The Land Before Time Retold Mock

Anything goes...
Post Reply
User avatar
AwkwardFerret
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Apr 17, 2017 2:08 am

The Land Before Time Retold Mock

Post by AwkwardFerret » Tue May 08, 2018 10:20 pm

So, any of you guys remember The Land Before Time? That decent Don Bluth movie with the fugly dinosaurs that got a billion sequels over the next thirty years for no particularly good reason, plus a TV show nobody watched? Have you ever imagined what would happen if a random, boring human girl got transported back in time to meet the cast and go on adventures with them? What? You don’t? Well, then, Elise Lowing might like a word with you, since she’s written a whole series based on that exact premise! Thrill as events proceed in largely the same way despite her presence! Marvel at narration so beige and bland that the surgeon general recommends it as a treatment for insomnia! Gasp as...uh...



Yeah, I can’t sell this, but I also don’t think I can do it alone. Thus, I leave it to my friend, ConcernedGamer, in a lovely seasonal orange!



Yes, ‘tis I. This mock is a bit of a foreign element for me, not only for the fact that this is my first fully shared mock, but for once I’m mocking something that doesn’t have sex scenes in it. Wait, this doesn’t have sex in it, right? Please tell me it doesn’t.

I’m, uh, pretty sure that’s a hard “no”.

Well that’s a relief. Anyway, Land Before Time Retold is seemingly your run-of-the-mill Mary Sue self-insert fanfic, unashamedly riding the canon railroad with a meaningless ‘original’ character wedged in edgewise. I consider it rather harmless, but that’s precisely what I need. Something not slathered in lust and pure ego-stroking wish-fulfilment through the lemons I’m encountering in my current mocks. And with Awkward Ferret inviting me to join up in taking this thing on, how could I say no? Let’s not dawdle anymore. Here’s The Land Before Time Retold - Chapter 1, Two Worlds.


*Chapter 1*: Chapter 1: Two Worlds
The Land Before Time Retold
Two Worlds
We all know the beloved stories of the Land Before Time.

All of us who look up fanfics for a 30 years old movie to find this trash, sure, you got us there, presumptuous dolt.

Hey, if they’re still making sequels, might as well, right?

How five young dinosaurs forged a friendship and braved the wilderness back to the ones they love. After that, they had many other adventures, made new friends, and learned life lessons.

A tv-series, 14 games, and just as many movies, of which the latest came out in 2016. The franchise oddly enough won’t follow the example set by the dinosaurs and go extinct.

But what if someone from our world managed to travel to theirs? How would a human interact in this world?

Use the dinosaurs as household appliances and drive in foot-powered cars?

And how would this story unfold if this human were with the Gang since day one? As a fan of the series, I decided to see how the outcome of the story would be if that really did happen.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Land Before Time Series; I am merely exploring an alternate story.

With that said, let's begin!

IT BEGINS



The rumble of the car on the gravel road jostled a teenaged girl named Aylene a little as she read her dinosaur guidebook.

The page she was currently reading was on a sauropod dinosaur called an Apatosaurus. For the longest time she thought it was called a Brontosaurus. That was until she learned that Brontosaurus was actually a synonym for Apatosaurus, not its scientific term.

Something that’s kind of inaccurate today, but maybe this guidebook is also trying to patch up the several million year gaps between all the characters’ species the movie ignored. I mean, practically none of them line up and we are as close to Ducky in years as Littlefoot is.

Did you know Cleopatra was born closer to the opening of Pizza Hut than the construction of the Great Pyramids? That’s not relevant, but it’s a lot more interesting than some random girl reading kiddie books about dinosaurs.

"That's interesting," she thought.

It was then that she felt a rather harsh nudge on her shoulder. The fourteen-year-old turned in the direction of the one pushing her with annoyance. She looked at her brother, who had a rather smug expression on his face.

Still fresh off his high from imagining pulling pigtails, her brother was ready to let the readers know that he was not supposed to be likeable.

"What is it, Derek?" she said, irritated.

"Just wondering how your book was coming," he replied impishly.

"Fine, why?"

"Being the "Dino Nerd" you are, I was just curious," he answered, still grinning.

I’m sorry, was that supposed to be a discrediting nickname? I would have worn that as a badge of honor. What kid doesn’t like dinosaurs?!

I dunno, man, ever since they started getting feathers they’ve kinda fallen out of fashion.

Aylene looked even more annoyed and hit her older brother slightly on the shoulder, causing him to flinch a bit.

"Hey, no fighting back there you two!" their dad said sternly from the driver's seat.
"Derek started it!" Aylene protested.

"Just get along until we get to your grandparents' house, okay?" their mother frowned.

“Once there, you can shank each other in the throat for all I care, these seats are brand new.”

"It's not that long now."

Aylene glared at her brother for a moment before going back to reading her book. Only now the enjoyment of it was gone after that rather nasty comment from Derek.

Glad to see you’ve got conviction in your interests, kid.

Let’s just hope next time he’ll insult her for breathing.

She closed the book and stared out the window with a sour expression.

What made it even worse was that it wasn't just her brother who gave her grief; nearly everyone at her school called her the "Dino Nerd" due to the fact she could spout out information on various species of dinosaurs.

Clearly she should have considered keeping a low profile when attending Creationist High.

Sure, it may impress the teachers, but it did nothing for her when it came to impressing her peers.

Because, as we all know, dinosaurs are lame. Garden slugs is where it’s at.

Why couldn't she just be allowed to be herself without anyone making fun of her? So what if she had a fascination of dinosaurs? They were interesting creatures. What was so bad about liking them?

You could end up writing self-insert fanfics with them on the Internet, for instance.

Fortunately for Aylene, it was Summer Vacation.

An important enough event to get capitalized. Or maybe we’ve been in Germany all along?

All she was hoping for was to spend a nice week at her grandparents' house: practicing archery, learning how to play the ocarina, and just relax to her heart's content.

Why yes, author, I would rather be reading a Zelda crossover than this, how did you know?



Meanwhile, in a world that was very different from the world of humans, a rainstorm struck the land.

It’s...it’s the same world, isn’t it? I mean, yeah, there’s dinosaurs and more oxygen and shit, but fundamentally it’s still the same place.

The movie’s opening narration is pretty solid on it. This Earth, before everything else. Maybe this parallel dimension business is to dodge the feather issue. Or the author could just be clueless. Take your pick.

Out of the darkness, an egg-stealer crept silently in the reeds of a swamp near a herd of three long-necked dinosaurs that were currently resting.

In the nest near the tail of the youngest member were four eggs. Three of them were broken while only one remained intact.

This was a rather progressive commentary on abortions and planned parenthood for its time.

It slowly began to jiggle as the little creature inside of it struggled to break free.

The egg-stealer licked its chops with hungry anticipation. If the egg was about to hatch, that meant that he would have a fully developed hatching to feast on.

You’d think the development of the thing inside wouldn’t matter much, and would in fact have an inverse effect since random proteins are easier to process than sinew and bones and such, but you’d be wrong. I don’t know why you’re wrong, but you are.

Leaping from its place, the egg-stealer quickly grabbed the egg and attempted to escape.

WHUMP!

The young female long-neck knocked the creature senseless with her head. The egg flew out of the egg-stealer's hands and fell down a nearby skeleton of a bigmouth.

It continued to roll down the decayed spine of another dead dinosaur until it flew off into a river raging with violent rapids. It rode the waves until it flew over a short waterfall.

By which time it had already been thoroughly ruined.

He rolled through death and wild rivers before he was even born. You’d think an origin story like that would produce something, I dunno, not disappointingly cutesy.

As the rain gradually began to cease, the egg hit the ground and bounced for several feet before falling into a group of other small dinosaurs, causing them to scatter away in surprise.

Suddenly, the egg cracked open, and a small tail appeared out of it. Then a leg kicked out from one side of the shell, followed immediately by the other leg kicking through on the opposite side. Soon, the rest of the shell broke apart to reveal a baby long-neck.

No way. I would never have guessed that a long-neck would come out of a long-neck egg.

The infant rolled over onto its rump and took in a breath of the new air. He smiled innocently and squeaked as he took in his new surroundings.

"Here I am," a loving voice said from above him.

“It’s me, Jesus!”

The hatchling looked up and saw three much larger long-necks. The one in the middle lowered its head and smiled at him.

Hello, character whose purpose was to die in this movie. Don Bluth seems to follow Disney’s example where parents are concerned, huh?

Suddenly becoming frightened, the baby long-neck fell backwards and tried to scramble away. He didn't get far before feeling a lick on his back. He curled up into a ball, hiding his face under his forepaws. When he felt another lick though, it wasn't threatening at all.

It had a feeling of love.

Oh, I’m a real big fan of where this is going…

The hatchling lifted his face and smiled. He instinctively realized that this massive creature was his mother. More and more tender licks came as he turned and looked up at the female long-neck. He returned them all by giving her a small lick on the nose.

As he reached up to hug this long-neck's face, various other types of creatures came out of their hiding places to see the new life that had just hatched.

Muppets, Gungans, whatever ALF was…

Might as well put a few Ewoks in there, since the author already thinks this is a place far, far away.

The baby long-neck turned his head and saw the strange creatures. He began to feel overwhelmed by the number of how many of them there were, and just how different they were.

The creatures all looked so peculiar. Some had strange flabs of skin coming from their arms and very long pointed mouths. When they walked, they seem to waddle on two legs.

Others crawled along the ground on all fours and had two very big eyes.

Frightened by the new faces, the little dinosaur retreated to behind his mother's leg.

"Oh, don't be frightened," the female long-neck gently said. "Come out."

“Of the closet. You’ve barely been alive for five minutes and it’s already the most obvious thing in the world. You homo.”

The long-neck hatchling peeked out from behind his mother's leg as the creatures began to crowd around. Some of them smiled at the little infant, as if feeling a sense of happiness as the new life nuzzled its mother's foot.

Doesn’t this Bambi moment kind of conflict with how Littlefoot is told everyone keeps to their own herd, and the never-before seen feat of the different kids coming together later?

The infant long-neck opened his mouth wide and yawned. As he looked at the creatures surrounding him, he jolted in surprise.

He retreated away from the group and stumbled over his own feet. Moving around on all fours still wasn't easy for the hatchling just yet.

He soon found that walking around on just his hindlegs was trivial, though. Weird, right?

The female long-neck giggled and gently grabbed her baby but the scruff, lifting him up into the air onto her back. He delightfully stomped around on his mother's back before sliding down into the base of her neck.

"Now, you be careful, my Littlefoot," she gently smiled.

And that’s the story of how he got the most embarrassing name since ‘Gaylord’.

Good one, ma’am, I’m sure your son is going to be a hit with all the dinosaur ladies with that name. Everyone knows what they say about dinosaurs with little feet.

Littlefoot yawned again as the two elder long-necks gazed down at their new grandson. The little hatchling looked up at his grandfather and squeaked in delight. The elder nuzzled his daughter lovingly as her child nestled into the folds of her skin.

I think we’ve just been treated to the first ever ‘Yo mama so fat’ joke in existence.

"Beautiful Littlefoot," she whispered as the hatchling long-neck drifted off to sleep in the safety of his loving family.



Back in the world of humans, about a hundred million years and half an hour later,

Aren’t atomic clocks these days amazing, folks?

Aylene and her family reached her grandparents' house. The two elders were waiting outside in the front yard. Their grandfather welcome his grandchildren with firm but loving hugs, while their grandmother kissed them on the forehead.

"Well, Aylene, you look prettier every time I see you," the said girl's grandmother smiled.

But Grandma, you’ve been blind for fifteen years.

"Thanks, Grandma." Aylene said, blushing slightly as she ran her fingers through her short brown hair.

"And look at you, Derek," the said boy's grandfather grinned. "I see you put some more muscle on you."

"Ah, just been working out at the gym is all." Derek answered with shrug.

“Now, Derek, be honest.”

“I’m a teenage boy off from school, so I spend all day jerking off.”

Introducing Bulk Slamchest in the role of Derek Lastname!

"Great to see you, Mom and Dad." Aylene's mother said as she hugged the elder man.

"Glad you could come and visit, Elinor." Aylene's grandfather said, hugging his daughter.

"And how have you been, Jonathan?" Aylene's grandmother asked the girl's father.

"I've been well, Elaine." Jonathan replied, smiling at his in-law.

THRILLING FAMILY INTRODUCTION ACTION

"Well, I expect your all tired from your journey," Elaine said kindly, "but first, Richard and I would like to present you with your gifts."

"Oh Mom, you didn't have to get us anything." Elinor replied, shaking her head slightly at the older woman.

"That's what I said." Richard laughed. "But your mother insisted on it. She wanted to keep the tradition."

“I only managed to talk her down to two goat sacrifices this time.”

Elaine gave her husband a small playful glare before gesturing toward the front door of the house. "Please, this way."

“Into the room that says ‘Sexual Torture Dungeon’?”

“No, the one that says ‘Crematorium’.”


Elaine guided the family into house and into the living room. Once everyone had been seated, the elder woman passed out four individual gifts.

Aylene was given a small golden colored box with a green ribbon tied around it. She carefully undid the ribbon and opened the box. Inside was a dark green stone on a metal neck chain that looked rather worn, but was still intact.

Grandma finally entrusts the family heirloom to Aylene, so that she may one day kill Superman.

Well, at least now we know why Grandma went blind!

Aylene gave a huge smile. She picked up the necklace and held it in her hand for a while. It was such a simple thing, but she loved it.

"Thanks, Grandma and Grandpa!" she said, slipping the necklace around her neck.

"Glad you like it, Aylene." Richard answered, nodding.

Aylene looked up and saw what the rest of her family had received.

Their boxes had been made from recycled cardboard and tinfoil, just to hammer in who the Mary Sue in this story was.

Her mother was given a set of small golden rings. Her father had received a watch and chain. Derek got a new hunting knife.

He immediately slayed everybody except Aylene to measure his abilities and leave a witness to his carnage.

"Thank you for the gifts." Elinor gratefully nodded.

"You're welcome, my dear." Elaine answered, smiling.



After the gift exchange, Aylene and her family took their suitcases up to their rooms.

Aylene smiled as she opened the door to her room. It was a bluish beige color

So, Smurf vomit?

I’m trying to imagine that color but my brain refuses to conceptualize something so ugly.

with a twin bed against the wall on the opposite side. In one corner was a dresser with a mirror on it and there were two sliding doors on the far side of the room that led into the closet.

The girl took a moment to look around the room before lugging the heavy suitcase inside it.

When Aylene finally got the suitcase shoved into a corner of the room, she flopped down on the bed, letting out a huge sigh and staring up at the ceiling.

Well, that’s your fault for packing all that neutronium.

After a long road trip, and with her brother teasing her most of the time, it was nice to finally have some space to herself. She absentmindedly touched the stone around her neck and stroked it with her thumb.

It had a very smooth texture, yet it wasn't completely flat. It had a few ridges that were pretty subtle, but she could defiantly see small shapes when she tilted it in the light.

She didn’t want to see the shapes, but she did.

She’s all alone stroking an object with a smooth texture and subtle ridges. Come on, you’re all thinking it, too. A güiro.

Its primary color was dark olive green, but it also had small black specks coating it.

"I'm glad you like your present."

Aylene looked over when she heard the voice and saw her grandmother standing in the doorway.
"Yeah," Aylene said. "Thanks again, Grandma."

"You know, that necklace was mine when I was your age." Elaine said.

"Really?" Aylene asked.

“No shit, who else did you think it belonged to, the Pope?”

"Yes," her grandmother nodded, "it was…my treasure for a long time but I felt…let's just say that it may benefit you in some way."

I think Grandma gave Aylene her JO crystal.

Aylene sat up and stared at her grandmother with subtle curiosity.

"Dinner will be served soon." Elaine said, immediately turning away. "I'm making tilapia with fried rice."

Before Aylene could ask anything, Elaine left to go back downstairs. Aylene was left pondering over the question of what her grandmother could've meant by the stone "benefiting" her in some way.

I mean, who won’t benefit from travelling to a dimension without modern benefits, safety and no humans to interact with? As far as world-jumping goes, at least in a post-apocalypse I can hope to still use a toilet bowl.

Speaking ambiguously wasn't uncommon for Elaine to do, but this particular phrase stood out in Aylene's mind for some reason.

And that reason is called the death of subtlety.

Well, that should just about cover the first, astonishingly boring chapter! What will become of our heroine next time when she discovers the power of her gift? Will things finally actually happen? Will ConcernedGamer and I be able to stay awake long enough to see it? Come aboard and find out!
[Under Construction]

User avatar
ConcernedGamer
Posts: 66
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:03 am
Location: Denmark
Contact:

Re: The Land Before Time Retold Mock

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Jun 30, 2018 10:51 am

Well, you guys didn’t think we’d just leave it at one chapter, did you? While not intended at such, delays were put on this joint effort, but now we’re back on it, ready to take on this Don Bluth plagiarising snooze fest. I know it’s early, but I am not impressed by this fanfic by what I’ve seen of it so far. Supposedly the author kept going on with injecting this self-insert Mary Sue, Aylene, into the sequels, so cheering on a Sharptooth in the hopes that we’ll be rid of the already atrociously bland main character would be a wasted hope. What about you, AwkwardFerret, what are your thoughts on this thing so far?

Well, I really must say, I’m not terribly impressed. The first chapter is mostly just clumsy exposition, transparently obvious setups for various plot devices, and a handful of scenes copied straight from the movie so directly you could probably use it as the actual script. As they say in writing, the first chapter is the most important, and our author has dropped the ball off the Burj Khalifa building. Will Chapter 2 get things back on track? I doubt it, frankly, but you never know. Let’s get started!

*Chapter 2*: Chapter 2: One Wish
One Wish

TWANG!

ZIP!

THUNK!

"Bull's Eye!" Aylene shouted in delight.

“The power of my Stand, 「Bull’s Eye」, allows me to hit any target!”

Her arrow hit her target perfectly.

Who would have thought her brother Derek to have had so much blood in him.

Her grandfather clapped his hands at her display of precision.

"Well done, Aylene. You sure have come a long way in your skills."

”Your training is almost complete, Aylene, but you are not ready yet”

"Well, I did learn from the best." Aylene answered, grinning.

"That you did." Richard replied, rather smugly.

Aylene giggled and shook her head as she readied another arrow.

It had been five days since she and her family arrived at her grandparents' house and already
they had done a lot.

Made cookies, knitted quilts, invaded Poland…

Aylene's grandmother showed her how to play another song on her ocarina, Derek had gone fishing with their grandfather one morning, and the family took a day to go horseback riding at a nearby ranch.

Yeah, unless you also buried grandma, I don’t see how you’ve done more than a day’s worth of activities, Rambo.

Today, they were planning to go swimming at a lake. Aylene was already dressed in her favorite swimsuit: a lime green two-piece, with black gym shorts and dark blue hiking sandals.

Are you sure other kids aren’t just making fun of you because you swim in hiking sandals?

Since there was still some time before they planned to leave, Aylene decided to get in a little more archery practice to help pass the time.

Narrowing her eyes, she drew all the way back to her cheek, focused hard on the target…

Just seconds later, Grandma perished when the arrow pierced her heart.

"Aylene!" Elinor suddenly called from the house. "We'll be going to the lake soon! You better get ready!"

Dammit, woman, she’s dressed for the trip already, do you expect her to put on makeup, too?

"Okay, Mom!"

Aylene put the arrow back in her quiver, and she and her grandfather made their way back to the house.

"You can practice more tomorrow." Richard said as they reached the sliding doors that lead into the kitchen. "You deserve a break anyway."

"Thanks, Grandpa." Aylene smiled.

“I was talking to myself, you annoying brat.”

As soon as she was inside, Aylene grabbed two large bottles of water from the fridge and headed to the stairs towards her bedroom. Once she was there, she put the bottles in her gym bag along with some granola bars, her goggles, nose plugs, and a towel.

Let’s play a game of ‘guess which of these items won’t be relevant for the rest of this fanfic’.

As she slung the straps of the bag into the crook of her left arm, she looked over on her nightstand and saw the necklace her grandmother had given her, as well as two hair elastic bands. There was also a picture she had put there when she first unpacked the other day.

She put the elastic bands on her right wrists and the stone around her neck.

“Gotta make sure I drown by putting a stone weight around my neck!”

"I'll take it off when I go swimming of course." she said to herself, stroking the charm between her fingers.

Good thing, otherwise she’ll discover grandma merely gave her an old bath bomb.

However, as she looked at the picture, her smile turned into a frown.

It was a picture of her with her best friend when they were young children. All at once, memories of her childhood came back to her.

"Rebecca," she whispered sadly.

No, wait, here’s a better game. Guess whose name won’t ever be mentioned outside of this chapter.

Rebecca and Aylene met in kindergarten one day during lunch. After a while of getting to know each other, they had become like sisters. They understood each other and were okay with the other's quirks.

I hope Rebecca was okay with Aylene’s dramatic expositional staring and name-murmuring quirk over photos she specifically brings along with her to look at every day.

Quirks, huh? There’s an MHA joke in here somewhere…

However, last year, Rebecca's family moved out of town due to her father's job.

Now, Aylene just found herself alone at school most of the time. The only times she was in a group was for school projects. At lunch, she would just sit at any table and listen to other girls talk about things like nail polish, hairstyles, boys, and other things Aylene just found to be trivial and uninteresting.

So, boys are trivial and uninteresting? I’ll skip the feminazi joke and go straight on to wishful dinosaur-fucker, if you don’t mind.

So many invigorating conversations about Carl Gustav XIV, lost out on…

Once in a while, they would talk about something that got her a little interested, but those times were very rare.

Aylene figured that she either happened to sit with the wrong group of people, or that she just didn't fit in anymore.

"Not that I've ever fit in to begin with," she mumbled sadly to herself.

Oh woe is you, you have the outcast loner syndrome, pandering to any reader feeling a bit sore in the ol’ social attachments. Next you’ll probably tell me you were born in a different time period than you feel you should have.

It had been five years since Littlefoot had hatched, and his family still wandered around in the wilderness.

Talk about time dilation. I’m sure this will in no way be a cop out for Aylene to experience no repercussions at her future absence from her family, no siree.

No matter where they went, no matter where they looked, the long-necks found nothing but dead trees whose leafs had all nearly withered away.

The little food source in the area that the long-neck herd could eat were sticks.

"Mother," Littlefoot grimaced as he tried to bite through the thick branches, "is this all there is to eat?"

“This sucks! I wanna go to McDinos!!”

"Oh, I'm sorry, my dear." Littlefoot's mother sighed. "The land has been changing. That is why we must walk as far as we can each day until we reach the Great Valley."

“It’s a good thing we have enough food to sustain such a long and arduous journey-wait…”

The long-neck adolescent winced as he continued to crunch through the sticks. Still, at least a little food was better than nothing.

"Littlefoot! Quickly, come here!"

Littlefoot looked up to where he heard his mother call for him. He ran over to where she had stopped and noticed that she was looking high up into the branches of a tree.

"Look, up there," she directed her son.

And here comes Mr. Meteor!

Littlefoot raised his head and eyes up in the direction she was motioning to and winced as the light from the Bright Circle blinded him for a moment. When his vision cleared, he could see what the grown-up long-neck was staring at.

As if cradled in branches and highlighted by the Bright Circle's rays was a green, very thin and moist leaf. With it's five points, it looked like a star.

Merry Christmas, Littlefoot.

"A treestar," the female long-neck said to her son. "It is very special."

Especially since none of you dino-term spouting lizards know what a star is.

Littlefoot's mother then plucked the treestar from the tree. As she lowered it down towards her son, all the dew the leaf had collected gathered together in the center, forming a small pool.

Littlefoot laughed in delight as his mother dropped the leaf down in front of him.

"A treestar," he whispered, fascinated by the green vegetation.

I guess this is what passes for entertainment in the Trijuracretaceous period.

It was the first time he had seen such a vibrant color. He flipped over on his back and kicked up in the air with his feet. It gently lighted back down onto him, covering his face.

Awful manners to be playing with your food.

It had a delicious scent. He couldn't help but lick it. Even though it was just a quick taste, that taste was just as delicious as its smell.

Eh, I’ve read worse sex scenes.

Upon seeing this, the two elder long-necks chuckled at the sight of their grandson.

"It'll help you grow strong." Littlefoot's mother explained. "Where we are going, there are so many of these leafs."

“Where we’re going we don’t need leaves.”

Having no more business in the area, the small family-group began to walk on again. Littlefoot carried his mother's gift in his mouth as they continued on their journey.

I think Happyfeet here is a bit of a slow dino. Eat the leaf like your mother told you to, so you survive your journey!

"The Great Valley is full of green food like this." Littlefoot's mother continued. "More than you could ever eat. And more fresh, cool water than you could ever drink. It is a wonderful, beautiful place where we can live happily with many more of our own kind."

Littlefoot was memorized by the tale.

He would then fade from existence alongside the tale, when it would be forgotten.

"Gee, when will we get there?" he asked eagerly.

"The Bright Circle must pass over us many times," the female long-neck explained, "and we must follow it each day to where it touches the ground."

The fact that they started walking at sunrise, however, meant they would end up back where they started.

“If we walk in a straight line long enough we’re bound to find something.”

"Have you ever seen the Great Valley?"

His mother stopped for a moment. She then slowly turned her head to look at her son and answered truthfully,

“Yes, Littlefoot, I saw the Great Valley, and because it was so wonderful, I decided to leave it for the once mediocre and now barren wasteland you see around us.”

"No."

"Then how do you know it's really there?" Littlefoot cocked his head in curiousity.

The older long-neck simply smiled and replied:

"Some things you see with your eyes, others you see with your heart."

And some things you eat with your mouth, and some you eat with your eyes, but which is more likely to let your food-wasting son survive, huh?

“And still others you feel with your liver, and a few things with your duodenum…”

Littlefoot sighed heavily, lowering his head.

"I'm not sure I understand, mother," he softly said.

Littlefoot's mother smiled and lovingly nuzzled him.

"You will, my son," she whispered, "you will."

“Or, so help me Raptor Jesus, you’ll be the first left behind at the next Sharp Tooth attack.”

Littlefoot's mother turned away and began to walk on.

It was then that Littlefoot heard the sound of laughter echo from nearby. Curiously, he walked over among a bushel of grass and stuck his head out.

"Littlefoot," his mother called when she noticed him walk away, "don't you wander too far."

But Littlefoot was hardly paying attention to what his mother was saying. For at the moment, his attention was focused on a light orange colored female three-horn adolescent playing with someone that Littlefoot assumed was her father.

When in fact, it was her uncle’s half-cousin’s stepson.

The three-horn adolescent laughed in delight as she ran forward and rammed her head against her father's large snout. However, her attention soon shifted when she heard a loud buzzing noise.

That’s just the author’s old VHS tape of the movie in need of replacement.

The three-horn turned around and had spotted a large blue bug nearby. Purely following her instinct, she charged at it.

It flew off and landed on a small rock.

THRILLING BUG LANDING ACTION

The three-horn rammed into the rock, causing it to break. The bug fluttered onto another rock and the three-horn charged at it again. The bug flew off and landed on another rock. The three-horn chased after it again, only to crash against and destroy the other stone.

This repeated a dozen more times, Littlefoot watching in fascination as the brain damage became permanent.

Still, this three-horn was not going to let this bug get away.

She charged at the rock and rammed right into it yet again. However, this rock was a lot tougher than the others, and she just crashed right into it, doing very little damage.

Critical miss!

She winced at the small headache rattling her brain, but quickly shook it away.

"Hey!" Littlefoot called out to her.

The three-horn didn't seem to notice him. She was too preoccupied with getting ready ambush the bug.

Surely, this will provide sustenance to an enormous three-horned beast!

Seeing her advancing, the bug sprayed a purple substance in her face out of self-defense and then flew away, leaving the three-horn surprised and dazed.

Eh, I’ve read worse sex scenes.

Littlefoot couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing at the scene before him.

The three-horn's look of stunned surprise quickly turned to anger when she heard the sound of laughter. She turned sharply in the direction it was coming from and saw a long-neck adolescent.

"What are you laughing at?!" she snapped indignantly.

I’m with her, nothing in this chapter has been that funny. Save yours truly, of course!

Littlefoot, realizing he had been caught, became nervous when he saw the three-horn's angry face. However, when he saw her getting ready to charge, her expression changed to a rather playful look.

Okay, since I’m feeling like saying it a third time, the Internet must trule have corrupted me.

Littlefoot responded by leaping out of the bushes and getting ready to charge himself.

The three-horn gave a small, squeaky roar and ran at him. Littlefoot responded with the same action.

But before they met, the adult three-horn the adolescent was playing with earlier suddenly leapt into action and charged towards them. In less than three seconds, he stopped right between Littlefoot and the adolescent three-horn.

Upon sliding into him, Littlefoot’s entire skeleton shattered to pieces.

This made the two young dinosaurs skid to a halt.

Intimidated by his presence, Littlefoot slowly backed away when he saw the elder three-horn glaring at him and giving low growl. That was definitely a warning for him to back off.

"Littlefoot!" the long-neck's mother called out from somewhere nearby.

"Come Cera," the male three-horn said sternly to his daughter. "Three-horns never play with long-necks."

“Gawk at the occasional long-neck hatchings, perhaps, but never play!”

Cera responded by sticking out her tongue and spitting at Littlefoot.

I’ll just try and come to terms with the fact, that I’m reading the beginning of a fanfic saga written by someone who doesn’t know what ‘blowing a raspberry’ is.

Her father growled again, a little more viciously, and Littlefoot quickly backed away. That sternness was no joke.

Cera, suddenly feeling rashly bold, ran out from behind her father's leg and up to Littlefoot. She was almost directly in his face.

"Three-horn's never play with long-necks!" she repeated snobbishly.

Yeah, thanks, we got that earlier

Her father then grabbed her by the tail and pulled her away as Littlefoot's mother arrived and did the same with her son. The two protective adults regarded each other for a short moment, as if silently warning the other not to do anything rash.

Are you sure they aren’t just mentally lamenting the broken hearts and failed promises, when Miss Long-neck stood up Mr. Three-horn at the great Paleo Ball during their mesozoic years?

Neither did, however, and the tense moment was broken as they both turned away from each other.

"Long-neck?" Littlefoot narrowed his eyes.

This was the first time Littlefoot had ever been called that. Naturally, he was puzzled about it.

"Mother, what's a "long-neck"?" he asked.

Look, I know you are five years old, kid, but you should really consider not being homeschooled if you don’t know the word for your own kind yet.

"Why, that's what we are, dear." his mother answered as her son climbed onto her head.

"Oh." Littlefoot answered rather dryly. He slipped the treestar his mother had retrieved for him back over onto his back. "But why can't I play with that three-horn? We were having fun."

"Well, we all keep to our own kind," the female long-neck explained casually. "The three-horns, the spike-tails, the swimmers, the flyers; we never do anything together."

Well, maybe if you stopped giving each other silly names derived from physical features to perpetuate segregation, you’d start liking each other.

”And don’t get me started on the weird shit that lives in the ocean... “

"Why?"

"Well, because we're different, it's always been that way."

"Well, why?"

Kid, leave the philosophy to Max, will ya?

The adolescent long-neck wanted to know reason why different herds didn't do anything together. For some reason, this separation between different dinosaurs didn't sound right to him.

"Oh, don't worry so much." his mother smiled reassuringly. "When we reach the Great Valley, there will be many, many long-necks for you to play with."

“Enough long-necks to carry out the purge of the inferior short-necked ones, in fact.”

Littlefoot sighed again. He wished that they were there now, but there was one other thing he wished for more than anything.

"Littlefoot?" His mother asked when she noticed his sudden mood change.

"Well," Littlefoot said, "It's just…"

From the world of humans, Aylene sighed in downhearted discouragement and said:

"Man…"

It was at that time, in two separate worlds, two different creatures made the same wish. A wish that was genuine and true.

“I wish my waifu was real!’

"I wish I had a friend."

And I wish you could convince me no one else, other than this dinosaur in a different dimension from Aylene’s, was having that thought, ever

At that moment, the stone around Aylene's neck began to glow brightly.

She looked down at it when she noticed the brilliance. But before she could even shriek, there was a sudden blinding flash of light.

Aylene’s charred skeletal remains were found later that day.

"Don't worry, Littlefoot," his mother said, "you'll make many new friends when we get to the Great Valley."

"Still," Littlefoot shrugged, "I just…"

Wait, can Littlefoot shrug? I’m thinking the author went a bit overboard in writing the original material.

Suddenly, an unexpected golden light flashed before the herd of long-necks. It was so bright that it lit up the entire area and caused the herd to turn their heads away to shield their eyes. As it slowly began to fade, Littlefoot peeked over and could just barely see there was a shape inside it. When the light fully disappeared, the herd stared in surprise and wonder.

Wait, they’ve got a whole herd with them? I thought it was just the two of them, the hell did they come from?

Face-down on the ground, was the strangest creature they had ever seen.

I feel like we’re fifty years too late for a better fanfic, where Grandma used the stone to go into a dimension with a bit more intrigue and excitement than ‘Oregon Trails: Dinosaur Edition’.

Well, unsurprisingly, Chapter 2 wasn’t very good either. Maybe Chapter 3 will save us? Will Aylene finally enter the world of dinosaurs? Will she suffocate due to the excessive oxygen the period is known for? Will Littlefoot’s grandma step on her and crush her? Come aboard and find out!

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest