Gordo Gluttony (Detailed)

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Gordo Gluttony (Detailed)

Post by StabbyKobold » Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:42 am

This is Gordo Gluttony (Detailed) by Gray Territe, a Slime Rancher fanfic and the author’s rewritten version of his first fanfic by the same name. The latter I have already mocked, but reading it is not necessary to understand the events of this story. In short, the author’s self-insert, Gray, is a slime rancher together with the titular game’s protagonist, Beatrix. For whatever reason, slimes aren’t just blobs of multi-colored cuteness anymore – they gain human forms due to some kind of breeding season. The rest of the plot seems to simply be the author vicariously living out his personal fantasies. Let’s see if they are at least worth a chuckle or two. Enjoy.


Chapter 1: Typical Day

Hey Peeps! This is an adapted version of Gordo Gluttony. The idea for this goes to ITZTURKEY. And i thank him for being a fellow writer and coming to help with my story writing skills! Please enjoy this version as a little gift to you all!

Like a floating turd in a toilet bowl, the author saw that his previous work was shit, but decided to polish it instead of flushing. And he calls it a gift. Such generosity.

As the morning sun greeted my face,(which had quite a few scars from dealing with a Tarr outbreak a few months prior to today),with warmth,my silver hair bedraggled and my skin slightly tanned.

And my patience ran out. On the first sentence of the story, no less. We’re already at injected parentheses and full focus on describing the protagonist’s nonsensical appearance. This is going to be worse than the original.

My golden eyes flutter open and immediately shut because of the now almost blinding sun attacking my eyes harshly. "Agghhh too bright.." I groan,pulling my Slime Knit blanket over my head to block the God light.

What else to block the purifying light of divinity but a direct affront to it?

"Wake up sleepyhead!" I heard a bouncy,female voice giggle. I huff and lean up with this almost annoyed and drowsy look on my face to see Beatrix,She had light green hair,tanned skin,Pink lips,beautiful brown eyes and a fairly hourglass body with small breasts(Maybe C cup?).

With how you’ve downplayed the melanin content of her skin, I’m not going to rely on your judgement for anything.

All that she was wearing was a grey t shirt and pure white panties,which i could just barely see from the bottom of the shirt. My face erupted with a bright red blush,causing Beatrix to laugh. All i wore was some Slime of the Loom Boxers and the blanket covering me,"Beatrix!!" I whine,just causing her to laugh more. I huff and tie my blanket around my waist and push Beatrix out of my Minecraft themed room.


Author, I’m assuming your self-insert’s behavior is supposed to closely resemble that which you would do in the same situation, yes? This immature, anime protagonist level embarrassment from a love interest’s casual invasion of his privacy? A joke staler than the modesty values it was born from? And then you add a videogame themed bedroom into the mix? You are a child!

I could still hear her laughter as i got into my grey Tabby Slime themed hoodie,some black camoflage combats and a pair of combat styled Dash boots. I grab my red white and blue Vac-pac and my M134 Hybrid .340 Revolver with a Slime Tech Sight and flash muzzle approximately 20 inches in diameter making it feel like a rifle.

You know, just your average everyday ranching equipment. Totally not because the author wants his self-insert to be a badass.

I start my day as any other Slime Rancher would,by feeding my slimes,i didnt have much expectation of something different,and god was i wrong! Beatrix was busy feeding humanized slimes that i knew were mine,as they were warmly greeting Beatrix as they usually would. I step out and hum,seeing my Honey Tabby that i named Tabbi,coming over.

You’re just a master of creativity, Gray.

She was maby under 4 feet tall,looking about 15,with short,blonde hair,nicely tanned skin,pretty summer dress with a honeycomb pattern,and small farmgirl boots. "Hey Dad!" Tabbi chimes,I chuckle,"whats going on Tabbi?" I asked,by voice had a strong texan accent. "Its a breeding event."

This is not something you want to hear from an underage girl that calls you “dad”, regardless of species.

Tabbi said as a dark brown blush overcame her face. Beatrix came over,wearing a brown flight jacket overlapping a white t shirt,with brown shorts and some instafit Dash Boots. "Should we look into this?" She asked,"Definitely. " I said.

Gee, I wonder what could possibly motivate you to do that, Mr. I-Can’t-Let-A-Girl-See-Me-In-My-Underwear.

After the next 3 hours spent of feeding male and female Slimes and collecting their plorts,we went to the lab and anylized the data at hand. "Well?" Beatrix asked.

"Its a chemical Compound." i said.

"But of what?" Beatrix questions.

"Its a mix of Aldosterone,Cortisol,Gonadocorticoid,and Epinephrine, or the developmental and regulation hormones found in a human body." i said

They are also produced by human organs, so how that has anything to do with slimes is anyone’s guess.

"That mustve been a mouthful." Tango,my Tangle slime pointed out. She was a green skinned, amber eyed slime with hip length cyan\Green hair and a perfected wavy body. She stood about 7" 3 with a leafy floral dress,which was stained with sand. I look at Tango with this strange look,which to her,made me more adorable.

Ah, so she’s attracted to idiots.

"Maybe we should catch a Gordo..." Beatrix suggested. I knew she was right,as she knew what Gordo Snare to use,i roll my eyes and go to the fabricator to make a Professional Gordo Snare. The way i made it,it had hooks on all the encasement panels to prevent the Gordo from unnecessary struggling,this is actually not going to harm the slime as it hooks into the outermost membrane.

It’ll just cause it pain so that it’ll cease its movements. None of the snares needs spikes, why the fuck are you adding them?

I huff and puff as i carry the possibly 200 pound trap on my back,the sun beating down on my body in the small,dried reef most pink slimes call home. I soon set it down, its innermost components rattle slightly, the Bait Holder had some thick,red fluid on it. i take some fluid in between my two fingers and rub it,it felt like blood,but a little more clotted and sticky.

Did the spiked trap take a chunk out of your back without your dumb ass noticing? Foreign elements isn’t exactly expected in a machine you just made from scratch.

I sigh and reapply the red fluid,when i heard a female Tarr's echoing laugh,with fear,i turn to face her. She was very wavy,maybe an 11 inch or 17 inch hip(I couldnt really tell from the distance she was at),decent breasts which i knew were DD,white,plump lips, black hair and skin with colorful lines running through.

Is this story about alien slimes or just horny bimbos prowling the wilderness?

"Graay.~" She purrs,approaching me. "S-stay back!!" i yelp,pulling out a water gun. she laughs at my almost pitifully small water gun,and continued her approach towards me,her pace increased.

I know Tarrs are hurt by water, but you literally just bragged about having the lovechild of a minigun and snub nose revolver for a sidearm. Fucking use it.

I fire at her,causing her to yelp and run from the thick, powerful water stream,"Who's laughing now?" I laugh,cornering her.

(Flashback,3 Months ago)

I had her in my grasp,my face bloodied and stained out to the point of no recognition,"Youll pay Tarr..." I purr darkly,a sadistic smirk crossing my face. The young Tarr was trembling in fear,she was maybe 5 years old, standing about 5" 4,with a barely developed body.

I’m not sure which is worse. The continued inappropriate depiction of underage characters excused by them not being human, or the fact that this dumbass got beat to a bloody mess by said harmless-looking creature.

"P-please...let me g-go..." The Tarr began to cry. i sigh and relinquish her from my grasp,and use my Vacpac to pick her up,"How far?" I asked.

"V-very.." The Tarr said,having a look of thanks on her face,i launch her to the Moss Blanket after ubercharging my launch action. "God i know im going to regret this.." I mutter,beginning to clean up what the Tarr Outbreak has left behind,and going to bed,not caring if i stank of death.

Tarr outbreaks on your own ranch only happen if you’re careless with your plort logistics. In how many ways are you going to outright prove that you’re an incompetent rancher, Gray?

(present day)

"Its you..." I said,astonished. The Tarr looks at me with full recognition, anfd then roughly pulls me into a kiss,i almost vomit at the taste of Tarr now lingering in my mouth. I push her away,panting softly,"I-im -"

"GO!!" I bark at the top of my voice,the Tarr left in shame,barely looking back as she ran off.

That seemed much easier than it had any reason to be. Mind telling us why any of it happened, though? A random Tarr that Gray threw away three months ago arrives to amorously assault him, why? Is there nothing on this planet that doesn’t want to fuck him?

Beatrix ran over,having possibly seen the whole thing,"I guess ive seen everything." She laughs,i growl, wiping the Tarrs white essence off of my pale lips,"Put a sock in it Beatrix." I huff,setting the Gordo Trap back up,as it had triggered from the weight of a Tabby Largo bouncing off of it. Beatrix sat next to me,"Gray,what was that all about?" She asked,I sigh and stop working,"That Tarr you saw kissing me...i let her go on my last Tarr outbreak..she was just so young.."

Tarr outbreaks happen because Tarrs spawn, you imbecilic charlatan. They are all young!

I said,my eyes filled with tears,as my lips felt violated. Beatrix kissed me in almost the same manner,but her lips were softer,and tasted of cinnamon sugar,i moan into the kiss slightly,before we pull away for air.

"Thats for being the merciful soul i know and love."

Does he get another for being a whiny crybaby that can’t handle a single Tarr on his own?

Beatrix said,blushing softly,and she gently smacks my cheek,"And that is for sparing a Tarr." She giggles. I roll my eyes and set a Heart Beet on the bait hook,and we called it a day after about 12:00 pm.

This was the best ive ever done. pls leave a like and download it,so you and your secretive siblings can enjoy this story for years to come!

My secretive what? For how long? Just how delusional are you, author?!


As far as a rewrite goes, there are many parallels to be found between it and the author’s previous work. He seems to have a pretty steel-set cast of characters, each seeming to cater to a niche fetish. The “plot” seems to be entirely the same, though I wonder if the author will bother with sticking in any sort of credible threat to the cast, or if it’s sexual assault whimsy from hereon out. Time will tell.

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Re: Gordo Gluttony (Detailed)

Post by StabbyKobold » Sun Jun 09, 2019 8:56 am

This chapter continues in the same vein as the first, retreading the plot-points of the fanfic’s previous iteration. However, the author does manage to cram in more overt fetishistic overtones this time around. Enjoy.


Chapter 2: Hungry Gordo

The very next morning i awoke,i was met with me laying with Beatrix,the both of us almost nude.

Last chapter you couldn’t have her see you in this state, now she’s sharing your bed? What is your relationship?!

as i felt a hand slip down my stomach,i instinctively grab the teasing hand woth a chuckling purr. "Morning Sleepyhead." Beatrix purrs in my ear,in such a beautiful tone. My face had a slight redness to it,not to mention i had a killer headache,and I was a little more drowsy than usual. As i came up to pace on what happened last night,qe then heard a demanding knock that told me that R.N.A.S. is here to try and get me to trade off my chickens.

Fuck the R.N.A.S., tell us what happened last night. We can’t read your mind, author. I don’t know if Gray and Beatrix got shit-faced drunk, or if they were abducted by aliens. The second option is more likely due to their place of residence, and the fact that I can’t imagine Gray is old enough to drink!

I pull on some pants and walk to the door,to see a male in white Fallout 4 power armor,with a small circle as the visor. "Sir." The male introduced. "i see you were sent by R.N.A.S." i said,pointing out the symbol which was a set of four Diamonds with the elemental symbols in Japanese on his left shoulder plate.

What even are these people you’ve conjured as antagonists? Are you just throwing nonsense at the wall and hoping it sticks?

"Yes,ive been sent to let you know that a Solar Flare has disabled all the planetary transport ships." He said,ending on cue as Raiden was growling and barking at the man in the armor. i pinch the bridge of my slightly masculine face,"How long?" I asked,"O-One year Sir.." The male said,his voice began to tremble,as if he knew that i was going to send Raiden out on his poor ass. "You have till the count of 10 to get off my ranch." i growl

The man is wearing half a ton of lead-lined steel, and yet he’s the one being scared of a rabid blob of radioactive ooze and your shirtless ass?! Sure, Gray. Whatever prevents your self-esteem from crumbling in on itself.

the man began to run,yelping as i shut down Raiden's pen shields, and letting him chase the solider. before long i heard a loud,pained yell,and I saw Raiden, going back to his pen in a calm manner,wiping off some blood from his lips. i chuckle,and get dressed,and right as i pull on my shirt,i hear the trap enclose itself around a gelatinous form,maybe male due to the fact that i heard a surprised yelp.

Since you’re an utter sociopath, you probably chuckled again at the prospect of harm having befallen another sentient creature.

"Sounds like we caught one." Beatrix said.

"No kidding Bea." I chuckle, pulling on a hoodie,and go out to the trap to find a maybe...8" 7 Rock Slime(Who was very masculine i might add),that had a hairstyle similar to Rock the Wrestler's hair,which was a dark blue,matching up to the baby blue hue of the Gordo's rocky\Smooth skin.

I wish this joke of a reference would da ba dee da ba die.

He looks down on me as if i were a peasant wishing to talk to a god,"What is it rancher,and while you answer,release me from this damn contraption." He grumbled. I sigh and extend a jar of Heart Beet jam to him,"Look,im not looking for trouble sir,just a little research for this new phenomenon."

Because collecting your sample sizes at random is totally how you do science, right?

I said, noticing that his hair,was actually the stony crown of spikes angled to the point to look like hair. "Huh,your stony crown has such a unique shape." I point out,as the Rock Gordo takes the jar. "I did this so females would become attracted even more." he states,his originally cold,whispery voice had a very hearty Texan accent. I chuckle softly, "Lemme guess,false egg transfer?" I ask.

Let me guess, fetal alcohol syndrome? What the hell are you talking about, Gray?!

The gordo nods,"She is the real gordo." He said, "And by the way,im Rock,Rock Callahan." He said warmly. "Mind if i call you Callahan?" I asked,looking at those deep blue eyes,i could say i was kinda turned on,but that'd be super weird. A blush emitted across my face as he extended a hand to me.

(WARNING!!!!! Yaoi Vore ahead!! Like seriously,if you are reading this,and dont like vore,Leave now.)


That’s two words that I did not expect to see in sequential order. I’m not a fan of either fetish, so this is going to be an awkward experience. And much like the events about to unfold, I bet it’ll leave a bad taste in my mouth.

I nervously take it,and he yanks me into his arms,licking his lips hungrily, and smirking,this caused me to blush even more. He pulls my lips to his own,his taste was...different,his tongue was now padding my lips,asking for entry,but i denied and tried pulling away,but this Gordo's brawn was making it painfully hard to do so.

Don’t try to call for help or anything, Gray. Beatrix is only within earshot, why bother her with a bit of casual rape?

i groan into his lips,desperately trying to pull away,but he pulls me closer, starting to force my body into his baby blue outer membrane. My body sank into his,as his smirk became wide,and very lustful as he started to dissolve my clothes into his body,leaving me in my Slime-proofed underwear.

Because that’s the only piece of clothing that you, a slime rancher, would bother to slime proof. How ingenious.

I blush softly,and try yelling out for help,but he clasps his hand over my mouth,"You will make a perfect egg carrier.~" He purrs,as i felt his innermost slime trying to push through the fabric of my underwear. "N-no!!" I yowl,as my honey tabby ears came out and i struggle even more.

Author, how can you be more confused about human biology than you are about slimes?

The Gordo absorbed me into his body,which surprisingly,i could breath,or its the fact that im in his so called "Stomach",which slowly filled with an opaque blue fluid that was actually painfully hot to the touch. I yelp and try clawing my way up the Slime's throat,my skin was darkening in tan,and tabby stripes which were a chocolate brown were appearing.

We’re delving into transformation fetish now?! What does this have to do with being an “egg carrier”? How come Gray is turning into a Honey Tabby slime when being digested by a Rock slime? Author, I’ll grant you all the rights to get off to these deviant fantasies, but for fuck’s sake at least have them be internally consistent.

I was about halfway up when a strong wave pf slimey saliva drenched me,giving me a slightly blue hue,"Ewww!!" I groan,and resume climbing and clawing,i heard a gagging noise,and then his "Throat" sqeezed around me,pressing my body in a pleasureable way. I blush and continue, and i climb out of the Gordo's mouth, drenched in blue saliva,and almost completely nude,and in my Semi-Newtonian Honey Slime state. He pins me,smirking,"What a gal you are!~" He purrs,thats when i noticed,Gordos need to be fed a lot to keep their "succubus" State dormant,which was why he was trying to eat me!!

Author, only one of us is pretending that this shit makes any kind of sense. I pray you have enough brain cells to know whom.

I shove a nearby Heart Beet into his mouth, and scramble out from under him. Callahan munched for a few minutes,and swallows,"Shoot...did i do something wrong?" He asked, his face lighting up in a dark blue blush.

Why don’t you ask the author? The answer might surprise you.

"Several things." I growl,grabbing a instadress unit,and selecting my outfit,and it materialized over my body in its original clothing,"Actually,before i scold you, did that solar flare stop the moon on the dark side of its axis?" I asked,as my skin returns to its normal shade,but my tabby ears and tail stay.

Did your mother drop you on your head as a baby? Every time you further the plot by pulling a random question out of your ass, I’m going to counter with a rhetorical one!

"Yes,it did actually,and i was at the R.N.A.S. Citadel Tower base,when i saw those damn hippies mobilizing Slime Striders,hunters, and Combine Tarrs,all of which will tear all of Jadora a new one if we dont stop it now." He said. "For how long?" I asked.

"One year,or more."

They’ll only cause trouble for Jadora for about a year? That doesn’t seem so bad. Do you have any idea of how to write comprehensible dialog, author? Don’t answer that. Rhetorical, remember?

Well! that is chapter 2! Stay tuned in on my book for the R.N.A.S. sneak peek in chapter 3!

Hopefully it’ll explain how a bunch of hippie weenies in power armor has managed to become a planet wide threat. I’ll even take a nonsensical explanation, just so long as there actually is one.


What a rushed finish to the chapter. The author had his fill of amoebic absorption, vomit massaging, and violation of the human genetic code, then suddenly remembered there were some villains that did something, somewhere, and that these characters suddenly should be privy to that information. At least this means the author should have run out of recyclable material, and the plot will be treading new ground. Not that it’s a positive, given how we’re already neck deep in nonsensical gratification of niche sexual fantasies.

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Re: Gordo Gluttony (Detailed)

Post by StabbyKobold » Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:14 pm

It’s time to meet our villains of the story. They are big! They are bad! They make no sense! And last but not least, they’re plagiarized. Enjoy.


Chapter 3: Overpowering Forces(gore)

The ambient sounds of the R.N.A.S. Citadel echo softly, as canisters containing Combine Tarrs(Best known as CTs),and captured slimes awaiting their punishment.

Someone should be. This fanfic has convinced me of that much.

A special canister glides down it's magnetic track,a pair of grey feet were poking from the bottom,the canister roughly cuts left,making itself swing slightly. It soon ascends the height of the Citadel,as R.N.A.S. Phosphor Gunships were being deployed over the city. The Canister arrives in a sort of room,with panels on either side,and a set of arms open the panel to reveal a humanized Tabby slime,who was trembling in fear.

Worst indoor rollercoaster ever.

a male in some more tactical looking Fallout 4 power armor approaches her,a Slimeolagist standing nearby,jutting down information and muttering into a mic. "Open your mouth." The male stated,his voice deep and threatening.

Of course, had there been a slime nearby, this hippie in power armor would have been stuttering meekly and running away in—hey, wait a second!

The tabby opens her mouth,and the Slimeolagist poked around inside, "Age Is 17,Id say female with some underdeveloped membranes, very healthy,was she caught today?" She asked

Author, when zoologists determine the age of an animal orally, it’s usually because the creature in question has teeth. Why do I have to tell you this, when you’re the one with the vore fetish?!

"Negative,Female 23-S was captured on 10-23-2057." The male stated in monotone,sounding quite robotic,leading one to belive that only certain parts have been unmodified by tech. "Then she must be very hardy in these harsh conditions, im putting her in the TCTF (Tabby Combine Tactical Forces) Program." The Slimeolagist stated.

While you’re explaining every new acronym being put in here, mind explaining R.N.A.S. to us? I can’t quite make it spell Ripped Directly From Half-Life As If That’s Okay.

The Tabby's table disconnected from the rail,and floats above the floor,presumably some sort of magnetic reaction to the blue metal that made up the floor. The table floats behind the Slimeolagist down a dark hallway,a window at the end overviewing City 17,and a massive set pf classic Pogofriut\Mint Mango wood doors.

Blue, magnetic, metal flooring. Dark and ominous hallway, despite a window overlooking the city outside. Huge doors made from the wood of fruit trees. The aesthetics of this place are as confusing as the author.

The Slimeolagist knocks,and a male,sounding in his mid 50s replied,"Yes what is it?! Im in the middle of a meeting with the Advisors!" He yells from beyond those massive doors. "We have another one sir." She said. "Another what?" the man asked. "Dr Breehn! I mean we have another Tabby for the TCTF!" The Slimeolagost complained.

She should be whining about how her profession can’t keep its spelling consistent instead.

"I see,what's the age on the lass?" Breehn asked,having a Scottish accent,as he pokes his head out of the fused wood doors,he had white hair,pale skin,blue eyes,but he looked like Gray's dad.

The plot thickens, yet remains as malleable as the critters the author uses for his spank material.

"She is 17." She stated,"Her health?" Breehn asked

"100%,its almost like she was caught this morning." the Slimeolagist states. "Impressive, bring her in so i can extract that lovely essence from her,and grab Druk to help." Breehn said,guiding the table into the room.

I guess that meeting wasn’t important anyway.

Soon after,a tall,male TC unit came in,"You called sir?" He asked. "Yes i did, would you mind grabbing that scalpel?" Breehn asked. "No!! please dont do this!!" The tabby screams at the top of her voice,struggling in some restraints on a surgery table.

Which is standard evil office supplies, I’m sure.

Druk smirks and grabs the scalpel,and hands it to Breehn,who starts to cut into the outer membrane of the "Belly" On the tabby. She screams in pain as some of the slime that made up her form was scooped out by hand,and the pumping,red core was revealed. the Tabby passes out, and looked like she wanted to die,"Shall we?" Druk asked,caressing the thick,veiny,red core under his hand.

For all I know, this is just a piece of garbage that the slime hasn’t digested yet. You might want to establish the biology of the sentient gunk creatures before attempting to illicit squeamishness from your readers, author.

Breehn nods,"Shall you do the honors?" he asked,as he hands the scalpel to him. Druk takes the scalpel,and cuts the thick,red veins connecting to the Core. Slowly,the Tabby's gelatinous body reduces to a thin,grey,opaque fluid,and the core was soon extracted, and inserted into a large,armored,robot looking creature,it didn't have eyes,or a mouth, but it was roughly humanoid. It had arms and legs,but it seemed to have been modified to have a new mind. The orangish orb was inserted,and a set pf mechanical fingers wrap themselves around it,and pulls the orb deeper into the mindless creature.


Let me try to follow the logic on display here. The R.N.A.S. captures a slime, which is in human form due to the moon, or whatever. It’s a resilient specimen, and for this reason they destroy it and extract its, what, brain? Then they put it in a robot to serve as a soldier. Why? Why a slime? What purpose does the sentience of a wild animal – which does little else than eat, poop, and now also fuck – serve that artificial intelligence or a human pilot couldn’t do already? Why select the slime candidate based on its physical condition, when said physical body is then discarded in favor of a metal chassis? Why make the villains feeble, animal abusing hippies wearing Fallout power armor in one instance, then turn them into the fucking Combine in the next? And why, oh why, is it going to be the job of a random rancher to prevent a military uprising, when he couldn’t even handle a lovesick Tarr by himself?! An idiot wrote this; that’s why.

The machine comes to a full stand,and senses Breehn,and bows before him,"That was fast,what did you put in that chip?" Breehn asked,"Obedience and unfulfilled promises."

I didn’t know you could use religion as a programming variable.

Druk chuckles lowly. "Then lets mobilize the TCTF." Breehn chuckles.

Oh my! I guess Callahan was right! What will Gray do? Find out soon!

Although he should be, I hope it’s not shitting his pants. Because I would hate for the author to reveal a hidden scat or diaper fetish next.


The Combine. A villainous, interdimensional empire that annexed Black Mesa during the events of Half-Life, and put Wallace Breen in charge at the Citadel in City 17. On Earth. What the fuck the author was thinking, ripping off this well-known villainous group from a videogame sold by the millions, I have no idea. It’s not even a good choice for space-based antagonists. I’d sooner have bought it, if Weyland-Yutani or the fucking EDF had been staking claims on a planet full of slimes. At least they would be trying to turn a profit – the Combine are nothing like that.

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Re: Gordo Gluttony (Detailed)

Post by GorillaGamer » Tue Jun 18, 2019 12:12 am

One has to question why authors would steal villains from one or more franchises for the sake of inserting them into their fanfiction surrounding a different franchise. In most cases, the villains stand out from the rest of the world like a sore thumb, as it was demonstrated here. If I were to guess why the author chose them, it could be a hidden desire to bash them outside the confines of their respective universe.

Mock's looking good so far.
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
A quote from Project AFTER
Gorillagram only gets sexual stimulation from playing Pokemon Reborn and its derivatives.
A quote from Andrew himself

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Re: Gordo Gluttony (Detailed)

Post by StabbyKobold » Sun Jul 07, 2019 6:16 pm

Thank you, GG. I'm not sure of the author's motivations for picking the Combine as his villains. It could be bashing, but I'm betting on the author thinking they are the perfect antagonist round piece to force into the plot-driving-conflict square hole in his story. In any case, he's mishandling them so bad, that they've practically annexed everything original about his PETA stand-in, hippie government cronies in power armor, and we're now reading Half-Plort 2: Episode Fuck.

The evil R.N.A.S. are on the rise, and it’s up to our intrepid heroes to save the day. Who they’re saving and why, I have no fucking idea. The conflict in this story is about as believable as everything else that’s been presented thus far. Enjoy.


Chapter 4: The New Hero

Me and Beatrix were heading to City 17,and along the way,we were seeing R.N.A.S. Combat vehicles driving by,all heading away from City 17. I grip the steering wheel,"Something's not feeling right."

Isn’t it a bit too late to question the presence of military hardware on a planet, where the biggest threat can be handled with water guns?

I said,avoiding eye contact with a CT. He chuckles,"Does that one seem familiar 46?" It asked. "Too familiar." CT46 responds. I shudder,as i turn to see the massive Citadel tower looming pver this former ranch town,when i heard Beatrix growl. We were pulled over at a checkpoint, "We've got company." she said,pulling out a 12 guage shotgun from her Micropack.

I think you’re the company in this situation.

"Prepare for judgment." CT46 chuckles, pulling out a stun stick,his partner CT34 does the same. The two Units approach our armored buggy,"Unregistered Tau cannon,unrevised Buggy." CT46 said,"Please step out of the vehicle." He states.

Hang on, what kind of cannon? Actually, never mind that, why the hell is it unregistered? Do they not have a license for it? How did they even get any of their weapons?

I grab my revolver,and hide it in my Micropack,and step out. "Hands on the vehicle." He said,i quickdraw my revolver and fire,hitting him in the head. I dove into the car,and drive away,laughing. CT34 called in some support from a Hunter Chopper,which whooshed over us,and aimed at us.

Quick! Vroom out of the way before they go bang-bang!

It released a flurry of plasmatic bullets,all of which struck the Buggy's armor with much force,denting the armor. "Beatrix! Tau cannon!" I yell,which Beatrix immediately responds and gets onto the turret,and firing the cannon at the gunship, "I cant penetrate the shielding!" Beatrix said. "Charging the battery might help!" I shout.

Oh yeah, hook it up to the cigarette lighter in the front seat and it’ll be fine. What?!

I heard the Tau cannon charge and fire,an explosion soon follows,"Hell yeah!!" Beatrix cheers,seeing that she took one of the guns. I laugh,"Charge again!" I cheer,to see a CT roadblock ahead. I growl,"Hold onto something!" I growl, ready to flip the entire car. I swerve left,flinging the whole buggy hoodfirst into a canal, "You better know what you're doing Gray!!" Betrix screams,bracing for impact.

Beatrix, Bea, B-Girl, you sweet summer child, Gray barely knows how to take care of himself.

The car lands,tumbling and rolling violently,which soon came to a stop,uncomfortably close to radioactive sewage. It bubbles and churns softly as i start the buggy again,unfortunately almost all the armor fell off hilariously.

The author’s attempts at comedy went the same way.

I groan in annoyance as Beatrix scans the sky,hoping to get another chance to fight that Hunter Chopper. "Think we lost em'?" She asked. "Think so Bea." I hum,trying to start the poor buggy up once more. I laugh softly,"We may have to go on foot."

Go where? What are you even trying to do? What the fuck is this plot building towards?!

"God damn it Gray, did you blow the engine?" She asked, "For your information, no,its stalled." I growl,as i try to push the vehicle away from the thick,green waste. I huff,and grab my radsuit,and put it on,"Id like some help." I reluctantly said.

You could also ask Beatrix to move her ass out of the buggy, noodle arms.

Beatrix laughs and pulls on the rear of the car,while i push the front of it,it didnt help that i was up to my hips in toxic waste,very slowly,it moves backwards,and eventually roars to life. I sigh loudly,taking off my helmet and smiling. "Gray,you might wanna get out of there."

What, now that he’s finally in his element?

Beatrix said, backing away,i turn to see some sort of creature lunge at me with a creepy wail,and land in the water. I began scrambling out of the waste,most of it sticking to my suit and releasing a putrid smell,much worse than a Rad plort would give off.

In case anyone is unaware, repugnant odors are often fetishized as well. This has been your random-fact-with-terrible-implications of the day.

I gag as i pull off the suit,abandoning it near the puddle of sewage. I saw the creature emerge from the water, it had a mouth on the bottom of its football sized body,which the front had razor sharp fangs glistening with fresh blood. It gad four somewhat stubby legs, not to mention the creature was a dirt brown,and it appeared to be curious of my presence,and quite pissibly the most creepy thing is that it lacked eyes,but it seemed

entirely aware of my position.


How much more are you going to dilute this sudden crossover with Half-Life material, author? You already turned slimes and tarr into anything but what they were, and now you’re starting to throw in all the extra-dimensional critters and bio-weapons that The Combine has to offer. Your lackluster hack-job of a fetish fantasy is turning into a dull action fest, and the chain of logic from start to finish doesn’t have a single link to support it with.

I approached me calmly, i pull my revolver out from its micropack,and aim at it. It hisses and jumps at me,but unfortunately it didnt get far,before a 12 guage bead went through it,causing neon green blood to leave it,as its body collapsed somewhere in the puddle of toxic waste. I sigh,"Thanks Bea." I said. "Anytime!" She said cheerily.

Even with the chapter title suggesting that Gray would start pulling his weight, Beatrix still has to save his ass.

Okay,this one was a bit short,but i am under a writer's block,throw all ideas you can at me! But there will be one called "Neko's Purr".

Here’s an idea for you. Don’t write that one.


Fortunately, there is only one chapter left, and it’s not the one mentioned above. I doubt we’ll leave this mess on a high note, but I’ll abandon ship in the first life boat available at this point.

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Re: Gordo Gluttony (Detailed)

Post by StabbyKobold » Tue Jul 16, 2019 5:15 pm

Gray and Beatrix are in supposed enemy territory now. Having just escaped, somehow, from Combine military units, you would think what comes next would be a suspenseful narrative of considerate and strategic movement in order to, uhm… do whatever it is they were trying to do. I’m not trying to get your hopes up, I’m just reminding you what good stories would do. Unfortunately, this isn’t one. Enjoy.


Chapter 5: Interrupted Romance

We were in City 17,with little to trade than what was in our vacpacs,which was a buttload of fresh honey plorts straight from our ranch.

I hesitate to ask. Was is meant to be your lunch?

I hum softly as we hit the trade market,which was bustling with Human Slimes and Ranchers going to various makeshift booths filled with all sorts of stuff. We visit a stall that was actually quite large,with bustling people that were processing new plorts,

Can’t you see how the people are suffering from martial law and oppression from a military dictatorship? How is this City 17 and where the fuck are all the bad guys that rolled out last chapter?!

"Hello sir! What can i do for my two best costomers?" asked a relatively tall,African American woman(Who might i add looked kinda like Beatrix's mum) with black hair that was silvering out,having wonderful amber eyes,wearing an old tribal robe that beared ancient runes in old Slimeish.

Wait a second. Author, are you telling me you use this “person looks like –insert character name here-‘s parent” because you’re lazy with descriptions, rather than implying an actual family relation? Why is it that, whenever I give the benefit of doubt, stupidity is always the answer?

"Hey Ashe!" Beatrix chimes joyfully,seeming to be gushing over the older woman's adorableness. Ashe smiles,"Okay,so whats new today?" She askd,sitting down in a Slimetech egg chair.

Maybe a government revolt with a slice of slime genocide? Hello? Where did the plot go?!

We take out the cartidges containing the ever so high in demand honey plorts,"Oh my! What do you use to ranch such a highly demanded product?" She asked,pleasantly surprised by our payload of honey plorts. "We use Rock Slimes. We have a large Heart Beet farm and a lot of Heart Beets in stock,so we farm these plorts by the thousands each week,but because of a certain Slime running into the transfer station,our plort market is out of order." I said giving a slight scowl at Tabbi.

What the numbskull is trying to explain is that they have combined Rock and Honey Slimes into Largos, which will then double their plort output due to being given the favorite food of the Rock Slimes. It’s a basic strategy in the game, as some favorite foods of individual slime types are harder to come by. It’s not the best strategy though, as Rock plorts are small change compared to the more exotic slimes you can utilize, by having the largos relying on Honey Slimes’ favorite food, Mint Mango, instead. Just saying, even when Gray does something that’s not incompetent, it’s still nothing to be impressed about.

"Oh,is she okay?" She asked, appearing somewhat concerned for Tabbi's well being. "She's alright, though she is sorta grounded." I said,looking down on my step daughter.


"Alright,enough talk,how much?" Ashe asked.

No! We need all that talk! The word stepdaughter implies that Gray is somehow in a relationship with Tabbi’s mother – a slime! What the fuck is happening on this planet?!

"7000 Newbucks." I stated

"6000 Newbucks and 50 Catnip Fruits." Ashe barters.

"10,000 Newbucks and 7 Hen Hens." I bargain.

"Final deal,12000 Newbucks and 100 Catnip Fruits." Ashe said,smirking.

"Deal." I said,sliding the canisters of Honey Plorts over to her,and taking my Newbucks and my Catnip Fruits.


Author, do you have any idea what the purpose of bargaining is? It is to agree on a price, with the intention of skewing it in your favor. Ashe was offered a price for the Honey plorts, and she offered a seemingly equal value price in return. Gray then bumped the price up, which is the equivalent of saying “fuck you, now you need to pay me more for insulting me”, and Ashe antes up like they were playing fucking poker; paying more than if she simply took Gray’s current offer. What kind of imbecile are you?!

"What else can i do for you two?" Ashe asked kindly,intertwining her fingers. "How about a hotel for us to stay at while your guys fix our buggy up to look like a CT combat unit." I said,placing 30 Newbucks down in front of her. "Whats the extent of the damage? and what type?" Ashe asked. "All of our armor fell off after a chase with a Hunter Chopper." I said.

Somehow they simply gave up on finding you, and the entire action-movie climax plot takes a backseat to your shopping. Heck, if it weren’t for the talk about the buggy, I was almost convinced the author had suffered brain injury and forgot how storylines work.

"And a standard scouting unit." I said. "That'll be 100 Newbucks." She said. I place down the other 70 Newbucks,"Which hotel?" I asked.

"Lebeu Mannor." She said,pointing out a very nice,untouched building. I had to say,this building was by far the most beautiful building I've seen all day,not to say that the buildings surrounding it were ugly,but..they did massively contrast from the hotel greatly.

Is Gray ever going to interact with anything not pleasing to his eyes? It’s like the author thinks his characters are too good for anything else.

"And i suggest keeping whatever you two do quiet,CT units have a perverted tendency to spy on citizens,and see what they're up to at night." Ashe warns. "Got it." I said,smiling warmly.

The government spies on you. Not because they want to abuse such knowledge to control you. They’re just perverts. Author, what even?

(7 Hours Later...) ((fluff Warning))

Me and Beatrix were sharing a couch,watching Undertale:Rise of Gaster. "Hey Bea?" I asked. "Yes? What is it Gray?" Beatrix asked,seemingly intrigued by my sudden behavior.

Because asking a question is such intriguing behavior. Almost as intriguing as the thought process that would have one insert Undertale references in their unrelated fanfic.

"What would you do if i were half slime?" I asked,focusing my golden eyes on her. "Id love you a lot more..I love you now, and forever. You being half slime would make our times more fun." She giggles,blushing softly at the thought. We both blush,and i release my cat ears and tail,allowing her to see my Semi-Newtonian state,"Oh...is..this really you?" She asked,her eyes sparkling in pure Bliss at the sight of me as a Honey Tabby neko. "Y-yes.." I said,allowing my tan ears to lower ever so slightly,hoping She'll accept me as who i am now.

Right, that whole vore session with Callahan made Gray sport ears and colored skin. I guess that wasn’t a temporary thing. How it could even happen in the first place is still unexplained, so I’ll try to ignore thinking – at all – about this.

I was suddenly pinned,taken into a very deep,loving kiss,her movements completely overwhelm me,as my lightly tanned face turns a golden brown. She chuckles and pulls away,giving a small purr,and smirking devilishly at me,as if i had unleashed the beast inside her. She licks her pink lips,as she gazed at my form,noting all the Tabby stripes lining up along my chest and making a B line for my under area.

Gasp! Not the no-no zone?! Is the author old enough to write about that?

Beatrix drags her finger along this line,causing me to shudder slightly,"So Gray,you're half Honey Tabby? How cute!" She giggled,lowering her lips to my neck,"Ive always had a thing for nekos." She purrs delightfully in my ear.

Figures only a woman with a thing for bestiality would be able to find Gray attractive.

I could feel my face begin to flush,and my blood making a rush to my crotch,my breath raising slightly at the thought. I suddenly felt those blissfully soft lips make contact with my warm,tanned skin. "A-ahh! N-not there!" I mewl,gripping her head as her lips danced across my skin,giving off an occasional nip. "Oh? You mean this spot?" She purrs,licking my sweet spot like an ice cream pop,causing a loud moan to leave my lips.

Would you please point on the doll, where this woman inappropriately touched you, because I have no fucking clue of what erogenous zone you’re imagining into existence.

Beatrix pulls away,licking her lips,which were now moist,"You're like a honey cone! So delectable and sweet!" She giggles,before trailing her eyes further down my body,to see that my pants have pitched a tent right under her. "You must be very excited to do this Gray." Beatrix purrs,her smile was merely warm,and lusted. I began to emit a low purr as she started to scratch behind my cat ear,so i leaned my head against her hand,revealing more of my neck to the woman.

Are we in furry territory yet? This feels like furry territory. But I’m not sure I can make the argument without there being, you know, fur.

Beatrix smirks and begins to kiss down my neck,until she reached the crook,where my shoulder met my neck. She sucks on the crook playfully,causing me to gasp slightly at the feeling of her mouth on my now sensitive weak spot. She chuckles softly,"You must've been awaiting this moment Grayson." She purrs

"Y-yes...i have been.." I stutter,blushing still.

Every night, he lay awake daring to hope that Beatrix would assault his collarbone like a starving vampire.

she smirks,but before we could even begin,a knock emits from our door,"God why now?!" I growl,opening the door to see my old friend Dr Kliner. "Oh! Im sorry of i disturbed something." he said,"God damn it wat is it Kliner?" I ask,now agitated at the scientist's sudden appearance.

Why is Dr. Isaac Kleiner here all of a sudden? How does he know Beatrix and Gray? And how did he find them in this hotel in the middle of City 17? I don’t know, but neither does the author, as this is the end of the story.


Abrupt ending that relives me of questioning why necking on a couch takes precedent to saving the fucking planet. To begin with, this story seemed like it had nowhere to go. Then all of a sudden, bad guys were in charge of the government, and somehow two country bumpkins with heavy weaponry were going to stop them. For all of the things this fanfic brings forward – anthropomorphic slimes, simultaneous laughable and terrifying government oppression, and overall weird sexual themes – none of it was explored in any meaningful capacity. It all simply functioned as a backdrop for the author’s vicarious exploration of his own sexual fantasies. Granted, I’ve seen worse fetishes in fanfiction. The submissive male, slime-transformation, vore scenarios in this story were at least inwardly aimed at the author avatar. That makes them much more tolerable to me, than the harem, sex slave, power fantasies that I usually come across. Thank you for sticking through this mock, I hope you found it an entertaining read.

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