Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

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Dashguy
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Location: Argentina

Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by Dashguy » Mon May 14, 2018 12:51 pm

The only good thing I can think about this literary abomination is that the chapters are so short it makes this whole mocking thing easier. And, just in case, here’s a little reminder of our counter:

DICK SUCKING: 15


With Rainbow Dash, Sunset, Twilight, and Burst each close to ten star chips, Rarity was wondering if she would have any luck finding an opponent. That is, until she came across an in-progress duel.

"I attack you directly! Finish him off!", Suri said, "I'll take your star chips now, okay?"

"Hello Suri.", Rarity said flatly. This was the same girl who copied her fabric during Fashion Week back in Manhattan, and pawned it off as her own work! Now was a good time for some payback!

Yeah! She stole your work and now you’re going to…uh, beat her in a card game…so, payback’s a bitch, I guess?

"Heey Rarity.", Suri greeted, "Nice to see you again. I didn't know you were in Duelist Kingdom. Want to duel me next?"

"Of course darling! I wouldn't miss this for anything! And to make things interesting, I put all of my five star chips on the line!", Rarity said with a confident smile.

"I'll put all of my five on the line too, okay?", Suri said.

This is so…weird. I mean, Rarity reads positively vindictive while Suri is just so…calm. I mean, if the incident in Manehattan happened exactly as with their pony counterparts, that means Rarity won the contest at the end of the day, meaning she’s acting like a bitch towards Suri, who may or may not have turned into a new leaf, because she can’t let go of a grudge.

Rarity: 4000
Suri: 4000


"I'll start this duel off, okay?", Suri asked, "I'll set one card facedown and end my turn. Your move Rares."

"My turn!", Rarity said, "I'll play brilliant fusion and fusion summon Gem-Knight Lady Brilliant Diamond and end my turn."

Suri smiled, "I play Brain Control! I pay 800 life points, but I get to take your monster! I'll borrow her for a bit okay Rares? Attack her directly", she said as she took control of Rarity's monster. But as Lady Brilliant Diamond attacked, Rarity took no damage!

"Ah! A most clever tactic my lady!", Lady Brilliant Diamond said. Due to Brilliant Fusion's effect, Lady Diamond had no attack points!

"What?! Your cards can talk? That's so not fair, okay? I'll trade you for them.", Suri begged.

Rarity: 4000
Suri: 3200


"Sorry, but I wouldn't trade my friends here for anything. And since your turn has ended, Lady Diamond is right back where she belongs. Welcome back darling!", Rarity said with a smile. "And now, it. Is. On! First I'll discard a spell card from my hand to give Lady Diamond her strength back!"

"Most generous Lady Rarity!", Lady Diamond said.

"Oh I'm not done yet Lady Diamond! Next I'll summon Gem-Knight Alexandrite, and use your effect to send him to the graveyard. Now I'll special summon Master Diamond from my extra deck in attack mode!"

Alexandrite gave Lady Brilliant Diamond a salute as he vanished in a flash of light, and was replaced with Gem-Knight Master Diamond! "And now I activate his special ability. For every Gem monster in my graveyard, he gains 100 attack points. Let's end this with style you two! Attack Suri directly!"

Image

What…the fuck was that? Assuming the player going first also draws, which has not been the case in the real world game for a long while, and that Suri’s set card was the Brain Control she played, she still had six cards in her hand. Are you telling me not a single one of those cards could’ve helped her situation? Not a single monster she could tribute Lady Brilliant Diamond for? Not a single trap to block the attack? Nothing?

"With pleasure Lady Rarity!", Master Diamond shouted, "Face me with honor coward! With my blade, I exact retribution for trying to use my beloved against Lady Rarity!", he shouted as he and Lady Brilliant Diamond slashed at Suri directly!

Master Diamond and Lady Brilliant Diamond are couple. Doesn’t that read like something out of a conversation between a twelve years-old boy trying to explain the game to his fifty-something mother?

“And then you can fuse these two into Master Diamond.”

“Oohh, it’s so pretty! And what about this one? Lady Brilliant Diamond. That’s his wife, right?”

“What? No, it’s just another monster--”

“What do you mean “no”? He’s a boy, she’s a girl and they both have “diamond” in their names! Mr. and Mrs. Diamond!”

“Mom…please…”


"Hey, this is like so not fair Rares!", said Suri

“You didn’t even let me finish my turn properly!”

You know, characters starting their turn without confirmation from their opponents would explain a lot of shit about the awful dueling around here.


"So sorry darling, but neither is trying to use your opponents monsters against them.

“I know we developed this card, authorized its printing, released it to the public and deemed it tournament legal, but I still want you to know we consider its use to be unfair.”

Now then, five star chips please.", Rarity said politely.

"Dazzling performance darlings!", Rarity said to her two knights, "That final attack was just like you two. Flawless."

Master Diamond beamed with pride, "It was our pleasure Lady Rarity! And now, we have secured your place in the finals as well!"

"We shall always be at your call if you need us Rarity. We could not ask for a better master.", Lady Brilliant Diamond said.

Rarity smiled, "What truly makes you treasures isn't the fact that you serve me, but that you are all my friends. And that is what makes you truly shine!", she said dramatically.

Are you done fellating each other? You’re lucky the count is for Burst--*barfs*--Stream only or I would’ve added twenty points for this shit.

Let’s keep going.


Twilight had decided to go out on her own to find an opponent when she noticed a huge crowd gathered at a dueling area. Everyone's attention seemed to be focused on a girl who was boasting about her dueling skills.

"Behold dueslists!", Trixie called, "You are in the presence of The Great and Powerful Trixie! The master of spellcaster monsters! Are there any of you brave enough to challenge me in all of my magical might?"

"Hey Twi!", Burst said.

Twilight nearly jumped out of her skin! "Burst! Don't scare me like that!", she cried out.

"Sorry.", Burst said as he took note of Trixie's boasting, "No matter where she goes, Trixie always manages to attract a crowd."

It’s almost like she's a stage magician or something…

Trixie seemed to single out Burst and Twilight from the crowd. "Aha! It seems I've found a worthy challenge!", Trixie shouted, "What better opponent than the duelist who defeated Blueblood!

How about anybody else?

So, do you accept my challenge?"

"I think you should duel Twilight. She's pretty good with spellcasters too. She could even give you a run for your money!", Burst said with a confident smile, "Besides, this way it'll be true duel of magicians."

Are there going to be buzzsaws to slice the legs of the losers?

"So be it. Trixie accepts! I'll wager four of my star chips! How many do you wager?", Trixie asked with a smug look on her face.

"I don't know Burst, are you sure I'm ready to take her on?", Twilight asked nervously.

Sweetie, he said you do it. Do you want to get a taste of the pimp hand? Because this i show you get a taste of the pimp hand.

"Twilight,", burst said with a kind smile, "I don't know anyone who's used Dark Magician as well as you.

Not a hard feat when she’s the only one around here with that card.

It's your time to shine."

"He's right Twi.", Dark Magician's spirit said, "Let's show her just how many tricks we've got up our sleeves!"

Get it? Tricks? Because he’s a magician! Hue hue hue hue!

Twilight smiled, "I wager three of my star chips! Let's duel!"

Twilight: 4000
Trixie: 4000


"I'll start!", Twilight said, "First I'll summon Skilled Dark Magician and set one card facedown. I end my turn."

"Trixie will make her move now!", Trixie said, "First I'll play Ancient Rules and special summon Cosmo Queen from my hand! Now, attack her magician!"

"I activate my trap, Magic Cylinder! Now you take damage equal to Cosmo Queen's attack!", Twilight said "And now it's my turn! I'll play Graceful Charity! Now I just need to discard two cards. And now I'll play Cost Down to lower the levels of all the monsters in my hand by two! Now I summon Dark Magician Girl! Now I'll play Magical Dimension and tribute my Skilled Dark Magician to special summon my Dark Magician from my hand! And due to Magical Dimension's effect, I can destroy a monster my opponent controls!"

"No, my Cosmo Queen!", Trixie cried.

"Attack her directly!", Twilight called out, "Double Dark Magic Attack!"

Yep. Now I’m pretty sure characters just go ahead and take their turns before their opponents can make another play. Meaning they not only suck at dueling, they’re assholes too.

Twilight: 4000, win
Trixie: 0, lose


"A well met duel.", Trixie said gracefully, "It's been a while since I've met another spellcaster user who could give me a challenge! That was one spectacular one-turn finish!"

"Thanks!", Twilight said beaming, "Maybe we should duel again back at CHS!"

As Twilight and Trixie began to show each other their decks,

If you know what I mean. *wink*

Burst's thoughts were elsewhere. 'Rarity and Twilight are now in the finals. The only ones of our group not yet there are me, Sunset, and Rainbow Dash. Most of the lower level duelists have been eliminated. Things are only going to get harder from here.', Burst thought.

SPOILER ALERT:

No, they won’t.


Author's Note:

Next time on Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG! Sunset and Burst face off against Garble and one of his goons!

I wonder if the fact you can’t even be bothered to name the other guy is a clue about who’s going to emerge victorious.

But the stakes are a bit higher for Sunset! if she loses, she has to be Garble's GIRLFRIEND!

And, as we all know, a duel is a legally binding contract between the two parts, meaning she cannot tell him to fuck off and die if she were to lose.

And if Burst loses, he'll lose Blue Eyes forever!

This would be a bit more suspenseful if it wasn’t for the fact you have already made clear the Blue-Eyes is now mass produced.

Will Sunset become a part of the greedy dragon duelist's hoard, and will Burst be able to hold on to his favorite card and best friend? Find out next time!

And that’s all for today. Come join me next time, when the story takes a dark turn after Sunset loses and we witness the trials and tribulations she faces while trying to escape an abusive relationship.

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GorillaGamer
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Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by GorillaGamer » Mon May 14, 2018 10:58 pm

The "duels" in this chapter were the pinnacle of laziness; Suri only played a single card, and Trixie was defeated in the span of two or so turns. I dread to see just how bad the final duel is.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
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Gorillagram only gets sexual stimulation from playing Pokemon Reborn and its derivatives.
A quote from Andrew himself

Dashguy
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Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by Dashguy » Mon May 28, 2018 11:31 am

"Looks like we're fresh out of easy duels.", Sunset said as she watched all the eliminated duelists were sent on a boat back home.

Nice to see Pegasus still can’t be bothered to get a ship to send the eliminated duelists back to the mainland in a dignified way.

"I guess we're in the fire now.", Burst said, "Now's the time to pull out our best moves. Because now we're going to be facing some of the best duelists in this tournament."

Oh, you mean like, people who can play more than two cards in a single turn? People who can play traps to protect themselves? Or people with a game plan that goes beyond summoning their biggest beatstick to win?

BLS-Envoy of The Beginning's spirit materialized near Sunset. "Don't worry Sunset. With me by your side, there's nothing we can't overcome!"

"He's right!", Blue Eyes said as his spirit materialized, "We've got your back! We're almost to the finals, so ditch that doubt!"

Have you noticed how these spirits all have the exact same personality? There may be differences in their speech pattern, such as with Gagaga Cowboy or Master Diamond, but beyond that they’re all the same “cool, casual and supportive” cardboard cutouts.

Sunset smiled at the advice her favorite monster gave her. "Thanks Envoy, I needed to hear that.", Sunset said as she and her friends went off in search of duels.

Little did they know, they were being watched. Garble, the dragon duelist, had sent some of his goons to spy on Burst and his friends. "Alright guys. Those two are the strongest in their little group. We beat them, and we take down our strongest competition!", Garble said,

Or you could aim for the weakest ones to secure yourself a place in the finals?

"What do you say Tyrant Dragon?"

Tyrant Dragon materialized in front of Garble and his crew. "At last, a chance to defeat the legendary Blue Eyes! Ever since he humiliated me by liberating my servants, I've craved vengeance! This day shall mark my triumph!", Tyrant Dragon roared!

He’s got “tyrant” in its name, so of course he’s got to be evil.

Burst and Sunset were walking about. Unaware that they were walking into an ambush.

"Where do you think you're going?", Garble shouted as he and his gang made their presence known.

Yeah, maybe you should re-check the definition of the word “ambush”, champ.

"Looking for duels.", Burst said calmly, "You're Garble, the dragon duelist. I'm guessing you want a go at me?"

Garble sneered, "Actually, I'm here to duel against both of you! And I've got more interesting stakes than just all of my five star chips."

"And that would be?", Sunset asked.

"If you lose Sunset, you have to be my girlfriend! And if Burst loses, I get his deck!", Garble said with a greedy smile plastered on his face.

"Yes Garble! An excellent penalty for them to pay!", Tyrant Dragon hissed as he materialized,

Sure, as long as they don’t tell him to go eat dick, turn around and walk away.

"Soon you shall answer to me Blue Eyes!"

"You've lost what little honor you had if this is how you plan to defeat me.", Blue Eyes said with steel in his voice, "I'd have hoped that you would have learned a lesson from the last beat down I gave you for how poorly you treated the dragons you subjugated."

The powerful engine of destruction whom very few have faced and lived to tell the tale is a benevolent rule. Right.

This is so childish. There’s no other way I can put it. It’s like watching a little kid pick up cards and immediately determine if the monsters depicted are “good” or “bad” by looking at the pictures and nothing else.


"We'll see about that.", Garble said, "I challenge Sunset first! And I'll even let her go first.", Garble said with a cocky smile.

"How charming.", Sunset said with disgust.

So Garble’s plan consists in going after the strongest duelists in the group while they are looking for opponents, challenge them openly and face them one by one, thereby allowing the one going second to learn about his deck.

Yep. They’re definitely facing some of the best duelists in the tournament.


Sunset: 4000
Garble: 4000


"Might as well start strong!", Sunset said, "I special summon Guardian Eatos from my hand since I don't have any monsters in my graveyard. Next I'll play two cards facedown and end my turn."

"My turn!", Garble said, "I summon a monster in defense mode and end my turn. Even if you do destroy him, I won't take any damage!"

"Oh really?", Sunset said with a smirk, "I play Fairy Meteor Crush from my hand and equip it to Guardian Eatos! Now if I destroy a defense mode monster, I can deal the point difference as damage! And I'll also equip her with the Celestial Sword I set facedown earlier! Attack his facedown monster! Celestial Sky Slash!"

Sunset: 4000
Garble: 3100


"Not bad, but you WILL be my girlfriend by the time this duel's over!", Garble said, "I summon another monster in defense mode, set a facedown card, and end my turn."

'Why would he summon another monster in defense mode?', Sunset thought, "Eatos, attack his monster!"

Garble smiled, "Just like I planned! Since you destroyed Exploder Dragon, I don't take any damage and the monster who destroyed his is taken down with him!"

"No, Eatos!", Sunset cried out as Eatos was caught in the blast!

"Now comes the fun part!", Garble said with a cocky grin, "First I'll play Keeper of the Shrine, then I'll play double summon! Now I can fully use Keeper's effect! I can use him as two tributes for a dragon type monster, and I'll sacrifice him to bring out Tyrant Dragon! Attack her directly with Tyrant Blaze!"

"Ahhh!", Sunset screamed as she took the full force of the flames!

Sunset: 1100
Garble: 3100


Garble sneered, "One more attack, and you're my girl."

"It's not over yet!", Sunset said with defiance, "I'll play Hand Destruction! Now we both discard two cards and draw two new ones! Perfect! I banish Kuriboh and Watapon from my graveyard to summon Black Luster Soldier-Envoy of The Beginning!"

BLS materialized from a vortex of light and gracefully descended onto the field. "Looks like I've got a dragon to slay", he said with a calm smile.

"I'll burn you to crisp!", Tyrant Dragon snarled!

"BLS!", Sunset cried out, "Use your banishment ability!"

"Sure thing Sunny!", BLS said, "Begone Tyrant Dragon!"

"What?!", Tyrant Dragon, "No! NOOOO!", he cried out as he vanished in a flash of light!

"No problem Tyrant!", Garble said, "I'll just revive you from the graveyard!"

"No you won't!", Sunset said, "I've banished him, meaning he isn't in your grave at all! Fortunately for you, BLS can't attack after he uses his banishment ability. Your move."

"Uhhhhh....I summon a monster in defense mode and end my turn!", Garble said in a panic.

"My move.", Sunset said, "First I'll equip BLS with Magnum Shield! Now he gains attack equal to his defense points! And if he destroys a monster by battle, he gets to attack again!"

"NOOO!", Garble screamed as BLS executed two swift sword strikes. One at his monster, and another at him directly!

Sunset: 1100, win
Garble: 0, lose


"I'll take two of the star chips you offered up", Sunset said as she took two of Garble's star chips.

I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I actually feel bad for mocking Mykan’s MLP/Yu-Gi-Oh! crossover back in the day. His duels were mediocre, sure, but he put effort into them. He tried to come up with elaborate strategies, even if most of them sucked, and made the good guys struggle against the bad guys. This author? He can’t be bothered to identify the monsters Garble sets in the defense position.

Burst stepped up next. "I'm up then. Garble!", Burst said as he activated his duel disk, "My Blue Eyes aren't going anywhere!"

Burst Stream: 4000
Garble: 4000


"I'll go first since I lost.", Garble grumbled, "I summon Alexandrite Dragon in attack mode!"

"My turn.", Burst said, "I'll play Trade-In to discard a level eight monster and draw two new cards. Next I'll reveal one Blue Eyes in my hand to special summon Blue Eyes Alternative. Next I'll play Return of The Dragon Lords to revive the Blue Eyes White Dragon in my graveyard! Alternative, take down his Alexandrite Dragon! Blue Eyes, you know what to do."

"You got it Burst!", Blue Eyes said giving him a claw-up, "Burst Stream of Destruction!", he roared as he fired the burst stream directly at Garble!

…Okay. You know what? Fuck you. No, really, FUCK YOU. Garble knew he was against a Blue-Eyes deck and just summoned a monster without doing anything else? Is he getting fucking paid for losing? And what was the point of the rivalry between the Blue-Eyes and the Tyrant Dragon if they don’t even get to face each other?

"No way! I was beaten in just ONE turn!", Garble fumed as he begrudgingly handed over the last of his star chips. "How did this happen?!"
"You have drive and passion Garble.", Burst said, "But you and Tyrant are blinded by greed. That's what led to your swift defeat."

You would think if he was so greedy he would have emptied his hand trying to summon and powering up his Tyrant Dragon, leaving himself defenseless to counter a simple play like, let’s say, Blue-Eyes Alternative’s effect, but subtlety and shit.

Garble left fuming, with his lackeys following close behind. Burst Stream and Sunset met up with their friends, and celebrated them making it to the finals!

Still not caring, champ. Call me back when one of them needs the prize money to pay a suergery to remove a boil from her ass.

Author's Note:

Character Progress
Rainbow: 6 star chips
Twilight: 10 star chips
Rarity: 10 star chips
Burst Stream: 10 star chips
Sunset: 10 star chips

Next time on Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG! Flim and Flam challenge Rainbow Dash and Applejack in a tag-team duel! But will Rainbow and AJ be able to take down Gate Guardian? Find out next chapter!

Normally, I would expect at least two out of these five wouldn’t even reach the finals, but here. Eh, let’s see how it goes…

"How am I the only one who isn't in the finals yet?!", Rainbow yelled. Almost all of her friends had ten star chips, and she was only won six so far.

"Calm down Rainbow.", Applejack said, "I'm sure there are sill some duelists left on the island. But the problem is some of them are probably the strongest here."

Emphasis on “probably”.

"Bring 'em on!", Rainbow said with confidence, "I'll duel the pants of them any day of the week!"

You can duel what’s below my pants anytime, honey.

She didn't realize how soon she would have to back up her words. The pair were approached by a pair of guys who Applejack seemed to recognize.

"Flim and Flam. Didn't expect to see you two around here. Still sore from the time about the time I beat both of ya single-handedly?", Applejack said.

"Please Ms. Applejack.", Flim said, "We've put that incident behind us. We're simply here because we have a chance to procure some funds for our latest project. Isn't that right brother?"

"Indeed.", Flam answered, "However, we seem to have come up short in terms of qualifying for the finals. Which brings us to our proposition. If we beat you in this duel, we'll take all your star chips off your hands. And if we lose, you'll get all of ours. Since we'll be playing by tag team rules, if one of you loses both of you lose. And if one of us loses, we both lose."

"Sorry fellas, but I ain't got any chips to cough up. But I still owe you some payback for selling those fake rare cards a while back!", Applejack said with fire in her voice, "Care to help me bag these varmints Rainbow?"

"I'm with ya AJ!", Rainbow Dash said, "Let's duel!"

How convenient the Flim Flam brothers proposed a set-up in which they will both be out of the tournament if they lose. It’s like the “bad guys” have to be morons in every aspect of their beings, not just the card game.

Flim: 4000
Flam: 4000
Applejack: 4000
Rainbow Dash: 4000


"I'll start things off.", Flim said, "First I'll summon Kaiser Sea Horse in attack mode. Next, I'll set a trap and end my turn."

"I'll make my move then!", Applejack said, "I summon a monster in defense mode and set one card facedown. Your move Flam."

"Don't mind if I do.", Flam said, "I'll summon Whirlwind Prodigy in attack mode and set a card facedown."

"My turn!", Rainbow said, "I'll play the card Painful Choice! You two get to pick one card that goes to my hand, and the rest have to go to the graveyard."

Flim and Flam took a look at Rainbow's hand and came to a decision. "We'll pick the Pegasus to go to your hand.", Flim said. "Now I'll tribute my Kaiser Sea Horse to summon Sanga of The Thunder! Destroy Applejack's facedown!"

"That would've hurt if I didn't have my Scrap Iron Scarecrow!", Applejack said, "Your attack is cancelled! Now I summon Ganbara Knight and overlay him with my facedown card! I xyz summon Gagaga Cowboy! Next I'll equip him with Magnum Shield, adding his defense points to his attack! Shoot down Flam's Whirlwind Prodigy! Double Barrel Blast!"

"This tournament ain't big enough for the both of us varmint!", Cowboy said as he fired twin shots from his blasters that blew away Whirlwind Prodigy

Flim: 4000
Flam: 1600
Applejack: 4000
Rainbow Dash: 4000


"I summon a monster, and I'll use my tribute doll card to special summon Kazejin from my hand by sacrificing it!", Flam said.

"My turn!", Rainbow said, "I Sapphire Pegasus in defense mode and equip him with Crystal Release giving him an 800 point boost and set a card facedown! Attack his windbag!"

"I activate Kazejin's effect! When he's attacked, I can make the attack of the attacking monster zero! Your Pegasus is grounded!", Flam said with a cocky grin.

"Ow!", Rainbow cried as a hurricane collided into her!

Flim: 4000
Flam: 1600
Applejack: 4000
Rainbow Dash: 1600


"I play Double Summon!", Flim cried out I tribute my Unshaven Angler to summon Suijin! Now I tribute all three of our monsters to summon Gate Guardian!"

"I'll switch my cowboy to defense mode. He's got higher defense thanks to his shield! Tough luck trying to get past him!", AJ said.

"Not when I play Shield Crush! It destroys your defense mode monster!", Flim said.

"I activate my Scrap Iron Scarecrow again!", AJ said.

Flim: 4000
Flam: 1600
Applejack: 4000
Rainbow Dash: 1600


"I'll take control of Gate Guardian. But I'll just have him be still for now.", Flam said.

As always, characters jump between turns without announcement or confirmation from their opponents, making things very difficult to follow for the reader. Also, I like how nobody tried to attack Rainbow Dash directly despite the fact she played Painful Choice and no monsters on her first turn and got her Sapphire Pegasus destroyed on the next.

Rainbow took a look at her hand, and found that victory was in her grasp! "I'll play Hand Destruction! Now we each discard two cards and draw two new cards! This is where the fun begins!", she said, "I'll play another spell, and activate Crystal Counter! Now I'll send my spell to the graveyard, and now I can set five crystal beasts from my graveyard to the field! Now I summon Crystal Beast Ruby Carbuncle! Now that I have all seven of them on field and in my graveyard, I special summon Rainbow Dragon! Now I'll send the ones on my field to give him 6000 extra attack points! Destroy Gate Guardian, Spectrum Blast!"

"This is for trying to rip off the megazord!", Rainbow Dragon cried out as he fired a blast of rainbow energy at Gate Guardian!

This is what happens when you let an eight years-old be your co-writer.

Flim and Flam: 0, lose
Applejack and Rainbow Dash: 4000 and 1600, win


"I'll take those star chips now.", Rainbow said, "Awesome! Now I'm in the finals!"

"Sweet Dash!", Rainbow Dragon shouted as his spirit materialized, "Things just got 200 percent cooler!"

"Those two sure are exciteable ain't they?", Gagaga Cowboy said as he materialized near Applejack.

"Yeah, but let's face it. We wouldn't want them any other way.", she said with a knowing smile.

Yeah, it’s kind of difficult to write a masturbatory power fantasy when you have to worry about stuff like staying true to characterization.

Author's Note:

Next time on Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG! Burst and his friends are camping out in the forest when Inferno shows up! Is this new duelist who wields the legendary dark dragon, Red Eyes, a friend or foe? Find out next chapter!

Is the guy who hit it off with the self-insert from the go in a poorly written story filled with cardboard cutouts secretly a foe? Find out next chapter!

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StabbyKobold
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Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by StabbyKobold » Mon May 28, 2018 3:47 pm

Nice mock. I'm still not really familiar with either series this fanfic is based on, but I get the feeling the author's interests in them were for very singular purposes. But hey, at least he manages to properly emulate what happens at my grandmother's bridge club — talking over cards.

Dashguy
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Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by Dashguy » Tue May 29, 2018 1:13 pm

Nice mock. I'm still not really familiar with either series this fanfic is based on, but I get the feeling the author's interests in them were for very singular purposes. But hey, at least he manages to properly emulate what happens at my grandmother's bridge club — talking over cards.
Thanks. And I have no doubts your grandma's bridge club would be a far more entertaining experience than reading this crap.

Night had soon fallen on Duelist Kingdom, and Burst and his friends had set up a campsite to sleep for the night.

So, not only Pegasus sent back the losers to the mainland in boats but he’s also offering no accomodations to the remaining participants? I understand the anime did not make this a clue the whole thing was a load of bullcrap, but you would think at some point the author would stop and think “why did this happen like this?”

With all the duels it took to get themselves into the finals, all of them had earned a good rest. However with all the excitement in the air, it was hard for anyone to fall asleep.

"I can't believe we made it!", Twilight screamed.

"Hey, I knew I would!", Rainbow said boastfully.

"Don't get over confident Rainbow.", Sunset said, "Remember, we'll be dueling each other in the finals. So let's not hold anything back!"

Burst cracked a small smile, "I don't think any of us will have any problems with that."

Does any of you remember the reason you agreed to participate in this clusterfuck? Eh? The evil that’s trying to destroy the balance between the Earth and the monster world and who should be around here?

"Room for one more here?", a new voice said. Inferno Flare stepped out of the shadows. "So you guys made it to the finals too huh?", Inferno said kindly as he showed off the ten star chips on his dueling glove.

The other shitty OC is in the finals too. Whee. What a twist.

"We sure did. Nice to see you again Inferno.", Burst said, "But we couldn't have done it without our monsters. It might sound crazy, but we share a bond with our monsters. To us, they're more than just cards. They're our friends."

"They're your favorite monsters. The ones you trust more than any other creature, and love the most.", Inferno said with a knowing smile, "My partner is Red Eyes Black Dragon."

"Dark Magician is mine.", Twilight said with a smile.

"BLS for me.", Sunset said.

"Mine's Rainbow Dragon!", Rainbow Dash said.

"Master Diamond is my favorite monster.", Rarity said.

"Gagaga Cowboy's my partner.", Applejack said.

"You all know mine. Blue Eyes White Dragon.", Burst said.

Don’t you lecture me on “friendship” when all of your so-called friends are valuable, powerful and with plenty of support to ensure they can be played smoothly, you sanctomonious jerkoffs.

"Blue Eyes?", a new voice cried out, "Is that you?" Suddenly, a large black dragon with red eyes materialized.

"Red Eyes! Nice to see you again!", Blue Eyes said as he materialized.

The others' monsters materialized, and were in awe at the sight before them. Sunset decided to help them break their silence, "Sooo, any of you care to explain why you're all speechless?"

Because of the sheer idiocy of seeing two mighty dragon spirits act like a pair of fourteen years-old?

"Sunset.", BLS said, "We stand before the two legendary dragons of our realm."

Seriously? You’re the Black Luster Soldier – Envoy of the Beginning for Pete’s Sake! The flavor text presents you as a knight with the same combat capabilities as the Blue-Eyes! And you’re one of the strongest, most useful monsters in the entire game! You should be using those two as toilet paper top wipe your ass!

"Legendary dragons?", Rarity asked.

"Blue Eyes is said to represent power. The strength to achieve victory in even the most hopeless situation.", Dark Magician said,

Heh, I don’t think Seto Kaiba got that memo.

"Red Eyes however, represents potential. The limitless possibility wielded by those with the courage to fight.

You need courage to play with the clusterfuck that is the Red-Eyes archetype alright.

I should know . I've hung out with those two long enough to know them like the back of my hand."

Hung with them? Did you three go to McDonalds together or something?

"Wow!", Rainbow said, "That makes them even more awesome!"

"Hey Burst!", Inferno said, "How about we have a duel for fun? Let's see if Red Eyes can realize his potential! What do you say Red Eyes?"

"I'm always down to duel!", Red Eyes said, "You ready Blue Eyes?"

"You know it Red!", Blue Eyes said with a smile.

"Alright, let's do it!", Burst said.

I’m going to look for some Rule 34 pictures of Princess Pikeru. Call me when something happens, yes?

Burst: 4000
Inferno: 4000


"I'll kick of this duel with a bang!", Inferno said, "I summon Red Eyes Black Chick and banish him to special summon Red Eyes Darkness Metal Dragon! Next I'll use his effect to special summon Red Eyes Black Dragon from my hand! That's it for my turn, your move Burst!"

"I'll reveal one Blue Eyes in my hand to special summon Blue Eyes Alternative White Dragon! Next I'll play Trade-In and discard a level eight monster from my hand to draw two cards. Now I'll play Burst Stream of Destruction to wipe out your field! Then I'll play Return of The Dragon Lords to revive the Blue Eyes I sent to the graveyard! However, due to my spell's effect, he can't attack. So I end my turn.", Burst said.

This is all fine and dandy, except Red-Eyes Darkness Metal Dragon has 2800 attack points so you could have destroyed it with one of your Blue-Eyes and attack directly with other without needing to use Burst Stream of Destruction. Or, you could have used Alternative's effect to destroy it and leaving the normal Blue-Eyes to attack.

"I'm up then!", Inferno said, "I play Red Eyes Fusion! I get to fusion summon one monster from my extra deck that lists Red Eyes as a fusion material by sending the materials from my hand or deck to the graveyard! I send Red Eyes and Summoned Skull to summon Archfiend Black Skull Dragon! Destroy his Blue Eyes Alternative with Archfiend Inferno Blast!"

"Burn baby burn!", Archfiend said as he wiped out Alternative with a blast of dark fire!

Thank God the Blue-Eyes Alternative does not have a spirit or this would be kind of awkward.

"And that's not all! Since he attacked, I can target one Red Eyes normal monster in my graveyard and inflict it's attack as damage! Also, I can add that target to my deck. But then my deck has to be shuffled.", Inferno said.

Burst: 1400
Inferno: 4000


"Not a bad combo Inferno, but I'm afraid I'm ending this!", Burst said with a confident smile, "I'll reveal the Blue Eyes in my hand to special summon another Alternative White Dragon! And I'll use his effect to destroy you Archfiend Black Skull! Burst Strike!"

Alternative summoned a single lightning bolt that destroyed Archfiend Black Skull Dragon!

"Now I'll activate the ritual spell I drew! Chaos Form! I banish the Blue Eyes Alternative in my graveyard since it's name becomes Blue Eyes White Dragon when it's on the field or in the grave! And now I'll ritual summon the Blue Eyes Chaos MAX Dragon that I drew from Trade-In! Attack with Chaos Burst!"

Inferno had nothing to defend himself, and took the full force of the blast! "Nice one turn kill Burst!", Inferno said with a smile, "Can't wait to see what you might pull of in the finals! "

Personally, I’m interested in seeing what kind of shit cards the bad guy will use to compensate the fact Burst*--barfs--*Stream is a worse player than Mykan.

"See you soon Blue Eyes!", Red Eyes said cheerfully .

"You too Red! I can't wait for our rematch!", Blue Eyes called out as they engaged in a dragonic fist bump.

Great. All the depth and mysticism of the game lore dumped in favor of turning the monsters into characters of a generic teenage sitcom.

"Too bad we might never see each other again except for tournaments.", Burst said sadly.

Thanks for the good ne--

"What're you talking about? I go to CHS like the rest of you! You won't be getting rid of me that easily!", Inferno said jokingly.

FUUUUUUUUCK!

"Inferno,", Burst said, "This is the beginning of an EPIC friendship!"

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Author's Note:

Next time, the finals officially begin and a new duelist shows up. But Blue Eyes and Red Eyes sense an evil presence coming not just from his monster partner, but from the duelist himself!

Yeah, God forbids there’s any kind of moral complexity around here. Why bother trying to make the “bad guy” an actual decent person who is being manipulated by a lesser monster, whom in turn is doing it all because the other monsters were assholes to him due to his weakness, when you could go for the Care Bears route?

The next morning, Burst and his friends made their way to Pegasus's castle, where the finals of Duelist Kingdom would be held. Each of them that had qualified showed their star chips to the guard and were admitted. Once they were inside, Rainbow noticed Gilda was waiting.

I like how the author chooses certain MLP characters to play the role of YGO ones, like Blueblood/Kaiba and Gilda/Mai, but only the most superficial way.

Gilda is here because Mai was a finalist, period; all the interactions and character development the latter experienced don’t matter.


"Hey G!", Rainbow greeted, "I knew I'd see you here!"

"Nice to see you too Dash.", Gilda said with a smile, "Looks like your group made it too."

"Of course! But if there's anyone I knew would make it, it's Burst Stream!", Rainbow said boastfully.

DICK SUCKING: 16

I missed you too, counter.


"Wait, you're friends with the guy who beat Blueblood?", Gilda asked in wonder.

Fuck me, we’re still hanging on that shit?

"She sure is.", Burst answered with a smile, "Nice to meet you too Gilda. Can't wait to see what you've got in store."

"Same to you man!", Gilda said giving Burst a fist bump.

"Welcome duelists!", Pegasus greeted, "You've all come quite far in this tournament and...wait. Where's the eighth finalist?"

"I'm here.", a new voice said as the doors flew open! The figure who walked in was a man with dark grey skin and black hair with crimson red eyes. "I am Sombra."

Twelve chapters. Twelve fucking chapters of not being mentioned, alluded or even thought about, our villain finally appears. And of course he does it in a manner he might as well be carrying a kitten carcass in one hand and a bloodstained scythe on the other.

Pegasus sensed the tremendous dark aura coming from this duelist, but kept a calm head and readdressed his guests. "Well since everyone's here, I'd like to inform you that the finals will not start until tomorrow. Now get some rest, you've all earned it."

Hold on. Pegasus was surprised a minute ago because there was no eight finalist, but there are nine of them. You’ve got Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Twilight, Sunset and Burst*--barfs*--Stream, plus Gilda, Sombra and the buffon of the Red-Eyes. So, either the author has something planned or the dumbass was so focused on ripping off the original show he didn’t notice making Gilda a finalist just like Mai would leave his other OC hanging.

Incidentally, how retarded it is that out of the eight finalists (fuck you, Red-Eyes guy) five are the self-insert’s cheerleaders?


As they headed for their rooms, Burst stopped to have a word with his friends. "Guys, I think this Sombra guy is the one who's trying to take over both realms."

"What makes you say that?", Twilight asked.

"The moment he walked in, Blue Eyes and I felt the presence of an incredibly strong evil aura. And it was all coming from him.", Burst said.

I was going to chalk it up to his abnormally colored skin, bolded speech and the fact his name is the spanish for “shadow”, but thanks for the confirmation, champ.

"I could also sense the same aura about the monster he's joined with.", Blue Eyes said, "I suggest we exercise caution. We have no idea what the two of them are capable of. But I am sure of one thing, they mean to enslave both our worlds. If there was ever an ideal to thwart them, this tournament would be it."

"Why at this tournament?", Sunset asked, "Just what makes dueling so special?"

"Because of the bonds duelists share with their cards. This bond contains great power, and if strong enough can summon more than just our spirits. It could potentially summon us directly from our realm. Sombra and his ally must possess incredible dark magic if they intend to destroy the barrier.", Dark Magician explained.

Yeah, yeah, Sombra is super duper powerful and scary, just like Garble, Flim and Flam were some of the best duelists in the tournament.

"Hold up DM! You use dark magic too, but you're a good guy, and the same goes for Red Eyes!", Rainbow said.

"Not all darkness is evil. All of the attributes have creatures that are good and evil. I've met my share of light creatures that aren't so bright and shiny.", Dark Magician said, "Evil can come from any attribute. And this guy was radiating darkness."

We have not seen him doing a damn thing beyond opening the door and introducing himself, but he’s totes evil you guys!

Burst, his friends, and their monster partners all retired to their rooms. Meanwhile, Sombra consulted with his own ally as they planned their future conquest.

"Blast! I didn't expect the duelist who beat Blueblood here! He could ruin everything!", Sombra growled.

At this point I’m genuinely wondering why Blueblood is not the chosen one.

"Then we shall simply crush him. And all who stand in our way! Blue Eyes may be strong, but he has no special abilities! We will succeed. And we will rule both realms!", a dark voice said.

Blue-Eyes has no abilities, guys, just an incredibly high attack power and enough support to allow it to be competitive.

"Yes...yes you're right Zorc! They will fall at our hands, and we shall rule over all!", Sombra said with a wicked smile.

Zorc's spirit cracked an evil grin, "Yes, I shall reign as the Dark Master of the creature realm and you as the humans' ruler. King Sombra."

"Yes. KING Sombra. I like the sound of that. Soon those that oppose us shall fall! Ahahahahaha!", Sombra howled in insane laughter!

Dark Master Zorc…? Is that the evil boss monster? A Ritual critter with less attack than the Blue-Eyes and an effect that can blow him up if you get a bad dice number?

Pegasus noticed the huge surge of dark energy. 'It seems the one who is disrupting the barrier has made themselves known. I can only hope at this point that Burst and his friends will triumph over this evil.', he thought to himself.

Fuck you. He’s using Zorc, for Christ Sake! A 2003 card!

Author's Note:

Next time on Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG! The first round of the finals pits Burst Stream against Gilda in a clash between harpies and dragons! But Gilda's newest pet dragon card might be too much for Burst and Blue Eyes to handle! Find out how it goes down next chapter!


Alright, everybody, you know the drill. Go ahead and pretend there’s a chance the self-insert can lose.

Dashguy
Posts: 38
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Location: Argentina

Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by Dashguy » Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:48 am

It's time to duel, suckers! Can you dig it?

After Burst and his friends had rested the previous day, the finals of Duelist Kingdom officially began. A board was set up with the matches for the day. Burst was the first one up, and his opponent was Gilda.

"Let's see how tough your dragons really are.", Gilda said boastfully.

"I look forward to taking on your harpies. Let's duel!", Burst said smiling.

We know Burst--*barfs*--Stream is going to win and Gilda is basically a cardboard cutout of Mai Valentine without a motivation of her own. When your readers can skip a chapter without missing anything then you know you’re doing something wrong.

Burst Stream: 4000
Gilda: 4000


"I'll start by playing Harpy Lady in attack mode!", Gilda said, "Then I'll play Elegant Egotist to summon another Harpy Lady. That's it for my turn. Your move Burst."

"I draw! I'll reveal a blue eyes white dragon in my hand to special summon Blue Eyes Alternative!", Burst said, "Next I'll use his effect to target one monster on your field and destroy it! Burst Strike! Fortunately for you, he can't attack after he uses his effect."

Alternative called down a bolt of white lightning that instantly fried one of Gilda's Harpies!

He could have destroyed the Harpie with an attack, costing Gilda 1700 life points, but…err…look! A shiny pidgey!

"My turn! I summon Harpy Channeler! Now I'll discard one harpy card to special summon one other harpy from my deck! Now I'll xyz suumon Harpy's Pet Phantasmal Dragon! Since he has an xyz material, he can attack you directly!", Gilda said.

Burst cringed as her dragon slashed at him directly!

Burst Stream: 2000
Gilda: 4000


"Looks like your first round in the finals might be your last.", Gilda said with a winning smile.

"The duel's not over until the last card is drawn!", Burst replied with a smile of his own, "I'll play Trade-In and discard the Blue Eyes White Dragon from my hand to draw two new cards! Now I play Return of The Dragon Lords to special summon Blue Eyes from my graveyard! Since Alternative counts as Blue Eyes when he's on my field or in my graveyard, I'll contact fuse him with Blue Eyes to fusion summon Blue Eyes Twin Burst Dragon! Also, he gets to make two attacks on monsters during "

"Two heads are better than one!" "I agree!", Twin Burst's heads said after they fired twin blasts of energy that destroyed Gilda's dragon!

He could have kept both Blue-Eyes, destroyed Gilda’s dragon with the first, costing her 1000 life points, and then attack with the second for the win, but…err…look! A shiny geodude!

Burst Stream: 2000
Gilda: 3000


"I'll play a monster in defense mode and set a card facedown. I end my turn.", Gilda said.

"I guess I'll attack you then. Go Twin Burst!", Burst cried out.

"I activate Mirror Wall! This halves the attack of all monsters you control!", Gilda said, "Now it's my turn! I summon another monster facedown. Your move."

Burst took a look at his hand, and saw all he needed to win the duel! "I summon White Stone of Legend! Now I'll banish it to summon Red Eyes Darkness Metal Dragon from my hand! Now I'll use his effect to special summon Dragon Spirit of White from my hand! Then I'll use his effect to banish your Mirror Wall! I'll destroy your facedown monsters and attack you directly with Twin Burst for game!"

When I write duels, I often find myself discarding whole drafts because I realized too late character B could have used a certain effect in the graveyard to remain with 100 life points after character A’s “final attack”. It’s a small detail, and I could play dumb, but I don’t because I see it as bad writing. I mean, if I want my readers to see character A as an awesome duelist, then character B better be awesome too. As they say, heroes are great as long as they have great villains.

This is why I can’t stand this shit. The missplays the characters make here are so blatant, so terrible that I can’t decide if the author is a lazy fuck, a monumental idiot or both.


Burst Stream: 2000, win
Glida: 0, lose


"Didn't expect things to end that quickly. But that was an EPIC counter attack! Good duel Burst!", Gilda said with a smile.

"Thanks Gilda. See you around.", Burst said with a smile as they left for the sidelines to watch the next duel that was scheduled.

Thanks for fucking nothing, guys.

Author's Note:

Next time on Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG! Sunset and Twilight duel to move on to the next stage of the finals! But with such evenly matched duelists, who will come out on top? Find out next time!


Back in the Battle City finals, Yugi participated in order to discover the mystery behind the past of his other self. Joey/Jonouchi did it to prove himself as a true duelist, and so did Mai. Kaiba wanted to crown himself king and leave his tortuous past behind. Marik wanted revenge and Odion/Rishid was devoted to his cause. Ishizu wanted to save Marik and Dark Bakura and formed a temporary alliance with him to further his own plans.

See, every character back there had his/her own motivation. But here? Sunset and Twilight belong to the same team and they don’t have any particular reasons to be here. They could decide the outcome of the duel by flipping a coin and it wouldn’t make a difference.


Sunset took a deep breath as she headed to the dueling arena. She knew that eventually she might have to face some of her friends at the tournament. But she didn't know that she'd be facing the one person who was about on the same level as her and Burst.

How the fuck I’m supposed to tell when you two have played a single fucking duel each and the people you’ve played against were so bad they might as well have lost on purpose?

"Ready Twilight?", she asked.

"As ready as I'm going to be. May the best duelist win.", Twilight said with a nervous smile.

Sunset: 4000
Twilight: 4000


"I'll make the first move.", Sunset said, "First I'll summon a monster in defense mode, set a card facedown, and end my turn."

"My move then.", Twilight said, "I'll play a card facedown and use Ancient rules to summon Dark Magician. I end my turn."

"I'll start by summoning Hyper Synchron, then I'll tune him with my face down monster to synchro summon Stardust Dragon! Now I'll activate my trap, Assault Mode Activate! I tribute Stardust Dragon to special summon Stardust Dragon-Assault Mode!", Sunset said.

Sunset Shimmer has Stardust Dragon, the signature card of the protagonist from 5DS, and we’re finding out just now? And how come everybody praises the Blue-Eyes and the Red-Eyes to heaven but this critter, which was genuinely important and legendary in its own show, gets relegated to just another card?

"I activate my quick play spell Dedication Through Light and Darkness! I tribute my Dark Magician to special summon Dark Magician of Chaos from my Deck! And since I activated a spell card during your turn I can special summon Magician of Dark Illusion from my hand!", Twilight said.

"Stardust! Destroy her Magician of Dark Illusion with Cosmic Flame!", Sunset said.

Sunset: 4000
Twilight: 3100


"Nice move there! Now I summon Magician's Robe and discard a spell card from my hand to special summon a Dark Magician from my Deck! And since I drew him, I get to special summon Palladium Oracle Mahad by revealing him Now I'll overlay him with my Dark Magician to xyz summon Ebon Illusion Magician! Now I'll use his effect! I detach one overlay unit to special summon another Dark Magician from my deck. Now I'll have him attack! This activates Ebon's effect! Since a normal monster is attacking, I can target one monster you control and banish it!", Twilight said.

Sunset: 1500
Twilight: 3100


"I activate Stardust Assault's effect! Whenever an effect is activated, I can negate that effect and destroy that card! And since it's the end phase, he returns to the field!",

"W-Wait a minute," Twilight protested. "I still have my Dark Magician of Chaos to attack with!"

Sunset gave her the middle finger. "Too bad, I already said End Phase."

Sunset said, " You got in a pretty good hit. Now it's my turn. I summon Victory Viper XX03 and equip him with Bashing Shield to boost him by 1000 points and equip him with Gravity Blaster to give him 400 more points! Attack Magician's Robe! XX Blast! And Stardust, you take down her Dark Magician of Chaos! Cosmic Flame! Next I'll set a trap and end my turn."

"Target locked! Fire!", Victory Viper said as he blasted Magician's Robe!

Stardust unleashed a blast of flame-like energy that wiped out Dark Magician of Chaos! "How's that for star power?", he said.

In a scale of one to ten, I would say AIDS.

Sunset: 1500
Twilight: 1300


"I play the card Dark Magic Veil to special summon a dark spellcaster from my hand! I special summon Dark Magician Girl! And she gets a 300 point boost for each Dark Magician in my graveyard! Destroy her Stardust Dragon-Assault Mode! Dark Magic Attack!"

"Not so fast, I activate my trap! Storming Mirror Force! It returns all attack position monsters you control to your hand!", said Sunset, "Now that it's my turn, I'll attack you directly for game!"

Sunset: 1500, win
Twilight: 0, lose


"Good duel Twilight! I've never seen that many monsters summoned in one turn!", Sunset said with a kind smile, "If you had attacked with them all at once, you could have won."

You could have won too if you had made use of the extensive selection of Spells and Traps of the Dark Magician archetype, as well as not playing your deck in the most basic, beatdown way. Then again, we cannot run the risk of overshadowing Burst--*barfs*--Stream, can we?

"Thanks Sunset. I just didn't want the duel to end too soon.", Twilight said with a smile. The two then went to the sidelines where Burst and Gilda were waiting.

"Sweet match Sunset!", Burst said, "Twilight almost had you there!"

"Talk about a comeback.", Gilda said with a small smile.

Yeah, good work playing one of the most powerful traps out there.

The group then turned their attention to the next duel that was to be held as Rainbow Dash and Inferno stepped onto the dueling arena!

Aww, shit. I’m not going to lie, I wanted Rainbow Dash to be among the top four.

Author's Note:

Next time on Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG! It's another clash of dragons as Rainbow and Inferno go head to head! Will Rainbow Dragon claim victory, or will Red Eyes release his full potential? Find out next time!


The most annoying aspect of this crap is that the Rainbow Dragon was a one-of-a-kind monster in YGO GX with a very important role, but much like Stardust, is relegated to play second fiddle to the favorite critters of the self-inserts.

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GorillaGamer
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Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by GorillaGamer » Sat Jun 02, 2018 1:13 am

Dashguy wrote:
Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:48 am
When I write duels, I often find myself discarding whole drafts because I realized too late character B could have used a certain effect in the graveyard to remain with 100 life points after character A’s “final attack”. It’s a small detail, and I could play dumb, but I don’t because I see it as bad writing. I mean, if I want my readers to see character A as an awesome duelist, then character B better be awesome too. As they say, heroes are great as long as they have great villains.

This is why I can’t stand this shit. The missplays the characters make here are so blatant, so terrible that I can’t decide if the author is a lazy fuck, a monumental idiot or both.
Huh, never knew you wrote your own duels.

Mock's looking great, as always. Though I wonder if you'll mock the sequels to this thing, if there are any that is.

Edit: Well what do you know, I was surfing the web and look at what I found. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12470719/1 ... Chronicles
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
A quote from Project AFTER
Gorillagram only gets sexual stimulation from playing Pokemon Reborn and its derivatives.
A quote from Andrew himself

Dashguy
Posts: 38
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:33 pm
Location: Argentina

Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by Dashguy » Mon Jun 04, 2018 11:27 am

Mock's looking great, as always. Though I wonder if you'll mock the sequels to this thing, if there are any that is.
There are plenty. Not suprising, considering the author just goes ahead and copies the arcs from the show. Now, I'm kind of wondering if I should tackle those. On one hand, if you've seen one, you've seen them all, and I fear things would become repetitive. On the other, they are pitifully short and there are things worth mocking, such as Burst--*barfs*--Stream gaining superpower and the author introducing more and more original characters until they completely eclipse the canon ones. Oh, and he pairs them up with several of the girls.
Edit: Well what do you know, I was surfing the web and look at what I found. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12470719/1 ... Chronicles
Image

Well, look at that. As if the original wasn't a big enough steaming pile of horse shit, we now have a second OC to serve as "Toby's first friend", complete with "magical girl" superpowers granted by the most overused choice for a seventh Element of Harmony, "courage", and the same kind of assholish personality as him to fully take away all the attention from the ponies.

There are, admittedly, a couple of changes I found to be an improvment here and there. Like deleting the scene with Toby not doing anything to help a bullied kid and changing the dialogue stolen from Injustice: Gods Among Us during the fight with the evil Toby clone made by Trixie.

Of course, these are the equivalent of spraying some perfume over a mountain of cow dung, considering it's still an almost a word-for-word copy of the original, including the plagiarized material, such as the monsters from Ben 10, scenes and lines from the first Fullmetal Alchemist series and Tirek using The Dark Knight's Bane's lines.

I would normally praise you for finding that one, but I'm still wondering if this is a different person or if seniorcopycat would be truly so pathetic as to give it another shot under a different account.

Dashguy
Posts: 38
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:33 pm
Location: Argentina

Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by Dashguy » Mon Jun 04, 2018 1:19 pm

Today is a "three for the price of one" special. Why? Because I'm filled with hate.

"Get ready to taste the rainbow Inferno!", Rainbow Dash said confidently.

"Yeah? Well I'm gonna make you feel the burn!", Inferno said jokingly.

This story was posted on 2016. On February 2018, the author made a blog post announcing he’s finally turned twenty. So yeah, all of this garbage was written by an eighteen years-old dude.

Rainbow Dash: 4000
Inferno: 4000


"I'll start things off!", Rainbow said, "I summon Crystal Beast Amethyst Cat! Now I'll use her ability to halve her attack points so she can attack you directly! Sic 'im girl!"

Inferno slightly winced as he took direct damage from Amethyst Cat pouncing on him.

You have to be kidding me. Have we reached a point in which the author somehow forgot the player going first cannot attack? My God. If you’re reading this, Mykan, I want you to know yours isn’t the worst shit I’ve read anymore.

Rainbow Dash: 4000
Inferno: 3600


"I summon Red Eyes Black Chick. Now I'll send him to the graveyard to special summon Red Eyes Black Dragon from my hand!", Inferno said, "Destroy Amethyst Cat! Inferno Fire Blaze!"

Red Eyes let out a fierce battle cry as he let loose a gigantic fireball that incinerated Amethyst Cat! "Uh...she DOES have nine lives right?", Red Eyes asked.

It’s funny because murder.

Rainbow Dash: 2800
Inferno: 3600


"I play the spell card Painful Choice! You pick one card that goes to my hand, and the rest go to the graveyard.", Rainbow said.

"I pick the Mammoth.", Inferno said.

"Sweet! Now I'll summon him in defense mode and end my turn!", Rainbow said.

"My move then. I'll play the Black Stone of Legend, and tribute it to special summon Red Eyes Black Flare Dragon from my deck and throw down two facedowns. I'll call it a turn and hand things over to you.", Inferno said.

Rainbow Dash licked her lips with anticipation. She figured the fastest way to lose and get out of this floating piece of dirt was to make a blatantly illegal play. “I summon Crystal Beast Amethyst Cat! Direct attack!” The monster did as ordered. Rainbow Dash smiled satisfied and looked at the judge; an attack on the first turn would surely earn her an automatic loss, right? The judge kept looking impassively at the field behind his blackglasses. There was a moment of silence before Rainbow Dash’s smile disappeared, replaced by a scowl. “Fine,” she muttered. “Turn end!”

Rainbow Dash’s Amethyst Cat was destroyed, as expected. “My turn!” She thought she maybe should put a bit more of effort. “Painful Choice!” After ditching the extra cards, she set Crystal Beast Amber Mammoth, making sure to annouce the monster’s name loudly. “Come on,” she thought. “Blast it out.” Rainbow Dash’s lips curved into an eager smile when she saw her Amber Mammoth vaporized. “That’s what I’m talking about! Now follow it with a dire—what!? No, no, no; don’t finish your—DAMNIT!”


Really. At this point I cannot think another reason for RD to play so badly than she’s trying to lose on purpose.

"I draw! Sweet! Now that I have all my crystal beasts in my graveyard and on the field, I get to special summon Rainbow Dragon! I'll send my mammoth to the graveyard to give him a 1000 point attack boost!", Rainbow Dash said, "Now I'll take down your Red Eyes with Spectrum Blast!"

Rainbow Dash: 2800
Inferno: 1000


"Now I'm really fired up! Since Black Stone of Legend is in my graveyard, I can target a level seven or lower red eyes monster in my graveyard and shuffle it into my deck! Also, I can add Black Stone of Legend to my hand! I summon Black Stone, I activate my facedown card, Torrential Tribute to destroy all monsters on the field! I also activate Black Stone's effect to special summon Red Eyes from my deck! Now I'll overlay him with Black Flare Dragon to xyz summon Red Eyes Flare Metal Dragon! Attack her directly with Metal Inferno Flare!", Inferno cried out!

Image

Ookay…let’s try to make some sense of this gigantic mess. This buffon had the normal Red-Eyes and Red-Eyes Black Flare on the field, plus two face-down cards. The Red-Eyes got destroyed, leaving only the Black Flare. So far so good.

Now…he’s uses the second effect of the Black Stone to shuffle the destroyed the Red-Eyes back into the deck, adds the Black Stone back to his hand and summons it to trigger Torrential Tribute and destroy all monsters on the field.

But then…he tributes the Black Stone to bring Red-Eyes from his deck, which he shouldn’t have been able to do because, one, you can only use one of the effects of the Black Stone per turn and only once that turn, and two, BECAUSE IT WAS FUCKING DESTROYED BY TORRENTIAL TRIBUTE.

What’s more, he overlays the Red-Eyes he summoned from the deck with the Red-Eyes Black Flare on the field WHICH WAS FUCKING DESTROYED BY TORRENTIAL TRIBUTE.


What the hell happened here? It’s like a turn got accidentally deleted somewhere.

"Agghh!", Rainbow cried as the flames collided with her! Dropping her life points to zero!

Rainbow Dash: 0, lose
Inferno: 1000, win


"Awesome duel Inferno! Way to stay cool under fire!", Rainbow said as she congratulated Inferno.

"Thanks. Red Eyes and I keep burning hearts and cool heads.", Inferno said with a smile.

"That was one sick burn Red!", Rainbow Dragon said.

"Thanks Rainbow. See ya around.", Red Eyes said.

Man, that “puns for fourth graders” book truly paid off!

Rainbow and Inferno joined the rest of their friends as they got ready to watch the final duel of the day.

Author's Note:

Next time, Rarity faces off against Sombra! But while he puts on a civil façade, his dark nature creeps to the surface as the duel progresses! Will Rarity prevail against him? And what horrible penalty does he have in store for her should she lose?


I don’t think it could get worse than to lose against freaking Dark Master Zorc while using a deck which can win local tournaments if properly built and with an engine that several other decks use, even nowadays.

That aside, I see Applejack is not part of the finals. I guess this explains why she said she didn’t had star chips to bet against the Flim Flam brothers, but it also makes the brothers’ decision to challenge her alongside Rainbow Dash when she had nothing to offer even fucking dumber.


Rarity and Sombra stepped onto the dueling arena and activated their duel disks.

"Ladies first.", Sombra said with a polite smile.

"Such a gentleman.", Rarity said with a small bow.

As nipticky as it may sound, this little exchange would be more effective in revealing Sombra’s actual vicious nature later in the duel if he didn’t had that conversation with Dark Master Zorc, and the subsequent cartoonish fit of evil laugh, two chapters ago.

Rarity: 4000
Sombra: 4000


"I summon Gem Knight Alexandrite and use his effect! I'll tribute him to summon Gem Knight Crystal! And with that, I end my turn.", Rarity said.

"My turn.", Sombra said, "I play Ancient Rules to special summon Summoned Skull from my hand. And I also normal summon Ryu-Kishin Powered! Skull will attack your Gem Knight, will Ryu-Kishin attacks you directly with Gargoyle Flame!"

As Rarity took damage, a dark smile slowly creeped onto Sombra's face.

Rarity: 2350
Sombra: 4000


"It's my move!", Rarity said, "I play Gem Knight Fusion! I'll fuse the three Gem Knights in my hand to fusion summon Gem Knight Master Diamond! And now he gains 100 attack points for every gem monster in my graveyard! Attack his Ryu-Kishin Powered!"

"Have at you fiend!", Master Diamond said as he cleaved Ryu-Kishin Powered in two!

Rarity: 2350
Sombra: 2300


'Hmph. Useless statue.', Sombra thought to himself.

Ohhh! You can tell he’s TEH EVULZ because he doesn’t appreciate the sacrifice his monster made for him! Then again, Rainbow Dash is constantly letting her Crystal Beasts be destroyed or sent to the graveyard to serve as fuel for her Rainbow Dragon, but I guess it’s okay in her case because she looks great wearing tight shorts.

As Sombra drew his next card, a sinister smile was displayed on his face, "It's been a lovely duel, but I'm afraid this is the end for you. I play Contract with the Dark Master! I sacrifice my Summoned Skull on the field with a monster from my hand! Rise from the depths of pandemonium, and wreak terror on all who are beneath you! Dark Master Zorc!", Sombra cried as a large demon stepped out from a cloud of shadow!

"Destruction to all those who dare stand in my way!", Zorc roared.

Burst sensed the immense darkness Sombra and Zorc were raditating! 'This confirms it! They're the ones trying to take over the two worlds!'.

It’s not that I don’t value your word, son, but I’m still waiting for those two to do some actual evil things.

"Rarity be careful! That monster is as strong at it's ugly! Don't underestimate it!", Burst shouted.

"I can certainly agree with you Burst! Just looking at it is going to give me nightmares!", Rarity said.

"Good.", Sombra said, "Soon all shall fear the power that Zorc and I possess. Now I'll use his effect! Dark Dice Chance! If I roll a one or a two I can destroy all of your monsters! If I roll a three, four, or five, I can destroy one of the monsters you control! But if I roll a six, I have to destroy all the monsters under my command including Zorc! Now, let's leave it to chance!"

Soon a black die materialized in Zorc's hand, and he gave it a roll. Once the die had stopped rolling, it landed on a four.

"Say goodbye to your Diamond! Dark Thunder Break!", Sombra cried as Zorc summoned a bolt of dark lightning that zapped Master Diamond right off the field! "And the agony isn't over yet Zorc can now attack you directly! Incinerate her life points! Dark Inferno!", he cried with a savage grin!

"Agghhh!", Rarity cried as the dark flames crashed into her!

The severe lack of trap cards in this story is not just mind boggling, but also ridiculously blatant. Burst--*barfs*--Stream had to win against Rainbow Dash, so he pulled a Negate Attack to block a finishing attack. Same with Sunset Shimmer. Rarity, on the other hand, has to job against the bad guy so she gets none.

Rarity: 0, lose
Sombra: 2300, win


Rarity picked up her deck and gave a small smile. "Well everyone, at least we....AHH!", she screamed! Rarity looked in horror at what had become of her cards! All of them were blank! There were no images on any of them! "What happened to my cards?"

Sombra sneered, "Don't worry, they aren't gone. I just destroyed the only gateway they have to our world."

Burst couldn't stand for this! "Why would you do something that horrible?!", he shouted!

"Ahhh. Burst Stream. I'll admit your presence here was almost a reason for concern to me. I'd love to tell you why, but that would be spoiling my fun", Sombra said as dark magic briefly leaked from his eyes. Sombra flashed an evil grin and walked away.

As Sombra left, Burst was still glaring at him. 'Sombra! How dare you do that to one of my friends! I'll stop you no matter what!'

Inferno was enraged! 'That guys pure evil! No duelist should be severed from their deck!'

Am I the only one who feels this is rather…underwhelming? I mean, compared to the shit Marik did (torturing and killing with dark magic) or Pegasus stealing souls, this is no different from just taking away her deck.

With the duel over, Burst and his friends went over to comfort Rarity. They all headed back to their rooms, they all took of note at how dangerous the dark force they facing truly was.

Yeah, an evil so terrible, so powerful that it can be thwarted by playing Sakuretsu Armor.

Author's Note:

Next time on Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG! Burst and Inferno face off and make a promise to each other. That whichever one of them wins, that person will stop Sombra! No matter what!


Oh man, I wonder who will win and face Sombra? Could it be the “young duelist bonded with the legendary WHITE dragon” spoken of in the prophecy?

Burst couldn't sleep. 'It all boils down to the final two after this. I wonder who I'll face. Only one way to find out. I wake up tomorrow and duel my heart out!', Burst thought to himself as he fall asleep.

Wouldn’t this be a nice opportunity for a heartfelt conversation with the spirit of the Blue-Eyes? To show the readers the bond they share?

Heh, who am I kidding?

The monsters in this story are nothing more than cardboard cutouts. They praise their owners, make shitty jokes and provide occasional exposition, but remain silent the rest of the time. In short, they’re fancy badges to be worn by the main characters to show how special and awesome they are.


The next morning, the duels were posted on the tournament ladder. And the first match pitted Burst against Inferno!

"Inferno, promise me one thing.", Burst said in a serious tone.

"What's that?", Inferno asked.

"That no matter which one of us wins, that one will stop Sombra! No matter what!"

"I promise Burst! No matter what!", Inferno said.

Speaking about cardboard cutouts, these two cretins are the same turd with a different smell.

Burst Stream: 4000
Inferno: 4000


"I'm up first!", Burst said, "I'll reveal one Blue Eyes White Dragon in my hand to special summon Blue Eyes Alternative! Next I'll play Trade-In to discard my Blue Eyes and draw two new cards! Now I'll play Return of the Dragon Lords to revive Blue Eyes and contact fuse my two monsters to summon Blue Eyes Twin Burst Dragon and end my turn! Your move Inferno!"

"You started big, so I'm gonna start off big too! I play Black Stone of Legend and tribute him to special summon Red Eyes Black Dragon! And now I'll equip him with Black Metal Dragon to boost him by 600 points! Our dragons might destroy each other, but at least the playing field will be leveled!", Inferno said, "Attack Blue Eyes Twin Burst! Inferno Fire Blaze!"

Red Eyes released a gigantic fireball that clashed with the lightning breath of Twin Burst! But instead of both dragons being destroyed, Twin Burst was still standing!

Burst cracked a smile, "Sorry Inferno, but Twin Burst can't be destroyed by battle! Twin Burst, attack his life points directly! Twin Burst Streams!"

Burst Stream: 4000
Inferno: 1000


"Almost pulled off a one turn kill back there.", Inferno said with a smile, "But I'm not out yet! I play Red Eyes Fusion to send one of my Red Eyes Black Dragons and Summoned Skull from my deck to the graveyard to fusion summon Archfiend Black Skull Dragon! And if he attacks or is attacked, I can inflict damage equal to the original attack of Red Eyes normal monster in my graveyard as damage! Attack Twin Burst with Skull Lightning!"

Blue Eyes Twin Burst was still on the field, but Burst had taken a heavy hit from Archfiend's effect!

Burst Stream: 1400
Inferno: 1000


"Nice effect damage burn Inferno! But I'm afraid that I'm going to have to end this!", Burst said, "I'll play De-Fusion to bring my two Blue Eyes back to the field! Next, I'll overlay them to summon Galaxy Eyes Prime Photon Dragon! Now I'll overlay him to summon Galaxy Eyes Full Armor Photon Dragon! And I'll use his effect! By detaching one overlay unit, I can destroy one face-up monster on your side of the field! Photon Strike!"

Galaxy Eyes Full Armor summoned a powerful laser from orbit that vaporized Archfiend Black Skull Dragon!

Every duel here makes me feel like I’m watching the same video of two retarded kids slugging each other over and over again.

"I'm not through yet! I play SIlver's Cry to revive the Blue Eyes White Dragon I sent to the graveyard! Attack Inferno directly with White Lightning!", Burst said

Inferno simply smiled as the lightning struck him full on, eliminating the last of his life points. "Good duel Burst. Make sure to slug Sombra good for me!", he said.

"You got it Inferno. Blue Eyes and I aren't going to hold anything back!", Burst said as he and Inferno headed to the sidelines to watch the next and last duel for the day.

Yeah, let’s ignore the fact the prophecy explicitly said it was a guy with a legendary WHITE dragon whom would defeat the evil force and have Sunset take a shot at it. We need to fuel that “righteous fury” after all.

Author's Note:

Next time on Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG! Sunset faces Sombra on the road to the final two! But are there any of her monsters who can withstand Zorc's deadly dice roll effect? Find out next chapter!


I love how the author keeps trying to sell us Dark Master Zorc as some kind of fearsome, nearly unstoppable card, instead of some monster that got outclassed long, long ago. It’s like listening to a little kid trying to tell you how Ultimate Obedient Fiend is an amazing monster with its 3500 attack points while ignoring the fact it can only attack if it’s the only card on your side of the field and your hand is empty.

Incidentally, do you remember the duel between Yugi and Jonouchi/Joey back at Duelist Kingdom? It did not exist in the manga. There was no reason for it to. Defeating Pegasus was the main objective and Jonouchi/Joey knew Yugi had the best chances to do so. Moreover, dueling in front of Pegasus would only reveal more of their cards and strategies to him.

The reason I’m telling you this is because this duel didn’t have to be the colossal waste of time double handed jerk off session it was. By having the prophecy not mentioning the color of the legendary dragon and Burst--*barfs*--Stream lose the first duel against the Red-Eyes faggot, it would have allowed the possibility that there were two chosen ones. Of course, the fact the author goes by blueeyeswhitedragon0 doesn’t leave much room for a mystery, but at least its better than the BURST IS DA CHUSEN UN U GUISE crap we got here.

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Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! EQG

Post by GorillaGamer » Tue Jun 05, 2018 4:52 am

Dashguy wrote:
Mon Jun 04, 2018 1:19 pm
You have to be kidding me. Have we reached a point in which the author somehow forgot the player going first cannot attack? My God. If you’re reading this, Mykan, I want you to know yours isn’t the worst shit I’ve read anymore.
Not to mention that he made a serious miscalculation. Ignoring the legality of the move, the attack should've dealt 600 points worth of damage, leaving Inferno at 3400, not 3600.

Dashguy wrote:
Mon Jun 04, 2018 1:19 pm
Ookay…let’s try to make some sense of this gigantic mess. This buffon had the normal Red-Eyes and Red-Eyes Black Flare on the field, plus two face-down cards. The Red-Eyes got destroyed, leaving only the Black Flare. So far so good.

Now…he’s uses the second effect of the Black Stone to shuffle the destroyed the Red-Eyes back into the deck, adds the Black Stone back to his hand and summons it to trigger Torrential Tribute and destroy all monsters on the field.

But then…he tributes the Black Stone to bring Red-Eyes from his deck, which he shouldn’t have been able to do because, one, you can only use one of the effects of the Black Stone per turn and only once that turn, and two, BECAUSE IT WAS FUCKING DESTROYED BY TORRENTIAL TRIBUTE.

What’s more, he overlays the Red-Eyes he summoned from the deck with the Red-Eyes Black Flare on the field WHICH WAS FUCKING DESTROYED BY TORRENTIAL TRIBUTE.

What the hell happened here? It’s like a turn got accidentally deleted somewhere.
This confirms it; the author has no fucking idea how to play the damn game. It was bad enough that he wrote in a move that was flat out illegal, but he had his monsters survive Torrential Tribute, when the smarter thing to do would be to play Raigeki. How bad must the author be at dueling, if he can't even get the simplest of things right?!
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
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Gorillagram only gets sexual stimulation from playing Pokemon Reborn and its derivatives.
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