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Chapter 1
Naruto and Metroid multi x-over ficSummary: In the fourth shinobi war, a meteor fall from the sky, it wasn't one of madara's creation, it was like a crescent moon with blue marks. Naruto is ordered to investigate the meteor and inside he finds samus aran's PDP suit and dark samus, and upon absorbing more Phazon after his adventures with Samus in the other dimension the memories of his past life awaken.
Two sentences in and we’re already off the deep end. I knew from the title the author would take liberties with Metroid Prime’s brand of super empowering, mutagenic poison, but suddenly we’re saddled with past lives in other dimensions. Seems a bit lazy not to write that story instead of starting here.
After the war he becomes the jinchuriki of the nine bijuu and the new juubi, plus becoming Hagoromo Otsutsuki heir and succesor, but because of the new power he gains he is betrayed by the elemental nations except for a few. Tired of all the hate, Naruto modifies the leviathan and use it to go to space along the ones that haven't betrayed him.
Which are entire nations, if the author’s grammar is correct.
Phazon/Six Paths senjutsu/EMS/Tensei Juubigan Naruto/Tenseigan Naruto/Tenseigan Chakra Mode/Shikotsumyaku Naruto/Past-Life Reincarnation Naruto take no s* naruto, badass naruto, OP Genjutsu, Kenjutsu, Taijutsu, Fuuinjutsu Technology Creator, Scientist Naruto, Ninjutsu Master Naruto, Naruto stops hiding fic, Sojutsu, Bojutsu, Naginatajutsu, Shajojutsu, Gun Master, Magic and OP intelligent, Perceptive, cunning and crafty Naruto NarutoxMass Harem.
More professions and skills than a Barbie doll and with less personality. Arbitrarily listing the added character traits of your protagonist in a story summary is a giant red flag.
Main Crossovers: Naruto/Metroid/To Love Ru/HighschoolDxD/Percy Jackson And The Olympians/Harry Potter (Other crossovers will show)
Genres: Action, Fantasy, Adventure, Romance, Drama
Unintentional Comedy
Warnings: Hentai Crossovers, Sexual Content, Ecchi, Violence, Trolling, Blood, Gore, Sadism and Other Minor Crossovers (Skills, Abilities, etc)
Universe: Multiverse and Gameverse
Gameverse? It’s rare that I’m introduced to a new concept. Written definitions seems to label is as a universe shared by multiple games, but how is that supposed to be separate from multiverse?
Appearance: Hairstyle a mix of Timeskip Toshiro Hitsugaya and Aizen's in his Hougyoku form before the butterfly stage colored a clear slightly glowing celestial white near silver with blue, gold and crimson gelled bangs, Eyes are a blue/gold with a slitted pupil while the other is a jade emerald with yellow irises and a slitted pupil, will change after past life memorie unlock
You’re describing his appearance before even starting the story? Really?!
Outfit: Izaya Orihara 's Coat with Kaneki's battle suit underneath with combat boots
Power level: A mix of the juubi, kaguya and hagoromo, and all the abilities of all the shinobi
What powers does he have, you ask? All of them. Are you surprised? Because I’m not. Want to bet on how much conflict he’s going to have?
harem: Naruto x DarkSamus (Yomi Aran) x FemHaku x Fuu x Koyuki x Yugito x Samus Aran x Hinata x Ino x RoadtoninjaHinata(Hanako) x Road TO Ninja Ino (Yuko)x Road To Ninja female Kiba (Kina) x Road To Ninja Female Neji (Miko)x Road To Ninja Female Chouji (Choha) x Road To Ninja Female Lee (Lena) x Road To Ninja Sakura (Barahime) x Road To Ninja Female Sasuke(Sasumi) x Road To Ninja Tenten (Honomi) x Road To Ninja Female Shino (Umeko) x Road To Ninja Female Shikamaru (Mori) x karin x anko x fem sasuke (Sasuki) x Naruko x Honoka x Natsuhi x Hokuto x Female Shikamaru (Shiki) x Female Shino (Shina) x Female Chouji (Choki) x Female Sai (Saiko) x Female Juugo (Junko) x Female Suigetsu (Sugetsu) x Female Tenzo (Kinoe) x Karui x Samui x Kushina x Revived Mito x Revived Toka Senju x Kurotsuchi x Suzumebachi x Isarabi x Sasame x Ino x Sakura x Female Menma (Meni) x Hinata x Female Neji (Neia) x Tenten x Female Lee (Leia) x Hisame x Hanare x Sara x Shion x Fuka x Ryuuzetsu x Kaguya Otsutsuki x Female White Zetsu (Shiro) x Female Black Zetsu (Kuro) x Female Nagato and Six paths, x Female Sasori (Saomi) x Female Obito (Obiko - Slave) x Younger Sexy Koharu x Older Moegi x Female Older Konohamaru x Matsuri x Sari x Female Gaara x Temari x Female Kankuro x Pakura x Guren x Kurenai x Tayuya x Kin x Kagero x Anko x Yugao x Tsume x Yoshino x Tsunami x Mabui x Amaru x Female Bijuu's x Female Reibi x Mei x Ameyuri Ringo x Female Haku x Female Chojuro (Chojuri) x Kotohime x Mikoto x Older Hanabi x Fuen x Tou x Suzume x Tsubaki x Toki x Haruna x Shizuka x Tokiwa x Mebuki Haruno x Hana x Female Itachi (Itami) x Female Madara (Kurogami - Slave) x Female Killer B (Killer Queen) x Tsunade x Shizune x Female Toneri Otsutsuki x Kaguya Otsutsuki (Beginning harem).
Beginning harem?! That’s more than a hundred women! Including more than thirty genderbent men plus dimensional duplicates and a couple of just mistaken double entries! Why not just shorten it; he get’s all the women, and then some!
Bashing: Kiba, Jiraiya, Kakashi and other power hungry idiots and annoyances and Sick Perverts and arrogant morons.
That includes the protagonist, yes?
Author Note: I'd like to give special thanks to SoulEmbrace2010 for inspiring me with his awesome fics to give me the motivation to try multiverse and gameverse fics, I would also like to thank PhazonLordKaito for issuing me this fic idea and his insight on Metroid give these two authors a big applause and thumbs up so without further Ado let's get the show started, please note i might make a special Naruto multiverse series with lots of lemons and action like in Fox King Jm's fics but that remains to be seen so now let's start and please note this Naruto will be fucking OP if ya don't like don't read peace!
Ah yes, the weakest argument raised in defense of poor writing, bookending a 100+ word run-on sentence with blatant disregard for punctuation. And I hate it. Thinking that “don’t like, don’t read” somehow exempts one from criticism is simpleminded idiocy, and I’ll tell you exactly why. Author, allow me to be pedantic for a moment; I don’t “read” your stories. To “read” insinuates the consumption of a media regardless of context. I don’t read your stories, I criticize them. I dissect their meaning, I analyze their content, I evaluate their message. I consider the values and actions portrayed, the morality applied, and the framing with which it is presented. I do what none of your fans do, author; I consider the quality of your work.
The stuff that happens in any of your stories, to my knowledge, only happens because of one reason. You think it is cool. And it might have been cool, were it not for context. Consider explosions for a moment. Explosions are cool. But if an orphanage explodes, then it’s a horrible tragedy, regardless of how cool it looks. If the orphanage explodes for no reason, not only is it a tragedy, it doesn’t make sense. And if your personally endorsed explosion makes nuclear detonations pale in comparison, while every other explosion couldn’t knock down a house of cards, need I even state how ridiculous it becomes? No, I don’t like it, author. I don’t like that you hollow out established characters, stuff them full of wish fulfillment tropes, and ride them like a personal hobby horse until you’ve had your fill. But I take great enjoyment in giving it the ridicule it deserves.
One! One For The Money!
Two,It's two Cause it's two for the show!
Three! it's three, three get ready!
Are you ready motherfuckers?
Are You Ready?
With how much you’re stalling, are you? We could spend six more paragraphs on making Naruto even more powerful if you prefer.
Let's Go!
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Phazon Genius Maelstrom
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(Camp in the middle of the forests in Fire Country and Rice Country)
In this bustling camp of shinobis from every nation Kumo, Iwa, Kiri, Suna, Konoha, Taki, Oto, Sky, Takumi, Fang, Spring, you name it there was no hate except trust and orderly conduct as shinobis, medics rushed everywhere throughout the camp doing their jobs as quick as they could, some jumped over tents setup while commanders barked orders left and right.
Welcome to camp utopia, I guess.
The reason for this alliance is due to Akatsuki a criminal organization of S-rank nukenin seeking the enslavement of all Bijuu to create the infamous 10th Bijuu known as the Juubi No Ookami a.k.a Shinju the real plan was revealed by a masked woman Tobi and soon when all the Kage's refused to give up their jinchuuriki, she declared the Fourth Great Shinobi War on all the nations.
I know Akatsuki is a force to be reckoned with, but their numbers can usually be counted on two or three hands. Don’t you need more than that to call it a war?
Naturally A and Onoki suggested that Naruto and Kirajoo be put on the frontlines (the two mentioned agreeing) but Tsunade was stubborn saying they will be a liability if they play into Akatsuki's hands so easily, this offended Naruto and Kirajoo immensely at the fact Tsunade practically called them Weak to their faces, Naruto lost some of his respect for Tsunade and it showed whenever he was called in for an espionage mission he only called her Godaime-san or Tsunade-san showing zero respect for the blond Godaime, this put him at odds with certain ninja of Konoha especially his sensei Kakashi and mentor Jiraiya and Kiba since he shouldn't act like a spoiled brat in their words and he merely retorted coldly.
"What right doe's she have to tell me if i should fight against the organization that is after me and my kin's life so kindly fuck off i have stuff to do."
First off, she’s your boss. Second, the enemy wants to capture you, moron! Not giving them the opportunity seems kind of like the best strategy here. Kindly cram your disobedience complex back up where it belongs, you butt-hurt buffoon.
From there on he and his fellow jinchuuriki were rude, disrespectful and cold hearted to their bodyguards and leaders with Fu, Yugito, Utakami, Kirajoo being extra vicious when Jiraiya and Kiba tried peeking at them when they came back with blood in their clothes from killing Ame-nin that Akatsuki was now commanding publicly.
If it weren’t for the blood, I’m sure they would be much more amicable.
What nobody knew was that Naruto wasn't what they thought of him, during the 3 year training trip, Naruto fell through some kind of blue portal much to his shock and slight happiness, he was glad to think of stealing his heritage along with his oka-san's Fuuinjutsu and techniques and exercises off of the perverted manwhore of a godfather, however he didn't deserve the right to be a godfather to any child considering he left him to be continuous belitted, beaten, humiliated and tortured in the damned village of bigots and when he actually had a chance to fight back Jiraiya and Kakashi-baka came out of nowhere to knock me out and tried to twist his personality into what he'd expect from a martyr clueless idiot what a fucking bastard!
Yeah, yeah, boring stock ramblings of nonconformity against nonsensical oppression. Can we get back to this blue portal shit before you slip into first person more than once?
Naruto when he find himself in a different dimension concluded with sharp precision and intellect that there are several worlds and universe out there to explore, he heard of Orochimaru's scientific like mind but he did not do inhumane experiments on innocent children, no he experimented on the scum and dregs of the world, Nukenin, rapists, thugs, bandits, corrupt politicians and the corrupt bastards of Konoha that planned on raping him just to further break his mind so he will fear even thinking of getting close to any female at all, he discovered after his adventures with the buxom blond haired woman with blue eyes in a blue bodysuit was Samus Aran one of the first to survive and adapt to using the corroding energy Phazon, during one of the missions to destroy one of the Leviathans that was poisoning a planet with Phazon he took a full power Phazon blast head on from the Metroid Prime and managed to block it with his hands saving Samus from getting poisoned but instead he got the full strain after escaping with the cunning blond woman and had to stay a full month in the medical bay but as he slept the Phazon was being assimilated into his blood and dna, Kiyomi (Yin Kyuubi), and Kurami (Yang Kyuubi) saw the benefits of the Phazon and transformed the the Phazon into a fusion of pure blue and red Phazon leaving him with celestial blue Phazon, later when he got out of the medic bay he told Samus he had to return to his useless teacher so he won't arouse suspicion, he did however heard Samus confess to being up to sharing him after hearing of his life making him get a nosebleed at the images from the saucy smirk on her beautiful pink lips before jumping back through the portal he and his two Kyuubi-himes managed to reopen after using his chakra and their youki and saw only a day had passed whereas a full year passed back at tallion IV with Samus, so he set about a network of clones that would be training in chakra natures, ninjutsu, kenjutsu, Genjutsu, Fuuinjutsu, Jikukan-Ninjutsu, Summoning and bloodline training after finding out he had the Tensei Juubigan (Celestial Ten Tailed Eye, which is basically an upgraded version of the original Ten Tailed Eye and gives the wielder access to demonic elements and magic and boosted chakra affinities and even higher precognitive abilities and Boosted Chakra pathways along with the access to the Healing Light Element and is a mix with the doujutsu from Rise Of The Dragon Lion Saint and the Rinnesharingan except colored with a mix of silver and blue in the sclera, the rings and iris are gold and the tomoes are silver), He found out he also had Uchiha blood in him with Senju on his mother Kushina's side who returned to find him and he was absolutely ecstatic to see her in the living along with a blond haired woman named Mina who somehow reminded him of the Yondaime but it only took him a simple glance to see what was up and he calmly asked Mina why did she look female and so Mina formerly Minato explained that he was the avatar of the goddess's from above and their fiance and wanted him to have love back in his life so Minato and Kushina were brought back except Minato had to be a woman since he has no need for a father or mother figure, turns out Mina had Hyuga blood from her father's side while the infamous Namikaze Jinton (Swift Release) and godlike speed came from demonic ancestry a.k.a the bloodline of Sparda who came to this dimension to settle down in turn fell in love with Mina's grandmother and thus only a rare few were born with the Sparda bloodline, another part of the demonic ancestry was the Cruz bloodline allowing the souls collected from otherworldly beings and powerful foes to be commanded and manipulated in various ways and then there was the Belmont bloodline, Gabriel Belmont known as Eu Sunt Dracul was so powerful he eclipsed even the Juubi in sheer might, power and added with his combat experience and wisdom made him a force to be reckoned with, Naruto unlocked his Belmont and Cruz bloodline when he felt a call somehwere in Iwa No Kuni and was bitten by some blackhaired man much to his shock finding out it was his great ancestor Gabriel who turned to dust and transferred his knowledge to Naruto knocking him out for a few days to assimilate the memories of his battles and techniques he learned in his reign as Dracula and found out he didn't have to drink blood unless to boost his healing, his favorite techniques was the Shadow Whip and Blood weapons mainly knives and daggers.
Holy shit! Eight hundred and nine words or barely coherent plot synopses of fanfics that never were, and convenient funneling of bloodline abilities and acquired powers that is so utterly forced and contrived, it puts planetary alignment to shame. All of it in a single never-ending sentence with paragraph-filling topics nesting into each other. I apologize in advance, but I cannot just have this word salad of the author’s brain droppings pass by without picking at the nonsense. There’s like fifteen different things I want to touch on here, maybe more. I’ll try to be brief, but do forgive me if I end up spending an absurd amount of time trying to make sense of something that doesn’t even deserve the attention.
Firstly, the alternate dimension portal comes the fuck out of nowhere, no explanation given, yet Naruto is so hyper intelligent – because he couldn’t possibly not be – that he knows exactly what’s going on. Cut to out-of-place whitewashing of Orochimaru’s genetic research, and the mentioning that Naruto was targeted by rapists because they didn’t want him to get girls. Because those motivations and consequences are totally logical and not at all an extension of the author’s alpha male monopoly scheme. Whiplash back on track, events from Metroid Prime 3 takes place, with Naruto becoming infected with Phazon – a virulent, self-replicating and radioactive substance with destructive agency. Never mind that it’s a literal poison that reduces the infected into aggressive drones, since Naruto is a fanfic protagonist there is of course nothing bad about this; powers acquired, no effort exerted. Samus, by virtue of having a vagina, is inexplicably enamored with Naruto, because the author couldn’t understand romance even if he looked in a dictionary, and so Naruto returns home – because he can now somehow, shut up – with an IOU booty call. But we can’t possibly have Naruto muck about in dimensions unknown for a year and have it inconvenience him of coming up with an excuse or, heavens forbid, actually explain what happened, so time itself is made his bitch and only a day has passed in his home dimension. This means, that by the time of the Fourth Shinobi World War begins, anywhere between 300 and 1000 years would have passed for Samus, and you might just begin to realize the extent to which the author bothers to consider the logical conclusions of his plot contrivances. A whole lot of power endowment is then glossed over, Naruto learns everything, and finds out, through means that pretends to not be the author just saying so, that he’s got the best of the best of the redundantly best abilities, which are so cool and awesome and special that I haven’t stopped gagging yet.
The composition of Naruto’s blood is then opened for discussion, BUT WAIT, we must absolutely know that Naruto is not only god’s avatar but also her fiancé, and that despite having seemingly no trouble gaining female attention, he needed more love in his life – and the solution was to resurrect his parents, turning his father into a woman in the process. Because he didn’t need his parents, no, he needed sex partners, and the author does not have a concept of shame. While Naruto already has gotten powers left and right, it turns out his blood is chock full of them, as crossovers from Devil May Cry and Castlevania are shoved into the story without any sense to how they would fit without the excuse of alternate dimensions. For some reason, Dracula himself shows up and bites Naruto, because I guess Naruto had an off day and left himself vulnerable to attack or something, and dies while leaving Naruto with even more power, for reasons that the author doesn’t bother to even pretend exists. The author’s chosen vessel is now nothing but a saran-wrapped sculpture of the forcibly maximized potential of a dozen widely different yet somehow not volatilely incompatible genetic, spiritual, and ass pulled powers. He’s adored by bounty hunters in space, catered to by demons within, betrothed to goddesses above, and the author is NOT. FUCKING. DONE YET!
Naruto had to train himself harshly to keep his new abilities and power suppressed since his Phazon, Vampiric enhanced body gave a very alluring aura and up until now he sought to only train himself in the last of his bloodlines being the Byakugan and Sharingan and was shocked as hell upon having the highest advanced version Yomi'Ou Byakugan (Dark King Evil Eye) and the Eien No Mangekyou Sharingan (Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan) and brought back Sasuki and her older twin sister Sasumi back when Orochimaru thought his pupils had me outpowered and outskilled but Naruto merely used the Darkness Bringer Genjutsu (Kokuangyo No Jutsu) upgraded to Low S-rank from the Mid-A rank at it's full power and it allowed him the perfect cover to use his Yomi'Ou Byakugan to shut their tenketsu's down, he was a natural at all fields of the shinobi and even samurai arts, Neia and her older twin Miko beside Hinata and Hanako and their mother Hisana Hyuga helped him learn the locations of the pressure points, acupuncture and tenketsu before moving onto the stances, he corrected his mistakes on the go impressing the Hyuga matriarch who took over the Hyuga clan after finding out Hiashi her husband planned on having Naruto assassinated due to sensing he had more power than he should have seeing him as a threat but, Hisana executed him along with the elder council while sweeping it under the rug to not raise suspicion while they supported him completely.
Oh, woe is he whose potluck stew of a genetic code renders him irresistible to women. Again, Naruto gets saddled with only the best powers, every man in his life that isn’t targeted for bashing suddenly has compatible genitals, and women are so enamored that they teach him everything they know and jump directly to spousal killing for any ill intent. This is the culmination of every shamelessly twisted idea stolen by the author and fused into the amalgamation now bearing a Naruto nametag. A concept so saturated in the male fantasy and self-indulgence of that which would gratify vicarious readers that Marty Stu becomes an insufficient term. Welcome to the author’s purest fantasy – the essence, no, the very epitome of infantile idealization of masculinity and all things coveted by the “edgy is mature” mindset of hormonal teenage idiosyncrasy. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Manly Stu!
Naruto loved all of the girls equally but wanted to wait till he dealt with the threats out there and that included Jiraiya, Kakashi-baka and several others he had it out for and wanted to make disappear.
So deep is his love that he must eliminate all of his problems before he’ll act on it.
Now our hero was relaxing in his tent with seals that allow only those he trusted to enter, he was wearing a short sleeved dark blue skintight anbu turtleneck, burnt orange pants and black sandals while laying back on his futon trying to get catch some Z' before he'd implement his plan to drop this henge he had on himself.
It’s a tent. He might as well have put seals on a cardboard box.
Slurp!
"Ack! what the fuc-shit!" Naruto's upper body shot up eyes wide pulling off his covers to see his pants unzipped and his 14 in cock being sucked, licked and slurped by a spiky long haired brunette girl with thick whisker marks, fangs and scarlet red slitted eyes wearing mesh leggings, black shinobi sandals, opera length fingerless gloves with brown red belts around the forearms, thigh length tight biker shorts, a tight red bikini bra accenting her high E-cup borderline G cup breasts covered by an ankle length hooded trenchcoat with fur collar and cuffs and clawed hands.
With an outfit that loud, I’m surprised we didn’t hear her enter the scene. So, which one of the triple digit number of women is this?
"Ohaiyo Naruto-danna-sama..." Naruto was shocked recognizing this girl due to the fact he remembered her from a different time after he learned how to travel to different dimensions and ended up in an alternate one.
"M-meni-chan?"
The suddenly female version of an evil Naruto from an alternate dimension, kicking the debauchery off with semi-incest. Gotcha. It doesn’t quite explain how she is able to be here, though.
All he received is a deep long suck and slurp making him groan clutching his sheets, his image flickered showing longer sharper fangs making her giggle delightfully. "Come on Naru-danna-sama..." He sucked in a sharp breath feeling her grinding against his wet cock feeling how hot her pussy was from the heat radiating from it. "Fucking dammit Meni-chan i haven't revealed myself for Kami-hime's sake!" Meni blinked at that and giggled sheepishly bopping her head sticking out her tongue cutely earning a deadpan look from him.
If this bimbo managed to get within successful dick-sucking distance of this master of all things shinobi without him noticing, how is this idiot supposed to defend against Akatsuki assassins?
"Since i've been awakened might as well slowly let my henge loose and see what Tsunade-sama wants..." Naruto sighs rubbing his head wondering if things were going to be more tense between him and the Slug Princess.
“Since I’m up, I might as well reveal myself as a sex-beast to every hole on two legs.” This is what it means; I know where the author is going.
"Hai~ i'll be waiting for you a kilometer from the camp when you get sent on a mission." Naruto looked at her as she vanished in a swirl of shadows pondering her words. 'Mission?' Shrugging at Meni's cryptic words and zipped his pants back up before walking out of the tent with a bored sigh knowing this is gonna get the old perverted baka's attention.
"Kai..." Naruto murmured as he walked past everyone sending out slow small bursts of chakra beginning the progress of removing parts of the henge.
He’s doing an illusion striptease?
Sakura who was finishing patching up Kanka Sabaku stopped to stare at her teammate with flushed cheeks upon seeing his lanky appearance fill out with lean yet slightly bulky intimidating muscle, an angular jawline and sharp feral features, his eyes turned to a heterochromia blue/gold with a slitted pupil and the other a jade emerald with yellow irises and a slitted pupil, she felt her panties wetten at his sharp yet beautiful intimidating eyes.
Just as I suspected. Now we just need to have random men cowering at the same display, and the author will have filled his quota.
'Naruto-kun?! when did he become s-so sexy...' Her inner influenced her thoughts making her purr with a nosebleed gazing at him dreamily.
Why isn’t she assuming that he’s using a henge to appear like this, rather than the other way around? This is “Mr. Harem no Jutsu” after all.
His orange/black jumpsuit melted away into a pitch black form fitting battlesuit with a black coat with grey fur adorning the hood, hemline and sleeve cuffs coming down to his thighs making it look very comfortable and flexible, followed by form fitting gloves with white pads that crackled with electricity for a second, a chain like belt around his waist that sparked with flames and combat boots.
His hair suddenly turned more spiky with a gelled slick exterior to it the fringe hanging over his eyes, while the rest of his hair was swept back giving him a menacing appearance and the most shocking thing was his hair turning a glowing celestial white near on silver with blue, gold and crimson gelled bangs enhancing his features even more and to everyone's shock his whisker marks vanished showing baby smooth cheeks void of baby fat.
Why don’t you just come out and say it, author? This is not Naruto anymore. This is your self-insert OC, whose personality, abilities, and appearance is nothing like the person he pretends to be. In general, every wish fulfillment fanfic I’ve read has to some extent been a surgical transplantation of the main character with the author’s ideal version of themself. Here it’s just a full replacement. Naruto is dead; long live the author’s wet dream!
"N-naruto-kun?" Naruto stopped upon hearing the squeaky surprised voice of Hinata, the younger twin of Hanako and slightly older than Hanabi and raised an eyebrow before turning around causing his coat to sway in the wind along with his hair facing Hinata who's face turned crimson pink with a nosebleed much to his amusement.
"Ara is my dear little Nezumi-chan having lewd thoughts?"
Do you have anything but? I’m asking you, author.
Hinata squeaked louder upon him appearing beside her leaning over into her personal space which was arousing the heiress to no end. "N-no i wasn't thinking anything lewd at all!" She denied too quickly only to whimper seeing his teasing smirk widen unknowingly she was aroused even more by it. "Your jasmine scented aroma is very inticing Hina-hime..." He leaned forward whispering into her ear with honey soaked seductive words causing her blushing levels to go into overload and smoke to exit from her ears and started to look at him dazed. "Naru-kun so sexy..." She muttered over and over with rising lust and pheromones, the other kunoichi's of the rookies peeked out of their tents hearing the commotion only for their faces to redden at the sight of their crush's new looks.
"Ok he is so not troublesome!" Shiki had hearts in her eyes along with Choki and Ino.
The pussy parade need only glance in his direction, and they are smitten as per author decree.
"Naruto dobe-kun...you're looking delicious today..." A mane of spiky nightshade tinted hair went over Naruto's shoulder followed by a pair of slender wandering soft hands, looking over his shoulder he came eye to eye with a dark eye'd bombshell of a woman, she wore a grey short sleeve zip up shirt with a high collar with it open showing her DDD-cup cleavage with a purple rope tied into a bow at the back, tight biker shorts and thigh length mesh stockings, a mesh undershirt and shinobi sandals while sheathed behind her was a chokuto class Kusanagi, cute pink succulent lips and high cheekbones giving her a royal sexy look.
"Quit calling me dobe chicken ass shaped hair-chan." Naruto replied in annoyance being called dobe, Sasuki gained a tic-mark pouting at him, "Don't call me chicken ass shaped hair-chan baka!"
I would give anything to have the both of them stop talking. Naruto can’t walk two steps without tripping over author-customized centerfold models, and everyone talks like they’re doing cringy roleplay on otaku forums. I’ve seen parodies that weren’t this ridiculous!
She gave him a cute glare which he merely chuckled at earning ones from the shinobis passing by at the tense atmosphere vanishing and relaxed a bit to not allow the stress to get to them.
"So ruto-kun what's with the new looks?" Temari said eye humping him all over wearing a regular Suna Jounin outfit with her fan at her side.
He deadpanned speaking in a drawl half monotone half sarcasm, "I didn't want the konoha sheep to harp on and on about the so called demon getting stronger than it's betters mostly from Kiba always bitching about something like he is about to in the next few minutes..." Naruto finished with the same deadpan expression getting similar deadpan looks at them knowing of the easily jealous Inuzaka chuunin.
Kiba is such an asshole that he can’t even show up for his own bashing on time, so everyone has to start without him.
"I would not be surprised if he thought Hinata-chan belonged to him since you're just a dobe to him and kunoichi are weak." Hana Inuzaka scoffed in derision knowing her brother's thought process when it came to being a shinobi and women in general.
Yes, of course, it’s everyone else who is sexist, and not the author’s sock puppet, whose collection of harem entries are checked off a list.
Hinata's eyes flashed dangerously, "Hana-chan please note that i will cut your little brother's nuts and pecker off with my Gentle Fist if he even thinks of trying to be intimate with me or if he even dares think i belong to him!" Hana raised her hands up in surrender with raised eyebrows while Sasuki, Ino, Sakura and Temari snickered picturing what Hinata will do to the sexist dog bastard. "Twenty ryo says Kiba tries to hit on her when i'm not around." Naruto snorted, this earned a bored look from Shiki who smirked, "Thirty-five ryo says he tries to assert his false dominance in front of everyone and make a spectacle out of it."
He’ll basically do everything Naruto did, but fail because the author isn’t using him as an avatar.
Naruto then scoffed sensing where Shiki's thoughts were heading, "Screw that i'm not taking that sucker bet no mater how much luck i have sorry Shiki but i'm alot smarter than that." He teased the pouting lazy nara Kunoichi who blushed hearing the others snigger behind their calm facades.
"Troublesome baka's!" They all laughed at Shiki's puffed up cheeks but bore a smile before a konoha jounin appeared looking at Naruto sternly.
I guess Kiba got someone else to substitute as the fun police.
"Jinchuu- i mean Uzumaki-san." The man corrected upon seeing those menacing eyes turn to him wondering when did the demon brat get the balls to glare at him with such apathy and annoyance but decided to report back to the civilian council not seeing Naruto, Sasuki and her twin Sasumi (RTN Female Sasuke as Sasuki's twin) cold gazes on him.
Turning around Naruto whispered to the twins, "dispose of the ignorant vermin after Tsunade gives me a mission if you wish to have fun with them, do as you please..." The twins smirked darkly and gleefully as small foldable men razor's slowly slid from the two Uchiha twin's sleeves.
Half of an insult against Naruto and a member of his own village is marked for torture and death. And it is met with nothing but glee from the mannequins dancing to his tune. The author sure knows how to write villains, he just doesn’t know when he is writing them.
"Let's go Sasuki-chan, Ka-Naru-kun has given us an assignment, i no longer have to hide behind this fake loyal facade anymore..." Sasuki narrowed her eyes at the slip of tongue but nodded with a widening smirk vanishing in shadowy flickers.
(with Naruto)
As in the current scene? Okay.
"The headaches are getting worse..." Naruto muttered under his breath pinching the bridge of his nose feeling his brain pulse again and his body ache something fierce, 'Kiyomi-chan, Kurami-chan, girls do you know what's going on?' He questioned his Bijuuhimes, yes Naruto had all nine tailed beasts within him thanks to Roshi and the others agreeing that their partners were safer with him despite missing their friends the former jinchuuriki were left with their own self regenerating youki networkd ensuring they could go into their tailed cloak states, Fu, Yugito, Kirajoo and Amaru talked to him about his plan to leave the Elemental Nations soon and discussed their relationships with him and to his happiness they accepted to share him, he knew Samus would be delighted to hear this, Sasumi also informed him of his hidden love interests that they wanted to join his harem because he had a big enough heart for more than just a few.
Basically, Naruto hoards every tailed beast for himself, yet somehow made some of the former possessors – whom of course are all women – able to use their powers despite this. On top of this, even more pussy is thrown his way, because the only kind of relationship that exists in this fanfic is “the more, the merrier”. Can we go two paragraphs without tangenting into wish fulfillment?
Kami-hime above he was getting off track, he sighed tiredly wondering if Tsunade will plead forgiveness again and expect for him to act like some obedient child.
"Naruto-kun don't let this stress you out, Tsunade is just worried for your wellbeing and doesn't really know of the real you, give her another chance but keep her at a distance until you are sure of her motives...although something tells me it won't be long..." Kiyomi muttered to herself at the last part to herself nodding to her fellow kin knowing something will happen.
She has a vagina. The author is practically incapable of vilifying her on those grounds.
'Did you say something Kiyomi-chan?' Naruto questioned with narrowed eyes barely catching her words only to get a negative nod urging him to go on making him sigh wondering why they were acting so suspicious but thought nothing of it.
"It seem's his past life's memories are starting to re-surface after all this time..." Chomei a green haired mocha skinned girl wearing a lime green kimono with black insect designs with small straw sandals and socks on her feet said in a cute yet wise voice.
"I just hope he will not be angry at us for not telling him..." Matatabi murmured softly appearing with dark skin, nightshade blue spiky hair tied back into a ponytail (Yoruichi hairstyle) followed by a pair of of black and blue daisy dukes, sandals, a white t-shirt sitting back lazily.
"Yeah...i know he will..." Kurami muttered under her breath with worry (Orange haired Momoyo Kawakami while Kiyomi is a dark red haired Venelena from DxD).
Tailed beasts prettied up as per the author’s fetish preferences. I think I’ll call them Tailed Breasts. I have no idea how they know about Naruto’s past life, nor how they know that this is what is happening. I don’t even know where they are. The author’s writing borders on incomprehensible.
Naruto soon reached a wide tent with people coming in and out before giving him wide berth upon sensing the power radiating from him much to his dark amusement upon seeing their so-called punching bag glaring back at them. 'This punching bag is about to start punching BACK!' His eyes briefly flashed red with a trickle of demonic energy causing a few genin passing by to piss their pants making him laugh mockingly seeing them run away with tears.
"Lady Tsunade may see you Naru..." Shizune exited only to trail off upon seeing this white haired adonis and blushed stuttering.
And there we have it. Modus operandi of the author completed. The Manly Stu flexes the bare minimum of power, causing men to flee in terror while women are awestruck with lust. It’s a fucking deodorant commercial meme, a complete joke, and yet the author pines for it to be a reality. I laugh, but I laugh in pity.
"Well well if it isn't Zune-chan..." Naruto smirked whispering huskily in her ear making the brunette moan feeling a wave of arousal nearly knock her over. "N-n-n-n-na!" Her surprised squeal was interrupted when Naruto locked lips with her shoving his tongue down her throat much to her sudden shock at her Otouto being so bold! Her garbled moans gained another pitch when he stuck his hands down her pants rubbing her slowly dampening pure blue near see through panties.
Casual sexual assault as a greeting, what a charmer.
"N-n-naru-otouto-kun!" She stuttered humping his fingers lustfully as his demonic energy caused another wave of arousal over the brunette medic and orgasmed with a small shriek that she was thankful her master didn't hear.
"Catch up with ya later Zune-chan i might give you another..." He gave her ear a lick leaving a panting blushing and highly aroused Shizune who walked off to her tent to get rid of this ache in her pussy.
Not reporting his inappropriate behavior to the authorities, heavens no. He’s the author avatar. He can do no wrong. If he kicked a puppy, why, it simply had it coming.
"Naruto?!" Tsunade looked up hearing Jiraiya's horrified yelp and her jaw dropped cracking the ground as did Mei's, Chojura, Mabui, Samui, Karui and Pakura and Anko, Kurenai, Mebuki, Naruko his sister and even Kushina and as they looked him over they all blushed like ripe tomato's.
'When did the g-Naruto-kun get so...handsome!' Tsunade's inner pervert drooled at the sight of him.
'Naruto-san looks so cool...' Samui calculated inwardly with a wide blush and wet panties.
'Where the hell was this guy hiding those looks and muscles!?' Karui yelled in her mind with rosy cheeks.
Do we really have to do this? We know women find him attractive now. Nametag differentiated versions of, “OMG, he’s so hot, I want to fuck him,” gets old really fast, author.”
'Naruto-kun! when were you this hot!?' Anko, Kurenai and Yugao who just walked in shouted in lust in their minds practically undressing him with their eyes.
'N-naruto-san is so...dreamy...' Pakura and Mebuki blushed appreciating his handsome features.
Naruko blushed like a wild berry at the sight of her Onii-chan's new looks 'Oh kami Onii-chan is so hot! I hope he won't be mad if i offer my virginity to him...' Her nose bled at the mental image of her Onii-chan pounding her womb like a wild animal (Naruko looks like canon Naruto's Sexy No Jutsu except the neon orange pants are now the length of biker shorts with the top half being short sleeve down to her elbows with DDD-cup breasts straining against her black shirt).
I’m starting to see a pattern here. And by “starting to”, I mean I’ve stopped ignoring it. Physically inhibiting breast sizes, daisy dukes, fur lined coats; for someone this much into ninja chicks, the author is seriously messing up the aesthetic.
'W-when did soichi-kun get so hot!' Kushina blushed beet red trying not to drool not seeing Mina in the same state.
'Dammit Shini-chan i didn't think this is what it feels falling for your own son!' She tried to ignore the growing arousal that seemed to be caused from Naruto's aura.
Tilting his head Naruto smirked, "Ara? are such respectable kunoichi having lewd thoughts about me?" Their jaws snapped close with a click with wild rosy cheeks looking in the other direction not seeing A and the other Kage besides Mei laughing their asses off at Naruto's stunt.
Their regression to being controller by their baser needs is not surprising given the author’s track record. I’m more concerned as to why they are all in this scene together.
"H-hai e-eto N-naruto-s-kun w-we've discovered a meteorite that fell from the sky radiating a weird energy any of the scouts that tried getting close were incinerated by some blue beam of light." Tsunade explained trying to keep her blush invisible and trying not to sound like a shy school girl not seeing Naruto's raised eyebrow.
"Are you asking assigning me this mission as a jinchuuriki or Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze?" His stoic question caught them off guard with Tsunade being the most stunned at the out of nowhere question.
Maybe because she didn’t give him a mission yet, only a news report. It feels like there are more holes in this story than in the collective fishnets worn by Naruto’s harem.
'W-what is he say-' Her mental thoughts stopped realizing why he asked that question and her eyes softened deeply with remorse and sadness remembering her stubborn actions at the Kage Summit and how she lost his respect and affection.
"I am asking this from Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze The Nidaime Kiroi Senko." Naruto's eyebrows raised up to his hairline hearing the renewed strength and confidence in Tsunade's voice and detected a seal being destroyed and turned menacing eyes at a scowling Jiraiya who blanched seeing his godson's glare on him.
Author, do you mind coming out of your hentai induced haze and explain what is going on to the rest of us?
"Very well call off the scouts since i don't want to have their stupid deaths on my mind for getting killed by not messing with things beyond their understanding." Tsunade nodded at his answers not caring about his words for the other Konoha-nin since she knew he held some resent and hate for the villagers and shinobi of Konoha.
"Later Tsunade-hime, time for Chaos and Discord to play." Jiraiya's eyes zeroed in on two guns strapped to Naruto's hips, they looked like double barreled Colt Pythons, one had a red handle while the other was a crimson red with a black-white lined handle.
He uses guns?! I mean, it was part of the summary skill lineup, but really?!
"To think my own pupil uses guns of all things...how disgraceful." Naruto stopped upon hearing Jiraiya's scathing remark much to everyone shock at his audacity and the fact Naruto uses guns.
"Jiraiya-teme what the fuck is your problem!?" Kushina screeched unsheathing Benihime, Naruko unsheathed Zabimaru and the others their own blades and kunais.
"I'm just saying that Naruto shouldn't have such a handicap when he could just use Ninjutsu and it's cowardly anywa-"
"Whatever limp dicked geezer." Naruto's voice said everyone turned to him seeing him looking bored, "May i just go already so i don't have to listen to the Gama-baka's whining."
Naruto’s fan club is on Jiraya’s ass like a social media lynch mob for simply disagreeing with Naruto’s choice of weaponry – as he rightly should! Guns are a liability when compared to the rest of his arsenal. Never mind the “cowardly” nonsense or the fact that guns may not even exist in-universe, choosing to use one comes with a whole host of problems. They require maintenance; they rely on finite ammunition; they are the antithesis of stealth; and considering every ninjutsu, phazon, vampiric, and demon power Naruto now has, they are probably a SLOWER way to kill someone. But the author thinks guns with edgy names are cool, so fuck any form of logic!
He rolled his eyes walking away ignoring Jiraiya's derisive snort before suddenly he screamed when the teen spun around quickdrawing Chaos (Red handle one) with a spin popping the hammer several times before twirling it back into his holster before leaving through the tent flap.
"Eh? Hmph brat missed and doesn't even know how to aim th-"
Thud!
Jiraiya froze feeling a breeze run across his body and looked down only to screech in horror when he saw his clothes were shredded to nothing leaving his tiny manhood in view and tried to cover it only to try and cover himself upon hearing the loud ass laughter from everyone in the tent while Kushina was rolling on the floor laughing her ass off, Mina had an amused vindictive smirk on her face.
Bullets that strips people of clothing, targeted against a ninja who does nothing to act on the attack. And of course he’s got a micropenis, because the author’s fee-fees can’t handle pee-pees bigger than his own. Every bit of infantile contrivance in this mess of a story is trying to give me an aneurism.
"What was that Jiraiya-san? Something about not being able to aim correctly?" Mina questioned mockingly earning a humiliated growl from the Toad Sage cursing Naruto and planned to seal away his memories and rebellious attitude this time permanently and stomped out with a flap over his form not seeing Kushina, Mina, Anko and several others look at each other and nod even Onoki, A and Mei.
"You know what Naruto-dono's plan is wait for the right moment."
Wait for the right moment to do what? Kill everyone he doesn’t like? Because that sounds like something the author avatar would do now.
"Hai, Mei-chan...Tsunade-chan walk with me i know you are confused as to what we're talking about but once you learn of Konoha's actions concerning Uzu you will change your mind." Kushina answered solemnly and walked out with a confused yet scared looking Tsunade.
(Back With Naruto)
Naruto looked at the map given to him by one of the guards north of the camp and saw the meteorite's hit location looked to be a few clicks northeast of where the camp sat. Nodding to himself he rolled the map up placing it in his pouch and walked out of the camp passing by Shina a buxom black haired girl with luscious locks framing her cute cheeks and pink lips and wore goggles hiding her eyes and wore a coat that hid her form from view.
Must be a form-fitting coat, if it can’t hide that she’s buxom.
"Hey dead-last what are you doing leaving the camp, Jiraiya-sama hasn't allowed you or your kind to leave!" Naruto felt the headaches act up again upon hearing Kiba's loud obnoxious voice and rubbed his forehead and simply just continued walking. "Inuzaka-san leave me the hell alone already i do not have time for your shit!" Naruto snapped coldly making them flinch back while Kiba ignored the threat and simply took it as the dead-last blowing hot air and aimed to beat him to the ground again.
Unless Naruto reapplied his henge, the dumbass strawman that is Kiba shouldn’t even be able to recognize him. He’s wearing all black, got white hair with tri-color bangs, and his whisker marks are gone. The fact that anyone recognizes him is an enigma!
"Hehe please dead-last you making Pein retreat was a big fluke always knew you were nothing but a loser, i bet your clan would b-" Naruto's eyes blazed and suddenly appeared in Kiba's face grabbing him by the throat chokeslamming him while using his foot to sweep his feet out and slammed him hard causing a crater in the ground causing a commotion before drawing Chaos pulling the hammer back pointing it at Kiba's skull and with a very venomous tone spoke, "You ever try and bring my parent's into your stupid arrogant childish insults i will drop the Inuzaka clan by 1 heir by blowing your brains all over the fucking ground am i fucking clear Inuzaka Kiba!?" Kiba eye'd the barrel fearfully and shakily replied nodding, "Y-y-y-yeah crystal clear Naruto!" Snorting Naruto dropped his grip before stalking off and simply jumped more like leaped off the ground vanishing into the foliage leaving the others gaping in astonishment.
Why would they do that? They are all ninjas. This is what they do!
"Stupid baka always barking your mouth off like you're some kind of alpha pathetic!" Shina spat with an upset tone and gave her teammate a kick to the ribs swiftly cracing one of them making him moan in visible pain.
Kurenai who saw everything that happened glared coldly at her obnoxious macho-minded student, "You stupid arrogant fool to think i considered you as one of my surrogate children puts a sour taste in my mind to have even trained you, for that stunt you can lay there on the ground and let your own wounds heal and see how you like it when you're tasting dirt for once!" She hissed harshly stalking off in the same state as Shina to comfort the bug girl leaving a growling Kiba.
How dare Kiba get his ass handed to him, by someone doing everything he’s being accused of but everyone likes!
"Damn bitches need to know when to butt out." He grumbled not knowing Hanako and Hinata heard his words from his lips moving decided to take on their own little assassination mission.
'This is for all those times you tried to come onto me and try to hurt Naruto-kun because of your stupid doglike ways!' Hinara sneered venomously and stalked away.
"You are a disgusting asshole Kiba-teme!" Sakura scowled dangerously with a glint in her eyes backed up by Ino, Kina, Mori, Umeko and Anko making him gulp before screaming in terror as they literally beat the ever living hell out of him.
Dissenting opinions and voiced slights are met with ridiculously disproportionate anger and violence. And here I was wondering why online mob mentality didn’t surprise me anymore.
(20 mins later with Naruto - Approaching Meteor's location)
Naruto who was going hyperspeed tree jumping stopped suddenly ears twitching up hearing the agonized scream and plead for mercy making his lips twitch up into a dark half smirk making Kiyomi and the others shudder in arousal. 'Ara seem's like Sakura-chan and the girl's decided to give the little bastard their fists of fury...meh good enough for me it'll be much sweeter when i rip the little punk's spine out of his ass..' Kiyomi cackled gleefully.
"Oh please do K-naruto-kun i want to see the looks on their face when you kill that little obnoxious cockbite like that but first i want to go make some popcorn be right back huhuhuhu!" Naruto chuckled fondly hearing Kiyomi drag Matatabi and Chomei with her to the kitchen inside the seal.
I could go on and on about Sadist McNinja and his Bijuu Bitches’ behavior, but how the fuck does he hear screams travelling at the speed of sound, when he’s going at hyperspeed in the opposite direction?
He narrowed his eyes standing up suddenly sensing the Phazon energy location he was quickly approaching and picked up the pace the world around him becoming a blurring rainbow of colors as he kicked his speed up several notches, his coat flapping in the breeze and he enjoyed the wind whipping across his face.
'There!' Snapping his eyes open wider his blue/gold eye suddenly gained blue glowing pulsing veins around the socket which looked very ominous on him and suddenly darted to the left feeling the energy signature of regular blue Phazon letting out a sonar like pulse.
"So that's it huh?..." After landing on a tree top he saw what looked like a meteorite but he recognized it from the things he learned from Samus that it was actually a Leviathan-class Space Pirate ship mutated by a Phazon core and saw the blue wriggling corpses of some Konoha scouts and some of Taki's getting an indifferent snort but his eyes said otherwise, showing nothing but disdain,
The reason, I can only assume, is that those corpses weren’t female named characters, who would stare longingly at him for merely existing.
"You thought i was a loyal little pet for you to take your stress out on huh? I never forget all the beatings you ignorant bigots gave me oh no! I never forgot and now you think i'll help Konoha after all it's done to me and my family i don't think so..." He whispered maliciously and suddenly a dark blue spot appeared under his coat on the back of his battlesuit before nine blue flesh foxlike tails with red ominous veins glowing sprouted from his back (Rinkaku-type from Tokyo Ghoul) appeared from under his coat which he tossed to the side with the veins appearing near his other eye socket except pulsing crimson this time and grimaced feeling like something was cracking in his head and sighed jumping from the tree's landing a few feet away from the ship's opened hatch and narrowed his eyes seeing the wriggling corpses stand up with glass like blue pupilless eyes before roaring at him suddenly firing bolts of Phazon in a rapid fire fashion only to miss as he phased in and out of the way with inhuman speed avoiding the bolts of blue phazon before spearing one of the Phazite corpses through the skull and heart before tossing it away hard into a tree making it implode with a boom into blue reddish paste. "Is that all you mindless fledgelings can do is fire barrages of those weak Phazon bolts?"
Is that all the author can do; pull Phazon powered cannon fodder out of his ass and expect it to create tension?
He smirked coldly cracking his pointer finger making the last five creatures flinch back at his intimidating appearance, "Bansho Ten'in" Naruto curled his fingers upward as his eyes flashed with silver tomoes and gold rings, a Taki Phazite screeched in terror as it was pulled violently from it's position in a tree being risen higher in the air before it saw the finger gesture their predator did pointing down with a sadistic grin before it's life ended like it's brother exploding from the violent impact.
"Ara, ara?" Naruto chuckled cruelly and sadistically eyes glinting, his Phazon tails wriggling in response to its master's rising bloodlust, the Phazites looked at one another than him before spreading out suddenly on all sides of their killer getting a raised eyebrow with a dull expression as if they did something so old it was boring to look at.
I see these words written by the author himself, and I pray that he one day manages to attain self-awareness of his work.
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I hate to interrupt the pulse pounding action, but there's a character limit on these posts. Continuing in the next one.
