New Spy

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Re: New Spy

Post by GorillaGamer » Mon Apr 23, 2018 5:18 am

This takes the cake as the best mock so far, if only for the ruthless evisceration of Dragonlord0's limp-dick protagonist. Keep up the good work!
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
An old quote from Project PATREON.

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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Apr 29, 2018 5:48 am

GorillaGamer wrote:
Mon Apr 23, 2018 5:18 am
This takes the cake as the best mock so far, if only for the ruthless evisceration of Dragonlord0's limp-dick protagonist. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the kind words, GorillaGamer. I do feel that my style of mocking changes with the years. Be that from experience or just changing my outlook on humor in general, I can't quite be sure, but I do find myself rather pleased with how this one turned out as well.

Anyway, we are right back at non-canon smut, the author having felt a dire need to patch his precious fantasy up with some cozy luxuries
justified by nothing at all. Pathetic. Here's Chapter 15, new house.

Chapter 15 new house

Why don’t you just title it ‘wish-fulfillment real estate’ to appear a bit honest for once, author?

Sean woke up and found Pam Alice and Crimson nude in his bed making him smirk. Not an hour after everyone settled in they asked for a place in the harem.

Fine, they’ll be marked on the list, but I don’t even see the point when the author doesn’t even bother licking them before laying claim to them.

The mothers were told they were maids to keep their cover even though the mothers didn't live here just yet since they had to do some things in order to move out fully. Of course the original spies had no trouble acting the part as maids.

Oh, do the spies actually clean shit, or do the mothers just accept the fact that Sean needs some new tail without as much as a mentioned maid uniform to cover up the lie?

Getting up and he walked downstairs in only his boxers and saw Carla relaxing on the couch in a blue robe.

"Morning." Sean said leaning down and kissed her forehead making her smile.

"I missed you love." Carla said kissing him back.

Did you also miss the author in no way portraying any of your traits, such as the fact that you are a famous video game designer? You should at least have gotten inspired by how Sean collects and treats his bimbos like they were video game trophies.

"I missed you to Carla. Got to admit Jerry did a good job on the mansion design." Sean said making her smile.

And by ‘a good job’, he means the author will never describe a single feature of it that doesn’t pertain to a freshly thought-up sex scene.

"Very true although some of the things the girls wanted was rather surprising." Carla said removing her robe showing her nude body to him making him smirk. "By the way Sam and Donna asked me to play one of their little late night games tonight so we wont be home till later."

Should we care? Is Sean going to prioritize his time now? Is this a dating simulator all of a sudden?

Carla said trailing her finger across his jawline before she walked off swaying her hips or so she tried before Sean pulled her back and pinned her to the couch.

"Ooooh going to be rough with me now are you?" Carla asked amused before moaning in bliss as he thrusted into her ass hard and fast making her hips smack against his waist.

"Feels good to be inside you again."

Do you always try to flatter your imaginary girlfriends like they were a pair of pants, author?

Sean said kissing her neck making her moan and whimper.

"I missed having you inside my body as well master please give my body what it desires from you." Carla said submissively and moaned in bliss as he thrusted into her again hard and played with her large breasts. "Yes thats it! I missed this feeling master! Make love to me as much as you want! I am your slave born only to please you and sire children." Carla said making him chuckle.

I think we constantly miss the scene where every whore being signed into the harem gets handed a complimentary buzzword pamphlet, to make sure they rehearse the exact phrases that Sean knows the author wants to hear.

"We will have kids one day Carla and I know you'll be a good mother." Sean said making her tear up before he kissed her lovingly making her kiss back.

Her time spent in prison away from him for, what, a month, truly gave him a sound impression of that notion?

"Yes thats it fuck me hard I'm so close!" Carla moaned out before gasping as he pulled out and pulled her mouth to his cock and shoved it in making her eyes widen before moaning in content as he came inside her mouth and she gulped down every drop he let out.

It’s like the author has a checklist for this, widening eyes all the time while they spin on a dime to have the cock be shoved into the next hole.

"I missed having you do this." Sean said making her smile before she kissed his chest.

Of course you did, Sean. Not having this particular pair of tits act like all the other bed warmers in your presence had left such a vacuum in your life.

"And I missed you my love. I will do anything for you. Anything." Carla said circling her finger on his chest making him chuckle before she got on the ground on her knees and placed his cock back in her mouth moaning from his taste.

In the basement

You think it matters where in the mansion things take place, author? You couldn’t even decide to tell us where the mansion itself is located!

Carmen smiled as her daughter gave her a lap dance. Alex danced around a pole in black bra and black thong.

I suppose the pole shifted into Carmen’s lap once you forgot what you were masturbating to, author.

"Mmmm such naughty girl." Carmen said rubbing her breasts as Alex unclipped her bra and threw it at her making Carmen smile before Alex slowly had her left hand drift down into her thong and fingered herself. Alex moaned in bliss before she pulled her hand out and turned around and bent over and pulled her thong off and stepped out of them before posing for her mother.

"Mmmm Good girl now come and give mommy a kiss." Carmen said making Alex nod and jumped down and walked to her mother who pulled her into loving kiss.

This is just emotionless characters repeatedly sexually stimulating themselves to inevitably collide with anyone within visible range. I can describe planetary orbits with greater sensuality.

"Mmmm Mommy I think I need another spanking." Alex said innocently making Carmen get into her little act.

"Oh baby why?" Carmen said acting confused.

"I stripped in front of you." Alex said innocently.

"Oh dear well ok then get on my lap." Carmen said placing Alex on her lap and rubbed her hands over her ass.

Mother and daughter roleplay from a mother and daughter. Besides being redundant, I’m pretty sure that’s still highly inappropriate.

She then looked down and saw where Alex stripped her regular cloths and saw a piece of paper. "Wait hold on honey what is this?" Carmen asked looking at the paper.

"Uh Tattoo ideas." Alex said.

"You want to get a tattoo?" Carmen asked raising an eyebrow.

You all do eventually, Carmen. Didn’t the author read you his memo?

"Well yeah Donna is getting some and she talked me into it saying a friend she knows can do it for free."

Because when has anyone in this fanfic - bimbo or otherwise - ever had to spend money for the things they want? Scratch that, when did anyone here EARN what they want?

Alex said before she yelped as she smacked her ass.

"Now I'm going to punish you harder and not play around this time for not telling me." Carmen said playfully as she smacked her ass again.

"Ah! Yes mommy!" Alex yelled in lust as her mother spanked her ass repeatedly. Alex whimpered as her ass stung.

"Now what Tattoo do you want?" Carmen asked as she stripped naked like her daughter and held her daughter close having her breasts press against her back.

Okay, even for a sex scene, these kink tonal shifts are giving me whiplash.

"Well I was thinking of a dragon Tattoo since Sean said his family has had a history with dragons."

The reason I’m only rolling my eyes, at this lame-ass attempt at defining a single trait worthwhile to actually make Sean distinct from any other muscled oaf, is because it’s never brought up again. The author has reached Chapter 36, and never once was that throwaway fantasy validation even important enough for this author’s kink-fueled ego to remember.

Alex said turning around and had her own breasts pressing against her mothers.

"Oh where. Would you like it on your cute little butt?" Carmen said rubbing her hands on her red ass making Alex wince in pleasurable pain. "Or do you want it on top of your pussy." Carmen said placing her hand on her pussy making Alex whimper slightly. "Or maybe you want it on your back." Carmen said rubbing her hands on her back slowly.

How about under her foot to represent the way the author treats the canon in his fanfics, or is he not into that?

Alex pulled her into a kiss not being able to hold her lust back anymore.

Carmen smirked as she held her daughter lovingly before she pulled back from the kiss and laid her on her back and pulled her legs up to her shoulders and licked her pussy lovingly making Alex moan softly before rubbing her boobs to increase her pleasure lovingly.

The words ‘lovingly’ and ‘bliss’ are just this author’s literary ticks, aren’t they? They both appear about ten times each in this chapter.

"You are so sexy honey." Carmen said forcing her tongue deep inside her making Alex whimper slightly.

"So are you mommy." Alex moaned out before she gasped as she felt her orgasm approaching.

"Come on Alex come for me. Let mommy have your juices." Carmen said in a voice that would hypnotize anyone woman or man.

Big deal, that’s the gimmick of like twenty percent of the villains of this show, which of course is why Alex isn’t being hypnotized right now.

Alex screamed as she came hard and her mother moaned as she gulped down every drop her daughter let out. "Mmmm Delicious." Carmen said before pulling her daughter into a kiss making her moan as she tasted herself.


Clover and Stella were in the hot tub room kissing each other lovingly.

We’ll just have to guess whether or not they are actually in the tub for now, though.

"Mmmm this feels so good." Stella said kissing her daughters left breast which made her moan softly before reaching for the edge and grabbed a vibrator.

"Well its about to get better." Clover said shoving it in her mothers pussy making her gasp and moan as she held her closer and moaned louder as Clover thrusted the vibrator into her fast and increase the power on it making Stella shiver in excitement.

Either that, or the author forgot that not all vibrators are water proof. Then again, electrocution probably wouldn’t discourage him.

"Oh honey don't tease me." Stella said in a low voice making Clover smirk before increasing the power to max making Stella gasp in excitement and pulled her into a loving kiss which she returned as Stella bucked her hips forward and quickly wanting to climax fast before she pulled back and let out a silent scream as she came hard making Clover smirk before she pulled the toy out of her mother and placed it on the side.

Oh, don’t stop now, author, you had just reached ¾ of the way to writing 100 words before using any punctuation.

"How was that now?" Clover asked grinning making Stella smirk before placed her on her lap and were now in the lotus position and kissed each other trying to dominate the other.

"I'm going to enjoy hearing you scream." Stella said as she dunked them both underwater to silence her daughters screams that were soon muffled by the water.

I’m sure she enjoys hearing her screams by muffling them, too. Even in that context, she sounds like a confused serial killer more than anything else.

Luckily there were little breathers in the tub so they could stay underwater without coming up every time to breathe.

Breathers? Whatever. Never mind the fact that I’m getting tired of this author making shit up on the spot, just to make sure he gets one last pathetic dick-tug in, as he can’t even make a foundation for his masturbation material by rereading and editing this fanfic once.

Later at night

Sam Carla and Donna were outside in an old abandoned building that had no residence close by to hear what they were about to do.

There seems to be plenty of those to go around, author. Actually, it’s like you can’t imagine anything else to exist outside the canon but your pussy-woven safety-nets.

The girls stripped nude and Sam got to her knees and placed her mouth over Carla's pussy making her moan before Donna got behind Sam and played with her breasts while humping her ass making them both moan.

A prolonged moment in time so bland, featureless, and rushed that you might as well write it out as ‘Step 1, Step 2, and Step 3’. I get more aroused by fitting Tetris blocks together correctly, author.

"You two are so naughty." Carla said smirking before she moaned louder as Sam's hands trailed to her butt cheeks and played with them.

"Like I care. I could walk around butt naked in the school and not give a shit since it would just turn me on more and take any girl in the school who's bold enough to do it with me." Sam said licking her faster.

Which is why the author depicts you all to constantly have sex as far from any interference as humanly possible. And may I ask, Sam, what about the guys at the school? The author does know that other men besides his self-insert exists, right?

"Oooooh really now well maybe I should make you do that." Donna said kissing her neck and went lower kissing her neck and back till she got to her hips and kissed each cheek making Sam moan.

"Oooooh yes thats good kiss me there." Sam said and gasped when Donna spread her cheeks apart and kissed her rosebud lovingly.

Author, do me a favor and go fuck yourself, lovingly.

"Mmmmm I wish others could watch us." Carla said imagining a crowd of other women cheering them on. "Ooooh I just got an idea you'll all love." Carla said before she gasped and came hard in Sam's mouth who gulped down every drop.

"Oh what is it?" Sam asked licking her lips clean of any of her juices.

”How about we don’t go to abandoned places like a bunch of hypocrites?”

"How about a private strip club for us where only girls are allowed and for him to enjoy?"

Because why pretend the world isn’t filled with identical cardboard cutout sluts that are enthusiastic about every iota of the author’s kinks?

Carla said trailing her finger on her sex making Sam grin.

"Oh I'm sure the others would love that." Donna said grinning. She then pulled something out of her bag and it was a whip.

Was it honestly that difficult to rewrite the line into "She pulled a whip from her bag" when you finally figured out where you were going with the sentence halfway through it, author?

"Now who's that for?" Carla asked while smirking since she already knew.

"For miss pain here." Donna said as she struck Sam's ass making her yelp in surprise before she let out a shuddering moan.

"The question for the strip club thing is how do we do that without people recognizing us since I'd rather not have someone call us out knowing who we are." Sam said thinking that part through.

What happened to letting every girl at school do you, you bimbo? I swear, it’s like the author’s dick is schizophrenic.

"Oh I can handle that part easily since its more of a private thing so only those we know are allowed without making a fuss." Carla said taking the whip from Donna and struck her in the back making Sam sigh in bliss before she was struck again.


Pam Alice and Crimson were getting fucked hard by their lover.

And we’ve looped back around to what might as well have been the chapter’s opening, having learnt vital things such as how much closer the author is to figuring out the details of his thrice-over foreshadowed Strip Club chapter.

Sean had Pam in the wheelbarrow position holding her legs up as he thrusted deep into her while Alice and Crimson kissed her neck and played with her butt cheeks.

"Mmm So good." Pam said in joy before gasped as Crimson shoved her tongue into her second hole making her whimper softly. Alice placed her pussy in front of Pam's face making her smirk before placing her hands on her hips pulling her closer and placed her mouth on her sex making her moan softly before playing with her breasts. Crimson pulled her tongue out of her ass and licked her lovers shaft moaning from his taste mixed with Pam's juices.

And that was fifteen ‘her’ in a row supposedly meant to be shared between two chicks. You can get more narrative interpretations from this scene than from an entire Chose Your Own Adventure book.

"You girls are really wild you know that?" Sean said making them all laugh.

Here’s a little hint for you, author. If you feel the need to have characters outright comment, nod and agree with each other through verbal back-padding to hammer something in, odds are you know you failed at making even one person believe your bullshit, that one person being yourself.

"Like you complaining Spartan stud." Crimson said kissing his hard chest muscles before she moaned as he pulled her into a kiss.

I wonder whether this author is turned on by the thought of kissing a tongue fresh out of an ass, or if his fantasy just has the rim-jobs being prepared ahead of time with a chlorine enema.

Sean thrusted faster into Pam making her eyes widen and rolled into the back of her head as she came and whimpered when he pulled out and came on her back making her sigh in bliss feeling his warm substance on her skin.

I cringe, but I have to admit I prefer this over cock broth from ‘A Rose By Any Other Name’.

"Mmm so warm." Pam moaned out in bliss before moaning some more as Alice and Crimson licked off the cum slowly to tease her.


Because we spent such quality time on this scene, of course we’ll skip right along to the next.

Sean sat down on the large sized bed with all his girls next to him.

All eleven of them, stacked on top of each other, right next to him. Even if I should ignore this dipshit's writing abilities, what is the alternative with any bed size?!

Alex was the closest to him sitting on his chest with a content smile after the massive orgy they all just had.

The orgy must have been so spectacular that the author couldn’t do it justice by putting it into details. Are you even interested in your own fantasies, author, because you’re starting to come off as rather disinterested?

Sam Donna and Carla had told him about their little strip club plan and was willing to go though with it since he honestly couldn't say no to them at all.

Because this is not at all the author’s – I mean, the author’s – sorry, I mean Sean’s – the author’s - Sean’s idea to begin with, and any inspiration hitting the inside of these blowup dolls’ skulls is utterly incapable of being wrong.

Sean kissed Alex on her forehead making her smile in her sleep before he dozed off to sleep as well not seeing her open her left eye and smirked at him.

'I am so happy we went to save him or this might have never happened.'

Yeah, how come you don’t give Jerry any thanks for that, you ungrateful ego-strokers? Oh, how silly of me, your thought was the author crediting himself at a constant loop for his own fanfic.

Alex thought before kissing him lovingly before drifting off to sleep as well.

Next morning

Sean woke up and found all the girls still in his bed minus Alex before he heard soft music downstairs and got up without waking the others and went down in a pair of boxers. When he got downstairs he smirked seeing Alex in nothing but a sexy revealing apron that on the front said fuck me on it.

Oh come on, author, you're so reality-starved in your farcical harem, that you can't even connect to the far more plausible 'fuck the cook'?

Alex was humming to herself getting some breakfast ready for herself and the others when suddenly she felt a pair of strong hand go under her apron and play with her breasts making her smirk.

"Morning to you to." Alex said pressing her rear against him and moaned when she felt his morning wood straining against his boxers.

"Where did you get this?" Sean asked about the apron.

"Oh I asked my mom to get me this. Like it big man?"

Who are you trying to fool, author? Sorry, I was projecting there for bit - because you’re not even trying! These answers are nothing but diversion. “Where’d you get that?” “Oh, someone got it for me.” That’s not an answer to excuse the item’s existence, you idiot! It’s the most obvious duck and weave, making no illusion to the fact that their true answer from your bankrupt imagination is “I just have it”.

Alex asked innocently before gasping as he pulled his boxers down and shoved himself into her ass which would have made her scream in lust if he didn't cover her mouth.

You know, for someone who gets off on women in virgin penetration pains, you don’t seem to understand what the point of K-Y is.

"Lets make this quick." Sean said thrusting deep inside her making her moan in bliss. Alex tried to scream our her lust but with his hand covering her mouth all that could be heard were muffled sounds.

Alex pulled his hand off and pulled him into a kiss to keep her screams at bay. Sean's hands played with her body sensually making her moan as his left hand played with her breasts making her moan softly while his other hand fingered her making her whimpermoan in bliss.

Keep writing more endless ‘making her’ sentences, author, I’m sure your authorship will soon earn the recognition it deserves.

Alex ended the kiss to let out soft trembling breathes as she stared into her lovers eyes lovingly.

"Pleas come inside me now." Alex said in a begging voice making him smirk before pulling her back into the kiss and thrusted into her faster making her eyes widen and her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she came and he pulled out before thrusting into her pussy and came inside her hard making her let out a shuddering moan before she pulled back from the kiss and panted in bliss before starring into her lovers eyes again and smiled as she laid against his chest.

A new record, with just fifteen away from a hundred words long run-on sentence, author. I’m starting to consider the fact that you can’t actually write. You can put words next to each other, yes, but a construction worker has more care for the order of the bricks put into a wall.

"I love you." Alex said making him smile.

"I love you to Alex." Sean said as he held her lovingly.

"Aw aren't you both just cute." Carmine said

With this façade, I’m surprised we haven’t had a name misspelling this glaring any earlier.

pressing her breasts on his back making him smirk as he turned around and looked at Carmen nude as him while Alex still had her apron on. "Mmmm Looks like your not done yet honey." Carmen said giving him a hand job to get him fully erect again.

"When am I ever?"

Oh, say, three sentences from now, when the author has momentarily run out of ideas for this haphazardly-crafted, disconnected sex-scene quilt of a chapter.

Sean asked making her giggle as she got to her knees and pulled his cock into her mouth and sucked on it lovingly.

"Hey don't hog him all to yourself." Alex said joining her as she licked his balls.

"I love my life." Sean said enjoying the mother daughter act.

The moment you have the protagonist’s life be perfect, the story is dead, author. Intrigue, excitement, even curiosity dies in the wake of achieved wish-fulfillment.

Authors note: Merry Christmas everyone!

I would shamelessly retread the most overused Santa joke in existence, but I don’t want to write out that many ‘ho’s this harem has planned for.

I was originally going to post this in the morning but then I'm like nah you guys have waited long enough. Happy holidays! Oh and if anyone who's read my dragon Fox story I would like you guys to vote in the new poll for the next arc to use. So far totally spies is in the lead.

I hate when homework like this pops up. I’ll save you the curiosity at the next disappointment and figure out what the buffoon is going on about.

Sigh. A female Naruto fanfic, 39 chapters and probably counting, featuring a massive crossover harem and Futa Jutsu. Yes, of course Sean is in it, with his own Krueger clan, did you not read my opening rant in Chapter 1?


And only Pam gets the actual honor of being considered fully sworn in, with Crimson, Alice, and Donna still not being given the genuine treatment by this author's aimless jerk-off sessions.

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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun May 06, 2018 2:31 pm

You know, at this point, I was considering laying into this bullshit’s foundation and point out that Sean thinks himself irreplaceable. Everything he has presented about himself, excusing the author’s muscle-gasm fantasies, has been excused as Spartan prowess. But guess what, this chapter, yes, after 15 chapters of jerking himself and us around, finally Sean is being granted his secret power-exposition upgrade. And it wrongs every minute right the author could pretend to have. I really hit every nail on the head with my deconstruction of this power fantasy wish fulfillment. I’m both ticked off and relieved we don’t have half a nation of this asshole

Chapter 16 queen for a day

A consolation prize for the year-round bimbos, I guess.

(Originally I wasn't going to do this but then I'm like why the hell not? So Enjoy this chapter)

I thought I wasn’t going to enjoy this chapter, but then I was like, yeah, I’m not.

"Remind me again what the hell is a homecoming queen?" Sean asked

"Please tell me you're joking?" Alex asked.

"No seriously what is it?" Sean asked.

"Didn't you go to high school in Sparta?" Sam asked.

You Americans and your silly school system rituals, thinking it applies when in Europe neighboring countries will only have similar educational structures by accident.

"No I went to military training. In Sparta you have a choice. Learn in regular school and be a civilian or become a soldier and fight for all of Sparta." Sean said

"Oh well that explains it." Donna said.

My previous statement still applies, and it now goes double for this xeno-centric dipshit’s fake dream-übermench sovereign state fantasy. High school proms and homecomings are an American thing. But fine, let’s indulge this vapid pseudo-Sparta caricature and pretend they have high schools with proms. It wouldn’t even matter if half the country was forced into conscription, because what pathetic, clueless, responsibility-dodging failure of a royal member of the throne don’t know the culture of his own people?!

"Well a homecoming queen is for the homecoming dance those who get the most votes win the title as homecoming queen." Clover said.

"Thats stupid its kinda an insult to real queens in the world to me." Sean said.

I can’t wait for your impotent cultural appropriation complaints on tumblr once you learn about drag queens, then.

"Well thats the life of high school." Alex said as Clover inserted her disk for her way to get everyone to vote for her as homecoming queen.

Unless it’s a disk that glows from an earlier episode, I think you need to stop drooling out only half the canon onto your keyboard, author.

"The hell was that?" Sean asked unimpressed.

"Not good enough?" Clover asked.

"Clover that was three-seconds of shit you could have done better then that."

You really know how to talk to women to make them feel special, don’t you, Sean?

Sean said just as Mandy and some band marched in. "Oh what now?" Sean asked annoyed.

"Watch and learn how a real queen wins handsome." Mandy said putting her disk in after ejecting Clover's. Mandy's version was more mean since it was insulting Clover in every way.

Then again, Clover’s did include the line ‘Gas the Jews’, so they balance each other out. Describe shit, author, you keyboard-abusing baboon!

"So what do you think stud?" Mandy asked trailing her finger on his chin.

"Two words." Sean said holding two fingers up making her smile thinking he liked it. "Fuck off." Sean said making the whole school burst out laughing while she looked at him in shock before growling and stomped off with her disk.


Author, this ridiculous, unconvincing punching-bag syndrome you have is bordering on obsessive, since you can’t even find a foundation to put your silly ‘reject bitch – get praise’ ego boost on. No one, alive or dead, would believe Mandy would approach Sean – the man who last time they met threatened to ‘show her what happens to her kind in his country’ while calling her a dumb bitch - no matter how hard your erection gets when imagining yourself as him. And then, as if having instantly become prom king already, he summons a social justice story bookend scene by doing such insightful verbal jousting, that he could have conveyed by simply dropping his pants and shitting directly on the floor in front of everyone. Your bully inferiority fantasies are only special in the way that they make bullying victims want to bully you.

"Nice." Donna said holding her sides as she kept laughing along with the other girls.

"No one insults my girls without getting hurt by me." Sean said smirking while the girls smiled.

Yeah, because we know only you are allowed to verbally abuse your breeder drones, barely a paragraph ago, douchebag


"Ugh! How'm I supposed to win against that?" Clover asked since Mandy's presentation was more flashy then hers.

Don’t you just love the canon railroad that ignores the entire school was present for the supposed victorious dismissal of the b-plot antagonist?

"You don't just forget it. I mean what the hell is the point in winning if it's a one time thing?" Sean asked.

So, one shot why bother? If it can only be done once, that means you’ll never get another chance, numb-nuts!

"It's a girl thing." Donna said not interested herself but knew where this was coming from.

"Well, it's a dumb thing still."

Are you ever going to be supportive of anything your bed-warmers do outside the bedroom, you uncultured swine?

Sean said as they walked by the trashcan as Clover put her disk in it before they heard something.

"Huh?" Sam said before they were all sucked in it.

"OH COME ON ALREADY?!" Sean yelled before they landed in a pod and flew off. "What the absolute hell?" Sean said as they flew to the ocean and on a ship before landing. "This better be a cruise ship." Sean said.

You work for Jerry, Sean. You got paid a mansion to have this job. Have some dignity, stop whining, and suck it up, princess.

"No such luck I'm afraid and the mansion you wanted is more then enough to last a lifetime." Jerry said.

"True just so long as you don't act blind to the facts from now on." Sean said reminding him his screw up.

Trust me, Sean, you remind him of that every single day you are alive.

"Well anyway right now, you are en route to the northern African nation of Lyrobia wheres there's been a rather unusual kidnapping attempt on the nations queen Tassara." Jerry said. "We suspect it was perpetrated by the neighboring nation of Kenyopia. Sean Sparta has had to keep these two nations in line before correct?" Jerry asked.

"Yeah my mom has had friends from Lyrobia come to Sparta for some help out of fear of a war occurring and since the world knows better then to screw with us the other nation backed off."

Oh, yeah, sure, the whole world knows better than to tangle with a jarhead master race too big for its own sandals that it starts unravelling nations in a separate continent. I wonder how many nuclear warheads people are simply too afraid to launch at them, too.

Sean said remembering the story from mission reports he's read before. "But what do you mean unusual kidnapping?" Sean asked.

That they invited her out on a date before fucking her, I know it’s not something you’ve heard of before, Sean.

"Apparently, the perpetrator used some sort of Anti-gravity device to literally lift the queen from her palace." Jerry said making Sean's eyes widen.

'It cant be.' Sean thought in his head knowing one person tried to create such a weapon before in his younger years.

Big deal, Sean, WOOHP has like three different gadgets of that kind, so stop pretending you can worm your origin’s roots into the plot now.

"Is something wrong?" Jerry asked.

"Huh? Oh uh nothing just weapons like that are hard to make." Sean said.

"Indeed and is precisely why I'm sending you to protect her majesty. Now girls come and get you new gadgets while Sean I have something knew you will like."

Oh, come on, Jerry, you know giving him a pack of condoms is useless, since every woman in existence is on the pill.

Jerry said showing him to the back. Sean was looking at some new guns that had some glowing blue lines on them.

"What are these?" Sean asked picking up a pistol.

"These are special weapons that will suit you perfectly we call them Incapacitating Cartridge Emitting Railguns or I.C.E.R.s for short."Jerry said(Got this from agents of shield)

And like the cancerous parasite of fictional universes you are, you seem to expect a badge of honor for the fact that you can enhance your power fantasy by including it, when it’s never going to be used in this chapter!!

"Nice." Sean said inspecting the weapons.


"Fuck!" Donna groaned out in misery as they traveled to the palace on camels and the heat was killing her.

"What?" Sean asked unfazed by the heat due to his time in Sparta.(I forget isn't Greece a hot zone?)

Wow, I’ve torn personal fantasies apart at the foundation before, but I didn’t expect bedrock this early. It’s Mediterranean climate, you Google-allergic ingrate.

"Its so hot and not in a sexy way at all." Donna said.

"You could just take off your clothes." Alex said ridding her camel without her shirt and pants on leaving her in an orange bra and orange thong that had a heart in the center of it.

"She does have a point." Sam said ridding her Camel in only her green thong.

"Second that." Clover said being the only one that was completely naked not wanting any tan lines.

Yes, author, expose your flesh lights to the baking, dusty, deadly elements of a desert. The reason you don’t see movies with people stripping down when wandering in the desert is because it worsens the conditions the desert causes you, you porn-addled dumbass.

"Where are all your clothes anyway?" Donna asked in surprise not seeing them like that the whole trip.

"In our bags duh. Once we get close enough we can redress out here." Alex said taking her bra off and put it in her bag.

"You girls have no shame at all." Sean said making them giggle.

"Oh like you complaining mister who made us addicted to sex." Clover said spanking herself for his amusement making him chuckle.

”Teehee, we are nothing but pin-up, jerk-off material”.

You know, just in case anyone was still delusional, thinking this fanfic contained characters true to the ones you saw in the show, like the author.

"Sometimes I wonder what might have happened if I didn't come with you girls to the states." Sean said.

"Well I don't." Sam said rubbing her breasts.

Sure, keep having every character approve and shower your dick in praise for how it has turned the universe inside out, author. It’s so subtle.

"There it is." Alex said seeing the palace and got dressed.

"Oh come on." Donna said annoyed as she was about to strip butt naked.

"Maybe next time." Sean said kissing her cheek making her smile.

Minutes later

"Welcome to Lyrobia. I'm queen Tassara and this is my sister Makeda." Tassara said while eyeing Sean without the female spies seeing and was liking what she was seeing along with her sister who licked her lips.

What, were they all too busy disrespecting the Queen talking directly to them, by tying their shoe laces, to notice her lust-wandering gaze?

"Can you tell us exactly what happened?" Sean asked leaning on the wall.

"I'm not exactly sure since I was so confused at the time when my sister saved me when it happened." Tassara said.

Because her advisor Akim who did it in canon couldn’t, because any man the girls could ever glance at with desire won’t exist in this fanfic. The author is that incredibly possessive of his fantasy.

"Some green light was pulling her out the window during the night and I had to pull her in and suddenly it stopped and she fell on me hard." Makeda said frowning at her sister who rolled her eyes.

"For the last time that was not my fault." Tassara said annoyed.

"You are heavier then you look." Makeda said annoyed.

”You call this original dialogue?” ConcernedGamer said annoyed.

"Um ladies." Sean said getting their attention seeing him grin in amusement. "As entertaining as this whole thing is can you stay focused." Sean said making them blush in embarrassment.

Considering that you thought that entertaining is starting to explain a lot about this fanfic, actually.

"Uh right sorry." Tassara said blushing. "Anyway after all that some people outside just ran off." Tassara said.

"Mind if I have a look around the room?" Sean asked making her nod.

"You girls must be exhausted from your travel here. My servant will escort you to your rooms." Tassara said having the girls nod as a woman came and escorted them out.

"Hundred bucks says he takes both of them at the same time." Donna whispered to the girls who snicker.

A thousand says it will be as bland, forgettable, and identical as the previous shit.

"Shall we?" Tassara said holding her hand out and Sean smirked before holding it at she and her sister escorted him to her room to "Investigate". (Yeah right)

Your quotation marks are supposed to be the indicator of your sarcasm, not your parenthesis-itis - why are you like this?!

Looking around the room Sean found some green dirt on the ground. While he was doing this he failed to notice something.

Because if he one day ever noticed sex coming his way beforehand, it would seem like he didn’t deserve it, after all.

"I don't know what this is by I'll send it to Jerry for analysis. Now about..." Sean tried to say but stopped and whistled in awe when he saw Tassara and Makeda both naked as the day they were born. "Wow." Sean said in awe making them giggle. "Not that I don't like the view but what brought this on?"

Speaking of which, I can’t help but notice a clear jump-cut between these bimbos going from clothed to nude. How the hell is this inefficient author ever going to fulfil his threat of a strip club scene?

Sean asked making them giggle more as Makeda walked to him swaying her hips as did and closed the blinds and shut the back door so no one could hear them.

I only wish the author would stop coddling his fantasy soap-bubble to the point, where it’s clear he’s projecting the fear of his parents hearing him masturbating through his locked door.

"Now do you really want to know or do you want to take us both?"

We’ve been here so many times the author won’t even bother having the blowup dolls confess to desire his self-insert at this point.

Makeda asked trailing her finger on his chest as she removed his shirt and licked her lips seeing his extremely muscled chest. "Oh my." Makeda said enjoying the view.

"Hours of training princess."

I’m trying my hardest here, author. I really am. The petty insults and ranting nitpicks I’ve kept at bay would brand me in ways you don’t understand. Much the same way that you don’t understand how your fever dream power fantasy just lowballed physical fitness a hundred times worse than One Punch Man did!! YEARS of training, you slob!

Sean said making her smirk as she licked his chest and moaned from his taste.

Lyrobians must really love the flavors of sand and sweat.

"And this princess likes the results very much. Now lets get real serious." Makeda said as she took him to the bed and sat him down gently.

"Lets see if the stories of Spartans are true."

That you need 300 of them to make a difference?

Tassara said as she and her sister removed his pants and boxers and both gasped from the size of his cock.

"It wont bite." Sean said teasingly.

It might, since we’ve had barely any physical description of it, and it’s not like I’d approach this author for biology lessons.

"Shall we?" Makeda said to her sister who smirked as they got on the different sides of his cock before grabbing their breasts.

"Lets." Tassara said as they smothered his cock between their breasts making him groan in bliss.

And the bliss has returned, with a vengeance.

"Nice." Sean said holding their heads gently.

"Want to see something hot love?" Tassara said making Makeda smirk and both kiss the tip of his cock and each other lovingly.

"Wow you two must have done this a lot." Sean said thrusting up slightly making them giggle.

They are both virgins, though, aren’t they? That’s the requirement to being in Dragonlord0’s fanfics, unless they have birthed another chew toy for him.

"Of course we love each other like no sisters normally would.

I don’t know, have you asked the Frozen fandom?

Of course we had to keep it secret since we don't want rumors of us going around and making crazy lies." Tassara said kissing her sister lovingly who moaned into the kiss.

Okay, cock-roast, tell me then what lies they would be telling by relaying exactly what they saw?

"But now we love someone together the same so now we can share and not have to hide anymore." Makeda said licking the tip making Sean groan.

Which is why you hide behind closed doors right now, that’s the metaphorical brilliance behind it, you see.

"Well then I guess your both in my harem then." Sean said making them giggle.

Your ego is amazing, Sean. Two people of nobility just targeted you, and your thought is that they are to be brought into your fold and not the other way around. How many more times are you going to have the author bend reality to his whims to perpetuate your delusions?

"Even better then since it mean we can experiment on others." Tassara said making Makeda giggle as they moved their breasts faster on his cock and felt him twitch. "Oh he's close sister." Tassara said licking the shaft expertly.

"Let him rain on us then. Let it out you Spartan stud." Makeda said making Sean let out a long groan as he exploded and came on them

You know, I’ve been ranting on this explosion thing for a while, but now that you are starting to have it be a separate thing from the actual ejaculation, I’m starting to grow worried, author.

making them moan softly as they were covered in his cum before they licked it all off.

"Delicious." Tassara said kissing Makeda who moaned as she held her sister close.

"My turn." Sean said pulling Tassara up making her squeal as she was on her stomach.

"Be gentle love we're both virgins."

I don’t have a reason to say ‘told you so’, because anyone following along would have predicted this alongside with me. This fanfic is demanding ludicrous circumstances for its increasing number of vapid indulgences, while you couldn’t even find the same amount of virgins in a nunnery!

Tassara said as her sister kissed her lovingly to keep her mind off the soon to be coming pain.

"Don't worry I'm always gentle for my girls first time." Sean said kissing her neck making her moan before he slid inside her making her groan in discomfort while her sister held her head to her lap and gasped as he made it all the way in breaking her virginity and blood came out.

At this point, this feels more like a ritual, with the author reinforcing these elements just to convince himself that pain is mandatory, inevitable, and an expected excuse in the performance.

"Oh god it hurts!" Tassara yelled in pain but was silenced by her sister who shoved her face in her pussy to muffle her cries.

"Shhhh don't worry sister just relax and eat me out till it goes away."

Sure, you are in horrible pain but don’t let that keep others out of the fun. Does this author think eating someone out is like getting a soothing ice cream?

Makeda said and moaned as Tassara licked her sex. Sean smiled as he leaned forward and pulled Makeda into a loving kiss making her moan. "Go on fuck her." Makeda said making him nod and thrusted into her making Tassara moan into her sisters pussy which made her moan in return.

"I wonder what the others in the nation would think if they saw you two doing this?" Sean said in a feral voice in Makeda's ear making her shudder in excitement.

We have been on this hypocritical topic three times already in this chapter alone, author. Spare me your fake exhibitionism and commit, you self-emasculating pussy.

"It would be so naughty for us to be seen like this but such a turn on. Why? Do you want to take us out on the streets right now?" Makeda asked licking his muscled chest making him smirk before smacking her ass which made her gasp before moaning in bliss.

"I'm not much for public adventures like that but Clover is. Once this mission is done perhaps you two could experiment a little."

I don’t know what I should disbelieve more. That the royal pair would follow you like puppies into squalor beneath their palace standards, or that Clover wouldn’t demand to live here instead.

Sean said making her smirk before kissing him again before her eyes widened as she felt her orgasm approaching fast.

"Please hurry my love and cum inside her I'm close." Makeda said rotating her hips so her sister's tongue would move around a little more before gasping as she came and was silenced by Sean when he pulled her into a kiss as she came inside Tassara who had her eyes roll into the back of her head feeling his warm seed inside her womb.

I’m sure her eyes were merely searching around for some commas. She’ll find 126. In this chapter? Don’t be foolish. In all the previous 15 chapters combined, perhaps? That sounds pretty pitiful, doesn’t it? Try all 35 chapters in total! And that’s not even the bottom line. Ignoring author’s notes, ignoring places where he clearly mistyped an ellipses, and ignoring where their only purpose was to list off names, physical descriptions, and monetary amounts, there are only 22 grammatically functioning commas in this entire story, and half of them aren’t even used correctly! I’m fucking crying right now!!

She and Makeda were on the pill so she wasn't worried about getting pregnant at least not for a few more years.

Go back to writing Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfics, author. There your trap card timing narrative is of better use.

"Mmmm so warm." Tassara said before pushing Makeda down and kissed her making Makeda moan as she held her close. "Its your turn now sister." Tassara said kissing where her heart was making Makeda moan before spreading her legs and traced her fingers around her sex.

"Go on stud my pussy is waiting for you." Makeda said slapping her sex lightly making her moan softly.

How often and what won’t make these bimbos moan? It’s like as second a nature as breathing at this point.

Sean smirked before lining himself up and Tassara sat her pussy on her face. "Go on fuck me like a whore." Makeda said and gasped as he thrusted into her fast and nearly screamed from the pain till Tassara placed her pussy in her mouth and moaned from having her sister's muffled screams vibrate around her sex.

I could start a counter on how many times your inadequate prepositions have made it hard to distinguish whether you have switched around people’s genitals and forgot what they were called, author.

"Oh yes Makeda your mouth is the best." Tassara said in bliss before Sean pulled her into a kiss making her moan. "Your also the first man we ever kissed you should be honored."

Planets align more often than the amount of virgin sex-professional sluts completely untouched by any man, author. I can’t possibly ridicule your fantasy’s standards any more than they do themselves, but I’m certainly going to try.

Tassara said rubbing her hands on his chest moaning from feeling his hard abs and shuddered when she felt his twelve pack. "Mmmm so hard." Tassara said in bliss from just feeling his muscles with her hands.

"No Spartan is some half muscled amateur like most of the world."

Oh, you insecure little bitch, I could pinch your cheek that’s how adorably infantile you are. It’s comedic enough that you need to imagine your self-insert flexing your imaginary muscles for you, but then you needed to imagine him figuratively doing it in front of a mirror while simultaneously patting his back and ejaculating himself a trophy for how impossible his existence is. Wish-fulfilment is there to substitute something you find lacking, author, otherwise you wouldn’t provide it for yourself, and the strength of which you write it reflects equally how far away from your own desired qualities you could consider yourself. The irony of it all is that your wish fulfilment isn’t including Sean to be a great author.

Sean said making her giggle before moaning as her sister shoved her tongue in deeper.

"Ahhh! Im so close." Tassara said and gasped when he shoved his tongue in her mouth making her moan as she held him close before her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she came and felt Makeda come as well if her trembling was any indication and knew he came inside her.

"Mmm so good."

Mmm, so ‘insert noun’.

Makeda said as they laid down on the bed to regain their energy.

"So did I live up to your expectations?" Sean asked making them smirk before kissing his chest.

"Oh yes you have my future king." Tassara said lovingly.

"We're yours now and forever." Makeda said lovingly.

Why does every casual sexual encounter end like that was exactly what it wasn’t? This fantasy is so brittle it hurts to read it. So this muscled oaf can get any woman he wants because all they – anyone, really - ever wants, is muscles. I don’t even think the author has described Sean’s other features as qualifying for desire. Well, guess what the next logical step would be if another pea brained steroid abuser walked by? These bimbos would ditch Sean, but that’s of course never going to happen, because in truth the reason they pick Sean is because the author says they do.

"We live to serve you and do whatever you wish." Makeda said making him smirk.

"Oh Really? What If I wish for you to walk outside naked right now?" Sean asked making her smile.

"Do you want me to now?" Makeda asked trailing her tongue slowly on his chest.

You are a sham, author. I’m tired of you pretending these risky fictional repercussions for your fantasy, which you don’t even dare follow up on, because the moment you tickle yourself at the risk, you fold when all you even had to do is tell us no one happened to notice the exhibitionist.

"Go on." Sean said making her smirk and walked out of bed and went to the door and went outside.

"The only reason she's not so nervous is because the palace is so empty right now and filled with our more open mind female servants who are used to her nudity."

And once more the tension was neutered by the spineless author, who can’t even allow other men to get boners in this universe, for fear that his self-fashioned illusion of masculinity starts to grow dim at the comparison.

Tassara said giggling while eyeing her sisters naked butt and licked her lips before giggling as Sean nibbled and licked her ear.

"Well if you get the chance you two can walk around naked in my place all you want." Sean said making her smile at him and her sister came back with a sexy smirk as she got back in the bed and pulled the covers over them.

"Rest now love we have an event later tonight." Tassara said getting Makeda to nod as they laid on his chest.

Well, there was also supposed to be a plot, a plan, and the fact that Makeda is the secret anti-gravity weapon-dealing antagonist of the episode striving for power, but when did little details like that matter? She has a pussy, so the author’s dick intervened.

"Well don't you all look happy." Alex said making them sit up and saw Alex Sam Clover and Donna at the door all nude as them making Tassara and Makeda smirk.

"Come on in then. The bed is big enough for all of us." Tassara said making them smile and got in the bed with them.

"I love my life." Sean said making the girls giggle before drifting off to sleep.

Remember to save some of your bedside tissues for when you cry yourself to sleep, author.

Later at night

"Wow this place is lively here." Sean said liking the party.

"I just hope nothing goes wrong tonight I don't want the war to continue." Tassara said before Sean kissed her cheek making her smile.

"Don't worry nothing like that is going to happen."

We know! Conflict is impossible! The only tension this fanfic leaves me with is from whether or not I’ll grind down my own teeth before I’m done with it!

Sean said making her feel less stressed.

Unknown to them however though one of the people who was hired to kidnap the queen was looking at the party and pressed something on his ear.

For fuck sake, author. You go into omniscient perspective mode on your original content and you’ve forgotten what an ear piece or a communicator is?

"Sir mission objective is in sight but be advised primary is here." The man said.

"Your certain?" Another male voice said on the comms.

"Affirmative." The man said.

"Alright abort your current mission capture the primary." The other man said.

"So tell me how do you feel about children?" Tassara asked Sean with her sister.

Well, the author originally thought the spies were 14 when he wrote his smut, so I’d like to hear that answer myself.

"I would be the happiest person if I had a kid now. But I'm willing to wait a few years and enjoy the sex life I have now." Sean said making them giggle.

"Well I know you'd be a wonderful father."

The only quality you’ve learnt about him so far is his dick, so whatever you ‘know’ about is impossible to base on anything else, you sick fuck. This ‘perfect parent’ praise is the type of idyllic bullshit that should be a tell that you are stuck in a fake reality.

Makeda said making him smile and kissed her forehead.

"And you two would be perfect mothers." Sean said making them blush while smiling before the lights went out. "The hell?" Sean said.

"Sean do you see anything?" Sam asked on the comms.

"No nothing everything seems wait a second."

Yeah, of course he doesn’t see anything, the lights are off. One gadget, author! Just portray a single damn spy gadget for once. You don’t even have spy activity in your Totally Spies! fanfic!!

Sean said seeing some men trying to walk out of the palace. "I've got eyes on possible hostiles.

”They didn’t stick around to gawk at me in adoration, clearly they are hostiles.”

Protect the Queen and her sister I'll check it out." Sean said leaving the two after kissing them softly as he walked to the possible hostiles. Walking outside he looked for them.

"Where the hell did they go?" Sean asked.

"Right here." A male voice said making turn around and got knocked out.

I think this Spartan is broken, any chance we can get a replacement? I vote for Kratos. At least I’d trust him to be a parent!

"Where is he?" Donna asked before they saw a helicopter come in and the men Sean was looking for got on with him knocked out. "HEY!" Donna yelled trying to get on the chopper but couldn't as they were to high and got away.

They got away despite Donna’s best efforts of pinching them between her fingers over the horizon.

"I don't get it. I thought Tassara was the target." Alex said.

"Oh dear." Tassara said in fear. Just then the girls comm powders went off and they opened them and Jerry was seen.

"Hello girls hows the mission?" Jerry asked.

Terrific. Couldn’t be better.

"Not good Sean was captured." Sam said.

Okay, now you’re sending me mixed messages here, Sam.

"Oh my." Jerry said concerned.

"Jerry is it possible this was a set up to get Sean out in the open?" Clover asked.

Out in the open? He’s a prince, lives in a mansion, and attends a public high school. I’m sure targeting him when armed and alert on the job was a brilliant strategy. Well, it worked, so what do I know?

"Well actually we just received a transmission not to long ago saying something about a primary object being seen. It's possible they were referring to Sean and abandoned the mission to capture the queen." Jerry said.

"Why would they want him though?" Makeda asked.

That one’s easy to answer. It’s either to torture him or be the initializers for his secret second super power. It’s incredible how similar all this author’s stories are.

"Well Sean isn't exactly normal by human standards from what I can tell from his file that isn't redacted there was a scientist that was experimenting on his countrymen in Sparta and Sean was one of them. The experiment was stoped by Sean's parents but were killed in an explosion of the lab. Whoever this scientist was is classified but was presumed to have been killed in the explosion as well. Its possible he's still alive and needs something from Sean to continue the experiment." Jerry said.

While Sean is boring as all hell, they are going to be disappointed, since the cure for insomnia would have to come from something less annoying.

"What was the experiment?" Sam asked.

"Unlimited endurance maybe?" Alex said to the girls who giggle.

An immunity to venereal disease, more likely.

"I cant say since its redacted as well. You'll have to find Sean and ask him yourself. His phone is still active so you can find him." Jerry said.


Sean was beginning to wake up and found himself strapped to a chair.

The first time in a long while he isn’t waking up in a bed, but I’m not sure these circumstances would be new to him for the same reason.

"Hey what the fuck?" Sean said trying to get out.

"I wouldn't bother trying to get free my boy." A male voice said and Sean looked up and saw a man with white hair and a lab coat. "Allow me to introduce myself my name is doctor Whitehall I am..." Whitehall tried to say.

"I know who you are. Ex German scientist in human biology your work was dedicated to unlocking the human potential that had yet to be discovered." Sean said making him chuckle in amusement.

A HYDRA leader from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Totally irrelevant, as this author doesn’t understand crossovers as much as he simply thinks injecting a character from something he likes will enrich his story.

"I see you've done your research. No wonder he is so interested in you." Whitehall said.

"Who?" Sean asked.

"Micheal Kree." Whitehall said.

"Never heard of him." Sean said.

Me neither, but Google tells me he appears in other stories made by this author. Sometimes I feel like I’m mocking a hydra, knowing that after this story, two more will take it’s place.

"Not surprising but the work he's doing I'm sure you've seen. He's a disciple of the man who experimented on you when you were 6 years old." Whitehall said making Sean growl and tried to get free.

"What do you want from me?" Sean asked annoyed.

"What I want is irrelevant but what he wants is his business." Whitehall said before Sean got free and knocked him out.

Tada, Sean wanted to free himself, and he succeeded. Isn’t this exciting? Isn’t it a thrill? Can you bear waiting for the next time he is once more involved in a cut-scene like transition from Point A to Point B?!

"Well its mine now to." Sean said going to the computer but couldn't access anything and suddenly.

"Warning breach detected initiating self destruction in 5 minutes." The computer system said.

Geez, it’s a wonder a random janitor wiping off a keyboard hasn’t sent this place sky high already.

"AWWWW!" Sean yelled annoyed and ran out of there with Whitehall on his shoulder and got out just as the base exploded as everyone got out in time.

But right before they did that, they all reminded each other to take their contraception pills.

"Don't move kid!" One of the security guards said pointing his weapon at him as did the others when WOOHP helicopters arrived.

"Yeah fuck you." Sean said amused as the facility staff was taken into custody.

You are writing the least entertaining protagonist since Francis the Snivy, author. You think quips are just verbal diarrhea lamely spouted to get an acknowledgement of your ego-stroking superiority in edgewise. Set up a pun, you lazy fuck.

"There you are." Alex said walking up to him.

"Sorry if I worried you." Sean said sheepishly.

You’ve only been apart for less than six hundred words. I’m sure they were panicking like the headless chickens they already are.

"Why didn't you ever say you were experimented on?" Sam asked.

"Because the experiment failed. The experiment was meant to give eternal life to the test subjects but it failed all it did give me was infinite endurance and stamina along with increased muscle strength." Sean said.

Well, congratulations, author. Everything you’ve up until now established about Sean as a depiction of your pet faction master race has been a lie. Nothing he has ever done can be credited to Spartan heritage, including his sexual boasting in this chapter.

"Who was the guy who did all that to you?" Clover asked.

"Thats classified and personal information Clover." Sean said.

I can truly feel how you trust and love your fuck-buddies in a special and unique way, Sean.

"Look point it the experiment failed." Sean said.

"Then why did they want you back?" Donna asked.

"Trying to get some new results I guess." Sean said shrugging his shoulders.

Or maybe they were just trying to fulfil the author’s flimsy backstory establishment, by pinning a post-it note on your back saying ‘Science Experiment’.


A man in lab clothes was looking over the data the facility Sean was at sent before it exploded.

"Interesting." The man said.

”He went straight to the web browser to look up hyper-muscled furry porn. No wonder the self-destruct initiated.”

"So what are the results this time?" A man in military armor asked.

"Just like they were before the accident. It seems the experiment failed in every test subject except him." The man said showing an image of Sean.

This man is a nefarious, evil bastard. He biologically engineering a Marty Stu!

"So what do you want us to do Micheal?" The man asked the now identified Micheal who chuckled.

"For now nothing. I need time to prepare the next phase of the project and that could take months maybe a year or two. So for now leave him be." Micheal said.

So, you’re saying we’ll never see any of it before the author loses interest in writing this story, am I right?

Back with the spies

"Oh love." Tassara said as she and her sister hugged Sean.

"Easy I'm fine not a scratch." Sean said calming them down.

What, did they use cotton swabs to test him with? Why would they kidnap him if there was literally nothing to take from him he wouldn’t notice? Even semen samples there are plenty enough of walking around.

"Sorry we just got really worried." Makeda said smiling at him.

"And I appreciate that but since when do Spartans ever fail?" Sean asked making the girls giggle.

It sounds to me like they fail when they get knocked out and kidnapped, loser.

"In the field almost never, In the bed though ohh you never fail there." Alex said with a perverted look on her face.

"Oy." Sean said.

Do they say ‘Oy’ a lot in Sparta? Must be a local dialect.

"Out of curiosity is your home big enough for two more?" Tassara asked.

"Don't you have to run things here?" Sean asked.

"The Spartan council said they would take care of that and call us in when some important emergency came up." Tassara said grinning.

Who cares about the people of the nation? Responsibilities is just something you can duck out of if you want to fuck all day long.

"I swear at this rate I'm going to need to have that island used." Sean said.

"Island?" The girls asked confused before Sean pulled up a picture on his phone and showed it to them and they gasped in shock and disbelief as it was a tropical island of sorts.

"Holy Shit!" Donna said in shock.

"How do you own an island?" Alex asked.

He owns it because the author realized he couldn’t fit his dick inside the mansion he made a single chapter ago. Also, he’s a prince, dumdum.

"It was a gift from the Jamaican government for solving a drug selling problem. The island is all mine and has its own exotic mansion there for all your needs." Sean said making stars appear in their eyes.

Are you sure you don’t want to also pull out a planet named Sparta for him from your ass next, author?

"We have to go there now!" Clover yelled in excitement making Sean chuckle.

"Maybe when we have a vacation." Sean said.

The author would do it now, but he’s starting to become too tired from snapping his fingers.

Authors note: Wow lots of love suspense drama and more exotic themes coming up.

Yeah, buzzword salad aside, future chapters include titles with the words ‘Total Drama Island”. The most exotic part is going to be an art-style change we’ll never hear about.

So next chapter will be either Aliens man or machine or the black widows. See ya oh and yeah so Sean is immortal and he doesn't know it...Yet that is.

Do I even have to say it? You fail, author. Your ego-pampering security blanket of a story is as pathetic as it could possibly get. You are part of a million different authors who make the same mistake thinking rigging reality to eliminate your crippling fear of the least bit of failure makes for story-telling. Sean has been served everything on a platter, was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and he lays golden eggs. Congratulations, you’ve written yourself a Superman caricature with an immoral compass, a dirty mouth, and a sexual drive that confuses desire for affection. And you have absolutely nothing to write about him worth reading. No struggle. No goal to achieve. Not even a yearning for something else than what he has. You can’t even use the supporting cast to humanize him through, or to let him have something to protect, because nothing ever comes close to being a problem for him. You’ve grabbed a fictional universe like the moldable clay it could be in competent hands, and shaped it into the same useless ashtray every inspirationless imbecile makes, right before you shat in it and gifted it away, unfinished, unglazed, and unbaked!!


Two more for the road. This bingo board is starting to bore me.

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Re: New Spy

Post by Dashguy » Tue May 08, 2018 8:55 am

"No I went to military training. In Sparta you have a choice. Learn in regular school and be a civilian or become a soldier and fight for all of Sparta." Sean said
I love this line. You can practically taste the military fanboy-ism and the consequent despise for civilian life. I have no doubt the author is the kind of guy who thinks the country would suffer more from a one-week absence of the army complex than, let's say, thrash collectors, for the simple reason "we would totally get invaded u guise!"

Also, in hindsight, it makes sense for the self-insert to have infinite stamina, endurance and strength since the author most likely got his model for the "ideal Spartan" from the 300 film and the God of War series. Plus, it serves as the justification for the self-insert's overall lack of firearms usage ("cuz guns are for weaklings and cowards!") and a way to ensure his victory in case he meets foes who have no such qualms.

Keep up the good job, man.

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Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun May 13, 2018 8:29 am

Dashguy wrote:
Tue May 08, 2018 8:55 am
Also, in hindsight, it makes sense for the self-insert to have infinite stamina, endurance and strength since the author most likely got his model for the "ideal Spartan" from the 300 film and the God of War series. Plus, it serves as the justification for the self-insert's overall lack of firearms usage ("cuz guns are for weaklings and cowards!") and a way to ensure his victory in case he meets foes who have no such qualms.

Keep up the good job, man.
Will do. Your insight on the template the author probably cast Sean from is highly probable. I only wish the author could bother make something out of it, rather than having it be a blanket permission slip for himself to enhance Sean in any way he wants. But that's the nature of Sean, his background and harem expansions has to stay multiple-choice until the author makes up his mind.

Anyway, on to the mock. If you thought the author could make extra terrestrial contact exciting, put down that bottle and rethink your life. Here's Chapter 17, Aliens.

Chapter 17 Aliens

What I wouldn’t give for a xenomorph to end this fanfic right about now.

"Look out!" Sean yelled as Alex nearly crashed into them. Soon her car stopped and a man came out looking shaky.

"I seriously suggest you get a bus schedule young lade, because at this rate, there's no way you'll pass your driving test." The driving instructor said before running away in fear.

As far as the author is probably concerned, Alex failed because she started humping the gear stick.

"Awww!" Alex whined in depression as a waterfall of tears came out of her eyes. "But I've got to learn to drive." Alex said.

"Why? I drive you and the girls everywhere any way." Sean said.

It’s almost like you don’t want your body-pillows to grow up and have any autonomy and capability of independence of their own, Sean. But no, as the next line will show, it all comes down to kinks.

"Because once I get my license my mom said she'll buy me a good car and then its car sex time."

So, you are telling me that you want to have sex in a car, and expect to be the one driving? I am in favor of this idea, and pray you forgot to fill out a life insurance.

Alex said smirking at him making him and the girls laugh before the hood of the car opened.

"Uh oh." Sean said knowing what was about to happen. five metal arms came out of the hood and grabbed them and pulled them in it.

"FUCK!" Donna yelled as they landed on the couch.

Donna, I’m starting to think that you are only here in this fanfic because even the author knew it would grow stale to have Sean be the one cursing all the time.

"Uh where are we?" Clover asked.

"Is this WOOHP? I cant see anything." Sam said.

"Have I mentioned how much I hate the dark?" Alex said.

"Aw is someone scared?" Donna said mocking her before she and Sean laughed.

"Screw you guys." Alex said. "I'm not scared you just never know what's..." Alex tried to say till Jerry's head was seen making the three original spies shriek in fear while Sean and Donna chuckled.

And Jerry’s severed head brings them much amusement, why am I not surprised?

"Hello spies." Jerry said using a flash light to be seen before the lights came back on.

"Jerry you know what Stress does to my skin." Clover said annoyed.

Then pray tell, what good does a job as an action hero spy agent do it?

"Sorry. Agent Morrison tripped over the generator cable again." Jerry said as the lights flickered.

"Dumbass." Sean said.

"Now take a look at these satellite tapes from around the world." Jerry said showing some videos of people vanishing into thin air.

Ah, no biggie, I’m sure the Avengers will fix up that mess in the next movie.

"Whoa." Donna said.

"The hell?" Sean said.

"WOOHP has reason to believe the people in these videos were abducted by aliens." Jerry said making Clover and Sam laugh at that.

"Aliens? You're kidding right?" Sam asked.

I’m genuinely surprised none of you sex-addicts are fantasizing about a probing already.

"Hey I was experimented by a mad man who wanted to have immortal blood made and we've seen tons of other shit we would never have believed before so this isn't really that far fetched." Sean said.

With you, Sean, everything is possible. That wasn’t a compliment, by the way.

"Mmmm True." Sam said.

"Your mission is to visit the abduction site and look for clues." Jerry said.

"I knew we couldn't be alone in the galaxy! I knew there was life on other planets!" Alex said giddy.

"Hundred bucks says she's dreaming of sleeping with a female alien." Donna whispered to the girls who snicker in amusement.(I might let that happen^^)

Who cares? You'll write it just as flat and similar, without as much as a described skin tone or a tentacle.


"Ugh I fucking hate corn fields." Donna says annoyed as they were at the first sight.

"This is the only corn field you've been to." Sean said.

"Not true when I was younger my mom took me to a farm and I got lost in the field." Donna said making Sean and the girls chuckle.

I can’t wait for them to openly laugh at her childhood abuse stories next.

"The hell?" Sean said picking up a bag with a food sign on it. "Ok some people really need to clean up their trash." Sean said annoyed.

Right, in the bin with this fanfic, author, you heard the man.

"Hey guys the field is like some weird maze or symbol from up here." Alex said looking from the water tower. "I'm sending a picture back to WOOHP." Alex said.

I’m sure that’s much better than their satellite footage access.

"You know this would be a great place for some outdoor sex." Clover whispered in Sean's ear while pressing her breasts against his back and moved her hand to his crotch making Sean smirk.

"Maybe but not on the job."

Then care to tell me what it was you were doing in the previous chapter, you smirking hypocrite?

Sean said making her pout before the wind began to pick up.

"What the?" Sam said before they spotted a helicopter landing away from them.

"Well this is odd." Sean said as they walked to the chopper to see what was up. Once they got there they saw a woman who was in her early to mid 20's with white skin purple hair and purple eyes. The woman saw them and inwardly smirked once she saw Sean.

It’s not everyone who can turn their face inside out to let us know this.

'Well hello handsome.' The woman thought before shaking her head to clear her thoughts.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" The woman asked.

Don’t you mean ‘what are you and who are you doing here’?

"Just concerned people is all ma'am. And you are?" Sean asked politely making the woman smile.

'Handsome and well mannered just my type.' She thought.

"I'm Dr. Sagan Hawking. I'm an astronomer." Sagan said.

"Impressive." Sean said.

What’s impressive is the oh so subtle name she has. And yet I wonder if the author even realizes he wants to bone a fictional chick named after two world famous male astronomers, as he’s too busy converting the villainess of the episode to his harem.

"I'm studying the abductions as well. If we're facing an alien invasion, I want to know just what we're up against." Sagan said.

”Hopefully it’ll just be some strange potato-sack shaped thing with a glowing finger, like the last one.”

"Preparing for the worst case scenario. Smart idea." Sean said making her smirk.

"Anything you've learned might be helpful." Sagan said trying to get closer to the young Spartan Prince.

"Sure why not?" Sean said making her do a victory dance in her head.

'Score!' Sagan yelled in her head.

We get it, author. Every woman in the universe craves your self-insert’s cock. Move on already.


"Whoa nice." Sean said liking the mountain view. "Reminds me of the training grounds in Sparta for advanced warriors." Sean said.

Really? Because it’s currently reminding me of every empty void this fanfic has taken place in, jackass.

"You've been to Sparta?" Sagan asked in interest.

"I was born in Sparta." Sean said.

"Hmmm I guess that explains the looks you have." Sagan said making him chuckle.

Because no one in the world outside Sparta has muscles, of course.

"Yeah I get that a lot." Sean said making her giggle.

"Follow me now." Sagan said as she led them to the main room and sat down.

"Hey what is GOOPER?" Sam asked looking at some books on her chair.

"Um I'll take those." Sagan said putting them away. "Now, if you will direct your attention to the table. The stars indicate where the abductions have taken place.

Would you mind mentioning the hologram-projecting table just once, author, before we think the possibly crazy UFO-nut is showing them a crayon drawing of the Hollywood Walk of Fame?!

My theory is that aliens are capturing members of different cultures and studying them so they can decide to start the full invasion." Sagan said.

"No offense but thats a big accusation theory." Sean said.

And that’s a big word vocabulary you have there. What are you even trying to say? You could have said she was being racist, and at least then you’d be speaking English.

"Well as I said this is just a theory since they haven't been to a lot of other countries yet. My computers are predicting the next abduction will take place here in a bazaar in Saudi Arabia." Sagan said.

"Well we better get there before that happens." Sean said standing up.

You guys were originally supposed to follow Sagan home under the pretense of being relatives of the abducted, and your job as spies is supposed to be secret. Is the author even trying?

"Hold on you promised me you'd tell me what you've learned as well." Sagan said with a seductive smirk on her face making him chuckle.

"Honestly we haven't learned anything since we were only there for a few minutes before you got there. But if we do learn anything we'll let you know." Sean said making her smile.

"I hope you keep that promise." Sagan said winking at him as they left.

"She is so in love with you." Clover said making him chuckle.

Does the author just pretend this in order to get off, or does he honestly think love is part of this cock-polishing equation? Is this what he whispers to himself to reason why he’s lonely, that love at first sight would be assumed - nay, expected at first sight at having just the quality of physical fitness? I’m seriously amazed at the depth of reality denial that’s needed to make these fantasies reasonable.

"Isn't almost every woman we meet?" Sean asked making them giggle as they left.

Aside from being the entire problem with this fanfic, and that it is not even remotely funny, what the fuck does this brain-dead, Marty Stu archetype mean by ‘almost’?!

"Oh that man is definitely for me." Sagan said rubbing her body. "I better make some preparations." Sagan said about to get some things for her little plan.


"Ah Saudi Arabia I haven't been here in years." Sean said as Sam was using his credit card to buy some rather erotic clothing for later.

I wouldn’t have thought you to find burqas erotic, author.

"When did you come here?" Alex asked.

"Two years ago we had to settle a blood feud between two royal families only to learn that the problem was being caused by an outside party who wanted the two families to kill each other. That secured an alliance between the country and Sparta with ease."

I have enough to deal with regarding your fantasy-football version of Sparta, author. I don’t need you to pat your imaginary self on the back for solving made up conflicts in the Middle East, too.

Sean said before they were attacked by some men with swords.

"Oh come on." Sam yelled holding the clothes she bought before she and the girls blinked as Sean just shot them with the I.C.E.R. gun he had with him.

You know, the gun he was given on the previous mission and not shown to have during this one, used and described with less effort and effect as aiming a laser pointer. Why does the author even bother?

"Happy?" Sean asked twirling his gun around before putting it away.

"Very." Sam said smirking as she put all her new clothes away in a bag. "But who were these guys anyway?" Sam asked.

"Hey look at this." Donna said holding up a food bag that they saw in the corn field.

"And they have that same insignia GOOPER." Sam said.

"I hope Sagan isn't behind this." Sean said before Alex used her com powder to call Jerry.

"Afternoon spies." Jerry said.

"Hey Jerry does the name GOOPER mean anything to you?" Sam asked.

Why linger at this, author? It’s not going to matter. In fact, I don’t even believe you’ll let us know what it is an acronym of, because you’re already tailoring the birthday suit for the leader of that organization.

"Sorry it doesn't, but I'll check on it. However, I do have some information about the pattern you found in the corn field." Jerry said.

"Is it an Alien message?" Alex asked.

Who here wants to bet it was Dick Butt?

"I'm not sure. The shapes represent numbers. They're latitude and longitude coordinates for an isolated mesa in Mexico." Jerry said "You'll fly there in this new WOOHP transportation prototype." Jerry said.

A prototype that’s able to fit five people, I take it? Not that the author could convince me every girl wasn't a Barbie doll fitting in his back pocket for all the good they are reduced to accomplish.

"Just so long as Alex doesn't fly it." Donna said making said girl growl in anger.

"Come on!" Alex yelled annoyed.


"See you shouldn't fly!" Donna yelled as they crashed on the ground.

"Ay. Why?" Alex said in annoyance.

"You seriously need some help." Sean said making her pout. "Come on." Sean said pulling her up.

"Grrr! I just want to drive so I can have car sex!" Alex yelled annoyed making the others burst out laughing.


Oh, what a brilliant joke, what amazing talent for comedy, not at all deflated by the fact that Sean already told us he’s driving her around, and you don’t need the license to pork in a vehicle!

"Oh its not like you all don't want the same thing." Alex said making them whistle in innocence.

They waited for about a good ten minutes before shockingly a real space craft landed down.

It was so real in fact, that we need no details even from the author’s imagination for us to visualize it. Well, it’s not like it would even be described to us if it was shaped like a vagina.

"Oh wow." Sean said before another one came in as well and sucked up the one that landed. "I'm going to check this out." Sean said running off.

"Hey wait!" Sam yelled

"What are we supposed to do?" Alex asked before someone tapped her shoulder. "Huh?" Alex said looking back as did the others and they all gasped when they saw real live aliens and fainted.

"Ok this is going to be difficult."

The difficult part is trying to follow along with this shit. The only reason I can’t call this author a canon copycat, is because he can’t even do transcription justice.

Sean said before someone tapped him. "Eh?" Sean said before looking down and saw an actual little green man. "Uh Hello." Sean said.

"Hello back." The Alien said.

"Whoa you speak english." Sean said in surprise.

"Actually I'm better at French but I'm pretty good in english and more than 25 other intergalactic dialects." The Alien said.

Well, turns out Kung Pow was right. Aliens are French.

"Wow impressive." Sean said before they were sucked up to the bigger ship.

Sean suddenly woke up and found the same alien from before.

"I take it your not the ones abducting people are you." Sean said.

"No that would be the GOOPERs." The alien said.

"Theres that name again." Sean said before some men with weapons came.

"You're coming with us kid." The leader said.

"Oh boy." Sean said as he was dragged away. "Hey watch it!" Sean yelled as he was pushed into a room before being sent back down on the planet. "Huh?" Sean said seeing he was back at Sagan's base.

Amazing. Fucking utterly amazing. Sean was just on a space ship. Couldn’t you tell? I know I harp a lot on this author and scene descriptions, but wouldn’t you think an interstellar-traveling, alien space craft could pull a single description even hinting at four walls, a floor, and a roof?! But no, the author was too busy unzipping his pants because guess where we are going next!!

"Welcome back Spartan." Sagan said behind him.

"Sagan what are you..." Sean tried to say as he turned around but any further words died in his throat when he saw Sagan in something hot.

Sean, I know you have no brain and that the author couldn't write a logical thought to save his life, but aliens are real and you just got kidnapped to this place. Focus!

"Like what you see handsome?" Sagan said posing for him with a seductive smile on her beautiful face. She was dressed in what could only be described as a slutty school girl outfit which had a small green micro skirt that just barely passed her ass and a black micro tube top with a heart in the center she had black stalkings on her legs and had golden hells on.

You know, I knew you were horny, author, but did you have to screw your auto-correct?

She was also sucking on a lollipop in a sexy way.

Stick first?

"Whoa." Sean said impressed making her smirk before swaying over to him and placed a hand on his chest.

"Remove this please?"

His chest? Yes, pretty please.

Sagan asked in a pouty voice making him smirk and removed his black shirt and jacket making her smile seeing his very well developed muscled chest before moving forward and took a sniff of his chest before sighing in bliss. "The smell of a real man." Sagan said before licking where his heart would be and moaned in bliss. "And you taste delicious." Sagan said.

Does he secrete honeyed nectar from his pores or something? What the hell do you imagine sex to be like, author? Pick some more realistic stuff off of the Internet, for fuck sake.

"I'm surprised you don't have someone in your life already with how beautiful you are." Sean said making her smile at him before gently grabbing his hand.

I’m surprised you haven’t used that one on any of the previous virgins you’ve collected, but then again you’d probably run out of flattery fast.

"Come with me." Sagan said and he obeyed following her inside before they got to her room and Sean smirked seeing it was filled with romantic scented candles and the blinds were kept shut while a small window above them shed the moon light on them.

And like a paranoid schizophrenic, you cover the windows like you expected a random passersby to intentionally spy on this and interrupt it, way up in this mountain-top placed, alien-abducting, helicopter-accessed base!

"I wanted my first time to be with a real man not some weak no body and you are just what I want. Care to make a deal?" Sagan said trailing her fingers on his chest and sighed in content.

Oh yeah, you just waited for a genetically engineered idiot to drop into your life, didn’t you? Seriously, author, you portray every woman in this way, making it unfeasible anyone in the world besides your persona will ever have sex, but that's what you want, isn’t it?!

"Oh what kind of deal?" Sean asked playing with her hair which made her smile before gently grabbing his hand and kissed his palm before placing it on her left breast still covered by her tube top that was way to small for her showing her large C cup breasts.

Wait, wait, wait, hold on a moment. I’ve read many ridiculous things, and had to stomach a lot of contrite shit. But are you honestly telling me, what with your kink-fixated, pussy-starving, and virgin-deflowering fever dreams, that you draw the lines for large breasts at a C-cup? For real? Huh. I think this is what people call a blessing in disguise.

"If you can satisfy my needs in bed I'll release all the little green men I've captured and give up all my plans and more importantly I'll be your woman slave servant whatever you want to call me for the rest of my life doing whatever you wish me to do." Sagan said sexually licking his chest again.

This author’s take on villains is so repeatedly predictive, I made a flowchart of it already.


"Oh and what are you willing to do?" Sean asked sitting down next to her and placed his left hand on her face making her smile.

"Anything my love. I'll walk around public naked if you wish I'll serve you and anyone you wish me to please and if you see me worthy enough I'll give birth to your children."

Because this oath is of course what any virgin woman would be willing to recite, as long as her first time is expected to be above average. What if Sean is just a shitty lover and they settle because they don’t know better?

Sagan said before she widen her eyes as he pulled her into a loving kiss before moaning into the kiss as he held her close and she placed her arms around his back pulling him closer. Sean pulled back so they could breathe.

"You are worthy of children you don't need my opinion just for that.

But the bunghole who wrote her to say that sure seems to want it brought up a lot, doesn’t he? It’s like a virtue-signaling, white knight epitome mentality coupled with fedora tipping towards a vaguely curved store mannequin.

“If I have Sean vouch for this alien-kidnapping super villainess’ parent abilities, that must mean he’s even more deserving of the pussy she is willing to give him, aren’t I a clever author?”

But for now I want to enjoy my free time with my loved ones and now you've earned a spot for that name in my harem." Sean said making her tear up slightly that he accepted her and kissed him again.

"There is one more thing." Sagan said seductively trailing her finger on his twelve pack.

"And whats that?" Sean asked kissing her forehead making her giggle before standing up.

"I deserved to be punished." Sagan said.

"Oh what for?" Sean asked seeing her game.

For not performing the incoming sex scene with a voice box honoring your character’s namesake.

"I forgot to wear panties. I think I need a spanking."

”I also brutally enslaved and mind-controlled aliens, but the author thinks I’m hot, so I get a pass on that one.”

Sagan said pulling her skirt up flashing her pussy at him before she was pulled down and her ass hanging in the air making her giggle. "I've been a very bad girl master." Sagan said before she yelped in surprise as he slapped her left cheek hard leaving a red hand print before doing it again to the other cheek.(This part came from the tv show Nip Tuck look it up)

Yeah, and I’m sure it was so original when it depicted that, you self-admitted, imagination-bankrupt plagiarist. As far as I can tell, Nip/Tuck is an Emmy and Golden Globe Award winning medical drama television show with serial storytelling about plastic surgeons, among which is a highly sexual active male lead who even has a sex addict hounding him. I’m not intending to throw flack at the show as I know nothing about it, but the themes of sex and superficial focus on physical beauty sure sounds right up your alley, author.

"Oh Master...AH! Yes punish me!" Sagan yelled in lust as her pussy was dripping from sexual excitement as he continued to spank her ass hard leaving red hand prints behind.

"Once this is all done your mine and you'll do as I say without question." Sean whispered in her ear in a rather dominating voice which made her shiver in excitement.

"Yes master I'm your property meant only for you and the others to enjoy."

Fifty Shades of Grey called, said you should tone it down a little.

Sagan said in lust before she gasped as he spanked her really hard making her eyes roll into the back of her head as she suddenly came. She sighed in bliss as she got under control again. "Mmmm more." Sagan said in lust.

"Time for the main event." Sean said ripping her clothes off including her stockings and heels.

Oh, you party pooper, I was looking forward to seeing where she was going with the hell stalks.

"Hey those were expensive!" Sagan said slightly annoyed before she gasped seeing his large cock as he removed his pants and boxers. "Well hello big boy." Sagan said in lust licking her lips.

"I can buy you clothes much more revealing that suit you more then that."

I’m curious where you want to go from micro-modified clothes, to ascend to a new level of revealing, author.

Sean said kissing her neck making her moan softly.

"Be gentle love. You'll be my first." Sagan said shyly before that vanished as he kissed her lovingly.

"Just tell me when to move and what to do till your ok."

Something you keep telling all your partners, but you just ram it in, cover their mouth, wait for them to stop squirming in agony, and keep plowing. That’s called rape, you buffoon, and a shared ignorance to the fact by both partners is no excuse.

Sean said making her smile and nod at him as he slowly went inside her pussy making her gasp in slight discomfort before she gasped loudly as he made it all the way inside her breaking her virginity and kept her pained scream inside her and Sean pulled her into a loving kiss to ease her pain making her moan softly as she caressed his face before she pulled back and sighed in content as the pain was ending.

The author continues to operate from the ignorant understanding of the virgin hole being just a rubber-glove cavity with a breakable seal. If I believed, that going over each intricacy of that issue could even minutely improve the fanfic, I would. Case in point, moving on.

"The pain is over now fuck me like a beast." Sagan said in lust making him chuckle as he sat up and had her on his lap and thrusted upwards into her making he breasts bounce which made her moan while holding him close. "I thought you would ravage me love." Sagan said in a loving voice.

"I figured since you set the mood for all this you would like to be taken in a more romantic setting."

Yes, I could truly tell how romantic this sex position was compared to anything else before this. What?

Sean said making her smile and held his face as she kissed him while he continued to thrust upwards into her all the while both moaning into the others mouth.

"I'm getting close master. Please come inside me I'm on the pill."

Cyanide comes to mind.

Sagan said wanting his seed inside her.

"Get ready then." Sean said pulling her into another kiss and she moaned loudly as they both came at the same time and she let out a shuddering gasp as she felt his warm seed inside her womb.

And that was yet another impossible, implausible, unconvincing, and unarousing sex scene. How many women are we up at now? 14 out of 452? Shit.

"So warm." Sagan said as she lost her energy and both fell to the bed covered in sweat before Sean pulled the covers over them. "Promise me you'll never leave or abandon me my love." Sagan said caressing his face making him smile and kissed her.

"Never in a million years."

Well, you can’t abandon what you don’t remember. I’ve done a word-search of the whole fanfic already. This side-skank’s name never reappears after this chapter.

Sean said making her tear up slightly before she laid her head on his muscled chest and drifted off to sleep.

Hours later

"He should be in here somewhere." Sam said as they tracked Sean's tracker and got inside and when they got to the bedroom they smiled seeing Sagan naked as the day she was born with an equally naked Sean holding her close.

Author, you seem to be awfully repetitive in indicating in what way someone is naked, as if it’s amazing in that way. It’s nudity, get over it.

"Well you had fun." Clover said to Sean who opened his eyes and smirked at them.

"Care to join us?" Sean asked.

"Sorry but we would rather sleep in our own bed where she belongs with us." Alex said kissing her forehead as she woke up and smiled at the girls.

"I take it you've all stopped my plans." Sagan said.

”Well, we crashed a space ship, and maybe everyone’s dead, so, no? Yes? Who are you again?”

"Yup and got a list of other aliens that might visit earth and boy are the girls hot." Alex said.

"I fucking told you she would want to fuck an alien." Donna said making everyone burst out laughing.

Here’s a joke I fashioned just for you, author, I think someone with your humor will like it. Try not to laugh too hard now. Here goes.

Sex sex, sex sex sex, sex.

Yeah, I know, the punchline always gets me too.

"So shall we head home?" Sagan asked as Sean got dressed and gently grabbed her hand and pulled her up.

"Yes lets." Sean said kissing her softly making her moan.

I’ll add her to the tapestry, but I’m considering her dead and buried, murdered by Sean forgetting to fill the new pet’s water bowl every night.

Authors note: And another one added to the harem.

What is even a harem to you, author? Not to feign nostalgia or romanticize my earlier mocks, but back then the term actually held meaning to me. Now it’s just as impactful as an arcade fighting game's roster list an author wants to go through to say he did it, while sticking with those few whose moves he thinks he knows best.

Now like I said I might add some girls from other series such as April from Teenage mutant ninja turtles from 1987 or star fire Tala and Tula from Dc but I'll leave that to the new poll I've just created.

”Rather than let my own dick lead the way, I shall let other dicks lead the way, to pretend I have any idea what I’m doing and get praised for the decisions, too.”

Now next chapter is the black widows. See ya oh and heres a list of the harem from totally spies and a list of servants.

Servants? What the hell are you talking about? Are you seriously going to adopt in a second-rate slave caste in the harem, just to excuse not writing a sex scene for each and every one of them, you lazy creep?









Donna Ramon





Bonita Bikham

First new name on the list, but one we’ll have to wait for, being a Season 4 villain.

Candy Sweet


Geraldine Husk

Helena Simms

Please, author, I’m already holding back the Oprah Winfrey jokes regarding your harem, don’t bring the show’s parody of her into this, too.

Keako(Not married just good friends with the emperor)

Greed and covetousness like yours is simply astounding, author. When are you just going to tell us that Jerry is a eunuch, so you can stop quivering in fear thinking your fantasy might be disturbed?

Kimberly Kelly

Lara Croft

No, it’s not a crossover character, but a WOOHP hologram trainer adhering to the namesake. She’s also not real, and she is based on a male WOOHP agent’s personality. I’ll give you an out and just ask you what you want me to read into this, author.

Madison (Age 16)

Maggie Trendset


Milan Stilton


Muffy Peprich

Sagan Hawking


You can’t be serious.

Sunny Day



And Tara’s second evolution, Tassassara.

Violet Vanderfleet

Olivia Mandell (Otherwise known as M.O.M. from Martin mystery)

I’m pretty sure Sean’s ego won’t allow someone named Martin to exist in this fanfic's universe. It’s the implied competing dick, you see.

Servents girls who have no name in the series

Because that’s what we are all here for, isn’t it? To read an already obscurely niche-set fanfic smut fest and go “Who?”.

The girls in metal Bikini's from I, dude

names and physical description made by my friend TYZO300

Ratting out an accomplish won’t lessen the weight of the sins on your back, author.

Jessie-Platinum hair, olive eyes, tan skin, and pink lips

Candice-Blonde hair, jade eyes, fair skin, and red lips

Sofia-Violet hair, auburn eyes, dark skin, and pink lips

Hilary-Brunette hair, green eyes, dark skin, and red lips

Vicki-Redhead hair, green eyes, pink skin, and peach lips

Jenell-Magenta hair, jade eyes, tan skin, and red lips

Whoop dee doo, so now you have a list of names, but what use is it? They could have literally been anyone with the maintenance and attention you have for them. Hell, scramble up their names and try and pretend you can tell the difference. They are all literally anyone you want them to be.


And the harem has amassed itself with the speed of a hundred Windows Updates, having now reached and amazing 3%.

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Location: Denmark

Re: New Spy

Post by ConcernedGamer » Mon May 21, 2018 7:47 am

The author seems to be picking up the pace in filling out the harem, so of course that means he has to reduce his already piss poor narrative to an even worse state of moronic, ego-stroking self-indulgences. Here's Chapter 18, the Black widows.

Chapter 18 the Black widows

Well, personally I fantasize about Sean being consumed in the fashion of mantis mating rituals, but I’ll take what I can get.

"What the hell?" Sean said annoyed as Sam took them to the library for a spelling bee contest.

A social event that has nothing to do with sex? Better curse and pretend he has some other reason to be here besides the author soiling the canon like the leech he is.

"Hey I enjoy doing this for your information." Sam said poking her finger on his chest making him roll his eyes.

"You enjoy doing this or what we do in private more?" Sean asked making her snort.

She would certainly get better D’s from this.

"Like you really need to ask." Sam said with a smirk making him and the girls laugh.

"Well its not like anyone else can beat her in this." Clover said.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that. Now out of my way." Mandy said with three guys behind her. "Ive got a spelling bee to sign up for." Mandy said in her usual annoying bitchy voice.(^^)

You have such a talent for subtlety, author. It’s not everyone who can cover up the fact, that they turn the b-plots of each Totally Spies! episode into a hate fic and substituting all the rest with shitty smut, with just a half-assed text emoji.

"Oh please since when do you care about these things?" Sean asked rolling his eyes.

"I don't but I'm into winning and more importantly, I'm into beating her." Mandy said pointing at Sam. "Show everyone that not only am I the prettiest, best-dressed girl in Bed High, I'm also the smartest." Mandy said.

Could you stop confusing what it is you want to hear with the dialogue, author? She said Bev High. Beverley Hills High, you deaf oaf.

"Yeah bullshit your a whore." Sean said plainly making her gasp while the girls burst out laughing while she growled and stomped inside to sign up.

It just wasn’t enough that you can’t make up your mind about your low brow insults more often than not are used as compliments in the bedroom, author? You also need your pathetic, spineless imagination to pretends to have a confrontation-stopping high ground through utterances that people like Mandy would dismiss as unsophisticated burps? All you are having Sean say to feign superiority while ignoring any point ever voiced, is essentially; ”Yeah, well, lame non-sequitur insult.”

"Don't worry about her Sam she's nowhere near as smart as you." Sean said with his arm around her making her smile.

"Now then where are the dictionaries?" Sam asked herself before finding it and when she pulled the book the book case turned and sucked them in.

"Are you serious?" Sean asked as they landed on the usual couch.

Are you seriously going to give a banal utterance every time this happens?

"Afternoon spies so good of you to pop in." Jerry said making a funny or so he thought.

Because you’ve shown yourself the pinnacle of comedy thus far, haven’t you, author?

In the room with him was a woman of Japanese descant looking to be in her mid 20's. She had tan skin black hair and brown eyes.

"Lame." Sean said making him sweat drop. "What is it now? And who's she?" Sean asked pointing to the woman who smirked at him.

"This is Keako a senior agent of WOOHP." Jerry said. (I know she's married and in her 40's in the cannon series but I'm changing that)

So you changed her age and introduced her in an episode that wouldn’t force your fragile fantasy to perform an ounce of originality, when it comes to the universe you are jerking off into. Imagine my surprise.

"Nice to meet you all." Keako said with a bow.

"Likewise so whats up now?" Sean asked.

"It has come to our attention that the honey bees, the California championship high school cheerleading squad, are MMCC." Jerry said.

And of course the author won’t tell us that MMCC stands for Missing Mid Cheering Competition. This author’s writing ability is Significantly Horribly Irritating Trash

"And thats our problem how? Let the police handle this I don't see any world crisis in this." Donna said.

"Why is this so important?" Sean asked.

Stop talking, Sean, you’re going to interrupt Jerry’s lines that won’t at all answer the irrelevant nonsense you and Donna are spouting.

"We believe they may have been kidnapped so Keako will be assisting you in this mission. Sam Clover and Alex will be posing as Cheerleaders while the rest of you observe." Jerry said.

"Oy I hate cheerleaders." Donna said rubbing her temples.

Holy shit, it took me a second take, but when the fuck did you arrive, Donna?

"Huh?" Sean said confused.

"Cheerleaders are all the same weak and deceiving." Donna said.

"Voice of experience?" Sean asked.

"Yup." Donna said.

Original dialogue like this transcends time. By that I mean it will be ignored by everyone in both the past, present, and future, even the person who said it, and the author’s skin suit as he’s about to jerk off to cheerleaders.

"Well Regardless if they have been kidnapped we should at the very least investigate." Sean said making her sigh before agreeing.


"Oh god I'm beginning to regret accepting this mission." Sean said seeing the outfits for Sam Clover and Alex.

This isn’t Mission Impossible, dirtbag, you’re signed on and have a job. You don’t ‘accept’ the missions, so shut up.

"Why because there not reveling enough to admire their bodies like you always do?" Keako said making him blink.

Wait, you think cheer leader outfits are chaste, author?

"How did you..." Sean tried to say but she burst out in a fit of giggles.

"You don't think WOOHP doesn't monitor its own agents now do you? Everyone knows but no one has said anything less they end up infuriating you and your little harem." Keako said still giggling.

Author, was there any remote possibility you did not want us to take from this, that Sean would throw the same pitiful and wimpy temper tantrum as you’d do, whenever your mother forgets to knock and walks in on you masturbating?

"I take it you're wanting a place in it?"

The fact that you still think you have to ask shows you can’t tell what sort of fanfic you are in, Sean.

Sean asked making her smirk before pulling him into a closest and pulled him into a kiss. Sean's hands drifted to her hips making her moan softly before pulling back.

"Does that answer your question Spartan?" Keako said seductively.

"Yup." Sean said kissing her forehead making her giggle as they went back out.

"Did you both have fun in there?" Donna asked with a grin.

Yeah, I’m sure their twenty second hiding in a closet needs a question to follow up upon that, Donna, you author tract.

"Yup." Keako said making her giggle.

"Ok lets get this over with." Sean said.

Minutes later

"Wow theres a lot of teams here." Alex said.

"Hello there handsome." One of the Texas Cheerleaders said seductively trailing her finger on Sean's chin. "Would you give this cheerleader a kiss?" The Cheerleader said making Sean smirk.

"Maybe if you stripped butt naked." Sean said.

Welcome to Who Gives A Fuck Town – population zero!!

"Ok." The Cheerleader said having done just that in front of ever other cheerleader who howled and whistles in encouragement. "Like what you see handsome?" The Cheerleader said kissing him.

There isn’t a single woman in this universe that won’t act like a complete nymphomaniac when encountering Sean. And the author wants us to somehow not only be convinced but also impressed by his explicitly unearned conquests. For such a Sparta brown-noser, the author has never fulfilled a single act able to be pinned on Sean’s accomplishments.

"Oooh I like where this is going." Sam said rubbing her thighs together.

"Me to." Donna said taking off her panties.

"Ok ladies get ready." One of the managers said making the naked cheerleader quickly get dressed.

"Sorry hun maybe next time you'll get to do more then look." The Cheerleader said kissing his cheek.

"Wow." Sean said in amusement.

Okay, this has gone on long enough, Sean. You’re the most uncreative and stock person when it comes to lamenting anything like amusement, surprise, or appreciation of anything. I could substitute you with the Keanu Reeves ‘woah’ meme without any impact.

"Aw I wanted to look at her longer." Alex said.

"Do I sense a lot of these girls coming back with us?" Sean said amused making the girls giggle as they watched the other cheerleaders perform. As they were watching the performance a woman in a yellow jumpsuit and white boots on. She had Auburn hair and brown eyes.

"This is April O'neil live at the cheerleader competition." The Reporter named April said.

No shit, author, for a moment there I thought her name was Shredder!

"Hello." Sean said to himself while his girls smirked.

"Well what are you waiting for muscle head get out there." Donna said shoving him outside.

"Alright alright." Sean said approaching the woman who sees him and smirked.

'Hello stud." April thought liking what she was seeing.

Is this just how the rest of the fanfic is going to play out? With the author having realized he can simply implant the thoughts inside these empty-headed bimbos and read them to us, so he feels justified in jumping straight to the sex?

"Hello there." April said kindly.

"Hello back. So whats a hot reporter like you doing all the way out here?" Sean asked making her giggle and blush.

Well, she just said she was reporting live, but since when did that stop the author ignoring even his own fake reality and pretend his targeted pussy on legs would realize he exists, stop everything they are doing, and finally pay attention to him?

"My job filming the competition but I'm wondering where the Honey bees are at though since they were supposed to be here." April said.

"Thats why I'm here along with my team we're investigating their disappearance." Sean said.

Nice, Sean. Just because you are undercover agent on a spy mission, that does after all not mean you can’t tell the news being broadcast on live television, right?

"And here I thought you were here to keep me company." April said in fake disappointment making him chuckle before something clicked in her head. "Hey wait a minute I know you. You're the king of Sparta's son." April said.

Apparently everyone the author wants to pork knows this, but doesn’t bother to remember the name of said king.

"Hot and Smart good combination for you." Sean said making her smirk.

"You don't get to be a reporter by just having looks honey." April said blowing him a kiss making him chuckle.

"Well I think thats all you really do need in my opinion." Sean said making her giggle before kissing his cheek.

Yeah, isn't it adorable when the author tries to flirt with an imaginary girl, and the only thing he's doing is insulting her professional qualifications for her career choice?

"Your sweet honey." April said before a group called the black widows came out and performed.

"Is it just me or is their routine the same as the honey bees?" Sean said.

Oh, I’m sure the author would give us a more heavy-handed hint than just you telling us that it was so, Sean, you’re probably just seeing things.

"You know what your right is was very similar." April said as the performance ended and reporters crowded them. "Well I've got a job to so see you honey." April said.


"The Decision is unanimous! The Black Widows are the winers, The new national champs!" The announcer said in excitement. "They'll compete at the world cheerleading competition in Tahiti!" The announcer said.

"Tahiti? Haven't been there for a while." Sean said.

"You've been to Tahiti?" Clover asked.

He has been anywhere the author thinks just mentioning it will make someone impressed and excuse a background-inflating boast, Clover.

"Once on a vacation on military leave." Sean said.

"Our second place winers are the team from Texas and third place goes to the Spartan Sirens!" The Announcer said. (No way was I going to use the original name in cannon fuck that!)

I also enjoyed when J. K. Rowling left in that footnote, about how she wasn’t going to use those fancy-pants, tall and beautiful Lord of The Rings elves in her book, because she didn’t like the idea, author.

"Nice job." Sean said putting his arms around the girls.

"Well we had a good manager." Clover said kissing his cheek making him chuckle. Just then reporters started crowding around and one of the black Widows was shocked and fell down before walking away saying she was fine over and over again.

I hope you do know when to recognize actual human behavior, for when you one day don’t have to describe a robot in disguise, author.

"What the hell?" Sean said.

"She's alright." A female voice said. He looked behind him and saw a beautiful red head woman with green eyes behind him giving him a small smile. "She isn't good with electronics sometimes when they get to close to her body. I'm Candy Sweet by the way." Candy said extending her hand to Sean who shakes it.

"Sean Ashburn Kruger. Well I hope she recovers soon. I guess my team will see you at the finals miss Sweet." Sean said kissing her hand like a gentleman making her giggle.

He could tip a fedora at any woman and make her giggle. Shit, he could probably punch her and get the same reaction.

"I look forward to it handsome." Candy said walking away with the black widows while swaying her hips for him.

"You have all the luck in the world when it comes to the ladies you know that?" Sam said poking his chest in amusement.

If by luck you mean the one thing that excuses this fanfic to ever be written, then yes.

"Are you complaining?" Sean asked.

"Nope just saying." Sam said before an explosion was seen at the top of the hotel.

"Oh come on." Sean said as the geared up and got to the top of the hotel.

What is it with this asshole and non-stop complaining over inconveniences? People could be hurt, in danger, even killed. This narcissist goblin would probably give the same response to an obvious terrorist attack.

Once they got up they found a bunch of mechanical pieces all over the room and the center of the blast came from the bed that had one of the black widow outfits on it all blown up.

Well, clearly someone was having sex here. It makes people explode all the time, just ask the author.

"Hmm thats odd." Keako said.

"Something tells me those cheerleaders aren't who they appear to be." Sean said before they heard noise coming from the roof. "Ok heres the plan. Sam you Alex Clover and Donna go to Tahiti to keep an eye out for anything suspicious there. Keako and I will investigate whats on the roof and head to the black widows training camp." Sean said as he and Keako rushed off.

A brilliant plan that will once again sideline everything I like about the show, you know, the action and spy stuff, in favor of the author collecting yet another villainess to his harem.

Once they got to the roof they saw a giant spider shaped helicopter.

"Ok not what I was expecting." Keako said with a sweat drop before they latched on to the aircraft just as it took off.


"The hell is this place?" Sean asked as they landed by what looked like a military base of some kind.

"Something tells me these aren't your average teenage cheerleaders." Keako said.

Oh, and by the way, this is a military base and there are cheerleaders in it. Isn’t telling so much better than showing?!

"No shit." Sean said as they made their way inside. "Man this place is like one big giant maze of mysteries." Sean said before they heard what sounded like gun fire. "The hell?" Sean said as they opened a door and looked down and saw Candy and her cheerleaders firing at targets or using weapons to destroy target dummies.

”Go team, knock them dead, or we’ll fill you full with lead!”

"Ok now I'm confused." Keako said before her compoweder ringed making her gasp and both bolted out of the room. As they did Candy looked up and saw the door opened and frowned.

"Jerry you fuck!" Sean said annoyed.

"What? Did I catch you at a bad time?" Jerry asked.

I’m pretty sure that’s just Sean’s typical greeting, Jerry.

"Yes you moron you almost got us caught. Now what is it?" Sean asked.

"I did some research on Candy Sweet it turns out her real name is Margaret Nussbaum. She's an Ex Robotics engineer for the US military combat department." Jerry said.

"Guess that explains the strange things here." Sean said.

"The Reason I couldn't find her name is because she had it legally changed last week." Jerry said.

I guess Princess Bubblegum was already taken.

"Can you replay the Honey bees last performance?" Keako asked getting him to do just that. "I knew it the widows routine is exactly the same as theirs almost like an exact copy." Keako said.

”Those bitches even copied their tasteless 9/11 tribute!”

"So Candy is making Robots as cheerleaders using the same moves as the honey bees." Sean said.

Well, that’s a bit of a leap in logic, but since the author is reading off the plot to us, why ask how you know that, Sean?

"Smart and handsome." Candy said behind them making them turn around and saw Candy and her robot Cheerleaders pointing weapons at them. "Sorry honey but your both coming with me." Candy said taking his hand and dragged them away.

"You mind explaining what this is about?" Sean asked as they came to a room where her new lead robot was finished.

The sexbot industry kind of went awry after they booted up Skynet.

"Simple I plan on taking out everyone in the stadium with my robots." Candy said.

"Uh why? Why the hell would an extremely successful person like you throw everything aside for this?" Sean asked confused.

"Ten years ago I tried out for the Honey bees but didn't make the squad since I wasn't sweet enough as they said. So I'm going to take out all those who love the sport."

Great, I’m sure you and Donna would hit it off perfectly.

Candy said before Sean bonked her on the head. "Ow. What was that for?" Candy asked confused as to why he hit her though it wasn't that hard.

"You dummy. Who the fuck cares about that your throwing away your life for stupid petty reasons. I honestly don't even like the sport theres no cheerleaders in Sparta since in our view its a waste of time. Due yourself a favor while you still have a chance to stop all this nonsense before you end up ruining your life for nothing." Sean said making her blink.

Your fantasy just keeps on its tirade of idiocy, author. Sean’s reward should have been a cheerful load of bullets in the back for assaulting the leader of the murder-bots. And I’m sure just telling someone that their ten-year-long revenge ambitions have been silly, will make them instantly change their mind to ponder your dick instead, you misogynist.

"Why do you care so much about my life? You don't even know me." Candy said crossing her arms with a raised eyebrow.

"I may not know you but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you throw away your life for petty reasons."

”What you said had a point, but I’ll just repeat what I said, so that’s certainly going to convince you.”

Sean said making her hum in thought before she had an idea if the invisible lightbulb over her head was any indication along with the devious smile on her face that promise good things.

I’m sure everyone in this universe have invisible light bulbs over their heads, author, you simpleton.

"Alright I'll free the Honey bees and stop all this on one condition." Candy said.

"And that is?" Sean asked before she pulled him into a kiss.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but don't Spartans have harems?" Candy asked.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but has the author just pulled a fast one and is now giving every Spartan – not just royalty – a carte blanche on the harem deal? Why doesn’t the world’s female population already swarm to Sparta if its hunk-country and they have no other thing they want to do with their lives according to Dragonlord0's fantasies?!

"Oh ok I see where this is going." Sean said with a grin before kissing her back.

"And now theres another one." Keako said amused making Sean chuckle.


"Due to Certain Circumstances The Honey bees will be taking the Black Widows place in the finals." A female Judge said as the crowd cheered.

Certain circumstances, because calling it a kidnapping would hint at the fact that Candy should be in jail, but then the vengeful god that is the author’s dick would start to become dissatisfied with its flesh light collection.

"So how was the trip?" Alex asked Sean who had his arm over Candy's shoulder who smiled at him.

"Very interesting." Sean said.

"And the Winers are the Honey Bees!" The Judge said getting the crowd to cheer loudly.

But let’s drop the modesty and acknowledge that the only true winer here is you, author.

"Aw I was hoping we would win." Clover said.

"Oh well." Sean said.

"Useless all of you!" A woman yelled at the Texas Team in anger.

"Huh?" Sean and The girls said confused.

Why act confused, Sean? It’s clear that the author want’s to take another stab at the sport while proclaiming himself and you the kings of culture.

"Here's another reason I hate Cheerleading the couches are a pain in the ass if you lose." Donna said.

What sport with a team coach doesn’t, your harem-fodder excuse-forging airhead?

"We did our best." One of the girls with Blond hair and blue eyes said. This was the same girl who stripped for Sean for a kiss.

"Whats going on here?" Sean asked walking up to them.

"These losers are officially off the team and expelled from our school!" The Couch said making them gasp in shock.

The couch has spoken. I’m not at all surprised you can’t spell that word, author, you potato.

"But you cant do that!" A girl with red hair and mint eyes said in shock.

"The hell I cant you bunch of tramps!"

Author, stop it, just fucking give me a break and pretend we share the same reality for once. You are endowing this coach with the power, authority, and intent to turn these bitches into strays that can follow Sean home, any excuse necessary. There are Greek myths with gods less conniving and selfish than you!

The Couch said about to slap her till Sean grabbed her hand hard making her groan in pain and you could hear bones popping from how hard he was squeezing.

"That was uncalled for." Sean said throwing her into a wall knocking her ass out.

Full ego-stroking and consequence-free physical assault of people the author creates to deserve his ire. Just par for the Dragonlord0 course.

"What are we going to do now?" A girl with a girl with light brown hair and amber eyes said in tears.

"You girls can live with me if you'd like." Sean said surprising them.

"Really?" The Blonde haired girl asked in joy.

Because that fixes everything, doesn't it?! Never mind that we are supposed to believe they've just received official expulsion letters in verbal form ruining their future, the actual issue was that this could only be fixed by a stranger coming along and offering them a new home, which has no bearing on their education!! Author, I know you think you have no future except living with your parents all your life, but that isn't a substitute for becoming an educated adult! This marks the most unreasoned harem addition to date. Turns out GorillaGamer really meant it when he told me crazy shit was going to happen.

"Sure the house is way big enough for all of you." Clover said before leaning into their ears. "As long as you obey our rules and do as we say."

Sure, put conditions on your pretend altruism, too. It’s really going to bring the slave bit full circle outside the bedroom, too!

Clover said seductively making them shiver in excitement. "Oh and one question how daring are you girls?" Clover asked with a grin.

"Very why?" The Blond asked.


"Oh wow." Sean said as Clover showed him a video of the former cheerleaders streaking through the stands since Clover dared them to as a test to see how far they were willing to go.

By now, I find it likely the author is merely getting off on the imagined chance of him one day seeing real life nudity, using the only likely event that could make it happen.

He Also learned their names.(My friend came up with three of the names while I changed two of them and put down their physical descriptions)

As if it wasn’t obvious enough already that everything you write uses the basic ‘insert name here’ method of writing.

Emily who had Blonde hair, blue eyes, peach skin

Carla who had Red hair, mint eyes, fair skin

Caroline who had Chestnut hair, azure eyes, tan skin

Ava who had Magenta hair, violet eyes, tan skin

Carly who had Light brown hair, amber eyes, white skin

"So where are we going?" Candy asked as he led the girls somewhere.

To whatever orphanage the author thinks he’s having Sean adopt them from.

"Here we are." Sean said and they gasped in awe when they saw a beautiful water fall that was so clean and clear.

"Its beautiful." Alex said smiling.

Does it remind you of something, Alex? It certainly doesn’t for the author, as he has clearly forgotten his first water fall scene with you in it, and is now rehashing it without a second thought, the unoriginal hack.

"I found this on my first visit here when I was on leave and since no one will find us you can enjoy yourselves without unwanted eyes." Sean said making the girls squeal and stripped butt naked and dived into the water making him chuckle.

"Wow nice view." A familiar female voice said and he turned around and saw April in her regular yellow jumpsuit giving him a sexy smile.

What was that again about no one finding you, Sean?

"April what are you doing here?" Sean asked with a smile.

"I decided to follow you and see where you were going.

”I followed the trampled path left behind from the twelve pairs of feet, super spy.”

Imagine my surprise when I find this and a bunch of girls getting naked without any shame."

It's almost like this author pretends to never have heard about nudist beaches, because if nudity was permitted in his fantasy, he'd go flaccid.

April said as the girls played in the water both in a playful way and sexual way. "So I guess the rumors of Spartans having harems are true." April said placing a hand on his face sensually.

I’ve had my fill of explaining why I don’t accept the author’s idea of a harem, so let’s instead indulge the little turd and pretend I do for further consideration. Is it legally binding? Do they get married for this to be official in Sparta? How would a divorce work? Whose first born inherits it all? Oops, silly me, asking about kids when this fanfic is on the pill.

"Yeah it is for me. Want to join us?" Sean asked making her smirk before getting out of her jumpsuit and stood before him in the nude and girls whistled in encouragement.

"Does that answer your question stud?" April asked pulling him into a kiss making him smirk while he removed his own clothes and joined the girls.

One more won’t change the author cashing your checks for infinite money and endless victory at anything you attempt, Sean. My problem is that you are well aware of this.

Days later

"Wait where did you say we're going?" Carmen asked in surprise.

"I'm feeling a little homesick so I booked us an expensive airplane trip to Sparta for the week since School is going to be out for a week due to the mess Mandy caused when she got stage fright." Sean said with a grin remembering Mandy went nuts and trashed the school due to her stage fright.

What, did she shoot up the school? What is life like being able to imagine so abysmal excuses just to beat your pet punching bag one more time, merely to pretend you know what the moral of the b-plot of the episode was?

"What kind of Plane are we talking here?" Stella asked with a grin.

"A huge one that has auto flight so we don't have to worry about anyone watching us and is the size of a football field and has many accommodations for all of you." Sean said making them smile.

I know you figured you needed a mobile sky palace capable of containing all of your eventual harem and kinks, author, there was really only one way you could top your bullshit island in the last chapter. My main disappointment is that you didn’t just grab an alien spaceship while they were around.

"Honey how can you afford all this?" Gabriella asked while getting her suit case ready.

The author casually bending of every law in this reality and shattering even basic concepts of physics.

"Well aside from the fact that I'm the kings son which has a lot of advantages." Sean said making them giggle. "I was also a high ranking soldier who got paid a lot for deadly missions. Money that I invested and have paid off real well. Which you can obviously tell they have otherwise that strip club you asked for wouldn't be under construction which will bring in extra money for when you bring in the female customers who want to unwind and show off." Sean said making all the girls giggle since that was true.

And we have the ‘cleverly invested money so he can afford anything he wants’ trope, even though the plane this wannabe tit-tycoon is hinting at no doubt would make even an oil sheik’s bank account wobble.

Authors note: Yeah sorry no lemon this chapter but next one will have a lot. Anyway so this chapter I had 8 girls added at once how awesome is that?

About as awesome as the high an office worker gets, when they get to stamp a handful of papers in a row without needing to switch to a new form. You might guess why I feel that way.

Now incase any of you didn't notice the second poll for the crossover harem is up. Now in a couple days I'll take it down and add in a different poll for which arc to use to add more girls from Total drama island, American dad and Family guy.

I’m not trying to drag anyone down if they should have the hots for the particular sets of women and girls in any of these shows, but are they honestly really in in higher priority than other sources you could imagine? Than any of the other sources the author could imagine? What does Meg Griffin have that Jessica Rabbit doesn’t, in the eye of Dragonlord0?

And heres the list of the current harem I've picked.

No, I won’t let you sit through the massive harem list. Because it’s not the true one. This chapter’s list is only 249 long. Turns out the full masturbation grocery list is in Chapter 22.

And here would have been the catastrophe that is the visualized depiction of Dragonlard0's harem. I'm working on making a revised version of it, by writing a minor script to automate the stamping process for me. Depending on the result, the format may replace all the current versions as well.

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