Jet's Universe

Anything goes...
User avatar
Posts: 141
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Jun 24, 2018 4:08 pm

Wouldn't you know it, the author is still going with this premise, dropping a chapter for it once in a while. And so I'll do what I got to do. Mock. Here's Chapter 24, Too Far.

Chapter 24

Too Far

That would be how much the author has kept going with this fanfic.

It has been 3 days since Peridot told the group about the cluster and it has been 3 days since Pearl kissed Jet out of the blue.

It has also been three days since Jet applauded Pearl’s permanent Homeworld status as a servant. Yeah, I’m never going to let that one go!

His mind was still on that, as he watched Peridot talk into her tape recorder, which Steven had given her. They were at the barn again,

Are you farting out these canon-leeching chapters shortly after watching them for the first time, author, or did you not catch the later implied fact that Steven stays at the barn from beginning to end of the drill building, indicated by having been gone long enough from the fridge to render a cake unrecognizable from rot?

working on the concepts of the drill. They started on some of it, such as blueprints and the outer dynamics. Steven and Amethyst walked and stood next to him as Peridot continued with her conversation.

"Log date 2."

2? Just 2? It’s ‘7 11 2’. Are you incapable of paying attention or is this your incredibly lackluster canon obfuscation at work, author?

She said, with an arm behind her back. "It's the third rotation of the Earth since an order of a... collaborative approach to stopping the cluster."

”The Steven’s attempt at a ‘Crowd Funding Campaign’ has so far been unsuccessful.”

"I've finished modifying the blueprints of the drill head." Pearl said, walking towards them with the chalkboard. "Peridot, if you can come look at this." Peridot stopped the recorder and walked towards Pearl with a bored expression on her face.

"Remind me again why I should listen to you?" Peridot asked, with her hands folded. "Oh right..." She unfolded her hands and rewind the tape recorder. She then stopped it and pressed play.

Peridot just can’t stop reminding people about her hot mix-tapes.

"The Pearl here has exhibited a skill for engineering that I respect." The recorder played back in her voice. "But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing, crying, singing while crying." Amethyst and Jet looked at each other then started to laugh.

"Why did you give her that?" Pearl asked, looking at Steven.

Because it was in the script the author keeps crudely copying from.

"Well, we did destroy all her stuff." Steven said. "I thought it might make her feel a little better." Garnet walked up to them with a straw in her mouth.

"Alright." She said. "I chased away those cows, let's get to work." Peridot placed her hands behind her back and glanced up at Garnet.

"Before we begin, do you mind un-fusing?" Peridot asked. "It's making me incredibly uncomfortable."

I have the same sentiment towards Jet and him existing.

The others glanced at Garnet with a look of worry on their faces. They didn't know how she was going to respond upon hearing that. She didn't say anything as she walked over casually to where Peridot was and gently picked her up.

"Hey!" Peridot said, as Garnet lifted her up. "What are you doing?" Garnet reminded silent, as she walked over to a nearby fence and proceeded to tie Peridot up, restricting her movements.

Sounds a bit kinkier than chaining her with a child leash. What exactly are your intentions with the space goblin, author?

"What did I say?" Peridot asked as Garnet started to walk back towards the others, who sweat dropped upon watching that whole scenario.

Here’s an advice for your visual medium-addled mindset, author. Drop the sweat.

"Do we really have to do that?" Steven asked.

"Her having free range of the place makes me incredibly uncomfortable." Garnet said.

A little time has pass since that little 'incident' between Peridot and Garnet and the others were pretty much doing their own thing. Garnet was relaxing a bit by the barn and Steven, along with Amethyst, was helping Pearl gather the necessary materials that she needed. Jet was mediating close to them. He was astro training himself,

Of course he was, author. Are you sure you don’t also want to tell us he’s clear buoyant while doing yogurt?!

when he felt a hand on his shoulder. The hand belonged to Amethyst and he opened one eye to see that Steven and Amethyst was next to him.

"What's up?" He asked, his legs folded while he was sitting on the grass.

"Nothing much." Amethyst answered. "We're about to see how Peridot's doing. Wanna join us?"

How else is the author going to take a premeditated – sorry, premediated approach to make sure Jet gets called on set for the plot?

"Why not?" Jet responded, pushing him up. The now trio, went over to were Peridot was to see her struggling to try and reach the microwave.

Should I establish that it’s right in front of her for you, author, or do you want people to assume she’s desperate enough for hot pockets to yearn towards Steven’s house?

She managed to do so and kneel on the ground as to inspect it.

"Hmm..." She started as the trio approached her. "I just need some sort of leverage optimizer."

"Leverage optimizer?" Amethyst repeated with an eyebrow raised.

"That's what I said." Peridot said, looking at her in amusement.

"Oh... you mean you want a screw driver?" Amethyst asked, then she started to laugh a bit.

Are we sure Amethyst isn’t an engineer too, since she actually understood what the heck a leverage optimizer is supposed to be?

"Do you have one or not?" Peridot asked, getting slightly annoyed already. Steven saw that it was one that was out of her reach and he picked it up and handed it to her.

"Here you go." Steven said, with Peridot snatching it from him. Amethyst started to giggle a bit and Jet knew that she was up to something.

"Hey, Peridot. What do you call this?" Amethyst said, pointing to her nose.

"A sense sponge." Peridot said, looking at Amethyst in disinterest.

Scent sponge, author. As in smell. The sense sponge in your skull seems rather dried out.

"Huh?" Both Jet and Steven said, a bit confused at what she just said. Amethyst started to giggle even more.

"Ok. What's this?" She said, pointing to her eye.

"Vision sphere." Peridot said.

"Peridot that's-" Steven started, until Amethyst stopped him.

"Wait, wait Steven." She said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Peridot... these?" She started to wiggle her fingers around a bit.

"Touch stumps." Peridot said, through gritted teeth.

"This?" Amethyst asked, point to her left foot.

"Gravity connectors." Peridot said, teeth still gritted a bit. She started to realize what Amethyst was doing.

She’s not, author. Your understanding is still skin deep. Peridot is getting aggravated at the, to her, pointless questioning through jovial behavior as if Amethyst was playing dumb asking about something self-evident. And it’s another part of Homeworld’s desensitized view of Gem individuality and self-image meant to keep workers in line. It’s subtle, but here’s the laydown.


Those are her own indicated words connected to her limbs. Everything about her body being used to sense and act with was described by their function, while artificial limb extensions substituted the terms, indicating an intended covert dependence on these – shackles if you will. Without her limb enhancers, she would have no feet or fingers, this acting as a block from having her realize her own capability if ever separated from her superiors’ hold. I’m only digging this far into this mess, because Peridot is the example of the entire journey a Homeworld Gem takes to become a Crystal Gem, while Jet became one merely by the fact that he stuck around long enough while being pitied for losing a house they gifted to him in the first place!!

"This?" Amethyst asked, pointing to her rear.

"That's your butt!" Peridot shouted, clearly annoyed now. Jet, Steven and Amethyst let out a roar of laughter at Peridot's expense. She gritted her teeth in frustration as they continued to laugh.

"Oh, man! Peridot, you're killing me." Steven said, still laughing a bit.

"I am not!" Peridot said. "That would violate our truce agreement."'

But would it violate your truce agreement to sell Jet on the intergalactic slave market?

"No, no, no." Amethyst said, laughing a bit herself. "You're funny!"

"Funny?" Peridot asked, looking a tad confused. Pearl walked up to them with a tool in her hand.

"Peridot." Pearl started. "If you can get the magnetron out of that microwave, then we'll have everything we need. Well, except for the drill head of course."

"Why don't I get an injector drill head from The Kindergarten?" Peridot asked. The was a brief silence between the two before Pearl started to talk.

It’s called a pregnant pause, author, like the ones you must have every time you halt your episode to fill out your transcript.

"Oh, well...I guess that's something you could try." Pearl said.

"She's not going to The Kindergarten without a chaperone!" Garnet shouted from where she was, causing them to look back.

"What?" Peridot asked, looking mildly offended. "You must be joking!"

I would very much like to see your original plan, which mush have meant for you to haul an entire injector drill head back up onto to the elevated warp pad all by yourself, Peridot.

"You'll know when I'm joking!" Garnet shouted once more. Peridot gritted her teeth but said nothing.

"Me, Jet and Steven can go with her!" Amethyst said, sitting on the microwave.

May I ask in what other way the author even wants to pretend that Jet can contribute in any way to building this drill when he’s shackled to the canon?***

"We will?" Jet asked, raising an eyebrow. He would rather train than waste his time 'babysitting' Peridot.

Oh, right, how silly of me, of course. Training is really going to help get them anywhere near the Cluster, you guys.

Amethyst shot him a mean look.

"Yes, we will." Amethyst said, causing Jet to sigh. He could disagree but he didn't want cause Amethyst to be mad with him. He remembered the last time that he did and he said that he didn't want her to feel that way with him again.

Fuck off, author. Those instances are not even equivalent, and now you force Jet to be a pussy-whipped clown by using Amethyst to drag him temporarily away from his anti-social loner funk to witness the canon, because otherwise this fanfic wouldn’t exist. The only way you can even pretend they are a couple is by letting them be codependent out of stupid obligations. How about you stopped being a failure at character development by not having Jet constantly default to your masturbatory power-fantasy?

Garnet was now making her way over to where they were.

"Yeah!" Steven said, throwing his hands in the air. "We'll keep an eye on her!"

"Approved." Garnet said. She shifted her attention towards Jet and Amethyst. "Keep her in line, you two."

"You got it!" Amethyst said, saluting her.

"Right." Jet said, nodding his head in agreement.

Because who wouldn’t trust the irresponsible idiot who tagged passively along on the last unapproved excursion to the Kindergarten?

"Ugh." Peridot groaned.

It didn't take long for the group of 4 to get to The Kindergarten, as there was a warp pad not too far from the barn's location.

See, this is why I have issues trusting you awareness of the canon, author. You started writing this fanfic when Season 4 was running, yet you keep fucking up on things. You leave out what have been shown to be relevant across episodes which you then retrofit. What has become evident in hindsight to not have gone in any way how you described is ignored upon contradiction. You started out with a premise of alterations injected so deep into this universe, that it would alter everything instead of unfolding like it sprung out of thin air, and yet still exists in a separate dimension for its inability to affect anything. The sad part is, you’ll be a moron no matter the root of the issue.

Peridot lead the way to a broken-down injector and she pulled the tape recorder from her pocket to start recording herself.

Has she started wearing pants already? Peridot doesn’t have pockets, author, you clod!

While she did this, Jet looked around the drill, inspecting it to look for a weak point. Steven had pulled himself on it and started to hit the drill with a rock. Amethyst was kicking it at the base of it.

"Log date 7 11 2."

Oh, that time you heard it, author? Are you just watching an audio-crunched, pirated version of the show or something?

Peridot started. "The Amethyst, the Jet and the Steven have volunteer to help me dismantle this area 1 drill.

You are an imbecile incapable of rereading your shit, let alone re-watch an episode with an attentive ear, author. Era, you dimwit! You can’t even absorb lore because spelling it out to you would be a wasted effort.

How stylistically unpleasing, the newer ones have a nicer finish." Amethyst stopped kicking the base and noticed that Peridot was talking into the tape recorder.

"You making more nerd notes?" Amethyst asked.

"What is nerd?" Peridot asked, stopping her recording. Amethyst started to snicker at that. "Can you use it in a sentence?"

I’ve been meaning to ask this to someone whose native language is English. Is that phrase intended as a question or a request?

Amethyst cleared her throat.

"Nerd." Amethyst said. "You are a nerd." She started to laugh at this and Steven and Jet walked over to where they were.

"Amethyst, cut that out!" Steven said, walking over to Amethyst side with Jet behind him.

'Dammit.' Jet thought as he folded his arms. 'I couldn't find an exact weak point without destroy it just yet. There is one though.' Jet was cut from his thoughts as he heard Peridot begun talking.

Because the self-insert must always be perfect and is only hindered by anyone else nearby and not his own short comings. He could solve all the world’s problems if the got the chance, but like a video game cut-scene the canon won’t let him make decisions.

"As you can see, this planet is annoying and everything is annoying..." Peridot said, speaking into her tape recorder once more. "Among it transgressions, is a need for the Amethyst to ask permission from the permafusion."

"Permafusion?" Amethyst asked. "Is that what you call Garnet?" Peridot stopped the recording on the tape recorder once more as well.

"I can call her lots of things."

Hey, I share a similar hobby about Jet. My latest one for him is ‘useless’.

Peridot stated, placing the tape recorder on the ground.

What happened to her pocket, author?

"I can call her two things! Two clods!" She paused only to laugh. "Walking around like she's one clod!" Amethyst started to snicker at this.

"What's wrong with that?" Jet asked. Peridot shot him a look of amusement.

"She's not even fighting, you know! S-she, you know!" Peridot said. Jet raised an eyebrow and Amethyst started to laugh at this.

Was her act of bumping her balled fists together really that much lost on you author, or is it because you realized you've had people bump fists throughout this fanfic whiles assuming it only had one single intrinsic meaning?

"You're a real gem, Perry!" Amethyst said, calming down at bit.

"Yes." She said. "I am a gem."

"Ok, Ok. Do Steven next." Amethyst said, pointing at Steven. "What's weird about Steven?"

How about that latest plot twist, where we learnt he’s the son of the man who killed Pink Diamond? I'm sure that's weird.

"Where do I even being?" Peridot asked, causing Steven to widen his eyes. Amethyst had stars in hers. "He's some sort of hybrid abomination. I don't even understand how he functions. He organic half consumes so much energy that he has to constantly feed and he spends so much time expelling, that he has a whole room dedicated to it."

I'd like to know how you got the impression he shits in the tub and sink too, or was that Jet’s doing?

Steven was blushing a deep red and Amethyst was howling up a storm with laughter.

"No! Something else! Talk about something else!" Steven said, flustered. Peridot took a glance a Jet, who was looking at her with his eyes slightly raise.

Could you lower back your eyes, Jet, or did the author forget what part of your anatomy is called eyebrows.

"Ah, yes!" She started. "The other hybrid. The same for Steven can be implied towards him as well. Except this one seems angrier than the other." Jet eyes widen upon hearing this.

I’m pretty sure you’re confusing angry with whining, considering all you’ve seen of him and his pathetic displays.

"From what I observed so far, is that this hybrid mostly spends his time-wasting energy and consuming more than Steven.

So he loafs about and does nothing but mooch. That’s yesterday’s news, get some better material.

I guess that is acceptable, considering that he spends that energy on what he calls 'training,' which looks like he's sleeping to me.

You know what sleeping is, now?

Thus, wasting even more energy to begin with. I also-"

"We get it." Jet said, a vein mark appearing on his forehead.

What the issue Jet? That was nothing. Sure, she called you a slob in anything but the word, but I don’t see you correcting her.

Amethyst was holding her sides at this point, the laughter getting to her. She even snorted a couple of times. Peridot folded her arms and took a glance at Amethyst, who was still chuckling a little.

"The strangest thing is, Amethyst, you think you have to listen to them!"

Yeah, I know, she should be following Jet’s example of not listening to anyone.

Peridot said, laughing a little at this. "You're the one that should be in charge!" Amethyst laughed a little at that.

"Ha!" Amethyst said, placing a hand on her hip. "That's your best joke yet."

"No, really." Peridot started. "Pearl is a pearl, Garnet is a fusion and I don't even know what he is supposed to be." She pointed a Steven when she said that. "And he is 'unique' but indifferent." She pointed to Jet, who continued to stare at her with widen eyes.

What the fuck kind of offhand glorification shit did you just pull, author? Unique but indifferent? Did you at least wipe your lips after you sucked off your own gemsona?

"You're the only crystal gem that's actually a gem."

"Umm...haa...what?" Amethyst said, a bit flustered.

"By standards, you outrank everyone on your team." Peridot said, clasping her hands together. "They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully functional soldier even though you're defective."

"Defective?" Amethyst said, her eyes widen a bit.

Widen a bit, widen a bit, get some damn vocabulary, author. The English language has a plethora of words, hence why I’m using it.

"What?" Jet said, his eyes widening too.

"Well, sure." Peridot said, a hand on her hip. "You're small."

"So?" Amethyst said.

"Well, you're not supposed to be." Peridot said.

Oh, I just can’t wait for the author to put his foot in Jet’s mouth, while thinking he’s saying all the right things in the face of issues he couldn’t grasp, even if it had an easy-grip safety rail.

"Hold on, let me guess." She pointed to a hole in wall not too far from them. Peridot walked over to it and mentioned for the others to follow. Jet had a slight idea of where Peridot was going with because this is the area where Pearl and Amethyst duked it out before he had to intervene.

And we are right back to the author prancing through shit he deliberately altered to stroke Jet’s ego, but now pretends could be deciphered without it. Fuck you, InsaneGuy2010, your insulting narrative skipped even the vital indication that Amethyst has an issue with her origin of having been made through draining the Earth of energy. Now you retroactively mash this on top, thinking no one will notice your blunder.

"This is the hole that you came out of." Peridot stated, looking at the small crater that was about Amethyst's height.

How about you checked out the crater your brain left from escaping your skull, author? Stop substituting random words with inapplicable synonyms, asshole.

Amethyst scowled at the place that she came out of, not being too fond of it.


These are the events that were left to transpire unaltered while Jet was stalking her and Steven in your pathetic recap of the episode, author. An episode which you didn’t care about despite the actual potential Jet could have had to gain insight into his girlfriend’s view of herself. But no, you don’t understand nor do you care, because you only focus on whatever you think is going to have Amethyst vulnerable enough for your skinsuit to score suck-up points with her.

Peridot peeked her head inside. "It's too small, too low and the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole." Peridot peered her head out and resumed talking to them. "This place must've been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like."

Big deal, that’s like half the fanfic in general. Characters are only described when they are introduced unless it’s Jet and his afro.

"Peridot." Steven said, trying to stop her from saying some else. Amethyst did not look happy. She was scowling at Peridot, her fist clenched in suppressed anger.

"What was I supposed to look like?" Amethyst said, through gritted teeth.

"Well, you're a quartz." Peridot said, as she started to walk back to the injector drill. "They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size, board shoulders and intimidating but you simply stayed in the ground too long."

I think a bunch of people on the Internet refer to it as ‘fun-sized’.

"Are you saying I'm wrong?" Amethyst asked, as she watched Peridot take a seat by the end of the injector.

"Well, yes." Peridot said, as she started to laugh a bit.

Oh for fuck sake, include her saying ‘gemetically’, author. Your incessant need, to go "Well, I didn't understand that word, so it can't have been important, therefore I'll leave it out or alter it altogether.", is bordering on slander!

"When you think about it, it's kinda funny."

"Amethyst..." Jet said, looking at her with worried eyes. She looked as if she was about to snap.

"Hey soldier." Peridot said. "Maybe you can help me get this drill head off?" Amethyst didn't say anything as she summoned her weapon. Jet didn't know if she was going to attack Peridot or not, though if she did, he wouldn't blame her. She simply swiped her whip at the front end of the drill, knocking of the drill head in one clean swoop.

If only Amethyst could use her whip to knock some sense into your head, author. And by that, I mean slice it clean off as is what is actually happening here!

"See, look at that?" Peridot said, as she ran up to the drill head. "You can do everything that a normal quartz can do! Now, let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face." Peridot walked off, leaving the others to handle the drill. Jet picked it up with ease (thanks to his training)

Because he’s cool and he trains, guys, the author has to remind us constantly in case we didn’t get it that his powers were earned off-screen instead. Or is it the sitting-on-his-asstro training that helps here? Why the fuck should that parenthesis even matter, when Steven could probably lift that drill?

and looked at Amethyst with the same look of worry in his eyes.

"Amethyst, are you OK?" Steven asked, worried about Amethyst.

"Don't worry about it." Amethyst said, her teeth gritted in anger.

The trip from The Kindergarten was an awkward one. Peridot kept talking about gem differences and Jet and the others had no choice but to listen to her.

Yes, because Jet, who has previously snapped at Peridot in more chapters than just this one to make her shut up, was this time cowed from doing anything of the sort, as the author had no better idea of a pretended transition.

Jet glance to notice that Amethyst was still pissed off at what Peridot had said but remained to keep quiet. Jet didn't know what to say to her to make her feel better, he wasn't so great at cheering people up.

You say that like he’s supposed to even be great at anything.

When they got back, Amethyst went over to the barn where Garnet and Pearl was and went inside. She folded her arms in frustration and Jet sat the drill that he was carrying next to Pearl.

"Oh, it's lovely!" Pearl said, marveling the drill. "To think that we'd be using the same technology that started all of this to fix it, this drill is pure irony!" Jet sweat dropped at this.

What is there to sweat drop at, you oaf? It is literally irony. Is it just that you don’t know what the word is even supposed to mean?

"Actually, it's mostly carbonate!"

Okay, look, my biggest issue with these ridiculous misspellings and word alterations, is that I can't tell if I should slap the author across the face or high five his autocorrect.

Peridot shouted, from where she was. Garnet had tied her back up to the fence and Steven was sitting right next to her. Jet sat next to Garnet and Garnet looked at him.

"What's wrong?" Garnet asked, noticing his demeanor.

"Nothing." Jet said, folding his arms.

"You're lying." Garnet said, folding her arms as well.

"Ah, right. That vision of yours." Jet said.

Because you’d actually need future vision to tell what this brick is emoting most of the time, despite the author telling us she noticed his demeanor already.

"Well, Peridot said some pretty mean things to Amethyst. I wish I could cheer her up, even just a little."

Here's a thought, jJet. You could talk to her. Ask her if she's alright. Tell her you are there for her. Steven has been more supportive of Amethyst than you in this story, and you are supposed to be her boyfriend! You haven’t even made an attempt to approach her, yet you act like you tried and failed at something, but we can’t have that because that would detracts from your Marty Stu-ness. You aren't stunted, you are fucking braindead.

"I see." Garnet said, her attention shifting to Peridot, who was shouting something about 'clods.' That didn't surprise any of them.

"Looks like she throwing another one of her temper tantrums." Pearl said, noticing what Peridot was doing. "I'm surprise you three made it out of The Kindergarten without driving each other crazy."

"Tch." Amethyst muttered from the barn.

'I gotta try to cheer her up.' Jet thought, getting up from his seat.

”Now that I have announced my motivation and the canon isn’t in the way, the author can allow me to act human for once.”

Jet went into the barn and notice that she was leaning against the wall. She glanced at him and turned her head a little.

"Remember when I first meet you and asked where all of the crystal gems were as pretty as you?"

Remember how you pretended you were going to leave forever, just to get a reaction out of her?

Jet asked, causing Amethyst to blush. Jet barely could see it as her head was still turned. "Well, to me, it doesn't matter what you are supposed to be. To me, you are you." Amethyst turned her head to look at him.

"I remember that stuff that Topaz said."

I’m amazed you even remember Topaz, because even Topaz seems to have forgotten he himself exists in this fanfic.

Jet continued as he placed his hands in his pockets. "About me being some sort of rare gem and how my gem kind was wiped out. I don't care about that because it doesn't truly define me.

No, you don’t care about that because you haven’t had a single thought about it or anything else. And it’s not even comparable, because you are essentially Son Goku complaining about his origins while talking to a person contemplating their birth defects!

You shouldn't let what Peridot said define you. Besides..." Jet trailed off and stepped closer to Amethyst. "I like the way you are." Amethyst eyes widen and she went to wrap her arms around Jet.

"You suck at cheering people up." Amethyst joked, smiling a bit.

I don’t see the joke, beyond the fact that he said all the wrong things while admitting to an over-cooked gem fetish. You are supposed to say you don’t care how she is, while emphasizing the importance whether or not she likes the way she is, Jet. But everything is all about what you think, isn’t it?

"But thanks..." Jet smiled and leaned down to kiss her. Amethyst closed her eyes and puckered her lips, preparing for it until the sound of rumbling was heard. The two walked outside and the first thing they notice was that the drill was going haywire. Jet ran up to Peridot to try to see what was wrong.

Well, aside from the obvious of the drill going haywire like you just said, the problem is that this is happening without a time-skip setting up the current premise, yet everything will happen as if it had. You know, the natural state of this fanfic.

"I was working on the drill when something just went wrong." She stated. "It's malfunctioning, it must be the wires." Jet was trying to figure out how to stop the drill without destroying it.

Why? You can get a spare one at the Kindergarten still, why do you have to start pretending you have the ability to stop anything in the canon?

Brute force was always his way out stopping things. While trying to figure out how to stop it, Steven jumped inside of the seated drill and was twirling inside of it.

"Wait!" Peridot said. "The panel inside-"

And again the timing of things are off, as Steven wouldn’t be jumping into the drill without knowing the panel being the issue. It’s almost like this fanfic was copying the canon with an attempt to pass a plagiary algorithm off of YouTube.

"It's OK, I got it!" Steven said, while he was spinning inside. The drill was spinning out of control and it was heading towards Amethyst.

"Amethyst!" Both Jet and Peridot shouted. Jet started to take off after her until a giant hunk of metal was heading towards him.

'What the?' Jet said, as he quickly summoned his weapon and sliced the metal in half. The two pieces landed on either side of him. 'It must've been the debris that the drill is slinging around. I got reach Amethyst before-' His thought was cut off as Peridot pushed Amethyst out of the drill's way.

Oh, this is rich. Another excuse for the super-fast Master of Air Marty Stu to be hindered at every instance like the leashed little bitch that he is. Yeah, I’m a hundred percent convinced that this farm soil is rich with giant hunks of metal that a surface-skirting giant drill can just hurl in Jet’s specific direction. If it wasn't because I'm convinced the author couldn't make a plot worth a damn and that his retention of the show only extends a few episodes ahead of those he write, I'd suspect Peridot just tried to covertly kill Jet.

The drill stopped and Steven peered his head from the drill's seat.

"It's OK." Steven said, with swirls in his eyes. "I stopped it." Peridot landed on top of Amethyst when she pushed her out of the way. Jet found the sight to be erotic and he had to take a deep breath to stop his other 'partner' from getting excited.


This? I’m assuming that’s what you’re talking about, author, since you can’t describe shit like usual. This is what you find erotic? The logical outcome from a savior collision leading up to a ‘please get off me’? I know it’s teasing a possible bonding, but let’s not go into ship-wars now, because I can’t believe you openly announce you popped a boner at this scene in this children’s cartoon!!

"Umm, Peridot?" He heard Amethyst say. Peridot immediately got off her. Jet looked around and started to wonder where Pearl and Garnet was.

Didn’t you notice they teleported away when the author moved the events that just transpired ahead of time?

"We leave for one second and everything goes off the rail!" He heard Pearl say. He turned around and notice that Pearl and Garnet were heading in their direction.

"I blame the cows." Garnet said, folding her arms.

And I blame the author.

"No, it's fine." Pearl said, looking at the damaged drill. "We'll rebuild it better, we'll add seat-belts!"

The sun was setting and the crew decided to clean up the mess before nightfall.

And another time alteration as Pearl should be speaking her line exactly after this time skip the author now enforces. Because this is what people came to read, isn't it? Ineffectual or detrimental changes to dialogue, insignificant or damaging alterations of the time of which events take place, and a bland and idiotic self-insert incapable of altering the canon, and all around misrepresented source material. What amazes me is that the author himself is somehow entertained by writing this mess.

Steven, Jet and Amethyst was a little distance from the barn and they were picking up the debris there. Amethyst was picking up a tire and Steven had a shovel, patching up the loose dirt. Jet had a rake to smooth out the dirt that Steven was patching out.

The two chunks of metal Jet had left in his wake would stay in the void where it belonged.

"Hey, are you alright?" Steven asked Amethyst, causing her to look at him. "That was a close one. Good thing Peridot was there to save you."

I’m proud of Steven. He knows that Jet couldn’t even be relied on to zip his own fly if someone’s life depended on it.

Amethyst scoffed and threw the tire behind her. Jet guessed that Peridot wasn't off the hook just yet.

"Yes, it is a good thing." Peridot said, spooking them a bit from her sudden appearance. Peridot glanced at Amethyst to notice that her arms were folded. "Listen, I... umm..."

"Spit it out." Amethyst said, causing Peridot's eyes to widen a bit.

Wondering about the odd request, Peridot never the less proceeded to hog a loogie to start off her apology.

"Ugh." Peridot groaned. "Why are you Earth ones so difficult?"

Earthlings, you deaf doof. You are doing this on purpose, aren’t you? Why do people have to suffer your half-assed writing exercises? It’s bad enough that you keep the canon moving on, but this is a turn of events Jet and anyone tuning in wouldn’t know why is taking place, because Peridot has not been witnessed to learn she was behaving wrongly.

She took out her tape recorder and pressed the play button on it.

"Log dat 2."

I keep having to make up theories why your writing sucks like this, author. Do you have a cat that's fond of your delete key?

Her recorded voice said. "This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by any of these crystal gems.

Thank you. That’s what I’ve been saying throughout this entire fanfic!

I have concluded that they are all defective...but I am no better." Amethyst eyes widen a bit and turned her head towards Peridot. "I failed my mission and now I'm working with the enemy and I can't even get that right. I have apparently hurt Amethyst's... feelings, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best gem here, then I have made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope that you understand, I want to understand. I'm sorry. Peridot, sector 5, end log."

Facet 5, you belligerent maggot! What is wrong with you?! You slave to copy down the script word for word, and then pin a different, context-ruining word you think means the same thing as yet-to-be-explained lore, in order to pretend you didn’t do just that.

She pressed the stop button on her tape recorder.

"Oh, Peridot." Steven said, causing Peridot to snort at him.

"Hey, umm... Peridot." Amethyst said, causing Peridot to look at her. "Thanks." Peridot let out a small smile at that. "But, you're still a nerd." Jet laughed at that and Amethyst walked off.

You know what, you just do what you always do, Jet. Stand around and pretend you exist.

"I'll be sure to add that to my notes." Peridot said, a bit annoyed at the nerd comment.

Looking through my own notes, I’m starting to fondly remember why I was happy to be done with this fanfic. A sentiment I hope I can enjoy a while still after this chapter. The moderate sexualizing I can handle. The empty dead air and events taking place in a void, that I’m used to. But the incessant, unashamed canon-rehash, which the author attempts to disguise by random word roulette even after acknowledging it himself, while being called out on the need for an original character to bring something new to the story in the reviews, that’s fucking infuriating.

User avatar
Posts: 141
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Thu Jan 31, 2019 4:26 pm

And Jet's Universe makes a return worse than a hangnail. My memory of this isn't even that faint, because the author has done nothing to create anything original when it comes to self-insertion, and anything he has managed to inject fails deliberately at altering the canon. The author manages to make himself out as that annoying acquaintance who wants to show you a cool movie he likes. You sit down and watch it with him. You know the movie already, you like it, you find interest in sharing the moment, but the author does nothing but burping or talking over the movie, ruining the whole thing and preventing you from even enjoying the better parts of it. That's kind of like what this fanfic is to me, only worse, because to be an apt analogy, the movie would have to be a homemade amateur reshoot, with lazily cosplayed scene-reenactments spliced in between the author filming himself swinging around his prop katana and tipping his fedora in his parents' backyard. That is, when the author even manages to do even that much. Here's Chapter 25, It Could've Been Great.

Sorry for the lack of an update to this story (bows head in shame).

There are certain other lacks with this fanfic you should be ashamed of, author.

I've been busy with my Gaming channel on YouTube and work. With those going on, I honestly forgot about this story completely.

And I on occasion wake up at night bathed in sweat at the recollection that this trash still exists. Life's not fair, is it?

I'll try to focus on it a bit more and not have you guys wait a year for the next chapter. Honestly, I hope you for can forgive me for that and not spam the hate in the reviews (I'd rather you PM me the hate if you have any). Anyway, enjoy the chapter folks!

You don't deserve hate, author. Complaints, ridicule, a clue about how to not write your self-insert as a sociopath maybe, but certainly not hate.


Chapter 25

It Could've Been Great

A statement that couldn't have been said about this fanfic, even at Chapter 1.

The sun was setting and the gang was enjoying the break that they've decided to take from the drill. Everyone seemed relaxed except for Peridot, who was getting annoyed at everyone because they weren't helping her at the moment. It has been 2 days since the incident between Peridot and Amethyst and a day since Steven's Birthday, which ended up with Steven reverting into his baby form. That was hectic to figure out how and why that happened.

The how and why was totally the issue, not on how to fix it, of course. At least this brute-force flashback can't be any worse than half of Chapter 15.

To make a long story short, his dad showed Connie a couple of photos of Steven through an album book and Steven noticed that he hasn't changed much since the age of 8. Jet assured Steven that his change will come in due time and that he shouldn't rush the process.

Because Jet has so much abundant knowledge in this particular area, of course! Even in indirect flashback narration Jet steals dialogue.

Steven didn't listen and ended up stretching his body for the remainder of the day. The excessive use of his stretching was more than what he could handle and it ended up reverting him to infant form. He was back to himself the following day though.

Oh, great, just fuck over even the thought of using the words 'shape shifting' to hint at 'stretching' meaning gem powers, or mention that Steven did it in secret, or even have Jet be interested enough in learning the episode's moral of what lead to Steven's recovery. Unless it benefits Jet in any way, the ass clown won't even spare it a thought.

Currently now, the gang (including Lion)

Because the author is still pretending that he doesn't have to include Jet in these kinds of parentheses.

was enjoying the sunset as they were sitting on the grass near the barn. Jet leaned back and closed his eyes. Everything just felt so right at the moment, the wind letting off a gentle breeze, the birds chirping as they made their way home and the soft sounds that were coming from the ukulele that Steven was playing with. Peridot couldn't take how calm everyone was.

She had only ever known them to be in either three states; crying, singing, or both.

"Steven." Peridot said, getting his attention.

"Hi." Steven said, leaning on Lion, who had his eyes closed at the moment.

"Why did we stop working on the drill?" She asked, pointing towards it. "Why are they just sitting there looking at nothing." She then pointed to Jet and the others, who were still enjoying the moment and tuning her out.

The practice of tuning out Jet every moment of their conscious existence has finally paid off.

"We worked hard and deserved to take it easy for a little bit." Steven said, as he continued to play his ukulele. "I mean, just look at that view!" Steven turned his head to look at the sunset and Peridot looked at it as well. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"It's going to be blown to oblivion if we don't get back to work!" She yelled at him.

"Do you have any idea how many seasons behind schedule the author is?!"

"Working hard is important, but feeling good is important to." Steven said, causing Peridot to slightly growl.

"What are you talking about?!" She yelled. Steven smiled at her and continued to play his instrument. Peridot stood there and stared at him for a moment. A ladybug flew in front of her, causing her to jump back a little. The ladybug landed on the grass in front of her and she lean in closer to inspect it. It flew away and she watched as it did, she seemed fascinated by it. She shook her head and went back towards the drill to complete work on it.

You're just going to keep dicking over the show like this, author? Skip every event pertaining to a song that is essential to someones character development, and instead splice in a mix of a cut-away and a short scene from a later episode's flashback? You still can't even be assed to put the honor on Jet's shoulder and make him hold relevance, but instead just pretend that character development will proceed as if you didn't simply hit skip on your YouTube feed?

Night quickly fell and the gang headed towards the barn. Jet let out a small yawn and looked at the now completed drill. He noticed that Peridot was smirking to herself, obviously proud of the work she put in her part. Steven had stars in his eyes as he looked up at the drill.

"Nice work." Garnet said, patting Peridot on the back. That startled Peridot, as she took a couple steps back from Garnet. The gang looked at one another then started to laugh. Steven hugged Peridot from behind and she didn't mind.

"We really did it, huh?" She asked.

"We?" Steven said, joking with her.

Yes, author, your apt attention to simple yet impactful details strikes yet again with this beyond accurate retelling. Of course it was all just a joke to Steven, how Peridot had finally begun addressing their shared contribution to the project, acknowledging herself as part of their group. You know, that thing you can't even have Jet do while you pretend that it merely is so! You are a joke, author!!

"I need to check something." She said, as she suddenly released herself from Steven's hug and climbed inside of the drill.

"She's come so far." Steven said, smiling. "It feels like yesterday that she was trying to kill us."

"No, no. That was several weeks ago." Pearl said.

I'm pretty sure that ever since Rose Quartz left, the Crystal Gems have become the 'We Almost Killed Steven' club, and literally everyone is a card-carrying member.

"Coordinates." Peridot said, peeking her head from the drill. "We still need the cluster's exact coordinates to drill."

What, are the odds of 'straight down' not good enough for you?

"Well." Pearl started. "There's a diamond base that may hold that information, but getting there is going to be difficult."

"Why's that?" Jet asked, curious as to where this base was.

"Because we can't get there by warping." Pearl said. "And it's on..." She looked up in the sky, causing Jet to raise an eyebrow and look up as well.

"The moon!" Steven said, causing Jet's eyes to widen.

"The moon?" Jet repeated, surprise by Steven's response.

Did Ronaldo tell you the moon is a hologram made by Sneeple, or did you not have any other way to remind us you still exist, Jet?

"Yes, the moon." Pearl said, causing Jet's eyes to widen a little more.

"The freaking moon..." Jet muttered to himself. "But how?"

"I'll take care of that." Steven said as he walked towards a sleeping Lion. "Lion, can you make us a special super warp to the moon?" Steven asked him. Lion lazily opened his eyes and grunted as a response. He rolled over to his side and started to close his eyes once more.

"Come on, Lion." Steven pleaded to him. "We gotta do this to stop the cluster, if we don't then there's gonna be no more Earth. No more fun times with your pals, no more lion more naps..." Lion got up to his feet and let out a mighty roar, his eyes glowing white in the process.

"Guess it was naps." Steven said, looking back at the gang.

"So..." Jet started. "How are all of us gonna fit on Lion?"

"I'll take care of that." Garnet said, adjusting her visor. Jet sweat dropped upon hearing that.

Yeah, you must be shedding your constantly reasonless sweat, because Garnet contributes in no way what so ever besides sitting on Lion, despite the author's ham-fisted wedging-in of this empty-headed additional dialogue. And yet we are already a third through the episode too, because of skipping a song, and having Jet not even having reflective thoughts on the situation or even the reality he inhabits at this point.


Lion started to take off, running at a ridiculous speed with so many on his back. Garnet sat towards the back-end of Lion with Jet in front of her and Pearl and Amethyst in front of him. Peridot was near the mane and Steven was hidden inside of Lion, peeping out every now and again to breath.

Because the canon way, of both Steven and Peridot being halfway inside the mane on the whole trip, displayed as such with both sound and light throughout the scene, that would only make this fanfic less plausible, of course. I even watched a clip of it in 144p in a fit of trying to figure out how you miss shit like this, author, and it's still clear as day. Why are you like this?

Lion was running down a grassy slope until he let out a roar to make a warp.

The outside world vanished in what seemed like an instance, as they were currently inside a warp that Lion was making for them. They were traveling at an incredible speed and Jet was finding it hard to keep his eyes open because of the intense speed.

Because the old excuse, of Jet not having his eyes open, makes it easy for the author to excuse not describing a warping process.

Lion let out another roar and his speed seemed to double in the process. Jet couldn't keep his eyes open at this point and closed them. He heard Lion roar yet again and the speed seemed to double once again.

This process repeated itself a few times and then suddenly stopped. Jet opened his eyes to find him and the others being thrown out of the warp. Lion slide into the wall and the others got off him before he slammed into it. Jet looked around to notice that they looked as though they were in some kind of command center.

That was what it looked like, but they were in fact in the alley behind Fish Stew Pizza. Really, author? A command center? Pray tell, what about a wide open and empty chamber with Diamond murals gives off this impression?

Steven walked over to Lion, who was breathing rather harshly.

"Oh, Lion." Steven said, hugging his head. "You've earned your naps for the week." Lion only grunted as a response, the warping process taking a lot out of him. The room was dark and Pearl and Garnet activated their gems to light up the room.

Why bother, since Jet already scanned the utter darkness surrounding you all and deemed this to be a command center?

"Seem though we've made it." Pearl said, looking around.

"It doesn't look like the moon." Steven said look around as well. Jet took a closer look around himself and thanks to the light that Garnet and Pearl were providing, he was able to make out the interior.

He then deemed it to look like a command center once more. Congratulations on fucking over your own narrative yet again, author.

The floor had 4 giant shaped diamonds on them.

The diamonds were shaped like clubs, believe it or not.

A yellow one, a blue one, a pink one and a white one. Jet figured that each of them represented a member of the diamond authority that Jasper and Topaz were talking about.


Yeah, they must have snuck in all that exposition in-between their lines of bragging about Jet's price range on the slave market. The Diamond Authority has only ever been mentioned once by someone in this fanfic, and that was Garnet while out of Jet's earshot. Jasper was following script, and Topaz was ever only regurgitating her lines, when not being used as a wall to bounce off Jet's edgyness and super powers. Author, not only do you drone on, pretending the canon fixed itself while you ignored it, you are now retconning mundane bullshit, just to have Jet seem on the superior pillar of the up-and-up, moments before the actual knowledge is being handed to him and everyone else, because you can't accept the idea of your self-insert not being superior to everyone around him in any way. Admit to that, or admit I know your story better than you do.

He looked around and seen wall murals of them as well. Jet grunted and walked to look around some more.

"Hey look over here!" Amethyst said, getting everyone's attention. She was by an area that looked like a giant door next to it. "I think it's a door..." She pressed her hand on the side of it and it opened, showing them the outside. It was almost pitch black and Earth could be seen in the distance. She quickly closed the door back, her hair ruffed a bit by the air that escaped pass her.

"Yup." She said, grinning at them. "We on the moon!"

You'd think that Jet would perhaps have noticed a shift in his own gravity to confirm this, like Steven does in a moment, but it's not like the author can even manage to write an immersive narrative when he imagines himself fucking Amethyst.

"Amethyst, please!" Pearl said, getting a little annoyed at Amethyst actions. "Don't blow us into space!" Pearl look as though she was going to continue until she heard the sound of Steven chuckling.

"Whoa!" Steven said, as he started to bounce around. "Look at me! I'm a moon boy!" He started to bounce around, falling at a slow decent. Amethyst eyes widen upon seeing Steven bounce around like he was and she went to catch him. He jumped up in the air and she hit the ground rather hard.

It's, I dunno, okay that you think that Amethyst for some reason needs to go into protective mode here, author, but why? Originally she tries to join Steven in the fun because he is doing fine and laughing. And you have her state the exact dialogue for the now misconstrued motivation on the following line to this paragraph. Stop pretending you are writing original content, when all you are doing is nudging the canon out of shape, or even worse, producing a faulty recount.

"Hey!" She said, looking at Steven flipping in the air. "How come I can't be a moon boy?"

"We're gems." Peridot said. "We're a space fearing race designed to conquer other worlds. Our physical forms adjust automatically to the gravity of any planetoid."

"In hindsight, we would probably have been much better at conquering worlds by now if we had decided to get over our fear of space first."

"Aww... lame." Amethyst said, slightly disappointed.

"Hey, Peridot." Jet said, mentioning her over to where he was. "Who is this?" He pointed at the mural of a very tall woman. Peridot went over to where he was and then let out a gasp, causing Jet to raise an eyebrow.

I'm pretty sure you've raised those eyebrows of yours more often than you've had lines of dialogue at this point, Jet. They are practically the only true training you do anymore.

"It's blue diamond." She said. "Wait... all they all here?" She started to look around, her gem emitted a light to assist her in her search. "Ah, yes! There she is."

"Who?" Jet said, following her. He saw another woman, her mural as yellow as the sun.

"Behold!" She said, clearly excited. "Yellow Diamond!" Jet looked at the mural, its stature very intimidating.

It's the neck, isn't it?

"Isn't she magnificent?" Peridot asked with stars in her eyes. Jet remained silent, his eyes focus on the mural of Yellow Diamond.

'She was the one who order the attack on us?' He thought, his anger starting to rise a bit.

Can you get over yourself? People want you dead, big deal, pretending to get angry now is almost evidence enough that you need to be held back on the command center tour, in order to get a recap.

He realized that and took a breath to calm himself down. Steven walked over and looked at what they were looking at. He asked the same question that Jet asked and she give the same response, more or less.

Because Steven had to be forcibly reinserted back into the canon from where Jet knocked him away. If you can't even let your persona share the spot-light and exposition, author, then don't simply go "Oh, and then Steven came over and the exact same thing that just happened got repeated, so now we can move on as usual and only have Steven use questions that display ignorance, because I'm never done sucking my self-insert's dick."

"So..." Steven said. "Who are the diamonds anyway? Seems like a big deal." Peridot's eyes widen in disbelief.

"Are you joking me?" Peridot asked, causing both Jet and Steven to raise an eyebrow. "The diamonds are the absolute.

Ah, I see, author. Letting Peridot say the words 'Gem Matriarchs' would start to draw into question your decision to inject an unwarranted male gem into this mess. Topaz might have disappeared from this fanfic entirely by now, but he's with us in spirit.

Together, they make up the great Diamond Authority that governs home world and all the outline colonies. We live to serve them-" She stopped when she heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. That someone was Garnet, who happened to wonder over to where they were. She was glaring down at Peridot, who looked up at her.

"I-I mean we were all made to serve even though some of us...don't anymore." Peridot said, nervously. "Hey, I think there is a control server over there! Let's look!"

Replacing their control surfaces with servers was only logical, since they just can't stop going on with how they serve the Diamonds and are you fucking deaf, author, or are you looking to dodge a plagiary prize, despite your obvious intent?

She ran off to the other side of the room with Steven behind her. Jet and Garnet exchanged looks for a moment then decide to see what Peridot was talking about.

"I think this is right." Jet and Garnet walked up on Peridot saying. She was feeling around on the ground where she was. "The material is different from the surrounding stone. I think if I just do this..." She pressed down hard on the surface and it started to glow. This got the attention of Amethyst and Pearl, who was making their way towards them.

The surface continued to glow for a moment and then it started to raise, making misshaped stairs from them to walk on.

Even if you meant the word makeshift, like you've done in the past, author, these are actual stairs. You do know what the word makeshift means, right?

During this process, the stairs continued to rise, disturbing Lion from his resting place. He looked around as if confused and wondering what exactly knocked him from a comfortable position. Jet looked as the makeshift

Oh, hey, look, you finally did it, author. By gosh, you'll learn this darn English language even though it takes you one word a chapter.

stairs continued to form and they seemed to wrap around the confines of the building. He heard Peridot giggling to herself.

"This is so incredible." Peridot stated, as they were climbing the stairs. Steven didn't even bothered walking, he was enjoying bouncing instead. "Only the most elite of the elite can enter these sanctums. We are literally walking in the footsteps of the diamonds."

"They must be a fan of stairs." Jet mumbled, as he placed his hands in his pockets. He was regretting not grabbing a jacket on this trip. He could take the coldness of outside for a brief period but space was on a different level of coldness for him.

You are on a moon base. You are investigating a site having belonged to aliens. Said aliens are also your anger-inducing enemies who are out for your head, when they don't want to sell you as a slave. You are getting even a steady trickle of knowledge from the gradual turncoat walking alongside you. And this is how your train of thought progresses, with such marvel, such curiosity, such investment in the world you pretend to inhabit? You chose to waste your author-endowed momentary proof of existence on bellyaching about feeling chilly, when Steven himself arrived here with a jacket, almost as if it was a natural thing to wear at night when outdoors, you insipid sod!

The group continued the ascendment up the stairs until they reached a corridor that was mostly empty. In the center of the corridor held a single, sphere shaped object that was floating in midair.


Yeah, a circular room spanning the entire floor of a tower, that sure looks like a corridor to me too, author, you buffoon.

"Hey, what's this room?" Steven asked, looking around.

Don't you mean 'this corridor'?!

"It's not what we came for." Garnet said as she starting walk up the other set of stairs that were there.

"Can we hurry it up?" Amethyst asked. "This place is giving me the creeps." Steven took one last look at the mysterious object and joined the others as the continued climbing the stairs.

I guess they were going too fast up the last few stairs, causing Jet to keep his eyes closed.

The stairs finally ended and the gems found themselves in a room with a glorious view of the outside. The room was surrounded by a glass dome and in the center, was a control panel with a good view of Earth. Jet let out a low whistle, impressed at the view of Earth that he was looking at.

"We really are on the moon." He said, looking around some more.

Do you expect applause, author? I mean that seriously. You take the exact dialogue lines out of Steven's mouth and have Jet speak them instead, writing as if no one will notice, which you know they have, perpetuating the impression of you thinking that you doing so is an achievement worth this trash heap of reused words you call a fanfic. You are proving to others and yourself how empty your own skin-suit is, when you can't even provide him with original thought to anything not remotely connected to getting into Amethyst's crotch!

"Oh my, goodness!" He heard Peridot say. "This looks like it could be brand new!" He looked in her direction to notice that she was talking about the control panel. The crystal gems looked over the panel with her and Jet made his way over. "I mean, it's a relic by today's standard, but golly it's so elegant, so perfect!"

Eugh. Mac users.

"So, how do you turn it on?" Amethyst asked

"I have no idea." Peridot said.

Eugh. Mac users.

Steven sat in the chair that was placed behind the control panel and saw something that caught his eye. He placed his hand on the side of the chair and the control panel started to glow.

"Hey!" He said. "It has one of those hand thingies." Peridot turned around and let out a gasp.

Any time you want to chime in and actually establish you know what a hand thingy is, Jet? We are going to go 360 words without your name popping up, you could at the very least try and convince me you are not simply gazing at your reflection in the moonlight or something?

"You can't sit there!" She yelled, causing Steven to raise an eyebrow.

"Why not?" He asked. "It's really cool!"

"That chair is only for the elite gems." Peridot said, a look of worry on her face. "You can't go around sitting where an elite would sit."

Is it a surprise to anyone that I feel like conveying the same sentiment at every frame of this show that Jet infringes upon?

"Well, they're aren't here now." Steven said. He slid over to make room then he patted the spot right next to him. "Right?" He was smiling and Peridot remained silent for a moment. She then walked slowly to the chair and sat right next to Steven. She started to chuckle for a bit until Steven took a white crystal from his right-hand side.

Did you mirror the chair just to piss me off, or have you been watching these episodes through mirrored videos on YouTube, author?

"What's this thing for?" He asked, as he looked over it.

"Put that back." Peridot said. He did and Peridot pressed her hand on one of the many switches that the chair hand on it.


One 'hand thingy' and a slim touch-panel that Peridot simply swipes her finger across. Not a lot of switches. By the time we get to Homeworld, this moronic author's attention to descriptions will have rendered this sci-fi space civilization into a steampunk demagogy.

This particular switch that she hit made the chair slide closer to the control panel. The others quickly moved out of the way to avoid contact. Peridot started to mess with the control panel and a screen popped up.

"This is a really old system." Peridot said, as she continued to mess with the panel.

5000 updates behind and about three times that amount of terms and conditions to accept.

"Gotta find the right... file... ah ha! Ok... cluster, cluster where are you?" She was going through the files of the panel and the screen showed an image of Earth. It zoomed in on a location in America. "Ah, there's the insertion point. Looks like the Beta Kindergarten in sector 9.

It's minor, but it's the same symptom as everything else that's bad about this fanfic. It's facet, like gem facets, not sector, author. Remove and replace distinct and recognizable words with barely applicable substitutions like this while you are busy picking your navel, when not fondling your junk, and you are effectively exorcising what little claim to this universe you could have with your fanfic. Let's just address the gems as rocks, crystals as gems, and robonoids as robots, while we are at it. Oh, wait, you did that too, didn't you? Next you'll probably address fusions as combinations, hybrids as chimeras, and upwards as sideways.

It's the smaller of the two, not nearly as impressive as yours Amethyst."

"Umm...thanks?" Amethyst said, raising her eyebrow at that.

"But where is the cluster now?" Pearl asked.

"Hang on." Peridot said, as she started to type on the panel. The screen showed coordinates on it and Jet arched an eyebrow, none of it making sense to him.

You have to try in order to draw a blank at two circles and a dotted line, idiot.

"There it is! It's embedded deep in the mantle. Relative to the barn, it's roughly 2,500 units down. All we need to do is feed this data to the drill and we should be all set."

"That's it then! Mission accomplished!" Pearl said, smiling a bit.

"Yeah team!" Steven said, throwing a fist in the air.

"Great." Amethyst said, walking away from the panel. "Let's get the heck of here."

And let's hear it for another cricket chirp from Jet, ladies and gentlemen.

The others started to walk away as well. Steven and Peridot remained at the panel for the time being.

"Wait." Steven said, looking at Peridot. "Does this thing have any games on it?"

"No, no. no. no." Peridot said. "This isn't used for games..."

I hope your mom knew how to clean her browser history, Steven.

"Aw." Steven pouted.

"It was used for planning the colony." Peridot started to type once more. "Here, look!" Jet and the others turned around, curious to what she was talking about. The screen showed the continents of the Earth, it had specific red dots all over them.

Which, of course, made no sense to Jet.

"So, here's a map of all structures that was originally built on Earth..." Jet and the gems made their way towards the control panel as Peridot continued to explain.

"...All told, this probably only accounts for maybe 5 of what was originally planned." Peridot said, as she continued to go through the files.

"What was the plan?" Steven asked.

Cancelled filler and townie episodes, if you ask the fandom, probably.

"Well, let's look." Peridot said, as she pressed a button. The screen disappeared and a mini virtual image of the Earth was shown. Suddenly, parts of the Earth started to dissolve away. The crystal gems let out a gasp as the Earth started to get more distorted to the point where it was unrecognizably.

A pretzel shape?! The mad gems!!

There were also communication towers all over the little surface that was available.

"Ta-da!" Peridot said. "A finished Earth colony! Wow, look at this! 89 Kindergartens, 67 spires, a galaxy warp in each section and efficient use of all available materials! What were you thinking, shutting this operation down? It could've been great!"

"No! You're wrong!" Garnet yelled.

I agree, Garnet, for safer and optimal symmetry they could at the very least have gone for rounded up numbers.

"What do you mean?" Peridot asked, as the atmosphere in the room was now tense. "It's perfect! Look at it."

"We are looking at it." Pearl said, through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, this plan stinks!" Amethyst said, her arms folded.

"Completing this colony would've meant the extinction of all life on Earth." Garnet said.

What's that Jet? You don't care enough to chime in with a word or inner monologue despite this being your own fucking planet that's the topic of conversation? Alright, carry on then, you inexistent turd.

"But think of the good it would've done." Peridot said. "The gems that would've been made. Our empire expanded!"

"Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and worth protecting." Pearl said, glaring down at Peridot.

"Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job!" Peridot said, glaring back at her. "There's be no cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony. Now, there's no colony and there's gonna be no Earth... so, thank you Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!"

So, what you are telling me, is that it's Rose Quartz's fault that Jet exists? Shit, maybe I should side with Homeworld at this point.

The gems didn't take that well, as they glared at her with their teeth gritted. Even though Jet didn't meet her, he still respected her and even thanked her for her healing spring.

Oh, could you not remind us of your fedora-tipping cringefest of bowing to and thanking a statue?

He would be forever grateful for that. He felt himself heat up from Peridot's words as a small stream of electricity emitted from his body.

Farts lightning but can't thunder for crap.

Steven looked upset at what Peridot said as well. Garnet walked up to Peridot and grabbed her by her collar, causing her to gasp.

"You, listen to me." Garnet said in a dangerous tone. She summoned her gauntlet in her free hand. "You are talking about things that you do not understand..." As much as he would like for Garnet to hit Peridot, Jet intervened.

"Garnet, stop." Jet said, placing a hand gently on her shoulder. "She's not worth it. We're done here, let's go home."


First of all, fuck you, you have no leading position to give directions, and you also have no place nor weight to those words, Jet. Constantly the author feeds you lines from Steven's script, rendering them meaningless for the very reason the author picked them. Steven's mother was the topic, you asshat, who else but Steven would have any ability to diffuse that situation and not be rightly ignored for his own lack of role in this? Jet has not even proven once that he belongs with the Crystal Gems. He wanted to join, the gems were brainwashed by the author to want him there, and so it happened. Peridot has already taken steps that Jet hasn't, in order to fit the part!!

Jet took his hand off her shoulder and Garnet turned her head to look at him then she released Peridot. She then smashed the control panel to pieces and walked off. The others followed her as Steven stayed behind to talk to Peridot.

"What'd I say?" Peridot said, getting off the ground. "I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, they just delayed the obvious."

Delayed the inevitable, author, you oblivious hack. It's such a common phrasing, that the irony of your synonym use is not even funny.

"It's not the way they see it." Steven said, looking away from her. "They spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought, maybe, you finally understood why." He started to walk towards the stairs and Peridot placed her hands on her hips. She then looked through the rubble and pulled out the white crystal from it.

"Peridot?" Steven yelled from the stairs and Peridot hide the crystal behind her back.

"Coming!" Peridot said, as she made her way down. She walked passed Steven and Steven noticed the crystal that she was trying to hide from view.

"Let's go, you two!" Garnet said. Steven scowled at Peridot, wondering what she was up to.

Oh, are we finally bothering to get the narrative to look from Steven's point of view now? This is just to have Steven take care of half of the next chapter, while the author skips to where he can have Jet chase after Peridot again and show off his super powers at earliest convenience, isn't it?

What is even the author's end goal? That question has been relevant from the very beginning. He's not telling Jet's story. He's retelling Steven Universe, plus Jet. Jet is not being challenged, he had no actual motivation beyond purple poon, and he's nothing but a stand-in for whatever person who spoke pieces of dialogue that the author liked and felt meaningful. While "cheap escapist satisfaction" is highly plausible, I rarely see such barebones and lazy attempts to achieve it. Maybe the author just has a very low standard for finding any reward in writing this crap. Much like his standards for writing in general, I guess.

User avatar
Posts: 141
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Apr 19, 2020 9:34 am

And we are back with this fanfic, starring the main cast chained to the canon of the show, written by an author that constantly and ignorantly fails to appropriately carry over the vital details, core terminology, motivations, and character development that would even allow the plot to stay as unaltered as it still stubbornly remains. Oh, and some self-insert character is here, too, I think. It's getting harder to tell recently. And as of the moment of writing this, it's been more than a year since I mocked Chapter 25. I've skimmed through the previous chapters to catch back up to speed, and I have to unload my thoughts here in a rant, mostly to deconstruct how on every aspect and on every level this character rubs me the wrong way.

Jet. Sir Barely Appearing In This Fanfic. The self-proclaimed master of air. A gem hybrid asshat of a clown comprised of every self-insert trope the author could ever think to give him, even when they contradict and retcon each other. From one moment to the other, this dysfunctional caveman is an edgy wannabe with an afro that jumps at shadows to display none of the combat awareness and instincts he boasts to have, then a near-death power-endowment sponge, then a Super Sonic clone ascending into asspull powers that later become color coded to whatever contact lens the author wants for his cosplay. Cluelessly assuming a profession on his father's death bed, this walking anime-cliché professes himself as a Gem Hunter, wearing a worthless trenchcoat and swinging a katana that has yet to land a single hit, as all he does is pull out a new version of his energy wave attacks on every new obstacle in his path. With his forgotten super speed, 'astro' training, 'mediation', sweat drops, bumped fists, dream visions, and electric farts, every moment the author writes about him is to stroke that itch his ego needs, such as proclaiming Jet would be worth a lot on an intergalactic slave market, having a sixth sense that makes him lead Garnet by the nose, knowledge proclaimed to already be in his head right before the fact that it is unveiled, and even a cop-out result of fighting against all the Crystal Gems, this motivation-flip-flopping dunce has never had a single limit established.

But that's just his powers. I addressed him as a character, didn't I? By that, I mean that I have no choice but to call him that, because even a pile of shit is still technically a pile of something. Where do I begin? You know the run-of-the-mill, self-insert skin-suit that an author uses for wish-fulfillment, right? How about one that is written by an author that doesn't know how to interact with another sentient creature? Injected into the start of the canon like a prolonged lethal injection, this parasite invades and infiltrates the Crystal Gems to pose as one of them while a cavalcade of faked interactions transpire. He emotionally manipulates Amethyst like a sociopath, whenever the author doesn't write Jet to eat out of her mouth or fucking her as the only actual justification for calling them a couple. Steven is largely disregarded or Jet pretends to be on the same emotional wavelength as the author-coddled kid, while complaining and struggling with things the true protagonist barely finds mentionable. When it comes to fusions like Garnet and Opal, this emotionally stunted plank of wood can't look past fusion as a power source for a potential combat opponent. He even applauds the concept of Pearl's former servitude, because the moronic author thinks blind praise, playing the naive fool, or being a courteous white knight earns him the necessary and justified nookie points to excuse a future threesome. By the virtue of being aloof and ignorantly narcissistic, this ode to a restraining order fucks off for months to train overseas, leaving everyone thinking him to be dead until he shows up again. And in spite of all of this, and by the author's logic because of it, Jet sets the schedule for the team, Jet has the pull to resolve all the emotional conflict, Jet is glorified and praised by anyone the author puppeteers to talk about him, and Jet's comebacks and rebuttals are alluded to being appropriate and wise, when they are in fact nonsensical and even misses the points that prompted them. Everything is about Jet, as the title would actually insinuate, were it not fallaciously hiding this fact by pretending to allude to the canon show's name.

But how can all of this be permissible in a story, and how can the author have gotten this far with it, you might wonder? How can a story even support such an infected eyesore? Let me tell you a secret. It can't. Not that it's stopping this author any time soon. The canon simply refuses to change. Utilizing the plot armor he might as well admit to be aware of, Jet constantly acts like a commentator and author tract, stealing canon dialogue to pretend to be his own words, in order to interrupt, interject, and claim relationship points. When he isn't sidelining a character to substitute and hoard the largely author-misunderstood motivations or interactions, he is an inactive backdrop sharing inane thoughts, most of which hold no reflective worth and what of it there is pertains to how he'd prefer to either fuck, fuse, or shatter someone. The author relies mostly on his readers recalling the canon for descriptions, but even when having been called out for it he perpetuates the notion that simply shuffling dialogue or using inappropriate synonyms somehow makes his writing into anything else than railroaded plagiary. The author is stuck to the canon to the point where he can't endow Jet with autonomy, as all of Jet's decisions are reactionary or stolen, leaving him to have no impact even when his world-altering existence should cause tremors thousands of years back in time. As a boyfriend, he has no effect on Amethyst. As a member of the team, he has no effect on the Crystal Gems. The author can't commit or deviate a single bit by having Jet act or think outside canon-safe and therefore plot-driving decisions. Even when this fucker got knocked unconscious and met his mother inside his gem, this genius couldn't do much else besides being talked at and then asking her for her name.

Constantly, the author provides the evidence that he has no idea of what should have, and what would have altered the canon. He simply doesn't want to lose his safety ner, and keeps having Jet steal glory and attention for himself, destroying any willful interest in reading such a story for entertainment sake, as the canon is trampled by the lacking attention and likely unintentionally disingenuous retelling of it. So, let's now see how Peridot's character arc is likely sidelined, as Jet probably has to belch out some nonsensical and over-exaggerated viewpoint through mental chest pounding and an imaginary, tipped fedora. Here's Chapter 26, Message Received.

Wow, a lot has happened since I've posted a chapter here.

Did any of those events involve you rereading your crummy fanfic during your ten month hiatus, or did I study for a test you won't give me?

Losing my laptop did not help also losing my will to write another chapter for this story did not either. With the movie releasing two months ago, Steven Universe Future on the way and playing the games sparked my interest back into the series.

At least this time I don't need to weave my own timeline from your reviewers and the episode lists on Wikipedia to figure out the violations of your misunderstandings of the canon continuity, so thanks for that.

Since my laptop is fried, I'll have to focus on writing new chapters for my tablet.

A new spell checker for you to torment, then.

Don't worry about waiting another year for another chapter. Chapter 27 is about 45 finished already. Anyway, enjoy the chapter folks!- Insaneguy2010

Because I totally expected that Dragonlord0 had hacked your account and was writing your authors notes for you, dude, thanks for clarifying.

Chapter 26

Message Received

Lion had return Jet and the others back to Earth, safe and sound. Jet yawned as it was late out. He started to think that there were only a few hours until the sun rise. He didn't know how long that they were on the moon.

Get a phone or a wristwatch, you vagrant lout, the gems managed to gift you a house once!

Jet sat down on the grass near the barn, the need for sleep was starting to get to him. Even Steven had more energy than he did at the moment.

Maybe because he doesn't get crippling excuse-tantrums whenever he goes below one hundred percent like you.

Speaking of Steven, he was in the barn talking to Peridot about something that Jet didn't care about.

Everyone talks about something that Jet doesn't care about, because you evade the canon to allow it to unfold, just like I predicted, author, you cop-outing crook.

Jet lay back on the grass and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep in the process.


Inside Jet's Dream


Jet looked around him; he was standing on an unfamiliar beach. He scratched his head, wondering how he got to such a bizarre place.

Are we talking kindergarten level bizarre now?!

"I must be dreaming." Jet said, as he continued to look around. He continued to look around until the sound of rumbling caught his attention.

"The hell?" Jet said as he looked towards the ocean. A massive creature was emerging from it and Jet drew his weapon from his gem, preparing himself for the possibility of a threat. When the creature emerged, Jet eyes widen a little. That creature was no other than Malachite, her 4 eyes glaring down at him.

Yeah, again, I don't know if this is supposed to be a nightmare or an erotic fantasy. That is not something that should be up for interpretation, especially not with how this author writes dreams!

"You!" She said, as she started to make a slow approach towards him. Jet took a couple of steps back; he didn't want to fight her because her voice reminded him of Lapis.

He does want to exchange friendly blows with the Crystal Gems he encounters on a daily basis, of course, but some gem he only ever truly met once, who is trapped in a fusion he'd be wanting to save her from, that he can't muster a single percent for. It's obvious you want your drooling tool of a skin-suit to bang her, author, but continuously having Jet excuse himself from a single aggression that could harm even an extension of her or anyone else he likes in fear of poisoning the perceived perfect relationships you desire he'd have with them, is what is going to make me call you a simp!

Jet started to sweat and was going to defend himself, if need, until he heard the sound of someone chuckling. Jet turned his head and Topaz was right beside him.

Oh, so this is a cuckold scenario, then? I still don't understand why you threw in a potential rival dick in this story, author. Or that you think these dreams have any meaningful weight to them outside of making me suspect Jet of some embarrassing insecurities.

Jet jumped a few feet away from Topaz, slightly startled by his sudden appearance. Topaz started to laugh at that.

I'm laughing too, since this shrinking violet should be able to wipe the floor with Topaz after his latest power endowments and off-screen training.

"Well, aren't you cautious?" Topaz said, still chuckling a bit. Jet remained silent, his eyes starting to glow a fierce red and Topaz folded his arms. "Those eyes, Jett Stone. Those damn eyes..." Topaz drew his weapon and Jet found himself in a predicament. Malachite was still making her way towards him and Topaz was too.

"What the hell did I do to deserve this?" Jet asked himself. Topaz was instantly in his face, catching him off guard.

"That's simple." Topaz said; bring his weapon down on Jet's Head. "You exist."

I'd be willing to let Topaz take over the mocking for me, if it wasn't because I caught myself realizing that the obvious answer is actually wrong. Jet doesn't exist. He doesn't try to. The author makes that evident. Jet could disappear off the face of this fanfic, and nothing would change. Because nothing so far has. And having Jet channel dream visions of meaningless situations in lieu of even pretended mental conflict is not going to earn pity points, either. What the hell use does this dream - because that is all it was, a normal dream with antagonists antagonizing him - have of worth to the narrative beyond choreographed, plot-protecting filler?!


Jet woke up with a start, his breathing rugged. He looked around and noticed that Steven was talking to the gems. He looked upset about something and Jet stretched his limbs, some of them cracking in the process.

Oh, don't I wish.

He got up and walked over to where the gems were. He wanted to know what was going on, now that he felt a little refreshed.

Jet slept for 5 minutes, counting by episode timestamps and the implied time it took Steven to explain to his family what happened. Master of powernaps, this one.

The dream was still bothering him a little but he decided to push it in the back of his mind. Steven pulled out the white crystal that Peridot had back on the moon, this made the crystal gems gasp.

It has all the diamond colors visible from any angle, author, even color blind people can see more than one. Fix your damn screen saturation.

"What's going on?" Jet asked, still a bit tired.

But a little refreshed, of course, the nuance is important.

"She took a direct line from the diamonds... from the moon base..."

Yeah, I'm sure your deaf ear and backwards brain would substitute the word 'to' with 'from', author, it's almost expected at this point.

Pearl said, still a bit shocked at what Steven had in his hands. She took the crystal from Steven, marveling over it a bit. "What was she thinking?"

"Man..." Amethyst said, folding her arms. "After everything we've gone through, she's still out to get us? I'm taking back all my cool nicknames I had for her. So long, Perry and Pedda.

P-dot, author! I feel like I've just dodged your dodgy hearing aid convincing you that Amethyst has been calling Peridot a 'pedo', and I don't like it! Use a transcript, I'm begging you here!!

Hello...umm...mmm... Gah! I'm too mad! I'll think of something later!" It was quite for a moment until the sound of a horn could be heard from the barn. Jet raised an eyebrow, still wondering what happened.

"So..." He started, shifting his attention towards Steven. "What did you do to her? What lead to this?"

"Well..." Steven started. "It all started like this..."


Steven's Flashback

Because that is what we want in a fanfic, of course. A flashback of events that happened moments ago, that we didn't get to see as it happened because the canon-breaking center of attention would have flung the author out into the sphere of originality, and we are now enslaved to get an episode event retold to us unaltered for the same reason as all that I've summed up thus far. Jet is not allowed to affect the reality he pretends to inhabit.

Steven walked in the barn where Peridot was. He had seen what she did and her actions back on the moon base were making him suspicious. As soon as he entered the barn, she noticed and hid the diamond she took behind her back.

Who knew that White Diamond came in pocket size.

"Oh... it's you Steven." Peridot said, making Steven scowl a bit at her.

Do you know what a frown is, author? What Yellow Diamond will don later in this episode you are plagiarizing is a scowl.

"Peridot." Steven said. "I need to talk to you."

"Umm..." Peridot said, her eyes shifting away from him a bit. "Yeah, sure." Steven pointed to the empty truck that was abandon in the barn. He went to the driver's side and opened the door to let himself in. Once he was in, he waited for her to open the passenger's side. She did and sat down next to him, wondering what he wanted to talk about.

Marvel as the author lightly shuffles the order of how two characters enters a car.

"Why are we in this broken-down vehicle?" She asked, looking around.

"I wanted to ask you..." Steven stopped for a moment to notice that she still had one of her hands behind her back. He then focused his attention back on her. "About the diamonds."

"But mostly how Jet seems to think he knows more about them than I should at this point."

"Oh?" Peridot said, her voice showed a little more excitement from this. "Well, I don't know what the others have told you, but there's a reason they're in charge."

"Why's that?" Steven said, still scowling a bit at her.

"They're objectively better than us." Peridot said, smiling a bit. " Every gem have their strengths and weakness, but not them.

They have other gems' strengths and weaknesses.

They're absolutely, totally, completely flawless beings!

I'm sorry, I'm getting confused here, were you talking about the Diamonds or fanfic Mary Sues?

Especially, my diamond...Yellow Diamond. The most perfect, reasonable decider to ever exist in the universe!"

"You're really loyal to her, aren't you?" Steven asked, his scowl disappearing a little.

"How could I not be?" Peridot asked. "We might have our little truce, but I'll never forsake the gem that I was made for."

Would it surprise anyone that I've mocked a Steven Universe fanfic where the self-insert protagonist is legit like this, and the author considers it a plus?

"That's good because she's right behind you." Steven said, pointing behind her.

"What?" Peridot said, turning her whole body around. As soon as she did that, Steven snatched the white crystal from her back, got out of the truck, and activated the child lock on the door. He did it all in one fluid motion, as he slammed the truck door behind him. Peridot started to panic as she was now trapped.

"Save your strength." Steven said, glaring at her. "You're up against one of the Earth's greatest trapping technologies, the child safety lock!"

I'm guessing the reason Jet had to avoid being in this scene was because he'd get helplessly trapped in the car, too.

"Nooo!" Peridot shouted. "How could you do this to me, the great and lovable Peridot? I thought that we were finally becoming friends, like you wanted?"

"I saw you sneak this off the moon base, while no one else was looking." Steven said, point to the crystal in his hand. "What is it? Tell me!" Peridot scowled at him and her eyes shifted away from him.

"It's nothing special and definitely not important at all." She calmly said.

Wow, I think I've just realized the most perfectly summarized review for this fanfic.

"Really?" Steven said, holding it above his head. "Then why don't I just smash it!"

"No, no, no, no! Wait!" Peridot said, her face pressed against the window of the driver's side. "Alright, look... I have a plan. Allow me to explain, it's a... communicator..." Steven lowered the crystal down, preparing to hear what else she had to say.

"Meant for the express purpose of contacting the diamonds back on home world." She continued.

Pink Diamond's emergency mommy help line. Wait, should I read into the fact that they left her with such a thing that's able to be remotely detonated?

"You're still trying to contact home world?" Steven asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, of course!" She said. "I figured it out! You simply clods keep trying to protect the Earth, but you can't do anything right. I let myself get carried away too by laughing, singing, building our little machine but don't you see, none of that matters. All that matters is that I'm of use to Yellow Diamond! This planet can be of use to Yellow Diamond! I must contact her, to reveal what I have discovered." Steven looked a bit horrified at what Peridot just told him.

Look, I know that having you invoke it would make me call you out on having an overinflated ego, author, but this conversation can't even bother to justify Jet's involvement either, when Peridot considers what she has spent her time on. Why do we need this flashback if everyone reading this fanfic knows what happened?!

"But the diamonds are bad!" Steven said. "They don't care about the Earth! They wanted to hollow it out and now they want to blow it up with the cluster!"

Well, at least Steven can tell us what the author failed to describe on the hologram in the last chapter.

"Yes, Yes! That's the point!" Peridot shouted, smirking at him.

"Grrr! Why do I keep sticking my neck out for you?" Steven said in frustration. Peridot raised an eyebrow at this. "You're never gonna be on our side! Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl! Jet!" Steven ran out of the barn screaming for them.

Why do you write this, author? Just to inject your self-insert's name as the single original addition at the end of a three hundred and seventy word long dialogue exchange? I'll tell you why you've had no drive to write this fanfic. It's because you are writing your own transcript and fucking up at it.

"Steven, no! Don't get them!" Peridot pleaded. "Steven! Release me!"

End Flashback

That certainly was enough time for Jet to get a rejuvenating nap, sure, and especially since Steven had to tell this to the gems first before Jet asked what was up.


"And that's when I came out here..." Steven said. The sound of a horn could be heard once more and this time, it was repeatedly. "I see she knows what a horn is now!" Garnet walked over to Steven and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You offered her a lot of your trust." She said, causing Steven to look up.

I know, right? Peridot should just fake her shattering and wait for a few months to be welcomed back again like nothing happened, that'll really convey how you people handle the use of trust.

"I did and it blew up in my face!" He said, folding his arms. "You guys have been protecting the Earth for thousands of years. She could've destroyed all that! A whole Earth! Why did I think that I could change her mind?"

"Ugh, I know right?" Amethyst said, placing a hand on her hip. "But I guess you can't like, get into other people's head and change what they think." She paused and her eyes widen a bit. "Maybe, we can. Yeah! If we just shrink down really little th-"

You don't have to describe to us what Jet did with his dick to brainwash you into liking him, Amethyst. Speaking of Jet, has he fallen back asleep?

"No, no, no." Steven said, interrupting her. "I don't want to tell her what to do, she should just know. Shouldn't she?" The others give one another uncertain looks.

"It's good that you believe in everyone, Steven." Garnet said, as she pushed her visor up to her face. "Like your mother, you seem to have a like more patience than the rest of us. But the truth is, not everyone deserves that patience." Steven looked up at her, he was quiet for the moment.

It was at that moment that Steven Universe looked to the future Diamond Redemption plotline of Season 5 and said "Hold my Cookie Cat."

"Look on the bright side." Pearl said. "At least, you got this thing away from her before she did any real damage."

"Yeah." Steven said, smiling a bit. It was quiet until a sound of an explosion went off. The group looked towards the barn to noticed that it was covered in smoke. In the distant, a certain someone was laughing in the mist of it.

Peridot found Uncle Andy's secret stash in the glove compartment and has gotten lit as fuck.

"Free! Free!" The voice said. When the smoke cleared, it was no other than Peridot in her giant robot (see chapter 23 for a description).


Man, author, you really captured the same way that J. R. R. Tolkien just skipped the problematic stuff at the Battle of Helms Deep and mentioned the last chapter that Gandalf the White had been described in when he arrives at dawn, you vapid moron! Can you not even deign your readers with the curtecy of considering them to have a memory? You didn't have to put in that parenthesis. You did it, though. It was lazy either way, but having done this, you admit you are so lazy to not even benefit your readers something you think they would need at this point, and you are telling them to do your homework for you. You are writing for yourself, others just happen to be reading it too, that's about it for your investment, isn't it?

She was waving her robotic arms in the air and still laughing like a manic. The group looked over at her in shock.

"How did she escape?" Steven asked. A truck door went flying their way and Jet started to smile. Though he didn't have much to say, he was itching for a fight and it appears Peridot was going to provide him with one.

It's downright Pavlovian with you, Jet. You don't give a fuck who it is, when it is, why it is, what it could have been, or even how. When you see a chance to do harm on something, you salivate more than you do on Amethyst's tits.

Jet drew his weapon and slashed at the truck door just mere moments before it reached them.

It'll join the randomly launched iron deposit from Chapter 24 in the 'shit the author made up so Jet doesn't have to sit on his ass' pile.

Jet sighed and retracted his weapon back into his gem.

"Fools." She said, pointing a robotic claw at them. "Your invisible rotary shield was no match for me once I applied logic!" The crystal gems started to run towards her, but Peridot grabbed the truck from the barn and threw it at them. Garnet grabbed Steven and jumped out of the way with the others moving out of the way as well. Pearl and Amethyst were holding on to the crystal and Peridot made her way quickly over and took it from them.

In yet more realizations for me, the author is making it really easy for himself when he includes Jet in the descriptor of 'the Crystal Gems'. I can even pretend to be reading a different fanfic half the times.

"See?" She said. "None of you know what you're doing!" As quickly as she made it to them, she left just as quickly as well.

"Ooook..." Amethyst said, her face a bit flustered at what Peridot said. "I've been waiting for this!" She started to glow and then she morphed into a helicopter.

And not a misshaped one either.

"Get in!" She said, as she watched Peridot run off into the distance. Garnet and Pearl looked at each and nodded, both getting into the morphed helicopter.

"Where's Steven?" Pearl asked.

"Stupid Peridot, stupid giant robot!" Steven said, pouting to himself. "Oh, why did I have to encourage her-?" He was stopped as Garnet morphed her hand and pulled him inside. Jet stood by them as he was planning on grabbing the edge of the helicopter when Amethyst took off.

Should I be joking about how many people are currently deep inside Jet's girlfriend, while he's planning on just following along from the side?

"There's no time for feeling horrible about yourself." Garnet said. "We have to catch Peridot before she contacts Yellow Diamond!"

"That's right." Pearl said, placing a hand on Steven's head. "You can feel horrible all you want back at the temple!" Steven raised an eyebrow at her upon hearing that.

Well, of course, that's kind of status quo.

Amethyst started to take off and Jet held on to the landing gear of the helicopter.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about what freaky sexual role play these two will make of this later. Don't think about it.

The gang could see Peridot running in the distance, trying to mess with the white crystal with her robotic arms. From what Jet was seeing, she was failing miserable at it. Amethyst pulled closer to Peridot, who was more focused on the crystal than anything else.

"What's up, Perry-snot?" Amethyst said.

"Good one, Amethyst." Steven said, glaring down at Peridot. The crystal gems equipped their weapons from inside the helicopter, causing Peridot to look up at them and gasp. Jet could tell that she was extremely nervous as if she was racing against time.

Oh boy, Jet observes and regales us with his deduction, that this person they are in pursuit of is trying to escape, because by every second that passes they are gaining on her. Yeah, no shit, Sherlock, how about you pull your finger out your ass and throw an energy wave at her now, you pure waste of carbon atoms?

Garnet aimed her gauntlets at her and shot them off like to mini rockets. It hit Peridot, causing her robot to stumble and fall over a power line. She dropped the crystal upon landing, it landing a few feet away from her.

She groaned and shook her head. She looked in front of her and notices that the crystal was in just a few feet away. Before she could even make a reach for it a few feet away?, a spear knocked it a few more feet away fuck!. Peridot looked up to see the crystal gems making a beeline straight towards her a few feet away!!.

"Dog pile!" Amethyst screamed, un-morphing from her helicopter form. Peridot gasped as the crystal gems landed on the robot and started to beat on it. Jet landed a few feet AWAY!!! behind them, in case Peridot planned on making a run for it.

Does the canon have a restraining order of a few feet against you, or is it the other way around, Jet?!

Peridot watched for a moment as the crystal gems continued to beat on her robot. She scowled at them but then noticed an opening for herself. Her robot arm had a hole in it, small enough for her to slip through undetected... so, she thought. Steven seen her slip through them and make a dash towards the crystal. The others hadn't noticed (besides Jet, which he was slowly making his way towards her) and continued to beat on the machine.

"Oh boy, I was making sure to not let Peridot run off, so now I should probably do a slow stroll when I - specifically me, because I'm perfect and have super speed - notice that the Crystal Gems have lost track of her as she is reaching the dangerous object no one wants her to activate. I'm helping."

"You're not getting away with it!" Steven said, racing towards Peridot. He managed to catch up, making Jet stop his movement towards her. Peridot grabbed the crystal and felt something grabbing her in return. Steven was squeezing her, not wanting her to get away.

"I trusted you!" Steven said, trying to maintain a struggling Peridot. "I spent all that time bonding and hoping and caring about you!" Peridot's struggling caused both off them to get the ground.

Hey, does anyone reading this perhaps know of someone in this story that isn't doing any of that towards anyone at all, and doesn't even care to consider doing it, because he thinks he just had to show up to fulfill those requirements?

"You don't understand either!" Peridot grunted. "This is your whole problem...your emotions rule out reason! I... will do what has to be... done!" Peridot managed to free herself from Steven's grip and she twisted the top of the crystal and when she did, the top half started to grow yellow. Steven backed away and Peridot started to laugh menacingly.

Fuck Jet. Screw him. I couldn't care if he spontaneously shattered on the spot. Because the author fakes him, and everything around him without as much as an excuse anymore. He could have been struck by a missile from Peridot and gotten delayed, but no, the author is bankrupt on even a simple idea that could obfuscate the fact, that he is playing an eternal game of plot-line based Red Light Green Light with his super-speed, laser-deflecting, hyper ascending, ass-pull power endowed cock-puppet, just so he doesn't win in the other game of Keep Away that he has got going on with the canon. This author hasn't got a single damn clue of how to write anything that didn't come through his television screen and planted itself wrong on the inside of his thick skull. This inspiration-bankrupt piece of stolen fiction has joined my own personal hallmark of infamy, right besides Inside Falls!!

"She'll sort this out." Peridot said, as the crystal started to slowly hover from her hands. Garnet grabbed Steven and hid behind the wreckage of Peridot's robot. Jet senses warned him to take cover as well so he joined the others and hid behind the wreckage as well.

His senses were special in this regard, because without them, the visual cues and tension of the moment would have totally passed him by. He's like a special needs kid that needs super powers to function like a normal person!

As soon as Jet did that, a giant diamond shaped image showed up. The image showed someone who looked like Pearl but had a different hairstyle and had a different appearance. This Pearl seemed classier than the Pearl that was near him.

We can talk later about how you can't tell a singular diamond shape from three overlapping ones, and what an image is when compared to a direct feed, but 'classy'? What are you even trying to convey here? I'd accept 'gaudy' but I think you were just trying to bolster your dictionary by using the fact, that you know this is a Pearl that likely hasn't altered her form for thousands of years, and think this is just something an Earthling can spot and immediately deduce.

"This is the Yellow Diamond control room." She said, glaring down at Peridot.

"Is that another Pearl?" Amethyst asked, peaking enough not to be seen.

"Who is she?" Steven asked Pearl, causing her to turn her head.

"Not all Pearls know each other Steven." Pearl said.

"Yeah." Jet chimed in. "Besides, I think our Pearl is cuter than that one." Pearl looked at Jet and let a deep blush form on her face. Jet was grinning from ear to ear and was about to say something else to flatter her more until the other Pearl started to speak.


Would you kindly pack your dick back in and piss off? What the heck was that, author?! What does Jet think he knows so well, so as to butt in on a conversation that there is not even time for, just so he can make multiple needless potshots of begging for crumbs of gem pussy from Pearl with a deliberately dumb face, while the potential and willful destroyer of the planet is being hooked up through an intergalactic Skype call?! Pick a less inconvenient moment, you chivalry-desperate, tension-raping asshole. Or better yet, attempt to create one, because having you fart into the canon script, in order to pretend that Jet has any meaningful interaction with anyone, makes you out as that much more of an imbecile because of the point that you missed. Pearl deflected. Because she knows who this particular Pearl is. You know that she does. And you are having Jet humping the canon as a horny yes-man spouting promptless chivalry to parrot dishonest words and kissing holographic ass, all in the belief that it convinces your readers that he is heightening the odds for his already inevitable, author-given claim to crawl under Pearl's ballerina shorts, while he is right in the middle of what could be a critical failure at protecting Earth itself!! Go fuck yourself, you seem to need it.

"Who authorize you to make this call?" She said, placing her hands behind her back.

"No one." Peridot said, nervously. "But it's an emergency!"

"That's no excuse to use the direct diamond communication channel..." The Yellow Pearl continued,

"Pearl..." Another voice was heard, causing the Yellow Pearl to immediately stop talking.

"Yes, my diamond?" She answered looking away from Peridot.

"Why is there someone on the diamond line?" The voice asked.

"It's not Blue again, is it? If I have to submit myself to listen to her sob into an entire facet's worth of ice cream for yet another decade, I might just shatter myself."

"I don't know." Yellow Pearl said, looking towards the sound of the voice. "I was just about to tell her that-"

"I'll take it from here." The voice said, as a giant hand lifted the communicator in her end. The projector showed an image of a massive woman,

You had the chance to use the combination of words 'giant woman', and you blew it, author.

her height making the Pearl standing next to her pale in comparison. She has a pointed, upturned nose, plump lips and an unusually long neck. Her hair is a short bob with two spikes tips. Jet noticed that her eyes appeared cold, as they are a bright yellow with diamond shaped pupils. Her clothing consisted of the bodysuit that Garnet wear except the colors were black and olive.

Dude, I don't even want to waste valuable Photoshop time to illustrate what brainless statement you just produced, conveying that somehow Yellow Diamond and Garnet subscribe to the same fashion statement, when even by memory I can tell that that's not how they look, nor how it works. Just say she wears a bodysuit if that is what you think it is, why even point to Garnet in the first place?

She is wearing a yellow coat over it and she had a cut out for her gemstone. Her appearance caused Steven and the others to let out a gasp. Jet let out a low growl at the site off her.

You forgot to jizz lightning that time to show you are disproportionately angry from merely looking at someone, Jet.

"Is that-?" Amethyst started.

"Yellow..." Pearl said, covering her mouth a little.

"Diamond!" Garnet finished, staring at Yellow Diamond.

"My diamond! This is Peridot reporting in!" Peridot said, crossing her arms so where her hands form a diamond.

"Which Peridot?" Yellow Diamond asked, not bothering to even look at her.

"F-Facet 2F5L Cut 5XG. I'm sorry to contact you this way, but all forms of communication have been destroyed and-" Yellow Diamond held up a hand, silencing her for the moment.

Your sloppiness is making it difficult to mock this trash with any witty jokes, author. You're not including vital descriptions like the fact that she's looking at a screen, pulling up data, or even reclined in a chair. Do you have any idea of the tech support jokes, drive thru gags, couch potato puns, or secretary banter I could have enriched this mock with, if not for the detail-bereft script?

"Seems that you are behind schedule on your mission to..." She paused for a moment. "How is the Earth?"

"It's...full of life." Peridot said, nervously.

"Organic life." Yellow Diamond said, glancing at her for a bit. "And where is the Jasper that I assigned you and why aren't you calling from the ship?"

I guess Topaz just hitched a ride or something unexpectedly, then! Can you ever be consistent enough to warrant your own crap, author?

"T-The ship was destroyed." Peridot said.

"By whom?" Yellow Diamond asked. Peridot eyes shifted towards where the crystal gems were hiding and then her eyes shifted back towards Yellow Diamond.

"I-It was destroyed by... no one. There was an accident while we were landing." Peridot said.

"I wanted to have the ship dab on the Crystal Gems when we landed, and I couldn't decide which of the positions to land in."

"I'll inform your manager of your incompetence." Yellow Diamond said, causing Peridot to have a look of worry on her face. "And what is the status of the cluster?"

"The cluster will emerge shortly." Peridot responded.

"Good." Yellow Diamond said, leaning back against her chair. "We'll finally get something out of that miserable planet. Thank you for your report Peridot. There will be a ship heading to your location to take you to your next assignment."

I'm guessing the question, whether or not said position would remain in a singular, stable orbit around the sun once the ship reached her, was sort of in the 'acceptable losses' column.

"Wait." Peridot said, causing Yellow Diamond to look at her. "I wouldn't have call just to waste your time with a report."

"You already have." Yellow Diamond said.

"You could at least have included a meme or a cute catseye picture. You know how I love those."

"No, I mean... the reason I called. The real reason is..." Peridot took a deep breath. "I think we should terminate the cluster."

"Why?" Yellow Diamond said, her voice lacking any emotion.

And here I would probably have attempted and abortion joke, but now I have to pause and ask how the hell the author interprets a lack of emotions. Jet is the manifestation of a lack of emotions. Yellow Diamond, on the other hand, is currently terse, impatient, strict, tense, authoritative and contemptuously superior just by speaking a single word.

"The organic ecosystem creates resources you need to this world." Peridot explained.

Unique, author, the words were 'unique to this world'. How often are you this stupendously regressed, that you write things like this out, having processed the neurons needed to file each letter after the other, and you don't go 'wait, is that an actual sentence, and how does that even fit with what came before or after it?'. And every time, my brain jumps to the revelation that the fictional penis extension you call Jet is a prideful college dropout. I have to ask this. Did you even reach college?

"We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans that I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local-"

"I've heard enough!" Yellow Diamond said, interrupting her. "I don't care about potential and resources."

You almost care as little as Jet does, then. I had at least expected that anger-boasting troglodyte to throw some poop to interrupt this exchange, but I guess we'll just suffer the unaltered but mishandled canon yet again, like always.

"What?" Peridot said in disbelief.

"I want my cluster and I want that planet to die just to make that happen." Yellow Diamond said. Jet found himself gritted his teeth at what Yellow Diamond just said.

'How cold is that woman?' Jet thought as he continued to listen to the conversation in front of him.

A bit less cold when considering that the canon line was that she specifically orders Peridot to make it happen, why do you ask?

"No!" Peridot shouted, causing the Yellow Pearl to gasp. Yellow Diamond scowled at Peridot.

"Are you questioning my authority?" She asked in a cold tone.

"I'm questioning your objectivity, my diamond." Peridot said, saluting her.

"You are out of line." Yellow Diamond said, causing Peridot to sweat.

"I just think-" Peridot said, nervously.

Oh, come on, Peridot, you could at least try to include Camp Pining Hearts in your sales pitch at this point.

"I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot." Yellow Diamond stated.

"But-" Peridot started.

"You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presences and you would do will to..." Yellow Diamond continued.

"But-" Peridot started again.

"Shut Your Mouth!" Yellow Diamond yelled, causing Peridot to do just so. "You have failed at every stage of this mission.

She even fucked up when leaving from Homeworld?

Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: you are to leave the cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that pitiful rock off our star map! Is That Clear?"

"I-I won't do it!" Peridot yelled. "I can tell you that there are things on this planet worth protecting!"

Not with certainty, though, never when Jet is involved.

"What do you know about the Earth?" Yellow Diamond asked angrily.

"Apparently more than you, you clod!" Peridot yelled. Jet felt a slight chill from the angry look that Yellow Diamond was giving Peridot. Peridot started to sweat a little more upon realizing what she said and who she said it to. "Umm, Peridot out!"

And with that the diamond line closed and the crystal descended back into her hands. Now that Yellow Diamond wasn't in view, the crystal gems came out form their hiding spot. They cheered at what Peridot just displayed in front of them.

Her conscious display of not acknowledging the author's additions to the canon in this fanfic in any way truly marked her as one of their own.

"That was amazing!" Steven said.

"I can't believe just did that." Peridot mumbled loud enough for them to hear. She was still sweating a lot.

"I was so wrong about being so wrong about you!" Steven said, smiling from ear to ear.

"I can't believe just did that." Peridot repeated, still in disbelief at what she did.

"You thought you could change her mind." Garnet said, smiling a bit.

"Yellow D got torn by the Perridactyl." Amethyst said. Peridot groaned in response to that.

Do you have anything to contribute to this, Jet? A cheer? A complaint? A joke? A breath?

"Can one of you take this?" She said, holding the crystal. Pearl grabbed it and looked back at her.

"Why?" Pearl asked.

"Because it can be remotely detonated." Peridot said, causing Pearl's eyes to widened. The crystal started to glow red, causing everyone to start to panic. Peridot seemed to have broken down a little at that point as she was laying on the ground in the fetal position.

"How do we stop it?" Pearl said, holding the crystal away from her.

Well, first, you should let Jet flirt with you, since that apparently stops time itself.

"Just get rid of it!" Garnet said.

"Umm, here Amethyst." Pearl said, gently tossing it to her.

"What am I supposed to do with it?" Amethyst asked, as she caught it.

"Give me that." Jet said, gently grabbing it from her. He then proceeded to throw it far away from them. While it was airborne, he summoned his weapon and sent a wave of invisible energy towards the crystal. It immediately exploded, causing the crystal gems to sigh in relief.

Oh wow, you attacked the device that was about to explode, causing it to explode. Why are you here again?

"I thought I could reason with her." Peridot groaned, still on the ground.

"You really made her mad." Amethyst said, grinning at her.

"And then you insulted her to her face." Pearl chimed in.

"Do you know what this means?" Steven said, excitedly.

"I'm a traitor to my home world?" Peridot said.

That and you'll promptly forget the times where Jet willfully wanted to harm you for the slightest annoyance you caused him, because none of his aggression stems from a desire to protect this planet.

"You're a crystal gem!" Steven said, reaching down to hug her. Peridot's eyes started to widened.

"Rather you like it or not." Garnet said, placing her hands on her hips.

Whether 'rather' is even good enough to substitute 'whether' rather than something else, I don't even care anymore. The author isn't exactly illiterate, but I'm lenient to say that he is so in spirit.

About ninety percent of my opening tirade seems to be able to account for everything that I could complain about in this chapter. The author is consistent with every flaw, apparently, making me sound like I repeat myself, but it just has to be restated. Jet is worthless. He is not even an addition to the story. He's a substitute. And he substitutes badly. What he does is all things that the cast managed by themselves in the canon. He changes nothing. He reacts to nothing. He is nothing.

User avatar
Posts: 141
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Jet's Universe

Post by ConcernedGamer » Mon May 04, 2020 11:21 am

Oh, you thought I was done ranting about Jet? Think again. This chapter has made me realize just what kind of self-perpetuating Möbius strip of ruin this author is writing out. Let me tell you about this observed phenomenon that I probably have often seen, acknowledged, and piled together with other issues in the past, calling them symptoms rather than the virus. Henceforth, I will refer to the phenomenon that I'll describe to you now as 'canon credit theft'. Canon credit theft might sound simple enough, but it contains a dangerous amount of red flags for any savvy reader. What the term references is when an author injects an OC, no matter what kind and by variety can be in the form of a canon character being replaced or warped into a disguised OC, and as a consequence there is no consequence to the canon beyond the fact that the author wants to convince you the plot stays to the canon because of the character in spite of the character. They are somehow both the mortar and the brick that's going to keep any wall identical and intact after having been lodged square in the middle where there was no empty space for it in the first place.

Outside of outright ignoring rationale or logic via incompetence, an author will cause an OC to commit canon credit theft via forcing the canon circumstances to pretend, without reason, that it has a hole that the OC will fix. The stakes are suddenly altered where projectiles, opponent numbers, or obstacles appear out of nowhere, where opposition has to be additionally worn down before the canon final blow, or events are out of order than they otherwise would have been, so that the OC can step in and flex on it all so the canon can continue as if it was never disturbed - because it never was, and by implication the OC gets credit for that accomplishment. All is well, have no fear, the artificial and fake dangers exist only because their anti-matter shaped mirror image foil - the OC - is here.

And then we have the inverse instance, which I stubbornly will acknowledge as canon credit theft as well, where the canon keeps going by the author's deliberate omission of any action taken on behalf of the OC, or actions taken that might as well be a telegraphed canon cutscene cue card to keep alien elements at a safe distance, because the endgame and implied accomplishments are the same. Even canon dialogue will just spontaneously be spouted from the OC's lips instead of the person who should have said it, either for the purpose of pretending the OC is involved or have the same connection necessary for regurgitating the lines in question, but it serves to follow the canon flow none the less. The canon keeps going because the incompetent or impeccable - whenever either one is necessary - OC happened to guide, prompt, or outright leave things alone to let canon events transpire flawlessly and uninterrupted.

It's a confused game of calling heads-or-tails with a magic 8-ball that's already rigged. The author inserts an OC and copies in the canon - but look, something not meant to happen in the canon happens, but things are quickly put into their right place by the OC, isn't he wonderful for doing that? Look, now that the OC is here, and since he's so capable and grand and powerful and wise and up his own ass, he might just end up altering the canon - but look, he happened to stub his toe just before that important event took place while the sun was in his eyes, and we most certainly can't fault him for that and everything continues as it was meant to be so no harm no foul, isn't the OC wonderful for doing that? The canon credit thief in question, of course, is not the OC. It is the author, who fails almost dramatically in doing the one thing an author is actually supposed to do when they write a story; disguise the fact that the characters are following a script.

In this case, the script is not even the author's own, and it shows to a painful degree when the OC has to pretend to both have the relevance, presence, and inclusion in the canon universe, but want to bear none of the lasting or believable consequences from their history, actions, or existence, that would otherwise have an effect beyond resolving the pre-packaged faked conflict or lack thereof to safeguard the canon universe as well. It ends up being a story that no one would have a reason to read, because when laying out the events that transpire, the author is both trying to justify and invalidate the OC's existence, and with that the very reason for why the fanfic itself exists.

In Jet's case we have a plethora of examples, almost one or more each and every chapter, if it weren't for the odd couple of them that features none of the canon, because the author's self-insertion skin-suit needed to be a focal point to wax backstory or get his dick wet. While also treading a harmless but ever so annoying middle of the road where Jet steals arbitrary canon dialogue, the author even necessitates the odd establishment question, whenever he realizes that a thing coming up is going to be a callback to a canon episode he didn't cover in the fanfic. And so, perpetually, Jet maintains his ever properly social distance from the canon through faked drawbacks like warping-sickness or less-than-hundred-percent states, and is its perfectly interwoven protector with his expert abilities to take out conveniently inconvenient things that the author makes up on the fly. He defeats the monster of the week, or otherwise wears down the empowered opposition to a manageable level, or picks up the scrap that the canon heroes suddenly struggle with. He ensures dialogue cues are lined up, parrots the canon or intones agreement to it, in order to garner appreciation for merely doing so. He acts as a match-maker or judge of character by author foresight, makes himself the reason for Steven discovering his powers, and hogs the spotlight by doing rescues or combat moves that others should have done. He suddenly has a sixth senses to tell him where the plot is to trump every canon implied use of Garnet's future vision, he pretends to be knowledgeable but acts in ignorance or is conveniently absent despite logical inferences and chaperoning duties, and he intones how Steven lacks knowledge when that should be the same for himself. He's the first to believe or support Steven when the doubt of others is just about to relent, he is the first to notice on a hunch that Steven is gone and concludes without doubt that he is in danger, and he is the first to spot the incoming danger or has the same plan or realization just as a canon character is about to have it. And don't even get me started on when the author flat out misunderstands the canon by how he applies Jet. Jet is nothing but an extension, the vehicle of the author's escapist, self-insert fantasy, that makes no meaningful dive into the fictional universe at hand, a surface-level pittance of pretense at writing a fanfic without challenge, inspiration, or vision. Jet has the same worth and execution of an overlaid crayon drawing on top of the canon, which is being continuously drawn, erased, and drawn again.

Yes, I rant a lot. Here's Chapter 27.

And Here it is folks, the next chapter of Jet's Universe. It took some time but it's finish and I do hope that you like it.

On one hand I am willing to applaud you for having this passion, author. On the other hand, I can also do literally anything else about it.

I'm not confident in this chapter as I saw a lot of issues with it and felt as though it was rushed, even though this chapter went through some revisions on my part.

I appreciate the honesty, but are you actively trying to turn your readers off from reading your story? If you don't have confidence in this trash, what are they left with?

Hopefully, this chapter makes some sense.

Why would it start now?

Anyway, enjoy the chapter and as always, the characters in this story belong to Rebecca Sugar.

There you go again, forgetting to lay claim to the one addition you pretend to have included in this stuff.

Chapter 27

Clash on Mask Island

One of those rare titles that aren't stolen from the episodes, I see. That typically means a Jet-centric episode with only half the plagiary at best.

Jet and Steven were sitting on the grass; both of their eyes closed and were sitting across from one another. Steven had asked Jet to teach him the art of mediation since Jet seemed more relaxed than what he was before.

So relaxed that he spazzes out when Pearl taps his shoulder, and so relaxed that he misses every cue when Peridot is endangering the Earth.

Jet had smiled at the thought that Steven wanted to learn this technique from him.

You know, it is ego-touting moments like these, where the author goes 'I am enriching the original protagonist's skillset with what makes my OC perfect to emphasize how envious people should be of him', that really makes me tempted to nag at every other sentence. I don't do it for this specific reason alone, though, because there is only so many ways that I can point out how the author is licking the canon and thinking his actions are more affectionate than creepy.

The gang was once again at the barn, as this became a regular routine for them.

Again, author, they were there the whole time. Steven slept there, despite the later reveal of a nearby warp pad. Their return home was marked by him lamenting the time passing without seeing his home and then topping it off with reacting to spoiled food.

Jet didn't mind it so much; it was a nice change of scenery.

It wouldn't be in either case of the scenario being misunderstood here, what are you on about?!

"Clear your mind of unnecessary thoughts." Jet said his eyes still closed.

Considering you are the teacher here, isn't that self-defeating?

"See if you can sense the natural world around you."

"That sounds tough." Steven said, his eyes still closed as well.

How pretentiously deep do you actually think that pseudo-transcendental quackery in the first sentence is supposed to be, author? And how dumb does one have to be to produce the second one as a coherent follow up? You just had Jet ask Steven to sense shit, end of fucking sentence - because the world is natural and he has sensed nothing else his whole life. Can you sense the natural world?!

"It can be." Jet said. "It's OK if you don't get it this time around. After all, this is your first time trying this." Steven nodded his head and took a deep breath. He started to block out the sounds around him and he started to see something.

Come on, author, at least give the kid a chance to shut down more than one of his senses at the same time.

"What's going on?" Steven said, to himself. As soon as he asked himself that, the vision that was starting to appear to him disappeared. Steven took another deep breath, curious at what his mind was trying to get him to see.

I seriously need a manual for this author's hack writing of half-baked, pretentious, supernatural mental stuff, because attributing this shit to natural worlds and minds wanting to do stuff apart from the sentient creature that it inhabits, is nothing but half-chopped word salad. This is about as confusing as saying that his fingers wanted him to see something, and that would make the first amount of sense in this chapter, given the early body-horrors this show gave us.


Inside of Steven's Mind

This is it. This was the moment where it struck me what the author was doing and my crumbling sanity escalated into granting me my revelation about canon credit theft. The author forgot, or he simply forewent establishing the watermelon Stevens, and so the only way for the story to retain a semblance to the canon, is to have Jet come to the unprompted assistance to conveniently let Steven do the one necessary thing to have the same canon experience, and the author is assuming you are too dumb to notice that this is not how Steven's powers actually work at this point. I would have given the author some credit for writing something new here, if it wasn't because it's a patch-job made for his own shitty design.

Steven was on an island from what he could tell and he was surrounded by beautiful lush jungle. Steven started to walk as if a voice was calling out to him.

Could you quiet down a little, author, you are distracting the cast?

Steven walked closer to the sound of the voice and the closer he got, the farther away from the jungle he was walking from. Steven was trying to figure out who was actually calling out to him.

You couldn't even be asses to address what the voice said or even how it sounds, author? You might as well have given Steven bread crumbs leading him to the marked spot on your theater stage, because at least those couldn't possibly be this stale.

Steven continued to walk towards the voice until he realized he was on the edge of a cliff. Steven looked around and noticed that not only did the voice that was calling him stopped but also that there was no one there.

"Hello?" Steven called out, looking around him. "Is there anyone here?" Steven continued to look around until he heard the sound of rumbling. Steven looked down from the cliff and noticed that there was an ocean visible there.

That moment when you make your second perception check after having rolled a one.

He also noticed that there were bubbles that started to reach the surface.

Oh, that Lapis and her fart jokes.

Steven continued to look down until a giant figure appeared in front of him. Steven let out a gasp as the figure revealed itself to be Malachite.

Is Steven blinking at two frames a second? How sudden and without intermediate thought or pause for descriptions are all these events going to be in this chapter? You really weren't kidding about this being rushed, author, but holy fuck.

She had her eyes closed when she emerged but when she opened them, her eyes narrowed on Steven.

"Steven!" She growled and before she could do anything, the real Steven's eyes snapped open.

Aside from having fucked up this canon echo beyond repair for what it was supposed to bring to the table, author, did you just censor an interpretational vore scene 4Kids-style?


Steven was laying on the ground breathing hard as he was starting to sweat. He looked around and noticed that the others were nearby. He also noticed that Jet was staring at him.

"You Okay?" Jet asked, still in the same posture as before.

"Didn't you feel that?" Peridot asked, standing on a box presented before her.

"Feel what?" Amethyst asked munching on a sandwich.

A great disturbance in the fanfic, as if a hundred watermelons cried out from the canon, and were stupidly omitted from this chapter.

"The ground shook!" Peridot stated. "This could be the start of the emergence of the cluster." She pointed at the chalkboard that was beside her. It had drawing of scribbles on it.

Because pointing to scribbles is useful, of course. Why do you go out of your way to highlight that you don't know what something is, even by the show making it vague, yet can't figure that in-universe it was probably meaningful and important from its focus, author, you doofus?

"Stage one; slight tremors every quarter hour. Stage two; full scale earthquakes. Stage three..." She flipped the chalkboard to reveal what appeared to be a shattered Earth. "The Earth is destroyed! We are running out of time! We need to drill right now!"

"No!" Steven said, standing up. "It's Malachite!"


Author, even when you do a canon patch-job to cover your lack of foresight, you do it with such haphazard clumsiness that only ends up proving you don't even really care about the content, and the only priority is that you somehow perceive it as an adequate recollection by following a wiki-page summary. You are at this point simply treating every canon moment like a stepping stone until Jet actually gets a reason to exist. Answer me these riddles three, you incompetent photocopier. What would have Steven 'astro'-project himself for no reason onto what you, by virtue of the bland narrative through Stevens eyes, describe as an unrecognized, random island, only to be drawn to a voice and then discover Malachite, when he has jumped into their minds on less conscious efforts, even when not beckoned. What makes Steven think the ground shaking now has anything to do with Malachite, since your lazy ass didn't bother to even mention Malachite being bound by the ocean, let alone struggling against the binds to produce any tremors? Why would Steven think what he just saw - island, location, everything really - with his out of body experience was anything but a dream, since Malachite could actually see him?!

"Malachite!?" Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl said in unison.

"What?" Peridot said, making a face that said 'what are you talking about'.

"I was mediating when all of the sudden she appeared." Steven started to explain. "Judging by my surroundings, she appeared to be on Mask Island."

Care to fill me in on what actually happened on Mask Island, author? Was the invisible monster ever bubbled? Did Steven become the warp master? Is Sadie and Lars still stuck there since they haven't reappeared in your fanfic since Chapter 8?!

"Lapis Lazuli is losing control." Garnet said, causing Pearl and Amethyst to look at her. Peridot rolled her eyes; she didn't care at the moment. "Soon, Jasper will overpower her and Malachite will be loose."

"Who knows what sort of destruction an unstable fusion like Malachite could cause?" Pearl stated, causing Amethyst to choke on her sandwich.

Oh, such clever dedication to character reactions, author, and not at all just you cutting out that very reaction from right after Steven delivered his explanation and pasting it into this moment, two line deliveries later. Fuck you, you transparent fraud.

"Alright gems," Garnet started, placing her hands on her hips. "Pearl, Amethyst and I will warp to Mask Island..."

"I'm coming too." Jet said, grabbing his trench coat and getting himself off the ground. "I haven't been in any serious action lately and I can use the exercise."

Oh yeah, nice plan, fucktard, it's not like there's another rogue and untracked Homeworld gem who hates all your guts and could jump out of the barn as soon as you leave, for all the effort you've tried to locate him, but oh me oh my I do wonder where he could possibly show up, what with the subtle as shit dream sequence Jet had last chapter. I'd call this fanfic a joke, but those need to not be predictable in order to be funny.

Garnet let a slight smile appear on her face then her attention shifted to Steven.

"Steven, it's too dangerous for you to come." Garnet said. "Stay here and watch after the drill with Peridot." Steven nodded his head in response.

"And given your track record with being alone with her and following any decision she makes, I'm sure that won't escalate things a third time."

"Let's go gems!" Garnet stated, pointing in front of her. "To the nearest warp pad!"

"To the nearest warp pad!" Pearl and Amethyst restated. Jet sweat dropped upon hearing that.

"Do I have to say too?" Jet asked, as the others took off towards the nearest warp pad.

Do you have to be here too, Jet? The answer may surprise you.


Jet and the others appeared on Mask Island (they were currently standing on the beach) via warp and Jet let out a whistle.

You moved the warp pad onto the beach via a parenthesis just because you couldn't write that they walked to if after reaching the island, author? Can you even be competently lazy?

He was impressed, as he took a look at the deserted Island. There was lush ground as far as he could see. He could even see a giant waterfall in the distance. Before Jet could take in anymore of the gorgeous island, the island itself started to rumble.

Are you not even going to notice a single geode, or do you think those can just lie about anywhere you go, Jet?

"Alright here's the plan." Garnet started, getting the attention of the others. "Pearl, Amethyst and I are going to fuse. Jet, you provided support only if Alexandrite is in a bind." Jet pouted a little but nodded his head in response. He wanted to get in the action himself but Garnet just assured him that Alexandrite could handle Malachite with no problems.

She didn't, but whatever gives the author a free pass to sit it out and have Jet gawk from the sidelines, right? It's not at all a cop-out when considering Jet keeps his enormous power set in his pants during a follow-up to the last fight scene in this fanfic, where the author crapped out a loss on Alexandrite's plate when going against Jet by having to unfuse.

There was another rumble and Malachite emerged from the water, her chains still intact.

"Alright, let's put an end to this." Garnet said with her arms folded. Pearl and Amethyst started to dance near Garnet as she snapped her fingers. Jet threw on his trench coat and jumped back as the trio was engulfed in light. Jet watched the light grow in size until the light vanished and Alexandrite appeared.

Could you just fuse with your trench coat at this point, Jet? I'm getting sick and tired of it being mentioned like it was a valid accessory of yours, when it's only inclusion is to be taken off again when you need to reach your gem.

"It's nice to see you again." Jet said looking up at her, smiling a bit. She briefly looked at him before focusing her eyes on Malachite, who was still in the ocean trying to break free from her chains. She had her back turned from the gang.

And Jet is such a thirsty bitch that the author confuses 'to' with 'from'. I feel like I should use this entire sack of crap to create a game of bad fanfic bingo

"Give up." Malachite said to herself, finally breaking free of her chains. She rubbed her wrists and let out a breath of relief. "I'm impressed. You really held out." Jet raised an eyebrow, wondering who she was talking to.

Are you this daft, Jet, or are you genuinely wondering if its Jasper talking to Lapis, the other way around, or is talking to herself just out of the question?

"Malachite!" Alexandrite yelled, getting her attention.

"They're here." She muttered to herself. She grunted in frustration. "Ugh. Stop! Pathetic! Don't you see? We've been holding us back for too long and for what?" She turned around and gives out a wicked smile. "If we're gonna be this thing together, why don't we have some fun?"

"We don't have to fight." Alexandrite said, noticing the wicked smile. "You're outnumbered.

And that statement actually held some interesting implementation before the author decided to fart Jet into the script.

"I maybe outnumbered," Malachite said as her smile grew even wider. She started to form giant water hands on both sides of herself. "But you're out of your depth!" As soon as Malachite finished her statement, the water hands clenched into fists. "I can't wait to tear you gems apart!"

Alexandrite let out a roar and started to rush towards Malachite. Jet had to jump back a few more feet because of the waves that Alexandrite created by her running.

'A battle between two fusions huh?' Jet started to think, the wind started to make his trench coat wave. 'This outta be one hell of a fight.'

Thanks you, oh wise and insightful author-leashed fanfic bystander. I'll let you know whenever I need more insipid background chatter the next time I feel like randomly asking thin air about what I already know is going to happen!

Alexandrite continued to rush towards Malachite until Malachite threw a water fist at her. Alexandrite easily dodged it and leaped into the air. Malachite let a twisted smiled form on her face and sent a water hand towards Alexandrite. This time, however, Alexandrite couldn't dodge and the water hand had a nice grip on her. Alexandrite lifted her head a little to reveal her second mouth and blew fire on the water that held her captive. The water quickly evaporated, freeing her. She then blew fire in Malachite's direction. Malachite scoffed and ducked underwater to avoid getting hit.

This is the button-mashing equivalent of a narrative, and I'm not even talking about the quick-time descriptions here. Subject verbs object, ad-nauseam.

Malachite emerged and held water bubbles in her hands. She turned them into shards of ice and threw them towards Alexandrite's direction. Alexandrite quickly broke the shards by summoning a whip, shattering them in the process. She then summoned a bow from the existing whip and shot a light arrow at Malachite. Little did Malachite know that the single arrow split into multiple, smaller ones. Malachite smirked and summoned a pillar of water, which quickly turned to ice. She had a wall of protection in front of her.

Yeah, I can really see how 'little did Malachite know' about a projectile coming straight at her while revealing its nature, where she effectively blocks it without an issue and afterwards gains the upper hand. Are you just picking random phrases from a hat, author?

'Damn.' Jet thought, watching the battle with slight anticipation. 'Home field advantage indeed.' An explosion knocked Jet out of his thoughts as Alexandrite's arrows hit the pillar of ice. Malachite then proceeded to grow water wings from her back and took off towards the sky.

And the master of air, who is happy to throw every invisible wave of energy in his arsenal at things, just does nothing because the author made a stupid excuse for the hundredth time, as he can't come up with a single deviation from anything canon ever. I both pity and loathe the obtuse obsession he has, having by now produced nothing but 27 chapters of sloppily copied garbage, where the single positive thing about it is what it was stolen from, and even that is betrayed by the utter ineptness of its delivery.

Alexandrite looked at her with slight awe before that turned in surprise. Malachite was headed toward her, with Jasper's weapon located on her head.

As opposed to it being located on her ass, of course.

Before Alexandrite could even react, Malachite slammed into her stomach with enough force to push her toward the island. Smoke and flames covered the ground when they landed and Jet saw this as an opportunity to help out Alexandrite.

If you are going to mention details, could you bother actually justifying how they came about, author? The fire is from the blaze produced by Malachite's spin dash, which you did not mention either!

He closed his eyes, electricity slowly swirling around him. His hands changing into to claws and his teeth growing sharper by the second. He slowly opened his eyes and they were a fierce golden.

"Hmm..." Jet said looking at his hand, as electricity poured out."This should do it, 65% should be enough..."

Math it up all you want, author. Merely telling us that Jet is half-assing something to still never reach an actual limit to justify his future incompetence, where he can only win when you need him to, is a cornerstone of your writing.

He looked at the smoke that had covered Malachite and Alexandrite from the impacted they made.

When the smoke cleared, Malachite was on top off Alexandrite. Malachite was breathing hard as she placed one of her four feet on top of Alexandrite's head.

Now, Jet, I know that just like with Peridot and Amethyst this sight might be erotic to you, so take a deep breath to stop your other 'partner' from getting excited, will you, you creep?

"No..." Alexandrite muttered, slowly tilting her head in Jet's direction. "Not yet." Jet's eyes widen at her response. Malachite also looked in Jet's direction and her eyes widen as well.

"You!" She said, stepping off of Alexandrite.

Yes, him, the guy who is both a human-gem hybrid like Steven, yet recognizable as a important gem that is valuable on the intergalactic slave market. That's about the only thing Jasper has of relation to him, and Lapis less so, so of course his presence can cause a distraction.

Alexandrite took this opportunity to catch Malachite off guard. She grabbed Malachite's foot and pushed her off of her. Malachite's attention shifted from Jet to looked at Alexandrite in surprised before smiling a twisted smile again.

"Good." Malachite said, watching Alexandrite get to her feet. "I don't want the fun to end so soon. Let's make this fun for the both of us."

Fun, fun, fun, you really latch on to singular words used in the canon dialogue when it comes to you making your own an awful lot, author.

Malachite rushed at Alexandrite, leaving Alexandrite with little time to react. Malachite managed to push Alexandrite towards a nearby cliff.

But is there an ocean beneath it?

"You know, you're right..." Malachite started to say as Alexandrite was trying to get from her grasp. Alexandrite tilted up head to reveal another mouth.

Yes, the secondary mouth you've already mentioned before. Why are you writing like this? Are you stealing this fight scene from someone else's fanfic?

That mouth tried to blow out fire but Malachite punched her before she had the chance to do so. "There really is something more to this fusion thing. It's not just some cheap trick..."

Now we just have to wait for Jet to catch up with everyone else on this topic.

Malachite proceeded to punch Alexandrite in the stomach. Before Alexandrite could react to the pain she just felt, Malachite grabbed her by the legs and threw her towards the ocean. Alexandrite groaned when she hit the water, slamming on the surface hard.

"You've shown me a world of new possibilities..." Malachite continued as she slowly approached Alexandrite, who was trying to keep herself from de-fusing from excessive damage.

Jet felt like he should just let the battle continue like this despite it all, until he has to step in where the watermelon Stevens would, and is probably still somehow able to view all these events from a nebulous position I wouldn't know about, so let's just hope we can get to the point where Topaz shows up soon, okay? I'm mostly just appreciating the fact that Jet won't be going down to the Cluster at this point, to be honest.

"Allow me to thank you!" Malachite said, as she from water hands from either side of Alexandrite. Malachite slammed her hands together and the water hands did the same, grabbing unto Alexandrite with a tight squeeze. Alexandrite started to scream in pain with Malachite started to squeeze tighter to the point where the water became ice.

"This is the end for you." Malachite said, smiling her twisted smile. "Now say goodb-" She couldn't finished as she saw Jet zooming towards her, slamming his fist into her face. She slid back from the impact, breaking the ice hands from Alexandrite.

Author, you've gone out of your way to have Jet wield the most overused weeb-affiliated weapon in fictional history, and even a Dragon Ball Z supporting joke-character knows when to hit and cripple an unaware enemy that is out of their league with one, so how is Jet this fucking inept at justifying his own arsenal?!

"Catch your breath." Jet said, looking at Alexandrite. A field of electricity was swirling around him. "If anything, that punch probably pissed her off even more. Do you have anything that'll end this?"

"Yes." Alexandrite said, still trying to catch her breath. "Just give me a moment."

Speaking of DBZ, is there any chance of hoping for a triple kill after Alexandrite has had time to charge up her 'Special Beam Cannon'?

"You got it!" Jet said, smiling at her. A growl was heard as Malachite rubbed the spot where Jet hit her. She made her way towards him.

"Well, Well, Well." She said, cracking her knuckles. "Seems although Topaz failed in eliminating you. Figures. That was some punch though. Even stunned me a little."

'I'm holding back...' Jet thought, sweat-dropping a little. Malachite glared at Jet and he did the same to her.

"So..." Jet said, breaking the awkward silence between the two. "Are we gonna stare loving into each other's eyes or are we gonna fight?"

Step 1: Antagonist compliments the Marty Stu.

Step 2: Marty Stu is a self-absorbed smartass.

Step 3: ????

Step 4: Back to canon!!!

A vein appeared on Malachite forehead as she threw a fist towards Jet.

Is Malachite going to call him a 'baka' next, or does this anime-esque description-trope train eventually end?

Jet stood his ground as she seemly struck him with little effort. Malachite started to laugh, as the spot where Jet stood was covered in smoke. Her hand was still in contact with the spot.

"You talk a big game weakling." Malachite said, still laughing a bit. "But look at you now, crushed beneath my fist." Suddenly, Malachite's fist started to shake and she looked at it with shock on her face.

Haughty villain that claims their assured victory too soon through less effort and none of the true power than they actually have, without any evidence for it even connecting, acting like unintimidating hot bags of air instead of anything they were moments ago so the protagonist can kick their ass. Is canon-fodder mook antagonist really the only thing you shitty fanfic authors can attempt to write a conflict with outside the bully-strawmen revenge fantasies?

"What the hell is going on?" She asked,

Oh, you have a hell on Homeworld? Can I go there? It sounds pleasant in comparison to this!

as her fist was being pushed upwards. The smoked cleared and Jet was standing with a semi-pissed look on his face. Beneath him was a small crater from the impact. He was pushing Malachite's fist with one hand, his eyes glowing a golden gleam to them.

"You know what?" He asked, firmly grasping Malachite's fist with two hands. Malachite still had a look of shock on her face as she stared at him. "I think I'm done holding back! You're about to endure 1,000,000 volts! Lapis...I'm Sorry."

Oh, go bow to a statue of Rose Quartz or something, you overpowered, fedora-tipping simp. Are you quite done letting your presence alone make Malachite have the response time longer than a microwave meal, or is this simple display of vague power through you not understanding electricity going to be your only contribution, as we are all well aware how the fight is going to resume once you walk off stage to Alexandrite's cue?

With that last statement, Jet let out a scream of rage as he gathered up a ridiculous amount of electrical power. He was gathering so much that the sky darkened and Alexandrite looked a bit concern at what he was doing. She figured that now was the best time to intervene before Jet did anything too drastic. She got on her feet and summoned her flail (look it up, it's Sugulite's weapon).

I have had kids spitball me in the back of the head that wasn't as offensively annoying as your pathetic excuses for pointless parenthesis exposition, author. Knock it off!

Jet senses told him to take a look to where Alexandrite was locate. He let out a sigh and stopped his motions. When he did, the sky cleared and he pushed Malachite's fist away from him. Malachite was still looking at him in complete shock.

"Consider yourself lucky." Jet said, placing his hands in pockets and started to walk away. He deactivated his Berserker mode and closed his eyes. "Someone else has less harsher plans for you." Malachite raised an eyebrow at this.


I want to let you know, author, that your fanfic is the most insufferable thing I've seen in a long while. Even less than a dog barking because it knows the length of its chain, this piece of shit farcical narrative revolves around Jet pretending he is cool for never using his powers, and no one could possibly be impressed with it. The sheer amount of effort you have used to disappoint anyone reading this, has a result rivaling those who use none in attempt to accomplish the opposite. So congratulations on pulling your dick out, showing it to us, and then packing it back in because you like to pretend that its ever going to be used, as you have antagonists deliberately and brainlessly pause for Jet to flex, because that is all you can and want to do with your God-mode Sue!!

"What does that mean?" Malachite said, noticing Jet walk away. "Hey! Come back here, weakling! We're not finished here yet!" Jet stopped walking and turned around, his eyes a fierce red.

"Oh?" Jet said in a teasing manner. "You wanna continue the dance? I would like to but it seems like she wants a dance with you."

What dance, you monumental ode to bruised egos? Are you talking about you blocking a hit and Malachite staring at you for a minute straight for no reason? I can't even believe the author has to cough up a backhanded last word for you, in order to act like him cucking you out of a fight isn't a big deal!

Malachite didn't have a chance to respond as Alexandrite's flail wrapped around her torso, smacking Malachite's face in the process.

"HEY!" Alexandrite yelled. "DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME!" Malachite grunted, as she was pulled towards her. Alexandrite wielded three of her arms back and slammed them it Malachite's stomach, causing Malachite to cough up spit.

'Less harsh than what I've would've done.' Jet thought,

Ignoring for a moment that these thoughts are being written to exposit for the reader to reassure them that Jet is totally the hottest and most badass powerful turd around, having him state this to himself makes him come across as the most insecure little bitch ever for the context here.

watching the fight with his arms folded. There was a burst of wind when Alexandrite punched Malachite. That burst caused his trench coat wave from the breeze.

Malachite was stunned from the punch that she was received and that gave Alexandrite the opportunity to summon her war hammer. With Malachite still dazed, Alexandrite delivered a huge blow to the chin. Malachite was sent airborne from that attack and had swirls in her eyes.

You literally have no thought process that can separate itself from anime cliché tropes when you try to give the narrative a bit of your own flair, do you, author?

Malachite recovered and sprouted water wings from her back to gain back some sense of control. She looked down and growled at Alexandrite but that didn't last for long as her growl turned into a gasp. In the water, Alexandrite was charging an attack from her bow she had form while Malachite was airborne.

"You two should spend sometime apart." Alexandrite said, firing the arrow at Malachite. The arrow had a silhouette of Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl could be seen within it before hitting Malachite. The arrow went through her, causing her to expand and eventually poofing into an unconscious Jasper and Lapis.

It's still at moments like these, where Jet remains a reactionless dimwit to pretty impactful events, and instead chooses to chime in on petty circumstances, that makes me wonder if he's nursing a boner from a perceived fetish unfolding on the screen.

Alexandrite noticed the unconscious duo falling and caught them before they hit the them in her hands, she walked towards the beach and fell to her knees. Her body glowed and she was split apart back into Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl. The three of them were breathing rather hard, with Garnet and Pearl on their knees and Amethyst laying face first in the sand.

A visual metaphor for the progress being made on Jet's harem list.

Jet walked up to them, smiling at their victory. Garnet placed a hand on Amethyst to make sure was Okay.

"I'm Alive." Amethyst muffled within the sand. Garnet let out a sigh of relief.

"Good job." Jet said, as he watched Garnet raise to her feet. She approached him and place a hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you." Garnet said, smiling at him. Jet blushed a bit at this. "We couldn't have done this without you."

I'm out of rage for this stolen Steven-deserved praise, case in point my opening rant. Of course Jet is made indispensable to keep the canon stable, when the author takes Steven out of the equation.

Jet was about to respond until he notice that something was approaching them fast.

"Garnet." He said, looking around him. "Do you sense that?"

Jet expects the super lesbian to be able to detect the toxic male approaching from a mile away. I swear, these 'sense' questions have me wondering if he even understands what future vision is.

Garnet started to look around as well. She wasn't sensing anything out of the ordinary. All of the sudden, the four of them heard the sound of menacing laughter. Jet looked up towards the sky and saw a figure, on fire, that looked like it was heading towards them.

"What on Earth is that?" Pearl asked, looking up at the figure closing in.

"It can't be..." Garnet said, looking as well.

"It is." Jet said, gritting his teeth. Who was the mysterious figure heading towards them?

Check in next time to find out on Dragon Ball Shit. Or right now, as the author is up his own ass with pretentiously questioning and/or sarcastic statements.

It was no other than Topaz and the closer he got, the more the group could see the twist smile that he had on his face.


And I can't wait for the author to prove he has fudged the scale of power levels to make Topaz a comparable threat, when Jet has had power boosts out the ass since the last encounter which Topaz was losing.

Topaz finally landed on the Island, with his fist slamming on the sand's surface. He stood up and smirked at the group. He was wearing the same clothing from when the first encountered him (see chapter 13 for the description).

Yeah, you read that right; half the fanfic ago. Are you too lazy to even dedicate the keystrokes to copy-paste the description and make it fit, author? You even described it by saying he was dressed like Jasper but had fingerless gloves and spiky hair, real stellar original-character-do-not-steal effort there. And if Topaz can fly now, why did he need an escape pod?

"I bet you wondering why I'm here." Topaz said, still smirking at them. "As easy it would be to crush all of you right now, you bunch are not my concern..."

Wow, I couldn't have imagined a more stock villain monologue, mostly because he has nothing to back that up with.

He started to walk towards them, making them raise their guard. He took a look at Jasper and shook his head.

"You got defeat by these worthless specks." Topaz said, shifting his walking direction towards Jasper, who was still unconscious. He walked close enough to her and he scooped her up in his arms. "I'm not leaving you here. You still have your usefulness."

Aw, isn't that cute, it turns out Vegeta really does care about Nappa.

Jet was watching him the whole time, his guard up at its maximum.

Too bad then that we will never properly see what good that is, since the chapter is too short to afford more than one punch, let alone the prior Zeus moment repeat itself. This is the author reaching into the scene to artificially establish that in the future, Jasper will resume her canon shit with Topaz in tow. The author is somehow making Jasper's canon escape via falling off-screen while unconscious seem less forcing of the status quo.

He didn't know what Topaz was going to do and in the state that the other crystal gems were in, he didn't want to do anything hasty at the moment. Topaz started to walked away from them and slowly laid Jasper on the ground once he was a good distance away.

"Jett stone."

How do you audibly pronounce two t's any differently than a single one in that name, author?

Topaz said, looking at Jet. "Before I part ways with you, allow me to show you the fruits of my training."

Well, at least there are no children present for when the author finally decided on a dick measuring contest.

Jet raised an eyebrow at that then sweat-dropped, as fire started to surround Topaz. Jet started to activate his Berserker mode (about 60% of it)

Which means he can only lift a boulder that weighs 7.7% less than what he could when we were last informed of his power percentages. NUMBERS!!!

as a caution to what Topaz was doing.

"Garnet..." Jet said, without looking at her. "Take the others and get out of here. I don't want you guys to get hurt since you're low on stamina right now."

"But what about you?" Amethyst asked, showing concern for him.

Did you miss the part where Topaz said he was going to leave Jet behind and couldn't care about any of you? I'm only asking because by now I could be convinced half of what is going on is all in Jet's head.

"That doesn't matter right now." Jet said, finishing his transformation and staring at Topaz. Topaz uncovered the fire that he had surrounding himself and Jet eyes widened at the reveal. Topaz's hair was a dark black with the tips being white and eyes were a bright yellow instead of the usual bright orange that they were. He had a sphere of fire spinning around him and he had a twisted smile on his face.

"You see this, Jett stone?" Topaz said, stretching his arms out. "This is perfection and a counter to your accursed it "Berserker" form. Perhaps you would like a taste of its power?"

Am I supposed to be impressed? Invested? Marginally confused, maybe? The author has just yet again invalidated all that he pretended was special about the Jet gemstone, big surprise, as he is now doling out even more unoriginal and vaguely limited power endowments, in order to have Shadow the Hedgehog here able to keep up and pretend to be a foil to the fake protagonist. And this is a chapter the author himself professed a lack of confidence in, when it contains an empowered villain arc reveal? I'm limited to only being able to stare at one single dumpster fire at a time in this landfill the author calls a fanfic right now, so I can hardly grow more bored, annoyed, or offended at this point.

"I'd rather not." Jet said, reaching behind his back for his weapon. Topaz noticed what he was going for and disappeared from Jet's sight. "Where the hell did he go?"

Maybe he's fetching a coat rack for your trench coat, you dumbass.

"Right in front of you!" Topaz said, suddenly appearing in front of Jet. Before Jet could react, Topaz grabbed both of his shoulders and brought a knee to Jet's stomach. Fire came out of Jet's back from the impact. Jet's eyes widen and he coughed up blood. He lost control of his Berserker form and he grabbed his stomach in pain.

Shounen anime called, author, it want's its everything back.

"JET!" The others screamed out in shock of what just happened.

"Before you pass out, let me inform you of something," He heard Topaz say, while sinking to his knees. "You are still weak. No amount of training you do can make yourself superior to a home world gem..."

Homeworld gems aren't a caste onto themselves, author, and Jet's mother was a Homeworld gem. You also made Jet into an individual that gets new powers each time he is defeated. I'm only scratching in the surface on the stupid hypocrisy and nonsensical mixing of no doubt stolen stock phrases you once again found in anime you like and decided to put into this mess. I'm almost done, and I'm hoping this time it will be for good, because I hate everything about this fanfic at this point.

And with that, Jet lose consciousness upon hearing that. Topaz let out a sigh and deactivated the form he was in.

"Once again, I let the fool live instead of being shattered." Topaz said,

"And me saying that totally makes sense and justifies it as well, of course, go me."

walking away from the group of still shocked gems. "I await the day where we can finally end this."

If you have half an hour of patience, maybe the Cluster can help with that.

The island started to rumble and break apart. The gems took that as their sign to leave. Garnet picked up the unconscious Jet in one arm and the equally unconscious Lapis in the other.

"It must be the cluster." Garnet said, looking around. "Peridot was right. We need to find a way of this island."

How about the warp pad that the author never mentioned being destroyed after he teleported it onto the beach?

Garnet glared at Topaz as he picked up Jasper once again. He turned his head and smirked at her before using his flames to take off into the sky.


And there you have it, the end of the chapter.

How nice of you to take into account those poor saps who accidentally starts reading a webpage from bottom to top, author.

For the next chapter I was thinking about doing a tie-in with the "Attack the Light" IOS/Android game.

Oh, but that is not canon, author, how am I going to be able to complain about it then?

I have no clue how I would do it but I feel as though it would be too short to work with. Maybe in the future, who knows?

Why are you even mentioning it in the first place if you have no idea to what end or use it would be, you deflated airhead!

Well, onward to the next chapter. I can't give you a time frame on this one but hopefully I'll be done with two months or so (cause life tends to get in the way). Enjoy your day and see you next time!

This is the point where I nervously glance at my calendar and compare update posts on the fanfic as this chapter was posted three months ago. And no update has been had. Sweet relief. I won't be looking back anytime soon.

Post Reply
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests