Harry Potter : Potter Verse REDUX

Anything goes...
User avatar
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Jun 23, 2017 6:51 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Harry Potter : Potter Verse REDUX

Post by StabbyKobold » Sun Apr 05, 2020 9:22 am

Ding-ding, round two!


There was a long moment of stunned silence as they let that sink in before Harry pressed on yet again. "That isn't my only iron in the fire so to speak. It came to my attention during one of my midnight jaunts around the castle that Theia's and my own situation was not as uncommon as I would have hoped. I was in the dungeon one night searching for the access to the kitchens and the caretaker's room when I came across Marcus Flint forcing himself on the Carrow Twins from second-year." There were several outraged gasps and surprisingly an angry growl from Su. "Luckily, I snuck up on him and bashed him in the head with a shovel from my inventory. One look at the twins and a quick look at their status told me of an abusive home even worse than my own. Even after having been at Hogwarts for a few months they were still very much malnourished," shaking his head, Harry had a sad look as he thought back on that night. "There wasn't much I could do but hug them until they stopped shaking, escort them back to their common room, and tell them that I'd be there when they were ready to talk."

"What happened to Flint?" Penny asked quickly before Harry turned to her with a shit eating grin and said, "I used one of my magic abilities to mimic Snape and put the fear of the Dark One in him before knocking him back out with a lightning bolt." The girls started laughing and Harry was quick to join in.

He could have informed the school staff that one of the students was a potential rapist; but why sweat the small, glaringly obvious details? Let’s all just laugh at Harry utilizing pain and threats, and how it will do jack shit the moment Clint thinks he can get away with doing it again. Like when he’s not at Hogwarts, which would be right now. You’re all a bunch of sociopathic morons.

But it wasn't long before everyone seemed to sober up. "While I feel terrible for them, what exactly can we do to help?" Padma asked. "I've already been in contact with my Solicitor about that. I told her I wanted to start up the Safe Haven Foundation under the protection of the Debonair House for abused and threatened children of magicals. Bloodfist is looking to see if there were any intact lands from the Debonair holdings as well as trying to find out what happened to their House Elf. Luckily there are several laws pertaining to this very thing and if we can prove the allegations against them we can get them taken away to live in a safe place. Bridget, my solicitor, will find a few good caretakers as well as guards and hopefully a psychiatrist or mind healer while Bloodfist will take care of setting up both magical and physical defenses," Harry told them.

Harry Potter; fighting child abuse and getting laid while doing so. What even is this fucking story?

"Wow. You've really thought a lot about this haven't you, Harry," Hermione said as the rest nodded in agreement. "I wouldn't wish that kind of life on anyone, and if I have the power to stop another child from going through what I did then I will do so," Harry resolutely stated. There was silence for a few moments before Theia spoke up again, "What do you need from us then, Harry?"

Yes, Harry. What do you need from these children, these adolescent schoolgirls, who you’ve whisked away to your mansion potentially without their parents knowledge or consent? What could you possibly want from these vapid, vacuous, brainless idiots with a disproportionate interest in sex and social activism instead of any life of their own? Oh, what ever could it be?

"First, I'll need everyone to keep an eye out for others who might be in an abusive situation. I'll see about teaching you all the Observe skill if I can, since that will cut down our work tremendously. Next, I will need at least one or two of you to start doing genealogy research and match that to the next teams' research of those who lost business in the last war, especially those from the Edinburg area," Harry outlined before turning to Su.

Can’t you just pay someone with the actual expertise to do this, Mr. Moneybags?

"Su you're very good at DADA. Did you perchance get that from your parents?" he asked.

Did you get your ability to produce fuckups from yours, author? What the fuck are you on about now?

Su nodded and said, "From my father. He was a prodigy of his house but was disowned for taking a Muggle-born for a wife. They fled here before I was born." "How would he feel about teaching some like-minded individuals the finer points of DADA?" Harry asked with a wide smile on his face as a plan started to form in his mind. Su looked at him in some confusion before asking, "What do you mean?"

I couldn’t have said it better myself, and I’ve had practice.

Harry then glanced around, seeing that he had everyone's attention he dropped yet another bombshell on the room, "I plan on starting a private security firm. Our very own Aurors if you will. But this won't be relegated to corrupt members who bought their way in or incompetent fools who were foisted on superiors who stepped on the wrong toes. No, I mean to train anyone who has a good heart and a willingness to defend what is ours from any and all who would try to take it from us. And I'm not going to limit it to just Humans either," he said with a loving smile at Nim. "There are plenty of Sentient races who are discriminated against for the simple fact that they aren't human. Which is just plain asinine. People of mixed blood as well. If we can get them on our side, show them they actually have a place they could belong to...well….there won't be anything that could stop us then," Harry ended with a proud smile at the thought of what they could accomplish.

Let’s build a private army that will adhere to our personal ideals, because the mere fact that they are members of particular groups totally means they are on our side! I don’t know which is worse; Harry’s naiveté or the author’s idiocy.

"You know….my father was sent here to manage the interests of his father years ago. And we all know how the British feel about those uppity Indians who decided to rule themselves," Padma said with a snarky grin and a roll of her eyes. "I'm sure if we could show him a detailed plan and some projected revenues...well let's just say he's not happy with the status quo and might just be willing to do something about it," she finished with her own little smirk.

And once they show him their cute crayon drawings of their business plan, then what?

Penny was lost in thought for quite some time before she piped up, "Harry, do you think I could stay at this Safe Haven place of yours when it gets up and running?" Her question had the girls whipping their heads towards her while Harry just gave her a gentle smile, "There won't be a need for that since you're staying here from now on," he said softly. Quickly wiping away the tears in her eyes she looked at him and smiled brightly, "Thank you, Harry." He just shook his head and said, "There's nothing to thank me for. Everyone in this room, and Tilly too is family to me. Which means you're all welcome to stay here anytime you want. And Penny and Theia will be living here from now own. Although if things work out the way I hope, Theia might be living in the Black Manor for a bit but let's just wait and see all right?

It’s official, Harry owns them now. Enjoy your stay at the cult compound, you blatantly-written-for-exactly-this-purpose trollops!

While the girls were chatting about the various topics they had discussed until now Harry noticed Tilly standing near the door. When he made eye contact he noticed she looked worried still, though she was trying to hide it. When she motioned discreetly for him to follow her he quickly got up and excused himself for the moment. Once they were out of the room and down the hall aways Tilly turned to him with a very grave look on her face. "Master….Tilly checked you's for magics earlier. Tilly got rid of them all...but there was one that Tilly couldn't fix," she said sadly while looking pointedly at his scar.

I’ll just pretend she’s indicating his head in general.

Harry's hand reached up and pressed against said scar as he looked at her in mild confusion. "Tilly tried Master. Tilly tried so hard. But bad magics is very old. And bad magics is too strong for Tilly," she said, her voice barely above a whisper as she started to cry quietly. Harry quickly knelt down and pulled her gently into a hug. "Don't worry Tilly. I'm sure you did everything you could. It's most likely from the night Voldemort killed my parents. And if it's waited this long it can wait a bit more until I find a few knowledgeable people to help me figure it out. But thank you for telling me. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you, sweet Tilly," he said as he gave her a kiss on her forehead. Which promptly caused the poor House Elf to practically explode into an embarrassed, spluttering mess. With one last smile at her, he stood up and walked back into the study to rejoin his party.

Everything Mateos’ was setting up indicated this would turn out to be a slumber-party where Harry would get his dick worked like a maypole, and Kyrin turned it into a story recap and secret society recruitment session. I don’t know if I would have preferred the former; all I know is that I hate the latter.

Over the next few days Harry was utterly exhausted, but ultimately very happy as his Art of Love skill set got quite the workout seeing as how he now had six women to please instead of just one. And it was with much joy that he received an owl from Bridget telling him that Fudge had caved like a house of cards in a hurricane at the mention that he would go to the press if Sirius didn't get a trial immediately.

Obstacles? What are those? Do they have anything to do with these mythical “morals” and “statutory rape laws” I’ve heard about?

He quickly responded with a letter asking her to look up ancient House laws to see if there was a way for Theia's mother to sign a consent to let Sirius officially adopt her as his heir without having to go through Lucius. That done he happily went back to spending as much time as he could with his girls. Luckily for him, they had loved the idea of coupons and already managed to set up some sort of rotation on who got to spend some alone time with him and when. As long as they were happy he'd just go along with it.

Since they are incapable of any emotion not mandated by the author’s ego, I doubt this will change.

One very good thing was he was able to figure out how to teach them all the Observe skill. At first, he had quite the trouble trying to do it verbally as, for some reason, he couldn't get the idea across very well. It wasn't until he thought to try writing it down, with as much detail as possible, like a mini skill book that he succeeded. Then it was only a matter of having them constantly observe everything to level up the skill as much as possible before they went back to Hogwarts.

On the last day, before they were set to return, Theia received an owl from her mother thanking her for her friend's information and hoping she was well. She also said she'd be sending her things ahead to Hogwarts with a note to Dumbledore pleading to check it for harmful magic. The rest of the girls went home one at a time, with Harry meeting them outside and using the Portkey to get back, to say goodbye to their parents and gather their things. And of course, Harry had Tilly check everything to make sure there were no unpleasant surprises later.

It sure is healthy to live in constant paranoia!

The next day it was sad farewells to Nim and Tilly as the girls had gotten very close to both of them. One floo trip later and they were all enclosed in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express. With a quick wave of his wand, he set an intent ward over the compartment to ward off any who would wish the occupants harm.

"Alright. We have a whole term ahead of us but I fear there will be a lot of excitement before the end. I wouldn't put it past Dumbledore to have set up the whole trap filled third corridor just to ensnare me in his machinations.

Because, lest we forget, this is all about Harry and no one else. Dumbledore’s doing anything? It’s just to make Harry his bitch. The sun rising every morning? Harry needs it to; there is no other reason. Me, hating the absolute shit out of this story? Guess whose fault that is!

So I want all of you to start working on your stats. Reading for INT, thinking things through for WIS and physical activity for the others," Harry said before stopping and smirking at the blushes and lust filled gazes from his girls. "Really?" he asked, not expecting an answer. "Well, once I find the Room of Requirements I'll have it set up for us train more thoroughly as the current course I've set up is only being enough for two people and Tonks has already claimed that spot," he said with a shrug.

Kyrin, if you’re going to continue writing on someone else’s story, I have a pro tip for you. Pay attention! Harry was told to find the Room of Requirements, but he doesn’t actually know what it does. It’s just another quest node in his ever expanding list of xp rewards!

Most of the train ride back was uneventful. Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil both showed up at one point to ask how everyone's Christmas was. And then were promptly jealous when they realized that every girl there had spent time with Harry after Christmas day, though they were quite careful about mentioning the Potter Manor. It wasn't until Tracy Davis and Daphne Greengrass burst into their compartment looking worriedly around for Theia that they knew there was a bit of a problem.

They quickly hugged her and bombarded her with questions and it wasn't until Harry closed and warded the compartment for secrecy that he grabbed their attention. Apparently, Draco had been running his mouth off to his cronies about how Theia wouldn't be around for much longer and the Black Inheritance would rightfully be his.

We couldn’t possibly have the villains not screw up their own plans, right? How else would their comically evil and absurdly complicate machinations be foiled?

Sighing, Harry made a quick decision and called attention to him. "Ladies," he commanded. "What I'm about to tell you could get a lot of people killed. If you can't handle that responsibility leave now," he said with steel in his voice and fire in his eyes.

They’re TWELVE! The compartment should be as empty as Harry’s fucking head!

Tracey looked a little hesitant before shaking her head and nodding her head resolutely to harry. Daphne just looked fierce. And pissed. "Lucius cursed her in a dark, blood ritual. I'm not exactly sure on what it was but I do know that it poisoned her soul and that she would have died within the month," Harry stated as Tracey gasped and hugged Theia tightly while Daphne grimaced. "That's not the worst part," he continued much to their shock and dismay. "No, the worst part is that it would spread to anyone she came in contact with that truly cared about her, killing them eventually as well.

And now you’re just re-telling what happened in this chapter! Author, are you twelve?!

Tracey turned extremely pale and froze while Daphne looked so furious Harry thought she might actually explode from anger. "Luckily her mother was able to get her away from there and she was brought to me. Also luckily, my House Elf is a wonder with removing curses and such and my other companion Nim is a phenomenal healer. We were obviously able to remove it in time before it did any damage as well as removing all the curses, enchantments, and charms she had on her.

Both were extremely relieved and shed quite a few tears as they hugged their friend before Daphne spoke up, "What about when she has to go home for the summer, though?" she asked fearfully. "I'm handling that as we speak. She will never return to Malfoy Manor as long as I draw breath," Harry said, a bit dramatically but the force of will he was exuding made it seem normal.

Given that talking like an insane person is Harry’s normal state, you are technically correct.

"Thank you," Tracey whispered with a quick follow up by Daphne.

"You don't have to thank me for that," said Harry.

The author had them do it anyway.

"But there is something you can help me with if you're willing." That got their attention but his next words didn't quite make sense. "The Carrow Twins, second-year Slytherins," Harry said, seeing the look in their eyes he quickly went on. "I found Marcus Flint trying to force himself on them late one night in the dungeons. After knocking him out I realized they were very malnourished even after several months at Hogwarts. It seems that they're extremely abused by their parents and they don't trust anyone. Please, befriend them if you can, let them know they're not alone. And even if you can't, somehow convince them to come speak to me. Tell them I know what it's like and that I can get them away from their parents and get them a safe place to live. They'll never have to go back again," he finished passionately.


Are these couple of events the only things you can think about, author?! Were they such highlights, such narrative masterpieces, that you not only have to keep telling us what transpired, you have to keep harvesting brownie points for Harry’s benefit, by having him inform every piece of ass he comes into contact with?!

Daphne and Tracey were floored, mouths agape. Never in their wildest fantasies would they have thought the Boy-Who-Lived would not only ask them to help out a pair of severely abused girls in another house but also admitted that he came from a home like that as well! How was he so strong!? And somehow, he still had the capacity to care for a complete stranger he met by pure chance!

He doesn’t care enough to inform any kind of authority about it! The only skill this asshole hasn’t bothered to level up is responsibility!

It took some time but they got over their initial shock and quickly agreed to his request. After spending some time with Theia, and making sure she was truly alright, they headed back to their compartment with another warning to not speak a word about this to anyone.

Did they also get a reason for not doing so, or do we all just have to guess?

Not long after that they were changing into their robes and getting ready to get off at the Hogsmeade Station. "When we get there I'm going to take Theia directly to see Prof. Flitwick and fill him in. I trust him more than anyone else at Hogwarts, with the exception of maybe Prof. McGonagall, but unlike her, he won't immediately run to Dumbledore. Make sure no one goes into Theia's room before we get there and make sure there's nothing left on her things," Harry requested, to which they all nodded. A quick carriage ride later and they were back in the familiar halls of Hogwarts.

Towing Theia along by the hand, Harry quickly made his way to Prof. Flitwick's office.

You can’t even pretend these girls have any kind of autonomy, can you?

Knocking on the door he heard a call to come in only to see Prof. Sprout, Head of Hufflepuff, standing there conversing with him. "Good day to you both, Prof. Flitwick, Prof. Sprout. Prof. Flitwick, might we have a word in private? I'm afraid it's rather urgent," Harry said, rather apologetically as he looked at Prof. Sprout. Sprout took one look at the determined face Harry was making and the fact that Theia was slightly hiding behind him and nodded to herself.

As opposed to the person whose question she’s about to answer.

"Quite all right. Filius I'll be back later this evening. We can finish up then if that's alright?" she said with a smile. "Of course!" Flitwick replied before casting a slightly worried glance at his new Ravens. With a nod to the duo Sprout walked past and shut the door behind her.

Harry walked up to the desk, bringing Theia along, before looking around and pulling out his wand. A quick Muffliato Charm followed by a Homenum Revelio Charm had Flitwick's eyebrows in danger of permanently joining his hairline. After a quick glance around to be sure Harry turned back to Flitwick but before he could get a word out Flitwick spoke, "Harry! What in the world is going on!? And where did you learn those charms!? Both should be above even what you can do especially the Human Revealing Charm!" He exclaimed in utter shock.

“I dare say it violates all rules of prior establishment in storytelling, not to mention it makes you come off as paranoid and mistrusting.”

"I came to you because your one of the few people I fully trust here and what I'm about to tell you could get people killed," Harry said looking his Head of House straight in the eye, which had the fortunate side effect of shutting him up immediately. "It came to my attention last term that Draco, under the orders of his father, was actively trying to kill Theia here for her inheritance as the Heir to the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black," Harry said, at which point he noticed a glint forming rapidly in the diminutive Professor's eyes. "Since the last attempt, I and our friends have never let her go anywhere alone. Unfortunately, this pushed Lucius a bit too far as, from what little she remembers, he used a dark, blood ritual to put an extremely nasty curse on her," Harry explained. It almost seemed like he could literally see storm clouds forming above Flitwick's head the more he heard. "Luckily her mother was able to get her away and she quickly came to me. My House Elf, Tilly, is a wonder at removing dark magic and one of my Companion's is a Dryad who specializes in healing magic so thankfully we were able to get to her in time. But from what Tilly described...it was a Soul Poison. And she would have been dead within a month, suffering from excruciating pain." At this point, Harry could feel the anger radiating from his favorite Professor. Shaking his head he continued, "Unfortunately it gets worse as there was an even nastier side to this curse. Whoever came in contact with her, that truly cared for her, would also contract the curse and die as well-"


Is this all there is left in this chapter?! Just new people reacting to the same old events?! My fucking god, Kyrin, you’ve got NOTHING, don’t you?! There is not a shred, zip, inkling, or a fucking iota of creativity left in that withered peanut shell you call a brain! You’ve added exactly one new thing to the story this entire chapter – soul curses – which has been nothing but a brief sputter of the narrative engine, as you keep spinning the wheels in this mud hole of repetitive shlock. I don’t count the video game options menu crap, because that stuff provided nothing to the plot – just more needless benefits for you protagonist and his whores. We don’t want or need to read, for the umpteenth time, that Harry doesn’t trust Dumbledore, that Cassiopeia was cursed, or that Harry wants to save all the helpless damsels that conveniently materialize within heroism distance! Move the fuck on!

At this point Flitwick's wand shot into his hand and he was storming around his desk and towards the door before Harry even finished as he practically growled out, "No one touches my children!"

Harry has had more than his hands on said children, Flitwick. No need to take this outside the room.

"Professor!" Harry barked sharply, luckily getting his attention before he was out of the office and away from the spells Harry had cast. "Calm down! I know how angry you are but Lucius is too well guarded and has too much clout at the moment. I've taken steps to circumvent this happening again and if all goes to plan she'll be free of him permanently before summer!" He said quickly trying to appease the tiny terror. "If you go half-cocked on him now you run the very real risk of being on the wrong side of a very corrupt Ministry, who, might I add, doesn't hold you in high regard already due to your heritage! Until I can take away some of his supports and force him to a battlefield of our choosing we must be patient!" Harry exclaimed before taking a breath to calm himself down.

Phew, how wonderful that Harry did not lose his temper. If he did, he could be mistaken for some hothead school professor five times his age with an established awareness of the political climate, who still somehow needs the orders of a child to stop him from storming off in a rage. Author, competence and self-control are not unique traits. Other people than your protagonist can have them!

Flitwick stood there, slightly shaking from anger, before slowly holstering his wand and walking back to his desk. With a sigh, he drew his hand over his face before turning back to Theia, "I'm so sorry you had to go through that, dear. I will do whatever I can to keep you safe," Flitwick promised, which got a small smile and a nod from her before he turned back to Harry. "Thank you for telling me this but I'm sure that's not the only reason you're here," he queried, anger still very much evident in his voice.

Oh yeah, if that was all, surely Harry would have just told Filch and leave it at that. What the hell are you even saying, Flitwick?

"You're right. Narcissa should have sent Theia's things here, since she didn't want her coming back to the Manor, with a note to Dumbledore to have him and a House Elf check for dark magics. I'm assuming they've been put into her room," Harry replied. "Yes, I was rather curious why the Headmaster would have young Theia's things but...I'm still not sure what you need of me right now," Flitwick said, a bit confused. "I'm not sure about how House Elf magic works nor if my Tilly is especially adept at removing dark magic. What I need from you is to call up a House Elf who would also fit that description and for you both to look over her entire room, things and all, to see if there's anything left," Harry stated resolutely, knowing what comes next would not be pleasant. With even more confusion Flitwick replied, "Why would you request this if Narcissa already requested the Headmaster to do the same?"

Why yes, Harry, why ever would you? Please, spew out your baseless reasoning once again. I’m not sure we the audience understood it the first few dozen times you shouted it from the rooftops.

"Because I don't trust Dumbledore," Harry said which made Flitwick aghast. But before he could say anything Harry forged on. "My entire life I lived in an extremely abusive home with relatives who hated my mother and magic in general. A home in which Albus Dumbledore put me in and more importantly kept me in. He knew what was going on as there was a Squib by the name of Mrs. Figg who was sent there to watch me on his orders," Harry ground out, quickly cutting off Flitwick and saying, "Regardless of what you believe about that situation, the fact is that I do not trust the man and Theia has been seen in my company. I will NOT take chances when it comes to her safety!"

Then why did you even let her go back to Hogwarts, Harry? What do you plan to do; carry her in your pocket and only let her out for lessons?

Poor Prof. Flitwick could only open and close his mouth a few times before sighing and rubbing his forehead. "I appreciate the fact that you trusted me enough to tell me all this. I'm...not entirely comfortable with your stance on our Headmaster but I will respect your wishes. And of course, I will gladly accompany you to ensure the safety of young Theia's things.

Her name is Cassiopeia Malfoy. Why is everyone calling her this absolute ridiculously unrelated nickname?

A quick trip to the Nest and Flitwick, Harry and Theia were at her room, where the rest of the girls were guarding the door. When the professor raised an eyebrow at the girls and turned towards Harry he simply said, "They know and they'll help."

They also have nothing else to do, apparently.

With a small, proud smile and a nod to the girls, the three of them entered but stopped just inside the doorway. "Melly, if you could be a dear I could use your help," Prof. Flitwick called and with a pop a small, even for House Elf standards, House Elf wearing a clean frock with an apron appeared next to him. "Melly is here Professors. How can Melly help?" she asked with a smile and bob of her head.

"Young Theia's things were sent ahead of her and there was a fear that they might have been tampered with. Could you help me look to make sure that there are no charms, enchantments, or curses on anything here?" the Professor asked.

“Though I have the title of Charms Master, I suddenly find it much more logical to follow the advice of a preteen control freak and have someone else do it for me.”

With a quick nod and a happy smile, she said, "Melly will do her best for Professors and his young Ravens!" An intense quiet filled the room as time seemed to stretch while the two covered every inch and every belonging present. What felt like hours but couldn't have been more than ten minutes finally came to an end as the Professor and Melly came back to the center of the room.

"Did you find anything I missed, Melly?" he asked, his voice sounding….resigned was Harry's best guess but he wasn't quite sure. "Melly found some residue of dark magics but they was gone before we gots here," she replied with a firm nod. Flitwick just sighed before giving her a tired smile and saying, "Thank you very much Melly. I couldn't have done this without you."

It seems like no one can do it without a house elf, all of a sudden, for some weird reason. I’ll leave the question of ‘why’ for someone who cares.

Which caused the tiny House Elf to blush furiously before stuttering out her goodbyes and vanishing.

Seeing Flitwick still standing there in silence Harry quickly cast the Muffliato and Homenum Revelio Charms again before approaching and asking quietly, "What did you find Professor?" The tiny Head of House stood there staring right at Harry before sighing once more and finally replying with, "A few tracking charms….and some small compulsion charms." Harry waited in silence, letting the poor man work it through in his mind. Finally, Flitwick said, "It seems….that you are far sharper than even I gave you credit for, Harry.

Flitwick gave Harry a NEWT level charms book for personal study in a previous chapter. If you’re going to have someone fellate your Marty Stu’s ego, at least have them do a good job.

And while I'm very proud of that fact….the truth has left me feeling quite empty. I will speak with you again soon, but for now….I need some time to think." And with that he swept out of the room, barely giving the girls waiting outside a glance before he was gone.

Staring at his back before turning around and quickly entering Harry shut the door and recast his charms again while the rest waited for an explanation. "I would not want to be that man's enemy," Harry said softly before turning to face the group. "I told him what happened to Theia and for a second I thought I was going to have to physically try and restrain him from going to kill Lucius right then and there."

We know! We were there! A stuck record of parrot echoes repeats itself less than this story does!

From the way they were gaping at him they seemed just as shocked as he was to learn of their tiny Professors fiercer side. "But what made him look like that when he left?" Penny asked, having known Flitwick far longer than the others she had never seen him look so...despondent. "I told him a few of the reasons why I didn't trust Dumbledore and that I wanted him to double check his work on Theia's things. He didn't want to believe me but when he found obvious signs of dark magic being removed but leaving tracking charms and a few small compulsion charms….well I guess he's feeling pretty disillusioned right now," Harry said sadly, wishing he wasn't the one who had to remove the wool from his eyes.


Kyrin's A/N : Let me know what you think in the reviews! Also, I double and triple checked this chapter and used both the spell checker on Word and Grammarly when I uploaded this but I know there will be some mistakes I missed. I'm only human after all.

No, you are not. You cannot convince me that a human being wrote and subsequently read this travesty, this cyanide-based sedatives in written form, three fucking times without their brain subconsciously inducing involuntary suicide as a defense mechanism. I don’t know what you are, but you’re not a human, much less a writer. You’re a word regurgitator, simple as that.


This has been one of the most tedious fanfics I’ve ever had to go through. I expected it to be, mind you, just not that I would be dragging my feet from one chapter to the next for weeks at a time, simply because it was so obnoxious. Thankfully, it’s over, and the story is not set for another chapter. On Kyrin’s author page, he lists it as a dropped story. His reasoning, aside from it receiving harsh reviews, is that he was made to realize that he was sexualizing minors, and as such has dropped the story entirely. While I find it doubtful he’d need others to make him aware of this fact, I’m perfectly happy to give him an out. Especially if it means he stays out. Thank you all for reading my mock, I hope you’ve been entertained by my rantings.

Edit: Formatting

User avatar
Posts: 261
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2017 8:44 pm
Location: Adelaide: South Australia
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Harry Potter : Potter Verse REDUX

Post by GorillaGamer » Tue Apr 07, 2020 2:34 am

I may have said this before, but this fic is a prime example on what happens the moment a story changes ownership. Whatever vision the initial author had is lost on the second author, which leads to the latter derailing the train even further until it crashes into the ditch. The last chapter was nothing more than an exposition dump of the author's favorite white-knight moments where he goes on and on about how lucky those damsels were to be rescued by him. At the very least, I'm glad the author realised that sexualizing minors is a bad thing to do and promptly dropped the story, sparing us from whatever wish-fulfilment he had planned for the next chapter.

Good work with the mock, mate. I'm curious to see what you'd go after next.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
A quote from Project AFTER
Gorillagram only gets sexual stimulation from playing Pokemon Reborn and its derivatives.
A quote from Andrew himself

User avatar
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Jun 23, 2017 6:51 am
Location: Denmark

Re: Harry Potter : Potter Verse REDUX

Post by StabbyKobold » Tue Apr 07, 2020 10:31 am

Much appreciated, and you're right about this being an exhibit of "creative differences" highlighted by an author change.
I had the same experience back when I mocked True Masters, where Tracker-02 handed the story over to Draco122.

What few interesting bits that could be salvaged from the first part of the already failing narrative were either forgotten or instantly changed, to comport with the new author's idea of how the story should progress. While I doubt the story's quality would ever have risen, I can only conclude that the author change only hurt the story's potential.

I'm not sure what I'll be mocking next, but I already have plenty of candidates to pick from.

Post Reply
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest