Inside Falls

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun May 26, 2019 3:13 pm

Character limits on a forum can't be helped, I guess. Continue reading Part 2 of Hallowater here.


"Chara,I just want to know something...",Frisk said to her sister as she walked out of the wall of the nearby house. "Why you are dressed like a mariachi?"

I know I already harped on the costume ignorance, but for Frisk not even understanding her sister's motivation, this is adding to the YAT-counter, because the author is still going to pretend their costumes match.

"I have no idea.",Chara calmly,yet angrily replied. And it hilariously was truthful; Chara was wearing a mariachi outfit with black-and-green color,yellow jacket,green shirt,brown pants and leather boots.

You don't know why you are dressed in the most described costume in this author's fanfic? Really? Really?

"Awesome!",Amethyst,Connie and Asriel said together,making a thumb up for Chara's outfit.

" least everyone likes it.",Chara said to Frisk in a more chillier tone.

You picked your fucking costume yourself, you bitch! Quit pretending nothing is your fault and that you are a victim!

"Lets get this over,right guys?"

"Right now!",the group (except Chara) answered for Chara's question,rising their fists on the air in a war-like cry.


After some minutes,the group counted off the piece of candies they managed to gather with the cuteness act of the twin combination Chara and Frisk. The counter reached to 499. After realizing it,the group cheered in victory.

How does a cat costume and a mariachi outfit go together to perfectly earn this supposedly insane amount of candy after a scene skip? 'Fuck you for caring, sucker', is the author's answer. The whiplash of the plot defaulting back to the canon is your only reward for reading this far.

"We just need one candy to save ourselves!",Frisk said,in a jumpy,cheering tone,as she herself jumped in joy.

"Its 8:30 PM,so the time is perfect.",Chara added out,also wearing a,in-overall,victorious voice.

Oh, that deadline that you haven't indicated you worried about up until now? Sure, I can prepare another rant in time for when the author once again makes the plot shit the bed.

"You are the best mariachi sister for a cat girl.",Frisk said to Chara with a happy tone,as she gave a bear hug on Chara.

"It was great to help you girls,but the God of Hyperdeath will train his ball skills. See you later!",Asriel said for the group,as he went running trough the streets with energy.

And because Asriel doesn't own a truck he can fetch, he's busy going around waiting for his next scene appearance, by walking around the neighborhood being a baller.

As Frisk,Connie and Amethyst went trough the other street,to find the last candy,Chara had a personal time to reflect what to do after helping out Frisk. Should she help on Frisk's final task,or go on the party with Lapis and Jasper?

Stop being a drama pity-beggar and use the half an hour to get a single piece of candy, dipshit! Dipper banked on doing both, but the author can't continue the plot or grant Chara martyrdom in her perfect sibling relationship otherwise.

...However,she couldn't find a answer. She had to give happiness to a side,and sadness to the other. Destroy one heart,and increase the other one. And she didn't have time travelling to see what was the best outcome. Soon,she began to hold her head in thought.

Is this author really so far up her own pretentious ass that she's spinning a non-conflict out of Chara's self-invoked, self-paralyzing OCD?!

She thought,thought and thought. No answer came to her mind. Her eye twitched,she couldn't support the spin of thoughts taking over her mind like a tornado.

Chara heard voices. Not voices on her mind. Real voices,the voices of Frisk,Connie and Amethyst,that were suspecting the absence of Chara and went back to find her having her anger-happiness trance. She laughed and growled at the same time,hoping for a miracle to happen.

"C-chara...are you ok?",Frisk asked,worried about the mental state of her older twin sister as she noticed she was having the kind of trance she had on situations of a difficult choice.

"Y-yes I am...",Chara simply answered with a wavy smile,but it was clear from her eyes it was the opposite. She wasn't okay. She was shaken by Frisk,but she laughed in quick despair and felt to the ground,as her mariachi hat dropped and briefly rolled over the ground.


Where do I even begin with this trash? In an attempt to replace Dipper nearly getting caught trick-or-treating by Wendy in a ploy to appear mature that results in losing all the candy, the author replaces it with Chara having an episode! A meltdown, a mood, fuck me - she could have told us she was experiencing her first ever period with a hormone rollercoaster, and it still wouldn't be worth the bytes-to-pixel ratio it takes up on my screen!! This pretend conflict at every chapter is see-through enough as it is, apparent that all the author wants is to make Chara come across as some self-sacrificing golden child, a sister burdened by responsibility of the turmoil of weighing her joy against that of her sibling, but for no other reason than to make it pay off as sympathy, and mark her deserving of praise for her plot-forced actions at the plot-shaped circumstances in this plot-cast fanfic. And this latest attempt takes the form of paralyzing indecision at the fear of bumbling around for fifteen minutes and maybe then being one minute late to a party, just because the author can't even make things happen by accident!!

"GUYS,look!",Connie yelled,snapping Chara out of the trance and making Chara,Frisk and Amethyst look behind a bush where the group hided the candy to use as the offering for Sugar Sucre.

Because now it's everyone but Chara's fault that the candy gets lost.

...There was no more candy behind the bush. It was now on a wheelbarrow next to the bushes and all the candy was inside the water,falling down.

Are you drunk, author?

And to worse it up,the four noticed all the jack-o-pineapples were turning off...except the one of Gaster Wingdings. Amethyst was the one to act on instinct,tackling Gaster and taking the jack-o-pineapple from him.

"Sorry sir...",Amethyst apologized with a slightly sorrowful smile.

"Its okay...I guess...",Gaster accepted,as he adjusted the glasses and walked away,saying something like 'wing wing dings' as he walked away.

And once more we are treated to comedy being replaced with people saying a few words to each other and shrugging their shoulders. Every moment that demands people taking a negative disposition is instead transformed into instant forgiveness, or milked dry when it serves to have the Dreemurrs guilt-free or in the spot-light.

Everyone sighed in relief,as a straw of hope still remained for them to recover the candy. However,this hope was only temporary. The candle inside the jack-o-pineapple was blown out by the wind. A wave of panic hitted the group's face as soon as they realized that.

And on the darkness of the streets,came Sugar Sucre.

"Uh...the candy felt down on water but we will get it?",

Isn't this what Hail Hydrate is all about? Candy and water? What am I missing here?!

Chara tried to say,but it sounded more like a question,as she and the rest of the group got even more scared.

"I'm afraid you all will dance in my belly.",Sugar Sucre said with a murderous look on her face,as the strings on the tip of her fingers increased in size,and increased,increased...soon,all of them were almost touching the group's feet.

Connie was the first one to be captured,followed by Amethyst and Frisk,who called for Chara's help. But Chara was paralyzed by the fear,making her capture the easiest of them all.

It's almost like you are following a Mary Sue cookbook, author. Add in a pinch of sudden helplessness if convenient.

Sugar Sucre slowly opened her mouth like a marionette,ready to swallow them,but for the group's surprise,a ball hitted Sugar on her chest,creating a hole.

The wound quickly made Sugar Sucre disintegrate into sugar,freeing the group from their strings.

If your made-up villain with a stolen nametag can't survive a game of dodgeball, why should I even care, author?

"YES! We didn't die!",Amethyst gleefully cheered,throwing her arms on the air in joy.

"Girls,my ball went flying. You saw it anywhere?",Asriel asked,as he ran in trying to find his ball,who accidentaly saved his cousin's lifes.

At least we can all agree that it was an accident that it happened.

"Asriel!",Chara and Frisk both said in joy,as they ran and gave to their cousin a 'thank-you' hug.

But because he was confused, Asriel thought it was a 'we hate you' hug. To be fair, they are difficult to tell apart.

"I...did not hit anyone here,right?",Asriel asked,scratching the back of his head with a awkward laugh,since he didn't like to hurt people that,on his mind,didn't deserve to be hurt.

This first ever description of empathy leads me to believe Chara feels the opposite.

"You actually hitted Sugar Sucre.",Frisk answered with a sweet smile and cheerful-y open eyes for Asriel.

"Thank you for saving us,Azzy.",Chara thanked Asriel,as she cleaned the sweat on her forehead. "Its nice everything is over,right?",Chara asked to Frisk,turning her eyes to face her.

However...Frisk didn't answer Chara. As the group walked trough the night streets,she simply just lifted her shoulder and hugged her arms awkwardly with a guilty,regretful face. In Frisk's head,she was the responsible for the trance panic her older twin sister had,and that she was furious at her but wasn't trying to show it up,even trough that was far of being truthful.

And there we have the other side of the flipped coin of this sanctimonious sorrow-drowning sibling martyr-complex these two share. Frisk has to be an omniscient bootlicker to Chara's heel to get the remote hint, that she had even a passive influence and role in the latest psychotic, emotionally manipulative temper tantrum, which the author dresses up in empty-headed logic and calls happiness trances. Bankrupt for ideas and siphoning the topic like gasoline from a hose, the author conflates Mabel's justified issues of Dipper's deceit with Frisk now again needing to be made the scapegoat of her sister's issues. I wish they both would jump off a bridge, but then the chapter would never end in the never-ending spiral of self-indulgent sibling anti-support they give each other!!

"Frisky...are you okay?",Chara sympathetically asked,after noticing Frisk had a bruise on the left hand. As a answer,Frisk simply nodded her head in a signal of 'no' and looked away,still holding the guilty face. "Oh...uhm,I think the Shack has bandages left for your hand."

And the disregarded attempt at comfort and reconciliation is left impotent like everything else. You want all of the sweet but suffer none of the sour, author. Take that as a lesson in imbalance for you.

In the midset of her guilt,Frisk looked around,and then backwards,

As you do, I guess.

to find a scene that surprised her. The sugary remains of Sugar Sucre began to re-arrange themselves magically to the shape of the seemingly-dead guardian of the Hallowater holiday. Frisk gasped in horror,catching the group's attention,who turned around in time to see Sugar Sucre fully reforming herself.

Oh no, the villain who can be defeated by a glass containing the fluid of this titular holiday is back for more. Tell me the truth, author, is Shyamalan your preferred movie director?

The group ran trough the streets,screaming and avoiding the finger string of Sugar Sucre the best way each could. Eventually,the survival marathon ended entering on the Hallowater Supermarket; the same one Frisk and Chara saw on sunset.

I would totally have mistaken it for that other one the author never mentioned, but I was swiftly set straight.

The group scattered up,each one hiding in a different shelf,all afraid of the same fate.

"Be quiet,guys. She is blocking the exit and can spot us.",Chara whisper-screamed to the group,

Thanks, that way of whispering is the best for what you are instructing them to do.

as she crouched down in a shelf space with Frisk. Then,she turned her head to face Frisk. "Stay silent,got it sister?"

"...Why you worry so much about me?",Frisk finally said,but thankfully whispered,since she got in what kind of volume Chara wanted her to say.

While I myself generously encourage that question to Chara of all people, you two are supposed to be twins!

"I don't know...I always act stupid when I have a choice to please one side and heart-break one...",

Well, the author has a talent for writing people as stupid, no surprise there.

Chara self-insulted,talking about the anger-happiness trance she had on the kind of situation she described.

"And I always trigger that. ...I just wanted at least one last trick-or-treating walk with you...",Frisk replied,her tone indicating even more guilt,as she hugged her own legs.

Oh look, Chara is an ass and Frisk feels guilty. Must be a day that ends in 'y'. You are and have been doing that, you brat, and you know literally nothing that has been stopping it, as the author is still stealing every piece of dialogue and leaving some unedited when she thinks it can mesh!

Before Chara could say something,a clicking noise repeated itself indefinitively. It was apparently the alternate communication noise Sugar Sucre could make besides speaking.

This author doesn't know what a growl sounds like?

"We must get a way to escape!",Connie whispered to Amethyst,as both listened to the bone-chilling clicknoises of Sugar Sucre.

"But she will munch on us!",Amethyst replied,as she looked around,hoping for Sugar Sucre not listening to her or anyone else.

"Maybe we could use something to passby as something we aren't. ...Disguise fantasies,perhaps.",Asriel said,as he peeked his head from behind the costume hack he was hiding in. ...Actually,the plan was really put in motion.

You actually know the word 'costume' and when put on for Halloween you deliberately call them fantasies, author, you pretentious illiterate?


Asriel disguised himself in a swamp monster disguise,

He passed off the boss monster disguise because it reminded him too much of his dad.

Frisk and Chara disguised themselves in werewolf masks and outfits while Connie and Amethyst hided in a costume hanger. Sugar Sucre bypassed them not noticing their disguise,

A couple of floating werewolf masks, a swamp monster costume and a costume hanger in the void is easy to pass by, after all.

and soon the group began their path towards the exit.

"...Asriel,come on!",Chara whisper-screamed to Asriel,noticing his absence. "...Azzy?",Chara called out again,turning her head back,to notice Asriel approaching of some witch heads.

"Asriel,no!",Frisk whispered in panic as she holded her face. No one wanted Asriel to be eaten by Sugar Sucre,not even Asriel himself,so everyone was wondering why Asriel would want to play a toy that made loud noises,in a situation they had to be quiet.

Gee, it's almost like none of these characters' actions makes sense in any context you set up, author, you self-admitting puppeteer.

"Sorry girls...but my poor soul can't support many panic in one moment.",Asriel answered Frisk,as he opened a battery pack and putted batteries on one of the witch heads and pressed it.

He knew ahead of time that he had to replace the batteries, because the author couldn't repeat the canon joke if her life depended on it.

"Eat,drink,and be scary!",the witch head toy said,laughing afterward,followed by Asriel's fun laughter.

What an impressive Waterween catchphrase. Are you even trying?

However,Sugar Sucre,who looked bigger and more menancing than what everyone remembered off,loomed behind Asriel,and opened her marionette mouth wide. Asriel pressed the toy again,and screamed as he was engulfed entirely by Sugar Sucre.

We are approaching vore-territory right now, which I'm sadly aware that there is far too much Undertale fanart of.

That was the defintive last straw for the group to abandon their stealth plan and go to a attack plan.

Chara picked a knife,Amethyst picked a whip,Connie picked a flail and Frisk picked a shield to protect herself and her allies. After some revengeful struggle,Amethyst finally managed to destroy a part of the right leg of Sugar Sucre.

"Ew,its outdated sugar!",Amethyst said,as she noticed the smell wasn't of a fresh and new,refined sugar.

You already saw her turn into sugar. This was the supposed to be the moment of the twist and you already know it!!

"Seriously?",Chara said,as she also managed to remove a thin bit of Sugar Sucre's arm. First,she smelled,and really the smell was bad. Then,she licked,and the sugar tasted outdated. "Yeah. Outdated flavor...",Chara said,as she wished to threw up over the ground.

Sugar doesn't expire or change taste, author. It can harden or go dry, but for sugar to go bad, it has to be tainted. Google. Learn how to use it.

"You still can't get it?!",Sugar Sucre furiously raised her tone,as she took the chance to trap Frisk and Chara on black strings. "You don't understand me!? Look,my make up is fading!",Sugar Sucre continued,still furiously,as a thin layer of fresh sugar melted off from her body and what was left behind was similar to her old body...but made of outdated sugar with scars,bite marks and deformities.

You are seriously going with this twist, author? That she's made from outdated sugar instead of the bad kind of candy that they didn't want? Revenge of the Kitchen Sweetener?

"Loser candy of the damned!!",Frisk and Chara screamed together in panic. Unfortunately,both couldn't free themselves to escape from the real form of Sugar Sucre.

"Exactly!",Sugar Sucre replied to the panic of the Dreemurr twins. "Do you ever stop to think the only sugar no one enjoy is the one on the bottom?"

I stand corrected. The twist is that these imbeciles can't tell the difference between pure sugar and the processed candy being thrown away, including the fucking Trickster substitute!


"All the years the outdated sugar and hated candy are thrown into the dumps of Inside Falls,by the youngters. And out of the outdated sugar I was born,to bring justice agains't the youngsters who hate Hallowater.

And if sugar could get outdated somehow, why is someone at fault for getting rid of it, author? I don't think you've made a single coherent argument for any alteration you've done, ever

A disguise of pure,fresh sugar that in the ending of the night fades away to a broken heart of outdated sugar and candy."

"My true form is totally intentionally revealing itself at this point, so it's not bullshit, you better believe it, I'm telling you."


"T-that is your story?",Frisk said,surprised that outdated sugar could transform into a monster like this. "Look,sorry if we threated you badly. Just give us another chance?"

"NO!",Sugar Sucre yelled in response. "Your twin is just one more of the rotten youngster bunch, because this all revolves around her and only her, do you get it yet, and I'll end with both of you!"

However,before Sugar Sucre could make what she promised,she began to yell in pain and weak her grasp on Frisk and Chara,making them fall down and be catched respectively by Connie and Amethyst. Sugar Sucre felt on her back and her chest bursted open...Asriel was alive! And oddly,enjoying a piece of sugar he managed to get from inside Sugar Sucre.

It's rare that an author manages to convey how everyone in the story is phoning in their performance.

"Howdy!",Asriel happily greeted. The group would happily give a hug for him,if they weren't worried about the possibility of Sugar Sucre recovering and eating Asriel again. "...Uh,you want some?",Asriel offered,but the four girls nodded their heads in signal of 'No'.

"Wait...I taste good?",Sugar Sucre asked,in a more emotional voice,surprising everyone.

"Well,lady...yes. You are some good outdated sugar.",Asriel replied with a slightly shy smile as he took another bite of the sugar on his hand.

We just need to have someone accidentally mention the words 'sugar momma', and this fanfic could get banned by the author's own hand.

"Yay...someone thinks I'm tasty,finally after twenty years...",Sugar Sucre said,in a happy,yet almost-crying voice,as tear drops made of crystallic sugar ran down from her blank eyes.

"Feeling neglected for a long time is so sad...I promise I'll bring joy to your life!",Asriel said to Sugar Sucre,as he picked other hunch of sugar with his other hand and took a bite from it with a large,friendly smile. Coincidentally,it was the part where the kid previously ate was,and he accidentaly freed them.

Nice to know that your veiled DeviantArt commission request didn't forget about the unnamed victim, author.


Back on the Crystal Shack...

The group went back to the Shack,and on the living room,they found Pearl sitting on the chair in a polite way watching television with a slightly proud smile.

Shit, I was so caught up in the stupid that I forgot there was supposed to be a b-plot.

"Hey Pearl.",Chara greeted with a chill,calm smile.

"Greetings,Grauntie Pearl.",Frisk greeted with a sweet smile,since seeing her after such a intense night was a big delight.

"Hello,Mr. Crystal Dreemurr!",Amethyst,Connie and Asriel politely greeted Pearl,waving for her.

Is it me, or is there's this weird favoritism going on here. Asriel is supposed to be family, but he's in the category of the guests addressing her as 'Ms.' all the time.

"Welcome back,cutie-pies.",Pearl greeted them,holding her hands with a motherly smiled directed for everyone,that made them all blush.

She's had her fill of traumatizing kids tonight, so they caught her in a good mood.

"Hey Chara.",Lapis greeted Chara,catching both Chara and Frisk's attention and make them go to her. "I think the business you had took over your day. What was that?"

"...Trick-or-treating...with little sister.",Chara said,slowly wrapping her arm over Frisk's shoulder. Frisk gladly accepted it with a cheerful giggle.

And thus no point was made, nothing was proven, and no character was developed. Back at square one, where the author has earned nothing she writes, and writes nothing that she thinks she has earned.

"That is good,because in the was involved and Jasper got out fleeing from the fire.",

Everyone else burned alive. Why do you fail at shaming Jasper at every turn, author?

Lapis explained,putting her cheek on her shoulder and using a knife to cut off a jack-o-pineapple. She,also,almost managed to snatch a laughter from Chara.

Even laughing sounds like something people have to force each other to do in this crappy universe.

"Its sad that we didn't pick any candy...",Frisk said,holding her arms on her back and trying to remove any suggestion about trying to pick candy for a marionette-like creature made out of outdated sugar.

"No candy? There is lot of candy here,dear!",Pearl said for Frisk,as she lifted up two colorful bags full of candy,bringing happiness to both Frisk and Chara.

There's a very freshly covered, shallow double grave behind the shack right now, isn't there?


As everyone,including Temmie,watched television with the lights turned off eating candy,Chara picked up a bandage and putted it over Frisk's hand wound with a tender smile. Frisk also smiled back.

An a moment of what was meant as tender reconciliation over past grievances is dead air, with no bigger footnote than the fact that Temmie also was there.

"So,I realized something,young ones...",Pearl began to speak,catching the attention of everyone on the living room.

"A spinning ballet kick can decapitate more than just one child peeping at you in the shower."

"The Hallowater isn't something about sweets,costumes,and neither scaring! Actually,its about reuniting with the family,and doing something to bound with them. ...Like singing extremely loudy!",Pearl finished,with a big smile on her face,as she raised a loud and slightly jarring singing note,followed by everyone on the room,but with different tones.


Silence ruled for a while on the living room.

"I ate a lady on this midnight.",Asriel said with a big smile on his face. When he said that,everyone looked at him,either smiling awkwardly or just making a plain confused face.

Mostly because the sexual innuendo went over the author's head.

Gorney's replacement was nameless, the monster wasn't made of candy, and while it was supposed to, the holiday barely had a hint of water to it. Even what one would think were safe bets fails in the presence of this author's inadequacy. Nothing else to do but move on, I guess. The next chapter is titled Frisky Master, which is based on the 'Boss Mabel' episode. My guess is that Frisk will offer to cover for the shack to give Pearl a small vacation, will fail at being everyone's boss, but will succeed because of kindness instead of actually having a spine.

YAT: 53
BTTP: 116

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Jun 09, 2019 4:13 pm

I think it's clear enough to spot that the author can't keep anything she writes straight and makes this shit up along the way without consideration for future chapters. It has however never been clearer than in this chapter. Now we see how the author remembers that the shack has to be about more than just crystals, like she's been portraying it thus far. And with kinky title, too. Here's Chapter 13, Frisky Master.

In the morning,Chara,Frisk,Pearl and Temmie were watching television on the living room of the Crystal Shack. More specifically,a talking show,which wasn't exactly the twins' favorite thing to watch on television,but both of them respected Pearl's taste for that kind of show. Suddenly,Asriel came in trough the door.

And fully indicating that the b-plot won't be existing in this fiasco, that was the first half of the episode's intro mangled and shoved into a paragraph. I wonder how long the other half will be.

"Crystal Dreemurr?",Asriel called out,catching Pearl,Chara and Frisk's attention. "Tourist are comming for 9 o'clock. ...And golly,its lots of them."

And as Asriel said that,a bus approached to the entrance door of the Crystal Shack,loaded with tourists that began to get out of the bus as fast as a swarm of insects.

"Oh rocks!",Pearl said in surprise,almost jumping from off the couch. "Asriel,prepare new attractions for new tourists!"

Yeah, put up a blue crystal this time, that will really change from everything else that may or may not be glass shards. But seriously, you know it and I know it, the author is about to make up substitution attractions throughout this chapter that has nothing to do with crystals.


Evidently you use it, but it's like you don't even know what happens on the Internet, author.

Asriel said with a cheerful disposition,picking a paper sheet of aluminium and putting it over a horse head,with the intention of making it look like a pony head.

Fucking hell, was that just now the author confusing ponies with unicorns?

"Lapis? Can you try to make the price higher somehow?",Pearl asked and pointed towards Lapis,who was reading a HQ about superheroes.

She had just finished a CEO about what the fuck does that mean?!

Lapis,to answer Pearl's request the fastest she could,putted on a price tag of $5 dollars

Oh, for a moment I thought it might have been €5 dollars.

a number one number. And to further satisfy Pearl,who didn't exactly look happy with just '$51',she putted a zero,making the dollar number become '510'.

She then marked the price to be in bitcoin.

Chara always found out this attitude of Pearl with visitors,and money in overall,extremely weird.

Mostly because it hadn't been indicated well enough before now, and at one time she threw a party for free.

At least simply because she knew that Pearl could be a good parent if she knew how to handle well the wishes of the children she had to be close with.

Do I even have to point out how she's neither a parent nor does that skill have the faintest inkling of a connection to being a business woman? It's like the author knows words but not when to actually write them.

But now,Pearl's greed in Chara's vision was reaching insane levels in a way she could never predict.

"Hey Grauntie Pearl...",Chara said,catching Pearl's attention. "You're lovable and all,but you see precious gemstones on people."

The garbled English is more on the nose for the Steven Universe Human AU character toting author than she'd care to admit.

"I don't get that,sweety.",Pearl answered with a simple,awkward smile,as she looked at the window. Actually,what Chara said was very truthful; Pearl saw the tourists,and over them,she saw many precious gemstones. "...Uhm,clean the front entrance for them?",Pearl gently requested to Chara as her inner self realized her great niece was right.

Chara just bitterly sighed and nodded her head,picking a mop and a bucket half-empty of water and heading outside to clean the front entrance.

And because the canon included a kid vomiting on the front lawn parking lot, the author injects Chara needing to clean something without reason, as Pearl hallucinates that she's in a The Sims game. Farting on a keyboard can produce something better than this.


Some hours after the preparations,the tour began trough the Crystal Shack;

With all the tourist having waited very patiently because the author doesn't know how to perceive time between the start and end of the cut intros.

Pearl leading the group of tourists into a Crystal Shack without the lights turned on but with plastic crystals glowing,in a attempt to give a mysterious atmosphere.

"My dear tourists or visitors,here is the inside of the Crystal Shack.",Pearl said,supporting herself on her pearl-figure stick in a almost-flawless act.

And let's not forget that the pearl stick-figure is probably pearl shaped like her medal, too.

"The Crystal Shack has many attractions that could be easily classified as 'bizzare'. For example,the photo of the only stance where a duckbill befriended a whale.",Pearl continued,as she extended her hand towards a photo.

I think the Internet has weirder things than that uploaded every day. It also knows to include the word 'platypus'.

This photo featured a duckbill above the geyser of a whale,with both of the animals showing expressions featuring joy. The tourists took photos,muttering between themselves about their interest on the photo.

"And also...the first pre-teenager ninja of the ocident.",

I know you might not be looking at the screen when you type, author, but are you even looking at the keys?

Pearl said,as with a gleeful smile,she pulled a curtain,revealing from the other side,Chara wearing a stereotypical ninja outfit (the kind that covered everything except the eyes or a long hair) with two fake katanas on the two sides of the outfit's belt.

"My pride is collapsing itself into a deep void.",Chara said,in a deep bitterness and uninterest for attention as she tried to look away from the touristic crowd.

You're dressed up as an actual fucking ninja while Dipper had to suffer a half-naked and obviously fake wolf-boy costume, which is something that isn't real unlike your getup, you pretentious, emo bellyacher.

"Just follow the script...",Pearl whispered to Chara,and Chara simply sighed in anger,pulling the two katanas from the belts and putting them in a upward stance. "She will hold any piece of cash you throw at her.",

Oh wow, holding money is so impressive. How about making it thematic and about actual skills that ninjas have, like dodging, author? Why do you always not only crap out a turd of a script-substitute, but you willingly step in it, too?!

Pearl explained to the touristic crowd,and soon,everyone threw their cash at Chara,who catched them with the katana,bringing a big delight to Pearl.

As Pearl went to the giftshop,however,she found Frisk distributing stickers with many words about positive feelings and concepts. The problem for the sixty-years old lady wasn't exactly the fact her great niece was trying to pass positive messages,but the fact she was trying to pass them for free.

These layers of self-insert guiltlessness is grating but on so many layers that I must point out what is happening here. Frisk is doing what Mabel did, flaunting stickers all over, but what caused the plot of the episode was the fact that she was giving away bumper stickers for the Mystery Shack that wasn't hers. These stickers affiliated with warmth and fuzziness is clearly Frisk's own, meaning again Frisk did not do the crime of wasting merchandise, and Pearl is merely miffed that Frisk isn't charging money. My counter has already reached the triple digits, but can you blame me? The only way the author allows the Dreemurrs to do anything wrong is when she doesn't realize they are making shit worse, which coincidentally happens every chapter, too.

"Frisk...why you are doing this?",Pearl asked,trying to put a serious stance and putting her fists on her hips.

"...Because I have no idea of how it works right.",Frisk confessed to Pearl,scratching the back of her head with a awkward smile.

Because this little numbskull never figured out how goods and services can be exchanged for money, even after throwing a tantrum in the candy aisle when she was four years old. That's how far the author is willing to dumb down her own characters to pretend that this situation is the same as Mabel being caught buttering up already paying costumers.

"You can't win cash doing that...I'm sorry but you don't serve for this position.",

"I don't know what possessed me to make you sticker distributer in the first place."

Pearl said for Frisk,trying to be strict yet soft at the same time to not break her great niece's heart. However,it didn't quite work in the way Pearl wished. Frisk still cried some tears of sadness from her eyes.

This garbage has an emotional spectrum less nuanced than Elmo's! There's no weight behind these reader reaction-demanding tears aside from labelling everyone in this fanfic contenders for the world's biggest crybaby!

"...Oh. I had a idea.",Frisk suddenly said with a small,gleeful smile as she wiped the tears out of her eyes and picked one of stickers spelling 'MERCY',putting it over Pearl's nose.


Oh look, a reference. That will probably trick someone into thinking this scene is good, if it wasn't pretty obvious I'm the only one having read this far through this fanfic. Did you know that the Undertale AU Wiki chapter listing for this story stops at Chapter 7?

"...Mercy and economic business are topics with absolutely no connection.",Pearl sighed in annoyance as she pulled out the 'MERCY' sticker out of her nose. As Asriel passed by,Pearl offered the sticker for the goat boy,who accepted it with a jolly smile.

So, that went nowhere and I imagine the matter of Mercy will not be brought up by Pearl again in this chapter, so I'll not even bother acknowledge it.

Afterwards,Chara came in,still wearing the ninja outfit,but without the mask that covered everything but her red eyes.

"Like I just said,my dear-but-horrible-intentioned Grauntie Pearl,my pride collapsed onto itself wearing this.",Chara said to Pearl with a,in-overall,deadpan expression.

Maybe if you could talk like an actual person you'd get sympathy, you pretentious drama queen.

"That is...a pretty weird word you used to define me."

"What does 'Grauntie' even mean?"

,Pearl said in curiosity about Chara's speech,raising a eyebrow of confusion.

"Now,changing of topic...",Chara said,in a tone of 'I want to understand'. "You really need to swap those fake exhibitions of yours for the things that I and Frisk saw trough this summer. I mean...this isn't better? Tell the truth instead of a joyful lie?"

You could be intending to say the exact opposite of what the author was going for but failed to put into words, and no one would know.

"And...well...being more patient with your business apprentices?",Frisk said to Pearl with a doubtful smile,opting for using the term 'business apprentices' instead of 'employeers' because she personally finded Lapis and Asriel pretty young to be reffered as 'employeers'.

We get it, author, everyone's a young teen and innocent and free, and too good for this world let alone paid employment which is a total surprise and so out of the norm, go get a fucking job, you ignorant, demographic-babying underachiever.

"You're my complement,Frisky.",Chara said to Frisk with a proud smile,as both shared a fist bump and winked at each other.

"Look,yougsters,I work with compliments,no matter if they are pure compliments or compliments born from insults.",Pearl explained with a serious face as she showed a paper with all the compliments she ever recieved. Most of them really were born out of insults,very nasty insults.

What does that even mean? What nonsense connection is the author even drawing up right now? This moment exists as nothing but a cover for topics being brought up by the non-existent b-plot of the canon. How many 'compliments' have I given you this far, author?

"...Grauntie,insults are bad. How they can give light to good things?",Frisk asked for Pearl,with a genuinely innocent tone,because in her head,insults and compliments weren't able to create its opposite. Pearl just looked down at her with a slightly more annoyed face while Chara looked at her in more confusion.

So the author forced Pearl to have some kind of skewed vision of insults and compliments, gets her idiocy pointed out to her, and the author doesn't even pretend that Pearl had a way of explaining it in the first place. Classic genius made-up-on-the-spot writing right there.


After recieving that question,Pearl made Chara,Frisk,Lapis and Asriel wear suspenders to paint the sign of the Crystal Shack in a baby cyan color. All of it,not just the part that once spelled 'Shack' but lost the S. Pearl claimed that the reason was because tourists would find a glittery sign beautiful.

As long as it's the whole sign, though. If the author hadn't specified that for them, the tourists would have found the result ugly beyond reason.

But birds found it beautiful as well,because a small swarm of hummingbirds flied around Asriel,whose suspender's had paint stains,and made the goat boy enter in panic for a moment.

"Shoudn't Grauntie Pearl...I don't know,give a break of bossing us around?",Chara said,stopping her painting routine to rest her arms and a bit of her breath.

Maybe the author could let her start first, instead of giving 'show - don't tell' the middle finger?

"I know. I can't put in words.",Lapis said,feeling just as tired as Chara and also stopping the painting routine to rest.

"Well,I once gave her a suggestion for a mascot of the Crystal Shack.",Asriel said,pulling out a paper with a glittery drawing of him wearing a rainbow star on his neck,with the writting 'Starry the Rainbow Star'. "Starry asks people questions with a dance called dance from the stars."

Because questions are an integral part of crystal mythos, didn't you know?! I find it fitting that this idiocy is placed in this scene, because this substitution shit is nothing but a bad paintjob.

"Awww...that is adorable!",Frisk commented with a big,blush-y and joyful smile.

"Yeah...",Lapis and Chara awkwardly agreed together with Frisk's comment.

"Heheh,golly...thanks...",Asriel thanked and laughed awkwardly,scratching the fur over his head with a blush.

Why are everyone acting awkward? Did Asriel's drawing include a dick-pic? What?!

However,a frown appeared over his face after he finished his laughter. "...But Pearl unfortunately said I couldn't handle it."

You get scared of humming birds and bawls at the drop of a hat while having a self-depreciation fetish, no fucking shit you can't handle it!

Frisk was now finding Pearl's boss position something extremely equal to a rule of iron fist on a kingdom that didn't deserve a iron fist rule.

Let's just take a moment to appreciate the kingdoms that do deserve an iron fist rule to let this author's sentence make a lick of sense.

She decided to make a deal with her grauntie to make her friend,her cousin and her twin sister happy.

Do I actually have to rewind the tape for the author to when her commentary regarded it as unbelievable, that these people were even supposed to be considered employees?


Pearl waved a bye-bye for the tourists that visited the Crystal Shack,carrying on one arms a jar full of the people's dollar notes and began to enter inside the shack. For her surprise,who was there waiting for her with crossed arms and a childish anger expression was her younger great niece,Frisk.

Oh, but what happened to her needing an excuse by the author to act childish despite her late-pre-teen age and all that junk?

"...Uh?",Pearl said in confusion,wondering about what Frisk was angry about.

"Grauntie Pearl,you gotta stop having this bad attitude towards hopes and dreams.",

For your blind and ceaselessly context-less references, author; right back at you.

Frisk said to Pearl in a tranquil fury tone,following her great aunt to the office. "Or at least,give to Asriel a chance for him to shine! He is your great nephew as well! Or just nephew,I don't know..."

Yeah, just look how much you are family by not even knowing what you are in relation to each other. Is the author consciously diddling the subject with nothing but a non-committal gesture, just so she can keep sticking Asriel back into Sooz's employee role?

"I know,dear...but being a loving relative is very different from being a serious boss.",Pearl explained to Frisk,sitting down on her chair. "And being aserious boss,you can't let your workers abuse of your position."

"You wouldn't believe how many times I had to ward off sexual harassment from family members in this business."

"I personally find it wrong. At least you should give one 'business yes' to your workers everyday.",Frisk said,still crossing her arms and wearing a tranquil fury tone and expression.

I think that's the one you give to your employees when they ask if they may go home for the day at the end of their shift.

"Look,you are just a idealistic girl and I'm a business woman. Because of that,you can't wear this medal.",Pearl said,with traces of anger surfacing above her voice as she spoke holding her palms on the table.

"...Seems like you'll really need a vacation.",Frisk said,as her head 'said' to her it was apparently a good idea to challenge her great aunt.

How many times are you going to use pseudo-language to jerk off to Frisk being capable of thought, author?

"Oh,really?",Pearl said,slightly raising her tone (not in anger,but in some sort of cocky tone) and crossing her arms with a big,taunting smile. "Then,its accepted. For 72 hours,the period of three days,

Considering the author equates sundown with midnight, I actually needed that clarified, thanks.

you run the Shack while I go to vacation. If you win,I will change my way of manering my business. But if you lose,you won't be able to buy your favorite caramel for three straight weeks."

Oh no, how problematic, I guess she'll just have to get her sister to get them for her instead. Also, how does she win? How does she lose? The canon plot involved a wager of earnings, author, you hack.

"Alright...but I give to you the losing price.",Frisk said,pointing her pointer finger to the chest,in the place where the human heart was actually located. "If I win,you got to make my cover of 'Reunited' on my guitar when you come back."

Which is totally not just the author plugging one of her favorite song lyrics, which is pointless in a fanfic since it might as well have been a cover version made by Smash Mouth.

As a answer,Pearl gently patted Frisk's hair,and as a counter-answer,Frisk fixed a heart-shaped stamp written 'FAMILY LOVE' over the area where her heart really was located.

Either this is sappy and soft like soggy tissues, or a whole lot more condescending and passive aggressive than the canon ever was, author. Also, is her heart located somewhere else than where it's 'actually' supposed to be located, like your pretentiously convoluted sentence in the previous paragraph emphasized?


Soon,Pearl departed to have vacations on her car,carrying the stuff she loved the most on the back of the car

But making an effort to describe any of it would cause her to have a character with more depth than the paper mask she exists as, which the author uses to cover up Stan Pines' corpse.

and letting Frisk wear Pearl's silver-and-pink pearl-shaped medal on the chest. Just then,Chara discovered Frisk's deal with Pearl.

"Frisk,I think trying to change the ways of a conwoman's business won't work...",Chara awkwardly said to her little twin sister as she closed the door.

"Don't worry,you great idealistic twin sister will manage to do this.",Frisk replied to Chara's worried comment putting her right hand on the right hip and the other hand on a jar. However,the pulse was strong enough to make the jar drop and crack a tiny bit.

"...Eh,mistakes are made sometimes.",Chara shrugged off with a neutral face. "I guess Pearl will get money to fix a single jar."

You just put a broken jar on Pearl's tab because something out of your own ability influenced it to become broken, because - once again, like always, every fucking time - the author doesn't understand the jokes!!


Some minutes later...

Chara,a confused Lapis and a over-worried Asriel ran to get into Pearl's office,whose chair was turned towards the wall in a way no one of them could see in-front who was sitting over it.

"Ms. Crystal,you wanted to see us?",Asriel asked in a trembled voice,holding his own paw-like hands.

The chair turned around to face the three,and on it,was sitting Frisk,wearing a jumper that was supposed to look like a business outfit with a gray necktie,

It was supposed to, but instead it looked like something Temmie threw up.

and she was wearing no bowtie on the neck.

"Pearl is not here,Azzy. I am sorry...",Frisk explained to Asriel with a sort of sad frown that looked acted.

"What?! NOOO!!",Asriel screamed in denial,holding his head and crying a exaggerately big quantity of tears. "Who is going to take care of me now?!"

Your parents, you pathetic excuse for unintentional satire.

"C-calm down Asriel!",Frisk said,now genuinely feeling sorry of informing Asriel about Pearl's absence in the wrong way. "She didn't die! She is simploy on a three-days vacation..."

I'm guessing Frisk is not going to throw herself in a shame dungeon and die from a guilt trip, despite her self-persecution complex from prior chapters.

"Oh...sorry for being a crybaby accidentaly.",Asriel apologized with a ashamed face as he wiped his tears away with his own jumper.

You can force your puppet to try and say 'accidentally' all you want, author. Frisk was acting, intentionally giving off the wrong impression because you didn't know how to otherwise set the scene. Commit to your self-insert doing a bad or go fuck yourself.

"Nah,we are fine,Azzy.",Chara said with a accepting smile,playfully patting Asriel's back with some tiny bit of strenght.

Frisk smiled and pulled two things from below the table: a management auto-help book written in 1983,and a mug with coffe that readed 'The 2 Greatest'.

"Well,if you are the second greatest...who is the real greatest?",Chara asked with a confused face as she looked at the mug's words.

She has whatever an auto-help book is, but a noncommittal mug text is what has your attention?

"You all are the real greatests.",Frisk answered with a sweet smile,holding up a mirror that reflected Cahra,Lapis and Asriel's face. She recieved as a reply their joyful laughter. "Follow me,guys!",Frisk said,getting up from the chair and guiding her friends trough the room.

Frisk stopped next a blackboard with the big word 'M.E.R.C.Y'.


Below it was a list of the words that composed the anagram. 'Magical,Energetic,Relieved,Content,Youthful'.

Making Every Reference Cringey Year-round.

"With me leading the shack,some new things will happen here. For example,we will have mercy.",Frisk said,pointing to the blackboard with the anagram. "We will be magical,energetic,relieved,content,and youthful. *ahem* Temmie,can you bring me the stickers?"

Those stickers had better address how the author still thinks all these people are too young to hold a job.

Temmie came in,happily wiggling her tail and carrying on her mouth a pack full of stickers with a heart shape. Frisk took the pack of stickers,patted Temmie on the head and gave to her friend,her cousin and her twin sister a heart sticker.

"Now,the first I can make the working ambient more good for you,Lapis?",Frisk said,looking upward to face Lapis properly,since she was the tallest of the bunch after Pearl.

I had a joke prepped about an ocean view, but what would be the point? Even if any of these stolen characters had retained their canon selves in some way, the author hasn't even given an impression of which stage in their lives they were plucked from, to determine their wants, needs and interests. Is this for instance supposed to be the Lapis that hates the ocean and clingy ex-girlfriends?

"Hmmm...there is no teen friends at work,a beach-like atmosphere is missing...",Lapis began to explain,but in the middle of the explaining,she was interrupted by Frisk,who made a approving thumb up.

Any more dialogue out of her and she might accidentally create herself a personality.

"Sweet!",Lapis replied,forgetting to do the rest of the explanation.

"And Asriel...",Frisk began to say,walking towards Asriel and pulling out of the ground a rainbow star almost like the one Asriel had on his jumper,but with a hole that allowed a neck to fit in. "Now your dreams become true."

Well, it's a wonder Asriel didn't bother pull costumes out of thin fucking air too, maybe then we'd even know if it was the size of a necktie or a full body costume

"S-starry the Rainbow Star?!",Asriel said in surprise,as he carefully holded the rainbow star neck-outfit with his hands. "I hope I can modify it to make it a shooting star,because that can only mean a wish become true!"

Wishing wells have fewer wishes than this fanfic, in which it's supposed to be something to be cautious about.

"Now,for my big sister Chara...",Frisk began to say,as she began to bend the ninja outfit Chara was forced to use on the tour and throw it on the trashcan. "You'll run into the forest and find a great attraction for the Shack,okay?"

"Yes! Now Grauntie Pearl will see how a REAL mystery looks like.",

Do real mysteries look like crystals? Because I have a news flash for you about the name of this particular shack, fucktard!

Chara said in joy,picking up the mysterious book with the gemstones and the number '3' on the cover and putting it on her hoodie. After doing that,she ran to the table to pick a pocket knife and jumped into the window. "See you soon!",Chara said,jumping out of the window in a way that didn't look too humbling.

I know what you mean, I struggle with doing the same every day. Do you even know what humbling means, author?

"Alrght,its time to prove to Grauntie Pearl that putting alot of love in her work is something she should think off.",Frisk said,wearing a determined expression as she turned around to face Asriel and Lapis.

Excuse me, author, you reference-crazy crackpot, did you just have the Mercy-touting brat utter the word 'Love'?!

Asriel and Lapis nodded at Frisk's speech and bumped their fists together. Temmie also jumped in joy and wigged her tail repeatedly.

"Wait...",Lapis said,as she realized something that should be obvious to her in the first minutes. "You understand how cash and business work?"

That's something that should be obvious to Lapis? It wasn't obvious to anyone before the author made up that character trait.

"...I'll be learning!",Frisk shrugged with a big wavy smile of 'I don't get what you mean' and a tuneless voice as Temmie began to munch on a dollar note,much to Asriel and Lapis' discomfort and internal worry.

Temmie eating something that isn't Temmie Flakes? Sacrilege!


Frisk,incredibly,was kind of proven right on the point that nicer bosses could do the work better than the more cynical ones. Every tourist that approached the Crystal Shack dropped a dollar note into Frisk's jar and she waved gentle farewell's for each of them. Soon,in the middle of the crowd,Chara came back carrying something on a leather sack.

Aw shit, I forgot to predict a crossover character for this one to substitute the Gremloblin. I can't even go with the theme of evil eyes or that its name was the combination of two typical monsters, this author used Teletubbies instead of the gnomes, for crying out loud. Alright, dumb bet probably, but how about Goliath from Disney's Gargoyles?

"Greetings,Frisky. I got a monster that'll surely shake the touritsts.",Chara informed to Frisk with a large smirk as the thing on the sack tried to find its freedom. As a arm ripped the leather,Chara threatened said arm with the pocket knife,making it slowly shrink back into the leather sack.

Oh, I can't wait for when that ridiculous scenario is made even worse by what the author put in the sack. And why are we two thirds through the chapter when the canon hasn't hit the half-way mark?

"Good job,big sister.",Frisk said,thumbing up positively for Chara. But soon,her focus turned to Asriel,who was walking right behind Chara wearing the paper rainbow star on his neck. "Greetings,Starry!",Frisk greeted Asriel from behind.

"Golly...I feel a cold wind...the wind of shame...",Asriel said,as he tried to make his pawn-like hands cover his face.However,the paper rainbow star was making the job more difficult,since it was big enough to cover the rest of his body from a upside view.

What the fuck is he supposed to be feeling shame over, author? Did you forget to mention to us he took off his clothes to wear the cone of shame, which you somehow didn't find it appropriate to actually call it, and he's embarrassed that people can see his diaper?!

"Don't worry,use your flame of dreams to win the rain of shame,ok?",

Who here wants to tell the author which one of the two typically wins out in a faceoff?

Frisk said to Asriel,with a genuinely encouraging and kind tone. It was unfortunate she didn't get that Asriel was ashamed of wearing the outfit,not because he was wearing the outfit in public.

"Uhm...first,its wind of shame,and winds can extinguish fires...",Asriel began to explain to Frisk.

Why and how is that supposed to be any better, worse, different, or even make sense in the first place? The author is speaking gibberish to herself like an idiot and she can't even translate it properly.

"And second,can you at least give me a script?"

Oh, I'm sure she can pull out a script from her ass like she did your costume, especially after it was all your idea, too.

Frisk simply extended her hand in the signal of 'Please Wait A Moment' and entered inside the Crystal Shack to check on Lapis. However,what waited her wasn't exactly a pleasant surprise: Lapis' group of teenager friends (excluding Jasper) were inside the giftshop.

Oh! Are they Lapis' friends?! Isn't Chara supposed to be competing against these bozos from the intimidating thought that they'll prevent her from spending time with Lapis, author?!

"Oh...guess I'll clean it when you are done...r-right,my big big friend Lapis?",Frisk said,trying to not show a slow fury raising on her normally sweet heart.

Author, the only thing you mentioned was that Lapis' friends were here. I wish you'd stop staring at the episode while you write, because the only conclusive mess here is the now unintentionally implied orgy!

"Yeah. That definitively separates you from Pearl.",Lapis agreed with a smile,a wink and a thumb up,not managing to catch the microscopy fury over Frisk's voice...thankfully.

Thankfully, because the plot would have shifted away from the canon otherwise.

"Thanks...",Frisk said,slowly backing up towards a wall far enough for no one to see her panicked face. 'Don't worry,you can be a good master...',Frisk repeated this statement on her mind,believing it could somehow calm her spirit,despite the fact Asriel was being sprayed on the eyes with pepperment not too far of her hearing.

That happened to Asriel because of race crime, mind you. Or his new master Frisk has a very aggressive retainer. For the love of English, author, get a dictionary.


Chara leaded a couple of tourists trough the Crystal Shack, and eventually stopped on a cage that was covered by cloth and with something...a monster,trying to battle for its freedom.

"Like I said,I,Chara the Logical,

Well, what do you know, that title is just as fitting as your previous one, Charming.

have a more honest heart compared with my great aunt. And to proof it,I'll show to you one creature I managed to get into the woods myself.",Chara began her speech,slowly grabbing onto the cloth covering the cage.

"Here is the boar demon, Gaaanooon!",Chara finished, pulling out the cloth, and revealing Ganon, the monster trapped inside the cage.


You know what? I'm done being upset over this. It's the author's idiocy and incompetence that's the insulting part here. Her idiocy can't sully one of the better villains of my childhood by stuffing him into a single-episode monster-of-the-week setting. What she can do, however, is make her own fanfics universe even more unbelievable, by having a fully sentient armored and armed pig man bent on world domination bumbling around in Oregon's oceanic outback, and being caught and threatened by a preteen child with a pocket knife. Okay, I lied, I'm still a bit upset. Three points to the BTTP count, for implying Chara is better than Link ever was, should manage to quench that.

Ganon,like Chara stated,looked like a anthropomorfic boar,but with blue skin,armory,and glowing eyes of the dark blue color. At first, the couple thought Ganon was just a fake monster,

Mostly because the other monster on the premise is an uncaged, crying, Nubian goat boy that's pretending to be dressed like a flower.

but right in the moment Chara was about to protest to proof the veracity, Ganon pulled a blue trident from out of his back.

When the couple looked at it, they both saw the thing that scared them most on their life from the trident's reflection, like it was a mind-reading mirror.

And I'm sure there was a reason for not removing this inexcusable, idea-bankrupt piece of power-plagiary from the captive creature, that's intimidated by a preteen with a pocket knife.

The couple slowly backed away in fear and, possibly, went outside the Shack. At least, that was Chara thought, because she didn't follow them.

"Uh...I hope you had a good time?",Chara said with a unsure tone. She also wasn't aware of what Ganon made to scare off the touristic couple.

Brandishing a pole-arm that can go through bars hasn't even entered on your radar of thought, as you cover Chara's ass for endangering people, by not reading the same section about a captured creature that Dipper did, author?

Chara walked to the giftshop putting her hands on her hoodie's pockets, and in the floor, laid in the front of the cashier balcony,

Balcony? Hold up, this is not the first Gravity Falls related fanfic proclaiming that there is a balcony inside the Mystery Shack. Do all these fanfic authors not know what a shop counter is?

was her little twin sister Frisk, looking tired from a whole work day. Chara was also a thin bit tired, because of the work she had to trap Ganon, so she sitted besides her twin.

Well, going through all of Hyrule's dungeons in half an afternoon can really take a lot out of you.

"How your work is going? Some tourists ran away from the attraction I put here...",Chara shrugged off with a patient smirk.

"I gave a day off for Lapis out of kindness and...(yawn)",Frisk said,absolutely sounding more tired than Chara.

"Well,Frisk,I suggest you-",Chara was about to say to Frisk,but something interrupted her. A smell she sniffed off. "...Weird...that's boar smell..."

Unfortunately, it was from the boar Chara wasn't expecting. Ganon.

She needed the author to make her gifted enough to detect things by smell, but not have the brains to decipher that it wasn't Jasper's new deodorant, apparently. I bet she can detect cancer without a fault in people just before they die from it!!

Ganon broke himself free from his jail, and took out a wall from the giftshop to enter it.

Because never ever in a million years will the author besmirch her self-inserts and have them learn from failure by having them be the catalysts for the copied plot-thread, just like she'll not realize that they are all dumber for the fact that they let everything be beyond their control, by not securing everything in the first place!

All the tourists ran away from the Crystal Shack in panicked screams.

Chara and Frisk immediately began to try and hide, but the wood walls of the Crystal Shack weren't unstoppable to Ganon, who made holes on them with his trident for him to get trough. They couldn't count now with the cage, possibly destroyed, neither Asriel (who was innocently playing in the woods by Frisk's command) or Lapis' help. Finally,Chara decided to seek help with the mysterious book with the gemstones and the number '3'.

Say journal, or tome, or say that it's her book. Fuck it, you could say Chara opened 'a book' and everyone would be on the same page about what the hell she was doing, because you couldn't stop ripping off the canon even if you tried, author!

"*ahem*, One of the ways to defeat Ganon is stabbing him with wood...",Chara carefully readed, and Frisk followed the instructions. Unfortunately. "...but when you stab him with wood, run away immediately, as his wounds heal very easily. ...Don't tell to me Frisk didn't hear this part..."

Oh, sure, instructions on defeating Ganon includes something you can't defeat him with, because it's better to include dumbass instructions than let these brats suffer a single consequence for following them. Why are you like this, author? Why do you have to add a layer of fix-fic on top of your car crash pileup of a crossover?

Frisk didn't hear the second part of the paragraph, unfortunately. Ganon took advantage of the shock Frisk felt and grabbed her. Chara began to panic, but when she realized the reason the couple ran away was the trident, another wave of panic appeared.

She realized this by pulling the knowledge out of the ground just as fast as the author skipped straight to the final act.

"FRISK!! Avoid looking at his trident!!",Chara screamed the loudest she could, hoping Frisk could listen.

"If you look at it, it might make you back off slowly and maybe exit the shack!"

Frisk quietly followed Chara's suggestion the loudest she could and used her arms to cover her face and avoid direct eye contact with the trident. Chara quickly stole off the trident from Ganon; it was surprisingly heavy, and forced Chara to make a effort onto making Ganon look directly at the own trident.

A reflective, metal trident wielded by a giant boar demon with plot-convenient butter fingers is surprisingly heavy? Surely you jest about this single non-inconvenience for this impotent climax, your Mary Sue-ness.

And when Ganon looked at his own trident, he saw the thing that most scared him: Clover, and the day he was defeated by them.

And a defeat at Clover Jaundyce's hands is of course only slightly more threatening than a preteen with a pocket knife, but to be fair, they were probably still mummified in amber at the time!

Ganon screamed,and finally ran away (making another hole onto the Crystal Shack's giftshop and making a significant crack onto the totem pole).

And Ganon just ran way in fear, and the trident he left behind will likely never again make an appearance in this fanfic, nor will the demon with intelligence enough to have such a weapon return for it. Why do I care? Because the author should have, but obviously didn't, ever.

"...Well,besides the totem pole being slightly ruined,we can fix the walls,right?",Chara said and asked to Frisk. But Frisk didn't reply,she just stood curled on the ground for some seconds with a pitful face.

Frisk slowly got up,walked to the balcony and laid her head over it. She didn't want to run the Crystal Shack anymore,she finally saw and understood how her idealistic mind,who deep inside really wanted to give everything for free,wasn't fixeable for this position. And so,she started to sob.


This is what has been presented to us in this chapter: Frisk gave both Lapis and Asriel the day off and it was never implied that was a detriment. Lapis' friends came over as allowed and somehow that was a problem. The creature Chara captured were never secure in the first place. Never once was it ever mentioned that things were being given away for free like this supposed idealism bullshit the author pretends it's all about now. The crux of Frisk's issues never happened and it was never the point to begin with. Even if this was the point, even if the reasons for her tears were valid, the sample size shaking her to the core right now couldn't reach the same voices or harmony in a barbershop quartet! Fuck you, author. You entered the final act and had nothing to put into it, besides making your spineless version of Frisk fold, because she can't take charge like Mabel did, as that would mean she had to shatter your idyllic caricature's fragile world with a negative attitude towards someone else than herself. Even when you try to make the case that idealism has flaws, the intent of your writing can't face that fact.

Right in the middle of Frisk's sobbing,Lapis and Asriel came back to the Shack,each one carrying a cheerful smile...that was quickly destroyed,when both realized Frisk was sad.

They then turned around and left to avoid Captain Buzzkill.

"Hey,Summer Fun Buddy,what's wrong?",Lapis asked in a worried voice to her friend. Frisk didn't raise her head yet.

"Rosey? ...Uh,are you sad about the holes on the wall?",Asriel asked as well,noticing the many holes covering the walls of the giftshop.

"...I DON'T WANNA RUN THIS ANYMORE!",Frisk loudly yelled in a mix of anger and sadness,hastily pulling off the jumper simulating a business outfit,throwing on the ground,and running upstairs in tears.

Perfect. Not only are you a whiny baby who can't handle the slightest possibility of being wrong, you are also a pathetic quitter squeezing out the same amount of tears that Steven Universe characters only do for the sake of comedy.

A immensely awkward silence ruled over the wrecked giftshop. Both of the three felt immense pity over Frisk realizing her idealism wasn't perfect to put on work. Eventually,the trio decided to do the only thing that could be done: get cash the fastest enough to at least try to fix a bit the Shack.

So, to avoid Frisk bossing others around, we have an boss-less and undirected support-group fixing her shit for her, through the hand-waved use of dubious earnings. Why are you writing the direct opposite of the canon while trying to pass it off as the same, author?


7 hours later...

Pearl opened the door and entered inside the Crystal Shack. Surprisingly, she looked down. The presenc eof the original boss of the Crystal Shack was a pleasant surprise for the inner senses of Chara,Asriel and Lapis.

But for their outer senses, it was not surprising at all.

"...Uh...someone is missing.",Pearl pointed out,clearly seeing the absence of Frisk,still mourning upstairs her incompetence.

"This someone is upstairs...sad.",Chara confessed,pointing to the stairs with a face that mixed the feelings of awkwardness and pity at the same time.

Pearl could get what Chara said with some though: Frisk failed on using her idealistic mindset on the role of the boss of the Crystal Shack. Pearl's inner self was actually thinking and believing it would eventually happen in the meantime she was busy.

Gee, it's almost like she made a bet about this, being sure that Frisk couldn't handle it, but no let's just go into comfort mode, because the person who was wrong turned on the water works.

So,to answer Chara's awkward-pity face,she just nodded her head and went upstairs,to the room the twins were sharing for the summer.

Frisk was laying on her own bed and still sobbing. Pearl just picked Frisk up on the lap and patted her head,in a way a mother would do. Frisk's sobbing slowed down and finally stopped, as Frisk looked up at her great aunt with a sweet smile. Both climbed down the stairs,and just their smiles lifted a bit of the spirit of Chara,Lapis and Asriel.

You splurge words like inner self, spirit, and soul, feigning to know what the words 'emotions' mean, and you can't even linger at this moment, almost like you didn't even plan to wind up at this part. What was the point of this chapter, author?! A clueless plot without a point and a pat on the back?!

"Well,all that matter is that I'm back and I'll put everything in order.",Pearl said for Chara and Frisk,pulling both of the for a hug that was answered by a double hug for both of them. "Now,if you both excuse me...",Pearl slowly said,gently pulling Chara and Frisk out of the hug and strictly ordering Lapis and Asriel to get back to work. But now,the twins understood that strictness was necessary on Pearl's work.

Which they had realized by all the nothing that happened to demonstrate that.

"Wait...I'll go get something.",Chara remembered with a playful smile,as she ran upstairs and came back carrying a acoustic guitar. "Go on,lil' sis!"

"W-what?!",Pearl said in surprise,as she realized what kind of music Frisk was about to play on the acoustic guitar.

Oh right, the cover of a song called Reunited that the author threatened Pearl had to sing if she lost the bet. But I guess the author is content enough to simply let her self-insert sing it instead despite that never having been a condition of the bet, oh I wonder why.

🎵Reunited,wi-ith my dear family...

Reunited,with my very best friends!

Reunited,wi-ith my dear family...

Reunited under the night stars...

Is this song supposed to have meaning to this story or chapter in general? No one is being reunited, her friends aren't here, and it's not night. More so, this isn't a cover. This song doesn't exist. The closest is Reunited by Peaches & Herb, and that doesn't have more than two 'Reunited' per chorus.

If a shooting star,come from the sky,

I want my family,to make a wish!

Okay, do you intentionally mention the word, and think that just because you have them say 'wish' all the time somehow ties into your misnomer of a tagline, author? I don't have a counter, but I sure am going to, by the end of this fanfic.

I want a shooting star,to come down here,

Maybe a friend will co-ome for me...🎵

I thought you were already reunited with your friends, what's the point?

Everyone in the giftshop laughed in joy about the little music Frisk loved to sing...except Pearl,who personally hated songs with microscopic lenghts and sneaked back to her office.

And we are smacked with a flip-flopping moment of idiocy as the author now tells us that Pearl - Pearl, a Steven Universe character, Pearl, Pearl!! Pearl!!! - doesn't like something about short songs, merely from the author retaining yet another misunderstanding about Stan Pines.

For once I feel like my predictions from last chapter were spot on, if only because of the author's inability to establish and follow through on any actual plot. I've now reached a boiling point again, where my anger at this catastrophe is influencing the pacing of my jokes more than I want it to. I'll take a minor break from this mock by starting a new one based on the result of my latest poll. Until then, though, I'll leave predictions for the next chapter.

Next chapter is titled Stories Under Earth, being the ripoff of the short-story compilation episode Bottomles Pit!, so I'm just gonna guess what the plot of the short stories are going to be. Asriel will tell a story about going inside a video game instead of a pinball machine, Chara will tell a story about getting muscles from a potion made by Gaster, and Frisk will tell a story about Pearl being forced to tell lies.

YAT: 56
BTTP: 136

I will be taking a break from this mock for a bit. The constant canon-ripoff and pointless meandering of everything in general that the author thinks was invested into this story has become a chore yet again. Through a poll on my site, I have been nudged in the direction to take on a Pokémon fanfic in the meanwhile, and I've already picked my target.

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Tue Jul 16, 2019 1:04 pm

If you thought it was grating enough to have this author write about this plot she's made which she totally stole and gave a makeover, be prepared for the author writing about how she tells you about this plot she's made which she totally stole and gave a makeover. Here's Chapter 14, Stories Under Earth.

'Bottomless Hole'.

I know what I'm reading, thanks.

A sign just said that besides a hole that looked like a normal,yet extremely deep hole,deep enough for it to look like a literal black hole.

Yet it looked normal and was shaped like Wile E. Coyote, but looked normal.

Besides the forest,there wasn't nothing exactly separating it from a regular deep hole. At least... at first sight.

"In this land of ours, there are many great pits. But none more bottomless than the bottomless pit. Which as you can see here is bottomless." Was that line a joke to you, since you didn't get it, author?

The Crystal Cart approached the Bottomless Hole's area,carrying Asriel,Chara and Frisk,and being driven by Pearl. The cart stopped,and everyone hopped off from it.

Pearl,of course,began to move wih elegancy,which she almost always did presenting something to her great-nieces and (great?-)employee-nephew.

If you can't figure out your own made-up shit alongside these characters, author, what the fuck am I supposed to do about it?

"This is the hole that has the deepest bottom of all of Inside Falls...the 'Bottomless Hole!'",Pearl presented,turning the sign that spoke the area's name towards the others. "Its precisely what says on this sign."

It has the deepest of what it doesn't have. Well, what do you know, it still fits as a metaphor for this fanfic.

"A hole with no bottom...cooooooll...",Asriel said in a impressed-child tone,looking down trough the very deep hole with starry eyes.

"Ugh,and I forgot the reason we came here in the first place...",Chara said,scratching the back of her ear and honestly trying to make a effort to remember the reason. Maybe her inner self just didn't exactly care about the reason,and that was why she forgot.

Maybe your inner self should get a clue about plot inference and just about everything having to do with writing likable character traits in general, author.

"Its to send away the things with no useful prupose.

Ah, no wonder no one told Chara why they came here.

For example: Farewell,Crystal Shack's touristic cards!",Pearl said,as she pulled out of her right sleeve a bunch of silver cards and threw them,as they felt like feathers towards the Bottomless Hole.

Author, even if assuming you meant flyers and not local area tourism discount measures, those are still objects of advertisement! Stan was throwing out customer suggestion cards because he's an ass. Pearl is hurting her own business because you are an idiot.

"Oh.",Frisk nodded with a smile,as she pulled out of her pockets some 'friendship' letters and gifts from Peridot and thew them down the hole. "Bye-bye, senseless-friendship gifts from Peridot.",Frisk bided farewell for the bizzare gifts,as they felt onto the deep,deep darkness of the Bottomless Hole.

Because of course Peridot is still trying to become Frisk's friend, despite the author making her swear bloody vengeance on her family and her included for the rejection.

Following along,Asriel threw some sandals he recieved as gifts one year ago (which confused Pearl,Chara and Frisk very much,since they never understood Asriel's civilized goat race was a race with no will to use shoes)

Author, watching you both simultaneously make Asriel a cowardly idiot and justifying his every pathetic action simply to repeat what Soos did, is like watching someone suck their own thumb for nourishment.

and outdated soda,Frisk threw a box full of bugs she weirdly decided to keep and just regretted some hours after recieving it,and Pearl kept throwing more cards.

Chara was the only one who didn't throw off anything that wasn't useful to her anymore.

Well, she evidently has thrown her golden heart away long ago.

She was firmly skeptical of the possibility of a 'Bottomless Hole' being real,and would only accept its veracity if it was some sort of wormhole...and that sounded extremely disgusting,mostly because of the name.

Then call it an Einstein-Rosen bridge, you little insipid simpleton. See, when Dipper by the end of the episode proposes the pit to be a wormhole, I'm actually convinced that he knows what that even is, unlike how you are here announcing your author foresight that convinces me, that the only thing you and the author knows about the term, is that the word sounds icky to you.

"Chara,are you sure you don't have anything to throw off? Be careful,you might regret...",Frisk asked and slightly warned to Chara,noticing the skeptical and slightly cynical face of her older twin sister.

"...Nah.",Chara simply replied to the question of her twin sister,not wanting to face the strictness and the insistence of her great-aunt Pearl trying to proof the veracity of the Bottomless Hole.

"Uh,girls? The wind is strongly howling!",Asriel warned to his cousins in a worried voice,as he felt a pretty decent wind make his ears float forward and looked at the sky,whose color was becoming a un-welcoming shade of gray,typical of a rain. A heavy rain.

What's with the emphasis? Are you making a reference or something? I'm asking because I don't believe it but can't put it past you.

"Lets go back!",Chara said in a leader-ly way for the rest,pointing towards the Crystal Shack. Unfortunately,after a few steps,she realized Grauntie Pearl wasn't following; she was busy taking care of the cards by throwing them off into the Bottomless Hole,either unaware of the incoming rain or simply not caring for it.

The three youngsters had to appeal for strenght: Frisk holded thightly into Pearl's leg to pull her backward,Chara holded thightly into Frisk's chest to help her and Asriel holded thightly Chara's chest to help her.

On a totally unrelated note, author, does your hypothetically abducted human source of English lessons by any chance have a lisp?

Unfortunately,for the three's bad luck,the wind began to blow stronger,and agains't them,making the youngsters lose their strenght.

Let's see, why couldn't three obvious author-favored characters, one of which boast berserker strength when needed, together drag away a matchstick shaped, elderly woman? Oh, I know, the wind!!

The wind,finally,began to push the group in a force strong enough to make them fall forward. Into the direction of the Bottomless Hole's entrance. Pearl,Frisk,Chara and Asriel felt on the Bottomless Hole,as the swan that ocassionaly appeared nearby the Crystal Shack watched them innocently.


As the group felt down on the Bottomless Hole,a sucession of screams happened. First,Frisk screamed. Then,Chara screamed. Followed by that,Pearl screamed. Finally,Asriel screamed,and hilariously,he sounded just like a goat.

How surprising, how original, how funny, almost like the joke is that a normal person wouldn't sound like that, and that they would have to at least be a goat-like creature or something instead. Wait…

Finally,the screaming stopped after Asriel's weird scream, and a mildly awkward silence ruled over the area.

The inside of the Bottomless Hole was a pure black void where only source of light where the things wandering over it,like it was some sort of vision of the beginning of time and space.

Half of your fanfic already has this be the implied setting for all its scenery, author.

However,in the distance,if payed attention,a distant noise of a hollow wind was hearable.

That's the sound of them constantly falling through air, author, how are you this dense?

This special detail made the inside of the Bottomless Hole look less like the beginning of time and space and more like the Bottomless Hole was the entrance to a world destroyed by a powerful monster.

Oh. Just like a genocide ending of Undertale. It's supposed to be a crossover reference. Do you get it? Do you get it? Do you? But do you? Do you GET it? DO you get it? Do you get IT? DO? YOU! GET?! IT?! Well, I didn't.

"That was a weird screaming well.",Asriel commented with a pretty normal and calm face,like he and the others weren't panicking about death possibility seconds ago. He,and everyone else,briefly looked around the hole,but no one was there except them.

Because they had of course expected half the forgotten townspeople to be down here in storage.

"Okay...what do we do to get out of here?",Chara asked in a serious and fearful tone,as she looked upward,clearly feeling and seeing the sunlight going far,far away from the reach and sight of everyone.

I don't know, Miss Wormhole, I thought you'd have figured that one out already.

She was stressing out just by thinking how she and the others could find a way out,since by each micro-second,everyone was lowering to the bottom...or possibly,to the endless bottom.


"I have no idea...guess we'll have to wait for rescue.",Frisk suggested with a hopeful smile,but even herself doubted someone would rescue the group from a hole that apparently had no bottom.

Yes, indeed, fair point, who would want to rescue any of you?

As she spoke,she realized something: since her eyes were far from the grasp of sunlight,she didn't have to squint them anymore and could freely open them.

Yes! Of course!! That explains everything! The reason for Frisk's closed-eyed facial features is that she has been squinting in the sunlight all this time! Hey, quick FYI for you, author, guess what they're isn't much of in the underground in Undertale, so much so that it's a focal point of the final scene before the end credits? Fucking sunlight!!!

Nothing was spoken between the group for a good,awkward while,at least until some seconds of Pearl thinking on something made her reach to a conclusion...

"We're screwed."

"Oh!",Pearl suddenly shouted in joy,as she pulled a flashlight from her pant's pocket and gave it to Chara,carefully,because a tiny mistake would make any object fly trough the dark and empty void and make it lost (perhaps forever). "Do you have any kind of story to tell to us,cutie-pie?"

It had better be an original short story, because the author has apparently already reached a third of the word count for this chapter, for some reason.

Chara took a very deep breath,being a kind of person that hated affectionate nicknames on situations that for her looked dangerous,but she calmed down and just made a chill smile. "Well,I got a story here for you all.",Chara said with a chill tone,as she pointed the flashlight to her face and her story began.




I don't know what I was expecting. No, wait, this is exactly what I was expecting.

So,as all of you voice is very weird. And I'm not explaining what you already know merely because the author hasn't addressed it in the slightest up until now. I'm recently having a more '80% genderless and 20% femenine voice',but I'm going trough the hellish phase,that sometimes I call out straight as a curse,called puberty. And if I'm unlucky enough,unexpectedly I can sound all-out like a boy because the femeninity on my voice poofs.

Again, author, even when addressing agender topics, you seem oblivious to the fact that something can sound, look, act, and be non-binary. 100% genderless does not mean male, dumbass!

One day,you guys were playing "Picky Cat" with Temmie and,because of the answer Grauntie Pearl made for the question,I invented a excuse to get out of this very uncomfortable situation in the game. Unfortunately,the curse of puberty striked back and I began to sound like a boy,my femeninity poofing away to oblivion. I understand you guys were just teasing me in the hour guys didn't have to go too far using that remixing of my voice for a music. The lyrics will always be trapped in my will get why later.

Your choice of narration sucks, author. Yes, this is how the shorts would be presented between the characters, but for one they would be in better detail, and second, now it's a second-hand retelling of a shitty AU reinterpretation that only ever happened on the inside of your hollow skull. And to top it off, you are having it be told in such lackluster shorthand, that the people it is told to have to have been there to understand it, as if it was true. The point of the episode is that only one of those small stories were in fact real while still allowing Stan deniability about the supernatural.

As I walked down the main street of Inside Falls,I meeted up with Gaster Wingdings. Or,to be more precise,that skeleton scientist of black-and-white clothing that almost killed up me,Frisk and Asriel with a robotic replica of a yellow chinese dragon monster.

Good times.

...Yeah. That guy. But besides that nasty fact,I don't find him annoying and don't hate him in a full way,he is a pretty cool talker,abeit with a...very abysmal mind.


The proof is that he gave to me a potion that would make me sound like a real woman. And in fact,I did...buuut I sounded like 20-years beyond my age.

Oh no, that means you sound like a woman. Is this bitch for real? Dipper's problem was that he got stuck with a television announcer-like voice, something that's iconic as out of the ordinary. Chara's problem is that she got what she asked for.

Frisk though I was a shapeshifting monster taking my form,and Asriel almost summoned a mob,thinking I was a witch.

And now you are simply referencing the future and reusing an unused joke from a previous episode, author, you lazy ass.

I was chased around by the guys of the bad-guys club and I returned to Gaster to find a cure. When I replayed the song,and readed some lyrics I didn't hear before on the first time...I realized something. I realized that my voice...altrough sounded different from most of the girls,wasn't all-bad.

Let's not say that she realized that her voice was part of her and it was unique as such, and that her family and friends may even appreciate her having it. Nah, let's just say she realized it could be worse and call it a day.

So,I recovered my original voice and poured some of the voice-changing potion of Pearl's tea. was oddly fun seeing her talking like a young man.


Chara displayed a toothy smile after finishing the story,while Pearl just crossed out her arms with a annoyed face looking at Chara. Frisk and Asriel just clapped softly for Pearl to not listen to them.

What riveting story telling. Did you even think this was acceptable in the first place, author? There was none of the jokes, none of the characters, nothing but just a person retelling the episode to us. But, you know, even worse than you are doing already.

"Oh!...Can I tell to you girls a story? Pretty please?",Asriel asked and pleaded with a swiftly cheerful face,trying to grasp the flashlight.

Only if you promise not to cry in the middle of it.

However,Chara almost lost grip on the flashlight and Frisk had to get it or else it would float in the black void and unavoidably go far and far away from the group.

"Phew...a void surely gives work...",Frisk breathed in,realizing in that moment that living in a universe with absolutely no gravity didn't sound exactly nice.

Kindly stuff your limited imagination into a story I could give a damn about, and maybe then I'll bother considering it.

"Well,here we gooo!",Asriel excitedly announced throwing just his free paw on the air.



🌠 The Great Adventure of ASRIEL in the Medieval-styled Pinball!

...I guess. I hope its a nice title.🌠

You are doing a better job than the author, so that's at least something.

Like the title is explaining for you all (I hope!),I was playing a pinball machine themed to the medieval times of Europe,owned by Pearl,with my best cousin-friends cheering for me. I was certain I could win and stamp my name on the story of that machine!

Author, I can't tell if you are obtusely avoiding certain words to pretend your story isn't a faulty copy, or you are really so braindead on fandom fumes that I haven't even heard of, so as to call something so simple as a high score for a story.

Unfortunately,the pinball machine was being unfair with me...and Chara had to rescue me trough her cynical way (cheating).

No, Chara, don't. Your golden heart can't take it.

Eventually,the main figure of the machine (a bulky and strong knight in dark-purple armory) zapped us inside the game. It felt awesome! I and Chara were knights and Frisk was a princess in blue,and we acted in the course of the machine! ...Buuut sooon Chara go out the real reason we three were inside was because the knight though I cheated,while Chara was the responsible one.

The machine doesn't care about collateral and even for this bullshit story, it wasn't Chara profiting by putting her initials on the high score, you wimpy snitch.

Oh! And a sacrifice had to be done at the cost of my best cousin-friends!

Oh, don't I fucking wish.

...the high-score. I had to turn off the machine to save them and reset off all the score. From now on I'll try to value off my family over my scores!

In what language does that phrasing not imply you did the opposite of what you should have, in order to learn a lesson about it?

I hope you learned something today from my mini-tale!


"*sigh* Those fantasies you three evens give me a headache! Really,I can't understand how everything in the Shack is magical or weird at best!",Pearl said,holding her forehead in a way that really made her look like she was having a heavy headache.

I appreciate that you seemingly are aware that Pearl should be denying the supernatural, author, you are just very bad at communicating any of it.

"Do you mean you have a better story?",Asriel asked,raising a curiosity eyebrow as he carefully extended the hand with the flashlight for Pearl in a way to make it not fall on the void of the Bottomless Hole.

"Of course I do! Elders always have...right?",Pearl answered,first in a confident tone,and then,on a doubtful and awkward voice,that made everyone in the...'area',stay silent for a good while.

The author is pausing for the audience laughter in her head, because she thinks, that making every statement one that end in self-doubt, is funny.

At least,until the moment Pearl cleaned her throat and began to tell her story.



💎 Pearl earns respect from her fellow ballerinas. 💎

She's going to build a robot and punch them in the face.

It felt like a dream becoming true...finally someone giving me a deserved attention! The teacher,my classmates,all gasping with surprise as I managed to do a flawless jump in the air. And after the shock,the claps...I felt like a star!

They proudly lifted me up on the air,like I was a trophy made of real pearls (I mean no 'pun' here!),

But the author sure does, you sock puppet.

everyone began to ask to me who I was,pleading to be my friend...finally,I was popular! I was just a loser on the class,just someone that was on the darkest and coldest corner of the school on the break periods,but not anymore!

For a story that's supposed to be a blatant depiction of overt self-insert wish-fulfilment with unwarranted accomplishments of unrealistic proportions, it's actually coming across as the end of a wholesome, coming-of-age underdog story.

But when I meeted my soulmate...everything grew even better than it could be! It was like I was entering on a mine of real gold and crystals-Oh!... Shoot. It is a more personal part of my life I should hide away from you kids because you don't understand perfectly how young adult relationship works out. So,the story ends here.


No no, it was starting to get good. Was the cave a metaphor, by any chance?


Asriel,Chara and Frisk were just...plain confused. It was obvious by the way Pearl moved and made some ballet moves that she was supposedly a ballerina on her past,but this sorry...ugh,for their minds,was just plain bizzare. It was likely (and possible) that Pearl picked a real happening from her ballet school and exaggerated it.

Backstory implied with the drop but hardly the same impact of an anvil. Anyway, I'm going to assume that was an attempt at AU lore, meaning that Garnet, who wrote the journals, is Pearl's lost, significant other.

"...What? You didn't like my story?",Pearl said in confusion,and some form of sadness as well. She was feeling extremely uncreative,which she was actually least,trying to create stories wasn't her forte.

Do you want me to compare the two of you with words, author, or will a trophy made from pure irony be enough?

"I loved it.",Frisk just answered in a slow voice with a trembly smile,scratching the back of her hair with a very shy smile.

"Oh,thank you!",Pearl said,giving the flashlight to Frisk and clapping her hands together with a cheerful smile. "By the were the only one who didn't tell any kind of story. Do you have any story to tell?"

"And the trick to storytelling is to know your audience, so fill it with as much ballet as humanly possible."

"Oh,of course my very dear Grauntie.",Frisk answered with a more stable and calmer voice and smile,pointing the flashlight to her own face. "I'll tell to everyone on this beautiful black void the origin of one of my possesions."

The fabled tale of the reusable Bandaid



💖 BUG 'N BEAR Craziness 💖

A title failing to even hint at the truth-compelling plot within it, what a surprise.

Once day ago,Pearl had a plan for a new attraction for the tourist trap Crystal Shack. It was a wild bear. Personally,I would dislike it's lack of freedom very much if it ever became a real attraction. ...Fortunately,it didn't,because soon him and Knux were brawling out.

Which is of course fortunate and not a cause for alarm as the man is getting mauled, you PETA supporter.

Unfortunately,Pearl had the idea to teach the wild bear how to drive off a car. And she caught the attention of Deputy Geremy and Sheriff Raynold (those two cops that me and my big twin sister sometimes stumble with and once tried to get us for seeking information about the lost United States president).

Honey, your family members knows who these people are. They live here. They've met!

Pearl invented a excuse for allowing a wild bear to drive and the excuse is that she was frail for this job. ...Well,she isn't near the age of becoming frail,but anyway,I was obviously saddened out. I know I'm being a big hypocrite,but at least,one time,I was being a big hypocrite for the greater good that was Grauntie Pearl surpassing her fear of heights.

Let's see how many times the author gets around not using the word 'lie' just because writing a story that is coherent wouldn't be something she does.

She wasn't being a hypocrite for the greater good (demonstrating another example,when I tried to talk down with her,she lied to Chara that Asriel was eating her chocolate,while Pearl was the one really eating chocolate),and it was very unfortunate.

I swear, if the original plot wasn't that Mabel found lying to not be nice, this would be BTTP Bingo.

Temmie decided to help me,like the good companion she is (a trait she share with the dogs),and suggested me to find a solution on the book Chara always carried since the day our bizzare adventures began. Its that book with a number three,the red gem and blue gem. The mysterious author told about a pair of bracelets craved in emerald that would make the wearer incapable of spelling a single lie from the moment the bracelets would be inputed.


There are two ways this can go. Brilliant, or horrendously bad. Pearl just got a statement to her face placing one of the books she will have sought for decades with her great niece, six episodes ahead of time. The refuge that this form of narrative isn't providing, is that in the canon, it is ambiguous as to the amount of detail was provided to those listening, instead of the viewers seeing it. Unless this is somehow a significantly large deviation from the author's stolen plotline, which I bet it's not, the author just created a bottomless plot hole.

I decided to test this out,and it worked. It worked...too well. Our Grauntie began to act too honest for our taste,telling very bizzare and creepy things and making my fur lift up in fear.

Author, are you just picking Google Translate results from a roulette wheel?

Even Chara,who is braver than me,was scared by a too-honest Grauntie Pearl (And I learned that learning the sickiest secrets from your caretakers is worse than fighting creepy stuff almost dialy).

The kids are traumatized and anyone reading this have to make up their own shitty reason, because the author is exploiting this narration method as a loop hole for now putting even less effort into her crossover AU.

Finally,I and my twin sister had enough.

My twin sister and I. Manners, author.

We 'saved' Pearl from a possible prision from the Deputy and the Sheriff by using a lie that she was actually a talented writter creating a fictional story about herself. Here I am,lying again and being a big hypocrite for the greater good.

Your insufferably persistent, self-persecution just turned every mention of hypocrisy into a count against you, you brown-nosing moralist.

I sealed the bracelets alongside a box containing lots of bugs (Ugh...I don't even know why I accepted this gift in the first place...maybe it was to be friendly...heh...) and threw it on the Bottomless Hole,for no more scary truths to be revealed.


"...Wait...the box is above Grauntie's head!",Frisk said in surprise,pointing right at Pearl's age-affected hair.

She's gone bald?!

The box where she sealed the truth-bracelets and where the bugs resided was floating above some inches of Pearl's head.

Pearl,Frisk and Asriel just slightly cringed out in the moment a cockroach managed to crawl out its way from the box and...simply floated.

This has been the payoff to the box of bugs and supposedly the title of the last story, too. People cringing. As if that wasn't already the case.

The sandals Asriel threw away came back,landing on his long nose,much for his surprise.

"I have to confess a bear really wouldn't be a good idea.",Pearl said to Frisk with a slightly more neutral face,agreeing with at least one point from her younger great-niece's time-eating story.

Is anyone going to acknowledge that it was the last story that even partially was true, and that the bear thing actually happened?

"God...this sunlight is blinding...",Chara said,slightly squinting her eyes. "Wait...that means we are somehow coming upwards by ourselves?"

"Ouch,I'll have to squint my eyes...",Frisk sadly realized,as she began to squint them the fastest she could to not avoid any irritation.

Oh, get yourself a pair of sunglasses, you pasty dumbass.

She also snatched a quick 'WHAT?' of extreme confusion from both Asriel and Pearl,but before she could clarify anyone about what she meant,

Bright light, she'll have to squint, what could it mean?! Are you serious, author?

everyone began to scream as the sunlight began to transform into something blinding and the group approached more and more.


Chara,Asriel,Frisk and Pearl were pratically vomited out of the Bottomless Hole,

Hell didn't want them, and frankly I don't blame them.

but at least,it was nice to breath a more freshier air again and the storm from before wasn't happening anymore.

"What happened,are we in heaven?",Pearl said,sounding extremely dizzy and confused as she holded her forehead and tried to make a effort onto getting up.

Religious, human Pearl? I can work with that.

"...No. We actually are back to summer-trap-sweet-summer-trap.",Frisk answered to Pearl with a relief smile,as she looked upwards to face the now-welcoming Crystal Shack and its uncomplete logo.

Tourist trap, author. Why do you go out of your way to write the wrong thing all the time?

"Probably,time doesn't exist inside,I can confirm its a real wormhole.",Chara said in a serious voice holding her chin with the thumber and the pointer finger of the left hand.

And you ruled out time-dilating pocket dimensions exactly how, smartass?

"Woah,scientific!...just like the fact Frisk manages to open her eyes for a longer time inside the Bottomless Hole.",Asriel replied to Chara's confirmation of the veracity of the Bottomless Hole.

Do you want another non-sequitur, or did it hurt when you were dropped on your head as a child, author?

"...*ahem*,Frisk has photophobia.",Chara clarified for Asriel in a close whisper,since Frisk didn't exactly enjoy to talk in public about the problem her eyes had. Asriel just replied with a silent thumb and a head nodding.

Yeah, thanks for sharing some fan theory you found browsing random forums or whatever, author. How about having these twins reveal it to someone who aren't family members who have been sharing space with them every day this summer and have known about their existence since they were born?

"Well guys,lets just keep everything that happened to ourselves...okay?",Frisk said to the whole group. Everyone agreed with a nod and a 'Uh-huh' sound,and Pearl rested her shoulder on the sign of the Bottomless Hole.

Not that any of you concluded that no one would believe you in the first place, because the author is too busy not telling herself why she's copying in the dialogue, all the fucking time.

Unfortunately,since it was a relatively frail wooden sign,Pearl felt with her butt on the ground and falled backwards on the Bottomless Hole again. Whoopsy daisy. Now the three youngsters would need to wait a good while again to see the Crystal Shack boss' again.

Author, according to the very words you punched into this shit, she should return in a matter of seconds, you mouth breather!

It's not getting better. Neither are my predictions. The author went bankrupt on ideas and didn't even change two of them, despite me merely needing to shoot from the hip to get valid alterations. Then again, with this chapter's comparably wilting length, maybe the author was using it to recharge for the next one. Speaking of which, Puppy Love of the Stars is next. A chapter that should be ripping off The Deep End where Mabel romances a Merman. Since Undyne would be too good to be true, I'm guessing Frisk will have the hots for a bird-person, while Chara hounds Lapis by taking on a temp job at a café. And Peridot will be there to annoy Pearl by stealing her coffee reservations.

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Inside Falls

Post by Shermangak » Sun Aug 04, 2019 4:26 am

Thats an interesting pic. Thanks for posting
I post it again as an attachement to the message as the Photobucket link will disappear sooner or later.
Generally I request everyone to post pictures as attachements not as external links.

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:28 am

Alright, I can take a hint when I've neglected updating this so long that spam bots attack.

So, how many more franchises are going to be dragged through the dirt by this author for the attempt to benefit her fanfic? It's like watching a child steal Lego bricks from other kids' playsets, because she deliberately threw ninety percent of her own out to begin with. And now she's just taken a pink one, and she's chewing on it, too. Here's Chapter 15, Puppy Love of the Stars.

"10 degrees,that is the temperature of today. Perhaps the coldest day of the summer! Ironic,isn't it?",Kaito's voice said on the radio of the Crystal Shack.

Coincidence is not irony, author, you nitwit.

In fact,this morning was giving the opening for the coldest day of the whole summer. It would be a warm day because of the sun,but a strong and persistent pack of sea breeze was draining away the temperature of the town to the point of being relatively easy going outside and getting a cold.

From ten degrees? Hah, you Americans (as depicted by a Brazilian) are like babies. Oh, wait, did you mean Fahrenheit? Whatever, I'm Scandinavian, I stand by what I said.

The inside of the Crystal Shack wasn't safe of the cold sea breeze either. Frisk was forced to wear the thickiest jumper she ever did and a scarf (both were oddly themed after space),Chara was forced to keep her hoodie zipped instead of open (unlike most of the summer month),Asriel was also using a thicker version of his original jumper,and Pearl was forced to use clothes thickier than her normal asset for home-walking.

And the fact that everyone living here freezes to death during the winter is just a bonus to the nonsense, because the author probably thinks that like inside the walls of her own home, insulation does not exist.

Even Temmie,who besides having a jumper,had a dog-like fur,wasn't managing to support the cold sea breeze,and some microscopic ice blocks were appearing over Clay Pearl's form.

Asriel had shaved his entire body, since his fur wasn't mentioned.

"Brrrrrr...",Chara,Asriel,Frisk and Pearl said together,their breaths being the only thing that warmed up their respective faces.

"...Ugh. At least we both get warm.",Pearl commented with a bored face,as Temmie laid down over her chest.

Because lying down on the raw floor while not doing anything but covering yourself with a small animal is certainly going to get you warm that much quicker, just because the author thinks that flipping a wall thermometer doesn't disturb the context of her MS-Paint screencap edits.

"At least,on the very nice side...the Inside Falls Space Park opening season is NOW!",Kaito announced,in a much more brighter note than what he used to announce the previous piece of information.

"Inside Falls Space Park?",Frisk said in surprise,getting up from the curled position she used to warm herself up.

Author, even Spongebob Squarepants could grasp and stay consistent with the fact that it took place under the sea. This is a rural, outback and now seaside Oregon frontier tourist town. Now, as you are so obtusely substituting a local public pool, why the ever-loving fuck do you think it would have a Space Park?!

"The opening is now?",Chara said in curiosity,also getting up from her self-warming curl position.

"No golly way!! WOO-HOO!",

Could you golly not?

Asriel screamed in a mix of surprise and joy,as he forgot the problem of the cold sea breeze and jumped with his fists in the air.

"Alright,follow me to the car!",Pearl excitedly announced,as she got up...accidentaly removed a tiny part of the wooden ground and walked away with a slightly cheerful smile.

What should annoy me most? Maybe the fact that the author just follows through with the canon events without even pushing a single word to imply the boards froze to Pearl? Or how about the fact that this author doesn't know the word 'floor'.

"...And beware the cold cases!",Kaito finally finished the news. Unfortunately,Pearl didn't exactly manage to listen this final piece of information and began to cough and sneeze. Maybe Chara or Frisk would need to bring along some toilet paper for unexpected colds.

Author, what hellhole or mindset do you live in, where you don't know or understand the concept of tissues and their availability? Every damn chapter, you display a clear lack of fundamental common knowledge.


The group was walking over some of the fragile glass walls of the Inside Falls Space Park.

Every chapter is an Escher painting with you, author.

As the name implied,it was a park whose theme centered around the space and some alien things as well. The place managed to be warmer than the rest of the Inside Falls town,but using warmer outfits was still a bit necessary.

" is a very beautiful and mysterious place.",Frisk commented,as she looked at the black wallpapers with stars,galaxies

Frisk, you get amazed by holes in the ground, I need someone else to sell this supposed splendor to me.

"...And dangerous as well. Dangerous because we may one day find something from space that looks marvelous but is actually horrible.",Pearl said in sincerity,as she also looked at the wallpapers,but it slight disgust.

"If it looks horrible to begin with, it'll be perfectly fine, though."

"Azzy...the moon needs a real love for what?",Chara asked to Asriel,pointing to the scarf the latter was wearing,which had the moon with a smile and the phrase 'The Moon Needs A Real Love!'.

"Anyone can love,I guess!",Asriel cheerfuly replied with a big smile...even trough the answer he gave to Chara wasn't perfectly satisfying.

Are we seriously stuck in a space theme because the author couldn't find any other way to string along a meaningless inversion of a joke about a sun with sunglasses?

"Uh? Who's that?",Frisk asked,stopping her track and pointing for her upper-left. Chara,Asriel and Pearl also stopped their tracks and looked to the direction Frisk pointed out.

Resting on a rock designed to look like a shard of meteorite,there was a strange and curious being. It had the appearence of a puffball,with red feet,pastel pink skin,and pale pink blush. The eye colors couldn't be seen because they were closed,and they were quietly sleeping,in a way that made it look adorable.

"Oh...he calls himself Kirby! The only thing we know is that he came from space,because he refuses to tell anything else.",Asriel answered Frisk,as he began to munch on some raw marshmallows.


Look, who's over there? Oh, that's just the blatantly obvious and self-admitted ALIEN LIFE FORM that everyone has let squat in this until now unopened space park!! Is there any greater evidence that this story is - while I tenuously add 'perhaps unintentional' - entirely noncommittal to itself and its world? Let me ask you this. What is established that can affect future events? What is the frames of reference for the material being established? If Character A decided to do Action B, what would the definite outcome be? What can't actually happen? If you don't have a substantial answer to any of those questions, congratulations, you now know why I don't have a passion for Adventure Time. Avoiding that tangent, what I'm saying is that anything can happen, stuff can be made up on the fly without context, the author has no restrictions, and every bit of mystery, intrigue, danger, or sense of adventure is just fucking gone. Monsters can be people or monsters, or people monsters, or neither and a fifth type altogether, whenever and however it suits the author. Gravity Falls had frames of reference to stay self-restricted. You knew when something was supernatural. You knew where and how the location of something could affect the story. You knew what a fucking person was. In this fanfic, people can have completely unmentioned medical conditions, a friendship is a different definition altogether, and now a local extraterrestrial alien can be so mundane that they don't even get passingly mentioned to visiting family members!! This story has nothing that's surprising, until the author states that it is. This story has nothing that's dangerous in it, until the author says it is. Nothing in this story is a mystery, until the author says it is.

"...I want to befriend him.",Frisk said in a joyful voice,as her unseen irises began to sparkle of happiness.

"Uh, already have genuine friends. I know its hard to wash away the betrayal of the first two on your mind,but one day you need to do that.",Chara said to Frisk,as some nasty memories from the first summer weeks invaded her mind.

"Look, sister, why bother even trying to make more friends when you already have a few? You are clearly trying to compensate for the fact that you were traumatized with you failing to make friends with two other people in the recent past, so just get over it." Fuck you, author, can you even try to share this dialogue with anyone you yourself know without offending them on several levels?

"I know...",Frisk nodded with a smile,but nevertheless,she decided to try and approach the 'meteorite' where Kirby was resting in.

However,she stumbled with many other adults in the way,and eventually tripped over a bucket of water. Thankfully,just some bits of water were left inside the bucket,but it still made Frisk feel a bit ashamed of being rushed.

Well, maybe she should open her eyes indoors what with her ignored condition, or stop copying Mabel's every love-struck move to pretend they share character traits.

"...Frisk and being a talker sometimes work out and sometimes don't.",Chara said with a bored face for Asriel and her great-aunt Pearl.

Congratulations on concocting the most meaningless sentence to date since the described, potential outcome of a coin flip.

Suddenly,Pearl felt something,a golden-sparkle dust,hit her on the face. She squeaked in annoyance,a bit similar to the 'SQUAWK!' of a bird,and looked to see who was the responsible for that. Lapis was there,also wearing a warmer outfit,including a winter hat of sea green color.

"How you're doing,Ms. Crystal?",Lapis cheerfuly greeted with a gleeful,toothy smile.

"I was doing well,before you thr- Wait,youre carrying a broom!",Pearl said,crossing her arms and noticing that a hand from Lapis was free while the other one was carrying a cleaning broom.

And now Pearl will feel that it's her Christian duty to burn this dry spell water witch at the stake.

"Yeah,I have the job of making the cleaning of this place.",Lapis answered with a laid-back smile. "Space Dust Bomb!",Lapis continued with a more excited voice,throwing more golden dust at Pearl's face and snatching a long laughter of Asriel and Chara.

Throwing water balloons at a pool is a harmless and evidenceless crime, author. Throwing trash at people isn't. There, I just told you how to not lose your day job.

"What exactly do you clear?",Chara asked to Lapis with a light smile on her face.

"The meteorites,the space-like floors...well,anything with space dust.",Lapis answered Chara,putting the broom on her shoulder like it was a sword.

Cleaving herself in twain.

"If you want a bit of help,I can offer it to you.",Chara said with a smile,removing the yellow-and-white buttercup hat and holding it on her chest.

"Sure! Cleaning the space is boring without help.",Lapis answered,as she picked Chara's left hand with her free hand and ran to where her cleaning work's boss was located.

Janitor duty, how exciting. You couldn't even have Lapis come near actual water to justify her in this crossover, could you, author?

"W-wait! I DIDN'T SEE YOUR BOSS YET!",Chara screamed in surprise holding thighly onto her buttercup hat with her right hand for avoid the possibility of it flying away from her hand. Only Asriel and Pearl were left on the middle of the area.

What double-jointed author-foresight is this now? Chara complaining about not seeing the boss, because in the canon the boss had already been presented and clearly would be a problem?


After some hours of dribbling more adults,

Switch away from the Sports Channel during your English practice, author, otherwise you'll never achieve a slam dunk.

Frisk approached the meteorite and gently poked Kirby. He opened his eyes,deep blue eyes full of white sparkles,and looked down at the light-brown skinned human girl.

"Awwwwww!! I find you very adorable.",Frisk complimented Kirby with a sweet smile,holding her hands on her chest.

And in return I hope Kirby finds you rather tasty. I'm not even going to harp on the ignored alien angle, an entire slew of government movements that should be happening here, I'm just going to say that as far as first contact goes, my sandwich would still be eaten after it had called me cute.

"Oh...Poyo! Nice to meet you!",Kirby said in a friendly tone,greeting Frisk with a hand waving. He sounded like a pretty young boy,around 3-4 years younger than Frisk.

But he has feminine eyes, right? Just for your information, author, it's only through localizations that Kirby was ever given a gender.

"Greetings,my name is Frisk Dreemurr. And you must be Kirby,right?",Frisk presented herself for the adorable puffball creature.

"Of course! And making friends is something...magical for me!",Kirby said with a jump and a hug for Frisk. Frisk just shyly hugged back.

Oh, yeah, shyly, not weirded out at all despite Peridot only trying half as hard, you hypocritical dumbass.

" want to go on a hangout? Eat something,visit the areas around here?",Frisk asked in a slightly less shier voice. As she finished,she sniffed the cold air and managed to catch the smell of...sugar,and candy.

"OH MY GODNESS! POYOCANDY!",Kirby screamed in a loud and even more excited voice,breaking the hug and waving his tiny hands on the air. "I'm sorry Frisk Dreemurr,but I love candy so much!",Kirby said for Frisk,before running towards some food tents.

He possess a big heart...and a bit appetite,as well...,Frisk thought as she watched her new friend run towards the sugary food.

Follow him, you bint! You even invited him to go and eat something, together! Author, I know your fantasy types of friendship can't handle dating, but Mermando dismissed Mabel to keep his secret of being a Merman, and Frisk has feet to stand next to Kirby's snack table so they can talk!!


For Chara,being a cleaner helper wasn't exactly bad. She just had to carry Lapis' broom in the moments she couldn't,and clean up the more insignificant trash from the ground. What really was a nightmare was support the bone-breaking hug of Lapis' boss...only remembering about it managed to make her bones hurt again.

I've had worse internships at her age, but why would Lapis want this job? Why would a teenager willingly have this job? This isn't sitting on a lifeguard chair and getting a kick out of enforcing rules over others while frivolously relaxing in the sun. This is manual labor where you can expect anything from mopping up vomit to removing day-old gum from underneath a sweat-covered bench.

Meanwhile,Asriel and Pearl were on a small building with a celling of 'cope of heaven' shape,with a space video playing on said celling. Pearl wasn't actually interesed in going on it; she just went inside because of Asriel's pleading.

Besides, her Bible had already told her how the Earth was flat underneath it's firmament, because that's what the term 'cope of heaven' is about!!

"*sigh* I'll just...sit here for convenience.",Pearl said in annoyance as she began to sit on the nearbiest plastic chair (Gaster was sitting on the chair of the left of said chair and then the sentence ended).

But,as Pearl began to sit over it,she felt a hand pushing her far from it. She looked backwards and saw the responsible was Patricia 'Peridot',also wearing a set of warm clothing,including a leather winter coat fittable for her size.

"Hello, Mr. Crystal Clod.",Peridot rudely greeted Pearl with a large,devilish smile.

Do I have to spontaneously question Pearl's gender now, author? You wouldn't believe the amount of genderbent fanfics and fanarts that exists of already agendered rocks.

"Hey! If you weren't aware, I was going to sit over this chair!",Pearl said,in a slightly more furious voice,putting her fists on her hips.

"And this is a very important seat to me, punctuated by the fact that I don't even want to be here, and I could sit just about anywhere else, with no attachment to this spot whatsoever."

"Of course I knew that. Buuut...its my sit now! NYEHEHEHEHEHE!",Peridot gloated of Pearl's face,hugging her belly as she shouted her strange laugh.

"WHY YOU LITTLE-",Pearl said,as she was about to punch Peridot's nose,before a hand grabbed her. Lapis thankfully interrupted a big confusion from happened,and Chara...was beside her.

So, Pearl is willing to punch children, Lapis confuses her janitor duty with being a mall cop, and Chara's presence is regarded like she was Jerry from Undertale. I'm still waiting for a reason to like this fanfic, by the way, just felt like mentioning it.

"Nope.",Lapis and Chara said together for Pearl,in a attempt to calm her down. It toned her rage to a moderate level but it didn't change the fact she was hating Peridot. In fact,she had the right to,as Chara knew deep inside.

It warms my heart to have the realization, that even Stan Pines felt that enacted, physical violence against children was beneath him, author, so thank you for presenting these vile knuckle-draggers to me.


Kirby came back to his resting spot,licking a lollipop and even giving another one for Frisk. For a moment,Frisk began to wonder one thing: the origin of Kirby. She knew Kirby came from space,but she was wondering how was Kirby's life before he descended to Earth.

"Hey...I'm wondering...from where you came from?",Frisk asked to Kirby,looking down at the puffball's face. Kirby's jovial expression changed to a more somber,melancholic one.

Well, you see, when Galactus the Devourer of Worlds and a vacuum cleaner love each other very much...

"...I came'm afraid you'll hate me if I tell to you the rest.",Kirby replied to Frisk,in a sadder tone over his young voice.


"Also,I'm around 10-12 years old,despite my voice."

Here's a question, author. How old are you? If you answered with two separate numbers, I will need a reason to not commit you to an institution.

"Oh...I see. Don't worry,I won't hate you simply because of the place you came from,okay?",Frisk said to Kirby,in a reasurring and honest voice.

"...O-okay...",Kirby replied,with a less sadder voice. "Poyo,please pay attention to my story and the details."

You mean the lack thereof, right?


"I am from the planet of Popstar,and I was destined to become a great,great warrior. Unfortunately,I have the two problems any child have: curiosity and mischeivousness. It got to the point the king and my mentor had the idea to send me to another planet for training.

This is an inversion of the plot from the anime Kirby: Right Back at Ya!, in which Kirby crash-lands his space ship on Planet Popstar! The king referred to here as his mentor is King Dedede!! I've said similar to this already with the Human Gems Steven Universe elements. You can't call this a crossover, when you include stuff that's already non-canon in their own universes.

They gave me with the Warp Star,but I barely knew how to control it! And when I learned how,I crash landed here...

Because you fail when you learn how not to fail, of course. Wouldn't want to contradict how Kirby ended up here with how he's supposed to be able to leave again, after all, huh, author?

I heard the Warp Star could regenerate,but in the spam of days.

That's pretty much this fanfic alright.

And besides,I had some injuries. So,I decided to explore and I found out this place. The humans actually treated me very well and give me my favorite sweets!...but...I honestly miss my home.

I hope the Warp Star regenerated for this day,because I've been waiting for my injuries to recover so I could come back to my home."

Oh yes, I can truly see how this bland and improvised backstory is somehow a reason to be concerned about Frisk hating you for knowing it.


"...Oh...what a sad tale for someone of my age...",

Theoretically, age three-to-twolve probably overlaps with what Kirby said he was, yes.

Frisk said with pity on her voice. She could only imagine the homesickness Kirby was feeling for his home planet.

"Poyo. I just hope my mentor isn't too much worried about me...",Kirby agreed with Frisk's speech with a very sad face.

He'd be missing you either way, because flying off planet was the actual plan that brought you here, because he gave you the damn space ship. He should be chilling and sending you nice thoughts, believing you are out on your destiny adventures!

I'll need to do something for him to ease his sadness...oh! I know! Maybe I can help him return to his home planet,Frisk began to think. He must remember the place where this Star is located,and I hope he does. If he doesn't,I'll guess its inside the nearbiest forest from here.


Listen, author, you vacuous, narrative-copying buffoon. You have established nothing about this space ship aside from its existence and potentially current state of disrepair. Kirby has never indicated separation from it aside from willing exploration that led him here! It could be behind the building he's in for all I know, since everyone here is a-okay with alien scouts roaming free to probe this planet for invasions. Nothing told Frisk that Kirby was being hindered, aside from the fact that he hopes it was ready to fly today! This is half of the mountain of issues with this fanfic. All the plotlines are recycled and treated like used garbage, to the point where establishment becomes the reader's guesswork.

"Don't worry Kirby,I hope I can aid the best way I can.",Frisk said with a more determined expression for Kirby.

"R-really?...Poyo!",Kirby replied,joy raising as he spoke,and jumped towards Frisk for a hug that made the human girl fall backwards,and both laughed in happiness.

If only Kirby knew of this flip-flopping child's unfriending ways, he'd avoid ending up like Peridot for his slightly above averagely enthusiastic social interactions.


Pearl,Asriel and Peridot were still watching the space on the celling of 'cope of heaven' shape.

I have no idea if anyone can tell what this author is trying to convey, but I believe she is attempting to sell you a scene involving the inside of a planetarium.

Just for a slightly laid-back prank,Pearl tried to make a finger snap over Peridot's nose,but was interrupted by her hand being slapped away. But the force that Peridot used to push Pearl's hand away was uncessarily strong,and her hand was genuinely hurting.

Because Peridot would of course have wanted to be very gentle with her. What is their rivalry even beyond the fights being picked at a playground at this point?

"OUCH!",Pearl squeaked in pain,holding her hurted and burning hand.

"Don't mess with my nose.",Peridot said in a quiet fury for Pearl,frowning in a clearly weird way.

Asriel looked down on his own lap,as he felt someone putted something over it.

Or they might be in an adult theater, depending on what's coming next.

He found out it was...a rose. Simply a fresh and red rose. He picked up the red rose with his paw-like hand and looked at its details. There was nothing in uncommon.

There was also no thought put into how it's going to be a substitute for the ventriloquist duck inner-tube joke from the canon, even when Undertale has two types of voice-producing flowers, of which neither looks remotely like a rose.

"Golly,its surely beautiful...",Asriel commented as he moved the fingers of his other hand over the rose's petals.

"Asriel? Can you hear me?",a voice came out. A voice Asriel couldn't identify from where was coming.

"...W-who is there?",

"The doctors told me that if I kept taking the pills this wouldn't happen again!"

Asriel asked to the voice that came to talk with him. He looked everywhere for a suspect,and a suspicion came on his head- the rose was talking to him. Since it wasn't too far from the reality of the town he lived in,

And you are not even one bit ashamed to admit you have produced a place where nothing is out of the ordinary, author, you concave-headed hack.

he decided to look down at the rose.

"I'm here,I'm the rose.",the voice said again. Now,Asriel could make out some details about the voice; the accent sounded similar to his working partner Lapis but in a whispery voice.

...Because it really was Lapis in a whispery tone of voice pranking Asriel into thinking the rose had the power to talk. Lapis and Chara made sure to giggle to themselves on a distance that didn't give out the prank for Asriel.

Oh, is the prank still succeeding, despite the author deliberately telling us Lapis is shit at impressions just now?

Suddenly,a metal pea whistle's noise began to echo and repeat trough the whole Inside Falls Space Park. Unfortunately,this could only mean one thing: that the park was about to close in the beginningof the 01:00 PM. Frisk and Kirby also could listen to the meta pea whistle from outside.

Yes, of course, an amusement park or at least an area of attractions modeled in a space theme, closes at the middle of the day, having staid open for about three hours. How about you go to an actual theme park, author, you sad shut-in.

"Oh poyo...the park is closing!",Kirby realized,as he immediately climbed up the 'meteorite' he was resting over in the morning.

Is that supposed to mean anything to Frisk when you are left in here by everyone already aware of your existence?

"Hmmm...I'll find a way to come back here this night.",Frisk promised to Kirby with a thumb up as she ran to the exit to meet up with the others. As a reply from the thumb up,she just recieved a sad bye-bye hand wave from Kirby. Don't worry,I'll not leave you alone,Frisk thought as she gave a last look at her new friend.

Okay, I'll take back everything I said comparing Kirby and Peridot. It's Frisk who's acting like Peridot now!


In the same day's night...


Frisk made sure to ride the golf cart of the Crystal Shack with care,and to park it over a area no one would suspect. She found herself facing the fence's covering the safety of the park,but thankfully,it wasn't a fence too dificult to jump without a run.

Wow, it's almost like she's been demonstrably able to climb fences in a previous chapter or something, author.

After entering the park,Frisk ran all the place trying to find the meteorite where Kirby rested over,and eventually found out by a signal the puffball made for her.

Because demanding that this mouth breather read an on-location map or used her own fucking memory to retrace her steps was just out of the question.

"This is my memory book,and it houses pictures of my family and friends.",Frisk said to Kirby,showing her memory book and opening one page of it to show a picture. "This is me,this is my older twin sister Chara,my cousin Asriel,my friend Lapis,and my great aunt Pearl.",Frisk continued,pointing to the respective figures on the photo.

"Why are none of them wearing clothes in these photos, poyo?"

"Oh...they must be good people in your life.",Kirby commented with a smile. However,it was clear the smile was trying to hide something deep inside.

"Yeah,they you have at least a picture of your 'family'?",Frisk said and asked to Kirby,closing her memory book.

Kirby climbed down the meteorite-like rock and lifted it. Below it was a little photo with pale pink border,decipting a colorful and cheerful world.

And we couldn't have this fanfic set in that world why?

The three central figures of the photo were Kirby,a bigger and older puffball with mask,dark blue skin,cape and yellow eyes,and a penguin-like figure with red king-ly outfit.

I didn't need the impression that you read Meta Knight/King Dedede Slash fics in your spare time, author.

"At least something I managed to carry from my trip.",Kirby said in a sad tone,picking up the photo and showing it to Frisk.

",want to look out for...some shooting stars?",Frisk asked,scratching the back of her hair and adjusting the scarf on her neck.

"Of course! I love shooting stars,actually.",

I'd like to know, considering Kirby's world, powers, and adversaries, whether you two are actually talking about the same phenomenon.

Kirby answered Frisk in a more cheerful voice,putting the photo back on the lower part of the meteorite-like rock and walking to the tallest rock possible.

And for the rest of the hour,Frisk and Kirby watched a shooting star descending. Both didn't have a exact idea of what to wish for the shooting star,so,no wishes were made...

Well, that's certainly fortunate, because the author still hasn't figured out how to keep going with this whole 'Don't wish for things in Inside Falls' shtick going beyond involving the word 'wish' with no relevance every other chapter.


In the next day...

This day was just slightly less cold than the previous one,so everyone still holded on to their thickiest outfits. And again,the Inside Falls Space Park was open for everyone to enter.

I'm sure the people taking a four hour bus trip to visit it gets their money's worth upon arrival.

Chara and Lapis were tasked with cleaning of the outside of the building with cope-of-heaven celling,but Chara was specially punished for not cleaning the 'urban trash' (soda cans,plastic straws...) and would need to guard the place for the night.

We don't have time for explaining why it would even need guarding, of course, since we are well more than half-way through these lazy 116 words describing the escalating plot before the next time skip. The author can't even bother with padding anymore.

Frisk,again,chatted with her puffball alien friend. But this time,Kirby looked even less cheerful than before; Frisk deduced Kirby's homesickness finally hitted him on a harsh level,and that was time for her to really bring him back home. And she began to make a plan for that.

She could have asked him to learn that he was merely having trouble passing gas, but talking is not something friends do, of course.

In this day's night...

Chara was performing her night patrolling,with a black-and-blue outfit and a pretty serious expression over her face as she looked around for intruders.

She has no stakes, no reason to not sit on a stool and snooze throughout it all, no particular articles or items at the park to safeguard, and doesn't even have a risk of losing a chance at acting thirsty towards Lapis, which we are also supposed to think she doesn't anymore - oh yeah, this chapter is making all the sense that anyone still reading this far would ever want.

She caught the grass moving by itself,and looking down at it,for her surprise...she found her Grauntie Pearl.

"...I was just bypassing to leave my mark on my chair...",Pearl said to Chara in a nervous tone of voice,and was interrupted mid-speech by Chara's metal pea's whistle.

Author, acknowledging your attempt to make this b-plot a thing only lends it slightly more credence than your vapid attempts manages in the first place. This is neither the progression nor the method which your punch-happy spin on the noncommittal chair rivalry would reach!

"Sorry,but I'll have to scold you.",Chara said as she began to push Pearl all the way back to the Crystal Shack...without her agreement.

While Chara had the work to scold off Pearl,Frisk climbed up the fence once more to put her plan in motion. Now,she was carrying her backpack,since a part of her plan consisted of Kirby going along in the backpack.

How about this one, a brain teaser, a real big what-if, you utter crayon-munching retard: He walks around freely in public like he does during the fucking day!!!

Kirby,on the distance,managing to recognize his best human friend,picked up his 'family' photo from below the meteorite-like rock and ran towards Frisk.

"Climb on my backpack,I'll find your Warp Star to help you go home.",Frisk commanded,turning her back towards Kirby and showing her open backpack. It was thankfully big enough to house Kirby's size. After that,she began to rush up for the Crystal Cart and ride it.

Hold on. You didn't even search for it first? Two days of naval squinting was all you could do when you have nothing but a passionately burning intent to reunite a friend with a vehicle, which you think he somehow lost track of? You are just saddling up now and hoping you'll stumble across it in the woods in the middle of the night?!

Chara was far,having just put Pearl back inside the Crystal Shack.

Distances in fictional space are relative and time is inconsequential.

But she wasn't far enough to not catch the glimpse of the Crystal Cart's double lights wandering off in the dstance. She picked the security car from the Inside Falls Space Park and began to chase towards what at her first glance looked like a criminal.

Oh, sibling rivalry averted, what amazing grasp of the narrative you have, author. In her ignorance, she happened to do exactly like the canon would have wanted her to do, what a happy coincidence, huh? How can this become even dumber, you may ask? Well, how about Frisk not braking for a moment during the pursuit to clear up the issue?

The car chase went trough the streets deep inside the forest of Inside Falls,and the rocks over the grounhd disturbed the speed of both of the vehicles by hitting on them trough the wheels. Chara kept throwing rocks on the Crystal Cart with no clear vision of the one driving it,and Frisk tried to avoid the rock shots the best she could and,at the same time,protecting Kirby from some shots.

The fact that what she was chasing was a cart from the Crystal Shack didn't faze Chara at all, of course, since all people has the right to die on her watch from her barrage of lethal projectiles - are you reading what you are writing, author?!

Soon,the car chase reached for the Eastern Ruins,raising from the distance below a high cliff,and nearby some trees,there was a golden star slightly bigger than Kirby on the ground - it should be the 'Warp Star' Kirby talked about,Frisk thought.

Isn't that a bit presumptuous, since Kirby didn't bother describe the space ship to you, and you likely haven't bothered to check up on Gaster's on-goings since the dragon incident here?

Frisk hitted the break to make the curve downwards,but the Crystal Cart hitted on the wall by accident,and Frisk's backpack,that wasn't exactly well fixed and well closed in the first place,felt from Frisk's back and arms.

Frisk almost felt face-plant on the ground,scratching herself very much. Meanwhile, her badly closed backpack opened for itself in mid air,freeing Kirby,who felt head-on on the ground,causing a nasty injury next to his left eye and managing to scratching himself even more than Frisk. Because of this quantity of injuries,he lost consciousness.

Oh, they are so, so hurt, really hurt, incredibly hurt, with nasty boo boos and ouchies. No fractures, sprains or trauma. How does this author thinks kids survive in their own backyards?

"K-KIRBY!",Frisk screamed in despair,as she saw the state of her friend,bleeding just next to the left eye. Ignoring her own burning scratches,she ran to her alien friend,picked him and cried,hoping he was still breathing. "...p-please,don't die right now...the last thing I would ever want was one of us dying..."

I'm not saying that's not the sentiment of most people, I'm just saying that you are still right now making your friend's imminent death be about yourself in more ways than one.

Chara just stopped the security car right next to the mourning and crying Frisk and the unconscious Kirby,and soon she realized her little twin sister was actually the one driving the car

Soon, yeah, probably in five minutes or so, let's give her the time.

and that she was carrying on the backpack the alien being she remembered Asriel described as 'Kirby'.

"O-oh...oh my god...I'm s-sorry,Frisk...",Chara said to Frisk,as she realized and felt how much Frisk was emotionally hurt.

"I forgive you,but there's no time!! You have anything to cover Kirby's injury?!",Frisk screamed in panic,as she tried to cover Kirby's bleeding injury with her hand.

No, author. Just no. Siblings - twins too - can harbor animosity, grudges, even blame, and Dipper and Mabel displays all the facets throughout the show. Blanket forgiveness for Chara's behavior - endangering Frisk's life while her duty as a guard should have been to call the police - is essential for your idyllic sibling escapism fantasy, but to actual people with siblings it reads like Frisk has self-depreciation out the wazoo!

Actually,some emergency bandages were housed inside the security car,and the twins used two bandages to cover Kirby's injury. Soon,the bleeding stopped. In the pink puffball's vision,as he feared he would genuinely die,his vision slowly recovered and he saw Frisk and her older twin sister,Chara,looking down at him with worried faces.

Oh. Oooooh. How rude of me. I'm sorry author. Here I was thinking we were on an even field, with me having this exchange against a fanfic written by a normal person entering their mid-teens. Now I'm forced to lump you onto the possibly growing pile of brain-deficient lumps of matter on the Internet, so as to share space with the likes of people such as the guy who brought me 'Connie, Lucky and Shantae: A Quest to save Uncle Mimic!', because you just told me putting a Band-Aid on an unconscious-rendering injury magically fixes that condition!!

"Whew...t-thanks.",Kirby thanked both Frisk and Chara with a slow,but tender hug. Frisk just patted Kirby's back carefully. "Wait...the Warp Star!",Kirby suddenly began to cheer,interrupting the hug he started as he began to run to the golden star. It was fixed into the ground because of the impact,so it had to be removed to achieve its funcionality.

Kirby had difficulty into snatching off the ground,so Frisk had to lead a helping hand. As the golden star was ripped off the ground,it began to glow and float by itself. The first action of the glowing golden star was to pick Kirby on its 'back' and make a wonderful,'sparkling' noise.

I am bordering on done and pissed right about now, because we now have to switch source material. The space ship right here is the game version of the Warp Star, which is not a space ship. It can function like one, yeah, in a reality where Kirby can breathe in space, but it's a mode of regular transportation for the little guy, made from magical power he himself possesses. Nothing that was put into this crossover story actually is what the author pretends that it is.

"Thank you very much,Frisk! Also,thanks for you older sister.",Kirby said in joy for his friend Frisk and her twin sister Chara.

Had the author played this straight and followed the Gravity Falls and Kirby canon to let Kirby have a reason to thank her, Chara would have fed him a Maxim Tomato through premastication.

"Yeah...I guess deep inside I was just very worried about your health...but now that you are okay,I guess you can really be free now.",Frisk said to Kirby,holding her left arm with a more calm smile.

"Let's pretend that was the plot and conflict, so we can go home now."

"A tiny bit just like me and...Lapis.",Chara quietly said to herself,understanding a layer of what Frisk's speech meant.

What? No. Fuck you for even assuming you can just lazily insinuate that as if it's a thing, author.

"Don't worry,I'll be ok. Oh! And one last thing!...",Kirby began to say,as he rided towards Frisk's forehead with the star and...kissed her forehead. Frisk never expected a actual kiss,even on the forehead; until that moment,she was just seeing a great friend on Kirby.

Oh, gee, the author is finally, vaguely implying a sort of romance being crowbarred out of this constant friendship miasma, and it's attached to the one relationship that by canon-fiat is doomed to fail upon first revisit. I'm feeling so incredibly invested it can literally not be imagined.

"Oh...thank you...",Frisk thanked,hiding herself on her shoulders with a trembly smile and a big blush on her face.

Finally,Kirby started the flight over the glowing star,going like a comet in the inverse route trough the sky. Frisk and Chara waved goodbye,and even trough neither of them could see it,Kirby also waved goobye for them high in the sky.

However,before going for sure from planet Earth,Kirby dropped something that Frisk caught up before going away from there with Chara: a tiny,pastel pink phone with a yellow star on the top and a antenna over the upper point of the star. Maybe,a way to communicate to Kirby from unimaginable distance.

Why should she need to get an intergalactic phone, since you just demonstrated you might as well drop bottled messages from lower orbit instead? You know what, fuck that, why didn't the pink ET phone home with it in the first place?!

After picking the strange artifact,Frisk picked her backpack,zipped it in the right way and walked away.


In the next morning...

Chara and Frisk came back to the Inside Falls Space Park in the time for lots of things;

You could just say 'and every half-assed plot thread were resolved, the end', author. It saves you about forty-three words from your existing wrap-up.

to find out Asriel has been throwing roses away from the park in a attempt to 'free' them,to find out Peridot pranked Pearl with glue,and to find out Lapis was fired from the cleaning work. Chara just decided to go along with Lapis to far of the park to have fun elsewhere.

The fun part is that typically people urinate for longer time it takes to read the sentences you produce when you are taking the piss, author!

Frisk,however,was feeling the most sad of everyone. It has been barely minutes,even one hour,that Kirby left Earth and she was already missing him. Maybe,this feeling's strenght was something like how Kirby felt his homesickness.

I swear, author, reading you trying to analyze emotions is like watching someone attempt to dissect a frog with a squeaky toy hammer.

Frisk had her thoughts interrupted by a vibration over her hand; it was the phone Kirby dropped from the sky. She checked it out and found out a message inside it.

"Dear Frisk,

Send nudes.

I'm now reunited with my mentor,and he understood everything I told to him.

In that case you live in a better world, you little pink bastard.

He says that maybe one day,when I get old enough,I can visit your planet again. Isn't this incredible? Well,see you next time I can!

Also, what does 'child predator' and 'cradle robber' mean?

🌟 Poyo,Kirby"

After reading the message Kirby left behind,Frisk smiled in joy and clutched the phone on her chest for some moments of joyful tears. Frisk cleaned her tears,guarded the star phone on her backpack and tried to find some object that could remove glue. After all,her Grauntie Pearl wouldn't manage to get away with Peridot's cruel prank on her own.

You could truly tell how it being cold outside affected any of that, right? The author couldn't even have Frisk crash because of a slippery road, or let Chara throw snow balls. Would it kill this author to follow through a single one of her alterations, dumb as they may be?

My predictions keep wasting away, but if I had the actual ability to foresee what this fanfic fails to deliver, I would probably have had second thoughts at the beginning. Next chapter is Reversal Trovato, which should probably be the Carpet Diem episode with the mind-switching. I can't wait for the author to fuck up on all accounts there, too. The title is meaningless to me as at best Google tells me Trovato is simply an untranslated word in Esperanto or Italian. People are probably going to have their minds switched via a grabbable item, what hints there would be about Garnet's existence will be glossed over, and the author will be apologetic about the rivalry that will have the twins bickering.

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Re: Inside Falls

Post by ConcernedGamer » Sun Aug 18, 2019 11:49 am

I am steadily loosing patience with this trash. Rapidly, in fact. Because it is what it is and it never stops. Plot, copied. Characters, substituted. Dialogue, regurgitated. Plotholes, ignored. Common sense, ridiculed. I literally have no idea what the author is getting out of this, because every chapter it comes down to a single fan-thought of "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if Gravity Falls happened exactly like it did but with other characters?". At least there is entertainment value in how badly it's done. Here's Chapter 16, Reversal Trovato.

It was a suprisingly loud morning in the Crystal Shack,at least for Chara's standarts.

Asriel had decided to start his mandatory crying early today.

She badly woke up and looked trough the window shaped like the weird symbol of the town,and she was already recieved by a warmer yet louder 'Good Morning' of her little twin sister,Frisk. Chara just clothed herself and picked up one of her personal books slowly because she was accidentaly disrupting Frisk's self-doll game.

Is that a game where you have a doll show on yourself where it was touched? Or has reality shifted again, and I'm the only one who knows how to chain together the words dressing herself?

"God,I just can't get your over excitment...You ate sugar while I was sleeping?",Chara asked with a tired,sleepy voice,as she kept her eyes fixed on the book's page.

Someone has to compensate for all the Jasper-related salt you keep having for breakfast.

"Well,I munched on some pie,yes...",Frisk began her answer with a awkward laugh and smile,"But,actually...I'm excited like that because soon my friends will come here to spend the night."

Quick question. Is it parental neglect to let your kids stay the night in a house formerly known as The Murder Hut?

...Chara almostcouldn't hold back a urge to scream a loud 'WHAT?!' in her sister's face,but she resisted the will,as the butterfly-themed clock of Frisk began to ring. Then,she looked around the room to find some objects scattered on the ground,and felt like she was living a nightmare of privacy as she realized what Frisk meant with her friends coming there for a sleep night.

Gasp! Non-descript stuff on the floor out of nowhere. Clearly she's being smothered and suffocated by the enormous lack of freedom that they cause, and the implied dislike of a 'sleep night', which she needs ten seconds to figure out what means, is in no way mirroring the canon theme stemming from opposite gender stereotyping. It's just a trait of she happens to have.

"SLEEPOVER!",Connie and Amethyst announced,bursting on the bedroom of the Dreemurr twins carrying their own sleeping bags; the one of Connie had a nutbrown color while the one of Amethyst was lavender with violet cat head stamps.

Chara's inner self screamed in horror,

I know, right, this attempt at characterization via unnecessary sleeping bags descriptions is horrendous.

and her panic began to manifest itself on a crazy smile over her face. She hopped no one was paying attention to her smiling like a lunatic.

Watch it, author. Your obnoxious attempts at edgy and misconstrued mental issues in lieu of personality is pissing me off to no end.


In the same day's night...

Just like how Frisk,Connie and Amethyst marked,the sleepover began with the three girls roleplaying as characters from a book,and Chara was forced to try to sleep...for. All. Of it.

How cruel it was of them, to force the poor girl to sleep throughout it all.

And soon,alot of stress began to pollute the 12-years-old's mind.

So, were you ever committed to twolve-teen, author, or was that just a misspelling of your own made-up word?

"This chapter was fun,right?",Frisk asked to her best friends,as she fixed up her video game cartridge pajamas on her body.

"Yeah! FUUUUN!",Amethyst yelled,ramming her two fists together on the floor of the Dreemurr twin's bedroom.

"C-calm down,Amethyst...I know it was good and all,but no need for this level of excitment.",Frisk said nervously as she putted a hand over the shoulder of her wild friend.

Because the paragon of virtue that is Frisk can't be besmirch a smidgen by actually sharing the traits of Mabel that led to Dipper's issues, here we have her pretend like her actions matter so as to not catch moral flack. The canon twins were realistic and casually acknowledging and working on their faults, author, but instead you are exuberantly fixated on excusing everything your substitutes do before it happens, telling us in other cases like this that they either had to follow the plot while being very considerate, or just didn't know and totally wouldn't have done the plot if they had been aware. Kids can be selfish and can lack consideration for others once in a while. They are people. What am I supposed to think these responsibility-dodging creatures are?

"Uhm...I'll j-just...hehe...go somewhere else...",Chara said in a tense,shiver-ly voice,as she wrapped her blanket over herself,got up from her bed and weared her black shoes.

"Are you sure you don't want to play a character from the next chapter?",Connie asked to Chara as the letter began to make a shaking walk towards the exit door.

"You can be Mr. Grey this time."

"N-n-n-no! NOnOno,I'm okay...yeah,okayokay...",Chara answered in a strange tone of voice,as she opened the door to the attic and the staircase.

As Chara climbed down the stairs,she kept chaotically hitting herself on the wall and on the stair bar repeatedly,lacking enough focus to avoid this hit-and-hit.

"Oh my character is sooooo deep, because I've given her a mismatch behavior of self-harm and social dysfunction akin to a mentally challenged caveman with rabies. Isn't she the coolest? Now watch as I make her sister afraid of her and subsequently forgive her at the same time." That's you, author. Because you are evidently so dense that I need to clarify!

After climbed down the whole stairs,she faced off with Asriel.

"Howdy!",Asriel cheerfully greeted Chara. "Do you want to visit my break room?",Asriel continued,

Does he typically do that without prompt, or is this case special because of the moron walking into everything?

as he went to a door pretty nearby the staircase and revealed a room that would look just like any bedroom...except for the fact golden flowers infested the walls and the carpet simulated grass.

"...Uh,I'll do a thing,please wait.",Chara said to Asriel,trying to hold back...something,from her mouth. Something that wasn't exactly clear to Asriel.

How nice of her to hold back her racist outbursts against goats when among family members.

Chara rushed outside the Crystal Shack to have some space under the moonlight to let the thing over the insides of her mouth escape: a...laugh. It was quiet at free,but soon,she lost herself,and began to laugh,louder and louder. Even trough she didn't want to sound like a psychopath,she was sounding almost like one.

Fuck your 'almost'. I hate this. This romanticizing of psychosis. An author edgelording an already banal and vacuous character, by inferring turmoil, hurt, anguish and conflict by essentially having a blank slate over-exaggerate and underhandedly oversell issues, in such a way that they should have been committed to an institution or have had a meltdown over less in the past. Snapping like a three-year-old being denied candy, followed by a fit signaling that of a future potential school shooter, fake-Chara here is excused the endowment of traits from canon-Chara with the author deliberately dodging the baggage of it, unintentionally creating a monster from another monster. The author wants to have canon-Chara's creepy smile and leniency towards aggression with a side of mania, but can't accept the reasons and consequences to allow them, and those brought forth instead are sadly more insulting than they are laughable. Two options. Either Chara here is suffering from pseudobulbar affect, which is to suffer uncontrollable emotional displays, or she is not suffering from it. PBA is a secondary occurrence to neurologic disorders or brain injury. Either Chara is in need of dire treatment on several levels, or she's simply throwing fits of the author's pleasings, to problems that an ordinary child responds to with annoyance at worst. Everything about Chara and the try-hard way she is being sold to us by the author infuriates me, because even considering pretending the reason why she is the way she is isn't merely from the author's abject fascination, or reality-blind, fandom-tinted glasses, makes bile rise in my throat.

Eventually,Chara's 'maniacal' laughter stopped when she heard three beats from the window of her bedroom. She looked on the weird window to see Frisk,Amethyst and Connie. Amethyst and Connie looked plain confused,while Frisk simply looked worried for Chara's mental health.

"Don't worry alot,guys.",Frisk said to her friends. "Laughing is one of her cure methods agains't,uh...stress."

It's a symptom of mental disorders, you nitwit. Chara mentally unhinges at the drop of a hat, and you and your entire family is engaged in neglect, because by comparison Dipper has the mental fortitude and endurance of a war-zone surgeon!!


In the next day...

The sleepover was over,so Frisk,Connie and Amethyst waved bye-bye for each other. As soon as Frisk's friends got out of the bedroom,Frisk's older twin sister came in. However,Chara looked like a giant mess,with leaves sticking over her messed up hair,a maniacal expression on the face and her left eye twitching in a quick pace.

Is the funny part of this joyless AU-rendition that she would have looked the same by sleeping in Asriel's perfectly acceptable rec room?

"O-oh...hi Chara...",Frisk timidly greeted her sister,even trough she feared Chara was in a mood that was terrible for chatting with.

And what could have been a scene of a simple and frankly ordinary sibling disagreement, is changed to a fearful child being in the same room with a nutcase having an episode.

"hHhHhhIIIIIIIII!",Chara answered,her voice denuting of pitch and volume as she laid on her own bed and giggled to herself.

"Are you,like,one million percent sure you are stable on your head?",Frisk slowly asked to Chara,afraid of getting up from her own bed and just angering her sister further.

Do you think you've changed fanfic in-between chapters or something, since you have to ask that?

"...NOOO!! I AM NOT STABLE AND NEITHER TALK ABOUT OKAY!!",Chara yelled in rage as she got up from her bed and began to angrily stomp on the ground...pointing every single thing out of place on the bedroom. "L-LOOK AT THIS! There's books hanging on the CELLING! There's - *ahem* TERRIBLE glitter over the ground! Just mess and mess in any corner of my eye!

Because Chara has shown herself to be such a neat freak up until now, hasn't she?

I'M DONE SHARING A ROOM WITH YOU!",Chara finished,as she stormed out of the room.

"I swear, one more sock out of place, and it would just make me want to become a God and destroy all of humanity!"

...Frisk really didn't have idea of what to do after listening to this intense thunder of rageful speech from Chara.

Stop switching out her meds with Tic-Tacs, perhaps?

Should she tell Connie and Amethyst were the responsibles for messing up with the books and glitter? Should she try to forgive Chara,or it would cause more troubles?

Is that all Connie and Amethyst are going to be in this story, author? Excuses and scape goats for Frisk to wipe off her blame with, before once again throwing herself at an endless spiral of martyr complexes in attempt to out-Jesus Mr. Nazareth himself?!

Maybe,just maybe,Grauntie Pearl had some sort of solution. More specifically,a room just for Chara's peace.

One with extra padding and long-sleeved jackets to wear inside of.


Frisk hastily climbed down the stairs,with one bowtie,one of her stamped jumpers,her shorts and her leather boots. In the living room,she found Grauntie Pearl squeeing at the TV,and on the other side of the couch Pearl was sitting in,Chara's hat...Chara was sitting next to the couch,hugging her knees and groaning.

"Grauntie Pearl...I want a room for Chara.",Frisk said to Pearl,with a pleading face.

Why your parents haven't specifically asked of Pearl to keep you in a separate room from your sister's common occurrences of abuse, I will never understand. And don't think I didn't notice your one-sided request to selfishly do something for your sister which happens to produce the plot, which you'll likely never even be acknowledged for.

"Heh...sorry Frisk",Pearl apologized,gently ruffling Frisk's hair. "But I don't think there is another room. From what I remember,its just my room and the attic.

"That unused secret room that the clay figures were stored in burnt down or something, I don't know."

I'm honestly sorry but I don't think there's something like a secret passa-"

BOOM! A crash echoed trough the living room. Pearl,Frisk,and even Chara holded themselves to lesser the impact.

"GIRLS! GIRLS! Look at what I found!",Asriel screamed from the depths of the room downstairs,and everyone decided to follow.

Don't tell me. You noticed the suspicious cobweb in the corner of the hallway, right?

Pearl was looking at the door discovered by the goat boy with the expression of a parent upset about what their child did and crossing out her arms,but Frisk and Chara were both showing huge smiles; they both knew Chara could at least have some peace and quiet if the room could be allowed for her.

How about you opened the door first to learn if its walled off or nothing but an old pantry, you future-vision endowed fools.

"I sometimes wonder if its place is magical or not,it even has a DOOR unlocked by a bookshelf!",

They don't build keyholes quite like they used to nowadays.

Asriel said still in a surprised voice,as he extended his two arms to the door. It had a dark orange paint instead of the boring shades that covered almost the entire room.

When Asriel opened the door,the group found out a room of decent size,with a window that made sunlight light up the room nicely enough,and a detail that could be considered extremely common in any room,but in this specific room was kind of unsettling: a wardrobe of three parts that came straight from the 1900s that,despite some dust,wasn't affected by time in a drastic way.

Okay, either the kids are going to Narnia, or this author is going to excuse their body-swapping by having them play Seven Minutes In Heaven, which I'm afraid to say - jokes aside by knowing fanfics and the Gravity Falls fandom on the Internet - isn't beyond the realm of possibility.

"Seriously,there's something curious...and weird,about this wardr-",Chara began to speak,examining better the wardrobe,until she noticed a white mark on the left side of it. "Machine number 78? Grauntie Pearl,this sounds too curious."

The only thing curious here, is that you think the word is synonymous with 'suspicious', author.

"C-curious? Haha,its just a hidden room I didn't notice!...nothing more of special.",Pearl said...and more and more she sounded like she was trying to hide something deeper from the twins.

Author, depending on how you will substitute out the backstory for Garnet and the shack, because I know you haven't thought that through in the least at this point of writing, this will either be the right kind of tell, or the wrong kind of tell for Pearl to make, since she acts like she knows the wardrobe hides a ceiling-mountable sex sling. I will remember this moment and come back to it eventually, because my brain is cursed to notice every detail you make wrong.

"Well...",Chara began to say,as she picked up a yellow colored key that was hanging on the room's wall. "I guess the room is mine,now that I have the key."

"Its oaky,I wanted to give you a room anyways.",Frisk said to Chara with a happy smile,that surprised the latter's inner self alot; even trough she yelled at her in blind rage,she still treated her well.

At the risk of sounding intentionally hypocritical with my snide and off-collar jokes, just fuck your sister and get it out of your system already! What's even the plot at this point? Are they just going to jump into the wardrobe, switch bodies, only to be separated by the action of the people around them, thereby furthering the substitution-plot while removing all implications and autonomy from the characters, who have yet to even orbit a genuine moral in this fanfic as of yet?

"Uh,sorry but no. This room will be under my care.",Pearl said strictly,simply snatching the key from Chara's hand and leaving the room in a kind of regal walking. Both Chara and Frisk desperately tried to chase after her,but Asriel blocked the way standing on the door and opening his arms.

"WOAH! Wait up! Something happening that is possibly making Chara think she should be in a separate room doesn't mean you girls have to be in a separate room!",

"You have to be stuck together forever and ever, just like the author intended."

Asriel said in a surprisingly loud voice. "And besides,this room is now looking too creepy!"

...Unfortunately,the Dreemurr twins didn't hear Asriel's warning,and they bypassed him,accidentaly making him trip and making a broom fall over his stomach.

Convenient deafness that leads to harming others doesn't cleanse them of the sins you perceive, author.

"...Maybe I'm overthinking too much.",Asriel thought out-loud as he got up,picked up the broom and cleaned up the dust that was inside the room.

When the wardrobe was cleaned off of its dust,Asriel didn't have time to notice, began to glow. A faint,yellow glow over all the wardrobe,alongside a slightly faint noise of electronic waves.

The legends were true. The mythical closet that every gay person say they came out of really does exist.


After some tedious hours about doing chores for Pearl as a punishment for trying to steal the key,Chara and Frisk finally managed to catch the key in the right moment. So,the room technically was of Chara once again. Chara and Frisk entered on the curious room and sitted on the couch.

Yeah, sure, that's how that works. Pearl will totally allow them to stay in the room now that they stole back the key. You couldn't even have her lock if off, author, you moron?

"So,did you enjoy the room?",Frisk asked with a slightly more relaxed smile.

"Of course...Frisky. It even has a machine!",Chara answered Frisk with a happy and relaxed voice. "...I think we should test it.",Chara thought out loud,opening the door of the left side of the wardrobe and entering inside.

Of course, just jump into the Meat Grinder 2000, kids. I'm close to believing that you were raised by wolves at this point, author, because it is so fucking easy to come up with an actual excuse instead of plot contrivance, even with your own wasteful setup. Have the twins hide from your kid-beating obsessed Pearl's punishment for stealing the key, by using the wardrobe as a hiding place. You only branded the thing a 'machine' in the first place just to excuse the idea for them to step into it for no other reason than just that!

"...We really have?",Frisk asked with a unsure tone. But when she saw Chara's face,she realized nothing in the Inside Falls town could hold back her curiosity. So,she reluctantly opened the door of the right side of the wardrobe and entered in.

As both of the twins where inside the wardrobe,the doors inexpectedly closed by themselves;

Hello, yes, operator? The SCP Foundation, please.

both of them were open before.

Why, thank you, author, I would simply have thought both of the twins had developed x-ray vision and phasing powers from their prior interaction with the piece of furniture up until now, if you hadn't clarified.

And the worst: Chara and Frisk tried and tried,but their fists weren't capable of opening the door,and neither where their feet. Soon,they tried their last possible trick: call for help.

Back in my day, kids would curl up and die when caught inside a fridge at the local dump. These days, they can't even accept their Darwin participation trophies without cheating and phoning their parents.

They screamed and punched more for someone at least listen to their voices.

But nobody came.

Finally we have a decent enough take on a reference, and it was one that the author has already over-misused in three separate chapters.

The yellow light appeared over the wardrobe once more,alongside the electronic noise. But now,the light was blinding,and the noise increased to a loud volume bit by bit. The twins felt their bodies growing numbier with a raising shock and their visions blurrying out. Soon,their consciousness faded away.


Chara and Frisk's consciousness recovered after what in their mind felt like millions of years.

They had been in conscious agony while remaining unconscious, so as to be able to not count the infinite minutes that never went by.

They found themselves kneeling on the ground outside the wardrobe,so that could only mean their unconscious bodies managed to push themselves free of the wardrobe after the...shock.

Okay, I'm done having fun, what the fuck do you think 'unconscious' actually means, author?!

Chara looked to her left,hoping to find Frisk...but somehow,she was actually looking at herself.

Confused,she checked out her hands - her hands were light brown,just like Frisk's skin. She used them to touch her face - it had the texture of Frisk's face. Frisk did the same on herself,feeling Chara's face texture.

Both of which are equally punchable, that's about all the notes I've managed to derive from the author's attempts, when presenting these twins in this non-visual medium.

...No,the twins refused to believe on the most plausible possibility.

But what about the possible plausibilities?

"Chara,you're inside my body?",Frisk asked,from within Chara's body. She still had her own voice,even when possesing her older twin.

That's the narrative cheat deployed by visual mediums, used to let viewers easily keep track and understand who is in who's body, author, you clueless hack! You are writing a story with crossover-smudged windows into these characters' minds, and you don't even know what the point of this plot actually is so as to have us witness them living it.

"'re inside my body?",Chara also asked,and she sounded just like her regular self,but within Frisk's body. The worse possibility was actually truth and the twins soon realized what was happening.

The wardrobe switched their bodies.

Or, with how this scene was set, Gaster crawled in through a window, saved you from the death machine, and switched your brains by accident. Weirder things have and will happen, if you think about it.

As soon as both realized that,they began to scream in panic,possibly loud enough for the whole corridor where the room was located to listen. Frisk immediately ran to the bathroom to throw away and Chara went to the mirror covered with blue-ish curtains to look at herself: it WASN'T her physical self,it was the physical self of Frisk. The only difference is that she had her eyes open wide of panic.

Do you know what the point of a body-swap plot is, author? It's to have two characters experience things from each other's perspective, because of them being vastly different and bound to end up in situations that they would be polar opposites of in going through. You don't have that here. Look past gender all you want, a boy and a girl swapping bodies is a whole lot of squick enhanced by their family relation, but they are sisters, equal in age, almost similar in body, too. You are pitching a plot closer to that of twins intentionally pretending to be the other, and then you are still making it boring.

"This can't be happening...this can't be happening...",Chara denied to herself,as she holded her cheeks...Frisk's cheeks...

Frisk,in Chara's body,screamed behind both of them could do something about it? Both didn't know,and both were in shock.

They have both completely realized that the wardrobe swapped their bodies, but sure, let them have panic attacks and shock and no notion on how to undo it, that's totally fine.


When both of the Dreemurr twins finally managed to calm their minds,both of them looked at themselves on the mirror. Great,more Inside Falls craziness to ruin our day,Chara thought as she frowned over Frisk's body. For Chara,it was horrible feel smaller-sized,and with a symptom that didn't allow her to see lights. For Frisk,it was awkward feeling taller,but at least she had a way to avoid her photophobia,at least for a while.

Oh, that's totally the same as suddenly having different orthodontics, hairstyle, clothing, body types, and - implicitly so - genitals, author. Nailed it.

"Wait...we should check this 'Machine number 78' again. Maybe there's a detail we missed out.",Chara said,as she ran to check the body-swapping wardrobe again. Instead of examining the left border,this time,she examined the right border. "'Electric Wardrobe'...this wardrobe is capable of connecting two bodies with a electricity strong enough for body swap?! How this exists?"

Because of jumper cables for all the justification given, since static electricity makes sense on the aspect that it's something generated on one's body.

"That means we can switch our bodies back to normal again...right?",Frisk asked,really hoping for a 'Yes' answer from Chara. Chara would give the answer,if not for a certain interruption.

"CHAAARAAA? FRIIIISK?",Pearl's voice called from upstairs. The two didn't have time to swap their bodies back without Grauntie Pearl suspecting of something and both of them knew this.

Suspect what? That something is wrong, which it is and you have no reason to hide that fact? Is Pearl training you with cattle prods to follow contrivances for the sake of a plot, you dumbasses?

It was time for them to impersonate the other and hope for everything to go trough right.

Oh, gee, is that supposed to be super difficult for twins or something, when you have to believe no one in the canon even noticed the change of voice, author?


While Chara and Frisk tried to impersonate each other to not raise suspicions with Pearl,Asriel and Temmie climbed down to the wardrobe room. Temmie just played around like a cat while Asriel cleaned the room with a vaccum. Unfortunately,the Dreemurr twins forgot to close up the wardrobe's doors,and eventually,Temmie went inside the right part of the wardrobe and began to scratch it,thinking it was just a common wardrobe.

I think you lend too much credence to the notion that Temmie would care even if she knew otherwise.

"Uh?",Asriel said,confused about the cat-dog's behavior. He decided to turn of the vaccum and go inside the left part of the wardrobe just because a weird curiosity was pulling them.

And Asriel follows the plot, just because. He couldn't chase Temmie into the wardrobe, just because. The closet has two sections despite multiple individual later will have to be affected at once without being knocked unconscious as well, just because. Everything happens, just because!

...Both were foolish enough to not realize they would soon go at the exact same experience Chara and Frisk went trough: a electric shock and a slow loss of consciousness alongside the giant electronic wave noise and,to top all of it,a body swap between each other.

Yes, how foolish of them to not realize what no one could possibly know about this machine's effects and functions before the fact. Author, are you actually trying to be pretentious on purpose, right now?

"Oh my god...",Asriel said,mortified at his own shadow...or Temmie body's shadow. "I-I BECAME TEMMIE!!-Temmie wouldn't do something wrong inside my body,right?"

What, like, go to college and not cry about it?

Meanwhile,Temmie just stood there with Asriel's body,a rabbit hand pose and her weird 'hOI!!' vocals. Asriel's fear,unfortunately,was realized: Temmie actually began to make some cat/dog mischief,and he tried the best he could to stop her with his little cat body.

Actually, yeah, I would rather read a fanfic set in TemmieTale right now, thanks for reminding me.

"Asriel? You saw my sh-",Lapis was about to ask and enter the Crystal Shack. But when she saw 'Asriel' doing a weird cat face and 'Temmie' hanging over his jumper with her bite,Lapis decided to just...go away and try to talk again in a less weird hour.

Chara and Frisk tried to reunite with each other,or at least find themselves on the wardrobe room,but after Pearl went away,both decided to do their own things and nearly forgot their objective all along.

They have such trouble adjusting to this whole thing that they simply forgot that they had to change back, too. Is the plot progression just going to be reduced to shoulder shrugs from now on, author?

And to worse everything up,Chara stumbled upon Connie and Amethyst,who mistook her with Frisk thanks to the body swap and invited her to another sleepover.

And guess who is probably not going to have a mental hysteria meltdown from this.

Even when the actual Frisk followed the trio,they already locked up the door,

Because having offered Chara in the past to participate, of course they are going to lock her out for being a girl, too.

so she could only see what was going on trough the keyhole. Chara,actually,was keeping kind of well the paper of faking out she was Frisk,but a little of her weird energy was getting trough the voice.

"Chara?",Pearl's voice called out for the one she thought that was Chara,but that was actually Frisk. "Are you jealous of your little sister hanging out? Well,try to be invited by them next time. You're of the same gender as them!",Pearl suggested to 'Chara',which made Frisk,the one actually inhabiting Chara's body,to smile nervously in shame.

It's no wonder there's so much shame being portrayed by these people, when the author doesn't know what that is.

Could be anything more tense for Frisk than Pearl forgiving 'Chara' and giving her the key she actually managed to find out while the twins were busy? No.

Could anyone actually tell what that sentence was supposed to mean? No.

Could be anything more tense for Chara than she being forced to atture the 6-books & 29-chapters long series of books from Connie trough the whole 'sleepover'? No.

Why? Are the books even romance themed? Is she gay? What?!

Could be anything more tense for Asriel than he being chased trough the main street of Inside Falls after by Gaster Windings to be the skeleton scientist's new guinea pig just after some minutes out in the street? No.

All these three individual and separate moments were the most tense in the entire world, even when lined up and compared to each other, of course.

Ironically,in all of those moments,the three youngsters screamed "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" the loudest they cloud,praying deep inside for some miracle to happen to them.

Even your inability to understand what irony is, author, is not irony.


Thankfully,the chores the twins had to support (Chara having to put up with Connie's books; Frisk recieving a big speech from Pearl) we're done. Now,it really was time for them to switch back. Frisk waited while faking out she was reading a book while Chara came down with Connie and Amethyst,who insisted on following out of curiosity.

The curiosity born from wondering how the hell the author was going to continue writing this chapter if they didn't show up, I believe.

For the unexpected surprise of Frisk's friends,Frisk and Chara entered inside their respective places on the wardrobe and prepared themselves to what they thought that would be the final shock.

A wink and a nudge to the fact that everyone already knows what the rest of the plot is going to be, how are you the most boringly uninspired creature I've ever come across, author?! At least Harry Potter Goblin Bank Inheritance plagiarists tries to one-up the last wish-fulfilment they read through.

In the spam of one minute (on Connie and Amethyst's vision),Chara and Frisk emerged from out of the wardrobe as themselves.

"...Yes...",Chara said,as she really felt her skin once more,and her pant pocket holding the key Frisk inserted there.

Oh yeah, that thing that has had no relevancy and was pursued for about two paragraphs. That sure is important now.


Don't consider that a positive, sweetheart.

"What? What do you mean?",Connie and Amethyst said together,the same intense wave of confusion hitting them as both spoke.

"Uh,it was the wardrobe.",Frisk explained,pointing out to the body swaping wardrobe. "If two people stand on each side of the wardrobe,a shockwave will cause the two people inside to swap bodies-"

Just after finishing her explanation of what the wardrobe could do,Connie playfully pushed Chara to the left spot again,unaware she didn't want to switch bodies anymore.

Because no one, no one ever, can literally never happen, in a billion years, will shoulder the burden of a microscopic chance at committing a single criticizable act, without first having five excuses, two alibies and a Get Out of Jail Free card! And if it does happen, by the author putting herself in a full nelson for the sake of the plot - which is all the fucking time - it's intentionally put focus on as a therapeutic self-admonishing preaching hour, akin to someone trying to confess their way out of eternal damnation when they in fact only stole a lollipop! The worst part is that I'm not even halfway, and I know I'll have to suffer this bullshit all the way through till the end!!

It was the first time Connie felt the shock of switching bodies with the wardrobe,so she was the last one to regain consciousness.

"...Look,I'm not liking this play anymore,so lets stop doing this and-",Chara tried to explain trough Connie's body,but discovered too late that Amethyst was very excited to test it with Frisk.

Just between you and me, Frisk, I think you are still shit at making friends.

Amethyst began by throwing Frisk on the right side and joyfully entering on the left side. Like Connie,she was the last one to regain consciousness...and it was feeling extremely awkward to feel inside her shorter friend's body. The group was ready to fix the problem,but they heard screaming voices...the voices of Asriel and Gaster.

Asriel and Gaster came bursting into the room,but Asriel took a turn,which made Gaster hit Connie,still in Chara's body,into the left side of the wardrobe. Gaster himself ended rolling to the right side of the machine,and they soon swapped bodies with a electric shock. The body swapping confusion just got intensier with Deputy Geremy and Sheriff Raynold entering to try and solve the problem...unaware they themselves would make it even more intense.

Author, you are ignoring the fact that your carpet replacement is a wardrobe with doors that have to close and the victims have a recovery time of one minute, and yet you are still failing at grasping the chance of describing a perfect Three Stooges gag, because you are betting on all your readers imagining everything in this story that you can't!

Soon,it was a war to retrive the original body back: one trying to pull or push someone for or away of the wardrobe,a wave of electrical shocks,body swapping even when the two bodies didn't yet recover,and everyone felt like at least a part of the brain was going to be destroyed in the middle of everything.

How funny, no I totally mean that, my sides are splitting, the humor of passively mentioning the details of how any character could be doing any of these things in any order or sequence just has me on the floor puking my lungs out, because it just so hilarious.

And above all,the key Frisk was trying to give to Chara kept rolling on the ground or bouncing in the heads of everyone.

But finally,Frisk and Chara escaped the room with their original bodies and the key (and hopefully no expressive brain damages),

You can't break what's already broken, nothing of importance would have been lost, call me when something of value is at risk.

and ran to the attic,and to their original bedroom. They both gave up to their knees and inhaled as much air as they could.

"God...why did I even yell at you in the first place?",Chara said,now feeling more heartbroken about being a jerk to Frisk in the morning. "I kickstarted up everything..."

"No...I think its actually me.",Frisk said,shocking Chara...emotionally. "I think I should've telled Connie and Amethyst to take a break,or at least be less loud so you can sleep."

"Maybe...its actually both of our faults.",Chara shrugged with a tired smile,and laughed quietly as well.

"Yeah...maybe not everything can have the blame on just one person.",Frisk agreed,as she tossed the key to Chara's palm.

No, author, stop. You can't just negate everything and be hunky dory by having them state that they are both in the wrong, when they are both in the right!! It's not about blame. They both have a right to live their lives, do the things they enjoy, and have their space to do with what they want. Sharing space is about compromise, acceptance, and understanding each other, which was the point of the episode you are misinterpreting, so stop throwing shit together that infers that someone is bad for trying to live! Chara is still a downright maniac, though.

"...You really were going to change of room?"

"",Chara answered Frisk,ruffling her head in the way a older sister would do. "This attic place is ten times better than below there."

And the one-sided issue was withdrawn by the flip-flopping psycho, because no one reading this was ever going to be surprised or tricked into thinking there was a risk of it in the first place, and the doormat Frisk has struggled for nothing yet again.

When the Dreemurr twins returned back to the wardrobe room,everybody managed to recover their original bodies while they were on the attic,and the policemen looked like they went to the most insane rollercoaster in existence,because they felt like they would throw up.

Now you are not even making jokes, author, you are stating things that we have no idea why is the case.

Even Asriel and Temmie managed to swap and recover their original bodies.

"Well...being a cat-dog isn't exactly the best thing you can do.",Asriel said,as he extended his fingers and felt the softness of their fur once more.

You be nice to Temmie, you monster, can't you see she's doing the best she can?

"...He can be my guinea pig for my new invention?",Gaster asked to Chara and Frisk with a smile. ...even trough Gaster was nice,the twins would never give their best cousin-friend just to be a guinea pig,so they just answered a head motion of 'NO' with a serious face,which saddened the skeleton a bit.

Am I supposed to laugh or think that might be how Nubian goat boys are treated in this universe? These are the questions.

Chara and Frisk made sure to wait for every visitor to go home,give the key to Asriel so at least he could have a slightly better bedroom and ask Grauntie Pearl about throwing away or selling the wardrobe. They surely never wanted a body swap experience again,mainly involving some sort of shock.

As well,they swore to themselves to not switch bedrooms no matter who annoyed each other.

I give them till two years, puberty, or a boyfriend, whichever arrives first.

They thought this as,in that night,both jumped in their beds.

"Good night. Take care of yourself in the dreams.",Chara said for Frisk,with a wink,a friendly smile and a thumb up.

"Good night,big sis. You sometimes are unstable but you mean the best.",Frisk replied to Chara,and both of the twin sisters shared a good laughter before finally giving in to the slumber and to the illumination of the moonlight.

I hope Frisk can have good dreams, since her waking life is a nightmare. Unstable. You used that word, author. Do you know what happens to people around unstable people? They get hurt! And you know what the kicker is? They can mean well, the best even, too. You are deluded, dumb, or pretentious. Pick one. No, you know what, fuck you, pick two.

Alright, my prediction was a bit more on point this time. Certainly no actual clues about Garnet was dropped, because all we got was a room and Pearl acting like she hid a body there. The sibling conflict was almost entirely absent, and still with the author being apologetic about it. The next chapter is titled Nihon No Zōn, which seems to mean Japanese Zone, though as far as I can tell, it's a compound of two separate translations. And it's replacing Boyz Crazy. Vocaloid characters is all I can imagine would make sense with the author's track record, Frisk will be start-struck but not in a crazy way, and the b-plot will be sped through by Chara figuring out the hypnotizing message without any help. We'll see soon enough.

YAT: 60
BTTP: 165

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