh kami Onii-chan is so hot! I hope he won't be mad if i offer my virginity to him...' Her nose bled at the mental image of her Onii-chan pounding her womb like a wild animal (Naruko looks like canon Naruto's Sexy No Jutsu except the neon orange pants are now the length of biker shorts with the top half being short sleeve down to her elbows with DDD-cup breasts straining against her black shirt).

I’m starting to see a pattern here. And by “starting to”, I mean I’ve stopped ignoring it. Physically inhibiting breast sizes, daisy dukes, fur lined coats; for someone this much into ninja chicks, the author is seriously messing up the aesthetic.

'W-when did soichi-kun get so hot!' Kushina blushed beet red trying not to drool not seeing Mina in the same state.

'Dammit Shini-chan i didn't think this is what it feels falling for your own son!' She tried to ignore the growing arousal that seemed to be caused from Naruto's aura.

Tilting his head Naruto smirked, "Ara? are such respectable kunoichi having lewd thoughts about me?" Their jaws snapped close with a click with wild rosy cheeks looking in the other direction not seeing A and the other Kage besides Mei laughing their asses off at Naruto's stunt.

Their regression to being controller by their baser needs is not surprising given the author’s track record. I’m more concerned as to why they are all in this scene together.

"H-hai e-eto N-naruto-s-kun w-we've discovered a meteorite that fell from the sky radiating a weird energy any of the scouts that tried getting close were incinerated by some blue beam of light." Tsunade explained trying to keep her blush invisible and trying not to sound like a shy school girl not seeing Naruto's raised eyebrow.

"Are you asking assigning me this mission as a jinchuuriki or Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze?" His stoic question caught them off guard with Tsunade being the most stunned at the out of nowhere question.

Maybe because she didn’t give him a mission yet, only a news report. It feels like there are more holes in this story than in the collective fishnets worn by Naruto’s harem.

'W-what is he say-' Her mental thoughts stopped realizing why he asked that question and her eyes softened deeply with remorse and sadness remembering her stubborn actions at the Kage Summit and how she lost his respect and affection.

"I am asking this from Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze The Nidaime Kiroi Senko." Naruto's eyebrows raised up to his hairline hearing the renewed strength and confidence in Tsunade's voice and detected a seal being destroyed and turned menacing eyes at a scowling Jiraiya who blanched seeing his godson's glare on him.


Author, do you mind coming out of your hentai induced haze and explain what is going on to the rest of us?

"Very well call off the scouts since i don't want to have their stupid deaths on my mind for getting killed by not messing with things beyond their understanding." Tsunade nodded at his answers not caring about his words for the other Konoha-nin since she knew he held some resent and hate for the villagers and shinobi of Konoha.

"Later Tsunade-hime, time for Chaos and Discord to play." Jiraiya's eyes zeroed in on two guns strapped to Naruto's hips, they looked like double barreled Colt Pythons, one had a red handle while the other was a crimson red with a black-white lined handle.

He uses guns?! I mean, it was part of the summary skill lineup, but really?!

"To think my own pupil uses guns of all disgraceful." Naruto stopped upon hearing Jiraiya's scathing remark much to everyone shock at his audacity and the fact Naruto uses guns.

"Jiraiya-teme what the fuck is your problem!?" Kushina screeched unsheathing Benihime, Naruko unsheathed Zabimaru and the others their own blades and kunais.

"I'm just saying that Naruto shouldn't have such a handicap when he could just use Ninjutsu and it's cowardly anywa-"

"Whatever limp dicked geezer." Naruto's voice said everyone turned to him seeing him looking bored, "May i just go already so i don't have to listen to the Gama-baka's whining."

Naruto’s fan club is on Jiraya’s ass like a social media lynch mob for simply disagreeing with Naruto’s choice of weaponry – as he rightly should! Guns are a liability when compared to the rest of his arsenal. Never mind the “cowardly” nonsense or the fact that guns may not even exist in-universe, choosing to use one comes with a whole host of problems. They require maintenance; they rely on finite ammunition; they are the antithesis of stealth; and considering every ninjutsu, phazon, vampiric, and demon power Naruto now has, they are probably a SLOWER way to kill someone. But the author thinks guns with edgy names are cool, so fuck any form of logic!

He rolled his eyes walking away ignoring Jiraiya's derisive snort before suddenly he screamed when the teen spun around quickdrawing Chaos (Red handle one) with a spin popping the hammer several times before twirling it back into his holster before leaving through the tent flap.

"Eh? Hmph brat missed and doesn't even know how to aim th-"


Jiraiya froze feeling a breeze run across his body and looked down only to screech in horror when he saw his clothes were shredded to nothing leaving his tiny manhood in view and tried to cover it only to try and cover himself upon hearing the loud ass laughter from everyone in the tent while Kushina was rolling on the floor laughing her ass off, Mina had an amused vindictive smirk on her face.

Bullets that strips people of clothing, targeted against a ninja who does nothing to act on the attack. And of course he’s got a micropenis, because the author’s fee-fees can’t handle pee-pees bigger than his own. Every bit of infantile contrivance in this mess of a story is trying to give me an aneurism.

"What was that Jiraiya-san? Something about not being able to aim correctly?" Mina questioned mockingly earning a humiliated growl from the Toad Sage cursing Naruto and planned to seal away his memories and rebellious attitude this time permanently and stomped out with a flap over his form not seeing Kushina, Mina, Anko and several others look at each other and nod even Onoki, A and Mei.

"You know what Naruto-dono's plan is wait for the right moment."

Wait for the right moment to do what? Kill everyone he doesn’t like? Because that sounds like something the author avatar would do now.

"Hai, Mei-chan...Tsunade-chan walk with me i know you are confused as to what we're talking about but once you learn of Konoha's actions concerning Uzu you will change your mind." Kushina answered solemnly and walked out with a confused yet scared looking Tsunade.

(Back With Naruto)

Naruto looked at the map given to him by one of the guards north of the camp and saw the meteorite's hit location looked to be a few clicks northeast of where the camp sat. Nodding to himself he rolled the map up placing it in his pouch and walked out of the camp passing by Shina a buxom black haired girl with luscious locks framing her cute cheeks and pink lips and wore goggles hiding her eyes and wore a coat that hid her form from view.

Must be a form-fitting coat, if it can’t hide that she’s buxom.

"Hey dead-last what are you doing leaving the camp, Jiraiya-sama hasn't allowed you or your kind to leave!" Naruto felt the headaches act up again upon hearing Kiba's loud obnoxious voice and rubbed his forehead and simply just continued walking. "Inuzaka-san leave me the hell alone already i do not have time for your shit!" Naruto snapped coldly making them flinch back while Kiba ignored the threat and simply took it as the dead-last blowing hot air and aimed to beat him to the ground again.

Unless Naruto reapplied his henge, the dumbass strawman that is Kiba shouldn’t even be able to recognize him. He’s wearing all black, got white hair with tri-color bangs, and his whisker marks are gone. The fact that anyone recognizes him is an enigma!

"Hehe please dead-last you making Pein retreat was a big fluke always knew you were nothing but a loser, i bet your clan would b-" Naruto's eyes blazed and suddenly appeared in Kiba's face grabbing him by the throat chokeslamming him while using his foot to sweep his feet out and slammed him hard causing a crater in the ground causing a commotion before drawing Chaos pulling the hammer back pointing it at Kiba's skull and with a very venomous tone spoke, "You ever try and bring my parent's into your stupid arrogant childish insults i will drop the Inuzaka clan by 1 heir by blowing your brains all over the fucking ground am i fucking clear Inuzaka Kiba!?" Kiba eye'd the barrel fearfully and shakily replied nodding, "Y-y-y-yeah crystal clear Naruto!" Snorting Naruto dropped his grip before stalking off and simply jumped more like leaped off the ground vanishing into the foliage leaving the others gaping in astonishment.

Why would they do that? They are all ninjas. This is what they do!

"Stupid baka always barking your mouth off like you're some kind of alpha pathetic!" Shina spat with an upset tone and gave her teammate a kick to the ribs swiftly cracing one of them making him moan in visible pain.

Kurenai who saw everything that happened glared coldly at her obnoxious macho-minded student, "You stupid arrogant fool to think i considered you as one of my surrogate children puts a sour taste in my mind to have even trained you, for that stunt you can lay there on the ground and let your own wounds heal and see how you like it when you're tasting dirt for once!" She hissed harshly stalking off in the same state as Shina to comfort the bug girl leaving a growling Kiba.

How dare Kiba get his ass handed to him, by someone doing everything he’s being accused of but everyone likes!

"Damn bitches need to know when to butt out." He grumbled not knowing Hanako and Hinata heard his words from his lips moving decided to take on their own little assassination mission.

'This is for all those times you tried to come onto me and try to hurt Naruto-kun because of your stupid doglike ways!' Hinara sneered venomously and stalked away.

"You are a disgusting asshole Kiba-teme!" Sakura scowled dangerously with a glint in her eyes backed up by Ino, Kina, Mori, Umeko and Anko making him gulp before screaming in terror as they literally beat the ever living hell out of him.


Dissenting opinions and voiced slights are met with ridiculously disproportionate anger and violence. And here I was wondering why online mob mentality didn’t surprise me anymore.

(20 mins later with Naruto - Approaching Meteor's location)

Naruto who was going hyperspeed tree jumping stopped suddenly ears twitching up hearing the agonized scream and plead for mercy making his lips twitch up into a dark half smirk making Kiyomi and the others shudder in arousal. 'Ara seem's like Sakura-chan and the girl's decided to give the little bastard their fists of fury...meh good enough for me it'll be much sweeter when i rip the little punk's spine out of his ass..' Kiyomi cackled gleefully.

"Oh please do K-naruto-kun i want to see the looks on their face when you kill that little obnoxious cockbite like that but first i want to go make some popcorn be right back huhuhuhu!" Naruto chuckled fondly hearing Kiyomi drag Matatabi and Chomei with her to the kitchen inside the seal.

I could go on and on about Sadist McNinja and his Bijuu Bitches’ behavior, but how the fuck does he hear screams travelling at the speed of sound, when he’s going at hyperspeed in the opposite direction?

He narrowed his eyes standing up suddenly sensing the Phazon energy location he was quickly approaching and picked up the pace the world around him becoming a blurring rainbow of colors as he kicked his speed up several notches, his coat flapping in the breeze and he enjoyed the wind whipping across his face.

'There!' Snapping his eyes open wider his blue/gold eye suddenly gained blue glowing pulsing veins around the socket which looked very ominous on him and suddenly darted to the left feeling the energy signature of regular blue Phazon letting out a sonar like pulse.

"So that's it huh?..." After landing on a tree top he saw what looked like a meteorite but he recognized it from the things he learned from Samus that it was actually a Leviathan-class Space Pirate ship mutated by a Phazon core and saw the blue wriggling corpses of some Konoha scouts and some of Taki's getting an indifferent snort but his eyes said otherwise, showing nothing but disdain,

The reason, I can only assume, is that those corpses weren’t female named characters, who would stare longingly at him for merely existing.

"You thought i was a loyal little pet for you to take your stress out on huh? I never forget all the beatings you ignorant bigots gave me oh no! I never forgot and now you think i'll help Konoha after all it's done to me and my family i don't think so..." He whispered maliciously and suddenly a dark blue spot appeared under his coat on the back of his battlesuit before nine blue flesh foxlike tails with red ominous veins glowing sprouted from his back (Rinkaku-type from Tokyo Ghoul) appeared from under his coat which he tossed to the side with the veins appearing near his other eye socket except pulsing crimson this time and grimaced feeling like something was cracking in his head and sighed jumping from the tree's landing a few feet away from the ship's opened hatch and narrowed his eyes seeing the wriggling corpses stand up with glass like blue pupilless eyes before roaring at him suddenly firing bolts of Phazon in a rapid fire fashion only to miss as he phased in and out of the way with inhuman speed avoiding the bolts of blue phazon before spearing one of the Phazite corpses through the skull and heart before tossing it away hard into a tree making it implode with a boom into blue reddish paste. "Is that all you mindless fledgelings can do is fire barrages of those weak Phazon bolts?"

Is that all the author can do; pull Phazon powered cannon fodder out of his ass and expect it to create tension?

He smirked coldly cracking his pointer finger making the last five creatures flinch back at his intimidating appearance, "Bansho Ten'in" Naruto curled his fingers upward as his eyes flashed with silver tomoes and gold rings, a Taki Phazite screeched in terror as it was pulled violently from it's position in a tree being risen higher in the air before it saw the finger gesture their predator did pointing down with a sadistic grin before it's life ended like it's brother exploding from the violent impact.

"Ara, ara?" Naruto chuckled cruelly and sadistically eyes glinting, his Phazon tails wriggling in response to its master's rising bloodlust, the Phazites looked at one another than him before spreading out suddenly on all sides of their killer getting a raised eyebrow with a dull expression as if they did something so old it was boring to look at.

I see these words written by the author himself, and I pray that he one day manages to attain self-awareness of his work.


I hate to interrupt the pulse pounding action, but there's a character limit on these posts. Continuing in the next one.

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Re: Phazon Emperor Reincarnated!

Post by StabbyKobold » Fri Oct 04, 2019 2:23 pm

Let's continue.


"You know it will be painless if you give up and let me kill besides prolonging the inevitable?" The Phazites roared/screeched in anger, before rushing in at him on all sides thinking he couldn't deal with all of them on his own only to feel the sensation of their death approaching as his smile went more crazed and his eyes glowed with a sinister blue glow with a red tiny dot that turned an orange red before a small beam blasted from them with the sound of a small sonic boom hitting one in the chest turning it into blue phazite mush shocking them despite their bloodthirsty addled minds and heard the ominous swishing sound again and barely dodged another beam of death only to hear a very loud noise.

I can totally see why him name dropping his guns at the mission assignment was so important now.


Their heads turned around mechanically hearing the noise and despite their barely intelligent minds their eyes bulged to the size of dinner plates seeing a mountain in the distance explode in tiny little pieces of large rubble, even Kiyomi and the others inside the seal had bulging dinner plate eyes and dropped jaws.

"N-n-n-n-n-n-NANI!" Matatabi screeched in absolute disbelief at what her hubby/container pulled off although she was faintly aware her panties and shorts were soaked with her juices concluding the display of destruction turned her on.

"M-m-my word to think Naruto-kun could pull that off that looks like a Pressurized Beam of Phazon shot through his optical nerves...its like a Bijuudama in laser form!" Kurami breathed in shock and astonishment and grinned knowing her mate is stronger than ever and will be when a certain seal breaks.

Fuck your seals, and fuck you, you puerile masturbation targets spawned from a juvenile, chauvinist fantasy. I’m tired of this. Every female creature in this story is nothing but a servile pet! A sex-fixated sycophant, who has no other function than to stand in awe and spread their legs upon the author avatar’s approach. That and be an extension of the author’s hatred towards side-characters. They can’t be opposed to the protagonist. They can’t even be indifferent to him. Their only purpose is to stroke his ego and his dick in sync with the author stroking his own.

Gyuka a woman with aristocratic features and black hair and fangs, (Akua from Rosario Vampire) smiled lustfully, 'Kaito-kun's vessel is surprising us more and more eh?' Her mind drifted to the images of their adventures centuries ago and shivered with a blush and a moan getting the stink eye from Chomei, Saiken, Kokuo, Shukaku and Matatabi while Kurami, her sister, Isobu and Goki had amused smiles and grins knowing she did that on purpose. They then turned back to the battle when they suddenly saw him put on a trolling shadowed face (Hijikata from Gintama's face he used on the cat's and Kondou-san the Gorilla).

Are you a lazy writer, who doesn’t want to bother describing something? Point to something that looks like what you want to describe, and hope your readers have seen it.

"Eh? Nani it tenda?" He smirked making the fear be overcome by rage and started firing more and more blasts of Phazon only for him to bounce around laughing his ass off at them as he trolled them again and again like a kid on a sugar high much to the Demon Queens amusement and laughter, by kami-sama Matatabi and Isobu were rolling on the floor in laughter.

One screeched in rage trying to get close and claw and kick at Naruto who merely pierced him through the chest, stomach and throat with his Phazon tails before incinerating him with another Pressurized Phazon beam casually before controlling the size of the tails to enlarge slightly before crushing two more, Another tried to run only to get a chakra bullet in the skull from Discord, switching to another target he blasted two holes in another Phazite sneaking up on him in the neck and chest before it fell with a thud leaking phazon fluids. "You know if you're going to sneak up on me..." Naruto trailed off spinning around blasting the last Phazite in the stomach with a kick causing it to cough up phazite blood from its mouth before it felt the build up of chakra in Naruto's foot, "Point Blank Shinra Tensei!" Naruto roared channeling Shinra Tensei through his foot causing the things phazite's body to bulge before exploding grotesquely organs and blood all over the place.

Yaaaaay, the omnipotent facsimile of the author’s coveted masculine desires defeats another vermin. Author, having your action figure show off his kung fu grip isn’t impressive, when his enemies have no possible way of posing a threat to him. You’ve shoehorned in so many powers and personality changes into Naruto, that at this point not even his feelings can get hurt. Gabriel Belmont, Dracula, was so powerful that he beat up Satan for his lunch money, and his powers you added just as an afterthought to the cavalcade of power endowment that you had occur throughout the nonsense injected to support your Marty Stu’s existence. Where do you even pretend that a credible threat could come from?!

Sensing no other enemies around Naruto shifted his tails back to their former size and continued towards the ship and the closer he got the more his head pulsed and pounded before his vision blurred making him stumble holding his skull, 'W-what's going on...!' He groaned feeling intense searing pain in his skull as something further cracked before it stopped, he breathed with swear marring his face wiping it off before continuing onward into the ship with extreme caution but the pulsing got worser, he looked around the ship's hull for anything important then the passenger quarters only to see everything was a bit dusty and unclean but stopped suddenly.

He felt the pulse leading directly deeper into the leviathan class phazon ship and in a trance Naruto followed it unconsciously, he saw a set of stairs and walked down more and more as if feeling a familiar presence yet dark. 'Why doe's this scent remind me of Samus-chan?' The bijuu looked at one another with a knowing look before paying attention for any threats.

I know exactly what’s going on here. With the story? Fuck no! But the author thinks that his readers would – that’s what’s going on.

" that Samus's suit?" He paused a foot away from an open room that looked to be some kind of passage way for ship members and what not right there laying against a wall crackling with bolts of phazon energy in lightning form was Samus's power armored suit he had seen her wear those years ago.

"It's still in perfect condition from what i'm seeing..." He muttered to no one but stopped upon seeing another suit except this one pulsed like it was brimming with Phazon, it's armor was nearly night black with a dark blue tint and regular blue phazon glowing from the fleshy carapace around the shoulders and the arm cannon, even the armor had a fleshly look to it along with a blue visor glowing slowly and he heard the sound of slight sleepy breathing.

The genocidal embodiment of Phazon just lodged her galactic, plague bearing flagship into the planet’s surface, and she’s taking a nap?!

He slid his foot unconsciously to where it tapped against the power armored suit causing it's green visor to flash to a crimson color Naruto barely noticed before shouting in pain as the suit slowly clamped around his legs than his torso, "W-what the hell agh!" His roar of pain caused the sleeping armored person to snap their head up at the loud noise visor flashing a deeper blue showing phazon blue pupilless eyes. 'W-who is that and why doe's feel of red and blue phazon except it's like a mi-huh!' The female's internal thoughts halted when she watched the suit of her enemy Samus clamp the helmet and arms onto the handsome male before her but the visor was instead a crimson, the gold torso, crotch and legs and feet turned a deep ominous dark crimson, the helmet turned a pitch black, the cannon turned a dark gold with red and blue veins pulsing from either side. The shoulder armor turned dark blue as the whole suit began crackling with blue and red phazon electricity bolts before stopping.

The dark suit stood up cautiously eying Naruto who stood still the crimson visor hiding his facial expressions from view opening and closing his fists experimentally trying to get a feet for this armor before frowning noticing the cannon on his other arm and willed it away causing it to sink into the suit revealing a regular armored hand. "Who are you...why do you remind me of Samus-chan?" His nearly robotic distorted yet stoic tone made the dark armored female narrow her eyes at him.


What the hell is going on? Samus’ suit is here, but Samus isn’t. Dark Samus, the reincarnated form of Metroid Prime, was sleeping, but was then woken when Samus’ suit attached itself to Naruto for whatever reason. Naruto then proceeds to not recognize the very creature that infected him with Phazon in the first place. What nonsense is the author cooking up to have this galactic scourge become his avatar’s toy?!

"And what exactly do you want to know?" Her voice sounding just like Samus except more darker and sultry asked dangerously as her helmet hissed and opened causing Naruto's eyes to widen in surprise and his suit arced again.

His voice this time crackled with emotion his eyes glassed over, "Ya...mi-chan..." Dark Samus or Yami Aran's eyes colored ruby red with dark blue irises, plump pink lips, creamy almost porcelain skin, dark blue tinted and crimson streaked hair tied into the same ponytail as Samus Aran was shocked as a flash of recognition and shock ran in her eyes and body language and whispered upon hearing the royal, angelic soft cold tone of someone she and many many others knew and loved centuries and eons ago.

Pardon me?!

"" Naruto's helmet snapped open showing his face to grasp his head suddenly roaring in pain as blue particles of phazon swirled around him, his eyes turned completely white as his back arced as if in pain his hair floated ethereally as hispower continued to increase and increase. Inside the seal Kiyomi and the others grinned seeing the seal looking like several massive black spiked chains connected to an archaic padlock snap away along with the lock disintegrating into nothing.


"Yami-chan i will find my way back to you i swear!"


(Flashback End)

I’m used to authors not knowing how to do a flashback, but that was just sad. Like “starting a rehearsed dance number by breaking a leg” sad.

" NARUTO OTSUTSUKI!" The newly awakened Celestial Guardian Shinobi Kaito roared as his features changed again, he suddenly gained a scar that went from his brow to his cheek, his hair then became a mix of silver, red, brown, golden and with two locks of grey hair, now tied into a ponytail, around his neck was a pearl colored golden in the center of a triangular symbol formation with one hollowed triangle symbol situated at the top, left and right.

His power suit faded away leaving him in his battlesuit head arced down, Yami's suit faded away showing her wearing a red zero suit approaching Kaito slowly till his head snapped up with a breath, his jade emerald eyes was now just a green emerald with his regular blue/gold that radiated warmth and his power as a Celestial Guardian as a momento of his past life and adventures.

Celestial guardian? Otsutsuki? The author is out of his gourd, and I’m officially lost. This is obviously this past life nonsense the author has been oh so subtly foreshadowing, but I’m pretty sure past lives are supposed to remain past and not become the present. There is a landfill-sized hole punched into the plot, and I fucking hope the author makes an attempt to cover it up and not just ignore it.

"" He simply smiled at her softly holding out a hand to her rubbing his palm into her cheek as she closed her eyes rubbing against his palm with a completely relieved look on her face.

"I missed you koi..." Her purring voice said softly, Kaito's eyes softened with a flash of light. "I have waited many years to be reincarnated and to think i thought i could see the good in humanity but...this young child's life has been nothing but hell on earth thanks to that manipulative bastard the Toad ninja and old monkey...this child Naruto...i've decided to carry his name on with mine as i will it to remember the strength he carried as he walked amongst the light and dark with no fear...his legacy shall live on in" Kaito's eyes morphed into the Celestial Juubigan shining menacingly sensing the approaching chakra signatures before an O-katana appeared in his hand with an oranate black lacquer sheath with a golden sash around it with the blade's hilt having a white and black diamond pattern.

The nonsense just keeps piling up. Naruto is clearly dead now, and replaced with a full-on original character of the author’s own making, again. It wasn’t enough to change him into a melting pot of every power of terrestrial origin, no, he had to be some reincarnated celestial being of the Otsutsuki clan, with an as of yet unexplained backstory that can only make no sense. If Dark Samus and every Bijuu mentioned thus far knew about this before he did, the timeline must look like a fucking pretzel.

"I think it's time this war comes to a close and take what's mine!" Kaito growled ferally grabbing hold of a squealing Yami as she morphed back into her Dark suit as they blurred in a flicker of white lightning.


(With Sakura)

"SHANNARO!" The pinkette roared bringing her fist down like a hammer compressing the ground underneath her sending white zetsu's flying along with ame-nin, she flipped through several handseals puffing her cheeks up, "Fire Style: Dragon Flame Bombs!"

I’m sorry? Naruto went out to check on the meteor, and suddenly there is a battle against Akatsuki? When did this happen?!

With a roar Sakura fired several pinpoint dragon shaped bombs of fire exploding taking out hordes and hordes of the oncoming army, she gaped when she actually saw a massive ten tailed wolf approaching slowly in the far distance followed by what looked like two women instantly she gritted her teeth remembering who those two were especially the busty brunette with a spiral around on one side of her face with a more spiky haired bustier brunette dressed in crimson red armor with several segments for protection.

Kurogami Uchiha and Obiko Uchiha!

Both are listed as slaves on the harem list, so you can all guess how this is going to end.

"Obiko UCHIHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" said woman and former teammate of the laziest hypocritical teacher ever looked in direction from several clicks away from what would be sure as the final battlefield between Akatsuki and the Shinobi alliance, no more edo tensei, just shinobi and jinchuuriki vs the endless zetsu, Ame-nin, the Juubi and the two strongest Uchiha's in existence.

"Hmm it seem's a fangirl actually managed to push herself up to such a level on par with Senju Toka it seems..." Kurogami mused with an amused smirk, her high cheekbones, cute lips bearing red lipstick, dark black mascara, strong slim thighs, legs and toned muscle clutching the gunbai in her hands that trembled with bloodlust for an enjoyable fight.

I get a feeling the author was clutching something too while writing this.

"Juubi!" Obiko commanded, the ten tailed wolf growled forming a bijuudama in front of it's mouth making the shinobi in it's path pale and sweat, Sakura panicked and shouted, "GET OUT OF THE WAY!" The Shinobi alliance tried to run but they couldn't they were rooted to the spot with fear and hopelessness.

The author removed their spines so that his self-insert could have a monopoly.

"Revel in despair as you meet your end!" Obiko laughed insanely.

"TEN TAILS BIJUUDAMA!" Sakura closed her eyes in resignation as the sphere blasted apart any fo the Zetsu and unfortunate shinobi in it's path as it closed in on them with her at the helm.

'I love you Kaito-sama...'

Sakura knows Naruto’s new name already?! Is the author just daft, or is the past life nonsense more convoluted that it purports to be?


Her eyes widened when a figure blurred in front of the bijuudama sent by the ten tails before the projectile just split into several wisps as if cut by a sword vanishing into thin air.

"Man Saku-hime don't tell me you're giving up this easy?" A familiar voice called out to her.

(Bleach OST - Hollowed)

I have a soundtrack too, author. Facepalm in E flat.

Her eyes widened in recognition and surprise, slowly did she look up only to meet the warm eyes of the ones he loved with all her heart. "'re back!" Sakura's elated cry got the attention of Tsunade and the others rushing to help on the frontlines.

"Yes, i've finally awakened and let me tell ya it's good to be free and by the way it's Kaito Naruto Otsutsuki now, i prefer that since my name is long enough as it is."

Marty Stu will do, you rainbow haired freak.

He chuckled in good humor earning a sweet giggle from Sakura before seeing him face the direction of the Juubi with absolute sub zero cold eyes and murmured in a volume that caused the earth itself to quake, making several shinobi's eyes widen to the size of dinner plates.

"Obiko Uchiha, Kurogami Uchiha! for your actions against the Otsutsuki clan and my reincarnation Naruto Uzumaki, you shall suffer my wrath!"

"Ha! what can you do boy!" Kurogami didn't want to admit but she found this adonis's features and power very appealing and licked her lips.

If it has half an ovary, it will want to fuck him. Those are the author’s rules.

"Let me give you a little sample of what my ancestor's of the Otsutsuki clan bestowed upon before the matriarch succumbed to madness!" Everyone saw his eyes morph into a what looked like a mix of the sharingan and Rinnegan much to their shock.

"WHAT! How do you have those eyes!" Obiko shouted not feeling so confident now only getting an ominous smirk.

"This is something i learned in the past from the world's very own Goddess Of Death!" Kaito raised his hand in a clawing motion not seeing Kushina and Minato do the same before ripping down cloaking his fast in a black red tinted energy before it vanished showing he had a crimson streaked white bone mask looking like an ominous skull (Ichigo's 2nd Version Hollow Mask) and suddenly his power along with two others skyrocketed getting everyone's attention, some even fell to their knee's at the pressure.

We passed the point of ridiculousness a thousand words ago. I’m really beyond the point of caring about Naruto’s power boosts at this point.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Kaito took a step forward with Kushina and Mina appearing beside him before dashing forward (Kushina's mask is like Hiyori's while Mina's is like Lisa) charging the remaining army with bloodlust in their voices and soul.

There is still an army here? Wait, where even is here? Could we maybe establish a scene instead of establishing more power endowments?

"Okiro! Benihime!" Kushina called out in a distorted watery voice.

"Jikan to kūkan o tachimasu! Enma Yamato!" Kaito growled out with a war cry.

"Cleave! Zangetsu!" Mina called out wielding a butcher knife like zanbatou with medical tape around the hilt and suddenly all three of them became flashes and darting colored lights in and out of the army so fast A had big trouble seeing who was who, they appeared behind the army swiping blood from their blood before the zetsu's and ame-nin fell to pieces with dying screams.

"WHAT HOW DARE YOU OTSUTSUKI!" Kurogami roared appearing above Kaito aiming to smash his face in with a axe kick only to clash with his fist causing a massive shockwave that made Kushina and Mina stumble back abit while Obiko blocked the wind with her arms only for Kushina to appear in front o her smashing a hard back kick to the ribs smaashing atleast 3 of them.

With how the author is writing, you would think he has broken as many fingers.

"Now we can begin!" Kaito snarled no longer playing around, twirling Yamato he aimed to stab her with the now ethereal glowing blade with blue lines of energy and chakra.

"Rapid Slash!" He vanished in a blur past Kurogami who jumped in time upon seeing the barrage of sword slashes coming from all directions, however she realized it was a trap and had to use her gunbai to block several high speed dashes that were actually taking her gunbai apart.

Sword beats giant fan? Who knew?!

"Fire Style: Great Fire Annihilation!" Kurogami blew out a massive wave of fire Kaito scowled at, "Water Style: Omega Tsunami!" Clapping his hands a tidal bigger than one from a grand tsunami swirled into existence much to Kurogami's shock and slight ear when it charged at her flames actually dousing them despite being a high leveled jutsu!

"Blistering Swords!" Several light blue swords appeared around Kaito before launching at breakneck speeds catching the Uchiha Matriarch as they sliced her across the chest, then her legs leaving wide gashes with blood dripping, her chest armor took a beating as it was weakening under the strain of trying to block the demonic enhanced spectral swords.

Can’t kill her; that would ruin the author’s plan of Naruto sticking his dick in her.

The two dashed at one another again and again becoming nothing but two blurs while Kushina, Mina were pushing Obiko back further constantly on top of the Juubi that was watching Kaito with recognition in i-her eyes and lust as the being watched the display and felt irritation at the itch in its fur and shook its head trying to dislodge Kushina, Mina and Obiko from her head.

"Woah woah girl quit shaking your fat head dammit!" The Ten tails growled at her head being called fat making Mina sweatdrop before hitting Obiko with a Rasengan pointing Zangetsu at her throat while Kushina slapped several seals on her to prevent even the tiniest bit of chakra to be used.

"Kaito-sama hurry up and finish them off, Kaguya is starting to awaken!" Kaito who locked fist and blade with Kurogami froze leaving him open t a roundhouse across the face nearly dislodging a tooth but merely spat some blood to the side and cracked his neck.

Being part vampire, why doesn’t he just swallow?


(Bleach OST - Cometh The Hour Part B - Ichigo vs Ginjo theme)

Kaito waved away his mask spitting out more blood to the side in annoyance and brushed his grey locks to the side before snapping his eyes open showing narrow slitted cold eyes.

"I'll end you here now boy!" Kurogami roared ripping away her broken and battered armor showing her very developed natural G-cup breasts straining against her Uchiha high collared shirt, sleeves rolled up to her elbows barely.

The overblown, one-sided combat wasn’t doing it for you, author? You really needed titillation in the middle of it?

"Actions speak louder than words Kurogami Uchiha, is you r arrogance clouding your sense of judgement i wonder?' Her opponent mused calmly earning a tic-mark from Kurogami before blurred behind him aiming for a spinning backfist to the neck only to miss as he ducked spinning around sword sheathed before raising his arm to block a kick that caused the ground to his left to explode violently from a shockwave, everyone crossed their arms in front of their faces trying to block the debris flying while Kaito didn't have bat an eye at the strength from the Uchiha matriarch.

"Like i'll demonstrate from earlier..." Her eyes bulged in pain when he unsheathed Yamato slamming the hilt deep in her stomach sending her facial expression to one screwed in pain and agony.

'Use it Kaito!'

Use what? Another asspull power from out of nowhere? Did he ever stop?!

'Hai, Hagaromo-oji-san' Kaito became engulfed in a flash of light and suddenly gained a dark colored bodysuit going down to his legs and knuckles, stopping just above his boots that turned a light golden color along with a light colored jacket, near his abdomen was a light colored circle, golden magatama markings around his collar, his two grey locks glowed standing up like horns and on the back of his jacket was a symbol of the Rinnegan and magatama markings below the symbol numbered 9 total while behind him floated nine black spheres in a circular formation, his pupils took on a cross-like formation between the Gama Sennin Modo and the use of Kurami and Kiyomi's chakra while his eye colors stayed the same.

'Ye...' He stared down at the coughing Kurogami as she tried to regain her breath and when their eyes locked her's widened upon seeing the same eyes Hashirama had.

'Why...why is he looking at me with those eye's like he's trying to understand me...i plan to enslave the shinobi world and usher in peace using the Infinite Tsukuyomi...why is it like you're trying to put yourself in my place to see why i would do what i would do...?"

Author, I haven’t seen anything this painfully forced outside of childbirth. Naruto sanctioned the murder of one of his fellow villagers for looking at him wrong, but the threats to the entire world are going to get a free pass because they’re women. You’re as easy to read as an open book, and it has less pages than a pamphlet.

Her frown turned into a teeth grinding growl drawing a black colored katana that sparked with lightning chakra. "KAITOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He calmly blocked ehr strike only for his eye to slightly widen in surprise when she continued pushing enough to send them flying in the air much to everyone's shock.

"Nande omai!" She demanded clashing with him slash for slash, every counter, stab, and movement with neither gaining the upper hand, "Are you telling me with those eyes you plan to understand me!? Kaitoooooo! A blue sphere of chakra formed on the tip of Kurogami's blade before blasting towards him at hi speeds, "CHAKRA BLAST!" Kaito raised his hand as the blast reached him only for it to meet his palm and he simply crushed it turning the beam into nothing but wisps of energy much to her shock, he clenched Yamato tightly putting her on guard, but then he vanished appearing in front of her.


"Ack!" She held her chest feeling the cut missing her cleavage leaving a thin line as he passed by her and both fell to earth like blue lights joined together.

From that description, I have no idea what Naruto hit. I only know that he didn’t mess up the goods. Because female. No, I’m not going to stop pointing it out.

Both landed feet first with a crash causing a very wide crater making Juubi stumble a slight bit having to jump back on her paws keeping Kushina, Mina and Obiko secure.

"WOAH!" Kushina yelped stumbling herself.

Kurogami's eyes snapped open with raw killing intent bringing her blade Kurohime in a vertical slash only for Kaito to block by moving forward meeting the strike for his chest both trying to push one another back, growling Kurogami gripped the hilt with two hands pulling back a bit and shoved forward sparks flying pushing him back, his eyes this time narrowed with cold precision switching to his right hand twisting his O-katana sideways into a stabbing stance as she aimed to bring the slash down on him full power.

A cartoony dust cloud would make for a better descriptor of this battle.


"YOU LOSE KUROGAMI! ZEROSHIKI GATOTSU! (Zero Stance: Gatotsu)" Her eyes widened as the visage of all nine bijuu and the Juubi flashed behind him with feral roars before he zipped past her his blade flashing.



(End Fight Scene)

Kurogami fell to her knee's screaming her lungs out in pain as Kaito had nicked one of the pain receptors in her body by stimulating it with lightning chakra making the pain even worser to the point she tried arcing her back to make it stop. 'S-stop enough make the pain stop!" Kaito stood silently before sheathing Yamato and kneeled before her.

How is this outcome even connected to the end of that fight? What went splash?!

"If you want to repent you shall swear your life and soul to me Kurogami Uchiha, after all i know of this world's corruption i don't plan on staying long..." Kurogami looked up at him with shock at his proposal and swallowed seeing his eyes were neutral yet understanding still.

'S-should i do this...i don't think i can live with what i've done now, Izuni would be ashamed of what i've become...if it will allow me to repay this man for giving me a chance despite me trying to enslave everyone i'll take it.' She smiled weakly at him and nodded getting a small smile of kindness making her cheeks flush.

Egad! Who could have foreseen this contrived and blatantly predicted outcome?!

"What is soichi-kun doing?" Kushina scratched her head in confusion, not seeing Obiko's wild blush and Mina's mischievous smirk.

"Oh we're about to find out in a second Kushi-chan." Kushina chilled at the sing song voice from the blond beside her only for her eys to bulge to the size of dinner plates when Kaito bit her on the collarbone with his fangs. "Aiyannnn!" Several blushed hot chili pepper red hearing the ancient Uchiha kunoichi let out a cute sexy moan, Tsunade's jaw crash to the ground making a crater, Gaia Sabaku raised an eyebrow but felt jealousy before squashing it, Onoki's eye twitched turning his head the other way while A was laughing his ass off at the looks on everyone's face.

"S-S-S-SOICHI!" Kushina screamed in disbelief at his boldness while Juubi or Shinju had a dusting of pink on her black furred face, Kaito ignored all this and retracted his teeth from the moaning and hotly blushing immortal Uchiha matriarch.

I really do wonder where this whole biting kink came from. It’s usually levelled as some kind of bestial bonding ritual, but I don’t see how an infection risk should count as intimacy.

"Mother Kushina bring Obiko to me so she get's the same brand." Kushina grabbed a struggling blushing Obiko by her collar and tossed her to Kaito who caught her bridal style much to her embarrassment!

"This won't hurt much..." He ferally purred into her ear making her shudder before biting into her collarbone just like he did to Kurogami forming a spiral whirlpool above the triforce necklace just like on the other Uchiha's shoulder.

This is a Zelda crossover too?!

"Yami-hime take Obiko and Kurogami to the Leviathan and get started on the repairs." He handed the shivering Uchiha's to Yami who nodded before vanishing like a ghost leaving Kaito to the Shinju.

"Well Shinju-dono is there anything you'd like to ask?" The female ten tailed wolf smiled before vanishing into black chakra and zipped into his seal much to Kaito's dry humor and replied with a deadpan voice, "Or that's an option, oh well..." He turned to walk back to the others only for a firm hand to grip him and pulled into a portal.


(Snowy Wasteland)


Aha! Someone got stabbed again, right?

"Oof!" Kaito grunted landing on his back in the water and blinked wondering why he landed in water only to still upon sensing three large chakra signatures behind him.

"So you are my heir...never did i expect such a succulent piece of meat to land in my own onsen..." A noble yet sultry voice purred with carnal hunger and he turned only to hear a different cute yet horny voice shout, "Pants and top and shoes off in the onsen!" He paused at the request and sighed realizing he should be atleast courteous before manipulating the steam around him to block his body from view getting a hungry whine from the cuter voice.

Complying with my kidnappers’ request to disrobe would not be my first course of action, but okay.

"You have 1 minute before i get up from this spot and fuck you till you can't see straight!"

"Shiro shut up!" A darker sultry snobbish voice reprimanded getting a cute Hmph in return.

"Whatever Kuro you're the one who's fingering yourself unlike me like a whore in the heat."

I hate this scene and everyone in it. Does the author even have an excuse as to why Naruto was suddenly needed here?!

Kaito promptly chuckled in humor and simply dispersed the Six Path's Senjutsu from him along with his bodysuit leaving his very body naked to the day he was born, washboard 12 pack abs, wiry muscular legs, thighs, and biceps, broad shoulders and when he dispersed the steam he turned to see a long haired woman with light colors hair, P-cup breasts with erect nipples, lavender pupilless eyes, thick yet sexy legs and thighs, a bubble shaped ass and long red fingernails, lipstick, two dots on her forehead denoting nobility and two horns on her head and a glistening womanhood with a trimmed patch of light white colors hair shaped triangular. Beside the tall woman (Kaguya i think is 6'0 maybe), was a pale skinned woman with yellow pupilless eyes, JJ-cup tits with erect olive green nipples, sporting the same figure as the woman beside her, an olive green patch of hair sitting above her woman hood and had spiky ass length olive green hair and she was licking her lip and groping her breasts like a slut. Lastly was a pitch black skinned female with the same ass length olive green colored hair, nipples, figure and womanhood which was being fingered slowly and teasingly.

"18 inches long and 5 inches wide...mmmhhh such a healthy one aren't you..." The woman stood up and stalked closer and closer to Kaito who sat down against a rock as the tall busty woman kneeled before him.


I would be a whole lot more horrified, if it wasn’t because this is exactly what I expected of the author. Ridiculous penis size, impossible muscle build, breasts that double as floatation devices, I could go on. I’m not a fan of green nipples myself, but then again I didn’t get the idea to turn two plant men into plant women either. I guess we’ll have to sit through the collisions of these caricature sex symbols, while everyone else gets stuck with cleaning up after the abruptly ended war.

(Lemon Warning)

"Healthy indeed mother Kaguya..." Shiro growled huskily her silky soft hands pumping the bottom part of Kaito's cock slowly making him shudder liking the motions.

"Yes of course Shiro-chan but you can wait your turn after i get his thick creamy inside my womb that's juicing itself right now...on second thought not yet i want to see his stamina at work in sexual intercourse..." Shiro moaned lewdly when Kaito pulled her to his side sliding his middle finger into her hot searing pussy pumping in and out slowly and teasingly.

With dirty talk like that, I’m suddenly in doubt whether the author even watches porn. If I have to blame his every sexual and bodily misconception on a parental locked internet connection, it would certainly explain some things.

"A-a-a-a-ah you can have hi=his c-cock n-now oh kami! The female White zetsu rolled her hips like a common whore in the heat in his palm, Kaguya licked her lips pumping his shaft up and down while flicking her tongue all around his angry red tip swelling with blood earning a grunt of approval. "You're strong that i can see..." Her hand rubbed and fondled his gonad sized nutsack making him growl, she trailed kiss's up and down his length keeping her slowly speeding up strokes going.

"O-oh Kaito-sama so forceful!" His finger was joined by his index pumping in and out of her cunt more and more faster. "o-oh n-no i'm cumming too soon!"

"You cum when i say so Shiro-chan!"

You’re kind of a control freak, Naruto. Kaito. Whatever fucking name you’re using for your dick stand-in, author.

He channeled lightning chakra to his fingers while pumping his hips in and out of Kaguya's throat when she took him nearly down to the base, Kaguya created a suction motion with her throat while her tongue licked all around his pole hungrily.

"Got room for another Kaito-sama?" Kuro a.k.a Black Zetsu asked only to yelp when he pulled her to his remaining side and worked on gnawing and sucking at her nipples he was becoming fond of even now he ignored Shiro cumming violently and continued to pump his fingers in and out of her pussy like a piston making her cum again and again till she dropped in a boneless heap panting with a bright red flush to her cheeks, eyes glazed over.

One down, a hundred and more to go.

"Urk!" His red and blue phazon veins bulged around his eye sockets in response to the exertion he was having to keep from cumming under Kaguya's masterful deep-throat, he groaned even more sucking on Kuro's other tit as it seemed to actually produce milk much to his shock but it made his body feel even more heated, Kuro moaned sluttishly as he made her cum from sucking on nipples so lavishly. Kaguya took him from her throat feeling it twitch and twitch violently only to his confusion she stood up only for him to throw his head back when she took his cock into her pussy in a single go except her tightness from not having a good fuck in centuries was near airtight on him.

Or, now hear me out for a moment, it might be because his dick has the same width as a three-liter soda bottle. Another measurement comparison would be the average size of a newborn baby. Elbow deep fisting would be a safer alternative!

"Aiyannnnn!" The primordial goddess let out a guttural moan of ecstasy straddling Kaito slowly did she grate her hips teasing his shaft using her flexible pussy muscles trying to drive him over the edge.

"O-oh kami cumming!" Kuro cried out with a yell at her fifth orgasm and joined Shiro's condition as well.

"O-oh so deep!" Kaito grasped his strong hands on her bubbly shaped ass before he thrusted in and out standing up wrapping her legs around his waist as he pounded the rabbit goddess's tight twat hard and fast. "O-o-o-o-ohhhhhh!" She squealed feeling a couple streams of cum spray into her womb, he growled suddenly his hair spiked up more ferally before Kaguya found her legs spread in V formation on the stone sides moaning just like Shiro had when Kaito gave her the treatment literally giving her pussy and womb a good tenderizing and spurted more streams of cum to the point her pussy was completely full before shifting his cock to her puckered ass.

When a general response to your sex scene descriptions is to grimace, then it might be an idea to do a rewrite.


He thrusted in making her scream in pain and pleasure, at first she whimpered for a bit but slowly as he rocked in and out of her anus like a pro slowly building up the speed and force. "Say it my little rabbit!"

"S-say *moans* what?" She moaned curiously.

"Say you like taking it in the ass and watching me fill you with my seed say it!"

I guess the author finds it hotter if the bimbos are fed their lines by proxy.

Her lavender eyes widened and shook her head she isn't some commoner, she was about to retort arrogantly only to bite her lip when he pumped in and out of her ass again. "Say it!" Kaito growled with dominance, Kaguya felt her will crumbling having to hold on for dear life as she refused to submit, "N-no!" He smirked showing his fangs as he pumped faster and faster making her squeal climaxing from the mind numbing anal fuck. "If you don't submit i'm gonna continue fucking your ass till you break!" He snarled into her ear with such feral dominance she climaxed again.

"YES! OK KAMI YES FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!" She broke and began thrusting her hips to meet his as he showed her who the alpha was now, grunting Kaito's cock twitched and throbbed in her hot steamy insides before Kaguya moaned rubbing her belly as she felt a bigger load splash into her ass with such warmth her eyes glassed over with a line of drool with the faintest hint of breathing showing she was still alive.

(End Lemon, oh kami my nose is bleeding be right back!)

Is your blood pressure causing an aneurism rupture? Because that’s the origin of that anime trope, and I’m about to have one myself!

"F-forget trying to take chakra back me and my daughters are staying with you!" Kaguya squealed with hearts in her eyes showing she was completely and utterly in laymen terms.

Got the nobility fucked right out of her!

"Now that is an idea i can get behind love." Kaito groped her ass in the water getting a raunchy grin from the rabbit goddess before the two went back at it again but Kaito wondered absently.

'I wonder what the others are doing?'

He shrugged and went back to screwing deeming it unimportant for someone such as him.

All his girlfriends are probably worried sick about him, but it’s nice to know he thinks so highly of himself. Last line of the chapter and it’s probably the one offending me the most, holy fuck.


Chapter End wow that was the best 1st chapter ever my dear readers if i do say so myself!

Yes this is i think my 2nd multiverse and gameverse fic besides God of Ten Path's, this is the last fic i am making before i start dishing out updates forgive my tardiness i have been busy trying to catch up on sleep, doing online college classes and working out to the point i'm too busy or don't have the time.

By all means, have less of it.

Please give my best friend and bud PhazonLordKaito props for coming up with this fic idea and give special thanks to SoulEmbrace2010 for inspiring me to do multi- x over fics in my own style, hope you all liked it!

PhazonLordKaito: I sure as hell did!

Naruto‘s new name is part of your moniker. Gee, I wonder why you’d like it.

*I chuckle at his loud shout*

Shinku Kami No Arashi: Hahahaha i agree bro that lemon was outta this world! as i said before in the endings give the fic some juicy reviews, fav, follow and a thumbs up this is Shinku Kami No Arashi signing off with Kaito peace!


*Punches the screen causing it to go black*

Don’t tempt me.

Phazon Genius Maelstrom

Next Chapter - Kaito Naruto Otsutsuki sheds the shackles of Elem and embraces the joys of dimension travel!

At least he’ll go be someone else’s problem.


Having mocked works by this author before, I’m not really surprised by the unadulterated wish fulfillment and glorification of the author’s masturbation sock in human form. I will admit however that this is the most gratuitous I’ve seen from him yet. There’s one more chapter of this fanfic, so we’ll see if the author can outdo himself after this travesty.

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Re: Phazon Emperor Reincarnated!

Post by GorillaGamer » Fri Oct 04, 2019 11:15 pm

Crimson-Esper-Of-Ruin-Instinct is such an odd case for me that I find him endearing. He puts on this righteous crusade against sexist perverts when his self-insert is no better than them, if not worse than them. Not to mention the fact that he endows himself with so many powers that I'm surprised he even manages to list them off without repeating himself. And that harem list, while not the biggest I've ever seen, is a major part of a growing testament in fanfictions that harems are becoming meaningless as time goes on. Back before I began mocking, I remember when harems consisting of 10 or so girls was considered excessive, but now days that's considered far too little.

I'm morbidly curious to see how shameless the second chapter of this fapfest can get. Heck, I might even take a swing at the guy myself in the near future.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
A quote from Project AFTER
Gorillagram only gets sexual stimulation from playing Pokemon Reborn and its derivatives.
A quote from Andrew himself

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