Galaxy Angel Variance

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Dashguy
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Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:33 pm
Location: Argentina

Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Fri Jul 06, 2018 5:08 pm

I have a confession to make. Back in my younger days I had something of a “weeaboo phase” and the source was a visual novel called “Galaxy Angel”. A space opera & dating simulator where you take the role of the commander of a team of five beautiful female elite pilots known as the “Angel Troupe” and lead them to fight against threats while having the possibility of romancing one of them. Battles are conducted in a point-and-click system where you order the ships to attack certain targets, retreat or unleash their special attacks. Oh, and there’s zero sexual content in these games, by the way.

It was successful enough to get two sequels, a manga adaptation and an anime series. The manga follows the route of one of the girls and, while mostly faithful to the game, takes several interesting liberties. The anime, on the other hand, is a wacky comedy that ditches every other character save for the girls and greatly exaggerates their personalities. The Angel Team now works as retrievers of “Lost Technology”, gadgets that do all sorts of crazy shit, such as an electric oven that turns everything it absorbs into rice, and if you eat it your body fuses with whatever the oven absorbed.

My “weeaboo phase” started with the anime, peaked with the discovery of the visual novels and involved all the usual stuff. My computer filled with pictures, desperately trying to find scans of the manga in english, downloading the OST, downloading and burning the games into CDs to play them even when I didn’t understand a damn word of Japanese, looking for fanfiction, etc. I even considered taking Japanese lessons to play them. Fortunately, english patches were made by a translator team for the whole trilogy. Unfortunately, my computer refused to run the second and third games, leaving me only with the fully completed first.

I've outgrowth that "phase" long ago, but I’m still very fond of the series, which is why I decided to take a peek at the FF.net page to remember the old times. Imagine my surprise when I found “Galaxy Angel Variance”, written by “Guardian Hawk”. A rewrite of the first game with the author’s shit of a self-insert jammed in the middle with all the subtlety of a rhinoceros inside a pottery store.

I was…peeved, to say the least.

Now, I don't expect my dear readers to be intimately knowledgeable of a sixteen years-old visual novel that was big in Japan, but not so much everywhere else. So I'll be providing the necessary exposition while mocking this abomination, starting with the intro of the game.


A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

No, wait—scratch that.

Much time has passed since the human race began its journey into the great ocean of stars…
Civilization bloomed in every corner of the galaxy and all enjoyed great prosperity.

However, before long, ruin befell all of humanity.
It was the Chrono Quake, and unprecedented disaster that tore through space and time.
The galactic network failed and interstellar travel collapsed, leaving every system isolated.
In the chaos, advanced technologies were lost and civilization began to fall.


One day, a huge planetoid appeared over the Transbaal Empire, the White Moon.
Inside the White Moon slept the secrets of interstellar travel and many other Lost Technologies.
Using them, humanity regained its footing and took to space once more.
Transbaal used the Lost Technology to expand and foster peace and prosperity for hundreds of years, ushering in a new era of harmony.


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She’s like the younger, prettier sister of the Death Star you want to woo but cannot because her older sister keeps giving you the stink eye. Or a planet busting laser shot. You get the idea.

However…
In Transbaal’s 412th calendar year, its peace was brought to a sudden end.
Out of nowhere, a mysterious armed fleet appeared and revolted against the empire.
With their powerful armada, the rebels surged effortlessly through the Transbaal forces until they surrounded the seat of the empire.


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You are not going to find any princesses or funny-looking droids among these rebels, champ.

And now for the--uh--let's say "story".

----

One hell of a day…that's the best way I can summarize the events of late. An empire in turmoil, the royal family ravaged, the galaxy at war, and here I am escorting the sole survivor of the Transbaal royal family on board what is, for lack of better words, the Flagship of the Transbaal Imperial Navy. I suppose that doesn't make much sense at first glance, but let me take you back to before this whole mess began.

How about no?

The first game begins with a cutscene of the mysterious armed fleet bombarding the capital of planet Transbaal and the Angel Troupe escaping with the last survivor of the Royal Family. It follows with a the small summary I just gave you and immediately cuts to your character meeting the Angel Troupe. Other information is later given in briefings and conversations. Because you see, there’s this little thing called “proper pacing” which ensures, among other things, that your readers are not bored to death.

And while we’re at it, that first paragraph already tells me practically everything I need to know about the character. The information he gives makes it obvious he's going to be in the middle of everything and the “jaded badass” tone of narration he uses makes it clear he’s going to stick out like a dog turd on top of a candy bowl.


My name is Howard. Though, if you ask any of the locals, they'll refer to me as the Demon of the West.

With a snicker and an eye roll I imagine.

I'll get to that in a moment. I first came to this galaxy centuries ago. Roughly 372 years to be exact. The planet had apparently been the victim of a natural catastrophe a couple of centuries prior that left its infrastructure all but in pieces. I was a human back when I first arrived. How I got here, your guess is as good as mine. My memory before that moment is almost complete blank with a few tidbits remaining, but every single moment leading up to now is clear as day. I was 28 years old when I was brought here. Technologically, the planet was centuries ahead of anything I had ever known or seen.

So, this guy arrived at some planet, which judging from the narration had just suffered the effects of the Chrono Quake, for no adequately explained reason and with no memory of his previous life. Right. My money is on Twilight Sparkle botchering a spell.

As the planet rebuilt and time began to pass, I made a name for myself in the capital city as a master in hand to hand and melee combat after getting into several fights (none of which I started, for the record).

Of course you didn’t, champ. And I’m sure they were all to protect a pregnant woman driving a bus filled with elderly nuns, orphans and kittens.

So, I opened a school in the capital city and began to teach others what I knew.

“And what did you say your qualifications were?”

“I beat the crap out of people in street fights. None of which I started, mind you.”


However, when I hit my mid 40's, I began to feel the effects of my age. I began to wonder if it was possible to slow my aging, or maybe even stop it altogether. You would think after all the movies and books I'd read over the years, I'd know better than to look into that. Nevertheless, I grew curious at the prospect. That was when I stepped into the realm of Genetic Engineering. There were fundamental theories and laws that had established the field, but it had fallen to the wayside in favor of rebuilding the planet's economy. So, I studied, learned and began to dabble into the long abandoned field, to see if I could make any use of it.

Because that’s how genetic engineering works, right? Just watch a couple of YouTube videos, buy a box of test tubes and you can go straight to working on achieving eternal youth.

The 4th month of TCY 64 on the 18th day. I will never forget that day because everything changed for me.

It had been 24 years since I arrived and I was 52 when I finally had a breakthrough. I had managed to create a chromosome that would enhance my metabolism and reverse the effects of aging. At least, that's what I witnessed in several of the animals I had used to test this solution on. All that was left was to test it on human DNA. I was hesitant to directly introduce it into my system without know what effects it would have on humans. So, I took about 12 oz of blood from myself and mixed the solution into my blood in a beaker. Recording the interaction on a computer I had purchased several years prior, the results looked almost identical to the results from my previous experiments. So, feeling confident, I decided to close my school for the week to conduct my test.

Nice to see his martial arts school leaves him with enough time and money to conduct his experiments.

What I didn't know was that decision had a much bigger impact than I thought.

Upon injecting the solution into myself, I immediately felt my arm just light on fire. The burning sensation spread throughout my body as I writhed and yelled in pain. I tried my best to contain my screams and bear with it, telling myself over and over again that it would be worth it in the end. But after about 15 seconds, that plan went to hell and I succumbed to the pain.

Maybe you should have tried going to college instead of binge watching Beakman’s World.

When I awoke, I felt…..well, amazing. I felt extremely light, though a bit dizzy to begin with. Once I got to my feet and waited for the blood to level itself out in my body, I walked to the bathroom to take a look in the mirror at my results. Upon gazing into the mirror, I was shocked at what I saw. I had regenerated my body to back when I was in my 20's. That, however, was not the only result. Apparently, there were several other changes that I had failed to take into account when conducting my experiments.

My hair color was a solid white color, the gray that had been present with the brown of my natural hair color was gone. My eye color, which had been brown, was now a golden color, similar to the precious metal itself. I also had two purple jagged stripes on my face. I tried to rub them off, thinking I had smeared something on my face, but it was of no use. It was almost as if they had been tattooed onto my face. My teeth were also straightened and my canines had become sharper. My nails had also grew an inch and formed themselves into sharpened claws as well. Gazing at my new look, I immediately recognized who I looked like. I bore a strong resemblance of an anime character I loved as a kid from before I arrived. It was one of the only memories that I retained upon my arrival here.

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It would have been tolerable if he had managed to achieve immortality or eternal youth, but the author had to go one step ahead and turn him into a freaking anime character.

And notice how this “anime series” is one of the few things he remembers of his past life and the very first one we find out about. Because who cares if he used to be a medical college student or a martial arts master, what we need to know what kind of cartoons he liked.


Oh, and have you guessed in which character he transformed into? No? That’s okay, here you have it.

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This fella here is the father of Inu Yasha, the titular character from manga created by Rumiko Takahashi. I haven’t watched the movies in which he appears, but what from the Wiki says, he’s totes strong, honorable and all that shit.

After the shock had settled in and I recovered from the ordeal, I reopened my school. Part of me was worried that I would be accused of being an imposter since I had only a handful of students that were still with me from when I first opened my school. But, another part was optimistic that they would recognize me and accept the new change. When my students began arriving, I was in the middle of warming up for the first class. At first, the newer students mistook me as a new student and wondered where I was at. I tried explaining that it was me, but it wasn't going very well. Once my senior students arrived, they almost immediately recognized me and asked how I managed to look almost 30 years younger.

“And why are you cosplaying as a drag queen?”

I told them about some of the things I had been dabbling in during my off time, which fascinated them to no end. When I went to bring out some of my records to show them firsthand, I was in shock at what I found.

In my excitement at my success, I failed to notice that the back rooms where I kept most of my records and notes had been completely trashed. There were a few scattered notes left here and there, but the majority of my work had been destroyed. I don't quite remember if it was my flailing around in pain that did it, or if something happened while I was unconscious. However, the damage was done. I showed my students what I had left and explained what happened. They were very respectful and understanding of it all and they asked if I was alright. I assured them I was, though at the same time, a bit disappointed at the fact that everything I had worked for was pretty much gone. I couldn't remember exactly how I came up with the chromosome solution that changed me, so I was literally the embodiment of what was left of my work.

Of course. There can be only one speshul snowflake after all.

As the years went on, I watched my students come and go. Several of them I had made friends with and spent time with them out in town, making new friends while I was at it. Something else that I noticed was how they aged, and yet, I didn't. My hair continued to grow out and my claws would grow, but apart from that, my body wasn't physically aging. I decided to grow my hair out to the lower part of my back and tie it up in a high ponytail, that way it would make cutting it easier. I also noticed I had become much stronger and faster, unintentionally hurting several of my students during class. I had to learn how to restrain myself quickly as a result of my unintentional incidents. As I watched my friends and students start dying, I began to realize how….I don't know. Sad, I guess would be a good word, it was to live without aging but watching people I cared about grow and die. I decided to give my school to my senior most student, who worked for me as a senior instructor, and left to travel.

I’m absolutely amazed by the way the author can masterfully convey the feelings of anxiety and fear that come with experiencing physical changes beyond human understanding. And don’t get me started on how he can make you appreciate every second you spend with your loved ones by writing about the plight of a man doomed to watch all those around him wither and die while secure on the knowledge he will keep on living.

Fucking riveting I tell you.


As time went on, word of my physical change spread since there were none on Transbaal that looked even close to how I did.

Oh, so this is all taking place on planet Transbaal, eh? How considerate of you to finally inform us about this itty-bitty fact.

Several people claimed I was an abomination that needed to be cleansed from the planet, attempting to kill me. When I defended myself during the first incident, however, I felt something new. Something that felt both right and wrong at the same time. Bloodthirst. I tried to simply disarm them and intimidate them into running away, but they were extremely persistent. One of them tried to impale me with a knife, and he had succeeded in wounding me, but what I didn't realize was that unleashed something inside of me.

Rage consumed me and I became a killing machine.

With driving power, big fat tires and everything?

The first one fell to my claws within seconds of wounding me. There were eight of them in that particular incident. Three of them tried to charge and overwhelm me, but between my strength, speed, and claws, I slaughtered them within seconds. The rest tried to flee, but at that point, it was too late. I charged them and killed them, ripping them apart in the process. After they were all dead, my rage faded and I had regained my composure. What I witnessed left me wondering what happened. It was surreal, almost like watching someone else control your body while you watched with your own eyes. The blood still dripping from my claws, I felt satisfaction at what I did, but at the same time, I also felt sorrow. The conflict between the two feelings left me in turmoil and I decided to limit my interactions with people to as little as possible. If I couldn't control this beast, this demon, inside of me, then what would be the point of trying to interact with people.

After that incident, word somehow spread across the planet that I had ravaged those men like a wild animal, which prompted people to start referring to me as 'Demon' whenever I would go into a town. How word of that had spread, I have no clue. As far as I remember, I didn't leave any survivors. But, the damage had been done, and people went from respecting me to fearing me almost overnight. I decided to settle on the western most edge of one of the larger continents on Transbaal and set myself up quite comfortably in my isolated little corner of the world. I would have to drive away the occasional trespasser, or kill a group of zealots every now and again, but for the most part, the people of Transbaal left me be.

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I just want to remind you that, at this point, Howard has gone from “somehow arriving to an unknown planet with no memories”, “opening a martial arts school” and “spending twelve years of your life researching eternal youth” to “transforming into an anime character”, “watching your friends die of old age” and “slaughtering a crowd and going into exile” all while the narrative maintains the exact same jaded tone of an office worker who spends all day alternating between stamping documents, making coffee and checking his e-mail.

After about a decade, The Transbaal Empire formed and a new standard for tracking time had been established. I decided to not impose myself upon the Empire and remained in my isolation, where I continued to learn how to use the power I had created. I also made a very startling discovery after my first few years in isolation. I could transform into a giant dog that was easily the size of a multistory building. After a century, the power I had initially learned to use continued to grow and it became more and more apparent that I was more than just a man or just a demon. I was a walking weapon. Word of me continued to spread over the years, and it came to the point where people would invent stories about the Demon of the West. How he would come to take bad children away from their families if they didn't learn to behave, or how he would slaughter the occasional town, just to maintain the fear the people had for him.

On one hand, it was entertaining, since none of it was true. However, on the other hand…

I imagine having all that power and nobody to give you a metaphorical dick sucking must be getting pretty boring.

It was the year TCY 284. I had travelled into town to buy more food and supplies for myself. My look and attire had evolved quite a bit since I first walked on the planet. I decided to wear the look of that character I loved as a child, since it was both imposing, as well as fitting for what I had become. I wore a red undertunic with a white overtunic with a large blue patch across my left shoulder and a thin blue stripe below that patch across the left part of my chest. My pants flared out near the bottom, where they wrapped around the ankles of my boots, which were white with two sets of black stripes on each boot. I also wore a breastplate on top of the tunics, since I had to wear something to protect myself from bladed weapons over the years. The breastplate was black from the middle down, but the upper half was silver with two horns forged into the metal, one on each side of my chest, with a bright red gem in the center. I also wore a pair of pauldrons that were lined with horns as they layered themselves down to my elbows. Below my elbow, I wore a pair of gauntlets to protect my forearms and the back of my hands. Around my waist, I wore a sash that was a crimson red that had purple striping near the ends, mainly for decorative purposes. Down my back, I wore a bright white fur cape that I had made using fur from my demonic form. The cape was a single piece until it reached my lower back, where it split into two separate tails that trailed behind me about a foot.

He exiled himself to an isolated corner of the world, but not so isolated as to prevent him from getting the materials for cosplaying.

I considered having some weapons made or purchasing some weapons to protect myself, but my claws were more than sufficient, especially with some of the abilities I learned to use with my claws over the centuries as well. But, I digress…

This is all very nice, but the battles in Galaxy Angel take place in space, with highly advanced ships. So unless this buffon doesn’t need to breathe and can somehow move in zero gravity, all this crap is going to be as useful as an ashtray for a motorbike.

As I traversed the town, people took notice of me almost immediately and began to run for cover. Whether it was because of the stories that had grown over the centuries or out of fear of what I might do, I can only guess. But, I made my way to the store that I had grown accustomed to going to in order to get what I needed and go back to my home. When I entered the door into the shop, however, I wasn't greeted by the shopkeeper that was normally there.

I came face to face with a detachment of the Imperial guard.

As I was about to walk out of the door, so as not to cause trouble, I turned and found that the entire front of the building had been surrounded by what could easily have been a battalion of men, all part of the Imperial Guard. Now, at this point, I'm thinking to myself, 'Great, just what I need, something to ruin my day and make me look worse than I did before.' I flexed my right hand, cracking several of the smaller bones and got ready to fight my way out. However, something I wasn't expecting happened. The Captain of the guard came forward and said, "Demon of the West, your presence has been requested by his Majesty, Emperor Retando the 3rd. We are under strict orders to bring you to him unharmed, but we will defend these people and ourselves should you choose to fight."

I'm standing there, thinking to myself if I should take the courtesy that has been extended to me, or if I should just go back to my little corner of the planet away from everyone. Granted, even if I did that, if I have the Emperor's attention, then odds are he'll just send another battalion after me. Killing them would do me no good whatsoever, so…

"Very well, lead on Captain."

I thought to correct him about my name, but I decided to just keep quiet since I didn't want to aggravate him. Especially with the better part of a thousand or more men with power weapons all trained on me from behind me. Sure, I could get away and probably slaughter the better part of the battalion in the process, but at the same time, that would also probably throw away the only chance I'll probably have to clear the air about who I am, and maybe start living a normal life…ok, somewhat normal life, again.

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Because nothing says “I want to live a normal life” like going into town dressed like a circus clown and having murder as your number one option for conflict solving, you insufferable cockmongler.

Between this shit and the fact he revealed himself to his students right after he transformed, I have no doubt he slaughtered those people right in the middle of a city, practices his skills and transformations where others can see him and makes zero attempts to keep a low profile. In short, he’s nothing more than a gigantic attention-whore asshole that delights in the fear he causes.


We boarded a transport craft and flew to the Imperial Palace in just under an hour. This was the first time I'd ridden in an aircraft in the better part of 200 years. So, safe to say, I was uncomfortable during the whole ride. The Captain cast me glances every now and again, and the soldiers were all eyeing me for the better part of the ride. With some of the stories that had been spread about me, can't say I blame them for being paranoid. Odds are they figured I would snap and kill them all in an instant if they even so much as glanced away from me.

We get it, son. You’re an unstoppable murder machine that could kill us all five times before we hit the ground. Can you please stop waving your dick in my face?

After that agonizingly slow hour, we arrived at the Imperial Palace, where I was escorted from the craft, still under heavy guard, into the palace and through its halls until we arrived at the throne room. Upon entering the throne room, I couldn't help but whistle to myself. The designs that had gone into its construction were gorgeous to look at, not to mention the throne room alone was easily large enough to house at least 3 of those transport craft that I rode in on. At the end of the throne room was, of course, the throne, where a man that could be described as being in his late 30's, sat conversing with a woman on his left, who I can only assume was the Empress. Being in isolation, I kinda fell out of track with the times, so you'll have to forgive me for not knowing who they are at first look.

I guess the isolation also deprived him of the ability to describe places and people above the level of a seven years-old.

Upon reaching the throne, the Captain of the Guard stepped ahead of me and said, "Your highness, as you requested, the Demon of the West." I couldn't help but roll my eyes a bit at the reference to the title. But, I maintained my composure and looked the Emperor in the eye as he chuckled said, "Welcome to the Imperial Palace, sir. I couldn't help but notice you roll your eyes a bit at my Guard captain introducing you. So, if I may be so bold, may I ask your name?" I couldn't help but smile and bow my head lightly in respect as I said, "My name is Howard. As I'm sure you've already heard, I'm referred to by a very different name amongst your people. While I like the title, I can't really say I'm a big fan of the…..effect it has on people when I come out of my isolation just to get simple things."

Have you tried not dressing like the mascot for a gay pride parade?

The Emperor looked at me solemnly and said, "I've heard several stories from some of my children's teachers about you. However, I can't help but be curious as to how much truth is in those stories, so I summoned you here so I could ask you myself. I've never heard of anyone similar to you on the planet, so I'm sure you could understand my curiosity."

I glanced over to the Empress who sat to his left as she shifted uneasily upon falling under my gaze before I looked back to him. "I've heard some of those stories as well, and I can assure you, a lot of them are exactly that…stories. There was an incident a few centuries ago when I was forced to defend myself against several people that intended on killing me. The fact I lost control and killed them in a very….brutal manner was what sparked the beginning of a lot of these stories. So, I decided until I had better control of my power, I would keep myself isolated in the western most part of the continent I was on. Thus, Demon of the West."

Apparently there’s no such thing as “excess of self-defense” in Transbaal.

The Emperor shifted forward in his seat as I finished and said, "Centuries? If I may ask, how old are you?" I couldn't help but laugh at his question. The guard captain threw me a dirty look, which, I can't really blame him. I just laughed at an Emperor, not exactly the brightest of ideas, but given my situation, I figured I'd get away with it.

I can’t wait to see how much you will be getting away with in the future.

After I finished laughing, I answered him, "I'm 272 years old. I discovered a way to reverse the effect aging had on me when I was in my 50's. However, the resulting aftermath of using that solution on myself left my work in ruins, and left me like this," spreading my arms out to emphasis my point. The Emperor's eyebrows shot up at my explanation, to which, he silently sat in thought for a moment.

As he was thinking, the Empress, who'd been silent up to this point, spoke up and asked, "Do you enjoy living in isolation away from Transbaal's people?" I looked over at her, surprised by her question. I actually had to stop and think for a minute on that, did I?

"Truthfully, milady, no. I don't. I used to run a combat training school before this whole thing happened to me. I enjoyed making friends and showing people how to defend themselves. Now, well, all of my friends and former students are long since dead, and everyone is terrified of me."

It would have been nice to have a couple of paragraphs showing his relationship with his students and maybe two or three with him visiting the funeral of one of them and crying under the rain, but I guess the author had to make some cuts in order to include the description of the costume.

The Emperor then sat up as if he had a sudden idea, "In that case, would you be willing to act as a personal guard of the Royal Family? It would allow you to come out of your isolation, and it would allow you to use your abilities to keep my family safe."

I couldn't help but groan a bit before looking back at him and saying, "As generous as your offer is, I don't think I would work very well with your royal guard. Most of them are intimidated by me just being in the same room as them."

“Intimidated”. Not “vigilant”, “observant” or “ready to strike at the slightest hint of menacing behavior”. Nope. Because he’s the most murderous machine ever and everybody has to be scared shitless of him.

The Emperor answered almost immediately, "That's not what I meant. They're part of the Royal Guard, yes, but you would work and act as a personal guardian separate from the Guard. You would answer directly to me, and your responsibility would be to help keep my family safe as well as teach them a bit of what you've learned over the centuries. Being as long lived as you are, I'm sure you could help impart several important life lessons to my children to help better prepare them for the day they take the throne."

Like what? How to make a bitching cosplay?

I was practically in shock. I was being offered a position in the Royal palace, as a guardian for the Royal family no less. Talk about the ultimate redemption from the rumors and stories that drove me into isolation to begin with. There was only one answer I had for that proposal, as if there was any doubt…

"In that case, how could I say no?"

Now, fast forward another 128 years to present day.

Thank God the author decided to dump the entire hundred-years backstory of Howard in a single fucking chapter so we could appreciate his depth and nuance right from the beginning.

I was walking down the passage way alongside Prince Shiva, as we made our way towards the dining room for dinner. The conversation for the better part of the way had been…..interesting, to say the least.

"So, if that's the case, why didn't you just conquer the planet and take control of it for yourself?"

"Because I didn't want to rule a planet, I just wanted to be left alone. If I conquered the planet, that would be the complete opposite of what I wanted. Plus, people feared me enough as it was, I didn't need to make it worse."

Hey, author? Can I call you Howard? Because—let’s be honest here—between your profile picture begin a Sesshomaru cosplay, mentioning you practice martial arts and that name sticking out like a sore thumb among the others, it’s pretty obvious it is your real name.

Now, I understand you like Inu Yasha’s dad. He’s cool and super strong and blah, blah, blah, but—hear me out—this is not taking place in the Japanese middle ages, okay? This is a futuristic setting with futuristic weapons and where the initial conflict comes from a fleet of ships bombarding the capital from orbit, reducing the palace to rubble and killing everybody inside.

So, unless your self-insert can jam a rocket down his rectum and fly into space while avoiding a rain of fire to scratch the enemy ships, he’s kinda out of his league here.


Shiva had a constant curiosity about me ever since I was introduced to her following the exile of her older cousin Eonia, several years prior. Ahhh, that brings up a separate point. So, Prince Shiva was portrayed and passed off as a boy, so as to imply the current Emperor, King Gerard, had an heir to the throne. However, being a demon, I have sharper senses than the typical human, so I picked up on the female pheromones that came off of her almost instantly. If there was one thing I've learned how to do over the years, it's how to tell the difference between a man and a woman using only certain senses.

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Good job ruining the biggest plot-twist in the whole damn game, you absolute cretin! One you have to pick multiple specific choices to see and even changes part of the ending at that! Fuck this shit!

Anyway…here’s a picture of Shiva.

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Sword or sheat? Oh, wait—we already know.

She’s anti-social, due to having been raised in a secluded envirovment, and ocasionally belligerent, but also dedicated to her duties and concerned with the well-being of her subjects.

As I mentioned above, if you choose your options properly, you can get her to open up to you and even reveal her true gender, but I guess we can kiss that part of the plot goodbye thanks to a certain furry imbecile.


"If you had just wanted to be left alone, why did you let stories circulate, making you out to be a monster? If anything, I would figure leaving that to happen would just draw more people to try to kill you."

"What was I going to say? 'Hi, I'm Howard, the friendly demon, oh by the way, all those stories about me stealing bad children and slaughtering villages? Don't pay any attention to them.' Yeah, that would have gone over REAL well back then."

We haven’t even finished the first chapter and I’m already fed up with this bullshit. “I want everybody to stop coming up with stories about me being evil! Oh, but don’t expect me to try to blend in or make or other attempt at looking less intimidating please.”

Before Prince Shiva could respond, the palace shook, causing several parts of the structure to collapse around us. One of the support beams for the passage way broke off the wall and began to fall in our direction. Shiva looked at the pillar, frozen in fear. I immediate sprung into action and caught the pillar before it had landed on us. Holding the massive pillar above me, Shiva stood in surprise at my display of strength before I tossed the pillar to the side and looked back at her, "Are you alright, Shiva?"

She nodded her head as I opened up my communicator and called the Captain of the guard. "Captain, what's going on? Part of the passage leading to the dinning room almost collapsed on myself and Prince Shiva." The response he received was from a younger soldier who was in half a panic, "My lord, the captain is dead. The palace is being bombarded from orbit by an unknown enemy fleet. The King has ordered an evacuation of the palace." I growled a bit before I said, "Very Well, I'll take the Prince to the Starboard side hanger. Have the rest of the royal family rendezvous with me there." The soldier acknowledged and closed the channel before I looked at Shiva and said, "We don't have a lot of time, get on my back." I knelt down, allowing her to climb onto my fur-lined back. Wrapping her arms around my neck, I grabbed each of her legs and sprinted down the passageway with my demonic speed.

For somebody who doesn’t like being called a “demon” this guy surely likes to use the “demonic” adjective, eh? His “demonic form”, his “demonic speed”…

Within minutes, we arrived at the hanger, where we were met with several smoldering wrecks and ruins that were once the mainstay of the Imperial Families personal spacecraft. Luckily, there was a shuttle nearby that had been only lightly damaged from the bombardment. I carried Shiva over to the shuttle and motioned for her to get on board as I looked around, searching for any sign of the rest of the royal family. From one of the doors on the side of the hanger, I saw that same young soldier hobble his way towards the shuttle. He'd been badly wounded, probably from something exploding. I ran over to him and caught him as he collapsed. He looked at me and coughed out, "My lord, the….*gasp*…royal family is gone. Get the Prince to safety…..please….." With those words, his body fell limp, succumbing to the wounds he had sustained. I set his body on the ground and ran back over to the shuttle.

Upon boarding the shuttle, I started up the shuttles systems and engines. Shiva looked to me and said, "Where is everyone else?" I glanced back at her and said, "That soldier came down here to tell us they're all gone. My job is to get you out of here now." Shiva sat in shock at what I had just told her. Yeah, it was a cold, if not completely screwed up way, to tell her that her family is dead, but given the circumstances, I didn't have time on my side to break it to her gently.

Hearing the shuttles engines roar to life, I piloted the shuttle out of the hanger and weaved my way through the bombardment as the Imperial Palace collapsed behind us. Part of me was hurting, because I had grown so used to living on Transbaal for the last three and a half centuries, and this is the first time I'm leaving the planet. Another part of me was beyond furious. I don't know who was commanding that fleet, or where they came from, but I wanted nothing more than to rip their heart out and ram it down their throat. However, I maintained my composure for the sake of the young prince behind me, who was the sole survivor of a family that offered me a generosity that nobody else would have afforded me all those years ago.

I’m going to close my eyes for a bit. Can you wake me up when we’re done with the retarded, inbred child of Die Hard and Star Wars?

As we exited the atmosphere, we came face to face with the fleet of warships that were bombarding the planet. Unfortunately, we didn't go unnoticed. Within a minute, they began firing on us. Whoever they were did NOT want anyone escaping. Luckily, I had learned how to pilot fighter craft over the years, mainly out of boredom, so I was able to weave the shuttle through the crossfire. It was a bit sluggish in responding to my commands, but considering that it wasn't designed for this kind of thing, it was holding up pretty good.

After what felt like an eternity of weaving through the enemy fleet, we caught a glimpse of the White Moon off the starboard bow. Surprisingly, it had been untouched during this whole thing, though, I didn't know a lot about it since I never really put much thought into it before now. But my curiosity came crashing back to reality as the shields registered a hit from one of the ships. I pulled off to port and prepared the Chrono drive to for a jump into Chrono space when I caught sight of a large white carrier in the distance.

"That's the Elsior, if we can make it there, we'll be safe."

Image

The Elsior, also known as “Elle Ciel” in some translations, is the ceremonial ship of the White Moon. Comes with 24/7 convenience store and an indoor beach housing a space whale. No, really.

I almost reeled my claws around when Shiva chimed in. She scared the hell out of me from how quiet she had been. "Understood, opening a channel with them." I pressed a couple of buttons on the panel and opened a com-line with the ship, where I was greeted with the face of an older man in a military uniform. "General Luft, been a while. Are you commanding that white carrier we're seeing?"

The General looked a bit surprised before he responded, "The Demon? I was under the impression that nobody made it out of the palace before it was destroyed."

"As you can see, that report is a bit exaggerated. I managed to get Prince Shiva out of the Palace, but the rest of the Royal Family is gone. Requesting cover fire and clearance to dock. We brought a few friends with us to play."

No sooner had I said that, 4 cruisers had broken off and chased after us, causing me to weave through crossfire even more.

"Granted, we're scrambling the Angel wing to give you cover. Luft out."

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Brigadier General Luft Weizen, the guy in charge of defending the White Moon, former mentor of your character and a cool old guy who saves your bacon more than once in the game. He’s the very first victim of the author’s masturbatory fantasy.

Upon closing the com line, I looked back at Shiva and said, "I suggest you sit down and strap in, this is going to get really bumpy really fast." She nodded and quickly sat down in one of the seats, strapping herself in as I continued to weave through the constant crossfire coming from the cruisers behind us.

After about a minute, while we were racing towards the Elsior, 3 frames raced past us towards the cruisers that were firing on us. They were moving extremely fast, so all I caught were a few glimpses of color. One pink, one red, and one purple. I figured that was the Angel wing that Luft had mentioned.

The Angel Wings/Emblem Frames are the unique ships the members of the Angel Troupe pilot. I'll be talking more about them in due time, but for now I'm wondering why a guy who has been in service of the royal family for over a hundred years does not know the identity of the guardians of the White Moon.

The crossfire towards us ceased within seconds of those frames flying past us. Looks like they were just what we needed. The hanger doors on the Elsior opened up as we drew close and I proceeded to land the shuttle in the hanger. Once I set the shuttle down, the Angel wing had docked in their respective spots behind us as the hanger doors closed and the ship proceeded to Chrono drive.

You probably guessed it, but the "Chrono Drive" is the G.A. equivalent of the Hyperdrive.

The only thing I could say as I slumped back into my seat:

"Talk about one hell of a day."

I’m having flashbacks to Neon Exodus Evangelion and DJ Croft. You won’t like me when I having those.

Now, you may be wondering why I said Luft was the very first victim of this written mountain of septic waste. You see, remember how I said Shiva was raised in a secluded envirovment? Said envirovment was the White Moon. In other words, she was never inside the royal palace in first place and that was the only reason she survived the attack. Luft took Shiva and retreated together with the Angel Troupe just as the bombardment began. In short, this furry fucker stole’s Luft’s role as Shiva’s savior, protector and confidant.

Guardian Hawk: So, quick disclaimer, I do not own the Galaxy Angel Series or the character, Inu-No-Taisho, that I styled Howard from during the course of this chapter.

Howard: You think you made my back story long enough?

Fuck me. I can’t believe there are still people out there who think having conversations with their characters is funny and witty and not a complete eye-rolling idiocy.

Guardian Hawk: Well, I didn't want people to be lost trying to make heads or tails of who and/or what you were, sooooooooo, no, not really. Would you like it longer?

Howard: Seriously? After all of what your just put me through, really?

Guardian Hawk: Really. But, in the meantime, by all means review and leave your thoughts and comments and we'll see you in the next chapter!


You want a review? Sure!

This chapter is pure shit. The backstory of your self-insert is an horrendous, convoluted mess that breaks the readers' willing suspension of disbelief like Bane breaking the back of Batman. It manages to be both, horribly rushed, leaving a ton of unanswered questions, and painfully slow, with the biggest paragraph being the one dedicated to describe the clothing of the self-insert.

Speaking about the self-insert, he's an unlikeable asshole. We're supposed to pity him for watching his friends die and having to exile himself, except he never displays sorrow, pain or regret about his actions. In fact, the only emotions he shows are anger, fascination with his powers and smug superiority.

In a game where characters literally draw power from their feelings of love and friendship, I simply cannot imagine how would such an amoral character work. Guess we'll have to wait and see.

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ConcernedGamer
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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sat Jul 07, 2018 5:13 pm

I'm typically fascinated by the 'ascended' visual novels. I haven't experienced any, but learning that a universe or story can breach it's medium through popularity leads me to believe it might be worth a glance.
This fanfic, however, hardly even tries to do anything any justice. If not for any of your elaborations, Dashguy, I'd be clueless as to what anything even meant in the first place.

And that main character is just fucking ridiculous, being a self-admitted self-insert in anything but outright stating it, by repeatedly reminding us he's a self-imposed carbon copy of an anime character the author is fond of, as if anyone would ever chose to do such a thing in seriousness!

And this demon power bullshit, through such incredibly conveniently attained and forgotten means it might as well have been magic. At least heroes like The Flash had a freak accident of high improbability and likelihood of death through lightning strike, but this guy had to be the complete badass package of having earned his string of still unjustified endowments. Chromosomes! That's all he fiddled with. Kind of funny that the author spoils a gender-reveal, when his self-insert would have been more likely to have turned into Ranma, for all he has justified it.

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StabbyKobold
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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by StabbyKobold » Sat Jul 07, 2018 5:47 pm

My exact thoughts while reading: "Prince Shiva, huh? With a feminine name like that, and with the immortal self-insert somehow magnetizing to him through painful contrivance, I wonder if he's actually a gir-- oh wow, I've been at this for too long, haven't I?"

I don't know which is worse. That I could predict a tomboy reveal for a character in a series I know nothing about – merely from the only possible motivation the author could have for having their self-insert be tied to them – or that the author thought it was necessary to have Howard discover this by turning him into a figurative panty sniffer, rather than not having their relationship be predicated upon the meshing of their reproductive organs.

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GorillaGamer
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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by GorillaGamer » Sat Jul 07, 2018 9:23 pm

This is going to be interesting, especially since I have no prior knowledge of Galaxy Angel. Mock's looking great.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
An old quote from Project PATREON.

Dashguy
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Re: Galaxy Angel Variance

Post by Dashguy » Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:08 pm

Thank you for your comments, everybody.

I suppose in hindsight the revelation Shiva is a girl is not-so-surprising, but to be fair, it does put certain events in a new light and, like I said before, it does change part of the ending. Not that you end up with her, mind you. She’s only ten.

Anyway, on the previous chapter, we had some amnesiac asshole appearing out of nowhere on planet Transbaal, somehow transforming into Inuyasha’s dad by tampering with his chromosomes and getting a job as the guardian of the royal family. Because a guy who can go berserk and slaughter a whole crowd is definitely the kind of person I want protecting my loved ones.

Going on, he saves the life of Shiva, the last surviving member of the royal family after a rebel attack, and hitches a ride on the Elsior, the imperial flagship.

How will this nobody turned into a medieval Japan mythological monster will adjust to his life inside a super advanced ship in the middle of a space war?

Let’s find out.


---

After taking a deep breath and allowing myself to relax from that mess, I looked back at Shiva and said, "Well, we're here. I hope you know what you're doing." Shiva unstrapped herself as she looked at me with a smile and said, "Is the great Demon of the West worried? Huh, who'd have thought." I couldn't help but chuckle as I got up and said, "Now, now, no need to be insulting. I've never left the planet before, so you could say I feel like a fish out of water, so to speak." Shiva raised her eyebrows as she got out of her seat as well before saying, "You're almost 400 years old and you've NEVER been in space before? Really?" All I did was glare at Shiva as I opened the door leading into the hanger bay.

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In the game, the first thing Shiva does upon meeting you is order you to turn the damn ship around and go kick the shit out of the rebel army, since she’s worried sick about her subjects and unaware the Transbaal army is in disarray.

Here, despite the fact she had a front row seat to the carnage, she’s joking with this buffon like they just had finished skiing down a mountain in some resort and not barely survived an attack that claimed the lives of God-knows how many civilians, members of the army, etc.

I also find it funny this moron never left the planet considering the Transbaal empire comprises several of them and it would stand to reason for the royal family to travel to one or another at some point.


I stepped out of the shuttle and offered a hand to Shiva as she stepped out of the shuttle as well. I looked around and took in the sight of the massive hanger as three men made their way from the entrance over to us. I looked at Shiva and said, "I recognize Luft, but I don't know who the other two are, so give me a sec and I'll find out." Shiva nodded as I walked forward towards the trio, meeting them about 20 feet from the shuttle.

“You stay here quietly and don’t worry your pretty little head while I handle the grown-up stuff, okay?”

As if I needed more evidence Shiva has been reduced to a mere accessory to make this flea-ridden assclown look better.


"General, looking good since the last time we met. How long's it been? 2, 3 years?"

Luft laughed as he said, "You're a terrible liar, Demon. Ha ha! It's been about that long. Though, I wish we were meeting under better circumstances."

I smirked and replied, "Agreed. That said, who are these two? Can't say I've seen them before."

Luft turned towards the two and said, "May I present the new commanding officer of the Elsior, Takuto Myers. Tact, this is the Demon of the West, guardian of the royal family." A young man with spiky, dark blue hair, wearing a simple white uniform that had trims of gold, red, and navy blue with an accompanying blue mantle, stepped forward, extending his hand and said, "A pleasure to meet you sir. I hope your stay with us will be more enjoyable than what you just went through."

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Tact Mayer (on the right) is the hero of our story. Contrary to other Dating-Sims, you’re not piloting a faceless, blank-slate but a guy with his own personality. An empathic, kind and carefree dude, but also worthy of commanding his own patrol fleet at the border of the empire.

I couldn't help but smirk at his rather upbeat outlook on the situation. I took his hand and shook it with a loose grip saying, "Thankfully, it won't take much to be better than that nightmare." He looked at my hand with a slightly worried look before I added, "I'm shaking your hand loosely on purpose. I'd rather not unintentionally hurt you." Tact laughed a bit and said, "It's perfectly alright, I can handle a good handshake, so by all means, let me have it."

Poor choice of words.

I tilted my head lightly before glancing at Luft, who already knew what was coming, and said, "Ok, you asked for it." I squeezed his hand slightly, and while it didn't feel like anything to me, he immediately dropped down and yelled, "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ok, ok, please don't break my hand." I released his hand and you could practically see the outline of where I squeezed into his hand.

Good job baiting him just to rub your ballsack all over his face, asshole. Guess the chromosome tampering had the side effect of shrinking his already small penis even further.

As Tact stood back up and nursed his hand, Luft shifted his attention to the other man who had neck length white hair and a distinct eyepatch covering his left eye. "This is vice commander Lester Coolduras, he will be Tact's executive officer on board the Elsior."

The guy on the left of the previous picture. Lester is far more serious and business-like than Tact, but the two of them remain best buddies since their days at the military academy. Both, Tact and him are former students of Luft.

Lester extended his hand to me and said, "An honor to meet you, my lord. I've heard a lot of stories about you." I took his hand and shook it with a loose grip as well as I said, "The pleasure is mine Mr. Coolduras. I trust you don't have any problems with my handshake." Lester shook his head and said, "That was a stupid move on Tact's part. Though, he probably knows better now than to question how you do things, at least I can only hope he does." I stiffed a chuckle before saying, "Well, he'll have plenty of opportunities to learn. That said, if you three will follow me please, so that I may introduce you to my charge."

Oh, are you finally done showing the newcomers who the coolest kid on the ship is, Howie? Great.

But I’m still at a loss here. See, in the game, as soon as Luft escapes with the Angels and Shiva, he heads towards the border of the empire to seek aid of Tact and his fleet. After briefing Tact and Lester about the events and current situation, he asks the former to take command of the Elsior and the Angel Team, seeing as how he’s got his hands full commanding the remnants of the imperial army and believes Tact will be more fitting to lead a team of young, pretty girls. To summarize, Luft turned to a pair of familiar faces in a desperate situation.

Here, both Tact and Lester are already aboard the Elsior for no adequately explained reason…other than the author having difficulty writing too much with a single hand.


The four of us walked over to the shuttle, where Shiva had been patiently waiting as I turned to the three men and said, "Gentlemen, may I introduce to you, Prince Shiva Transbaal of the Royal Family." Shiva stepped forward to which all three men bowed deeply. Once Shiva had given them permission to rise, Luft said, "Your majesty, I cannot begin to express how relieved I am to see you safe and unharmed. You also have my as well as the entire ship's sincerest condolences for the loss of your family. We will strive to ensure that whoever is behind this attack is brought to justice." I cracked my knuckles before adding in, "I'll personally ensure that."

Image

Luft looked to Tact and Lester and said, "Gentlemen, I have to discuss our next move with his majesty. Carry on with your duties, I'll fill you in on what we plan next later." Shiva quickly added in, "Also, please arrange for quarters for myself as well as for my guardian."

What the fu—these guys are going to be in charge of leading the Angel Team and protecting Shiva, you doofus! They are not your servants and if there’s somebody here you should be discussing tactics with is them!

They both saluted and left the hanger as I looked to Luft and said, "Interesting choice for a commanding officer. Don't you think he's a little…young for that, Luft?"

Tact is twenty-two and, like I said before, commands his own patrol fleet at the border of the empire. That’s far more impressive than the guy who spent a couple hundreds of years living in the asshole of the world because he was too stupid to wear a hat and a pair of glasses to better blend with the crowd.

He laughed and said, "Tact is one of my finest students, what he lacks in age, he greatly makes up for in tactical brilliance and quick thinking. I think he'll fit in just fine." All I did was flex my eyebrows before I looked to Shiva, who then said, "The General does have a point, we need to discuss what we need to do next. I'll be alright with him. Go ahead and take a bit of time and relax, you've more than earned it Howard." I bowed my head lightly as Luft said, "Don't worry, his majesty couldn't be any safer on board the Elsior. I think you'll enjoy what this ship has to offer, Demon." With that, they left the hanger, and after a few moments, I decided to leave the hanger as well to explore the ship.

I cannot get over how utterly ridiculous, edgy and tryhard the title “Demon of the West” is. What’s more, the author insists on using it all the time, but the damn thing is so long he had to shorten it to “demon”, which is even fucking dumber.

Within minutes of leaving the hanger, I found myself lost in the maze of corridors that comprised the Elsior. After about 10 minutes, I stumbled across a convenience store. "A store? On a Military vessel? Odd, wonder who's idea THAT was."

The Elsior is a ceremonial vessel, you wanker.

I said to myself as I walked in the front door into the store. Once I cleared the door, I noticed it was a fairly decent size. Definitely larger than a lot of the stores I've been to over the years. There was a young man behind the counter restocking some of the products on the wall with his back to me. As I took a step forward to take a look around, he said, "Welcome to the store, is there any…" He stopped midsentence as he looked at me and realized who I was. Watching the color drain out of his face was a bit funny as he tried to compose himself. However, seeing as it was going to take him a minute from the look of it, I decided to answer the question he was going to ask.

"No, that's quite alright, I'm mainly just browsing around killing time. If I need anything, I'll be sure to let you know." With that, I walked towards the back of the store and began looking through a lot of the shelves and fridges.

“It’s so funny to use my looks and strenght to intimidate others, but why does everybody keep making those stories about me being evil?”

Once I finished walking through the last aisle, I decided to grab a drink from the fridge and proceeded to walk up to the register, where the young man, who was still nervous, was waiting. "Did you find everything alright sir?" He managed to get out before I looked at him. I smirked and said, "Yes I did." I set the drink on the counter when I realized I had no money on me. The royal family paid for everything I needed over the years, so I never really had a need to carry money.

Really now? Not money or debit cards or even checks? Did you just waltz into stores and said put everything on the tab of the emperor?

Upon realizing this, I then said, "You know, I was going to buy this drink, however, I just realized, I don't have any money on me. So, I'll put this back and I'll be back later after I fix that." I went to grab the drink when he quickly said, "No charge. It's on the house for the Prince's personal guard."

I raised an eyebrow at him before I said, "You're sure?" He nodded quickly before continuing, "With each purchase, you receive a free draw in our lottery drawing. Care to try your luck….my lord?" He stammered out that last part as he realized how he phrased his question to me. Not going to lie, having people afraid of me was seriously getting annoying, however, nothing I could really do about it at this point.

I swear I feel like I’m reading the script for a Simpsons joke.

“I really don’t like how people are afraid of me. Oh well, there’s no helping it.”

“Have you tried not dressing like a middle-ages Japanese warlord?”

“Like I said, there’s no helping it.”


"Sure, what's the prize?" The clerk put a large spinning wheel on the counter and said, "The Grand prize is a 1000 credit shopping spree for the store." Looking at the wheel, I stood and waited as the clerk began to spin the wheel. In the wheel, was a small hole for the marble draw to pop out into the tray underneath it.

As I stood watching him spin the wheel, someone came into the store behind me, I immediately caught the scent of a female, though I didn't recognize it. I didn't turn to look, since I had no desire to know who came in, and I was waiting to see how my draw came out. No sooner had the door closed, a small golden marble popped out of the wheel and into the tray. The clerk looked at the marble with complete shock as a bent over and looked at it, asking, "So, did I win?"

The clerk dropped his head and nodded it sadly as I picked up the marble and looked at it closer with a smirk on my face.

That was when I saw her.

Standing behind me was a young girl, about 18 years old with bright pink, shoulder length hair that was parted with a hairband that resembled a garland with two large flowers as hairpins. She also had the most beautiful cerulean blue eyes I'd ever seen. She stood about 5'1, which was about the middle of his chest and wore the standard military jacket, but had a pink skirt with it.

Image

Milfeulle Sakuraba. The first designated member of the Angel Troupe and the unofficial “heroine”, to the point the manga follows her route. Cheerful and optimistic, but also clumsy and somewhat immature. She’s an excellent pastry chef and pilots the Angel Frame codename “Lucky Star”.

Image

The “Ryu” of the Angel Frames. That is to say, the most balanced one. Its special attack “Hyper Cannon” can pierce through multiple ships if timed properly.

Gazing at her, I found myself in shock. For the first time in almost 400 years, I had a crush on a girl at first sight. Though, I quickly banished that thought, reminding myself that I'm a demon, I'm not allowed that privilege in life.

And here I was thinking it was because she’s seventeen and you’re nearly five hundred years-old and with all the social skills of a rabid chimp. But yeah, sure, let’s go with the “demon” excuse.

After locking her eyes with mine, she was the first to speak, "Congratulations on winning the store lottery!" I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came. Silently cursing myself, I closed my mouth, smiled and bowed lightly to her as I looked back at the store clerk and placed the marble back into the tray. "Go ahead and take the price of the drink out of that and give the rest to her."

As subtle as a tar covered steamroller…

She immediately jumped back in shock and quickly said, "WHAT!? No! I can't accept that, it's your prize! You should enjoy it!" The clerk looked at her and quickly looked back at me as I said, "I don't have much use for it, I'm only on board to escort Prince Shiva to wherever he decides to go from here. Besides…" I looked at her with a teasing smirk as I said, "…something tells me you'd have much better use for it than I would."

…and just as charming. Seriously, what the fuck does that even mean?

From that, I glared at the clerk as he said, "Understood, the winnings will go to Ms. Sakuraba, my lord." With that, I began to leave the store when she then said, "You're here with Prince Shiva? Does that mean you're the Demon of the West?" I stopped and chuckled as I looked back and said, "Guilty as charged."

She clapped her hands together and quickly said, "Wow! I've never met a demon before! Nice to meet you! Have you had a tour of the ship yet?"
I turned around, still holding my drink that I have yet to open, and said, "No, the Prince gave me free reign to go as I please, so I've been wandering around and this was the first place I came across. Why? Are you offering one?" She immediately leapt forward and said, "I'd love to show you around the ship!" With that, she grabbed my hand and proceeded to drag me out of the store, leaving the clerk in utter confusion on what just happened.
Once we reached the elevator, she let go of my hand and said, "We'll start with the engine room and work our way up!" I couldn't help but smile at her positive personality. She had a smile that you just couldn't help but smile back at. Plus, seeing as she wasn't afraid of me in the slightest, made me even more curious about her.

I’m not an expert at human psychology, but I suspect the fact you did not act like an asshole towards her, glaring or crushing her hand, may have something to do with it.

Making our way to the engine room, she briefly explained how the engine worked. Granted, I already knew how a Chrono string engine worked, since I had to learn about them before learning how to fly, but I let her explain since I enjoyed listening to her.

Chrono Strings are fragments of energy from the creation of the universe. It is possible to draw a lot of energy from a single one, but since it’s quite difficult, Chrono String Engines have a bunch of these and drain a bit of energy from each.

As she was finishing up her explanation, the overhead speakers came on.

"Attention, Angel Wing, Demon of the West, your presence is respectfully requested on the bridge."

I looked over at Milfeulle who groaned a bit as she said, "Awww, but we just got started. Oh well, looks like the bridge is our next stop. This way Mr….actually, we never introduced each other, did we? I'm 2nd Lieutenant Milfeulle Sakuraba, but everyone calls me Milfie. What's your name?" She extended her hand as I smiled and shook it gently. "Pretty name, I'm the Demon of the West, though, you already knew that. I prefer to keep my name within a closed circle, so, for the time being, feel free to call me Demon. One day, I might tell you." I added a wink to the end of that, causing her to blush a bit before she said, "Aww, now I really want to know. Couldn't I get a hint, please?" I chuckled before saying, "Maybe later. For the moment, however, we're wanted on the bridge. Soooo…" This caused Milfeulle to jump a bit as she yelped, "Oh right! This way."

Image

Holy shit. It’s like reading the personal diary of a sixteen years-old who goes to school wearing a trenchcoat and fedora combo, glares at the guys and smiles at the girls thinking he’s both, intimidating and charming, when he’s actually a laughingstock for both sexes.

After making our way through what felt like a rats maze, we finally arrived on the bridge to find Tact, Lester and Luft standing with 4 other girls in different variations of the Imperial military uniform. Milfeulle walked over to the girls as I made my way towards Luft.

"Way to be late Milfie, honestly, don't you have any sense of priority?" The girl in the red dress snapped.

"I'm sorry, I was in the engine room giving Demon a tour of the ship when the call came over." Milfeulle meekly replied, causing everyone to give her a sharp look before glancing at me.

I approached Luft and said, "Alright Luft, them, I can understand being up here. Why am I up here?"

Funny. I was wondering the same thing.

Luft had a grave look on his face as he answered, "We've managed to find out who is leading this coup. Prince Shiva said that you deserve to know when I brief everyone else. So, with that said, operator, begin playback."

The Operator had short purple hair and wore the standard imperial military uniform responded, "Yes sir, beginning playback on the main screen." We all looked at the main screen and when the image came on, damn near all the color drained out of my face.

The leader of the coup was Eonia Transbaal.

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Our bad guy. A former prince who was stripped of his status and exiled years before the start of the game due to his extremist views on how Lost Technology should be used. He’s intelligent and charismatic, but ruthless, as if killing his whole family wasn’t enough clue.

He had been my primary charge before his exile and I was given a new primary, which was now Shiva. Listening to the words of his speech, part of me was in shock. I had trained and taught him a great deal of what he knows. He'd been one of the more gifted students he'd ever taught. When his ideals for conquest became too extreme, he'd been exiled. I still remember the conversation I had with him before he left.

"Eonia, come on, you know better than this. This goes against a lot of what I taught you. I'm telling you, it's not too late to apologize. I can speak with the King and smooth things over and we can go on like this whole thing never happened."

"I'm sorry old friend, but we have to look towards the future of the empire. Between the white moon holding its lost technology back, as well as our limited influence in the galaxy, we need to start looking at the bigger picture. You've been around for hundreds of years, I know you'll see that I'm right one day."


All those memories came flooding back as Eonia declared himself the new king of the empire and went on asking for the white moons blessing of his ascension. I lost track of half of his speech and just felt numb. I raised and taught him from the time when he could barely walk until he went into exile. Now, here he stands, after having butchered his own blood and destroyed part of his home, claiming to be the rightful ruler of the Transbaal empire.

This cannot be happening.

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Let’s…begin with the obvious, yes? The author completely cut out Eonia’s "new era" speech; the first insight we had to the character’s personality, manners and objective, replacing it with the self-insert’s thoughts about how he taught Eonia everything he knows.

And what could this guy who spent half of his life living alone in the asshole of the world have possibly taught Eonia? Who knows? Not only the author tells instead of showing, but he also tells us absolutely nothing beyond the most clichéd “he was really gifted until he went to the dark side”. Hell, even their conversation is incredibly bland and vague.

Back to the writing, notice how this change not only serves to jerk-off the self-insert (“I taught the guy who put the empire’s army in check everything he knows”), but also gives him an excuse to brood (“I taught him everything he knows! It’s all my fault!”) which will make the other characters jump in to console him (“It’s not your fault, Howie! Eonia choose his own path!”).


"Uhh, Demon, are you alright?"

I looked at Luft, noticing everyone giving me an extremely worried look before I said, "I'll…manage. What's our next move?"

Luft glanced at Tact before continuing, "We were going to make our way to Criom, but the imperial forces there were completely destroyed. So, now we don't have a choice but to make our way to Rhome."

The Transbaal Empire is divided regions. Transbaal, where the initial attack took place, is where the 1st fleet was stationed and where our heroes, plus a furry, escaped from. Then there’s Criom, where Tact was stationed. Aside of recruiting him, Luft was hoping to meet with the 2nd fleet, but turns out they were wiped out. Finally, there’s Rhome where the 3rd fleet is stationed.

The only thing I could say was, "How long will that take?"

Luft quickly responded, "About 2 weeks if we don't run into any trouble."

I nodded and said, "Understood, I'll need to speak with the Prince about this. Milfeulle, I sincerely apologize, we'll have to finish that tour later." She looked at me with a sad look and nodded. Somehow, I think she already knew what I was feeling. I turned to leave the bridge before Luft stopped me.
"Wait a moment Demon, don't you want to meet the rest of the angel wing?"

I looked at him, then at the girls that were across from the men before I said, "Very well. Odds are they're already familiar with who I am, so we can skip that part."

Because everybody has to be familiar with the asshole who killed a bunch of people hundreds of years ago, but he doesn’t need to be acquaitanced with the girls who protect the place where the technology that saved the planet he mysteriously appeared in is stored.

The girl in the red dress from earlier was the first to step forward. She hand long blonde hair, with a pair of hairpins to keep her hair back. She looked around the same age as Milfeulle, if not a bit older. She was also in great physical shape, judging from the toned muscle structure throughout her body. She rendered a salute and said, "Ranpha Franboise, a pleasure." She took a step backwards, stepping on Milfeulle's foot, causing her to yelp out in pain and start nursing her foot, causing me to smirk a bit.

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Ranpha Franboise. The second designated member of the Angel Troupe. Energetic, passionate and a romantic at heart, but also hot tempered and hasty. She’s a talented martial artist, chef and pilots the Angel Frame codename “Kung Fu Fighter”.

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The fastest ship and with matching attack power. However, it’s also the most fragile one and you can easily lose it if you’re not careful.

Next was a younger girl. She looked younger than Milfeulle and Ranpha, though, not by much. She was also one of the shorter members of the group. She had short blue hair and wore a modified imperial uniform that flared into a skirt. The most curious thing I couldn't help but notice was the second set of ears on her head. They resembled rabbit ears, but I couldn't tell if they enhanced her hearing, or if it was just a useless genetic mutation. At that same token, however, I got the distinct feeling like someone was trying to worm their way into my head when she looked at me. She lightly curtsied and said, "Mint Blancmanche. It's very nice to meet you." I bowed my head lightly in silent response.

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I love how this asscrab calls her ears “useless genetic mutation”, as if the purple stripes on his face and one third of the shit he wears fulfilled some kind of important function. And she doesn’t “worm her way” into anybody’s mind, she simply hears surface thoughts. Honestly, this is one of the things I hate the most about rewrites: authors using their knowledge of the original work to give their self-inserts an edge, not matter how ridiculous or implausible it is.

Anyway, Mint Blancmanche is the third designated member and heiress to a business empire. Intelligent, calm and rational, with a touch of cynism due to her mind-reading ability. She carries herself with grace and nobility, but hides a streak of childish hobbies, all product of an upbringing that forced her to grow up prematurely. Her ears are real and they make a delightful squeaky sound when they move. She pilots the Angel Frame codename “Trick Master”.

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A rather slow and sturdy ship. It’s unique in which it’s equipped with three drones, allowing it to attack in every direction, even when retreating.

An older girl then raised her hand and placed it on the tip of the cap she was wearing. She stood about the same height as Ranpha, though not nearly as physically toned. That wasn't to say she was out of shape, but she also held a more withdrawn stance. As if she was more like the older sister of the group than anything. She wore a modified uniform that had a purple undershirt and wore a pistol on the right side of her waist, which I couldn't help but notice. "I'm Forte Stollen, a pleasure and an honor."

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Forte Stollen. Fourth designated member and leader of the Angel Troupe. Mature, experienced and responsible, althought with a penchant to solve problems by means of brute force. A skilled marksman and collector of firearms. She pilots the Angel Frame codename “Happy Trigger”.

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The slowest ship, but also the one with the greatest firepower.

Lastly, was the girl standing beside Mint. She hadn't said a word up until this point, which immediately made me think that she was more introverted than the rest of the group. She stood maybe an inch shorter than Mint, but judging from her look, I would venture to say she was easily the youngest member of the group. She had green hair that was tied back into a ponytail and wore the standard imperial uniform. What really caught my attention was the animal that was on her shoulder. It resembled something akin to a lemur, but at the same time, the scent it gave off wasn't one that should match an animal like that, it felt more…artificial. She rendered a salute and said, "Vanilla H, an honor."

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Vanilla H. The fifth designated member. Her stoic exterior hides a dutiful and kind soul. The small animal (not pictured) she carries with her is a colony of nanomachines she can use to heal others. Vanilla pilots the Angel Frame codename “Harvester”.

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The ship with the highest defense, but pitiful firepower. Still, it’s the most important one since it can repair the others in the middle of battle. Its special attack, “Repair Wave”, can fully repair the other four ships regardless of their position in the map.

I bowed my head to the ladies and looked to Luft before saying, "Anything else, or can I go ahead and go now?" I had nothing against those ladies, but at the same time, I seriously did not want to be around anyone at the moment, given the circumstances.

“Look, girls, I know you’re carrying the future of the empire on your shoulders and all, but I need to brood, okay?”

Luft had an apologetic look on his face before he said, "No, that was all." With that, I turned heel and began to leave the bridge, but stopped shortly before reaching the door and asked, "Where is the Prince?" Milfeulle leapt forward and said, "I can show you! We can consider it part of the tour." Tact looked at her and said, "While you're at it Milfie, could you show him his quarters? They're the guest quarters on B deck." She nodded happily and walked up to me and said, "This way." I followed her off the bridge, once the door closed behind me, I could faintly hear some of the comments that were said.

"Talk about rude, you'd have thought he'd at least have a bit of courtesy."

"Ease up Ranpha, he's taking Eonia's involvement a lot harder than anyone for a good reason."

"All that means is that he could…"

By that point, I was out of earshot. Milfeulle looked back at me as we boarded the elevator and said, "Demon, I couldn't help but notice your reaction to Eonia's speech. Are you ok?"

I was touched. She showed concern where others would have just left it alone.

Which I’m sure it's because they're meanies and not because you’re an antisocial asshole.

Part of me wanted to tell her I was fine but another part wanted to tell that this whole thing was quite possibly my fault, since I basically raised him. After a split second, I made a decision…..fuck it.

"Not really, Eonia was my previous charge before Prince Shiva. I raised and taught him from when he was a toddler until the day he went into exile. Somehow, I don't know how, but what I taught him got twisted up along the way, which led to him getting exiled. I tried to get him to come back from that line of thinking, but it just wasn't happening. Now, we have a coup led by him. This whole damn thing is my fault. He used what I taught him to bring ruin and destruction to the empire."

Honestly, it says something about the quality of the writing when you read a paragraph like this one and your first thought is “it’s fucking nothing”.

Let’s start with something simple: the whole thing is pure dialogue. There are zero descriptions of the guy’s face, expressions or gestures. Not a “heavy sigh” or “massaged the bridge of his nose” or even “looked down sorrowfully”. He’s basically reading from a cue card.

Next, and forgive me for repeating myself, it tells us nothing. I can’t even imagine what could Howard have taught Eonia because everything about Captain Furry here begins and ends with his powers. The “martial artist” aspect is non existant. The “genetic research” thing immediately faded as soon as he transformed, just as you would expect from a cheap excuse to give him superpowers. Anytime he figures out something is thanks to his super sense of smell. Anytime he overpowers a foe is thanks to his super strenght. He has zero social skills, but doesn’t need them because everybody knows about him and respects/fears him thanks to his powers. In short, the idea this guy taught Eonia everything he knows is a bad joke.


Milfeulle placed a consoling hand on my pauldron as she said, "It's not your fault. You couldn't have known this would happen. You did your best to try and teach him how to be good, I'm sure of it. Don't blame yourself for this." I looked at her and saw sincerity in her eyes. She meant every word. The only thing I could do was pat her hand before the elevator doors opened up. She stepped forward and I followed.

Oh hey, she consoled him. Bet you didn’t see it coming, eh?

Upon arriving at the throne room, I asked Milfeulle if she would be willing to wait for a few minutes. She smiled and nodded before I entered the throne room. It wasn't nearly as large as the one in the Imperial palace, but it was large in its own right. Shiva was over by the throne, staring at it when I entered. As the door closed behind me, I walked forward, causing her to turn and look at me.

"You know?"

"Yeah, of all the things I was expecting him to do, this was definitely not one of them." I placed my hands on my hips in slight frustration at the idea.

You sound more like a disappointed father after finding out his son tried to forge his signature on a report card.

"My cousin is a traitor to the empire. I know you have a very long history with him, since you were his guardian before becoming mine and you spent years raising him. I have to know…"

My gaze shot immediately to her as I already knew where this was going. "Are you serious? I spent over 120 years with your family, guarding and raising generation after generation. Do you really think that little of me? I get we have a history and that, for lack of better phrasing, this whole damn coup is my fault, but to be accused of having questionable loyalties? Really? I tried my best to get him to change his line of thinking. The fact that it didn't work is the reason we're in this mess. I pulled you out of the jaws of hell because I still remember how your great grandfather took me in where the rest of the planet feared me."

Honestly? I see no reason why you could not be a spy. Obviously, the complete lack of “show don’t tell” does not help, but even the whole “I pulled you out of the jaws of hell” won’t mean anything if it turns out Eonia wants Shiva alive.

And guess what? He does.


Shiva stood in shock. This was the first time I'd taken a harsh tone of voice with her. She looked down a bit before finishing, "I'm sorry. I should have known better. This coup isn't your fault, it's his. Will you accept my apology Howard?"

I softened my look as I said, "Of course. The last thing I want is to lose you too. It's bad enough that Eonia was almost like a son to me, and now he's running amok. I don't want to lose the closest thing I have to a daughter to me as well."

To see two of the most important characters in the whole game reduced to medals to make the self-insert look better is quite impressive…in a “I burned the oatmeal” kind of way.

She walked to me and hugged me, to which I chuckled kneeled down to allow her to do so easier.

When she broke the hug, she then said, "I want to go back. We need to rally the imperial guard and take back our home."

I sighed a bit before saying, "Shiva, the imperial guard is in pieces and scattered. The only thing we can do at the moment is to fall back and regroup. I can fight your battles, but even I can't fight a war for you."

She was slightly hurt at the reality of the situation, but nodded as she said, "Right, this whole mess is just…"

"I know better than anyone."

Of course you do, champ. We’re barely the second chapter in and it’s painfully obvious the entire universe revolves around your furry ass.

Shiva just looked at me before saying, "I'm going to go ahead and get some rest. We've had a long day and it's going to be a long trip. I suggest you do the same."

I merely chuckled as I said, "Sounds like someone needs to take a nap. Ha ha ha." Shiva just glared at me before saying, "Alright, you can have that one." To that, I bowed and left the throne room, where Milfeulle was standing and waiting for me.

She looked at me as the door closed and said, "Ready?"

I don’t think I need to tell you but, in the games, Milfeulle gives the tour to Tact. So that makes two characters this guy has stolen the role from. As incensed as I am, I’m kind of curious to see how far will this shit go.

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