Jet's Universe

Anything goes...
User avatar
Posts: 128
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Jun 24, 2018 4:08 pm

Wouldn't you know it, the author is still going with this premise, dropping a chapter for it once in a while. And so I'll do what I got to do. Mock. Here's Chapter 24, Too Far.

Chapter 24

Too Far

That would be how much the author has kept going with this fanfic.

It has been 3 days since Peridot told the group about the cluster and it has been 3 days since Pearl kissed Jet out of the blue.

It has also been three days since Jet applauded Pearl’s permanent Homeworld status as a servant. Yeah, I’m never going to let that one go!

His mind was still on that, as he watched Peridot talk into her tape recorder, which Steven had given her. They were at the barn again,

Are you farting out these canon-leeching chapters shortly after watching them for the first time, author, or did you not catch the later implied fact that Steven stays at the barn from beginning to end of the drill building, indicated by having been gone long enough from the fridge to render a cake unrecognizable from rot?

working on the concepts of the drill. They started on some of it, such as blueprints and the outer dynamics. Steven and Amethyst walked and stood next to him as Peridot continued with her conversation.

"Log date 2."

2? Just 2? It’s ‘7 11 2’. Are you incapable of paying attention or is this your incredibly lackluster canon obfuscation at work, author?

She said, with an arm behind her back. "It's the third rotation of the Earth since an order of a... collaborative approach to stopping the cluster."

”The Steven’s attempt at a ‘Crowd Funding Campaign’ has so far been unsuccessful.”

"I've finished modifying the blueprints of the drill head." Pearl said, walking towards them with the chalkboard. "Peridot, if you can come look at this." Peridot stopped the recorder and walked towards Pearl with a bored expression on her face.

"Remind me again why I should listen to you?" Peridot asked, with her hands folded. "Oh right..." She unfolded her hands and rewind the tape recorder. She then stopped it and pressed play.

Peridot just can’t stop reminding people about her hot mix-tapes.

"The Pearl here has exhibited a skill for engineering that I respect." The recorder played back in her voice. "But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing, crying, singing while crying." Amethyst and Jet looked at each other then started to laugh.

"Why did you give her that?" Pearl asked, looking at Steven.

Because it was in the script the author keeps crudely copying from.

"Well, we did destroy all her stuff." Steven said. "I thought it might make her feel a little better." Garnet walked up to them with a straw in her mouth.

"Alright." She said. "I chased away those cows, let's get to work." Peridot placed her hands behind her back and glanced up at Garnet.

"Before we begin, do you mind un-fusing?" Peridot asked. "It's making me incredibly uncomfortable."

I have the same sentiment towards Jet and him existing.

The others glanced at Garnet with a look of worry on their faces. They didn't know how she was going to respond upon hearing that. She didn't say anything as she walked over casually to where Peridot was and gently picked her up.

"Hey!" Peridot said, as Garnet lifted her up. "What are you doing?" Garnet reminded silent, as she walked over to a nearby fence and proceeded to tie Peridot up, restricting her movements.

Sounds a bit kinkier than chaining her with a child leash. What exactly are your intentions with the space goblin, author?

"What did I say?" Peridot asked as Garnet started to walk back towards the others, who sweat dropped upon watching that whole scenario.

Here’s an advice for your visual medium-addled mindset, author. Drop the sweat.

"Do we really have to do that?" Steven asked.

"Her having free range of the place makes me incredibly uncomfortable." Garnet said.

A little time has pass since that little 'incident' between Peridot and Garnet and the others were pretty much doing their own thing. Garnet was relaxing a bit by the barn and Steven, along with Amethyst, was helping Pearl gather the necessary materials that she needed. Jet was mediating close to them. He was astro training himself,

Of course he was, author. Are you sure you don’t also want to tell us he’s clear buoyant while doing yogurt?!

when he felt a hand on his shoulder. The hand belonged to Amethyst and he opened one eye to see that Steven and Amethyst was next to him.

"What's up?" He asked, his legs folded while he was sitting on the grass.

"Nothing much." Amethyst answered. "We're about to see how Peridot's doing. Wanna join us?"

How else is the author going to take a premeditated – sorry, premediated approach to make sure Jet gets called on set for the plot?

"Why not?" Jet responded, pushing him up. The now trio, went over to were Peridot was to see her struggling to try and reach the microwave.

Should I establish that it’s right in front of her for you, author, or do you want people to assume she’s desperate enough for hot pockets to yearn towards Steven’s house?

She managed to do so and kneel on the ground as to inspect it.

"Hmm..." She started as the trio approached her. "I just need some sort of leverage optimizer."

"Leverage optimizer?" Amethyst repeated with an eyebrow raised.

"That's what I said." Peridot said, looking at her in amusement.

"Oh... you mean you want a screw driver?" Amethyst asked, then she started to laugh a bit.

Are we sure Amethyst isn’t an engineer too, since she actually understood what the heck a leverage optimizer is supposed to be?

"Do you have one or not?" Peridot asked, getting slightly annoyed already. Steven saw that it was one that was out of her reach and he picked it up and handed it to her.

"Here you go." Steven said, with Peridot snatching it from him. Amethyst started to giggle a bit and Jet knew that she was up to something.

"Hey, Peridot. What do you call this?" Amethyst said, pointing to her nose.

"A sense sponge." Peridot said, looking at Amethyst in disinterest.

Scent sponge, author. As in smell. The sense sponge in your skull seems rather dried out.

"Huh?" Both Jet and Steven said, a bit confused at what she just said. Amethyst started to giggle even more.

"Ok. What's this?" She said, pointing to her eye.

"Vision sphere." Peridot said.

"Peridot that's-" Steven started, until Amethyst stopped him.

"Wait, wait Steven." She said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Peridot... these?" She started to wiggle her fingers around a bit.

"Touch stumps." Peridot said, through gritted teeth.

"This?" Amethyst asked, point to her left foot.

"Gravity connectors." Peridot said, teeth still gritted a bit. She started to realize what Amethyst was doing.

She’s not, author. Your understanding is still skin deep. Peridot is getting aggravated at the, to her, pointless questioning through jovial behavior as if Amethyst was playing dumb asking about something self-evident. And it’s another part of Homeworld’s desensitized view of Gem individuality and self-image meant to keep workers in line. It’s subtle, but here’s the laydown.


Those are her own indicated words connected to her limbs. Everything about her body being used to sense and act with was described by their function, while artificial limb extensions substituted the terms, indicating an intended covert dependence on these – shackles if you will. Without her limb enhancers, she would have no feet or fingers, this acting as a block from having her realize her own capability if ever separated from her superiors’ hold. I’m only digging this far into this mess, because Peridot is the example of the entire journey a Homeworld Gem takes to become a Crystal Gem, while Jet became one merely by the fact that he stuck around long enough while being pitied for losing a house they gifted to him in the first place!!

"This?" Amethyst asked, pointing to her rear.

"That's your butt!" Peridot shouted, clearly annoyed now. Jet, Steven and Amethyst let out a roar of laughter at Peridot's expense. She gritted her teeth in frustration as they continued to laugh.

"Oh, man! Peridot, you're killing me." Steven said, still laughing a bit.

"I am not!" Peridot said. "That would violate our truce agreement."'

But would it violate your truce agreement to sell Jet on the intergalactic slave market?

"No, no, no." Amethyst said, laughing a bit herself. "You're funny!"

"Funny?" Peridot asked, looking a tad confused. Pearl walked up to them with a tool in her hand.

"Peridot." Pearl started. "If you can get the magnetron out of that microwave, then we'll have everything we need. Well, except for the drill head of course."

"Why don't I get an injector drill head from The Kindergarten?" Peridot asked. The was a brief silence between the two before Pearl started to talk.

It’s called a pregnant pause, author, like the ones you must have every time you halt your episode to fill out your transcript.

"Oh, well...I guess that's something you could try." Pearl said.

"She's not going to The Kindergarten without a chaperone!" Garnet shouted from where she was, causing them to look back.

"What?" Peridot asked, looking mildly offended. "You must be joking!"

I would very much like to see your original plan, which mush have meant for you to haul an entire injector drill head back up onto to the elevated warp pad all by yourself, Peridot.

"You'll know when I'm joking!" Garnet shouted once more. Peridot gritted her teeth but said nothing.

"Me, Jet and Steven can go with her!" Amethyst said, sitting on the microwave.

May I ask in what other way the author even wants to pretend that Jet can contribute in any way to building this drill when he’s shackled to the canon?***

"We will?" Jet asked, raising an eyebrow. He would rather train than waste his time 'babysitting' Peridot.

Oh, right, how silly of me, of course. Training is really going to help get them anywhere near the Cluster, you guys.

Amethyst shot him a mean look.

"Yes, we will." Amethyst said, causing Jet to sigh. He could disagree but he didn't want cause Amethyst to be mad with him. He remembered the last time that he did and he said that he didn't want her to feel that way with him again.

Fuck off, author. Those instances are not even equivalent, and now you force Jet to be a pussy-whipped clown by using Amethyst to drag him temporarily away from his anti-social loner funk to witness the canon, because otherwise this fanfic wouldn’t exist. The only way you can even pretend they are a couple is by letting them be codependent out of stupid obligations. How about you stopped being a failure at character development by not having Jet constantly default to your masturbatory power-fantasy?

Garnet was now making her way over to where they were.

"Yeah!" Steven said, throwing his hands in the air. "We'll keep an eye on her!"

"Approved." Garnet said. She shifted her attention towards Jet and Amethyst. "Keep her in line, you two."

"You got it!" Amethyst said, saluting her.

"Right." Jet said, nodding his head in agreement.

Because who wouldn’t trust the irresponsible idiot who tagged passively along on the last unapproved excursion to the Kindergarten?

"Ugh." Peridot groaned.

It didn't take long for the group of 4 to get to The Kindergarten, as there was a warp pad not too far from the barn's location.

See, this is why I have issues trusting you awareness of the canon, author. You started writing this fanfic when Season 4 was running, yet you keep fucking up on things. You leave out what have been shown to be relevant across episodes which you then retrofit. What has become evident in hindsight to not have gone in any way how you described is ignored upon contradiction. You started out with a premise of alterations injected so deep into this universe, that it would alter everything instead of unfolding like it sprung out of thin air, and yet still exists in a separate dimension for its inability to affect anything. The sad part is, you’ll be a moron no matter the root of the issue.

Peridot lead the way to a broken-down injector and she pulled the tape recorder from her pocket to start recording herself.

Has she started wearing pants already? Peridot doesn’t have pockets, author, you clod!

While she did this, Jet looked around the drill, inspecting it to look for a weak point. Steven had pulled himself on it and started to hit the drill with a rock. Amethyst was kicking it at the base of it.

"Log date 7 11 2."

Oh, that time you heard it, author? Are you just watching an audio-crunched, pirated version of the show or something?

Peridot started. "The Amethyst, the Jet and the Steven have volunteer to help me dismantle this area 1 drill.

You are an imbecile incapable of rereading your shit, let alone re-watch an episode with an attentive ear, author. Era, you dimwit! You can’t even absorb lore because spelling it out to you would be a wasted effort.

How stylistically unpleasing, the newer ones have a nicer finish." Amethyst stopped kicking the base and noticed that Peridot was talking into the tape recorder.

"You making more nerd notes?" Amethyst asked.

"What is nerd?" Peridot asked, stopping her recording. Amethyst started to snicker at that. "Can you use it in a sentence?"

I’ve been meaning to ask this to someone whose native language is English. Is that phrase intended as a question or a request?

Amethyst cleared her throat.

"Nerd." Amethyst said. "You are a nerd." She started to laugh at this and Steven and Jet walked over to where they were.

"Amethyst, cut that out!" Steven said, walking over to Amethyst side with Jet behind him.

'Dammit.' Jet thought as he folded his arms. 'I couldn't find an exact weak point without destroy it just yet. There is one though.' Jet was cut from his thoughts as he heard Peridot begun talking.

Because the self-insert must always be perfect and is only hindered by anyone else nearby and not his own short comings. He could solve all the world’s problems if the got the chance, but like a video game cut-scene the canon won’t let him make decisions.

"As you can see, this planet is annoying and everything is annoying..." Peridot said, speaking into her tape recorder once more. "Among it transgressions, is a need for the Amethyst to ask permission from the permafusion."

"Permafusion?" Amethyst asked. "Is that what you call Garnet?" Peridot stopped the recording on the tape recorder once more as well.

"I can call her lots of things."

Hey, I share a similar hobby about Jet. My latest one for him is ‘useless’.

Peridot stated, placing the tape recorder on the ground.

What happened to her pocket, author?

"I can call her two things! Two clods!" She paused only to laugh. "Walking around like she's one clod!" Amethyst started to snicker at this.

"What's wrong with that?" Jet asked. Peridot shot him a look of amusement.

"She's not even fighting, you know! S-she, you know!" Peridot said. Jet raised an eyebrow and Amethyst started to laugh at this.

Was her act of bumping her balled fists together really that much lost on you author, or is it because you realized you've had people bump fists throughout this fanfic whiles assuming it only had one single intrinsic meaning?

"You're a real gem, Perry!" Amethyst said, calming down at bit.

"Yes." She said. "I am a gem."

"Ok, Ok. Do Steven next." Amethyst said, pointing at Steven. "What's weird about Steven?"

How about that latest plot twist, where we learnt he’s the son of the man who killed Pink Diamond? I'm sure that's weird.

"Where do I even being?" Peridot asked, causing Steven to widen his eyes. Amethyst had stars in hers. "He's some sort of hybrid abomination. I don't even understand how he functions. He organic half consumes so much energy that he has to constantly feed and he spends so much time expelling, that he has a whole room dedicated to it."

I'd like to know how you got the impression he shits in the tub and sink too, or was that Jet’s doing?

Steven was blushing a deep red and Amethyst was howling up a storm with laughter.

"No! Something else! Talk about something else!" Steven said, flustered. Peridot took a glance a Jet, who was looking at her with his eyes slightly raise.

Could you lower back your eyes, Jet, or did the author forget what part of your anatomy is called eyebrows.

"Ah, yes!" She started. "The other hybrid. The same for Steven can be implied towards him as well. Except this one seems angrier than the other." Jet eyes widen upon hearing this.

I’m pretty sure you’re confusing angry with whining, considering all you’ve seen of him and his pathetic displays.

"From what I observed so far, is that this hybrid mostly spends his time-wasting energy and consuming more than Steven.

So he loafs about and does nothing but mooch. That’s yesterday’s news, get some better material.

I guess that is acceptable, considering that he spends that energy on what he calls 'training,' which looks like he's sleeping to me.

You know what sleeping is, now?

Thus, wasting even more energy to begin with. I also-"

"We get it." Jet said, a vein mark appearing on his forehead.

What the issue Jet? That was nothing. Sure, she called you a slob in anything but the word, but I don’t see you correcting her.

Amethyst was holding her sides at this point, the laughter getting to her. She even snorted a couple of times. Peridot folded her arms and took a glance at Amethyst, who was still chuckling a little.

"The strangest thing is, Amethyst, you think you have to listen to them!"

Yeah, I know, she should be following Jet’s example of not listening to anyone.

Peridot said, laughing a little at this. "You're the one that should be in charge!" Amethyst laughed a little at that.

"Ha!" Amethyst said, placing a hand on her hip. "That's your best joke yet."

"No, really." Peridot started. "Pearl is a pearl, Garnet is a fusion and I don't even know what he is supposed to be." She pointed a Steven when she said that. "And he is 'unique' but indifferent." She pointed to Jet, who continued to stare at her with widen eyes.

What the fuck kind of offhand glorification shit did you just pull, author? Unique but indifferent? Did you at least wipe your lips after you sucked off your own gemsona?

"You're the only crystal gem that's actually a gem."

"Umm...haa...what?" Amethyst said, a bit flustered.

"By standards, you outrank everyone on your team." Peridot said, clasping her hands together. "They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully functional soldier even though you're defective."

"Defective?" Amethyst said, her eyes widen a bit.

Widen a bit, widen a bit, get some damn vocabulary, author. The English language has a plethora of words, hence why I’m using it.

"What?" Jet said, his eyes widening too.

"Well, sure." Peridot said, a hand on her hip. "You're small."

"So?" Amethyst said.

"Well, you're not supposed to be." Peridot said.

Oh, I just can’t wait for the author to put his foot in Jet’s mouth, while thinking he’s saying all the right things in the face of issues he couldn’t grasp, even if it had an easy-grip safety rail.

"Hold on, let me guess." She pointed to a hole in wall not too far from them. Peridot walked over to it and mentioned for the others to follow. Jet had a slight idea of where Peridot was going with because this is the area where Pearl and Amethyst duked it out before he had to intervene.

And we are right back to the author prancing through shit he deliberately altered to stroke Jet’s ego, but now pretends could be deciphered without it. Fuck you, InsaneGuy2010, your insulting narrative skipped even the vital indication that Amethyst has an issue with her origin of having been made through draining the Earth of energy. Now you retroactively mash this on top, thinking no one will notice your blunder.

"This is the hole that you came out of." Peridot stated, looking at the small crater that was about Amethyst's height.

How about you checked out the crater your brain left from escaping your skull, author? Stop substituting random words with inapplicable synonyms, asshole.

Amethyst scowled at the place that she came out of, not being too fond of it.


These are the events that were left to transpire unaltered while Jet was stalking her and Steven in your pathetic recap of the episode, author. An episode which you didn’t care about despite the actual potential Jet could have had to gain insight into his girlfriend’s view of herself. But no, you don’t understand nor do you care, because you only focus on whatever you think is going to have Amethyst vulnerable enough for your skinsuit to score suck-up points with her.

Peridot peeked her head inside. "It's too small, too low and the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole." Peridot peered her head out and resumed talking to them. "This place must've been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like."

Big deal, that’s like half the fanfic in general. Characters are only described when they are introduced unless it’s Jet and his afro.

"Peridot." Steven said, trying to stop her from saying some else. Amethyst did not look happy. She was scowling at Peridot, her fist clenched in suppressed anger.

"What was I supposed to look like?" Amethyst said, through gritted teeth.

"Well, you're a quartz." Peridot said, as she started to walk back to the injector drill. "They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size, board shoulders and intimidating but you simply stayed in the ground too long."

I think a bunch of people on the Internet refer to it as ‘fun-sized’.

"Are you saying I'm wrong?" Amethyst asked, as she watched Peridot take a seat by the end of the injector.

"Well, yes." Peridot said, as she started to laugh a bit.

Oh for fuck sake, include her saying ‘gemetically’, author. Your incessant need, to go "Well, I didn't understand that word, so it can't have been important, therefore I'll leave it out or alter it altogether.", is bordering on slander!

"When you think about it, it's kinda funny."

"Amethyst..." Jet said, looking at her with worried eyes. She looked as if she was about to snap.

"Hey soldier." Peridot said. "Maybe you can help me get this drill head off?" Amethyst didn't say anything as she summoned her weapon. Jet didn't know if she was going to attack Peridot or not, though if she did, he wouldn't blame her. She simply swiped her whip at the front end of the drill, knocking of the drill head in one clean swoop.

If only Amethyst could use her whip to knock some sense into your head, author. And by that, I mean slice it clean off as is what is actually happening here!

"See, look at that?" Peridot said, as she ran up to the drill head. "You can do everything that a normal quartz can do! Now, let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face." Peridot walked off, leaving the others to handle the drill. Jet picked it up with ease (thanks to his training)

Because he’s cool and he trains, guys, the author has to remind us constantly in case we didn’t get it that his powers were earned off-screen instead. Or is it the sitting-on-his-asstro training that helps here? Why the fuck should that parenthesis even matter, when Steven could probably lift that drill?

and looked at Amethyst with the same look of worry in his eyes.

"Amethyst, are you OK?" Steven asked, worried about Amethyst.

"Don't worry about it." Amethyst said, her teeth gritted in anger.

The trip from The Kindergarten was an awkward one. Peridot kept talking about gem differences and Jet and the others had no choice but to listen to her.

Yes, because Jet, who has previously snapped at Peridot in more chapters than just this one to make her shut up, was this time cowed from doing anything of the sort, as the author had no better idea of a pretended transition.

Jet glance to notice that Amethyst was still pissed off at what Peridot had said but remained to keep quiet. Jet didn't know what to say to her to make her feel better, he wasn't so great at cheering people up.

You say that like he’s supposed to even be great at anything.

When they got back, Amethyst went over to the barn where Garnet and Pearl was and went inside. She folded her arms in frustration and Jet sat the drill that he was carrying next to Pearl.

"Oh, it's lovely!" Pearl said, marveling the drill. "To think that we'd be using the same technology that started all of this to fix it, this drill is pure irony!" Jet sweat dropped at this.

What is there to sweat drop at, you oaf? It is literally irony. Is it just that you don’t know what the word is even supposed to mean?

"Actually, it's mostly carbonate!"

Okay, look, my biggest issue with these ridiculous misspellings and word alterations, is that I can't tell if I should slap the author across the face or high five his autocorrect.

Peridot shouted, from where she was. Garnet had tied her back up to the fence and Steven was sitting right next to her. Jet sat next to Garnet and Garnet looked at him.

"What's wrong?" Garnet asked, noticing his demeanor.

"Nothing." Jet said, folding his arms.

"You're lying." Garnet said, folding her arms as well.

"Ah, right. That vision of yours." Jet said.

Because you’d actually need future vision to tell what this brick is emoting most of the time, despite the author telling us she noticed his demeanor already.

"Well, Peridot said some pretty mean things to Amethyst. I wish I could cheer her up, even just a little."

Here's a thought, jJet. You could talk to her. Ask her if she's alright. Tell her you are there for her. Steven has been more supportive of Amethyst than you in this story, and you are supposed to be her boyfriend! You haven’t even made an attempt to approach her, yet you act like you tried and failed at something, but we can’t have that because that would detracts from your Marty Stu-ness. You aren't stunted, you are fucking braindead.

"I see." Garnet said, her attention shifting to Peridot, who was shouting something about 'clods.' That didn't surprise any of them.

"Looks like she throwing another one of her temper tantrums." Pearl said, noticing what Peridot was doing. "I'm surprise you three made it out of The Kindergarten without driving each other crazy."

"Tch." Amethyst muttered from the barn.

'I gotta try to cheer her up.' Jet thought, getting up from his seat.

”Now that I have announced my motivation and the canon isn’t in the way, the author can allow me to act human for once.”

Jet went into the barn and notice that she was leaning against the wall. She glanced at him and turned her head a little.

"Remember when I first meet you and asked where all of the crystal gems were as pretty as you?"

Remember how you pretended you were going to leave forever, just to get a reaction out of her?

Jet asked, causing Amethyst to blush. Jet barely could see it as her head was still turned. "Well, to me, it doesn't matter what you are supposed to be. To me, you are you." Amethyst turned her head to look at him.

"I remember that stuff that Topaz said."

I’m amazed you even remember Topaz, because even Topaz seems to have forgotten he himself exists in this fanfic.

Jet continued as he placed his hands in his pockets. "About me being some sort of rare gem and how my gem kind was wiped out. I don't care about that because it doesn't truly define me.

No, you don’t care about that because you haven’t had a single thought about it or anything else. And it’s not even comparable, because you are essentially Son Goku complaining about his origins while talking to a person contemplating their birth defects!

You shouldn't let what Peridot said define you. Besides..." Jet trailed off and stepped closer to Amethyst. "I like the way you are." Amethyst eyes widen and she went to wrap her arms around Jet.

"You suck at cheering people up." Amethyst joked, smiling a bit.

I don’t see the joke, beyond the fact that he said all the wrong things while admitting to an over-cooked gem fetish. You are supposed to say you don’t care how she is, while emphasizing the importance whether or not she likes the way she is, Jet. But everything is all about what you think, isn’t it?

"But thanks..." Jet smiled and leaned down to kiss her. Amethyst closed her eyes and puckered her lips, preparing for it until the sound of rumbling was heard. The two walked outside and the first thing they notice was that the drill was going haywire. Jet ran up to Peridot to try to see what was wrong.

Well, aside from the obvious of the drill going haywire like you just said, the problem is that this is happening without a time-skip setting up the current premise, yet everything will happen as if it had. You know, the natural state of this fanfic.

"I was working on the drill when something just went wrong." She stated. "It's malfunctioning, it must be the wires." Jet was trying to figure out how to stop the drill without destroying it.

Why? You can get a spare one at the Kindergarten still, why do you have to start pretending you have the ability to stop anything in the canon?

Brute force was always his way out stopping things. While trying to figure out how to stop it, Steven jumped inside of the seated drill and was twirling inside of it.

"Wait!" Peridot said. "The panel inside-"

And again the timing of things are off, as Steven wouldn’t be jumping into the drill without knowing the panel being the issue. It’s almost like this fanfic was copying the canon with an attempt to pass a plagiary algorithm off of YouTube.

"It's OK, I got it!" Steven said, while he was spinning inside. The drill was spinning out of control and it was heading towards Amethyst.

"Amethyst!" Both Jet and Peridot shouted. Jet started to take off after her until a giant hunk of metal was heading towards him.

'What the?' Jet said, as he quickly summoned his weapon and sliced the metal in half. The two pieces landed on either side of him. 'It must've been the debris that the drill is slinging around. I got reach Amethyst before-' His thought was cut off as Peridot pushed Amethyst out of the drill's way.

Oh, this is rich. Another excuse for the super-fast Master of Air Marty Stu to be hindered at every instance like the leashed little bitch that he is. Yeah, I’m a hundred percent convinced that this farm soil is rich with giant hunks of metal that a surface-skirting giant drill can just hurl in Jet’s specific direction. If it wasn't because I'm convinced the author couldn't make a plot worth a damn and that his retention of the show only extends a few episodes ahead of those he write, I'd suspect Peridot just tried to covertly kill Jet.

The drill stopped and Steven peered his head from the drill's seat.

"It's OK." Steven said, with swirls in his eyes. "I stopped it." Peridot landed on top of Amethyst when she pushed her out of the way. Jet found the sight to be erotic and he had to take a deep breath to stop his other 'partner' from getting excited.


This? I’m assuming that’s what you’re talking about, author, since you can’t describe shit like usual. This is what you find erotic? The logical outcome from a savior collision leading up to a ‘please get off me’? I know it’s teasing a possible bonding, but let’s not go into ship-wars now, because I can’t believe you openly announce you popped a boner at this scene in this children’s cartoon!!

"Umm, Peridot?" He heard Amethyst say. Peridot immediately got off her. Jet looked around and started to wonder where Pearl and Garnet was.

Didn’t you notice they teleported away when the author moved the events that just transpired ahead of time?

"We leave for one second and everything goes off the rail!" He heard Pearl say. He turned around and notice that Pearl and Garnet were heading in their direction.

"I blame the cows." Garnet said, folding her arms.

And I blame the author.

"No, it's fine." Pearl said, looking at the damaged drill. "We'll rebuild it better, we'll add seat-belts!"

The sun was setting and the crew decided to clean up the mess before nightfall.

And another time alteration as Pearl should be speaking her line exactly after this time skip the author now enforces. Because this is what people came to read, isn't it? Ineffectual or detrimental changes to dialogue, insignificant or damaging alterations of the time of which events take place, and a bland and idiotic self-insert incapable of altering the canon, and all around misrepresented source material. What amazes me is that the author himself is somehow entertained by writing this mess.

Steven, Jet and Amethyst was a little distance from the barn and they were picking up the debris there. Amethyst was picking up a tire and Steven had a shovel, patching up the loose dirt. Jet had a rake to smooth out the dirt that Steven was patching out.

The two chunks of metal Jet had left in his wake would stay in the void where it belonged.

"Hey, are you alright?" Steven asked Amethyst, causing her to look at him. "That was a close one. Good thing Peridot was there to save you."

I’m proud of Steven. He knows that Jet couldn’t even be relied on to zip his own fly if someone’s life depended on it.

Amethyst scoffed and threw the tire behind her. Jet guessed that Peridot wasn't off the hook just yet.

"Yes, it is a good thing." Peridot said, spooking them a bit from her sudden appearance. Peridot glanced at Amethyst to notice that her arms were folded. "Listen, I... umm..."

"Spit it out." Amethyst said, causing Peridot's eyes to widen a bit.

Wondering about the odd request, Peridot never the less proceeded to hog a loogie to start off her apology.

"Ugh." Peridot groaned. "Why are you Earth ones so difficult?"

Earthlings, you deaf doof. You are doing this on purpose, aren’t you? Why do people have to suffer your half-assed writing exercises? It’s bad enough that you keep the canon moving on, but this is a turn of events Jet and anyone tuning in wouldn’t know why is taking place, because Peridot has not been witnessed to learn she was behaving wrongly.

She took out her tape recorder and pressed the play button on it.

"Log dat 2."

I keep having to make up theories why your writing sucks like this, author. Do you have a cat that's fond of your delete key?

Her recorded voice said. "This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by any of these crystal gems.

Thank you. That’s what I’ve been saying throughout this entire fanfic!

I have concluded that they are all defective...but I am no better." Amethyst eyes widen a bit and turned her head towards Peridot. "I failed my mission and now I'm working with the enemy and I can't even get that right. I have apparently hurt Amethyst's... feelings, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best gem here, then I have made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope that you understand, I want to understand. I'm sorry. Peridot, sector 5, end log."

Facet 5, you belligerent maggot! What is wrong with you?! You slave to copy down the script word for word, and then pin a different, context-ruining word you think means the same thing as yet-to-be-explained lore, in order to pretend you didn’t do just that.

She pressed the stop button on her tape recorder.

"Oh, Peridot." Steven said, causing Peridot to snort at him.

"Hey, umm... Peridot." Amethyst said, causing Peridot to look at her. "Thanks." Peridot let out a small smile at that. "But, you're still a nerd." Jet laughed at that and Amethyst walked off.

You know what, you just do what you always do, Jet. Stand around and pretend you exist.

"I'll be sure to add that to my notes." Peridot said, a bit annoyed at the nerd comment.

Looking through my own notes, I’m starting to fondly remember why I was happy to be done with this fanfic. A sentiment I hope I can enjoy a while still after this chapter. The moderate sexualizing I can handle. The empty dead air and events taking place in a void, that I’m used to. But the incessant, unashamed canon-rehash, which the author attempts to disguise by random word roulette even after acknowledging it himself, while being called out on the need for an original character to bring something new to the story in the reviews, that’s fucking infuriating.

User avatar
Posts: 128
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Thu Jan 31, 2019 4:26 pm

And Jet's Universe makes a return worse than a hangnail. My memory of this isn't even that faint, because the author has done nothing to create anything original when it comes to self-insertion, and anything he has managed to inject fails deliberately at altering the canon. The author manages to make himself out as that annoying acquaintance who wants to show you a cool movie he likes. You sit down and watch it with him. You know the movie already, you like it, you find interest in sharing the moment, but the author does nothing but burping or talking over the movie, ruining the whole thing and preventing you from even enjoying the better parts of it. That's kind of like what this fanfic is to me, only worse, because to be an apt analogy, the movie would have to be a homemade amateur reshoot, with lazily cosplayed scene-reenactments spliced in between the author filming himself swinging around his prop katana and tipping his fedora in his parents' backyard. That is, when the author even manages to do even that much. Here's Chapter 25, It Could've Been Great.

Sorry for the lack of an update to this story (bows head in shame).

There are certain other lacks with this fanfic you should be ashamed of, author.

I've been busy with my Gaming channel on YouTube and work. With those going on, I honestly forgot about this story completely.

And I on occasion wake up at night bathed in sweat at the recollection that this trash still exists. Life's not fair, is it?

I'll try to focus on it a bit more and not have you guys wait a year for the next chapter. Honestly, I hope you for can forgive me for that and not spam the hate in the reviews (I'd rather you PM me the hate if you have any). Anyway, enjoy the chapter folks!

You don't deserve hate, author. Complaints, ridicule, a clue about how to not write your self-insert as a sociopath maybe, but certainly not hate.


Chapter 25

It Could've Been Great

A statement that couldn't have been said about this fanfic, even at Chapter 1.

The sun was setting and the gang was enjoying the break that they've decided to take from the drill. Everyone seemed relaxed except for Peridot, who was getting annoyed at everyone because they weren't helping her at the moment. It has been 2 days since the incident between Peridot and Amethyst and a day since Steven's Birthday, which ended up with Steven reverting into his baby form. That was hectic to figure out how and why that happened.

The how and why was totally the issue, not on how to fix it, of course. At least this brute-force flashback can't be any worse than half of Chapter 15.

To make a long story short, his dad showed Connie a couple of photos of Steven through an album book and Steven noticed that he hasn't changed much since the age of 8. Jet assured Steven that his change will come in due time and that he shouldn't rush the process.

Because Jet has so much abundant knowledge in this particular area, of course! Even in indirect flashback narration Jet steals dialogue.

Steven didn't listen and ended up stretching his body for the remainder of the day. The excessive use of his stretching was more than what he could handle and it ended up reverting him to infant form. He was back to himself the following day though.

Oh, great, just fuck over even the thought of using the words 'shape shifting' to hint at 'stretching' meaning gem powers, or mention that Steven did it in secret, or even have Jet be interested enough in learning the episode's moral of what lead to Steven's recovery. Unless it benefits Jet in any way, the ass clown won't even spare it a thought.

Currently now, the gang (including Lion)

Because the author is still pretending that he doesn't have to include Jet in these kinds of parentheses.

was enjoying the sunset as they were sitting on the grass near the barn. Jet leaned back and closed his eyes. Everything just felt so right at the moment, the wind letting off a gentle breeze, the birds chirping as they made their way home and the soft sounds that were coming from the ukulele that Steven was playing with. Peridot couldn't take how calm everyone was.

She had only ever known them to be in either three states; crying, singing, or both.

"Steven." Peridot said, getting his attention.

"Hi." Steven said, leaning on Lion, who had his eyes closed at the moment.

"Why did we stop working on the drill?" She asked, pointing towards it. "Why are they just sitting there looking at nothing." She then pointed to Jet and the others, who were still enjoying the moment and tuning her out.

The practice of tuning out Jet every moment of their conscious existence has finally paid off.

"We worked hard and deserved to take it easy for a little bit." Steven said, as he continued to play his ukulele. "I mean, just look at that view!" Steven turned his head to look at the sunset and Peridot looked at it as well. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"It's going to be blown to oblivion if we don't get back to work!" She yelled at him.

"Do you have any idea how many seasons behind schedule the author is?!"

"Working hard is important, but feeling good is important to." Steven said, causing Peridot to slightly growl.

"What are you talking about?!" She yelled. Steven smiled at her and continued to play his instrument. Peridot stood there and stared at him for a moment. A ladybug flew in front of her, causing her to jump back a little. The ladybug landed on the grass in front of her and she lean in closer to inspect it. It flew away and she watched as it did, she seemed fascinated by it. She shook her head and went back towards the drill to complete work on it.

You're just going to keep dicking over the show like this, author? Skip every event pertaining to a song that is essential to someones character development, and instead splice in a mix of a cut-away and a short scene from a later episode's flashback? You still can't even be assed to put the honor on Jet's shoulder and make him hold relevance, but instead just pretend that character development will proceed as if you didn't simply hit skip on your YouTube feed?

Night quickly fell and the gang headed towards the barn. Jet let out a small yawn and looked at the now completed drill. He noticed that Peridot was smirking to herself, obviously proud of the work she put in her part. Steven had stars in his eyes as he looked up at the drill.

"Nice work." Garnet said, patting Peridot on the back. That startled Peridot, as she took a couple steps back from Garnet. The gang looked at one another then started to laugh. Steven hugged Peridot from behind and she didn't mind.

"We really did it, huh?" She asked.

"We?" Steven said, joking with her.

Yes, author, your apt attention to simple yet impactful details strikes yet again with this beyond accurate retelling. Of course it was all just a joke to Steven, how Peridot had finally begun addressing their shared contribution to the project, acknowledging herself as part of their group. You know, that thing you can't even have Jet do while you pretend that it merely is so! You are a joke, author!!

"I need to check something." She said, as she suddenly released herself from Steven's hug and climbed inside of the drill.

"She's come so far." Steven said, smiling. "It feels like yesterday that she was trying to kill us."

"No, no. That was several weeks ago." Pearl said.

I'm pretty sure that ever since Rose Quartz left, the Crystal Gems have become the 'We Almost Killed Steven' club, and literally everyone is a card-carrying member.

"Coordinates." Peridot said, peeking her head from the drill. "We still need the cluster's exact coordinates to drill."

What, are the odds of 'straight down' not good enough for you?

"Well." Pearl started. "There's a diamond base that may hold that information, but getting there is going to be difficult."

"Why's that?" Jet asked, curious as to where this base was.

"Because we can't get there by warping." Pearl said. "And it's on..." She looked up in the sky, causing Jet to raise an eyebrow and look up as well.

"The moon!" Steven said, causing Jet's eyes to widen.

"The moon?" Jet repeated, surprise by Steven's response.

Did Ronaldo tell you the moon is a hologram made by Sneeple, or did you not have any other way to remind us you still exist, Jet?

"Yes, the moon." Pearl said, causing Jet's eyes to widen a little more.

"The freaking moon..." Jet muttered to himself. "But how?"

"I'll take care of that." Steven said as he walked towards a sleeping Lion. "Lion, can you make us a special super warp to the moon?" Steven asked him. Lion lazily opened his eyes and grunted as a response. He rolled over to his side and started to close his eyes once more.

"Come on, Lion." Steven pleaded to him. "We gotta do this to stop the cluster, if we don't then there's gonna be no more Earth. No more fun times with your pals, no more lion more naps..." Lion got up to his feet and let out a mighty roar, his eyes glowing white in the process.

"Guess it was naps." Steven said, looking back at the gang.

"So..." Jet started. "How are all of us gonna fit on Lion?"

"I'll take care of that." Garnet said, adjusting her visor. Jet sweat dropped upon hearing that.

Yeah, you must be shedding your constantly reasonless sweat, because Garnet contributes in no way what so ever besides sitting on Lion, despite the author's ham-fisted wedging-in of this empty-headed additional dialogue. And yet we are already a third through the episode too, because of skipping a song, and having Jet not even having reflective thoughts on the situation or even the reality he inhabits at this point.


Lion started to take off, running at a ridiculous speed with so many on his back. Garnet sat towards the back-end of Lion with Jet in front of her and Pearl and Amethyst in front of him. Peridot was near the mane and Steven was hidden inside of Lion, peeping out every now and again to breath.

Because the canon way, of both Steven and Peridot being halfway inside the mane on the whole trip, displayed as such with both sound and light throughout the scene, that would only make this fanfic less plausible, of course. I even watched a clip of it in 144p in a fit of trying to figure out how you miss shit like this, author, and it's still clear as day. Why are you like this?

Lion was running down a grassy slope until he let out a roar to make a warp.

The outside world vanished in what seemed like an instance, as they were currently inside a warp that Lion was making for them. They were traveling at an incredible speed and Jet was finding it hard to keep his eyes open because of the intense speed.

Because the old excuse, of Jet not having his eyes open, makes it easy for the author to excuse not describing a warping process.

Lion let out another roar and his speed seemed to double in the process. Jet couldn't keep his eyes open at this point and closed them. He heard Lion roar yet again and the speed seemed to double once again.

This process repeated itself a few times and then suddenly stopped. Jet opened his eyes to find him and the others being thrown out of the warp. Lion slide into the wall and the others got off him before he slammed into it. Jet looked around to notice that they looked as though they were in some kind of command center.

That was what it looked like, but they were in fact in the alley behind Fish Stew Pizza. Really, author? A command center? Pray tell, what about a wide open and empty chamber with Diamond murals gives off this impression?

Steven walked over to Lion, who was breathing rather harshly.

"Oh, Lion." Steven said, hugging his head. "You've earned your naps for the week." Lion only grunted as a response, the warping process taking a lot out of him. The room was dark and Pearl and Garnet activated their gems to light up the room.

Why bother, since Jet already scanned the utter darkness surrounding you all and deemed this to be a command center?

"Seem though we've made it." Pearl said, looking around.

"It doesn't look like the moon." Steven said look around as well. Jet took a closer look around himself and thanks to the light that Garnet and Pearl were providing, he was able to make out the interior.

He then deemed it to look like a command center once more. Congratulations on fucking over your own narrative yet again, author.

The floor had 4 giant shaped diamonds on them.

The diamonds were shaped like clubs, believe it or not.

A yellow one, a blue one, a pink one and a white one. Jet figured that each of them represented a member of the diamond authority that Jasper and Topaz were talking about.


Yeah, they must have snuck in all that exposition in-between their lines of bragging about Jet's price range on the slave market. The Diamond Authority has only ever been mentioned once by someone in this fanfic, and that was Garnet while out of Jet's earshot. Jasper was following script, and Topaz was ever only regurgitating her lines, when not being used as a wall to bounce off Jet's edgyness and super powers. Author, not only do you drone on, pretending the canon fixed itself while you ignored it, you are now retconning mundane bullshit, just to have Jet seem on the superior pillar of the up-and-up, moments before the actual knowledge is being handed to him and everyone else, because you can't accept the idea of your self-insert not being superior to everyone around him in any way. Admit to that, or admit I know your story better than you do.

He looked around and seen wall murals of them as well. Jet grunted and walked to look around some more.

"Hey look over here!" Amethyst said, getting everyone's attention. She was by an area that looked like a giant door next to it. "I think it's a door..." She pressed her hand on the side of it and it opened, showing them the outside. It was almost pitch black and Earth could be seen in the distance. She quickly closed the door back, her hair ruffed a bit by the air that escaped pass her.

"Yup." She said, grinning at them. "We on the moon!"

You'd think that Jet would perhaps have noticed a shift in his own gravity to confirm this, like Steven does in a moment, but it's not like the author can even manage to write an immersive narrative when he imagines himself fucking Amethyst.

"Amethyst, please!" Pearl said, getting a little annoyed at Amethyst actions. "Don't blow us into space!" Pearl look as though she was going to continue until she heard the sound of Steven chuckling.

"Whoa!" Steven said, as he started to bounce around. "Look at me! I'm a moon boy!" He started to bounce around, falling at a slow decent. Amethyst eyes widen upon seeing Steven bounce around like he was and she went to catch him. He jumped up in the air and she hit the ground rather hard.

It's, I dunno, okay that you think that Amethyst for some reason needs to go into protective mode here, author, but why? Originally she tries to join Steven in the fun because he is doing fine and laughing. And you have her state the exact dialogue for the now misconstrued motivation on the following line to this paragraph. Stop pretending you are writing original content, when all you are doing is nudging the canon out of shape, or even worse, producing a faulty recount.

"Hey!" She said, looking at Steven flipping in the air. "How come I can't be a moon boy?"

"We're gems." Peridot said. "We're a space fearing race designed to conquer other worlds. Our physical forms adjust automatically to the gravity of any planetoid."

"In hindsight, we would probably have been much better at conquering worlds by now if we had decided to get over our fear of space first."

"Aww... lame." Amethyst said, slightly disappointed.

"Hey, Peridot." Jet said, mentioning her over to where he was. "Who is this?" He pointed at the mural of a very tall woman. Peridot went over to where he was and then let out a gasp, causing Jet to raise an eyebrow.

I'm pretty sure you've raised those eyebrows of yours more often than you've had lines of dialogue at this point, Jet. They are practically the only true training you do anymore.

"It's blue diamond." She said. "Wait... all they all here?" She started to look around, her gem emitted a light to assist her in her search. "Ah, yes! There she is."

"Who?" Jet said, following her. He saw another woman, her mural as yellow as the sun.

"Behold!" She said, clearly excited. "Yellow Diamond!" Jet looked at the mural, its stature very intimidating.

It's the neck, isn't it?

"Isn't she magnificent?" Peridot asked with stars in her eyes. Jet remained silent, his eyes focus on the mural of Yellow Diamond.

'She was the one who order the attack on us?' He thought, his anger starting to rise a bit.

Can you get over yourself? People want you dead, big deal, pretending to get angry now is almost evidence enough that you need to be held back on the command center tour, in order to get a recap.

He realized that and took a breath to calm himself down. Steven walked over and looked at what they were looking at. He asked the same question that Jet asked and she give the same response, more or less.

Because Steven had to be forcibly reinserted back into the canon from where Jet knocked him away. If you can't even let your persona share the spot-light and exposition, author, then don't simply go "Oh, and then Steven came over and the exact same thing that just happened got repeated, so now we can move on as usual and only have Steven use questions that display ignorance, because I'm never done sucking my self-insert's dick."

"So..." Steven said. "Who are the diamonds anyway? Seems like a big deal." Peridot's eyes widen in disbelief.

"Are you joking me?" Peridot asked, causing both Jet and Steven to raise an eyebrow. "The diamonds are the absolute.

Ah, I see, author. Letting Peridot say the words 'Gem Matriarchs' would start to draw into question your decision to inject an unwarranted male gem into this mess. Topaz might have disappeared from this fanfic entirely by now, but he's with us in spirit.

Together, they make up the great Diamond Authority that governs home world and all the outline colonies. We live to serve them-" She stopped when she heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. That someone was Garnet, who happened to wonder over to where they were. She was glaring down at Peridot, who looked up at her.

"I-I mean we were all made to serve even though some of us...don't anymore." Peridot said, nervously. "Hey, I think there is a control server over there! Let's look!"

Replacing their control surfaces with servers was only logical, since they just can't stop going on with how they serve the Diamonds and are you fucking deaf, author, or are you looking to dodge a plagiary prize, despite your obvious intent?

She ran off to the other side of the room with Steven behind her. Jet and Garnet exchanged looks for a moment then decide to see what Peridot was talking about.

"I think this is right." Jet and Garnet walked up on Peridot saying. She was feeling around on the ground where she was. "The material is different from the surrounding stone. I think if I just do this..." She pressed down hard on the surface and it started to glow. This got the attention of Amethyst and Pearl, who was making their way towards them.

The surface continued to glow for a moment and then it started to raise, making misshaped stairs from them to walk on.

Even if you meant the word makeshift, like you've done in the past, author, these are actual stairs. You do know what the word makeshift means, right?

During this process, the stairs continued to rise, disturbing Lion from his resting place. He looked around as if confused and wondering what exactly knocked him from a comfortable position. Jet looked as the makeshift

Oh, hey, look, you finally did it, author. By gosh, you'll learn this darn English language even though it takes you one word a chapter.

stairs continued to form and they seemed to wrap around the confines of the building. He heard Peridot giggling to herself.

"This is so incredible." Peridot stated, as they were climbing the stairs. Steven didn't even bothered walking, he was enjoying bouncing instead. "Only the most elite of the elite can enter these sanctums. We are literally walking in the footsteps of the diamonds."

"They must be a fan of stairs." Jet mumbled, as he placed his hands in his pockets. He was regretting not grabbing a jacket on this trip. He could take the coldness of outside for a brief period but space was on a different level of coldness for him.

You are on a moon base. You are investigating a site having belonged to aliens. Said aliens are also your anger-inducing enemies who are out for your head, when they don't want to sell you as a slave. You are getting even a steady trickle of knowledge from the gradual turncoat walking alongside you. And this is how your train of thought progresses, with such marvel, such curiosity, such investment in the world you pretend to inhabit? You chose to waste your author-endowed momentary proof of existence on bellyaching about feeling chilly, when Steven himself arrived here with a jacket, almost as if it was a natural thing to wear at night when outdoors, you insipid sod!

The group continued the ascendment up the stairs until they reached a corridor that was mostly empty. In the center of the corridor held a single, sphere shaped object that was floating in midair.


Yeah, a circular room spanning the entire floor of a tower, that sure looks like a corridor to me too, author, you buffoon.

"Hey, what's this room?" Steven asked, looking around.

Don't you mean 'this corridor'?!

"It's not what we came for." Garnet said as she starting walk up the other set of stairs that were there.

"Can we hurry it up?" Amethyst asked. "This place is giving me the creeps." Steven took one last look at the mysterious object and joined the others as the continued climbing the stairs.

I guess they were going too fast up the last few stairs, causing Jet to keep his eyes closed.

The stairs finally ended and the gems found themselves in a room with a glorious view of the outside. The room was surrounded by a glass dome and in the center, was a control panel with a good view of Earth. Jet let out a low whistle, impressed at the view of Earth that he was looking at.

"We really are on the moon." He said, looking around some more.

Do you expect applause, author? I mean that seriously. You take the exact dialogue lines out of Steven's mouth and have Jet speak them instead, writing as if no one will notice, which you know they have, perpetuating the impression of you thinking that you doing so is an achievement worth this trash heap of reused words you call a fanfic. You are proving to others and yourself how empty your own skin-suit is, when you can't even provide him with original thought to anything not remotely connected to getting into Amethyst's crotch!

"Oh my, goodness!" He heard Peridot say. "This looks like it could be brand new!" He looked in her direction to notice that she was talking about the control panel. The crystal gems looked over the panel with her and Jet made his way over. "I mean, it's a relic by today's standard, but golly it's so elegant, so perfect!"

Eugh. Mac users.

"So, how do you turn it on?" Amethyst asked

"I have no idea." Peridot said.

Eugh. Mac users.

Steven sat in the chair that was placed behind the control panel and saw something that caught his eye. He placed his hand on the side of the chair and the control panel started to glow.

"Hey!" He said. "It has one of those hand thingies." Peridot turned around and let out a gasp.

Any time you want to chime in and actually establish you know what a hand thingy is, Jet? We are going to go 360 words without your name popping up, you could at the very least try and convince me you are not simply gazing at your reflection in the moonlight or something?

"You can't sit there!" She yelled, causing Steven to raise an eyebrow.

"Why not?" He asked. "It's really cool!"

"That chair is only for the elite gems." Peridot said, a look of worry on her face. "You can't go around sitting where an elite would sit."

Is it a surprise to anyone that I feel like conveying the same sentiment at every frame of this show that Jet infringes upon?

"Well, they're aren't here now." Steven said. He slid over to make room then he patted the spot right next to him. "Right?" He was smiling and Peridot remained silent for a moment. She then walked slowly to the chair and sat right next to Steven. She started to chuckle for a bit until Steven took a white crystal from his right-hand side.

Did you mirror the chair just to piss me off, or have you been watching these episodes through mirrored videos on YouTube, author?

"What's this thing for?" He asked, as he looked over it.

"Put that back." Peridot said. He did and Peridot pressed her hand on one of the many switches that the chair hand on it.


One 'hand thingy' and a slim touch-panel that Peridot simply swipes her finger across. Not a lot of switches. By the time we get to Homeworld, this moronic author's attention to descriptions will have rendered this sci-fi space civilization into a steampunk demagogy.

This particular switch that she hit made the chair slide closer to the control panel. The others quickly moved out of the way to avoid contact. Peridot started to mess with the control panel and a screen popped up.

"This is a really old system." Peridot said, as she continued to mess with the panel.

5000 updates behind and about three times that amount of terms and conditions to accept.

"Gotta find the right... file... ah ha! Ok... cluster, cluster where are you?" She was going through the files of the panel and the screen showed an image of Earth. It zoomed in on a location in America. "Ah, there's the insertion point. Looks like the Beta Kindergarten in sector 9.

It's minor, but it's the same symptom as everything else that's bad about this fanfic. It's facet, like gem facets, not sector, author. Remove and replace distinct and recognizable words with barely applicable substitutions like this while you are busy picking your navel, when not fondling your junk, and you are effectively exorcising what little claim to this universe you could have with your fanfic. Let's just address the gems as rocks, crystals as gems, and robonoids as robots, while we are at it. Oh, wait, you did that too, didn't you? Next you'll probably address fusions as combinations, hybrids as chimeras, and upwards as sideways.

It's the smaller of the two, not nearly as impressive as yours Amethyst."

"Umm...thanks?" Amethyst said, raising her eyebrow at that.

"But where is the cluster now?" Pearl asked.

"Hang on." Peridot said, as she started to type on the panel. The screen showed coordinates on it and Jet arched an eyebrow, none of it making sense to him.

You have to try in order to draw a blank at two circles and a dotted line, idiot.

"There it is! It's embedded deep in the mantle. Relative to the barn, it's roughly 2,500 units down. All we need to do is feed this data to the drill and we should be all set."

"That's it then! Mission accomplished!" Pearl said, smiling a bit.

"Yeah team!" Steven said, throwing a fist in the air.

"Great." Amethyst said, walking away from the panel. "Let's get the heck of here."

And let's hear it for another cricket chirp from Jet, ladies and gentlemen.

The others started to walk away as well. Steven and Peridot remained at the panel for the time being.

"Wait." Steven said, looking at Peridot. "Does this thing have any games on it?"

"No, no. no. no." Peridot said. "This isn't used for games..."

I hope your mom knew how to clean her browser history, Steven.

"Aw." Steven pouted.

"It was used for planning the colony." Peridot started to type once more. "Here, look!" Jet and the others turned around, curious to what she was talking about. The screen showed the continents of the Earth, it had specific red dots all over them.

Which, of course, made no sense to Jet.

"So, here's a map of all structures that was originally built on Earth..." Jet and the gems made their way towards the control panel as Peridot continued to explain.

"...All told, this probably only accounts for maybe 5 of what was originally planned." Peridot said, as she continued to go through the files.

"What was the plan?" Steven asked.

Cancelled filler and townie episodes, if you ask the fandom, probably.

"Well, let's look." Peridot said, as she pressed a button. The screen disappeared and a mini virtual image of the Earth was shown. Suddenly, parts of the Earth started to dissolve away. The crystal gems let out a gasp as the Earth started to get more distorted to the point where it was unrecognizably.

A pretzel shape?! The mad gems!!

There were also communication towers all over the little surface that was available.

"Ta-da!" Peridot said. "A finished Earth colony! Wow, look at this! 89 Kindergartens, 67 spires, a galaxy warp in each section and efficient use of all available materials! What were you thinking, shutting this operation down? It could've been great!"

"No! You're wrong!" Garnet yelled.

I agree, Garnet, for safer and optimal symmetry they could at the very least have gone for rounded up numbers.

"What do you mean?" Peridot asked, as the atmosphere in the room was now tense. "It's perfect! Look at it."

"We are looking at it." Pearl said, through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, this plan stinks!" Amethyst said, her arms folded.

"Completing this colony would've meant the extinction of all life on Earth." Garnet said.

What's that Jet? You don't care enough to chime in with a word or inner monologue despite this being your own fucking planet that's the topic of conversation? Alright, carry on then, you inexistent turd.

"But think of the good it would've done." Peridot said. "The gems that would've been made. Our empire expanded!"

"Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and worth protecting." Pearl said, glaring down at Peridot.

"Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job!" Peridot said, glaring back at her. "There's be no cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony. Now, there's no colony and there's gonna be no Earth... so, thank you Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!"

So, what you are telling me, is that it's Rose Quartz's fault that Jet exists? Shit, maybe I should side with Homeworld at this point.

The gems didn't take that well, as they glared at her with their teeth gritted. Even though Jet didn't meet her, he still respected her and even thanked her for her healing spring.

Oh, could you not remind us of your fedora-tipping cringefest of bowing to and thanking a statue?

He would be forever grateful for that. He felt himself heat up from Peridot's words as a small stream of electricity emitted from his body.

Farts lightning but can't thunder for crap.

Steven looked upset at what Peridot said as well. Garnet walked up to Peridot and grabbed her by her collar, causing her to gasp.

"You, listen to me." Garnet said in a dangerous tone. She summoned her gauntlet in her free hand. "You are talking about things that you do not understand..." As much as he would like for Garnet to hit Peridot, Jet intervened.

"Garnet, stop." Jet said, placing a hand gently on her shoulder. "She's not worth it. We're done here, let's go home."


First of all, fuck you, you have no leading position to give directions, and you also have no place nor weight to those words, Jet. Constantly the author feeds you lines from Steven's script, rendering them meaningless for the very reason the author picked them. Steven's mother was the topic, you asshat, who else but Steven would have any ability to diffuse that situation and not be rightly ignored for his own lack of role in this? Jet has not even proven once that he belongs with the Crystal Gems. He wanted to join, the gems were brainwashed by the author to want him there, and so it happened. Peridot has already taken steps that Jet hasn't, in order to fit the part!!

Jet took his hand off her shoulder and Garnet turned her head to look at him then she released Peridot. She then smashed the control panel to pieces and walked off. The others followed her as Steven stayed behind to talk to Peridot.

"What'd I say?" Peridot said, getting off the ground. "I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, they just delayed the obvious."

Delayed the inevitable, author, you oblivious hack. It's such a common phrasing, that the irony of your synonym use is not even funny.

"It's not the way they see it." Steven said, looking away from her. "They spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought, maybe, you finally understood why." He started to walk towards the stairs and Peridot placed her hands on her hips. She then looked through the rubble and pulled out the white crystal from it.

"Peridot?" Steven yelled from the stairs and Peridot hide the crystal behind her back.

"Coming!" Peridot said, as she made her way down. She walked passed Steven and Steven noticed the crystal that she was trying to hide from view.

"Let's go, you two!" Garnet said. Steven scowled at Peridot, wondering what she was up to.

Oh, are we finally bothering to get the narrative to look from Steven's point of view now? This is just to have Steven take care of half of the next chapter, while the author skips to where he can have Jet chase after Peridot again and show off his super powers at earliest convenience, isn't it?

What is even the author's end goal? That question has been relevant from the very beginning. He's not telling Jet's story. He's retelling Steven Universe, plus Jet. Jet is not being challenged, he had no actual motivation beyond purple poon, and he's nothing but a stand-in for whatever person who spoke pieces of dialogue that the author liked and felt meaningful. While "cheap escapist satisfaction" is highly plausible, I rarely see such barebones and lazy attempts to achieve it. Maybe the author just has a very low standard for finding any reward in writing this crap. Much like his standards for writing in general, I guess.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest