Inside Falls

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ConcernedGamer
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Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Mon Nov 12, 2018 12:49 pm

If you've read some of my works, you might have caught on to the fact that I like fanfics. Some of you may even have gotten the impression that I like crossovers. My friends, I love crossovers.
So, instead of doing a cringe-filled homage to display my affection for the concept, let me tell you what I personally find to be three of the most pointless types of perceived crossover fanfics I have come across, that while some might be entertained by them, they do nothing for me, and I don't find that they should even be considered as part of the category. My summarized thoughts are here courtesy of their recognized trope names; Film Fic, Fusion Fic, and Transplanted Character Fic.

A Film Fic is essentially a recasting of an entire narrative, with rearranged or entirely different characters from a separate fictional universe reenacting a chosen plot, often jarringly and character-blindly word for word. Think Muppet's Treasure Island, but bad because it's an amateur project incapable of self-acknowledging and therefore utilizing its alteration to the cast. I find this type of fic pointless to read let alone create, as it is about as impressive as someone retelling a well-known story with random and unrelated action figures, utterly incapable of capturing whatever magic originally inspired the drive to put the words together. It fails to be a crossover because by virtue of its own intent, it can stick anyone into any role, jamming a square peg into a round hole and keeps going as if it fits. What's the point of having a Digimon protagonist go through the adventures in Agrabah as Aladdin, by doing and saying everything Aladdin did, with their own universe's background erased from them?

A Fusion Fic is basically a mashup. Think less Smash Bros. or Mario Party, and more like Sonichu. The source material isn't crossing over or overlapping as much as they are merging into a fusion that's ridiculously prone to failure from thinking itself seamless. We are not talking Ben Ten meeting Harry Potter here; Ben Ten IS Harry Potter. Goku Kent as Super Saiyanman, Dora the Vampire Slayer, and the Warhammer 40k Emperor of Mankind, Hello Kitty. In a Fusion Fic, you are at the mercy of the author's often lacking guidance in merely guessing to what extent, detail, and adherence is left and balanced between the intermingling source materials, caught in a guessing game of whether to expect that Ash Uzumaki intends to win the Shinobi League and become a Jutsu Master, or if he is out to defeat Madara in a Pokémon match, until the author decides how they cobbled their favorite pieces and fancies together. Is this Legend of Zelda in Sonic Adventures, or Sonic Adventures in The Legend of Zelda? It's neither, because as a fusion fic, the two realities have become one, being a blurred mess retaining no dependency for consistency or context, altering itself as needed without a second thought for prior canon! I don't consider this a crossover for the fact that the original universes are not only not coexisting, they have annihilated one another in a disastrous attempt to be one and the same.

A Transplanted Character Fic, while barely trying to be a crossover, often earns the praise by borrowing - or stealing, if you prefer - a character from some established canon, using them to garner some pull to a bland story. A minor gripe, but never the less, there it is. Our heroes go on their journey, preparing to face the evil Bad-Guy-Overlord Duke McNasty, while Generic Protagonist grows into his heroic deeds alongside Comedy Relief, Token Person, Love Interest, and Mr. Probably-Going-To-Betray-The-Party Esquire, when suddenly The Doctor pops by to step out of his TARDIS to say hello, leaving before the chapter is over without contributing in any way. Being on par with a cameo, this isn't a crossover as much as it is the author belching through his work, either sharing their interests or baiting in readers by adding something recognizable, despite the age old rule of not referencing a better narrative through your own.

Now, why did I just make this big pile of brain droppings, aside from perhaps filing it away under my personal but probably biased wisdom, you might ask? Well, you are here to read a mock, aren’t you?

Inside Falls, by MinecraftFan11. Through some mystic nature of Fanfiction.net, I came across this bizarre thing when deciding I hadn't perused the Undertale fandom nearly as much as I should have for mocking potential. And lo and behold, a three-for-one deal, this thing is not only an Undertale fanfic, but a self-proclaimed crossover with Gravity Falls and Steven Universe. And apparently the author thinks crossover means having Frisk and Chara as twins live with their Great Aunt Pearl while going through vaguely similar episode plots as from Gravity Falls. I needed to deconstruct my view of crossovers because not only don't I see this fanfic as a crossover, I don't know what kind of not-crossover to consider this thing to be, because it appears to be all at once, as a consequence of emulating each in turn. Is it bad? Who knows, I haven't read it, but I certainly wouldn't give it the benefit of the doubt with the forecast of the premise. And not even moments after I wrote the previous sentence, I discovered the roots of this thing to extend to Wattpad, where 26 chapters, and not only the 3 chapters on Fanfiction.net reside. Fuck it, I'm in for the long haul, no take-backsies. And apparently MinecraftFan11 is a 15-year-old brazillian girl, according to the author profile. I don't know what to do with that knowledge except hope that for once in a long while I won't be mocking something depraved. Unless it turns out she's a Yaoi fangirl, perhaps.

I typically mock fanfics set in universes I know and have a fondness for. Cracking jokes and being fueled to make snarky comebacks, where an author gets stuff royally wrong, feels so much better when it's something I care about, after all. As such, I'll provide a quick summary of my stances on the three mentioned source materials for clarity. Undertale? I must have hugged that goat a dozen times, and murdered it half as much. Steven Universe? I Know it front to back and I'm suffering through hiatus withdrawals as of writing this. Gravity Falls? Currently re-watching it for a fourth-ish time with a friend that's new to it. I know these universes. And I find it highly unlikely they can seamlessly coexist, much less become a single entity unto its own. But if you know the Undertale fandom just a tiny bit, it's no surprise that there's a new AU born every day, with a complimentary wiki-page to follow. This one has one too, and I avoid spoiling myself as I had enough from the fanart for this potential disaster. Here's a piece.

Image

I can only hope I'm wrong in predicting the quality contained within, of course, because me being right about that before even starting reading this story only promises me suffering. Let's do this. Here's Chapter 1, Trapped Under Crystals.

"Oh,the summer. Surely,the perfect period to relax with your family and friends,and have a good time. ...unless if you are an specific girl called me."

Hello me. How have I been, aside from completely misunderstanding how to refer to one self in the third person?

Two girls,one with a darker skin tone and other with a paler one,crashed trough a sign with the writting of "Welcome to Inside Falls!" using a curious cart that had the colors based on shades of white,blue and purple,screaming as loud as their throats would allow. However,their scream was easily beatable by the scream of a unknow,muscular creature that was throwing punches on trees,knocking them down.

You fools told Undyne that anime wasn't real, didn't you? Also, bold decision to gender these two characters, author. If my mocking can seem harsh, just hope you don't piss off anyone on tumblr.

"He is coming toward us!",the girl with the darker skin tone said as she looked backwards. A punch of the horrible creature would have hitted the cart...if it didn't trip over a rock to fall roughly to the ground. The girl of dark skin was making panic squeaks,looking around the cart area.

Well, didn't take you long to make me wish for the comparatively level and cool-headed composure of Mabel Pines, author. Nice job.

"Well,greetings. I am Chara.

"And welcome to Jackass!"

That one who is panicking from the depths of her soul is my twin sister,Frisk. Now,you may be asking to yourself,'Why the heck are you two using a golf cart to escape from a muscular creature with an antenna on the top of the head?'"

I'm sure its somewhere on the list, maybe below #74: Why did the author miss the opportunity to call this place Ebott Falls.

The monster roared and punched another tree. Unfortunately,it was a large one,who was very ready to fall on the cart.

That tree had hopes and dreams, and apparently an identity for some reason, you fiend!

"Careful,Chara!",Frisk screamed for her twin. The two advanced with no control over the cart,and screamed in pure panic.

"Well,the answer is pretty much simple.

This is an Undertale AU, kid, don't try to lie to me!

But first,lets reset. Everything began when our parents decided to follow a very 'great' tip from our aunt and uncle."

Frisk and Chara were on the living room. Frisk was making random drawings over her notebook with a big smile over her face,while Chara was playing a video-game on her Nintendo DS,and she was very focused on it. Suddenly,the hands from their parents snatched the notebook and Nintendo DS from them,leaving the two with confused and shocked faces.

What's a failure of a fanfic without the scene-for-scene copy-paste descriptions of exactly how a cartoon show depicted a scene, while ignoring the generous point of view granted through a written narrative?

"I'm sorry,but you two really need fresh air. Your aunt and uncle aren't entirely wrong.",the twins' mother said,as she gave to them their respective bags and putted sunscreen over their noses. Chara also recieved a very old hat of green color she almost never used.

"But don't worry,we know exactly the place you two will spend off the summer!",the twins' father said,as he picked the map from Oregon and pointed to a curious location. 'Inside Falls',an town that was on the frontier of Oregon,and very far from their hometown,Cave Junction.

Ah, yes, Cave Junction, which is not at all the actual fan-suspected real life Oregon town that inspired Gravity Falls, but rather the hometown for the Pines Twins, which absolutely didn't turn out to be Piedmont in California, by the end of the show, more than two years before this chapter got published. I think all those Underswaps and Swaptales have crippled your ability to keep track of what you think you aren't altering, author.

Frisk's smile returned,but Chara's frown just got worse.

"They sended us to the north frontier of Oregon,on a quiet town called Inside Falls,so we could stay up on the touristic house in the middle of the jungle owned by our great aunt."

"I know, I'll combine a voice-over exposition and in-universe dialogue to establish the plot in the written medium!" ~ Bad authors everywhere.

The twins were now on this tourist trap. They were inside an attic with two beds the two would share up during their whole summer stay on Inside Falls like a bedroom.

"I wish we could have a attic like that back on our old home. Hey! Look at all this wood!",Frisk said on a cheerful voice,extending her hand to show many little wood sticks fixed on her hand like glue.

Oh my Dog, this author doesn't even know what splinters are, even when stated in the dialogue of the very show she's ripping off? How bad is the Brazilian dub anyhow?

Chara backed up until she turned around to face the bed she would use. Above there was a swan,resting on the bed peacefully.

"Hmpth,stupid white feather balls...",Chara said,with a sour and uncaring voice. Frisk climbed down from her bed and went to the swan.

"Hello,fellow!",Frisk said to the swan.

Better get ready to dodge, Frisk, swans aren't to be taken lightly. But why would there be a swan in here?

It suddenly woke up and flied up,landing over Frisk's head and leaving a big mess of white feathers over Chara's bed. "Ah! I got it! You want me to be your nest!",Frisk said,as she laughed up in delight. Chara wasn't so happy,however. She was staring at Frisk with a unimpressed face.

"My twin sister is my polar opposite. She is so sweet,enthusiastic and pacific that it taste like diabetes."

And of course Chara can't spell the word pacifistic.

"And I? ...well,lets say that the surroundings are difficult to be attractive to a heart with a cold and sour shell as mine."

Listen kid, make up your mind, is it your heart or your shell that's the problem?

"Woohoo! Rolling over grass!",Frisk said as she rolled over a hill of grass. The twins were outside the shack,and Chara was reading a book...or at least,trying to read a book,because a squirrel was on the top of her head,eating a nut and filling Chara's head with the nut's shell bits,much to her annoyance. Suddenly,someone jumped above her,making her scream and drop her book. When she noticed who just jumped over her,she got a furious look on her face.

"Well Chara,you must know I am a lady of many talents,and ballet is still one of them!",it was a lady,with a skin slightly less paler than Chara's one,and wearing a cyan business woman outfit. Her hair was of a peach color and pixie-cuted,her eyes were sky blue colored,her nose was large and pointed and she had a weird scar on her forehead,shaped like a egg,or gemstone.

This shit is getting just downright bizarre, highlighting how hard this author is trying to make everything exactly alike - yet exactly different from her Gravity Falls template, copying the events but not the instigators and actors of them. Like making stolen homework her own, she uses white-out to replace 'goat' with 'swan', 'woodpecker' with 'squirrel', and now 'startled by Stan' with 'startled by Pearl', making this tale a warped mirror image that's more jarring than entertaining, because memory defies acceptance of this fake retelling.

"And afterwards,there is our Great Aunt Pearl. THAT WOMAN...*ahem*,sorry. She transformed her house into a tourist trap she called up 'Crystal Shack'. She says the shack is the house of all the mysteries of Inside Falls. The real mystery is WHY anyone is bothered by the existence of this shack. I hope she one day can get this off.

I have no idea what you are trying to tell me about Pearl's shack, kid, unless meth is somehow involved.

Want to bet who are the workers of this place this summer?"

Chara sighed as she tried her best to clean the floors of the Crystal Shack with a broom. Frisk was impressed over many weird 'artifacts' scattered on the area where her twin was cleaning up. She was about to touch up one of the diamond-shaped crystals,that is,until Pearl holded up her arm.

"Uh uh uh. No touching. This is merchandise.",

"Also potentially my lover, my ruler, or my son, depending on what the author decides I'm all about."

Pearl said,kneeling to Frisk's level and patting her head. Chara was even more annoyed,but she still continued on cleaning the floor.

"I thought this would be the whole summer. An abysm of boring and forgettable memories. That is...until a specific day came...and everything changed up to me,and to my twin sister."

Cinco de Mayo, fuck yeah.

"Oh my goodness! They are looking at it!",Frisk said quietly,standing behind a desk full of mini wood dolls shaped like Pearl. She was seeing a group of pre-teenagers find a note she left on purpose. The only girl of the pre-teen group picked it and began to read it. That was the writting over it:

🌟 You want to be my friend? 🌟

☐ Yes!

☐ Of Course!!

☐ HECK YEAH!!!

"Yes! They readed it!",Frisk happily squeaked.

Is this just going to be the whole fanfic? The author having her replacement characters misuse the show's jokes, by giving setups but none of the fitting punchlines?

She turned around with a happy smile towards Chara,who was cleaning up a table with water.

"*sigh* Frisk,I know you are the 'Social Butterfly' between us,but god,stop going crazy over the 'social' part.",Chara spoke with her twin,in a stoic voice.

Why exactly should anyone listen to you, little miss 'Kill-This-World-And-Move-On-To-The-Next'? Oh right, crossover AU dilution, never mind Chara Light.

"Uh? But,come on Chara,this is our very first summer out of Cave Junction... Its my greatest chance to make a very big group of friends!",Frisk said in a enthusiastic voice.

"I agree.

My soda metaphor is going for an encore for that utterance, Chara Zero.

But seriously,you have to ask for the friendship of everyone you face off?",Chara pointed out for Frisk. This reminded them both about three times where Frisk shoved herself over groups of teenagers,asking (or,most commonly,screaming) for their friendship.

Because if there was one impression I got from the game, it was how loud and desperate Frisk always was, of course.

"Put all your bets on the negative choice,dear sister,because I have a great bet for this summer's greatness.

Seriously, there has to be more than a language barrier here, because you just had Frisk tell Chara to bet against her, author.

I bet the greatest friend I can have on this summer will be right there!",Frisk said,pointing her thumb towards a door with curtains,and the writting of "MUSEUM" above it.

Out of this same door,came Pearl,trying to do a ballet spin,but falling up and hurting herself a little.

Pearl failing to do a pirouette? Now I know this universe is fucked up.

Frisk was worried about her great aunt's health,but Chara gave off a morbid and quiet chuckle after viewing the scene. When Pearl got up,she cleaned her throat and putted her arms around her back,trying to look important in a way.

"I am going to need the help of one of you to put those signs over the forest.",Pearl said in a calm voice,showing signs that would be arrows pointing towards the Crystal Shack.

"Not me!",the two twin girls said on unision,pointing their fingers upwards.

"Well,me neither.",a goat boy of white skin said,interrupting his hands from holding on a spoon and knife to eat a pie slice.

You replaced Sooz, the idiot handyman with a heart of gold, with Asriel, author? Seriously, did you use a roulette wheel to cobble together this cast? Wait, then who are Frisk and Chara's parents, when the fanart notes them as the Dreemurr Twins?

This goat boy was Asriel,the cousin of Frisk and Chara,and one of the workers of the Crystal Shack. Chara actually liked alot more of Asriel than of Pearl,not only because he was a person she already knew and trusted off,but also because of his less eccentric behavior and more lovable nature. Frisk also loved Asriel alot.

Sure, let's just glue together their friendship with Asriel right away without effort, despite this being the first time these twins are in Inside Falls. I'll probably not need to harp on it unless this turns into an incestuous love triangle. Fanfics have taken weirder turns.

"I didn't ask to you,Asriel.",Pearl said for Asriel. After this speech,Chara really wished she could lose her politic education and trash off her great aunt with punches.

"...Okay...",Asriel said,before resuming to eat off his pie slice. He sounded slightly hurt and sad.

Aww, the regurgitated comedic dialogue introducing the show's comedy relief's role and standings was instead spun to unreasonably make the replacement character sad, boo hoo. Is it just because you realized yourself that you'd have to antagonize fake Pearl, to have this story be the least bit interesting, author?

"Lapis! You can help me put up the signs?",Pearl said,turning around to a girl with blue hair,freckles,and a haircut slightly similar to Pearl's,but longer,and wearing a blue dress outfit with jeans and black boots. Lapis Lazulli was a part-time worker of the Crystal Shack,and very laid-back and calm.

"I would help,but I'm trapped on the chains of laziness...",Lapis said,making a sarcastic impression of a prisioner.

So, this fanfic is a Steven Universe Human-AU and likely unintentional Undertale Out-Of-Character-AU crossover, used as a script-recasting of Gravity Falls. Does anyone wonder why I find this story pointless, if not a fandom-exploiting leech banking on popularity through stolen familiarity?

"Oh my god! Why you all must be so difficult!? Alright,I will choose up...",Pearl said,and began to sing the Ip Dip counting-out game music.

The what? Are you so obsessed in being pedantically askew from the canon dialogue, that you have to substitute out an obviously biased 'Eeny, meeny, miny, moe'?

Ip dip dip,

My little ship,

Sailing on the water,Like a cup and saucer,

But you are not in it!

Pearl finished the nursery rhyme pointing her finger at Chara.

Maybe if I knew whether she had started pointing before she finished, I would know if this author is even attempting to characterize her, and isn't simply following the copied motions.

"Oh come on!",Chara said,almost losing her politic stoicness. "Grauntie Pearl,you know I always talk about how much I feel I'll be attacked at any moment on those forest paths."

"Ugh! Those stories!",Pearl said in an angry tone,facepalming.

"For the last time, Chara, serial killers only go after promiscuous teenagers in these woods."

"I'm being honest. This town have some dark secrets you don't know. I swear spiders bited on me and its spelling 'BE CAREFUL'.",Chara tried to be the calmest possible speaking. She showed her arm to Pearl. Indeed,something was written. But it was actually 'EB CAREFUL'.

"...that is actually written 'EB CAREFUL'.",Pearl pointed out to Chara.

And you ruined your stolen and clumsily rewritten joke's punchline at the last possible moment again, author. This is my punishment for the genocide route, isn't it?

Chara looked at her hand,in disbelief of what she was actually witnessing. Pearl patted Chara's head before continuing,"Don't worry girl,those are just myths,they aren't real and no one is going to harm you. So,you don't need to worry about anything."

People being attacked in a forest? Clearly that can only be a myth.

Chara sighed in bitterness as she holded the arrow-shaped signs over her arms.

"Lets believe on the Perfect Pearl,not on Loser Chara! Ugh...",Chara said to herself in a deep self-hate as she hammered the signs over the trees.

Preteen angst and unexplained self-loathing at its finest. That's going to be your only contribution as replacement-Dipper, isn't it?

They had writtings of "WONDERFUL!","UNBELIEVABLE!",and mainly of "CRYSTAL SHACK UP AHEAD!". Chara was about to continue her task on another tree...then,she noticed and heard something odd. ...A metallic noise.

She asked to herself how the tree managed to make a metallic noise. Then,she tapped the hammer on the tree,with no intention of hanging a sign over it.

Thanks for clarifying that, otherwise I'd be totally confused when-never it would be brought up again how many signs she actually attempted to put up.

More metallic noises. She cleaned some dust with her hand and she noticed the area she was hammering up was actually a very little door shaped like a square. Chara opened it with some difficult,to find some leavers of a dark violet color turned upwards. She pushed one.

Look, I won't harp too much on the broken English, but the author's profile page does state she has knowledge of the language. I just wish that was knowledge she had gotten from watching the English version of this show.

Nothing.

She pushed the other.

Then,a hole on the ground opened behind herself. The same swan that was on her bed on the day she arrived with her sister on Inside Falls,whom was nearby,left with no delay. She turned around with a surprised gasp.

"Uh?",Chara said. She checked the inside of the hole,finding a book. A book she never saw or heard before.

Well, that's no surprise, since Pearl has already pointed out you don't know how to read.

It was solid and heavy,with the cover and back made of leather. The front cover picture was the most interesing part. It had two figures of circles. They looked like gemstones. One of them was red like cherry,with a square facet. The other was blue like cobalt,with a triangle facet. On the middle of the two gems,an simple number. 3. Besides the number,there was no title,neither the name of the author.

Ugh. Garnet's honeymoon photo album.

After checking for anyone nearby,Chara opened the heavy book. She flipped one page and finded out a pink rose on this page. She stared at it for some moments before turning to the next page. She flipped another page,and began to read it.

"It has been six years since I began to unravel the mysteries and wonders on the town of Inside Falls,Oregon.",

Inside. Falls. Seriously, though, isn't that just the dumbest name or what? There has to be more to an Undertale AU than just picking a preposition and a noun, which I don't trust this author to do successfully, either. For all I figure, she doesn't know what she actually called this AU when she made it.

Chara said,reading the writtings of the page. 'What is this all?',she commented with herself,as she flipped more book pages.

She stopped the flipping on one page that had a illustration with a blue ray of letters forming the phrase 'BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR'. She began to read: "Unfortunately,there is deep dark truths behind this apparently innocent place. They are watching me. I must hide this book from them. Remember: Be careful about what you wish on Inside Falls."

"Be careful about what you wish on Inside Falls...?",Chara said to herself as she closed the book.

Yeah, I didn't understand that sentence either, Dippy Fresh, even when accounting for the author's bad grammar.

She reflected for a moment about what the book was talking about,and began to think if she should take this aesop to the heart or not.

Seems like you are learning English from TV-Tropes, author. 'An aeosp' is not a thing outside trope-naming for the moral of a story, yet you seem to have taken a gander at the Gravity Falls Aesop page, and taken the intro sentence of the page literally, when you were figuring out how to forge your carbon not-copies to match the plots of each episode. 'A' for effort, I guess, but its still wasted effort none the less.

Suddenly,Frisk came in by rolling out of the top of the log that was behind Chara and falling clumsly on the ground. Chara screamed in shock and almost couldn't prevent the book from falling on the ground.

"H-hey Chara,hehe...",Frisk said with an awkward smile. It was obvious that she was trying to appear for Chara in a cool way,but she failed up miserably.

Really? Because so far it seems like the author is defaulting to bottom-of-the-barrel characterization, by making her a floundering buffoon.

"Don't scare me like that again!",Chara said,very angry about the unexpected appearence. But when she noticed Frisk's slightly hurt but understanding look,she putted a hand on one of Frisk's shoulders to reasurre her she was just shocked for a moment,and not angry at her.

"Heh...well,by the way,what is that?",Frisk said,pointing to the book.

"Hmm,follow me up,before the bird meat appears.",Chara said with a smirk,indirectly talking about the swan,as she walked towards the exit of the forest. Frisk just followed her,slightly disgusted about the morbid pun Chara made.

That was neither morbid nor a pun, author. At first I thought you meant to write 'bird brain', that's how off your communication skills are.

"I'll confess I'm happy Grauntie Pearl is the one wrong. Inside Falls really has something dark behind the innocent appearence.",Chara said with a large smirk as she showed some of the book's pages for Frisk.

"Wooow,spooky.",Frisk commented. Chara wasn't sure if she was genuinely scared or just trying to be scared.

"And this is surely interesing...sometimes,the pages stop with the writtings,like the author just dissapeared.",

Just sometimes, mind you, not only once and at the end of the book or anything.

Chara commented as she flipped more pages on the book. The two suddenly heard a doorbell. "Eh? Who is this?"

It's the effect of the scene change that the author never bothered to mention took place, because copying down an episode transcript with such details would use up all the crayons.

"I will confess something,sis...",Frisk said,crossing her legs on the chair's arm. "This gal got four new friends! Tee heh,tee heeeeh!",Frisk felt back on the air,laughing sweetly. Chara lost her amused face and the expression on her face was pratically screaming 'Oh my god,stop'.

We get it, you hate friendship, because the author thinks being antisocial is totally what Chara was all about, and she saddled you with a sister that's an attention-seeking puppy. What I want to know is, do you have other settings than 'bitch mode'?

"So what I got here is...that in the middle time I was in the forest,you found out new friends?",Chara said,trying to not burst into anger.

"Well,heheh...I guess Frisk is the Queen of Friendship!",Frisk said,getting up to make a noble queen pose on the char's arm. The doorbell ringed again,twice this time. "I'm coming guys!",Frisk said,climbling down the chair arm and going to the door. Chara stayed on the living room,sititng on the same chair and reading the mysterious book she found on the forest. Pearl came in and saw Chara.

I've only cast passing glances at Human-AU Steven Universe fanart when browsing the Internet, meaning I have nothing to go on here. What's there even to expect from this knock-off non-alien rock? Where's the millennia old, complete and utter emotional PTSD train wreck that I know and love?

"What is that you are reading?",Pearl said,curious about the weird book. Chara putted up the book below her and sitted over it,trying to put up a friendly smile.

"I was just reading an issue of...uhm...",Chara looked around and spotted an comic book cover decipting ballerinas. "The Ballerinas of Peace?"

"Oh,what a nice thing to read!",Pearl said,clapping her hands together with a smile.

Ballerina jokes are literally the only thing you have got going for this interpretation of Pearl, isn't it, author?

"Hey guys,say hello to my new friends!",Frisk said for both Chara and Pearl,who turned around to face on the entrance of the door four new figures behind Frisk. They were wearing hoodies of different colors,jeans and pants. Their eyes were hidden,but it was clear they had a pale skin. Actually...much more paler than Chara,since theirs were pratically snow white. Their noises also had a circle shape.

And since that description overlaps with nothing in my memory, I'm assuming we are dealing with casual episodic crossover characters as well, because this author has already admitted to a lack of originality by writing this fanfic.

And because the full mocked chapter exceeds 60k characters, I'm splitting it here.

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ConcernedGamer
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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Mon Nov 12, 2018 12:51 pm

And we move on with the second part of Chapter 1, Trapped Under Crystals.

"Heya.",the one with the dark violet hoodie said as he waved for Chara and Pearl.

"...Uhm,Greetings?",Chara said,trying to be polite.

"Welcome,welcome.",Pearl said,bowing for the four.

"We meeted at the graveyard. They are so different from each other that they are attractive as a group!",Frisk explained,making motions with her hands and circling her four friends. Chara was very suspicious of them,but she was polite,so she would just go piece trough piece in the first impression.

The first half of that sentence didn't have anything to do with the last unless we are talking about dissection.

"You all have names?",Chara said. The four looked at each other nervously,and they picked from the pockets some pieces of paper and pens with few ink inside. They writted things and showed for Chara and Pearl what apparently was their names,with nervous smiles. The purple one was "Timothy",the green one was "Dylan",the yellow one was "Laura" and the red one was "Penelope".

"They showed this to me as they presented themselves.",Frisk explained for Chara.

"...Uh...what is that red thing on your cheeks?",Chara asked,pointing out to the four's cheeks. They were dripping something weird on blood red color,making Chara even more suspicious of them.

And because the gnomes in disguise in the canon were dripping jam to seem like a bleeding zombie, now we need all four of these to do the same at the exact same time. Is the author even aware how droll this clingy plot retreading is?

"I-its punch.",'Laura' explained with a even larger awkward smile.

"Oh,punch is cool. Lets get some fruits to make some!",Frisk said,and opened up the door. They made weird noises as they stumbled with each other,got up and got out,with Frisk going right behind them. While Pearl was reading the issue of "The Ballerinas of Peace" on the same chair the twins used,Chara stood there,confused...but also,very suspicious about Frisk's new friends.

"There was something deeply wrong about those guys. So,I decided to check the book for information."

Or maybe you're just racist, Chara, ever thought of that?

Chara was on the attic,sitting on her bed and flipping trought the book. She eventually found a page. A page about beings know as "The Phantoms".

"If you see a creature that has a skin as white as snow,with extremely weird behavior and with...inhuman characteristics?! Don't approach them,because they are...",Chara readed the page out loud,gasping before she could finish reading the page. The illustration showed four omnious beings of sinister appearence,as tall as Frisk's new friends. So,those four visitors Frisk briefly allowed in the house were...

"GHOSTS!!",Chara screamed loudly,in extreme panic.

Image

Your cousin is a Boss Monster goat boy, Chara. Monsters, including ghosts, should be an established, acknowledged, and accepted thing in this plaid polka-dotted patchwork of a universe!!

She quickly closed the book and went to the window,which was another peculiar thing on the town: all the windows shared up the design of a large ball with a "X" on the center,which was apparently the symbol of the town.

Yeah, sure, just extrapolate the originally shack-limited Bill Cipher motif, to make Inside Falls decide to have an error icon as its personal logo. That'll really rake in the tourists.

Chara crouched up to see Frisk with her new friends. She yelled,yelled for Frisk to watch out...but she didn' hear it. 'Timothy' inserted his two hands over Frisk's neck,making Chara yell on frustation and despair,but suddenly,he removed it,to reveal a necklace made of violet rose petals.

"Awww...thanks...",Frisk said,blushing.

"...the friends of my sister are monster ghosts,or I'm losing my sanity?",

I'm just going to default back to you being selectively racist. Seriously, how did the author drop the ball this hard on addressing monsters within an Undertale AU?

Chara wondered to herself. She heard some chair pulling noises behind her and turned around to face her cousin Asriel,fixing up a lightbulb. She slightly smiled up.

"Probably its just your fears. I was one of those who noticed you talking on this empty room.",Asriel said for Chara,still fixing up the lightbulb.

"The other ones left moments ago and are now judging you in silence."

"Asriel,you saw Frisk's new friends. They are monster ghosts,right?",Chara asked,really wishing for a 'yes' or something nearby that answer.

"Well...t-they did hurt Frisk yet?",Asriel said,genuinely scared.

"...No.",Chara said,looking down and sounding defeated and hopeless of any trust.

Oh suck it up, drama queen. Just keep giving your Boss Monster cousin more of your insensitive and paranoid queries about monsters.

"You aren't the only one,Chara. I noticed weird things in my stay on this town. The mailwoman for example...I'm sure she is a witch on disguise.",Asriel said for Chara,as he remembered he once saw a mailwoman with unkept black hair pass by him,and him leaving the seat awkwardly on fear. "But you still need proofs,or else no one will believe on you,and some will see you as crazy."

Why is every line dedicated to copying every frame of the episode from the show? Is the author really this cripplingly afraid of writing something original, that she has to include the comedy flashbacks?

"Thanks Azzy. You are the best.",Chara said,with a big and thankful smile.

"Heheh...I'm actually happy that my good heart is useful...",Asriel said,blushing and laughing.

"Asriel!! The toilet flush isn't working!!",both Chara and Asriel heard Pearl's voice shout out from the bathroom.

"Sorry Chara. See you later...",Asriel said before leaving the attic,letting Chara alone on the room that reflected a red light with the "X above an O" symbol of the window on the floor.

Tic Tac Toe has truly never been more sinister.

"I may have a cold shell,but my core is golden.

Chara, with a heart of gold? I'm sure you could say that about Sauron, too, and just blame everything he did on his exterior behavior, you little turd.

I'm going to discover everything behind those friends of hers,so I can protect her."

Chara grabbed a camera and followed Frisk and her new four friends over all their hangout. And just then,they displayed weird behavior: sometimes,they had weird twitches over their body limbs,and they stared at Frisk with a weird kind of smile when she was distracted. Chara recorded every moment on the camera,and quickly shutted it off after every recording to not be discovered.

I'm pretty sure you should just hand the case over to Chris Hansen, kid.

"Those four reached the absolute."

Author, if you handed this in as an assignment for exercising synonyms, you'd flunk. In what language would that sentence even mean whatever it's supposed to?

Frisk was choosing hairclips and acessories on the mirror,when suddenly,her twin Chara opened the door.

"We need to talk about your friends,Frisk.",Chara said,in a strict,slow and extremely clear voice.

"They aren't the best? Hey,check out the kiss Timothy gave to my hand!",Frisk extended her hand for Chara,showing a large,dark peach colored mark. Chara screamed in surprise,making Frisk laugh up.

"...Uhm...Chara? I was actually just joking. That was a leaf blower accident.",

Well, to be fair, if anyone would flirt with a leaf blower, it would be Frisk.

Frisk confessed on a sincere voice. Chara looked very confused,but soon she wore her serious face again,ready to return to the point.

"Frisk,I want to warn you that your friends aren't actually what they seem to be.",Chara strictly said,as she extended the mysterious book to Frisk's face. She gasped on surprise.

"W-wait...are they actually beings from another world?...",

Are we talking aliens, monsters, or dimensional travelers at this point, because I wouldn't be surprised at either, but still be pissed off at any, at this point.

Frisk spilled out her inner thoughts,afraid of the possibility.

"Maybe they are actually...THIS.",Chara said,opening the book. But the page wasn't the one about the Phantoms. It was one about weird creatures with antennas on the top of the head,that could gain strenght trough mutation and were terrible.

Yeah, I already caught on to this from having noted the intro chase scene's monster having an antenna, couple with the four's introduction. Purple T, green D, yellow L, and red P. Teletubbies. Out of all the recasting, though, this one might be the one I'm most willing to accept.

Frisk screamed in horror,and just then Chara noticed the error. She silently turned the pages until she reached to the page that really mattered. "Here it is. The right one."

"Ghosts aren't funny C-chara...",Frisk said,denying the apparent truth.

"That is not a joke. This is the reality,Frisk. They are hiding their eyes because their eyes are soulless voids.",Chara said,defending out her point.

And the way that they stumble about, drip punch, and write things on paper is all signs that point to them being ghosts too, right?

"Or its just their style.",Frisk said,very quietly.

"Frisk! You don't get what the book of Inside Falls says?! 'Be Careful What You Wish For'!",Chara spoke,more loudly and more angrily.

Coherency was all I was asking for, man, but nothing here connects. This forced attempt at connecting an alteration of "Trust no one" falls flat on its ass, when the issue isn't about Frisk wishing for friends, but that of 'stranger danger' regarding friends she has already gotten.

"Well...what if I wish for heart earrings?",Frisk said,attempting a laid-back smile as she inserted earrings shaped like cartoonish hearts of blue color on her ears. Chara sighed in deception.

Showing her true colors, I guess.

"You can't accept it,sister...?",Chara said in a lower voice,before shaking Frisk with all her strenght and screaming,"They are going to drag your soul to HELL!!"

Image

Speaking from experience there, Chara?

Frisk screamed in denial,and she suddenly pushed Chara,making her loose her grasp over her and knock her agains't the wall out of the attic.

"NO! THEY WON'T!! YOU ARE LYING TO ME!",Frisk quickly answered as she closed the door. Chara could only hear the cries and sobs from her twin sister from behind the door. She felt like a horrible monster...and she hated feeling like a horrible monster towards the ones she loved.

No. No, you don't get to now use a third or fourth kind of use of the word 'monster', just to try and garner sympathy because you are being socially inept towards your sibling to the point of having hyperbolic mood swings.

She curled on the floor,wishing something could erase her existence or,at least,give the answer to her problems...

And I'll wish this fanfic made more sense, so we can see what's most likely out of the three to occur.

At the 5:00 PM,Frisk was wearing a different jumper,bow and jeans for the hangout with her four new friends. Instead of the blue jumper with the red heart,the blue jeans and the blue bow on the neck,

You know, those clothes we didn't get described before she stopped wearing them.

she was wearing a cherry redsparkly jumper with a owl figure,black jeans and a equally black bow. Despite all,however,she was still heartbroken about how her sister treated her.

Oh, spare me the pretend drama. Chara was an ass, is your twin sister, and you want to play it off as if her behavior was a surprise? Are you an only child, author?

She climbed down the stairs and just gave a very small smile when she noticed her four new friends were there to pick her on the door. Chara looked at the five with a sad face,sitting on a chair with the camera on her lap.

"Azzy was right...I don't have any proof...",

"It's just like that time I tried to prove Uncle Asgore was killing human children and stealing their souls."

Chara commented quietly with herself,as she watched the recording where Frisk played hopscotch with her four new friends. Chara fast-forwarded to the scene where she hugged the five together. "Probably I'm just a older twin exaggerately worried about the youn-",Chara was saying,but she suddenly stopped,when she noticed a weird detail almost poking out of the hoodies...

Heads! Only ghosts would have heads! Anyway, wouldn't it already disprove the ghost idea, by the fact that Frisk can hug them?

...antennas?...

Chara was in extreme disbelief. She rewinded just to be sure she wasn't insane,and she screamed. She jumped out of the chair and ran towards the door,screaming,"Oh my goodness! I was the right one!! GRAUNTIE PEARL!! GRAUNTIE PEEEEARL!!"

However,it was a really bad luck time. Pearl was showing to tourists a large and purple gemstone that looked like a kid,and she was having trouble explaining to the tourist what really was the gemstone.

"And here we have Crystal That Looks Like a Son Crystal; the crystal that looks like a son. I'm very lonely."

Chara couldn't wait.

"Welp...its just me and you guys.",Frisk said as she looked upwards to see the trees.

"Yes...just us and you...",the four said on a weird tone of voice,smirking.

Image

Aside from the jarring and unmentioned temporary scene change, that the ripped off visual medium can allow, you do know you are pretty much telegraphing this as a gang rape, right, author?

"PEAAARL!!",Chara tried to call for her great aunt again,but she didn't hear it. She saw Lapis ready to use a golf cart,painted on blue,white and violet. That was the only quick chance she had of saving her sister. "Lapis! W-wait,Lapis!! Please let me borrow this cart! I must save my sister from monster ghosts!",

For fuck sake, kid, you just discovered that they had antennae, which was not a give-away for ghosts. Now the author is just obtusely sticking to the repurposed canon railroad, while ignoring the actual change she provided.

Chara said,trying to sound the most trustful possible. Thankfully,Lapis gave the keys for Chara.

"Just don't run over anyone.",Lapis said before walking away from Chara. Chara quickly jumped in and inserted the key on its' slot,making the car start to work. Then,Asriel noticed it and went to the car to talk with Chara.

"Hey Chara...I know I'm not for adventures

Because changing any dynamics of anything would remove the training wheels, right? You make me ashamed just for calling this a fanfic, author.

but,please take it to protect yourself and Frisk from those four guys.",Asriel said,giving to Chara an frying pan. It looked rusty,and it was made of iron.

"Thank you.",Chara quickly thanked off. She putted the frying pan on the seat next to hers,and drived off.

"I wish you good luck!",Asriel screamed,so Chara could listen to him. Chara heard Asriel's phrase,and smiled,feeling confident she would save Frisk...and afterwards,forgive her for being unecessarily rude.

You are going to forgive Frisk? The English language can't possibly be this difficult to people, can it? What do I know, this author can't even put space after her commas.

Frisk was very sure she and her four new friends were very deep in the woods now. The trees were tall enough to make shadows that covered up the whole ground,and the sunlight barely had chance there.

"Well,Frisk...we have a little truth we must tell to you now.",Timothy said up. The four had their backs turned to Frisk.

"Don't worry,you guys can tell me anything.",Frisk said with a calm smile,but deep inside,she was actually pleading in a panicked face for them to not be beings from another dimension.

Here's a hint kid. You all are.

Much less,evil beings from another dimension that were tricking her into being their friends.

"Alright...j-just please stay calm,alright?",Penelope said,trying to calm down Frisk. The four unzipped their hoodies and cloths...

...and Frisk didn't have a nice surprise.

She's not the only one, when it's rather apparent that Teletubbies are supposed to be naked by design.

The four weren't human. They had fur. Their colors reflected the colors of their hoodies. They had anteenas with different shapes. They had something like a TV screen on their bellies,TV screens with cracks. But the worst,was their faces. The faces were pale,with soulless eyes,rounded noses,and large teeth.

Because we needed to have creepy-pasta versions of these things in order for this to seem mature and serious, I guess.

Frisk was in denial. She couldn't believe on what her eyes were seeing.

"That is weird? You need something to relax?...",the purple being,that once disguised himself as 'Timothy',asked to Frisk. "Well,let me explain...actually,we are known as 'tubbies'. You will need to sit down,okay?"

"Ah...",Frisk said,still in shock. She sitted on a rock near her,as she learned the real names of her 'friends': Tinky Winky,Dipsy,Laa-Laa and Po. Frisk found the names too adorable for their very creepy appearence.

"Anyways,short-long story:

Head-face desk.

we need a leader so we can expand ourselves. You would be willing to lead us?",Tinky said for Frisk. Frisk thought well...and when she thought,she remembered about Chara's warning...she was right. Her friends weren't normal teenagers.

Your cousin is not a normal boy either, what's your point?!

She didn't even knew their ages!...and then...she wanted to return to her sister. But first,she had to explain she didn't want to be their leader.

"Guys...I'm sorry. I can't be your leader. You guys are creepy-nice,but I'm a human,and you guys are...tubbies? Uhm...",Frisk said,awkwarded out.

"Its okay. You will never be forgettable to us...",Tinky Wink said for Frisk. The four looked sad,and Frisk gave a sweet smile. "...Because we will capture you."

Because the best leaders are the captured ones. Couldn't deviate the motivation the least bit, could you, author?

"Eh?!",Frisk said in surprise.

Tinky Wink advaned towards Frisk,startling her. An inhuman scream from Tinky clashed with Frisk's scared scream.

"Those ghosts are going to pay...don't worry Frisk. I'm coming for you.",

Those antenna wearing ghosts will pay, alright, sure.

Chara said to herself,as she drived trought the deepest part of the woods. She was going as fast as she could trough the path.

"Help me!!",Frisk's voice called out from the depths of the forest.

"I will.",Chara said,louder than before,hoping Frisk could hear her voice,and feel safe.

Chara eventually reached to a wet,illuminated cave. She saw weird beings with colorful appearences and fur. An dark purple one was above a rock,and other ones,of different colors,circled...Frisk. Chara felt motivated to speed up,and she was ready to pick up the frying pan Asriel gave to her,as a weapon.

"Stop struggling,it will be worse for you! Oof...Claw,grab her up!",

I guess Claw is from a failed Teletubbies spinoff, starring himself alongside Fang, Blood, and Maniac. Should I just give up on any remote worthwhile consistency in this fanfic now, just to soften the pain?

Tinky said. An tubbie of brown color tried to grab Frisk's hand,but she gave a kick on the belly,further breaking its screen. It knelt and holded the screen in pain.

"What is going on?!",Chara said in a genuinely surprised voice,as she got out of the cart as quick as she could. An tubbie of ice cyan color hissed at her,making her briefly back up. Nevertheless,she stood brave and firm.

"Chara! My friends are actually a bunch of creepy creatures with televisions inplanted on them!!",Frisk screamed in a despaired voice. Chara was right. Her sister's friends were definitively not human...but they weren't really ghosts.

Chara figured she'd have to mark down a new sub-group for her monster-community segregation plans.

"Huh...so that was it.",Chara said,understanding where she was wrong. She opened the mysterious book and flipped it up. She found the page that talked about the tubbies and began to read aloud:

'TUBBIES: Mysterious beings of the Inside Falls forest. Their weakness is unknow.'

Since these Tubbies are AU versions as well, their weakness isn't any vocabulary exercises for three-year-olds and upwards.

When she lowered the book from her face,she quickly noticed her sister was tied on a tree,a large string wrapped on her arms and torso. She was struggling and weeping to free herself. Chara quickly putted thebook on her hoodie's pocket,and picked the frying pan as a weapon.

"AHEM. ...You better free my sister now.",Chara said,coldly,toward the tubbies.

"Chill. You actually don't get what is happening.

I must say, this is the most laid back kidnapping I've ever seen.

She wasn't captured by us. She will willingly lead us for all eternity. Right,our master?",Tinky Wink explained for Chara and,afterwards,asked For Firsk.

"NEVER!",Frisk said,trying to sound angry and brave,but actually sounding scared and despaired. An orange tubbie covered her mouth,and she made muffled scared noises. Chara holded the frying pan as a weapon,making the most furious face she could do on that hour.

Yeah, I know what you are getting at. Most I can manage in the afternoon is just an average 'meh' kind of expression.

"You will regret not giving her back.",Chara said in a cold and raspy voice.

"Don't toy with us,little girl! You will never be able to defeat us! We are a powerful race that can spread corruption and-",Tinky Winky was saying...

Before he was casually wacked away by Chara with the frying pan. She quickly did the same with the other tubbies surrounding Frisk. She freed Frisk from the string,and ran to the cart. Hastily,Chara made the car activate off,and they escaped.

...but it was far from being over.

"Chara...what if they return to get us?",Frisk asked to her twin Chara,scared.

"Meeeh. They were easily whacked with the frying pan. They won't be able to follow us.",

"I mean, did you not see how easy the author made it for me to brush aside those teenager-sized monsters?"

Chara answered,not worried. ...but they should be worried.

The two,suddenly,saw four large shadows behind them. Frisk and Chara screamed in fear. Chara speeeded up the cart,but some beings were thrown over the cart. Light brown 'tubbies' with veins over their faces,frowns,and no arms. They screeched and tried to attack. Frisk pushed out two of them: one that was nearby her,and other that was over Chara's face. Sadly,Chara's old green hat was lost.

"Thanks,Frisk...",Chara said,extremely dizzy from the pain.

"Heh...no problem,I guess. I just hope they can survive...",Frisk replied.

Sounds like someone just lost their chance at the Pacifist Route.

Then,she noticed a stronger,bigger Tinky Winky was punching a tree towards the cart. She screamed. When Chara noticed why her sister was screaming,she screamed along. The cart was hitted,and it was thrown towards the Crystal Shack,landing nearby it. It was destroyed,but thankfully,Chara and Frisk crawled out of it with no fatal injuries. But four beings were there,obscured by the shadow. Chara throwed the frying pan at one of them,but they punched it like it was a simple leaf.

"AAAAAH!",Chara and Frisk screamed together,hugging themselves.

"Wait...where is Grauntie Pearl?",

Hopefully off some place where she can be my constant potential source of comedic relief through this dull caricature of a story.

Chara asked to Frisk. Pearl was busy guiding some tourist inside the Crystal Shack. They couldn't count with her and her aid...But Frisk,suddenly,had a idea.

"Hey...Chara,pick the axe,and go cut up the biggest tree you can. Aim it at them,I have a plan...",Frisk whispered for Chara.

Quick question. Does your plan involve them being both blind, deaf, and stupid?

"What?...",Chara said,regretfully going along with her younger twin's plan. She pick the axe and went to the largest tree she would find. While it happened,Frisk walked towards the four beginnings.

"I accept to be your leader.",Frisk said,faking she was giving up,and accepting her 'destiny'. The four beings de-transformed themselves back to their regular tubby forms,walking towards Frisk with a smile. But suddenly,they heard a falling noise. The tubbies noticed they felt for a trap and ran backwards,but the tree felt on their legs,making them screech on pain. Chara came back with a large smirk over her face. Altrought Frisk felt alot of pity for the tubbies,she hi-fived Chara with a small smile.

Ah, permanently crippling your enemies to pacify them. The morally questionable route it is.

The tubbies managed to crawl out of the tree,and they ran back to the forest. Frisk and Chara watched as they ran,and dropped some kind of blue liquid on their way. The swan was holding one of the light brown smaller ones on its beak.

"...I am sorry I was stupid enough to not believe on you,sis...",Frisk said,cleaning her hair from the autumn leaves on her hair.

Well, I mean, she had literally nothing to base her assumption on, was wrong, and kept being wrong after being right. Let's just say both of you are idiots and call it a day. Wait, autumn leaves? Author, these kids are supposed to be here on a summer holiday. You wrote that yourself!

"Don't feel like that. We would be dead meat,if it weren't for you.",Chara said,comforting Frisk.

"Its sad my first bunch of friends were just luring me into being their leader.",Frisk said,looking to the forest,to the trail of blue liquid.

"Don't worry,you will find real friends very soon.",Chara said,putting one of her hands over Frisk's shoulder.

I can't wait for all the platonic dates that's not going to happen.

"Heh...thanks,sis. You are the bestest sister I could ever ask off...",Frisk said,as she gently hugged Chara,surprising her a little bit. Then,Chara hugged her back,patting her on the back. Frisk rested her head over Chara's shoulder.

The twins finally entered back on the Crystal Shack. They didn't look like it,but both were extremey tired. They turned to the balcony and faced off with Grauntie Pearl,whom was actually very worried with their absence.

She had panicked so greatly in their absence, in fact, that she had remodeled the shack and installed a balcony. Seriously, what the fuck?

"Finally you two got here! And- OH MY GOODNESS! What happened to you two?!",Pearl said,first,on an angry voice,and then,to a very worried voice.

"I mean, you two look so not tired that it's just unbelievable!"

The two twins were ready to walk away,awkward about the thought that would have to explain the bizzare event that happened with them,but Pearl interrupted,"Oh! You might wanna take something! Because,well,the inventory is overstocked. So,you might take a free gift!"

I don't know if it's because it's near the end, or because any neglected second of the show is dead air in the author's mind, but this story flounders with the subtlety the show did so well. Stan paused, seeing his niece and nephew in a rough state, and in a ploy to improve their moods or possibly even show a willingness to mend what little estranged ties they have as a family, the money-grubbing conman who never gives anything away for free allows them a present each with a faked, paper-thin excuse. Here it's presented as if that lie was true.

"Oh!",Frisk said,turning around.

"Alright then...lets go check it out...",Chara said,switching to her stoic tone.

The two twins then began to look trought the store for something to choose as the 'free gift'. Chara decided to take one of the Crystal Shack's hats as her gift. It was yellow and white,designed for girls,and had the figure of a buttercup flower,which felt extremely well on Chara's taste.

Take that thing out of your mouth.

"Well,this looks nice.",Chara commented,as she looked at herself on the mirror wearing the hat.

"Oh my GOODNESS!",Frisk suddenly exclaimed. She picked an item from the box,and exposed it. It was a closed-up umbrella with a weird color pallete: blue,violet and red mixed in a chaotic way. "What a lovely umbrella!",Frisk exclaimed,as she hugged the closed umbrella and twirled around the entrance.

You are going to have that umbrella be an identical substitute tool for all the functions the grappling hook actually had in the show, defying the laws of physics in ways the show didn't even do in the process, author. This story is dumb. It's plain and simple. You are doing your source material an intellectual disservice by making a constant retread of everything by using nothing applicable to achieve it.

"Wha...I thought she would take a toy?...",Pearl said in disbelief of what she was actually seeing.

"Well,she is happy with it.",Chara commented,not as surprised as her great aunt was.

"This book told to me that I should be careful about what I could wish on Inside Falls.

And the author fucks over the potential of this being any sort of meaningful phrasing or echoed threat, as through this chapter alone, Frisk has wished for an attic, Chara has wished to lose her 'politic education' and have her existence erased, and she was wished good luck by her monsterous cousin before going out hunting monsters. Wishing FOR something IN Inside Falls will have no worthwhile payoff, I'm calling it already. 'Trust no one' is a source of paranoia and warning of danger. 'Careful what you wish for' is a doting disclaimer to reconsider your pursued desires. And yet the author will sell us this Gravity Falls rewrite as if those two sentences have the same impact and contextual meaning.

But fighting an army of bears with antennas with someone by your side,you will always wish this person on your side."

Just remember to stretch before reaching, kid.

"Our great aunt told to us that there is nothing to worry about this town,and that every mythical being is a myth. But maybe...there is a even more darker secret,awaiting to be uncovered."

The canons, because they are six feet under in separate caskets.

What can I really say about this crossover? It's not Undertale. It's not Gravity Falls. It's not Steven Universe. The author seems unwilling to retain the characters, deleting their baggage as well as their mannerisms, believing that substituting them into roles from the cast of Gravity Falls will do the job for her.

I can get that the author tries. I can get that the author attempts to write something good. But I am not going to say that it has been a success. Butchered English and even basic glaringly obvious punctuation issues aside, being such a leech on the side of each canon, you'd think there would have been more success, if she hadn't deliberately gone out of her way to copy each instance of dialogue and rearrange it with a vague notion of what a thesaurus is. The only AU that's genuine in this mess is regarding what words mean.

And what was even the point of the chapter title?

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Tue Nov 20, 2018 7:56 am

I have come to the point where I've boiled down my current grievances with this fanfic down to a single word. Substitution. This is a substitution fanfic. It's the same recipe but with different ingredients. The same room with different wallpaper. The same adventure but with different characters. You know practically every step that's coming, in spite of the incoming distortion of the formulaically different components involved. This is not how fanfics should work. Fanfics are about playing with or extending the canon, breathing life into a story through the source material, using known characters and a known universe to tell a different story from the author's imagination. Inside Falls is doing the opposite. Unrecognizable characters in an unrecognizable world, where the author tells the same story we already know, using an imagination only for how to wedge it all together with cognitive dissonance in its wake.

I'm done ranting for now, let's just move on to the mock. Here's Chapter 2, The Tale of Destiny.

"Are you ready to lose to me?",Chara said,pouring some syrup on the breakfast she and her sister were about to eat: large waffles.

"Hah,I am the one that is going to win,sis.",Frisk said,smiling as she also poured syrup on her pile of waffles. After pouring the syrup on the waffles,the two twins picked up a knife and fork for themselves.

"1,2,3... waffle challenge!",the two twins said in unision,as they began to cut the waffles with the fork to eat.

Amateurs. How's table manners going to help in a race?

However,while Chara ate with patience,Frisk ate on a exaggerately fast rate,almost vomiting up the waffles after finish up the breakfast.

The point of a challenge is that you at least participate, Chara, try and keep up.

Despite it,she threw her arms on the air in victory. Chara sighed and picked up a newspaper. Suddenly,she gasped in surprise.

I'm pretty sure the continued existence of newspapers is as much a surprise to her generation as it is to me.

"Woah...no way. Frisk,check that.",Chara commented with an dark smile as she showed to her sister the newspaper page she was reading.

"Woah...plushes of big owls? It sounds cute.",Frisk said,looking at the left side of the newspaper,that was showing up an advertisement of large plushies of owl appearence.

"...Actually,no.",Chara said,pointing her finger to the right side,who was showing an advertisement of a contest about monster videos.

Specifically about sending in audition tapes for Napstablook and Shyren's new band. Seriously, author, is this your AU idea? That monsters aren't monsters?

"We see way creepier and cooler stuff than what is showing here.

Kids, you should really stop spying on your cousin showering.

...wait...we don't have any recordings of those tubbies,right?"

"Hmm-hmm. Just the memories...oh,and this.",Frisk answered,and afterwards,showed something on her hand. The piece of a skin of the smaller,light brown tubbies. It was dry,and had the texture of a dry leaf.

And you've yet again disappointed me by not calling it Tubby residue, author.

"Disgusting...",Chara commented. Frisk just nodded her head in agreement,wondering how and why she saved that. Suddenly,the two twins saw Grauntie Pearl walking towards them with an excited smile.

She had spawned just out of frame to their sudden attention.

"Hello kids! Do you know what day it is?",Pearl said,with a motherly excitment.

"*sigh*...Anniversary day?",Chara said,sounding bored and uninteresed.

"Family Hangout?",Frisk said,being the twin most interesed on Pearl's question.

"That is right,Frisk!",Pearl replied in an excited voice as she went to the fridge pick up some milk. "We will have a break from our work and hangout,like a real family should."

"Because that's what we are. Family. And not an amalgam of unrelated people. Oh, and we won't bring your freaky cousin with the fur-problem.

"...Grauntie Pearl,I hope this hangout won't be like the previous one.",Chara said on a stoic voice,remembering about when she and Frisk helped Pearl make cash out of crystals,and when the three were arrested because of counterfeit.

Author, you are bending backwards to force out your rewrites of these jokes. Crystals are the last thing you can sell as counterfeit, unless you mean they sold broken glass, at which that's what you are supposed to tell us they did!!

"It was very cold...brrr...",Frisk said on a sad voice,also remembering of this bad day.

"I know,I'm honestly sorry for that...but don't worry,I'll make up for it with a real family hangout. Now,prepare yourselves because we will go to the car!",Pearl said,trying her best to reasurre the twins this 'family hangout' would be genuinely nice.

"YEAH!",Frisk cheered,lifting her fist on the air.

"Boy golly here we go...",Chara bitterly commented with herself,refusing to believe on her great aunt's words.

Boy golly? Can you not even use two Mickey Mouse exclamations without only doing half of each?

---

The twins were being transported by Pearl's car. Frisk was wearing an magenta jumper with a gold star on the middle,and black jeans. Both she and Chara were blindfolded. A plan from Pearl for them to not discover the 'secret'.

"I swear if we find an killer rabbit...",Chara said in a sour and angry voice.

Image

Oh, sorry, I just noticed that the author had announced a random non-sequitur reference hour, and felt like participating.

For her,blindfolds were a sign of bad luck.

"I hope its something cool like a...oh,a deer! A very beautiful deer.",Frisk said,in a more happy and loud voice.

"Oh,I'm sure it will be something even more greater than a simple deer!",Pearl said for Frisk.

So, a Gyftrot then?

Okay, it's getting annoying already how you can expect and sketch out the events of this fanfic. They will go to a place to bond as a family. They will hear rumors of a monster by a McGucket knockoff at that place. The twins will split from Pearl and go to where the monster is alongside Asriel who will show up without prompt. There will be a scene of them going to the monster, failing to find the monster, finally finding the monster, fleeing from the monster, discovering the monster is fake and piloted by McNot-it, and then returning to Pearl after learning a mistranslated moral of the episode. Prove me wrong, author.

~~

Pearl's car parked up on a curious set of buildings in ruins,of eastern style. Like chinese or japanese houses that once somebody had lived in. Pearl was the first one to jump out of the car,followed by Chara and Frisk,whom were still blindfolded.

"Alright,you can open up!",Pearl said.

"Deep down I'm just a shitty person pretending to have empathy for those around me."

"The blindfold, Chara."

Chara and Frisk removed their blindfolds,and looked at Pearl.

"Taa-daa! Its Eastern Season!",Pearl said with an excited smile,standing below a sign hanged between two wooden plans that readed 'EASTERN SEASON,OPENING TODAY!'. The two twin girls were both extremely confused.

They are confused that Pearl took a wrong turn at Albuquerque, because I'm pretty sure we just entered a banned, racist Bugs Bunny cartoon.

"Eastern?",Frisk said. She was wondering why Inside Falls would have a season about 'chinese or japanese stuff'.

"What is the meaning off all of that,mistress?",Chara said in a polite way.

Author, I'm saying this at the expense of many filthy jokes I could possibly make in future chapters: Please learn the usage of that word, tout suite.

"Its going to be wonderful! Everyone from the town is here as well!",Pearl said,and pointed out to the left,showing that many townfolks were there as well,taking pictures of the ancient eastern houses. And some of them were entering inside the houses as well. "Isn't this real family bounding,kids?"

No, this is stupid plagiary that miss the mark by a mile. This is a tourist trap location. In Inside Falls, which is a tourist trap town. They live with this thing. The canon fishing season opening at the local lake makes sense to draw in the locals. Why are they flocking to their own income-lure?

"Grauntie Pearl,why you suddenly want to bond with us both?",Chara asked,suspicious of Pearl's current behavior.

"Well,Grauntie Pearl was actually an Eastern Season loner before you two came: nobody comes with me,because...sadly...nobody likes me.",Pearl explained,clapping her hands together with an slightly sad face.

"Hey,sis,I think she just wants to put us on a house...",Frisk whispered on Chara's ear. Chara completely agreed.

I don't know what you mean, author, and I honestly don't care. You are still copying in any random choice of dialogue to overlap the canon ones with your subversion to Cultural Appropriation Day, as if fearing the original plot will pop in if not completely blotted out by your own hand.

"Don't worry,I have the perfect thing to cheer you two up!",Pearl said with an smile,as she pulled two things from behind her back: two chinese hats with names written in-front of them. Chara's name was written on the left hat with yellow and green letters,while Frisk's name was written on the right hat with blue and violet letters. The twins picked up their respective hats,but the starting letters from their names peeled off a little.

And because there only exists one kind of hat in China in this universe, there is no need to describe them further. You've not only made me kind of question your racial viewpoints, author, you've also made me question whether you chose this based entirely on Frisk's rather yellowish skin and squinting eyes in the game.

"We will have eight hours of fun exploring those eastern ruins!"

Oh, and now they are ruins to explore?

"Oh god...eight hours...",Chara quietly said,already predicting immense trouble.

"I have the poem book!",Pearl happily said,showing to the twins a book of cyan cover about mixed poems.

"NO,ONE BILLION OF TIMES!",Chara screamed loudly,making an angry face where her black eyebags where very visible and her unnatural red eyes where very scary.

Go to bed on time, kid.

"There isn't other way?",Frisk said,putting her hat in a awkward way above her head.

"I SAW HIM! I SAW HIM ONCE MORE!!",an voice suddenly called out. It sounded exactly like a male adult on his middle age. Out from the ruins,stumbling and crashing on alot of things,came an adult man...no,actually,an adult living skeleton.

Which, despite the significance of cursive font highlight of course, isn't a monster.

His skull,which was his face,

As opposed to my first guess, which was his pelvis.

had cracks on the eyes,and the eys were purely black with white pupils. He weared black and white piece of clothings,and weared a broken glass. "The Inside Falls dragon DESTINY! Run away before he breaks all of your minds as well!!"

"Uhm,excuse me sir? What is the dragon Destiny?",Frisk asked timidly to the adult skeleton,extending her hand to him. Suddenly,he covered her hand with his two hands,who were,obviously,skeleton-like and had a hole on the middle of them.

Okay, back the fuck up, because I just realized the next dumb thing I'm going to rant on for likely every time this guy shows up. Gaster? Really, author? You substituted the role of McGucket by plugging in Gaster?! You couldn't have made a more jarring and off-point casting choice than had you used Slenderman in place of Tad Strange! W. D. Gaster. The boogieman of Undertale. A character both so obscure and significant in the lore that he's regarded as a puppeteering Big Bad. I have pages worth of issues about this choice, but if I poured it all out at once, how will I even get done with this chapter?

"Run away,young lady! Run before the dragon can kidnap you!",the adult skeleton said,in a VERY worried voice. Out of the wooden house near the eastern ruins,came another skeleton. Very shorter,with a blue outfit,and a more rounded head shape than the taller skeleton,who had a oval head shape.

"dad,stop with that. you are scaring off the visitors...",the short skeleton said,in a low and slow voice,to the taller skeleton,who was apparently his father.

"But I have proofs. REAL PROOFS.",the taller skeleton assured to his son.

If I wasn't beyond caring, I'd have a lot more to say about the fact that you also now seem to have put fucking Sans into the place of Tate McGucket, the Lake Gravity Falls boat lender. It's straining enough, as it is pretty blatant that this is an Undertale AU of an Undertale AU.

---

The tall skeleton in black and wait pointed to the ground,and there was scales,scales of a golden color and big size on the ground. "THERE! Those are the scales of that big chinese dragon! He had a mustache on his nasal holes,little wings on his head!...and attractive eyes,like this lady.",he said,pointing to Pearl after finishing his speech.

Image

Wings on his head? What? Do you mean 'ears'?!

"Uhm...",Pearl said,holding her nose and blushing.

"It chased me,making me drop my glass,and he flied to the Mountain of Yellow Diamond! YOU MUST BELIEVE ON ME!",the tall skeleton said,pointing to his chest as he tried to proof his point. But then,everybody,except the Dreemurrs,began to laugh at the skeleton's face.

This included his son, of course, I'm glad we are paying attention to these details.

He sadly walked away,realizing nobody would listen to him.

"...That was curious. Well,I'll check my backpack to see if we really are ready!",Pearl said,recovering from the shock. She opened her backpack and checked out inside.

"Hmm...you heard what the skeleton said,Frisk?",Chara asked to her sister.

"...Destiny? The dragon,I mean...",Frisk replied to Chara.

Yeah, I'm not even sure why we have a Chinese dragon named Destiny right now. Google only turns up some rather risqué images from a fan-service rich anime named Ikki Tousen.

"Exactly. If we record him in action,we can get that prize. And we will share.",Chara said with an smile.

"Oh my goodness!",said Frisk,as she began to think on the possibility of getting a big owl plush,to impress three imaginary friends she had since she was very small.

While not only seeming off kilter with this owl fetish, this characterization of replacement Mabel is just bonkers, author. Her growing boy-crazy phase made sense to have opportunities on a vacation where she is meeting new people, but you want me to think that your version of Frisk hasn't made a single friend back home in her entire life?! Mabel makes friends off-handedly without a sweat in the show itself, for crying out loud.

She widely opened her eyes,revealing her sky blue and brown eyes

"Uh...Frisk?",Chara said,poking Frisk's nose in a attempt to bring her back to reality. After some attempts,Frisk finally snapped back to reality.

"Oh...as long as the dragon isn't hurt,I am along this!",Frisk said,with a determined stance.

"Hey Grauntie Pearl,change of plans! We will go to the Mountain of Yellow Diamond to find that Destiny!",Chara said for Pearl,trying to put a non-suspicious stance.

Because a suspicious stance would only make Pearl misunderstand their voiced intent, of course.

Then,she looked at Frisk and the two began to chant to get Pearl's attention:

'Dragon hunt! Dragon hunt!'

The tall skeleton from before returned,accidentaly joining the chant of dragon hunt. The twins stopped making their chant and looked at the skeleton. Pearl also looked at the skeleton,very confused.

She couldn't believe the author was that desperate to reuse every single joke. This isn't even a fanfic, it's an exercise in noting down every part of the show the author particularly liked.

"Erm...sorry,youngsters.",The skeleton apologized,making an common stance,adjusting his glasses and walking away with his hands on his back.

"Hey guys! I heard you are going to a dragon hunt!",Asriel's soft voice suddenly ringed in. Frisk,Chara and Pearl turned around their heads to face Asriel carrying a large backpack behind him.

And the God of Hyperdeath has arrived at the family outing right on time. Fuck me, with every lack of logic already, Flowey is probably going to be the final bad guy of this fanfic, too?

"Asriel!",Frisk happily said as both she and Chara approached of Asriel.

"Its nice to see you again rosey!",Asriel said in a playful way. afterwards,he and Frisk shared a fist bump and made sparkling noises. "I actually got hiking tools for three people,so you can use it for the dragon hunting."

"I brought extras for no reason. Imagine that."

"Woah woah woah,let the kids choose up! So,do you prefer to waste your precious time with an 'fantaaastic' dragon hunt adventure,or explore all the houses of this wonderful eastern ruins with your Great Aunt Pearl?",Pearl said for Asriel and asked for Frisk and Chara.

Frisk and Chara looked at Asriel,who was scratching the high hunk of fur on his head. The two looked back at Pearl,who was making a reasurring pose with her left hand on her chest. The two looked at the distance,seeing a high mountain that was the Mountain of Yellow Diamond. The two looked at themselves. Chara was wearing a calm smirk,while Frisk's smile was big.

Oh yeah, the calluses they'll get just walking to that mountain will be worth the trip alone.

"Sooo?",Pearl said,extendind her head for the two twin's face.

Suddenly,Chara and Frisk ran to Asriel,laughing and hugging him. Altrough he was surprised,he quickly joined the laughter and hugged back. The hug ended fastly,but the three were still laughing,as they went to a different direction,ready to go hunting the dragon Destiny.

"Ah! How dare they abandon me like that? Hmpth,its not like I'm not brave enough to check those ruins by myself.",Pearl said,surprised and,deep inside,heartbroken.

Maybe you should befriend some archeologists, Pearl, so someone can figure out what the hell an oriental ruin is even doing in America.

---

Asriel,Chara and Frisk were running trought a dense forest,laughing,jumping over mud pools and tree brenches. They were very ready to find the great dragon Destiny. If only they noticed the dragon was nearby,watching them...

The trio stopped their tracks when they felt they were on a area very near to the mountain.

Wow, Spiderman has nothing on mountain senses.

"We must keep this plan straight,so we can win. And if we want to win,we want to avoid problems. What is a big problem on any kind of monster hunt?",Chara said,pacing around Frisk and Asriel.

"Being a major character who dies can be a big trouble on a movie. Wait...I am the major character who dies?! THAT is creepy!",Asriel said,on a scared voice and holding the cloth of his shirt.

I knew your incessant joke-stealing substitution would fuck it up by trying to invert this joke, author, making it utterly useless and off beat, even more so by the fact that you let it flow forth with nonexistent self-aware joke-potential, from the lips of a character whose role in the source material was that he had died.

"No no no no no. Camera is a big trouble. For example,a vampire appears. Asriel,can you be the vampire?",Chara explained and asked for Asriel.

Shouldn't be too hard for him, since they probably have some undead among their extended family members. Living skeletons still aren't monsters, though, just to make that clear.

Asriel nodded,and tried his best on a pose of a vampire of a movie poster.

Wait, you can't even describe in words how one imitates a vampire, author?

"Ahah! An vampire!",Chara said,mimicking an actor. She reached to her hoodie's pockets,patting them. "Oh no! Where is my camera?",Chara continued,and she finally reached to the camera on her pocket. "Here it is! Oh..no battery...*ahem* See? You got my point?"

"...Actually,your point is reasonable.",Asriel said,dropping the vampire pose.

"It's so reasonable, in fact, that I'll tweet it with my iPhone. Let's take a selfie while we are at it."

"So,that is why I bought seven disposable cameras and hidded them on six places.",explained Chara. "Two sets are on my hoodie's pockets,two sets are under your possesion,one set are on my very hoodie,and the last one...under my hat. This plan will surely not fail. Alright,lets test the cameras before we climb up the mountain."

Asriel aimed the disposable camera on himself,taking a shot. Scared by the camera's flash,he accidentaly losed his grasp on it,making it fall on a pool of mud. Frisk saw a humming-bird flying towards her,and she accidentaly threw her camera on a tree,cracking it.

"Be careful guys,don't lose the cameras!",Chara warned.

Well, that line would only make sense if they had more cameras to lose, Chara.

"What,don't lose the cameras?",Asriel asked,very confused.

"Yeah!",Chara answered,crossing her arms.

"Uhm,two of my cameras felt on mud. Heheh...",Asriel said,scratching the back of his head as he awkwardly laughed.

"So,according to my calculations,we have-",Chara was about to say the group had thirty-nine disposable cameras,but her grasp on the camera was so strong that she accidentaly broke that as well. "...thirty-eight cameras...",Chara finished,in a slow voice.

You've already forgot the camera count you wrote a paragraph ago, because you had to keep your substitution on track, haven't you author?

"I hope we won't keep running out of cameras.",Frisk commented,checking her sack that currently had six cameras.

"So,the plan to lure the monster is trough the use of citrus fruits.",Chara explained out.

Because everyone knows dragons love citrus fruits, of course. In fact, I'm sure that was what room service was serving the dragon monster at the MTT Resort!!

"I got some! I'll taste them first.",Asriel said,as he pulled from his backpack a sack full of weird fruits of bright violet color. He chewed on one of them,coughing it afterwards. "Ew! It tastes very sour!"

The canon had fish bait, because originally they were going fishing, and the joke is that you ordinarily wouldn't know what fish bait tastes like, nor would you try it. Here we have citrus fruits which everyone knows are sour. What a comedian, this author, huh?

"Kinda like my shell.",Chara commented.

Cram it and go to Hot Topic already, you emo snowflake.

Frisk and Chara laughed together. Asriel awkwardly joined the laughter after choking the fruit out of his mouth.

Now,it was time to climb out.

I don't need your instructions on how to escape this Hell.

Chara,Frisk and Asriel wore their climbing boots,and threw their hooks upwards. They felt their hooks holding own on something,and began to climb. A mist slowly made its presence clear,obscuring the vision from the teenagers.

Ah yes, the teenagers comprised of a goat boy and two pre-teens.

Asriel turned up a lantern,and with Chara's permission,hanged it over her arm. They continued the climbing,until they reached to a platform. The lantern possibilited the vision of the sign that readed 'MOUNTAIN OF YELLOW DIAMOND'.

"Yellow Diamond...well,it sounds like a villian name.",Asriel commented after reading the sign.

Well, that's at least more insightful than a 'Butt Island' joke, but you're running out of substitution villains with that shout out, author.

The group heard a loud roar on the distance. It sounded omnious,and mysterious.

"A-asriel...I'm scared...",Frisk said,hugging Asriel afterwards.

"...I confess I'm as scared as you.",Asriel replied,patting Frisk's head to comfort her.

A spider-like being suddenly appeared,stealing the lamp from Chara.

"What?! Oh godda-...great,we can't see anything anymore.",Chara said,almost swearing up on the middle of the speech.

How about you took a photo of the monster that just passed you, since it wasn't a possum like in the show, genius?!

"Chara...I think we should climb down...I don't think it will be very worth anymore...",Asriel said for Chara,still comforting Frisk by patting her head.

"Don't worry,we will make over it. And perhaps,gain a photo to keep our honor alive.",Chara said,on a kind of creepy voice.

Well, I would hope as much, Drama Queen, since the article you read specified it wanted monster videos.

Nevertheless,Asriel and Frisk decided they would go along Chara,no matter what happens.

~~

The three were making up their path over the Mountain of Yellow Diamond. To cease the tension between themselves,Frisk and Asriel began to sing a song together: Asriel was making up the 'instrumental' part while Frisk maked the vocals.

This is going to be less like Hope and Dreams and more like Tem Shop, isn't it?

🎵Its gonna be a cool adventure,

I got my friend and my sister on my side~

I will keep hoping for the best outcome,

Even trought I don't know how its gonna be~🎵

I'm sorry, can you make up your mind, is Asriel your friend or your cousin?

"I wonder why we didn't write this yet.",Asriel said with a smile over his face for Frisk.

"Hey! You are listening?",Chara suddenly spoke to her companions,holding one of the disposable cameras. The same omnious roar was heard on the distance. Some mountain birds that were resting on the rocks flied away,far from the sound. "This is it!"

"Yeah!",Chara and Frisk said together,high-fiving. As the twins went ahead,Asriel picked up a piece of wood,putting it in-front of him like a shield. As they climbed up the mountain,and reached to the top,they found out the top was very large.

Well, not every dragon mountain can end in a pointed tip like High Hrothgar.

On the distance of the platform,they saw a purely black silhouette,shaped like a dragon. The group hided behind a rock,preparing the cameras.

"Prepare off. We will go when I say three! One,two...THREE!",Chara spoke.

The three ran towards the creature,snapping photos,and they breaked their run when they approached too much. ...and for their unfortunate luck,it was just the rock of a dragon,where some bird nests rested in.

And here we have Rock That Looks Like a Dragon Rock, the rock that looks like a dragon, Dragon Rock Z - Sorry, I lost track of what crossover this was.

"What...I-i thought I heard a dragon roar...",Chara said,in disbelief.

The 'roar' was actually the arrival of the adult birds,who twiked so loud that,on the distance,it could easily be mistaken as a dragon.

Image

Yes, of course it was bird calls, which as the author described as both "omnious" and "mysterious" that scared away the other birds in this area!!

"Cool! Birds!",Asriel excitedly said,as he took a picture of the adult birds.

"...Maybe that skeleton man was just a weirdo...",Chara said,feeling defeated and tricked.

"He may have dropped his glasses for another reason as well.",Frisk agreed,feeling as defeated as her twin sister.

They fell through his hand holes, obviously.

"What we will say for Grauntie Pearl? We ran for her just to find nothing...",Chara said,as she angrily kicked a small rock away. The rock rolled toward the left edge of the platform,falling down. Suddenly,the platform began to tremble. "W-w-woah,what is this?"

The silhouette of a flying dragon suddenly appeared. The dragon looked like it was flying away.

Damn, better cut the battle theme, then. Fake-out encounters in Skyrim are such a tease.

"WOAH!!",Frisk screamed.

"Yes! That is it!",Chara spoke in victory,as she aimed the camera towards the dragon,taking as much pictures she could. "That is our only chance guys!",she continued. But when Chara turned around,still with the camera on her face,she saw that Frisk and Asriel were backing up. In fear. "From what you two are wishing to run?",Chara asked on curiosity.

From your probably contagious use of broken English, for one.

"C-chara?",Frisk and Asriel said,almost in unision and also wit a similar,scared voice.

"Taking pictures isn't a hard task. Unless if you don't have arms. Heh.",Chara laughed at her own joke,and turned around to aim the camera at the dragon...just to see that the dragon was on her face.

The dragon is obviously judging her for having less wisdom than a fortune cookie.

A dragon exactly similar to the chinese myths,in golden and orange colors.

The giant dragon roared. Chara dropped her camera,understanding why her cousin and her twin sister were scared. The three soon began to run away. The platform was actually very long,so it would take a good while to return to the path. And it wasn't the right hour to go slow.

They had to get out of their comfort zone that is the slow lane.

The dragon used it's tail to make a rock fly towards Chara and Frisk. The two rolled out of harm,almost getting hit by the rock. The twins got up with Asriel,as they finally were approaching the path to climb down. Chara tried to take a photo from the dragon,but the tip of the dragon's tail touched it,making it crack.

"Oh no!",Chara screamed. She felt a hand grab her right arm. Asriel was carrying Frisk on his right arm,and pulling Chara with his left hand.

How big is Asriel supposed to be? The author's own art depicts him as below adult head height.

"I just hope some bird photos can make out for the loss!",Asriel screamed the loudest he could,since the dragon's step noises were extremely loud.

"It makes up,but just a LITTLE!",Chara also screamed,holding thighly on her hat.

Because bird pictures are of course a perfect substitute for dragons. With this author's mindset on this fanfic, how could you think otherwise?

The three reached to their specific climbing ropes and began to climb down the fastest their could. Chara tried to take another photo,but she found out the lens were cracked. She reached to her last camera,but it didn't even bother to work.

"Azzy! You have any spare cam-",Chara was asking,until she noticed Asriel was throwing his cameras on the dragon's feet,trying to stop it.

With the constant repeat of character-substituted actions, I feel like I'm witnessing a student driver proclaiming themselves a passable grade after sitting in the backseat of a car. The author isn't creating anything here. She's just going through an ad-lib exercise.

"...Oh,sorry. Here,take it!",Asriel said,throwing the camera for Chara. Chara tried to catch it as she climbed down,but unfortunately,she was too low to get it,and it flied away.

"Oh NO...oh double NO! Birds!!",Chara said,first,mourning the loss of the camera,and afterwards,warning to her teammates of the birds. They clearly were annoyed by being disturbed,and were wishing revenge.

These kids are third in line for even having disturbed these birds, right behind the dragon and more birds!!

Frisk,Chara and Asriel ran trough all the forest,having to deal with birdies beaking their heads,and above all,the dragon chasing them. They were back on the Eastern Ruins,and chaos quickly spreaded over the ruins of chinese/japanese style.

"What do we do?!",Frisk pratically screamed.

Hope that someone else notices the dragon in this popular ruin attraction on opening day? Which, of course, won't happen.

Chara,then,remembered about the book. She hastily picked it up,opened it up and flipped trough the pages.

"The books says we must trap him on the bigger house!!",Chara screamed as she readed the book to her teammates.

"The BIGGER?!",Frisk said,in disbelief.

Image

You are telling me that the book has exact information on defeating this dragon, by using a specific building at this specific location, alluding to the fact that this has been done before already and the dragon will be dumber for falling for it twice? And you have Frisk utter a random word in exasperation, simply because that was something she did when faced with a 'maybe' in a life-or-death situation at diving through a waterfall as an escape. You obviously didn't intend to, author, but you are actually insulting my intelligence at every chapter, at this point.

The three screamed as the dragon's tail whipped them towards the largest house. They crashed up on the wall,injuring themselves alot. When they helped themselves get up,they found out the dragon,Destiny,charging at them,and they screamed. But thanks to the little door,it got stuck in there.

Doors at a Chinese/Japanese ruin. A dragon's only weakness.

"I hope its ok.",Frisk said,trying to recover her breath.

"Yes! Its stuck. Just give me a second...",Chara said,as she checked out for her cameras. Unfortunately,no camera. Then,Frisk lifted Chara's hat up,revealing the last remaining camera. Chara laughed as she taked up the best shots she could from the being.

"The photos are ok?",Frisk asked for Chara.

"They,are,AMAZING.",Chara happily announced,as she bear-hugged her sister thighly. Frisk laughed happily,and hugged her back. Asriel was simply smiling,looking at the two sisters.

Destiny,still roaring,was hitted by a wooden plank,and it felt down...with,a metallic noise.

Boo. I've made sturdier robots out of Legos.

"What the...?",Chara said,interrupting the hug she was sharing with her twin.

Chara walked towards the being. It didn't react. She gave a small slap. Her hand slightly hurted,and she had contact with metal. She poked it with her feet. No reaction whatsoever. It was apparently dead. But Chara noticed something else as well.

"Guys,I think I found out something.",Chara said,calling to her teammates. As Chara's teammates approached the dragon and touched it,they also felt metal. The group eventually found a lever,and a circle marked with black,like it was some kind of trapdoor.

You just described how a cartoonist draws trapdoors, author, not how an actual trapdoor looks, you do know that, right?

In the center of the apparent trapdoor,a writting in black letters: 'GASTER WINGDINGS'. Chara needed the help from Asriel and Frisk to pull off the lever,and when it pulled out,the trapdoor opened up,with steam spreading out. Inside,they found out...the tall and weird skeleton man in black and white from before,in a control room.

Oh my gosh, what a shock. I mean, the author is using cursive in her font right now, so this is supposed to be a surprise, I guess.

"Oh come on! Why it isn-...oh...shoot...",the skeleton said,as he noticed that he was found.

"Wha-...Gaster?",Chara said,blindly guessing the skeleton's name. "So,you are the responsible for all of this."

"Ah,I!-...uh...I just wanted to be recognized...",Gaster confessed,with his closed hands trembling in shame.

"I don't get it...",Chara said.

"First,I accidentaly made a biomechanical brain wave generator. Then,I decided to operate machinery with my hands.",

Because he found using his feet to be less convenient - what are you trying to communicate, author?!

Gaster explained. His voice was broken and covered by a feeling of shame.

"Alright...but what you want with it?",Chara asked,in a more clear voice.

"Well...sometimes,as you get older,everybody starts losing their faith on your words,no matter about what they are.",Gaster started. "My son sometimes forget to pay a little visit to me...so I though maybe I could catch his attention with this large chinese dragon! Hahahahahah! Heheh...heh...you don't get how a father on his fourties tries so hard to get attention from his children."

Oh, gee, if only there had been another character in Undertale who had a knack for building robots and a desire to gain recognition, which the author could have put in this role!

Chara and Frisk picked up the chinese hats Grauntie Pearl gave to them,and sighed in deception.

Image

"Woah,that is actually...pretty sad...",Asriel said,in shock.

"You ever tried to tell to your son the sadness you feel?",Frisk asked,feeling extreme pity for Gaster.

"Not yet,young lady. I have to work on the robot.",Gaster answered. He pressed a button,making an projector show up a blue-print from the dragon Destiny appear on the trapdoor. "That wasn't actually the only robot I made,by the way.",Gaster pressed the button again,and the projector showed an aquatic-dinosaur like being on a newspaper. "For example.when a dear parent of mine died,and out of grief,I made a replica of the Loch Ness Monster...",he pressed the button again,showing a unknown figure. "and also,a big friend of mine didn't help me on the birthday of my younger son.",he pressed the button a last time,showing the newspaper picture of a airballon destroying a city with bombs. "And I made a airballon that destroyed up the whole downtown area.",Gaster finished,laughing in a creepy way.

"All of which may or may not have actually happened, depending on whether or not this fanfic will include a Memory Gun to justify it."

"*ahem*,I'm sorry,but I must keep working on this dragon's weapon.",Gaster said. He crouched down and a construction noise began. It lasted for some seconds,until Gaster's left hand was extended for out of the dragon robot,in a grabbing motion. "Excuse me,but you kids have a english screwdriver?"

I always thought screwdrivers were Russian because of the vodka. Do you have an English dictionary, author?

"That was a long journey just for a picture...",Chara commented with herself,as she picked up the last of the disposable cameras.

"Hey,I think there is space for some last pictures.",Frisk pointed out.

"Any ideas?",she asked for her cousin and her sister.

---

Pearl was sitting on a rock,with a sad look,

Maybe it's because she doesn't enjoy being on top.

hoping for the twins to come back. Her attempts at friendship with the townsfolk failed,and she was feeling very lonely. Suddenly,she heard footsteps coming towards her.

"Greetings,Grauntie Pearl.",Chara greeted her great aunt as she,Frisk and Asriel came to her. She aimed the camera and took a photo of Pearl.

"Uh? Girls? I thought you were playing 'Fight' with Asriel! Look at how messy you all are!",Pearl said,genuinely surprised.

Playing 'Fight'? How many more times are you just going to make me question how people in Brazil can even communicate properly with each other, author?

"Well,we were trying to find a dragon on the mountains.",Chara explained.

"But we learned that you are the only dragon we really need on our lives.",Frisk added out,blushing.

Well, I'm glad you didn't go look for harpies, because that's the only way that compliment could have been any worse.

"Woah,hang there! I was actually having alot of fun! ...Well,making friendships...talking with my shadow...and hiding from the police. Guess I'll have to ear this ankle bracelet made of rock for now!",Pearl said,extending one of her oddly long legs to show a bracelet made of rock,colored in dark blue.

I'm sorry, what? Are your knockoff Blubs and Durland from Homeworld or something, author? Why did you write this nonsense to throw off any effect the joke had?

"So,there is a place on this rock for three teens to rest in?",Chara asked,sounding genuinely tired.

Pearl glared at Chara and Frisk with suspicious looks. But suddenly,the two putted up the chinese hats she gave to them.

"Awww,your girls!",Pearl said with a soft voice,as she hugged both Chara and Frisk. Asriel sitted on one of the empty places of the rock. Pearl looked shocked at Asriel's current state:

"Ahh! A monster!"

His dark green and yellow jumper with the figure of a rainbow star on the chest was torn on many points,and he was slightly bleeding. "Asriel? What happened to you?"

"Its kind of hard to explain...",Asriel said,scratching his left ear.

Make her watch Episode 2 of Gravity Falls, that will give her at least something close to an idea.

"Alright everybody,make a pose.",Chara said,jumping out of Pearl's grasp to take a picture with the camera. "Say 'eastern'."

"Eastern!",Pearl,Frisk and Asriel said in unision,striking a pose.

As the four enjoyed a ray set of photos from the camera,they wondered about why sometimes they saw trees shaking,and leaves falling from them. It didn't exactly bother them,because they soon left the Eastern Ruins.

That's because it could be literally anything that lurks in the woods instead of this half-attempt at copying the canon episode 'monster is real and out there' reveal. Fuck me, I'm going to chew through two seasons worth of this stuff, aren't I?

And can someone tell me how a Chinese dragon, with its head being the biggest part of its body, got stuck in a door, let alone how it could fly without wings when it's a robot?!

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ConcernedGamer
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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Fri Dec 07, 2018 4:08 pm

You know, I constantly find myself trying to rationalize why this is not a good take on a crossover. Consider a fanfic a piece of music, and a crossover a remix. Who doesn't like a good remix? But if the lyric gets replaced by a different song, the notes inverted, and the tempo altered, with only a vague beat from the original left, what's there even to recognize and draw you in with your original conceptions for the piece? None, that's what. Here's Chapter 3, Clay-Heads.

Chara and Frisk were watching TV on the living room of the Crystal Shack. Frisk was knitting an jumper of aquamarine color (she,herself,was wearing a jumper of dark orange color with the figure of a banana,and wearing a bowtie of the same dark orange color),

Oh no, now the author has caught patenthesisitis. I'm doomed.

while Chara was using a fork and spoon to eat the slice of a butterscotch pie. Frisk extended one of her hands to the slice,but Chara gently pushed her hand away. The twins were watching a fantasy-action show about sword and axes.

Good. Kids should study their medieval weaponry.

~~

"You really think you will win,Alexia? Don't make me laugh.",an tall man with a gray cape,pale skin and black eyes and hair said,pointing a long and slim sword toward the show's heroine.

And let's just have the author sit in on watching the show, too, since she doesn't know the name of an epee.

"I have the arrows of ice!...and I heard you are weak agains't them!",said Alexia,angirl on green armory with magenta hair,brown eyes,and a confident smile. She was holding an long bow of light gray color on her left hand,while on the right hand,she was holding a quiver,with long normal arrows,and arrows that looked like they were made of ice.

Good luck drawing a bow while holding a quiver, genius.

"No! It can't be!",the tall man said,in disbelief.

"Alexia's Galaxy will continue after the commercials.",the female announcer of the TV said,as a brief part of the theme song of the show played.

~~

Didn't have any axes. Two stars.

"Oh my...I really hope she can beat off this horrible villian."

Sounds to me like Graunty Pearl needs to change the password for her TV's parental lock.

,Frisk commented,dropping her jumper.

"Using your brains for whatever situation can make you as awesome as Alexia.",Chara said,looking at Frisk.

Breathing also makes you as awesome as Alexia for all we saw of her quiver-holding skills.

"You really think you can be as great as Alexia?",Frisk asked to her twin sister,raising an worried eyebrow and covering her chest with her hands.

"Friskey,my five senses are incredible for alot of things.

That has nothing to do with Alexia. You are really stretching to jump from your complete change of genre for an in-universe TV-show, in order to reach the powers of deduction, author.

Example: smelling your breath,I discover the smell off...*sniff*...",Chara started her answer,smelling Frisk's breath. "...a whole mouthwash bottle?!"

Okay, better get that stomach pumped before the alcohol poisoning and toxic effects kicks in.

"It had the smell of sweet red fruits...",Frisk said,making a big nervous smile and shrugging. Just then,Chara noticed her twin's mouth was full of mouthwash of a red color.

Asriel,suddenly,came from the door's opening,carrying a broom and looking excited.

"Howdy girls! You won't believe what I found!",Asriel said,reflecting the excitment on his face.

A plotline in this fanfic we haven't seen before? Because that's something I wouldn't believe.

"Hidden treasures.",Chara calmly tried to guess,wearing a sly smirk over her face.

"...I was actually about to guess that as well.",Frisk said,with a soft voice and smile on her face.

Asriel guided the twins to a dark corridor with a spider web on the left corner.

How to describe a corridor? Mention something random in a corner of it. Unless Muffet turns out to be the evil big bad, what was that?

There,on the middle of the wallpaper,was located a tall and large door,just slightly opened.

"I was cleaning up the dust from this place,when I suddenly cleaned the wallpaper finding out the shape of the door. I wonder what it have inside.",Asriel explained for the twins,as he guided the two to the door.

Asriel pushed the door with his two hands,taking a little while to open it. The trio looked inside the room,finding many sculptures. Judging by their slightly yellow skin,they were probably made with clay.

Author, this is supposed to be the wax figure episode. The clay figure episode is next season. Clay won't even be a passable substitute for what you'll have the plot of this chapter be. You simply couldn't allow the word wax, because that was used in the canon, and copying the canon in any fraction of pedantic recognizability would make this come across as plagiary for once, wouldn't it?!

All of them were known figures from history,and from old books.

"Wow...its some kind of museum of clay sculptures...",Chara said,very impressed,as she looked around the mysterious room with a flashlight.

"Its amazing...and beautiful.",Frisk said with a happy voice as she gently touched an clay sculpture of Aslan,the godly lion from the books of Narnia.

Because you can truly tell the difference between a clay Aslan, and any regular old clay lion, of course.

"This one isn't so beautiful.",Chara said,pointing her flashlight for a clay sculpture that was very realistic,and that looked alot like Grauntie Pearl.

"Hello!",Pearl happily said,revealing she wasn't a clay sculpture. Surprised by the sudden greeting,Chara screamed. Soon,Frisk and Asriel screamed as well,hugging themselves. "Oh,don't worry,its just your Grauntie Pearl!",Pearl said,trying to calm down the twins.

Frisk and Chara looked at Grauntie Pearl with a very confused look. Chara was angry,growling in a low voice.

Every excuse is taken to ruin the humor of the original show, just to jab the reader in the ribs with how much of an offending brat with unreasoned temperamental issues Chara is.

---

"This is the Inside Falls Clay Museum!",Pearl said,like she was happily announcing something very great. "This attraction had a great fame...before I forgot it with time. But still,here they all are! King Arthur,Aslan...some kind of,giant queen?"

Yes, author, leaving out descriptions entirely of what is being addressed was ingenious, as everyone would know exactly what to envision when presented with the words "giant queen", when replacing "goblin man" for Larry King!!

"I am honestly creeped out.",Chara said. And she was actually feeling scared; she wasn't using sarcasm or irony.

First of all, author, before now I doubted you even knew those words. Second of all, I am still having doubts because I can't believe your version of Chara could emulate them if this story depended on it.

"And in my opinion,the greatest one: William Shakespeare! And its right-",Pearl was saying,before she noticed that the entire clay sculpture of Shakespeare was broken.

Shakespeare was among the canon wax sculptures, author. Did you run out of substitution ideas already?

There was shards of the sculpture on the ground,and his head wasn't on sight. "NO! No it can't be!! Who dared to come here and break the statue?!",Pearl lamented with herself,as she picked the only arm that was somehow 'intact'. "...I...don't know how to fix clay sculptures..."

Two for two, when counting relationships, then.

"Come on Grauntie Pearl,I want to see your smile.",Frisk said,approaching Pearl with a smile of pity. She hugged Pearl's back after listening her sniffs. After some seconds,she broke up the hug,feeling that Pearl was a little better. "If you want,Grauntie Pearl,I can use this old clay to make a whole new sculpture for you."

"You can actually try to mold a clay sculpture?",Pearl said,surprised,as she got up and turned towards the young dark skined girl.

"Of course. Arts is my favorite school subject. And I just remembered now I had this hammer and big nail on my jean's pocket.",Frisk replied,extending her hands to her blue jean's pockets to pick up a hammer and a big nail,two objects useful for sculpture molding.

Yeah, that assumed oil-based clay will get a real nice finish by applying a hammer and chisel, of course. Stop counting on visual gags from the show to be genuine, author. Modelling clay only has to be cut, if anything.

"Thank you so much,Frisk.",Pearl said,rubbing Frisk's hair with her hand.

"Heheh,no problem...",Frisk awkwardly said,blushing.

---

Frisk was in another room,waiting for some clay to melt out of a fireplace. She was drawing on a notebook the reference for a sculpture,wearing a painting clothing. Chara came on the room,drinking some green apple soda.

You even changed the show's peach-flavored Pitt Cola for no reason, author? Did you swap the universe's electrons while you were at it?!

"Greetings sister.",Frisk happily greeted her older twin sister,who stopped drinking the soda and,as a result,began to choke on it.

"I got up a idea for the clay figure.",Frisk said,showing to Chara one of the notebook's drawings. "He is a centaur,and his weapon is a combination between axe and sword.",Frisk explained her drawing.

I've heard less ridiculous concepts from Bloodborne.

"...Perhaps something from the real life isn't a bad idea.",Chara suggested.

Yeah, that will totally blend in with Asland, of course.

"Oh,right...I had this idea as well. Here,I drew a deer with christmas balls on the horns.",Frisk replied,showing for Chara the other drawing.

And now Gyftrots are an actual thing, too, but since you are all over the fucking map in this AU, is it a monster or a person?

"Oh,nice. But what about...you know,someone you deeply care for?",Chara suggested again.

"Girls,you saw my bussiness outfit somewhere?",Pearl came in. She was wearing a casual outfit of red color to replace it. As she looked around the room,she made an eccentric pose on a briefcase. Frisk heard her great aunt's voice,and turned around. Her eyes opened up widely,sparkling.

"Woah,this is a great idea!",Frisk said,turning around and looking at the celling.

"Uhm,your younger sister is talking like the celling is a real person.",Pearl said,putting her hands on her hips and looking down at Chara.

Mabel looked upwards to address her muse, which are considered heavenly godsends, author. Your stolen jokes are only as good as your ability to understand them, you cheap copycat.

~~

Frisk proudly worked on a clay sculpture of her 'Grauntie' Pearl. When the clay dried,she painted the sculpture. She was proud at her work,but she felt that something was missing out.

"I hope there is a way to make it more shiny.",Frisk said,holding her hands together.

"Hey,use this.",Asriel suggested,giving to Frisk a bucket full of glitter.

Oh, are you sure you didn't want to switch that out with monster dust, since you've probably murdered the majority of them at this point, author?

Frisk and Asriel shared a hi-five,and Frisk used small stairs to reach the top of the sculpture,pouring glitter above it. The glitter quickly spreaded up on the sculpture.

"Great...I found my bussiness shirt but my shoes are-",Pearl came in,slightly angry and very worried,and she screamed in a mix of surprise and fear noticing the shiny clay sculpture version of herself.

If you by now couldn't think of the most likely reason for why Stan Pines would respond with shock and horror at unexpectedly coming face to face with his own life-sized likeness, while you were trying to transplant the same reaction onto pseudo-Pearl, author, I dread how you'll handle the rest of the show's substance you're trying to piggyback on with this story.

"Did you like it?...heh...",Frisk said,looking down at Pearl with a worried smile. Asriel looked down with a worried frown and Chara also looked down,but with a unimpressed expression.

"...The Clay Museum will be revived!",Pearl said for Frisk,extending her arms upwards with a proud voice.

"Right after you're done with my commission for a curly-haired, giant woman, that is."

---

A large cloth with the writtings of 'Clay Museum of Wonders' Grand Re-Opening!' was hanged out in-front of the Crystal Shack,as Asriel guided the tourists to see the tourist trap in the best way he could. Chara and Lapis were working out on the stand together.

"That is alot of people there.",Chara said,opening a smile of happiness.

Napstablook may have been a downer, but he had more consistent moods than you, sunshine.

"I agree. Your great aunt probably tricked them in her own way.",Lapis said,turning her head towards Chara.

"She tricked me in her own way.",Chara replied,extending her left hand to show a dollar on her hand. Lapis also extended her left hand to show up a dollar. The two shared a long and fun laughter.

"*ahem*...I bet everyone know about me! 'Ms. Mystery'! I bet every man here is going crazy just hearing my name!",Pearl said on the microphone. Every man there was actually just staring at her like she was a common and boring person.

Why, author? Not the stolen and substituted scene, I know the why for that already. Why Pearl? What about the thousands-years-old matchstick lesbian life-form from outer space said roadside huckster to you, even through a Human AU lens? Is it the deeper plot related to Stan instead? The only possible connections you have for these substitutions seems to be that of the bare-bones, lowest possible correlating singular tropes that define parts of their character, enhanced and exaggerated, with all I can garner commonality with Pearl being that of 'having a secret'. Wendy to Lapis is likely 'laid back', McGucket to Gaster is clearly 'insane scientist', Sooz to Asriels seems to be 'child-minded', and the twins can be boiled down to 'cup half-full' and 'cup half-empty' respectively.

"Most of you already know,but I always bring the townsfolk to this touristic house,to make them see what more than half of the world will never see! But anyway...here comes,me!"

Pearl pulled a rope,making a theater curtain uncover the clay figures of the Clay Museum and,in-front of all of them,the figure Frisk builded to her. Asriel maked a fanfare song on a violin,humming along his own music.

I'm sure we'll have a hootenanny of a hoedown come the copy-machine chapter, then.

But only two people on the crowd clapped to the Clay Museum,while a third one sneezed.

"Anything to say about this wonderful sculpture you made,Friskey?",Pearl said for Frisk,who timidly approached the center of the stage.

"Its Frisk.",Frisk corrected,before picking up the microphone. "I really hope you liked this sculpture. I made it alot of love and care,and many other good feelings I can't describe up.",Frisk spoke,blushing alot. The crowd yawned in boredom.

Maybe because the author keeps killing the jokes of the show. Here, let me join them.

"Well,yeah. Now,lets go on with the questions. You sir?",Frisk continued,pointing the microphone towards someone she and her twin sister already knew,Gaster.

"Gaster Wingdings. Local crazy scientist. Those clay figures actually are alive? And,I can survive up the clay-armageddon?"

This is what happens when the future generation's English skills are learnt through 'I Can Has Cheezburger' memes, isn't it?

,Gaster said,trying to hide a feeling of worry that slowly cracked up his words as he spoke.

"...Yeah?",Frisk tried her best to answer,not really getting what the scientist said. "Next question?",Frisk continued,pointing her microphone to a young man of dark blue hair and white clothing.

"Kaito Shion,Inside Falls Gossiper.

A very local name of the Oregon outback, if I ever heard one.

Those clay sculptures are really something exclusive to this town?",the young man,Kaito,said. He was holding up strawberry ice-cream like it was a microphone.

"Ice creams are not microphones,Kaito.",Pearl said,trying to correct the young man.

"But it is-",Kaito was about to say,before he was interrupted.

"Next question?",Pearl said,making Frisk point out her microphone towards a young woman,with chocolate brown hair,red reporter clothings,holding a microphone on the right hand,and a flyer on the left hand.

"Meiko Sakine. A honest reporter.

What the fuck are these two Vocaloid characters doing in this fanfic, author? I'm probably prepped to ask that about anything coming along at this point, but you are simply splurging out randomness at this point, unless its you doing jarring and reasonless shout-outs to other fanfics, since these two characters' names and 'strawberry ice-cream' happens to give hits on Wattpad!

Your flyers said that free hot dogs were promised for the ones that would attend to the event. That is truthful?",the young woman,Meiko,said. She showed the flyer on her left hand,that was announcing hot-dogs.

Just then,the audience went furious,axsking for their hot-dogs. Lapis and Chara watched the scene on their stand,looking genuinely nervous.

"Ops,I wrote wrong. Have a nice afternoon!",Pearl said,throwing a smoke bomb on the ground. She dissapeared as cyan smoke spreaded on the area she was previously in. She ran taking the admission and hysterically laughing.

Image

Your fanfic not only doesn't get things that are aligned with, but things that are directly contradicting their original character, author. Anyone would have been a better Stan than Pearl!

Lapis and Chara saw how Pearl fleed and,as well,how the crowd angrily left. One of them,a bulky man with brown hair dyed in red on the corners,even punched the poles that were holding the cloth announcing the re-opening of the Clay Museum.

Okay, I can understand that reaction for being denied free pizza. But for free hotdogs? Really?

"...Yeah,it didn't go well,I know...",Frisk said with a frown over her face,as she rested one of her arms over the admission table Lapis and Chara were in. Lapis and Chara looked at Frisk,with faces as sad as hers.

---

"Oh my goodness,little rose! Look at this bills! And this lady is responsible for all of this!",Pearl said,pointing towards the 'Clay Pearl' on the last phrase. Her clay self was laying on the couch as well.

Frisk innocently pulled Pearl's casual shirt,begging for attention.

"Oh,I almost forgot,you are the responsible for bringing my clay self into life!",Pearl said,patting Frisk's head.

No Pearl Points? Just going to chalk it up to child labor and not even attempt to make any use of the background of your stolen character, author? Yeah, business as usual, I know, I was just hoping you'd get bored of it by now.

"Please go to the bathroom clean yourselves. There is a long day tommorow awaiting for you two!"

Frisk happily nodded,running ahead towards the bathroom. Chara slowly walked,looking at Pearl with a sour face.

She knows what she did. The author, I mean, because no one else knows for sure why this kid is more toxic than the Undertale fandom.

"Uff,they tire me out...",Pearl said,resting her shoulder over clay-self.

~~

"I did it! I did it guys! I beated him! Mark,you believe it!?",

I expect recompense for each opportunity at masturbation jokes I decide to turn down, author, just so you know.

Alexia said,running around in happiness. On the last sentence,she shaked one of her allies: Mark,an boy of brown hair and blue armory,that had a large sword on his belt.

"I feel kind of 'Gray',watching your happiness.",Mark said,with a sassy voice.

~~

"Ah hahahahah! Mark is amazing! Hey Clay! You got the joke?! It was extremely funny!",Pearl happily said,watching the same show Chara and Frisk watched in the morning.

Wait, that line about 'Gray' was supposed to be a joke? Sans makes better color puns when talking about stop signs. At least those translate and has context, for crying out loud.

---

Chara and Frisk were on the bathroom,washing their teeth. Chara was just wearing her green jumper with the single yellow stripe,a comfortable dark blue shirt and socks,letting her hair loose,while Frisk was wearing a oil blue bowtie and a slightly longer jumper displaying a game controller,and also wearing socks for the feet.

"You think I'm cleaning well my teeth?",Frisk asked,with her mouth full of toothpaste.

Kid, I only believe your sister is keeping you under observation so you won't hit the mouthwash again.

"Yeah.",Chara simply answered. Her mouth,as well,was full of toothpaste.

"Oh...n...NOOOOOOOO!!",the twins suddenly heard the voice of their great aunt scream.

The twins looked at each other,and they silently decided to check out what was going on. After washing their mouths,they raced to the living room,to find the reason of the screaming: the clay-self of Pearl was lying on the ground,with her head missing.

"My clay-self...was...KILLED!",Pearl said in despair.

Are we sure that we can rule out suicide for this, when Undertale had possessed dummies?

Her hands were over her face,with her fingers trembling. Frisk gasped in horror,and Chara's face was filled up with shock.

---

"Well,I went to check on the lanters,and suddenly...BAM! Her head was gone!",Pearl explained what happened to her to two crime-solvers.

"My clay statue is...destroyed.",Frisk said,before suddenly,breaking up in tears. Chara immediately began to try her best on comforting her younger twin. If there was something that Chara hated more,not only on Inside Falls,but on the whole world,than having to endure Pearl's eccentric and perfectionist personality,was Frisk crying.

Could you get a life outside of hating your extended relative like a tantrumming toddler with self-insertion levels of authority issues?

"Who dared to do this?!",Chara said,accidentaly sprouting out her rage and sadness.

Chara was Flowey all along.

"You have any idea,Sheriff Raynold?",the deputy on turquoise outfit said for Sheriff Raynold,a short man with blonde hair and purple outfit,with golden shoes.

"You see,we would love to help,but I'm afraid this case...is unsolvable.",the Sheriff said for the three Dreemurrs.

The identity of the murderer could be any across no less than five different universes, as soon as I figure out who the fuck is subbing for Sheriff Blubs here.

"WHAT?!",the three said,in unision and synchrony.

Two completely different things, mind you.

A equal shock filled their voices.

"Repeat what you just said,sheriff!!",Pearl said in a angry voice,pointing her finger towards the sheriff.

"There is no way it can be unsolvable. There must be a clue for the responsible...if you wish,I can help.",Chara said,refusing to accept the 'truth' the crime-solvers were giving to her great aunt.

Hmm, if only there were someone in this room with a family name that's an anagram for 'murderer'.

"She helped us find the responsible for eating our lettuce.",Frisk said with a hopeful smile,wiping the tears on her cheeks.

"It was the swan,as my senses pointed out.",Chara said,helping Frisk's argument take strenght.

Because a "swan eating lettuce" mystery is just as iconic as a goat eating tin-cans. I'm slapping my thigh right now, hoping the forced blood circulation will keep me awake.

"Yeah! Let the older girl help! She's quite a smart girl.",Pearl said,surprisingly also supporting Frisk's argument.

...But suddenly,the two crime-solvers began to laugh at Chara's face. Chara,at first,was confused,and slightly sad,about how her age could trick off people. But then...

"You really think that you can help us?! You are just a 12-years-old cute cheeky girl!",the sheriff said,before resuming to laugh.

"...WHAT?!",Chara suddenly shouted.

"THE AUTHOR WAS CALLING ME A TEEN LAST CHAPTER! HOW DARE YOU!!"

Pearl and Frisk looked at Chara in surprise,and because of that,the three barely listened to the sheriff phoning to his boss,and to the two leaving,still laughing. Chara began to clench her fists slowly. Altrough Chara's pink-colored blushes could contrast and cover very well the black eyebags she had,she hated from the depths of her heart being called cute.

Then,not being able to control her deep rage,she screamed and punched the door next to her. The punch was enough to slightly move it out of place.

Just keep revving up those singular, character-defining tropes to eleven in hopes that it makes your stand-ins somewhat two-dimensional, author. I'm sure an unrepentant, and by script-fiat never admonished child with anger issues won't get grating in the least.

"...Frisk. Tommorw,we are going to find the bastard who did this.",Chara said,slowly turning around her head to her twin sister,and speaking in mid breaths.

"...Okay...",Frisk quietly said,too afraid to oppose her. She already knew for a long time how her sister could be very dangerous,despite appearences.

And her closest relative fears her. How wonderful.

---

In the next morning,Chara and Frisk were studying the room where the 'crime' happened. Both of them were determined to find out the responsible for what happened.

Author, the only reason, that I would want for there to be determination involved in this fanfic, would be for a do-over.

"We are going to find Clay Pearl's head no matter what.",Chara said,as Frisk took pictures of the headless sculpture. "All of the visitors were extremely furious for that. Anybody could be the responsible one."

"I'm afraid us count as well...",Frisk said,agreeing with Chara's opinion.

You both have an alibi, by the fact that you were together when it happened, dumbasses.

"This town has alot of things. Monsters,phantoms,maybe it will take too long to find the first clue.",Chara continued.

"...Actually,I found one.",Frisk said,immediately countering Chara's opinion. As the twins checked out the carpet,they found out where was a shoeprint on the ground.

"The carpet has a footprint...",Chara said,impressed out.

"There is holes on them...and they lead towards...",Frisk said,as she looked to the direction many shoeprints were going too. Chara and Frisk gasped. There was a pair of boxing gloves on the ground.

Image

This is turning out to be the most ridiculous game of Clue I've ever witnessed.

"What you think about it?",Chara said for Asriel. The twins decided to go the Crystal Shack's giftshop,to show to their cousin the pair of gloves the two found on the ground.

"Those are boxing gloves in my opinion.",Asriel said,as he grabbed the ropes that hanged the two gloves together.

"Wait...the boxer!!",Frisk said in surprise.

"Its obvious!!",Frisk and Chara said in unision,looking at each other. They quickly remembered about the young man with brown hair dyed in red on the corners punching the pole that hanged the cloth that announced the Clay Museum's re-opening.

Author, you do know that through your ten degrees of non-seperation, that guy is still supposed to be Lapis' father, right?

"He must have got furious about being tricked with hot-dog story.",Chara said,remembering about the events of this day.

"Enough to murder.",Frisk added out.

"Oh,Knux you two mean? Well,he hangs out at a place for Inside Falls' box enthusiastics.",Asriel explained,since he listened to the twins' talking.

You have to be fucking kidding me. This is a humanized Knuckles the Echidna, isn't it? Substituted by the only commonality being the act of punching things, for all I can tell. Did you even have a thought to make this story enjoyable by anyone not matching your personal fandom subscription feed, author?

"We will go there now,then.",Chara said,turning around for Asriel's direction.

"You girls are amazing. Golly,I think I should name you two as 'The Mystery Girls'!",Asriel said,impressed about the determination the twins' shared about solving any mystery,no matter what happened.

Because persevering through the tough task of spotting the obvious in a living room was such a challenge, of course.

"...yeah,thanks...",Chara replied to her cousin with a timid voice,before walking outside with Frisk carrying a backpack.

And because the author or myself were generous in the use of words, I'll have to split the post up right here, with the second part posted a moment after this one.

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ConcernedGamer
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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Fri Dec 07, 2018 4:10 pm

And let's resume with the second part of Chapter 3, Clay-Heads.

Chara and Frisk saw Pearl pulling something from her car: a very tall coffin of black color.

It's a fitting symbolism, because anyone who read this far is aware that the Pearl they know is dead.

"Hey,can't you two help your grauntie? I'll make a funeral for Clay Pearl. Not so big,but perfect!",Pearl said. Frisk briefly helped Pearl pull the coffin from the car,while Chara just looked at the two.

"Grauntie Pearl,I think we found out a big clue for the mystery.",Chara stoicly said,approaching of Pearl and Frisk.

"Yeah...we will go find the 'killer' of your clay-self...",Frisk agreed,making a big smile over her face.

"Oh,that is actually great!...heh...wait...",Pearl was saying,when she noticed something serious. When she stopped to pay attention to reality,she noticed Chara and Frisk were already walking towards the center of the town. "WAIT! No! Don't go!! YOU FORGOT ABOUT MY GUIDANCE!!",Pearl screamed,trying to make the twins stop,but to no avail.

Do you want her to be Grunkle Stan or not, author? One moment you have her acting the self-serving shyster, the next moment she's an overbearing nanny.

~~

Chara and Frisk were sneaking about the darkest corners of the town. Eventually,the duo found the entrance of a club. It had to be the place the two were searching for.

I mean, it was just so hard to think otherwise, what with all those detailed descriptions that made it so apparent!

"Alright. Fake IDs?",Chara said for Frisk. Frisk gave to Chara her fake ID. Both of the ID's were pictures of the two,but with mustaches drawn over them,and with many stickers covering them off. "Alright,its all or nothing."

You are ripping off a bar scene by transforming it to a place specifically for boxing enthusiasts, and you still have the place demand entry via ID, author? And for what? Just so you won't feel like you aren't breathing dead air into the fanfic for not writing anything for five seconds worth of running time?!

The twins walked towards the man guarding the entrance to the club.

"We are here for a interrogatory. The assasin of the Clay Pearl must be here.",Frisk tried to sound mature as she spoke. The twins showed their fake ID cards. Thankfully,their plan worked out. The two were inside now.

The whole inside of the club was filled with males. Chara made a motion for Frisk for follow her. The two searched trough the whole club,finding even a collapsed body on the ground,and finally,found 'Knux',playing an electronic arm wresting game.

Can't you just tell that this is exclusively a place for boxing enthusiasts? Come on, author, you couldn't even lazily copy in the adult visual pun of that guy pounding a kitty tattoo in his palm? That was shown on the Disney Channel, by the way.

"There he is.",Chara said in a victorious voice. She pulled Frisk by grabbing her arm,and went towards the young adult. "Where was you in the previous night,sir?"

"Giving a punch at the clock",Knux answered,not stopping the game.

"At work,huh?",Chara asked,with curiosity.

Well, he is a boxer, of course, so The Clock, could have been the title champion in this really tough fight yesterday night, and of course I'm being facetious, the author will still steal the original joke and fail to retell it with a lick of its charm.

"No. Literal sense! Look!",Knux said,pointing outside. There was really a broken clock outside. It was at 10 o'clock.

"Exactly at the hour the crime happened...you ever saw this before?",Chara said,extending her hands,who were holding up the pair of boxing gloves.

"Ahem there,young lady...",Knux started up.

"That was a bit r-",Chara was about to say,before being interrupted out.

"I wouldn't wear that. I prefer to use my hands with nothing covering them!",Knux said,accidentaly pulling out the machine's arm.

"Whenever I wear gloves, they grow spikes, my fingers fuse together, and I think I can float, for some reason."

"Right...thank you sir...",Frisk said,as Chara began to turn around and leave the club.

Oh, brilliant author, you had the preteen detectives accept such a solid testimony that might as well have been used for the trial of O. J. Simpson. "I don't like to wear gloves". You seriously couldn't have had them in a size that couldn't fit, since the original clue was that the murder weapon was right-handed?!

~~

"Those gloves surely didn't belong to him.",Chara said for Frisk,as the two were outside the club. She showed to Frisk a paper,showing the list of the possible suspects of the crime. "Those are the ones we will search off. Knux's hands are clean of clay,so we must find someone who has dirty hands,and finish the job."

Yes, the glove-wearing murderer will have dirty hands that they can find, of course. Either you suck at English, or you suck at logic, author. Either way, you suck.

"Alright!",Frisk said,letting a part of her excitment go loose. She and Chara shared a fist bump,before heading to the many points of the town to meet up with the possible suspects.

---

Chara's list was almost done,and most of the people on the list were right-handed.

If only that held any relevance to the already two different methods of investigation, which you've pretended these twins are utilizing in the span of three paragraphs, author!!

At least,according to the twin's judgement. There was only one person left on the list.

"Hmmm...Frisk,there is one person remaining.",Chara said,pointing to the last name of the list: 'Kaito Shion'.

"*gasp*...Everything makes sense now!",Frisk said,surprised,putting her hands of her cheeks.

~~

The 'Mystery Girls' conviced the same crimesovers to go with them on the Inside Falls Gossiper to check on the last suspect on the list. Chara still hated Sheriff Raynold deeply,but she controlled herself for the sake of the plan.

How nice this little turd can set her unwarranted hatred aside in order for the plot to keep itself on track.

"You two are better be right,or this case will kepe unsolvable.",Sherrif Raynold said,as the quartet approached the door on a stealth way.

"Our bets are extremely 'canonical'."

How dare you use that word in this fanfic, like you know what it means!

,Chara said,reasurring the sherrif she and her sibling were the ones with the reason. ...And trying to be as stoic as she could.

"Uhm hmh.",Frisk said,trying to make Chara's point stronger.

"You better be ready,Geremy.",Raynold said to the deputy in turquoise color.

Geremy and Raynold. Yeah, I haven't got a clue who these two guys are supposed to be. They could be from Five Nights At Freddy's for all I care, it's not like they are actually going to act like whoever their author-perceived likeness were taken from.

"I'm more than ready!...I think.",Deputy Geremy said. The two crime-solvers prepared their police batons. Chara and Frisk were ready to run.

"We'll go on three! One...two...",Chara began to count.

The crime-solvers quickly opened the door,entering inside. The twins entered afterwards. Surprised by the unnawaited visiot,Kaito felt back from his chair in surprise,as the flashlights were pointed towards him.

"WOAH! What?! The gossiper is being raided?!",Kaito said,reflecting the shock on his mind.

"Of course.",Geremy said,on a stricly clear voice.

Fighting fake news was always the end goal.

"Kaito Shion,you will be arrested because of the death of the clay body of Grauntie Pearl.",Chara said on a cold voice,pointing her finger to the japanese young man.

"...and you are kind of allowed be impressed with our intelligence.",Frisk said,crossing her arms and trying to sound as serious as her twin was.

"Oh my yosa! I don't get what you young ladies mean!",Kaito said,extending his palms forwards in a defensive stance.

The author even has these clearly anachronistic characters pick and choose whatever words they can say from her weeb manual to hammer in said fact. Must be my lucky day.

"Then,I will explain everything.",Chara said,recollecting her memories of the day before the statue was broken down. "You were hoping your fallen down's newspaper would be saved with the attraction Grauntie Pearl re-opened. But it didn't work. So,you decided to make your headline unique...and secret. But you were careless,and our proofs point to you,a reporter with a shabby shoe and the dominant left hand."

And the boxing gloves are all but forgotten in the wake of the author losing track of what plot element she changed, because when did cohesion ever become part of this scrabble-inspired quilt of a narrative?

"Yesterday,you will be on the newspaper.",Frisk said,picking the lastest newspaper,taking about the news of the missing head of Clay Pearl.

"What the hey are you two talking about? I have zettai-ni connection with the crime!",Kaito said,getting up and scratching the back of his hair.

"Aha. I knew that...wait...what did you say?",Chara asked. She was never a big understander of the japanese language.

Fuck me, no one in this room knows English, including the author!

"I don't got it either...",Frisk said. She,also,barely understanded the japanese language.

"In the breaking night,what did you do?",Raynold asked in a suspicious,patting his hand with the police batons.

"Well...",Kaito said. He picked a tape,and inserted it on the television. It played,showing a very weird scene: Kaito 'dancing' with a large cut-out of Meiko Sakine,like the two were on a romantic ball. The cops and the twins were left with weirded faces.

Have you actually seen a Vocaloid music video, author? This shit is fairly standard.

"The tape confirms everything. Kaito,you are freed. ...even trough you are weird.",Raynold said,realizing the twins' story was just a theory that was jossed.

"Yes!",Kaito celebrated,throwing his open hands on the air.

"But...I though the gloves had the same smell as him!...",Chara said,refusing to accept the reality that was on her reach.

And the fourth random nonsensical method of investigation now arrives; smell. I'm not even going to be nice about this. As a certain flower once said; You really are an idiot.

"Yeah...same...",Frisk said,feeling extremely ashamed and nervous.

"Hey,what about those news? 'Girls from the city bother everyone on the night'",Raynold joked with Geremy and Kaito. The adults began to laugh. Chara,again,clenched her fist on rage,almost being unable to contain it. Frisk,otherwise,was covering her face with her neck bow,feeling very bashful.

"Near you two,all my mistakes are fixed!",Kaito said with a big smile...forgetting that the tape where he danced with the large cut-out of Meiko was still playing on the screen.

I feel with this disjointed grammar and badly translated words, I'm slowly learning Brazilian in reverse.

---

The twins came back to the Crystal Shack. Them,Asriel and Pearl where all on the clay sculptures room. The teens were sitting on three chairs,while Pearl was on a stage. On Pearl's side,was the coffin housing her headless clay-self. Behind her,was a picture where she happily stood with her clay-self,before it went headless.

"Thanks for coming...girls...Asriel...*sniff* and clay sculptures.",Pearl said. Judging by her voice tone,she would almost cry.

Asriel was already crying in a exaggerated way,blowing his nose with white paper. For both Chara and Frisk,it wasn't a surprising thing,since they already knew him before their arrival on Inside Falls,and Chara always teased him for being a 'crybaby'. But nevertheless,they shared the pity with him.

So you keep wanting to remind us, yet you give no justification, author. How did they know him up until now? For how long? Just calling him their cousin says nothing, when we don't even know why he's here alongside them.

"Some say that a man or woman can't love themselves,because they are always changeable,for the better or worse."

To be fair, I'm pretty sure all those 'some' probably were online Russian chatbots.

,Pearl spoke. Her tone was breaking down even more.

"That is a beautiful phrase...",Asriel said,tears quickly rolling out of his amber colored eyes.

Beautiful? The statement proclaiming no one can have self-love because they are never themselves, or easily replaceable, depending on translation errors? Sure, whatever.

"I know Asriel...Clay Pearl,I hope you can have a beautiful and perfect life on clay paradise...",Pearl spoke,first to Asriel,and afterwards,to her headless clay-self. One tear ran from her right eye,and she wiped it with one finger. "S-sorry,I got sand on my eye!",Pearl said in a hysterical voice,as she hastily ran away,crying.

"AHH! This is too much for a crybaby like meeeee!!",Asriel said,getting up and running from the same room with tears on his eyes.

Image

Author, you just literally had this character run from the room by the singular virtue of being a spineless wimp with no dignity, stating out loud he's a crybaby. Self-disparaging announcement like these can't even be found in people trying to fraudulently apply for being considered a special needs case. This is pure cringe, presenting a blubbering buffoon that once again suffers from your one-note characterization exaggerations. Say what you want about Steven Universe at currently nearing a full hour of on-screen crying, at least those tears weren't waterfalls shed for misunderstood comedy.

Only Chara,Frisk and the clay sculptures remained on the room.

"...Maybe those adults are right about me...",Chara said in a heartbroken voice.

Though I'd say it merely out of spite, no, you are not cute.

She was crestfallen,and her hair covered up her eyes.

"But Chara...you aren't always brave and determined?",Frisk said,looking surprised about how Chara was acting much more hopeless than before.

"But the weapons...the motivation and clues,all of those were proven as just false theories...",Chara explained,as she stood up and walked to the coffin. She sighed and looked down at it. "Clay Pearl has a little hole on her feet."

"Its to keep them up,Chara. You are smarter than that...",Frisk said,feeling more pitful than before.

I'm pretty sure that's for when they get baked, you plot stealer, but the author has already given this clay type conflicting properties throughout this, so what do I know?

Suddenly,something fixed itself up on Chara's and Frisk's head,and everything made sense.

"...Frisk! Clay dolls stand up with holes on their feet! The real killers are-"

"Behind you two.",said an omnious,calm voice,who shocked both of the twins.

Frisk and Chara turned around,to find that the clay dolls were alive. They weren't laying down,they were moving.

"*gasp!* Clay Aslan! Clay Lewis Caroll! Clay...Mary Shelley?",Chara spoke with surprise

Yeah, sure, with the arrangement of two famous authors and a lion, you pause upon noticing Mary Shelly.

,still trying to process the reason why her head never connected the fact that the clay sculptures were the responsible for the 'death' of Clay Pearl.

"How is it going,Aslan?",Mary said,claping her hands together.

Do I really have to explain the intricacies of comedy which is that of having Coolio say the words "Wha s'up Holmes" to Sherlock Holmes, and lay out how it can't translate in any way by having someone greeting Asland, as if they hadn't seen their fellow clay-companion for days? DO I, AUTHOR?!

"Oh my godness!!",Frisk screamed,as the boxing gloves were taken from her by one of the clay sculptures. Clay was already hard to bare hands by nature,so fighting back agains't the clay hands was a impossible though.

"Congratulations,Chara Dreemurr. You found the truth behind all of this.",Clay Aslan said,as he lowered his lion head to show to the twins Clay Pearl's head resting over it.

I mean, sure, he hid it in his solid clay mane, of course, where else?

The head didn't have life,as a opposite of all the sculptures. "Lets give to her the greatest sarcasm palms we can."

I'd call up Chris Hansen, but I'm pretty sure he'd be as lost in translation as I am.

,Clay Aslan continued,turning around to the other statues. They all clapped with obvious sarcasm.

"But I thought...clay had no life of their own...",Chara said,processing the shock that was taking over her mind.

"Are you all...magical?",Frisk asked. Being magical was the only thing that was on easy reach in her mind.

"Heheheh,no 'dear',we aren't magical...",Clay Aslan said,at a quite friendly voice,before roaring like a lion and speaking in a more angry tone,"We are cursed!...Cursed to become alive on every full moon."

And as we all know, curses aren't magic. Does your brain not sit in the driver seat when you type, author, or can you literally not understand the dialogue of the show you are ripping off?

~~

"Once upon a time,your great aunt bought us from a market. Then,the 'Crystal Shack Clay Museum' was born. On that day,we became the toy of humanity."

"But on the full moon nights,we would be alive."

"For us,cursed sculptures,it was a wonderful life...at least,until your great aunt made the decision to close the museum. We were left to rotten for ten years,and finally,we would get our revenge agains't Pearl,for abandoning us...but we got her clay self."

~~

How nice of the author to frame the rewritten dialogue for a flashback without providing the actual flashback. I can't tell if the author is lazy, or if she thinks this is how the written medium actually works.

"You actually wanted to kill our Grauntie Pearl?!",Chara yelled,feeling furious about discovering that there was clay figures plotting to kill her great aunt. Chara hated her personality,but didn't hate her completely,because she was her family.

And I'm sure they would have gotten away with it too, if not for the fact that the clay-simile had become the target of those deadly, padded gloves.

"Now I'll never think of clay sculptures on the same way...",Frisk said for Chara,feeling her views about clay sculptures changed greatly.

"Enough! You two must be finished. No one can know our secret.",Clay Aslan said.

Suddenly,the clay sculpture's eyes simply dropped from their faces,rolling on the ground like little rocks. All of them began to walk towards the twins. They were surrounded.

"Chara! Chara! You got any idea?!",Frisk asked,feeling very scared. If the two were on a more open area,she wouldn't feel as scared.

Yeah, and if the clay sculptures weren't attacking them, they wouldn't be as scared either. Got any more bright and insightful statements you want to make, author?

"I don't-",Chara was saying,before she noticed up there was some work hammers on the ground,probably used for the nails of the coffin. Chara picked one,and throwed it up.

Clay Hamlet,the clay sculpture that was about to attack the twins,was hit on the chest. The chest cracked up,and the sculpture began to feel weak,and fragile.

"...Oh...I guess there is no choice here...its either us,or them.",Frisk said,realizing her normally pacifist behavior wouldn't work on this situation.

Geez, kid, how about you try ACT first? You haven't even exhausted their dialogue yet.

She and Chara picked up the hammers,and pointed out towards the clay sculptures.

~~

All of the clay sculptures were taken care off in a way or another. ...except their apparent leader. Clay Aslan. And he was approaching Chara's back.

I mean, who needs a fight scene in order to get entertained by this schlock anyway, am I right?

"Chara! Be careful!",Frisk screamed for Chara.

"You really are a worthy opponent.",Clay Aslan said,on a tone that wasn't clear if was sarcastic,or genuine. He putted the Clay Pearl's head on the ground,and extended his claws. He clawed at Chara,but she used her hammer as a shield.

Oh no, clay claws, how terrifying.

Unfortunately...she lost her weapon.

"Chara! Use this!",Frisk said,picking a knife from the table,and throwing it to Chara.

Chara grabbed it,and she used it as a weapon.

I've lost half my brain cells reading this far, so this pedantic statement was completely necessary, lest I thought she'd start serving Butterscotch Pie otherwise.

Sadly,Chara felt like a prey fighting agains't her predator,who was Clay Aslan.

Do I need to repeat myself?

Eventually,she was cornered,on the highest floor.

"The night will be ours,once you and your loved ones are out of the picture.",Clay Aslan said,in a victorious voice.

Chara had to make a plan,if she didn't want to be dead meat. She had time to give a little peak at the window,before Clay Aslan could attacked her. She ducked down and quickly slided below his body. She scratched a little,because,despite the fact that Clay Aslan was a living clay sculpture,he was still made of clay.

"I will stay on it forever.",Chara taunted,as she opened the "X above an O" and jumped out of it.

I still have no clue what you are describing, author, and since the only relation I can figure at the moment is Papyrus' puzzles, and he had better not be the Bill Cipher of this fanfic.

"Come back here!",Clay Aslan furiously spoke,as he jumped on the window like a lion would.

Since you're being specific about this part, does that mean he has been going around like a Bojack Horseman character up until now?

~~

Chara quickly climbed above the Crystal Shack,with Clay Aslan after her. She was between the signs that readed the name of the tourist trap: the one spelling "CRYSTAL",that had the black color,and the one spelling "SHACK",that had the turquoise color. Chara carefully trough the sign spelling "SHACK". She briefly fighted back agains't Clay Aslan,using the knife like it was a sword,and she saw that the "S" of "SHACK" falled down.

How about some originality, author? Some other pun or word play you could bring from bleeding together three different core universs? Here, let me give it a try for five minutes. How about having called the place "Pearl's Fine Arts, and cut three of the letters? "The Gem Shop" turning into "Tem Shop", to reflect the intelligence of its occupants. How about going for the Steven Universe special, and have the sign be reduced to 'Cry Shack'. Five minutes was all I needed to have this at the top of my head, for fuck sake.

"You really think you have the upper hand? I am Aslan! The high king of Narnia...my lion vision is always the one of a high king.",Clay Aslan said boastfully,as he watched Chara throw the knife upwards and climb up the "CRYSTAL" sign.

She slided down and jumped towards the chimney. She hided the knife on her jean's pocket and hided behind the chimney. Suddenly,she was attacked by the claws of Clay Aslan.

"Speak up your final words.",Clay Aslan demanded,as he raised his paw upwards for a fatal attack.

"...There is a beautiful sun right behind you.",Chara said,with a sly smile.

"What?!",Clay Aslan said in disbelief,as he turned around and found out the sun was raising. "*gasps*...no...",Clay Aslan spoke. He and the other clay sculptures could only have the breath of life on a full moon night.

Yeah, that cop-out condition via author rewrite, because how else was this going to end? Everything is happening just like in the canon, in spite of every change. It bothers me when people make additions to a canon story, but I find it twice as infuriating when everything is supposed to have changed and nothing is different!

"Actually,letting me loose was the worst decision a clay sculpture like you could ever think off.",Chara said. Suddenly,she picked the knife from the pocket and began to hit the clay sculpture. That knife was very resistent,since it was enough to cause cracks over the solid clay.

"No! How could I be tricked by a girl with adorable blush sticks?!",Clay Aslan spoke. Probably,because of those swords,Chara speeded up her assault. Soon,everything that remained was the front of Clay Aslan's face.

"Nobody from the paranormal who calls me cute,escapes.",Chara said with a clear voice. She said 'Nobody from the paranormal' because two specific adults from the normal world escaped off after calling her cute.

Because without that excuse wedged in edgewise, this would only come across as more of a literary puke stain from having Chara attempt to seem badass rather than a hypocritical idiot, even when her words are self-explanatory.

She finished the job stepping Clay Aslan's face repeatedly,and kicked it to the ground. She quietly laughed to herself in a creepy way as she saw the shards of clay falling on the ground.

And what was in the show a moment of victory of having out-witted an evil representation of a master sleuth has here become a sadistic, self-pleasing tirade born from emotional issues. Chara is hitting all the traits of an edgelord self-insert, at this point.

---

Frisk was burning all the heads of the clay sculptures on the fireplace. Clay Lewis Caroll was the only one remaining. It was slightly difficult for Frisk,because 'Alice in Wonderland' was one of her favorite tales,but nevertheless,she threw his clay head on fire all well,but not before muttering a regretful and almost mute 'Sorry' for him.

Oh, come on, Mabel asked Shakespeare for a limerick, so the least you could do is ask Caroll about the raven and the writing desk. All your substitutions lack substance, and I don't just mean they are made of nebulous clay, though that might as well be a fact, too.

She saw Chara entering in the room.

"Chara! You are okay! My sister is okay!",Frisk said in a very happy voice,as she ran towards Chara for a hug. Chara removed the serious and slightly creepy look on her face,and hugged her back as well.

"Without the help of my best little sister,I would have been dead meat.",Chara spoke,as she crouched to pick up Clay Pearl's head.

"Ouch,that is...scary...",Frisk said,feeling ill from the joke,but still feeling grateful of helping Chara.

"Oh my Moon Goodness!!",Pearl's voice ringed it,as she herself entered on the room,with a shocked face.

I'm up for making this a badly translated Sailor Moon crossover if you are, author.

"What happened here into the parlor?!"

"The clay sculptures were actually baddies,so we saved you by defeating them.",Frisk explained in a innocent way.

"I cutted Hamlet's head.",Chara simply said,with a odd smile.

So we had William Shakespeare mentioned at the beginning, and one of his creations, which I must remind you could look however anyone wants because it's the role in a play. This museum has a serious case of ADD with its lineup.

"I'm impressed you two survived the war!",Pearl spoke,like a parent that was trying to playing along with the imagination of their children.

"At least,we found this for you.",Chara said in a stoic voice,as she showed the head of Pearl's clay-self.

"Oh my moon goodness! Ahaha! I missed her so much! Someone deserves a big hug here!",Pearl spoke with pure happiness on her voice,as she glomped Frisk and Chara together. Frisk and Chara laughed together,and hugged their great aunt back. ...But Chara was a bit reluctant,at first.

Author, you need to spend time exploring these characters you've "created", not just assume we figure out why they act the way they do when they do exactly like who they are substituting, plus whatever strikes your fancy. Chara only comes across as obnoxious until she has a reason for her behavior. Does she dislike adults for a reason? Is she emotionally stunted? Has Pearl touched her in a no-no zone?

A police car approached the outside of the room's window. Geremy and Raynold were inside the car.

"Got the case solved,girl? I bet you will say no,so I'll take a slow bite from my donut.",Raynold said in a confident voice,as he bringed a donut to his mouth,chewing it very slowly.

"The answer is yes.",Chara said with a calm smile.

Raynold spitted out the donut in shock. He actually doubted a 'cute girl from the city' could solve the mystery of Clay Pearl's head,but he was very wrong.

Oh, really? And here I thought they were antagonizing her for being black."

"Ray! The donut!",Germany spoke in shock.

This must be how the war started.

But Raynold's answer was simply awkwardly drive away. Pearl,Chara and Frisk couldn't help but laugh up.

"They surely had to think twice.",Pearl said,proud of Chara,and patting the latter as well.

"You gave a end all the clay figures?",Chara asked to her twin,because she was aware that,even if their 'leader' was destroyed,they wouldn't give up.

Well, their leader was a lion known for being a resurrecting Jesus analogy, but I'm probably giving more thought to the substitution choice than the author did.

"I feel I missed out something,but I did it...",Frisk answered,scratching her left ear.

"That is good enough for me,Frisk.",Chara said,showing her right thumb up for Frisk and glad that the clay sculpture confusion was over.

Calling it confusion is apt, author, but I'm not sure we agree about the reason for it.

I'm still stuck in substitution Hell. If the author ever intend to merely use the beginning of the show as a springboard she can utilize to open up into new stories, I'm certainly not seeing any signs of it.

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ConcernedGamer
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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Dec 23, 2018 3:47 pm

Merry Christmas. Another chapter has been mocked as you may have noticed, but I felt a seasonal greeting could be wedged in while I was at it. I'll hold back on a Happy New Year for now as I hope to maybe finish off another chapter before then, given that I now have vacation time away from my job. If I don't make it for that imaginary deadline, just assume its because I'm busy reading other mocks in the meantime.

These chapters are a chore to go through from their length alone as the author is copying and doctoring a twenty-minute episode, line for line. I had hoped this fanfic wouldn't be as bad as it turned out, but I'm afraid I can't ignore it. This story is stupid. You have to not be thinking in order to accept half of it, while the other half simply defies acceptance entirely. The only way I can even accept that people read this trash and finds enjoyment in it, is by not knowing one of the three major crossover source materials, meaning the author is only succeeding in entertaining through sheer plagiary. If someone hasn't watched Gravity Falls, the story is unknown and new, though horrendously lost in translation. If someone hasn't played Undertale, they will not notice how these characters aren't recognizable at all. If someone hasn't watched Steven Universe, they will merely wonder what's up with this weird Stan-standin that's literally nothing like him aside from trying to be. There are more Steven Universe characters coming along later, though, so I'll probably get to gripe about their lack of consistency later. That's coming up sooner than you think, though, as we dive into this train-wreck. Here's Chapter 4, A Great and Lovable Gem for Frisk.

Pearl was using her perfectionist ego to play a magic trick with some tourists that approached the Crystal Shack.

Unless you are somehow trying to dis Pearl by making it sound like she's about to shuffle a deck of cards back into being ordered by suit, what the fuck are you even trying to tell me, author?

While it happened,Chara,Frisk and Asriel were on the living room,watching television. Frisk was wearing her blue jumper with red heart and blue bowtie. The show the three were watching went to a commercial break. But the commercial that was playing,was very curious.

That damn Cinnamon Toast Crunch keeps posing the real questions in life.

"Hey girls,I was talking about this commercial!",Asriel commented,recognizing the commercial that was playing.

"You are feeling lonely? Then,you must know about...Peridot.",a woman voice said on the commercial. The silhouette of a girl with odd pyramid-shaped hair appeared on a green background on the TV.

Okay, who's up for telling the author how many sides a pyramid has?

"Peridot?",Chara said. She already knew about people that were named after gems,including her own great aunt,but she never heard the name 'Peridot' before.

"She is special?...but why?",Frisk asked,feeling curious.

"She is a technological and magical master.",the female voice indirectly answered Frisk's question from the TV.

"Heya?",Frisk said.

A simple 'what', would have done the job, instead of Mable's 'aroo', author, you meme-killing dunce.

She never knew someone could be a master of both technology,and both magic.

Because now magic is apparently established enough in this world that she knows about masters of either one.

"So,forget about the one who calls herself the 'woman of wonders'. Go to the Tent of Technomagic,tommorow and tonight.",the woman's voice continued,indirectly mentioning Grauntie Pearl.

"This actually sounds a bit cool.",Frisk commented with Asriel and Chara,smiling.

I'm tentatively agreeing, actually. Peridot the Technomancer has potential. The author might have produced something interesting from having stuck the green gremlin into Gideon's shoes. The potential, from replacing a fraud psychic with a hypothetically genuine technomancer, has the foundation for numerous different twist and turns, powers and conflicts. Or, the author can keep blowing this story out her ass and have Peridot do everything that Gideon did, right down to telekinesis, convert surveillance, and making a deal with an interdimensional being to claim the shack. I'm already preparing my middle fingers.

Grauntie Pearl entered inside the living room,removing her business suit and revealing a long-sleeved yellow shirt below.

"Just don't get too interesed,dear. Since the day that twerp Peridot moved into the town,trouble came into my great life...",Pearl spoke,remembering the moment she was trying to park her car,but the tour bus of Peridot blocked her way.

Now you are not even substituting anything, author. Given this fanfic, I'd think you'd know a thing or two about alternate ways to inconvenience someone.

"She is really the master of magic and technology?",Frisk asked to Chara,curious to know how it would work.

"We must go deep into this story.",Chara said,clenching her right fist with a determined expression on her face.

"Oooh no-no-no-no-no! You are prohibited to go there! If you are on my roof,you can't even touch Peridot's roof!",Pearl said,in a strict voice and putting her hands on her hips in a serious way.

Seriously, author, what is your preposition handicap? The idiom in use specifically deals with being under a roof, and you still fuck that up!

"...But tents don't have roofs...",Chara tried to explain,but she was pretty much ignored.

"...Is this our loop hole?",Frisk asked,

I mean, can't you just tell how ignored Chara was to let Frisk respond to her?

as she extended her two palms to show a piece of string with a loop on it. "...Heheh...eh...",she awkwardly laughed,feeling a bit ashamed about her own joke.

"Peridot is waiting for you,so don't lose anymore time.",the woman's voice from the commercial said.

---

There was a big crowd entering on the 'Tent of Technomagic'.

And I'm already disappointed that the author doesn't know the word 'technomancy' or 'magitech'.

It was colored on light green,and on the top,there was its symbol: a triangular-shaped peridot gemstone,with rainbow colors.

Okay, even for a Steven Universe character, that's pretty gay.

However,the green color was the dominant color. The crowd was giving their money to a woman with pointy blonde hair and yellow clothing,including high heels,and was speaking positive opinion about the credibility of the Tent.

Is it Joy from Inside Out or an original character? We might never know aside from it clearly not being the latter.

Chara,Frisk and Asriel managed to sneak into the crowd and enter the tent,despite the fact that Grauntie Pearl forbided the acess to the tent.

Chara,Frisk and Asriel were sitting on the middle seat on the right,with Asriel licking a lollipop of sweet strawberry flavor.

"Wow...its like a counterpart for our Crystal Shack.",

Copied dialogue aside, how so? Pearl is a ballerina fixated gemstone peddler for all the author has bothered to describe, and this is supposedly a house for the merging of technology and magic. Does the author even realize how big a deal that is?

Chara said,noticing the big similarities between the tourist trap she was spending up the summer with her sister,and the tent. "...Wait...they have their own Asriel?"

Ralsei is in this fanfic?

This caught up Asriel's attention,who looked to the side to face someone very similar in appearence to him. He showed a very creeped-out face.

"Woah,its gonna start!",Frisk said with a smile,watching as the lights covered the stage.

"I wonder how is the appearence of this twerp.",Chara said crossing her arms,and curious to know about the one who was apparently making Pearl's life a living and burning hell.

Pearl said her life had become troubled, calm the fuck down.

The curtains opened,showing the symbol of the Tent of Technomagic above the stage,and 'Peridot'. ...and her apparence,excluding the hair,wasn't like anything that the silhouette of the commercial could lead someone to think.

Because the author did such a good job at describing the commercial's silhouette for comparison, of course.

She was short enough for Frisk to beat her up in height. Her triangular hair was of a light blonde color. She wore forest green glasses and had blue eyes. Her face had freckles,and light green blush stickers,smaller than Chara's ones.

Oh, that reminds me, I've been meaning to ask this. What the fuck are blush stickers?

Her long-sleeved shirt was chess-stamped,with two shades of green.

Chess-stamped? Do you mean checker print, author? Are you substituting words in your own language barrier too?

She wore black jeans and shoes,and a black cape with the symbol of the tent stamped behind.

"Its so nice to meet you America! You can call me Patricia Peridot!",she spoke. Her voice was weird,but combining well with her appearence: high-pitched,loud,and nasal. She made a rainbow with her hands,and dragonflies flied out of her hair,making a brief show on the air. Everyone clapped to her.

Can you quit it with the rainbows, author? You're even injecting them so much that I forgot to question how the hell you even keep and train dragonflies to emerge from your hair. Did you simply replace the pigeons with dragonflies because Peridot happens to have shared a frame of animation with one?

"This is the one bothering Pearl?",Chara said,in disbelief that the one making Pearl's life a living hell was actually a girl with freckles wearing glasses that managed to be shorter than her younger twin.

'She is oddly shorter than me.",Frisk commented,also noticing the height difference between herself and the new mortal enemy of Pearl.

Peridot is short - do you get it yet, readers?!

"I'm so happy to have you all with me,boys and girls of all the ages! ...Its amazing. Well,to show I really can control magic...you all will say, 'Awww!'",Peridot spoke,as she made an adorable stance with shiny eyes. And she was right. Everyone reacted to her saying 'Awww!'. Well,everyone except Asriel,Chara and Frisk.

Everything the author doesn't know how to replace, she simply leaves in, despite it having nothing to do with the changes she's made. Because of course you can just change a psychic prediction scene by altering it to be about magic instead.

"...Wow.",Frisk simply reacted,blushing.

"...At least I'm not the only 'cute girl' in the neighborhood.",Chara said,feeling kind of relieved.

It's cute you think that highly of yourself.

"Spread the music,mom!",Peridot called out. The woman from the entrance of the tent pulled an acoustic guitar,and began to play a music. Peridot,then,began to dance and sing.

🎵There is something that you can't see?

Air. Imaginary friends. This author's literary talent. Hey, you asked.

Don't worry I can see it for you...

Anything that is magic or technologic

Egad, I have been blind to technology my entire life! If only someone could see it for me!

This gem right here can do for you,oh-woah,

Come on and clap along me!

The rhyme of the song!

This tonedeaf vomit is supposed to be rhyming?!

It is a easy,a easy pattern,

so just repeat after me!🎵

Peridot began to clap,and repeat the same verse she sang. Unintentionally,everyone,including Asriel,Chara and Frisk,began to clap along,even trough most of them weren't really willing to do it. It felt...magical.

Well, something has to fill up either column, and you are awfully low on the technology part, author.

"What? H-how?",Chara said,since she was somehow clapping along perfectly,even trough she wasn't willing to do it.

Peridot began to climb out of the stage,and continued to sing and dance.

🎵I guess were are already here...

I know there is people,

Who came already here before,

And I'm grateful you came again...🎵

"Boring.",Chara commented in a sour and,obviously,bored voice.

Stop doing my job for me, kid.

Then,she saw Peridot approaching near her twin Frisk,who was eating a sack of popcorn.

🎵I already know your naaame!

Your name is Friiisk!

And I'm very grateful you came here aaas weeell!🎵

"She...knew my name?",Frisk said,extremely surprised. Actually,she went to the tent wearing a jumper of dark orange color with her own name on it. But it wasn't clear if Peridot readed her mind,or if she looked at the jumper.

It wasn't clear either what's supposed to be the point of this song, when Peridot isn't supposed to be psychic. You do know the difference, right, author?

🎵There is something that you can't see?,

There is something that you can't see? ,

There is something that you can't see?

I feel like I'm at my optometrist.

Don't worry I can see it for you...

Anything that is magic or technologic,

Anything that is magic or technologic ,

Anything that is magic or technologic,

This gem right here can do for you...🎵

So, we are just going to pretend that singing about something makes you a master of it, then? Okay.

"Thanks for coming to see me!",Peridot said,putting her hands on her knees and recovering her breath after the singing. A large neon sign with her apparent artistic name was above her,and the crowd was cheering for her song. "W-woah...I'm so happy! You all are my perfectly shiny stars!"

Frisk couldn't help herself to enter the cheering. Chara,however,kept stoic and cold as she,Asriel and Frisk left.

"That...stupid kid can lie more than Pearl! Maybe that is why our great aunt is that furious.",

Who wouldn't be envious about someone getting away with claiming mastery over magic and technology with no better props than rainbows and an acoustic guitar?

Chara said bitterly. Her real personality,normally,was only visible to children or to very dear ones of hers,but for her,this 'Patricia Peridot' didn't deserve to see her golden heart.

Fuck you with a light canon for emphasis, you cretin. A golden heart? You? Piss off. Not only is that an insult in and of itself, but you also hold the idea that someone must necessarily earn the right to see the nice side of you, and you are a benchmark for sociopathy. "I'm the most selfless and nicest person in the world, but those fuckers better treat me nice before they'll learn that." What insufferable self-absorbed, self-righteous, self-insert persona are you crafting here, author?

"Come on Chara,her singing wasn't all that bad. And her hair is kind of exotic.",Frisk said to her twin.

"...I actually agree with the exotic part.",Chara decided,since a triangular haircut that went upwards wasn't something to see every day.

She had seen triangular haircuts going downwards and sideways way too often.

---

In the next day,at the Crystal Shack,Chara was waiting for Frisk on the living room,drinking a cup of water. Frisk came,but her hands were full of silvertape.

"Uhm,give me a moment...my hands have silvertape.",Frisk said,as she tried to remove the silvertape from her fingers,which was a slightly difficult task.

Frisk's hands were full of silvertape, and that's a problem, and let's repeat it a few more times, because the author probably doesn't think people have caught on yet.

She was wearing a slightly large brown jumper with the figure of a owl.

"Do you need a help,Frisky?",Chara lightly teased off.

"N-no,I'm chill...",Frisk said,slightly smiling nervously.

The two,suddenly,heard the doorbell ring. Repeatedly.

"I won't support this bell for too long!!",the two heard Pearl's voice scream. She was pratically pleading for the door to be answered.

Because the words 'get the door' were so iconic in this show that the author absolutely had to break the English language again.

"Alright...",Frisk timidly said. She ran to the door,and opened it. At first,she didn't find no one. Then,she looked down to face Patricia Peridot. She found out she was just slightly shorter than her,until the neck. She had her arms behind her back.

"Greetings.",Peridot said on a nervous voice.

"Oh,Hi Peridot!",Frisk said,smiling as she recognized her.

"Nyehehehe...",Peridot nervously laughed. "My song is very fun to sing along.

Well, I guess Peridot must be psychic, because outside of reading Frisk's mind, how else are we supposed to conclude her song was the topic of discussion?!

Well,I know we didn't meet each other in the correct way,but your smile will never get out of my head."

"...This one?",Frisk asked,and afterwards,she smiled. This smile,however,was very small.

"Amazing!",Peridot cheerfuly commented out,with stars on her pupils.

Ooh, the judges will have to deduct points for that one. Star pupils are for Crystal Gems only, I'm afraid.

"I remember that I saw you in the audience,and I thought: 'She is someone that may be shy...but that can be cheerful and strong near her loved ones.'"

"Heheh...that defines me!",Frisk said,smiling and laughing. She hi-fived Peridot,but she forgot there still was some silver tape left on her fingers. As a result,the silver tape went to Peridot's finger as well.

"Cool...",Peridot whispered,as she looked at the hand she used to hi-five Frisk back.

"Who you are talking too,Frisk?",Pearl's voice ringed in. She probably listened to Frisk's dialogue.

It's Pearl's home and Frisk answered the door, is her query really that unimaginable a concept?

"My imaginary friends,Grauntie Pearl!",Frisk said,speaking loud to make sure Grauntie Pearl would listen up.

"Yoru stealth is wonderful. Well,Pearl absolutely hates me. I don't understand how you,a great quartz,can hang out with that clod.",Peridot spoke for Frisk,as the two made sure Pearl was conviced with Frisk's phrase.

Author, unless it turns out that Peridot and Pearl are actual aliens in disguise - which to be fair would actually be a twist that could make something out of this substitution story - having a human Peridot adress someone by mineral acknowledgements is more than just a forced attempt at reminding people what her original character was about.

"Eehee...",Frisk awkwardly laughed and blushed,scratching her left ear with her left hand.

"I think we could be great friends! Perhaps we can go to my house,on the dressing room,and talks about the favorite stuff of girls.",

Socks. How scandalous.

Peridot said,with a confident smile. She adjusted her glasses,and they sparkled.

"Sounds a little nice. I'll ask for my sister's permission.",Frisk said,as she went outside to talk with Chara.

Well, I can see why you would need your sister's permission first before doing anything, since you can't even figure out you left her in the living room inside the shack.

~~

Frisk came back to the Crystal Shack a bit of time later. She couldn't help herself to make a ponytail haircut,and insert two humming bird hairclips on the hair.

"Hey Chara. Hows it going?",Frisk asked to her twin,who was reading the mysterious book and laying on the chair.

"Woah,where have you been? And what is up with those hairclips? You are acting very girly,actually.",

"And after you asked me permission just earlier today even. What gives?"

Chara commented,as she turned her back towards the voice to face her twin.

"Well...I'm half-girly and half...tomboyish? Well,I was hanging with my new friend,Patricia. She is a very polite girl.",Frisk explained for Chara.

"I don't trust small kiddos with nasal and annoying voices.",Chara commented casually,as she resumed to read the mysterious book.

Well, that's funny, author self-insert suit #1, guess how I'm going to continue envisioning you and your detail-empty ass from now on?

"Awww...she is cool...why you just want to pay attention to me on the bad times? Its just you and Asriel in the calm times? I'm on my own?",

She'll have to fend off all those question marks by herself.

Frisk said with a pleading smile,holding her hands on a pleading stance and innocently smiling.

"...What? I always pay attention to you,little sis.",Chara said,refusing to believe she neglected Frisk on the peaceful times.

"Howdy Chara! Your ready to see who is the one who can eat pie faster?",Asriel said,as he entered on the living room with a excited smile.

Pie! Do you get it yet? There was pie in Undertale, and every chapter Asriel has had a pie! This is totally Undertale, guys! Do you get it?! Do you?!!

"You can bet Azzy!",Chara said,as she dropped the book and ran to the kitchen with Asriel,leaving behind an slightly heartbroken Frisk behind.

---

Frisk and Patricia Peridot combined up on meeting up in a warehouse.

That's odd, I was pretty sure fusions weren't going to be a thing in this fanfic.

Actually,on the top of it. They both were using opera glasses to enjoy the view from above the warehouse.

"That is a beautiful view you can have from the warehouse of your family.",Frisk commented,as she observed the main street of Inside Falls below it. "Its nice we bought-"

"Opera glasses!",Peridot completed,spelling together with Frisk. Both she and Frisk pointed the opera glasses towards each other,and shared a good laughter between themselves. "Frisk,I look at those people,up here on the warehouse,and I feel like the queen. You could be a queen together with me!",Peridot said,looking down from the warehouse without the opera glasses.

"W-what? No...your kindness is tasting too sweet...",Frisk said,pushing Peridot for far of her the gentlest she could.

Are we sure the author didn't substitute Mabel with Papyrus at this point?

"I can't stop myself! I'm speaking with the heart!",Peridot said,extending her hand closer to her chest. And making Frisk even more uncomfortable.

"Your heart is giving me d-diabetes...",Frisk said.

Keep using the word diabetes in relation to sweetness, author, I'm sure it will be even funnier the third time you do it.

She didn't want to be very rude or sour,but this 'friendship' was being too scary for her to not show up her inner opinion.

Scary? At best we've had a sentence of play-pretend, because the author picks-and-chooses what of the original script had to make an impact differently than it did.

"I never had a real friend. All of them were fake!",Peridot said,as she extended her other hand close to her chest,and cried up some tears. Frisk didn't really know if she should feel pity or try to climb down the warehouse to escape from her.

What's with these reactions? Frisk acts like Peridot has rabies, which makes sense with Gideon after his constant advances towards Mabel, but we've not even hit that point yet.

"Patricia...uh,I am...",Frisk tried to build the phrase to explain her ambigious mindset on this situation,but nothing came for some very awkward seconds. "I know you and me are friends,but lets just be chill friends..."

Image

Chill? Like, the Neflix kind? Did friendship suddenly get a qualifier I wasn't aware of?

"Yeah,chill friends...but please Frisk,can we go hangout like the chill friends we are?",Peridot insisted,adjusting her glasses and making a adorable face. Frisk immediately losed her doubtful thoughts.

"Okay Patricia...I'll go on just one hangout with you.",Frisk said with a pitful smile.

What's with the pity? I can't tell you two apart in your friendship issues and social capabilities, because the author can't do anything to make Peridot even appear clingy.

"Thank you so much,Frisk Dreemurr! You made me the happiest little gem girl on the galaxy!",Peridot spoke in extreme happiness,hugging Frisk. Frisk couldn't help but hug her back out of pity.

"Wait...why you are biting my shoulder?",Frisk spoke in a 'what?' tone of voice.

Okay, I've had enough. Fuck you, author. Your incessant and grating attempts at practicing the art of copying homework has made me take off the kids gloves. You insult me and anyone with an ounce of desire for genuine storytelling. Throughout this worthless story, you have done nothing but transcribe Gravity Falls and added nonsense and randomness to make it fit with the formula you abuse to extremes. To excuse your lack of writing talent, you present scraps of unattached or easily interchangeable words, hoping they'll get accepted out of pity. People have to be in denial to gain anything from this story, I have to be frank about this. I can summarize the previous chapters in shorthand with direct details to every plot description, in such a way that no one would be able to distinguish it from the actual show. The main characters, twins, arrive at their estranged distant relatives tourist trap home, only to discover a mysterious book that soon unveils sinister secrets, as one of the twins is being tricked by supernatural beings described within it. Going to a seasonal event nearby together with their relative, the twins go on a monster hunt after overhearing rumors of its existence, making them abandon their relative only to find out it was fake. Discovering a museum with fake life-sized entities, a murder mystery unfolds after one of the twins recreated their relative's likeness to fit the museum, in the end revealing the inhabitants of the museum being alive and out for blood. I could describe that, and likely the entire fanfic in much more generous details. You know I can, author, because that is how you operate throughout this altered transcription shit!!

---

On the next day of the same week,on the Crystal Shack,Frisk and Chara were playing a fighting video game on their console. Frisk was wearing a lavender jumper with the figure of a squirrel and a bowtie of the same color.

"I just didn't want to make her sad. That is why I accepted to hang-out with her.",Frisk explained to her older twin sister as she pressed the buttons on her control.

"Frisky,that kid won't give up until she makes you her very friend until the end.",Chara explained for Frisk in a laid-back tone,despite the fact she was losing the fight in-game.

As if it wasn't already a red flag that you flippantly changed the romance plot to be about friendship yet go through all the motions unaltered, author, I'm starting to think you actually don't know how friendships work.

"Yeah...I think I'm too merciful.",Frisk commented. In-game,she ended the fight defeating Chara's character.

"...Your opinion was countered.",Chara teased off,not so unhappy about losing the battle,despite the fact that she dropped up the controler on the chair's arm.

When she listened to the doorbell's song,Frisk got up and went to the door,to answer it. As she opened the door,she was scared by Patricia,who was blowing up a blowing-dragon-roll. Her shock was big enough to make her fall backwards.

Because a simple horn, that unfolds a roll of plastic when blowing into it, has the same overbearing weight of someone arriving on horseback onto your front porch, of course.

"Our friendship is going to be a party!",Peridot happily announced,after taking off the blowing-dragon-roll from her mouth.

"Oh boy.",Frisk said in an awkward smile,getting up from the shock.

~~

"I didn't knew you planned a party on this place.",Frisk commented,impressed because the party Patricia Peridot was hosting was being housed in a restaurant with the forest theme,with her as the guest of honor.

This is still the same date, author. I don't care how many times you use the words friendship and party, it's still the same box in different wrapping paper.

"Everybody here accepted my idea. Saying no to me is impossible!",Peridot explained for Frisk,as she laid back on her chair with a sly smile.

"I never eated those things before! And...drinked this...tea of green color with rice.",Frisk said,as she picked up a cup with the flavor of green tea mixed with brown rice.

"Yeah! Genmaicha!",Peridot happily said,trying to explain for Frisk the name of the drink.

"...What?",Frisk asked,not getting the japanese words Peridot spoke.

Ironically, you seem to think you have a running gag at having your fictional people go 'huh' at a language barrier, author, and while that was what happened in the canon of this scene, that's not what's happening here. You are milking a moment of Peridot simply telling Frisk the untranslatable name for the tea for an already tired joke.

---

On the Crystal Shack's gift shop area,Asriel and Pearl were reading out some of the newspaper,as Lapis checked her phone and Chara...just laid her back over the barrel,bored without the company of her twin sister.

"W-w-w-wait?! F-frisk...she is...dating that super-popular girl called Peridot!",Asriel spoke in shock.

Well, apparently the unaddressed monster in the room is able to read the writing on the wall, author, why can't you?

He pointed his finger towards the newspaper headline,that had a photo where Peridot had posed well,but that Frisk was covering her face in shame.

"Oh,its the newest topic of the town. Everybody is talking about Peridot and Frisk's 'friendship party' today.",Lapis said,showing her phone. On the phone screen,there was a dialogue between Lapis and someone that was extensively talking about the said party.

My main issue with this fanfic is that for the author to excuse her ever unceasingly copied forgery, readers of this story has to accept the most banal and nonsensical concepts in order to pretend being able to follow along with it. A Friendship party?! Because news about a local celebrity having a girlfriend is so interchangeable with that nonsense, isn't it?! Why is your only claim to originality these forced excuses for you to keep ripping off the source material, author?!

"UH?! How dare that twerp interact up with my younger great niece?!",Pearl spoke up,accidentaly smashing the newspapers on her hands after noticing the headline that Asriel pointed out.

"...I'm actually curious which name is good to this new duo. Perifrisk? Friskdot...or Perisk?",Asriel said,poking his nose as he looked upwards in thought.

You're not even trying. Sooz actually managed to combine both names in total, Asriel. You shame your father's legacy.

Pearl got out of the giftshop,going to another room of the Crystal Shack.

"What? Oh god...I bet my twin will get in trouble,and I forgot to warn her...",Chara suddenly said,just getting now what Asriel and Pearl were talking about,and feeling the heavy weight of the responsibility of a older sister on her back.

Image

I haven't seen shit this forced outside of JoJo memes!

Pearl came back,wearing her business suit,and holding her large stick.

Not a cane, mind you, because I mean the author surely has a word for cane in her language that she can't fuck up, unless she's lying about her age and is in fact eight!!

"That twerp will see that I ain't someone to be messed with. I'll go to her house now to fix up everything! She will SEE!",Pearl spoke up in a furious voice,picking up the doorknob. She slammed the door after going on outside.

"Oh no...s-she is trying to play a prank on us,right?",Asriel said,in denial Pearl would actually risk go to the house of her enemy. He opened the door,just to find out the reality silently screaming at him the truth. "Oh gee...",Asriel quietly said,scared,and hoping for the trouble to be settled in a good way.

And because Sooz was an idiot comic relief, who walked to the door to check if it was actually a closet, now we needed Asriel to go through the exact same motions through an even less appealing excuse, rather than the author coming up with something else. Stop it, author, just stop. I know what you are going for, but when the intent behind every single solitary paragraph is to desperately have the reader go "oh, a word/situation from the source material", it's infuriatingly pathetic! Also, fuck this interpretation of Asriel, while I'm in a ranting mood. Asriel did indeed state in Undertale that he was a crybaby, author, but that does not equate to a spineless oaf incapable of handling real conflict! He's sensitive, at best. The bunch of pixels representing him had more dimensions to them than your interpretation of him.

Pearl parked up the car on the front door to Peridot's house. She got out of the car,and her face was pratically screaming no mercy. She wouldn't show mercy to anything related to the 'twerp'. She went to the door,and quickly knocked it.

"Open up Peridot,your bratty girl!",Pearl said,with her left eye twitching at a insane speed as she knocked up the door. She looked at a sign,that pleaded for mercy for the garden. "NOTHING here will remain!!",Pearl yelled,as she ripped off the sign from the door.

Author, Pearl has her moments of intense emotions, signified by her behavior in response to all sort of situations. She can be stern, stressed, frustrated, cold, even cruel at times. Steven Universe, I've always felt, did a good job at pulling her through some shit to inspire a range of emotional behaviors from her. What I'm trying to ask is, who is this Looney Tunes character you've dressed up in Pearl's already borrowed likeness?

Suddenly,the door was answered by Peridot's mother.

"...Oh my,its Ms. Crystal Dreemurr! Its a pleasure to see you!",she said in a delighted voice,heavily differencing the suspicious face she had when she opened the door.

"License,Ms. Yasmin!

Yeah, I'd like to identify her, too, but I've run out of reasons to care, since it wouldn't matter.

I must talk to Peridot!",Pearl spoke in a clear and angry voice,trying to push out of the way Ms. Yasmin,that managed to be a tad square taller than her.

They use squares for measurement in Brazil? This is how imperialists thinks the metric system works, isn't it?

"The girls isn't here. But I allow you to come here for a nice tea!",Yasmin said on a casual voice,as she wrapped her arm over Pearl,pulling her inside the house,that was based on many shades of yellow.

"B-but that wasn't-",Pearl tried to explain for Yasmin,but she was interrupted.

"Everything from here came from France.",Yasmin explained for a very awkward Pearl.

"...Oh,I once visited it,and went to jail.",Pearl said,

"You should have seen those suckers' faces after I reformed from their guillotine."

awkwardly laughing and standing on her large stick,putting the other hand on her hip. "Those are very beautiful things.",Pearl continued,looking at the mobiles. She,then,saw a painting of a sad group of people. "Woah...this...is artistic."

Out of what little decency I have left, I refrain from merging the genre label 'AU' together with that word in order to describe this fanfic.

"Well,I heard that my Patricia and your younger great niece are,well,in peace with themselves,and having a big friendship.",Yasmin said,holding two cups full of warm tea.

"Well...I kind of wish that they could break up.",Pearl said in a slightly more polite way,as she sitted on the couch.

"Or at least tell them to use protection."

"Oooh no,its clear it can be a wonderful business connection. Yes,the Tent of Technomagic and the Crystal Shack! We've been indirectly fighting for too long,yes I agree,but this is our chance to redeem ourselves from the past,and tie our business together!",Yasmin said,putting the two tea cups on the table and extending her arms upwards.

"Oh okay,I'm listening.",Pearl said,with a confident smile and resting her right hand on a cash register on the table.

Continuing our tour of this fanfic, you will see the leftover carcass from yet another joke the author killed in ignorance yet she left in, in hopes to ride on its coat tails. Moving along, be prepared for more of the same shit.

~~

Back on the party,Patricia 'Peridot' was sharing alot of jokes with Frisk,and both of them were laughing. However...Frisk was getting even more awkwarded,mainly because of the kind of food Peridot casually ate off.

"This hangout was a perfect delight,Frisk. And the next one,tommorow,will make this one's brightness look horrible!",Peridot happily announced.

"B-but I thought it would be only one hangout...",Frisk pointed out,feeling more awkward and nervous than ever. Suddenly,the lobster she was trying to eat holded on her pointing finger,and she screamed in pain.

I meant it when I said I can't tell Frisk and Peridot apart in their friendship issues, and I find that likewise in how they both approach this friendship thing. The author wants to have Frisk treat Peridot like she was Jerry for no explainable reason beyond that was how things went in the canon between Mabel and Gideon. We have to have the comedy props be exaggerated excuses for this forced contrivance, because the author couldn't even dig up genuine issues to staple together the shredded plot-thread.

She covered her face in big shame,as many people laughed off and Peridot scolded them. But suddenly,they were pleading for her to go on another hangout with Peridot. Somehow.

Oh yeah, perfect, flawless storytelling. And then Frodo took the ring from Gandalf, and it ended up in Mt. Doom. Somehow!

---

In that night,Frisk came back to the Crystal Shack,looking tired and sad. She was carrying the same lobster she didn't manage to eat out.

Not touching that one.

Chara,who was reading up the mysterious book with the gemstones and the number '3',noticed her twin arriving.

"Greetings. The hangout was ok?",Chara asked in a friendly voice to her twin.

"I think I got a new aquatic pet...",Frisk simply and quietly replied,putting the lobster on the aquatic tank of the living room.

"Well,but everything is over and your interactions with her will just be basic friendship,right?",

What's even the end goal at this point? How many tiers of friendship has the author made up now? What's a chill friend? What's a real friend? What's a basic friend? Last I checked, the power of friendship wasn't multi-faceted!

Chara asked,but she noticed her twin wasn't replying. "...Frisk? Everything is fine?...F-frisk?",she continued,more worried about the emotions of her young twin.

Suddenly,she began to break down. Chara knew it meant that Frisk was having a tough time.

"She wants another hangout with me,and I can't say no!",Frisk said,her voice almost muffled out by her cries.

This is where Mabel's ventriloquism really pays off.

"Its easy. A plain and simple 'no'.",Chara explained,trying to calm down her twin,but it didn't seem like it was working.

"Chara,its harder than what you think! I really like to be Peridot's friend,and I hate hurting my friend's feelings! I...just wished to make our friendship more simple...",

Grow up, and by that I mean act the age of the Pines Twins. Nagging friends is not this much of a burden unless you are already emotionally unstable to an unhealthy degree. If being a friend with someone doesn't work out, you stop showing up, you stop remaining in contact, you stop being friends. First graders can figure this out. This is why the author had to invent a new multi-layered form of friendship to make this a point of conflict that Frisk could try and get worked up over

Frisk explained in a slightly more calmer voice,as she called how Peridot made Gaster Wingdings take both girls on a boat,and Frisk remembered it looked more like a 'date' than a 'hangout.

Boy, how I can't wait for the time travel chapter to see how the author handles canon events that doesn't transpire in chronological order. Frisk just got home from their FIRST date, author.

"She is so interesing but...I must dispatch from her. I can't keep going on this path. And I don't know how to get out of it!!",Frisk finished up.

"What in the name of hell happened on the...hangout?",Chara said,also unsure if 'hangout' was the right word for the situation.

Everyone is unsure about every word used in this fanfic, believe you me.

"I-I don't know. First,we were chill friends,but suddenly,like rockets,I and Peridot went to the super super friends area. It was as fast as light...or sound,I don't know...",Frisk said,trying her best to explain how it felt like.

If you are even trying to make a fourth type of hyper friendship, author, do you even believe yourself that anyone is buying this bullshit? Seriously, there are genuine issues within friendships that can be utilized as topics for a story to explore. There are words for those. Learn them!!

"Don't worry Frisky. Its not like the Tent of 'Tacnomehgic' and the Crystal Shack will mix up because of that idiot hanging with you.",Chara said,reasurring to Frisk on her own way that nothing was her fault.

"I have good news,Frisk! The Tent of Technomagic and the Crystal Shack will mix up because of our hangouts with Peridot!",

I think there has been a mix-up with this fanfic entirely.

Pearl came in with a excited voice and smile,wearing a large jumper with the reading of 'Team Peridot'.

Frisk gasped in genuine horror and fear of what she indirectly did.

"I made a very important accord with Yasmin Diamond. There is a pile of bill on the middle of all that. Plus I have this jumper!",Pearl said,pointing her hands at the jumper. "...Uh...I look fat with it?"

I don't know, author, DOES SHE?!!

Frisk,finally,cried very loudly and ran away,towards the highest room. Pearl even tried to call out to her,but she didn't listen to her. Chara decided to go after her,and reaching to the highest room,she found Frisk,curled up and facing the wall.

"F-frisk,are you...?",Chara said,losing the wish to complete the phrase.

And, you know, be careful what you wish on or whatever, it's not like that sentence will ever gain relevance with this author.

"Frisk is the blame everything is going down.",Frisk herself said,in the middle of sobs. She looked hopeless and miserable,even with her face obscured.

"No,she isn't. And she don't have to be like this.",

She also don't have to talk in the third person about topics only slightly related to her issue, dunce! I swear, it's like the author purposely maul the source material for the single reason that it took place.

Chara tried to counter up Frisk's speech. Frisk just stood there,quiet,sad and small. "...Look,I'll go in your place and break up the next hangout for you,okay little sis?"

Frisk gasped and turned around,with her face still full of tears,but now wearing a surprised expression. Chara made a reasurring smile,and Frisk quickly got up to hug her torso.

"T-thanks big sis...You are great...",Frisk said in a emotive voice,still holding out some sobs.

"I know.",Chara replied,just staying there and accepting the hug Frisk was giving to her.

Is anyone surprised? Are we supposed to rejoice, feel warm and fuzzy, to find this a momentous scene and go "oh, Chara will do that for Frisk? Oh, she must truly have a heard of gold, then", sit and spin on it. These events are taking place because it is a canon rehash, through and through. We are not watching characters interact, they are following a script.

And I'm cutting the mock in half here, as posting the whole thing isn't possible for the character limit.
Last edited by ConcernedGamer on Sun Dec 23, 2018 3:52 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Dec 23, 2018 3:49 pm

Second half of Chapter 4, coming up.

Chara went to The Club,a place that was extremely curious because of its shape: the heart card of a normal deck of cards.

Swing and a miss, every fucking joke, every fucking time.

She went inside and found Peridot on a table with the club's menu on it. Chara tried her best to keep her politic stance to not make any cruel jokes relating to Peridot's childishness or height,and went to her.

Childishness? When the hell did Peridot exhibit childishness, let alone have lines enough to have it depicted in this chapter?

"Oooh. Chara Dreemurr,how you are going? Looking shiny,as always.",Peridot said in a surprised voice to Chara,and slightly sounding shy.

"Heh,thanks...but...you see,Ms. Peridot...we must talk like adults.

That was said by an already anger-touting preteen, written to do so by a fifteen-year-old. I'll try not to laugh too hard.

Frisk won't visit you tonight because,honestly...she is scared out by you.",Chara said,in a very stoic tone. She was trying to act mature,and wishing Peridot could at least,one time,be mature as well.

When hasn't she, you projecting ass-hat?

"Not trying to offend,your friendship side is scaring her too much."

"So...you mean you are...coming in the middle of us.",Peridot slowly said,her two eyes twitching randomly.

Incestuous love-triangle, what did I tell you?

"*sigh* You will cry like the bra-...sorry...like a immature girl?",Chara said,almost not being able to stop herself from insulting Peridot and her immature side.

Girl, are you a jar of mayonnaise, because you are laying it on thick, you hypocrite!

"Of course not! Every life have their downhills. And people can leave lives as easy as they can enter on them.",Peridot said,adjusting her glasses and calming down her crazily twitching eyes.

Author, learn the importance of subtlety, you hack.

"Alright...so...we are chill now,okay?

What does the word 'chill' even mean to you, author?

Well,gotta go.",Chara spoke,turning around to leave the club.

"We are very 'chill',my fellow one.",Peridot whispered under her breath.

~~

Frisk was patiently...or rather,nervously waiting for her twin to come out of the building,and she felt a wave of relief hit her when Chara appeared from the doors.

"Everything went okay? Or she somehow used magic to read your mind?",Frisk asked,holding her hands together.

You need to have thoughts for them to be read. And even if that was a thing Peridot could somehow do by being a master of technology and magic, wouldn't that only get the point across faster, genius?!

"Pfft,that kid won't read your big sister's hard-shielded mind,Frisky.",Chara said,poking her forehead with her finger and making a sly smile. ...It would be so great if she was right.

I'm not even going to believe the words you wrote for a second, author, because I can say with certainty that you will not have Periodt show the tiniest sign of being able to read minds given this fanfic's track record. You are just writing for dramatic effect, because you know those words have to come out in a certain order to bait a response to feigned suspense for your readers.

---

On the next day,Peridot was staring at herself on the mirror of her bedroom. She was heavily breathing,her eyes had small marks below them,and she was clenching her fists in rage.

"Chara Dreemurr...your CLOD! You have no idea of what you did!!",

I could make multiple counters for how you abuse these character's original mannerisms in ways that doesn't work in their AU depictions, author, but I won't make any, because they'd hit double digits in the same chapter they start at and keep going!

Peridot said in clear fury. She ran to the shelf and picked up something. A pistol colored on green shades,powered up by plasma,that had a 'ON/OFF' button. She turned on the pistol and pointed it upwards,making many objects of her bedroom lift themselves on the air on a ghostly way. The pistol was powerful enough to cause a force to break up the lightbulbs on the frame of her mirror to break up.

Image

You just couldn't do it, could you, author? Instead of actually doing anything - any fucking thing that could be done with technology and magic together as one to make something new, something different, something unique, or even vaguely impressive, you copy in Gideon's medallion and slap a laser gun paintjob onto it, making everything regarding Peridot leading up to this point utterly meaningless, and I mean everything!!

"You made a terrible and horrible decision!",Peridot still yelled towards the air. She swinged the pistol downwards,and everything on the room was destroyed. Her mother,Yasmin,opened the door to find the big mess she made.

"Patricia Paula Diamond,you better clean up this mess now.",Yasmin said,crossing her arms as she called out for Peridot with her full name.

"I COULD EVEN SELL YOU IF POSSIBLE,YOU DIRTBOMB!",Peridot said in a even louder voice,sweating hard as she pointed her finger towards her own mother.

Yasmin just stood there with a scared face. She quickly closed the door in fear,letting Peridot enjoy her solitude again.

I've already gone over the idiotic use of Peridot's mineral-obsessed name-calling, so I'll go straight to the other offensive, mindboggling shit here. Peridot is supposedly feared by her mother, who in this case is standing in for Gideon's father. This change is going to bear no impact, because the author is still bankrupt on every notion at creating her own narrative, and is fueled once again by a joke taken out of context and blown out of proportions. Bud Gleeful took the words "I can buy and sell you, old man" with a shrug, because he's a dotingly supportive father who tolerates his son's evil plans and mood swings, and the phrase of 'buy and sell' fits his car salesman gig. Yes, this is different from the canon, but it is going to be nothing but a bloat of meaningless and forced anachronism, as we still have to suffer the unchanging plot thread. I know I'm harping a lot on this fanfic's misdeeds, but this trash is treating the source material like shit, and misunderstood shit at that, while pretending to be a lovechild of it all!!

Peridot angrily adjusted her glasses as she looked at the door,that had many photos of Frisk and above them all,the letters 'MY BIGGEST FRIEND,FRISK'. In the middle of all the photos,there was the only photo where Frisk was with her older twin sister,Chara.

Peridot only had the single photo of Frisk and Chara together on the middle of all the others to show she recognized that Frisk had a family. But now,she wished Frisk's family out of the way,to stay up with her biggest friend forever. This deep hate she had clenching up on her glasses made the photo burn up,on the side that Chara was located.

I guess the on-button for a telekinesis gun can really be the explanation for all that, yup. This belongs in the category of what I meant by everything being meaningless, as well. The people standing up at the tent without prior intent was the first hint at Gideon using his amulet in the canon, with this fanfic having the event noted upon by dipshit extraordinaire Chara herself, but the author didn't care to connect the dots, and as such didn't have Peridot waving this deus ex machina around back then!

~~

Asriel,Chara and Frisk were playing outside the Crystal Shack. The three were pretending that Asriel was a villian,who was shielding himself up with a pillow,and that Chara and Frisk had to knock down the shield to beat him.

And Asriel was sobbing and bawling and pleading with them to just let him win, you can't convince me otherwise, author.

The three were extremely happy,and laughing.

"I'm happy everything is like how once upon a time it was.",Frisk happily spoke. She was having taste on feeling genuine happiness for the first time.

Everyone in this fanfic sounds like aliens attempting to communicate by using Google Translate! Is "I'm glad everything is back to normal" really such a troublesome sentence to repeat, author? I'm also not going to accept that you know what you are writing either, because for Frisk to be 'feeling genuine happiness for the first time' presupposes odd levels of angsty melodrama, that this fanfic in no way has a chance of foreshadowing, let alone depicting.

The three heard the phone ringing.

"I'll go attend.",Chara said,as she went to the phone and picked it up. "Wazzup?"

"Kaito Shion. Inside Falls Gossiper.",Kaito's voice answered from the other side.

The proper response is to say 'wazzup' back, killjoy.

"Oh...greetings. Sorry for thinking you were a mudered on the last week.",Chara apologized,remembering of the incident where Clay Pearl's head went missing.

"Everything is alright.",Kaito said for Chara,accepting the apologize. "Say,we want to know if you ever faced something 'weird',or 'curious' in this town."

Outside of extended family members, you mean?

"...Finally somebody asked it to me after too much time. I even got paper to write things.",Chara said in a confident voice.

That's nice dear, I'm being supportive and very glad you're proud of that. Now, how about you actually staid on topic?

Suddenly,Kaito began to instruction for Chara to write a place. "Yes,yes. 412 Glitter Road,tonight. Got it."

Kaito hanged up the phone from his residence. However,he looked confused and a bit scared.

"...Why Peridot forced me to send me that location?",Kaito asked to himself,feeling extremely nervous and scared.

This is going to blow up in the author's face one way or the other, and likely through me exploding. We are seriously going with this angle? By people in Inside Falls fearing Peridot? Your understanding of villainy is truly this basic even when you had a blueprint to follow that was a step above that, author? First of all, you are going with a Peridot modelled after a likeness that had lost all intimidation factor in the first place. Second of all, Gideon knew he was cute and unintimidating and used it to his advantage. He owned the town through deception and manipulation, and now you are merely painting out a stock tyrant fear monger in his place, in the form of a child which by all logic would be taken care of by the first sign of muscling around others through threats. The fact of the matter is that at the final part of your Season 1 chapter, the only prompt to do what won't have happened up until then, will merely be the Dreemurr twins pointing and asking for Peridot to be arrested.

~~

Chara was on the warehouse of the '412 Gitter Road'. She had arrived on the hour marked in the paper. 7 o'clock. She went to the warehouse and,with some difficulty,pushed the door and stepped in. Inside,the warehouse was dark.

"...Hey?",Chara called out. But nobody came.

That's not how references work, author. Sorry, I've run out of humorous ways to reiterate that plain fact right now.

Chara decided to leave,thinking she was just being pranked,but when she turned around,the door closed right on her face. She even tried to punch it,but it didn't do anything besides a heavy metallic sound. A yellow light illuminated the room,and Chara slowly turned around,to face Patricia 'Peridot' in a swivel chair with a mini-doll version of hers on her head.

Because people store other objects on their heads, of course, that's normal, don't you?

"Hi,my buddy.",Peridot simply spoke in a chilling voice.

"Hmpth. Perisnot.",Chara said,crossing her arms and not resisting the urge to taunt the short blonde girl.

Welcome to the imaginary moral high ground, where fanfic protagonists think they can do or say anything they please without coming across as insufferable people not worth anyone's time, mostly because their actions go ignored by the entire world they inhabit.

"Chara Dreemurr,I want to know something. You live on this town for one,or two weeks? And you are enjoying your stay?",Peridot asked,extremely seriously.

"You want me to give your soul?",Chara asked in a confused voice,raising a eyebrow.

Image

I barely know what to do with you anymore, author, and this is just Chapter 4 of what is going to be a hopefully max 40 chapter series. What could even prompt the words that managed to successfully come out of Chara's insolent mouth?!

Peridot apparently ignored her question.

"You must know something. This god-forsaken town has secrets anyone could go insane after discovering out!",Peridot said more clearly,clenching her fist and dropping it on the swivel chair's right arm.

"Just accept it,kid. Frisk is tired of being your friend!",Chara said,feeling already annoyed about having to support Peridot's voice echoing trough the warehouse's walls.

"YOU ARE LYING! You made her give up on me!",Peridot said in a accuser tone,getting up from her swivel chair. She holded thighly on her glasses. "She would be my biggest friend!"

"My biggest, chill, basic, great, real, big, super super, party friend - with benefits!"

"Just let me go?",Chara said...however,she was starting to slip away on her voice a tone of nervousness.

Suddenly,Peridot extended her free arm upwards,and Chara was lifted upwards. Afterwards,Chara was thrown towards a pile of more Peridot dolls,and she was extremely surprised. One of the dolls even was accidentaly activated,saying a friendly greeting.

Which, by Chara's standards, is probably "Fuck off and die".

"I got alot of tricks behind my back.",Peridot said,pointing her thumb towards her chest. Her voice was starting to sound more...crazy. Or,at minimal rate,to sound more like her head was lost in the clouds.

"You aren't a master of technomagic.",Chara angrily growled as she got up. That taunt was a terrible mistake of her part.

"Oh yeah,clod?! THIS IS FAKE?!",Peridot said,now her voice was completely cucko-crazy.

Crazy, crazy, crazy, because that's all there is to it to define a villain, by how crazy they can sound, real believable this stuff right here. Look, I'm not asking you to outdo the source material, author, just don't do things that are beneath it.

She grabbed the same telekinetic plasma pistol she used on her bedroom and turned it on. In a blink,every Peridot doll began to fly on the air,startling Chara.

Oh yeah, better turn on that technomagic 'plasma pistol' now that you've demonstrated you can throw Chara around without it.

---

In the Crystal Shack,Frisk was impatiently waiting for Chara's return. She was starting to become very afraid,chewing on her own indigo neck bow in despair. Out from the Crystal Shack,came Lapis Lazuli,who sitted up on the low staricase,next to Frisk.

"This taste as nice as leaves,Frisk?",Lapis asked for Frisk. Frisk didn't answer,but at least,she stopped chewing on the bow.

"Lapis,I need help. You had breakups with partners,right?",Frisk asked,scratching her hair.

"Yes...oddly,both boys and girls.",

"People say that I might be this thing they call 'bi-sec-tion-al', whatever that means."

Lapis answered,looking upwards in the light orange sky that announced to Inside Falls the arrival of the midnight.

Evening, author, have you even read English words before you made this?

"I don't know what is going on. I should be back to normal...but I ain't.",Frisk said,pacing around the place in thoughts.

"You didn't make Chara go in your place,right?",Lapis asked,suspecting Frisk did it. And she was right.

"...I did...I made a big mistake. And I'll go personally to Peridot to fix it in a honest way.",Frisk suddenly spoke in a determined,and slighty regretful voice.

"And don't forget to find Chara.",Lapis also reminded for Frisk.

Yeah, Frisk has to ask her for permission first, after all.

"Yes,I'll do it. Thanks for your comfort,Lapis Lazuli.",Frisk thanked off,as she ran to the back of the Crystal Shack's outside to pick a blue tricycle and a helmet. She climbed the tricycle,that was actually pretty fast,and got off with it.

"...Oh,I forgot to break up with the latest one.",Lapis said with herself,as she taked her ringing cellphone to find out the latest message of her 'partner'.

Wasn't that just completely topical and relatable to Frisk and her friendship issues in every way? Oh wait, you're right, it wasn't!

~~

Chara skillfully dodged the dolls that were being thrown at her. Peridot laughed,but it wasn't a evil laugh like Chara expected. It sounded downright childish,and not too serious.

What happened to crazy, dummy?

She ran to slap Chara,but Chara simply avoided making a star movement to the left,and making Peridot accidentaly hit her nose on the wall.

I'd admittedly manage to run straight into a wall too, if I got to see whatever a 'star movement' is.

"You are a big TWERP,just like Grauntie Pearl said!",Chara said,surprise and anger on the same speech. She actually was surprised she doubted Peridot was a master of magic and technology.

"I will make your sister my friend forever!",Peridot said,shouting a 'Nyeh-heh-heh!' laughter afterwards.

You know what, fuck it, everyone is Papyrus from now on.

She pulled the string of a doll that was on her hand,and the doll shouted the very same laughter.

Chara swiftly picked up a big toy hammer behind her. She hoped that it could be at least strong enough to knock Peridot out,in case if she managed to hit a blow on her head.

If only she was a monster, that weapon choice would actually make sense, dingbat.

She screamed loudly and ran,the hammer ready to take action. Unfortunately,she forgot on that hour that Peridot's gun could levitate things,and she was levitated upwards,unwillingly dropping the toy hammer.

Maybe she should have tried remembering more than one thing once an hour.

"She gave up on being your friend!",Chara said,again,trying to put logic inside Peridot's head.

"You are a liar!",Peridot still accused Chara. She noticed some old but still sharp axes on a box. "And I hope this can be a lesson for your afterlife,clod!",Peridot said,as the gun plasma energy surrounded one of the axes,levitating it toward Chara's neck.

I should not be cheering right now, because I know my hopes would only be dashed.

Thankfully,before any kind of killing blow could happen on Chara,Frisk came in,opening the doors of the warehouse.

"Patricia 'Peridot'! We must talk!",Frisk shouted,catching the same's attention.

"F-frisk? Is that you?",Peridot said,turning around toward Frisk's direction and making the gun drop the axe on the ground. "What you are doing over here?"

"I apologize to you...but I can't be your bestest friend,Peridot.",Frisk calmly and maturely said,spilling out a brutal but honest truth. "You must know we need to make mature decision on our lives."

"We have to invest in the stock market."

"I-i don't get it!",Peridot said with a trembled smile,making her grasp on the gun thigh up. And the force of the telekinetic plasma was bigger as well,making Chara choke.

"Frisky?! I think you are too late to solve things yourself n-now!",Chara said in mid-choking,trying to sound the less hope-breaker possible and,at the same time,fighting to get air on her lungs.

"Well...at least we won't have vendetta agains't each other. It wouldn't be nice?",Frisk continued,trying to call Peridot out of her craziness.

"Really?",Peridot simply asked,her nasal voice also sounding trembled.

"...No!",

"This can only end with bloodshed, motherfucker!"

Frisk said,noticing Chara,her twin sister,was being choked because of Peridot's fault. She pulled out the gun from Peridot's grasp,and Chara falled,not being choked anymore. "Because you were attacking my big sister! What kind of friend do that!?"

"I mean, a brother I would have been fine with, but not a sister!"

"My gun! Give it to me!!",Peridot shouted in rage. Frisk didn't give it to her. Instead,she aimed and threw it for Chara to pick up.

"Heh.",Chara smirked,picking the gun as Frisk hoped out. "Not a techno-master with this child toy,right?"

Peridot screamed extremely loudly,and charged at Chara. Chara and Peridot began a slap-fight,and the gun felt to the ground. Frisk grabbed it and ran to try to stop the two,but it didn't work. Then,the two were falling on a cliff she decided to use the gun to levitate both of them on the air,back to the ground.

A very seamless transition from being inside a warehouse, of course. Two dollar whores are done less than you do the canon, author.

But since she was ten times more merciful than Peridot,she didn't choke them.

Shut up, author, if it's a power that can be willed, it acts through intent, therefore absence thereof is not a virtue.

"Hear me,Peridot. Our. 'Friendship'. Is. Over.",Frisk spoke,trying to sound very clear and serious.

"She is right.",Chara added out.

Frisk landed the two to the ground safely and,afterwards,threw the gun on a tree. It quickly broke up,as plasma began to appear and dissapear. Peridot ran to her destroyed weapon and kneeled to see it.

"NO! MY GUN!",Peridot said in a despaired voice,watching the shards of the gun on the ground. She looked at the twins,rage covering her whole face. "You may have won the battle,but you didn't win the war! One day,you'll feel my unbridled rage!!",Peridot promised in a fierce rage,clenching her fists and running towards the dark woods.

Now, anyone here with two brain cells to rub together can tell why this master of magic and technology has not in any way changed in level of threat, both perceived and otherwise, but I'll leave it until the obvious episode cliffhanger that's going to be ripped off too.

~~

Back on the Diamond residence,Pearl was signing the contracts that would,for sure,mark officialy the partnership of the Tent of Technomagic,and the Crystal Shack.

"All done!",Pearl announced as she wrote off the last contract She accidentaly knocked the same painting she complimented in the morning as she threw her arms to the sides.

"Now its only peace,quiet and beautiful paintings between us.",Yasmin spoke. Suddenly,her daughter opened the door furiously,and walked towards the two. "Welcome,Patricia. Look who we-"

"MS. CRYSTAL DREEMURR!",Peridot angrily said,standing over the table. "I want the contract finished up!!"

Well, what do you know, it's already signed on the dotted line, and boy are my language jokes taking that dead horse to the glue factory at this point.

"...What,why?",Pearl asked,feeling extremely confused.

"All the Dreemurrs foolishly summoned my fury! Your treacherous actions agains't me will have counter-attack!!",Peridot still spoke with the same rage.

"You are having a tauntrum or something like this?",Pearl asked again,confused about Peridot's extreme fury.

"Wait...what about your friendship with Frisk and ever-",Yasmin tried to ask to her daughter,but she was interrupted by the same.

"QUIET!",Peridot angrily ordered. An awkward silence moment kicked up.

You know, I'm pretty sure this could have been avoided if Frisk had took charge and invited Peridot home, in order to show how she would treat a friend and their friendship. No wonder that kid hasn't made any friends.

"...Yes,she is having one of her tantrums. Sorry Ms. Crystal,but for my own sake,I'll side up with Peridot for this.",Yasmin answered Pearl's question,ripping the contract Pearl had just writted off.

"Okay okay bye-bye it was nice to meet you.",Pearl hastily spoke,noticing the deal was off,and she picked the picture she accidentaly drop off,running out of the house with it.

"...Uh,Ms. Crystal,we need the picture back!...MR. CRYSTAL,COME BACK!",Yasmin suddenly shouted in anger,noticing the missing picture.

"My speed ballet can't be beaten!",Pearl shouted in a trickster tone as she ran away.

Ballet! Because Pearl! Just because!!

~~

Pearl was hanging up the picture in the living room of the Crystal Shack,while Chara and Frisk were laying down on the couch. Both of the twins were a pure mess,mostly because of the surprisingly hard day the two had to face off.

"...What happened while I wasn't watching you two?",Pearl asked to the twins in a worried and motherly voice,after hanging up the picture on the wall.

"Well, whatever, you two better go to bed, I need to watch you sleep."

"Peridot.",both of the twins said,almost at the same time.

"Oh,Peridot. Yes. That mini twerp swore she would counter-attack us all. I bet she'll just try to bite my legs.",Pearl said,kind of reasurring to the twins in her own way that everything would be fine for them all.

"Oh,right. How she will get us without that gun of hers? Use mathematic thoughts?",Chara said,laughing afterwards.

"She won't guess this one! EIGHT less SIX! She was probably playing the smart one!",Pearl playfully joined the play.

Author, I beg you. Seek help. Learn English.

The three began to laugh together.

"Oh no! She'll send everything toward us!",Pearl teased,laying down on the twins. But it wasn't a big problem,since her weight was extremely light. The three kept laughing all that night,their mood thankfully cured.

And the two idiotic children are blissfully unaware of the danger that would be real if the author wasn't as dense as bricks about her own creations. Whoever is reading this has probably already posed the question; can't Peridot make another gun? She should be able to. If the knowledge she got to have one in the first place persists, there's nothing stopping her, except the author won't let her, because of episode-mandate. Now I'm stuck in this hellhole where the plot has to deliberately ignore itself in order to progress as scheduled. Did the author even try to think about this shit?!

~~

Peridot was in extreme heartbroken denial of her friendship being broken down by Frisk. She was in her room making small wooden dolls of the Dreemurrs.

Being a master of technology and magic, of course she used wood.

"I still want to be your best friend,Peridot! Oh,if the other two weren't here...",Peridot said,moving the Frisk doll and making a impression of the same. "I am a big woman,in height and ego!",she continued,moving the Pearl doll and making a impression of the same. "What you will do without your wonderful child toy?",she finished up,moving the Chara doll and also making a impression of the same.

Narrative flaws like these transcends language barriers. All hope is lost

"Heh,I still have something better...You'll see it,pebble.",Peridot said on her regular voice,closing up a book that was on the shelf.

The book's cover was very similar to the one that Chara had,with no clear name and author name. But instead of a number three...there was a number two.

Dun dun dumb. Who could have seen that coming? Seriously, the only reason this fanfic exists is because the less than meaningless alterations being made doesn't manage to connect with each other, causing it to not even be a proper canon-ripoff.

I swear, half the time its like the author goes out of her way to make things not work. I actually had a twinge of hope for Peridot with this crap. A technomancer, aided by whatever book sure, could still have had so much more to it, but yet again it was just the author substituting a placeholder title, placeholder words, and placeholder plots. I better stop hoping, and maybe lay back on the language jokes, because even that's starting to grate on my own mental faculties at this point.

Anyway, while Peridot wasn't a psychic, despite the author doing everything she could to have her act like one, I'll give it a whirl myself. Henceforth, I'm going to be guessing the author's future mistakes. Before I move on to mock the next chapter, I'll glance at the title, remind myself that this fanfic is a failure, and predict the outcome in the form of how the plot will be not-altered, and what new Undertale character is being thrown under the bus. So, what do we have coming up? From Midnight 2 Night, ripping off of the Invconveniencing. I'm betting Chara will not fall in love with Lapis, that she will be a jerk to everyone rather than seek their approval, and solve a haunting problem by being an angsty bitch. And Napstablook is probably going to get ruined, because this author has to shoot a third foot with her monster interpretations, and it might as well be mine.

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Mon Dec 31, 2018 8:24 am

It didn't have to be like this. This fanfic didn't have to be trash. I can see the idea, the concept for this as a crossover, or an AU even, but we are nowhere near something acceptable. Take out the script rehashing, we have a single digit percentage of originality left, that is if you're even willing to consider the author's content as additions and not subtractions. The potential and ways this could have been done are virtually limitless, but the author settled on this. Every instance that's recognizable becomes an insult for how its being shamelessly ripped off. Worse yet, the alterations that the author adds are so off-putting and miss every point it could intend to make because of the shitty execution. We'll see even more of that in this chapter. Let's get going. Here's Chapter 5, From-Midnight-2-Night.

It was a calm start of morning (7:00 AM).

Not to be mistaken for 8:00 AM, which is literally hell on Earth.

Inside the shack,on the giftshop,Lapis was reading the newspaper,Chara was reading the book with the three cover

Journal. Call it a fucking journal. A diary. A memoir. Just give it a damn common noun and stop your floundering descriptions every time its brought up!

...and Frisk,out of boredom,was spinning a globe with her finger. Chara heard the globe's noises and found out her sister was spinning it.

"Frisk,you think ghosts are real?",Chara asked to her twin sister.

How about we ask the literal living skeleton down the road, genius?

"At least,I know our world is.",Frisk answered very vaguely. Chara nodded in agreement,resuming to read the book.

I find your very intent at invoking irony to be ironic, author.

Pearl opened the entrance book,entering in the tourist trap from inside.

I think you should start questioning that "reality is real" thing, kids, because Pearl just demonstrated the functions of a tesseract.

"Asriel? Lazuli?",Pearl called out.

Asriel quickly dashed into the room,panting. "Ahoy Ms. Crystal Dreemurr!",Asriel said,after recovering his breath.

"I must go attend off some bussiness. You will clean the bathrooms,right?",Pearl said,and aske dto both Asriel and Lapis.

"You can be sure!",Asriel said,in a soldier-like pose.

"You can be not sure!",Lapis said,also making a soldier pose.

"Be careful,you two!",Pearl warned the two Crystal Shack workers,closing up the door as quickly as she opened it.

If bathroom cleaning necessitates a concerned warning, I think there's a greater mystery afoot than whatever this chapter is going to be about.

The four were once again alone and feeling bored.

Trust me, author, counting in whoever is reading this, that number is at least five.

That is,until Lapis pushed up a pair of curtains on the side of the room,finding a old ladder,and above them,the sky.

"Woah! Look at that! A ladder that can take us to the roof!",Lapis said,opening a large smile after looking below the ladder.

"Lapis...Mr. Crystal Dreemurr will surely ground us! ...and you are slightly scaring me off.",Asriel warned out to Lapis in a scared tone.

Her ability to pull aside curtains to reveal structural instabilities in the shack's roof has the coward scared stiff.

"We can climb that?",Chara said,closing the book and growing a interest on the ladders Lapis found out.

"Of course!",Lapis happily announced out,after sucessfuly testing out the stairs to see if they were still solid enough to support someone climbing them. "Time for roof!"

"Time for roof!",Chara cheered out. Frisk also joined the cheering,but Asriel didn't. He was looking at the window,hoping for Pearl to not be near,or listening to everything from the distance.

I mean, what employer doesn't wiretap their staff for these situations, I ask you?

When Lapis climbed up the ladders,she found herself on the triangle-shaped roof of the giftshop. She carefully jumped out of the hole. Chara and Frisk also carefully climbed out.

"Hey! Check this out!",Lapis said. She climbed the roof above the three,and slided down to a platform near the chimney. Chara and Frisk followed suit,and the twins discovered that,in the same platform Lapis landed out,there was a umbrella and chair typical of beachs,a small water box with the writting "Beach Summer Fun",and a bucket full of throwing darts.

Look, author, I'll give you minor props for figuring out the placement of some of your references, but it's still nothing but words that play no role in this story when you let readers come across them. You might as well have the characters announce to themselves who they were in their source material in every chapter, because that's the only point of your references.

"It was you who putted it here?",Chara asked,impressed about how the objects were placed in so casually above the roof of a building .

"That is a ability I devolped to ease the boredom of work.",Lapis answered indirectly.

What amazes me more than your translation errors, author, is that you think you wrote that answer to be indirect.

She picked one of the darts of the bucket,and threw it of the bullseye fixed up in a totem pole,that looked like something from the Mayas. It hitted straight on the middle. "Yes.",she quietly said in a victorious voice.

"Guess I'll give it a shot.",Chara simply said in a calm voice as she extended her hand to the bucket to pick up a dart.

"Me too.",Frisk said along,also picking up a dart of her own.

Chara and Frisk threw their darts,hitting specific spots on the bullseye.

You know, I promised myself I wouldn't get too hung up the author's English skills, but she's literally calling a dart board for a bullseye, having stated that Lapis hit the middle of it. This describes so many things wrong with this fanfic, it's not even funny.

That kept going on,until the moment that one of Chara's darts accidentaly felt on a blue car,making its alarm go off. She blushed out of shame,above her blush stickers.

Remember kids, If you blush above your blush stickers for longer than four hours, seek medical attention.

"Nice shot! Hi-five!",Lapis exclaimed,and afterwards,extended her hand towards Chara,expecting a high-five.

So you do know you've been spelling it wrong all along, author, or do you actually think people are requesting each other for five fingers to say hi?

Just to not make everything worse,Chara accepted the hi-five awkwardly. "Oh! Those are my buddies!",Lapis spoke,after noticing the people inside the car.

"Hey Lapis!",the voice of a 'cool' male tennager said,as a half-fingered gloved hand waved to Lapis from the car's window.

"Don't tell to Pearl what happened,okay?",Lapis said to Chara and Frisk,turning back to the two.

"Remember to mop up the floor if it rains, or if Asriel peed his pants again."

Chara approached her fingers to her lips,who were now showing a immense smile,and extended them as far as she could. It was her way of promising she wouldn't tell a secret to anyone. Lapis made the same thing as Chara,which is,extend her smiling lips from the tips.

"Later,dudettes!",Lapis said. She spin-jumped out of the roof's platform and landed on the ground,in a kind of elegant pose.

Well, to be fair, when stealing a Super Mario World move, you kind of don't take fall damage by default.

She ran to the car and it drived away.

"See you next time Lapis!",Chara happily said,waving bye-bye for Lapis.

"...You kind of look up on her like she was our family...right?",Frisk asked,as she watched the car go away in the street besides her older twin sister.

"Yeah...but I'm not the kind that looks upon her enough to stay awake in the night thinking on her.",Chara said in a confident voice.

But actually,on that same day's night,she could just lay on her bed widely awake thinking on how she could be as cool as Lapis. No wonder why her eye bags were big and of a solid black color.

No desires for intimate affection allowed in this fanfic, it's just going to be painfully platonic forever, because friendship friendship friendship. Also, I told you so.

---

In the next Crystal Shack morning...

6:00 AM, where things are sort of rushed but not too rushed, for those keeping track.

"Lets dance! Come on Frisk!",Lapis announced out for Frisk,as she began to dance something similar to step dance.

"Okay...",Frisk awkwardly tagged along. Her dance was more timid and shy,but also extremely slow-paced and peaceful,unlike Lapis one.

"This is a wrotten clipboard.",Chara said,reading out loud the phrase she was writting on the clipboard.

You and I get along just as well as you get along with rewriting jokes, author; terribly so while your efforts amount to nothing short of an affront against comedy.

She was distracted out by that,and when she listened for Lapis voice calling out her name,she gasped in surprise and accidentaly thew the clipboard upwards,and it felt on her head. "Ouch...Ahoy,miss!",Chara said,putting her arms on her back and attempting to make a sassy smile to hide her shame.

"You don't want to try?",Lapis asked to Chara,making a dance while clicking her fingers.

"Nah. Dancing ins't Chara's style.",Chara answered,still trying to hide her big shame.

Yeah, she's more into just moving up against a wall and turning around on the spot.

"Actually...it kind of is. Back in Cave Junction,Chara would reunite me,mum and dad on the living room and dress up in a seal costume,and afterwards,do the Seal Jam .",Frisk corrected out. Afterwards,she showed to Lapis a picture decepting a five-years old Chara with a adorable face and wearing the costume of a seal,with long mustaches.

"Frisky...your making me filled up with regret.",Chara said,slipping off some hints of anger on her voice.

Facial hair is nothing to be ashamed of, Mustache Girl.

"Seal costume? Coool. And the coolest part: it comes up with everything a seal has.",Lapis complimented the outfit the five-years old Chara was wearing on the picture.

"I remember how she clapped her hands,and sang about a seal that loved to jam and sing.",Frisk proudly said with a smile.

I can't wait for the moment where I get to say the deliberately childish and subpar nursery song from the canon was better than whatever you've cooked up, author.

Lapis' phone bipped,and she picked it up,to see a message of her friends.

"Oh. Sorry dudettes,but my friends are waiting for me.",Lapis said,as she readed the messages with her eyes.

Important clarification, since she reads with her tongue occasionally.

"Well...can I- I mean, we come along you?",Chara said,correcting herself to not sound too selfish over the blue-haired girl.

"Hmmm...one of my friends is pretty tough and strong. How old you two are exactly?",Lapis asked,not sure if she really should bring the twins along the ride.

"Twelves about to become thirteens. So,we are twolve teens.",Chara joked off with a smirk over her face.

"Well,if you say so...I'll go get my things.",Lapis said in a unsure voice as she leaved the giftshop of the Crystal Shack.

What's this chapter even going to pretend it's about, since you are discarding the reasons for it yet will still keep going as if the plot remains, author? Chara isn't in love with Lapis, so now you have Chara latch on to her because of thinking she is cool. Instead of the concern being whether the twins are kids or teenagers, you had them come out and state the facts rather than having them lie. What's next, are the ghosts going to be angry because they don't like kids?

"Chara...we are not exactly about to become thirteens. It will take more than one week.",Frisk innocently corrected her older sister. She was behind the table in the entrance door.

"You don't get it! We'll hang around with the coolest teens! And probably watch Lapis do cool stuff.",Chara replied,swinging her arms in a storytelling-way.

"And now that we've told Lapis we are preteens, they'll be thrilled to hang out with a couple of little kids."

While you certainly are a nitwit, at least this chapter will ensure you no longer call the twins for teens, author.

"Uh,it sounds more like you love her,rather than you look up to her as a sister.",Frisk confessed out,blushing and scratching her head's backhair.

Chara,out of shame,took out her yellow hat with the buttercup flower symbol,and putted on her hoodie in a way it could help her hair cover her eyes. Her smile was distorted because of the shame and anger,and Frisk also stood paralyzed in a ashamed way.

Image

Take a chill pill, drama queen. Frisk simply admitted to finding Chara's interest in Lapis to be a bit more than simple adoration, which the author herself states is how it is, and Frisk didn't even do it in a teasing manner. And how did Chara take it? Like it had been an intentional and successful public humiliation akin to unveiling a deeply secret fetish involving five kinds of fucked up, in front of their parents, right after having shot the family dog! Frisk is even supposedly so shook at the catastrophe of a reaction that she's sharing in this overreaction. What the fuck is with this author and human behavior?

---

Outside,there was a group of five teens. The shorter-sized one had bobbed blonde hair dyed in blue,and scholar girl outfit,while one of the medium-sized ones also had a hair dyed blue,but the original color was brown,and he was wearing classic punk outfit. The short girl and the medium-sized boy were holding the legs from another average height boy very similar to the blue-haired boy,but with natural black hair and black-and-red set of clothings.

There was even a boy with blonde hair and yellow clothes,texting on his phone.

Okay, with that lackluster picture that's probably never going to get any more details, I'm flipping a coin here. Heads; I don't care. Tails; I still don't give a fuck but I'm looking up the wiki for these generic assholes. Heads. Okay, so what sort of rip-off shenanigans can we expect from the DeviantArt rendition of Teenage Mutant Power Rangers here?

"Hit the belly! Hit the belly!",the blue-hairedgirl and the blue-haired boy chanted in unision,waving their free hands.

"I don't have tiiime.",the black-haired boy said,in a low and annoyed voice.

The target of the three's voice was to the fifth member of the group.

She was the tallest and bulkiest of them all. Her hair was long,unkept and entirely dyed on light orange. Her skin was dark,her eyes were amber colored,she had a stripped short-sleeved orange jacket,her jeans were black,and she had dark orange boots.

Yeah, it's Jasper, as if it wasn't obvious who'd be Robbie's replacement for Wendy's Lapis. It's only that much more obvious with the comparative amount of descriptive details.

She was holding on one of her hands a bittersweet candy shaped like a apple. As she prepared herself to throw it,another bittersweet candy was thrown into the black haired boy's belly.

The bulky one looked at her candy,confused,and very sure that she wasn't the one that throwed it. And she was right. The one that actually threw the bittersweet candy was Lapis,who got up from her throwing position with a friendly smile. The five teens cheered her arrival.

"Hey buddies! Those are my summer work friends: Frisk and Chara.",Lapis said,as the 'summer work friends' she mentioned and named stood by her side.

Don't forget to remind yourself to tell your friends that the twins are twolve!

"Oh,G-greetings...the name is...Frisk? Like she said?",Frisk greeted in a mix of enthusiasm and awkwardness,adjusting her neck bow and shrugging with a blush over her cheeks.

"Well,she is my sweet and cool twin sister.",Chara said,and pointed her thumbs towards herself. "And I am her awesome sister! And...well...",Chara continued,as her words suddenly stopped loosing out of her mouth,out of awkwardness.

A game of DnD would be hell with you at the helm, author, when you can't even describe a failed charisma check.

"You are a kid caretaker now?",the bulky teen girl said in a deep,female and slightly scratchy voice in a teasing tone,immediately awkwarding Chara and Frisk even further.

"Jasper,don't be so rude!",Lapis replied,kind of angrily. "Well girls,those are Aqua and Scott.",Lapis said for Chara and Frisk,pointing to the short girl with dyed blue hair and the medium boy with dyed blue hair.

Aqua and Scott slapped each other,sharing a good ol' laughter.

Bland and Forgettable, I'm glad you two hooked up.

"That one is Taylor...",Lapis continued,pointing to the blonde boy on the phone.

"Hi!",Taylor happily greeted...still focusing on typing on the phone.

A genderbent Tambry for all the effort the author put in.

"This one is Samuel,who once managed to run a street full of cars.",Lapis continued,pointing to the boy with black hair,who already got up.

"Hmpth...",Samuel said in a slight angry tone,angrily looking to another side and blushing.

What's the embarrassing part of that? That's a boast, you idiot! Why do you fail to make even a semblance of an issue through dialogue, while stretching to have every negative reaction from someone be one of anger?

"And this one is Jasper. I guess you already got it.",Lapis finished,pointing to Jasper,the bulky girl that indirectly teased the Dreemurr twins.

"Yes,that is me! The one who painted on that water tower.",Jasper said in a cocky voice,putting one of her fists on her hips,and picking with the other hand a guitar not unlike the one that someone would use in a heavy metal band.

This is not working for me at all. I don't care how many high-school AU binges Undertale authors might be on at this point, but reducing an elite alien soldier to an angsty, human teenager with a guitar, is a downgrade so laughably askew that it borders on slander. Who's going to be replacing .GIFfany then? Megatron?!

"Oh,the panther I saw before.",Chara said in a smiley and snarky voice,turning around and viewing the painting on the water tower in the distance.

"Its a jaguar.",Jasper said in a serious voice,also turning to face the art on the water tower.

Everyone,even Taylor,turned around to face the water tower. Altrough the drawing was supposed to be a jaguar,Chara had a point on thinking it was a panther,since there was unexplainable circles everywhere on the drawing.

"Actually...it really looks like a panther!",Aqua agreed with Chara's opinion,and she and Scott laughed together.

Jasper,very angry about her art being teased,glared at Chara. Chara was the brave one between herself and Frisk,but she was smart enough to recognize she had to fear a human that was taller and more muscular than her.

Yes, author, brilliant, magnificent, the embarrassing mistake of trying to paint an explosion and having it instead look like a muffin, is truly just as humorously terrible as mistakenly painting one big feral cat instead of another. What marvelous ingenuity you have, even when you could have made up your bootleg jokes from scratch instead of being a slave to the pace of the canon.

"Guys,lets waste no more time. I have a big plan tonight.",Lapis said for both Jasper and Chara. The teens quickly dashed to the inside of the same car Chara once hitted with a dart.

Chara,just out of curiosity,approached to the passenger seat,and found out Jasper was occupying it.

Just out of curiosity, mind you, because she won't be making Dipper's mistake, while also not hounding after Wendy, but this scene happened in the canon with such extreme effect that the author couldn't ignore its existence, so here we are!!

"Sorry runt,but you'll get the back.",Jasper said for Chara,pointing her thumb to the back of the car,making Chara sigh and go to the very back to the car with Frisk.

"My mother said that the car's roof can't be punched anymore.",Samuel said as he inserted the car belt on is body and inserted his hands on the car's steering wheel. ...But all the teenagers punched the roof of the car,shouting his name and kind of forcing him to drive.

Frisk looked around the car and gave a small squick after noticing a message on the door near to her: "What is Africa?". Frisk gently pulled out a black pen from Chara's hand,made a X above the message,and wrote another phrase above it: "A beautiful country that needs more recognition".

Image

Are you quite done with taking the canon and making nonsense from an attempt at replacing its content and making it fit? Mabel saw a disparaging comment and replaced it with a kind one. You made Frisk answer a non-loaded, random question that no one would ever graffiti on the inside of a car!! Everything you write is wrong and doesn't fit with what you are trying to replace!

"At least,I believe Africa deserves recognition.",Frisk commented out,looking at the message she wrote below the,in her mind,offensive question.

I can't wait for Frisk's racist backpedaling on that notion, once she returns to the car while recovering from her hallucinations, author.

"Uhm,Frisky...",Chara said for Frisk,feeling confused and weirded out.

"Yes sister?",Frisk asked,in a tone that sounded like she didn't knew that Chara wasn't weirded out.

"I don't wanna embrass myself in-front of the cool ones.",Chara explained,trying to sound laid-back,but sounding extremely awkward.

"Sister...its okay if you are just discovering your sexuality.",

Frisk said for Chara in a gentle and comforting way,smiling. ...However,this just further discomforted her older twin sister,who hided her eyes with her hair and hoped off for the teenagers to not have heard.

I would be burning through my reaction image quota if it wasn't for my instinct to act out my reactions first, author. How many more times are you going to have me look up from my computer in wonder and disbelief, trying to comprehend whether you are serious, whether you are joking, or whether these words are even supposed to mean what they come out as? You have Chara react like Frisk's assumptions are true but - by your own words - they're not. Sibling communication doesn't work like this, with twins least of all!

---

The group was now nearby a sign of neon of colors pink and orange,with four letters with no light. The name of the building was "From-Midnight-2-Night",

Do I need to remind people that this author thinks midnight is at sundown?

and the number two was featured surrounded by a circle. It wouldn't look too ghastly,if it wasn't night time.

"Here it is!...The condemned shopping 'From-Midnight-2-Night'.",Lapis explained,pointing upwards for the sign.

"Awesome!",Aqua and Scott said in unision,looking at each other,and afterwards,to the neon sign.

"Shiny.",Frisk simply but calmly commented out,with a basic smile.

"Why it is abandoned?...Shoppings normally are populated...",Chara commented,remembering about a one-day vacation she had when she and Frisk were 10-years-old,where they visited a shopping with their parents,and it was extremely full of people walking around.

You only get to go to stores during vacations? Where - no, how do you live, author?

"But NOT this!",Scott said for Chara. Chara was kind of briefly startled out.

"Ever since a murder happened,nobody dares to enter there anymore.",Aqua further explained for Chara,altrough this bit of information was too obvious.

"This town's backstory is interesing...",Frisk commented,trying to hide the fact that she was finding the town the scariest place she has ever been on her life.

Yeah, tell me about it, the schools here close down after their first shooting, too. Author, how about actually justifying the condemned building by stating it was an owner that got murdered or something? Ugh, I haven't seen an ounce logic so far, why am I even attempting to file a request?

"Murder,huh...this is getting fun.",Chara said,with two fingers below her chin and a smirk over her face. Mysterious murders were always something attractive to her,and exploring a place where once a murder happened,in a town that she already found out its' weird side,sounded interesingly fun.

"And this will get even more fun!",Lapis happily spoke,punching Chara's shoulder playfully. "Its not like we will be attacked by terrible killers!",Lapis continued in a even more playful voice,sounding like a big sister playing with a younger sibling.

Well, someone here needs to be acting like family, you know.

~~

Everyone managed to climb up the thick ceramic walls,which was basically the only way to approach the entrance of the shopping,since the center of the ceramic walls was bricked up,blocking the shopping acess for normal people. However,Chara was having a tough time to get over the wall.

"Go Chara!",Lapis cheered out for the 12-years old girl.

"I can do it. I just need to find foot balance...",Chara assured for Lapis,but trying to put both of her feet on the upper part of the wall wasn't a easy task.

"You can't do THIS?! Even your little sister did it!",Jasper said in a angry tone,pointing her finger for Frisk on the last phrase,who,like she said,already climbed down the thick ceramic walls.

Okay, I have had enough of this farce. This keeps coming up at off times, but now it has become insufferable when even secondary characters peddle this stuff. Frisk and Chara are twins in this story, author. You made them that. But everywhere they go, Frisk is the younger sibbling, Chara is the older, and Jasper herself just pointed that out without even having exchanged dialogue with them. They are twins, same age, there can't have been more than minutes between them, and that makes no difference. To the extent that you want them to be age-separated siblings, it doesn't matter because it has no impact or relevance and never will with how you write. And if you wanted it to not matter, you wouldn't keep pressing the older/younger sister stuff. You can't have both!

"Woo!",Frisk cheered throwing one of her fists on the air,in a cheering way. It was like she was cheering for Chara's 'victory'.

Just when Chara was with both of her feet on the ceramic wall,Aqua climbed up behind her.

"I'll give you a bit of a hand.",Aqua said,before she pratically pushed Chara to the front-side of the walls. Thankfully,Chara rolled out,avoiding big damage. "Oopsy daisy!"

'Careful ma'am! You dropped off the kid!",Scott pointed out,looking at Aqua and afterwards,at Chara,who was cleaning dirt off the hoodie.

I don't get it. Did the author find this such an intense, fence climbing, action scene that it just had to be copied in for the sake of letting it be on a ceramic wall instead? Cartoons pace their episodes and pad them to last twenty minutes, so copying in every scene here becomes meaningless.

"Man...",Aqua said in a bored voice,before climbing down. Now,the group was facing off the front entrance of the abandoned shopping.

"Woah...this surely looks cool.",Lapis commented with a smile,looking upwards to see the old and gray walls,and looking downwards to face the glass doors,from the kind that would open if you approached it.

Author, you can literally copy-paste the last eleven words of that sentence into Google and it will tell you the words 'automatic door', because - just like you - Google is fluent in Engrish!!

Jasper approached off the glass doors,but the door's system was seemingly deactivated,since it didn't open like it was supposed to do.

"Great...the doors won't work.",Jasper said,noticing the glass door's system absence.

"Let me take a try on it.",Chara's voice suddenly ringed out,as she also walked towards the glass doors that refused to open up for them.

"Hah! I am too weak to get in,but the little runt will break those doors down because she is super-strong!",Jasper said in a teasing and extremely sarcastic tone,crossing her arms.

Well, Jasper, the author has to cover up the fact that had you been anything but a silhouette with a nametag, you'd already have punched your way inside.

"She's just a young girl,so give her a break.",Lapis said for Jasper,genuinely wanting to know what Chara would do.

Chara went to the glass doors and punched one after the other,making small cracks on them.

Fucking hell, I wasn't serious. Is this author really sticking to rehashing the canon, substituting it, and then injecting a brawn-over-brains fashioned, self-insert persona in Dipper's place?

Afterwards,she went to the left side of the shopping's front,and picked up two medium-sized rocks.

"Sis,you are sure this will work?",Frisk asked,noticing that Chara just made small cracks on the glass doors.

"At least I think this will work.",Lapis said,turning around for Frisk's direction.

"I don't this this iwll work.",Jasper said,smirking at what she thought that would be a failed attempt.

Actually,Chara's rock throwing was able to shatter the glass door's,and make a safe gateway for everyone to cross up.

Alerting no one nearby and definitely not leaving shards everywhere, breaking glass doors with rocks is totally safe.

She proudly went to the doors and made a gesture for everyone to enter inside. Jasper,who was wearing up a disbelief face,entered first.

"That was amazing little bud!",Aqua said as she got trough the hole in the glass.

"You'll be known as 'Little Miss Daredevil'!",Scott said,pointing his two pointer fingers in a cool way for Chara as he entered inside.

When Frisk approached Chara,Chara made a v-sign with both of her hands and extended her tongue out in a fun motion.

Ahegao. Those of you who know that word knows what joke I'm making.

Frisk made the motion back to her before entering inside for sure.

"Nice work!",Lapis said for Chara,as the two shared up a hi-five. Chara was the last one to enter inside.

Because of it,no one noticed the shards of the glasses floating in the air,blocking the way out in a painful form.

Ah, yes, the covert swarm of floating glass shards in a safe gateway, which is completely unnoticeable because of the author saying it is, that's classic ghost stuff right there. Author, I'm realizing I've given you far too much credit in the past, by thinking you merely wrote idiocy like this because you did it to aim at a demographic.

Of course, the size of this chapter once again makes it need to be split down the middle. Scroll right along, you'll find the rest.

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ConcernedGamer
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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Mon Dec 31, 2018 8:30 am

Moving on to the second part of Chapter 5.

The shopping's inside entrance,that was the first plaza room,was like any common shopping,but obviously abandoned,full of dust,and the escalator's weren't working,and much less moving. And all of this,added by the fact that the lights were turned off,maked off a slightly creepy atmosphere.

A mall, that's what the author attempted to tell us this place was. A mall with a name that the author's logic would hint at it only being open in the evening. Whatever. Sure. No biggie. Oh, except a tiny detail.

Image

The town has a mall, functioning, in use, will no doubt be featured later in this fanfic, and it would be retarded to think this backwater town would have two of them, let alone having built one after the first one had a death take place within it to shut it down.

"Actually,its kinda more dusty than scary. But its amazing!",Lapis said,looking around in the best way she could in the darkness.

Frisk poked up a dull-colored stone sculpture in the center of the plaza,and the part she poked up quickly became dust,falling on the ground in a very fast speed.

"Yup. Time made it's work here.",Frisk said,realizing that the sculpture was weakened out by the time's passage.

I'll just put a convenient line here for future me to scroll back up to, so as to remark on when this place was supposedly abandoned, to yet again demonstrate the author's unreasonable exaggerations.

I'm back from the future. The author dates this shit with a game reference that was released two years after the show started airing. Look forward to that one.

Chara saw a metal,square-shaped sculpture placed nearby the entrance of a dress store,with a poster on the center. It wasn't clear about what the poster was,because dust was blocking it. She used one of her hands to blow off the dust,and saw some old news on the poster,mostly about live action series or food.

"Woah! Where the murders even happened?",Aqua said,trying to spot any sign of blood or at least a tool usable for murder.

Its a mall! For crying out loud, are you assuming the victim was divided into pieces and spread to each wing of the building for you to literally trip over?

However,Scott shushed out Aqua before she could go any further.

"Hey guys! I found a light switch! Lets see if it will work.",Lapis said for everyone,pointing to a curious switch.

When Lapis turned on the switch,all the lights from the plaza turned on. Everyone,except Lapis,Chara and Frisk,began to speak to everyone positively about the shopping.

"Cool.",Frisk said,impressed about the white,blue and yellow lights illuminating the shopping's plaza.

Sorry, Frisk, I can't hear your over all that non-positively speaking about the shopping that you, Chara, and Lapis are supposed to be making.

"Any idea about what to do?",Chara asked,turning and walking towards Lapis.

"Anything!",Lapis happily announced,catching everyone's attention.

~~

The whole group made chaos over the abandoned shopping,throwing clothes at each other in the clothes stores and putting tutti-frutti flavored candies on a Cool Soda bottle,making it explode and bring wild delight on everyone.

What kind of rock are you living under, that I can tell you don't know the actual concept of Mentos in soda, from the way you are trying to sell your readers this substitute soda-bomb, author?!

Frisk,however,got distracted by a special shelf on the same food store the group made the Cool Soda experiment. It had the duplicates of the same item: a medium-sized candy pocket full of yellow sour-sweet candies,whose main symbol was two cats of white-and-brown fur.

"S-Sour Nice?",Frisk spelled the candy's name,picking one of the pockets. "But I thought those were banned in United States!",Frisk said extremely surprised. Sadly,she wasn't smart enough to spot the belt's that spelled 'NEVER SELL'.

Author, stop pretending people have to be stupid to excuse ignoring a discouraging sign. Kids simply don't care. Heck, most people don't when it comes to candy. For my entire life, I've enjoy licorice flavored with ammonium chloride, the kind of shit used to purifying metal, remove soldering stains, or be the electrolyte in precursor batteries.

"Be careful with that stuff,little sis.",Chara warned,suspecting if the candy was well preserved,or if at least,wasn't something like a disguised hallucinogenic. However,a black jeans sized for an adult hitted her head,distracting her attention from her little sister,and make her return to the cloth fight.

Frisk picked up one of the square-shaped candies and putted it on her mouth. It was a very great mix between sour and sweet,and she couldn't resist on pouring everything on her mouth to chew on it.

Knowing this girl's mouthwash chugging habits, who is surprised?

Lapis and Chara were sitting above one of the shelves,licking popsicles of bubblegum flavor.

"This night is being amazing,Chara!",Lapis said,swinging her sandal-dressed feet on the air in joy.

"Are you serious?",Chara asked,her red eyes sparkling like little stars on the night.

"I'm serious. Those guys are bonding,Taylor is on his phone for a longer time,

That means he's not enjoying the moment, idiot.

and your younger sister seems to like those Sour Nice.",Lapis answered with a big smile. Just then,Chara noticed her sister's belly was full. Full of Sour Nice candy.

"I think I eat too much...Or I didn't?",Frisk said,with dizzy eyes 'n tone and holding on her own big belly.

"I'm going to questioningly contradict my previous statement. That's funny, right?"

Actually,she was hallucinating she was on a grassfield with pyrotechnic trees alongside giant versions of the mascots of the Sour Nice candy,with a very happy orchestral music playing on the background. The female cat was speaking gibberish,but the male cat could speak english.

"You want to bite my sour-sweet paws?",the male cat asked for Frisk.

"Yes! Thank you,your sweet kitty.",Frisk happily said,as she picked the male cat's paw and chewed on it,apparently feeling its' flavor.

Actually,in the real life,she was just chewing on plain air.

Same hallucination, superficially altered, and entirely useless since this author can't even repeat the mystery elements, where the gibberish is a backwards message sowing distrust in Grunkle Stan, one of the many hidden plot-related clues scattered throughout the show. Slightly meta, yes, but it could be a reasonable source of intrigue for a reader of this boring fanfic, to at least give a hint that we are even supposed to be suspicious of Pearl, outside the fact that anyone having watched Gravity Falls already know what's going to happen in this fanfic. The author could have put anything in here, literally so by it being a hallucination, but no, same shit different paint job. These chapters are literally uninspired, hackneyed plagiary. Among many things to compare it to, it is the equivalent of the author regarding the original show like a coloring book, while not caring about the numbers to fill in, and barely even staying within the lines most of the time.

"I actually felt you would have a little trouble hanging with the group,but you are very smart for your age.",Lapis commented,looking at Chara.

"I agree.",Chara replied with a smirk,as she bringed her bubblegum popsicle to her open mouth,accidentaly spitting it over her cheek.

Just promise me two things, author. That one day you will learn English, and once you've done that, reread this trash and feel shame.

"Guys? We need more water bottles!",Aqua said,holding a empty water bottle,that was just making small drops of water on the ground. She and Scott were actuallly throwing water on Samuel as Lapis and Chara talked between themselves.

"Count on me.",Chara said,winking and pointing her thumb to her chest as she climbed down the shelf.

She went to a water fridge and calmly picked up some water bottles. However,when she looked upwards,she got a shocked face: there was something surrounded by a weak rainbow light. Something that looked like the insides of a head,with brains and everything.

How nice of one of the non-anime locals to join in on the fun you are having, Chara.

She screamed in surprise and the bottles rolled on the ground. She quickly closed it up and looked inside it,but the weird being wasn't there.

"One of the kids just screamed here!",Aqua warned out to all of the teenagers,and they gathered up,finding the water fridge and Chara as well

"Are you alright,ma'am?",Scott aksed,raising a confused eyebrow.

Given how she's constantly described with bags under her eyes and everything else, she probably deserves that honorific.

"I'm alright. I'm kind of alright.",Chara said,adjusting her buttercup flower hat on her head and trying to pull a non-suspicious face.

"Then why you dropped all the water?",Jasper asked,pointing to the water bottles on the ground that,thanfully,didn't open up on the fall.

"Well...uhm...oh hey,look at that!",Chara said,suddenly pointing to a arcade on the corner of the store. "Its Destiny,one of the most hardcore shooting games!"

An online-only, multiplayer, first-person shooter for consoles, that was released in 2014 which is two years after when the canon takes place, in a condemned shopping mall's arcade. The sky is the limit, I guess, when the author didn't even care and anachronism is her fucking religion. Compared to the canon for when the store closed down, this fanfic is set after the year 2030! This is stuff that you have to try to get this stupidly wrong. You have to make an effort to follow a dotted line you made yourself, and still move perpendicular to it!!

All the teens talked between each other,agreeing to play the game. Before following them,Chara checked out the water fridge a last time,just to make sure nothing was behind it.

---

"Go! Go go go and Go!",Aqua and Scott cheered together for Samuel,who was actually going well agains't a hord of bizzare enemies on the shooter game.

You actually have no knowledge of Destiny beyond using the title of the game as your one buzzwords, do you, author?

"He's really good at it!",Lapis said looking at the screen,standing beside Jasper,Taylor and Chara.

"Heheh...yeah,its pretty awesome.",Chara said,trying to sound not too worried. Chara looked behind her,finding out the secondary entrance-exit of the store was there,and that in-front of the secondary entrance-exit of the store,there was a store of mirrors.

When Chara looked at one of the mirrors,she found her own reflection,and the reflections of Lapis,Jasper and Taylor. However,the lifeless skeletons were replacing the skins for the reflections.

And if you hadn't introduced Gaster the skeleton as your moronic character substitution for McGucket, author, this would come across as a horrifying vision of death, and not merely seeing a handful of superimposed pictures of Papyrus as the mall's employee of the month, you hack.

"I'll return shortly.",Chara said for Lapis,as she quickly dashed to the phone of the store and disked Pearl's number. "Come on,pick up! Grauntie Pearl,what are you doing right now?...",Chara pratically whisper-screamed,wishing for Pearl to pick up. But nobody came.

If you weren't actually disingenuous about your references, instead of being on this obvious Chara-kawaii-murder-desu shout-out bender at every other moment, you'd have it say "Nobody picked up." because "But nobody came." is for when the person on the other end of the line is dead!

Chara decided to hang up and try to contact Frisk's help.

"Frisk,I must have a handy help from yours.

Do your own reach-around, you lazy creep.

We are inside a haunted shopping center,I can't contact Grauntie Pearl for help,and everyone will think I'm a coward if I try to tell to them everything!",Chara said for Frisk.

Except there never once was anyone here who questioned or even addressed your maturity or cowardice, and only supplied concerned questions to you, because once again the author hasn't written the chapter to involved what the episode was about, but proceeds like it does anyway.

But Frisk didn't reply. She just made a weird throat noise. There was drops of all sizes of Sour Nice over her pants and jumper,and her eyes were small and violet-colored.

"Frisk?",Chara called out. But Frisk still didn't answer.

~~

"The adventure...! Await for us! Follow me my friends!",Frisk's hallucination-self said. She was yet hallucinating,but even more deeply than before,and yet the happy orchestral music from the previous hallucination stage was active.

Frisk's hallucination friends were many different antrophormorfic animals,

Asriel, get out of your cousin's head.

and the group was walking over a path of dirt,with trees and flowers of in-human size raising to the sky. Fireworks randomly appeared on the sky,most of them with shades of blue and purple,or violet.

~~

"Frisk!?",Chara called out,shaking her younger twin sister the strongest she could,trying to wake her up from her giant hallucinations. "You ate too many of those squares?!"

"Ye...ah...thiry...",that was the only clear phrase that got out of Frisk's full-of-Sour-Nice mouth.

"Oh boy...",Chara worriedly said,dropping Frisk on the ground. "Oh bloody boy,oh bloody boy..."

If you are trying to be British, could you at least get the exclamation right? Bloody hell.

"Hey! I found something weird here.",Jasper's voice suddenly ringed out.

Chara didn't really want to leave Frisk's behind,but she decided that it would be safer to let Frisk try to win her halucination alone. Everyone,obviously except Frisk,gathered on the mirror store of the shopping,finding four tape markings on the ground.

The tape markings were silhouettes of four 29-years-old young adults.

Wow, you should work for CSI with these analytical skills, author, you absolute amateur.

Three of them had a masculine appearence,with only one having a femenine one. Every teenager chatted between themselves,surprised that the 'legends' were actually real. Chara gulped up in a kind of genuine fear.

"Hey look! We are a bunch of dead people!",Scott said,stepping over the four silhouette markings on the ground.

"Guys,wait!...I think we shouldn't do that. Maybe this is really a haunted place.",Chara suddenly said,in a warning voice. However,everyone began to boo at her,considering her a coward kid. Even Lapis slightly agreed with it.

Yeah, besides, everyone knows that they use chalk lines for corpses, so this is clearly just an art installation.

Taylor also updated his phone status,saying out of loud: "Trapped in a shopping with a weird 10-years-old."

"Why nobody can't understand me?!",

Do you maybe want to try that one again, Captain Irony?

Chara said in a slightly tauntrum-like way,laying in two tape markings. "Hmpth,10-years-old is your suspicions...",Chara angrily continued,accidentaly spiling her inner rage.

Suddenly,the markings shined up in four different colors: red,pink,cyan and orange.

Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me. Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde, the ghosts from the Pacman series? And they were triggered by Chara spouting random nonsense. This is going to be painful, irrelevant, and just all around a worthless inclusion of a lack of effort, since I couldn't even believe you had ever played the game, author.

The lights of all the shooping turned off in a ghastly way. And the worse: when Taylor looked upwards to try to get what happened,his body was circled in red light and he dissolved in a rain of pixels.

Chara picked up Taylor's phone,but the current status was pratically a scream of despair. A static noise echoed on the shopping's walls,and everyone ran to the electronics store,finding a modern television monitor where Taylor suddenly appeared,banging his hands agains't whatever that was trapping him from behind,screaming in despair.

Because this is what Pacman ghosts do, right? Are you even trying to have fun with your lame crossover thoughts, author, or do you just go "These are some ghosts I can reference, so my job here is done, back to having no creativity whatsoever.", or what?

Everyone outside of the television monitor screamed in horror.

"Taylor!!",Lapis spoke in horror,as she watched her friend helplessy bang his hands for freedom.

"You can listen to us?!",Chara also called out. It was her first day knowing Taylor,but yet,she didn't want any harm coming for him.

"What we will do?!",Scott asked for Aqua.

"I have absolutely no idea!!",Aqua answered,in clear shock.

"Lets just get out!",Jasper said,

The ghosts are using cheap tactics, better skedaddle.

now,alongside everyone else,except Scott,very willing to believe on Chara's word.

"Not without Samuel!",Lapis spoke in a more clear voice,remembering that Samuel was still playing Destiny on the food store.

Everyone remembered about this fact as well,and ran back to the food store,in a attempt to help their friend. Sadly,it was too late,as they found out Samuelw as absorbed inside the game,and forced to survive shooting the enemies inside the game.

He only survived for this long because he had to go through character creation and the opening storyline. It's like you don't even know what a game is, author!

"Samuel!!",Lapis called out for her friend. But sadly,Samuel was hidden on the arcade's screen,probably hiding from the monsters.

Samuel just dashed to the restroom from eating some expired mall stuff, and you assumed the worst right away, didn't you?

"Lets just get out.",Jasper hastily suggested,but when she turned around to leave,the secondary entrance door closed right on her face.

"Lets take the other door!",Lapis spoke,running towards the first entrance door. However,this one also closed on her face in a very paranormal way.

The door that you smashed open, and should have hovering glass shards in it - holy shit, can you keep anything straight, author?

"I'LL HANDLE THIS!",Jasper shouted,forcing Lapis to get out of the door's front. Jasper tried to punch it with her hands,but it didn't even budge rightly.

"Guys! Those events have a right explanation.",Chara spoke,picking the mysterious book with the number three on the cover,and flipping off the pages. "If we find the explanation for all of this,we will be able to get out."

And if the explanation is that this is caused by pixies that won't stop until they've eaten your still beating heart, what then, Einstein?

"What?! You are that hopeful,runt?",Jasper said,in disbelief that Chara still had hope for the escape of the group.

"I don't know anything,but she may have the point.",Lapis said for Jasper,actually agreeing with Chara's point.

"Oh yeah,she have the point! Four ghosts are hunting the shopping!",Aqua said in a sarcastic tone,

Just adding a sarcastic tone will turn any sentence into sarcasm, didn't you know? Oink goes the pig - /sarcasm.

putting her fists on her hips. However,a cyan glow surrounded her,and she screamed as she dispatched in pixels,re-appearing on one of the water bottle stampes on the ground.

Get it?! Her name is Aqua. It's funny. I'm surprised the author didn't throw in a "thirsty" joke, but then again that would assume these stand-in pieces of cardboard had character.

"Oh man!...Okay,now I'm tempted to believe on the young dudette!",Scott said in a scared voice,now feeling ready to believe on Chara's word.

Suddenly,Frisk appeared from behind the counter,with her feet behind her back,and two arms extended to the sides. However,Frisk had a mixed glow of red,pink,cyan and orange around her,she was floating,and her eyes were open wide. Her eyes,however,were pure,lifeless white .

If you want to paint your house with a pure, full-of-life white, however, you get it by adding a bit more white.

"Ahoy.",Frisk spoke. ...Wait...no. The responsible for possessing Frisk spoke,because the voice didn't belong to Frisk. It actually sounded like a male young adult,and not a pre-teenager girl.

It sounded suspiciously like one out of four twenty-nine-year-olds who died in this mall, the author has indeed taught me well her powers of deduction.

"NO! How could they get Frisk?!",Chara spoke in a mix of fear and sadness,feeling useless for not protecting her younger twin.

Her power pellet wore off, what do you think?

"Welcome to your tombstones,youngsters.",the mysterious being spoke trough Frisk's body,and afterwards,laughed.

"We are extremely sorry for hanging on your shopping!",Lapis said,feeling regret on even thinking up on the idea of hanging out in a haunted shopping.

"Yeah...I think we wanna go home.",Chara agreed out with Lapis.

"Yup...well...whatever you are?",Scott continued,agreeing both with Lapis and with Chara.

"I dislike this boy's awkward tone.",the being spoke,forcing Scott on dissolving into red-glowing pixels and putting him inside a bean tin.

You know, I might as well just erase all the dialogue you wrote in this mess, author, since it's obvious it doesn't matter what anyone says, when these puppets work off of cues unrelated to what they say.

"The ending is far.",the being continued,making many objects float towards the celling. "Make it feel like your home,because IT IS your new home!"

"HIDE!",Chara screamed,as she and Lapis ran behind a shelf to use as a cover. Jasper,who was distracted up,was hitted up by them.

Chara and Lapis quickly hided behind one of the fridges,and panted.

"What they wish from us anyway?",Lapis asked,now feeling extremely curious.

Something to do with teenagers despite the fact that all the clues and indication thereof was left out? You should have had some self-awareness and had one of these teens writing this fanfic in-universe, author.

"It can only be revenge...",Chara theorized,feeling more tired than Lapis.

"We did something?",Lapis said,not understanding what Chara meant with 'revenge'.

"Lets use the head here. The reason each of them was taken...Taylor was on the phone. Samuel was playing a arcade. Aqua was being sarcastic. ...Ok,there is no pattern.",Chara tried to figure out,but in the end,stood defeated.

"Teenagers do that everyday.",Lapis said,trying to,at least,lift Chara's spirit with a bit of knowledge.

Okay, that's a bit of an insult and gross stereotyping, most of all saying something about your view of yourself, author, but I'll let your language barrier be used as a safety net for this one if you can acknowledge it.

"Wait...",Chara said,as she realized something. "Say that again."

"...'Teenagers do that everyday'.",Lapis awkwardly answered Chara's request.

"So that is it! Stay here Lapis,I'll be back.",

You can't be serious.

Chara spoke,with her thoughts about all of this more clearer than ever. Despite Lapis' protests,Chara jumped up the fridge and ran towards the possesed Frisk. "Ahem,phantom."

Chara's attention caught up the being's attention,since Frisk's head and body turned around. Chara was lifted up by a pink magic,but she wasn't afraid.

"Let me warn you of something.

Seriously? Seriously?!

I ain't a teenager .",

Image

They would already know, author, you brain dead buffoon, because you have never once in this entire fucking chapter made Chara claim otherwise, or had it be a part of the story. Alluding under your breath that you are not ten years old is not a claim to being a teenager, you imbecilic fuck. I shouldn't be raging like this, but you are giving me an aneurysm by presenting this insult of a story, that by virtue of your inept writing constantly and unceasingly revolves around plots that don't exist!!

Chara said,and her voice wasn't shaken up by fear or even anxiety. Its was the very opposite: her voice was brave,and calm.

Every object that was being holded up by the ghost's magic was thrown on the ground. And before Chara could fall down as well,Frisk regained her conscience,and her blue-and-brown eyes came back as well. However,Frisk quickly realized her eyes were open,and closed them up to the traditional style she preffered them.

Life must be so much easier when you pretend to be blind.

Suddenly,four phantoms of red,pink,cyan and orange glow appeared. All of them looked like 29-years-old young adults,but only the one with the pink glow was female. The red one,apparently the leader,was holding up Frisk by her hair.

"Aaaah! You should have said it to us before!",the red ghost said in a 'Now-I-understand' tone of voice,dropping down Frisk below a pile of candy. "What is your exact age?"

"...Actually its 12-years-old. It'll take a while for my real 13-years to come.",Chara explained,feeling ashamed of hiding her very real age with a calculation.

Exactly what part of the equation "Age = Twolve" didn't anyone understand? Except that last word, I mean.

"In the years we were alive,we were forced to deal with your friend's kind.",the pink ghost said,clutching herself near the other ghosts.

Oh, gee, I can't wait to hear the malady befalling a quartet of people who haven't hit their thirties complaining about teenagers. Are you trolling me, author?

~~

"They always wrecked up the shopping we took so long to build! So,we banned them."

"But one day,one of them came back. He was crazy about the news,and on that day..."

"Oh,that day!"

"...we lost our lives. Our mortal lives."

~~

Oh, actual murder, then? How nice of them to let themselves be murdered in the same shared spot, then. And, tell me, what kind of teenager would murder someone for being banned from - do you even remember what store you mentioned, author? - a MIRROR STORE?! Look, author, you have to be assuming I both chew my cutlery and enjoy it too, because I haven't seen a greater example of someone misjudging the accomplishments of their own writing and the level of intelligence of those who you intend to receive it. Had this been a generic rip-off, I would simply have been bored. Had this been an entirely rewritten AU, I'd be confused and trying to make sense of it. But this can't make sense, it will never make sense, and it only serves to piss off anyone who recognizes the cheap attempts you make at tension and maturity, while being even more cheaply copying off the source materials while presenting it as something you made. You have made nothing worth reading for the entire chapter count up until now, and you should be ashamed, plain and simple. Now, let's suffer the last two pages of childish dancing that somehow thwarts ghostly revenge, which in the source material itself demanded a fulfilled oath in a later episode!

"That is the explanation of our teenager hate. Right?",the pink ghost finished,and the other three male ghosts nodded their heads.

"But I care about them...I can do something to help them?",Chara asked,hoping for anything,any possibility.

"There is something. You know about a innocent dance?",the cyan ghost said.

I don't know, is there a Fortnite arcade cabinet nearby in case she doesn't?

Chara knew one dance...but she didn't know if she could do it,in her twelve years. But also,she didn't seem to have a real real choice.

"...I do. The...uhm...Seal Jam. But without a seal costume and mustaches,I don't know if I can do it.",

If I may quote your sister regarding your take on wearing fur-suits, Chara; It's okay if you are just discovering your sexuality.

Chara said,putting her arms behind her back,and sighing of shame. The orange ghost snapped his fingers,and a seal costume and mustaches that were exactly sized for her age and height magically appeared on her. "Oh. Alright,here we go.",Chara said,preparing herself to do the dance.

Hasn't this and everything that has happened up until now been so iconic for Pacman ghosts to do? I mean, Mrs. Pacman must simply have been Pacman who Clyde thought needed to make a fashion statement. I am being facetious, but I can feel my brain stop dying as I type out my own escapism from this trash.

~~

??BOOM,BOOM,Seal Jam!

BOOM,BOOM,Seal Jam!

Look at that,a seal on the water! Clapping and clapping,swinging the tail!

There is a very clear name! Its a name!

Its the BOOM,BOOM,Seal Jam! ??

~~

As Chara finished the dance,in the midset of sweating,she made a clap pose and winked. The four ghosts clapped and proudly laughed up.

"That was a beautiful song,young one!

Yeah, a very nice song that we in no way know the beat to. Now, how about you ghost motherfuckers demand her to perform a dance the author can actually bother to describe?!

All of your friends are now free.",the red ghost spoke out. Then,the ghosts poofed out,and Chara was back to her normal set of clothings. And all the teenagers were free and reunited.

With her big sister instinct kicking in,Chara quickly ran to help Frisk get up.

Without those instincts, she'd have left Frisk to drown in a pool of her own vomit.

"Uuugh...blurry memories are walking on my head...",Frisk said,still feeling weird and barely remembering about being 'possesed' by four ghosts.

"Oh,look,theres some Sour Nice left.",Chara said,picking a last pocket of Sour Nice after helping Frisk get up.

"NOOO!",Frisk cried in extreme fear,slapping the Sour Nice out of Chara's hand,surprising her.

And you couldn't even have the candy tie in with the Pacman ghosts, author. Not pellets, not cherries, nothing. As far as your crossover material goes, you don't even seem to care, because you couldn't even let us know the names of the ghosts. Fuck me, after a shower and half a day of contemplating, I've figured out that maybe the author was attempting to be clever here, failing catastrophically so of course. Have you figured out why it was a mirror store, for instance? In a later episode of Gravity Falls, Stan makes a mirror maze. Extrapolate that through this author's brain, that means readers of this fanfic are to equate a mirror store to the idea of a maze, to reference Pacman. I wouldn't be surprised if the murderous teen alluded to by the ghosts was wearing yellow, but the author doesn't provide her flashbacks with details. I'm only feeling further insulted by all of this.

"What exactly happened after the wackiness?",Aqua asked for Lapis,scratching her head,who was hurting alot.

This has been a long chapter, Aqua, you're going to have to be more specific.

"It was amazing! Four ghosts appeared,and Chara!...well...",Lapis began to explain,but she remembered she would make Chara ashamed. So,she decided to twist the ending of the encounter. "Chara directly fighted them and when they were about to fade away,they escaped off! It was radical."

"Oh yeah! Little Miss Daredevil rules!",Scott cheered throwing his fists on the air.

Lapis looked at Chara and extended a big smile with her fingers. Chara did the same,winking out.

So you fell in love with some fanart of Undertale characters putting their fingers into their dimples or something, author. What's the point? The nonverbal exchange of someone pretending to be zipping their lips to signify they'll keep a secret, does not translate to your little happy mask pantomiming exchanges. You are pouring so much internalized fan-wank into your fanfic that it's becoming disgusting.

---

Everyone of the group,except Samuel,Lapis and Chara,was sleeping inside the car. Chara was giving a last look at the abandoned shopping,before climbing down.

"There's a big scar on my soul now.",Lapis commented as Chara climbed down.

"That was creepy and cool.",Chara said,while putting foot on the ground and approaching of the car.

"I guess I'll just rethink this decision of mine clutched on a wall.",Lapis said,still feeling some regret on herself. "We'll stay on the Crystal Shack next time we plan a hangout,ok?"

"Yeah,heh. Next time...",Chara simply replied,as she went to the very backseat to sit besides Frisk,as the car drived away,far from the abandoned shopping.

However,when the car distanced from the abandoned shopping,the lights turned off.

Nice dodge on not having Frisk get back to adressing Africa, you half-assing simpleton. You knew you had nothing, author, and still you went with a soap box statement, thinking it meant anything, and then you couldn't even commit, letting it amount to nothing.

Well, my prediction only came out half-correct. Chara's not in love with Lapis, though I won't be surprised if this piss-poor author just can't communicate worth a damn and the opposite is true. Chara didn't even really interact with people, and at most she was edgy rather than angsty. Coming up is 'Chara vs Femeninity', meaning it's a substitution of 'Dipper vs Manliness', probably with the spin of the author's weird non-gender, tomboy-streak on the twins that they sort of mentioned when Frisk had played dress-up with Peridot. Pearl is going to be taught some kind of behavior or be left out entirely as the b-plot, just like in this chapter, while Chara will go frolic with elves or something, just because her uncaring nature towards those who don't deserve her golden heart for some reason suddenly flipped and now she wants their approval.

Happy New Year. Dreadful as it sounds, I might be stuck with this project for the entirety of 2019. The author seems to be churning out an average of six chapters a month, but probably limiting it to 40 as per Gravity Falls' episode count, because of course its that easy when you aren't concerned about quality.

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ConcernedGamer
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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Wed Jan 16, 2019 1:37 pm

As far as crossovers go, I can mostly say that I recognize potential in what the author was going for, but its all - and I mean ALL - mishandled in this approach. It's a crossover overload as it is, where using just singular elements would be to its benefit. Undertale recast of Gravity Falls? Can be done, and even mix it up as an Undertale AU, where pivotal characters and plots share similar roles , such as a dimensional barrier needing to be breached with souls and what not, I'm only spitballing here. Steven Universe recast of Gravity Falls? That's fine too. Secret alien identities, magical monsters, the whole shebang. But both at once is a mess. And it doesn't help that the author keeps splicing in random crossover characters and creatures. We'll see another demonstration of this, that makes it clear how little the author can figure out how to wedge something into this fanfic to replace rather simple plot elements. Here's Chapter 6, Chara vs Femeninity.

It was a new morning on the Crystal Shack's giftshop. The one who was visiting it up now was Tara,the local very happy and respectful lady.

And here we have unknown substitution character #3, replacing local enthusiasm enthusiast, Tyler Cutebiker, and yes that's his actual name. I've been poking as much as I could without spoiling myself, now knowing that this character right here is named Tara Rose. Who that is, I can only guess, but I have a qualified one. The author's disclaimer for this fanfic states that she owns no character in it, and they "belong to their respective owners". We might be looking at author-insertion circle-jerking, since there are no less than 18 profiles named Tara Rose on Wattpad, the same going for Geremy and Raynold from earlier. One sentence in and my revelations already have me wanting to shut my computer down for the day.

"I want to prepare early for the Christmas. You have anything in the spirit of this wonderful season,lady?",Tara asked,with one of her palms pointed upwards.

"Well,I hope this works for you.",Pearl said,picking something from below the counter and offering for Tara. It was a bowl,full of dull-colored spheres.

"...I'm sorry,but I don't think they really are christmas tree decorations.",

Dull is the actual description for non-reflective Christmas tree decorations, author, you numbskull!!

Tara confessed in the gentlest way she could,noticing the dull and kind of 'lifeless' colors.

Wait, don't tell me, author, they are pure white, right?

"Argh! Another detective!",Pearl said throwing her arms on the air,in a mix of great anger and big sarcasm.

"Awwwww! Those are very beautiful,miss!",Tara said,looking at one of the objects fixed on the wall with her hands over her cheeks and her eyes sparkling.

Good thing for her that objects are half price off today.

Frisk and Chara came to the same room Pearl and Tara were,slightly holding up their respective stomachs.

"Grauntie Pearl?",Chara called out,feeling her stomach rumble up.

"We wanna go to the restaurant...",Frisk said,with her pleading blue-and-brown eyes glowing,and they were as big as puppy ones. "We are like,huuuungryyyyy."

What, did Asriel eat all the fandom shout-out pie again?

"Huuuungryyyyy!",Chara added,mimicking the typical voice and pose of a zombie,wallking towards and bumping agains't Frisk three times. Frisk looked at her older twin sister after feeling the bumps,with confusion stamped over her face.

Yeah, because this is breaking character from their rehearsed stomach gag that they already initiated. This is so fast of a retcon that I think I just witnessed a literary u-turn.

"Okay,okay girls. I will take you two to the restaurant.",Pearl said for Chara and Frisk,with a motherly tone on her voice.

"You have some cloth item with this skin?",Tara asked,pointing to a deer head on the wall. More respectively,to the fur.

"...You think we should seal her here,girls?",Pearl asked for Chara and Frisk. Chara and Frisk nodded eagerly.

The original joke had Tyler ask for a fake taxidermied crypto-creature prop in a different animal, author, and here you had Tara ask for something made from deer hide, which is what clothes actually can be made out of. Are you intentionally being this stupid?

---

Chara,Frisk and Pearl were sharing up a table on the nearby restaurant,where also Gaster Wingdings,Lapis,Knux,the sheriff and the deputy were eating...or drinking,as well.

Dining. It's called 'to dine', it's a diner, stop with the useless, melodramatic naval gazing and treat normalcy for what it is.

A young lady on lavender and gray clothings,with white hair,crimson eyes and holding a notebook and pencil on each hand,approached the table of the Dreemurrs.

"Oh! Here is my great friend Haku! How did you previous day go?",Pearl asked,greeting the white-haired young lady,Haku,like a very good friend.

"I drinked some sake.",Haku answered,politely,quietly,and...not sounding too happy.

More Hatsune Miku stuff, this being a fan-made but officially embraced character, her shtick being as a representor of failed songs, so as to avoid subtracting from the acclaimed Miku brand, with her very name meaning 'negative thoughts', while having alluded depression and a drinking problem for a coping mechanism. And the author wasted that story potential on substituting a character, whose introductory line is to laugh like a buffoon at having been hit by a bus that morning.

"Oh...okay...heh heh....",Pearl said in a surprised and worried tone,approaching one of her fists to her mouth.

"I'm okay. Eh heh heh heh heh ah hah hah...",Haku laughed up,in a very pitful and sad voice.

"So you are marking up the requests here?",Pearl asked,noticing the notebook and pencil on Haku's hands.

"Perhaps.",Haku answered. She winked,and tried to smile,but what escaped off from her lips was a simple and small one-sided smile.

"Oh,great!",Pearl happily said,clapping her hands together. "Well,I want one of those nice morning salads. For the plus,I want some toast for the younger girl,and healthy water fo rthe older girl."

These are the signs of conflict, author, and I know you don't realize that. You even have Pearl here, who has in the past called herself friendless, completely ignore her friend's problem. And that will keep being ignored, because never once was Lazy Susan's well-being a focal point of any episode.

Haku writted down Pearl's request on the notebook and walked away.

"Grauntie Pearl,they don't have peanut butters?...",Frisk asked to Pearl in a sad voice,with one hand on her left cheek and the other arm's elbow on the table.

"Sorry dear,but I don't think they have anything of this shape. And besides,I'm definitively not made of money.",Pearl said for Frisk in a motherly comforting tone. Oddly,a note poked out of her sleeve,and she hided it back. Frisk just sighed back.

"Maybe if I show to them how much of a lady I am,they'll give us all the peanut butters.",Chara said in a 'cool' tone of voice,laying back on the couch with her two hands behind her head.

You are a model of everything wrong with lazy fiction writers, author. Unprompted, undirected, even in direct opposition to the context that you have put forth, you have the mangled and inverted plot of your episode-substitution chapter emerge from fucking nothing!

"...Lady?",Pearl said a surprised voice and,afterwards,laughed and banged her hands on the table. It was just when Frisk poked up Pearl's elbow that Pearl stopped laughing,leaving behind a shocked and confused Chara.

"...What? I'm not a lady?",Chara said in mid-shock and confusion.

Well, you kind of set the bar when you accused Frisk of something in that nature when she got dolled out with Peridot.

"Well...you don't act exactly well like a lady,sis...",Frisk said with a slightly nervou-ish smile,like she was trying her best to not shock her sister further.

I mean, it's not like this girl genuinely fears her sister's temper or anything, right?

"How I don't act like a lady? I thought only being a girl was enough!",Chara said,more shocked than genuinely angry.

"No...I'm sorry. I know you are smart and all...but you don't paint your fingertips,you like to get too much dirt,and...well...last tuesday...heh...",Pearl began to explain for Chara,trying to be the least hurtful to the girl,but she began to have heavy and metallic memories of this...tuesday.

And I have memories of already wanting to tell this author where to shove her dramatic...ellipses.

~~

"ROCK SMASH DESTROY BURST AND STOMP STOMP STOMP!"

"ROCK SMASH DESTROY BURST AND STOMP STOMP!...stoooomp..."

"...nothing happened here,Grauntie Peeearl...heheh..."

~~

And for all we know, Chara was swinging a dead cat while being dressed like Dr. Frank N. Furter. Because the only way these flashbacks work is by the author forcing others to make it up for her.

"I think you have been addicted to those Heavy Metal British guys.",Frisk said,remembering about how in the distance,she could listen to Chara yelling out the song's lyrics.

"*sigh* Bunch of faithless families...",Chara said in a slightly darker voice,putting one of her elbow's on the table and drumming the other hand's fingers for some time. "One day you'll see me as the beautiest lady in the world...",

I think that would demand that you killed everyone else in the whole world first and, hey, look who I'm talking to.

Chara continued,before getting up from the couch and walking away with her hands on her hoodie's pockets,and her hair covering her eyes.

"Why she is so sad? My bloodline is happy!",Pearl said,indignant of Chara's rage.

If only that could matter when bloodlines are about direct descendants. This whole fanfic feels like it went through Google Translate, twice.

"Awww Grauntie Pearl,you really are a amazing great aunt.",Frisk commented with a smile,believing Pearl was actually worried of Chara's emotions in a indirect way.

"Hah...sorry,but I am not. I'm just a scared wreck.",Pearl said for Frisk in a very soft voice,that Frisk almost couldn't make out.

Welcome to another episode of Let's Wear Our Emotional Problems On Our Sleeve, because the author can't be bothered with effort.

Then,the plates for Pearl and Frisk came. A third one,that would be for Chara,was there as well. "Oh! Thank you Bestie- I mean...Star- N-no...well,big friend. Yeah,yeah."

"No problem...friend...",Haku said with a slightly bigger smile,as she walked away.

"...you are awkward near new people,right?",Frisk said,noticing Pearl's uneasiness.

She would be a terribly bankrupt con-woman at this point if that was the case, author, you simpleton.

"Oooh! No no no dear,I'm definitively not awkward!",Pearl said in a reasurring way for Frisk,but the shyness on her voice was too clear.

"Well,I know someone who can help you.",Frisk said for her grauntie with a reasurring smile,making Pearl smile as well. "...and that is me.",Frisk finished up with her smile flattering up,making Pearl gain a extremely confused face.

Oh yeah, the person who is going to help Pearl with her already dodgy non-approachability is going to be little Miss I-have-never-managed-to-get-a-friend-for-my-entire-life. Are you fucking kidding me, author?!

---

Chara was still walking. Walking on the main streets of Inside Falls,yet feeling angry and heartbroken about what happened on the restaurant.

"Hmpth,they say I'm not a lady...why they say I'm not a lady?...",Chara said to herself in alot of anger and sadness,before suddenly getting sprayed by water. She found out it was a hydrant that was unfixed off. She backed up,accidentaly bumping against an adult man.

"Oh,sorry young lady. I'm trying to find the mailwoman.",the man apologized for Chara. But unfortunately,Chara entirely misunderstood the phrase.

"What?! Y-you mean I am not a lady? Neither a woman? IS THAT WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!",Chara said in a fit of anger and sadness,as some tears falled down from her eyes.

How? The original line has a woman looking for the mailman, with Dipper misunderstanding 'mail' to be 'male' on top of 'man', and this dude just called Chara a lady, while the author could have had him use the word 'girl'! How can this narrative keep contradicting itself?! Fucking how?!

"You are okay?",the man asked to Chara,extending a hand with the prupose of comforting her.

However,Chara shaked her head in denial and ran away to the forest,in many tears.

Your grip on this flipped gender-stereotype is slipping, author. It was an additional detail that Dipper running away while crying is about as non-masculine as can be. Had Chara punched the man, as she would have done with how she has been written so far, so as to let herself be chased away into the forest, you'd at least have consistency. Stop only substituting the characters, and try and substitute the plot instead.

~~

Chara was sitting up on a rock in the middle of the forest,holding up a buttercup flower and looking at it as a way to cooperate with her sadness,and her own buttercup flower hat was resting on a very nearby rock.

"How I am not a lady? How much it takes to be a real lady?...Patience? Perseverance?",

Two words, kid. Gender identity.

Chara asked to herself,and to the little buttercup flower as well. "Why no one can help me? Heck,I should throw myself on a mountain...",Chara continued in a even more crushed and hopeless tone.

Could you stop failing at not being an insufferable edgelord for two seconds, already? Protagonists testifying angsty suicidal thoughts are not entertaining or convincing, author, they are insulting.

She looked down at her foot and noticed up some mud on her feet. Pearl was right,she loved to get dirty.

...

Suddenly,she heard running noises,as she picked up a wild strawberry from bushes. Running noises of two feet,indicating that it was someone running.

Yes, hello? Oh, it's for you, author. It's the Redundancy Department calling to tell you that you don't have to call upon them today, since you've got yourself covered.

...Someone she probably never knew before. And the worse,it was approaching her area more and more. Chara felt it was something dangerous,so she picked up her hat and tried to hide...but it was too late. She saw a shadow slightly taller than her running at her.

Chara screamed in a low octave,but when she noticed it,she stopped,and screamed in a higher note,coughing up just afterwards.

Get it? It's because it's ladylike to have a shrill scream. Boy, opposite day is such an innovative and entertaining thing when you know all these jokes already.

And then she noticed the stranger.

Oh, so the screaming was just for random effect, then?

It wasn't human. It was a humanoid,but it was probably one of the many creatures of Inside Falls' forests. She looked like a female,with a black mask on the eyes,orange hair with two long 'hair-tails',short-sleeved white shirt,black and short pants,and snickers.

She must have gotten hungry for a snack while running through the forest, I guess.

She was carrying something like a water gun,but with ink,instead of water.

Image

You read that right. We have Inklings from Splatoon instead of Manotaurs. Do I even have to lay out the details for why this doesn't work on any level in what the author is going for? Chara is supposed to pursue the peak of being ladylike. How the heck is a band of ink-squirting, turf-warring squid-kids going to help with that? There are hundreds of better alternatives than this!

"*ahem*...look. I'm normally fun,but I promise I'll stab you if you attack me.",Chara said to the humanoid being,quickly recovering from the shock and fear.

"HEY!",the humanoid said. Her voice was...extremely curious. Describing it on the easiest way,her voice was like what would happen if a squid gained human vocal chords and speaked english fluently.

So, better than you, author?

"...Can I have one?",she continued,pointing to the wild strawberry on Chara's hand.

Yes, wild strawberries are indeed so rare a treat to the natives of this forest, that they'll immediately run up to a stranger who picks them, like a Manotaur being summoned by a bag of processed jerky pulled from a child's pocket!

"Oh. Sure.",Chara said in a chillier tone,tossing the strawberry for the humanoid to eat. "You sound a little bit like a squid...are you some kind of half-human and half-squid creature?",Chara continued,noticing the squid-sounding voice of the humanoid and the fact that the hair tails looked like squid tentacles.

"I'm a Inkling!",the half squid humanoid happily informed for the human girl. "Half human,Half ink,and!-...well,Half squid."

I don't know about you, but I find it teeth-grindingly amazing how the author can't even reproduce a third of an original joke, even when she tries.

"I magically summoned you...or...",Chara asked,scratching her head in confusion.

"The wild strawberry did it!",the Inkling happily cheered out. Then,she noticed the hidden sadness on Chara's red eyes. "I sense...extreme sadness."

You misspelled 'edginess', author.

"I have problems to be a real woman.",

I'm sorry, but this scene has one too many tentacles for me to not make a jest at it, since you are supposed to formulate that as 'a real lady'.

Chara confessed,putting her arms on her back and looking down. The inkling suddenly wrapped one of her arms around Chara,like a kind of comfort. Chara accepted it. "Hell,even my great aunt says I'm not a real lady...",Chara continued,as some sadness suddenly broke down on her voice.

The Inkling patted Chara's back,slightly calming her down.

"...Hey,you actually look like you know how to be a real lady. Can you show me some tips?",Chara said,noticing that,despite the outfit,the Inkling had a appearence quite fiteable for a lady.

Image

Inklings are less female-looking than Chara, and I'm talking about the gender-neutral Undertale pixel version!

"Of course! Hold up on my hand!",the Inkling happily answered,breaking the semi-hug and extending the same hand she used to comfort Chara for the girl to hold up.

"Alright...?",Chara awkwardly said,holding the Inkling's hand.

Suddenly,the Inkling ran trough the forest,avoiding tree branches,leaves and rocks. The Inkling happily cheered,while Chara screamed in surprise. Suddenly,the Inkling jumped into the air in a superhuman way,and with a ink shot from her gun,opened a entrance on the cave,and graciously falled on it.

Because all of that truly was an inspirational take of what it means to move with feminine grace and modesty, wasn't it?

"...Wow...",Chara spoke,as she opened her eyes.

The cave was glimmery,beautiful,and full with other members of the Inkling race,all of femenine gender and clothings any femenine woman would wish. Chara's red eyes sparkled alongside the little white crystals fixed on the walls of the cave.

"This...is a beautiful place...",Chara commented,her mind very taken away by the cave's glamour.

"Slendytubbies are scary and live in the woods.

Yeah, it's probably not too late to retcon the name of the monsters in Chapter 1, author, sure.

The merpeople are shy and live in the water. But us,who are beautiful and charming,live in the Cave of Beauty! Amazing,isn't it?",the orange Inkling explained for Chara,briefly mentioning the first paranormal race the human girl faced off.

It's a no-brainer to make the suitable inversion you are looking for, author, yet you present me with a turd instead of a nugget of gold. This femininity-thing is going to devolve to make-up and beauty anyhow, so why didn't you turn the Man Cave into a natural spring and call it a spa?!

The orange Inkling whistled,calling the attentions of some of the Inklings. Afterwards,she pointed to Chara,who was already getting up.

"...Heya.",Chara greeted,trying to sound the most laid-back and friendly as possible.

"Those are Siry,Marie and Callie. And I am Meggie.",the orange Inkling said,pointing her palm to,respectively,a Inkling of blue shades,a Inkling of lime green shades,a Inkling of magenta shades,and finally to herself. "Who are you?"

"I am Chara. ...Chara the Charming.",Chara said,deciding to add up a title on the end to try and earn a good reputation between the squid humanoids. And it kind of worked: all the Inklings talked well between themselves about her.

Because it was done in the canon because of reasons, it now must be done here too but without, repeat upon repeat. At least give the Inklings titles too, if you don't want me to accuse you of masturbating to your veiled self-insert, author.

"Chara the Charming wants to learn the secrets of our femeninity.",Meggie explained for the fellow Inklings on the cave's room.

"So many help. I'm not a real lady...",Chara said in a self-hate tone,pulling her big,black eyebags down. Those eyebags were too creepy to belong to a real lady. Or at least,those were Chara's beliefs.

Coincidentally, it's also the author's belief that eyebags can make someone scary.

However,the Inklings began to fight between themselves,arguing if they should help Chara,who was a human,or not. Of course,it wasn't a manly fight: it was a fight between tongues and,rarely,slapping hands as well.

I'm fairly sure the author deliberately called it a fight in order to remind herself why she had to include it.

"...I hope they have chocolate.",Chara commented with a large smile,now genuinely liking the style of those squid ladies.

---

Back on the Crystal Shack,Pearl was sitting on a chair table,shuffling some cards with backs of yellow coloring. Her little grandkid Frisk approached her.

This was of course not her grandniece, but her grandkid, a perceivably identical moldable blank slate from her actual happy bloodline, meant to replace the original Frisk.

"Alright Grauntie Pearl,lets start up the first day of...well...your new life.",Frisk began. She was carrying a normal camera. "Recording time!",Frisk happily announced,as she aimed the camera for a photo.

As the click noise and the flash of the camera appeared,Pearl was caught in surprise,dropping all the cards.

She must be having a Diamond Attack PTSD flashback.

"Pictures are just with me.",Frisk said,as she picked the photo out of the camera and,afterwards,picked up a scrapbook with a cover and backcover of sky blue color.

The scrapbook pages she opened had two photos,one of each page: one of her posing with a little red bird resting on her arm,taken on the day she went to find Destiny alongside her sister and Asriel,and other one of a surprised Chara and the headless Clay Pearl,obviously,taken on the first day she and Chara went to try and find the blame for the 'death' of Pearl's clay-self.

They would obviously have staged it if not for that obvious detail being described to us, obviously.

Frisk gave a emotional sigh looking at all those photos,and afterwards,she flipped to a new empty page and fixed the photo she just took out there.

"Well,we will try to make you more confident to make friends with a roleplay. Asriel will play Haku...I guess.",Frisk explained for Grauntie Pearl,as Lapis reluctantly dragged an Haku-cosplayed Asriel on the room.

"I'm a friendly kid!",Asriel happily cheered throwing his arms upwards.

He would also have tried pretending to have an alcohol problem, but Frisk already drank all the mouthwash again.

"Grauntie Pearl,just remember this environment is safe from judgement. ...I don't know if this affirmation is one hundred percent right,because critic will be involved.",Frisk tried to explain for Pearl how it would work.

I won't say that I'm judging you, author, but I'm judging you. Hard.

Pearl awkwardly nodded in confirmation and approached the goat boy to be able to kick in the roleplay.

"...Uh,I forgot how to roleplay.",Pearl confessed in a big,shameful smile.

Have you forgotten how to write, author? Well, no, evidently you didn't, but you can't write for shit. That's exactly how roleplay works for every person in existence. Pretending is only something you can suck at, you don't forget how.

Frisk nodded,and tried to find the paper she used to file up the information about how to do a good roleplaying game with no trouble and chaos.

Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons, substitution edition.

~~

Sadly,Chara wasn't exactly lucky. The Inklings denied her request to learn the secrets of their femeninity. But of course,Chara,being a smart one,wouldn't give up that easily on her wish of losing her eyebags to recieve long and beautiful fingernails.

A manicure and a YouTube make-up tutorial, that's all this dork needs. I know this is supposed to be the inverted stereotype thing, but Dipper's issues of manliness demanded performance and mental maturity. This fanfic's attempt at superficial traits is superficial in and of itself.

"Denied? Mmm,alright. I'm actually chill with that. Its because you all don't think I can achieve real femeninity. You aren't brave enough to achieve femeninity.",Chara said,sharply using her tongue as a weapon.

And had this been a true inversion, they would be agreeing with her because being 'man enough' apparently went over your head, author. You actually couldn't even figure out for Chara to say that they weren't "fresh enough" to help her, so as to actually do your crossover material some justice, you thoughtless ingrate!

However,Callie felt genuinely insulted,intimidatingly approaching Chara. However,Chara wasn't scared up easily.

Chara is being approached by a creature the size of Danny DeVito, yeah, I can truly see how brave she has to be to not buckle to such intimidation.

"Charming...uhm,Callie,she didn't mean it.",Meggie said,first for Chara,and then,for Callie,avoiding a possible slapping for Chara's blush-sticked cheeks.

"You girls are scared of showing me how to be a real lady.",Chara snarkily said,crossing her arms with a victorious face. Then,a idea stuck her.

"Hey,can you hear that. Its a-BORK! Woah...BORK BORK! What is that? ARF,ARF,ARF! Wait,I know! BORK! ARF ARF! Those are...BORK BORK! Yup,a group of dogs."

Image

Look, author, I'm going to take the intellectual high ground here, and assume that you actually know the difference between calling someone a chicken, and calling someone a dog, of which I'm getting closer to calling you for these insults you call references. Because that's the only thing left that makes sense for this. Because there were dogs in Undertale, the only way you could figure out how to reference them in a shout-out, was to mention them here. You are putting reference over substance in your multi-crossover Undertale "Role AU", as you call it, causing your substitution fanfic to lack any and all logic. The only other option to consider here is that you yourself is a broken piece of software, which was tossed out by the SJW Illuminati because it couldn't copy a narrative correctly. You are having me closer to becoming a conspiracy theorist, than accept that you had any consideration for entertaining anyone with this shit. I shudder in horror at thinking what is in Wattpad's repositories, as this boring schlock somehow has itself ranking above 80% of other stories of its listed category tags!

The Inklings gasped in fear and surprise. Commenting to themselves,they reached to the conclusion that Chara used her 'brain power'.

And by what deductive logic is left in this cesspool, brain power is now indicated as entirely removed from toxic femininity. Is 'brain over brawn' truly such an invisible dichotomy to you, author?!

Impressed,they decided they finally would take up Chara as a apprentice of femenine beauty. Or,well,be a real lady.

"Lady! Lady! Lady! Lady!",the Inklings happily cheered out.

"Awww! Thank you girls,I'll try my best.",Chara said,genuinely flattered and a bit happy as well,as she was guided by the Inklings to another room.

I'm pretty sure certain rituals of this nature involve a virgin being chucked into a volcano, and I do still respect this author for not dabbling in writing lemons in this story.

~~

Chara,and the Inklings,found themselves on a open place of the cave,with the blue sky happily shining. There was a little,straight hole on the ground,labeled in a wooden sign as "Pain Hole". ...What?

"Conquering your fears,you conquer your beauty as well.",Meggie explained for Chara,as the latter looked at the hole,wondering about its name meaning.

Boy, are you lucky that Gravity Falls is too chill of a show to provide me with apt reaction gifs, author, because I'm FUCKING LIVID!! You are utterly uninspired. Incompetence doesn't cover this blatant plagiary. You don't even try. Do you even care? You had the opportunity here, as a fifteen-year-old girl, to take a jab at how it is to suffer for beauty. Have you ever applied makeup? Have you tried walking in heels? You could have had this be about plucking eyebrows, I would have given you acknowledgement for the ten seconds it could take any average person to think up a suitable lady-alternative to this entirely canon-lifted masculinity test, which isn't even about fear!!

"The first step to conquer your beauty? The Pain Hole.",Marie calmly explained,pointing to the named Pain Hole. All the Inklings winced in extreme fear and nervousness,and Chara got even more confused.

"...What?",Chara asked,raising a eyebrow of confusion.

Callie stepped to the front of the hole,and gently putted her hand down the hole. Perhaps now it would show off why the hole was named as a Pain Hole.

"Pain Hole,or Horrible Pain H-",Callie was explaining for Chara,until suddenly she squeaked in pain. The squeak of pain hastily transformed into a scream of pain,as she removed her hand from the hole and walked away,holding this hand with the other hand.

We are supposed to take these helpers for Chara to be beauty experts, but they are backwater idiots doing an even worse job than the Manotaurs. At least they could play to a stereotype, but this author's creation can't even get that right.

"...Do you all think its really useful?",Chara asked,unsure if she could handle pain from a hole that,either had the magic to cause pain,or had something extremely sharp inside.

"You really want to be a real woman?",Meggie asked to Chara,in a encouraging way.

Soon,all the Inklings began to cheer for Chara. Chara finally decided to build courage,and approach off the Pain Hole. She looked down,but the hole was too dark. Nevertheless,she closed her eyes,and downed her fist on it. ...too fast.

She felt the sharpness of many crystals on all the points of her hand. Her scream of pain was loud enough to scare off birds,who flied on the sky,far away from their fears.

And you ruined it, author. You think pointed crystals in a hole would be the most painful thing to experience, but that's not even how this device is supposed to function. You're not supposed to cement what is in the pain hole, only that it is a hole that causes pain to whoever sticks their hand in it, and as displayed in the show, no matter how they do it. You replaced a mystical hole in the ground with an actual hole in the ground, you dunce.

---

Back at the Crystal Shack...

"Okay,try to pull up your better side with a...better smile.",Frisk said for Pearl.

The two were still on the living room,sitting on the table's chairs,and Pearl was still trying to follow Frisk's 'friendliness tutorial'.

However, it was one of those tutorial that forget to explain how to install and setup the software you are going to be using throughout.

Pearl struggled,on a attempt to make a friendly smile,that didn't exactly look like a friendly smile.

"...I don't know if its okay or no...Asrieeel?",Frisk said. Afterwards,she called out for the goat boy. Asriel came in ,taking a bite out of a muffin.

"Howdy,Rose!",Asriel happily greeted Frisk with the flowery nickname.

A nickname, which first now is explained to be a nickname, that makes no fucking sense, has no origin, and is likely word association alone, because flowers and Rose Quartz. References are so easy when you treat a fanfic like a game of Scrabble.

"What you think about her smile?",Frisk asked,pointing for Pearl.

Asriel's quick reaction was to scream in horror and surprise,drop the muffin he was just eating off and ran away from the Crystal Shack.

Image

Yes, author, you really earned that reaction with that 'not exactly friendly smile' Pearl had. I hope you can feel proud of yourself.

"*sigh*,I hope some encouraging music will do the trick.",Frisk said,as she holded up a CD labeled 'Training Music',and inserted it on the CD player.

There,Frisk and Pearl's training began...alongside Chara's training with the Inklings.

On one hand, the author is skipping the montage yet having the exact lead-in for it. On the other hand, I'll suffer through less shit because of this. I'll take what silver lining there's left.

~~

Chara was almost done with the tasks to become a real lady. She was even enjoying doing some makeups in collaboration with Meggie. Her normal outfit was inside her backpack,and she was wearing a princess-like dress in emerald green and sun yellow coloring,with equally green and yellow lady gloves and shoes.

And if the moral of the story was going to be about how being lady-like doesn't come from the clothes you wear, that would make it meaningful, but of course it's not going to be about that, because the multibear-scenario is next.

"Girls...I must confess something. I became something else entirely,after all those experiences. You all have been so...great partners...",Chara said for the Inklings on the room,

"Oh you...",Meggie said in a awkward,but yet happy voice,laughing afterwards.

"I mean,honestly. With all of your guidances I feel I became a real lady.",Chara explained,with a even bigger smile. But weirdly,Meggie made a 'no' wave motion with her hand.

"Oh no,Charming. There's still one more quest. The dealiest of all of them.",Meggie explained for 'Chara the Charming'.

"Pfft,after fourty-nine quests,I'm ready for anything.",Chara said,feeling confident on herself.

Can we talk real quick on the author's general misguided misuse of these crossover materials? Every instance has only had initial indication for the traits, until the author lets the canon-substitution take over for their personalities and behavior. These squids are originally supposed to be turf-warring, ink-splattering kids. Replacing mini-golf with paint-guns in a future episodes, the chapter that's going to involve the Lilliputtian replacements would basically write itself.

~~

Chara was guided up to the 'throne room' by the Inklings,to what they called off as their Inkprincess.

Because Disney has caused everyone to forget what the purpose of a Queen is.

She had white hair with pink tips,and had a outfit reminiscent of a stereotypical pop princess.

Yeah, sure, just by calling it stereotypical, I'm sure many people have an instant mental image of what the fuck a pop princess looks like. This is Pearl, as far as I can guess with the other Inklings included here, but the author couldn't even figure to mention her beauty mark. BEAUTY mark!

Chara knew she was facing something dangerous yet beautiful,because the Inkprincess was two times taller than all the Inklings.

"Woah...she is...beautiscary.",Chara commented,mixing two words to try and express all her feelings.

It will join 'twolve' on the list.

The Inkprincess looked down,spotting her fellow Inklings,and Chara as well.

"You...want to be a real woman?",the Inkprincess asked for Chara.

Chara twirled and bowed,nodding her head. All the Inklings around her repeated the motion,also nodding their heads in happy noises.

Curtsy, you plebs, are you even trying to act lady-like?!

"Then,you must face a hard quest...it is,climb the highest mountain...",The Inkprincess started,before reaching her left hand to her chest to pick up a water gun. "and bring the glimmery boots of the robot Mettaton."

I always knew that women's true nature was to kill for shoes. Also, what?

The water gun,which was larger than most of the water guns,was thrown at Chara's feet,as all the Inklings gasped.

Mostly because water is dangerous to inklings. I feel like we are missing an obvious detail of Chara's initiation here, author.

"Mettaton? ...is he a evil robot?",Chara asked,curious to understand about this name.

"He wants to steal our beauty! Defeat him,and your transformation towards beauty will be done.",the Inkprincess answered. Now,Chara wasn't one hundred percent sure if she should do that,only for the beauty.

Had the evil robot called her cute, however, she wouldn't hesitate to cut down that trans ghost-in-a-shell. Is the author seriously trying to make us believe this stabby-happy chucklefuck of a Dipper-replacement would hesitate when it comes murder?

Unfortunately for the human girl,Meggie was checking out her backpack,and eventually,she found out a CD disk,of the band "Screwlex",and their album,"Rock Smash".

"Charming! What is this?",Maggie asked for Chara in a scream-like tone. For the Inklings,heavy metal was something unholy and evil,and it was logical for Maggie to be scared.

Yes, because idol musicians like themselves could not handle music in a slightly different genre. Author, if you have to make up everything to make your crossover unrecognizable, why bother?

"I dunno. One of my buddies putted that in.",Chara tried to excuse off,snatching the CD disk from Meggie. However,she noticed all the Inklings were already suspicious of her beauty potential.

Deciding to not do anything to break their trust no further on that moment,Chara picked up the gun,proudly and silently promising she would bring Mettaton to a end,and bring his glittery boots. Soon,she woud climb up the high mountain,and defeat this robot.

Why am I starting to think that Mettaton would have been a much better mentor of beauty for Chara than a bunch of squids? Oh, right, because that's not entirely stupid! Why even have a robot celebrity replace a bear with multiple limbs and heads? What's next, is Alphys the Hand Witch?

---

Back at the Crystal Shack...

"Well,Grauntie Pearl began like this...",Frisk began,looking at a photo of Pearl's previous state. "Then you became...",Frisk continued,as she pulled the photo out of her vision.

...Actually,Pearl didn't get exactly better. If she got better at all.

Because a visual gag of photos of a single character, which in this case is about how that person acts when interacting with someone else, is truly such a joy when not even being described!!

"Ugh! Can I scratch my hair?",Pearl said,in a very clear tone of 'Ugh,I Had Enough!'.

"Even if I can't have it make sense, I have to make Pearl say something as a complaint here, because Stan did that in this scene, I must never deviate, must replace everything, this is how you write a fanfic!!" - loose quotation and better translation of the author's thoughts, I'm fairly certain.

Frisk sighed up in a mix of deception. Asriel and Lapis,who were nearby the chair she was sitting,watched as she regretfully ripped the photo of Pearl's previous state.

"I'm sorry Frisk,but your great aunt can't be fixed. Like those wierd vanilla pancakes.",Lapis said in a realistic tone to the 12-years-old girl.

Unfixable vanilla pancakes? What the fuck are you even talking about? Are you high?

"Uhm,I'll try to help her friendship encounter anyway.",Frisk said,still in a hopeful tone.

Frisk, you do realize that once Pearl succeeds here, because of the canon, she'll have done better than you, right?

~~

Chara finally reached the top,and was face-to-face with the cave's entrace. She entered inside. The inside of the cave was like any normal cave...any normal cave with gemstones that would appear on the surface.

"How Mettaton looks like?",Chara asked to herself,as she carefully crouched to pick up a spark of glitter on the ground.

She,also,could swear she hard some electronic activating noises,and a masculine voice whispering "Oh Yes~". She dropped the glitter piece and looked to the inside of the cavern,to find Mettaton,who made the cavern light up.

Image

Was it really this difficult for the author to see the obvious pattern she could follow for this? The narcissist beauty-idol robot who'd sick a child after a bunch of nasty ink-spewing hoodlums? Brains shut down in self-defense, this is so stupid. Had this been a matter about a killer robot after a human soul, there could have been something here, but that never gets brought up, just like the fact that this cave-dwelling piece of technology should still run on batteries!!

Mettaton had a humanoid structure,pretty much of a adult-size. His 'skin' was metallic light gray,and one of his magenta eyes was covered by his black hair. He had a magenta chest,black and spiky shoulder armory,and a belt with a pink heart on the center. His legs were black,and he had the boots that the Inkprincess wished. The boots were magenta colored,and glimmered in a glamorous way.

...But the most abnormal feature was his arms. His arms were normal until the elbow: there,they separated into three parts. The six hands had a white hand covering them.

Author, if you so desperately needed fulfillment by sticking in a monster here with multiple limbs, Muffet would do the trick! What, is she going to replace the actual canon spider monster later on?

"Oooh...so this is Mettaton.",Chara spoke,impressed of discovering a humanoid robot with abnormal arms. She wondered who and how someone managed to make him.

"Darling,why exactly you are here?",Mettaton asked for Chara. His voice was masculine,attractive,and just slightly robotic.

"Your boots. ...I don't know if just one is enough.",Chara explained,trying to sound brave and menacing,but those feelings slipped off in the end.

Because murdering a person for their boots is an accurate way to earn your right to becoming a lady. What the hell is going on in Brazil?

"Hah,I'm sorry darling,but I won't give them.",Mettaton said,crossing his arms and cracking a nasty smile.

Chara pointed the water gun to the boots,to indicate she wouldn't go away unless she had Mettaton's boots on her possesion. And the humanoid robot quickly got it.

"...Alright,darling.",Mettaton coldly said as a reply to the silent action of Chara.

And because fun crossover ideas can't exist in this fanfic, we won't see a news interview, a cooking show, or an opera in this already predictably lackluster fight scene.

Mettaton dashed towards Chara,but she gracefully jumped out of the way. She ran behind a rock,barely avoiding three magenta shockwaves from the left pointer fingers from the robot. Then,she went towards Mettaton's back and blowed water,making the robot have a temporary breakdown on his moving circuits.

"All the ladies will do anything to achieve beauty.",Chara said,as she climbed at the top of Mettaton.

Okay, I applaud the extreme, but you didn't earn it with how you got to this point, author. Chara might as well have said "Doing whatever a squid tells me will make me a woman.", with how scatterbrained and convincing your focus on this plot has been.

The robot would take too long to recover his movements from the breakdown,and it would be enough to finish him off.

"...Alright,darling. But you can do something for me?",Mettaton asked,his voice already slightly glitching. Chara nodded reluctantly,before Mettaton continued: "I want to die listening to the most beautiful song I ever heard."

Altrough she was curious about the task,Chara decided to do it,because she still had a golden heart inside her.

Fuck you, author, fuck you and your little bitch with a spray-painted heart of lead. Does murdering sentient creatures for footwear sound like something a person with a golden heart would do? Dipper may have got caught up in the flow of fighting a monster to prove himself, but he didn't proclaim himself a saint while indirectly thinking himself deserving of praise for his faked nature. Chara is a stain on this fanfic, and on every universe from which you steal your source material.

She turned around,spotting a tape player. When she went to it to press a button,she faced off a surprise. It wasn't a highly femenine song,like Chara was expecting from such a seventhy percent femenine man

While we are tossing around labels and completely mishandling every conceivable detail here, what the hell did you even think a robot would listen to, regardless of gender?

...it was actually a rock song. Specifically, Screwlex's Rock Smash.

"You listen to...the english Screwlex?! Man,I love Screwlex!",Chara said,first,in extreme surprise,and afterwards,in endless happiness.

"My,I thought I was the only one who understand. The Inklings scoff me because I recorded well the song 'Rock Smash'.",Mettaton explained,feeling melancholic.

No, the author is substituting from her thesaurus again, not being able to find a proper word for 'memorizing', there will be no actual similarity to the idol of the underground from Undertale.

"Oh,you mean...",Chara started,as she made a wild air guitar and,alongside Mettaton,began to sing the ending of the song's chorus.

🎵ROCK SMASH DESTROY BURST AND STOMP STOMP STOMP!

You gotta face off the real real rock 'n roll! YEAH!🎵

"Hehe,finally,someone who shares my tastes and!...and...",Chara said. But unfortunately,her happiness and enthusiasm slipped away,and was replaced with sadness,as she remembered about why she came to the came.

At least somebody came, for once.

"...I'll have to murder you,right?"

"Its okay,gorgeous.",

Mettaton said in a soft,reasurring tone. He just barely recovered his head movements,and didn't recover yet his members movements,so Chara still had a chance.

"Its not...",Chara said,feeling hurt. She shaded a tear,as she looked down and her hair covered her eyes.

Do you get mileage points for every time you default to that edgy detail, which you seem to think means anything besides her having trouble being able to see shit, author?

"Its not your fault.",Mettaton still continued in a reasurring tone.

"I mean, it's not like you have choice in the matter, or that I could just give you my shoes right now. They have to be taken off of my dead body, that's how it is."

Chara regretfully pointed the water gun towards Mettaton. But something startled inside her mind.

And she refused to accept her 'destiny'.

When the hell did destiny enter the picture here, author? Stop waxing poetics in your head and stick to the shoddy fanfic you've created.

~~

Chara returned to the Inkling's cave,with the water gun destroyed on her hands. And she was far from being regretful.

"I refuse to do it.",Chara breavely said,dropping the water gun's remains on the ground.

"...Listen here,your princess wannabe. I followed your fellow's tips to be a real lady,began to act all girly yet brave,

Congratulations, author, you've fucked over your gender stances yet again, now by adding the modifier to that of being like a lady meaning to not be brave.

but soon,I found out...all of this is a trickery.",Chara spoke,in a deadly serious tone of voice. All of the Inklings gasped in horror and surprise.

"Exactly. Trickery.

The joke you are shitting on is that 'malarkey', which means 'nonsense', is more than a mouthful and a funny, not-too-often used word, author. Are you aiming for becoming the Most Unfunny Author of All Time?

I may not have beautiful fingernails,or a one hundred percent femenine face. And...heck yeah I'll let some heavy metal play on the radio! They have good reasons to be on the Top 40 Best Rock Songs Of All Time.",Chara continued,kind of afirming to herself that,despite her ungirly behavior,she wasn't lesser to any other girl.

You have to compare the song to other genres of music, you idiot. To these rock-o-phobes, you just said the equivalent of "Rope is not such a bad thing, since about fifty percent of people kill themselves with it".

"W-what you mean,C-charming?",Meggie asked to Chara,feeling extremely confused about Chara's speech.

"...I mean,that Mettaton is a cool guy. And that you all...are monsters.",Chara answered,her voice getting slightly colder.

And let's just cap off the last few pages of this chapter with a new use for the word monster, bookended with denial from the creatures that Chara essentially intend to call mean doo-doo heads.

"No,we arent! Now get his boots or els-",Inkprincess was saying,in a very scared and concerned voice,but surprisingly,Chara interrupted her.

"I won't be a lady anymore.",Chara said.

All the Inklings sadly mourned right there the 'betrayal' of Chara,and barely noticed the moment she kicked off a rock and walked away,zipping and carrying away her backpack,silently promising to herself she wouldn't try to change to anything other than her.

That's the moral of the story we are going to go with? Yeah, no, I'm going to say it's to not participate in a gang's hazing ritual when all you want is a beginner's course in etiquette.

~~

Frisk guided Pearl to the restaurant. The two saw Haku,cleaning and fixing a drink machine on the far corner of the restaurant. Frisk took a deep breath and dragged Pearl.

"Haku Yowane.",

Your weeb-manual needs and update, author. In Japanese, the surname comes before the given name.

Frisk called to the young woman,making her turn around. "I know she isn't probably the most glamouros person on the planet Earth,but if you know how to fix a machine,I know you can fix her. Any kind of friendship can benefit both her and you."

"So,my-heh-friend?",Pearl completed Frisk's speech,blushing.

You two are already friends. You addressed each other as such, mutually, at the first scene you shared together. This conflict never existed!

Haku turned around,and opened the drink machine,pulling something from inside. She picked up a sweet drink in a can,and gave it to Pearl. Afterwards,the two shared a quiet but meaningful high-five.

Image

A quiet and meaningful high-five? Dummy, even if it had been a fits-bump, are you trying anything but to have Pearl seem desperate to be hip?

Pearl sitted on the table alongside Frisk to drink up the drink.

"*squee!* We did it,Grauntie Pearl! We did it! I'm so happy! You were so brave! I hope you have many and many good moments like friends should have!",Frisk said,feeling a extreme enthusiasm.

"Frisk,let a old lady enjoy her drink.",Pearl softly said in a pleading tone,as she resumed to drink.

Pearl's just being a bit thirsty, as she should be.

Then,Frisk looked at the window,and spotted a nice surprise: Chara came back.

Chara,however,wasn't wearing her dark blue hoodie. It was wrapped up on her lower body. Because of that,all her jumper was exposed. Frisk also knited jumpers for Chara,but Chara preffered a single design of green with a simple and large yellow pattern around the torso,instead of a varied wardrobe.

Because we need to be reminded of who this character even is at this point. Fan service that doesn't correlate to anything at all, it's not even symbolic or meaningful at this point.

"Chara!",Frisk happily cheered,climbing up the window to see her older sister. Chara looked upwards and made a thumb up. Frisk thumbed up back.

Soon,Chara took a turn that took her to inside the restaurant,and she sitted up on the same table of Frisk and Pearl. Frisk's happiness,however,was replaced by a sudden concern. Besides the fact Chara has some small scars on her face,she had a eerie,kind of sad look.

The scars weren't the important part to her, of course. Frisk didn't even care back when her sister's kidneys got stolen.

"Sis...what is wrong?",Frisk asked,on a soft,worried tone.

"*sigh* I had a horrible day. Those humanoid squids became my friends,but suddenly,they tasked me to commit a crime...but I refused.",

Oh, yeah, 'suddenly'. You say that as if you didn't break and entry to assault someone in the process, before wussing out when it was time to perform the coup de grâce.

Chara explained for Frisk and Pearl,feeling sad about remembering of Mettaton.

"...You actually were a smart lady,and saw what was wrong."',Pearl said,suddenly,in a more wise,calmer tone of voice,surprising Chara. "Nobody wanted to accept your opinion,but you stood firm. It is extremely noble to me",Pearl continued,snatching a smile of Chara.

That has literally nothing to do with being ladylike, author, you charlatan. You could have written anything that could make sense here, and the sad part is that you are doing the best you can with what you have provided for yourself. But you didn't have to provide yourself with trash.

"Well...and you are alot more cooler like that,sis.",Frisk continued. Peace and serenity ruled on Chara's eyes.

"Heh,thanks...",Chara calmly thanked off her little sister,as she pulled the scrapbook.

"And you are living a great phase,unlike the one of your grauntie!",Pearl happily said,like she was shrugging off her old age like something normal.

Age is a normal thing, author. Or are you saying old people don't exist? Wait, don't tell me, old people are monsters, right?

Pearl,Frisk and Chara shared a good laughter,before Chara speaked off her honest opinion:

"Yeah...laughing is a good cure for pain."

And a non-sequitur closing line, why not. It's not like the rest made any sense either.

Okay, so next chapter is titled 'Many Charas', which would be the Double Dipper episode. I predict that Chara will want to impress Lapis because she is cool, that Pacifica Northwest will be some anime knockoff stand-in rich girl, and that Frisk will get friends, while earlier and later being made fun of for not having friends, because the author can't figure out how to work out her 'summer romance' substitution after the fact.

While this mock is mockable to me, it's wearing me a bit thin. I think I'll occasionally interchange this project with looking over my older mocks for any new chapters since I dealt with them. If any of them happen to be on this forum, they'll be updated, but otherwise my efforts will be for my Wordpress page only.

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