The guide - Pokémon interspecies mating tips. A collaborate mock by ConcernedGamer & StabbyKobold

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ConcernedGamer
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The guide - Pokémon interspecies mating tips. A collaborate mock by ConcernedGamer & StabbyKobold

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Jun 07, 2020 4:30 pm

Welcome to another mock by yours truly. And this time I'm not alone, as I am joined by StabbyKobold, a fellow mocker from the times of Project AFTER, who like myself host his mocks on a Wordpress webpage, that you can take a look at here whenever. He and I will be mocking this latest mess of fiction from the fan-realm of Pokémon. This is our first genuinely shared mock that hasn't been part of a larger group project, and there are potentially more shared mocks like this one in the future. But let's not beat around the bush. As you might guess, my regular font is maintained, and StabbyKobold is bold green.

Thank you for having me, ConcernedGamer. So, what do we have here?

I'll try to formulate what this is, since by some standards it is not a fanfic. So far, it's existence and distribution is something of a topic in and of itself, so let me just provide this image to explain how I came to acquire it.

Image

I regularly peruse the various venues of the Internet for perfectly legal and free files provided by complete strangers to other complete strangers, and lo and behold, this time a pdf-document got caught in the net.

It contains what I would describe as 'immersive world building', being a 16 page long document attempting to justify and instruct people on the ways of male Human on female Lopunny inter-species mating. The title 'The guide' is merely the filename itself. I have had no luck Googling my way to the content, and have found no sources. Someone wrote this, however, and someone also read it recreationally, so mocking it is perfectly viable in my opinion. I doubt for instance that it is satire, as anyone willing to read it would find no point in that were it so.

In other words, this is someone's painstaking attempt at rationalizing Pokémon trainers bumping uglies with their four-foot tall anthropomorphic pets. Why don't we just jump right into it then?

I couldn't have said it better myself. This will be posted in two parts, both for fairness of posting this shared mock, but also for it taking too long to mock the whole thing in one sitting. Here's Part 1.

IMPORTANT WARNING! PLEASE READ THIS FIRST

People can’t even jerk off to Pokémon in this day and age without submitting themselves to a full page disclaimer.

For the safety of the members of our community, and the users hereby reading, we must stress ABSOLUTE DISCRETION IN THE DISTRIBUTION OF THIS DOCUMENT.

Well, someone already fucked up, didn’t they?

While you personally might live in a region with leniency on Human-Pokémon interspecies mating we must remind you that many regions enforce strong bans against this practice, and in some regions it’s even considered a legal felony punished by law with permanent revocation of right to property of captured Pokémon or even prolonged sentences in jail.

What was that word for captured property that you fuck?

A sex slave?

Yeah, that’s the one.

Likewise we will not hold any responsibility, legal or moral, for any actions you may take with the information in this document.

Dude, calm down, this is a manifesto on how to justify putting your dick inside a Lopunny, it’s not the Anarchist Cookbook.

No kidding. That one at least had a table of contents.

The purpose of this document is merely informative, and is in no way propaganda. Once again we must advise personal discretion in order to avoid social or legal repercussions. If you find it necessary we encourage you to delete this document from your files.

With that said…

Let’s get to the propaganda!

Be discreet, because, you know, you’ll be breaking the law.

Introduction

Welcome to our comprehensive guide on the subject of Female Lopunny and Male Human interspecies mating.

I’ve mocked a fanfic that reduces this conundrum to ‘dick into vagina’, do we really need a 6k+ word count for this no-brainer?

We could have gone with an IKEA drawing, but I guess some people need more than that.

The purpose of this text is to guide and inform trainers who wish to inform themselves about the often taboo subject of interspecies intimacy, or who desire to become lovers to one of their Pokémon.

Does it come as a surprise to anyone that the word ‘bestiality’ doesn’t occur once throughout this entire thing?

In this document you will find a compilation of information of the known biological behavior of the adult female Lopunny species in regards of courtship rituals and intercourse regarding male humans, and social impact surrounding the act. We detail the subject of female Human and male Lopunny in a separate document that you may acquire from us as well (assuming you properly obtained this from us in the first place).

Oh yeah, I’m sure that totally exists from how equally popular the male Lopunny is, of course, I'm completely convinced.

The sources of this document stem from the little available existing research on the subject of Human and Pokémon interspecies breeding, as well as the conjoined knowledge of the members of our community and several certified and professional researchers who support our cause. Our professional collaborators have asked us to remain anonymous, and at their personal request we will refrain from providing our references and sources, for they could potentially risk revealing their identity.

Boy, I wish I could have used this novel citation method when I wrote my term papers.

Fucking your pets now qualify you as a scientist, apparently.

For these various reasons this document will also attempt to be brief and concise as it neither provides valid scientific reference nor do we desire to confuse or over saturate our readers with off-topic information.

Sure, throw out your supportive arguments and skip straight to the good stuff.

If the information was off-topic, why would it have been included in the first place?

We would like to remind you that despite our best efforts not all the information presented will be objective or scientifically accurate, and much stems from empirical experience and anecdotal evidence. This is mostly due the strong bans and social stigma regarding this particular subject that prevents proper large-scale controlled clinical studies to be performed.

This ‘comprehensive guide’ just turned into ‘a bunch of loosely connected hearsay’.

Scientific progress in this world hinges on every individual trainer filling out their own blank Pokédex, so I think we have bigger issues at hand.

With that said please know that we will attempt to be as objective as possible as we make statements, and keep into consideration that not every Person, Pokémon, or relationship is the same. Your own experiences could differ greatly from what we present and that doesn’t necessarily invalidate any of the information we provide.

Meaning that it’s the direct opposite of ‘objective’, then?

Hey, when ten out of ten Poké-fuckers agree on something, how can we dispute that?

With common sense.

That said, should you disagree with the information provided in this document you’re free to disregard it, however you must also know that this activity is potentially harmful to a Pokémon and/or their trainer if performed without adequate care.

What if I disagree with the premise of having sex with Pokémon?

As a final disclaimer, and a reminder to all trainers, is that every Pokémon is an individual. Everyone has their own experiences, habits, and idiosyncrasies that can cause their behavior to wildly differ from any other members of their species, both Pokémon and Human included.

When does consent enter this picture, exactly? Thus far it’s only ever been “So, you want to fuck your Pokémon…”

It is therefore wrong expect every individual to adhere to the stereotypical behavior of their species, particularly between Pokémon born into human caretakers and those born in the wild. It is always necessary to consider the upbringing of your partner before attempting intimacy.

Consider whether your pet was raised as a sex toy or you have to train it to be one first.

Well, Pokémon grooming just took a dark turn.

Rumors and Misconceptions

It’s important for us to first and foremost clear up common misconceptions and rumors surrounding the Lopunny species as an intimate sexual partner. Misinformation is a critical issue among people who desire intimate relationships with their Pokémon, and perhaps the most common issue we face with new people who first approach us.

“Don’t trust the words of random strangers, instead trust the words of anonymous strangers that we’ve compiled into this document.”

The controversial nature of the subject limits greatly the opportunities to accurately inform enthusiasts, as such please read carefully, even if you do not believe or share any of these rumors.

“Lopunny are promiscuous Pokémon”

Whoever wrote this document probably has a ‘homework’ folder that begs to differ.

This is one of the biggest misconceptions when regarding Lopunny because there is some truth behind it. Wild Lopunny are known to be detached partners, often having different partners with each mating seasons and being detached parents to their young shortly after birth.

Wild animals don’t conform to nuclear family dynamics, more news at eleven.

Let me just as a trainer go and fuck a wild Lopunny, then – I thought we weren’t going to read any off-topic information.

This is because in the wilderness Lopunny live in forests abundant with predator and compete with several other species for food.

That’s literally why social animals live in groups!

As a survival measure they compensate the frequent loss of their population by overbreeding. Lopunny who are born in captivity are a different case altogether. When individuals of these species hatch in captivity as Buneary and grow in abundance of food and absence of predators their behavior changes drastically.

I must have missed the point where we started getting training advice.

I have to starve and endanger my Lopunny so it becomes promiscuous, got it!

Lopunny that are born in captivity are highly timid individuals, even when as Buneary they grew up surrounded by other Pokémon and humans. They tend to be attached to their trainers and rarely interact with other humans without their presence. Even Lopunny who were caught from the wilderness as Buneary develop a reserved behavior and selectiveness towards reproductive partners within few years after being caught.

“But, remember, every Pokémon is an individual with wildly different behaviors. We aren’t wrong, you are just not right!”

This is an important misconception, because more perverse trainers often attempt to force their Lopunny into orgies or “night trades” that can cause severe stress in their Lopunny and distrust in their trainer.

I feel like whoever wrote this has a real big problem projecting his own vices onto others.

The real misconception here is the one the author has about the daycare system.

Most Lopunny who live outside of the wilderness develop powerful emotional bonds with their mating partners, be they human lovers or other members in their egg group. Lopunny have a very high emotional intelligence, and as a result are very susceptible to depression and it’s known to cause severe eating disorders that lead to malnourishment, immunosuppression, and even subsequent death as a result.

Nurse Joy has failed us all.

“My Lopunny wants me to have sex with her”

Ah yes, the misconception about receiving consent from an animal. Excellent choice.

In the following section of this document we will detail in depth the reproductive behavior of the species and how to recognize whether your Lopunny is willing to develop intimacy with you. However, as a general overview, Lopunny tend to be for the most part platonically affectionate towards humans and Pokémon she develops friendship with.

Trainer-zoned. She only thinks of you as her owner.

Lopunny are well known to have more tactile displays of affection towards their human trainer and playmate Pokémon such as hugs or snuggles. Because they are pray, when sleep in the wild or outside of their poke ball they tend to seek comfort by sleeping next to or curling up against their trainer or other Pokémon.

For these reasons it’s easy for trainers who already have the intent to develop sexual intimacy with their Lopunny to misinterpret these habits and attempt to start, or outright force themselves on their Lopunny.

Remember, she can’t verbally refuse your advances if ‘no’ isn’t part of her name.

“You misunderstand, Officer Jenny. My pet was just lying next to me, so clearly that means she wants me to fuck her.”

To attempt to have sex with a non-receptive Lopunny is harmful to both the human trainer and the Pokémon as even untrained Lopunny are strong enough to seriously injure a humans. Abused Lopunny develop severe psychological damage resulting in severe distrust of their trainer, and humans in general.

Oh, you mean like normal rape victims? You don’t say.

For this reason we recommend that you read carefully our section about recognizing a sexually receptive Lopunny.

I highly doubt it will even approach the vicinity of the Harkness Test.

“If you reject a Lopunny they’ll fall into severe depression”

Another common misconception is that a trainer partner Lopunny starts to display unwanted sexual behavior towards them must respond positively, otherwise their Lopunny will be emotionally wounded. Lopunny will only get hurt if their sexual advances are initially acknowledged as such by their trainer, and are subsequently actively rejected. This will cause them to feel unloved, undesirable, or unwanted triggering a depression. If a human male ignores their courting without acknowledging them as such, a Lopunny will understand that their trainer does not view them as a viable reproductive partner and will stop attempting to court.

There are only so many times you can play dumb about a bunny humping your leg.

I’m surprised the concept of rejecting sexual advances actually made its way into this thing.

“You can’t get a Lopunny pregnant”

Another misconception particularly found in regions where human and Pokémon relationships are commonly unheard of. Lopunny belong to the human-like egg group, and therefore Humans are a potential candidate for breeding.

I know this is the franchise that gave Darwin the middle finger, but speciation is still a thing even in this universe.

We share ninety-nine percent of our DNA with chimpanzees. ‘Human-like’ means ‘not human enough to be human’!

As such it is necessary to take contraceptive measures in order to avoid pregnancy. The biology of the ovoviviparous pregnancy of the Lopunny species will not be covered in this guide as there are more professional textbooks on the subject.

I don’t recall the Pokémart selling a morning-after pill, or condoms for that matter.

I guess they’ll just have to use Escape Rope to pull out.

“Buneary born from a human male are half-human and superior”

Unlike those inferior mating methods that result in it learning moves like Thunder Punch.

A misconception that’s the complete opposite of the idea above, found on regions with higher leniency for interspecies mating. Female Lopunny will follow the same process of Selective Chromosomal Incorporation with human mates as they do with any other member of their egg group. For this reason the resulting Buneary that hatch from the egg are 100% Buneary and share no genetic likeness to a human and are no different from Buneary from other fathers within the same egg group.

And no court-mandated paternity test can say otherwise, if she starts demanding child support.

For the most part it is not well documented what type of egg moves or traits humans may pass, however members of our community have reported the moves Fake Out and Switcheroo in the past.

Are humans Normal/Dark types now?

If they consider fucking their pets, they probably are.

That would explain a lot, yes.

Due to the controversial nature of the subject, no concrete evidence exists, so it remains anecdotal.

“Lopunny has mating seasons/heat cycles”

While wild Lopunny are known for stereotyped mating seasons, often peaking in springtime during March when feed is abundant for the young, biologically speaking this isn’t the case. Lopunny’s ovulation is induced by intercourse, which explains their high reproduction rate, and do not undergo proper estrus.

Okay, I might be a bit late to the party in bringing up the thought, but have you considered just recommending anal?

Lopunny who were born outside of the wild do not show signs of increased sexual behavior during springtime or any particular season.

“If you trade away a Lopunny who has mated with a human she will easily mate with any other human”

A misconception that involves very unfortunate implications, born from a common belief that traded Pokémon instantly forget about their previous owner.

Don’t even get me started on people disconnecting their link cable before the transfer is complete.

Lopunny who develop bonds with their trainers, especially those powerful enough to allow for intimacy, are the most susceptible to depression if traded away. Some Lopunny are known to openly reject or attempt to escape their new trainer when traded. We as a community highly discourage the “pump and dump” attitude several trainers take when approaching interspecies mating, especially since it’s extremely harmful to emotionally intelligent Pokémon such as Lopunny, even if they’re not as intellectually intelligent as humans or other species.

Image

How about having the basic human decency to not treat these ‘intellectually intelligent’ creatures, which you find sexually attractive, as if they were trading cards?

For any other questions and doubts, or if you wish to inform us of any common rumor regarding this particular species you may come across, feel free to contact us through our usual platforms. Accurate knowledge is the most valuable tool at your disposal.

Here’s a rumor; some trainers actually don’t want to fuck any of their Pokémon.

No no, they wrote ‘common’ rumors, not something they’ve never heard about before.

Reproductive Behavior

The common behavior of the species towards platonic friendship is highly tactile and can be confused with sexual advances. Even Pokémon within the same egg group tend to confuse their behavior, resulting firm kick in the gut while attempting to mount. For this reason it is important for us to first detail what is NOT reproductive behavior and avoid misunderstandings.

Since the author started setting the bar at ‘sleeping next to you at night’ to be an easy misunderstanding, what can we expect now?

Common displays of affection, probably.

It’s like these people don’t even interact with humans!

It is not a sign of courting when a Lopunny under your care hugs you with her open arms or when she presses her head on your chest or back. Neither is it when they insist sleeping with you in the same bed, nor when they snuggle against you. Nuzzles (not the move), kisses on the cheeks, or are also normal. Even peckers in the mouth can be part of non-sexual signs of affection if they are conditioned as such. The most important sign, however, is the absence of change in their disposition. If Lopunny shows the same body language and expressions she shows prior, the most likely case is for it to be simple play or familial affection

Let me get this straight. When a Pokémon is not displaying any sort of sexual interest in someone, that means they are not sexually interested in that person?

That said, Lopunny definitely can view their trainers as a viable mate. It’s uncommon on trainers whose Lopunny were capture as wild Buneary, and among trainers who breed large amounts of eggs for eugenics. However, trainers who raise an individual specimen from birth are seen by Lopunny as a member of a community or a patriarch once they reach adulthood, rather than as captors or a separate entity from their community.

As if the master-slave aspect wasn’t enough, now they are starting to sneak in some incest vibes into this bestiality piece.

For this reason it is not uncommon for adult male trainers who raise a female Lopunny since it hatched from its egg unevolved to receive sexual advances by their Pokémon in one or more occasion through its lifespan.

Yeah, and what part of putting your dick in something that hatched only half a month ago is supposed to be a-okay because it really, really wants it, while you have to ignore its advances so as to not make it depressed?

When a female Lopunny attempts to court the first sign is an increase in grooming. While the species is known for careful grooming, in this case Lopunny will groom outside of view of their trainer, and grow angry or embarrassed should they be spotted. Their intent is to prevent their potential mate to observe them unkempt, and to look the most attractive in his presence.

So the first sign of them taking sexual interest in someone is something that they do in secret?

The author can probably relate.

Another is an increased desire to spend time with their trainers alone, without the presence of other Pokémon or humans regular to their community circle. During this time Lopunny will attempt to court her trainer in various ways, among them showing off her groomed hair, inviting him to caress her. Contrasting their timid nature a Lopunny attempting to “flirt”, Lopunny are known to be aware of their features and they will confidently invite their trainer to touch not only her hair and fluffier spots, but also the more voluptuous areas of her body such as thighs, hips, or buttocks.

So in order to avoid these advances without causing a depression, you have to stand with a hand full of bunny-boobies and act dumb?

If this guide needed to spell out that this behavior is a sign of courtship, there’s probably a lot of Lopunny being let down easy already.

A key aspect of this ritual is that Lopunny will attempt to maintain eye level, be it by methods such as resting on her trainer’s lap or finding higher ground, in order to observe their partner’s face and expressions in search of approval or dismissal.

A bit naïve of you to assume it’ll not be assertive or aggressive either, author. Let’s just scratch out femdom from the kink-list then.

The way a trainer responds to this courtship is crucial in deciding how the relationship will continue. Should a trainer dismiss, show ignorance (be it genuine or fake), or reprimand these advances Lopunny will understand their trainer does not view them as a viable candidate for mating. Lopunny will not feel offended by this, in most cases understanding this is due a difference in species and it’s well understood by Pokémon that breeding compatibility does not warrant sexual interest.

Where did the depression dangers go all of a sudden?!

In the trash bin with the used tissue from when the author equated trades with swinger parties.

Should a trainer, however respond their courtship positively by praising, caressing, and reciprocating Lopunny will understand this as approval for mating. Despite common belief, Lopunny are selective with their partner, for this reason a first encounter rarely ever results in breeding. The female will often repeat these rituals multiples times, sometimes as few as only one more attempt later in the same day, others as many as ten across a week, before engaging in intercourse.

The impatient trainer can get around this by having the Lopunny hold a Soothe Bell, so she’ll fuck on the first date.

During each new encounter Lopunny will have a more assertive disposition, often using motions that mimic intercourse, and will be receptive to human advances such as deep mouth-to-mouth kissing and various forms of groping. Should a human male attempt to take control of these flirtations or take an initiative for intercourse most Lopunny will get scared and flee. The female Lopunny is to dictate the pace and take initiative, whereas the male is expected to be patient and appease her.

Seems a bit picky to me to play Red Light Green Light with two entire egg groups that already can’t turn you down without giving you depression.

Awfully convenient that all of this involve no effort on the male’s part aside from not shouting, “Rape!”

Should a female be allowed to explore and get used to the male her courting will be quick and mating will begin. It is important to note that if a Lopunny is rejected by her trainer once the mating rituals have been initiated they will be emotionally wounded, as they will believe them to be undesirable to a once receprocating partner.

Bestiality through emotional blackmail. Fuck the bunny or you break the poor thing’s heart. You don’t want to be a bad guy, right?!

We cannot stress enough how emotionally sensitive this particular species of Pokémon is, and how deep of an emotional scar this can leave, most often an irreparably fractured relationship with her trainer. For this reason trainers who aren’t sure whether they wish to proceed with a long term relationship with a Pokémon, and every risk and implication that represents, are not to engage in courting rituals with any Lopunny.

And a regular Male-Female Lopunny detached partnership in the wild somehow warps into the female being a long term committal-dependent wreck needing the approval of a human partner, how?

The author gets off on it, what else?

Part 1 ends here. Part 2 will be coming around in the near future.

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