Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

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Dashguy
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Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:33 pm
Location: Argentina

Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by Dashguy » Mon Apr 09, 2018 12:18 pm

First of all, a really, really, really late Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I would like to apologize for my prolonged absence, especially to my man, GorillaGamer. Things have been hetic these last months. From a team of ten in my workplace, we went down to seven which, coupled with a sudden work influx, has kept me very, very busy. Add the fact that my almost-ten-years-old home computer has been out of service for all these months and, well, you get the idea.

But you didn't came here to hear me whinning, did you? So let's talk about something else. Let's talk about Equestria Girls.

Equestria Girls, you may have heard about it, is a movie that premiered on 2013. The premise is simple. A mysterious mare, later revealed to be a former student of Princess Celestia named Sunset Shimmer, steals Twilight Sparkle’s Element of Magic and escapes through a magical mirror. Twilight gives chase and ends up in an alternate version of Equestria where every character is a human with the majority of them being high school students. Yep. Basically, Hasbro wanted some of that sweet money Monster High was making.

From what I’ve read, the reception for the first film was mixed, probably because the plot looks like it was written by using a list of “teens in high school” movie clichés, including Sunset Shimmer being an archetypical “mean girl”, Twilight having to become the queen of some dance and even developing a crush on a painfully generic dude, plus a severe lacking of magic overall.

Still, things got better. Equestria Girls got three more films, four specials and six animated shorts. Reasons for the success include the redemption of Sunset Shimmer, introduction of new and entertaining characters and plenty of use of magic.

Why am I telling you this? Simple. EG has its share of shitty stories. Moreover, the characters being humans and the action taking place in high school makes it extremely easy for authors to introduce their self-inserts. Add some Yu-Gi-Oh! to spice things up and you get...this.

This is "Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG" by blueeyeswhitedragon0


He was dreaming.

Dreaming of a world where Netflix’s Iron Fist was well written, well acted and well coreographed and was one of Marvel’s best live-action shows.

Oh, sorry. That was me.


In his dream he saw the creature that seemed ever-present each time he drifted into sleep.

The source of countless morning woods.

It was one of the most legendary creatures in duel monsters, a monster long thought to have only three existing copies.

Uh…can I take back the previous joke?

The blue eyes white dragon.

Not to be confused with the “Blue-Eyes White Dragon”, you dumb illiterate fuck. Jesus Christ. We’re not talking about having a folder filled with copies of the card or the damn thing tattooed on the tip of your dick--it’s its name! The most fucking basic thing about it!

Ever since Pegasus decided to put the card back in production, everyone had the chance to wield the power of the legendary dragon. He was just lucky when the pack he opened contained three of them.

-Be Seto Kaiba

-Use the full resources of your company to track all the existing copies of the Blue-Eyes White Dragon and locate each one of them in USA, Germany, Hong Kong and Japan respectively.

- Make deals with the mafia to take care of the first owner. Make the second go bankrupt and the third commit suicide.

- Use three copies to give the fourth owner a heart attack in a duel and destroy the last copy to ensure nobody can use it against you.

- Be nameless protagonist of shitty story.

- Open a booster pack and pull three copies.

I’m not saying he should’ve stabbed somebody, but for Fuck’s Sake, how about having to visit three different stores, buying a whole box of booster packs or trading half of his collection for one?


As he finished reminiscing about his favorite card, the boy was snapped back into his dream. However, this dream was different from the ones that came before. Normally the skies were clear, but now a storm was raging and lightning and thunder split the sky! As the lightning flashed, he could make out two figures. One was his blue eyes white dragon! And the other looked like a dragon, but it had five heads sprouting from it's body! The five-headed beast then let loose a fearsome roar and was about to attack! Then, the boy heard a mysterious voice go off in his head.

“Putting exclamation signs at the end of your sentences won’t change the fact they’re poorly written and as exciting as a grocery shopping list.”

"Burst....Burst! Burst!", the voice cried out! Burst looked to see where the voice was coming from, and saw that it was coming from blue eyes himself!

Statistically speaking, somebody had to like Jurassic Park III

Burst Stream woke up with a start!

“Burst Stream”.

The guy’s name is “Burst Stream”.

I…I’m sorry, is your surname “Of Destruction” by any chance? Why in the everloving fuck are you named after the attack of the Blue-Eyes White Dragon? Is your dad named “Ultimate Burst”? Do you have a cousin named “Shining Burst”? Is this trend going to continue? Can I look forward to a dude called “Cyber Energy Shock”?


Catching his breath from his vivid dream, he got up and changed into his day clothes. "No sense trying to sleep any longer, might as well get ready.", he muttered. After he was dressed, he paused and went over to his deck and pulled out his copies of blue eyes white dragon. "Strangest dream I've had about you guys yet.", he thought out loud.

Somebody hasn’t hit puberty yet.

Putting that thought aside, Burst Stream put his deck in his pocket, 'I owe Rainbow Dash a rematch today. No better time to test out some of my new cards!', he thought to himself as he went downstairs to eat breakfast.

Ah yes, one of the downsides of being the most competitive and successful member of the main cast is that you will be used as a means for the authors to show how badass their damn self-inserts are.

"Good morning Burst!", his mom greeted him once he was at the table.

"Mornin' Mom!", Burst said as he began eating.

"I put your duel disk near your pack because of that rematch you have with your friend you told me about yesterday"

"Thanks Mom!", Burst said as he finished eating, "Hey Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you name me after the attack of my favorite monster?"

I’m going to be generous and say she wanted to start building your porn star career as soon as possible.

"Well, I suppose it's because you look like a human version of the blue eyes white dragon. Snowy white hair, that blue tint your skin has to it, and your eyes seem to glow just like the burst stream attack.", she said with a fond smile.

Your furry porn star career.

Incidentally, “Burst Stream” is the original Japanese name of the BEWD attack. The Americanized version is “White Lightning”. Guess even furries have a small idea of what subtlety means.


Burst Stream just blushed in response as he hugged her goodbye and left for school. He put his duel disk in his backpack, and headed for the bus stop. Once he was on board, his friend Flash Sentry took note of his duel disk peeking out of his pack.

Ah yes, remember the guy I mentioned Twilight developed a crush on in the first film? That’s Flash here. He’s an stereotypical high school romantic interest. “Handsome”, “cool” and “nice”. Plays a guitar and owns a sports car, etc. Setting aside the whole romance thing, Flash’s role in the movie was one practically any other character could have fulfilled. Needless to say, people didn’t like him. It got to the point the writers noticed and greatly diminished his presence in the sequels.

"Hey Burst! I'm guessing you've got a duel today?", Flash greeted him.

"Yep. Rainbow wants another go at me. What about you? You bring your deck?", Burst asked.

Flash sighed, "Afraid not. Left it at home."

"Sorry to hear that man. Maybe next time?"

Credit where it’s due. The author managed to perfectly capture Flash’s complete irrelevance as a character.

"Thanks. And good luck against Rainbow! Word has it she's got a new crystal beast deck, and she's eager to bust out her Rainbow Dragon.", Flash warned him.

Yes. Rainbow Dash plays with a Rainbow Dragon deck. I hope the full power of the author’s creativity hasn’t left you too flabbergasted to continue reading.

"Don't worry about me, I've got a few new surprises up my sleeve", Burst said with a smile as he anticipated the duel that was to come.

Yeah, I can’t wait to see how you will surely kick Rainbow Dash’s rear.

Author's Note:

It's time to duel! Burst Stream is my yugioh OC that I made up while building my own blue eyes white dragon deck.

What a stunning revelation. I can’t imagine how much time and effort it took you to come up with it.

Next chapter, get ready for the first duel of the story!

Seriously? This chapter is barely over a six hundred words, you lazy fuck. Anyway, since I’m not a monumental faggot, I’m going to post the second chapter with the author’s pathetic attempt of a duel.

The day went by pretty fast, and before Burst Stream knew it, it was lunch period. On his way to a table, he noticed Rainbow Dash was waiting for him.

"'Sup Burst! Ready for Round 2?", Rainbow boasted.

Burst smiled, "Get your deck ready! It's time to duel!", he cried as he activated his duel disk and put his deck in it.

Rainbow responded in kind by activating her duel disk and getting her deck ready, "Bring it on!"

So they’re going to duel in the middle of the freaking cafeteria? Outside? The void? Where the hell are they?

As the duel began, Burst made the first move. As soon as he drew, he took note of his starting hand. "I'll reveal one blue eyes white dragon in my hand, and special summon one blue eyes alternative white dragon! Next, I'll set one card face down and end my turn."

Rainbow then started her turn, "I'll play double summon to play two crystal beasts in defense mode and set a card facedown! Next I'll play hand destruction! Now we both discard two cards and draw two new ones!"

Lovely. Nothing like having the characters narrate every single damn play they make like they’re reading from a script. Here, allow me to give you an example from the best YGO GX story I’ve read when it comes to duels.
Ramirez trembles, and his breathing becomes short and erratic. "I won't forgive someone like you, for belittling this opportunity I've been granted." Without warning, Ramirez sets a monster and 2 set s/t cards to the field. He stares down Manjyome for a moment more, before coldly declaring the end of his turn. Ramirez's life points appear at his back at 4000.

Manjyome glares furiously at him with his bared teeth grind together. As he draws, he brings the card across his gaze. He throws his hand up and declares absolutely, "This will be the end of you!" Manjyome sets 2 s/t cards. He immediately follows it up with Giant Trunade. A huge gust of wind kicks up, bouncing his 2 set cards to his hand. Ramirez holds his hand out over one of his cards, activating it in a chain. His set Threatening Roar flips over. His card roars fiercely, sending a shockwave that pushes Manjyome back a step, before going to the Graveyard. Ramirez's other s/t card blows away, and lands amidst his hand cards. Manjyome sneers at Threatening Roar, visually annoyed that he can't finish the duel this turn. Nonetheless, he reveals the 2 cards he had set, both Map of Hidden Treasure. He sends them to the Graveyard to draw 4 new cards.

Manjyome continues undeterred by Ramirez's Threatening Roar. He sets 2 more s/t cards before activating Card Destruction, discarding 4 cards and drawing 4 new ones. Ramirez discards 4 cards and draws 4 new ones. Manjyome activates his set Premature Burial, reviving X - Head Cannon. He flips over one of his set cards, the continuous spell Front Line Base. He uses its effect to Special Summon Y - Dragon Head. Finally, he normal summons Z - Metal Tank. He removes all 3 of them from play to summon XYZ - Dragon Cannon. The 3 machines break apart and fuse together in spectacular fashion to create the impressive machine. Manjyome discards a card from his hand to destroy Ramirez's set monster. XYZ - Dragon Cannon fires on the monster. Nimble Momonga is revealed. The tiny squirrely marmot squeaks fearfully as it is destroyed by XYZ's cannon fire. Manjyome sets a single s/t card and ends his turn.
Let’s ignore the unusual use of present tense and the fact numbers below 10 should be written in letters. Notice how the characters’ actions are effectively handled by the narrative, while they themselves make no mention of their plays or the effects of their cards; the latter is especially important since it trusts the readers with either knowing the effects of the cards or being able to piece it from the descriptions of the action. The end result is that everything feels far more dynamic.

By the way, Rainbow’s play up there? Impossible. She starts with six cards, plays Double Summon to call two monsters and sets a single card. That’s six minus four, which leaves her with two cards, one of them being Hand Destruction, which requires both players to be able to discard two cards in order to be played.

"I draw! First I'll reveal my blue eyes to summon another alternative dragon! Next, I play trade-in to discard my blue eyes to draw to cards and set a card face down to end my turn.", Burst said.

"My turn! I draw! Now I'll play hand destruction so both of us have to discard two cards and draw two new ones! Now I play pot of greed! I'll summon another crystal beast in defense mode!", Rainbow said.

Burst drew a card, "I can't do much at the moment, so I'll end my turn. Your move Rainbow."

Your two dragons with 3000 attack points cannot do anything against her non-descript Crystal Beasts. And you cannot use your monsters’ effects to destroy hers at the cost of attacking either because something something. Of course, we know the real reason is because we have to wait until Rainbow Dash summons her best monsters so Burst--*barfs*--Stream can look his best after he beats it.

Rainbow took a look at her hand, and smiled, "I activate graceful charity! I get to draw three cards, but I also have to discard two cards! First I'll play the field spell Advanced Dark! Now I activate Rainbow Gravity! This lets me special summon Rainbow Dark Dragon! And since I have all seven Crystal Beasts on my field and in my graveyard, I can summon Rainbow Dragon! Now I activate Rainbow Dragon's effect! I'll send the crystal beasts I control to the graveyard and he gains 1000 attack for each! Now I'll banish all my dark monsters from my graveyard to power up Rainbow Dragon, which gives him 500 for each one banished! Go Spectrum and Dark Spectrum Blasts!", she cried in triumph as her dragons fired beams of rainbow energy!

Am I the only one picturing Rainbow Dash reading all that crap at full speed from a cue card before throwing it away and asking where’s her money?

Burst cracked a smile, "Not so fast! I activate my trap, negate attack!", he cried as his trap halted the two dragons' attack. "My turn! First, I'll play return of the dragon lords to revive my blue eyes! Next, I'll activate my alternative white dragons' effects. Once per turn, I can target one monster my opponent controls and destroy it! I have two alternative dragons, so I'll destroy your rainbow and rainbow dark dragons!"

"Aw man! I just summoned them!", Rainbow groaned in disappointment

"Now I'll play polymerization and fuse my three dragons into blue eyes ultimate dragon! Attack her directly! Ultimate Burst!", Burst said.

Rainbow gave a defeated smile, "Good duel Burst! That was one epic finish! I didn't expect you to take down my ace monsters so quickly!"

The fact you played like a complete idiot may have had something to do with it. Honestly, this duel shows a lot about the author’s lack of writing skill, creativity and priorities. The first one I’ve already talked about. The second you can see on the extremely basic, when not downright wrong, plays the characters make. The last one is especially pathetic: notice how the author doesn’t even bother to name the Crystal Beast monsters Rainbow Dash summons. He knows his self-insert is going to win so he doesn’t even bother.

"Thanks Dash! By the way, how are friends doing with their decks?"

"Rarity finished making her gem knight deck, Fluttershy's got a complete beast deck now, AJ just built her synchro and xyz deck, Pinkie Pie now has a working madolche deck, Twilight's finished her dark magician deck, and Sunset's made a mixed deck with a bunch of different monsters.", Rainbow answered

So much for suspense.

"Nice! Hey, if you and your friends aren't busy after school today, come stop by Discord's card shop! He's always got some good stuff on hand, and he's always more than happy to show off that rare card of his!", Burst offered.

Specially to high school girls, if you get my drift.

As the two friends headed off to their next class, they were unaware that someone had been watching their duel and paying close attention to their conversation.

Blueblood was curious,'That student has some cards of great interest. I suppose I should also pay a visit to that card shop he mentioned. This Discord could have the card I've been searching for.', he thought with a devious smile.

“W-Wait a minute! That’s not a rare card, that’s your penis!”

Author's Note:

Next chapter, Burst Stream and his friends go to Discord's card shop and he shows them his most prized card! But soon Blueblood shows up and demands that he sells him the treasured card! How far will this new duelist go to get what he wants? Find out next chapter!

I imagine he's going to offer Discord a fuckton of money and when that doesn't work, he's going to offer a suitcase filled with rare cards and when that doesn't work, he's going to challenge Discord to a duel and give him a heart attack, forcing Burst--*barf*--Stream to intervene. Because why trying to come up with your own shit when you can copy paste somebody's else stuff?

It's good to be back.

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ConcernedGamer
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Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by ConcernedGamer » Tue Apr 10, 2018 12:31 pm

Dashguy wrote:
Mon Apr 09, 2018 12:18 pm
It's good to be back.
And it's good to have you back, Dashguy.

Man, this fanfic is a snoozefest. You made a perfect example of showing the contrast between this tripe and your favored fic. Reading this story, one could make the mistake of thinking the author merely wrote out a real life match of simple, dead and flat cardboard pieces being flicked around on a table.

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GorillaGamer
Posts: 147
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Location: Adelaide: South Australia

Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by GorillaGamer » Wed Apr 11, 2018 12:53 am

It's good to have you back Dashguy, especially with that nice mock you did. As for the fic itself, it's tied with Dragonlord0's work for having the worst duels I've seen in a story. Hell, Stalin's Legion wrote better duels in their fic, and that one completely missed the point of the Worm Archetype.

Speaking of which, I mentioned this to ConcernedGamer a while ago but I got in contact with SovietRussiaMan and we've decided to bury the hatchet and move on with our lives, with him stating he harbors no ill will towards us anymore.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
An old quote from Project PATREON.

Dashguy
Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:33 pm
Location: Argentina

Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by Dashguy » Mon Apr 16, 2018 10:23 am

Thank you, guys. :D
GorillaGamer wrote:
Wed Apr 11, 2018 12:53 am
Speaking of which, I mentioned this to ConcernedGamer a while ago but I got in contact with SovietRussiaMan and we've decided to bury the hatchet and move on with our lives, with him stating he harbors no ill will towards us anymore.
Not going to lie here, that's good to know.

Now, let's see what awaits us today.


After school got out, Burst Stream led Rainbow and her friends to Discord's card shop. Discord was just setting up the new set of booster packs when he noticed them come in.

Uh…okay? Just so you know, Discord hasn’t made an appearance in the Equestria Girls universe, so we have no idea what his human form looks like. And since the author can’t be bothered to provide a description either, I’m going to picture him in his usual, goofy chimera-like appearance.

"Ah! Burst Stream! I've been expecting you to come by!", Discord greeted warmly, "And you brought friends too. So are they new to duel monsters, or are they seasoned players like you?"

“Seasoned”, right. You know what? I’m starting a metaphorical dick sucking count.

DICK SUCKING: 2

One for the “seasoned” comment and one for that moronic “your’re like the Blue-Eyes” paragraph from chapter one.


"They've been playing for about as long as I have. Let me introduce you to them. These are Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, and Sunset Shimmer.", Burst said pointing to each of them respectively, "Girls, it's my pleasure to introduce you to Discord. Proud owner of this game shop and the guy responsible for getting me hooked on duel monsters in the first place."

Anybody care to guess how many fucks I give? The answer will surprise you!

"Pleased to meet you all. So, how can I be of service?"

"Burst Stream said you had super rare card, could we see it please?", Sunset asked.

“Of course!” Discord replied with an eager grin. “Just let me lock the entrance door first and you can all come with me to the back of the store…”

"Ah, THAT card! You kids are in for quite a sight! I don't put this card on display very often, but here it is! The unstoppable Exodia! A card so rare and powerful that you only need all five pieces in your hand to win! I never let it out of my sight!"

"Sure doesn't look that powerful if you consider each piece on its' own.", Applejack said.

"Maybe so, but this card is my greatest treasure.", Discord said.

That’s it? Exodia? I mean, when you’ve got a guy using Blue-Eyes Alternative Dragon, one of the most expensive cards in the actual game, having the super-duper rare card Discord treasures and Blueblood will desperately try to get his hands on being Exodia, not even the full set, is very disappointing.

"Speaking of rare, I wanna trade!", Rainbow said.

"Not for this card Miss Dash!", Discord said defensively.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that card! I meant some of the other cards you have lying around here!", Rainbow said trying to recover from her mess-up.

“So you can stop hissing and baring your teeth at me, okay?”

Discord was relieved, "Well in that case, feel free to look around!", he said with a smile. Just then, the store door opened. "Hello, can I help find some cards?", Discord said as he took note of the new customer.

"If a commoner like you can't, it comes as no surprise to me.", Blueblood said.

Burst Stream was surprised by the arrival of Principal Celestia's nephew, "Blueblood? What's he doing here?"

"Doesn't he have some fancy mansion he should be in right about now?", Rainbow said in annoyance.

I see your wit is on the same level as your dueling skills.

"Oh! Blueblood! You're a duelist too? How wonderful!", Rarity said almost swooning at him, "I was wondering if you would do me the honor of just one duel?"

Blueblood snorted, "Duel? With the likes of you? I'd have a better challenge playing grade schoolers."

"Alright ya varmint! Maybe you wanna throw punches instead of cards!", Applejack growled.

"Take it easy AJ!", Burst said as he intercepted her.

Gotta keep those bitches on a tight leash.

"Now, does this place have any good cards or not?", Blueblood said with a cold smile. Soon, his gaze was averted to Discord's most treasured card. "Impossible! Exodia the Forbidden One in this dump? 'The card I've been looking for!'"

"I'm sorry, but that's enough window shopping for you! Now, are there any other cards you're interested in?", Discord said .

Blueblood growled, "Listen up old man! Give me Exodia, and I'll trade you all of these!", he said as he pulled up the briefcase he was carrying, "And if you won't trade it, I'll buy it off you! Just name your price."

I was right. What a twist. Then again, predicting these authors is like predicting your cat is gonna lick its asshole.

Discord smiled, "Sorry, but I wouldn't give this card up for the world! I don't care how rare or powerful it is, but I love it because I share a connection with it. As a duelist, you should know that every card carries a part of a duelist's heart."

Bitch please, spare me your spiritual bullcrap. Yugi’s Grandpa refused to part with his Blue-Eyes because it was a gift from a friend, period.

"Fine then.", Blueblood said calmly, "There are other cards of interest I have my eye on.", he said turning toward Burst Stream. "Burst Stream. I've seen you duel, and you have quite the deck. So, perhaps you can be more reasonable. I'm interested in those magnificent blue eyes white dragons you have. I hope you will make the right choice."

Burst Stream spoke with a stern look on his face, "No thanks. My Blue Eyes White Dragons are like what Exodia is for Discord. I share a bond with my cards. And if you're willing to give up yours so easily, something tells me they wouldn't be in the hands of a good duelist!"

Fuck you. Suck my dick, you sanctimonious little shit. I hate this. You know what I’m talking about. Character A is a better duelist/trainer/ whatever than Character B thanks to his kindness/bravery/insert sappy bullshit here and goes to preach about it. Except when you look a bit closer, you will see Character A had a fuckton of factors in his/her favor.

Remember those Pokémon stories written by HaremLord and how we were supposed to see his self-insert as noble for adopting a bunch of abandoned critters? Except all of them were rare, potentially powerful, healthy and bonded with him immediately despite having been abandoned by their trainers at the exact same location without an adequately explained reason.

Or how about that Kamen Rider GX story where the self-insert preached that every card had worth? Except he played with a deck filled with one-of-a-kind cards made especially for him by his card designer father.

In short, you’re not better than the other guy because you were lucky enough to get all the key cards from a single fucking booster pack and didn’t have to work your ass off to assemble the deck.


"Fine! But mark my words, this isn't over yet!", Blueblood said with a scowl as he left.

The next day, Discord noticed two men come into his shop. "Hello. Is there something I can help you with?"

The man dressed like a butler spoke, "My master Blueblood has challenged you to a duel. Understand I take no joy in this, but I must insist if only to appease him.", he said with a grimace.

“I should’ve listened to my mother and get into med school…”

Discord accepted the challenge, 'Time to show that young punk what it means to have a bond with your deck!'

Dude, at least Yugi’s Grandpa had the excuse of having a copy of the strongest monster back then. You’re going to duel using a single piece of fucking Exodia, for Pete’s Sake.

After school got out, Burst Stream and his friends headed to Discord's card shop. But once they arrived, Discord was nowhere to be found. Suddenly, the phone started to ring and Burst Stream answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hello Burst Stream.", Blueblood answered.

"Blueblood? Where's Discord?! What did you do with him?!"

“I beat him to death. And by that I mean that I played a card game with him and he lost.”

"Your friend dropped by for a visit, and isn't well at the moment. Why don't you pick him up? Oh, and bring your deck."

"I accept your challenge! Believe me when I say this: I won't lose!", Burst said as he hung up the phone in anger, "Next stop: Blueblood's place."

Burst Stream and his friends arrived at Blueblood's mansion, and were greeted by his butler.

I feel like I’m reading from a script. It’s too much to ask for some fucking descriptions?

"You must be Burst Stream and company. Please come in.", he greeted.

"If you know who me and my friends are here.", Burst Stream said.

"Yes, I was tasked with the misfortune of fetching your friend Discord. Before you duel my master, I have one request."

Burst was curious, "And that is?"

"Please defeat him. Master Blueblood has been the very definition of a spoiled brat, and is near ruthless when it comes to getting what he wants! Someone MUST knock him off his high horse!", the butler pleaded.

Challenging people to play a card game with him. Truly Blueblood has no concept of mercy.

"I'm here to do more than just that. I'm here to teach him about respect for the bonds between duelist and card! And I have no plans on losing to him.", Burst Stream said as he and his friends made their way inside.

Once they were in, they noticed what looked like a dueling arena. And sure enough, there were Discord and Blueblood. But from the looks of things, the duel hadn't gone well for Discord.

"Though it pains me to do this, I will honor our agreement. Exodia is now yours. Please, take good care of him.", Discord said sadly.

As Blueblood took the cards, he did the unthinkable. "A monster that requires merely drawing all it's pieces to win", Blueblood said, "How worthless.", he finished as he ripped the cards in half!

Discord was shocked at the cruelty Blueblood had displayed! This was a duelist who shared no bond, nor gave any respect to his cards! This was more than enough to send Fluttershy past her limit. "How could you?!", she cried, "Just because it's such a specific card, doesn't give you the right to destroy it you...you meanie!"

Burst Stream couldn't take it any more! "That's it Blueblood! Let's duel! This is for Discord, and the bond between cards and duelists!"

Gag me with a fork.

"Bonds? I've no desire to share a bond with any worthless cards. Also, let's make this interesting. If you win, I'll search for a deck I can 'bond' with."

"And if you win?", Burst asked sternly.

"If I win, I get your entire deck! Oh I can see it now! Blueblood: The Blue Eyes Master!", Blueblood said with a cruel smile.

This deal feels a bit unfair if you ask me…

"Let's duel!", they both shouted.

Burst Stream: 4000 LP
Blueblood: 4000 LP


"I'll go first!", Burst said as he drew his hand, "First, I'll summon a monster in defense mode and end my turn."

"My turn. I draw!" Blueblood said, "First, I'll play double summon and call upon Victoria in attack mode, and summon one defense mode monster. And then, I'll attack your facedown monster with Victoria!"

As Victoria attacked, Burst's facedown card, The White Stone of Ancients, was destroyed. "Now I'll use her effect! Since the monster I destroyed was dragon type, I can special summon it from your graveyard!", Blueblood boasted.

"Just what I was hoping for! Now that your turn's over, I get to special summon one Blue Eyes White Dragon from my deck!", Burst Stream cried out, "Now that it's my turn, I attack Victoria! Go, Burst Stream of Destruction!"

Blue Eyes roared as it let loose a blast of energy, wiping Victoria off the field!

Seeing this shit makes me wonder if the author genuinely owns a Blue-Eyes deck in real life. The White Stone of Ancients only activates its effect if it’s in the graveyard at the end of the turn it was sent there. If Victoria special summons it to the field after destroying it, that means the effect no longer activates. Moreover, setting the monster and hoping for the opponent to destroy it is the worst possible play. You’re supposed to discard it with Cards of Consonance, Dragon Shrine or The Melody of Awakening Dragon. I mean, fuck me, one of the reasons a Blue-Eyes deck is so powerful is because it has an excellent drawing and deck thinning engine.

Needless to say, Blueblood is no better. Had he summoned two copies of Victoria, he could have created a lockdown where both monsters couldn’t be attacked.


Burst Stream: 4000 LP
Blueblood: 2800 LP


Blueblood smiled, "It's time I end this. I tribute White Stone of Ancients and switch Keeper of the Shrine to attack mode to summon Victory Dragon! Next, I'll play Shield and Sword to give him the edge! Now, destroy his Blue Eyes!"

Victory Dragon let out a cry as it launched a golden fire ball to destroy Blue Eyes. "Ughh!", Burst cried as he took damage.

Burst Stream: 3500 LP
Blueblood: 2800 LP


Burst Stream moved on to drawing his card, and noticed he had most of the cards he needed to turn the duel around! All that was missing was the monster, but that would soon be within reach. "I summon Manju of the Ten Thousand Hands and activate his effect! When I normal summon him, I can add one ritual spell or monster to my hand, and I choose ritual monster! End turn."

"A noble but wasted effort. Victory Dragon! Destroy Manju with Victory Burst!"

Burst Stream: 1500 LP
Blueblood: 2800 LP


"One more attack and your deck is mine!", Blueblood gloated.

Burst smiled, "Sorry, but that attack won't come! I activate the ritual card Chaos Form! I remove my Blue Eyes from the graveyard to summon his upgraded form! Harness the power of chaos and bring about justice! Rise! BLUE EYES CHAOS MAX DRAGON!" As Burst Stream called it's name, an enormous dragon descended from the heavens! It looked extremely fearsome and had the attack points to prove it, 4,000. "Attack Victory Dragon! Chaos Burst Stream!"

Forgive me for my lack of humor, but this is so boring it leaves me speechless. It’s not just the writing, the plays are so damn basic it’s like watching two kids who have just learned to play duel with the first two starter decks. A decent Blue-Eyes player should be drawing and fetching from his deck several times on the same turn and summoning multiple monsters. Burst--*barfs*--Stream depends on his opponent’s actions to summon his signature monster and has to hope to draw the right card on his next turn.

"Aghh!", Blublood screamed as his dragon was destroyed.

Burst Stream: 1500 LP
Blueblood: 1800 LP


"Impossible! That monster should have had no attack points because of my spell!", Blueblood growled.

"I forgot to mention that my Chaos MAX dragon can't bet targeted of destroyed by my opponent's spell, trap, or monster effects.", Burst said with a triumphant smile!

It’s bad enough their plays are shit, but they don’t even know the effects of their cards. Shield & Sword does not target, meaning Chaos MAX would be affected by it, but its effect only lasts until the end of turn.

"That's some monster!", Twilight called out in awe.

"No matter! It's my turn now!", Blueblood snapped, "Too bad he can't do piercing damage! I summon a monster in defense mode!"

"No Blueblood, he can do much better than that!", Burst Stream said, "Blue Eyes Chaos MAX! Destroy his facedown!" Blue Eyes Chaos MAX let out a mighty roar and obliterated Bluebloods monster. "Now for his other special ability! Whenever he destroys a defense mode monster, he inflicts DOUBLE piercing damage!"

"Impossible! This can't be real!", Blueblood screamed as his life points dropped to zero, "How could I lose to you?!"

"Because your heart wasn't in your deck. You held no love for your cards at all. If you wish to be a true duelist, then make a deck you have a bond with.",

Let me tell you something: if your character has a certain belief or ideal he lives by and likes to preach others about, then you better start putting it to test as soon as possible.

What does that mean? If your character thinks Duel Monsters should be played for fun in an evirovment where the game is “serious business”, then he better lose. A lot. If your character thinks every single card has worth, then he better have his deck filled with cards nobody else wants and win with them.

Otherwise it’s all empty words. Because it’s easy to lecture others about arriving early when you’ve got your own limousine and driver. It’s easy to lecture others about having fun when you win every single fucking duel, no matter how inconsequential. And it’s easy to lecture others about “bonds” and “love for your cards” when when you’re using one of the most expensive and powerful decks in the history of the game.


Burst Stream said kindly before turning his attention to Discord. "Are you going to be alright?"

"At least he didn't burn the cards. The trauma would have sent me to the hospital! I'll be fine.", Discord said with a small smile.

Yugi’s Grandpa had the excuse of Kaiba using a super advanced holographic cabin to make him experience being attacked by monsters. You’re just a pussy.

"Burst Stream!", Blueblood cried, "I swear, I will heed your words! I will make a deck I can bond with!"

"Really? To be honest, I didn't expect you to say that.", Burst said with a puzzled look on his face

"Who do you think I am? Seto Kaiba? I love duel monsters, but I'm not THAT obsessive over it. Besides, you're right about playing with a deck you love. It doesn't matter if it has the lousiest cards in the world, just as long as you enjoy playing!", Blueblood said.

"Wow. You got that lesson faster than I thought. Now I won't have to worry about you going Seto Kaiba on me and trying to always beat me in duel monsters.", Burst said with a relieved look on his face.

I COPY PASTED THE ENTIRE PLOT OF THE FIRST EPISODE EXCEPT FOR THIS BIT! I’M SO WITTY!

As Burst Stream and his friends left, his friends were congratulating him almost non-stop!

Ha! I knew that counter would come in handy!

"That was such an amazing duel! So dramatic!", Rarity cheered

DICK SUCKING: 3

"Way to give 'im the what-for Burst!", Applejack said.

DICK SUCKING: 4

"I didn't even know you had a card that awesome!", Rainbow Dash yelled.

DICK SUCKING: 5

"We need to throw you a victory party!", Pinkie screamed

DICK SUCKING: 6

"I'm glad you were nice to Blueblood even though you won.", Fluttershy almost whispered.

DICK SUCKING: 7

"I've never seen monsters that powerful summoned with almost no tributes! You HAVE to show me your deck!", Twilight nearly squealed.

DICK SUCKING: 8

"That's our Burst Stream! Maximum summon, minimum cost!", Sunset said.

DICK SUCKING: 9

"Thanks everyone! You know, how about we celebrate at my pace? I'll just call my Mom, and we'll be good to go!", Burst said with a big grin on his face.

"YEAH!", they all screamed.

Burst called his Mom and told her all of what had happened. She gladly agreed to have a small party at their home! Once all his friends got the okay from their parents, they headed towards his home. However once they were pretty close, Burst noticed a limo parked in the driveway. He rushed up to the door and found it was unlocked! As he opened the door, he couldn't believe who he saw in his house!

"Oh! So YOU'RE Burst Stream! Pleasure to meet you Burst-Boy! I'm sure you know who I am?", the man said.

The reason Sex Offender Registry was created for?

Burst couldn't believe it! Standing in his house was the man who created duel monsters himself! Maximillion Pejasus!

Ah yes, PEJASUS. The less popular and creepier cousin of PEGASUS.

Having said that, what the fuck is this? I thought this was just Equestria Girls with some Yu-Gi-Oh!, but now it turns it’s not just the card game but the characters from that show too? What clusterfuck did I get myself into?


Author's Note:

In case some of you are wondering, yes. I did mirror Kaiba with Blueblood from the first Yugioh episode, but not completely.

You shameless fucking hack, you copy pasted practically the entire whole damn episode.

Blueblood won't be a rival. In fact, his future takes a walk on the more comedic side by calling Burst Stream "master" in future chapters and him acting like an overachieving student.

Comedy gold. I’ll make sure to have the dick sucking counter ready.

Next Chapter: Pegasus shows up in Burst's home. But what could possibly bring the creator of duel monsters here? Find out next chapter!

He's going to invite Burst--*barfs*--Stream to Duelist Kingdom, isn't he? I'll talk about why that's bullshit next time.

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Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by GorillaGamer » Tue Apr 17, 2018 7:53 am

Dashguy wrote:
Mon Apr 16, 2018 10:23 am

Remember those Pokémon stories written by HaremLord and how we were supposed to see his self-insert as noble for adopting a bunch of abandoned critters? Except all of them were rare, potentially powerful, healthy and bonded with him immediately despite having been abandoned by their trainers at the exact same location without an adequately explained reason.

Or how about that Kamen Rider GX story where the self-insert preached that every card had worth? Except he played with a deck filled with one-of-a-kind cards made especially for him by his card designer father.
Many thanks for the trip down memory lane. But yeah you're spot on; I'm almost reminded of those Dragonlord0 fics where Sean preaches about believing in the cards when he was gifted with one of a kind cards that are way to powerful for the era they were used in.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
An old quote from Project PATREON.

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Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by Dashguy » Mon Apr 23, 2018 9:56 am

Before we start, I would like to say something: if you want to enjoy Yu-Gi-Oh! (the first series) properly, then read the manga. The anime skips a fuckton of development, screws a lot of other elements and the english dub only adds to the mess. I'll be making several mentions and clarifications about it during the course of the story.

Burst Stream couldn't believe it! The man who created duel monsters, the one behind all the monsters and spells, was in HIS house!

Here’s hoping you got the cops on speed dial.

Needless to say, Burst was pretty nervous. "Mom? What is Pegasus doing in our house?"

“And why is he licking his lips while looking at my crotch?”

Burst's mom smiled, "Congratulations Burst Stream! Mr. Pegasus has come here to personally invite you to participate in Duelist Kingdom!"

Just like he does to all participants under fifteen.

"No way! The same tournament where Yugi Moto was crowned King of Games?!"

"The very same young man!", Pegasus said, "Your impressive defeat of Blueblood is what convinced me to invite you to the tournament!"

Nope, nope, nope. I’m stopping you right there. Let’s set aside the fact Pegasus is dead in the manga. There cannot be a second Duelist Kingdom tournament because the damn thing was nothing but a cheap ploy conceived by Pegasus to further his plans.

You see, in the manga, Kaiba’s infamous loss and subsequent “mind crush” happened during the opening of his amusement park, Kaiba Land, in front of a large audience. This caused Kaiba Corp. assets to fall sharply. Pegasus took advantage of this, and Kaiba being in a coma, to strike a deal with the board of directors, the infamous Big Five, to buy Kaiba Corp.

Still with me? Good. The Big Five, however, had a condition of their own: that Pegasus beats the crap out of Yugi in public to restore Kaiba Corp. reputation. Pegasus agreeded and prepared Duelist Kingdom especifically to achieve that.

Aside of the obvious “Pegasus using dark magic to seal Yugi’s Grandfather’s soul into a camera and forcing him to participate”, the first clue something was not right was the infamous “field power bonus” rule that Pegasus told only a select few about, including Weevil/Insector Haga. The second clue was the fact that, despite the tournament taking place on an island over the course of two days, there were no accomodations for the participants and the losers were dumped on a boat and had to row back to the mainland.

The third clue was the presence of “player killers”, duelists hired by Pegasus to cull the participants. You may remember one of them, Panik/Player Killer of Darkness, who liked to attack during the night.

Last but not least, there’s the small detail that the finalist had to beat Pegasus himself in order to be crowned champion and claim the prize. You know, the guy with the ancient artifact that gave him the power to read minds? Who played with a deck filled with powerful, one-of-a-kind cards? Yep. In short, there cannot be another Duelist Kingdom tournament because it was never one in first place.


"Wow. This is great! But, I didn't defeat Blueblood in an official match."

"That isn't the only reason why I've invited you. Miss Stream? If it's alright with you, I'd like a word in private with your son."

"I don't see why not.", Burst's mom answered.

Sexual traumas are kind of overrated anyway.

As his friends and mother left, Pegasus made sure they were alone. "Tell me Burst Stream, have you ever felt like you have a bond with your monsters? That they were more than just pictures on a card? ", he asked

Oh, I wish my Dark Magician Girl was more than just a picture in a card, if you get my drift.

Burst Stream was slightly fazed by how Pegasus knew this. "Yes...yes I have. In fact, I've been having constant dreams about duel monsters. Most of them are of my favorite monster, Blue Eyes White Dragon. And the craziest thing is, I've even heard him speak! It's like he's...real."

Well, judging from the size of my boners, my penis thinks the Dark Magician Girl is pretty real too.

"Actually, it's not that crazy at all. In fact, Blue Eyes and all of the game's monsters are real.", Pegasus said.

"What?!", Burst nearly shouted at the top of his lungs!

"The so-called holograms aren't images at all. The monsters and the magic come from a realm that exists right alongside our own. And the reason Blue Eyes appears to you so much is because of the bond the two of you share.", Pegasus calmly replied.

In the manga, we had seen the Blue-Eyes, at that time in the hands of a player killer dueling Yugi, self-destruct once it sensed Kaiba had awakened from his coma. This finally clued Yugi in the monster had Kaiba’s heart in it. Here I guess pulling three from the same booster is all it takes.

"He's right Burst.", a new voice said.

"Heh, speak of the dragon himself!", Pegasus chuckled, "Come out and say hello Blue Eyes!"

Burst Stream's mouth was wide with awe! Before his very eyes, the Blue Eyes White Dragon materialized before him! "Hi there Burst! Nice to finally meet you in person!", Blue Eyes greeted.

This is definitely how I would expect a beautiful, fearsome white dragon with power said to rival those of the gods themselves to speak.

"How is this possible?", Burst asked in awe.

"Normally it shouldn't be.", Pegasus said sternly, "The other reason I've invited you to the tournament is because someone is causing a disturbance in the barrier that separates our worlds. You see, the monsters helped forge the barrier to not only have a safe home, but also to protect our world from the creatures that wish to bring harm to humans. But someone from out side seems to have made an alliance with one of the evil monsters in order to rule both worlds! However, there is a legend told in the creature realm. One day when darkness threatens both worlds, a young duelist bonded with the legendary white dragon will rise to save them. Burst Stream, that duelist is you! Whoever is responsible for this sees the tournament as the best spot to destroy barrier because of all the duels that will take place."

This is all fine and dandy, but it begs the question of why the prophecy refers to this little shit instead of, you know, Seto Kaiba himself.

Burst Stream couldn't believe this! And yet at the same time, he knew it was true. "So the fate of the world rests on one card game. I'll do it. Not just for our world, but for yours too Blue Eyes."

"But...I didn't even ask you. Are you sure?", Blue Eyes asked.

"You're more than just a card to me Blue Eyes, you're my friend! And no matter what, friends help each other out!", Burst said with blazing determination!

Image

Okay? I guess pulling three copies of the Blue-Eyes from the same booster, dreaming about it and being named after its signature attack because your mother is a furry with a whole suitcase filled with dragon vibrators constitutes being friends with it.

Pegasus smiled, "It's moments like this that make me proud of this game. When a duelist and their cards truly share a bond with each other."

I swear every time I read a line about “bonds” and shit it feel like a vein in my forehead is about to pop. By the way, here’s one more for the road,

DICK SUCKING: 10


"Aww, that's so sweet!", Pinkie said. Burst Stream nearly jumped out of his seat as he saw his friends peeking out from behind a wall.

"How long have you been standing there?", Burst asked.

"Long enough for our favorite monsters to pop in for a visit.", Sunset said as her favorite monster, Black Luster Soldier-Envoy of the Beginning came into view.

"We heard about what's going on, and we wanna help!", Rainbow Dash said.

"Yeah!", Rainbow Dragon shouted, "I'm gonna kick the butt of anyone who threatens RD's home!"

"Lady Rarity.", Gem Knight Master Diamond said as he bowed, "I would gladly assist you in your journey. It is the least I can do in repayment for your generous aid"

"There is nothing you owe me Diamond. I would gladly help you in any way I can."

"Dark Magician and I are going too!", Twilight said.

"Hey, I can't leave my pal Blue Eyes fly solo!", Dark Magician said.

"You can count on me AJ.'", Gagaga Cowboy said

"Glad ta hear it pardner'!", Applejack said as she shook his hand.

"If any of you don't mind, I think I'll just stay here and take care of my little friends.", Fluttershy said as her monsters gathered around her.
"I'm staying too! Someone has to plan your big victory party when you get back! Plus, I've GOT to try my Madolche's dessert recipes!", Pinkie said.

How considerate of the author to give the main protagonists of the show he’s writing about their own “spirit partners”, while also leaving two of them behind.

"Good thing I brought extra participant packages with me.", Pegasus said, "Good luck duelists! May the heart of the cards be with you!". And with that, Pegasus took his leave.

The “heart of the cards” shit was made up by the english dub. I just felt like pointing that out.

"Alright guys!", Burst Stream said with a determined smile, "Next stop: Duelist Kingdom!"

"Burst Stream!", his mom called out, "The Duel Monsters Regional Finals are on!"

Burst and his friends all rushed to the TV room. There, they saw a duel going on between Chrysalis, the insect monster specialist, and Garble, the feared Dragon duelist.

Ah, I see these two are going to be the stand-ins for Weevil/Insector Haga and Rex/Dinosaur Ryuzaki.

"Insect Queen! Devour his Luster Dragon 2!", Chrysalis commanded.

"Darn! Beaten by a bunch of bugs!", Garble shouted.

"Looks like we're up against some serious competition!", Burst Stream muttered.

Yes, I could tell from those two insignificant lines.

"Don't worry Burst! When we duel as a team, no one can beat us!", Blue Eyes said confidently.

"Right! No matter what, we'll face it together!"

Man, these buddy cop movies aren't what they used to be.

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Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by GorillaGamer » Mon Apr 23, 2018 10:17 am

Oh boy, another fanfic that rehashes Duelist Kingdom. Can't wait to see how this goes; who knows what new levels of laziness we'll see. Keep up the good work my man. I wonder if this author would follow in the steps of Mykan and Stalin's Legion and depict a person who left negative comments about his work, as the Player Killer of Darkness.

PS: Forgive me for my shameless self-promotion, but have you seen my latest mock, Super Smash Sisters yet? Any thoughts on the fic itself?
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
An old quote from Project PATREON.

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Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by Dashguy » Thu May 03, 2018 9:15 am

Today I bring you two chapters for the price of one. Why? Because I'm an asshole, that's why.

Duelist Kingdom would take place in just three days, and in that short time Burst and his friends wee busy fine-tuning their decks. Making sure to pull no punches for the challenges they would soon face. Before long, it was tournament time.

Let’s see, according to Fimfiction’s word count display, this chapter is one thousand one hundred and twenty nine words. And the whole story is a little below twenty thousand five hundred words. I think it says something about the author’s amount of effort put into this that he could only come up with such pitiful numbers even when copy-pasting the plot from the show.

'Heart of the cards, guide me.', Burst thought to himself as he and his friends entered the ship.

As I’ve mentioned before, the “heart of the cards” crap was made up by the english dub. The whole “draw the decisive card” is played up far less in the original dub and about two or three times in the entire manga.

As they went aboard, they all noticed some famous duelists that were headed to the tournament themselves. There was Chrysalis the insect duelist, the fearsome dragon user Garble, and the famous street duelist Joey Wheeler! Joey seemed to notice their awe at all the dueling celebrities and decided to say hi.

Joey? The hell are you doing here? Does your sister need another eye surgery or something?

"So, I'm guessing this your first tournament?", he asked.

"Yeah, it is.", Burst answered, "Of course, I didn't expect one of dueling's greatest to be on the same boat as us! My name's Burst Stream."

"Wow, that means you're the duelist everyone's been talking about! Ever since you beat Blueblood, there's been all kinds of chatter!", Joey said.

Why? No, really, why? Seto Kaiba was the president of the largest gaming company in Japan and number one pro-gamer, with Duel Monsters being part of a larger curriculum. It stands to reason a nobody like Yugi beating him at his prime would garner attention.

"Any advice Mr. Wheeler?", Twilight asked.

"Hey, no need to get formal. Just call me Joey. And to answer your question, don't let anyone but your friends see your most powerful cards.", Joey said.

"Why's that?", Burst asked.

"Back when Yugi and I entered Duelist Kingdom, a guy named Weevil Underwood asked if he could see Yugi's Exodia. But the second he got the cards, he threw them into the ocean just so he wouldn't be threatened by them! I dove in and only got three of the pieces. Bottom line is, not all duelists are honorable.", Joey explained.

And here we have yet another reason you should read the manga. There, Haga/Weevil approached Yugi in a polite and friendly manner, striking a conversation with him and even offering a little advice. It was not until later that he approached Yugi again to put is plan in motion and he did not reveal his true nature until he suceeded.

"Appreciate the advice Joey.", Burst said, "Rainbow, TRY not to show off your ace cards so much."

Thanks for the advice, Mister “Look at muh bond with muh Blue-Eyes guys”

"No problem! I couldn't imagine if I ever lost Rainbow Dragon!", Rainbow said.

Setting aside the fact I think you ate a couple of words there, I imagine losing Rainbow Dragon would make your deck better, since the damn thing sucks.

Burst and his friends decided to mingle with the other duelists on the boat. While he was on his own, Burst was approached by Chrysalis.

"Hey, aren't you that Burst Stream kid? ", she asked.

"Yeah, and you're Chrysalis. Congratulations on your win at the regionals.", Burst answered

"It wasn't that big of win. I guess I can't say I'm a champion until I beat the person who defeated Blueblood.", she said with a sly smile,

Again, why? Was the guy such a gigantic dick that everybody in the whole damn country wanted to beat him in a card game?

"But I'm sure we'll duel in the big tournament. I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too.", Burst said with a smile as he left to find his friends. Soon enough, he caught up with Rainbow Dash. "Hey Dash! How're things looking?"

"Pretty good! Some people wanted to trade me, so I gave up some of the cards I didn't need in my side deck. ", Rainbow said with a smile.

"Well well,didn't expect to run into you again Burst.", Chrysalis said. "It sure is nice out here. So, did you trade any cards?"

"Nope, I'm sticking with the deck I built. No cards I'd rather battle alongside!", Burst replied

God. The transitions in this story are so badly written it reads as if Chrysalis just spun in her place and greeted him again.

"I thought so. You used Blue Eyes Chaos MAX Dragon in your duel against Blueblood right?", Chrysalis asked.

"I did. It's super powerful, and rare! I've only got two copies.", Burst said.

Let me guess, you pulled them both out of the same booster pack?

"Could I possibly...see those cards?", Chrysalis asked with a sly smile.

Burst was about to take the cards out, but remembered Joey's advice and how he saw Chrysalis duel. Most of her tactics were based on deception and nasty surprises for her opponent. She had used Parasite Paracide in her last duel to turn all of Garble's monsters into insect types!

That has to be the stupidest fucking reasoning I’ve ever seen, even for Yu-Gi-Oh! Pegasus plays a deck filled with cartoons and he’s a cunning, manipulative bastard. Kaiba plays a deck filled with dragons of light and he’s a massive asshole.

"I'm afraid not. These cards are too precious to share with anyone but my friends.", he said with a polite smile.

'Curses! So much for trying to get rid of my biggest obstacle!', Chrysalis thought, "But I insist! You wouldn't want to be rude to a lady now would you?", she asked in a mock-innocent voice.

Subtle as a jackhammer.

"Yo bug queen!", a new voice called. It belonged to boy about Burst's age. He had charcoal black skin, crimson eyes, and black hair with highlights of red in it, "No means no! Leave the guy alone!"

Chrysalis frowned and left. "Good move not trusting her. She's pretty tricky.", the boy said, "Name's Inferno. Inferno Flare."

Ah, ha, ha, ha—what.

"I'm Burst Stream."

"No way! The duelist everyone's talking about? I can't wait to duel you. I hear you've got a Blue Eyes Deck. That makes us opposites because I'm running a Red Eyes deck! Can't wait to see which of us comes out on top!", Inferno said with a smile.

Well, this certainly explains why the author did not make Blueblood “the rival”, he had another shitty OC prepared for that. And he’s even more ridiculous than Burst--*barfs*--Stream. By the way, the Japanese name of the Red-Eyes Black Dragon attack is “Black Flare Blast”. Too on the nose perhaps?

"I hope to see you in the finals then!", Burst said.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Wouldn’t it be totally exciting and unexpected if that happened?

The next day, the duelists arrived at Duelist Kingdom. Pegasus came to greet them all.

"Welcome duelists! I am Maximillion Pegasus! All of you here are some of the best duelists in the world! But come the end of this tournament, only one shall be crowned champion! The dueling glove and star chips you received from your entrance packages will monitor your progress! Whoever gets ten star chips will move on to the finals! There are designated duel areas all over this island, and each one hold a different advantage for your monsters! When the skies are lit with fire works, the duels will begin!"

The crowd cheered as Pegasus took his leave. 'It's only a matter of time before the threat reveals itself. I hope that Burst and his friends can survive enough rounds to face it.'

Uh-huh. I wonder if we’ll be seeing any player killers around? It wouldn’t make sense, seeing as how this is supposed to be a legitimate tournament, but it wouldn’t surprise me if the author thinks beating one would make his self-insert look cool.

Soon enough, the fire works went off! Duelist Kingdom had begun!

I don't care. None of these characters have compelling reasons to take part in this tournament beyond Burst--*barfs*--Stream's nebulous, chosen one bullcrap. And I don't have any reasons to sympathize with them either. Anyway, here's next chapter:

"So Burst, what's your plan?", Sunset asked.

"I'm going to duel Chrysalis first. Back on the boat she tried to get rid of my Blue Eyes Chaos MAX. So I owe her some payback."

"Sounds like a good idea to me! Let's find the queen of creepy crawlies!", Rainbow shouted.

How can anybody plagiarize so much without understanding what made the source material work in first place? The whole thing with Insector Haga worked in the show because he succeeded in getting rid of Exodia. That’s why we wanted to see Yugi beat his ass. Second, it worked because Exodia could turn the tide of the duel in a single turn, no matter how bad your position. The Blue-Eyes Chaos MAX? Most decks don’t use it since you need more resources to call it.

Burst and his friends didn't have to wait long. They spotted Chrysalis heading toward the forest, and she seemed to notice them too. "Catch me if you can!", she said with a smirk as she bolted into the woods!

Burst caught up with her, and Blue Eyes materialized alongside him. "Cowrdly bug! Where's your sense of honor?!", Blue Eyes cried out, "Face us Insect Queen!"

Yeah, “come and take us head-on where our naturally high attack power would give us the advantage”.

"So you can do that too huh Burst? Come on out Insect Queen!", Chrysalis cried as her Insect Queen materialized.

"Ah, the legendary Blue Eyes White Dragon! Soon you shall bow before my power!", Insect Queen hissed!

It’s like JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure…

…with Ebola.


"We'll see about that! It's time to duel!", Burst cried out.

Burst Stream: 4000
Chrysalis: 4000


"I'll start!", Burst said, "First I'll summon a monster in defense mode and set one card face down. I end my turn."

"My turn.", Chrysalis said, "I'll play the forest field spell and summon Killer Needle! And thanks to my field, my precious little needle gains 200 extra attack points! Destroy his facedown monster!"

Killer Needle rushed forward and stung Burst's defense mode card. However, this was just what Burst was hoping for!

"Now that White Stone of Ancients is in the grave, I get to special summon a blue eyes monster from my deck! I summon Dragon Spirit of White! Swat her Killer Needle! Spirit Burst!"

Spirit of White roared as it fired a blast of light that fried Killer Needle!

For Fuck’s Sake! Can’t you come up with something better than that, you creatively impaired cretin? Start with The Melody of Awakening Dragon to dump The White Stone of Legend into the GY and fetch two Blue-Eyes and one Alternative from your deck. Reveal one Blue-Eyes to summon Alternative and normal summon The White Stone of Ancients. Tune them both into Blue-Eyes Spirit Dragon and summon the third Blue-Eyes from your deck to the field during the end of your turn. Wham, you’ve got a monster with 3000 ATK and one with 3000 DEF that can block special summons, cancel GY effects and bring a different synchro from your extra deck.

Burst Stream: 4000
Chrysalis: 2900


"You squashed my pet! I'll make you regret frying her! I special summon Aztekipede, the Worm Warrior! Next, I'll play double summon! I normal summon Trojan Horse, and use it's effect! It can be used as 2 tributes for an earth attribute monster, and I'll sacrifice it to summon Insect Queen and equip her with laser cannon armor to boost her by 300 points! But in order for her to attack, she requires the tribute of one of her subjects. Nothing personal Aztekipede.", Chrysalis said with a savage smile, "Now, devour his White Spirit!"

Insect Queen lunged forward, and swallowed Dragon Spirit of White whole! "Mmm, tasty! I can't wait to gobble up Blue Eyes himself!", she said with a feral smile.

"And now that she's destroyed your monster by battle, I get to special summon one egg token in attack mode.", Chrysalis gloated.

Burst Stream: 3700
Chrysalis: 2900


Burst Stream began his turn, and took a careful look at his hand. It looked like there was a way around this problem!

What problem? What fucking problem!? It’s her monster with no protection against effects of any kind? It’s her total lack of set cards? It’s the token with a mere 100 ATK points standing there wide open for you to slaughter it? Can you explain to me what part of that amateur mess can possibly be a problem against a motherfucking competitive Blue-Eyes deck!?

"First I'll play trade-in to discard a level 8 monster from my hand and draw two cards. I discard Blue Eyes White dragon. Now I'll play the other trade-in in my hand to discard the Alternative White Dragon I just drew! And now I'll play the trade-in I just drew to discard the other Blue Eyes in my hand to draw two cards! Now comes the fun part! I play Dragon's Mirror and banish my Blue Eyes monsters to summon Neo Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon!", Burst shouted.

The only time the author remembers Blue-Eyes has a powerful draw engine and he goes and plays three copies of the same damn card in the same damn turn.

Soon, a massive dragon descended upon the field. It had three heads and was covered in metallic scales. "What was that you were saying about eating me?", the three heads said in unison as they stared down Insect Queen.

I swear these monsters talk like a bunch of eight years-old playing make believe.

"Alright Neo Ultimate! Exterminate Insect Queen! NEO ULTIMATE BURST!", Burst cried out!

"Aghhh!", Chrysalis screamed as her monster was obliterated.

Burst Stream: 3700
Chrysalis: 1100


"It's not over yet! I activate Neo Ultimate's effect! By sending one blue eyes fusion monster from my extra deck to the graveyard, he can attack again! Destroy her token!", Burst said. Neo Ultimate simply squashed the token.

Burst Stream: 3700, win
Chrysalis: 0, lose


"Two star chips please.", Burst asked politely.

Chrysalis was fuming after she handed her star chips over, "How could I lose?! I'm the regional champion! It's not possible!"

"You lost because you tried to win by cheating when you tried to get rid of my most powerful card before we even got to the tournament. Real duelists play fair, and duel with honor! Two things you should set out to learn.", Burst said with a kind smile.

Image

Yeah, true duelists fight with honor using a competitive two hundred and fifty bucks deck which they handle awfully but that’s okay because their opponents play like children to compensate.

"Way to show her Burst!", Twilight cheered.

DICK SUCKING: 11

"Awesome finish dude!", Rainbow shouted

DICK SUCKING: 12

"Way to duel!", Sunset said with a smile.

DICK SUCKING: 13

"Ah'd call that a bug barbeque.", AJ said.

DICK SUCKING: 14

"Such a stylish final attack!", Rarity swooned.

DICK SUCKING: 15

"Thanks everyone!", Burst said, 'Four star chips down, six to go. 'One step closer to beating whoever is trying to take over our world and the monsters' world.'

If I were a cynical asshole I would suspect the girls are here mostly to praise this guy when he wins and keep quiet the rest of the time.

Author's Note:

Burst's first duel in the tournament has been won! But what other opponents are lying in wait for him and his friends? Rainbow Dash soon finds out when she duels against her old friend Gilda! It's crystal beasts versus harpies next chapter!

Uh-huh. I wonder if the author will bother to name the Crystal Beasts Rainbow Dash uses this time.
Last edited by Dashguy on Sat May 05, 2018 10:48 am, edited 3 times in total.

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GorillaGamer
Posts: 147
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Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by GorillaGamer » Fri May 04, 2018 12:23 am

I can't wait to see what kind of asspull the author would use to have his OC with the super-competitive deck be on the verge of defeat. My bet will be on Beaver Warrior/Horn of the Unicorn beatdown.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
An old quote from Project PATREON.

Dashguy
Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:33 pm
Location: Argentina

Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by Dashguy » Tue May 08, 2018 9:44 am

I can't wait to see what kind of asspull the author would use to have his OC with the super-competitive deck be on the verge of defeat. My bet will be on Beaver Warrior/Horn of the Unicorn beatdown.
I honestly wouldn't put it beyond him.

After Burst's first win in Duelist Kingdom, Rainbow was pretty pumped-up to find her own duel. Then she noticed two people at a designated duel area. One was using Harpy Lady cards, and the other was using a mixed deck.

"Harpy Lady! Attack him directly!", the girl cried out, "I'll be taking those two star chips now."

As Rainbow approached the winner to challenge her, she couldn't believe who it was. "Gilda?! I knew you were a duelist, but I had no idea I'd ever see you here!"

You know, when you think about it, a movie/series/book enacted by ponies has the potential to be fun and entertaining, as long as you take the differences between MLP and the source material, as well as the character’s personalities, into account and assign the roles accordingly. But these imbeciles never do that. Just like with Fallout: Equestria, they merely ponify names or just replaces original elements with pony ones without considering anything else. It’s like watching a child fitting wooden blocks.

Burst--*barfs*--Stream gets famous after beating Blueblood because the latter is the Kaiba stand-in, nevermind Blueblood didn’t do a damn thing to show why he would be as important as Kaiba. Same here, Gilda is half-bird so she gets the Harpies and the role of Mai Valentine/Kujaku.


Gilda chuckled, "Nice to see you to Dash. So, what brings you here?"

Some faggot needs a cheerleader, I dunno.

"Just looking for some duels! Some of my other friends and I are in the tournament too, and I can't wait for my chance to duel them in the finals! You know, once I get there."

"Tell ya what Dash, I've got six star chips already. I'll duel you and wager half of them. There's plenty of lower-level duelists here, so I've got no shortage of opponents. What do you say?"

"Bring it on G! Let's show her what we're made of Rainbow Dragon!"

"Finally, I get to see some action!", Rainbow Dragon roared.

Harpy Lady materialized on Gilda's side. "I like this one Gilda. She's got plenty of spirit!"

"That's Dash for ya! Now let's duel!"

I don’t get it. If everybody here has a Duel Spirit they can see and interact freely with, then why was the fact that monsters are real and from a different world a “revelation” and not common knowledge? How’s Burst--*barfs*--Stream special when the Blue-Eyes is mass produced and everybody can form such a bond with their cards? Why him and not some other person?

Rainbow Dash: 4000
Gilda: 4000


Rainbow drew her hand, "First, I'll summon a crystal beast in defense mode. Then I'll put two cards facedown. Your move G!"

"I draw!", Gilda said, "I'll summon Harpy Channeler in attack mode! Attack her monster!"

Harpy Channeler made a dive-bomb swipe at Rainbow's monster, but it's attack didn't even make a dent!

Rainbow Dash: 4000
Gilda: 3400


"Aw man! I forgot how sturdy your Emerald Tortoise is!"

"My turn! I summon Amethyst Cat in attack mode! Now I'll use her effect and cut her attack points in half! Now she can attack you directly!"

Gilda winced as Rainbow's cat pounced right past her monster and swiped at her directly!

"It's my move now! First, I'll use Channeler's effect to special summon Harpy Lady from my deck! Next, I'll use elegant egotist to special summon Harpy Lady Sisters from my deck! And I'll also equip my Harpy Lady with cyber shield to power her up more! Harpy Sisters, attack her Amethyst Cat!"

Rainbow Dash: 3250
Gilda: 3400


"Now Amethyst Cat goes to my spell and trap card zone! Now I'll summon Amber Mammoth and equip him with my facedown card, crystal release to boost him by 800 points! Now I play hand destruction, meaning we ditch two cards from our hands and draw 2 new cards! I'll discard two of my crystal beasts! Amber Mammoth, take down her Harpy Lady!"

"Unghh!", Gilda cried out as she took damage.

Rainbow Dash: 3250
Gilda: 2700


"Now to whip out my secret weapon! I'll activate cost down to lower all the monsters in my hand by 2 levels! Next, I'll sacrifice my Harpy Lady Sisters to Summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! And now that he's on the field, he gains 300 attack for each Harpy Lady on my field! It just so happens that Harpy Channeler is treated as a Harpy Lady when she's in the graveyard or on the field! Roast her Amber Mammoth!"

Rainbow Dash: 3150
Gilda: 2700


"Time to turn this duel around! I'll activate two crystal beacons and special summon Crystal Beasts Sapphire Pegasus and Topaz Tiger from my deck! Now that I have all seven Crystal Beasts on my field and in my graveyard, I can summon Rainbow Dragon! Now I'll send all the Crystal Beasts I control to the graveyard and he gains 1,000 attack for each one sent! Finish off her Pet Dragon! Go Spectrum Blast!"

"Taste the rainbow harpies!", Rainbow Dragon cried out as he shot a beam of rainbow-colored energy from his mouth!

Rainbow Dash: 3150, win
Gilda: 0, lose


I don’t lie when I say I’m having serious difficulty following these duels. The characters jump between their turns without announcements or a mention from the narrative. It’s pretty hard to follow the number of cards in their hands too. I’m not asking for a count, mind you, but it would be nice to have something like “Rainbow Dash looked at the last two cards in her hand before declaring the end of her turn.”

Going on, have you noticed how little traps have been played so far? We had Rainbow Gravity and Negate Attack on the first duel, but nothing beyond that. In fact, everybody plays the same. Summon their biggest critters and beat the crap of the other guy with brute force.

Which is very convenient for a certain protagonist using monsters with the highest attack points, but I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.


"Good duel Dash. Here's the star chips I promised. You got me this time, but I'll have to settle the score when I see you in the finals!", Gilda said with a smile.

Rainbow couldn't contain her joy, "I'm now officially 20% cooler! And it's all thanks to you being my own rival G!"

"Catch ya later Dash!", Gilda said as she went off to find other duels.

'See you in the finals G!', Rainbow thought with a smile on her face. Eagerly awaiting her chance to duel with her new rival in the Duelist Kingdom finals!

Well, that was a load of fucking nothing. No character development since RD has no particular reason to participate beyond being part of Burst--*barfs*--Stream’s party and no plot advancement either, since we know he’s the “chosen one” who will defeat the bad guy. Having said that, how come nobody is there to congratulate her on her victory? Doesn’t she deserve some ass kissing too? I mean, have you seen how good her ass looks on bike shorts? It makes you want to bury your fa--*ahem*, right, here's next chapter.

"Booyah!", Rainbow shouted, "Five star chips already! Just gotta get five more, and I'm in the finals!"

Burst smiled, "Great job Rainbow! Both of us are near the halfway point in the tournament. I just need six more stars to be in the finals. Hmm, I wonder how Sunset and the others are doing."

"We're back!", Twilight called out to them.

"So how did you guys fair in getting more star chips?", Burst asked.

"Pretty good. Most of us wound up facing duelists that had about three or four star chips. So that brought us each to about five or six star chips. Then Sunset and Applejack dueled since she couldn't find any available opponents. So now she has about seven star chips now.", Twilight said.

Okay? I…I’m sorry if I sound repetitive, but I just don’t give a fuck. The original Duelist Kingdom began serious enough with Pegasus ripping Yugi’s Grandfather’s soul from his body and only kept getting darker with every chapter. Battle City was even worse with the constant threat of Marik and his henchmen. Here? It’s like they’re fucking camping.

All of this talk about dueling made Rainbow's stomach growl. "Aw man! Just the thought of all those duels is making me hungry! Any of you bring food?", Rainbow asked.

"I packed some stuff in my pack Rainbow. Good thing Granny Smith put it in there.", Applejack said

"Sweet! Thanks AJ!", Rainbow said as she helped herself to some of AJ's food.

Burst was about to eat some of the food his mom had packed, until he noticed someone moving in the bushes. "Hey!", he called out. Whoever it was, he must have scared them because they bolted as far away from them as possible! Burst decided to follow them and see what they were up to. When Burst and his friends caught up with them, Sunset seemed to recognize the girl.

"I remember you! You were one of the sirens we beat at the Battle of the Bands!", Sunset said.

"I'm guessing she's up to no good! You ain't getting away now!", Rainbow said as she was about to charge at Sonata!

Ah, I love some good, old fashioned justice rape.

"Rainbow, stop!", Burst cried out, "If you guys defeated her and the other sirens, she shouldn't be a threat! And look at her. She looks scared and alone. Not to mention pretty hungry.", Burst said as he offered her some food. "Here take some. By the way, what's your name?"

Thanks, champ. I don’t know what these crazy bitches would do without you to keep them in line.

Sonata nearly snatched the food from Burst's hands. "Thanks. And my name is Sonata. Sonata Dusk."

Of course it’s fucking Sonata Dusk. For the uninitiated, she’s one of the three sirens that serve as antagonists in the second Equestria Girls movie, “Rainbow Rocks”. Together with her sisters, Adagio Dazzle and Aria Blaze, they used their magical singing to incite conflict among the students and feed their powers. Due to her ditzy and carefree personality, Sonata’s often portrayed as the “good one” in stories, nevermind she gleefully engaged in the same evil shit as the other two.

"Burst Stream. And I'm pretty sure you know my friends already. I just wish it was under better circumstances.", Burst said with a kind smile. He then noticed her dueling glove. "So you're in the tournament too huh?"

Sonata managed a small smile, "Yeah, I am. And you're also the duelist who defeated Blueblood. I didn't expect to run into you."

"So why are you in the tournament Sonata?", Burst asked.

Sonata sighed as she explained, "Ever since my family and I were beaten at the Battle of the Bands, they've been pretty down in the dumps. Aria's even more grouchy than usual, and Adagio's gotten a whole lot more snappy at us! Dueling was able to get my mind off things, and before I knew it I qualified for Duelist Kingdom. But now that I'm here, I just want to head back home. I miss my family."

Image

Burst smiled, "I believe I can help you with that. Sonata, would you have a duel with me? If you wager all your star chips and lose, you'll be sent on a boat back home. So what do you say?"

Or she could just give you the star chips, fuck off and spare us the self-insert wanking?

Sonata's face lit up! "I accept! Let's duel", she cried!

Shit.

Burst Stream: 4000
Sonata Dusk: 4000


"I'll start!", Sonata said, "First I'll play the field spell Umiiruka! This gives all my water monsters a 400 point boost! Now I'll summon Jellyfish! That's it for my turn."

"I'm up then.", Burst said, "First I'll play Keeper of The Shrine! Now I'll banish him so I can special summon Red Eyes Darkness Metal Dragon! Attack her Jellyfish! Dark Metal Flare!"

Red Eyes Darkness Metal roared as it unleashed a huge fireball that roasted Jellyfish!

A normal monster and a basic field spell, both from the 2002, against staples of competitive dragon decks from 2008 and 2015, respectively. At this point I’m half expecting the final villain to duel using a deck composed entirely of copies of Bite Shoes.

Burst Stream: 4000
Sonata Dusk: 2800


Sonata drew a card and started her turn. "I'll fuse the three Des Frogs in my hand with polymerization and fusion summon D.3.S Frog! Now he gets a boost from my field making his attack points to 2900! Attack his Red Eyes!"

D.3.S Frog leaped into the air, and squashed Red Eyes Darkness Metal Dragon! Red Eyes groaned as he went to the graveyard, "Worst...game of leapfrog....ever."

Does every dragon card in this cretin’s deck have a spirit inside it?

Burst Stream: 3900
Sonata Dusk: 2800


"I draw!", Burst said, "First I'll play Trade-In! I'll discard my Dragon Spirit of White to draw two new cards! Next, I'll reveal one Blue Eyes in my hand to summon Blue Eyes Alternative White Dragon! Now I'll play Return of The Dragon Lords to revive Dragon Spirit of White. I overlay my two monsters to xyz summon Number 107: Galaxy Eyes Tachyon Dragon!"

"I'll activate the quick spell Demise of The Land! Since you special summoned a monster, I get to activate one field spell from my deck! And I choose Umi!", Sonata said. As she activated the spell, D.3.S Frog's attack points fell from 2900 to 2700. This was just what Burst was hoping for!

"I activate Galaxy Eyes Tachyon's effect! Since I started my battle phase I can detach one xyz material and negate the effects of all face up monsters on the field! Also, their attack points return to their And since your card effect activated, Galaxy Eyes gains 1000 attack and can make a second attack in a row! Now, Tachyon Blast!", Burst cried out as Galaxy Eyes Tachyon unleashed a stream of energy from it's mouth obliterating Sonata's monster, and firing another blast at Sonata directly!

Image

Sonata activated a card to replace her first field spell with one that WEAKENED her monster, allowing Burst--*barfs*--Stream to activate the effect of his own monster and win the duel. The saddest part is that this clusterfuck of undiluted idiocy wasn’t even necessary. He could have used Dragon Spirit of White’s effect to banish the field spell, then tribute it to summon the Blue-Eyes in his hand. Destroy the frog and then attack directly for the win.

Burst Stream: 3900, win
Sonata Dusk: 0, lose


"Here's my star chips.", Sonata said with a big smile as she handed Burst her three star chips, "Now I can head back home! Thanks Burst, and good luck in the rest of the tournament!", she said while waving goodbye.

"See ya Sonata!", Burst cried out, "Hope your family shapes up!"

"Hey, Burst!", Galaxy Eyes said, "I guess you could say that final combo was...out of this world!"

Let me rephrase my previous question: does every dragon card in this cretin’s deck have a spirit with the witty of a homeschooled five years-old inside it?

"Galaxy Eyes,", Burst said while facepalming, "You need sunglasses for that meme to work. But the important part is I only need three star chips now, and we helped out a person in need."

“Facepalming” is a visual convention that has no place in a written medium, you gigantic doofus. Same as “sweatdropped”. Read a fucking book!

"Aw yeah! Finals, here we come!", Rainbow shouted!

What’s this? No taking turns to congratulate Burst--*barfs*--Stream for his win? Witchcraft!

Author's Note:

Next time, Rarity duels her rival Suri Polomare in Duel 4: Fashion Face-Off!

These rhyming chapter titles remind me of Mykan. Ah, the nostalgia.

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